#without actually sleeping outside
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It was a lovely evening. Simply sublime.
For those who may fancy themselves a night under the stars, it was perhaps the perfect night for camping... However, for those who didn't want to go through the motions of needlessly sleeping out in the wilderness when you could easily still enjoy the stars, then go into the comfort of a nice, warm, bug-free room at a nearby inn - complete with an actual bed and bathroom safe from the elements... It was a perfect night for that too!
In the fading light of day, around an oddly sizeable campfire, there sat four figures. At a glance, it would seem they were doing little more than most in a social gathering involving fire would do: just hanging out around it. The talkers would talk, the listeners would listen and those who wished to partake of the large, homemade puffs of fluffy confectionery could do so however they saw fit, which...
Really is just to say all four of them were roasting said sugary puffs and having a jolly good time while doing so!
Chit-chatting away about some pleasant memories and experiences of yore, Mina seemed even more buoyant and bubbly than usual (never underestimate the power of giving lots of sugar to a tiny newt lady.) Lorien offered a similar caliber of enthusiasm whenever the opportunity presented itself as well. Quietly, Branson and Sal listened to the two, playing the part of captive audience with relative ease.
Despite all the scintillating stimulus that may meet the senses here, however, it was at that very moment that Sal felt an unfamiliar presence... the sound of leaves rustling in a nearby bush or something of the like seemed to follow.
". . ."
Branson seemed to pick up on the sound as well. The violinist and the newt seemed unaware of it. Neither of them said a word.
It wasn't until another soft, suspicious addition to the ambience of the night revealed itself that one of the two finally spoke up.
"There is room for one more, should you wish to join us."
Though she did not look in their direction, the invite was cast out for whoever lurked in the shadows...
Briefly, there was silence. Having missed out on the auditory cues, if Mina or Lorien didn't know any better, they would think this was the makings of a ghost story in the works! Who better to tell such a tale than the ghost-of-sorts among them, after all.
Unbeknownst to all four of these friendly fellows, however, it could be noted that there was a chance - and only a chance - that whatever phantasms may linger among the nearby brush were of a distinctly @royaldeceit and/or @danthekickingman design...
#🌠 Ashe Anon | RP 🌎#🌱📗#Lorien ✨🎻#Mina 🦎🪘#Branson 🐀🎸#Sal 🌌🎹#There#a campfire open to all~#🔥🖤#There may or may not be the presence of The Dans...#There may or may not be a chance there's an army of characters lying in wait for marshmallow-roasting goodness...#There may or may not be ANYONE out there...#we shall see what happens regardless~#also#yes#sorry#I actually hate camping#but listen#you can still enjoy everything about the “camping” experience#without actually sleeping outside#which means#most importantly:#you can STILL ENJOY ROASTING MARSHMALLOWS#💕
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Some (late) holiday photos of the boye~!
#cats#holiday#OUGHH....... barely could even get these edited and posted... my mysterious sickness flare up has been sooo bad the past few#days.. I didn't even go to the usual obligatory family christmas I was supposed to attend (!!! health issue/medical mention in tags below)#My stomach issues basically put me in a constant state of uncontrollable shivering/body shaking + nausea + sometimes rapid heart#rate. and when it happens at night that makes it like.. nearly impossible to sleep when you're violently shaking + you can feel your heart#so strong + you keep having to run to the bathroom every 5 minute to cough and gag#and throw up and so on and so forth. etc. So I went like 40 hours without any sleep almost for christmas eve and all of christmas day#last night I finally got maybe 2 hours of sleep in between the nausea and shaking and stuff. and then today I was able to get a few#hours of sleep in the afternoon. Today I tried taking an anxiety mediciation a doctor gave me in case it was anxiety related (it's apparent#ly used to relax people and works in the moment. rather than like Anxiety Mediciation that you have to take for weeks to see any effect#because I think this isn't actually acting on your brain chemistry it's judt like..a mild sedative or something.) but all that did was make#me dizzy and sweaty lol. I;m glad I slept a little but I'm just still frustrated that I don't feel normal. I started having these#'episodes' (with the stomach issues + shaking + heartrate + nausea etc.) like at the end of october. And usually it will happen for like a#few hours at a time. or i'll lose sleep one day and then be fine the next. but this has been like nearly 3 days of feeling weird. so is#getting kind of annoying... It's funny too because I was so so productive like.. literally the few days before. I was feeling much better#and I was working on my game and blah blah. But then.. random issue flare up out of nowhere of course.. yaayy.... happy holidays to meee lo#I did at least see two random ducks outside of my window in the yard area for christmas. and havent seen them since. So it's like.. hrmm..#pacing around my room nauseous and shakings and etc. but at least... hello.. two little ducks placed there just for me :3c#Now I get anxiety every night which I'm sure doesn't help/could exacerbate whatever underlying genuinely physical issues exist. But after#like 2 nights of 'I spend the night sleepless and incredibly uncomfortable just sitting in the dark sick' then bedtime is like.. dread...#I even was trying slapping myself in the face in desperation to see if somehow that could shock my body out of whatever the hell it was#doing lol.. up at 3am holding ice cubes in my hand and hitting myself in the head and crying from exhaustion and thowing up.. literally#ridiculous cartoon character feeling... AAANYWAY!!! At least I have baby boy pictures. and I have lots of doctors appointments so hopefully#whatever the issue is can be sorted out at some point. I don't know much about ibs but hopefully maybe something like that that I could pos#ibly take medication for and not something more seirous or anything. Maybe there's a food I'm secretly intolerant to or whatever.#And I did at least post a sims holday video actually timed for the holidays so that's something. I havent been productive really latrely#though obviously.. I can't even play games or small tasks when in that state since I'm just SO physically uncomfortable. Nausea and heart#stuff are THE hardest physical sensations to ignore.. BUT yeah... hoping I shall sleep at all tonight. hopeing to get like 3 productive#things done.. at some point... at least SOMETHING... lol..... *** *** ***
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˙ . ꒷ 🍰 . 𖦹˙—
#im currently at my sister's place. she wanted me to take care of our dog while she and my mom goes home to sort through their stuff#i have a very unpleasant headache after waking up early after no sleep. walking to the psychiatric for an appt. then having minor issues to#get here bc the train tracks were... smth?? and the train was late and idk. it ended up being painless to get here#then i went to buy groceries and then took the bus here. since i've been here once it is easier for me to navigate skskks#now im here and im happy to be with my dog :3 i havent seen him for an entire month :(((((#but it feels weird to be all alone.... i dont like it actually :// i mean if i didnt have my dog here it would be AWFUL#i dreaded a bit to take my dog outside bc she lives on the third floor and he cant walk down the narrow stairs. so i have touse the elevator#but that went fine!! its still not as easy as just opening the door and then go straight outside tho T-T!!!!#idk. i realize that im just.. a person who dont like change. i have lived in the same place my ENTIRE life. i havent moved once.#and even if it isnt as nice anymore bc um literally thousands of ppl have moved in the past couple of years... it isnt as calm at all anymor#BUT. i fkn love the environment and scenery. there are so many beautiful and pleasant places to walk. and sit. i just love and need to walk#i know every road and walkaway there.. i know which trails are calmer and nicer etc. we have parks and forests and all that#here is like just housing areas. like apartments and houses and stores and schools. and roads. roads everywhere... cant find a path without#a road next to it ://// it isnt calm at all bc there are always cars :( and um idk how im supposed to go for walks when there arent anywhere#to go. so yeah what im saying is that even if the place i live has gotten worse.. i still feel. like thats my home.#idk how to live anywhere else. and to think this might be the year i HAVE to move. i .. dont know how to adapt and settle into another place#i LOVE where i live. i love how its built and the neighborhoods and everything. i feel so so attached to that place. i know this is life etc#but since i have lived there my entire life and just now being away from it in a place that has 10% of what my home has im like.#idk it feels really bad and im just not into life at all rn. i wanna live in a place i like and just rot into it. never leave.#i dont like change... im realllyyyy homesick rn T-T esp being alone without my family sucksssss i hate it
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Why did I start like three other projects when I was already working on a big project when I just got hit with the autism exhaustion beam (requires. At least One Full Day just dead in bed, and then some more Taking It Easy time after)
#i don't even know what prompted it...#hit w a vision. not enough time to execute it. hit w a vision. too tired to execute it.#i guess technically it was just two huh. but all the moving parts made the other one feel like two in and of itself#oh. now i remember there was another shitpost behind it. i just. didn't get to.#thinking about bruno... thinking about anna... thinking about the fairies... thinking about mirabilis specifically actually#she gets the short end of the stick characterization wise and it's such a shame.#to the point where i was unsure what to do w her... i think i got some ideas rattling around though#I CAN... GIVE HER.... SO MUCH MORE.... without changing too much about her. i just need to extrapolate.#hits her w the disability beam. idk if it's also autism but she has some sort of chronic condition#that just makes you. so tireds. moe and mira shaking hands. let's lay down and rest together.#also thinking about the subtle differences between a full dream and a daydream... between sleeping and just resting#and. making her kitty coded. she is such a kitten pile type girl. she is such a lap cat. queen of catnapping#which i'm thinking works really well w peony and even sharena. not so much moe though 😭💔#i want to capture a playful side. and maybe even a 'i'm still figuring out how i feel about that' side to her#like... i'm imagining peony as someone who's surprisingly insightful and emotionally intelligent.#she's got it all figured out. she already knows. she's not always right. but she tends to know what's up#i'm thinking... maybe mira isn't quite there yet. or struggles to see outside of herself. for obvious/understandable reasons#but she has that unwavering desire for joy and comfort the way peony does. she may feel a pang of jealousy here and there#but it doesn't get in the way of her goals and wants for others. which may be the defining factor actually#like obviously this could get messy if you simplify it too much into 'good' or 'bad'. bc all these girls are DIRECT reflections#of each one's trauma response. assigning morality to that is fucked up. but for story purposes... maybe freyja/freyr did. to a degree.#bc maybe they're flawed and fucked up too. it's about The Cycles. i'm getting so lost in the sauce though LMFAOO#i am GOING to do SOMETHING. for mirabilis. mark my fucking words.
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Need someone rich to decide they want to give me like a thousand dollars to completely change my life
#thinking about things I want/need for living in the car#specifically that I need a power set up and I also want a dash cam and some cameras for the outside of my car cause if I’m sleeping w window#covers and shit I wanna be able to see my surroundings at night without revealing that I’m inside my car by moving window covers around#also a mattress and a good cooler. ugh. living on the road so easy but also so hard if you try to hard and I have perpetual try hard but#never actually do the thing disease#so I feel stuck in financial limbo#I don’t even have the money to get more weed rn I have to wait until next Friday when I get paid#to pick up an eighth but until then I’m running low and scrounging#and soon I’ll have to start paying for my phone and my car insurance and shit and I’m broke but my spending habits are garbage and I don’t#have good impulse control#budgeting is stupid literally you will get more money just get the thing and then be miserable after you’ve spent the money surely that’s a#good idea#ughhhhh whatever whatever whatever water#whaterv#gonna take a nap#I’m overtired and happy daydreaming turns to anxiety so fast#anyways.#bye
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what is it about reading a novelization of a fictional horror/commentary on the fucked up and depraved parts of humanity...
that kinda just has me bummed out about my intelligence and reading comprehension?
"oh boy, that's sick and fucked up!"
*doesn't understand the single literary implication reference*
"oh my god i'm the stupidest person on this planet, why am i so dumb and unintelligent? i am not fit for this world, i'm too dumb to enjoy this-"
#it's because i thought this line was going one direction but no i think arias is just nuts and now im lost and#spiralling omfg#analyze your mental health like an outside alien perspective and it just becomes kinda funny how goofy it can be#anyway tho reading is fun!#when i can actually sit down for a few hours or more#.... i miss slamming 400 page books in like 6 hour sittings or so#probably not accurate but i read a trilogy in 2 days once without sleep i was a madman
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99% just my autism speaking here but something ive been noticing lately that im sorta kinda 😶 about is when ppl are like "I think you'll like this" but not bc they ACTUALLY think you'll like it, rather they just got into it and want you to also get into it so "I think you'll like this" is a nice personal hook. i love chill stuff as much as any other person ofc but given i don't divulge that EVER, what makes you think my berserk reading, made in abyss watching, drakengard playing ass would like YURU CAMP????
#gu6chan's musings#am i just taking the phrase too literally???? like i appreciate the thought but also.... what agitates me is the fact theres not any#when i say something among the lines of 'i think YOU'LL like this' or 'This made me think of you' like#its bc i think of THAT PERSON IN PARTICULAR or think THAT PERSON IN PARTICULAR would like it#again it's probably just autism brain taking figures of speech too literally but i HATE it bc it just makes me feel like#all the times i shared my interests meant nothinggggg typically i just ask 'neat; what makes you think ill like it?' and ppl start stumbling#and im like :(#whats rlly funny in this case is not only the fact i had only ever established my love of dark fantasy and mystery to this person#but they also flatout asked 'youre not really into modern media much are you' to which the answer was 'not much lol'#and i said the reasons i dont care for 'cute girls doing cute things' anime (re: k-on) is bc if i have the time to watch it then i at LEAST#wanna spend it watching a series that's???? not 'the point of it is to relax :)'??? i can sleep for that#anyways like 2 days later they said they said they think id REALLY like this new anime they've been watching lately and I was like 'oh?'#and it was yuru camp.... and internally i was like 'are you fucking kidding me' but on the outside i was like 'oh sweet what makes you think#id like it? id love some new media recommendations especially if they're newer shows bc ive been having SO MUCH TROUBLE trying to find#something interesting that isn't from 2008'#and they sent me a picture of the most generic anime girl ever and they're like 'it has really cute girls' and then i just wanted to kms#like.... this isn't bc you thought id like it; is it.....#wanted to die internally but i played it cool and was like 'oh no; i appreciate it thoughtfulness and all but i don't think this is for me'#also the time where someone recommended signalis to me and i was like 'oh?' and they were like 'YEAH its SO good the people who made it#were even INSPIRED off of Nier' KNOWING FULL WELL I DIDN'T LIKE IT AND THE AMOUNT MY ENTHUSIASM JUST DIED... i was like#'oh. well that will be a pass then' and they tried backpedaling like 'well it's not SUPER inspired; i didn't know you HATED nier :(' like#my past 15 posts on my twitter werent me realising that the game was absolute garbage and calling it the most regretful thing ive ever spent#money on during my attempted playthrough 😭 i was like 'thanks; but I'll pass' to which they then responded by promptly sending me#signalis memes i had absolutely no idea how to respond to WITHOUT making it seem like i was super annoyed so i was just kinda 😶 and didn't#reply and they were like 'sorry :(' and i was like 'haha it's okay! i just have absolutely no idea how to respond to this joke i dont#understand at ALL'#was probably one of the more awkward interactions ive ever had but genuinely speaking i was so INTERESTED until they brought up that it was#inspired by nier i literally psychically felt all the enthusiasm leaving my body from 'damn; i might actually have to look into this' to#'oh well that's a bullet dodged' did not trust the backtracking either....
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they weren't lying that pack can bond
#me and an older guy from the engine crew got sent to fill in on a different crew#and this crew is a hand crew which is way more fun and we get to actually sleep outside#and I like everybody on this crew and also have been a little blindsided by how much the guy from my crew#is looking out for me without making a big deal out of it#he teaches me shit and he pushed a falling tree limb out of the way before it hit me#and didn't say a word about it. and he gave me his dessert at dinner tonight like it was no big deal#maybe the most looked after I've ever felt
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#this is so insignificant for me to even be thinking abt rn bc i havent gotten laid since precovid but#rn im playing a game called am i anxious/traumatized or am i a pillow princess 😃#i think the answer is both???#the idea of having to participate outside of getting fucked makes me so anxious#but i dont know if thats because i actually dont want to or because i've been pushed or made to feel obligated to do stuff in the past#by people i should not have been sleeping with 🤡#aNyways#wish i could enjoy intimacy without fear 😀#thank u austin thank u liam#i can name drop here this is tumblr#god i wish i realized i was a lesbian sooner
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do we think having guts by leith ross on repeat while im in The Location Of The Trauma is making my flashbacks worse or
#IF I HAD THE GUTS I WOULDVE SAID YOU CANT REPAIR IT SCREAMED AND CRIED OUTSIDE THE VENUE TO MAKE SURE YOU WERE EMBARRASSED#what’s ptsd#post traumatic stress disorder?? never heard of her#actually ptsd just stands for pretty transexual dyke#so. take that a***** p***** you just made me hot#screaming into the void#banging my head against the wall#coping so well actually#no concerning substance use here#i’d love One night of sleep without violent nightmares
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I really hate the term unhoused…. It feels so infantilizing
#the only explanation I’ve seen is that ‘you can have a home without having a house’#which is true I suppose but like. idk. in my experience sleeping outside doesn’t feel like ‘home’#like you don’t have a place to go or put your things or claim as your own#it feels like desperate and lacking and disconnected from everyone because this simple piece of humanity#like being able to say ‘this is where I go to exist’ is not a luxury you have#so then for someone to be like ‘you’re not homeless! you have a home! you’re just unhoused!’ is insulting#like you truly don’t understand how devastating and alienating not having a place to call your home is#and like I don’t think I’ve seen anyone who’s actually been homeless or is homeless refer to it as being ‘unhoused’#it seems like a white liberal thing to avoid saying the dirty word ‘homeless’
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Feeling like everything has been put on pause ever since the wedding, everything leading up to it was so stressful I had forgotten how to both enjoy my own company, and how to do things that I like for me myself and I.
I've only been drawing shit for work lately! It's all very specific crap too, as much as I might like the finished piece, none of it feels like it's mine or was made for my own enjoyment, and that was the best part of everything Ive ever made. And it HONESTLY doesn't feel like I've made anything personal that was also fun since two tamersona weeks ago when I was doing the full background drawings
I know I can still do that level, it's in me, I just haven't Drawn anything that much that my arm isn't used to the movements anymore
feels too overwhelming to have to build it back up again
Overwhelming is actually the right word here bc my room is the biggest constant mess I've ever had it be, my cars trunk is even worse, it feels like I have so much to do (AND I DO)
#GENUINELY it feels like ive been paralyzed with art since the melanoma scare 🙃🙃🙃#i keep saying i miss drawing and i eant to draw again but ill get rare free time days and hours and I'm too actually scared to do it#''i want to change that and go back to the old me!!!'' i say knowing full well by tomorrow im either gonna be too busy or too scared again#SIGHHHHHH its 1am i have to be up at 8am should sleep#*pretends to lie down in the park where its nice and sunny*#*AND I CAN WEAR A SHORT SLEEVE SHIRT/TANK TOP OUTSIDE IN THE SUMMER AGAIN WITHOUT PROTECTION BECAUSE EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE ILL BE OKAY*#:'))))))#lizmet#bitchin bout life 2k23
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Everywhere he looked, the only parental figures he could see were the ones who had feathered wings.
Logan tensed, wings shaking as he leaned forward. It couldn’t be. “Remy.” He whispered hoarsely, eyes raking the field again, searching for any sign of scale or skin among the adults on the field.
There were none.
“REMY.” He repeated, the roar of the crowd growing muted in his ears as he elbowed his friend to get his attention.
“Geez Gurl, What? They’re about to take off!”
“Where are the other parents?” He hissed, grabbing his arm.
Remy blinked, frowning down at the field. “They’re dow--” “No. Look.” Logan pointed, his finger shaking. “Those people all have feathers, Remy. Where are the ones like us? With the scales? The skin?” He couldn’t see anyone over the age of fifteen with bat wings, dragon wings, or even the more rare insect wings on the field.
#stillesnippets#Logan Sanders#Sleep Sanders#Sanders Sides#Wings!AU#concept was that every year there's a 'culling'#where winged kids of a certain age are brought outside#and pushed off the edge of a cliff to fly#those who don't make it die#except usually the parents are there to teach them and guide them#so no one has actually died in years#except this year only the parents with feathered wings were invited#the other wing types were left clueless#Logan and Remy would dart onto the field to help the handful of students without feathered wings#discrimination#stilleideas
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i'm obsessed with everything amanda has ever been in (i have been following her career religiously for eleven years now) and so i read your 'hey there lil red riding hood' tag to the tune of her singing that exact lyric
if you haven't heard it, please give it a listen while working on that one jaytim au <3 there was a period during my teenage years dedicated to rewatching her red riding hood movie every weekend
aldmfnsmam Cordelia I am holding your brain that tag was very much written to the tune of Amanda's little red riding hood WHAT IS HAPPENING
oh my gosh yes. I came across that song because in 2012/2013 I was in the Supernatural -> Teen Wolf pipeline and shipping sterek because there was no other reason to be watching that show /j(or am i) ALSKDNSKA and it featured on multiple playlists I came across
it is definitely in my jaytim 🐺 playlist heheehehe
Other pivotal songs in my jaytim 🐺 playlist include:
The Wolf by Phildel
Howl by Florence
Not Human by elegant slims
Hatef--k by The Bravery
Animal by Jim Yosef, RIELL
Wolf Like Me ft. Shovel & Rope by Lera Lynn (I've definitely mentioned this one before lol)
...and there's more, including a whole SLEW of hozier but at that point I should just drop the spotify link lol
#hardlycats#asked and answered#should i tag this with their ship...? its more about writing and music than anything else lol#the writing process is full of music and i simply cannot function without it#music recs#also im feeling so werewolf this week i was up til midnight and last night was a full moon#straight up stared at it through my window for a solid minute before going 'its time to sleep and you don't actually want to go outside rn'#total immersion in the process. method writing lmao
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Wide awake at 3am because it's the mother of all storms outside and the power went out briefly just after 2 but I checked and internets back and ceiling isn't leaking so I'm just enjoying the show
#i look outside and i see the gutters Not dripping between the roof#peace and love and cozy on planet earth#but also since the power went off my fan went off and its too Hot#where is the part where it gets Cold huh#personal hapo#hapo rambles#even without roof related anxiety no one could actually sleep through a storm like this
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Felt gross as hell but then I cried about it and prayed and went for a walk and now I feel better 👍
#selfcare
#this is glib but I forget how much I need to go on my silly little walk#I thought the only purpose was to be outside and I’m outside on the way to work#but actually it’s to have time to think and breathe without doing stuff#and I felt that benefit today#and I said hi to god :-)#and I cried which was lovely#I don’t usually properly cry like ever; but if I listen to sad music I can get myself going and it’s really healing#I’ve had that like choking on sobs cause you cry every time you try to breathe crying twice in my whole life; once when my s/o was leaving#for school again and in the shower the night before they left I cried about it#and the other when I was in residence still a few weeks after I came out of the psychosis and was being eaten alive by guilt and just broke#down with the grief of it#also in the shower. my s/o always cries doing dishes and I always cry in the shower lol#but it was actually so healing to cry that second time; I felt like I really wrenched out some of the sadness with it#anyway. episode ? of anne treats tumblr like her diary#anne speaks#but this post is mainly to remind myself to go for walks and chill more often#but today I need to sleep! that’s my main goal for tonight
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