#without hurting my shoulder
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[image description: a meme featuring a stock photo of library roller racks. the racks have manual cranks. impact font text on top of the meme reads, "I will die in you." end image description.]
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my resolution for 2024 is to be crushed to atoms between the roller rack shelves
#mod felix#reblog#i had an experience of going to the basement of an unfamiliar library only to be met with these#(the ones in my usual library are electric and button-operated)#and like. the sign with the instructions was like 'make sure to push them all the way because the ada mandates a 36 inch aisle'#meanwhile i (disabled) was sitting there trying to figure out how the hell i was going to get the (somewhat broken) racks to stay put#without hurting my shoulder#like i don't think the 36 inch aisle was the biggest impediment to access there...#well i guess the funny thing was like. if individuals have to move the roller racks to find the thing they're looking for.#why does it matter if it's 36 inches if the individual doesn't need the full 36 inches.#the odds that the next person will need something from that same shelf are pretty slim#and like. the crank is a much bigger impediment to access.#like if someone can't get through a smaller aisle than 36 inches the odds that they can turn the crank unassisted seem pretty low to me#i mean this is probably why most of the shelves are electric#it's just funny. letter but not the spirit of the law
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#this is a cry for help please i have loved this clown for over a decade#When Bruce says “I can fix him” I completely understand & not bc I want to fix him#but bc despite all the atrocities he has committed you can't help but feel compassion for him#Joker constantly struggles to not let himself be seen vulnerable but when he does oh God it breaks my heart#I wouldn't know what to do if I were aware that I'm being doomed by the narrative & i had no escape even in death#to have a fate as tragic as being forced to become a myth#a monster who abandons all traces of humanity to make sure that someone else never abandons his#A lonely man who lives in a world of the dead and must do as much harm as possible to the only living person before his eyes#After all horror and obsession leads backs to love. oh god imagine loving as much as he does#Love as something twisted as a source of tragedy and death as an addiction a wound that never stops bleeding and hurts more every day#All you want is to be free#But someone else is holding on to you and will never let u go bcz he is afraid of being alone#and without you the weight of the world he carries on his shoulders would kill him he needs u as much as u need him#both are going to drown together#anyways hahaha i luv this stupid clown#joker#the joker#batjokes#bcz i got carried away writing the tags :p
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"I was gonna say you're like a son to me.. but you're more than that."
"It ain't that complicated!"
How quickly that shoulder pat of comfort turned into a condescending one.
#he makes me feel so emo#this life was never meant for you but your fate was forced#the way dutch (and hosea) talks to arthur like he's stupid will never sit right with me#like they've been by his side over 20 years they KNOW he isn't stupid because if he was he would have been gone a long time ago#not only is arthur incredibly emotionally smart but he's a trained conman vault breaker gunslinger horse rider you name it#the fact that his own adoptive parents break him down like that hurts#it's a manipulation tactic on dutch's end - break your victims self esteem to make them chase your praise and approval#hosea I believe has just gone along with that kind of attitude but in a different way he just likes to jest lightheartedly#arthur doesn't see the difference though and it's understandable but he takes it to heart#the worst part is that hosea sees through his tough guy act and has called arthur out on it#his act is a defence mechanism to protect himself from being too vulnerable - in arthur's mind#and it isn't a sudden thing it's very likely something that has built over the years given the life he has lived#and hosea notices he knows this#but they still jab at arthur#oh it hurts#is he your son dutch? or is he your guard dog? your personal workhorse?#playing through the second time is opening my eyes more and more#rdr2#red dead redemption 2#mick squeaks#mick rants#mick gifs#arthur morgan#dutch van der linde#liveblogging#you guys gotta understand - arthur seeks and longs for dutch's approval he'll never say it but it's the key motive behind his loyalty#and arthur *rejects* dutch's comfort#he doesn't *want* dutch to pat him on the shoulder because he knows dutch is digging them an even deeper hole#he doesn't want that touch he craves#it's so insanely monumental for such a small scene because it shows us how arthur feels without telling us
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I'll post cute Lance stuff later to make up for being a bit of a debbie downer this morning but it breaks my heart when the companies that Aston donate stuff to for raffles and fundraising turn around and start bashing Lance or liking comments that hate on Lance.
#Just breaks my heart man#Like they've done all this for you to help your charity and you still find the need to mock?#It just feels like no matter what Lance comes off being put down#And it just hurts all the more when it's for such good causes#Like he and the team are trying to help (without boasting and advertising it) and still it's thrown in their faces#And then the media wonders why they get the cold shoulder#Lance is a better person than me I'd be telling them to get fucked#And don't get me started on girls across the grid or whatever they're called#Anyways the only safe space for Lance fans seems to be discord and that's cause you can't post anything there :/#Even Tumblr has become a pain in recent years#Thank fuck the block function and tagging system are here or it'd be intolerable as well
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Any adult Rankane hcs?
Akane's a better teacher than ranma bc 1. she was trained normally lmao and 2. she's just better at explaining the steps in general (i take this from the fact she's often used as a narrator for the audience and explains how moves are being done while ranma tends to just silently watch and copy)
Ranma is the one who cooks most of the time (but will choke down akane's food whenever she tries)
Ranma's clinginess is also dialed up even more, u know she's just leaning on her and draping her arms around her and whatnot constantly without even thinking abt it and bugging her to pay attention to her
I also think ranma desperately needs some sort of non-martial arts hobby but idk what it'd be.....
Speaking of martial arts the only way i'll accept the popular "ranma agrees to train akane" hc thats sooo prevalent as if akane isn't literally an accomplished black belt in her own right is if it's a mutual agreement where ranma teaches her the saotome style and she teaches her the tendo style
Oh also ranma figures out she's a trans girl at some nebulous point lmao
#ive had a mini comic idea in my brain for close to a year now for my fankid oc#where yuki (ranma's daughter) invites kakeru (ryoga's son) to stay for dinner#and ranma overhears and is like teehee akane my beloved :3 im suddenly rlly craving ur food would u pls make dinner?#and akane is slightly suspicious but also excited to cook for her family so she agrees without a fight#yuki and kakeru walk in. smell the odor from the kitchen. heel turn while yuki quickly suggests going to a ramen place instead#ranma grabs them both by the shoulders and is like 'hey :) you two wouldnt hurt my wife's feelings right :) look how hard she's working :)'#cut to them at the table with yuki rearranging her food on her plate to make it look like she ate#kakeru DID eat it and is on the verge of collapse while akane insists he have seconds since he liked it so much and bring some home#ranma has also eaten it and earnestly saying 'oh wow i think youre getting better akane' bc shes comparatively immune to the effects
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Since when has this been an actual outfit this guy has had... I thought he only had the jumpsuit... sir ... what's ur deal?
#in my head hes the em of pain#he can inflict the feeling of pain on you without hurting you#he can gently grasp your shoulder and inflict a feeling of one million hammers into it.#ninjago#ninjago dragons rising#ninjago spoilers#raine's rambles
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Jerez | Estoril 2005: On the way to the podium at Jerez, Valentino Rossi gestures with a grin at Sete Gibernau, who is hobbling up the stairs and clutches his arm in visible discomfort. At the pre-event press conference for the next race at Estoril, Rossi comments again on the race and the resulting controversy - and says he was not aware of Gibernau's pre-existing shoulder troubles.
As a result of the last corner Jerez collision, Gibernau “acquired a lesion to the rotator cuff of his left shoulder and to the tendon which will require rest and treatment". He did race in Estoril, crashing out of the lead.
#brr brr#sete gibernau#//#sg15#i feel like the way this is cut does stitch valentino up but i would like to state for the record that i am no better than him#i will not disclose my reaction whenever i see the fourth wall break. i KNOW context makes it iffy#but if you watch it without the knowledge the shoulder was actually hurt you do think sete's playing it up. or i did anyway#one of the commentators was also like 'yeah idk how much of that is theatre' on the podium which. again. i am sorry to sete gibernau#and then vale's like 'oh y'know i only lightly bumped my bike into him!! it was a slow corner!!' which. i'm not gonna say a word#'i'm sorry if he's not at 100%' one of the all time great non apology apologies#//curst
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I bet Sasha could very easily lift Marcy in her arms like if she's trying to reach a top shelf or something Sasha will just randomly grab her and raise her up like it's nothing. And it's true Marcy weights nothing to her. Comes with having super-strength and a matchstick-shaped girlfriend. She acts like its nothing as if she wasn't making Marcy's poor lesbian brain short-circuit every time.
#sasharcy#sasha randomly picking marcy up without asking my beloved#this applies to so many things#giving her improptu piggyback rides when she's tired#throwing her over her shoulder and carrying her like a sack of potatoes just because it makes her laugh#letting her sit on her shoulders when she wants to see something far away or grab something high#carrying her bridal style from her desktop table to her bed#sure sasha is not nearly as controlling and possesive as she used to be#but if it doesn't give her a mad power rush to have marcy in her arms!#desktop chair* i meant desktop chair#it was a whole thing when they first came back to earth and marcy couldn't walk well#(her parents didn't get her a wheelchair because she very much could still walk and wasn't paralyzed. it just really hurt after a while)
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when i wash my hair with anti-dandruff shampoo my scalp feels good but my hair gets all dried out and dull. when i take a break from shampooing for a while my hair is shiny but my scalp hurts. what gives
#d#it’s like when my head makes enough oil for my hair it’s too much oil for my scalp 💀#and when i say my scalp hurts i mean it hurts when i move my hair#which generally indicates to me that i have build up on the roots#but i can’t seem to get the buildup off without using head and shoulders#which dries my hair out 😑#even the sulfate free head and shoulders!!
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theres just something about being inherently unworthy of love
#the cycle of i need to make friends. i need attention. why would someone bother with me? i dont have anything to give. are we friends? why#arent you paying attention to me? tell me that you love me. but it could never be sincere towards someone like me. i cant be loved.#love isnt real. i am love. i am the only one who loves. it hurts. why cant i be loved? is anyone else real? is this a dream? am i dead? is#this hell? whats real is fake and whats fake is real. its wonderland. rabbits talk cookies make you big or small everyone is so confusing.#do others love me or hate me or feel indifferent? it seems to switch as random. one day you'll adore me the next its as if we never met. and#i have to keep making friends. i cant keep making friends. if i dont i'll end up with no friends. i dont know how to make more friends.#clinging to bubbles floating up scrambling to catch another as it pops so you dont fall. everyone blends together whats what whos who?#in the span of a few years i feel like an immortal tortured with the despair of outliving all their relationships#except everyone is perfectly alive just out of reach. but i cant just talk to people. thats bad. no one wants me. i cant do that to someone.#every bubble pops at some point. i cant find anything sturdier. fleeting bursts of attention are ok for now#but i cant even get that. so what do i do? i want to sacrifice myself to make people like me but i have nothing left to give.#whats the point of me? if i cant love and be loved if i cant find more than a few people who will stay for more than a second. what do i#have to do? please tell me what you want. i'm sure i can do it somehow. can i do it somehow? i cant. i cant. i cant anymore. im sorry. just#forget about me. you dont need me. youll be happier when you dont even know who i am anymore. i can disappear without a trace for you. thats#all i can do. take the weight off our shoulders. im just using you if you think about it anyways. to feed my own selfish desire for love i#never deserved. keep myself afloat while i drag you down. isnt it time for me to sink? in a shark attack punch it in the gills. youll be ok.#more than ok. free. i didnt want to bite your leg but i just needed something anything. i dont know any better and i never will. thats why i#belong in the depths where i cant hurt anyone. i cant do anything but hurt. what more am i good for? what more have i done? what have i done#for you? think about it. think about it. think about it. think about it. think about it. think about it. think about it. think about it.#its nothing.
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This is going to sound like the world's most brain-rotted thought but passerine by the oh hellos is martlet coded and canary in a coal mine by the crane wives is clover coded
#I KNOW I SOUND LIKE IM LOSING IT BUT HEAR ME OUT#i do not have nearly enough experience to fully unpack the christian context behind passerine BUT#i know for a fact that its about losing your faith in something after seeing the harm done in its name#specifically that one line My palms and fingers still reek of gasoline/From throwing fuel to the fire of that greco-roman dream#look. idk. something something martlet losing faith in the justice from the royal guards#and the guilt after basically marching clover to their own death#all the hopes of the underground lie on the shoulders of a bunch of human children and its the job of the royal guard to fucking kill them#AND CANARY IN A COAL MINE + CLOVER IS SOOOOOOOOO#THE QUESTION OF WHETHER YOUR WORTH SHOULD BE MEASURED WITH THE THINGS YOUVE GIVEN WAY INSTEAD OF WHAT YOU HAVE AND ARE#WOULD CLOVER BE AS IMPORTANT IF IT WERENT FOR THEIR SOUL??? WOULD THEY FORGIVE THEMSELF IF THEY CHOSE TO KEEP THEIR SOUL?????#WOULD A CANARY STILL BE LOVED AFTER IT STOPPED SINGING?????????#also because the When You Break The Surface Without Me line hurts like a bitch#god i havent been so unwell about characters since double life came out this is insane#fuck it yknow what im maintagging this#undertale yellow#clover undertale yellow#martlet undertale yellow#fweeet#if i have to deal with these thoughts in my head so do all of you
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School Update..!
My future self sustained career as an online teacher of the arts is near its official beginning! I aim to be an accessible, welcoming, patient and encouraging art teacher that tries to make a positive and constructive difference in everyone’s perception of the world and how to express themselves with art at any skill level.
If you’d like to get in on my public art school discord (18+ only) follow the link here! It will be an evolving work in progress that develops over these next years as I teach myself how to teach you, anyone and everyone!
Posting public edited videos summarizing any important topics i cover will be a future instalment of this school since it will demand time and money I cant afford until later.
All this said, Im still figuring out how to accept financial support for the work I do every day while dedicating myself to improving as an artist and teacher. I never want to instate paywalls or subscriptions. I would like to thank supporters without pressuring those who don’t donate. It’s tricky to balance the idea of a sustainable reward (that doesn’t add on extra work capable of burning me out) for supporters while avoiding any residual FOMO for everyone else. For now, you can generously support my work with a donation on PayPal, as i’m indefinitely working a part time job for a minimum keyholder wage and will have no other alternate source of income for the foreseeable future, debts biting at my heels.
Yet if you do find yourself with money to spare today, here are two causes that are important to me that are in need of support. Additional research and vocal support around peers and public for either cause can make just as much of a difference as a small donation. Due to the world state I feel heavy asking for money without bringing some attention to these important causes that could use your support as well:
E Sims for Gaza is in need of donations and the foundation as a whole supports worldwide communication through different humanitarian conflicts. They’re working to keep Palestinian voices heard amongst the unimaginable atrocities they’re facing daily.
Also due to the long coming but dramatic and recent shift in our governments’ interests in our internet access and privacy, Wikipedia has been keeping the largest database of human knowledge free of commercialization and accessible to all. They can make use of support no matter how small to keep that keystone of human knowledge alive and growing.
Thank you for reading, thank you for your time. I hope we can look to the future one day and smile. For now find some comfort in letting yourself make art and work to find your unique form of creative expression. to bring out what you want to see and make it tangible. and maybe let me help you along the way..!
#crowd funding#art school#this took much more time to type up i hope it gets the points i want to make across#woww i love tumblr mobile for erasing two entire paragraphs without me knowing what it would do#please god phone typing has been hurting my shoulder#ok#long post sorry#yesterdays was so rushed i didnt communicate how i wanted
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#cw vent#maybe i stayed up too late but suddenly i feel like crying#like really badly#i tried very hard today#but im still so scared#of everything#im being watched. i am absolutely sure im being watched#i can feel somebodys presence over my shoulder now and they can probably read what im typing#its been like this for so long#and#as im typing this it has been the sixteenth of juky for about two hours#twenty two hours left until my birthday#i will be sixteen#that is scaring me so much#i haven't progressed since i was maybe eleven#i still can't take care of mysekf. i shouldn't ve admitting to this but i genuinely can't do basic actions#i constantly forget to keep my body in a safe state. my hair is so messy. i get tok focused on other stuff and most of the time i just#forget to shower#i am genuinely so disgusting and unhygienic. i know this and want to fix it#but also.. i just wish i was like just an internet person#if i didn't have to eat or maintain my body i think id be a much happier person#im scared#how can i possibly be turning 16. i haven't even learnt how to eat food yet#most meals i can't eat without gagging or feeling like vomiting#i don't know why im typing all this out#for a while i was okay with it being my birthday soon. because i thought i would finally get attention and love from others#but im starting to realise that probably will not be happening#:[#why am i typing this out. my head hurts#and im gonna die
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ok u know what maybe if the world isn't ready for sunrazer post that means that the world IS ready for Amoveous siblings post. This is Milo and Enho and theyre my DARLINGS and i love them SO MUCH. i have. SOOOOOOOO many thoughts abt them but after the previous post massacre i do not really feel like typing all of that xoxo love <3
#THESE DRAWINGS HAVE BEEN SITTING IN MY DRAFTS FOR MONTHS LOL#meart#original character#robot oc#ily enho ily milo my darlings my angels my loves my funny robot guys.#ive posted abt Andromeda on here b4 if u remember her Enho is her best friend !!!!!#Enhos a battle robot who doesnt want 2 fight people..#hes the oldest sibling and theres a lot resting on their shoulders!#shes supposed to be this big metal protector but U.U she just wants to hide in his room.. and make music for the internet..#him and andy have this whole arc abt like. autonomy and identity and junk#being as andy is a government experiment who was raised to be a superhero who. has not yet realized that she HATES being a superhero lol#Enho inspires her!#milo um. does his own thing. he was the second amoveous bot and he is lucky to have been built without the responsibility of a battle bot#which means hes a LOT weaker. doesnt have a million weapons and lasers and such like enho does. no one expects much of him. he HATES IT!!!!#he wants to be POWERFUL! he wants to HURT PEOPLE!! he wants to be USEFUL!!! hes ANGRY ALL THE TIME#its EXSAUSTING.#yk that tinkerbell thing thats like. cuz shes so small she can only feel one emotion at once. and its so big it consumes her entirely?#hes that. he lives entirely in extremes. everything is 100% for him#he jumps to conclusions so quick and so violently.. hes incredibly impulsive and it gets him into a lot of trouble.#hes also a total NERD!!! GOOB!!! says mlady unironically. likes bad computer games. wears a stupid tie everyday. cartoonishly schemes 24/7#enho for the record is also a pretty angry person. they just dont rlly express it. they dont express much of anything lol.#shes semiverbal on a talkative day. he can be REALLY REALLY PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE THO. THAT MF CAN BE SO PETTY. GOOFY ASS#but shes TERRIFIED she'll lose control of her emotions and her body and that shell hurt someone someday. absolutely terrified.#enho is as afraid of his strength as milo is of his weakness. theyre both two ends of the same extremes in a lot of ways.#polar opposites and yet exactly the same. they resent each other a lot. they need to learn to meet each other in the middle.#anyway ''i dont feel like typing all that'' and then i ramble in the tags for ten million years lol ToT I LOVE THESE GUYS#theyre my oldest ocs in this universe and i have so many thoughts if you have any questions feel free to ask me lol
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literally napped my way out of the fixation on the contents of that major character death fic, the dreams were disorienting but I cannot remember them anymore (thankfully). and that newly fic about Vincent breaking his wrist, being stranded at a hospital right outside the vatican, but not getting painkillers or a cast because of him not knowing if or where he's insured, then calling Thomas (his guard dog <33) for info, has cleansed my brain the rest of the way <3
#like that'd be such a me thing to do tbh#get hurt and then told to just go to a doctor to get the injury looked at#without further instructions in an unfamiliar environment. then of course going to the wrong place and getting tangled up in bureaucratic bs#and having to be rescued out of that situation lmao#very sweet of thomas to go and save vincent tho. and let him rest and fall asleep on his shoulder while he fills out all the paperwork 🙏#anyway. one of my fav conclave fics now i think <3
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Not me glancing at my supervisor's SimplePractice calendar to see when she's probably out-of-office for the day and I can reasonably bounce without consequence
#Xayk Hates College#At Least My In-Person Client Showed Today 😭 I'd've Been So UGH If I'd Had Nothing After Supervision Ended At 1pm#But Like...I Woke Up Late And Had To Cart My Scooter All The Way Here To The Practice#And I'd Like To Avoid The CTA Sardine Effect On The Way Home While Carting It Back ;w;#Also There's Technically Not A “Consequence” Per Se But If She Wanted To Bop Over To Chat In Person#I Dunno How She'd Feel If I'd Left Without Saying Anything Or Asking#She Mentioned I Could Be Reading Clinically-Relevant Books While I'm Here -- Implying I Ought To Try And Find Something To Do#Instead Of Leaving Early And Making Up For Lost Time When I Get Home#I Also Got To Work Remotely Last Wednesday So I Don't Wanna Push It Y'know? ;w;#She JUST TOLD ME TODAY That During The Interview Phase She Was Really Hoping They'd Get Me As A Student#And Like...How Can I Just Take Advantage Of Them Knowing THAT? TT-TT#But My Shoulder Already Hurts From Rushing With The Stupid Scooter Up And Down The CTA Stairs And I Just Wanna Go Home And Ice It#UGH Anyway Time To Close The Door And Play Video Games Till 4pm At The Earliest I Guess...
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