#without being labelled homophobic

[buckboi]

.

[healingheartdogs]

Men can have vaginas. Women can have penises. Being a lesbian is not about "only liking pussy". Being gay is not about "only liking dick". Those are transphobic and intersex exclusive statements.

The "sex" in "sexuality" is not referring to assigned sex at birth or the most common presentations of assigned sex genitalia. It refers to sexual attraction. Queer sexual attraction is gender and/or shared queer experience based. Gender is not the same as assigned sex at birth or genitalia. If your personal sexual attraction is based on assigned sex at birth and specific genitalia and you use a queer sexuality label you are appropriating that label and participating not only in transphobia and intersex exclusion from queer communities but also in homophobia.

Stop appropriating queer sexualities and then trying to kick out people who actually belong under that label because you want to make a little exclusion based bigot club for yourselves.

[thefortysecondolive]

hit a rough patch processing my gender in the past few days & have been feeling down about not being able to talk about pretty much any aspect of my identity without tacking on seven disclaimers and a vocab quiz 😮‍💨 wish I could just put the identity crisis on hold until I finish my finals

[appreciatingtokrev]

this night i had a dream in which i had little post-it notes on my mirror, and one was saying ‘ryan’ (one of the many names i go by, probably the one i’d use legally if i were to ever change my name) instead of my deadname, and my parents noticed. i was away at my qpp’s house bc some friends and us were watching tokrev s3, and my parents called. they asked me about the name thing, and asked if i was trans. i just began silently crying, and kind talking around it, and they said i wouldn’t have to tell them if i didn’t want to, and they get it because it’s hard. i felt so fucking conflicted between actually telling them, and not going through with it because i do want them to know, i do wanna live my real self, but i also feared they wouldn’t accept it or get angry. and then i woke up just before i could decide on what to do.

now i’m thinking about wheter i should tell them or not, and i’m as conflicted as i was in my dream. idk, i’ve been thinking abt telling them for a while, but the fear of not being accepted is too big. especially bc ik that my dad is quite transphobic. and man. fuck. this dream felt so real and so true but it doesn’t help me one bit.

[nightingale-prompts]

Deathday Party

Part of this post series > link

Tim had no idea he was being courted by Danny and was making his way to an official engagement at this rate. What he did know was that Danny had invited him to an important party at the mansion of none other then Vlad Masters.

Danny had mentioned that his family and Masters had a rocky past but it had gotten better before he left for university. Tim wasn't convinced due to the stories Danny had offhandly mentioned. The guy had tried to out Danny to his parents and rallied the town against him. So excuse Tim for not wanting Danny to go back to a homophobic town like that and a bastard who did something so petty just because a kid's mom wouldn't sleep with you.

But Danny was his friend. The only normal friend he had who treated him like this. Sure he really likes giving gifts and has a fascination for flowers but that's all the more reason to look after him. It was pure luck that Tim befriended him before a cult did.

Tim was still going to supportive and still needed to make it up to Danny for not visiting Amity Park last time. So he packed and boarded the plane a few days before the party.

Danny began introducing Tim to everyone in his family. For the most part, it was a warm welcome. Danny's dad told him that they would have to sleep in separate rooms because "He knows how boys could be and there will be no funny business."

Tim was indignant but reminded himself to be polite. Danny's dad may not be the most accepting of LGBT people but this was his home.

Danny only blushed and brushed his dad off, after all, he and Tim hadn't even kissed yet.

Danny's friends were cool though. Sam was definitely the source of Danny's gothic tendencies. She and Danny discussed herbs, crystals, and graveyards together while Tim got to know Tucker.

The next day they went to the Masters' estate and Tim met Danny's other family. Dani or Elle was Danny's little sister or cousin or something. It was confusing but she immediately took a liking to Tim.

"Ooo, he's cute~ You dont mind sharing right Danny?" She teased linking arms with Tim.

"Knock it off Elle. He's too old for you anyway and if Vlad heard you he'd set Tim on fire." Danny admonished her pulling her off by the hoodie.

Tim didn't catch that Danny was being completely serious about the fire part.

Vlad Masters would be out of the house until the party that night but the mansion was being set up for the event. Apparently, the "Deathday" party was a bigger deal than Tim thought. The guest list was a mile long.

From what Tim gathered a death day was a celebration of life after a near-death experience. Like if someone flatlined during surgery and are brought back. Its actually a pretty smart way to deal with trauma by making the event a reason to celebrate.

Tim had heard from Danny of the day he was electrocuted and that it changed his life. He definitely had the scar to prove it. Danny had gotten a UV tattoo over it or something because it glowed faintly at night. It was pretty cool.

That evening Tim was handed his costume for the event. The party had a royal theme, something that didn't seem like Danny's idea. Still, Danny's silver and ivy green dublette looked...pretty good. Tim dressed in a similar red and gold suit.

"You look good." Danny pulled out an ornate emerald cravat pin and pinned it to Tim label.

"You too," Tim said without thinking but Danny smiled before going back to putting the finishing touches on their outfits.

It was...intimate to say the least as Danny pulled back Tim's hair. He fastened their capes and a (fake) dagger to his belt.

Danny put put on a subtle layer of makeup. Darkening his eyes, cheeks, and lips. It gave him a pale and deathly appearance.

"I have to look my best. I don't want anyone to think I'm just using you as arm candy." Danny laughed.

"That implies that you are using me as that already." Tim jested but stopped when Danny pointed to the makeup trey. "You're joking."

"Im not. It's an important event and this isn't Gotham. There are alot of people i want you to meet. Just play along." Danny begged.

Tim agreed letting Danny put on a bit of black and red makeup.

"Aww, Tim. You look absolutely ghastly. Your funeral ready." Danny gushed as he turned to grab the last things they needed. Two circlets with stars emblems embedded in them.

Tim laughed internally. Danny was always to positive Tim forgot just how goth he was. Tim knew he shouldn't be surpised.

Tim and Danny walked to the mansion's ballroom which was full of guests dressed similarly to them. The room glowed eerily under green-flamed torches. Very gothic. On second thought this suited Danny.

A staff member er...servant announced their arrival.

"His Highness the High Prince of the realm of infinite space and his guest."

None other than Vlad Masters approached. He had thrown this party for his godson and wanted everything perfect. He eyed Tim critically before speaking to Danny.

"Daniel I heard about your...friend from Elle. Its that what he is?" Masters studied.

"He's my-"

"Boyfriend! I'm his boyfriend." Tim interrupted. He was not going to let this homophonic piece of shit undermine Danny's sexuality again and try to embarrass him. Especially on such an I'm day. " Tim Drake, son of Bruce Wayne and head of Wayne Industries. I've heard a LOT about you Mr.Masters."

After a moment Vlad nodded and smiled.

"You've chosen well. He's quite the catch my boy. Happy Death Day." Vlad patted Danny on the back before going to mingle with Danny's parents who where tearing up the cheese platter.

Danny blinked owlishly at Tim. Tim had never used that word yet, Danny thought they were not at that stage yet.

"Sorry Danny, i got caught up." Tim sighed.

"You know he's going to tell everyone right?" Danny laughed "I hope you're ready."

Danny dragged Tim to meet his ghost friends for the rest of the evening between dancing and eating.

Tim had fun meeting Danny's fellow goth friends who complimented him a lot. They were definitely strange but they really loved Danny. The whole party was like a Renaissance festival meets one of those novels that Jason loved. Actually, Jason would be so jealous of him right now. Tim made sure to take pictures. Some of them came out fuzzy but it was enough to make Jason mad.

[idolomantises]

I haven't drawn Hazbin Hotel/Helluva Boss redesigns since last year and the fandom still regularly tags me/picks fights with me over them. I did not think a couple drawings would live in people's heads so rent free.

Like you can go find my redesigns on twitter, they're still very public. I just label them as "Angel Dust redesign" or "Alastor redesign". The only time I think I explicitly called a design bad was when I said I found Beelzebub's design atrocious. Which it is. It's an overdesigned mess that doesn't convey the sin at all, I'm allowed to say I don't like it. And even still, when I posted the art, I still labeled it as "Beelzebub redesign".

I'm not going to forget when you fans regularly stalked my account and PATREON just to figure out when I would upload the redesigns. You think I forgot about when I posted my Angel Dust redesign which was just meant to improve my old design and you people harassed me for days? You accused me of "baiting" fans because you are so self-obsessed you think everything I do is explicitly to upset you. You people misgendered me, told me to kill myself, called me a fucking cockroach and flat out threatened to assault me multiple times. Sure I was harsh about my critiques, but I didn't resort to homophobic and transphobic comments like you people did with my Angel Dust redesign because for some unexplained reason you diehard fans who have been following this project for 10 years didn't know that he's meant to be a drag queen. When I did a quick redesign of Katie Killjoy on my personal tumblr, guess what? You people flipped the fuck out, AGAIN.

I can't even talk about my own religion without you sad, paranoid losers thinking I'm trashtalking hazbin hotel. You made up some rumor that I block all Hazbin Hotel/Helluva Boss fans (despite being mutuals/friends with people who are fans of the shows or actually work on them) just so you could justify harassing me even more. You told me for years that I should wait until the Hazbin series dropped to get my full thoughts out and when it did you people still freaked out and berated me.

Even when I talked about my situation after posting my Angel Dust redesign, instead of apologizing, fans claimed I planned this hostile reaction to begin with to make the fandom look bad. That I was "pulling a transphobia card" for sympathy. I didn't do shit. You people have gotten more aggressive about your hate towards me because people finally saw how incredibly inappropriate and vile you people act over a midtier cartoon written by someone who has so many allegations of bullying, transphobia, racism and workplace abuse that it's become harder and harder for you to deny, so you take out your unrepressed anger on me.

I know the only reason you people target me is because I'm a big artist who doesn't kiss Viv's ass. You want me to be a diehard fan of hers like every other big artist you people bully into worshipping Viv and her show and I won't do it. So you just obsessively stalk and monitor my account and accuse every little thing I do as a spiteful attack so you can justify your little harassment campaigns again. It's pathetic.

Seek help, find a hobby, stop obsessing over people who don't like the same thing as you. It's getting sad.

[lexlovergirl]

Farleigh Start…p3

Tw:smut

Farleigh Start! Who had a really lonely childhood. He’s used to being alone so it takes a while for you to get close to him.

Farleigh Start! Who once he trust you enough, he doesn’t leave you. He wants/ needs to close to you 24/7, you’re his lifeline.

Farleigh Start! Who the more his high the more he’s a sub.

Farleigh Start! With whom you share lollipops. Switching with each other once in a while to taste the other flavour.

Farleigh Start! Who will rarely say “I love you” but you know he does by his love language (previous part)

Farleigh Start! Who will leave kisses on your neck and shoulders when you’re doing your hair/makeup.

Farleigh Start! Who doesn’t buy you gift often but when he does it’s expensive. And I mean like Louis Vuitton , Valentino, Dior, Prada, Vivienne Westwood. Anything you want he’ll get it for you baby girl.

Farleigh Start! Who hates taking shower with someone else. As much as he loves you, that’s his moment of peace. He likes to take that time for himself.

Farleigh Start! Who has the longest hair routine ever. While you’re in your bed waiting for him to come join you, he’s putting idk how many products in his hair. One of the many reasons he’s doing it is you; he knows how much you like to pass your fingers through his hair so he want it to go smoothly, without any nots.

Farleigh Start! Who after you have a hard day will gladly give you a shoulder/back massage.

Farleigh Start! Who loves to give you hickey. He will try to make a heart of those bruises on your chest but will fail miserably.

Farleigh Start! Who after a fight will fuck you so good. Going slow and deep, praising you, pulling your body as close as possible to his, but almost never actually saying sorry.

Farleigh Start! Who is a total fashion icon. He changed your way of seeing fashion and your way of dressing.

Farleigh Start! Who hates showering with someone but surprisingly loves to take bath with you. For him a bath his extremely different then a shower. A bath is to relax, fuck, enjoy the warm water, so you’re gladly welcome. The shower ,I’ve said, is for him and him only.

Farleigh Start! Who loves when you’re loud during sex. He’s loud himself so he’s less embarrassed if you’re too.

Farleigh Start! Who when you tease him will punish you later for it. It’s not that he teases you that you can, yes he’s a sub but sometimes you get a little too comfortable for him.

Farleigh Start! Who is trying to convince you to fuck your tits. If you don’t want to, he’ll jerk off to the idea.

Farleigh Start! Who won’t put a label on his sexuality but wants dick once in a while ( if uf homophobic you’ve chose the wrong man, Farleigh is not 4 u)

My previous work:

Farleigh headcanon 1

Farleigh head canon 2

[contemplatingoutlander]

The far-right weaponization of the term "DEI" or "DEI hire/applicant/student" against women, members of marginalized racial/ethnic groups, and the LGBTQ+ community has gotten way out of hand. In many ways, "DEI" has become an acceptable pejorative alternative on the right to overtly racist, sexist, and homophobic terms. It is now being hurled with full-force by some Republicans towards Kamala Harris. According to Newsweek:

Republicans are labeling Kamala Harris a "DEI hire" following her endorsement by Joe Biden as the Democratic nominee for president. [...] Republican Tennessee Rep. Tim Burchett blasted Harris in a social media post on Monday, calling her a "DEI vice president." "The media propped up this president, lied to the American people for three years, and then dumped him for our DEI vice president," Burchett said on X. He referred to Harris as a "a DEI hire" again in a brief interview on the same day with CNN in which he referenced Biden's 2020 comments about picking a vice president, claiming that [Biden] said "he was going to hire a Black female for vice president." [color emphasis added]

The problem with Burchett's assertion is that Biden NEVER actually said that "he was going to hire a Black female for vice president." According to Newsweek.

In a 2020 debate, Biden stated he would "pick a woman to be vice president," without specifying her race. In a later interview with ABC News, Biden said he "didn't feel pressure to select a Black woman." In another 2020 interview with MSNBC, Biden mentioned that among his potential running mates were four Black women. [color emphasis added]

Burchett and other GOP who are accusing Harris of being a "DEI hire" are using "DEI" in a derogatory way that assumes any woman, member of a racial/ethnic marginalized group, or member of the LGBTQ+ community must be underqualified if they hold a leadership position. They seem to have overlooked the fact that Harris was highly qualified to become VP. According to Newsweek:

Before becoming vice president, Harris served as a U.S. senator for four years and as California's attorney general for six years. She had previously served as San Francisco's district attorney and earned her law degree from the University of California, Hastings College of the Law. [color emphasis added]

In fact, it appears that Harris was way more qualified to be selected as Biden's VP than JD Vance was to be selected as Trump's VP. But then again, Vance is a White heterosexual male. No one ever seems to question White heterosexual male credentials. I wonder why? 🤔

[luunamoona]

the way community handled queerness is honestly so peak. like, there're 3 main moments i can think of in the show where queerness was apparent and mentioned: advanced gay, queer studies and advanced waxing and britta's pitch in emotional concequences of broadcast television.

in advanced gay, the cornelius hawthorne is seen as a villian for having traits like being abusive towards his son, pierce, him being really racist and him being homophobic. this acknowledgement of homophobia being a bad thing is definitely good for the early 2010s, as many shows treated being queer as a joke back then. also cornelius being fucking murdered at the end of the episode solidifies the fact his actions were deemed immoral and he therefore had his comeuppance.

community only ever uses queerness as a punchline in the context of troy and abed's relationship, the punchline usually being "look at how romantic these 2 friends are how silly", which could be seen as homophobia as the same context with a man and a woman would be treated differently by the showrunners as it'd be turned into a romantic subplot.

the next example i have is from queer studies and advanced waxing. having the dean tell richie and carl that he "isn't openly anything and gay doesn't begin to cover it" is much more progressive than many other media at that time, and even now, as they'd usually have the queer character just be gay for convenience. this need for convenience is commented on in the episode with richie and carl basically coercing the dean into adopting a label that is inaccurate but convenient for his straight peers. back to my previous point, presenting queerness as being more complex and having more nuance than just gay and straight is something that is very useful to queer viewers as it presents an option beyond these 2 ends of the spectrum. unlike what other shows may do with this concept, community treats it seriously, showing the dean's inner conflict with presenting with an identity that isn't his, with lines like "i feel sick". (also side point, the line "i make gayness look like mormonism" goes so hard)

finally, there's britta's pitch in emotional concequences of broadcast television. in this, the dean protests britta's decision to make him transgender and not "all this other stuff". something i love about that scene is the ability to critique queer represention without insulting it. as a trans person, i've seen a good amount of transphobia is television. this isn't one of these times. being able to have trans identity be a part of the punchline without it being insulted is something that is apparently very hard for screenwriters of sitcoms to do, so i commend them for being able to do that. as well as this, this scene acts as a criticism of how basic queer representation in media is, how they like having one distinct, easy to understand label to give their token character, ignoring "all this other stuff". it's telling us that, like in queer studies and advanced waxing, queer idenity isn't black and white, it's a wide spectrum of identities that comes in many, many different colors.

all in all, community's representation of queerness and how it treats insults to queerness is something a lot of other shows should try to strive for. in my opinion, it has some of the most nuanced takes of queer identity and representation out of any sitcom that doesn't have queer people as a target audience. it feels very fitting, since the show is literally called community and it about a group of misfits who bond over their shared messed up-ness. this show is all about finding your people and accepting everyone, as pierce says in for a few paintballs more, "flaws and all". i think the showrunners had an impression this show would speak to a lot of queer people and i love that they were able to make us feel welcome just as greendale does to the study group.

[damnfandomproblems]

Fandom Problem #5636:

I hate that disliking something is automatically political. I can't just dislike something because I think that it's flawed or not for me. Someone always has to label a hater of something as being a whateverphobe.

For example, I think H/azbin H/otel has poor writing, a flawed premise, overdesigned characters, and is in general overhyped, among other issues that just come down to the content of the pilot. But I'm labeled homophobic, racist, etc. because there are people who attack the show in bad faith and assume everyone who dislikes the show dislikes it in bad faith. I just want to dislike it on my own terms without someone going "Ummm V/ivzieP/op is a bisexual Latina and and so many of the fans are queer! You're a bigot for liking this!"

I wish other people could just dislike things for the content or just say "It's not my thing" AND I wish other people would stop automatically assuming that everyone who dislikes a thing dislikes it for illegitimate reasons.

(This applies to multiple pieces of media that I dislike. HH is just one that comes to mind that I could use as an example. Anyway just a reminder that if you dislike something, don't flood the tags with your hate. Fans go to the tags to find the things they enjoy, not for hatred. That's why I censored the media in question.)

[haapy]

Are You Sure?! Reception and toxic influences in ARMY spaces

I wanted to post this under a specific Youtube reaction chanel, but I got cold feet.. This is something I wanted to scream out loud for so long, so I wrote it off my chest just to feel better and pasted my rant here for probably no one to read haha.

___________________________________________________________

Surprisingly lot of people seem to have a problem when it comes to Jimin & Jungkook together (alone), they just don't want to see them together for some reason or prefer when another member joins them. No one wished other members to join when V did In The Soop with Wooga, no one complained about collabs between Agust-D and J-Hope or J-Hope and JK, However they accused Jimin of using JK for clout when he did the background vocals of his HIDDEN Track "Letter" on his FACE album. Now they accuse him of using JK to promote his Album MUSE with AYS. Is it possible for ARMY's to appreciate what Jimin & Jungkook give you without throwing awful hate, thowing their bond under the bus or wishing the content to be with another member or adding member X?

Let me explain...

I've come across numerous false and misleading allegations on various YouTube channels regarding Jimin, Jungkook, and those who appreciate their bond.

You’ll encounter individuals who vehemently argue against the clearly special connection between these two members, downplaying their bond and insisting that all relationships within the group are the same. This perspective is unrealistic; while all the members love each other, each of their individual bonds is unique. At the same time, these individuals emphasize the closeness between V and Jungkook, attempting to influence new ARMYs and reactors, while labeling those who cherish Jimin and Jungkook's bond as the most toxic shippers. However, anyone familiar with ARMY spaces knows that the most toxic shipper group is not made up of those who support Jimin and Jungkook. In fact, they represent only a small portion of the fandom. If this weren't the case, you wouldn’t see so many comments on YouTube trying to downplay their closeness.

Many ARMYs who aren’t involved in shipping spaces, don’t bias Jimin, or don’t pay attention to these dynamics, may lump all shippers together. However, there are significant differences between the various shipping groups.

It’s important to recognize that every shipping community can have toxic elements. However, one prominent group, which makes up around 75% (or even more) of the ARMY fandom, consistently discriminates against the bond between Jimin and Jungkook, particularly targeting Jimin with hate and disrespecting Jungkook. It’s misleading to claim that all shipping groups are equally toxic when one is rooted in genuine chemistry and real moments, while another is fueled by conspiracy theories portraying one member as a harassing figure and the other as a manipulated puppet, liar, and spiteful partner.

This issue dates back to when Jungkook released his first GCF in Tokyo featuring Jimin. Suddenly, YouTube channels emerged, gaining millions of views by manipulating their viewers with the most disgusting and deceptive narratives, portraying Jimin as a homewrecker, attention seeker, and even a sexual harasser.

If you frequent ARMY spaces and pay attention to Jimin report sites, you will see the most horrible things said about him. I'm well aware of solo stans and hate against other members, especially within the Maknae line, but none of it compares to the sheer amount of hate and vileness directed at Jimin, who endures the most horrific defamation, sexual harassment, and death threats on a daily basis, primarily because of this specific group of shippers, other vile solo groups and homophobes.

Even before the announcement of Jimin and Jungkook enlisting together via the buddy system became public, groups of the fandom accused Jimin of sexually harassing Jungkook and promoting the "gay agenda," putting Jimin at risk of being imprisoned under Article 92-6 of the Military Penal Code, which categorizes all sexual acts between members of the same gender as "sexual assault and/or harassment." They even tagged Korea's Ministry of Defense thousands of times, making it trend on X, which resulted in ministry officials having to step in. (This is no joke, I collected screenshots for proof).

Even today, some people deny that Jimin and Jungkook enlisted together, instead pushing their ship agenda or claiming that they aren’t close. It’s baffling to see the strong reactions they provoke, which should be telling enough.

New ARMYs, be careful who you listen to. If you aren’t involved in any ARMY spaces on social media, ONLY LISTEN TO THE BOYS and consume original content. You can make up your own mind. Conspiracies aren’t limited to politics; they exist in K-Pop too.

[doberbutts]

I think I saw someone recently say something along the lines of "if a gay man is assaulted and beaten on the streets, that's because he's gay, not because he's a man. If he wasn't gay he wouldn't have been assaulted", with the obvious conclusion here being if a trans man is assaulted it's because he's trans, not a man.

I think this line of thinking fails to acknowledge that while yes, if the gay man wasn't gay he would've been fine, if the trans man wasn't trans... He wouldn't be a man either. You can maybe divorce homosexuality from a cis gay man's manhood (though they're often interconnected concepts), but you can't divorce transness from a trans man's manhood. It's built into it. I'm not sure why so many people act like it's not.

I don't agree with the basis of your gay man argument.

The statement of if he wasn't gay he'd be fine is a loaded one. Would he? How did his hypothetical assault come about? Did people catch him in the act of Being A Homosexual by seeing him kiss or flirt with or fuck another man? Or did they guess based on behavior? Because plenty of straight, cisgender, perisex, GNC men do get attacked by homophobes for any display of non-conforming to patriarchal masculinity. There are more and more men feeling comfortable showing genuine affection and intimacy and love to their male friends without fear of "looking gay"- did this assault happen because a homophobe saw genuine male affection towards other men and guess incorrectly that he was gay?

If he was a gay woman, ie a lesbian, would he have been assaulted in that way? Well... that depends. Some lesbians do catch the same violent gaybashing as gay men. Others get it in a much different way. But I would say that the way people attack gay men and anyone they decide to label or lump in with such is pretty specific to gay men. There's overlap with other demographics, but both the "gay" and the "man" inform the homophobe's actions.

And, much in the same way, it is difficult to separate the gayness from the man portion of it. It's an adjective. One informs the other. Trying to separate them into two distinct concepts is literally the antithesis of what intersectionality is about.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AMITA for lying to everyone I know about my identity’s as a queer/neurodivergent person?

I (18M) am a bisexual, transgender man who is also autistic, ADHD, and OCD. When people hear this about me, even if they know me, I feel like they build up this image of me as an awkward, “cringy” 11 year old who’s obsessed with “cringy” fandoms. And while i have a qualm with this because I know they are looking down on people who are just less masked/higher support needs, I also dislike that they do this because it’s just not who I am. Without the labels, I mostly seem like just a normal dude, if not a bit nerdy.

I also used to be extremely bullied as a kid (7-12) to the point of a suicide attempt, mostly due to homophobic, transphobic, or ablest remarks about me. Since then I’ve completely changed community’s and do not talk to anyone i knew before high school.

When authority figures (Teachers, Show Directors, Investors of the teen programs I lead) apply ablest/transphobic stereotypes or prejudices to me, they also tend to be less,,, normal? around me. Less kind compared to other kids, call me an “inspiration”, or they’ll coddle me when I’m incredibly capable. I do a lot for someone my age- and I know the connections I make now at conferences and whatnot will help me in the long run. My dad’s family is poor, and my immediate family is more comfortable but not that much. I know I’m smart, and I can weaponize that to get a better life for my family by getting good scholarships and jobs in good fields. I can’t just let people who could be very important to my goals look down on me. So i just.. don’t tell them anything about me. They might assume Im odd or “not normal”, and for the most part I let them assume whatever, but if i’m ever asked directly about anything I deny it. Especially in relation to me being transgender; I have the very privileged ability to pass without any medical intervention, and I use that to pretend to be cisgender. Living in the deep south of USAmerica, most of who I am could make my social life very uncomfortable to downright miserable.

Here’s where the problem starts happening. when my social and (what i consider to be a) “professional” life occasionally touch, I wouldn’t be able to be out everywhere socially without someone I don’t want knowing finding out. So i don’t tell any of my classmates/friends/peers about any of my identities either. I hang out with queer and straight people, never be actively homophobic/ablest, and will be very vague about the two questions i’ve ever received about any of that stuff. It’s very, very exhausting to pretend all the time, every day, especially pretending that I’m cisgender because it’s a tricky game, but I can’t really back down and I’m afraid that I might get bullied again if I was ever open about it with classmates.

A few months ago, I was dating this guy, who i’ll call Kai (17M) Kai is also a transgender man, but does not pass at all and is comfortable with it. He’ll get shit sometimes, but also has essentially no straight friends. I told him I was queer when we became good friends, and then told him I was trans after we started dating. I also told him why I lie about being cishet or neurotypical, and while he didn’t seem happy he didn’t push it at first. I told him that I understood if he didn’t want to be in a secret relationship, but because of where we live and what I want to do I wasn’t comfortable with being out again. He said he still wanted to date me, and claimed he would support me, and we had a pretty good relationship overall.

A month after that, he started bringing it up again. He told me that I was more than my identity, and if people didn’t see me for who I am instead of stereotypes, it isn’t worth talking to them at all. And while I agree with the sentiment, it’d never be possible to just not hear someone if they were harassing me, and while I truely dislike a lot of the authority figures that I engage with, they are in the professional fields I’m interested in, and I’m incredibly lucky for getting where I am so early. Kai also said that since I am well known in our very small school (only 300 kids), being out could be a positive influence on what people think about autistic people or trans people. In a particularly heated fight, he even said I was doing a disservice or betrayal to my community by not representing or being proud of being apart of them publicly.

We broke up pretty soon after, but I think about what he said a lot. I know that I wouldn’t be the only out person at my school, and that my school is actually a lot better compared to most local schools, which are a lot larger and… dramatic, but I just don’t think I could be out without going back to how I used to be mentally. And Kai was right about how I could be a good influence on some of the meaner classmates- I do think some of my peers who I ingenuinely connect with might reconsider their prejudices if they knew I was transgender.

I’m intentionally choosing not to take the opportunity to do better. It wouldn’t ruin ALL my relationships with the authority figures I consider to be important holding, since it would just be my school, It might dampen one or two of them. Plus, I’m lying to pretty much everyone who knows me. They build relationships with a false idea of me, and I feel like an asshole sometimes because I’m not honest.

TLDR: I’m a transgender, autistic guy in a very bigoted community. Everybody thinks i’m cishet and neurotypical. AMITA for not being proud of who I am because of potential social losses, and AMITA for lying to people and giving friends/peers false ideas about who I am even if they would not be friends with me if they knew?

What are these acronyms?

[olderthannetfic]

People need to stop being weird about enemies- to-lovers ships. Especially enemies-to-lovers F/M ships.

I'm so sick and tired of seeing those ships automatically labeled "problematic" or "abusive" when there are similar M/M ships that are held as the literal pinnacle and backbone of fandom.

Why is it that M/M enemies to lovers its uwu and homoerotic, and F/M enemies to lovers is "ew he's abusing her"

People who are out there calling F/M shippers "nasty", "stupid" or "brainwashed by gender norms" are y'all okay?

Oh, no here's a straight couple straight women are horny for.

That can't be right.

And "Oh this is that classic bad boy/good girl" trope, as though it's not literally the most popular dynamics ever? Not just in straight media but in media in general?

Some of y'all just don't like that that certain ships are popping off and are finding audiences and are growing and attracting more people in fandom. And yeah, let's have a conversation about how fandom is changing. But also we can do it without being misogynistic toward new shippers (hopefully).

I'm tired of doing extensive blog search before reblogging something from a fellow fan. Someone might have a reasonable take on something and then I'll search their profile and see how they went on a literal rant calling an enemies to lovers ship an abusive power fantasy that only stupid or media illiterate women are getting off on.

Get a grip!

--

It's all very silly, isn't it? (It's not restricted to het though. Lots of idiots also think m/m enemies-to-lovers is bad.)

Fandom isn't changing. Draco/Ginny and Draco/Hermione were huge and much like Reylo.

The only difference is that slashers built the currently popular big hub, so the het shippers are flocking there and having to deal. 20 years ago, they'd have been homophobically whining about "OOC" for all m/m ships and chasing m/m off of the bigger platforms. Now, people in general are less likely to be openly homophobic.

The hand-wringing goes back to the birth of the novel, but "Twilight will make women into doormats, ohnoes!" was definitely very similar to the current enemies-to-lovers = Satan stuff.

[cakesmelons]

idk if your still gonna answer asks about the situation but as a fellow trans person i need to explain something that i'm noticing a lot of people are not understanding (don't worry this isnt at you or anyone upset with cal) i'm seeing quite a few people go "she's sticking to her beliefs and being respectful! she's not being transphobic so what's the big deal!?" and i genuinely want the people saying this to read this post and take into consideration on why this doesn't make the situation any better her belief is a very outdated and also dangerous one because believing that there can only be a male and a female invalidates so many people (trans, enby, non-binary, intersex etc) and those beliefs can cause actual harm to people to the point of literal hate crimes, i'm sorry but you guys shouldn't give her a pat on the back for "sticking to her beliefs" because her beliefs are very, very harmful and i've even seen other christens disagree with her and try to explain to her why this is bad

secondly; there's also how she called trans people a label and used the term in quotation marks, we are not a label we are living breathing human beings who want to be happy with ourselves and have a right to exists thirdly and there's the elephant in the room... the twitter likes and follows, it's proven many times that cal has liked straight up horrible transphobic and homophobic tweets and even follows people like matt walsh who want lgbtq+ people dead, if anyone defending her didn't know about the twitter stuff then that's fine but if you did and still defend her then it's clear you guys are beyond help closing statement: the reason why people are very upset with cal is that she lied to so many trans people in the community with a cut and dry example of being two-faced, you simply cannot say you respect trans people and interact with them while also going out of your way to have a low-key transphobic belief, liking transphobic stuff and following transphobic people especially when undertale and deltarune cannonicly have lgbtq+ character (cal even drawing said lgbtq+ characters like undyne for example which i find rich since i've heard she doesn't like mlm and wlw ships) and the community having SO MUCH lgbtq+ people this isn't a "lets agree to disagree" situation, this isn't drama either, this is a very serious situation also i've seen people go "she hasn't said any hate in the past!" as an defense, sorry but that doesn't change anything... i think it just makes the fact that she fooled everyone worse anyway sorry for this lengthy asks, i'm too scared to make a post but also i've been very upset about the situation and wanted to get my thoughts out because the way people are defending her without understanding why this is actually very bad is making me facepalm so hard sincerely, a very emotional trans man

I really don't have anything to add. This is a pretty good summary of this whole thing.

[bitterrobin]

I see a lot of confusion on why calling Damian Wayne "feral" is racist/problematic, so here's a rundown.

There's a difference between calling your child or your younger sibling "feral" and calling a character like Damian "feral." You know your child/sibling/niece/nephew etc. They're real people, and unless they have a problem with it personally, then there's nothing wrong with calling them feral as a joke. It doesn't (shouldn't) affect their perceptions by other people. It doesn't become a label that follows them.

Damian al Ghul-Wayne is a fictional character. A canonically mixed Arab/Chinese/Jewish White character with a history connected to some of the most prominent Arab comic book characters, who themselves also get insanely mischaracterized.

He's constantly whitewashed. He's been written with racist undertones (the suicide bomber vest). He's had his character development and progress backtracked time and time again by DC. DC treats him weirdly most days and completely shitty in the worst stories.

A good majority of fanon hasn't done any better than DC. You cannot pat yourselves on the back for being more inclusive or mental health aware than DC when you call a mixed Arab/Chinese boy "feral". It's constant. You can come up with various titles and nuances for every Bat-character, for every Robin.

Tim can be smart, a skater, a genius, the one holding everyone together, the little brother, the one who needs love. Jason can be cool, morally "right" or "wrong", unstable, PTSD-stricken, the one who was betrayed, the one with Shakespearean tragedies. Dick can be fun, happy, the first one, the prodigal son, the one with complicated history and the big brother.

You give them room for exploration. Love and care and attention and research. Many headcanons. You either comply with canon or you don't, but there's substance to their character.

What does Damian get? He's feral. He's rabid. He's a gremlin. He can't be reasoned with. He has no self-control, he's impulsive. He's hurt others, and you can't forgive it. Sometimes he's homophobic. Or classist. Or plain mean and rude to your favorite boy. He's always carrying a sword. A psychopath with no regard for another's well-being (usually Tim in a lot of fics). He can't be taught what's right.

I've seen people cry that Damian needs to punished or kicked out or treated the same way he's treated others. He needs to be brutalized or talked down to. He can never grow as a person, because he's mean to Tim or Jason, and you need him to exist as the abuser. His first move is always violent.

Fanon compares him to an animal often; he bites, claws, hisses, growls. Bruce or Dick or Jason or Tim have to wrangle him, tame him, civilize him the white man's way in lieu of his brown mother and grandfather who "clearly" raised him wrong. You don't see the issue with that? The issue with always labeling one of the few major brown characters in Batman comics as the unreasonable animal? That the child of color is always the abuser, the instigator, to older characters?

And even if you don't see him this way, you don't write him this way - then are you giving him the care and attention you give for other Bat characters?

Do you know anything else about him other than his "anger"? Because he isn't always angry. In fact, he's typically well-mannered. Quiet even, when he's not being provoked. DC's writing will always vary but whenever Damian lashes out, he's usually written with a reason to act the way he does.

Are you making him intelligent like he should be? A hard believer in redemption? A neglected and abused child who isn't meek or crying or closes himself within? Are you willing to explore that he's always exhibited the "wrong" kind of trauma responses - lashing out, being snippy, ruining relationships, refusing to admit weakness?

Do you write anything about him without making his mother and grandfather comically abusive and violent? Will you give him the supporting cast/friends he actually has? Can you write his dad/siblings interacting with him without making them white saviors or therapy pets? Can you write him without a ship or his love for animals or being vegetarian overshadowing everything?

Is he a character to you at all other than a glorified plot device with a sharp tongue and the convenience of being violent?