#wolf 359 headcanons

[dysfunctionalcreature]

a little headcanon that I have is that while Hilbert's medical file about Eiffel is almost entirely just terrifying sounding ramblings about the Decima Virus and detailed descriptions of all of Eiffel's many near death experiences, there is one small asterisked note that says something like "*would greatly benefit from Adderall or a similar medication, will suggest Officer Eiffel pursues a prescription if he makes it back to Earth alive"

[len-the-neverending]

My brain can no longer form coherent thoughts, so the long, analysis-y Minkowski "Dirty Work" post will have to wait, but you know I have to meet my quota of 1am W359 posting, so:

WOLF 359 CHARACTERS WHO I WOULD BELIEVE IF THEY TOLD ME THEY KNEW WHAT A MEME WAS:

Daniel Jacobi

Alana Maxwell

Marcus Cutter

Isabel Lovelace

WOLF 359 CHARACTERS WHO I WOULD NOT BELIEVE IF THEY TOLD ME THEY KNEW WHAT A MEME WAS:

Renee Minkowski

Warren Kepler

WOLF 359 CHARACTERS WHO DON'T KNOW WHAT A MEME IS BUT WOULD LOVE TO:

Douglas Eiffel (as confirmed by Gabriel Urbina)

Hera

WOLF 359 CHARACTERS WHO KNOW WHAT A MEME IS BUT WISH THEY DIDN'T:

Rachel Young

Miranda Pryce

WOLF 359 CHARACTERS WHO HAVE NEVER HEARD THE WORD MEME IN THEIR LIFE AND ARE PERFECTLY FINE WITH THAT:

Alexander Hilbert (unless Lovelace explained it to him while they were prepping to leave Earth, in which case he goes in the above category)

[officer-achilles]

I think Dr. Hilbert perpetually smells like antiseptic whereas Minkowski smells virtually like nothing or perhaps nothing with a hint of peppermint shampoo or something. Eiffel canonically has stinky guy syndrome (which I think is less a hygiene issue and more just how he is). Hera cannot have a smell unless you count the smell of the Hephaestus itself.

Keppler smells like expensive cologne with a dumb pretentious name like 'Whiskey on the Rocks' or some shit. Jacobi smells faintly like cheap axe deodorant. Maxwell smells like cherry blossom body mist from Bath and Body Works.

Lovelace smells pretty neutral at almost all times, and will occasionally smell like shea butter shampoo or conditioner but that's about it.

Mr. Cutter smells faintly of clean medical equipment but with expensive cologne slathered on top of it to obscure the medical smell. Also he smells faintly like plastic, think fresh out the box Barbie Doll.

Pryce does not smell like anything. She dealt with her sweat glands ages ago and thus does not worry about body odor. If she smells, it is the scent of science.

Rachel Young smells like coffee and expensive perfume (gifted to her by Mr. Cutter).

[amazingmsme]

TYSM for your wolf 359 fics fr fr. I've just gotten into it and I am DYING for content, Eiffel is such a fucking lee that it kills me

OMG IF YOU EVER WANNA TALK HEADCANONS PLS HIT ME UP!!! I’ve been meaning to relisten, it’s like my absolute favorite podcast! It fundamentally changed me, no spoilers but that finale is so action packed & bitter sweet & I still don’t think I’ve recovered properly

Maybe this will be the inspiration I need to get back to my wolf & star trek crossover

But if you have any prompts, please send them in! Eiffel is literally sooo lee coded, he’s a slacker who never gets his work done, always jokes around & lowkey insults everyone, & he’s just such a goofy ass dork in general, OF COURSE he’s way too ticklish for his own good!

[commsroom]

as an extension of how hera reads as trans to me, hera/eiffel resonates with me specifically as a relationship between a trans woman and a cis man. loving hera requires eiffel to decentralize his own perspective in a way that ties into both his overall character arc and the themes of the show.

pop culture is baked into the dna of wolf 359, into eiffel’s worldview, and in how it builds off of a sci-fi savvy audience’s assumptions: common character types, plot beats, or dynamics, why would a real person behave this way? how would a real person react to that? eiffel is the “everyman” who assumes himself to be the default. hera is the “AI who is more human than a lot of humans,” but it doesn’t feel patronizing because it isn’t a learned or moral quality; she is a fundamentally human person who is routinely dehumanized and internalizes that.

eiffel/hera as a romance is compelling to me because there is a narrative precedent for some guy/AI or robot woman relationships in a way i think mirrors some attitudes about trans women: it’s a male power fantasy about a subclass of women, or it’s a cautionary tale, or it’s a deconstruction of a power fantasy that criticizes the way men treat women as subservient, as property. but what does that pop culture landscape mean in the context of desire? If you are a regular person, attracted to a regular person, who really does care for you and wants to do right by you, but is deeply saturated in these expectations? how do you navigate that?

I think that, in itself, is an aspect of communication worth exploring. sometimes you won’t get it. sometimes you can’t. and that’s not irreconcilable, either. it’s something wolf 359 is keenly aware of, and, crucially, always sides with hera on. eiffel screws up. he says insensitive things without meaning to. often, hera will call him out on it, and he will defer to her. in the one case where he notably doesn’t, the show calls attention to it and makes him reflect. it’s not a coincidence that the opening of shut up and listen has eiffel being particularly dismissive of hera - the microaggression of separating her from “men and women” and the insistence on using his preferred title over hers. there are things eiffel has just never considered before, and caring for hera the way he does means he has to consider them. he's never met someone like hera, but media has given him a lot of preconceptions about what people like her might be like.

there’s a whole other discussion to be had about the gender dynamics of wolf 359, even in the ways the show tries to avoid directly addressing them, and how sexual autonomy in particular can’t fully be disentangled from explorations of AI women. i don’t think eiffel fully recognizes what comments like “wind-up girl” imply, and the show is not prepared to reconcile with it, but it’s interesting to me. in the context of transness (and also considering hera’s disability, two things i think need to be discussed together), i think it’s worth discussing how hera’s self image is at odds with the way people perceive her, her disconnect from physicality, how she can’t be touched by conventional means, and the ways in which eiffel and hera manage to bridge that gap.

even the desire for embodiment, and the autonomy and type of intimacy that comes with it, means something different when it’s something she has to fight for, to acquire, to become accustomed to, rather than a circumstance of her birth. i suppose the reason i don’t care for half measures in discussions re: hera and embodiment is also because, to me, it is in many ways symbolically a discussion about medical transition, and the social fear of what’s “lost” in transition, whether or not those things were even desired in the first place.

hera’s relationship with eiffel is unquestionably the most supportive and equal one she has, but there are still privileges, freedoms, and abilities he has that she doesn’t, and he forgets that sometimes. he will never share her experiences, but he can choose to defer to her, to unlearn his pop culture biases and instead recognize the real person in front of him, and to use his own privilege as a shield to advocate for her. the point, to me - what’s meaningful about it - is that love isn’t about inherent understanding, it’s about willingness to listen, and to communicate. and that’s very much at the heart of the show.

[sleepy-spaceman]

As wonderfully tragic as it would be for simon and bob to have been the two people who died in the accident that happened before he worked for goddard futuristics, im on the side that jacobi is midland after the events of wolf 359, because that man deserves to have at least two friends that aren’t dead.

[harpoonsandmusicals]

It’s pride month, have my random queer w359 headcanons!

Hera is trans. Obviously. Sexuality wise, I don’t think she’s really met enough people to tell for certain. Her feelings for Maxwell were very strong, were they romantic? Does she really know what that means? She’s working on that one.

Eiffel is aromantic bisexual and completely clueless about that fact. He fully believes romance was made up for the movies and that all dudes find other men a little hot. He is painfully cisgender.

Minkowski’s gender is a little masc and spicy but mostly cis as well. She read a book on how to support your trans coworkers and it honestly made her worse and more awkward instead of helping. She’s aware that she’s bi but trying not to think about it. Being ok with other people being bi is not the same as being ok with herself being bi

Hilbert sold his gender and sexuality to clear space in his brain for more science

Lovelace is very very lesbian and also the only one of the crew who is actually engaged with the queer community. She went from her very queer original crew to these disasters and is having a terrible time trying to figure out how to explain what aro is to Eiffel. Her gender is lesbian. She’s probably cis but I can see reading her as trans too

[topayitfoward]

Doug Eiffel would cry to Hera for hours about a tummy ache btw

[flame-cat]

doug eiffel has adhd.

he doesnt know it. he doesnt know it for most of his life, anyway. he knows he has trouble focusing and sitting still, knows that if a topic doesn't interest him he tunes out immediately. he knows that just like he knows hes capable of working on fine-tuning a satelite dish for 9 hours straight in the hot sun and only noticing how long its been when he nearly falls off the roof because hes dizzy from heat exhaustion.

these are just quirks of his. little things. things that made kate go "oh, doug," and ruffle his hair. that made anne point and laugh at how silly her dad is.

once.

anyway. he doesnt know it, and its not relevant. so he doesnt find out.

until...

"officer eiffel. officer eiffel!"

"gah! hera! for gods sakes, warn a guy before you send him into cardiac arrest!"

"i... did warn you. ive been trying to get your attention for the past... 30 minutes."

"you... have?"

"i have. i understand youre hyperfixating, but commander minkowski really needs you to report to the bridge."

"yeah, yeah, in a min... wait. im what-now?"

"uh... hyperfixating?"

"okay, yeah, that. what the hell does that mean? if youre making up words to insult me now, youve gotta at least tell me what they mean!"

"... eiffel, do you not know what hyperfixating is?"

"uh, yeah? kinda what i just said?"

"um. well. hyperfocus is an intense form of mental concentration or visualization that focuses consciousness on a subject, topic, or task. in some individuals, various subjects or topics may also include daydreams, concepts, fiction, the imagination, and other objects of the mind."

"okay, webster's, now can we get the normal people explanation?"

"you were really, really focused. to the point where it was like nothing else around you existed."

"oh. i mean, i guess? but what makes it 'hyper?'"

"well, people dont normally focus that intently on a task or topic. its generally a behavior exhibited by those on the adhd or autism spectrum."

"... huh?"

"officer eiffel, youre aware that you have combined type adhd, yes?"

"... what?"

"oh boy. um, hang on, commander, this might be a minute..."

[nobodysdaydreams]

This exchange just came to me, but imagine if after they get back to Earth, Doug reconnects with Anne, Minkowski reconnects with Dominik, happy endings for everyone, but then one day Doug meets up with the gang and is like “Anne got diagnosed with ADHD last week. I was actually looking over the diagnostic criteria, and I gotta say, there were a few things I resonated with myself, and they do say this stuff is genetic. But I don’t know, what do you guys think?”

And everyone else is staring at him like wait does he not know? How does he not know? Did he know before he lost memories? He had to known then, there must be a medical record of it somewhere. But if he’s saying there isn’t, then did Doug really not know?

[dysfunctionalcreature]

idk if there's a general consensus about what kinda family and upbringing Kepler had, but in my opinion I think the funniest possibility is that his family is something straight out of Succession, rich and corporate and crazy, like they encouraged every single one of his worst traits and never once was worried about the shadyness of Goddard Futuristics

I know that's presumably not accurate to canon and it's probably not in line with fanon ideas about him, but I really think the idea of his family being just as weird and scary as he is is so damn funny

like imagine Maxwell and Jacobi always assuming that Kepler must be the weird shady blacksheep of his family, but then for some reason they crash his family's thanksgiving party and find out that oh no, they're all just as fucked up as he is, he's completely normal by his family's standards

[box953]

ok my thoughts on Hilbert and Kepler pre-canon relationship is that i think Kepler was in charge of re-socializing Hilbert after the last Hephaestus mission. Help him get used to the new name and identity and whatever by accompanying him to social events. Making sure hes fit to not crack after the pressure of the last mission. No one better to make sure he’s throwing his old identity away and reinventing himself quite like Kepler, the man he is. Hilbert rightfully hates it but that just makes Kepler enjoy it even more. Follows you around and offers you a light in a little gay way. Calls you by your new government assigned name in a little, weirder gay way.

[len-the-neverending]

I just relistened to "Box 953" because I wanted to listen to it again after "Change of Mind" with the new context and also I missed Renee Minkowski more than I think it's normal to miss a fictional character, and I forgot that all the letters to Santa ended up on the Hephaestus, and now I'm amusing myself imagining the crew replying to them on a slow day.

Minkowski takes it EXTREMELY seriously. She takes the time to respond to every letter with a multi-paragraph response, and frets for a solid two minutes at one point about whether Santa would write like that, because she doesn't want to ruin Christmas for any little kids. She tells them all that she'll find a way to get them whatever they asked for, as long as they listen to their parents and behave. She also checks every single one of the others' letters to make sure there's no profanity (Lovelace), irrelevant scientific information (Hera), or inappropriate pop culture references (Eiffel).

Eiffel doesn't want to do it at first, but Minkowski kicks his ass about it until he begrudgingly agrees. At first he says it's because he hates Christmas, but she gets him to admit that he's really just uncomfortable writing to kids because he's worried he'll say the wrong thing and scar them for life. His earlier letters are all stupid jokes and get thrown out, but once he's confident enough to actually start taking it seriously, he's really fun and comforting in his letters. Minkowski won't let him reference any movies rated higher than PG and it really pisses him off.

Hera doesn't get the point of the whole procedure, because why would they reply to children's letters as a mythological figure that doesn't exist so they can lie to them? She's still happy to do it, though, because writing letters is something she can do just like the rest of the crew. Since her database includes plenty of "letters from Santa", she's quite good at it, though she did ask at least one child what their top five favorite lanthanides were.

No one was expecting Lovelace to care in the slightest, but she actually ends up putting in a ton of effort, because she used to get really excited about writing letters to Santa as a kid and wants to recreate that magic for someone else (though she only admits this when pressed: at first she just says that she's bored and has nothing better to do, and then that she wants to beat Minkowski and Hera at letter-writing). There's one little girl who wants a basketball, and Lovelace asks her all kinds of questions about her favorite teams and what she likes most about the sport. She tears up a little bit while writing.

Hilbert does not participate: he insists he has better things to do and doesn't get the purpose of it anyway, and Minkowski makes the executive decision that she doesn't want to ruin any kid's Christmas with a letter from Hilbert. At one point he drops in and starts reading a few of the letters. He seems lost in thought. When the others ask what he's staring at, he mutters something about children having terrible penmanship and dashes off to go do science, but really he's looking at all those letters from young children about the presents they want and how excited they are and wishing that he and his sister had gotten that kind of childhood. One of the kids is named Olga. He takes that letter with him when he leaves.

[aretheyqueer]

Is he bi?

disclaimer: this is a hc, not speculating on what the writers intentions were.

[amazingmsme]

Do you think Hilbert/Selberg is ticklish?

Yes & he HATES it! He’s not even that bad, but just the fact that he’s ticklish at all pisses him off sooo much. Has been debating on making a cure lmao

[hephaestuscrew]

I'm a big fan of the way that Gabriel Urbina often includes details within the Wolf 359 scripts that can't be directly translated into audio, for example: the "tears silently streaming down [Minkowski's] face" in Ep31 Securité; Eiffel being "wrapped up in a blanket" when telling Lovelace about his traumatic experience of feeling like he was turning into Minkowski in Ep32 Controlled Demolition; the way "Hera and Eiffel stand together, his arm around her shoulder" when confronting Pryce in the finale; the idea that Eiffel "salutes" Minkowski after his speech to her before the memory wipe... These details make reading the scripts an even more rewarding experience. 

But I do think there's an interesting question here about to what extent these details are canon. After all, when changes have been made in the dialogue between the script and the final recording, I only consider the dialogue that actually ended up in the episode to be canon, although the version in the script might still provide interesting insights. But with details in the scripts that are inherently not audible - and therefore never intended to be literally included in the episode itself - should we consider them to be canon, or bonus content, or Word of God, or simply a tool used in the recording process? 

I know that it is possible to have an entirely full experience of the show without ever reading a single bit of the scripts. The scripts are placed in the 'Extras' area of the show website. 

Obviously the primary purpose of the non-auditory script details is to inform the actors in their performances, and perhaps provide some considerations for sound design. When I read the scripts, I can often feel how the non-auditory script directions are reflected in the feel of the voice acting. 

But once I've noticed these script directions, I also can't help having them feed into my experience of the scene when listening, in a way that enriches the experience beyond purely the audio, and informs my understanding of these moments. The script directions tell us more about what the writer was envisioning for a scene.

I love sharing the script directions that feel significant to me, and when I do so, I feel like I'm sharing something more significant than a behind-the-scenes tidbit. I feel like I'm sharing further knowledge of what happened in that scene. The script directions feel like a true part of the show to me, more so than the comments the writers and actors have made in Q&As. To me, these non-auditory bits of the scripts feel like canon, but a slightly lesser form of canon than the episodes themselves. But I don't know if I can fully justify this view. I'd be interested to hear other people's thoughts.