#with some helpful hints

[jessieren]

Legal Dispute Wednesday

Dear Mr Evans

We all agree that its great to see you out in the wild doing what you love, with your navy suit and brown boots and fluffy socks and all that, but just to be clear... THIS - whilst cute - doesn't constitute contract adherence

Can I suggest that you refer back to our previous letters and HNW postings to see some many many examples of appropriate and valid contract fulfilment.

The following are examples that my clients have confirmed are appropriate and meet their expectations:

(maybe move the cushion)

2. (for visual purposes only... hot:dirty psychopath mode should not be fully activated)

3. (lose the girl... and preferably the blanket)

Oh... and Fuck You Claudine

4. (lose the vest.... preferably permanently)

5. (lose the shower curtain.... and as per image 2, psychopath mode should not be activated)

My clients have also agreed that there is some flexibility around their contractual requirements if the following terms are fully met

6. this counts... on SO. MANY. LEVELS

7. as does this

8. Fuck yes...

We respectfully request that you read the contract fully and respond within 24 hours - preferaby in person, in that black t shirt.

thx babe

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[watchingwisteria]

listen there really was just something about how in the book, snow’s 3-page descent from hesitant lover boy to deluded mfer happens entirely in his mind. lucy gray gives him no indication whatsoever that she suspects him, that she’s going to leave or betray him. he’s just sitting quietly in the cabin waiting for her to return when that seed of calculated suspicion, which he has needed to survive the capitol, takes a hold of him and chokes the life out of any goodness left inside him. it really drives home your terror as a reader that “oh my god did he kill her? did she escape? what happened to her? why would he even think that?” in a way that when the movie had to adjust for visualization it lost some of that holy shit this guy has lost it emphasis.

[potato-lord-but-not]

Noel seems to be the one comforting people pretty often, I think he deserves a quick menty b (and some comfort from his boyfriends)

woagh ourthur comic be upon ye

Arthur probably spent 20 minutes trying to get this man to finally break for the night

[thatsbelievable]

[krysmcscience]

Don't mind me, just slacking on a big Billford comic by making other far more ridiculous Billford comics and also some AU art (please excuse my slapdash human!Bill thank you please, also before anyone asks the art style is messy and all over the place because idgaf LOL)

This started out as an excuse to design a Bill Cipher-inspired "wedding" dress, but then spiraled wildly out of control. Various rambles and a bunch more human!Bill arts under the cut, including another silly little comic at the end! (Feel free to skip the rambles, I won't be offended. I know I'm bad at shutting up. XD)

I may or may not write some comedy stuff for this AU, which I'm calling 'For Better Or Worse (But Mostly Worse)'. While Ford DOES remember getting sloshed enough for one thing to lead to making out with another after karaoke, neither he nor Bill remember this wedding, At All. The Love God did nothing to dissuade them from going hog wild on their marriage spending, either, so it got...uh. Exorbitantly Expensive. As in, the grand total could probably buy the entire fucking MOON sort of expensive. (It's fine, don't worry, Bill's good enough at crime to be able to afford it.) Also, because the logic of this AU is mostly dictated by Rule of Funny, the Love God's powers are close to unlimited when it comes to matters of romance, but ONLY when it comes to matters of romance. (Like weddings!)

Want an empty human vessel to smash the soul of a triangle into for date nights or when it's convenient, or perhaps even when it's NOT convenient? Easy peasy! Want the marriage to be recognized in every corner of the multiverse from now until the end of time, thus making any potential future divorce nigh-on impossible? Can do! Want to buy an entire beach for the ceremony and honeymoon and in general, and totally not at all because it would be Super Hilarious to prevent any specific movies from being made on that very same beach in the future? Fine, whatever, it's not his finances he's ruining!

Does the Love God also provide special rings that just so happen to turn incorporeal as long as the "happy couple" doesn't remember that they barged into his dreams to bully him into presiding over their marriage? ...No comment!

He spends the next thirty years trying and failing to get in touch with either of them for payment. This is why you should always demand half the money up front, my guy!

Also it's absolutely a traditional Jewish wedding, because I like the idea of Bill demanding all the keepsakes from the marriage that he paid for, and being completely confused when one of the things he's handed is a fancy container full of broken glass. He gets it later, but in the moment, he thinks the Love God is just fucking with him some more.

Ramble over! Here's the full dress that caused the comic to happen, along with what Ford wound up wearing at the wedding (and begrudgingly agreeing to put on again later for Reasons), aaaaand also a close-up of Bill's ring:

I may have forgotten to draw Bill's hair floofier when drawing the back of the dress, lmao

Since double ring ceremonies have been leaking over into Jewish wedding customs for a while now, Ford also has a ring, but his is the much more traditional plain gold band. There's definitely a message engraved on the inside - embarrassing, cringe, or incriminating somehow - but I haven't decided what it is yet, so use your imagination for now. XD Bill, on the other hand, saw the phrase 'traditional plain gold band' and said "No Thank You" before proceeding to embellish his ring to his liking. And because he's a secret sap who adores Ford's extra fingers, the triangle points add up to twelve, as do the engraved stars. Yes, they're stars, not dots, I just got lazy. There's also six lashes on the eye gem, and probably an eye engraving on the inside with another six lashes. (Bill's got it BAD, okay? We all know this.)

Here are the initial scribbles of Bill's custom vessel in more casual attire, please ignore the wonky anatomy and the fact that I flat out refuse to ever draw him with a proper top hat:

He does actually need a cane in this vessel; since Bill tends to possess men and especially Ford more often than not, he's used to having a higher center of gravity when in a human body, so his ability to balance is pretty garbage. (He may or may not topple over with concerning regularity.) As for his empty eye socket, his bangs don't do much to hide it since he's so high-energy (dude is constantly on the move), and he also refuses to wear a patch over it, because 1.) why bother, and 2.) it's more fun to freak people out.

To better align with Ford's attraction towards the strange, the vessel was designed with super minor shapeshifting ability - Bill can look like a perfectly normal human, but he can also make the teeth and fingers sharper whenever he likes (which is mostly just when he's angry or being more of a menace than usual), as well as slit down the pupils or outright ditch the irises altogether. He can also have whatever he wants in the downstairs department, just because I'm an indecisive bitch on that front, lmao. Maybe he can have boobs if he wants them, too, but I ain't drawin' tits on no triangle, nuh-uh, no sir. His powers are otherwise limited down to what humans can do, because for some reason, the Love God doesn't trust Bill to not snap into Immediate Apocalypse Mode if he's given a physical form that's actually all his and no one else's.

Due to the body being all his and no one else's, it's also not really a standard possession so much as it is just...Bill being temporarily human. He's a lot more aware of and in tune with his human body's senses than he ever was with his "puppets", which makes things like pain a lot more intense. (He is mostly fine with this, because he's a fukken masochist.)

A bit more fashion stuff, including beach and party attire~

The beach outfit was mostly me trying and failing to nail down his body shape, which is still not bottom-heavy enough. I then decided to slap a bikini on it, before making it supremely unsexy with a pair of fugly shorts, because Bill's fashion choices are not allowed to be conventionally attractive. Meanwhile, the party outfit was mostly me looking at the casual attire I designed, asking 'how would Bill make this Worse', and then drawing the result. The mismatched thigh-highs are killing me inside! :D

No, his vessel can't actually summon fire, I just drew it for funzies before I decided on said vessel's limitations. Yes, the gold brick tattoos are absolutely a reference to the fic 'Knowing Me, Knowing You' - I simply could not resist.

I also HAD to draw Bill in one of his canonical(?) shirts, just made tank-top'd:

He is absolutely about to over-correct and fall backwards after this. USE YOUR CANE, GOOFBALL!!! (I meant to draw Bill closer to this degree of bottom-heavy in the other images, but. Alas. I am bad at anatomy, LOL)

And, last but not least before More Comic Time, I attempted to draw him closer to Gravity Falls style:

Jury's out on whether or not I succeeded, but - hey. I tried. Now have some Handyman Bill AU, but with my goofy human design, instead:

Hey, it's a 'mystery snack', and the guy wanted A BITE to eat - the joke was right there, guys!!! (Based on this post, because it just screamed BILL CIPHER to me.)

whoops i forgor bills ring and cracks ahaha too late now

I WILL SHUT UP AND STOP RAMBLING NOW K THX BYYYYYE

[violent138]

Batfamily member's civilian identity becomes some serial killer's target because it fits some profile. Cue said murderer going after this member of the Batfamily, earning a very shocked and mildly exasperated set of swear words and then getting their ass kicked. The Batfamily member doesn't even bother calling the cops, just tosses the would be killer in the back of their car (which has bloody gloves in the seat and weird files on people), leading the murderer to conclude they're in the presence of a much worse serial killer.

Tldr: Outsider POV fic where a Batfamily member earns the undying adoration of an actual murderer and it's a slow, convoluted process to getting the evidence to arrest them while also protecting their secret identity.

[dailyloopdeloop]

DAY 75: onehat

[ask-the-rag-dolly]

i'm going to be honest what you all have been doing is harmful to her wellbeing and will have considerable impacts going forward and yes i am saying this right as it's too late to change it , you're welcome everybody

[huitandahalf]

I know that we got plenty of options as to how everything with the Ender King is going to go down, but a thought that has not left my mind was the idea of the Ender King downing qPhil in some way and taking him away. Which means there would be a chat message for all to see :)

For example :)

[littlebittyhollowbugs]

Time to think about how alone the pale king was when he died. He had lost everything. His kingdom yes, but even his closest relationships.

His trusted friends, who became dreamers, gave up their lives and all for a hopeless cause. His wife was driven away by her guilt and her grief. His child who he had learned to love, he sacrificed for nothing.

Almost every character that we know of who had a personal relationship with PK had either been sacrificed or had left him.

And of course all of it was his own doing. (At least largely his own doing.)

Still he sat completely alone in that throne room when he died there.

[enden-k]

wise, silliest dude of sixth street fr.......his impression of antons jackhammer so beautiful...

[quibbs126]

What if we had an update where the North and South Dragons were recruited, but instead of Dark Cacao, it was Dark Choco doing it? Like, he knows the Ancients are probably forming some sort of army against Dark Enchantress, and so he goes to recruit the two dragons for the cause. Maybe he sees it as some way of helping or atonement (though not a full atonement) considering the things he did. Also he’s associated with Oreos like them

I dunno, it popped into my head this morning and I thought it sounded neat. Also this from the art book

(Pretty sure it’s Dark Choco because of the shoulder pads)

[fantasticgothicpeachsludge]

Help! I’ve fallen for a rarepair from a show that ended 6 years 1 month and 7 days ago!

And by rarepair I mean there is one singular fic about them where they’re not a side ship or in a collection of smut drabbles

[thatsbelievable]

[vimbry]

it's sad how many reviews and stuff around tmbg seem to centre linnell as the sole dark and creepy writer of the band, never really crediting flansburgh too. do "hide away folk family," "dirt bike," "rabid child," "black ops," "cloisonné" mean nothing to them, smh.

[camels-pen]

consider:

post-whole cake, Sanji wants to cuddle Usopp as much as physically possible and finally marry him

post-wano, he is terrified of even touching him

Usopp wouldn't understand, of course, because how could he? (Sanji didn't tell him) Sanji was a disaster waiting to happen and he didn't want to hurt Usopp. God, he never wanted that.

So on their way to Egghead, suddenly Sanji's declarations of love are more strained. He stops finding excuses to be alone with Usopp. Actively turns down Usopp's own invitations.

Usopp himself is absolutely miserable, to the point that everyone had noticed. Sanji could see it too, clear as day, but he couldn't do anything about it. He didn't want his partner to know how messed up his body had become so he had to keep his distance and avoid any situation where he might hurt him.

Zoro takes it upon himself to make good on his promise to kill him, just for a different reason this time. He says as much to Sanji after Sanji ignored his very eloquent advice of "grow a pair and use your words". The reminder of that little promise on Wano has Sanji fighting harder and sloppier than he meant to and- well, Zoro has perfect control of his blades, but he can tell when someone doesn't care about getting hurt.

Zoro refuses to fight him despite Sanji's attempts at goading him. Declares that he won't fall for his stupid shit until Sanji figured out whatever was eating him up. He doesn't exactly offer an ear to listen, but Sanji can't fucking take his stupid attitude so he drags Zoro to the galley and barks at everyone to stay out. Then-

Then he's bawling his eyes out, sniffling and hiccuping, drool and snot running past his chin. He's gross and disgusting and he's getting it all on Zoro's robe on purpose, mind you, because the mosshead sucks and how dare he make Sanji confess his deepest fears like this.

"I don't wanna reach for a hug and suddenly end up breaking his arms!" he blubbers into Zoro's shoulder, hugging Zoro tight and gripping the back of his robe. "I don't want to lose my emotions one day and hurt him because it's funny!"

And Zoro, quiet and loosely holding Sanji, will say, "You're doing fine with me aren't you?"

Sanji just kind of. Freezes. Mechanically looks up at Zoro, his face completely blank. Takes a few moments to realize he hadn't torn through the green fabric and that if he'd put too much pressure, Zoro would've pushed him away by now.

The next moment his face lights up- a disturbing thing for Zoro to be faced with- and he's running out the door calling Usopp's name even more loud and lovey dovey than usual.