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suspended-and-why · 9 months ago

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Finally watched the last episode (SE4-EP20: with Friends like these) of Camp camp. It wasn't perfect, but I still enjoyed it a lot! The new voices kinda put me off at first, especially Gwen. I was fine with Nerris and I just imagined Max going through puberty. What bothered me the most was the pacing, some dialogues didn't flow really well, some animations didn't too (felt like they were running in place), cuts were sometimes weird. The audio was strange too. BUT !! I had just rewatched the entire series and it helped draw emotions when it was needed, despite the pacing kinda fucking it all up. LOVED all the references to previous seasons and episodes. "Because somebody fucking has to!" And the photos at the end!!

The scene with Max and David was perfect though. Nothing to say against it. "One of these days I'm going to close up camp for the last time" ARGHGRGGHH !! y'know? "So the more I can make of what I have today, the more I can walk away with when it's gone" The entire dialogue! had me crying! a little!! "That's all I want for you kids Max, to have something to take with you." Kill me David, why don't you! They BOTH killed me to be honest. 😭One of my favorites scenes all episodes considered.

All in all an okay and kinda great close to this summer. That lasted like, 8 years. or 7. Next summer's in a week :) 🏞️☀️

#camp camp #campcamp #please please please don't make david have a crush on cj #“mahoooganyyy” typical david not understanding the possible undertones of what he's saying #or how he's saying it.. anyway #can't wait :)#also can't wait for this fandom to become more active. like in the good ole days #without all the weird stuff if possible #possible but inevitable I fear!#I've been rereading all my fav fics.. and some new ones!#and going through some of my fav fanarts.. and some new ones!#btw when I say I don't want david to have a crush on cj #I don't want it to be unexpected #I don't really have an opinion on cj yet #hope jasper comes back though. pretty please #hope gwen comes back too. from time to time at least

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silbeni · 5 months ago

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Blah blah More body horror thoughts

#Ryoma #body horror #i like to think the incisions are like .#bisection of skin so you can see the tissue as if there wasnt any damage at all #would be cool to look at #Ryoma doesn't think so but i think Rohan would #ryoma probably wraps themself in something so the incisions dont make contacy #would feel weird as you can imagine #i mean w like clothes and stuff #puurrrhaps some fullbody garments ??? hmmm... got me thinking #ryoma doesn't show much skin so it could be possible without having to alter their existing clothes designs

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todayisafridaynight · 7 months ago

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any hopes for kiwami 3? like things u wanna see added or changed stuff like that

if they dont keep kiryu's goofy walk stance and the hoof-like walk sounds i dont wanna play it

#snap chats #no one understands how much i love that from y3 and y4 its genuinely one of my favorite things about the game #oh but i guess i have to give an actual answer now. HMPH.#id scream if they revived kanda calling mine limp wristed. homophobia in 4k #OK BUT TO BE SERIOUS uhhhh i dont know. im a real simple guy i think #my only like. If This Isnt There Im Leaving deal is mine's palette and im so serious #rgg's scaring me with all the black-hair/purple-suit mine stuff as of late and i cant stress how hard ill vomit if thats in the final #HYPOTHETICAL final anyways. yk3 isnt coming out for. IDK A WHILE #i wanna say i hope they highlight daigo and mine's relationship more but i dont know how theyd do that #i really like how mine's handled in y3 as is so i dont think i want scenes injected like what they did with yk1 and nishiki #someone said a Mine Saga after the game and... hm ... sounds too unrealistic for me to hope for it #like im REALLY trying to think how they could possibly reference the rggo stories in y3 since those are EXCELLENT but #i think . MAYBE. you could reference the story where richardson calls mine as he's driving to the hospital #the only thing you'd have to exclude though is mine stopping by the bar- like JUST keep the phone conversation maybe #cause in that scene that subordinate does question mine if he can really kill daigo and i think thatd be neat. in my opinion.#yeah i dont know. in regards to rggo its hard to think of what i want without intervening things i already like about y3 #its a real head scratcher ...#a really good epilogue addition would be adapting that RGGO bit where daigo ruminates on mine. that's a fair ending for him i think #it also fulfills the need to see how daigo saw mine even if its just a little #and to non-rggo readers it could start to answer 'how does daigo feel about everything that happened'#im still so curious as to if daigo was briefed on EVERYTHING that happened but .... anyways....#sorry all my hopes for y3 are just mine/minedai centric fLVKELKA BUT LIKE. i really am content with everything else with y3 surprisingly #idk. i want kiryu fucking up that curry in high definition tho. thats important to me #THEY HAVE TO KEEP THE QTES DURING THE RICHARDSON FIGHT ILL BE PISSED #i need the fight to be AS CAMPY and unnecessary as it was in the og. INCLUDING richardson's voice acting i need it wack as hell #is it weird i actually appreciate the Diet Building Loredumping being like. in replayable-cutscene form #i thought id prefer just One Long cutscene but im glad theres the option to skip those segments #BUT being able to get a refresher in case you missed something somehow #im running out of tags jesus christ i shouldve put this in the main text but vjALjlagj those are all my thoughts for now bYE

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seapiglet · 1 year ago

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Okay now that I'm getting over how much that season diverged from the original story, how horrifically OOC it was and how it was all around just really shit with no plot I find the entire thing extremely funny and NEED a season 3.

I mean he really did it. He really made it some Big Gay Drama straight outta subpar fic.

I may be a disgruntled book fan but I am also gay and had to live through all of Neil's anti-A/C comments for almost TWENTY YEARS so this is objectively a very funny turn of events and, in that respect, I am now on board.

If I don't now get tears and yelling and a Sheen/Tennant makeout scene I'm calling the fucking cops. GO BIG OR GO HOME.

#good omens 2 #good omens critical #just to be clear i still think it was Bad #but I've now decided it was Bad in a Good Way #go all kn on the austen stuff #give me darcy's hand flex #give me that fucking RAIN KISS you promised #make it as fucking gay as possible #I have pivoted my view point #this is no longer a continuation of pterry and neil's book (it never was hence my anger)#its now just a weird big gay love story #give them baruch and balthamos level devotion and longing (without the death lol)#out-gay all the other gays #you can do this neil!!!! look at all the queer validation youve been getting! that sweet sweet validation!#DO IT

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icewindandboringhorror · 3 months ago

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Recent game related things .. hrmm...

#I do like the inconsistency of the first map. that is actually something older but that I re-found and added to my Game Reference stuff #so that when characters reference where they're from I can be accurate. I like that the whole map is kind of shifted up that way. Where the #actual south part doesnt even count as the south since its Too Far and Scary lol. and if you say you're from 'the north' thats basically #like.. one single continent. Though some people do make distinctions like 'north midlands' or etc. still. I like the ways that common #language isn't always precisely accurate like that. and thinking about why a culture would classify things a certain way or etc. etc.#The inventory page is so funny to me because it's literally just the BASe like.. sample layout just to make sure it works properly with 0 #actual design into it. just colored rectangles thrown together in MS paint. but what if I like... left it like that.. what if all the other #art in the game and UI is like stylized and fully matching BUT the inventory/journal/etc. screens I just left as plain colored blocks #with random misalignments and black spots and etc gjhbhjj... It looks unfinished in a Funny Contrast way to me.#the wordcounts are just like... my past few days of writing.. I am still not getting 2200 words a day done or whatever I needed. I'm lucky #if it's even half of that .... tee hee.. :3c I do also keep having appointments and other things going on but..grrr...#The full map of the area is probably not necessary but I thought it would be more realisitc if people were able to reference things. Like i #you have people all living in a city area probably at some point someone might mention a neighboring city or some landmark nearby #or etc. so I thought having at least the basic names of what's around for reference would be sensible. A side character mentioning #'oh yeah I don't live here full time I just travel from Marisene sometimes' or whatever makes it seem more like a Real #Fleshed Out Place than people just making vague references like 'the river' or 'i come from a city nearby' or 'i went to a place somewhere #around here' or 'the other city' or etc. lol.. Especially since global cities/global areas are weird as they operate almost like an #independent country within their walls. so it's like a micro country inside of another country usually. just plopped down in some agreed #upon plot of land that won't be too disruptive to the main country around it. That could get very complex depending on the cultural and #political backdrop of where they're placed (though obviously they try to choose the 'easiest' areas possible for it). Asen is a very mild #country without much history of conflict or anything so it's fine. But still interesting that Sifeh and the entire branched out global area #border three other districts of Asen. Which means like 3 times the local representitives you'l have to negotiate with for some major change #or anything. I think one of the 'random characters you can find around the world and have short discussions with just to make the area #feel more populated and real even though theyre not actual important npcs' is going to be a guy who actually serves on the council that #handles running the global areas and he's like.. some perpetually exhausted middle aged elf running around with a clipboard or whatever #ANYWAY...... hrgh... still trying to write when I can....#I WISH so badly that I had the scope for a simple character creation menu and all character interactions would allot for the background #of your player character. And also to have a simple day night cycle where places in the world you explore/people you talk to during the day #have new options or dialogue at night.. BUT alas... I already am so behind on everything as is lol.. aughhh... T o T #As the worlds number one Needless Detail And Complexity Enjoyer i must dilligently prevent myself from adding additional complexity

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shiguknifeii · 5 months ago

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HAVE MY CURSED BANDIT HEELER X KURO/BANDIT HEELER X TORO INOUE FANKIDS

*Runs away as fast as I can from the angry mob of people with flamethrowers and pitchforks*

CHECK TAGS FOR IMPORTANT NOTES!!!

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dragonji · 2 months ago

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have to be honest guys its actually going Really Badly again.

#j.txt #vent #barest thread holding me back right now and I dont even know what to do to fix it besides trying to repress it as deep as possible #I'm just. so overwhelmed and tired and frantic all the time. Work is giving me authority positions I didnt ask for and am not paid to do #my family is insane as always and I'm extra on edge around them bc I can just sense the impending fallout-#from when they realize Im taking hormones. Not that that is actually happening yet bc my insurance is fucking me over #the pharmacy keeps pushing back the date for getting my t (should have had it 3 weeks ago. did not happen.) and I might end up having to pa #nearly Two Hundred Dollars for i dont even know how much of a supply bc of the fucked insurance thing.#And I cant even talk to my therapist about any of this bc my old schedule wont work anymore but I cant get in touch with the office to #see what other openings they may have. and some of the weird nebulous resentment-inducing stuff with my old friends is coming back bc #I hung out with one of them recently and it somehow it Still hurts like a fresh wound despite how often I tell myself Im resigned to being #treated the way I am. I barely have time to spend with the friends I do still have pleasant relationships with so I cant even talk through #any of it like that. and to round it all off my dysphoria has gotten so agonizing of late bc i finally had hope i would be on hrt #but. gestures at earlier topic. my hopes of that are being quickly and brutally slaughtered so.#its just. like genuinely what is the point of any of it. how is This what my life is supposed to be. I know I dont deserve very much #but surely I havent sinned so terribly as to earn misery like this.#and I'm not even strong enough of will to *** about it. pathetic really #I just want one day to feel even neutral abt being alive without having my feet swept from under me by some new unbearable Thing developmen

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gayabeilles · 5 months ago

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me, a former homestuck cosplayer, seeing all the other alastor cosplayers at the con wearing gray facepaint:

#this is purely a joke y’all looked amazing #HOWEVER it did give me flashbacks to unsealed paint on fucking EVERY goddamn thing #also I definitely should have worn a wig but I think if something (except like two specific hats) touches my head I will explode #I looked weird with my normal hair but it’s fine it’s fine don’t worry about it #going to a con in November and tbh I may just dye my hair red rather than wear a wig #idk how I would do the black tips impermanently lol I do not actually want to have the fuckass bob in real life #maybe hair wax or something idk #I used that once and it was a sensory hell but if it’s just on the ends maybe it would be okay #the perils of playing dress up I guess man idk #I have some Plans for my next alastor cosplay though (rubbing my gay little hands together)#once I’m not in crisis mode I want to work on it so bad #bc man. I have Ideas.#v excited to do a masquerade al #time to do something overly ambitious babeyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!#got a Definitely Not Questionable deer skull mask a while ago and stripped off all the feathers and beads and stuff #found some extremely cheap restoration grill cloth on ebay that I’m gonna glue onto it #I wanna get some fake Spanish moss or something to drape over the antlers #I have a list of possible designs to make in glitter/sequins to make the mask more masqueradey too #so far it’s mostly just bayou plants that have names that are juuuust close enough to something alastor-related to be funny to me #no one else will get it or find it funny but that’s okay 👍#trying to think of a way to incorporate a kind of jazzy motif without resorting to like. notes and clefs bc that’s a bit on the nose idk #maybe I’m just thinking too hard about this #also thinking of a stylized superhet circuit diagram (or part of it lol)#yes I have 500 ideas no the mask isn’t big enough to accommodate even 5 of them probably #I also have an old burgundy cloak that would be perfecttttt #I think underneath it I will just wear the normal attire to not venture TOO far from canon lol #so like the red shirt with the cross and the black pants and his lil deerprint dress shoes #I gotta fix the bow tie from this last con bc I forgot the middle was red and ended up cutting up a christmas decoration to sew on lmao #I wanna use something satin so it matches the texture of the rest of the tie lol #idk!!!! I am just excited about this :>

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muninnhuginn · 1 year ago

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having to make myself just pull back a second and go for "simplest explanation that fits all the facts and isn't accidentally inferring beyond the facts we do have".

#I tend to not want to eliminate possibilities so long as there's even a small chance of them happening and I get why #but at the same time I've ended up doubting things that I think in retrospect I should have taken at face value.#so being sus of ltx beyond the point at which it was clear she wasn't some secret mastermind and wondering if chen bin was even possessed.#and I've ended up making assumptions without realising we're not actually shown it (re: presuming photo possession allowed control)#I think it's mainly just frustrating because in retrospect I can see the clues all lining up. it's not that it wasn't fair play.#the pieces were all there.#link click #link click spoilers #(for the tags :V)#And I'll be honest. Usually I just keep theorising to myself unless I'm super certain or enough other people think similarly #because sometimes I'm on point and can't explain why and other times I trust hunches and don't realise that's what I'm doing so get confuse #when suddenly a piece of media seems to 'contradict' itself. when it's actually just contradicting what I thought I'd inferred #just. taking a step back and trying to apply the simplest explanation that fits. applying common sense as to what fits within genre etc.#I feel really weird about meta-gaming theorising using stuff like current pacing etc but at the same time it's still data that's available #and as long as it's not stuff like idk an interview giving it all away I don't think it's necessarily 'cheating'?#(may delete later idk)

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skrunksthatwunk · 11 months ago

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jumpscared by least favorite seasonal chore

#I THOUGHT WE WERE JUST LEAVING IT THIS YEAR SINCE IT WAS SO LATE. FUCK THE GRASS IT'S SHITTY GRASS #it's almost xmas why did you not rake the yard while i was um. not around #IT SUCKS OKAY. I"M NOT A TEAM PLAYER #ALL'S FAIR IN LOVE AND MANDATORY POINTLESS YARDWORK #it hurts my back and my joints and it takes me forever and it's always stupid bright outside and i hate kicking the rakes and it's never #good enough because if i'm raking the yard it should be perfect right?? it always turns into a 3 day thing and the yard isn't even that big #we just all suck at it except for my dad so he spends the whole time being like well why don't you just do it this way. dad i CANT that's #why i'm doing it my way. it's shittier but it's Possible and yours is not. bruhgh i hate raking the yard sorry that's all #i am feeble and sore and i hate moving please don't make me do this #he's like why do you sit on the ground to scrape the leaves into the bags girl what else do you want me to do. i can barely do the dishes #without sitting sometimes and you want me to rake for 6 hours??? what?????#look i know this is mostly trivial but it sucks okay. fuck my stupid baka life #i have been exactly this bitter about such chores my whole life and im not stopping now. i hate being made to do stuff on a whim that hurts #me for an entire day when i wasn't expecting it okay. i feel like that's a normal response adults are allowed to have even though children #are not. something something children's autonomy etc #and honestly i just hate being in my yard doing manual labor in full view. you should not be able to see me moving around what ew gross #(<- super weird about being perceived doing anything physical) (<- hates being seen moving awkwardly and so anything but small practiced #movements are just. agh. unless they're silly and i can make them smoother but like exertion? No. oh my god i hate that)#shit like oh i don't wanna put a bra on bc that's uncomfy but what if my neighbors ogle me while they drive past i don't want that #just some gangly twink failing a basic task in the clumsiest way possible and fucking all their joints at the same time. sucks. hate #(<- man i don't even feel right EATING around people for the most part like. you want me to RAKE?? movement is a performance and you put me #up there with no rehearsal no script nothing just the wikipedia page for hamlet. i can't do this all of a sudden. what. what)#(<- i just. waughhUAGHH i hate it so so much i don't like it okay. for reasons that are yet to be diagnosed)#(<- no body language is natural to me so it must be practiced to feel natural AND YOURE PUTTING ME ON THE SPOT. IT FEELS WEIRD)#aughh. if i had the leaves on a table and a chair or something i'd be better. not great but better. but all the bending over and crouching #and scooping and getting leaves under my gloves and the scary scuttly bugs and scraping myself on the branches mixed in on accident i just #do not like it. gross #ugh at least now i have wireless earbuds. used to yank out my corded ones with the rakes pretty regularly and Oh Boy Did That Not Improve M #Situation There like. whewwww #and my dad's always like hey i know we're starting late (it's past noon here) but ummm i'd really appreciate it if we could really push

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hadesknockedupintheunderworld · 1 year ago

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Just for your consideration, characters don't have to be siblings/family to each other to be able to participate in nonsexual/nonromantic intimacy.

#This goes out to all the people who witness characters in media whose only canonical relationship with each other is something like 'friend'#do stuff like take baths together or be domestic without being weird about it and have to immediately rush to tell the internet that these #characters are sibling/family coded because they can't fathom people engaging in nonsexual/nonromantix acts with people if they're not #either 'family coded' or aroace #‚ and also because they need a reason why no one in their right minds should be able to read between the lines and ship them (basically‚#also having to resort to 'family coded' because they see this as a hard stop to any possible shipping‚ whereas 'just friends' leaves it open #to people liking it without being able to be branded as weird or evil #Also before anyone says it yeah it goes both ways. you also don't have to be romantically/sexually attracted to participate in things that #are widely considered only for non aro/ace people #but the post isn't about that #i just be ramblin #semi vent post

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woolydemon · 2 years ago

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I am cursed with the burden of liking so many things but not having energy to make art for all the things I like 😭

#i want to make legos art i want to make art for niche video games i want to draw all the cartoons that inspire me #but i cant 😔#i have a hard time making art i think is post worthy quality on a consistent basis </3 #legit don't know how ppl can post so much girl i would Die #also im p occupied with school rn so i rlly shouldnt be spending time on non mandatory projects #and making art of stuff thats more niche or not what i have an audience for?? idk theres the risk of it flopping #while i know stuff like that doesnt diminish the value of my work it still stings man. esp when its hard for me to make stuff anyway #its like. why go through the effort if i know ppl wont care yknow #though i have gotten better at just not giving a shit anymore i still will make posts/rb abt stuff that everybody just ignores #but i dont care bc i need to have weird music and videos and images on my blog. I'll die without them. its my lifeblood #hopefully i can channel that energy more into posting abt leas popular things. maybe even original stuff-#lol sike there's basically nothing in the world that will make me confident in posting my ocs lmaooo #sorry i just dont think too highly on my abilities to develop my original content #so i just keep them all to myself to avoid the possibility of showing them to other ppl and they just straight up hate it ajdgfkfjhf #rando thoughtz

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xcziel · 1 year ago

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i seriously think maybe covid DID do something to my brain, but it was ... somehow winding back the clock to the time when i cared about music??????

cut bc of personal rambling

like i haven't listened to the radio in YEARS

i used to be all up on everything popular music as much as i could in my teens (no internet) and then in my 20s i had subscriptions to spin and alternative press and i worked in a store where i could access rolling stone or billboard at will etc.

(this is after i went through a period of being desperately poor, so like the mid 90s was just radio i had no money)

but like in the last ten, fifteen years i had just gotten ... tired of everything i heard, couldn't be bothered to look for more music really. i still lived my favorites but i hadn't added more than maybe ten songs to my library (other than cdrama tracks lol) in as many years it seems like

and then for some reason last year i started picking up the occasional new song i liked again

maybe it's having a place to live where i can play music out loud? but i lived the the same place back when i enjoyed music and dancing around the apartment and then when i didn't ...

i really don't know, but this spring/summer i have downloaded and *listened to* more music in six months than in the last twenty years probably

stuff that i *could* have heard the first time around but only now am i interested - i just don't get it.

maybe the thing about covid messing with the brain and memory storage is right and for some reason it like, cleared the cache on my music storage in my brain and now there's more room?

like i am still incredibly picky and not all listening to like *everything* but i am still enjoying it a LOT

it's just weird for me personally to hear a song and go 'oh hey i LIKE that i need to hear it again' and i find i worry that my interest will just ... turn itself off again

so far though it is SO nice

#aging is fucking weird #i loved music and listened to it CONSTANTLY when i was younger #and then just got ... bored of it over time #i still don't like most of top 40 stuff but i guess i've gotten better at finding avenues to stiff i do like #or maybe it's that i'm willing to give a listen to more new things?#ititerally could be just having a brief time of accessing utube without ads to drive me away #but like i could've found a work around before if i had cared enough i just didn't #hey world if you're listening what i would really love to get back is that sense of magical drama and possibility #that goes hand in hand with music and that i lost sometime in my thirties #that sense like that you are in a movie and the music is the soundtrack and the night is liminal and free?#where just walking down the street is a story and an adventure?#i think of all the things i've lost (health braincells skin elasticity) i miss that the most #it wasn't depression bc i had depression for ages and music was one of the best forms of relief actually #i just got old and tired and stressed but i'm still old and exhausted and stressed so . . ?#anyway thank you kpop and groovy songs i can dance to my phone is crying

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actuallylorelaigilmore · 2 years ago

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just had a nice moment of appreciating my friends all over the world (aka those of you i know here) because today’s episode of the podcast criminal told the story of a historical murder of a woman by her husband, and how when she went missing it was her friends who questioned her husband and found his answers suspicious and went to the police and refused to give up, and were even the ones to memorialize her in the end.

so given how small my daily life is, how in my actual city i only know the two people i live with, i just find it randomly sweet and comforting to know that i have at least two friends (and likely more) who i have never met in person who would be genuinely concerned if i cut off all communication suddenly, and who would probably politely hound the people they knew to be in my physical world until they received sufficient answers.

it’s like, i don’t expect to be murdered anytime soon, and i definitely would never expect my family to cover it up if i was, but knowing how easy it sometimes is for people to disappear and have nobody miss them, i am very grateful that i can say for certain i would be missed and worried about.

#it's a weird thing to think about but it's one of the things i think about re: growing older #because i'm estranged from my bio family to begin with and also #because on the rare chance that i outlive my family somehow then i know that i'll have to find ways to create community ties #wherever i am at that point (though i also hope to have longstanding online friends too)#because the not at all rare possibility of ending up living alone as a senior citizen is more likely for me as a person without kids #and i read a depressing amount of news articles that include examples of senior citizens who die alone and nobody realizes for days #randomness #i have the best mutuals #life stuff #(kind of?)#podcast

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bmpmp3 · 2 years ago

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cars are chipmunks from the front and aliens from the back

#the license plate in the front is the chipmunk teeth #sorry i was thinking about like dolls and like the fear many people have of them #as someone who decided to become a weird doll guy last year i wont judge anyones fear at ALL #like hell. ive also started a collection of evil doll horror movies recently too (im not scared of them but i find them fascinating)#(especially the prop work and practical effects. and they wouldnt exist without people being scared of dolls so i thank u)#(if that makes sense LOL) but yeah like even tho i dont feel any fear of dolls i absolutely wont judge anyone who does #but i was thinking about like. seeing faces in stuff. paradolia? and like. for the most part all humans have that #but some may feel the anthropormophizing much stronger than others #for example: me LOL but i was thinking about that strong anthropromorphizing and i was like maybe thats why i like dolls?#theres already faces on everything whats a few more. BUT THEN i was thinking a little more #it could go the opposite route. if you see faces in everything and then you see a small object thats SUPPOSED to have a face #maybe that might make it scarier. like at least the other faces didnt have inset eyes or anything #two sides of the same coin possibly #but of course theres lots of reasons people are scared of dolls. some people find dolls without faces scarier than ones with #despite loving dolls and not being scared at all of them. i do have a bit of a mannequin thing. they scare me a little #and im not sure which is worse. a faceless one or like those scary old navy ones they had when i was a kid with the big grins #but i think for me the scariest part of a mannequin is actually how static and heavy and unmoving it is #so it might be a little different

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genderdog · 5 months ago

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chat is it normal to feel completely desensitized to feeling constantly sick that when you’re actually sick you feel like it’s not enough to warrant it

#due to long covid or possibly weed usage or a mixture honestly still very unsure #i was incredibly nauseous pretty much constantly and would be sick daily for weeks at a time #that lasted like a year i still get flare ups of that if i over exert myself but it’s like basically fine now #but now i have disease that makes me nauseous and throw up and im like. okay 👍#this doesn’t feel like big enough of a problem #like those are my main symptoms but it feels like they’re meaningless bc ive had this just normally before #i haven’t been able to eat or even drink really without feeling or being sick #hoping i wont vomit again tonight almost every time ive eaten since yesterday i have and i had dinner like an hour ago #sorry so fucking tmi i feel really weird talking to anyone about this but i feel like i need to bc ??? fucked up idk #really fucking dehydrated also which is helping me not be sick but i think is giving me more of a headache #i have bad health ocd stuff also so i keep thinking im faking for various reasons anyways #i feel like thinking about this is going to make it reality even though i start thinking about it bc im feeling it #i keep trying to just make myself normal and not experience any of these symptoms bc i feel like i can control it (i cannot)#it’s only with nausea stuff bc it all surrounds emetophobia i know i can’t like stop a sore throat or something but this comes out of me #i could just not #sorry for talking way too in depth about my diseased body and mind #i had a super strong stomach as a kid like went 7 years or something without vomiting and then this shit started idk if the way i do it is #normal??? like this sounds so stupid but i feel like im subconsciously forcing it to happen bc idk how it’s supposed to be and it doesn’t #feel as bad as it should be #i think the fact it’s happening at all is bad but it feels like im being overdramatic #anyways yeah ive been feeling like shit lol i hate this stuff bc while i have the actual physical stuff i also start getting ten billion #mental problems about it as well #emetophobia #vent

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