#without losing anything personality-wise

[fanfoolishness]

Just losing my mind at the implications that the companions have all been trying to help Rook grieve Varric, and Rook doesn’t know

Emmrich, wise and long-familiar with grief, being told by Neve and Harding what happened; understanding why sometimes he overhears Rook’s muffled voice in the Infirmary, talking to no one. He takes Rook to the Memorial Gardens and mentions he talks to his parents, thinking Rook might be comfortable with the same. Rook lights candles and rings bells but Emmrich watches, sorrowed, to see Rook still seems in deep denial.

Neve takes Rook to the Wall of Light; a Shadow Dragon Rook knows just what this means but any Rook can understand the solemnity, the power of remembrance. Neve reenergizes Brom’s light and looks to Rook, hoping Rook will mention wanting to make one for Varric. Rook is kind and comforting to Neve, but Neve is lost in wondering why Rook doesn’t take the chance to open up. She can’t figure it. Maybe Rook just can’t face it, not yet. Maybe Rook does something privately. She isn’t sure but it nags at her.

Davrin’s not big on talking about feelings. He’d rather just move on. But he sees the way Rook seems a little hollow sometimes, a little distant; he sees how Rook takes so quickly to Assan. “Hey Rook,” he says, and invites them to come with him and Assan to safe places in Arlathan, where the woods are clean and green and growing, where real sunlight dapples through the trees. Rook always seems to love these outings, seems lighter afterwards. But Davrin feels a little confused in that Rook never seems to realize the outings are mostly for them.

Taash is another person not big on feelings. But they know how much feelings can twist you up and mess with your head. When Lace tells them about Varric they feel badly for Rook, and think to how they feel when they’re struggling. Epic fights, dragon fights, drinks with the Lords. Taash is perfectly capable of doing all that on their own. But maybe bringing Rook along will help get them out of their head a little bit. Does it help? Taash isn’t sure.

Bellara’s double-versed in grief after what happens to Cyrian. Rook helped her through trying to reach him, and Bellara wonders, in her own pain, if she can help Rook a little bit too. Especially if Rook is elven, teaching Rook about the braziers and the challenges is another tool she can share about her or their people, another way that might help Rook with their grief. Neve’s told her that the Wall of Light didn’t seem to help Rook much, but maybe a different funeral tradition could help them instead. Rook helps her light the braziers and Bellara feels her heart lightening, though she wonders at Rook, who seems more moved by Bellara’s reactions than anything else.

Lucanis is nearly as allergic to dealing with feelings as Davrin is, but he immediately clocks how Neve and Harding are acting, and asks what happened before he joined them. They tell him about Varric and that they’re worried about Rook, that Rook seems to just be shoving those feelings down without dealing with them. Lucanis is no stranger to that, but while it’s fine for him, he doesn’t want to see someone who risked their life to save him share that struggle. He brings Rook to Caterina’s funeral planning to show Rook it’s okay to admit the loss and honor it. When that doesn’t seem to make a dent, he falls back to his standard - lavish meals, small gifts, coffee. He knows it would help him. He just wishes it helped Rook too.

Lace hurts the worst after losing Varric and Lace is where Solas’ magic comes the closest to faltering. Rook can see Lace is down, she’s quiet, she’s afraid after what happens with the gods escaping; but Solas’ magic holds and Rook can still never see quite why. Lace would love to sit over drinks one night and share stories about Varric, but she sees that Rook doesn’t seem ready, and she doesn’t want to push. Instead she writes letters to Ma, to the Inquisitor, to Cassandra, to Aveline, maybe even to Hawke. She writes out her stories with Varric’s old quill and she carries a bolt of Bianca with her. A dozen times she goes to talk to Rook about him, and when she tries Rook turns away or changes the subject. It hurts, but Lace knows she can’t make Rook talk about him, and she hopes in time it will get better.

This just absolutely crushes me the more I think about it 😭

Edit: Varric’s death is Rook’s personal companion quest every other single companion tries to help them with, and can’t 😭😭😭

[gilverrwrites]

Batguys when they have for the first time a vibrator put ON THEM (their dicks) by reader during sex ( they never experienced a toy on themselves before, it was always used on their girl if they were using toys).

AND I’m the same person that send the bat guys vibrators suggestion! What if the guys thought the vibrator was only for women and they’re proven other wise 😏😉

AN: I’m not convinced of them not knowing per se, so much as they’ve just never considered it for various reasons. So, in order of understood to least understood; Ft. Bruce, Dick, Jason, and Roy

Batman:

He knows full well the effects, he’s just hates to not be in control. So when you finally pin him down long enough to have your way, it’s because he lets you. When you teasingly glide the tip of your vibe along his length he purposely bucks his hips, urging you to use it on his sensitive tip, enjoying the whole commotion more than he thought he would.

The gloriously thick muscles of his thighs tense under his own self-restraint as you finally give him what wants.

“You’re taking it so well Brucie.” You coo and he glares at you from beneath his brow, trying and failing to maintain dominance but the rest of his body betrays him; his cheeks are tinted a precious shade of red, his broad chest heaving with each shallow breath.

When you praise him again; “You’re such a good boy.” He loses it completely.

Nightwing:

100% understands, but why would he ever want to use them on himself, when he could use them on you?

Then again, you’re so cute with those big puppy dog eyes, that mischievous grin when you ask to try something on him, how could he say no? And my god, he is a sight to behold. Even having seen the effect your bullet has on you, the way it makes you wither and moan uncontrollably, nothing could prepare him for his first experience.

He’s so loud, louder than you and just as unruly. His hands gripping tight to every surface, you, the headboard, the pillows, the mattress nothing satiates him. His long legs stretch, his toes curl, hips rolling and jerking for friction as his whole body shakes. Unable to muster the normal slew of filth he typically showers you with; he pants your name between obscenely breathless moans until he cums all over himself.

Side note: I swear, put this man in a vibrating cock ring, I need it.

Red Hood:

He’s just literally never thought about it before. One night you ask him to grab something from your bedside drawer and you’re surprised when he comes back holding your wand. When you ask if he wants to try it out, this is not what he expects.

Hell, if he’s not complaining though. Jason has never seen this kind of thing in action, so he’s lounging on the bed, legs spread wide as he leans against the headboard, not expecting too much.

When you tease the vibrating head along his shaft, causing it to twitch, he laughs and jokes about it tickling, but the moment you press it to the tip of his cock his whole body trembles.

“Ah, fuck baby.” He bites his lip, trying and failing to keep his eyes from rolling back. “Right there, right there, please don’t stop.”

Arsenal:

And if I may throw a wildcard in the mix;

Roy is exactly the kind of smart but dense kinda guy who could tinker away endlessly, making the perfect toys (out of equipment intended for weaponry might I add) to meet your needs, things meant to fill you in all the right spaces, to vibrate and pulse at the strength and speed that drives you wild, without it ever occurring to him that it could be used on him too.

He’s already hard as a rock and close to the edge after you’ve gone down on him, when you show him what you’re doing he lazily mumbles “Oh come on baby, that’s not gonna do anything.”

He’s proven almost immediately wrong. He’s lovingly cupping your face or holding your hair back but when he feels the vibrating sensation on his already sensitive cock his grip automatically tightened like a vice.

The skin from his cheeks to his belly growing hotter with each pulse until his body is just a few shades lighter than his hair, he’s sweating, eyes watering, begging for release and when you grant it he nearly tumbles over, legs weak and trembling.

[astral-lucy]

your next partner (PAC)

hello beautiful creatures! i'm excited to be back with another pick-a-card reading. i've been feeling romantic lately, so here goes a reading regarding your next partner. hope you enjoy it!

as usual, pick the picture that you feel most connected or drawn towards (pile 1 - up and left / pile 2 - up and right / pile 3 - down and left / pile 4 - down and right)

happy reading!

#pile 1

wheel of fortune - eight of wands - knight of cups - six of swords - seven of coins

when i started to shuffle for this pile’s reading, “so high school” by taylor swift started playing, so maybe that means something to you. although this is a person i think you’ve known for a while, the wheel of fortune here shows a new stage of this relationship, and paired with the eight of wands this shows a period of excitement, passion - the typical honeymoon phase we all go through once we start a relationship. maybe you have been through a rough period emotionally, things haven’t been great for either one of you, and here comes a calmer time, you’ll have someone to rely on that’ll help you with all the love in the world. this relationship seems ideal, but there are a few cards here that advice making an effort to communicate correctly with each other. 

when i asked about the appearance of this person i got freckles! i also see that this person has a baby face or is a pretty childish person, someone with a lot of energy. i feel like they have lighter hair as well.  you can also expect this to happen literally at any moment now! this is something that is already happening and in the works. 

#pile 2

the hanged man - queen of cups - knight of cups - six of coins - nine of cups

“only love” by ben howard started playing when i started writing, and i feel like that’s how this connection feels like! this is someone new in your life, and your day to day will start to feel like this song. with the hanged man opening this reading i feel like this is someone who came in to change your perspective and opinions about love, and even about self love - but this card also tells you to be patient and advises not to rush into new relationships without being sure first, as not everyone will fit you. love is definitely on the horizon, just wait for it to come to you, as someone who is willing to listen to you and that will offer you all the attention you need is on the way. the six of pentacles here is asking you to give without expecting anything back, it advises you to be generous with yourself and the universe will be generous to you as well! a strong connection is coming 

when i asked about this person i got the five of coins, so this is probably someone who has gone through hard times and knows that feeling cared for is important. this is someone who has dark eyes, probably darker skinned as well. 

when i asked for timing, i saw that the winter time may be of significance, but this still may take a while to come to you. 

#pile 3

two of swords - ace of cups - six of coins - queen of swords - five of swords

wow, you may be indecisive regarding a relationship or taking a new step into a relationship, and you may be looking for advice. i think that this relationship has a great potential of being a safe space, somewhere you’ll feel loved and supported. you may be indecisive because you don’t want to lose your independence - but your partner understands how that is important to you and will respect it. there’s an emphasis on the important of communication, as you may have problems due to a lack of it, and what i see here is that you’re struggling to make things official because you’re afraid - talk to them! have the scary conversation. they understand. 

when i asked about appearance i got the emperor, which makes me think this is a person who has a lot of authority. i also think they’re someone with dark eyes but lighter hair. 

timing wise, regarding having a conversation or taking a new step, i’d say something will shift within the next ten days or the next two weeks. 

#pile 4

three of coins - three of wands - six of cups - king of coins - page of wands

i think someone you’ve had a crush on has looked your way! someone you’ve liked for a while is now noticing you in a romantic light, or maybe someone you tried to have a relationship with in the past is back. whoever this person is, they’re not 100% committed to you, they want to be your one and only. you may feel sparks, have a lot of passion and fun with this person, but you need to avoid being clingy or too jealous of this person, reminding you both how everyone needs space. the three of wands is an amazing card here, as it shows you good luck on your romantic choices. 

i think this person takes a great care of their appearance, especially their hair. 

i think this is going to become official in a few month, maybe around pisces season.

hope you enjoyed reading!

[elumish]

In the wake of what's going on in the world, I see a lot of rhetoric that basically boils down to the idea that everyone has a responsibility to watch every bad thing that's going on in the world all the time. That awareness itself is a responsibility that everyone has always.

I'm not going to say that people do or don't have a responsibility to be aware of things, but I want to talk about how to take care of yourself and others while doing so.

For some context, I spent close to a year and a half reading about every terrorist attack in the world as part of my work on the Global Terrorism Database. It was 2015/2016, so this was the height of ISIS/Daesh, it was a major time for Boko Haram, and it was when there was a lot of political violence that we weren't sure how to classify in places like Yemen, Crimea, and Libya (stuff the GTD didn't know how to classify had all of is information recorded, and then it went into purgatory until someone above my paygrade decided what to do with it). What this means is that I was spending 10-20 hours a week reading about hundreds or thousands of attacks a month and, in my case, recording infomation about the type of attack and the type of weapon. Much of my life was reading terrible things.

Limit what you do in isolation. One of the worst changes for me during that time, mental health-wise (even though it was great for my commute) was when I went from working in-person to working remotely. With other people, there are ways to diffuse the pain. A burden shared is a burden halved and all that. That may mean talking about it, or joking about it, or finding some other way to engage with it that isn't just reading about the most horrible things in the world and then stewing in your own thoughts about them.

Find something to do that's totally unrelated. I highly recommend finding something to do with your hands, if you can (knitting, Lego, cooking, whatever), but regardless of what it is, you should have some time when you entirely switch away to something different. During a fair amount of my time with the GTD, I was also doing my undergrad thesis about terrorism on TV, so a huge amount of my life was about terrorism in some way. The only other thing I watched was Great British Bake Off, and I would just rewatch the episodes, over and over.

Be compassionate about how you share information and with whom. Use trigger warnings, and consider using consistent tagging on places like Tumblr so people can blacklist it if they need to. Also consider whether it's appropriate or necessary to share photos of bodies or other results of horrible violence. What is it accomplishing, to show that? Can that goal be accomplished other ways that don't require the equivalent of jumpscares of unexpected photos of dead or brutalized people? Are you just showing it because you think that everyone should have to see it? If you are showing it, are there ways to mitigate against harm it may do?

Do what you can to avoid an echo chamber. Sometimes, when everyone around you is upset or angry about the same thing, it just amplifies itself, and you all get angrier and more upset in perpetuity without accomplishing anything.

Work towards action. Watching terrible things happen for the sake of saying that you haven't looked away isn't as meaningful as taking action in some way. Write to your Congressperson. Donate. Do whatever is appropriate for the thing you want to stop. But penance via watching terrible things happen doesn't accomplish anything.

Recognize compassion fatigue and do what you can to mitigate it. If you spend long enough doing this, you start to lose context, and you start to become less able to have compassion about things. If you're reading about attacks with dozens or hundreds of deaths regularly, five can start to not seem like that many. If you're reading only about the worst suffering in the world, "lesser" suffering of those around you can start to seem unimportant and petty. Do what you can to mitigate that.

Be kind to yourself. You do nobody any good if you burn out. Look away, if you need to. Take a break. Do things so you can enjoy life, because otherwise you are just another person suffering in the world. Other people's pain isn't a hair shirt for you to wear.

[beemochi-art]

The great Optimus prime.

Supreme emperor of Cybertron. Leader of the autobots. Loved by his people and feared by his enemies.

Surely they aren’t putting in the history books that he was ran off his planet by some thug and his cronies with his tail tucked in between his legs.

Hm? -what? that’s exactly what they are putting? Ok.

The reality is that Optimus is a shy and all around awkward person. But most people mistake his anti social personality as being all wise, stoic and mysterious. Don’t get me wrong he still is all those things but sometimes it’s just him being nervous.

He’s angry too. Mostly at himself. Not bring a strong or good enough leader, that sort of thing. He isn’t immune to losing his temper tho.

He tries not to loose his cool in front of his friends, usually opting to go into his room then lose it. Because of this, his room is mostly empty so he doesn’t break anything important. His hab giving off loony cell vibes. Ratchet made him get a comforter, so at least were making progress.

Speaking of Ratchet. His two closest friends, Ironhide and Ratty! Ratchet knows Optimum best. They we’re friends when he was Orion pax. Ratchet takes care of him cause primus knows he can’t. Ratchet is the only one Optimus is comfortable taking his mask off in front of. Ironhide seem to know how Optimus is feeling no matter how hard he tries to hide. So op can’t help but be honest with him. Optimus let’s his guard down majorly around these two. The same goes for them as well. Maybe not Ironhide cause he is most comfortable around his wife. But that’s a story for a different time.

Op is crushing on Elita and she knows it. That’s all I’ll say about that.

Op is the type of guy to lay in bed looking at the ceiling waiting for his alarm to go off. He still gets up before anyone else tho. Except Ratchet he has never seem to beat Ratchet In the waking up early game. If Op is standing behind Ratchet he’s nervous.

All these numerous flaws he can’t let other know about. But there still is one more thing. The worst one. He is scared. and sure who isn’t? But he is scared of Megatron. He’s so scared of this mech, he can’t eat, sleep or enjoy anything without thinking about him. But he knows he has to fight him again.

No one can know this about him.

[myun-saidthoughts]

Astrology Observations

💫3rd house synastry increases ease with communication, especially when the Moon or Venus are involved, comfortability with sharing your feelings or thoughts/emotions will come natural.

💫For a woman, if she has an Aquarius Mars she will appreciate her partner to be visually or intellectually different.

Appearance Wise: someone who stands out in some way, someone who is comfortable in their feminine and masculine energy, someone who doesn't need outside validation from others, someone who is confident without being overly aggressive or forthcoming. Another note is someone who has an unique or artistic style, someone who puts effort in their wardrobe, (rings, necklaces, painted nails, accessories) Open-mindedness is very very ideal, and if they have more of a theoretical mindset with how they view the world brings in more attraction for the native.

💫4th house synastry (especially with conjunctions to your IC) will create an energy that brings you a sense of comfort you never knew was possible.

💫8th house friendships can also take on more of an intense dynamic, expectations still arise, especially for the person with more Scorpio/8H influence.

💫If you struggle with accepting intimacy, love, or romance but deal with South Node + water house synastry (along with other indicators of attraction such as aspects/house overlays/more past life synastry aspects) letting them go will feel impossible, especially if they bring you this type of curiosity you hardly feel from anyone else.

💫Neptune-Moon synastry doesn't get talked about enough. If attraction and desire are factors within relationships with harsh Neptune to Moon influence, the dynamic can feel fated. At one end of the spectrum the Neptune person can confuse the Moon person, the Neptune person can showcase as someone the Moon person can't really understand and yet there could be a desire to save or idealize them. Similar to Pluto influence the spectrum of the intensity depends on each souls but someone with a lot of Neptune/12th house placements in their natal chart will feel very drawn to this connection.

💫Vertex synastry comes at you unexpectedly. You could know someone for quite some time with no initial curiosity to know them better, but once they enter your atmosphere in some deep manner, you will feel very very close and comfortable with this person.

💫4th house synastry can elicit intense feelings especially if there are mutual IC conjunctions (bonus if each others Vesta asteroid conjuncts each others IC) as well as have Moon conjunct Pluto in the composite chart. These added factors will add more intense dependent need for this person.

💫Jupiter synastry is so cute. You will feel so optimistic when you're around this person. You can't help but feel like you can handle anything that comes your way, you're excited, content, and trusting of the individual looking at you (especially if you guys share more 4th house synastry).

💫Each water moon can struggle with extremes, in some shape or form.

💫 Individuals with natal 12th house placements (especially Venus) may often turn to music as a means of escaping reality.

💫Capricorn moon individuals struggle with accepting the fact that they have emotion. Often times their mother was absent or emotionally un-nurturing, leaving them to feel uncomfortable with sharing their emotions, they struggle with feeling safe, they may not have a direct resentment link towards their mother, but in some aspects her coldness leads them towards the same void of avoiding emotions they wish to escape from.

💫Libra stelliums are likely to find a partner, and with that partner they may lose their identity or self within them. They feel complete when another is "their person" but with it may also lead to codependency.

💫Libra karma can deal with issues of stating their opinions, thoughts, and desires. They may think it's easier to avoid conflict or disarray but all that does is create a deeper hole of forgetting who they truly are.

💫People with 8TH house natal placements (especially stelliums) are more likely to experience extremes in their life, whether it be with finances, partners, or emotion. It is likely that they can end up being dependent on another for resources/money etc.

💫Gemini placements (maybe even air placements in Gemini degrees) are more likely to be on the spectrum with their sexuality, it's more likely that they would be attracted to anyone they just find attractive. Although sexual attraction and romantic/emotional attraction are very different categories. You can be sexually attracted to someone but have no emotional or romantic desire for that individual, sexuality is a very complexed spectrum.

💫Sagittarius suns with Taurus risings handle pain with grace. More than likely if someone has these two placements with a poor placement Moon or harsh aspects towards the Moon/Sun/IC etc they are likely not to fixate or struggle with the emotional turmoil (compared to others).

💫Water moons typically have blurred boundaries with their mother. These placements manifest differently but boundaries when it comes to their mother or the love within their dynamic is often times more complicated.

💫Fire dominate/Venus individuals are more likely to have physical touch be their love language.

💫Gemini venus's get bored very easily, constant stimulation or some excitement in the dynamic is needed. (But 5H/7H/Cancer/Leo/Libra placements with a Gemini venus are less likely to become bored)

💫Moon-Mars & Venus-Asc synastry will create intense attraction almost instantly.

💫8th house stelliums are likely to deal with large sums of money at one point in their life, or they will owe others money, they will be given money, or other people's money becomes a major factor in their life; someway or somehow

💫9th house placements appreciate other people's culture, beliefs, thoughts, and ways of life that differ from their own.

💫Virgo's placements with prominent 10th house or Capricorn placements can create an individual to be very hard on themselves, the goals they place on themselves oftentimes exceed others, prompting them to feel less than if left unaccomplished or unproductive.

[ladykailitha]

Sir Steve, Knight Protectorate Part 3

Here we are at the last chapter. Thank you for everyone who liked, commented and reblogged, especially those that left lovely comments in their tags.

This isn't the last we'll see of this universe, as the next one I want to do is Christmas. Steve talking to Jonathan about the camera and not just saying it was joint present from him and Nancy.

In this we have some people who just never learn, Eddie getting heart-eyes non-stop now, and the basketball game of the century.

Part 1 Part 2

~

Larry Wiggins learned nothing from getting decked in the face by Eddie Munson, Steve decided. He had been the worst of the “accidental” bullies.

If there was a massive collusion of some poor bastards, you could make a pretty safe bet that Larry was seen leaving the area. The teachers turned a blind eye to it because and he quotes, “You have no proof he’s doing anything wrong, besides as captain of the basketball team, he’s afforded a little grace because he’s under soooo much pressure.”

Steve was pretty sure he threw up a little in his mouth when he heard that from the principal, the vice principal, the basketball coach, and at least three other teachers despite him doing it right in front of them multiple times.

So just before the winter break it all came to a head and if Steve was honest, he wasn’t surprised when he saw the victim was one of Eddie’s own sheep.

Steve had really needed to pee in history class. It was horrible, but Mrs. Click adored him and let him go to the bathroom, then immediately turned around and told a girl that is she wasn’t on the rag, she had no need to use the bathroom until after class.

He felt bad about that one, because unlike students, Steve couldn’t do jack shit about the teachers. Not without losing whatever status he actually had.

He pushed open the doors to the boys’ bathroom and instantly sagged against the doorway. There cowering in the corner was one of Eddie’s freaks. He had curly brown hair and blue eyes, though one was shut from a reddening welt that no doubt would turn into a black eye later.

Then the bell rang and students came flooding out of their classes, just in time to see Steve dragging Larry out of the bathroom and throwing him against the lockers across from the bathroom.

Before anyone could protest Steve’s over-reaction, the little freshman came limping out of the bathroom.

“Gareth!” Eddie called out and Steve was distracted for a moment by the sound, let Larry out of his grasp.

But instead of taking off like what would have been the smart thing, Larry pushed Steve off of him.

“You would take the side of the little pervert, Harrington,” he sneered. “I caught this little freak checking under the bathroom stalls. No doubt he’s a fag looking for dick to ogle.”

Gareth opened his mouth to protest, but Steve held up his hand.

“Or, he could be,” Steve scoffed, “and get this, looking to make sure no one was in the stalls so he go into the one he wanted? Like a normal person?”

Eddie and Gareth both snorted at the ‘normal’ description, but wisely kept their mouths shut.

Larry rolled his eyes and folded his arms over his chest. “You think you’re so hot, don’t you? You’re not even a senior but everyone around here walks around here kissing your ass and why? Because Daddy’s money. If you were as poor as these chucklefucks, the only kiss you’d be getting is mouth to mouth when someone finally put you down like the dog you are!”

Gareth threw back his head and laughed. Just started laughing and laughing, doubling over from the laughter, tears streaming down his face.

Larry raised an eyebrow. “What the fuck is his problem?”

“His dad owns three of this town’s car dealerships, dude,” Steve said raising both eyebrows. “Like he lives in Loch Nora.”

Larry’s eyes go wide. “What the fuck? Then why is he dressed like trailer trash?”

“Hey!” Eddie growled and moved to take a swing at the guy, but again Steve held up his hand.

“Dude is in designer jeans and high tops and you have to ask that?” he shook his head. “You really are stupid. How did you become captain of the basketball team again?”

Steve tapped his lip for a moment, his other hand on his hip. Then he snapped his fingers. “Oh, that’s right, you mom blew the coach!”

Larry lunged forward to take a swing at Steve but Tommy and one of the other guys on the team managed to pull him back.

“You want to put your money where your mouth is punk?!” Larry shouted, trying to get out of his restraints.

Steve looked him up and down. “You’re on. One on one in the outdoor basketball court. First one to twenty points wins. We need an unbiased ref...” he looked around until he found a black sophomore standing off the side. “You, you tried out for JV this year, right?”

The kid pointed to himself and looked around but Steve nodded. “Yeah, I mean, I didn’t make it, but yeah I play.”

Steve turned to Larry. “That okay with you?”

Larry nodded. “If I win, you quit the team and stop this fucking crusade you’re on.”

The crowd oohed and ahhed.

“And if I win,” Steve said with a knowing smirk, “you step down as captain and make me captain instead. And if you lay a single finger on anyone again, and you know what I mean, I’ll be sure to spill every dirty secret you ever uttered in the locker room. Don’t think that I won’t.”

Larry gulped heavily. The sound loud in the now dead silent hallway.

Steve stuck out his hand and Larry eyed it for a moment. He looked up into Steve’s steely gaze, then at the gathered crowd. He shook the offered hand and pumped it once.

“Saturday 10am,” Steve said with a grin. Larry nodded and Steve walked over to the kid who was going to be their ref and slung an arm around his shoulder. “Hey, kid, what’s your name?”

“Patrick,” the kid mumbled shyly.

“Well, Patrick,” he said, leading him away from the crowd, “the team will be down one player regardless of what happens, you should try out again.”

Everyone is left staring in shock as the two boys walk away talking about basketball.

Nancy, who had been watching the whole thing turned to Tina, “So that was hot, right?”

Tina just nodded, her mouth open and her eyes wide. She fanned herself with her hand and shook her head. “Girl, you fucked up when you let that one get away.”

Nancy bit her lip, but privately agreed. It had been a month, and Jonathan still wasn’t biting. Perhaps...

Perhaps she might have another, tastier option.

~

The bullying full on stopped as the whole school held their breath. Even the teacher had noticed the whispering in the hall, but time and time again, students would refuse to say why. The nerds sided with Eddie and his club, the popular kids sided with Steve, and everyone one else but the bullies wanted to keep out of it.

When the teachers finally reached out to the kids who were doing the bullying, therefore proving to the whole school the teachers knew, but didn’t care, the bullies had been forced into silence or admit to the bullying.

The morning dawn bright and clear. The frost clung to the windows of the school and a couple of the basketball teammates arrived at nine to shovel the outdoor court as it had snowed the night before.

Steve showed up with longjohns under his shorts and a sweat shirt with the team logo on the front. He stood there, basketball propped on his hip as he waited for Larry to arrive. He was wearing sweats and a t-shirt, headband over his eyes.

10:01am.

Patrick came running up the court waving a whistle. “Sorry I’m late! I couldn’t find my whistle and had to go to the store to get another one.”

Larry grumbled, but Steve just threw Patrick the ball.

Larry and Steve stepped up to the middle line and Patrick stood between them with the ball. The two players shook hands and then Patrick threw it in the air.

Larry got the ball first, but in the end didn’t even matter.

Steve was far and away the better player. Whether Larry’s mom had done favors for the coach to make him captain was irrelevant. Because it soon became clear that he had only gotten the post due to some kind of favoritism.

Steve outmatched him on defense and was the better shot, making more of his shots than he missed.

Larry started panting halfway through as Steve outmatched in a different and just as vital way. Stamina.

Kids from all the cliques were pressed against the fence. Nancy in the front, cheering loudly for Steve along side all of his friends.

Tommy H. was shouting obscenities and Carol was calling Larry names.

But there was the silent section who had come out to watch. The one whose very lives depended on the outcome of the game.

You could call it hyperbole, but Eddie didn’t. It was apt. In those few scant weeks of not having his friends bullied, his grades actually fucking went up. Because he could concentrate on homework, instead of if tomorrow was going to be the day one of the bullies went too far and he lost one of sheep.

He still called out the bullying when he saw it, but now knowing that there were other people watching his sheep too? He could actually rest.

And if that was happening to him? He couldn’t dare to image what it was like for the kids who were being actively bullied. That first breath of relief knowing it wasn’t just a one time thing. That it was going to keep happening. That they were going to be able to just function. Must have felt like a god damned miracle.

Steve moved past Larry and slamdunked his final two points making it to twenty.

Larry sank to his knees as Patrick ran out on the court. “With a score of twenty to fourteen, Steve Harrington wins!”

He raised Steve’s hand over his head like a prize fighter. The gathered crowd roared to life, even those who had been watching silently at the other end of the court. The ones who didn’t understand what a layup was or how fouling worked. They began cheering too.

Steve walked over to Larry and got down on one knee, draping his arm over the other knee. “Some people are bullies because their home life is shit, some people are bullies because they don’t know how to be anything else. And some people just like you who are just fucking assholes who like make others miserable. Get the fuck off my court.”

He stood back up and waved at the crowd.

~

Steve managed to find an unlocked door and slipped into the locker room for a well earned shower. He still would have to put his gross clothes back on but at least he wouldn’t be dripping in sweat.

He heard the door open and close but decided to ignore it. Whether it was a well wisher or one of Larry’s ilk, he didn’t give a shit. He just wanted to be clean.

“Steve?” a warm and very welcome voice echoed through the empty chamber.

“Eddie?” he called back, poking his head out the shower stall to see him.

Eddie grinned. “There you are, big boy.”

Steve was grateful for the steam already painting his cheeks red so that Eddie wouldn’t see him blush.

“Hey,” he muttered softly.

Eddie came bounding up to him with a big grin on his face. “I went home and brought my PE clothes for ya so you didn’t have to put that sweaty shit back on.” He held up his bag. “We’re about the same size in everything but thighs, so this should get you home at the very least.”

“Oh you’re a lifesaver!” he breathed. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“I know, I wanted to.”

Steve pointed down at his sudsy body. “Just let me finish washing down and I’ll be with you in a moment.”

A few minutes later he shut off the water and called out, “Hey can you grab me a towel?”

“I could...” Eddie teased, “but then I’d miss the show of you waddling naked to grab one yourself.”

Steve’s eyebrows went up. “I wasn’t sure you’d be interested, after all the ball was in your court after your impromptu marriage proposal.”

Eddie licked his lips slowly and stalked over the low wall that separated the showers from the rest of the locker room. He looked Steve up and down, noting the high blush on his cheeks that had nothing to due with the heat. Or at least not the heat of the shower. Steve pushed his hair back and looked Eddie right in the eye.

Eddie smiled and reached out with one finger to trace a water droplet that had slid off of Steve’s collar bone to run for his belly button. Steve’s breath hitched as Eddie licked the water off his finger.

“I’m more than interested,” he murmured, leaning in close. “Just wasn’t sure if the offer was made in jest or if you were serious.”

Steve closed his eyes and let out a slow breath. Then he opened them slowly to see Eddie with his eyes wide and expression hopeful. Steve leaned in and pressed his lips to the other boy’s. It was soft and it was sweet.

Eddie leaned back, blinking. “So yeah, definitely serious then. So how about this, sweetheart, why don’t you get dressed in the things I brought you and you go home and get changed. Then I pick you up around, say... five for dinner at the diner?”

Steve’s face transformed with his smile. “I’d say that sounds like a date.” He kissed him again. Just as soft and just as sweet as the one before.

“I’m going to get cavities if you keep that up,” Eddie teased, walking away.

“Where are you going?” Steve asked tilting his head in confusion.

Eddie came back to locker room. “Getting you a towel, obviously. As much as I wouldn’t mind a sneaky peek, I think I’d rather wait to see you naked, spread out underneath me.”

Steve’s jaw worked up and down but no words came out.

“Catch you later, big boy!” Eddie called out over his shoulder after handing the towel to him.

As he was leaving he bumped into Nancy.

“Oh sorry,” he muttered. “I didn’t see you there.”

Nancy chewed on her bottom lip. “Is Steve in there? I couldn’t find him after the game.”

“Yep!” he replied popping the P. “I brought him some clothes he could change into.”

Her eyes went wide. “Oh!”

“Catch you around, Wheeler,” Eddie said giving her a salute.

As the door swung shut, she could see Steve in there happily singing a love song as he got dressed.

Nancy looked back at Eddie’s retreating form and then back at the now closed door. She sighed. She had a feeling that she was too late in getting Steve back.

He had moved on.

She blushed and ducked her head. Maybe it was a good thing. She needed to work on herself and Steve needed someone who was with him because they wanted to be and not just because he was the current available option.

By the time Steve came back out, she was gone.

~

Tag List: COMPLETED

1-@mira-jadeamethyst @rozzieroos @itsall-taken @redfreckledwolf @zerokrox-blog

2- @gregre369 ​@a-little-unsteddie @chaosgremlinmunson @messrs-weasley @cryptid-system

3- @maya-custodios-dionach @goodolefashionedloverboi @val-from-lawrence @carlyv @wonderland-girl143-blog

4- @justforthedead89 @irregular-child @bookbinderbitch @bookworm0690 @forgottenkanji

5- @anne-bennett-cosplayer @yikes-a-bee @awkwardgravity1 @littlewildflowerkitten @genderless-spoon

6- @dragonmama76 @ellietheasexylibrarian @thedragonsaunt @useless-nb-bisexual @disrespectedgoatman

7- @counting-dollars-counting-stars @tinyplanet95 @ravenfrog @swimmingbirdrunningrock @lingeringmirth

8- @gutterflower77 @a-lovely-craziness @just-a-tiny-void @w1ll0wtr33 @beelze-the-bubkiss

9- @gringa-rae-jepsen @bluelightsinthevoid @mamafaithful @allmyworldsendwithtears @xxbottlecapx

10- @sadisticaltarts @yeahhhh-suga @ohimamarigold @imamixofeverthing @samsoble

[zzencat]

5 Urgent Messages You Need To Hear Right Now - Current ⌛️

5 bullet points. Raw, honest, and on the go. What do you need to hear right now? Includes: what to work on, what to be wary of, warnings, hints, potential downsides + rock-bottom consequences.

For better accuracy: Clear your mind. Time is now patient and still. Close your eyes, inhale deeply, fill your chest up to the fullest, feel the soft air brush against the ridges of your nose. Breathe out.

From left to right. Breathe and choose.

——————————-

Pile 1. Not all is what they seem.

if something seems suspicious or too good to be true, it probably is. you can either gain or lose what you have.

some of you will be greatly rewarded for your hard work. beware of who you share your abundance with. be even more careful with the information.

someone you know is two-faced. be careful who you trust. (for most of you, this is someone you know but feel indifferent towards or don’t consider close.)

keep an eye on your material possessions, especially ones that others may envy. don’t leave valuable things around without surveillance.

something that tempts you should be reconsidered—especially with money. weigh your options. count the pros and cons.

Hints: look for the signs, laziness, liars, manipulation, sneaking around, stealing, caught red-handed, someone acting poor, colleagues, fake friends, seemingly likable colleagues, greediness, homelessness (3x), people in power, parents, offers, scams, impulsive spending, pretending to care, bad and hidden intentions, fire signs, scams.

+ failing to do so results in: isolation, fear, anxiety, social withdrawal, unceasing paranoia, loss.

————————————

Pile 2. It’s time to grow up.

laziness is an issue. put effort in your work and prioritize your time wisely.

revenge is not worth it. this is a wake up call to mature and practice humility.

you are worth as much as everyone else. no one is higher or lower. death takes everyone either way.

not everything has to be a fight. not everyone is out to get you. work on defensiveness. learn to let go.

doing more research improves open-mindedness. don’t be afraid to be wrong.

Hints: wasting time on small issues; pettiness; too much time on social media; purposefully engaging in controversial topics; immaturity; gossip; sudden aggression or anger; playing up one’s own importance; merely one among billions; holding grudges; big ego; spoiled; hard time saying sorry; owning up to mistakes; nepotism; the wrong connections; narrow-mindedness, inability to accept criticism or differing views and opinions.

+ failing to do so may result in: being too competitive, poverty/unstable income, irresponsible, ignorant, “puppet,” that people laugh at, no close friends/family, missed opportunities, no control in life, boredom, ignoring hard facts and truths, lacking uniqueness, sheep of the herd, having no dreams, not achieving much, lack of focus, poor social life and skills, jumping on the bandwagon, poor mindset, unlikable personality traits, disingenuous, misery.

——————————

Pile 3. Balance is key.

take breaks from time to time (especially the workaholics.)

rebalance your life. too much of anything is bad.

work on confidence and self-esteem issues.

moving too fast isn’t always a good thing. you will miss what’s happening in the background.

become more resilient. learn to bounce back from bad situations or inconveniences. prepare for sudden heartbreaks.

Hints: not having enough time to appreciate what’s around you; relationship resentment; sudden losses; self- negligence; waiting until it’s too late; stability requires effort; not making time for others in your life; make time for yourself; not considering mental and physical health.

+ failing to do so may result in: unknowingly losing a connection, poor work-life balance, (I’m hearing static- idk why…), not giving attention to loved ones, unintentionally negligent, loneliness, poor adaptation skills, being forced to watch something inevitably fall apart, betrayal, dwelling in sadness, ghosting, confusion, neglected mental health, too long of a hiatus, stagnancy, poor health, poor-to-no social life, no growth in character, absolute ruin.

——————————

**Ending Teddy Note: Hey guys! Hopefully you took something from the reading. These were tough deliveries, but they had to be said. Remember to take what resonates and leave what doesn’t. Reblog or lemme know what you think. I appreciate the feedback. Rmr to stay hydrated!! 😎✌️

[hxt1b]

Hiii can you write some dirty af toji neighbours kind of thing? They don't really stand each other, then something happens idk she loses her keys or something, ends up at his place. Doesn't have to be long, he just needs to fuck her brains out

Art credit: arekushisu_11. Gotten off Pinterest. 

"you make me a maniac"

toji x afab reader  

-> CW: you dont really hate him, deep inside your just horny for him, pwp, smut warning [dubcon kinda, mean toji, a lot of taunting, degradation, fingering, spitting, throat fucking, unprotected sex - don't do what they did, overstimulation, choking] 

-> WC: 2.1k 

masterlist | prompt list 

A/N: I think this is a bit unhinged, writing wise, I hope its okay though. 

Your breath hitched as your back slammed against the wall. 

"You need my help," he said harshly a breath away from your lips, "you can stop acting like a bitch." 

"Get off of me." You answered shoving at his naked chest, he was fresh out of the shower only in sweats. 

"No, I don't think I will." His hand moved from the wall beside your head to your face, fingers trailing into your hair as his thumb rested at the corner of your mouth. 

"Toji." You breathed. Your voice was quiet as his thumb softly caressed your skin, causing tingles to spread across your lips. 

"I'm starting to think it's all an act. The angry glares, the insults, the judgement. I think you're a classic cliche. You fucking want me and you can't handle that so you're a bitch. If you really hated me, why would I be the first person you came to when you lost your keys? You don't have a friend? Family?" He paused, his eyes moving between yours. "I know you do sweetheart." 

You didn't say anything. The truth was you did hate him, but the way your body reacted to him when he was around was visceral, your skin would prickle, and your heart rate would pick up, a slow heat would creep on you. Your mind would be plagued by fantasies of him doing decrepit things to you, on the couch, the counter, the floor, the bed, the shower, and the wall. 

His words didn't sting, they heated your core. A moan was bubbling up your throat as he cocked his hips into yours. 

"I'm dead on aren't I?" He taunted. His tongue darted out and licked the corner of your mouth when you again stayed silent, your answer evident when you moved back against him, your hips chasing him, and the moan leaving through your lips in a breathy sigh. 

Toji's eyes flared, his mouth taking over yours in an insant, both his hands burying themselves into your hair as he pulled your face to his. The kiss was wet, his tongue pushing into your mouth without hesitation, he was brutal, rough, fingers pulling at your hair tilting your head up as he kissed you as hard as he could. The pressure of his mouth on yours was insane. He stepped back from the wall bending into you so your torso curved into his. 

"Fuck," he grunted pulling away to take a breath. You looked up at him dazed, still at a loss for words, he swore again before straightening out and pulling you to his living room. He pushed you onto the couch and quickly bent over your figure. You were sprawled out on your back, his hands pushed at your top pushing it up and taking the cups of your bra with it. He pushed the fabric over your head, leaving you like that so you couldn't see. 

His fingers pinched at your nipples pulling roughly causing you to moan from the pain, and your body squirmed. He stuck a thick thigh between yours, letting your grind into him as he groped your tits. 

"God," He groaned before taking one into his mouth. He sucked and bit while torturing the other one with his finger. 

You moaned loudly, your hands in his hair, his name leaving your lips between whines. 

"Please," You begged, when his fingers trailed down your torso, his breath on your wet nipple causing goose bumps to erupt all over. 

"You're a whore for me aren't you? You wanted this all along, didn't you?" He asked. His words teasing. He pushed your top up more so that your lips were exposed but your eyes covered. Then he yanked at your bra until it harshly ripped off. 

"You want me to touch you?" He asked. 

"Yes," You whined, your hips still jerking against his thigh. 

"Say you're a slut for me," he commanded. 

You moaned his fingers circling your lower stomach. 

"Fuck, I'm a slut for you." You whined, he laughed, his mouth close to yours his breath fanning over you. 

"Such a greedy bitch," he mumbled, "is your cunt gonna be just as greedy? Are you gonna open for my fingers easily, take two from the start?" 

You whined at his words your hips bucking up, your body begging for his hands to dip into your sweats already. 

You whined his name again, a plea. 

His fingers finally dipped into your waistband, his mouth back on yours as his fingers found your clit, he pushed on it. Causing you to buck into his hand and thigh, which was still between your legs. 

He dipped his finger lowers rubbing between your folds gathering your slick and bringing it back to your clit to rub rough circles. 

"Fuck you're wet." He groaned and repeated his actions, once twice, and then suddenly he was ignoring your clit, his fingers rubbing in between your folds, not pushing in or playing with your sensitive numb. 

You mewled your hands leaving his hair and clawing at his couch. 

"Fuck, Toji -" He interrupted your words by pushing two fingers into you, his fingers were thicker than yours and your lack of sex with another person in the last year made it so it was slightly painful. But he didn't stop at your harsh intake of breath, he pumped roughing, getting your essence on your underwear and all over his fingers. His other hand pulled at your hair again, angling your head so he could bite at the soft skin on your throat. 

"Greedy," he muttered before pushing another finger into you, your back arched up into him, your chest pressing into his. His teeth nipped at your lips the bites were harsh, your lips felt swollen and hurt from his treatment. 

"Cum." He demanded. You work your hips with his fingers, rocking with his hand. His tongue dipped into your mouth before dragging along your lips, your mouth staying open as his hand went faster. 

He spit in your mouth, before kissing you again. 

Your eyes squeezed, your mind going hazy from the intense heat creeping all over your body. The knot in your stomach tightened until it exploded, the sounds that were coming from you were loud and whiney. Your body bucking against Toji's all your thoughts scattered, you couldn't think of anything. You forgot where you were, only aware that Toji was working your clit with his thumb and his thick fingers were still fucking you mindless. Your moans turned to desperate whines as your body crumbled to the overstimulation. 

He ripped your shirt off your head, swiping it off your arms and throwing it onto the floor. 

"One more sweetheart." He said, his head lowering back down to your breasts, taking the sensitive skin into his mouth and sucking. 

You turned your head to the side, your fingers moving to his shoulders, digging into his naked skin. 

You mumbled something incoherent as the knot tightened again. Toji chuckled into your skin, you became wanton under him. 

"Already fucked dumb are we?" He asked, his tongue licking up the valley of your tits, up your neck and chin until his mouth was level with yours again. "So greedy, so slutty, and so desperate. That's you in a nutshell isn't it?" 

You breathed roughly, his fingers still wrecking your cunt, curling into your g-spot. 

"For you." You muttered. 

"For me." He mumbled back, your walls contracting around his fingers as you suddenly came again. Slowly his fingers, milking your orgasm with deep thrusts. "So noisy." He pulled his fingers from you, before sitting up. 

Panting you harshly swallowed, your eyes slowly opening, your mouth still hanging open as you looked up at him. Taking in the way your fingers had messed up his hair, the marks your nails had left on his shoulder. 

You shakily pushed up onto your arms as he got rid of his sweats and boxers, his cock swaying, heavy and thick the head dark red dotted with precum.

Your eyes drank him up, from the ridges of his abs to the thick veins on his cock. You swallow the spit gathering in your mouth at the sight, worried you'd genuinely drool at the sight of him. 

You scooted back, also taking off your sweats and panties and discarding them in the same direction as his before pushing onto your knees and reaching for him. He let you, your arms looped around his neck as you pushed your mouth to his and lightly kissed him. His hands came to rest on your waist, you trailed your kisses down his jaw and neck before sucking on the hot skin of his collarbone, biting and licking you went lower and lower, trailing your tongue between his abs, tasting his salty skin. 

"Fuck," he cursed gathering your hair in his fist as you gingerly took his cock into your hand and licked the tip. Your tongue dragging around the slit, you kitten licked his cock head before tilting your head and dragging your tongue down the side. He grumbled at your ministration his hands yanking at your hair forcing your head back, he took his cock in his hand and pressed the head to your mouth. You opened for him, your hands planting themselves on the couch. Now on all fours, he pushed his cock into your mouth, he didn't wait for you to suck his cock he simply started thrusting into your mouth, his thrusts harsher and harsher, as you gagged, the tip hitting the back of your throat your eyes water, drool gathering at your lips and dripping down. Your mouth stretched and stunging along his girth, one hand coming up to his thighs to get him to slow down. It didn't work. His head was tilted back, completely lost on fucking his cock down your throat. You whined, your eyes watering immensely, your mind drifting from not being able to breathe properly. 

Finally, he pulled out of you, his chest heaving with deep breaths as he looked down at your wrecked face. 

"Get on your back." 

Barely breathing, your body shaking ever so slightly you laid back down on the couch. Toji lowered himself over you, his cock dragging between your folds, and his finger drifting over your clit. 

"C-condom," You breathed. Toji grunted and simply pushed into you. 

You gasped, his body crowding over yours, his hand coming to rest on your throat, his head buried into the side of yours. 

"I'll buy you the morning-after pill." His hand applied a little pressure as he said that. 

Your cunt was spasming around his cock, the stretch of his cock burned, his thrusts were already too deep, you were barely able to breathe again, part from the ache in your lower belly, and part from his hand at your throat. 

"Such a dumb slut for my cock right now. Can you even think? I'm shocked you even thought of a condom." He taunted, his lips brushing your ear. 

He took your ear lobe into his mouth as he fucked you, his pelvis rubbing against your clit, your legs spread wide open, spasming because of him. 

Your hands gripped his back, fingers digging in again and you took everything he gave you. With each thrust he grew wilder, his hips bucking roughly into you, his hand tighter on your throat. You were going crazy under him, his weight adding to your insanity. 

"Fuck Toji," Your words scrambled after that, nonsense leaving your lips cut only by desperate moans. 

"I'm going to cum." Toji grunted, his thrusts not stopping as he pushed his upper body away from yours so that he was hovering over you, his head tiling down to look at where his cock was plunging in and out of you. You watched too. Body overheated, and shattering with each thrust. Your third orgasm erupted out of nowhere, your mouth dropping open in a soundless scream as you convulsed on his cock. 

He followed, shooting his load into you, his rhythm lost and pumping his cum into you, his head drooped low as his hips twitched into you. His cock head rubbing your g-spot still as he slowed. You continued to twitch under him, your body trying to curl away from him, but his hold on you, at your waist kept you in place.

"Fuck," he said when he pulled out. You could feel his cum drip out of you. Your eyes glued to his face, his eyes glued to your fluttering hole. 

"Keep it in baby." He said, and with his fingers pushed it all back in. 

"You better buy me that morning-after pill." You mumbled through your fucked out state. 

"And if I don't? You'll have my baby?" His eyebrow cocked up with his question. 

"Fuck you Toji," you said, wanting to get up and leave but your body to spent to move yet. 

"I'll buy it." He said, his hand trailing up your stomach as he lowered himself down to you again. "After I fuck you again." 

~hxt1b, Feb 20 2024

[lorisidirgiichi2002]

TADC - Anxiety/Autistic Reader Headcanons.

Gender-Neutral Pronouns Friendship levelled relationships.

--------------------------------------------

For Pomni, she is just as anxious as you, though while she has started to cope with it a lot better for a few months, she can relate to wanting to escape and get out of the circus just as much. The first few interactions are awkward, but after hanging out with them, and you understand her scenario, you both grow to relatable friends and might look for the exit together while trying to go with the flow of the adventures and curious to hear about her adventures, though won't reveal some Out of Bounds secrets early on so you don't recklessly go looking for it fearing of being Abstracted.

Since Ragatha offered a hand to you, you saw Ragatha as a sort of mother figure, if not that, a really good person to go towards for advice or comfort away from the chaotic scenarios that happen in the Circus. While you have confirmed that you mostly rather be left alone to do your favourite activities, you'd start to panic if anything happens to your close friends, especially to Ragatha and she'd respect your space and boundaries the most, even in a bad mood. If there's something the others don't understand about you, you tell them to Ragatha and passes it on towards others, though might raise a eyebrow on Jax knowing him.

Depending on the type of person you are, you either going to relate to Jax or you're going to hate him. Jax is a snarky jackass that would purposely lead you into danger or screw you over or pull pranks. You'd rightfully call him out and would lose your cool towards him, though if you manage to catch some rare instances that he's depressed or in a low mood, you might be able to strike a conversation with him when the mood is calmer, though he tries to hide it. Jax when the façade breaks would probably speak his frustrations about this place and you'd understand his feelings and probably wanted to hang out with him if the adventures started to get boring and stale and cause a tiny bit of trouble. (Not too much to his extent.) Though you know it doesn't excuse the few times he pranked you and left you panicking and overwhelmed and messing with your pattern and routine with dealing with the Digital Circus.

Gangle is probably a member of the Digital Circus that you'd would probably feel the most empathy for and relates to being the joke of the group. Gangle is the most fragile and emotional of the group and to see someone step up and be there for them would be a mood bringer. You'd would be the most apologetic if you ever broke their comedy mask and would help out in repairing it and probably talk about your hyperfixations and some funny stories to try and cheer Gangle up. Though depending with your relationship with Jax, you'd 100% protect Gangle like their life depends on it, because that's not what friends are for being bullies to each other or respectfully tell him to stop.

Kinger is something that is absolutely hard to crack and understand personality wise and difficult. Being the most paranoid and unpredictable member of the group, you could see themselves as Kinger if Ragatha didn't come to your aid and had to adapt without help. You'd probably be scared about Kinger's absent minded and slow reactions to your presence and be scared of them screaming or wielding a shotgun, though tried to calm him down and be there for them regardless of how you feel about him. Depending on the episode canon by the time of writing this (30th September 2024), it is unknown if Kinger would ever talk about Queenie or even mention about her towards you.

Zooble is the most rude and irritable member of the group, while she might be off to do her own thing and not partake in adventures with a soft side to newcomers, I believe that Zooble might be a member that might take a long time to bond with, but maybe an alternative to Jax and wants to let off some steam if Ragatha isn't available and just say a bunch of censored swears. Though you might feel a bit sad if Zooble told you to !#@? off or insulting you and gives them space. Zooble might believe that next to Kinger, you might be the next member to be abstracted knowing how you're coping with living here, just to break out their persona would try to understand and help you.

Caine is definitely the most uneasy member to hang out with, being the know it all and so forth running the circus. You might call to him to ask any questions or any rules and logic you need to understand living in the digital circus and write it down in notes, though might use that information to Pomni for understanding and finding a way out. While Caine is generally cheerful and willing to help you, you can't help but sense there's something uncanny about him outside of his strange appearance. Just the understanding of the concept of Abstraction sends shivers down your spine despite him telling you not to worry about it too much and motivates you to leave even more. Bubble appearing out of nowhere would startle you and probably pop them without Caine's permission via instinct and habit if they kept interrupting you.

What do you guys think? Was there some things you'd change? Do you want to see a S/O sequel to this? Let me know in the comments below.

[doodler16]

long one ahead. discussion of ableism and disability.

i have a very strong feeling viv only added disabled characters for clout/praise. none of the disability "rep" is good or realistic imo. yes, it's hell and heaven etc etc. idc. not to mention she's ableist towards disabilities, mental or physical, she can't or doesn't want to romanticize. look at the bellhopper from ghostfuckers and the goat lady at the reception of the hospital blitz and loona went to. ableism is funny there, but when someone is mean or ableist to fizz, it's wrong?

not to mention every single disabled character gets their disability "fixed" without any issue or actual impairment of their life. it doesnt impact them or shows itself as an actual disability, just as an event that happened to them that got fixed eventually. which is fucking wild. wouldnt be surprised if she "fixed" autism or anything in that regard too in the future.

vaggie - gets her wings back for no damn reason. never mentioned or tackled how she manages with only one eye. how does she coordinate with dancing and fighting? depth perception? it seems like her getting attacked/ her eye torn out by lute was just for shock value. its literally never mentioned again.

lute - gets a perfectly working arm prosthetic. why did her arm get crushed in the first place? only for drama?

fizzarolli- perfectly working prosthetics yet again. at least its shown that he struggles with self worth and confidence with his remaining horns and 'disfigurement'. yknow, seeing that the disability had an actual impact on his life. like those in real life do.

blitz - literally had half of his face burned off, plus most of his arms/hands, and his eye on the affected side is perfectly intact, and his hands are too.

what even is the logic in all of this? (there is none surprise surprise)

i wont even get into how addicts & mentally ill ppl are treated... maybe another time.

sorry for the ramble.

I don’t think Vivziepop and Brandon thought much about the disability aspect besides making into a punchline/dark humor. Because Helluva Boss was supposed to be a comedy while Hazbin Hotel handles all the serious lore and drama. Now in Helluva Boss they want to be serious about their topics, creating a double edge sword.

You are right about Fizzoralli, Anon. The Mammon Special bothered me for 2 reasons: Blitz and the way Fizzarolli is babied in and outside of the show. The fans would shower Fizzarolli with praise for leaving his abusive environment and gaining weight (I’m sorry I barely see a difference regarding his weight, dude is built like a twig) but meanwhile nobody in and outside of the show keeps the same energy with Moxxie. I remember making a video all about that because that episode was so hypocritical and the double standards.

It’s not fine for Fizzoralli to be made fun but Moxxie, the goat nurse, and the bellhop can be? Like cmon. Fizzoralli got like a whole protection squad it’s not even funny.

Vaggie getting her wings was not only awkward animation wise but out nowhere and I have to question is that how all the angels get their wings back by.. dancing and jumping around while another person is singing confidently about love?

Like what is the process/requirements of getting your wings back? Looks it is not a permanent situation. I get what they were trying to do, Vaggie coming full circle similarly like a butterfly except hers was nonexistent/rushed. I’m honestly surprised nobody in the hotel asked about her eye or Vaggie has not been insecure about it.

Like Angel Dust can make fun of her tits and name but never mentions her eye. That would be great character development for both Vaggie and Angel Dust. He pushes her to edge and goes too far, in the process Angel Dust learns more about Vaggie and why she is so guarded and closed off to sinners.

Vaggie’s eye being ripped, It was definitely for shock value and show how ruthless the excorists can be especially Lute. Lute losing her arm kind of adds to drama but it’s mainly Adam dying that takes the cake. Lute is the type to use anything that happened negatively towards her as an example of why sinners are dangerous.

I’m surprised Blitz can see properly, I thought he would be blind, wear an eye patch like Vaggie, or his vision would be 10x worse than before. Blitz getting that main character plot armor. 😂 Overall, the person who truly acknowledges their disability is Fizzarolli (even if it’s brief). I would love to hear your thoughts how addicts and mentally ill characters are treated in the show, no need to apologize for rambling. I find these conversations interesting.

[blckbrrybasket]

Double Negative

Rafe Cameron x Fem!Reader

ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢꜱ: past breakup, fluff, alcohol consumption, Rafe being sweet

ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ: 1.8k

part 1 here

Nobody’s gonna regret this for you

If it don’t make you smile (oh)

I’ll let your skeletons shake all evening

And bless your heart for tryin’

After running into you at the party, Rafe was unable to get you out of his head. He had worked so hard to forget about you after the breakup. It wasn’t that he didn’t love you anymore, he always loved you, but that was the problem. He was sure that he would love you until his heart stopped beating and without you it caused too much pain.

Forgetting was the easy way out of what he didn’t want to feel. Therapy was the other. He had tried, seriously tried this time.

Losing you was the largest eye opener he had in a long time. Getting clean and dropping toxic people from his life had done wonders, but therapy hadn’t. Rafe couldn’t get past the walls he had built since he was ten to speak about anything besides how horrible he was.

He had always blamed himself for how you two split. He knew he was to blame, he also knew you wouldn’t blame him. Ward was unbearable to him, infiltrating every part of Rafe’s brain until he couldn’t function as himself.

Rafe was the one to distance himself, focusing on getting his father’s approval. You were the one who broke up with him after so many lonely nights, struggling with your own mental health. Yet, you knew how Ward was. Without him you were positive Rafe wouldn’t have destroyed himself the way he did.

There was no one that could have saved either of you. Sometimes you have to go on your own to fix the problems. Rafe was certain you had said that before. You were always so wise. That’s all he could think about as he tilted his head back, downing his rum.

Drinking was an expensive habit picked up from his dad, but it was safer than the drugs he used to do. 

He had yet to see you working at the end of the counter. Rafe a few months ago would be at the country club, but now he was at a fancy bar in one of the nearby hotels. He didn’t like the recognition that he got at the country club anymore. 

Setting the glass down with a small thunk, Rafe lifted his eyes to the mirror behind the counter. He studied the eyebags that had come months ago and refused to leave. His hair had grown back out, closer to how you had known it when you first started dating Rafe.

He sucked in the side of his cheek, biting it while his eyes drifted around the space. Naturally they gravitated towards you, not even questioning why you were working there. Rafe wondered if you had quit your other job. There was zero chance that you had been fired.

You were an excellent employee, he was biased but also correct. Watching you now, dutifully making drinks while keeping conversation up with businessmen only strengthened his argument.

Rafe was too far to hear the comments of the man though. I’m on a business trip. The misses didn’t want to tag along. You’re so pretty and smart, you must be a heartbreaker. Your eye had been incessantly twitching since he had started speaking to you.

Feeling the second pair of eyes on you, you looked over to find Rafe. Instead of feeling unnerved at the second man staring at you, your stressed expression melted some. No matter what happened you were safe. Sighing imperceptibly, you turned back to the man.

“Sir, you have a wife,” you started at a volume you knew Rafe could hear as well as other patrons, “I know she isn’t here, but I doubt she would want you flirting with your bartender. Am I correct?” The man’s eyes widened, thoroughly shocked in how you spoke to him. Rafe’s eyebrows raised, looking quickly at the man. If he did a single thing out of line, Rafe wouldn’t hesitate to personally throw him out.

Didn’t you know who he was? Another washed up douchebag of a businessman, you’d had your fair share of them. “Ma’am I-“ the man started in an appalled tone. “No sir, I asked a question.” Your eyebrows lowered as you stood straighter, eyes casting an exasperated glance at Rafe. He chuckled silently, knowing you could hold your own.

Looking back in front of you, you tilted your head. “Would she?” The inevitable grumbling about the customer service came, his drink abandoned as he got up and briskly walked out. It had gone better than other times and you couldn’t help but wonder if it was due to him spotting Rafe as well.

Anyways, it was settled, you grabbing his half empty glass to clean. Out of anything you hadn’t expected Rafe to come over and sit on the now vacant stool. After the party a few weeks ago you had assumed he was ready to completely move on from being around you. Once again, you were wrong when it came to guessing his behavior.

“Hey,” he drummed his fingers on the counter. “Is this seat taken?” You rolled your eyes, turning around towards the sink to hide the smirk creeping up on your lips. “It is now,” you commented, sparing a look over your shoulder.

Rafe seemed pleased, smiling down at his glass. “Yeah?” He scratched behind his ear, “And is that a good thing?” Was it? You mulled over the question, placing the glass in the sink, and spun around again. “I don’t think it’s a bad thing if that’s what you’re asking.” 

Your crossed arms pressed on the counter as you leaned on them for support. Not bad, Rafe would take it. He nodded, glancing at the clock on the wall. “Good…good. Uh, what time do you get off?” With the absence of excess alcohol you had expected him to be less forward, surprise flashing in your eyes. He must have registered what he said, panicking.

“Not like that! I, uh shit, I was going to walk you to your car!” Okay, that is a way better approach. You snickered and shook your head at his worried face. “Rafe, it's fine. I’m off in like…” You looked at your phone tucked under the counter, “Five minutes?” You shrugged, “Is that fast enough for you not to lose interest?”

Rafe wished to say he could never lose interest in you, but he was sober enough to know that was a terrible idea. “It’s perfect. A minute later and I’d let you walk alone,” he said sarcastically, smirking. It was sweet to see him bantering with you again. 

“Oh and here I was thinking you were my prince charming.” Rafe snorted at your far fetched claim. “Yeah, whatever. I’m going to run to the bathroom, I’ll be back in a few.” You didn’t know that it was an excuse for him to nervously talk himself down. He needed to make sure he didn’t do anything stupid like he had plenty of times before.

You blissfully wrapped up your shift, unaware of him obsessively fixing his hair before coming back out six minutes later. Rafe swiftly found you leaning against one of the pillars in the lobby. “Ready to go?” You glanced up from your phone, a smile growing on your lips. You quickly tucked your phone in your bag and fell into step beside Rafe when he walked towards the door.

“As always,” you hummed. “Thank you,” you mumbled when Rafe held the door open for you, letting you walk out to the parking lot. “Where are you parked?” Rafe tried hard to make conversation without staring at you to study every inch of your face. If it was socially acceptable, he’d commit you to his memory any time he could.

“Second row, over there.” You pointed in the direction. It had to be a sadistic joke that Rafe had parked behind you, or maybe a subconscious need to be near you. “I’m behind you.” You didn’t have to be told that, you could see the silver of Rafe’s truck glinting under the parking lot lights.

Maybe it wasn’t intentional, either way you didn’t mind, not when his hand went to hover above the small of your back. Rafe didn’t know what was okay anymore, too scared to actually touch you and possibly scare you away. Halting for a split second, you let Rafe’s hand bump into your back, immediately walking again once it settled over your shirt.

Once again silence fell over you. It seemed to be a recurring theme in the last times you’d run into each other. The quiet seemed to linger on the border of talking about everything that was new and the long past you shared when you had once known everything about one another. Stopping at the side of your car, Rafe’s hand fell away, letting you unlock and open the driver's door.

“Drive safe, ‘kay?” You looked at him and nodded with a small, sad smile, “You too?” Rafe’s demeanor softened, hand clenching over his thigh. He already missed the feeling of touching you. “Always.” Your eyes slowly moved from his as you got into your car and started it up. Rafe granted enough space for you to pull out and drive out of the parking lot.

He didn’t get into his truck until he had watched you drive down the side road, car lights disappearing into the night. If he hadn’t pussied out at the party maybe he would be the one driving you home. You would be able to rely on him again, instead of having to do things alone.

Rafe knew you liked being self-sufficient, but he also hated knowing you didn’t have a best friend and partner by your side. You in turn hated how alone Rafe was. After cutting out the toxic people from his life, he had lost a lot of close friends.

Ultimately, it was his decision for the better, but your heart still ached for him. Could you even be that person again? Should you text him? What was the point of no contact if every time you saw each other that invisible string pulled you together?

There was no point. At some time along your journey of grieving your relationship with Rafe you had let go of the anger and sadness towards him. After the last week or so from seeing him at the party, it was impossible to think of anything but him. Red filled the front of your car, your hand moving faster than your brain to get to your pinned texts.

One text, that’s all you needed. ‘Thank you for walking me to my car 🫶 i knew you were soft’. It was sent before the light could even turn green. You tossed your phone into your passenger's seat, focusing on the rest of the drive home instead of panicking over the message.

Still near the parking lot, Rafe tapped his fingers on his steering wheel as he drove home. The ding of his phone distantly registered over his music, his eyes darting to the screen. He couldn’t read all of it, but he could clearly make out your contact name with the heart he never took out of it.

God he missed you. It couldn’t hurt to text back, right?

[r0-boat]

Yandere!Lighter Hcs RAA

This is pure rambling word vomit I just need him.

*drops all of my ZZZ Yandere headcannons* Oh no please I beg you don't read them 👀👀👀

Wise and Belle are next

Cw: Not healthy relationship, NSFW, non-con, kidnapping, implied that he is going to harm you, He is not okay, do not read if you are not okay.

Lighter is sickly sweet to you like candy, He's close to the sons of Caledon but they would never understand how he feels for you. Everyone else outside the people he respects he doesn't care. Without you he saw the world in black and white. It might sound cheesy but you are his everything. And like hell he was going to lose his everything without a fight.

It doesn't matter if you love him or not, would be easier if you just accepted his love and stayed with him.... Not going to lie it hurts, It fucking hurts The fact the one person he fell in love with his first love does not feel the same. He never felt like this before nor he'll ever in his future.

Lighter we'll never just straight up admit his feelings for you He's too scared that you'll reject him. And he is downright terrified that you'll find out about his obsession for you that feels too damn good to stop.

You will never know that with his connections he has hired a few people to take a few pictures of you. Pictures that He uses the touch himself to every night.

You will never know how pathetic you make him feel when he can't have You in his field of vision for a single second.

Threatening anyone who is close to you, using intimidation alone at the others around you to make sure he's the only one you need. To you your friends and family we'll just think Lighter is a bad influence and a bad boyfriend, You none the wiser we'll think they're not looking past his looks. Because how could he be so deplorable and possessive when he's just so sweet?

Lighter when snaps he tries to calm has already spiraling mind, His shaky hands trying to fish in his pocket for a jawbreaker for him to suck on as his anxiety starts to spike and he makes a spontaneous decision to kidnapped you, He was never one for big plans or manipulation or anything. But he has you now and... He doesn't really want to let go of you. He knows full well that you don't like him It still hurts every time he's reminded of that. But he's so so sure that he could make you fall in love with him. All you have to do is... Stop being bad.

Lighter acts like the delusional yandere, Even though he's fully aware of how you feel about him. I think he just chooses to ignore it.

Believe him he doesn't want to punish you, He doesn't want to chain you down, or tie you up, or lock you away. And he certainly doesn't want to hurt you. He wants to protect you. Protect you from everything that can hurt you outside. But he will if he has to, It's the only way to make you see reason. you'll learn your lesson... One day.

Lighter is still sweet to you, maybe even sweeter now that he knows he gets to come home to the love of his life, You come home with flowers, candy, anything you like. And as soon as he sees you his tired face will lighten into a smile as he drops on his knees to your level to kiss your face and gently touch you.

He can't keep his hands off you "Hey baby~ how was your day today?"He would mumble against your neck pepper and kisses on your collarbone, He knows full well how your day has been and What you have been doing. But he wants to hear you say it. He wants to hear that voice he's been aching to hear all day. He really needs it.

He wants you on his cock so bad, when he has you in his lap stroking your thigh with his hand, you could feel something poke into your butt. But he can't take you; He wants to make love to you, And he can't do that when you don't realize how much He loves you.

He's not sure how long he'll last since the more you push him away the more he just wants to say "fuck it, You want a villain? you'll get one." to train your cock drunk self to take him everyday. But he wants you to love him; He doesn't want you to lust for him. He wants to come home and cook dinner with you, have a casual conversation, and cuddle by the fireplace before he makes love to you right there as the dancing fire casts your shadows on the walls.

He wants you to feel loved in his arms, He wants to be all mushy gushy and romantic with you. He wants all these things that he's afraid that he'll never have in his life. And he rather just force it on the one person he fell in love with.

[romanoffsdarling]

Later Never Comes

Pairing: CEO!Silver-Fox!Wanda Maximoff x Fem!Reader

Summary: Your love for her knew no bounds, but there’s only so long you can hold on— only so many empty promises you can stand— before you finally have to let go. Before you finally realize that later may never become real.

Word Count: 4,779

Warnings: G!P Wanda, legal age gap, brief oral (R receiving), dirty (and slightly possessive) talk, mommy kink, slightly rough sex, neglect, and angst (with a bittersweet ending). 18+, Minors DNI.

Author’s Note: I know I promised a second part to Summertime Sadness and Time To Say (Goodbye), but I couldn’t get this idea out of my head. I hope you can forgive me!

Great love always ends in tragedy.

That’s the saying, right? A stupid one if you had anything to say about it. What’s so great about love if it only ends in heartbreak? If you don’t end up with the person that makes your entire being thrum? If everything that had once been so colorful is suddenly black-and-white due to their absence?

Is the love great due to the story? To the emotions, the events, that occur throughout its long winded saga? Or is it great because it was doomed from the start? Because, even though it’d end one way, two people were still willing to fight the odds, to fight fate, even if they’d never end up winning.

You’re not sure, nor do you care, because there’s no way a love of that kind could be anything except terrible— except bone-chillingly agonizing in the way you’d have to figure out how to move on without it. Figure out how to be without the person that made everything make sense, that made you feel like the person you were always meant to be.

Even if it’s been years since you’ve seen her, years since you’ve felt her lips against yours, an elegantly lithe body pressed to your own, and the sweet scent of sandalwood and lavender mixed perfectly in your nose, you haven’t been able to figure that out. Haven’t been able to get her out of your system, no matter how much you may try.

How could you? When you’ve loved, and been loved by, Wanda Maximoff?

[Past]

“I’m just saying she’s been interested to meet you since she saw our group picture from Fiji.” Your best friend, Agatha, relayed, jovially leading you towards the small, yet upscale, café that Wanda Maximoff— CEO of Scarlet Entertainment— agreed to meet you. “Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth, sweetie. Especially one that came about due to my own propensity to lose bets with that witch.”

Your brow furrows. “I’m just not sure what exactly this meeting is supposed to be about. I just graduated college, I barely have any experience under my belt.”

“But you have me as a mentor,” she rebukes, a small smirk on her lips. “And that’s all that you need to get into Wanda’s head.”

“Ah, yes.” You roll your eyes, amusement welling within your chest. “How could I forget about your age-old rivalry?”

“Don’t phrase it like that. Makes me sound old.” Agatha bumps her shoulder against yours, eyes narrowed.

“And mentor doesn’t?”

“Nope.” She pops the ‘p’. “That makes me sound wise.”

“And what does wisdom come from again?”

You’re just able to dodge the swat directed at your arm, a bright smile tugging your lips upward, as you finally enter the quaint café— the aromatic smell of coffee, a hint of cinnamon, and something slightly citrusy, hits you all at once. A combination that shouldn’t have worked as well it did.

Once you placed your order— a simple coffee with your usual additions— you turned back to Agatha with an expectant expression. “Anything I should know about this meetings, Ags?”

She shakes her head, tendrils of brown hair escaping the haphazard bun she had thrown them in. “You’re here.” Agatha hands you the drink the barista had just put beside you, a wane smile on her lips. “That’s the important part to achieve for any date.”

Your steps stutter, nearly causing you to trip into a nearby table. “W-What?” Widened eyes meet Agatha’s unaffected one, a certain level of calmness that you found irritating. “What do you mean date? I thought this was a meeting?”

Agatha waves her hand. “Lunch meeting, lunch date. Means the same thing in the end.” She shoulders her purse, clearly not planning on staying any longer than she has to. “You’ll be fine, Y/N. You’re a catch. Maximoff would have to be a bigger idiot than I think she already is if she lets you go.”

Before you’re able to respond, Agatha places a chaste kiss to your cheek, offers one last cheeky wink, and saunters her way out of the café, leaving you completely alone. You’re honestly tempted to just abandon ship and get out of dodge— you weren’t good on dates, let alone blind dates. Something your best friend is well aware of, and would definitely be getting in an earful about this later.

However, before you’re able to make a concrete decision on your exit strategy, a husky voice speaks up from behind you.

“Are you Y/N?”

The most beautiful woman you’ve ever seen stood in front of you when you turned around: long auburn hair, speckled with the beginning signs of gray, paired perfectly with the sharp emerald green of her gaze. An elegantly lithe body, encased in a form-fitting suit, tailored made to enhance every perfect curve, relaxed in a way that almost seemed arrogant— if it was for the confidence that exudes from her very being.

“Yes.” Your brain finally catches up with you, remembering the question she had asked. “Y/N.” You hold out your hand for her to shake. “Y/N L/N, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”

A small smile catches full lips, a slender hand grasping your own in a firm shake. “Wanda Maximoff.” Green eyes trail down your body. “And, trust me, the pleasure is all mine.”

The months that followed the blind date went by in a blur. You could honestly say that you’ve never met anyone else like Wanda Maximoff— a woman that personified ice and fire. Watching her work— whether it be as you’re lounged on her large leather sectional, laptop balanced on her lap as slender fingers gently stroke your back, or she’s pacing back and forth with her phone pressed to her ear; voice dripping with barely concealed annoyance, underlined by a calm collectiveness that never failed to make you swoon— was an art form in itself, but being able to see the woman that appeared at the end of the day?

Where an icy facade of professionalism melts into warm smile and gentle eyes. Sharp words being replaced by sweet nothings and gentle humming.

In Wanda’s arms you’ve found a place you never even knew you were missing— home. You had a couple relationships in the past, but none of them made you feel the way Wanda does; all paling in comparison to the beautiful Sokovian.

The one thing you hadn’t expected upon beginning to date the older woman was how insatiable she was— not that you were complaining— but Wanda needed to have you as often as she could. Taking you the bedroom of your apartment, the various rooms in her penthouse, in her office within Scarlet Entertainment, hell even in the back of a limo on the way to an event. Wanda needed to have you and you needed to have her right back.

Another little thing you’ve learned about her? Or, you should say, not so little? The Sokovian sported an extra appendage that had quickly become your new best friend— not that you were going to tell Agatha that— who seemed to want you as much as Wanda did.

Which is how you found yourself where you are now— on your back, thighs clamped around Wanda’s head, as she thoroughly ate you out on the couch of her office.

“Yes.” You arch sharply, a sob being torn from your throat as Wanda’s tongue plunges even deeper into you. Your girlfriend hums happily at the sound, the vibrations sending a shockwave across your clit, and another wave of wetness gushes out of you— something that Wanda is all too happy to lap up. She had told you on more than one occasion, after she spent hours upon hours between your thighs, that you beat out even the finest of wines to her. “Please. I need you.”

With clear reluctance to leave, Wanda pulls back and easily settles on top of you. Lips and chin shining lewdly in the dim lighting of her office, darkened emerald eyes sparkling even brighter.

“You taste great, detka.” She lowers her head, offering her tongue for you to suck on. Giving you a taste of yourself, mixed intoxicatingly with her own natural one. “Could spend hours eating up your perfect pussy, but that’s not what you want, huh?” She jerks her hips, rubbing her cock against your wetness. “You want mommy to be inside you, right? Want her to stretch you out and make you scream?” Another roll of her hips causes you to arch, a breathless gasp leaving you, but Wanda doesn’t relent. “Answer me, detka. Be my good girl and I’ll give you what you crave. What do you want mommy to do?”

“Fuck me.” The cry is practically wrenched from your chest, a deep felt plea for her to just plunge into you and ruin you for anyone else. Not that she hasn’t been able to accomplish that already. “I want you to slam your cock into my pussy and make me yours, mommy. I want your cock to make my pussy its own, to shape me in its image.”

A deep, almost rumbling, snarl erupts from Wanda in response, her hips snapping forward and you’re finally filled; stretched out so fucking perfectly, an obscene slurp echoed across the room the moment Wanda’s hips met your own. She hadn’t made you cum with her mouth, but you had been so close, she had given you a mini orgasm just by entering— a feat that brings a smug smile to Wanda’s lips.

“You feel that, detka.” She takes your hand and brings it down to the slight bulge in your lower abdomen. “That’s my cock ruining you for anyone else. No one will ever be able to fill you the way I do, make you scream yourself hoarse.” Wanda snaps her hips forward after a shallow pull-back, giving out a satisfied hum at the feeling of your slick walls pressed around her. “Your pussy belongs to me, your pleasure belongs to me, and you belong to me.”

Wanda lowers her head, lips pressed firmly to your own, giving you even more of a taste of yourself than before, as her tongue practically fucks your mouth while her cock fucks your pussy. When she detaches her lips from yours, only a thin trail of saliva is left, before she’s far enough away for it to snap.

The sound of flesh slapping against flesh permeates the air, an occasional grunt or moan intercepting it, and you’d be concerned about the noise level if Wanda hadn’t sent Peter, her assistant, home early— having planned to have you like this from the very moment she had invited you over.

“Just like that, mommy. Keep fucking me like that,” you babble, drunk on pleasure as Wanda kept driving her hips forward, one slender finger roughly rubbing your clit in time with each thrust. It’s of no surprise that you find your release quickly after, gushing over Wanda’s cock.

The tight contractions around her cock— as your second orgasm was much more powerful than your first— causes Wanda to groan, hips stuttering in their brutal pace. It’s clear that she was close, sweat slicked brow, causing strands of silver hair to cling to fair skin, but she obviously wanted you to come one last time— to be tossed over the edge with her.

With a shake breath, Wanda roughly brings you to the brink of your third orgasm, not even giving you time to fully get through the second. “One more, detka. You’ve got one more in you for mommy.” She dips her head, lips tenderly brushing across your forehead. “And when you come around mommy’s cock, I’m gonna fill you up like the good girl you are. Would you like that?”

You nod, practically whining. “Yes. Please.”

The older woman snarls once more, clearly affected by the look on your face, and, before you’re even aware of it, you’re crashing over the edge again— a cry of Wanda’s name passing over your lips as you spasm around her. Barely being able to catch Wanda’s own groan in response: “Yes.”

Jets of her cum paint your inner walls white, warming you up. It’s a feeling you don’t think you’ll ever get used to— or want to get used to, if you’re being honest.

Once she’s spent, Wanda gently lowers herself onto your still slightly spasming body, lips pressed softly against your cheek. “You did so good. So perfect for me. My beautiful girl.”

You happily nuzzle into Wanda’s neck, eyes drooping out of contented exhaustion. “I love you.”

You’re too out of it to feel Wanda stiffen in surprise, or to really understand what you had just whispered, but you are aware of Wanda’s arms tightening around you, her lips pressing more firmly against your skin, as she cuddles you closer to her.

And, as you begin to drift off completely, happy in Wanda’s arms, you faintly feel Wanda exhale across the shell of your ear, a shaky breath, uncharacteristic for the older woman, before her soft voice breaks through the silence: “I love you too. More than I ever thought I’d love anyone.”

[A Few Months Later…]

“How many do you want?”

It’s asked softly, one of Wanda’s hand gently running up-and-down your back in a soothing motion. Her lips pressed against the crown of your head, your face nuzzled against the crook of her neck, a place you don’t feel like leaving anytime soon.

“How many what?” You snuggle closer, delighted in the way her arms tighten instinctively. “I want a lot of things, Wands.”

Wanda huffs out a light chuckle. “Children, Y/N. How many children do you want?”

You stiffen in surprise at the question— Wanda hadn’t made it a secret that she didn’t plan on having kids. That she didn’t think she’d make a good mother due to her childhood and her busy lifestyle, but you also know that your girlfriend wouldn’t ask something unless she’s serious about the answer. Something you’ve figured out after all these months together. Regrettably, you pull your face away from the warm nest it had made so you’re able to look at her, and Wanda met your eyes calmly, sharp green softened in a way that’s only ever meant for you.

“What’s this about, Wanda?” You roll your lips, trying to process your next words carefully. “I thought you didn’t want kids?”

Emerald eyes flash warmly. “I didn’t want a lot of things, Y/N.” She easily tugs you back into her arms, lips pressed to your forehead. “But that was all before I met you.”

Touched by her words— and the clear sincerity within them— you decide to just bite the bullet, there wasn’t a point in delaying your answer. Especially if Wanda expected it.

“Two.” A gentle kiss is placed to her collarbone. “I want two boys. Twins.”

She breathes out another chuckle. “Twins, huh?” Maneuvering you both, you’re suddenly pressed against the mattress, Wanda hovering over you, smile still in place, with a familiar hardness nestled between your thighs. “That seems like something we’d have to get just right, correct?”

Even though it’s posed as question, you can tell that Wanda meant it rhetorically. That she already knew the answered you’d both settle on— an answer you always agreed upon.

Wiggling your hips, grinning mischievously at the sharp gasp that leaves Wanda’s lips at the added pressure, you throw your arms loosely around her neck.

“Yes.” You pull her closer, lips millimeters from her own. “I think it’s something we’re going to have practice quite a bit.”

Not needing any more prompting Wanda descends onto you with a ravenous hunger. One that you’re all too happy to match.

You can’t wait to experience your future if this is what’ll be waiting for you there.

The phone is cold against your overheated flesh— a concoction of anger and disappointment courses through you like lava.

“Wanda—” You pinch the bridge of your nose to stem the tide of anger. “This is the eighth time this week alone. What the hell am I supposed to tell the caterers? Again.”

A soft sigh resounds through the speaker. “Just tell them that I won’t be able to make it, Y/N.” The response, in a clearly distracted tone, does little to ease your growing ire. “I know you’ll be able to handle it.”

“I don’t want to handle it, Wanda. This is our wedding, I’d like for you to also have a say in it.” From the time on the clock, you didn’t have much time left to leave the penthouse. Not if you wanted to get to the appointment on time. “I’ve been planning this entire thing by myself, I want your help. I want to hear your opinions. I want you.”

To care goes without words, but you’re certain it rings out just the same. You had been so happy when Wanda had suddenly proposed, seemingly out of the blue. Though wasn’t that the point? Taking you to a rooftop restaurant, which she had rented out, and offered you the rare chance of getting to taste her impeccable cooking; all dishes she had learned from her mother back in Sokovia. It had been a night you’d forever cherish, memories forever ingrained in your heart: the way the stars made the green in Wanda’s eyes sparkle more, the subtle wind allowing you to be surrounded by her comforting scent, the bright smile she had given you when she dropped down to one knee, and the happy laugh that had escaped her when you said yes. It had been a fairytale, everything you had ever wanted.

Until you realized your Disney fairytale was beginning to turn into Brothers Grimm.

“You have me, Y/N.” Wanda lets out another sigh. “Look, I can’t keep talking the investors for the meeting just arrived and I need to get prepared. I promise that I’ll go over everything you discuss later, okay? I love you.”

“Wanda—”

You’re only met with the sound of the dial tone, barely getting the chance to reply before being hung up on, and the familiar aching sense of silence that follows— a hollow sound that distantly reminded you of what your heart has become.

It hadn’t always been like this. The penthouse, upon your first visit, had been cold, lifeless in a way that seemed almost inhuman, but slowly it had livened up— been filled with a sense of warmth and peace. Of love. It had been a place you could go to when you just needed an escape from the rest of the world, when you needed to be surrounded by things that remind you of the woman you love.

Now it’s suffocating in a way that you never wished for it to be.

You’re aware that Wanda is a busy woman— had been aware of it before your first date occurred— but she had always at least tried to be there. Always left you feeling like you were at least on the list of things that mattered, you didn’t necessarily need to be at the direct top; not when she had so many things to content with already. But, you’ve felt like nothing more than an afterthought lately.

Gentle kisses in the morning turned to brief parting words as she made her way quickly out the door.

Soft smiles, and inside jokes, turned to barely there quirks of full lips, and stretched out silences.

The warmth of her hold, the safety you felt from her touch, turned to an icy chill as she left you to the cold air— you don’t even remember when the last time was that you had been together properly. Since you had woken up in her arms.

You didn’t need a lot, you didn’t need all of her time, but you wanted to feel like you still mattered— that everything you have isn’t just another thing Wanda had marked off on her checklist of things to do before she turns 55.

Checking the time, a small curse leaves your lips once you realize that you’re going to be late, and, with one final glance towards the empty penthouse, you make your way out the door— hoping that the growing chill you feel isn’t indicative of a love grown cold.

Silence had become your greatest friend in the weeks that followed. The one thing that you’ve grown to count on as Wanda’s schedule only seemed to get busier and busier— hell, your relationship with her personal assistant had grown to the point that he’s been calling you by your first name now. Instead of the usually nervous ma’am or Ms. L/N.

Wedding appointments had come and gone, all of them spent alone, with Wanda barely perusing the choices that had been made before crashing out of sheer exhaustion. Conversation had grown stilted due to her own growing ire at you consistent worry— although she labeled it as nagging. That she’s been running her business for over thirty years, and she’s been doing fine.

Even now, on New Years Eve, as the clock moved ever closer to midnight, you were completely alone— expansive shadows, that seemed darker somehow, stretched out towards you like ghastly fingers, trying to tear whatever semblance of comfort you’ve found away. You’re not sure what you had been expecting, not even sure if you’d truly believed that Wanda would show herself, but you can’t lie and say that you hadn’t hoped.

Hoped that today, of all days, would be different. That you wouldn’t feel like a stranger, an intruder, within your own life, within your own home.

Fanciful musings and hopes of a lovestruck fool.

The small chirp of an incoming message pulls you from your reverie, a bright smile appearing instantly at the sight of who it’s from, before withering away once you read it: Sorry, I won’t be able to make it home tonight. Going to the Hamptons to meet some new business partners. I promise I’ll make it up to you later. I love you.

You don’t bother to send a message back— what could you possibly say? Yet another promise had been thrown to the wayside by the older woman. Even if it was just a cursory, and unspoken, one being as simple as not leaving your fiancé alone on New Years. Or waiting until the last minute to actually say anything about it.

A soft sigh escapes your lips, an acidic twang settling over your tongue, as bitterness seeps into your bloodstream, poisoning your heart and soul. You knew what you needed to do, have known since this had become your new normal, but hadn’t had the strength, or the courage, to make it a reality. Until now.

Until the heartbreak, the suffering, has become as close of a friend to you as the oppressive silence.

And, as the door to the penthouse gently closed behind you, never to be opened by your hand again, you feel a sense of bone-deep sorrow settle over you. For everything that could have been, for what you had hoped for, and all that you now had to live without. You could just step back inside, hide or destroy the letter, and Wanda would never know. She’d never find out how close you had been to giving up, but you couldn’t find the strength to do so. Could no longer gather up the power to keep fighting for something that’s been lost long ago— no matter how much your heart screams at it not being true.

Tears gather in your eyes as you take another step away from the door, away from the place you’ve lived in for the last two years, and your heart breaks with every step. But, it breaks even more at the knowledge that you were leaving your true home behind too— that doing this would destroy everything you have with Wanda, never to be salvaged. The penthouse may be expensive, and it may be beautiful, but it’d never be home to you like Wanda; it’d never offer you the same feeling of protection like her arms did.

You’ve been shut out of your home for months now, and being left out in the cold has finally frozen your heart enough for you to be able to do this. No matter how much more it was going to hurt once it thaws once more.

Shouldering your duffel bag, the only thing you’ve allowed yourself to bring, you step into the private elevator and press the button for the lobby. Hands tightening around the strap of the bag, trying to ignore the way your ring finger no longer felt the familiar press of metal against it as you do so.

It was time to look forward, to finally make your own laters, the things you had been pushing off, become an actuality.

Even if you wanted nothing more than to have never needed to say goodbye to Wanda Maximoff in the first place.

Losing the ring was one thing, but losing the love of your life?

It’s a wound you’re not sure if you’ll ever be able to recover from.

[Present]

“Mom?” The small voice catches your attention, your eyes focused back in to see bright eyes, twin grins being sported between the pair. “Can we still get hot chocolate?”

Billy and Tommy had come into your life when you needed them to most— a blessing that you’d definitely been searching for after everything imploded with Wanda. And, even if how they were conceived didn’t lend itself to a happy tale, you’d never change a thing. They were your twin miracles. Your beautiful baby boys— even if they were eight years old now.

“I thought you decided to get caramel popcorn instead?” You poke Billy’s side gently, delighted in the giggle the actions caused. “That’s what you both told me at the theater.”

Tommy’s eyes widened dramatically, in full puppy-dog mode. “But that was before you took us past our favorite store.” He points to the small café only a few feet away— one that you frequented with the twins when you could find the time. A place that you hadn’t even realized you’d be leading them towards. “Can we please get hot chocolate.”

The twins chime in unison: “Please.”

You chance a glance towards the café— deliberating your options— but you know that you’re going to cave. After all, the reason you had gone to the movies was to celebrate their stellar report cards. What harm could some extra hot chocolate do?

So, with a faux long-suffering sigh, you relent. “I suppose.”

“Yes!” Twin cheers are your immediate response, brightening the smile on your lips, and you soon find yourself in the quaint café— one that held so many memories for you. Phantoms of your past the whispered in your ear as you placed your order and directed your boys to their usual spot.

Only half-listening to their chatter about the movie you had just seen— some superhero film— you simply bask in the simplicity their joy brought you. Observing their small faces light up, little hands waving around as they discussed various points, and your heart swells with more love than you ever thought you could feel.

“—What did you think, mom?”

Billy’s sudden question tears you from your musings, his widened eyes, alight with excitement, giving you the impression that he really wanted to hear what you thought.

“About the movie?” They both nod. “I thought it was good, bug.”

Tommy pouts. “Yeah, but what did you like most about it? Did you have a favorite scene?”

“I—”

“Order for Y/N.”

Saved by the bell, you think. A wave of relief crashing over you. “You two stay put.” Standing, you ruffle their hair. “I’ll be right back with our drinks.”

At the prospect of their hot chocolate they don’t seem to mind that you didn’t answer their question— though you’d certain Tommy would ask you again. Though you’d have more than enough time to google some things about the movie before then. Small miracles.

Stopping at the counter, you take the tray with the drinks with a smile and a nod in greeting to the server you’ve grown quite fond of.

“Y/N?”

Breath catching in your throat at the husky voice sounding out behind you, the cadence and tone so familiar that your heart still burns from it. Hesitating only slightly, you turn and meet the shimmering emerald eyes you haven’t seen in a little over eight years. Her face still as beautiful as you’d last seen it, if a bit older now.

“Wanda.”

[viperwhispered]

Notes on Jamil's speech patterns

I was supposed to just pick out some examples of typical Jamil lines. How he speaks, the vocabulary he uses, things like that. Something I could easily refer to when writing to get the tone right.

But then it kinda blew up, oop – because it’s hard to talk about how a character speaks without also dipping into why they say whatever they say.

Plus then I wanted to get examples of Jamil in different moods, and could not resist some poignant things that were more related to his character or backstory rather than strictly the speech patterns themselves, so… It expanded a bit.

Anyways. Some things I noticed he tends to do:

Sighs (more than I realized)

Snarks

Tch (though could be a more general twst writing choice too)

Stutters when he’s flustered / embarrassed / caught of guard (what a cutie)

Goes ahem like an old man when he’s trying to get back on track in those off-kilter moments

Kinda formal with his manner of speech and choice of words (especially in servant mode) (I always worry I exaggerate this but he sure does do that)

But there’s still some animatedness with the way he emphasises words, for example

(so long-suffering and ready to bark out directions to Kalim oh boy - the way the directness just comes through when he loses it)

sugarcoating his opinions if he doesn’t feel like he can say them plainly (tyrant becomes rigorous, etc.)

sarcasm, sometimes with a side of deadpan, sometimes with a smirk

“Good grief” (another thing I didn't realize was that much of a catchphrase)

Very mild on the level of insults & swears honestly, (I mean, "drat"?) but I imagine this is more of a result of the game's rating (I guess for in-game reasons we can say he's been very conditioned by his upbringing)

I put the screenshots that seemed telling, and some related notes, on to a google sheet. That way one can filter and order it in various ways.

The sheet is probably best viewed on a computer or another larger screen, the screenshots might make it a bit difficult to navigate on mobile.

I did go in with the assumption that Jamil might speak differently pre-overblot (when the servant mask is firmly in place) and post-overblot (at least those occasions where he allows himself to be more honest). Like, there’s the sycophantic (as Leona calls it) flatterer, versus when Jamil’s honestly voicing his own thoughts. Which also shows in how I chose to categorize the screenshots.

Of course events are a bit wibbly wobbly in relation to the main story so can’t be placed in the timeline in the same way, but there are still those occasions where it seems you can tell the difference between the servant mask and a Jamil who’s not saying things just for the sake of appearances.

So, to explain the logic of the sheet:

First column has a screenshot of something Jamil says. The second two columns give the source.

The column for whether or not this happened before or after the overblot is only really used for main story things, since event stories are kinda murky timeline-wise.

Next is whether Jamil seems to be putting on the servant mask or speaking more honestly. This is where get more to interpretation territory, and I’ve not applied it to every screenshot (either because that didn’t seem like the relevant part for that line, or because I couldn’t tell).

The last column of the sheet is where we get most to my personal interpretations. So of course you might read these lines differently than I do, and that’s completely fine, these are simply the aspects that seemed poignant to me. Some notes are simply pointing out specific word choices or style of speech, others delve more into character analysis side of things.

Totally fine if you want to copy this file or modify it to your own needs. All I ask is that you don’t pass off anything I wrote as your own thoughts.

Order of lines is based purely on the order the pics were in my screenshots folder, so guess this is also an insight on the order I played things in, lol.

Tagging some jamil peeps in case y'all find this useful:

@crystallizsch @diodellet @moonyasnow @twstgo @lex752

@majestickitty @viperbunnies

[copperbadge]

Hi Sam! I wanted to ask if you feel lately like you've been getting anything positive out of your therapy, because a lot of your initial thoughts about it kind of mirror mine. I'm very logical (except when I'm upset at myself) and very skeptical, so I feel like a therapist either isn't going to tell me anything new, or that I'm going to just disregard it because I can't trick myself into believing things that I just plain don't believe.

But I'm also starting to come to a realization, two years after my ADHD diagnosis and letting go (without therapy!) of most of the executive dysfunction-fueled self worth issues I was having, that I'm kind of Not Okay in other ways. I'm safe —going to work every day and doing my job so I won't lose my livelihood and have never had a self harm urge in my life— But I'm not really okay. I'm having major self esteem issues related to my personality separate from the executive dysfunction that are putting me in a bad place. I don't want to take antidepressants for reasons I won't go into but that means my other option is therapy and... I don't know if I'm a person that therapy will actually work on. I found a lot of validation in some of your perspectives, about affirmations being bullshit and "mindfulness" exercises feeling impossible and useless, about not having an inner monologue and how that might be causing issues with traditional methods. So I was just wondering, do you feel like therapy is working now that you've been in it longer?

I've wasted a lot of money on "elective" (and ultimately useless, back to square one) medical nonsense this year and I'm not eager to waste more, but I've also met my insurance deductible so it's the best time to try it if I'm going to.

I mean, it depends on the modality a little but I don't think trying basic talk therapy can hurt, as long as you find a decent therapist. And it's better to try it now when you're feeling Mostly Okay than waiting until you are Really Not Okay. But this entire paragraph comes with a lot of context so....

A lot of what I talked about in terms of struggling with mindfulness, etc. was less related to the therapy I am still in than it was to the DBT class I took at Therapist's suggestion. We were both aware that she was basically throwing stuff at the wall to see what stuck, and while it was an interesting class I don't think for me it was helpful. As you mention, I struggled with affirmations and visualization since neurologically I'm not really set up for those; I don't think they're objectively bullshit but I do think there's an assumption within the mental health industry that they will have function for everyone and that's simply untrue, and the expectation that it will is very damaging. I also struggled with the physical-intervention aspects (called TIPP usually) which didn't work at all for me and felt frankly like doctor-approved self harm. DBT can get very culty, which set off a ton of red flags for me -- possibly false flags, but they still waved real big.

And that's because I also have a lot of trust issues surrounding therapy. To the point where, the minute one of the people running the DBT class made actually quite gentle fun of me for asking a question he couldn't answer, I checked out on anything he said. We were learning about a DBT concept called Wise Mind and I asked, "If wise mind is an identifiable mental state, how do we know if we're in it?" and when he couldn't quite answer beyond "It's different for everyone" I said, "But if we know it's real there must be some kind of common denominator, a measurable data point," and he said "Well, Sam, you're not going to levitate" and the rest of the class laughed. Sorry bud, this is almost certainly an over-reaction, but I'm me and you lost me when you came at me instead of just admitting you didn't know. (Also it turns out I just live in Wise Mind like 80% of the time which is one reason I couldn't tell.)

But basic talk therapy outside of DBT is just...you talk at someone about your problems and come up with ways to try and solve them, which is a lot more straightforward and way less frustrating. You have to be an active participant, you have to both have a goal and be willing to discuss reaching it, but that goal can be as simple as just "figure out what my mental health goals should be" at first. You don't have to learn like, vocabulary for it.

The thing is, while I have seen some improvement in regulation issues, I also struggle with basic talk therapy. Most people, and this blew my mind, see measurable improvement in nine to eighteen therapy sessions. A lot of people don't go long-term, they just are having a moment and get help getting through the moment and then can disengage, with their therapist's approval.

I was in therapy consistently from the age of nine to eighteen and only stopped because I reached legal majority and physically refused to go.

Not one minute of those nine years did I want to be there. And, because none of the three therapists I saw across those years actually explained to me why I was there or how therapy worked, for me it felt like "Your punishment for having feelings is to speedrun every feeling you had this week in an hour, to a stranger." There was also what my current therapist believes to be some extremely unethical behavior going on, which didn't help.

So it has taken actually a lot of time to get to a place where I would even allow her to understand what help I need. I've been in therapy for about a year (generally weekly but there have been some gaps) and it has only recently gotten deeper than very basic interpersonal problem-solving.

Like, two weeks ago I told her, "I had a thought this week that I couldn't tell you about something I was doing because then you'd have material on me" (meaning blackmail material) "and that's a fucked-up thing to think." And once I'd actually identified it as fucked up I had zero issue telling her about it, wasn't even nervous as I did so. Who's she going to tell? She's literally legally constrained from telling.

I think well over half of what she does is either validate that whatever emotion I'm having is normal, affirm my reactions so I don't keep believing I behaved weirdly, or praise something I've done that was a positive act. Does this work? Not always, because I'm unfortunately very aware that it's part of her job to do those things. But yeah, sometimes. Even if you don't fully believe it, "Hey that was a really smart move" is nice to hear. Sometimes she helps me come up with a plan for stressful future events or (rarely) behavior modification, and sometimes she either provides me with research or points me towards research I can do on my own. We don't do meditation or affirmations or stuff like that.

Like, last week I brought up the fact that I hadn't really ever thought about how if I have a disability that causes emotional dysregulation and I got it from my parents, they also likely had undiagnosed emotional dysregulation when raising me. So she said I should look into research on children with emotionally dysregulated parents. I was pretty annoyed by what I found (the ONE TIME adults are the focus instead of the kids is the ONE TIME I needed to learn about the kids, really?) but it led to something that was both informative and upsetting, so we discussed that. And when I was stumped about how to move forward with the information, she suggested that my general coping mechanism of writing about it was probably a good plan.

(At which point I just silently advanced my powerpoint presentation to the next slide, where I had a series of quotes from the Shivadh novels where Michaelis, acting as a parent, repeatedly does the exact opposite of the upsetting thing, because I realized even before the meeting that it's an ongoing theme in my work whenever I deal with people being parents. It's a good thing she has a sense of humor and also that I do.)

So yeah. Going into therapy you have to be ready to reject a therapist if you don't like them or if they get weird and pushy, you have to be ready to be a self-advocate, but you are the client; it shouldn't be super difficult to find someone who can at least walk you through what you want from it and agree not to do the stuff you don't want, and if you want to stop going you just...stop going.

Good luck, in any case! I hope you get what you need, whether or not that ends up being therapy.