#with friends as it aired in real time
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Pam Ferris in the Darling Buds of May
Fighting for my life as of lately she's so very beautiful. No I cannot be moderate, only very reasonable, about 90s Pam Ferris🙂↕️💅
#sometimes i imagine like in some alternative universe i would have been born in the 80s and would've been able to watch this show#with friends as it aired in real time#and i imagine similarly to what i experience with my fellow wlw comrades today#that their preferences would've landed on catherine zeta jones#but look at her#what is there to defend myself on#she's absolutely stunning#crush: pam ferris#pam ferris#ma larkin#the darling buds of may#90s actress
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friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me
#It’s just so different#even though it’s public it still feels secret and safe. i feel comfy sharing a lot more on here than I do in my actual day to day life lol#in my head I’m also just speaking to myself 90% of the time which helps#if a friend off tumblr saw my thoughts I’d feel so weird ab it#esp bc they might get the vagueposting about certain situations and tell mutual friends#no thank u. this is for me. I’m not about to start censoring my thoughts bc someone I know knows my tumblr#u guys literally saw me have LIVE BREAKDOWNS#meanwhile I’ll have the worst fucking day in history and tell no one about it. I’m already cripplingly private but way more so in real life#this is basically a low stress journaling outlet for me. it’s so important for me to maintain the separation#like this is actually my diary & has been so handy for letting out emotions / articulating thoughts / staying on track !!#& I’ve met so many kind people on here who actually get me. which is so hard to find irl bc I’m surrounded by pre-med gunners/overachievers#who are by standard not very good w emotion & can be competitive/judgmental. or at least it’s hard for me to be vulnerable in front of them#and I’m part of that crowd so I reserve my emotions only to a handful of very close friends#it’s nice to hop on here and express negative emotions!! or positive emotions!! just whatever I want and it’s low stress and people get me#I don’t have to worry about judgment or competitiveness etc etc#like everyone on here is so kind & nice & understanding. & just a breath of fresh air from the types I run w. it’s just nice to have this#so idk that’s why I think I’ll always be strict about keeping the worlds separate. it just works#p
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there's this common misconception that kagakuro is a love at first sight ship, but it's actually a "kuroko was using kagami to get back at the generation of miracles, but he didn't expect to fall in love with kagami, so he finally admits to his wrongdoing under the pale moonlight, but kagami doesn't care because he's fallen in love with kuroko too" ship
#meanwhile kagami goes from 'heh. this guy sucks at basketball' to 'i physically cannot comprehend life without him'#like this is a slow burnnnn#i think the misconception is because kuroko comes on so strong in ep 1 when he says 'i'll make you no1 in japan'#but kuroko wasn't actually being sincere. he was putting on airs to get kagami motivated enough to want to win against the kisekis#just as bad as he does#it's your classic 'i want to show my ex/my old friend group' just how happy i am without them#but kuroko didnt expect to ACTUALLY be this happy#he didnt think he'd fall in love (with basketball) again#when aomine says 'your light is too dim' there is some truth to it because in his eyes kuroko 'downgraded' by picking a no-name school#and a no-name guy to be his new boyf—partner. he sees through kuroko's desperation instantly#but the beauty of kagakuro is that over time something fake became something real because they are both so perfectly made for each other#AHHHHHHGHHHHHHHH#kagakuro
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That Hub Network Ask Megatron clip where he says the only reality TV star he wouldn't kill is Donald Trump really aged so fucking poorly lmao he is exactly the kind of person Megatron hated
#to be fair to him: at the time thats all he was trump was not president when that clip aired#tfp megatron might be a ruthless tyrant who wants control of cybertron but that wasnt how he started#and i think personally he would vaporize the walking garbage can out of principle#infringing on basic rights and opressing minorities is exactly what their society was like pre-war so like#that little bit of revolutionary is still in there i think he has complicated feelings and the parallels would get to him#im saying this to soothe myself i dont live in the us but i live next to it and have a lot of friends there who are endangered now#why cant we live in the reality where transformers are real and megatron vaporizes donald trump#it must exist out there in the multiverse#hed probably make a better president lets be real here he would want world domination but i dont think he would take away peoples rights#im done now lmao#sorry if this is in poor taste this post is mostly just for me#my post#transformers#megatron#tfp
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That is generally sad because having parents who aren't really abusive or emotionally straining yet- they don't really feel like people who LOVE you? I guess? Like- Hajime's parents were probably just normal everyday parents like Makotos but, I'm just spit Ballin here, they're less optimistic than Makotos parents, who in contrast, always bonded with their children and loved them right off the bat.
You can feel like a stranger in your family, and that sucks. It's no one's direct fault and no one can point to any huge grievance, which makes it hard to pinpoint, which means you never get the Comfort Of Family or the Tools of Dealing With Abusive Parents- you just. Manage.
#Parents who do their due diligence but cannot connect with their kid once it has a personality and opinions- it's real ask your friends#I feel like Hajimes parents just sort of went By The Book and nothing more.#Convo at the dinnertable was just. How was school? How was work? Any extra curriculars?#The neighbours got a dog. How is your old friend? Oh you havent talked in 6 years? The balcony needs painting.#That's it. Bed time. No one ever gets close at all. It's more polite conversation than you'd have at the bus stop#No interest and most of all no desire or dare to rock the boat. This works. We function as a family. That's the best we can do.#Otherwise we'd bring up a problem which unearths years and YEARS of unhappiness that ruins our otherwise stable life#Every single moment of frustration comes out at once. Because none of it ever got aired out. Cant have that can we??#So again. How was school? Doing good? Try hard okay? Good night.
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The Real Ghostbusters’ future analysis
Do you guys ever think about how tragic the real ghostbusters’ lives went on to be after they dismantled the group. Cuz I do, maybe even more than necessary, and I’ll go over EACH of them in this post.
Ray
At first he worked in uni, which is okay, but ended up being fired and had to settle for selling old cars while grasping every opportunity to pay off his debt. Ray, the guy who is the most ‘in love with his job’ as stated countless times in the show, is SELLING CARS.
In the “Look Homeward, Ray” episode we see a similar situation with him quitting ghostbusting to work in retail and he was MISERABLE because he is obsessed with his work, I’d even went on to say it’s his hyperfixation with how he forgets about everything at times, including time and other tasks he has (from one ADHD guy to another). And that man is selling old cars. Jesus.
Peter
He went on to Hollywood to sell the idea for the second Ghostbusters movie and has been doing that for SIX YEARS. Six years he was out in LA trying to push it through. To do that you need connections, and I’d imagine that making them is not easy, not even talking about how you need money to survive, and since he never said anything about his job, it is probably like super lame. Again, he LOVED ghostbusting and didn’t want to trade it even for a life of stage and fame (“Banshee Bake a Cherry Pie?”).
In “Take Two” episode we saw that he does not get along with Hollywood people, he has too strong of a moral compass and principles, so I can only imagine how those six years where he NEEDED to interact with them constantly went.
And finally, his father. He has a difficult relationship with him, but it’s easy to see that while he still cares for him, he hates how Jim makes money and would rather die then help him in his ‘projects’. Well guess what. His dad also went on to Hollywood to sell a movie about Ghostbusters. A movie no one clearly wanted, similarly to Peter’s (cuz I believe if his idea was a banger he wouldn’t have spent 6 years pushing it through), so at the end of the day he became like his dad, which is absolutely the worst nightmare of every person with bad parents.
Winston
I would say that Winston is relatively better off than others. He got his pilot’s license and went on to travel, which is cool as hell. However, Winston was the glue of the group. He was always the one saying “we’re a team, we need to stick together no matter what”, which can be seen in maaany eps, the most prominent one is probably “Ghostbuster of The Year”.
And he needed to watch them all drift apart, unable to do anything, and going non-contact because in “Back in The Saddle” they were catching up as if they never talked since they parted ways. That’s wild.
Egon
Last but not least 💪 technically you could say that he doesn’t have it that bad. He still lives in the firehouse, he works as a prof of his own course, right? WRONG ‼️
In the comics that are arguably canon, but logically still make sense, Egon get transported into an empty dimension where everything is normal, except he’s all alone. And this is what he thinks of that.
Bro hates being alone. He needs his friends around even if he doesn’t usually show it. This was his nightmare situation and he lived to experience it in real life. For six years.
When it comes to teaching, cool, but he’s a scientist, not a professor. He was excited and interested in experimenting and discovering, not teaching. Additionally, no one takes his course seriously, he has an average of 3 student per semester, and even they are only there for an easy A. That is depressing.
His life does get better after he creates Extreme Ghostbusters: he’s no longer alone, he’s (kinda) doing what he used to, but even then he still struggles with his self-image and midlife crisis, poor guy :(
Overall
These guys are the epitome of ‘frequently bought together, do not separate’, they cannot be without each other.
In “Look Homeward, Ray” Ray leaves the group thinking he’s not good enough and they do EVERYTHING in their power to bring him back.
In “Cry Uncle” Egon’s uncle Cyrus (god I hate that guy) takes Egon away to help him in his lab and the whole team is at first miserable (sitting around the phone waiting for him to call) and then makes 1500 miles one way to ask him to come back.
In “Egon’s Ghost” even though it’s not the only instance, when Egon gets sucked into limbo they go in for him with a condition of ‘either we get him back in an hour or we all stay here’ like THESE GUYS ARE A FAMILY. I did not see this kind of relationship in the live action movie, but in the show? They aren’t just colleague or buddies, that’s a FAMILY.
Even the fact of separating itself is heartbreaking, and accounting for the fact that neither of them went on to do something exciting (except maybe Winston) it is absolutely devastating. Man.
Even in “Back In The Saddle” they get one (1) successful bust and go ‘hell yeah guys, let’s go back to being Ghostbusters, I think we dropped it off way too early’ like yeah, I’m sure that’s what people with their lives together would say.
TLDR: the old men yaoi angst in the real ghostbusters is real 🎉
#the real ghostbusters#ghostbusters#ray stantz#peter venkman#winston zeddemore#egon spengler#I know that in extreme ghostbusters they aren’t actively depressed but like come on#it’s a kids show about busting ghosts ofc they won’t focus on the topic of grief and drifting apart#realistically though there’s no way these guys were just FINE with separating#again every time in the show it happened they were MISERABLE#I just cannot stop thinking about it all#imagine meeting the people you considered family after 6 years of no contact and realising you don’t know them anymore#new habits#new looks#new routines#bro egon is stronger than me if someone invited my old friends to my birthday id kms#also 6 years comes from trg ending in 1991 and eg coming out in 1997#and mostly air date is the same as date in canon
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SandRay Playlist [Part 1] |_ save your money for a shrink [insp.][template]
#only friend the series#ofts#sandray#raysand#ray x sand#only friends#deer.mine#ofp*#mine: gifset#this playlist is a real playlist and it makes me feel insane every time I listen to it#I think I'm gonna divide this in 3 parts and and do 8 songs every 4 episodes#frankly the real issue is trying to pare the playlist down#many thanks to Loseph for the assist and the vibe check#I made this before the ep aired obviously#and UHHHHHHHH#LIVING LAUGHING LOVING ON THIS DAY UH
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tdov was like a week ago already but I just wanna say when I came over to vacation slash help my sworn brother move flat he told me, "ever since you said you wanted to get top surgery I've been thinking about it. it's straight up number two on my bucket list"
#bakuspeech#number one is a house bc obviously. if u can own a house wouldnt u#he was very drunk at that time of the evening. I was not bc I have the constitution of a hot air balloon and any stimulant will blow me up#(relatively new development. france fucked me up big time turns out)#we held hand on his bed for like the whole evening. it was honestly very funny in hindsight but we were extremely earnest in the moment#and Im like. working on this thing as well. I dont got meds or therapy lmao Im bootstrappin here#but yeah early last year his bf offered to get me meds and I... turned it down... I think I was worried abt like. idk. something#but one year past looking back Im fully like that was a stupid move you shouldve gotten meds. youve once again fucked urself baku#but yeah with that kinda realization Ive also come to realized I've somewhat? accepted. that I'm just gonna be. like this#this in light of a number of likely chronic stuff too (hence my balloon-like constitution lmao) and#that's kinda bled into the rest of me without me really noticing#but him bringing that up fully unprompted... kinda jolted me out of it#its just. really incredibly sweet. that someone doesn't want me to settle for what I make do with#and like. preps for that work. just kinda held my hand and told me it's possible to do this actually#I didn't really express how I felt very well in that moment I think my brain is very bad and I process emotions with like a day of delay#but. well. Im thinking abt it Right Now. so yknow thats the kind of impact that had on me lol#not super sure why I wrote all this down here really. I think I just want a good n nice reminder that object permanence is real#and I exist in my friends' life even when Im going insane in a hole by myself#and with the power of friendship we can alter the universe's plan for ourselves and also kill god#that's that. anyways I eat lunch now and then pass out probably. last night was... eventful lmao#but!! very good things on the horizon hopefully. well manifestly we hold hammers and we use them#have a good day lads. let's go out and slay monsters under a highway
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irt the lrb what would you say if i said liam & noel spent new years 2023 together in paris
what would you say if i said liam bought the house in france (the one with noel's name carved into the walls) in march 2023 and that month noel talked about wanting to spend several months in paris
which could mean nothing
#just making guesses chatting shit talking bollocks you know how it is#if anyone can debunk that first thing pls tell me!#feel like i'm wearing a tinfoil hat and it doesn't vibe with my outfits if y'know what i mean#feel like i should do a timeline but every time i try it gets out of hand#ok have some very messy puzzle piecing:#liam & noel texting/calling from time to time since jan 2020#noel splits w sara spring 2022 starts spending more time in manchester#maybe march mothers day something happened?? possibly liam & noel met up in april??? that's pure speculation though#pretty boy released oct 31 2022 noel stops wearing wedding ring#noel spends christmas in england for the first time in ages#liam listens to the smiths all christmas eve. on christmas he has a party for close friends and family (including bod)#liam and debbie go to france for the new year to house hunt#liam claims on twitter (no one believes him) that noel is with him on new years day#(((he posts a selfie that i uhhh got very tinhatty about.. don't worry about it)))#noel goes to a football game on jan 5 and he is in a very good mood#divorce news jan 14. liam's divorce playlist jan 15. allegedly out drinking together jan 16. noel does promo for new single jan 17#jan 18th liam claims on twitter noel wants to meet up#peggy's 80th birthday end of jan#liam's hip surgery beginning of feb#feb 6th he claims noel's “coming over later to wipe my arse and change the bedding he's a good lad really”#starts slagging noel off for real again in early march (he'd been “nice” since november's pretty boy promo)#news that he bought a house in france#noel does a bunch of promo at the end of march (when the 3rd single came out) some of which didnt air until june when the album came out#there's one interview where he seems very tired and hungover and he blabs about paris for ages#end of march is the 1st time he tells liam to call him. 2 months later he asks (goads) liam again a bunch of times#anyway i probably forgot some liam tweets from jan/feb and i really haven't looked into 2022 or 2021 yet#but yeah it's pretty clear they were hanging out 👁️👁️ jan 2023 and then things soured by march after liam's surgery#(((kinda wonder if noel ghosted him and then was too scared to call))) ←wondering that bc it's exactly what i would've done :/#the christmas eve/day stuff probably means nothing btw but well i'm feeling insane about the new years stuff don't even worry about it
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doodle page of ep 42
#critical role#critical role spoilers#cr spoilers#orym of the air ashari#imogen temult#laudna#fearne calloway#chetney pock o'pea#ashton greymoore#no fcg cause i fucking hate drawing them i need to redo his design....#make them more round or smth. they're a pain to draw rn which sucks cause i love he !!!!#in other news this episode was so well deserved. bells hells deserve to have a silly and fun time.#and it is SO good to see silly orym again. as beautiful as the day i lost you.#bbygirl the gods have been watching you since exu. i love you so much.#a lesbian <- in love with orym of the air ashari#he really does only know how to run and jump....and play.#i cannot believe how well travis was rolling for chet too. fucking inSANE. the dice loved him.#also laudna is so real for immidiately wanting to cheat for her friends. she gets it.#aUGH and imogen and orym friendship. god tier. good to see them hanging out. he care for her so much.#i'll probably continue with relsitening to cr3 instead of exu today...#bells hells i love you.#so good to see ash being softer now too ;3; but also please be nice to paté he's just a guy...i hope...#the drinks they got each member...babygirl you love these people so much. (also not me analyzing each choice like some cycle path)#i want....whatever the fuck laudna got. and whatever fearne got cause silly straw :)#and y'know what yeah i AM going to read too much into their drink choice for orym#it's my brainrot and i choose how it manifests#oK I STFU NOW BYEEEEE#if you read all these tags you are a trooper and i love you thanks for listening to my silly thoughts#ep doodles
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It feels like it was only yesterday I read about Oscar getting a mermaid girlfriend and now there's Ikasumi. I ship it, though! I'm curious what happened to the mermaid girl. Also, I think I'm experiencing what the rest of the guild is feeling when it comes to Oscar's lovelife, like since when was this a thing I want deets 😂
FUN FACT: HE STILL HAS THE MERMAID GF TOO!!!!!!!! this is what i mean when i say oscar has that playboy streak!!!!!!! hes like "Oh we have [problem]? I know someone who can help! ^^" AND ITS ONE OF HIS EX-GIRLFRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and FOR REAL this is oscars running joke. he always has things going on that for some reason he doesnt tell anyone about and doesnt bring up?? 1) his girlfriend changes often and 2) his other running joke is hes always doing part-time work at some different job every so often. mochi and coco go outfit shopping, trying to pick clothes, mochi like "What do you think of this color on me?" and oscar, somehow working at that clothes shop, out of nowhere is like "Nice it brings out your eyes!"
mochi & lime after some magic commission exhausted in a far off town, go to get dinner and sit down and the server (oscar) is like "Hey guys! I can get you a discount since I work here!" when theyre like "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU EVEN DOING HERE???" he replies "Oh me? My uncle lives nearby and im visiting him for the weekend so i decided to help out at their diner. Pretty cool, huh?"
they go to some festival happening in town, walking around stalls and theres oscar managing one of those hacked, rip-off game booths like "Hey Mochi! We have this fluffy cat stuffed animal that looks like your style! Maybe you can solicit Lime into winning it for you! (overworld challenge noise)" (which turns into an aggressive "I'm gonna win that fucking cat." vs "I own this damn game and you're gonna empty your pockets before I let you win it.")
anyway, oscar is a psuedo-cryptid in his own right.
#bpp#text#lore#oscar lore time#also a good excuse to like. get him to random places#this also plays into the girlfriend thing#(what are you doing in the outer reaches of the kingdom?!) (oh my girlfriend wanted to visit her friends so we took a trip!)#all his little jobs also means hes loaded#makes sense for the guy that bought a storefront home in the middle of downtown capitol city#his vibes are venti-like where they seem so sweet and nice but theres something obviously off about them#and anytime you question it youre hit with the old reliable (ehe)#actually a very real thing may be that we dont see oscars full love subplot play out in the story#may be just hints that it would go in a certain direction but it is left in the air#oscar hits me as the type thats not obsessed with romance the way the others essentially are#the only normal fucking person in the story#besides the arm
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twas feeling nostalgic for 2021 when everyone and their mothers did homestuck and danganronpa sprite edits on tiktok
#john egbert#june egbert#homestuck#the john in my head is like#half based on me half based on my friends design#the viet + mexican and earrings come from their design#the genderfluid + omni comes from me#the brown eyes and hair come partially from me because i have brown hair and eyes and partially from typical vietnamese and mexican feature#the pins are based on real pins i made a very long time ago and no longer have#in case you cant tell they are casey the breath symbol and the con air rabbit#they have a little bit shaggier hair in my head but i couldnt figure out how to do that so just. picture it#sorry this is slowly turning into a homestuck account
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need this strength at the end of this assignment
#its due tomorrow night and i am like halfway done#im so tired man its like 3am and ive been working nonstop since like thursday#i threw up the other day after a huge panic attack bc of this assignment#its a whole mess rn im just waiting for it to be over honestly#i need to get a passing grade on this assignment to pass the class bit the deadline is impossible#like the amount of work we had to do cannot physically fit into the time frame we were given#so we've been crunching for like a week which is. not having any effects on me 😁#no more stress pls i cant take it anymore i need to have fun i need to eat good food i need to laugh and be held and watch tv and play#and chase my friends around and smell fresh air and listen to good music and look at cool art and cook and dance and smile#work is over its time to play for the rest of our lives#ive been working since 9am which means ive been working for 17 hours#HEY#17 HOURS???????#fuck my prof for real wdym 17 hours of work#he tells us ''better time management'' i worked 12 hours every day on this assignment 9am to 9pm and i cant get it done. fuck you seriously
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Recent things.. mostly just writing screenshots lol
#There's a water problem in the apartment so thats been taking most of my attention lol.. the way maintenance happens here is just#this big long vague wait with no clear communication. You just send in a request to the apartment building and then you might hear from the#any weekday from 8am - 4pm any time after that. Sometimes it's quick but sometimes its like days before you hear anything. So then#you just have to be operating under the assumption that at any time during working hours you might get a call or a knock at the door#Like if you were expecting company at any time for a week straight ghjhj.. ANYWAY.. I've been working on making a little discord#server thing for the game maybe for playtesters to communicate in initially i guess but then also after it's out or... something like that.#no idea how all of that works. but you hear about people doing it. or something... Still not entirely sold on the idea since I'm not really#a big user of discord format speaking (like little chats and stuff) but.. again idk.. seems like.. common.. for things...(< socially odd#hermit fumbling through trying to imitate what '''normal''' people do/enjoy/desire lol..). Since I think my biggest issue is I am very bad#at socializing and thus marketing since a lot of that is social. The type to just google ''what do people do about games once they've#made them'' and just go after whatever the top 10 things apparently are hjbjhbjh... But like I said. still unsure it will be utilized. it#all feels very awkward to me. then again most things do. But that's what the ''overall progress'' screenshot is from. the little channel#where I've been posting updates to myself lol. Also ''coding'' in that being used very lightly consdering it's ren'py and I'm only using#the very bare bones most basic functionality of it lol. Extremely intense highly daunting master level coding such as ''if x then y''. gbjh#slacked on writing a lot due to the evil maintenance and such things... and just general... appointments... events... aughhhhhh#I think it's Goose Time here or something because nearly every day I hear big V shaped rows of geese flying by like multiple#times a day and they're so pretty and neat to watch. They've really inspired me somehow. Today it was rainy and gray skied and high winds#and cold (some of my favorite most beautiful weather) and I went out to check the mail and like 6 or 7 rows of geese fluttered#by in the air. I felt like that meme image of that guy that looks kind of weird (william dafoe??) and its like black and white and#he's looking up at something almost teary eyed wide eyed in awe.. The goose... those are my goose.. the universe sent those gooses just#for me and the high speed winds blowing my coat open and chilling my face... a tender platonic kiss from the world is often delivered#by way of chilly weather and bird formations.. peace and love on planet earth truly..#OH and of course.. boy with boy!!!! shout out to those little mcdonalds toy animal plushies from like 2006 or something. I found the#gray cat one and was like.. hrmm.. I have one of those as well (a real life gray cat). surely they're friends now.
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there is a sadness that permeates ofmd s2. it feels post apocalyptic in an uncomfortably real way. there are a lot of beautiful, painful moments. it reminds me of my early 20s and the friends i had, who eventually moved or drifted away.
like, there was a golden time when things are simple and you were there but you missed it. you didnt stop and appreciate it. or maybe it was never that simple, and it's just the nostalgia making you feel that way. but youre different now or maybe youre the same but everyone else is different, and youve all been through so much, youve lost people and youve hurt each other in ways that were casual and careless but caused ripples that shifted things in a frustratingly, achingly imperceptible way you dont even know how to fix. and now you have new people, and maybe some of the same people, and you keep trying but you cant recapture those golden moments of the past because it was lightening in a bottle. so you just have to keep going and in five years you'll look back at this moment right now and think, man. those were the good times. and everything is different now.
#ed and stede's 'ending' makes me the saddest of all of it tbh#like that right there is the real bittersweet part#ofmd s2 spoilers#it just all makes my chest ache#and in a meta way#the place i was at in my life is so different but so similar to where i am now#when s1 aired vs now i mean#and that time seems so nostalgic and simple when i KNOW it wasnt#but i miss it and i miss my friends#and season two was good#not perfect but good#rushed but so many good moments#idk what im trying to say!#ofmd#our flag means death
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how it feels getting trapped in a sleep paralysis/false awakening loop for 40 minutes while trying to take a nap right before having to make a phone call
#this made less and less sense the more i worked on it and the more the memory faded#didn't see a demon or anything (couldn't open my eyes) but hallucinated for the first time ever someone?#presumed it was my friend or sibling or something someone who could feasibly get in my room#poking me in the ribs bc they thought it was funny (it was not)#was going to try to find an emoji or one of those meme faces but i don't think it would have worked as well#so hurrah first my art im posting exclusively to this blog#literally the ONLY thing in one of the loops that indicated it being a dream was where in the previous loop i moved my water bottle#and it was in the same place that i moved it into the previous loop#the fuckiest thing was i was trying to take deep breaths to not panic but i couldn't control my lungs or airways or anything#so it was a lot like when you surface from water and there's that vacuum and you try to suck in air#but there's nothing there so there's that massive disconnect of what you expect to what you feel and ofc that makes it worse#but also when i was trying to exhale and my body (on autopilot) was inhaling#that phone call went surprisingly well considering i was like only 40% sure it was even real#i'm like still only 60% this is real some of those loops were scarily realistic#yikes#i uh don't like this feeling#i really didn't like that#sleep paralysis#false awakening loop#eggsistential draws#my art#eggsistential speaks#tag rant
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