#without actually sleeping outside
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It was a lovely evening. Simply sublime.
For those who may fancy themselves a night under the stars, it was perhaps the perfect night for camping... However, for those who didn't want to go through the motions of needlessly sleeping out in the wilderness when you could easily still enjoy the stars, then go into the comfort of a nice, warm, bug-free room at a nearby inn - complete with an actual bed and bathroom safe from the elements... It was a perfect night for that too!
In the fading light of day, around an oddly sizeable campfire, there sat four figures. At a glance, it would seem they were doing little more than most in a social gathering involving fire would do: just hanging out around it. The talkers would talk, the listeners would listen and those who wished to partake of the large, homemade puffs of fluffy confectionery could do so however they saw fit, which...
Really is just to say all four of them were roasting said sugary puffs and having a jolly good time while doing so!
Chit-chatting away about some pleasant memories and experiences of yore, Mina seemed even more buoyant and bubbly than usual (never underestimate the power of giving lots of sugar to a tiny newt lady.) Lorien offered a similar caliber of enthusiasm whenever the opportunity presented itself as well. Quietly, Branson and Sal listened to the two, playing the part of captive audience with relative ease.
Despite all the scintillating stimulus that may meet the senses here, however, it was at that very moment that Sal felt an unfamiliar presence... the sound of leaves rustling in a nearby bush or something of the like seemed to follow.
". . ."
Branson seemed to pick up on the sound as well. The violinist and the newt seemed unaware of it. Neither of them said a word.
It wasn't until another soft, suspicious addition to the ambience of the night revealed itself that one of the two finally spoke up.
"There is room for one more, should you wish to join us."
Though she did not look in their direction, the invite was cast out for whoever lurked in the shadows...
Briefly, there was silence. Having missed out on the auditory cues, if Mina or Lorien didn't know any better, they would think this was the makings of a ghost story in the works! Who better to tell such a tale than the ghost-of-sorts among them, after all.
Unbeknownst to all four of these friendly fellows, however, it could be noted that there was a chance - and only a chance - that whatever phantasms may linger among the nearby brush were of a distinctly @royaldeceit and/or @danthekickingman design...
#🌠 Ashe Anon | RP 🌎#🌱📗#Lorien ✨🎻#Mina 🦎🪘#Branson 🐀🎸#Sal 🌌🎹#There#a campfire open to all~#🔥🖤#There may or may not be the presence of The Dans...#There may or may not be a chance there's an army of characters lying in wait for marshmallow-roasting goodness...#There may or may not be ANYONE out there...#we shall see what happens regardless~#also#yes#sorry#I actually hate camping#but listen#you can still enjoy everything about the “camping” experience#without actually sleeping outside#which means#most importantly:#you can STILL ENJOY ROASTING MARSHMALLOWS#💕
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Some (late) holiday photos of the boye~!
#cats#holiday#OUGHH....... barely could even get these edited and posted... my mysterious sickness flare up has been sooo bad the past few#days.. I didn't even go to the usual obligatory family christmas I was supposed to attend (!!! health issue/medical mention in tags below)#My stomach issues basically put me in a constant state of uncontrollable shivering/body shaking + nausea + sometimes rapid heart#rate. and when it happens at night that makes it like.. nearly impossible to sleep when you're violently shaking + you can feel your heart#so strong + you keep having to run to the bathroom every 5 minute to cough and gag#and throw up and so on and so forth. etc. So I went like 40 hours without any sleep almost for christmas eve and all of christmas day#last night I finally got maybe 2 hours of sleep in between the nausea and shaking and stuff. and then today I was able to get a few#hours of sleep in the afternoon. Today I tried taking an anxiety mediciation a doctor gave me in case it was anxiety related (it's apparent#ly used to relax people and works in the moment. rather than like Anxiety Mediciation that you have to take for weeks to see any effect#because I think this isn't actually acting on your brain chemistry it's judt like..a mild sedative or something.) but all that did was make#me dizzy and sweaty lol. I;m glad I slept a little but I'm just still frustrated that I don't feel normal. I started having these#'episodes' (with the stomach issues + shaking + heartrate + nausea etc.) like at the end of october. And usually it will happen for like a#few hours at a time. or i'll lose sleep one day and then be fine the next. but this has been like nearly 3 days of feeling weird. so is#getting kind of annoying... It's funny too because I was so so productive like.. literally the few days before. I was feeling much better#and I was working on my game and blah blah. But then.. random issue flare up out of nowhere of course.. yaayy.... happy holidays to meee lo#I did at least see two random ducks outside of my window in the yard area for christmas. and havent seen them since. So it's like.. hrmm..#pacing around my room nauseous and shakings and etc. but at least... hello.. two little ducks placed there just for me :3c#Now I get anxiety every night which I'm sure doesn't help/could exacerbate whatever underlying genuinely physical issues exist. But after#like 2 nights of 'I spend the night sleepless and incredibly uncomfortable just sitting in the dark sick' then bedtime is like.. dread...#I even was trying slapping myself in the face in desperation to see if somehow that could shock my body out of whatever the hell it was#doing lol.. up at 3am holding ice cubes in my hand and hitting myself in the head and crying from exhaustion and thowing up.. literally#ridiculous cartoon character feeling... AAANYWAY!!! At least I have baby boy pictures. and I have lots of doctors appointments so hopefully#whatever the issue is can be sorted out at some point. I don't know much about ibs but hopefully maybe something like that that I could pos#ibly take medication for and not something more seirous or anything. Maybe there's a food I'm secretly intolerant to or whatever.#And I did at least post a sims holday video actually timed for the holidays so that's something. I havent been productive really latrely#though obviously.. I can't even play games or small tasks when in that state since I'm just SO physically uncomfortable. Nausea and heart#stuff are THE hardest physical sensations to ignore.. BUT yeah... hoping I shall sleep at all tonight. hopeing to get like 3 productive#things done.. at some point... at least SOMETHING... lol..... *** *** ***
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Does anyone else get the feeling that at their core, all of mxtx's works are about cycles of abuses.
#idea dump#ramblings of a sleep deprived girl#heaven official's blessing#tian guan ci fu#scum villian self saving system#mao dao zu shi#grandmaster of demonic cultivation#mxtx#mo xiang tong xiu#cycle of abuse#I don't only mean the passing down of trauma#I also mean the abuses of an established corrupt system#that systematically hurts people that are less fortunate than those who actively benefit from it#to me this one is more prevalent in mdzs and why jin guangyao downfall is so upsetting to me#because he was coming close to breaking the cycle of abuse of both the system and of his family#but unfortunately it was his past actions in service of perpetuating it that doomed him#if he had realized a lot sooner that his father was not worth it#and started pursuing his own interests from the beginning instead of his father's approval he could have changed everything for the better#not to mention that unlike his father he actually treats his spouse with respect and doesn't intentionally hurt her#emphasis on the 'intentional' part (if you know you know)#just like Jin Guangyao became the new wei wuxian Nie Huaisang became the new Jin Guangyao#so i'm of the firm belief that since the system is still in place the cycle will repeat again#and Nie Huaisang will replace Wei Wuxian as someone else becomes his Jin Guangyao#sorry for this long ass essay in the tags lol#it's 3am so I'll probably do the other two another time#also let it be known that I'm only running on spoilers/fanfictions/wiki when it comes to svsss and mdzs#so if anyone bothers to read my essay tags be free to correct anything if I get something wrong#side note why wasn't mdzs about breaking cycles???#why didn't yanli become sect leader. Jiang cheng remain coreless. or Jin Zixuan marry into the Jiangs to show worth outside the norms#you can be a strong woman without being cruel. cultivation doesn't equal worth. and powerful women are beautiful and should be respected
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Need someone rich to decide they want to give me like a thousand dollars to completely change my life
#thinking about things I want/need for living in the car#specifically that I need a power set up and I also want a dash cam and some cameras for the outside of my car cause if I’m sleeping w window#covers and shit I wanna be able to see my surroundings at night without revealing that I’m inside my car by moving window covers around#also a mattress and a good cooler. ugh. living on the road so easy but also so hard if you try to hard and I have perpetual try hard but#never actually do the thing disease#so I feel stuck in financial limbo#I don’t even have the money to get more weed rn I have to wait until next Friday when I get paid#to pick up an eighth but until then I’m running low and scrounging#and soon I’ll have to start paying for my phone and my car insurance and shit and I’m broke but my spending habits are garbage and I don’t#have good impulse control#budgeting is stupid literally you will get more money just get the thing and then be miserable after you’ve spent the money surely that’s a#good idea#ughhhhh whatever whatever whatever water#whaterv#gonna take a nap#I’m overtired and happy daydreaming turns to anxiety so fast#anyways.#bye
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what is it about reading a novelization of a fictional horror/commentary on the fucked up and depraved parts of humanity...
that kinda just has me bummed out about my intelligence and reading comprehension?
"oh boy, that's sick and fucked up!"
*doesn't understand the single literary implication reference*
"oh my god i'm the stupidest person on this planet, why am i so dumb and unintelligent? i am not fit for this world, i'm too dumb to enjoy this-"
#it's because i thought this line was going one direction but no i think arias is just nuts and now im lost and#spiralling omfg#analyze your mental health like an outside alien perspective and it just becomes kinda funny how goofy it can be#anyway tho reading is fun!#when i can actually sit down for a few hours or more#.... i miss slamming 400 page books in like 6 hour sittings or so#probably not accurate but i read a trilogy in 2 days once without sleep i was a madman
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Why did I start like three other projects when I was already working on a big project when I just got hit with the autism exhaustion beam (requires. At least One Full Day just dead in bed, and then some more Taking It Easy time after)
#i don't even know what prompted it...#hit w a vision. not enough time to execute it. hit w a vision. too tired to execute it.#i guess technically it was just two huh. but all the moving parts made the other one feel like two in and of itself#oh. now i remember there was another shitpost behind it. i just. didn't get to.#thinking about bruno... thinking about anna... thinking about the fairies... thinking about mirabilis specifically actually#she gets the short end of the stick characterization wise and it's such a shame.#to the point where i was unsure what to do w her... i think i got some ideas rattling around though#I CAN... GIVE HER.... SO MUCH MORE.... without changing too much about her. i just need to extrapolate.#hits her w the disability beam. idk if it's also autism but she has some sort of chronic condition#that just makes you. so tireds. moe and mira shaking hands. let's lay down and rest together.#also thinking about the subtle differences between a full dream and a daydream... between sleeping and just resting#and. making her kitty coded. she is such a kitten pile type girl. she is such a lap cat. queen of catnapping#which i'm thinking works really well w peony and even sharena. not so much moe though 😭💔#i want to capture a playful side. and maybe even a 'i'm still figuring out how i feel about that' side to her#like... i'm imagining peony as someone who's surprisingly insightful and emotionally intelligent.#she's got it all figured out. she already knows. she's not always right. but she tends to know what's up#i'm thinking... maybe mira isn't quite there yet. or struggles to see outside of herself. for obvious/understandable reasons#but she has that unwavering desire for joy and comfort the way peony does. she may feel a pang of jealousy here and there#but it doesn't get in the way of her goals and wants for others. which may be the defining factor actually#like obviously this could get messy if you simplify it too much into 'good' or 'bad'. bc all these girls are DIRECT reflections#of each one's trauma response. assigning morality to that is fucked up. but for story purposes... maybe freyja/freyr did. to a degree.#bc maybe they're flawed and fucked up too. it's about The Cycles. i'm getting so lost in the sauce though LMFAOO#i am GOING to do SOMETHING. for mirabilis. mark my fucking words.
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99% just my autism speaking here but something ive been noticing lately that im sorta kinda 😶 about is when ppl are like "I think you'll like this" but not bc they ACTUALLY think you'll like it, rather they just got into it and want you to also get into it so "I think you'll like this" is a nice personal hook. i love chill stuff as much as any other person ofc but given i don't divulge that EVER, what makes you think my berserk reading, made in abyss watching, drakengard playing ass would like YURU CAMP????
#gu6chan's musings#am i just taking the phrase too literally???? like i appreciate the thought but also.... what agitates me is the fact theres not any#when i say something among the lines of 'i think YOU'LL like this' or 'This made me think of you' like#its bc i think of THAT PERSON IN PARTICULAR or think THAT PERSON IN PARTICULAR would like it#again it's probably just autism brain taking figures of speech too literally but i HATE it bc it just makes me feel like#all the times i shared my interests meant nothinggggg typically i just ask 'neat; what makes you think ill like it?' and ppl start stumbling#and im like :(#whats rlly funny in this case is not only the fact i had only ever established my love of dark fantasy and mystery to this person#but they also flatout asked 'youre not really into modern media much are you' to which the answer was 'not much lol'#and i said the reasons i dont care for 'cute girls doing cute things' anime (re: k-on) is bc if i have the time to watch it then i at LEAST#wanna spend it watching a series that's???? not 'the point of it is to relax :)'??? i can sleep for that#anyways like 2 days later they said they said they think id REALLY like this new anime they've been watching lately and I was like 'oh?'#and it was yuru camp.... and internally i was like 'are you fucking kidding me' but on the outside i was like 'oh sweet what makes you think#id like it? id love some new media recommendations especially if they're newer shows bc ive been having SO MUCH TROUBLE trying to find#something interesting that isn't from 2008'#and they sent me a picture of the most generic anime girl ever and they're like 'it has really cute girls' and then i just wanted to kms#like.... this isn't bc you thought id like it; is it.....#wanted to die internally but i played it cool and was like 'oh no; i appreciate it thoughtfulness and all but i don't think this is for me'#also the time where someone recommended signalis to me and i was like 'oh?' and they were like 'YEAH its SO good the people who made it#were even INSPIRED off of Nier' KNOWING FULL WELL I DIDN'T LIKE IT AND THE AMOUNT MY ENTHUSIASM JUST DIED... i was like#'oh. well that will be a pass then' and they tried backpedaling like 'well it's not SUPER inspired; i didn't know you HATED nier :(' like#my past 15 posts on my twitter werent me realising that the game was absolute garbage and calling it the most regretful thing ive ever spent#money on during my attempted playthrough 😭 i was like 'thanks; but I'll pass' to which they then responded by promptly sending me#signalis memes i had absolutely no idea how to respond to WITHOUT making it seem like i was super annoyed so i was just kinda 😶 and didn't#reply and they were like 'sorry :(' and i was like 'haha it's okay! i just have absolutely no idea how to respond to this joke i dont#understand at ALL'#was probably one of the more awkward interactions ive ever had but genuinely speaking i was so INTERESTED until they brought up that it was#inspired by nier i literally psychically felt all the enthusiasm leaving my body from 'damn; i might actually have to look into this' to#'oh well that's a bullet dodged' did not trust the backtracking either....
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they weren't lying that pack can bond
#me and an older guy from the engine crew got sent to fill in on a different crew#and this crew is a hand crew which is way more fun and we get to actually sleep outside#and I like everybody on this crew and also have been a little blindsided by how much the guy from my crew#is looking out for me without making a big deal out of it#he teaches me shit and he pushed a falling tree limb out of the way before it hit me#and didn't say a word about it. and he gave me his dessert at dinner tonight like it was no big deal#maybe the most looked after I've ever felt
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#this is so insignificant for me to even be thinking abt rn bc i havent gotten laid since precovid but#rn im playing a game called am i anxious/traumatized or am i a pillow princess 😃#i think the answer is both???#the idea of having to participate outside of getting fucked makes me so anxious#but i dont know if thats because i actually dont want to or because i've been pushed or made to feel obligated to do stuff in the past#by people i should not have been sleeping with 🤡#aNyways#wish i could enjoy intimacy without fear 😀#thank u austin thank u liam#i can name drop here this is tumblr#god i wish i realized i was a lesbian sooner
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Kaeya is rather touch averse, cringing away from casual contact people give him under the guise of being distracted or idle movement. He's used to it, the Ragnvindrs and Adenlinde got him used to frequent affectionate physical contact, but it can still be entirely Uncomfortable if he's touched by someone outside those he is close to or someone he's otherwise Allowed to touch him.
#hc; kaeya#//Mentioned before; but am Elaborating on other aspects since Aven get brain juices flowing for this#//Unlike Aven; he's FAR more tolerable of people who touch him unprompted. & more willing to indulge for himself outside his comfort people#//Unless he himself had actively given the indication he doesn't want it; in that case THEN he's likely to anger & retaliate#//But yeah; his response is usually Discomfort & trying to get away from it one way or another. Can tolerate it to appear friendly; sure#//But would rather not want people to touch him so easily. Is decently okay with brief touches tho; like shoulder pats or the like#//Will actively lean into it & encourage further touching ONLY as a means to an end; adjusting any wandering hands only when going too far#//Esp if he can use that like a carrot on a string–if they concede to what he wants; they can touch him more. Maybe MORE than just that too#//He won't initiate any touch unless he deems it Absolutely Necessary; WILL internally scream if they Immediately reciprocate the contact#//Uses it as a 'reward' sometimes; a little pinch of the cheek; a hug; getting right into their space; if he sees they'll react favorably#//Maybe more if they have connection enough; like Huffman or one of his longer-running liaisons. Is p ok w/ sleeping w/ them as reward#//Sometimes he forgets some people don't like that he does this; like Rosie. Tries the tactic to get a favor then Remembers#//Absolutely apologizes; feels mortified when she scrutinizes him for it. Esp since she'd be one of few ppl who KNOWS just how Averse he is#to it in the first place. Him slipping up like that in front of HER is smth he'd STRESS over. She could hold over his head for all he knows#//How can he even joke abt it? Worse if she asks abt his way of doing things or indicate she doesnt Like that he uses himself as bait#//Has absolutely accidentally tried to seduce/bait sb like that who he absolutely should Not have. Like Jean. Ended up playing it off like#a joke between friends; but damn near had a panic attack from the guilt the moment he was safely in his office. bc Jean is SPECIAL to him#could he treat her like THAT? How could he almost let her SEE that side of him? His casual charm and facade are ONE thing#//But him actively doing something like THAT; esp for Jean of all people; is COMPLETELY off-limits; no matter his feelings#//Actually; especially BC he harbors feelings for her. Ppl like Lisa on the other hand; he is VERY comfortable doing this with/to#//She GETS the flirty habit & dishes it back without losing image of him in the way someone he regards at Jean's level possibly could#//And as far as Lisa knows; it's Only a playful habit; not a means to an end. The ones who prolly Know might be certain folks in the church#//But that's just bc he gets frequent checkups after every lil Rendezvous of his. Which is why he's got dirt on Every Single Person There#//Except Barbara; but he absolutely makes SURE she's not the one he's dealing with whenever he goes. Wants to spare her his messes#//Damn; veered a little but it's alright. 'A little'; HA. Nah; my tags are but the cluttered corkboard of my thoughts jhdbfjdf#//Diluc; Addie & Jean are the people he most Fears finding out abt his methods. Doesnt wanna THINK abt how they'd feel/regard him after tha#//Knows for SURE it'd be painful if the way they treat him changes even a SLIGHT. ESP Addie; he can bear the other two; but Addie???#//Nah; he'd be fucken DEVASTATED. That's the ONE person he knows hold true unwavering unconditional love for him; no matter what#//To do anything to damage that? He'd be so fucken GUTTED. He expects everyone to get fed up with/disdain him at some point. But not HER#//Keeps this shit on the down low by always having dirt on the people he gets Involved with; if not using keeping it up as an incentive
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i genuinely think fanfic might be ruining my life
#when i say all i do all day is read fic it's not a joke and i'm starting to think it is actually bad for me#it gets in the way of quite literally everything else in my life#it is what i use to deal with any emotion outside of generally happy or vague nothingness#i read it first thing when i wake up i read until the last second i have to get out of bed#i read all day at work and then read all night until my eyes hurt and i have to go to sleep#it makes up 90% of what i think about every single day#it is a huge chunk of what i talk about with other people cause it's all my thoughts#i can't make myself stop reading it#like i actually start going through withdraw or something#it gets hard to think and i can't focus and i can't sit still and i feel so so bored#and it feels like nothing else matters#i used to read science magazines for fun and now i can't even get through one article without feeling like i'm dying#there is some crazy good fic out there but most of what i read is like... the tik tok of stories#it's like the short form version of a book#it is taking over my life (i say that like this hasn't been true for probably a decade at this point)#but i literally don't know how to fix it#i can delete my ao3 but you can read without an account#i guess i could go wholesale and delete the internet off my phone#but i need that for so many other things#i straight up don't know what to do#i might actually need help. like i think i might be addicted the way some people are to social media
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do we think having guts by leith ross on repeat while im in The Location Of The Trauma is making my flashbacks worse or
#IF I HAD THE GUTS I WOULDVE SAID YOU CANT REPAIR IT SCREAMED AND CRIED OUTSIDE THE VENUE TO MAKE SURE YOU WERE EMBARRASSED#what’s ptsd#post traumatic stress disorder?? never heard of her#actually ptsd just stands for pretty transexual dyke#so. take that a***** p***** you just made me hot#screaming into the void#banging my head against the wall#coping so well actually#no concerning substance use here#i’d love One night of sleep without violent nightmares
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I really hate the term unhoused…. It feels so infantilizing
#the only explanation I’ve seen is that ‘you can have a home without having a house’#which is true I suppose but like. idk. in my experience sleeping outside doesn’t feel like ‘home’#like you don’t have a place to go or put your things or claim as your own#it feels like desperate and lacking and disconnected from everyone because this simple piece of humanity#like being able to say ‘this is where I go to exist’ is not a luxury you have#so then for someone to be like ‘you’re not homeless! you have a home! you’re just unhoused!’ is insulting#like you truly don’t understand how devastating and alienating not having a place to call your home is#and like I don’t think I’ve seen anyone who’s actually been homeless or is homeless refer to it as being ‘unhoused’#it seems like a white liberal thing to avoid saying the dirty word ‘homeless’
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i will never not find it hilarious that they completely forgot to animate patty at the very end of the final cutscene in the last three frames of the whole group
and the dub didn't even give her voiced lines when everyone was shouting they so the localization forgot about her too
#GTF Vesperia Things#the loc also changed her line from “it stopped?” to “it's over?” which is awkward#bc i'm pretty sure she was referring to the blastia+spirit's power not working as they intended#i know the DE loc was really wonky and they rly just went what's a consistency tho#but it's actually very jarring for me to play the DE version bc the loc was actually relatively on point originally#and then all the additions and changes are super awkward in the loc#like flynn saying good luck out there to yuri if you sleep at the inn at aurnion... even tho he's literally in the party#you can tell they didn't actually check the original script for accuracy/consistency AT ALL#just really feels like they didn't care much about it ultimately and just shoved it out#the remake is what i have access to rn but like... the original was def better and like#as someone who did play the original numerous times it's so blatantly obvious where they changed/added stuff#esp since patty's lines outside of anything immediately directed at her own story#were almost entirely throwaway lines they stuck in there just to give her lines to make her more present#i'd say about half of flynn's added lines if not more for anything he wasn't originally part of were similar#like anything that was exactly the same except they stuck in a few extra lines for those two#and like... i love flynn but imo the DE version really didn't do him that much more justice (n-no pun intended)#and like it doesn't matter that they did plan patty originally bc ultimately she got cut#which meant making the entire story/plot without her; so adding her back in LATER is like... why did you fucking bother removing her then#they ended up having to forcefully stick her back in anyway and whatever she would've had in the first place#prob would've been better/integrated better into the story than trying to squeeze in lines wherever possible#and I say that bc her lines (and a chunk of flynn's) don't actually change anything. chars will respond the same with or without their line#like... hearts r did really great in integrating a new char into the main party#even if i usually do NOT like additions to the main cast in remakes and is usually why i don't want remakes in the first place for tales#and then you've got innocence r which just butchered everything with its additions#and vespy is right in the middle as like... why bother (for money i know but still)#also tho honestly with how little flynn is even actually playable it's still a big why bother for me#bc yeah i do love having him there and i do love the sidequest stuff with him#but the biggest difference between hearts r and the vespy remake is that they didn't really... remake it#they just stuck new things into existing unchanged content and added a little bit more and reused the base game#if the tag count is still thirty im out of tags lol i just have a lot of Feelings abt this remake
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Feeling like everything has been put on pause ever since the wedding, everything leading up to it was so stressful I had forgotten how to both enjoy my own company, and how to do things that I like for me myself and I.
I've only been drawing shit for work lately! It's all very specific crap too, as much as I might like the finished piece, none of it feels like it's mine or was made for my own enjoyment, and that was the best part of everything Ive ever made. And it HONESTLY doesn't feel like I've made anything personal that was also fun since two tamersona weeks ago when I was doing the full background drawings
I know I can still do that level, it's in me, I just haven't Drawn anything that much that my arm isn't used to the movements anymore
feels too overwhelming to have to build it back up again
Overwhelming is actually the right word here bc my room is the biggest constant mess I've ever had it be, my cars trunk is even worse, it feels like I have so much to do (AND I DO)
#GENUINELY it feels like ive been paralyzed with art since the melanoma scare 🙃🙃🙃#i keep saying i miss drawing and i eant to draw again but ill get rare free time days and hours and I'm too actually scared to do it#''i want to change that and go back to the old me!!!'' i say knowing full well by tomorrow im either gonna be too busy or too scared again#SIGHHHHHH its 1am i have to be up at 8am should sleep#*pretends to lie down in the park where its nice and sunny*#*AND I CAN WEAR A SHORT SLEEVE SHIRT/TANK TOP OUTSIDE IN THE SUMMER AGAIN WITHOUT PROTECTION BECAUSE EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE ILL BE OKAY*#:'))))))#lizmet#bitchin bout life 2k23
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keepin it fully 100 if I'm not touched in a way that makes me feel loved soon I may very well Lose It™
#🤪teehee I'm at my fuckin limit#I feel. actually helpless and hopeless in regards to this like. I usually have ideas about what to do about things even if I don't like it.#but I'm. I just. I. don't know.#I don't know how to ask for what I need and I don't know how to get it and I don't know who to ask and I#I just don't know. like how do I attach some sort of sign to myself that says :#I just need someone I trust to walk up and hug me or something without acknowledging it ig Idk.#i wanna cry abt it but my head already hurts and crying would undoubtedly make it worse 💀#Idk how to talk abt this outside of rambling or sounding like a whiny lil asshole so no need to say anything#if anyone reads this. but. I'm just tired. I'm gonna. go to sleep I think.#jules.intothevoid✨#jules.txt✨#actually no fuckin scratch that doesn't even have to be loved. I'd take liked! desired! accepted! like I'm a person! like I exist!#anything.
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