#just making guesses chatting shit talking bollocks you know how it is

[acquiescest]

my guess for yesterday's events on liam's twitter: he watched the trailer for noel's sifters interview, heard the 9 or 10 comment without context, had a bit of a strop on twitter

then he read the replies saying noel was being sweet and saw the sunsheeiiiiiiine clip on twitter, then later watched the whole interview and deleted the tweet

[punkscowardschampions]

JC pt.1

Janis: Has your brother talked to you too?

Casey: ‘Course

Janis: I don’t know what I’m meant to do with him

Casey: you ain’t meant to do owt, he weren’t meant to be your problem

Janis: It was stupid to think he wouldn’t end up my problem when your dad left for good

Janis: not saying I wish he’d gone with but Jesus

Casey: I dunno what you’re coming to us with it for, he’s after me going

Janis: I was after knowing how much of a rage he got in with you

Janis: Where does he think you’re going?

Casey: enough to where if our dad moved us further he’d be shooting up a school

Janis: Yeah, I didn’t think it were just me that was treated to the incel manifesto of it all

Janis: I’m worried about him, lack of a gun an’ all

Casey: he’s fucked, no massive surprise, lack of a club an’ all

Janis: Neither of you are like that

Janis: sure, no prizes but I’m serious, do I have to search his tech and hope he doesn’t push me down the stairs in the meantime

Casey: he’d say different except he can’t hack me and him being even a bit alike

Janis: Of course, you’re the bad guy, us both in this one

Janis: but when he doesn’t get his way then where is all this energy going

Casey: probably a list of his other targets somewhere when you crack on with your search

Janis: Don’t act like you think it’s a laugh

Casey: no dickhead’s no use when it’s their job to be and as the twat’s pointed out, mine’s minimum wage customer service bollocks

Janis: I know you can’t fix it, I weren’t asking, just

Casey: just what?

Casey: here’s the chats you save up to fill the awkward silences between you and your husband, have him fix it, he’s the one who reckons he can

Janis: Well he obviously can’t

Janis: I’m talking to you because it involves you, far as Bobby is concerned

Casey: far as our kid’s concerned my room’s his new gym and I can piss off and die, like

Janis: He talks like a sociopath

Janis: that’s not happening because he didn’t see anything and even if he did, he doesn’t get to make demands, what the fuck

Casey: under the same roof or not, it don’t involve me

Casey: and you don’t fancy me putting myself in the middle either, you know what’ll happen

Janis: That’s all you’ve got to say on it?

Casey: what else is there

Janis: Sure

Casey: I get it, you’re in over your head and it ain’t big enough this time to sort you a way out

Janis: I just thought you might have an opinion, give a shit

Casey: bit late in the day for all that, mate

Janis: Not like you could be homeless or anything, why would you bother

Casey: I wouldn’t for long, I don’t go ‘round burning every bridge like them pair

Janis: I’m thrilled you have options but that’s not really the point

Casey: you’ve not got a proper point

Janis: You’re being a brick wall, I get it, you had to be so he tired himself out smashing his head against it but can we not fucking talk

Casey: I don’t wanna talk about Bob

Casey: I’d have to say I can’t fucking help you

Janis: Yeah and you were right I don’t have a single clue but you were wrong because it is my problem still

Casey: *all of ours

Janis: Too right

Janis: don’t let me feel useless alone, you prick

Casey: alright, look

Casey: I’d be fuming to give right into the spoiled little gits demands but

Casey: if moving out causes you less problems, tell us to

Janis: He only thinks that’s a solution

Janis: what’s next, when that don’t do what he wants it to

Janis: it’s not fair

Casey: letting him think he’s won’ll stop you losing sleep over what a bloody nutter he is, chuck you breathing room before his next strop

Casey: feels a fair trade to me, my room for you to have that

Janis: I guess, maybe it might

Janis: and you’ll really be alright?

Casey: I’ve mates to crash with, a girlfriend now

Janis: Yeah

Janis: It doesn’t need to be long, he just doesn’t want us spending time together, he doesn’t really want you gone for you to be gone, you know

Casey: he does, but that don’t matter

Casey: as I told him, ‘til she’s out he’s stuck sharing this town, I’ll not be rushed for nobody, least of all a crying kid

Janis: Have you heard anything lately?

Casey: nah, you heard, no dickhead’s no use when it’s their job

Janis: Sorry, depressing ‘round here lately

Casey: lately, try the last [however old Bobby is in years]

Janis: I’m not taking credit nor blame for that though, tah

Casey: no need, you know where and when to take yours off

Janis: Have spent the last [however long, even if we’re exaggerating for how it felt lol] being told exactly what I’ve done wrong, yeah

Janis: even got my sister involved, prolong the telling off

Casey: Gracie? Good on the lad, that’s funny

Janis: That would’ve been

Janis: Mags, obviously, they’re in the same year

Casey: gutted for her, bet he’s a right laugh in class

Janis: Probably why he’s so angry, can’t have this go effectively in person, really

Janis: far as excuses go, alright but still, taking the piss now

Casey: even the foreign kids could make themselves understood by chucking a desk at Lucas, he’s got no excuses, why he’s actually so wound up

Casey: life ain’t half as shit as he wishes it were, not his

Janis: Teenage prerogative, being an unbearable dickhead

Casey: shame he’ll never grow out of it

Janis: He’s not got the best role models there

Casey: what he’s got’s you and Jim playing happy families, decent roof over his head and that lass who gives him a hand at school, never mind the lasses his own age who won’t care about talking

Casey: don’t know his luck

Janis: You know he’s not interested in that stuff

Janis: but yeah, providing I stay in line and don’t fuck the former up for him, he’ll not start setting fires or murdering puppies

Casey: no pressure

Janis: Thanks, like

Casey: sort of mate I am

Casey: I’ll stay at hers tonight and come in for my stuff [a day that is irrelevant but is giving he’s off work so he can do it when Bobby and Jimothy aren’t there]

Janis: Thought her parents didn’t like you

Casey: they’ll be asleep

Janis: Sure, ‘course you behave better at other people’s

Casey: nowt to do with the earplugs and sleeping tablets

Janis: Maybe an incel kid isn’t that bad after all 

Casey: too right, sod all’s worse than the middle classes

Janis: I’m so glad our meeting was brief

Casey: might as well have been an intro, how much she’s gone on and on about you

Janis: Posh girls are always obsessed with me

Casey: tends to be ugly girls which she’s not

Janis: Do you want me to be flattered?

Casey: what you’re used to, not gonna be

Janis: What?

Casey: jealousy of how fit you are, standard to you by now

Janis: Oh, yeah

Janis: it’s a hazard of the occupation but I happen to be a cunt anyway 

Casey: yeah, she’d have a job competing with that an’ all

Janis: It’s okay, both of those sound like compliments, she’ll not know

Casey: can make anything sound like a compliment if you try and we’ve both said we would

Janis: I don’t remember that

Janis: nowhere near enough blood to make anything binding

Casey: it’s alright, I do

Janis: I forgot that too, you’re boring now, my bad

Casey: oi, don’t chat shit

Janis: No, it’s handy, like you said

Janis: can prove him wrong, you’re a non-threat now

Casey: piss off, take back that I’m boring

Janis: Why? It’s what you want, makes it a good thing

Casey: why would I want to beat you to the scrapheap

Janis: I dunno, that’s your business

Casey: I’ve no business with none of that, tah

Janis: Whatever you say, mate

Casey: she’ll do for the minute, I’m not marrying her

Janis: ‘Cos that makes it real, just paperwork ain’t it

Casey: whatever you say, you who signed yourself away to the first dickhead bothered by the paperwork

Janis: He asked, I weren’t putting out ads for myself

Casey: I remember

Janis: Try not to, I get it

Casey: unforgettable day, can only try so hard

Janis: You don’t need to tell me

Janis: Thank God for the free bar

Casey: speaking of, I’ve drinks to pour

Janis: Very tactful, okay

Casey: in a bit

Casey: [the stuff collecting day he said] maybe

Janis: Do you want me to be there or not

Janis: because neither of them will be, as you’d worked out

Casey: you know how I am with goodbyes

Janis: But it’s not one

Casey: it’s as good as

Janis: Then I’ll be there, even though it’s not

Casey: I’ll not be catching you with a brew and a blanket no more, acting 90 if you’re a day, it’s an end to that

Casey: to all sorts

Janis: You who made said brew and threw the blanket at me 

Janis: nothing happened, how much more wholesome and boring could you get

Casey: can’t have you catch your death of cold, dunno when flu season is but your nan would the dangers

Janis: Our lung damage is on a par, she should be concerned meanwhile

Casey: you’ll not be tempted when I’m not there to tempt you 🚭

Janis: How heroic

Casey: what you’re after, some dickhead to play the hero before our kid goes villain

Janis: is it

Casey: nearly on your knees for my help, you

Janis: I know who you are, and what

Casey: don’t forget

Janis: don’t try to bullshit me

Casey: I’ve never been able to, no use trying

Janis: It’s one of my favourite things about you

Janis: wouldn’t want that to change for no reason

Casey: I need you to remember it weren’t all bad, it won’t be

Janis: I know what you need me to do

Janis: the same as Bob wants

Casey: there’s gotta be some hope left even for the likes of us

Janis: ‘course, no pressure

Casey: reminded me how young he is, the chat we had

Janis: Still a kid, even if a fucked up one, yeah

Casey: if someone had cared when I were, tried more

Janis: don’t

Casey: don’t need to be too late again

Janis: You know this is the party line I get from him as is

Janis: the kid is not a Hail Mary to fix what was done to you two

Casey: nah, he’s another fucked up kid

Casey: but now we’re the adults

Janis: it’s going to destroy him, if Bobby keeps down this path, we all can see that coming from a mile away

Janis: so not only do I need to save him, I need to save Jim from ever knowing

Casey: you can’t, he’s gotta know to get involved

Janis: He has been, these whole [however old Bobby is] and the kid is still walking around like a new and improved version of your dad

Janis: I’m supposed to throw that blame at his door because you know he’ll feel solely responsible even though it’s clearly DNA with the rest

Casey: the kid needs his head seen to, how would you sort that behind his back

Janis: I don’t know

Janis: I don’t know that he’d agree to that, what’s he do, take his fucking translator so she gets to know all his deepest darkest secrets

Janis: would you? I wouldn’t

Casey: might be they can do it in writing or whatever, I don’t know

Janis: I’ll chuck him a diary, that’s really lending itself to the school shooter 

Casey: fuck’s sake

Janis: is right

Janis: I’m not freaking out because I’m a big head who reckons she can solve everything, I know I can’t so don’t you join in giving me these easy fixes, please

Casey: I just want to give you something other than another massive headache

Janis: It isn’t you, it’s the state we find ourselves in

Janis: I’ll be grand

Casey: what, you’re allowed to bullshit me

Janis: Felt like I had to

Casey: I’m not them

Janis: Don’t be

Janis: not to play pass the parcel with this bullshit but I might lose it myself if you go to the dark side

Casey: I’m going nowhere

Casey: only [whatever dublin numbers his friends and gf live in because we can deffo say hers is different when her parents are trying to be posh and his friends could live everywhere he has many is the vibe of this era]

Janis: 🌍📍

Janis: Alright, world traveller 

Casey: and you’ll be there [the day we specified]

Janis: I’m really going nowhere

Janis: promise

Casey: then I’ll be alright

Janis: promise too, dickhead

Casey: I’ll do it in front of you

Janis: alright

Janis: I better let you get back to it ‘til then

Casey: getting sacked’d be as typical at the minute as it’s avoidable, like

Janis: Nah, you’re too good at your job

Janis: you should make the [sherry drink he made her that was somehow bomb], well impressive stuff

Casey: nobody here I feel the need to impress, but I’m buzzing you liked it

Casey: secret’s [and drop the full recipe] if you wanna make it

Janis: I might try

Janis: felt like drowning in a good way

Casey: long as you won’t

Janis: Was ambushed by that pair before I could even leave the tub, no chance

Casey: you’d go before I could even save you, chances are

Casey: slow night’s still a paid shift and you reckon I’m alright at this job

Janis: I know how to hold my breath

Janis: and you’re not my hero, I heard, don’t worry

Casey: how long for

Janis: [tell him because of course you have a personal best]

Casey: they teach you at lifeguard training or what

Janis: Ha, you do have to be able to swim a certain amount without coming up for air, yeah but I’ve trained myself to do it longer than that

Casey: [tell her the amount of swimming and time you know it to be because she was doing that job in peak crush era so ofc he knows cos he’d have wanted to do it to had he been older]

Janis: Well remembered

Janis: you could do it easy, I’ll teach you, probs not in the bath though

Casey: steady on, fucked as we are, we ain’t so cursed I should worry about getting myself prepped for a great flood

Janis: You don’t need to be embarrassed by how easily I can lap you

Casey: never been when we run, same difference

Casey: and I already said how fit you are, works that way too

Janis: Technically you said your girlfriend thinks I’m fit

Casey: more of the same difference, she’s my missus, obviously she can’t have her own opinion

Janis: Hmm, you’re a less convincing sexist than your brother these days

Janis: still take it

Casey: I’d say your influence, but since you’ve not convinced him

Janis: I’m that shit a woman I’ve ruined it for all the rest?

Janis: whoops

Casey: do ruin loads for the rest, you, yeah

Casey: ‘course they’re lying it’s cos you’re shit

Janis: long as you’re still my mate, can’t pretend I care about having a girl gang

Casey: you’re the only mate I really want an’ all

Janis: can say you’ve ruined that for anyone else too

Casey: *you’ve

Janis: I’ll take that blame

Casey: I’ll miss you [+ whatever the most ridiculous pet name is from the ones they were throwing around when they were in the previous convo]

Janis: 😁😁😁

Janis: I’ll miss you so much more [and throw your own wild pet name out too]

Casey: I’ll take that challenge, aced your last

Janis: There’s still some in the fridge

Casey: will it keep alright ‘til [the day] or you gonna have to finish it in your bath

Janis: if I say no now, looks like I just want to keep it all for myself but

Janis: would be pushing it

Casey: have it, I told you

Janis: ‘cos you feel bad for how much more I’ll miss you

Casey: ‘cause you deserve to feel good and I want you to

Janis: I want it for you too, I’m only being a twat and teasing you because, you know

Casey: yeah

Janis: dunno if you do, doesn’t even make sense

Janis: but you being happy is what matters

Casey: nah, you

Janis: I’ll keep you happy and you keep me happy, how’s that?

Casey: how’s it to know I miss you loads more now

Janis: hard but like I can’t bear how much harder it’d be not knowing

Casey: harder for me

Janis: You’ve got so many distractions

Casey: everybody ordering can see how hard it is, I haven’t enough distractions

Janis: I owed you

Janis: you did it first at lunch, remember

Casey: you that forgets, I can’t

Janis: I haven’t

Janis: it’s everything else I wish I could

Casey: I’d let you with everything else, make you

Casey: you’re owed that

Janis: I know

Janis: but we’re trying

Casey: start [the day he’s picking his stuff up aka saying his goodbyes, love that we’re giving this is bants and like a diet she doesn’t need to go on cos that dessert she’s gotta eat, when it’s SO serious]

Janis: You couldn’t make me dread seeing you if you tried

Casey: I don’t want you to dread me

Janis: Too sentimental how much I look forward to seeing you

Casey: too easy to just say fuck it and come see you now

Janis: yeah

Janis: have to remember the whole list of reasons why you can’t

Casey: but I’m that ready to forget them all when I remember you’re waiting

Janis: I’ll still be waiting [on this day]

Janis: swear

Casey: you left work for us, I could do for you

Janis: Your girlfriend will be there, right

Casey: mates before the missus

Janis: good one, give you that

Casey: I’ll tell her and my boss I’ve got a headache

Janis: stealing my excuse, the cheek

Casey: cheek for the night to be this slow after the day I’ve had

Janis: seriously

Janis: could convince the kid to have another go, well easy

Casey: he already is I’m scum

Janis: It’s self-loathing, you know that

Janis: anything he can call you is how he feels about himself

Casey: owt he accuses me of I might as well do

Janis: That’s why you want to

Casey: you know why I want to’s fuck all to do with him

Janis: I can’t have this be some fuck you reaction, even if I feel the same way about the shit that was said

Casey: how I feel never has done nor will change, for him, her, not for nobody

Janis: It can’t, not for me

Casey: I wouldn’t ever treat you like that, he don’t believe you’re special to me but you are

Janis: If it was as easy as he thinks, to get it out of our systems or whatever

Janis: could have years ago

Casey: he don’t know what to think, he’s not felt it

Casey: and how he’s going, he won’t

Janis: reckon there’s a lot of people who never have

Janis: can’t do, seems like no one else is kept awake wondering

Casey: wouldn’t be special then

Janis: You are

Janis: you’re my every other thought, that you’d like something, or hate it too, how much better something would be if you were here

Casey: you’re my every, not just saying it to top you

Janis: feels like a win for me too so 

Janis: you can say it again

Casey: been years since I’ve thought of anything else

Casey: Bob asked if I was planning on taking her to meet dad and I had to laugh, ‘cause ‘course I’m not

Janis: couldn’t hate her as much as he does me

Janis: that’s what you meant, that I’d ruined loads of things

Casey: I don’t feel ruined by you, whatever I said

Janis: Maggie thinks it’s selfish, but I’m just trying to be honest because that’s what’s most important with us

Janis: you’d rather know how I really feel, wouldn’t you?

Casey: yeah

Casey: nothing fucks with my head worse than when you piss about ‘round something instead of just telling us straight out, there’s too much room for bollocks to creep in

Janis: You’re the only person who gets me 100%

Janis: when that don’t feel true, I hate it

Casey: same for me, I told you

Janis: let’s tell each other everything, no secrets, no bollocks

Casey: okay

Janis: okay

Casey: from [the day] or from here on

Janis: I don’t want to wait

Casey: it’s alright, I don’t fancy keeping you waiting

Janis: I want to be close to you, how we were

Janis: don’t even know when and where we drifted

Casey: You married him

Janis: Everything started going wrong then

Casey: no shit, was the wrong thing to do

Janis: I couldn’t just not

Casey: you could, it ain’t just a piece of paper

Janis: I thought it was to him but

Janis: now I don’t know

Casey: you reckoned on using it like a plaster to stick over him, another fucking patch up job, this time to last ‘til there’s kids who can take it on

Janis: I’m not going to do that

Janis: fucking hell, I’ve not avoided all the sins of my ma but I can do that much

Casey: he’ll never do more than survive, if that

Janis: But we’ve seen him do more, it’s possible

Janis: and I’m not saying I’m the answer but I didn’t imagine the whole thing

Casey: your first honeymoon don’t count, he was a teenager and he fancied you, there’s the answer

Janis: what did you say about hope before

Casey: still limits, he’s had every chance and chucked every

Janis: Maybe

Janis: don’t mean it comes naturally to me, to stop trying

Casey: I know it don’t, girl

Janis: I know you know how it feels

Casey: I’ve avoided the sins of neither my mum nor dad, no leg to stand on chatting about mistakes

Janis: This isn’t though

Janis: I’m not gonna be told it is just because there’s plenty in my history

Casey: my favourite thing about you, you won’t be told

Janis: your favourite when you’re not trying to tell me something, yeah

Casey: always

Casey: you’ve got instincts you trust, I wish I had

Janis: use mine, I’ll keep you safe

Casey: I do and you have, be in prison or bled out ages ago without

Janis: Might be my proudest achievement 

Casey: not 90 yet, you’ve loads of time to achieve something better

Janis: shut up and take the compliment 

Casey: yours to take along with all the credit, like

Janis: not all

Janis: if you weren’t you, it wouldn’t work, not looked after anyone else as well 

Casey: and I dunno how to be anybody else, what a pair

Janis: I like you, fuck being some other twat

Casey: I love you, I won’t stop for no other twat

Janis: You’re not drunk, are you

Janis: because you sometimes say it when you are and I have to act like I didn’t hear it to play fair and not get hurt

Casey: be lying if I said I haven’t had drinks bought but

Casey: I’m mostly serving ‘em

Janis: alright

Janis: a good indicator because you’d be to gone to the state you usually are 

Casey: go on, how many sherrys have you had, nan

Janis: She’ll never let you call her that without knocking some teeth out of your head, get over it, boy

Janis: He can add driven to drink to his list of complaints, half this bottle is gone but it’s only sherry

Casey: how would I get over foreplay like that, tell her I’ll let her have all my teeth, won’t need ‘em for her turn, will I

Janis: It’s like all that wine hit at once, tah 🤮

Casey: 😏

Janis: No more offering to make you smirk on the other side of your face, you’re too distracted to care

Casey: what else you offering, [the dessert]’ll be long gone too, you’d need to soak up that sherry somehow 

Janis: a fat lush, you’re so charming, are you bringing this energy for your other customers or just me?

Casey: you’ve not been a customer of mine yet

Janis: The invite still stand or

Casey: or what, am I over you

Janis: or you don’t need to make me madly jealous now, you already know

Casey: I weren’t inviting you for that

Janis: what for then?

Casey: I just want your opinion of the place, what you like, what you don’t

Casey: for you to be with us somewhere I am that ain’t his house and to be able to make you feel something

Janis: Name another day

Casey: tomorrow

Janis: I’ll be there

Casey: don’t say that unless you’re coming

Janis: I came back when you asked, you’ve asked me to, I’m going to

Casey: you wasn’t half a bottle of wine deep pre pulling your sickie

Janis: You can ask again when I’m sober in the morning

Janis: though you know I’m not drunk and I’m not fucking about

Casey: alright

Janis: Is the drunkest you’ve ever been the wedding

Janis: it was for me

Casey: I weren’t just drunk, highest I’ve ever been too

Janis: misnomer, always reckoned

Casey: mate, I’ve never read that word before in my life, tried to, I should say

Janis: oh, just a posh way of saying the name don’t match what it is

Janis: you weren’t high, not that time, like

Casey: alright, dickhead, lowest then

Casey: what you gone posh for

Janis: Might be a side effect of the sherry

Janis: posh nan

Casey: been in the cupboard dog years if we’re talking effects it’ll have

Janis: can it go bad if that’s what it’s already done

Casey: unopened it’s doing a 1-5 stretch, opened you might get a year from it

Janis: Can’t believe you’ve poisoned me

Casey: calm down, it don’t go mouldy, just tastes even more shit

Janis: yeah let’s chat about mould, that’ll help

Casey: come on, you can trust me

Casey: drink’s what I know

Janis: I trust you

Janis: and it didn’t taste even a bit shit when you made it for me

Casey: meant to be being honest, you’ve gotta say if it tasted a bit like vinegar or dust

Janis: I don’t clean the house with my tongue

Janis: and I like vinegar anyway

Janis: I wouldn’t have lied the first time, was a really fucking good drink

Casey: shame for the kinky couple at [whatever number we’re saying for neighbours lol] 

Casey: show us the bottle label a sec

Janis: you’d never see me again, chained up in their spare room 

Janis: you gonna judge my taste if it's out of date?

Casey: let me have a look and I’ll be able to judge all sorts

Janis: alright, nerd, impress me

Janis: [send him this label]

Casey: [do be a nerd and be able to be more specific about the shelf life of this sherry cos it really do vary, how it should taste if it’s off and if it’s not etc, all the things because he genuinely wants to put her at ease that she hasn’t been poisoned]

Janis: Bloody hell

Janis: you’re a fast learner, most bar staff I know can’t pull a decent pint 

Casey: I’ve been Ian and Debs’ bar staff since I were [however old] not that fast

Casey: but who cares about none of that, you’ll be okay

Janis: I don’t believe your parents were teaching you about varietals, you did that yourself

Janis: were you worried about me

Casey: wasn’t much else about to read, why I can’t

Casey: and it don’t matter, don’t have to be now

Janis: Can too

Janis: and it matters to me

Casey: do you feel sick or owt like that

Janis: God, I love you too

Casey: you can’t distract us from you not answering, but nice try

Janis: definitely could, if I really gave it my all

Janis: talking to you is the only time I don’t feel sick in the pit of my stomach

Casey: it’s like I’ve been punched or kicked there when we don’t talk

Janis: hollow

Janis: I feel you missing like a part of me, is that weird to say

Casey: only weird ‘cause I’ve thought and felt it too without saying

Janis: You’re like the version of me I can love, all the bits worth having

Casey: nah, there ain’t no part of you not worth having

Janis: you can think so, might be I need you to 

Casey: I’d take every bit of you

Casey: the version from when we first met, you now, at 90, all of ‘em

Janis: nobody has wanted me as much as you, not proper

Casey: nobody else gets you, proper, like you said

Janis: I only want it to be you, I let you in

Casey: I only want you, whoever else I let through the door to chuck their knickers barely over the threshold of

Janis: can’t blame her but I will

Janis: violent fantasies are the only way to cope with them all

Casey: I’ll wait, he don’t have enough violent fantasies to outlive me

Janis: I hate myself for making you wait [however long you’ve known each other exactly]

Casey: you’d be on the register, you didn’t make me wait [however long ago his 16th bday was from this, I could do the maths but no I couldn’t lol]

Janis: alright, alright

Janis: suddenly you’re someone who plays by the rules

Casey: when they protect you

Janis: I would never do anything to hurt you really either

Casey: you never asked for none of this, off us, them pair

Casey: and the hurt what’s already been put there’s the bollocks that’s fucking everything up, not you

Janis: I dunno who I’d be without you lot though, or if

Janis: I wouldn’t change it, can’t but still

Casey: I didn’t reckon I’d hang about for nobody else but my mum, still have and still will count the days for you both

Janis: I never meant to give you that parallel

Janis: but knowing what she means to you, I’m honoured that it exists

Casey: nobody means to go to prison but you’re locked up the same as her

Janis: wouldn’t be a fair comparison

Casey: nah, she loves it, what I’ve heard

Janis: No responsibilities, get your meals and a bed

Janis: maybe I see the appeal, a bit

Casey: only men in a uniform you could fantasise about if you’re hard up for material, booze made to order in the bog, any gear you fancy

Casey: time of her life

Janis: ACAB, Debbie

Janis: I couldn’t be away from you

Casey: all she’s after are bastards

Casey: I should’ve tried harder to be one, might be posted a visiting order then

Janis: Could be she didn’t want kids in a place like that and then all those years are gone and she dunno how to pick it up proper

Casey: I’d maybe buy it had she not taken us as a kid with her to places worse

Janis: Didn’t say her logic was solid, nah

Janis: I dunno, I want to make shit alright for you when I can’t again

Casey: when she’s done her time she can sit down free and we’ll have all of it out

Janis: Yeah

Casey: start to finish, however many [whatever Debbie’s drink of choice was] she needs to get deep

Janis: you’re owed that, all of yous

Casey: she’ll give at least me that, I know how to ask

Casey: and I’m her favourite for it

Janis: I know you are

Casey: yours as well

Janis: my ma’s? Dunno about that, mate

Janis: say that to everyone

Casey: could be but your nan’s more my type

Casey: say it to us

Janis: I’ll say it when you can hear it

Casey: [the day] when we’re alone again

Janis: There’s so much I almost said to you

Casey: I dunno when to stop

Janis: I didn’t want you to

Janis: you do when I tell you, I weren’t

Casey: you can say what you want to me, I’ll hear you

Janis: [send him a voice note saying ‘do you feel like you can hear my thoughts like I do yours? The same way we feel each other being there and being gone’]

Janis: put that to the test 

Casey: had to play that 3 times for my heart hammering in my ears when your voice started 

Casey: but yeah, [the initial pet name he used accidentally during the blanket playfight used completely deliberately and intentionally in this moment], listening to your head with mine I get itt first go

Janis: and that’s the only reason, yeah

Janis: still not used to hearing you say words like that, without being totally sarcastic

Casey: reason’s that it’s pumping blood to where it’s most needed

Casey: not putting you to the test with ‘em, not yet

Janis: show us how loud it is there, what shit music they’re playing

Janis: yeah you were, calling her up when I was trying to enjoy [all his faves lunch]

Casey: show you tomorrow and I won’t call her up then

Janis: will she not show anyway, knows where you work, like

Casey: she’ll do as she’s told

Janis: are you reckoning on causing a scene

Janis: because I’m too old for that shit, always have been

Casey: I’m no kid, never have been

Janis: just warning you, if you think you’ll be treated to a catfight, you won’t ‘cos I don’t stop at hair-pulling

Casey: can you hear my thoughts or can’t you

Janis: I’m trusting you

Janis: fucking around with me to this level isn’t who you are

Casey: your best mate, who I am

Janis: yeah, always

Casey: Music ain’t total shit, you know

Janis: be able to dance then

Casey: [send her a song you’ve clearly heard at work that you like because it reminds you of jc for some reason which she’ll be able to also pick up on, simply must]

Janis: sorry, I had to listen twice

Janis: it’s decent

Casey: sounds like something the sherry talking would say

Janis: piss off, you like it too

Casey: you’re alright, we don’t have to like everything the same

Janis: save the gaslighting for your girlfriend

Janis: you wouldn’t send it to me else

Casey: obvious what I sent it you for

Janis: I’m still shit with words, never changing

Casey: bollocks are you

Casey: you’re the only one who knows how to talk to me

Janis: you’re the only one who gets what I mean, what I don’t

Janis: I’m never worrying we’re not on the same page, as long as we’re talking 

Casey: we’ll keep on, I’m leaving the house not you

Janis: you can’t

Janis: I’m not sorry, can’t even say it here

Casey: you’ve done sod all to be sorry for

Janis: I need you like I want you

Casey: I needed you and you showed up, be wrong to be the sort of knobhead who don’t

Janis: I could tell you were serious, it don’t matter the why or where I should be, none of it matters in comparison 

Casey: like I can tell you are about Bob and that being why I should piss off to my mate’s for a bit, no other reason

Janis: it’s the best we can do for him right now

Janis: doesn’t mean I want it for any other reason either, that I won’t miss you, or think he’s right for reckoning this’ll sort things

Casey: you don’t have to ask us twice to do anything for you

Casey: I’d sleep at the bus stop on the end of our street if it meant doing what’s best for you

Janis: I know you would, that’s why I have to look after you, so you don’t

Janis: and you can come back in the day any time, he’s not gonna be there, really only breakfast and tea he sees any of us anyway

Casey: I’ll be hearing off Grace next, you pull more sickies to see us

Janis: She loves a self-care day when she’s got a lad on the go, can’t talk

Janis: but I’ll not, only if you ask

Casey: or when she’s been dumped by him, yeah

Janis: exactly, any excuse to do her own nails instead of somebody else’s

Casey: what you do’s proper work though

Janis: didn’t get chance to fully show ya

Casey: might give you another, without taking the piss every comedown

Janis: sleeping on sofas will have you needing it

Janis: when you come back, for good

Casey: be too old for floors and baths before long

Janis: payback for taking the piss out of me, that

Casey: don’t sound like me

Janis: now you don’t remember, is it

Casey: oi, not got dementia, that’s ages away

Janis: it’s alright, you made it up to me after

Casey: sherry did, more like

Casey: you’ve developed a right taste for it now

Janis: you started being nice before then

Janis: bath to prove it, for a start

Casey: must be freezing, make sure you chuck some more hot in

Janis: [send him a pic of one of the candles he lit being dead legit]

Casey: watch what else you send, bubbles I poured gotta be ages gone too

Janis: tah for the warning

Janis: nothing quite like a drunken thirst trap to let the people know you’re TOTALLY fine

Casey: been caught out by the reflection off the taps myself

Janis: … is that a challenge to stalk your entire feed to see if I can 

Janis: ‘cos at some point I will have to leave the tub

Casey: challenge to the house staying standing if you stay there

Janis: I thought you had come back

Janis: it wasn’t you though

Casey: ask me and I will

Janis: I wouldn’t know how to stop now

Janis: like you said

Casey: stop where you are

Janis: okay, I’m not moving

Casey: weren’t challenging you to stay proper still, but it’s your bath, I ran it for you

Casey: and I know you ain’t nowhere near ready to get out

Janis: so I felt better

Casey: was your turn

Janis: and you thought it was a bigger goodbye

Casey: you’ll only get more headaches if no dickhead’s looking after you

Janis: hate you for making me want that

Janis: so not who I am

Casey: nowt wrong with being taken care of, all of us need it

Janis: easier to not, if it ain’t coming

Casey: I’ll always come

Janis: You can’t promise that

Casey: I just did

Janis: You make me high

Janis: using the word properly

Casey: you’ve no comparison, you don’t get high like that

Janis: not as a habit but I have

Janis: my dad is famously a dealer

Casey: why you won’t, you don’t fancy taking nothing off him

Janis: such a know-it-all

Casey: about you and your habits

Casey: bet you’ve forgotten to wash behind your ears for a start, all that hair in the way

Janis: are you calling me dirty?

Casey: ask us really nicely and I might

Casey: go on, clean yourself up

Janis: 😏

Janis: fine, as you asked nicely yourself, I’ll be thorough 

Casey: you’ll feel better for it

Janis: I already do

Janis: you might have some good ideas sometimes

Casey: I’m overdue a break, say when your back wants doing

Janis: Casey

Casey: you’re right, touching yourself’s not cheating, should stick to that

Janis: we can stick to technicalities 

Janis: none of it is as simple as one label

Casey: none of it’s ever been or gonna be simple

Janis: It never was

Janis: doesn’t make it all wrong

Casey: do what feels right

Janis: not alone, not without you

Casey: I’ll do it with you

Janis: my head is full of you, that feels right

Casey: ‘cause we’re the same and it’s mutual

Janis: do you think about how many times it’s been mutual before

Casey: yeah, I try to work out when, keep count in my head

Janis: how it looks on your face feels like our own secret language, knowing is just for us and it makes everything better, every time

Casey: what you can do with just a look ain’t easy for me to keep secret

Janis: worst kept is the best though

Janis: it felt like everyone could see on my run earlier

Casey: neighbours will have heard me in the shower

Janis: you literally did it right here where I’m laid

Casey: feels right, that

Janis: the what-ifs are making me mental

Janis: what if I’d stayed at the table, what if I’d followed you upstairs

Casey: no ifs, you know what would happen

Janis: *should’ves works better

Casey: you should let the neighbours have a listen to you

Janis: fuck

Janis: heartbeats so loud in my ears now, must be hearing the two of ours together

Casey: just like that, yeah, tell ‘em how you feel

Casey: can still turn the song up if you want, get that beat as synched

Janis: your name is too easy to say, like it was waiting in my throat this entire time

Casey: maybe I put it there when I touched you

Janis: I believe that you could

Janis: how you touch me and the effect it can have

Casey: I dunno about that

Casey: but I want you to say my name

Janis: [send the voice note, which sounds so FINE so CASUAL lol not, obviously you’re trying to be quiet still with the restraint that takes being put into that and that alone here]

Casey: fuck

Janis: it feels so good to be allowed

Janis: you have to try it

Casey: [do because you’re 100% taking that break atm and using it to be feral so there’s no reason you can’t and won’t send her a voice note back, we all know there’s basically no restraint being applied to his volume or levels of indecency whether he’s in a toilet, cloakroom or wherever because no fucks remotely given]

Janis: I’m going to scream or drown

Janis: nothing else is appropriate for how that felt

Casey: something else is, you’re going to do what I did, there in the same place

Janis: I can see you, stood over me, pressing your head into the tiles

Casey: how I’m stood now, barely fucking standing, ‘cause it feels as good as you said it would

Janis: it feels like being honest for the first time, asking for what I want and being rewarded

Casey: be this honest with me all the time

Janis: we have to, this is right, it feels different

Casey: it’ll make the knot in your stomach go away

Janis: but that’s been there since [the wedding lbr]

Casey: you’ll forget what it feel like soon as you’re rid of it

Casey: and it’ll not be back, I’ll not let it

Casey: there’s your goodbye, to that

Janis: I’m forgetting what before was, that we weren’t talking like this, doing this

Janis: seems impossible already, stopping myself

Casey: you don’t need to stop, not ‘til you are screaming or reckon you might drown

Janis: You’ve got me

Casey: stay with me

Janis: You don’t have to ask

Casey: what should I ask for instead

Janis: me

Casey: I’ve got you too

Casey: right where I want

Janis: I’ve got what I want too

Janis: we’re not used to that being real

Casey: I ain’t gonna get used to this nor to you, long as I live

Casey: it’s never not been that real for me

Janis: I won’t hold you to it but you can’t yet

Janis: not when there’s so much still to happen outside of our heads

Casey: nah, do, I mean it

Casey: and I still would even if we’d already done everything in your head

Janis: oh, just my head

Janis: my mistake

Casey: I’ll not hold you to making happen what’s in mine, too massive of an ask

Janis: 1. I’m just as imaginative as you, maybe you can’t read mine if you really reckon otherwise 2. Fuck you let me

Casey: there’s fuck all I wouldn’t let you do

Janis: It’s mutual

Janis: don’t doubt that

Casey: what I’ve got my doubts in ain’t you or this, don’t need your mind reading skills on that one

Janis: the rest don’t need considering tonight

Janis: I’ll go back to worrying about everything and everyone else after, let me just think about you right now

Casey: don’t worry, I’m on about me, nobody else, be alright if we trust your instincts like you said and forget I said anything

Janis: No, tell me

Janis: I want to know what you’re thinking no matter what it is

Casey: I want too much, you can’t imagine

Casey: or probably just shouldn’t

Janis: You’re scared of scaring me away 

Casey: tomorrow when you’re shouting us drinks we can chat about what scares me

Janis: fair, alright

Janis: I do owe you one

Casey: and I can’t have you lay in the dark out of candles, you wanna see what you’re doing 

Janis: *you do

Casey: I saw you students might as well head off home ‘cause they’ve no chance of being served rest of this shift

Janis: You told us not to, I remember

Janis: their [giving WKD or something equally studenty]s are safe

Casey: warned you not to flash by accident

Janis: I’m only talking to you now the kids have pissed off

Casey: near their bedtime, like

Janis: tah for not including me to take the piss

Casey: already well past yours

Janis: there it is

Casey: walked straight into it

Janis: you can’t decide if I’m 👶 or 👩‍🦳

Casey: who says I’ve got to

Janis: me

Casey: why not both

Janis: you’re funny, acting like you think I’m some nun 

Casey: oi, let a lad have his fantasies

Janis: I’d not take that away from you, ‘course

[monellabella]

Here’s pt.1 1/2 (sort of) of “Fight or Flight”!! You can read pt.1 here . Enjoy!

Fight or Flight

Fred Weasley x Fem!reader

Warnings: cursing, food mention, injury/ injury mentions

Taglist (Just send me an ask to be added or removed) : @krasivayadarling @amourtentiaa @plant-flwrs @pineapplesandpinas @wonderfilworld @fictionalwhores

Something's gotten into you You don't really look at me the way you used to And I'm hoping it ain't true Every single rumor that I've heard of you say

You were off with someone that I don't know Calling other people on your telephone Kinda wish I didn't know

Since first year, Fred was always pulling pranks on y/n, but she refused to retaliate because then she felt like she’d just be a hypocrite, as she was always complaining about how stupid and immature Fred and George’s pranks were.

But by fourth year, after Fred had pulled a prank on y/n that ended with her being thrown into the black lake in the middle of JANUARY, she couldn’t take it anymore, and it was Game. On. 

Y/n started out with the classic colored shampoo prank- Fred’s hair was turned a ghastly shade of yellow for over a week. 

Fred got her back by transfiguring every one of her quills and pens into worms. 

The pranks kept getting more and more outrageous as they kept trying to outdo each other.

While George and y/n’s friends initially helped them out and kept them in check, it got to the point where there was nothing ANYONE could say or do that would stop them- including the teachers.

They couldn’t care less about the myriad of detentions they’d each get whenever they were caught- in fact, they actually started COMPETING to see who could get the most by the end of the week.

This turned into them seeing who could get into the most trouble without getting expelled.

By April, this had led to a prank war between them that got SO bad, Dumbledore himself had to intervene and make them put a stop to it when one of the pranks resulted in a number of student getting injured- I’m talking broken noses, twisted ankles, chipped teeth, a black eye or two, and one poor kid even broke his wrist.

Needless to say, they both felt terrible.

They were brought to Dumbledore’s office and threatened with expulsion if they didn’t sort this out.

So right then and there, they agreed to a truce- promising to stay as far away from each other as possible, lest one of their arguments leads to other people getting injured.

They each received a month’s detention and were made to personally apologize to every person they’d landed in the hospital wing- not that either of them minded.

As promised, they also started ignoring each other entirely.

It was hard at first- y/n still thought he was a complete asshole and she wanted to remind him every chance she got- but she knew she was on incredibly thin ice with Dumbledore and was already threatened with expulsion, so she held her tongue.

For Fred, it was equally difficult. When him and George purposely made their potion explode, causing the entire dungeon to be filled with a thick, violet smoke and subsequently evacuated, he was so used to y/n chewing him he’d already thought of a response that was sure to get her riled up.

But then he was reminded of their truce.

While waiting for Snape to come and take away god-knows how many points from Gryffindor and give him and George detention, he saw her standing by the wall, arms crossed, not even bothering to look his way. She was chatting with Alicia as they waited with the rest of the crowd to be let back into the classroom to collect their things. 

They would always complain about each other. Y/n was always more than happy to remind Fred that he was brainless fuck after every stupid comment or irritating remark. 

Fred could write a ten-page essay on how much of a nagging cunt y/n could be sometimes. 

There was no question- they hated each other. They didn’t “miss” talking to each other. And the fact that they hadn’t spoken in nearly two weeks was NOT the reason they’d both been acting strange:

“Hey, y/n,” said Alicia. Y/n’s head jerked up, “Hm?” “Are you alright?” Alicia asked, “You’ve been picking at your food for the past 20 minutes, you’ve hardly eaten anything.”

“Oh, um,” y/n sat up and cleared her throat, “sorry. I just sort of spaced-out I guess.” she looked back down at her plate and carelessly pushed the food around. Angelina and Alicia shared a look.

“Y/n…” Angelina began, “Are you sure-”

“Ange, I’m fine, okay?” y/n interrupted, “I’m just tired.” Angelina and Alicia looked at each other again. Y/n noticed it and felt a surge of anger start to bubble up in her chest.

Y/n’s jaw clenched, and she forcefully dropped her fork down over her plate. The resulting clatter grabbed the attention of a few students nearby. She pushed herself away from the table and stood up.“I’m going to bed.” She announced.

As she started walking quickly out of the Great Hall, Angelina and Alicia started getting out of their seats, “Y/n, wait!” Angelina called out after her.

But y/n just sped up, “Good-night!” she called out, lifting her arm up and giving a sarcastic little wave before dropping it down and exiting the Great Hall in a huff. 

Fred was no better- he seemed angrier and more easily frustrated these days, and the dark circles starting to form under his eyes were a clear indicator of his recent lack of proper sleep. He was more quiet nowadays, which was extremely odd indeed. He’d constantly space out, and sometimes he’d catch himself staring at y/n in class, both of them quickly dropping their gaze any time their eyes met. Most noticeably though, was that all this had started to affect his Quidditch abilities.

“Oi, Fred, s’everything alright, mate?” George asked after practice one day.

“Yeah, everything’s fine, why?” he replied flatly.

“I dunno, mate, you just seem really distracted. You hardly ever miss a bludger but lately…” George trailed off. Fred sighed exasperatedly, “Look, I just have a lot on my mind lately, okay? For fucks’ sake there’s still some sort of bloody monster loose in the castle! a-and all this bollocks about me nearly getting expelled, I just-” he sighed in defeat.

“Well, d’you want to talk about it? Might help.” George suggested.

“It’s fine, mate. I just need some time alone.” Fred answered, lugging his broom over his shoulder and walking past the locker room as he made a bee-line for the castle. 

Fred and y/n were enemies- it was a known fact. So then why was this sudden separation taking such a toll on them? The fact that they had an excuse not to interact anymore was a good thing…right? 

About a month or so after the incident had passed, and y/n FINALLY had her free time back after serving all her detentions, y/n often found herself on the Quidditch pitch. She was hoping to join the team the coming year, and she wanted to get in as much practice as she could.

Late one afternoon after practicing with Angelina and Alicia, y/n decided to stay on the pitch after they left. She said she wanted to work on some new strategies, but really she just wanted some time alone.

While she was hanging on her broom by her knees, hovering a few feet above the ground, a voice called out “Nice trick.” She was so startled that she slipped off and landed headfirst in the sand.

“Oh shit,” the voice said as they rushed over to her, “Oh my god, I-I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to startle you like that. Are you okay?”

She was ready to start screaming at whoever it was that made her nearly break her neck, but when she came face to face with Cedric Diggory, a look of genuine concern in his eyes, her rage seemed to subside a bit. A bit.

“Um,” she said, sitting up slowly, “Yeah. Yeah, no, I’m fine.”

“Are you sure? Do you need to go to the hospital wing?”

“No, no it’s okay.” Y/n replied. She turned her neck slightly and winced. “Um, actually, could you bring me an ice pack? There should be some in the locker room.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. Er, I’ll be right back.” and with that, Cedric practically sprinted across the field. Y/n smirked, and couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle at his fervor- but it was short lived as she felt another pain at the back of her head.

“Ow,” she mumbled. She gingerly placing her hand at the sight, where a small bump was beginning to form.

Luckily, Cedric had just come back with several ice packs.

“Thanks.” She said shyly. “You sure you’re okay?” He asked. “Yeah I’m fine, just a bit of a bruise probably.” Y/n replied, holding the ice pack to the back of her head. “Well, I’ll stay with you just in case.” He said.

“I appreciate it.” Y/n said chuckling slightly. Cedric slowly lowered himself onto the ground and sat next to her.

“So, um, just curious,” Cedric began, “where’d you learn to do that little trick on the broom?” Y/n laughed, and she began to explain where she’d learnt her unusual talent. 

Long story short, they ended up talking until it was pitch black out and they were both shivering from the cold night air. Cedric walked her back to her dorm, using the excuse that he just wanted to make sure she didn’t have a concussion, though they both knew she was perfectly fine. 

They walked as slowly as humanly possible across the grounds. When they got to y/n’s dorm, their conversation ended, and they both stood there awkwardly as each of them tried to come up with something to say.

Y/n was still holding the ice pack, which had long since melted, and was now slowly dripping onto the floor.

“I should probably get back to my dorm.” Cedric said, rubbing his hand across the back of his neck while attempting to avoid y/n’s gaze.

“Oh, yeah, yeah, of course,” she stammered, “yeah, no, don’t let me keep you.” 

Cedric chuckled. He suddenly seemed to remember something and he looked back up at y/n. “Oh! Um, mind if I take a look at your head one more time?” He asked. “Just to be sure there’s nothing there.” He added quickly.

“Oh! uhh...yeah!” she said slowly, “Yeah, sure.” Y/n turned around so her back was facing him.

She then felt him gently pushing her hair to either side, his fingertips brushing over the back of her neck. She felt a shiver run down her spine, and she knew that goosebumps had risen up where his hand had been, though she prayed he didn’t notice.

“Where was it again?” He asked. “Oh, um,” y/n brought her hand up to where the injury had been, “ ‘round here somewhere, I think.”

Cedric placed his hand diagonally over hers, their fingertips at the same spot. “Here?” He asked softly. y/n felt heat rushing to her cheeks.

“uM,” her voice had gone up about five octaves. She coughed and corrected herself, “um, yeah. About there.”

Cedric chuckled lightly, and she felt his breath fan over the back of her neck. She quickly brought her hand back to her side as Cedric inspected the injury. After a few seconds of silence, he spoke up.

“Well,” he paused, “I don’t see a bump or anything- maybe a bit red where you fell, but other than that, I’d say it’s fine.” Cedric took his hand away, then carefully reached over and pulled y/n’s hair back into place.

Y/n gave a sharp inhale and cleared her throat, “Well, um, thanks.” She said. Y/n turned around and looked up at him, “for, um,” she gestured towards the back of her head, “y’know, making sure I was okay and all.”

Cedric cleared his throat and blinked a few times,“Um- yeah! yeah, of course. No problem.” He said, a blush creeping up over his cheeks. 

Y/n looked down and smiled to herself. “I’ll see you around then, yeah?” She asked.

“Yeah, definitely.” He replied.

“Okay, yeah, cool.” Y/n said, her brow slightly furrowed. “G’night, then.” She added. Her face relaxed as she glanced back up at him, trying to subdue her grin. “Goodnight.” Cedric replied. He nodded to himself then flashed her a soft smile as he turned on his heel and walked away with his hands in his pockets. Y/n bit her lip and grinned as she watched him walk away. 

She felt her heart beating a little faster than normal, but she didn’t mind one bit. Feeling like her head was stuffed with candy floss, she turned to the portrait of the fat lady and gave her the password; still grinning softly as she walked through the portrait hole and into the empty common room.

[cilldaracailin]

We Are The Champions

Hello my Tumblr Lovelys,

Happy Wednesday! Half way there!

Here is the next part in this Robyn and Taron series.

Suze xx

You know I love a good long squishy hug and a Robyn speech... Be prepared. ;)

Also just throwing out there, that this representation of characters in this story is not my own personal opinion but is just needed for the story. :)

13

“Broken glass. It's just like glitter, isn't it?”

Taron drove them into Aberystwyth, making the short drive to the beach front, finding a parking space close to Eve’s café on the back streets. The evening was still balmy and warm, the sun beginning to set sitting low in the sky and Robyn was hating the thought of heading back to the rain after such a lovely weekend in the warm weather. So comfortable in her light clothes, she knew she was back to jeans and hoodies once home, stuck inside unless she put on a raincoat to brave the weather. She waited for Taron to lock the car and slung her bag over her shoulder. She felt much better, the two paracetamol she took before she left the house helping the ache in her leg to ease off and although she wished for a bit of a sit down before they left, it was probably for the best because if she sat down, she happily would have stayed on Taron’s couch. It didn’t mean she wasn’t looking forward to the dinner with his family. She not only knew how important it was to his family but to Taron too, even if he wouldn’t say it out loud. Having to leave his family to go back to work was always hard, even when he tried not to show it, keeping a smile on his face.

“You remember, just give my hand a tight squeeze if you want to leave.” Taron walked beside her directing her down the street towards the corner which the café was nestled on.

“I know but you too, ok? Don’t feel you have to sit all night. You have an early rise.”

“Really should have packed before I left.”

Robyn laughed at him. “Definitely would have been a great idea.”

“I will do it later on. Not much to pack and you always manage to pack loads in a small space. You could help me with…” Taron’s words trailed off as they rounded the corner, his feet stumbling a little as his eyes picked up the crowd outside the café. “Fucking hell.”

Robyn loosened her grip around his left arm, already hearing Taron’s name being called, the crowd of around twenty people starting to move down the footpath towards them.

“Robyn I am so sorry. There are so many people on holidays at the moment. Guess the news travelled around fast that I am home. Fucking bollocks.”

Robyn could hear the anger in his words and looking at his face, his features were very similar and she could feel the tension in his body. “It’s ok Taron.”

“Fucking annoying. Can’t even have an evening in my own family’s café without a herd around.” Taron didn’t care if he was seen out and about but Robyn was with him and he hated how she would be the talk of social media now, how those rumours were going to spread around about him and her spending time together. “Can’t even escape in through the door.”

“Back entrance?”

“Wish I had of thought of that beforehand but not now. Way too obvious.”

“There is only a few rocketman.” She heard him mutter but didn’t quite catch the words, actually glad she didn’t. She knew he was furious and it was for her benefit he had gotten so mad. “Honesty has always been our thing with the fans and the media.” He huffed a little beside her. “Don’t make me walk up there by myself.”

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“I would and you need to breathe. I would rather fans, then press.” She pulled on his hand. “You can’t avoid it now.” Taking the lead, Robyn held Taron’s hand tight and started to drag him towards the small group of excited girls.

Taron hated that Robyn was right, that she was the one who had to make him see the best thing to do was walk into the fans and accept that he had to play nice though it made his heart thump in anticipation of the backlash on the social media. “You stay back, ok?” He advised her. “I will talk to the fans. You just wait behind me a good bit. I will be as quick as I can.” Putting his best smile on, he let go of Robyn’s hand stepping away from her, hoping it wasn’t too obvious that he had previously stayed so close to her, taking some longer steps, getting his body a few feet in front of hers, trying to hide her a little from the oncoming group.

“Hello.” He said, keeping his tone bright, making sure he right in front of Robyn as he reached the crowd, hoping she understood his body language in getting to them before she did, praying she stayed back, letting him talk to all the female admirers who had found him. Pieces of paper, pens and phones were held out to him and taking the first one, he kept his smile on his face, his voice light, taking photo after photo. Though it always unnerved him when he met fans in his home town, he did always appreciate the support and for the first few minutes, chatted easily with the small crowd and he continued to smile his way through each one but soon found himself taking an extra step back each time the group pushed closer to them.

“Robyn’s here?” One of them asked after he had signed more than half of the pages passed to him, Taron’s eyes staring her way. “I am sure I saw her walking with you.”

Clenching his teeth, he hoped the crowd didn’t pick up on the serious protectiveness he felt for the Irish woman. “Around somewhere.” He answered with a light smile, signing the page shoved into his face by the same woman.

“Here for the weekend?”

“Sorry?” Taron asked handing the page back, feeling it snapped from his hands before he had even let go, the pen following.

“Robyn? Is she here for the weekend?” The woman asked again, now holding up her phone, taking a picture of him.

“Sorry?” Taron asked again, his eyes flinching with the flash on the camera phone.

“Robyn?” The woman asked again, more persistence in her voice. “Seems to be with you a lot lately.”

“Excuse me?” Taron stopped mid signature, his smile dropping a little.

“Just seeing her around and with you more than usual. She went to your premier too and I am sure I read something about you two being at the Royal Albert Hall together and we know you have visited her in Ireland as well.”

Taron quickly finished signing the page in hands and stepped back from the group, trying to put some space between them and him but also needing some space to breathe, suddenly feeling cornered by those around him and the questions about Robyn. A phone was shoved in front of him, the same high-pitched voice demanding that he took a selfie with them, those few steps he had taken to distance himself quickly filled again by the fans who had yet to have their piece of him.

“There you are!”

His whole body turned when he heard Robyn’s voice, soft and confident coming over the shouts near him, her face holding that stern look she always had when it came to anyone who was trying to unhinge him in anyway.

“I have been at the car waiting for ages for you!” She came over to him, giving him a smile. “You said         ten minutes max but of course I find you photobombing someone else’s photograph and having the chats. Hi there.” She acknowledged those behind him with a quick nod before she turned her whole body to Taron, focusing on his face, seeing some apprehension in his eyes. “Sorry to interrupt but I have been on the phone to your mother who is wondering where you are and why you are running late.” She placed her left hand very lightly on his right shoulder. “I hate to drag you away from your admiring fans but we are going to miss the reservation. I don’t think you want your mam calling you again. Already tried once but you didn’t pick up.”

“I felt the phone vibrate but didn’t answer it. Ahh shit. She’s going to be worried.”

Robyn shook her head at him, ignoring all the girls she could feel staring at her, concentrating on only Taron’s face. “I told her you got caught up but we are going to be late and we were already late.”

“Yeah of course. Thank you.” He turned back to the small crowd. “Sorry but when a mother calls looking for you, you must answer her wishes. Have a good evening.”

Turning on his heels, he walked in line with Robyn, away from the crowd, hurry in his steps, hoping no one was going to follow him, desperate to take her hand but keeping his to himself, walking around the corner back towards where he had parked the car. Once he was sure he was out of anyone’s eye line he reached for Robyn’s hand immediately, linking his fingers with hers.

Robyn had understood Taron’s warning when he gave it, asking her to stay back and had stopped walking, letting him continue on to greet the fans who had gathered outside his aunt’s café, waiting for him, not even knowing if he was going to turn up there. It was just like what had happened at the swimming pool during his premier weekend, where it had gotten out that he was staying at the hotel and fans had appeared. Robyn could only imagine how horrible it was for Taron to have no privacy in his own home town, seeing the tension he carried in his whole body as she watched the interaction with the fans, frowning as they demanded his attention for a photo or an autograph.

She desperately wanted to go and stand with him but knew it was best for her to stay back, to leave Taron with the girls, for her to be as invisible as possible. She back stepped around the corner, slightly spying on Taron and pulling her phone from her bag, called Tina to let them know they were going to be delayed as Taron met some fans outside but when she heard the tone of the conversation change, one fan pestering him about her, seeing the Welshman’s body language change into defensive mode, she asked Tina about a back entrance to the café, explaining Taron was going to need a quick escape. Once Tina had described where the entrance to the apartment was without going through the café, Robyn hung up the phone and made her way towards Taron and on hearing her name mentioned again her defensiveness and ultra-protectiveness of Taron mode in full force. Apparently, Taron had been right to be wary of the group, particularly one who wasn’t letting the subject of their time together go and she was so glad to have been able to give him an excuse to walk away. She could feel how hard he was holding her hand, how he was slightly shaking as they walked. Seeing the door Tina had mentioned, she gave Taron’s hand a sharp pull left, opened the door and stepped in, making sure he was right behind her, closing the door tight.

Taron was so caught up in his rage of what had just happened, he hadn’t been concentrating on where he was going and only looked up when he felt Robyn drop his hand and heard a door close. He quickly recognised the back store room or Eve’s café and looked to Robyn, his whole body still seething over the nerve of a few of the fans, one in particular. He felt warm hand on his back and looked to Robyn. “Fucking life saver.” Taron breathed, wiping his hands down his face. “Thank you Robyn. Fucking hell what a nightmare.”

“Need a squishy hug?” Robyn asked him.

“Always.”

It was a tight one and Robyn swore she could feel him still shaking a little and wasn’t too sure if it was from anger or something else entirely but she hugged him around his back hard. “Should I keep an eye out for some social media nonsense?” She asked him.

“Don’t know what their problem is.” Taron ranted into her neck. “So what if you are here with me. Not a big fucking deal.”

“To you it’s not, but to them it is. Taron Egerton seen with the same female woman since September last year, one who has accompanied him to his events is going to start people thinking and talking.”

“People need to mind their own fucking business!” Taron spat.

“Hey, hey!” Robyn moved away from him and placed her two hands on his cheeks, not missing how his eyes wouldn’t meet hers. “Taron look at me. Look at me.”  Slowly he raised his eyes to meet hers. “Are you really going to do this?”

“Do what?” He hissed. “Let them talk like that?”

“Well to be fair Taron, they only asked if it was me who was with you and I was so it wasn’t like they were making up a story or anything.”

“Robyn…” Taron growled.

“And?”

“Robyn!” His voice rose and even her hands on his cheeks couldn’t ease his annoyance.

“Taron Daivd Egerton. Whatever happened outside, Robyn does not deserve to be spoken to like that.”

Taron couldn’t meet his mother’s eyes, her voice enough for him to know he had taken his frustrations out on the wrong person and lifted his hands to Robyn’s which were still on his face. “Sorry.” He whispered to her.

Robyn smiled at him. “Really got on your nerves.”

“I understand it is part of my job but just leave you out of it.”

“But it’s so exciting to see Taron and Robyn out together in Aberystwyth. Why is she here? What is she doing? Has Taron got a new girlfriend?”

“Robyn…” This time his voice was softer, knowing well she was teasing him. “It’s not funny.”

“It’s a little bit funny that those people out there are so worried about why I am here and what makes it even better is that they never got an answer.”

“Which makes the rumour mill churn a little harder.” Taron’s hands dropped to his sides. “Sorry.”

“No need. I understand.”

“Thanks for the rescue.”

“That was your mam.” Robyn looked to Tina who was waiting patiently for them. “I gave her a quick call. She gave me the directions to the secret entrance and if anyone tried to follow us, they won’t have any idea where we went.”

“Just be prepared, ok?”

Robyn got the hidden meaning behind his words and nodded, taking her hands from his cheeks. “Now how about we go and have some dinner.”

“Yeah alright.”

“Chin up rocketman. Don’t worry about shit until it happens and if it happens, we will deal with it like we always do.”

“Always fucking something.” He grumbled.

“Get there first then, before something happens. Use one of the photos from the weekend. Post it up and write a quick caption about being home for a family birthday.”

“You are spending too much time with Lyndsey.”

“Or you.” Robyn added with a smile. “Once upstairs, flick through your photos and pop it up. Don’t worry about what happened out there. It will blow over. It always does. Now come on upstairs, put a smile on that handsome face.”

Taron wished it was easy as that to shut his mind off. He did not want anything horrible to be written about Robyn online from fans who knew nothing about why she was there and he definitely did want anyone to find out what happened to Mari and what his wonderful caring friend did for his sister. “You go on ahead. I am going to give Lyndsey a quick call.”

“Taron, surely that can wait until after dinner.” Tina walked over to her son. “Love, I know it is frustrating for you but don’t let it ruin your last night here with us.” She looked at his face, seeing a hard look behind his eyes, one she had seen so many times before when her son was in one frame of mind and nothing she could say would change his mind. “Five minutes Taron.”

“Thanks mam. Robyn go on up. I will be right behind.”

“Taron…” Robyn stepped over to him and took his hand, not caring that Tina was right there beside her. “You really don’t have to do this now. It can wait.”

“The sooner I call Lyndsey the sooner she can do some damage control for me.”

“Taron…”

“Go on up chicken. I will be five minutes.” He leaned in to kiss her forehead. “Maybe do some of your own damage control upstairs with my sisters?”

“Sure rocketman. I will come and get you though if you are longer than fifteen minutes.”

Taron’s laugh was forced just like his smile and once he heard the door close upstairs to the apartment, he pulled out his phone, calling his publicist.

“Please tell me you didn’t carry her into the ocean again?”

“No not this time.”

“What���s up Taron. Can’t get into too much trouble with your family.”

“I can if fans hang around Eve’s café and start asking questions about Robyn.” Taron replied his annoyance building again.

“Talk me through it.”

Taron huffed and puffed through what happened outside the café, his words getting mixed up, his sentences muddled, eventually getting his words right to tell Lyndsey what happened. When he was finished there was a brief moment of silence before Lyndsey answered him.

“So Taron remember when I told you back in April how you needed to make a decision around Robyn? Is she just a friend you have in the background, one you keep inside or is she someone you would be proud to have on your arm, a woman you want there by your side through everything, a woman you are so in love with.”

“Lyndsey, you know the answer to that question.” Taron answered quietly.

“Then you need to stop having a freak out every time you are seen with Robyn or if the fans see you with her. You have been in this business long enough to know that people are going to talk Taron and you are well able to ignore it all but of course I will do some recon for you if it is needed. You said nothing bad happened except fans asking where she was and then she came up with the most perfect and acceptable excuse to leave. You posted any photos from being home yet?”

“No, haven’t really had a chance. It has been an eventful weekend.”

“Maybe just post one up.”

“Robyn told me to do that.”

Lyndsey grinned on the end of the phone. “You really need to start listening to her.” Taron heavily sighed. “Anything else I need to know about the weekend to keep an eye out for.”

“Shit loads but I don’t have the time to go through them now. Can I call with you them tomorrow?”

“Wanna give me the cliff notes? Just so I know what I am getting into here.”

“Mari got caught at the rock pools at the beach this afternoon when the tide came in, Robyn rescued her and got cut up on some rocks.”

“Taron seriously?”

“I wish I was making this stuff up Lyndsey, I really do. I just pray there was no photographers around.”

“I haven’t heard anything Taron. Is Robyn ok? Mari?”

“Everyone is fine. Just a weekend full of it.” Taron ran his left hand down his face, feeling tired and drained over the whole thing, wishing hard he had another day at home just to relax.

“Right here is what we are going to do. You are going to post a photo from the birthday party and you need to make the decision on whether Robyn is in it or not. I cannot make that choice for you but if you choose to have her in it, it opens that can of worms you are afraid to let loose.”

“Lyndsey…”

“You want her in your life Taron.”

“More than anything.”

“Then think hard about which photo you choose. I promise to do a thorough search for you and you call me back tomorrow so we can talk in more detail about your weekend. Please stop overthinking everything Taron. You know the fans like her, the media too and you have had no bad press if you really think about it and the one photo was retracted which caused a fuss. You always do this and get yourself in such a state and worked up over nothing. You have a wonderful support with Robyn and you know she can handle herself.”

“She means everything to me Lyndsey. I don’t want her to be hurt.”

“You will never let that happen Taron. Never but you can’t hide her away. You need to let the world see why you love her so much. Now let me do my job and you go and enjoy the last night with your family. Stop carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders Taron. The world isn’t out to get you Taron. Lower your defensives a little.”

Another heavy sigh filled Taron’s lungs. Lyndsey could always cool him down in seconds with logic. “It’s hard.”

“Bullshitting me again Taron? You been in this business a long time and have always protected your family when it came to the media. I know Robyn is a new addition to your life and you have suddenly become extra cautious but don’t change what you know or are used to or your professionalism. Don’t let a bunch of fans get under your skin. Leave that to Robyn.”

Taron’s lips lifted slightly. “I am sorry Lyndsey. I freaked out a little.”

“A little?”

“Ok a fucking lot.”

Lyndsey laughed at him. “Trust her Taron. You think she would have stuck around this long and actually put up with your moods if she didn’t know what she was getting herself into. Ask her about the photo. I think her answer will surprise you. Maybe she likes being seen with you. No idea why but she does.”

Taron thought the world and more of his publicist and once the call ended, wandered up the stairs trying to force a smile on his face, hearing laughter before he even reached the door to the apartment above the café. Pushing on the handle, he knew he was the subject of the conversation when he appeared in everyone’s eyeline and the laughter stopped.

“Taron!” Mari was up out of her chair like a light and over to her brother. “You are always late!”

“Sorry Mari.” He kissed his sister’s cheek. “I had a phone call.”

“Aunt Eve is telling Robyn lots of funny stories about you.”

“Oh she is, is she?” Taron looked to his mam and aunt who were trying to keep their faces serious. He carried Mari over to the table and carefully set her down. “Well I am not surprised.” He slipped into the seat beside Robyn. “You ready to run away yet?” He asked her, reaching for her hand under the table.”

“Not at all.” She returned his squeeze, keeping her hand tight in his.

She didn’t exactly climb the stairs but was rather pushed up them by Tina as she tried to linger on the steps to hear the conversation Taron started with Lyndsey but had no choice but to scramble up to the top of the stairs, continuing on her way in through the open door, her voice called excitedly by Taron’s sisters. It was a horrible anxious wait and she kept her face bright, chatting with the girls and Taron’s family, accepting their invitation to sit down, happy to be off her feet but it was hard to concentrate on his family, answer their questions when she was worried about Taron. She knew from the moment she had met him, keeping her name out of social media had always been his top priority, wanting to keep her privacy but Robyn understood it was not always possible if she wanted to be a part of his life and because she needed to be a part of his life, she accepted and understood that at times there was going to be crap written about her. As far as Robyn was concerned, the fans weren’t actually asking anything out of turn. Perhaps that one fan, a bit more insistent on knowing the truth if she had seen her with Taron but Robyn wasn’t afraid of being seen with Taron. Truth be told, of course she didn’t want her photo pasted all over social media, rumours spreading about her but to be with Taron, to see him and spend time with him, she would accept it was going to happen.

“Robyn?”

She looked to Taron’s mam who had clearly asked her a question but so lost in her own thoughts she had missed it. “Sorry Tina.”

“He’s fine.” Tina reached across the table to take the young woman’s hand. “How are you? Did he look after you?”

Robyn nodded. “He did and I am ok thank you. When we got up here, he was able to get a proper look and the scratches are actually that bad.”

“You do know I walked behind you up the stairs.”

Robyn took her hand from Tina, brushing her hair behind her ears. “I bruise very easily and honestly; it really isn’t too bad. Taron covered the worst of the cuts and please don’t start worrying Tina. I already have Taron on red-alert, I don’t need another member of the Egerton family doing so too for me.”

Tina didn’t get to reply as the door opened and Taron walked in and Robyn knew the smile on his face was for show and it stung her to know he was still upset by what happened outside. Thankfully his little sister running to him seemed to lighten his mood a little and the return squeeze to her hand as he sat beside her, settled her a little bit.

“So stories?” Taron asked still keeping Robyn’s warm hand in his.

“Nothing to get over excited about love.” His mam assured him. “Not why don’t you both get something to eat. Eve has set up some dishes on the counters. Go and help yourselves. We have already eaten but I am sure the girls will go for seconds of dessert.”

Whatever hunger Taron had been feeling was long gone but to appease his mother he stood up, Robyn’s hand still clutched in his and they walked together over to the counter tops where Eve had set up a number of hot and cold dishes, most of which were prepped in her café before her family had arrived.

“It all looks delicious Eve.” Robyn turned to Taron’s aunt. “Thank you for doing this.”

“Yeah Eve. Thank you.” Taron agreed. “Looks great.”

“Please dig in. There is plenty to go around.”

Taron handed Robyn a plate and took one for himself though looking at the food made his unsettled and nervous stomach turn a little. He picked up a bread roll, dropping it on his plate, by-passing all the hot food following Robyn who had yet to take anything.

“Not feeling it?” He asked her quietly.

“Not really.” She looked to his empty plate. “I guess that conversation with Lyndsey didn’t go to well.”

Taron placed his plate on the counter. “It was ok actually. She hasn’t seen anything yet. I just wanted to give her the heads up in case something appears.”

“It really worries you, doesn’t it. My name rolling around social media.”

Taron half shrugged. “I know you understand and you have been so accepting of it but it doesn’t mean you should have to deal with it. I don’t want your name being thrown out there because some fans are bitches.”

“Taron!” Robyn scolded him, putting her own plate down. “They only asked if I was around.”

“It’s none of their business.”

Robyn stepped right into his body and pulled him a little more roughly than she meant into her for a hug. “Firstly, your family is right there so now really isn’t the time to get riled up about this. Secondly, I am sure you have already had it out with Lyndsey who gave as good back to you and thirdly until you understand that even though I know it fucking kills you inside and you get all fierce and protective of me, you need to understand that I am ok with how this is part of your life and I accept that and I am not letting you go until you do. I do get it Taron and I always have and you know this. I wouldn’t change being your friend for anything in this world and let them talk Taron, not that they have anything to talk about. So they saw us walking down the street together. So what? We can’t visit each other? We can’t spend some time together after what we have been through. I want to be in your life as your friend and that is never going to change so you are going to have to deal with the fact that this is something that is going to occur every now and again but don’t call your fans bitches because one was rude. That’s not fair to the many who are amazing.” She squeezed him a little harder around his waist. “We have been open and honest with any reporter and fan who asked, that this is something neither of us will ever walk away from and you have to stop getting annoyed every time someone talks about me. I know you want to stop it but you can’t. It is just how it is. Please just try and let it be.” She moved her hands so could roll her palms around his back in long circles. “I hate watching you get so upset over it. It is not worth it and after all your years in the business surely you know by now just to let it slide. Let Lyndsey look after it. Never let you down yet.” Robyn moved her head to let it rest under his chin, cuddling into him. “Your time is so short with your family. You go back to work tomorrow and you are letting it get under your skin. Life is too short for this shit Taron and you of all people should know this after what you went through. I don’t want you to be troubled over it.” Robyn placed her head over his heart, feeling it pounding in his chest. “So not worth it and I mean it Taron, I am not letting you go, until you accept it.” To further her point, she circled her arms around his back, clasping her arms together.

Taron would never ever understand how he got so lucky and gently lifted Robyn off her feet for a second before resting his chin on her head, his eyes closed tight, hugging her hard. He didn’t care that his parents were meters away, that this type of cuddle was one always saved for when they were alone because he needed it and needed it badly. The pull on his arms as he embraced her hurt his shoulders but he didn’t care. “Thank you.”

“Not letting you go.”

“I am actually ok with that.”

Robyn chuckled against his warm torso. “And…”

“They just don’t understand what a wonderful person you are and words hurt.”

“They don’t anything about me Taron and naturally are going to ask and not because they are rude or insensitive but because you like me and they like you. Some are going to rant and bitch but others really just want you to be happy but you can’t control it Taron. You are not able to stop it but if you really want it to stop it, it means we can’t hang out any more.” She felt his hold on her tighten. “And I don’t want that either. I love seeing you.”

“I love seeing you too.” He murmured into her hair.

“So, either we need to come to an agreement now or this is constantly going to be an issue and you have enough on your plate you don’t need this added. You have always trusted Lyndsey.”

“I do.”

“And nothing that has ever cropped up about me has been truly horrible Taron. As twisted as it sounds, you nearly dying and me saving you has given us a get out jail free card and more than one it appears. I would never have gone to any red-carpet event with you if I wasn’t comfortable or knew what I was getting myself into.” Robyn snuggled a little deeper into his chest, feeling the fast rise and fall of his body as he tried to calm himself down. “We have always been up front and honest.” She repeated. “It’s how we should be. I don’t mind them knowing I am here for Mari’s birthday and if they want to make shit up, let them. We have been here before and gotten through it and it is different now Taron. You know it is. I have my octopus.”

Taron understood exactly what Robyn was trying to explain to him, that she would tell him if she felt uncomfortable, if it got too much. “I am so sorry for being a dick downstairs.”

“A big fat one.”

His laughter echoed through his chest and it was such a beautiful sound. “A big fat one.” He repeated, still laughing a little. “Lyndsey hasn’t seen anything about what happened today.”

“Fantastic.”

“And she said she would have a little browse to see if anything about outside the café comes up.”

“Much rather the fan meet then what happened on the beach.”

“Yeah…” His words trailed off. “Robyn, Lyndsey told me I should post a photo of me at Mari’s birthday. I will ask mam if she is ok with me posting the selfie one I took in the garden of us all dressed up but you are in it too. Would you mind if I posted that one with you in it?”

“Not at all Taron.”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course.” Robyn eased her grip around his back and lightly ran her hands up and down his sides. “It’s the truth of the weekend. A birthday party with your family that I was invited too.”

“Can I hide in Kilcreen with you for a while.” Taron’s voice was quiet but serious.

“You want Kilcreen to be a little hidden sanctuary for you, then no. Best save it for little visits and times of desperation.”

“This is a time of desperation.”

Robyn lifted her head, which meant Taron had to lift his too. She stared up at him, his whole face now quite miserable. “No it is not. Post the photo. You will be surprised at the reaction. Just check with your family first.” Robyn stood on her toes so she could kiss his cheek, lingering a little longer than normal. “What will be, will be and you can’t do any more about it but if you keep letting it get under your skin, you are going to be on edge all the time. What has changed Taron? You know I will happily go to any event with you with full media coverage but a group of girls has you really freaked out.”

“A media event is different. It’s respectful. Lyndsey can control most of it. I can’t control keyboard warriors.”

“And you never will be able too.” She moved to kiss his other cheek. “Please let it go Taron.” She whispered into his warm skin. “And I am serious. I am not going to let you go until you relax.” Even as they spoke, Robyn had yet to feel Taron’s body unwind and loosen up. “I will go for the kill with a head massage next and a proper deep one and you know you can’t resist those ones.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“You even know me at all? I don’t care that your family is here.” Taron exhaled loudly, resting his forehead on her shoulder. “That an invitation rocketman?”

This time Taron properly laughed, nuzzling into her neck, hoping her hair covered how close he got to her skin. “I love you.” He mumbled into her skin.

“I love you too you nutjob.” She quietly returned. “Still not letting go.”

Taron knew the woman in his arms was deadly serious and as he looked up, he saw every member of his family staring at him and he quickly looked away and concentrated on hugging Robyn, breathing in her perfume, the feel of her body against his. Still pent up and frustrated, he wasn’t too sure how he was going to even try to lose the tension he still carried but he felt Robyn’s hands sneak into the clipped hair at the back of neck, once again working magic on the tightness he felt, he leaned his face further into her neck, his eyes closing. “Robyn…”

“Shh… It’s a hug.”

It was much more than a hug at this stage but Taron knew well Robyn would not move her hands until she knew he had calmed down. Thankful his mother couldn’t see what her hands were doing, he kept his eyes closed so he didn’t have to look their way. He concentrated on taking some easy breathes, telling his mind to shut off a bit, to stop over analysing everything. Both Lyndsey and Robyn were right but it was only because he wanted to protect Robyn with everything he had, having experienced the hatred of the media before, he never wanted her to be exposed to it and just acted like a jacked-up fool with the slightest chance of her good name being slandered. Feeling like an idiot, he let some more deep breathes fill him. “Ruin the whole weekend.”

Robyn wished she could have given his hair a little pull but it was too short and would have pinched his shoulders but didn’t want to hurt him more than he already was. “I heard that.”

“Sorry.”

“Stop saying sorry and you have ruined nothing. I was the emotional mess last time we met.”

“You had a reas…”

“Finish sentence and just wait to see what will happen to you.” The easy breath on her skin made her smile as he laughed a little. “This is one long hug.” She felt him smile into her neck. “You accepting it?”

“I guess so.”

“Guess so?” She asked digging her thumbs hard into his hair line at his neck, hearing the deep groan in his chest.

“I will and I do and I will try to not get to agitated over it.”

“That is all I can ask. I appreciate how protective you are but sometimes maybe being too protective just makes them want to dig more. We give a little, it can satisfy some questions.”

“Like you are here because of Mari’s party.”

“Exactly. Simple and honest.” Robyn agreed.

“Thank you Robyn.”

“You are so very welcome and you have two minutes before this gets overly suspicious with your family.”

Taron was smiling but sighed hard into her shoulder. “I don’t want you to go tomorrow. I don’t want to go tomorrow.”

“I will get to see you on set don’t worry.”

“I am so busy.”

“We always work it out. Now one minute and thirty seconds. You relaxed yet?”

“We will find out in one minute and twenty-eight seconds.”

[rebelwrites]

Chapter Nine: Don’t Threaten Me With A Good Time - Lola

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Falling For Red Masterlist

This Months Writing

My lungs burned as I ran but I wasn’t planning on stopping. At least I was feeling something other than anger right now running through the streets, music blasting through my headphones. I wasn’t stupid, I knew that I was being followed but again didn’t care. It wasn’t like I couldn’t handle myself. And with the mood I was in whoever it was would be stupid to try anything.

Quickly side eyeing the car that was curb crawling, I noticed the blacked out window being wound down, revealing the one person I was hoping I would have seen for at least a couple of days.

For fuck sake it was him, the arrogant asshole that pissed me off in the first place. Oh how I wanted to shove my knife somewhere where the sun doesn't shine.

“Red” Grayson shouted.

I just ignored him and kept running. Maybe he would get the message and get bored soon enough. But he didn’t, again he must have a death wish.

“I expect you to answer when I shout you Red” Grayson shouted a bit louder, anger coating his voice.

“Ever thought I don’t want to talk right now asshole” I snapped, not slowing the pace down. I wanted to get as far away from him as I could, I didn’t want him near me. Not now not ever.

“You see Red I don’t like being told what to do” Grayson tutted “So just get in the car I need to speak to you”

“Yeah not happening prick” I said, narrowing my eyes at him. “Now if you don’t piss off and leave me alone I will drag you out of the car and snap your fucking neck”

“Oh I would love to see you try sweetheart” Grayson smirked “You have no idea what I could do to you, with just my hands”

Squeezing my eyes closed I tried so hard to ignore what he said, I was too sexually frustrated to be dealing with his bullshit. But there was something about him, the moment I stepped into his office earlier this morning, I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand, goosebumps forming as he ran his eyes over my body, taking in my appearance. I am only human and he was extremely attractive, even if he was a wanker.

I had only known him for less than twenty four hours and I despised him but somehow my body thought differently, ever since this morning the thought of him being near me set my soul on fire, the aura that surrounded him drew me in. The sound of my name on his tongue sent shivers down my spine and honestly my mind went straight to the gutter. But that wasn’t hard as that’s where it laid ninety percent of the time anyway.

“And you don’t know who I am and what I can do either,” I said, flipping him off before running down an alley.

I thought I had gotten away from Grayson, that was until I was thrown against the brick wall to my right, the dampness of the rough bricks seeping through the thin hoodie I was wearing. I was just about to shout in protest when a solid body pressed against mine. He was so close I could smell the mintiness of his breath and again the hairs on the back of my neck stood to attention and I got goosebumps. Why did this have to turn me on?

“I don’t like repeating myself Red” Grayson growled as he placed his arms either side of my head, I was trapped.

I held eye contact with him, like we were in some unspoken staring contest, the sexual tension settling over us like a warm blanket, the dim light from the one street lamp made his blue eyes shine brighter, drawing me in like a moth to a flame.

“Well get used to it” I glared, trying to break the sexual tension and trying not to let my body give in. I wouldn't let him see how he was affecting me, I didn’t even know him, all I knew was he was an arrogant cunt and I hated him.

“You are making me despise you Red” He said slowly, his hot breath fanning my face.

“Feeling is mutual” I huffed, rolling my eyes at him. “Now can you get off me, I’ve got shit to be doing”

“I chose you for the job because word on the street is the person that goes by the name of Red is the best of the best” He said before laughing dryly “but now I am starting to think those people are chatting bollocks, so tell me Red, are you worth my time?”

“If you don’t get the fuck off me, I will show you just exactly why I have a rep” I smirked narrowing my eyes at him. My heart was pounding against my rib cage right now and I just prayed that he could feel how fast he was making my heart race.

“You are really getting on my nerves girl” Grayson sneered as he moved one of his arms off the wall and was now being pressed against my shoulders, but it also meant his arm was somewhat over my throat as well due to the height difference.

I wonder what it would feel like to have his hand wrapped around my throat? No, stay focused, don’t get even more horny at that thought he is a pig.

“Maybe that was my plan” I laughed, reaching for the switchblade I always kept tucked in the waistband of my joggers. Pulling the knife out I used all my strength to push Grayson off, before pinning him to the wall, just like he had been moments ago. But this time I was holding the knife up to his throat.

“This is what is gonna happen” I said with my face inches away from his, “I am going to walk away, and finish my run, you are going to get back into your fancy car and drive off like this didn’t happen!”

“And what if I didn’t and had other things in mind” he smirked as his gaze dropped to my lips, his tongue gliding over his bottom lip. “But I guess we will never find out, seen as you hate me, it’s a shame really”

I wonder what he could do with that tongue. No Red stay focused, stop thinking about what he could do with his tongue or how good he could make you feel, he is a wanker, stop getting horny over him.

“Well you don’t want to know what I would do” I laughed dryly “Or are you forgetting who has a knife against their throat right now”

“Don’t threaten me with a good time” he breathed. “But if you insist but I want you in my office at 8am sharp tomorrow to discuss your plan”

“Fucking Asshole” I hissed as he pulled my knife from his throat before taking off, I needed to get away from him and fast before I did something I would regret. I had standards, I wasn’t going to be some notch on his bedpost and definitely not in some alley way.

And I needed a cold shower.

@chibsytelford @everyhowlmarksthedead @talicat713 @little-diable @band--psycho @mrsmarvelous1995 @pancakeisreading

[bazypitchandsimonsnow]

Missed Moments with You

Rating: M

Genre: Fluff/Angst

Word Count: 14353

Summary: Almost six months after Baz drunkenly stumbled back into Simon's life, they're still together and happy. Well, mostly. It'd be great if they had more time together, but work keeps getting in the way. Can their relationship survive their real lives?

Read on AO3

Sequel to “Back to Haunt Me”

AN: HAHAHAHAHA I DID IT BITCHES!!!! I FINALLY FINISHED A FIC AFTER MONTHS OF ILLNESS AND WRITER'S BLOCK!!!! Seriously, I could not do ANYTHING for so long. But I was finally able to do this! Big thanks to @carryonmylovelies for all her help and encouragement. She is the best.

Sadly, I couldn't get this to fit into any of my requests. I will try to get to those, I promise. My brain is just not functioning at full capacity and really hasn't for awhile. Hope you enjoy this one tho :)

Disclaimer: I am not a teacher or a psychiatrist. Most of my knowledge comes from being a student and a therapy/psychiatry patient, plus a little research online. This is not meant to be a super duper accurate representation of either. Dramatic License was taken.

———————————————

Simon

Even though it’s soft, I still hear the door close. It’s not like I have super ears. I’ve just been sleeping lightly, trying to stay up until Baz comes back. I hear him quietly take off his ugly shoes, walk towards the room, and open the door. I stay still as he flops down next to me and gets under the blanket. He lazily throws an arm over my side, long nose pressed against my neck. I love when he does this, wraps himself around me. Baz makes me feel so happy.

“Hey,” I say, barely a whisper. “How was the hospital?”

Baz’s groan reverberates down my skin. “Nearly punched a patient’s father in the face.”

“Sounds like the usual.”

“Mhm. Just another day and night at University College Hospital.” He tosses his leg over mine. Sometimes I swear he wants to bloody climb me. “You should be asleep, Snow, it’s late.”

“You’re up.”

“Because I’m a medical resident and my hours are completely insane. You’re allowed the luxury of a mostly normal sleep schedule, take advantage of it.”

I grab his hand over my stomach, weaving our fingers together. “I like waiting for you.”

“Mm.” He nuzzles closer and holds me tighter, then presses a soft kiss behind my ear. I’m in heaven. “Sap.”

“Always.” I kiss the back of his hand. “We should both sleep now, love.”

“Yeah,” he mumbles. “Night, love.”

I close my eyes, finally sinking into sleep as my wonderful, exhausted boyfriend holds me tight.

———————————————

I’m woken up by my alarm blaring shitty hair metal at top volume. Baz lets out a loud groan into my shoulder.

“Why do you play that rubbish?” he growls. “Why not some nice classical?”

“Because this rubbish wakes me up.” I reluctantly extract myself from Baz’s lovely arms. I hear him roll onto his stomach and spread out in a starfish on my bed. He loves cuddling with me, but he also likes to stretch out his long limbs. I grab my glasses, returning my ability to see properly, then turn around to look at him, and my mouth drops open.

“Baz!” I shout. “You climbed into my bed in your fucking scrubs again!?”

Baz lifts his head slightly and pulls at his light blue scrubs, eyebrows pulled together. “Hm, looks like I did.”

“They’re filthy!”

“No.” He flops back down, face smushed into my pillow. “I washed them yesterday. There’s just a bit of dried blood on my trouser leg. No sick or spinal fluid this time.”

I shake my head, but it’s with a smile. “I can’t believe my neat freak former roommate has developed such low standards of cleanliness.”

Baz makes an annoyed grunting sound before sinking further into my bed. I chuckle and press a kiss to his hairline. He’s already asleep again.

I grab my bathrobe and go into the kitchen, a smile on my face. It’s been five months since Basilton Pitch drunkenly wandered his way back into my life. I never imagined we would see each other again, let alone start dating. But it’s been pretty great. Baz is so much more than I thought he was. I already knew he was brilliant, but he’s also hilarious and kind and utterly amazing. I’m happier with him, and I think Baz is happier with me too.

The only problem is exactly what Baz warned me about when we started dating; he’s insanely busy. The hospital has him on a weird, inconsistent schedule. He’ll sometimes work for over twelve hours then collapse for an entire day afterwards. If that wasn’t hard enough, when this started, I didn’t factor in my own job. Very dumb, considering what I do. When I’m not teaching, I’m usually grading or writing lesson plans, so it’s not like I have a lot of free time either. We once went two and a half weeks without seeing each other. It was awful, but both of us understood. Still missed him though. I miss him a lot. In nearly six months, we’ve been on three proper dates. It’s not that I like fancy dinners and shit, I just like being with Baz. I wish we could be together more.

I stop to give Cherry her morning pet and wet food. She purrs under my hand. Then I make myself instant coffee, the ambrosia of primary teachers, and toaster waffles. I leave some for Baz to heat up later. He has pretty refined tastes, but no one can resist toaster waffles. He’ll probably be up to eat them around noon, when we’ll Skype chat while I have lunch at school. It’s my favourite part of the day. I want it to happen more often.

The phone ringing breaks me out of my lovesick melancholy. Penny’s grinning face stares back at me. I quickly pick it up. “Hey, Pen.”

“Hey Si,” she says, voice crackling slightly. “How’s it going?”

“It’s going alright. Just making myself some shit coffee and toaster waffles.”

“I’m a bit horrified your breakfast habits haven’t changed since uni.”

I scoff very self righteously. “Neither have yours. Last time I visited, you were stuffing your face with pop tarts.”

“You have no proof of that.” I can feel Penny’s glare from across the bloody Atlantic.

“No,” I chuckle. “I guess I don’t. Oh, I did almost get video proof of Baz wolfing down two Big Macs. He finished just after I got my phone out, it was amazing.”

“Ha! Get a video of it when it happens next time, then show me that and I’ll owe you a pint.”

“I’ll try next time we go out.” I slump a little in my chair.  “If we go out...”

Penny sighs in a particular way. It’s the one she uses when she knows I’m down and wants to bring me back up. “Baz still working those long shifts, huh?”

“Yeah, so he’s tired a lot. And our schedules have trouble syncing up. It really sucks and it’s not like either of us have a choice in it, especially him. But still it...it’s like- I just-”

“Part of you doesn’t give a shit about work, you just want to be together more.”

I sink further on the chair, so much so I fear I’m going to melt into the vinyl. “Kinda, yeah. Does that...does that make me a bad boyfriend and person?”

“No, no, absolutely not, Simon. It makes you a normal person who desires their partner.”

“Okay, yeah, sure, but Baz warned me about his job. He told me that he would have insane hours and it would make having a relationship really hard. I told him it was okay, that we would make it work, so I can’t get mad now, right?”

“You’re allowed to be upset that you don’t get to see your boyfriend as much as you wish you could.”

“I guess, yeah.” I shove half a toaster waffle in my mouth. It marginally helps. “I don’t know what to do, Pen. I can’t ask Baz to cut his hours, it’ll mess up his degree and piss off the doctors cause they’ll say he’s ‘not being dedicated’, which is a load of bollocks but it’ll happen. And it’s not like I can change when I work. There doesn’t seem to be a solution.”

Penny sighs. “I don’t know what to tell you, Si. There’s no easy way to deal with this. I think you just have to talk things out.” I groan heavily. “Yeah, I know, you hate talking. But can you think of anything else?”

“No,” I grumble. “Save for just shagging him senseless so we can both let off some nervous stress.”

“Sex doesn’t fix everything.”

“Well, no, but it would be nice to try it period.”

“You two still haven’t slept together?!” she says far too loudly. I hope Micah isn’t home. God, that would be embarrassing. “It’s been months!”

“I know,” I groan, “but we’ve both been busy and tired, especially Baz. Mostly we’ve just been snogging, which is awesome. Baz is a great kisser.”

“Too much information, Si.”

“Sorry, sorry. I like kissing, I’d just like to do...other stuff too.”

“Which is perfectly understandable, and the only way it’s going to ever happen is if you figure out where to go in your relationship. And that’s only going to happen by  talking about it and working something out that both of you can live with.”

I eat another toaster waffle. Again, helps a little, not enough. “That’s hard.”

“And necessary if you want to keep this relationship.” There’s a short pause and I try to speak before Penny interrupts me. “You definitely do want to keep it, right?”

My leg jerks so hard I nearly knock my coffee over. “Of course I do! Baz is kind and amazing and funny and brilliant and I fucking lo-”

We both go silent. I put a hand over my mouth. Holy shit, I can’t believe I almost said that. I haven’t even thought about it before, until now. (Typical, I don’t figure it out until I’m right in the middle of shit.) I mean, I’ve thought about it in a sort of abstract, future way. But not right now, not after only five months together when we spent seven years apart and an equal amount of time hating each other. Could I really be in love already?

“Shit, really?” Penny whispers. “You love him?”

I bite my nails, something I haven’t done since second year of uni. “Uh, I guess, maybe. I don’t know. It’s way too soon and I’m not exactly that experienced in love. I don’t think I can say for sure of anything...”

“Okay. What can you say for sure then?”

“Well,” I stop chewing on my nails, “I know I care about Baz. I enjoy being around him. And I really, really,  really  like him.”

“Is that okay with you?”

“Yeah, I can deal with that.”

“Good, stick with that, don’t jump too far. Figure out where you two stand before you start talking about love.”

“Yeah,” I sigh, “you’re right.”

“Of course I am.”

I scoff and roll my eyes, similar to Baz. I’m picking a lot up from him, “I know, I know.” My eyes catch the clock. “Oh shit, I’ve got to go right now. If I’m late my kids are going to destroy the classroom.”

Penny snorts. “The trials of a parent of thirty two children.”

“Exactly. Talk to you later, Pen, love you.”

“Love you too, Si, bye!”

The phone clicks off, leaving me hopelessly alone with my thoughts. So, I want to be around Baz more. That’s reasonable, he’s my boyfriend. But neither of us can be around more because of our beloved jobs. I’m going to have to find some solution. But not right now because I’m going to be very, very late. I rush out the door with only the thoughts of the tube schedule on my mind.

———————————————

“Lishie, no,” I say, taking the marker from her hand, “that’s a shared class writing utensil, you can’t chew on it.”

Lishie pouts at me, blinking her big brown eyes. “But Mr. Snow,” she whines.

“None of that, please. If you must chew on something, please use your own pencil.” I lean down to look at her drawing of a castle. “This is your favourite place, huh?”

“Yeah.” She points at her lovely pink palace. “This is my Lishie only place. It keeps my brother out and shoots lasers at bad guys.”

I nod with a big smile. “Both are very important. Nice work.” I turn to Zahir. His drawing is of a beautiful shoreline with a fiery sunset. “And what place is this?”

“It’s the view from my grandparent’s house,” he chirps.

“It looks lovely, Zahir, good job.”

I stand up and check the other kids. They’re all doing wonderfully. I help where needed, handing them markers and giving colour suggestions. Luckily the kiddos are being good today. I don’t think I can handle their particular brand of tornado like insanity right now.

“Mr. Snow, look what I did!” I lean down to Harrison’s level. His picture is of himself with his two Mums holding hands under an abundance of trees.

“It’s amazing, Harry,” I say. “Where are you three in this picture?”

“We’re at the camping ground where my Mums met. They got married at the lake last year. We go there every summer break.”

“Aw, that’s very sweet.”

“Are you married, Mr. Snow?” Rosanne calls out. I hate mean nicknames. They’re a dumb bullying tactic. At the same time though, “Nosey Rosie” is occasionally apt. Not that I’d ever say that out loud, of course.

“No, I’m not married, Rose,” I say calmly.

“Do you have a girlfriend?”

The kids start muttering and giggling. I sigh, shaking my head. “No, I don’t have a girlfriend either. But my love life is none of your business, munchkins.”

“A boyfriend?” Liza shouts. “My mum said you probably have a boyfriend.”

I sigh and rub my temple. Well, while her mother is correct, the beautiful and single Ms.Thorn has also made many advances on me. I suppose me being gay rationalises my kind rejections of her. I believe she needs to get over herself.

“No, I don’t have a boyfriend.” I hate lying to the kids, but I’m not going to talk about my relationship with them. “Again, my love life is personal.”

Thandi gasps, and leans over to Riya beside her. Her tone suggests a whisper, but her volume shows she absolutely means to be heard. “What if Mr. Snow has a  secret girlfriend or boyfriend?”

They all start chattering away with big grins on their faces. I sigh heavily. There is nothing ten year olds love more than gossiping, especially about their teachers. I’ve caught my munchkins talking about if the football coach and year 11 science teacher are together. (They aren’t. Both Coach Markova and Mr. Saadia have been married for over twenty years. Their husbands are wonderful friends.) I don’t want to become the next rumour on the playground.

“Okay, hush up all of you,” I say loudly. They all quiet down. “It’s not appropriate to discuss my personal life, so you’re going to stop right now, understand?”

“Yes, Mr. Snow,” they reply all at once in a shamed, slightly annoyed tone. It’s one I’m extremely familiar with.

“Good. Now go back to your drawings, or we’ll start the maths worksheets early.”

They all gasp, then go back to drawing. I hear whispers about normal things, like Power Rangers and Disney movies. I sigh and return to my desk, leaning back in the chair. Honestly, even if I did want to answer the kids, I wouldn’t be sure what to say. I do have a boyfriend officially, but I barely see him. Twice a week at best. It’s not his fault, he tries his best. I fuck up more than him honestly. I just wish we could be...more boyfriends? That doesn’t make sense.

My pocket buzzes and I pull out my phone. I’m not supposed to use it during class hours, but the kids are working right now, it’s fine. The text is from Baz. My pulse speeds up like it does every time. But when I open it, my heart drops instead.

Baz [13:40] Hey love. So sorry but I can’t come over tonight. Need to pick up an extra shift. I promise I’ll make it up to you ❤️

I sigh heavily, trying to suppress the disappointment and hurt. It’s not his fault, he’s doing his best. We’ll figure something out. Right?

Simon [13:41] it’s alright love we’ll find another time

Baz [13:41] ❤️

———————————————

“No, no, hold the rock like this.” Baz adjusts my grip. I love his fingers, long and elegant. If he wasn’t a doctor, I think he would make an incredible pianist.

“How does the way I hold the rock change anything?” I ask.

“It helps you get the right angle to skip it.”

I frown in confusion. “I thought the rock’s shape helped with that.”

“Both help. So,” he guides my arm back, “let’s try.”

Baz’s callused fingers caress my bare skin. I let out a shaky breath. God, I shouldn’t get this hot and bothered from Baz just touching me. I’m not some horndog, I can wait for sex. The pent up tension is just...getting to me a bit.

“Now flick it, Snow,” Baz says.

I fling the stone forward. It flies over the pond, sending ripples across the aquamarine water. The stone nearly reaches the other side before finally dropping. I’m grinning ear to ear. When I turn around, Baz is too.

“Wonderful job, love.” He presses a kiss to my temple. “I knew you could do it.”

God, I’m going to melt into a puddle. I peck his lips softly. “Thanks for showing me, love.”

He kisses me back, a bit firmer. I would snog the life out of him right now if we weren’t in the middle of Regent’s Park, apparently a popular relaxation spot for UCLH. We’re surrounded by nurses chatting, residents resting, and doctors smoking cigarettes. (Baz says doctors truly have the least regard for their own health.) We sadly pull apart and take a seat on a bench. I put my head on his strong shoulder, and he throws his arm around me.

“How were psych rounds today?” I ask.

“Awful,” he groans. “Mr. Teversham still refuses to take his medication, and Mx. Joseph is fighting therapy at every turn.”

“Hm, well, you expected this. Any ideas?”

“Mx. Joseph needs to be in therapy without  knowing they're in therapy. Mr. Teversham needs to be sedated so he can’t yell at me anymore.”

I snort. “Not sure that’s legal.”

“It’s not, but one can dream. Both probably need adjustments in their medications but that would affect serotonin levels too much at this delicate stage of treatment.”

“Mm, that sucks. Anything you could do for now?”

“More group therapy and coping techniques, I suppose. Little else we can do.”

I nod thoughtfully. Honestly, I have no idea what he’s talking about, but I try to be interested. It’s important to him so I do my best. 

He slowly strokes my hair. I lean closer to him. “How’s your work going, love?”

“It’s alright. Kids aren’t being too destructive. Oh, I’ve been working on something else though.”

Baz smiles, pulling me closer. “What’s that?”

“A new scone recipe.”

He lets out a joyous laugh, throwing his head back so far some of his gelled hair gets dislodged. I like the way a few raven strands fall in his face. “You seriously haven’t run out of new ones to try?”

I shrug. “Not yet. Maybe one day.”

“And then you’ll start making your own.”

“Probably.” I throw both arms around his torso, squeezing him tight. “I’ll give them to you to try.”

He chuckles softly. “Well, maybe. I have to stay in good shape to keep up with the other residents, and I can’t mess up what little sleep I have.”

I deflate slightly. Right, he’s gotta watch his health more than me. I should remember that. Bloody hell, I’m a terrible boyfriend. “R-Right. Well, I’ll make something else for you I guess...”

He makes a humming noise, but I can’t tell what it means. I’m horrible at non-verbal cues and unfortunately Baz is still no exception. I want to ask him about being around, about us being together, but the words get all tangled in my throat. I don’t know how to ask him without sounding like a selfish arse. 

(Maybe I am a selfish arse. Maybe I don’t deserve this, deserve him.)

(No no, Simon, stop it, stop with the self deprecation.)

(Even though he is better than me...)

I’m about to open my mouth when two clashing beeps ring out. Baz and I scramble to our phones.

“Fuck,” I groan. “Emergency staff meeting in twenty minutes. I’m gonna need to get a cab.”

“Me too,” Baz sighs. “Dr. Dehnavi wants to talk to me about a new inpatient. I suppose I should be flattered, but I’m more annoyed.”

“We’re both suffering it seems.”

“Apparently.” Baz leans over and pecks my lips. I lean forward, just slightly, asking for more that I can’t have right now. “I’ll text you later, love.”

“Yeah, me too.” We dash off in different directions. The questions I have still hang in my throat, but I put them down for now. Next time. Maybe...

———————————————

Thursday April 21

Baz [06:06] Hi, love. I’m finally done my night shift. We still on for the cafe this afternoon?

Simon [07:01] hey sorry I didn’t get this until now. unfortunately i’ve got some last minute extra tutoring to do with Sasha sorry 

Baz [07:02] It’s alright. You free Friday night?

Simon [07:02] nah got grading ☹️ gotta go to class ttyl!

Baz [07:02] Alright, talk to you later.

———————————————

Sunday April 30

Simon [17:37] hey baz can I come over tonight?

Baz [17:58] Unfortunately not. I’m on call for OBGYN all night. Lots of sitting with tiny sick babies in the NICU...

Simon [18:05] fuck that doesn’t sound fun at all ☹️

Baz [18:06] Absolutely is not. I’ll text you later okay?

Simon [18:06] Okay ❤️

———————————————

Wednesday May 8

Baz [22:24] I miss you

Simon [22:24] I miss you too

———————————————

My phone rings at lunch. Baz’s slightly smiling face looks right back at me. I took the photo one night when we were watching telly. He’s got his hair all piled up in a bun, wearing an LSE sweatshirt. He looks gorgeous, as always. I’m so entranced by the picture that I answer it just before the last ring.

“Hey,” I say. “What’s up?”

“Not much,” Baz replies, sounding extremely tired. (He’s been sounding like that more and more lately.) “How’s your day been?”

“Not too bad. Joey fired a spitball at me, but I took the straw away pretty quickly.“

“Dear Lord, you teach monsters.”

I chuckle, shaking my head. “Nope, just children, love. They’re naturally nightmares.”

“Don’t have to tell me, Snow, I have four younger siblings.” He sighs, and I can imagine him tilting his head back, hair falling down behind him. It’s a nice image. “Are you free next Friday?”

“Hm, let me check.” I look at my Google calendar, which is filled to the brim with multicoloured event tabs, everything from field trips to when lesson plans need to be done. (I consider the second one more a guideline than a rule.) Friday is surprisingly blank. A grin breaks out across my face. “Yeah, Friday is good. Got something in mind?”

“Well, I finally have a Friday off. So I was thinking we could dress up and go somewhere nice. Somewhere with fine food, candles, a generally romantic atmosphere. Does that sound good to you?”

I can’t help biting my bottom lip like some stupid teenager. I haven’t seen my boyfriend in person in nearly three weeks, sue me. Sure there’s been some texting and calls and Facetimes, but none of that compares to the real thing. I’ve missed how Baz’s long fingers feel between mine, or the way he cups my cheek perfectly when he kisses me. I just want to be with him. And finally we have a chance.

“That sounds very good. And uh...” I take a pause to muscle up courage to say what I really,  really  want to say. “Do you want to go to my place afterwards? And sleep over? But y’know...not sleep?” Baz snorts. My cheeks are probably bright red. I groan and rub my forehead. “Sorry, that sounded dumb. I’m an adult, I should be able to talk about sex openly.”

Baz sighs in his strangely affectionate way. “Well, we both know you’re not the best with words, Snow.”

I chuckle and shrug. “Okay, true. But the message still got across right? What I’m asking? But please don’t feel pressured, I just wanted to ask if we could try...”

“Yes, it definitely did. And I would love to try. I think six months is a long enough wait. And I’m really sorry about that.”

“Don’t blame yourself, love, we’ve both been pretty physically absent. Life has just been nuts for us.”

“Agreed. So it’ll be nice to...unwind a bit.”

My face is absolutely bright red now. A lot of inappropriate thoughts are racing through my head right now. I have to shove them down so my brain doesn’t start dribbling out my ears before I have to go back to teaching.

“I-I would like that a lot too.” And of course the first lunch bell decides to ring just then. I groan loudly. “Fuck, lunch is over. Kids will be back soon. Text you later to set up details?”

“Sounds good. Bye, darling.

“Bye, darling.”

I listen until Baz hangs up, then press my phone to my chest with a sigh. I feel so unbelievably giddy. It’s ridiculous, really, to be this excited about a dinner and (possible) sex. But for some reason, my chest is so full it's about to explode. I want to run around the room, shouting to the heavens that I’m going on a lovely, romantic date with Basilton Grimm-Pitch.

Fuck, maybe I really am love. That’s a terrifying, wonderful thought.

———————————————

“Does my hair look alright?” I tousle it to the left, then to the right, then to the left again. Penny sighs and shakes her head on my screen.

“It looks fine either way. But if you don’t decide soon, you’re going to be late!”

I groan and tighten my tie, trying to see myself in my tiny image in the corner. “I know, I know, I just want this to be perfect.”

“Nothing can be perfect, Si.”

“Yeah, but I can try.” I sigh, buttoning my grey suit jacket. This is the one nice suit I own, and I took great precautions to keep it from getting wrinkled on my way to work. “So much hasn’t gone right or easily in our relationship. I want one thing to not go down the drain.”

Penny nods thoughtfully. “Understandable. Just also be realistic.”

“Yes, I will.” I check my watch (a graduation gift from Penny that goes really well with my suit) and inhale sharply. “Shit, I really do have to go. Bye, Pen!”

She waves with a big, toothy smile. “Bye, Si, good luck!”

“Thank you!”

We press the red button at the same time. I tuck my phone into my jacket, then do a last cursory look at myself. No wrinkles? Check. Dashingly messy hair? Check. “Supplies” for later waiting in my bedside table at home? Absolutely check. Awesome. I’m so bloody excited I could seriously start flying right now.

“M-Mr. Snow?”

My head head whips around at the small, familiar voice. It’s Jeremy, with his wavy brown hair and little freckles. He’s sniffling, wiping his nose and blood shot eyes. I immediately rush forward and get on my knees in front of him.

“Jeremy? What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

He makes a big sniff, more tears falling down his cheeks. “M-My dad was supposed to pick me up outside, but he never came! And Ms. Reinhart tried to call my mum and she’s not answering and I don’t know what to do!”

He breaks out into another sob. He wraps his little arms around my neck, crying into my shoulder. I pat his back, trying to comfort as best I can. Poor kid. I’m unfortunately aware of what Jeremy’s parents are like. This isn’t out of character for them. His dad’s probably off with his college age mistress and his mum is partying late with her friends. From what I know, Jeremy was an accidental teen pregnancy, and now his parents hate each other and resent Jeremy for “ruining” their young lives. (Baz would say something about emotional stunting and projecting and shit.) This is the first time they’ve truly abandoned him though. Poor, poor kid.

“Is there anyone you trust who could come get you?” I ask quietly.

“My aunt,” he sniffles. “But she’s super far away.”

“Okay, where does she live?”

“L-Luton, I think.”

Fuck, he’s not exaggerating. Luton is an hour away on a good day, and it’s the middle of London rush hour. His parents may be able get here before her, but she’s probably much more stable than both of them put together.

“Alright. Do you know her number?”

Jeremy nods and moves off my shoulder. He pulls out a cheap flip phone. One of his parents probably gave it to him for emergencies. That’s one good decision on their part. He then hands it to me. The contact is listed as “Auntie Caroline.” I stand up and press dial, Jeremy still clinging to my leg. It only rings twice before it’s picked up.

“Jeremy?” a seemingly female voice says, sounding utterly frantic. “Are you okay, love?”

“Hi,” I say, “I’m Simon Snow, Jeremy’s teacher. Don’t worry, he’s here with me, he’s safe.”

She lets out a very deep sigh. “Oh thank god. Is there something wrong?”

“Unfortunately, yes. His father was supposed to pick him up but hasn’t shown, and his mother isn’t answering her calls.”

“Those bastards,” she growls. “My brother and his good for nothing wife have already put him through hell, but this just takes the bloody cake!”

“Believe me, I agree with you. Considering our shared opinion, I was hoping you could come pick him up? I know it’s a lot to ask this late and you’re all the way in Luton but-”

“Don't have to ask me twice. I’ll be there as soon as I can. But it’s going to take me an hour, maybe two.”

I think about Baz, about everything we have planned, about every missed connection these past few weeks. But then I look down at Jeremy, who has the most tragic expression I’ve ever laid my eyes upon. I sigh heavily, then put the phone back to my ear.

“Don’t worry, I’ll stay with him at school until you come. Let me give you the address.”

I rattle off the school’s address, my room number, and the best route to get here. She listens raptly, obviously scribbling it all down.

“Alright, got it. Thank you, Mr. Snow, this means so much to me.”

“No problem, see you soon.”

The line clicks off. I get back down in front of Jeremy. “Your aunt is going to be here soon, Jer. Until then, we’re gonna stay here and sit tight. Okay?”

Jeremy nods, wiping away more snot. “O-Okay.”

“Awesome. How about you go sit in the reading corner and I’ll join you in just a sec.”

“Okay.” He throws himself at me, hugging me tight. “Thank you, Mr. Snow.”

I smile and pat his head. “You’re very welcome, Jeremy. Now go read and get your mind off all this.”

He pulls away and runs over to the reading nook, throwing himself into the neon pink bean bag chair. He grabs a Harry Potter book. Good pick, it’s something he’s familiar with. Though I hate to think how much he relates to the way Harry grew up.

I go to my desk on the other side of the room and take my phone out. Baz’s beautiful contact picture stares back at me, and my heart twists painfully. I hate this situation. I hate that I’m doing this again after nearly three bloody weeks of no physical contact. I can only hope he can understand. And forgive me. The other end rings three times. 

“Hey.” Baz’s honey sweet voice is both comforting and painful right now.

“Hey,” I sigh.

“Oh no, that’s not a good ‘hey,’ is it?”

“No, unfortunately, it’s not.” I run a hand through my hair. “Remember Jeremy? One of my kids?”

“Yes, the one with the arsehole parents.”

“Yeah, that’s him. And tonight his parents have really taken the cake. Dad was supposed to be here but is probably off shagging his barely legal mistress, and mum is probably out clubbing and not picking up either.”

“Bloody hell, what a nightmare.”

“Exactly.” I slump into my chair, tugging my tie loose. “His aunt’s coming to pick him up, but...she lives in Luton...”

It’s Baz’s turn to sigh deeply. “And you’re going to have to stay with him until she gets there.”

God, I'm such an arsehole, and a predictable one at that. “I’m so, so sorry, Baz. I really wanted to go out tonight, and I know you don’t get many days off. This is such an out of the blue thing and I can’t just leave him. I promise I’ll make it up to you.”

“It’s alright, Snow, I understand. I’ll hold you to that promise, okay?”

“Please do. I’ll text you later, yeah?”

“That’s good. Bye, love.” The tinge of sadness in Baz’s voice fucking kills me.

“Bye, darling.”

He hangs up, and I hang my head with a quiet groan. I’m such a dickhead. I could’ve left Jeremy with Ms. Reinhart and went on my date, but I know she has a sick mother at home that she takes care of. Then I would have ruined the date by feeling all guilty and shit. I hate that this is probably the best choice.

“Mr. Snow?” I turn to Jeremy. He’s looking at me with a furrowed brow and pout. “Are you okay?”

I shove all my guilt and worry deep down, and put a big smile on my face. “Yeah, I’m good, Jer. Now how about you read some Harry Potter to me? I’d love to hear it.”

A grin breaks out on his face. “Okay.”

I leave my jacket and tie on my desk and stride over to him. I sit in the beanbag next to him. (Of course I didn’t get these things just for the kids.) Jeremy opens the book to his page.

“Chapter 12,” he starts with gusto

And I sit there listening to him for God knows how long. I laugh, make comments, correct his pronunciation when needed. I'm still a teacher after all. Then when the chapter is done, we watch silly animal videos on my laptop. I make sure Jeremy is happy. He deserves that after all of this. He needs to feel safe. I just wish it wasn’t at the sacrifice of Baz getting stood up,  again. God, am I ever going to get to see my boyfriend again? Is the universe ever going to let us have a moment together? I can’t really blame the universe though, I guess. This was my choice. I’m awful. Baz doesn’t deserve this. I don’t deserve him, honestly.

Soon enough, a middle aged woman with long pink and purple hair sticks her head through the door at the other side of the room. “Hello?”

Jeremy grins and drops the book immediately. “Auntie Caroline!”

Caroline grins and catches Jeremy right in her arms, holding him up high. I walk to them but keep a good distance. “Hey munchkin, good to see you. You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, Mr. Snow stayed with me. We watched kittens!”

“That sounds awesome.” Caroline turns to me. “Thank you so much, Mr. Snow. Is there any way I can repay you?”

I wave my hand. “Don’t worry, no payment is needed. Just glad Jeremy has somewhere to go.

Her face falls slightly. She puts Jeremy down, touching his head. “Can you go get all your stuff, dear?”

“Okay!” Jeremy races off to the cubby area at ten year old speed. It’s a unique phenomenon. Caroline looks at me with a very serious expression.

“Here’s the thing,” she says in a hushed tone, “I’ve been trying to build a custody case for months, but I haven’t been able to get concrete proof of abuse and neglect. This changes things. If my lawyer needs you to, could you please testify at the custody hearing? I know it’s a lot to ask. You’ve already done so much, so if you can’t, I understand-”

“Say no more.” I take a sticky note from my desk and write out my mobile number. “Here. Tell your lawyer they’re free to call me. I’ll do anything to help Jeremy get somewhere safe.”

She sighs and takes the note. “Thank you, Mr. Snow.”

“Please, call me Simon. Only my students have to use my last name so I can pretend I have their respect.”

She chuckles. “Okay, Simon. It’s no wonder Jeremy says you’re his favourite teacher.”

Well, I don’t need an ego stroke (at least that’s what I tell myself), but...it’s nice. I nod with a humble smile. “Good to know.”

Jeremy runs up, wearing his bright red power rangers backpack. “Ready.”

“Awesome. Say goodbye to Mr. Snow.”

Jeremy gives me a big, full arm wave. “Bye bye, Mr. Snow.”

I tousle his hair, making him giggle. “Bye, Jeremy. See you Monday.”

“See you!” He grabs Caroline’s hand and literally skips away with her. Honestly, I’ve never seen him this happy outside of class. He usually hangs his head and slumps off after hanging around in the cubby area for as long as possible. I know the patter well. It's what I used to do before I went to Watford, when I was stuck in shitty group homes. I hope Caroline gets custody. Jeremy deserves to be happy.

Slowly but surely, I collect all my stuff, from my snot covered jacket to my book bag. I look at my phone, and see a few texts from Baz.

Baz [16:56] Hey, just wanted to reassure you that I’m not upset, I understand. I’ll get another day off eventually.

Baz [18:30] I’ve got some takeout, it’s lovely. I’ll save some for you the next time you come over ❤️

Baz [19:18] I’m going to bed soon. Hope Jeremy gets to his aunt’s safe. Good night, love.

I sigh, my heart feeling like a lead balloon. I absolutely need to make this up to him. I’ll figure something out when my brain isn’t so exhausted. For now, I can at least text him back.

Simon [19:23] Sleep well, love. I’ll talk to you in the morning ❤️

Baz doesn’t reply. He’s probably asleep. Probably...

I walk home with my shoulders slumped and feeling like an utter, utter twat.

———————————————

“I’m a dick,” I groan.

“You’re not a dick,” Penny says. “You did the right thing and kept a student safe. That makes you an incredible teacher.”

“And a crap boyfriend.” I throw my cookie dough on the counter a little too hard. It makes an awful splat noise.

“Well, maybe, but Baz has bailed because of his work as well. And he said he understood.”

I grumble as I roll out little balls between my hands. Baking always helps me calm down. Well, usually. Right now I’m close to crushing each one. “Yeah, I guess, but I still feel super bad.”

“Well, take him out on his next day off.”

“Yeah,” I chuckle darkly, “that’ll probably be in about two or three months.”

Penny sighs, sounding just as defeated as I feel. “That fucking sucks. I can’t believe his schedule is really that insane.”

“He works himself to the bone, because he’s a great doctor and he’s going to be a great psychiatrist. It just means we don’t get a lot of time together, but it’s fine.”

“No, it’s not fine. Both of you need to carve out more time for each other. You’re not the only one who is having issues, Si.”

“Yeah, but like, he can’t help but work more. Being a doctor is more demanding than being a teacher. He doesn’t have control of his hours.”

“Neither do you!” She’s practically yelling. “Being a good teacher means going above and beyond for your students. Therefore, you  have to put in extra hours if you want your students to have a great education.”

I make a semi agreement noise. My non-verbal way of saying she may have a point but I don’t like it. “Okay, maybe. But Baz doesn’t deserve to be neglected because of it.”

“Of course he doesn’t, Si, which is why you have to make time for him. And he has to do the same for you if you want this relationship to work.”

“I know you’re right, Pen, I just don’t know how.”

There’s a small pause, and I can imagine Pen stroking her chin like the old scholar she is in spirit. It’s comforting to think of. Penny thinking was a staple of the best parts of my childhood.

“What time is it where you are?” she asks.

I look down at my watch. “Uh, about 11?”

“Good. Finish what you’re baking, bring it to the hospital, surprise Baz with home baked treats. Then see if you can get Baz to go to lunch with you. If not, at least give him something to eat during his insane shift. Try to talk to him or ask him to talk about all this later. Sound doable?”

I’m grinning so wide it threatens to dislodge my earbuds. “Yeah, definitely sounds doable. Thanks, Pen.”

“No problem. Si. Now can I run this new lesson plan by you?”

“Absolutely, go ahead.”

Penny starts rattling off her curriculum points while I throw the cookies in the oven. And for the first time today, I feel good. I feel hopeful. It’s nice. I’ve missed it.

———————————————

UCLH is a towering, intimidating giant of white metal and panes of glass. It’s hard to not feel freaked out looking at it. Anytime I went to the hospital as a kid it was because of a fight at the group home or injuries from particularly awful foster parents. There was never a good reason to be here. Until now, that is.

From what I remember, Baz said he would be on psychiatry today. Problem is, I have no idea where the fuck that is. I can barely navigate my tiny school. This is an entirely different, far more sterile beast. I walk to the front desk where a man with big round glasses and very cool arm tattoos is sitting.

“Hi,” I say cheerily as possible.

“Hello,” he replies with a perfect, pearly white smile and a thick American accent. “How can I help you today?”

“Uh, I’m looking for the psychiatry wing? Specifically for Dr. Grimm-Pitch.”

“Okay. Are you a patient...?

“No, no, I’m his boyfriend. Got some stuff to drop off for him if he’s not too busy.” I hold up the Christmas tupperware filled with raspberry and white chocolate chip cookies. They’re Baz’s favourite.

The man’s eyebrows shoot up. “Oh, you’re Basil’s boyfriend?”

“Yeah, last time I checked,” I chuckle.

“Wow. Nice to finally meet you. I’m Shepard, from Omaha, Nebraska.” 

He holds out his hand, and I of course shake it. “Nice to meet you, Shepard from Omaha, Nebraska. I’m Simon, from uh, Lancashire, I guess.”

“Good too meet you too, man.” He leans his cheek on his hand. “Y’know, Basil has mentioned you exist a couple times, but won’t say anything else no matter how much I beg him.”

I shrug with a smile. “He’s a private person.”

“Yeah, but if I were dating you, I’d be bragging about it.”

Well, now my face must look utterly ridiculous. I’m twenty five years old and blushing from one compliment. “T-Thanks, wow. You’re pretty forward.”

He throws his head back laughing. “Nah, just blunt, man. And way too nosy, at least according to your boyfriend. Says I have some sort of anxiety fueled need to overshare and figure out everything about people."

"That...sounds odd."

Shepard shrugs. "Pretty sure it's made up. Besides, I already have two therapists. Don't need a third one." He laughs, and I laugh along with him. Thought part of me is truly concerned about him. Hope he's okay, he seems nice. "Anyway, I hope Basil is less intense outside of work than here.”

“Most of the time, yeah. He’s got his softer side, just has trouble showing it.”

“Believe it when I see it. Also,” he hands me a pamphlet, “psychiatry is on the fifth floor. Take the south elevator up and turn to the right. Basil should be at the front desk. Said he had patient files to sort all day.”

“Awesome, thanks.” I take out a cookie and hold it out to him. “Here, you can have this, unless you’re allergic to berries, gluten, or dairy.”

“Nope. I will happily take that.” He plucks it from my hand. “Thanks, man. Tell Basil I say hi, and I still have his pen.”

“Will do, thanks!”

He waves me off with half the cookie already in his mouth. Interesting guy. I may have to come back to talk to him more.

I follow Shepard’s instructions as best I can. Though I get lost trying to find the elevators,  twice. The halls twist and turn and loop back in on themselves. Seriously, who designed this hospital, Willy Wonka? Eventually I finally make it to the elevators and suffer in the sanitizer smelling tube for five floors. The psychiatry floor itself isn’t too bad, just kind of bland. Lots of blank grey walls and inoffensive paintings of scenic nature. And it’s pretty straight forward compared to the first floor. I just have to walk down the hall, turn at the “front desk” sign, and there will be-

I freeze in place. There’s Baz, with some redheaded guy leaning on his desk.

“Come on, Basil, you can’t be serious,” he says in a smooth, beautiful voice. “I’d totally shag Dr. Mayer over Dr. Dehnavi. Mayer has such polished charm.”

“Hm, I prefer a more ruggish look,” Baz replies with a half smile. “And Dehnavi gets that wonderful five o’clock shadow after a day of rounds.”

“True, very true. Not so hot when he’s yelling about oral board prep.”

Baz lets out a laugh, shaking his head. Wisps of black hair fall in his face. He looks at the redhead with a sly smile. “Well, I haven’t gotten to that point yet. But I do get an earful about SSRI dosage levels.”

“Oh lord, you’re giving me baby doctor flashbacks, stop. I’m scared Dr. D is going to be on the other side to yell our asses into submission.” 

They laugh together, and redhead moves closer to Baz, their hands nearly touching. My heart drops to the ground and burrows into the centre of the fucking Earth.

Baz looks at ease, content, and most of all, this guy seems to understand what the hell he’s talking about. Definitely more than I ever have. And he’s super bloody attractive. And he’s there, like I haven’t been. Fuck. Deep down, I thought this was going to happen, but it’s still ripping me apart. Baz has found someone better. I’m just the stupid poor orphaned kid he had a crush on in school. Now he’s gotten those old feelings out of his system and he’s found someone, another doctor no less, who can easily be a better boyfriend. Bloody hell, I’m about to cry. I need to go, right now.

I quietly and quickly get away. Going back through the hospital is a blur. And not just because my eyes are filled with tears and fogging up my glasses. My brain is a jumbled, heartbroken mess that can’t focus on anything. I think Shepard waves at me as I walk past but I can’t bring myself to respond right now. I don’t stop moving until I throw myself into my car, tossing the cookies on the front seat.

Finally, I have to stop. And worse I have to think. So, Baz has found a new guy. Some pretty red haired doctor who makes him laugh with doctor humour and probably doesn’t bail. He’s probably going to break up with me today. I should just break up with him, save him the hassle...

I’m gripping the steering wheel so hard my knuckles are white. My cheeks are raw from wiping tears away. I think about losing Baz, losing a chance to make things better, and it's the worst pain I've ever felt. A small part of me thought that maybe Baz was it. That he was the person I could actually, possibly spend the rest of my life with. Maybe it was a stupid thought. I was so stupid.

My head falls forward, forehead pressed against the wheel. And I just cry.

———————————————

I’ve called in sick for a week. I’ve never called in for that long, not once in my teaching career. But I can’t get off my couch, let alone leave my flat. I’ve been laying here for days, surrounded by takeaway wrappers, watching old Dr. Who episodes, cuddling Cherry nonstop. Penny is probably worried about me but I haven’t really been using my phone. I’ve tried to call Baz a few times, but always hang up before it starts dialing. I know I should just rip off the band-aid already. But I’m a coward, I guess. I’ll just lay here, waiting for Baz to call me and finally dump me. Every time I think about it, I still cry a little.

The phone rings and my heart gets so tight I can hardly breathe. Fuck, this is it. I slowly lift it up. But it’s not Baz’s photo I see, or Penny’s. Rather, it’s Agatha’s, grinning with her soft California tan. I press talk right away.

“Hello?” I say

“Oh thank god,” Agatha sighs, “you’re alive. We were all sure you’d been in a horrible accident or something!”

“Um, no, I’m fine, just a little under the weather.”

“Then why haven’t you been answering your fucking texts, you arse?!”

I move the phone away from my ear slightly to avoid hearing loss. “I told you, I’ve been sick. Haven’t felt like responding...”

“Okay, that excuse could work on Baz or even Penny, but I’m not buying it. Cut the crap, Simon, what’s wrong?”

I sigh, running a hand over my face. Well, she’s here, and I’m too tired to make up another lie. “Baz is breaking up with me.”

“What?!” I move the phone again. Agatha is going to make me go partially deaf in one phone call. “That dickhead! I- Wait, what do you mean is?”

“Well, uh...he hasn’t dumped me yet...”

Agatha takes a pause. I can imagine her expression right now. Probably a lot of confusion mixed with disbelief. “Okay, please explain this to me, because I’m so lost.”

I sit up, scratching the back of my neck. “Well, um, Baz and I have been having issues meeting up for the past month. Things kept happening. Baz had this wonderful date planned after three weeks of not seeing each other. But then a kid from my class needed someone to stay with him because his stupid parents wouldn’t show up and we had to wait for someone else. So I cancelled and Baz said he understood but I still felt awful. Then the next day I was going to bring him cookies to say sorry, but when I got there, I saw him chatting with this redhead doctor. And I realised Baz had found someone better. Hoped it wouldn't happen but yeah, he’s going to break up with me. Just waiting for him to call or come over. I’d do it myself but I’m too much of a wimp.”

There’s a long drawn out silence. The only sounds are the California waves on Aggie’s end and Cherry meowing for attention on mine. More than ever, I wish I was a mind reader. I want to know what’s going through her head. It’s probably less muddled than mine.

“Simon,” she says slowly, “I need you to know that I’m only saying this because I love you very, very much. This all comes from a place of caring.”

“Uh...okay?” Now I really need to know what’s in her head. But I think I’m about to find out.

Agatha takes a few deep breaths, and then, well...explodes. “You absolute, goddamn fucking numpty! You’re seriously throwing away objectively the best relationship you’ve ever had because you saw him chit chatting with some redheaded twat!? For Christ’s sake, Simon, this is beyond idiotic and self destructive!”

“Hey I-”

“Shush, Simon!” I shut my mouth. “I get you have some serious self esteem issues, Si, but what happened to acknowledging and dealing with them? You are not a warm body for Baz until he finds someone ‘better.’ He’s been pining after you since bloody Watford and being with you is his dream come true. I know because he’s told me so!”

My cheeks flush a little. “R-Really?”

“Yes, really! He adores you, Si, he thinks you hung the bloody moon. In no world would he just up and dump you!”

“I-I mean, yeah, but like, I’ve been an awful boyfriend lately. I wouldn’t blame him if he did...”

“You really think Basilton Pitch, king of overthinking and future psychiatrist, would dump you without first trying to talk?”

“Um, well, I can see your point.”

“Good. I promise you, Simon, he doesn’t want to break up with you. But if you don’t talk to him soon, it may be too late. So get your arse in gear and get your guy. Or I’ll come from all the way across a continent and an ocean just to smack you upside the head.”

I chuckle softly. Huh, this is the first time that’s happened in awhile. Feels good to laugh. “Okay, will do. Thank you, Ags.”

“You’re very welcome, Si. Please send me an update later so I know you’re okay? And Penny too so she doesn’t blow a gasket.”

“I promise. Talk to you later?”

“Talk to you later, Simon. Bye.”

“Bye.”

The second my phone is off, I jump up. I’m invigorated with new energy, both happy and terrified. I may have just ruined the best thing that’s ever happened to me because I’m insecure as fuck. I’ve got to fix it. Before it’s too late.

I pick up all the takeaway containers at lightning speed. They don’t all fit into my trash though (God that’s sad), so I have to get a new trash bag. At least I don’t have a depression nest anymore. That’s a good start. Next step, I run to the shower. I smell fucking ripe. No way I can apologize while smelling like the bottom of a McDonald’s dumpster. Thank every god that I still have some hot water left. I scrub quickly and furiously until I stop feeling so gross.

I jump out and go to my room. Unfortunately, I haven’t done my laundry in a week either. The only things I have are a baggy pair of jeans and one of Baz’s shirts. It’s soft cream with flower buds on it. For all his dark brooding, Baz has a thing for florals. It smells like him, cedar and bergamot with a hint of hospital antiseptic. I put it on.

I’m halfway through the buttons when I hear my door open and close. What the fuck? Who’s here? Who has a key?

“Snow?” Baz’s voice calls out. “Simon, are you here?”

Oh. Oh shit. I dash out of my room, shirt still half open. I even slide on my laminate floor like a cartoon character. Baz is standing in my entryway. And he looks like a total mess. His hair is disheveled, there are huge dark circles under his eyes, and he’s got close to an actual honest to god beard. We just stare at each other way too long. Until I can find my words again.

“Baz,” I stutter. “Hi. W-What are you-”

“Oh thank god.” He runs forward and throws his arms around me in the tightest hug I’ve ever felt. “You’re alive. I thought you were dead or in a coma or-” He pulls back. His eyebrows are all scrunched up. “Is that my shirt?”

My face starts to heat up. “Um, uh, yeah. Didn’t have anything else. I was going to see you. What are you doing here? Are you okay?”

He scoffs, but it’s with a smile. “No, not really, I’ve been worried sick all week. You weren’t answering my texts or Bunce’s. I was scared shitless. I came here because it was my last resort.” He pushes back my hair, rubbing his thumbs along my temple. It’s downright tender. “I’m just so glad you’re okay.” His hands move to my shoulders. “Where did you go?”

“I, uh-” I hang my head. “I-I did something dumb. And I got super sad and I didn’t know what to do. So I was just here a lot...”

His eyes grow wide. “You were here at your apartment? All week?”

“Um, yeah...”

He steps back and blinks. His face is just blank, and honestly it’s more freaky than him panicking. “You’ve been home alone all week, and didn’t tell me?” I nod slowly. That blank face suddenly morphs into unbridled anger. “What the fuck, Snow?! You couldn’t take two seconds to text me back to let me know you’re bloody alive?!”

“I-I didn’t know you texted.”

“Check your phone!”

I scramble over to my couch and scoop up my phone. I haven’t looked at my notifications out of fear. Oh...oh fuck. 53 missed text messages, and 42 are from Baz. My stomach feels like it’s full of rocks. I really am the worst.

“Oh god,” I say, voice very strained. “I’m so sorry, Baz, I was just so caught up in my shit, I wasn’t checking my phone-”

“Obviously.” He rubs the bridge of his nose. “Why did you come to my work?”

My eyes go very wide and my body becomes very stiff. “Wait, you saw me there?”

“No, but Shepard came to talk to me the next day. He asked if my boyfriend was alright because he ran out looking upset. I was surprised he knew who my boyfriend was, and even more so that you were there. So why were you at UCLH and talk to me?”

“Uh, I wanted to talk to you and say sorry for standing you up. B-But when I came, you were um, talking to this guy...” I curl in myself, rubbing my arm. “And I freaked out because I thought after I fucked up the date you’d found someone better and...were going to dump me.”

I look up, and Baz’s jaw is wide open. He drags his hands down his face. “Oh my god, Simon,” he groans, “after all the time we’ve spent together, I can’t believe you still think that low of me.”

“N-No! I don’t!”

“You thought I would dump you after six months together because of a cancelled date? Which you cancelled to help a neglected child?! I’m not a monster, Snow, I’d never do that.”

“Y-Yeah, I know, Baz. It’s just...” I rub the back of my neck. “When I saw you with him, it made all this shit come up and I totally panicked-”

“I understand that, Simon. But it was one conversation with another guy! Why did you ghost me instead of just talking?”

He sounds less angry, more desperate than anything. But it makes me feel even worse. “Because...because I got scared and anxious and I hated seeing it so much...yeah.”

Baz’s mouth is a thin line. “That’s not a real answer, Snow. Why on Earth did you think the worst of me instead of trying to talk?”

“It’s not about you!” I shout desperately. All the words are so muddled up, I can’t get them out. It’s not Baz’s fault, my brain is just being so unhelpful right now. I wasn’t ready for this talk, fuck.

“What does that mean? You stopped talking to me because you thought I was bloody cheating on you! How is this not about me in some capacity?!”

“I didn’t think you were cheating! I just- I thought- I just got so freaked out because I didn’t want to lose you-”

“You weren’t going to lose me!”

“But I thought I was and that scared me so much because I- well, I-”

“Because what, Snow?!”

“Because I love you, you massive arsehole!”

The room goes absolutely, perfectly silent. Baz’s lips have fallen wide open. I inhale sharply. Oh God, did I really just say that out loud? I clap a hand over my mouth and look down, trying to get my breathing under control. I can’t believe I just did that. I’m such an idiot. Baz is going to dump me for sure. Adores me or not, I’ve probably scared him off. My hand falls down.

“I’m so sorry, Baz,” I say softly. “I-I didn’t mean to say that. It just came out-”

“Did you mean it?” I lift my eyes up slightly. I expect Baz to look horrified, angry, maybe even disgusted. But instead he looks...kind of awestruck? His eyes are wider than I’ve ever seen them before. I think about lying, but I don’t think he’s upset. And I have a feeling that if I lie he will be. I think I need to stop hiding my feelings from Baz.

“Yeah. I did.”

His lips fall open even more. And I swear, he’s smiling a little. My heart is beating faster. “Seriously? You...you love me?  In love with me?”

I take a deep breath, trying to calm down my racing mind. I nod and take a small step forward. Not crowding Baz, but getting closer. “Yeah. I'm in love with you, Baz. I-I know it’s too soon, but I can’t help-”

Baz cuts me off with the most intense, head spinning, world shaking kiss of my life. He presses the small of my back with one hand and grabs my curls with the other. I literally stumble backwards from it. Baz takes the chance to press me against my hallway wall. Like he’s shielding from the world with his own body. He’s kissing me so hard, so passionately, and I can’t help but melt. 

Is this Baz’s way of saying he loves me too? I don’t know. Honestly, I don’t care. This is heavenly to the Nth degree. I’m good at turning off my brain when needed. So that’s exactly what I do.

I push back against Baz with equal force. He groans so deeply it makes me shudder. I grip his face tight, pushing my fingers through his tangled but still soft hair. He drags his tongue along my bottom teeth, slowly and carefully. I nearly melt into a puddle. We’ve never kissed like this before. Even our most intense snogging sections don’t come close. It’s like Baz is trying to touch and grab every part of me but can’t decide which. I don’t mind. He can have it. I’d give him all that I am and more. I’d tie our hearts together, chamber by chamber.

Baz runs his hands down my thigh. I can feel the heat through my trackies. He hooks under one of my knees, pulling it up. I think I get the message. (I hope). I jump, fully prepared to fall flat on my arse, but Baz catches me easily. I wrap my legs around his waist while he holds me up above him. Christ, he’s strong. It’s so hot. And I love this angle, because I can snog the life out of him more easily. This is amazing. But I still want more.

I pull off his mouth (sadly), just enough so I can speak. “Bed?”

Baz just nods and kisses me again. He pulls us off the wall. He barely stumbles as he walks us through my flat. I scramble to unbutton his shirt. I know Baz is really into this because he’s making no fuss about me possibly ruining his clothes. Soon enough, we stumble into my bedroom. Baz quickly kicks the door shut, cutting off the rest of the world, and I don’t mind one bit.

———————————————

Baz and I roll apart solely because we need to breathe. Our chests are heaving. My blankets and sheets are completely tangled around us. I’m more sweaty than the one time I tried to go to a cross fit class. However, this was a way better workout. I’m glad I kept all those supplies in my nightstand.

So, now I know what sex with Baz is like. It’s sweaty, vigorous, a little awkward, and so,  so  incredible. Pretty sure my brains have been thoroughly fucked out. It takes me a few panting moments for me to muster up a singular word.

“Wow,” I say. My voice is really hoarse, but I absolutely don’t mind.

Baz lets out a small laugh. His voice sounds rough too. It’s really hot. “Still very eloquent.”

“Fuck off.” I lightly push his sweaty shoulder. But when I start to pull back, Baz grabs my wrist and tugs me towards him. Before I know it, Baz is kissing me again. It’s soft, slow but so unbelievably hot. I completely melt into his arms. He’s so warm and strong and I could spend an eternity wrapped up in him. No more work or life, just Baz and I in this bed forever. My god that would be a dream come true.

He pulls off to kiss across my cheeks, then down my neck. He already knows the exact spots that drive me insane. (Well, Baz has always been a quick study.) My eyes flutter closed. I’m falling into that haze again, where my head gets foggy and I can only think in “yes” and “please” and  “more.” Part of me wants to sink back into that bliss, but the aching of my out of shape muscles is unfortunately more insistent.

“Baz,” I whisper, “as much as I would like a fourth round, I’d also like to be able to walk tomorrow.”

Baz groans, but relents and rolls onto his back. We settle for just staring at each other. I don’t mind. Baz is always gorgeous but he is a different kind of beautiful right now. His face is all flushed, pupils blown wide, black hair plastered to his damp forehead. And I thought I couldn’t get more attracted to him.

“You alright?” he asks.

“Yeah, absolutely.” I cup his face, running a thumb on his cheekbone. “You?”

“I’m bloody fantastic.” He spreads his fingers out on my side, tracing the most delicate patterns that make me shudder. “Can’t believe I was so scared of this.”

My heart beats faster as my eyebrows scrunch up. “Scared? Of what?  Me? I’m sorry-”

“Don’t apologize, Snow. I wasn’t scared of you, not at all.” He sighs and pulls me a little bit closer. “I just built up sex with you so much in my head that it became overwhelming. I was terrified of fucking it up after wanting it for so long.”

“Yeah, I’ve been thinking about it from the start too. Six months of sexual tension really mess with your head.”

He chuckles. I like the way his breath hits my skin. “Simon, love, I first fantasised about sleeping with you when we were 15.”

I was already flushed, but now I’m on fire. It’s a miracle I’m not a pile of ash right now. I flap my mouth open and closed like a fish for too long. Baz just smiles at me like I’m beautiful or something, not a total deer in the headlights.

“R-Really?” I finally get out. “That long?!”

“Mhm. I told you, Snow, I figured out I wanted you in fifth year. Puberty was a bloody nightmare with you right across the room.” We laugh quietly together. But I genuinely feel bad for Baz. I hold the back of his head, running my fingers through his soft hair.

“I’m sorry you went through that, love. Must’ve been awful.”

Baz sighs, putting his hand on mine. “Thank you. At least things worked out in the end." He pecks the tips of my fingers. "I’m glad we finally did this. Real life was far better than any fantasy.”

I kiss the corner of his smile. He giggles, so small and adorable, something I never would’ve thought Baz was capable of until six months ago. I’m so happy. And my heart sinks, thinking about how this was almost over because I was so insecure.

“I’m sorry,” I blurt out, and Baz’s face becomes much more serious. “I-I’m sorry that I vanished without telling you. That was immature and dumb. And I’m sorry for scaring you. I promise I won’t ever do that again.”

Baz nods slowly, mouth twisting from side to side. He brings our hands between us, holding me tight. “I accept your apology. Just, what happened, love? I’m still not sure what you meant.”

Well, I knew this was coming. Doesn’t make it any easier. I clutch him hard, like I’m scared he’ll go. But if the last hour or two means anything, I don’t think he will. Still, I hold him tight.

“That’s a long story,” I sigh.

Baz presses his lips to the back of my hand. It’s firm and comforting. “You can tell me. It’s okay.”

I carefully roll onto my back. Baz goes onto his side, propping his head up with his free arm. We keep our hands together. I really can’t let go of him right now.

“I meant it when I said it wasn’t about you,” I say. “It’s really not. I don’t think you’re a terrible person who would dump or cheat on me. It’s more that...that I was scared and felt worthless. Part of me has always felt worthless, unlovable. Sometimes my brain is like ‘your own parents didn’t want you, why would anyone else?’”

“Simon-”

“You don’t need to tell me it’s not true, Baz, I know. Most of me does, anyway. But sometimes that mean voice gets louder, and it’s been louder lately. Not because of you, not really. It’s because I think you’re incredible and brilliant and that mean voice kept telling me ‘why the hell is he with you? He’s way too good for you. He’ll find someone better.’ And after weeks of missed dates and the whole dinner fiasco, it got worse. Then when I saw you with the other doctor I guess the anxiety just took over. And I just sort of shut down.”

Baz moves closer. “I’m sorry, that’s horrible.”

“Thanks.” I sigh and run a hand through my tangled hair, like I’m trying to pull the stress out of myself. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you this. I didn’t want to dump all my shit on you. It’s a lot to deal with and I should deal with it on my own, not pull you in.”

“Simon,” Baz says firmly, holding himself above me, “you can absolutely pull me into your shit. I want to know everything you’re worried and scared about, so I can be there to help if you want. You never have to hide anything because I love every single part of you, no matter how insecure or sad.”

I stare at him for too long. My heartbeat is roaring in my ears. Slowly, a smile stretches out across my face. “You love me?”

Baz’s face pulls together in confusion, and for a moment I’m scared he’s going to take it back, because I’m not worth it. But then I push that fear down because Baz cares about me. He’s shown that again and again. I'm not unworthy of his love.

“Did I not say it?” he says, genuinely surprised and concerned.

“I mean, maybe, but things were a bit...chaotic before.” My eyes flick over to our rumpled clothing strewn across my room. It honestly looks like a tornado somehow hit both a Primark and a Topshop. Baz laughs with a nod.

“Okay, good point. Let me correct that then.” He delicately holds my chin, making sure our eyes meet. Black hair surrounds his face like a dark halo. His deep sea eyes sparkle with his gorgeous smile. Everything about him is absolutely stunning. “I love you, Simon Snow. I’ve been in love with you since we were kids, because you are the most kind, most caring, most wonderful man I’ve ever known. You are not a holding place or my second choice. Got that?”

I nod very vigorously. I can’t speak right now, my throat is too filled up with all my emotions for words. I wipe my snot and tears with the back of my hand. Extremely unsexy. God I’m a mess. But Baz still looks at me like I’m the most gorgeous thing in the world, because he loves me, imperfections and all. 

“Don’t cry, love,” Baz chuckles, “it’s okay.”

“Just overwhelmed,” I say, still sniffling, “and happy. I love you too.”

Baz kisses my forehead.  “I know, and I’m very happy as well.” He tucks his head into the crook of my neck. “Not to get all psychiatrist, but these issues of hidden insecurities and fear we both have are going to reoccur if we don’t communicate more.”

I nod, rubbing the arm he has across my chest. “Yeah, I agree.”

“Good.” He rolls slightly, chin placed on my shoulder. “In the name of communication then, I think not seeing each other for weeks on end isn’t good for us. We need to try to meet in person more.”

“Yeah, definitely. I think not seeing you for a while made my anxiety get worse. Thought you would dump me because it was too hard for us to meet up.”

“Honestly,” Baz sighs, “I felt something similar. Not as badly as you, I think, but still not fun. The self deprecating part of me wondered when you would finally get sick of my insane schedule and break up with me. I’m not exactly the easiest person to date. Or the easiest person, period.”

I laugh quietly and tug him closer. "Me neither, love."

Baz smiles all the way to his ears. He kisses me firmly, making my head spin, before pulling me away just as quickly. Our noses stay pressed together. “Suppose we match then, love.”

I throw my arms around his neck. I’m grinning, I can’t stop grinning. “And you like that?”

“I love it.”

“Me too.” I press against his back, reveling in his warm, smooth skin. “I promise to make more time for you. I want this to work. ”

Baz kisses a mole on my cheek. “So do I. I’m in this for the long haul, Simon.”

“Good, because I’m not letting you go.”

“I would love nothing more.”

I grab Baz’s head and smash our mouths together again. Baz instantly returns it, holding me tight. His body is a warm blanket on top of me, protecting me from anything bad in the world. Yeah, I could spend the rest of my life with Baz. I want that so much. Our snogging gets more intense. And each of us can definitely feel our mutual arousal pressed against our thighs.

Baz pulls off my mouth, but only a little. “What happened to needing to walk tomorrow?”

I shrug with a sly smile. “Eh, who needs walking? You can just carry me everywhere.”

He grins once before kissing me hard. I’m truly a lucky guy. And it’s incredible that Baz thinks the same. I’m living a charmed life.

———————————————

Three months later

“Y’know,” I pant, “you could help.”

Baz looks up from his phone, one eyebrow propped up. “Who carried all your KitchenAid hardware to our new place?”

“Okay, yeah, but that was  down the hall, not up four flights of stairs.” I drop another box of books and breathe heavily.

“That mixer was very heavy.”

“Baz.”

He lets out a very dramatic groan, making a show of hanging his head over the back of Penny’s settee. “Fine. I’ll help.”

I don’t miss the joking glint in his eyes. Arsehole. He just likes making a show of it. He kisses my cheek on the way out. I slap his arse, making him yelp, but his smirk tells me he’s not upset at all.

“Are you two flirting?” Penny calls out from the hall. “I told you, my flat is a flirt free zone!”

“No flirting, Bunce,” Baz says. “Just some light groping on Snow’s part.”

Penny groans so loud I’m pretty sure the whole floor can hear her. She walks in with a box filled with figurines. She glares at me viciously. I throw my hands up in surrender.

“I slapped his arse, didn’t grab it.”

“That’s not much better, Si.” She places the box on the ground and puts her hands on her hips. “Focus more on moving and less on your boyfriend’s arse.”

“Aw, don’t be mad, Pen, I’m sorry.” I wrap her up in a tight hug, and she holds me just as close. She’s been doing that a lot lately. I don’t mind. “Y’know, that offer to fly to Chicago and kick Micah’s arse is still on the table.”

That finally makes her laugh. She shakes her head against my chest. “No, it’s alright. I’m mad but not really vengeful. He tried to break up with me, I just wasn’t listening to him.”

“Still not an excuse to start dating someone else.”

“Yeah, I guess," she sniffles. "Thanks for subletting your flat to me."

I kiss the top of her head. "You're very welcome, Pen. Anything for you."

She holds me tighter. I let her hang on to me. It’s the least I can do.

“After all the fuss you made about me helping,” Baz shouts, “now you’re just standing there, Snow? Really?”

I sigh and look up over Penny’s head. Baz is balancing two large boxes because he likes to show off how strong he is. But he’s being helpful, and his strength is hot, so I don’t mind.

“I am comforting my friend,” I say, tone very high and mighty and mocking.

“Yes, but avoiding work must be a plus.”

“Oh, absolutely. And teasing you.”

Penny laughs and pulls back from me, looking at Baz as he puts down the boxes. “As a psychiatrist, you think it says something that even though you’re together now, you two still bicker like in school?”

Baz tilts his head side to side, stroking his chin like a great scholar. “Probably could say something about regressing to old patterns of behaviour from when we were children. But now after time together, working out our issues, and forming better patterns of behaviour, the bickering is now a show of affection rather than true antagonism. Therefore it has transformed into a healthy relationship feature from a bad one. A rare but possible event.”

Penny blinks at him. I’m trying to hide my blush. Don’t really want Penny to know how hot I find Baz being all smart and shit. Still have no idea what he’s talking about, but now I definitely want to rip his clothes off. Penny would kill me though. Murder would not be sexy.

“God,” she chuckles, “you really are a psychiatrist.”

“Yeah he is!” Shepard stumbles in, a box wobbling precariously on his arms. “Either that or he’s a weirdo who enjoys being in a hospital all the time for some reason.” The box tips over. I run up and catch it just in time. “Oh, whoops, sorry.”

“You break it, you suffer Bunce’s wrath, Shep,” Baz says.

“Damn right you do.” Penny walks past him, leveling a look over her glasses. Shepard gulps and watches her as she goes downstairs. And he follows her to help, looking totally out of it.

A pair of familiar arms wrap around my waist. Baz rests his chin on my shoulder. “In my humble psychiatrist opinion, I think our dear American might have a little crush on Bunce.”

I chuckle, cupping his cheek. “I wouldn’t blame him. Pen is pretty awesome.”

“Oh," he says with a teasing lilt, "should I be worried that she’s living down the hall from us now?”

I scoff and roll my eyes like he does at stupid people on telly. “Should  I be worried about you working with Dr. Lamb?”

Baz makes a very unattractive dry heaving sound. “Never. That backstabbing twat can go eat a bag of rusty screws. Only reason I give him the time of day is because he’s got my supervisor wrapped around his stupid finger.”

“And if you piss him off you’ll lose important psychiatry rounds, yes, yes, I know. He’s still gonna try to flirt with you.”

“Yeah, because he’s a twat. But I only want you.” He kisses a mole on my neck, his favourite one. “I love you, Simon.”

I kiss his temple. “I love you too.”

“I love you  so much I’m willing to give up my lovely condo to move into your weird exposed brick hipster building.”

I scoff and turn to him, arms around his slender neck. “Wasn’t it  your idea to move into a bigger place here because it’s closer to both of our workplaces?”

He smiles, kissing the tip of my nose. Bastard. I hated his teasing in school, but he’s right, now it’s out of love. Crazy, stupid, wonderful love. “Since when do you listen to me?”

“You have a good idea every once in a while.”

“How about this one?” He kisses me firmly. When he pulls back a little, my heart is beating rapidly.

“Yeah, I like that one.”

“Good.” We kiss again, soft and slow. Never before have I felt so safe and content kissing someone. Baz can hold me close and make all my worries go away. Part of me still can’t believe I get to have this. A person who adores me completely, including every single weird, flawed, stupid part too. But I have to stop thinking like that. I’m allowed to be happy. I’m allowed to be with someone so incredible. And someone so incredible can absolutely love me back. The work we've both put in to being together shows our mutual care again and again. We deserve to be happy together. It's amazing.

“Oh for fuck’s sake!” Baz and I pull apart to look at Penny’s glaring face. “We leave you two alone for five minutes and you’re already defiling my apartment?”

“This is still technically Snow’s flat, you know,” Baz says smoothly.

“And you don’t want to know how we’ve already defiled it.” I give the biggest shit eating grin I can.

Penny waves her hands in front of herself. “Nope, nope, I’d rather live in blissful ignorance. Also, Simon," Penny hands me an envelope, "postman came. This is for you. Thought I'd grab it before they accidentally delivered it to me."

I rip it open with ease. Inside is a paper with familiar terrible handwriting. I grin ear to ear. Baz looks over my shoulder. "What is it?"

"It's from Jeremy." I scan down the letter. Luckily I'm adept at deciphering kid writing. "He says he misses me but likes his aunt's place a lot. They garden a lot and he's playing football on a community team.:

"All sound great," Penny says, having moved to the shoulder not occupied by Baz.

"Yeah, definitely. Oh, and he's got a new kitten. And guess what he named him?"

"What?" Penny and Baz say at the same time. It's pretty hilarious but I keep myself from laughing to avoid any glares.

"Snow." I hold up a Polaroid picture of a grinning Jeremy holding a small, fluffy white cat. Both of them can't help but make awing noises.

"Adorable," Baz says. "You did a good job with that kid, Snow."

I kiss his cheek. "Thanks, love."

"I want a cat," Penny sighs. Her nose scrunches up. "Am I going to turn into a crazy cat lady?"

"Hey," I say, "you were the one who told me that was a sexist stereotype. So no, you're going to be a very sane, wonderful, brilliant cat lady." I lean closer, whispering in her ear. "And maybe, once you feel better, you can try talking to a certain American. I think he's got a thing for you."

Penny sticks her tongue out, but before she can respond, Shepard comes stumbling in with a box of china. He places it very carefully. I can see him not so subtly watching Penny out of the corner of his eye. I don't think he wants to piss her off again. “Okay, I think that’s all of it. Wow, a lot of books. Reminds me of my Mom's office back in Omaha.”

"So I remind you of your mum?" Penny asks, arms crossed over her chest. Shepard's eyes go wide. I snort into Baz's shoulder

"No! No, definitely not, I just mean...you're both super smart."

Penny scoffs. "Good answer, American. Now let's get all my books unpacked."

I groan loudly. “Come on, Pen, not today. Why don’t we go to mine and Baz’s flat and we’ll make you dinner?”

“You mean I’ll be making dinner.” Baz raises his eyebrow at me. “You can’t cook, Simon.”

“I’ve been learning!”

He sighs over dramatically. “Very well. You can chop the onions.”

“I’ll take it.” I put my arm on Penny’s shoulders. She leans into me like always. “Come on, let’s eat.”

“Can I come?” Shepard asks, beaming wide. Who could say no to that face?

“Of course! You deserve a reward for all your hard work.”

“Awesome!” He dashes up beside Pen, looking all cute. And I can see Penny smiling, just a little. I’m glad to see her happy.

I put Jeremy's letter in my pocket. It's going right on the fridge the second we get to mine and Baz’s new place. Baz takes my hand in his, weaving our fingers together. He smiles, looking at me from the corner of his eye. I feel like I could fly on the power of love alone right now.

God, I truly have an amazing life.

———————————————

Awwww stupidly in love, just how I like it. Tbh I started writing this before Wayward So came out, and after I decided I wanted to deal with their communication issues like in the book but resolve them. I'm not throwing shade, just stating an opinion, plz don't kill me lol. But I do hope you all liked it! I never planned on writing a sequel but sometimes shit works out like that. I do have another idea for a short one shot but don't hold me to that, life is pretty nuts rn and I don't have a lot of free time, hence why this took me so long. Anyway, have a good day/night y'all!

[stonecoldcrazy0510]

Baking with the boys // Freddie Mercury / Roger Taylor blurb

A/N: Guys, here we go again. I wrote another thing and I kind of like it. Inspired by true events (aka me struggling with american recipes). Sadly I don’t have any of the Queen boys around to help me hahaha

It’s kind of a sequel to “A night at the pub” since the same girl is appearing, but you don’t have to read it to understand this little blurb.

If you want the peanut butter recipe, hit me up, but the cookies were really not that good hahaha

Soo have fun while reading, and as always: If there are any ideas or wishes for other blurbs / one shots, let me know!!

______________________________________________

,,Oh bloody hell, this is pure shit!”, I cursed under my breath, reading the recipe in front of me once again. How the hell were these Americans able to bake like that? Measuring in cups? What was that supposed to mean? I sighed, pushing a strand of my black hair aside while trying to make sense of this nonsense. One of my best friends had moved to the US after we finished school and we sent each other packages here and there with sweets and letters to keep up about what was going on in each other’s lives.

This time she’d also sent me a magazine and I found this recipe of delicious looking peanut butter cookies that I absolutely wanted to try out… plus, I knew that the boys always were super hungry in the studio and I just wanted to treat them with something sweet. But well, when I’d made that plan I didn’t think that it was this complicated to bake some bloody cookies. 

I’d already called my mom and my grandma and they both had something different to say about this measurement so now I was even more confused than before. Okay, whatever… I guess I just had to improvise somehow. Of course I could’ve called Anna, but it was night time where she was, so that was not really an option right now. 

,,What are you up to in our kitchen?”, Roger’s voice made me look up from the recipe in front of me. Yes, I burrowed the kitchen of Roger and the other guys for my experiment, since I almost lived here anyway. With an exasperated sigh I threw my hands in the air and then shrugged my shoulders. ,,I don’t even know, to be honest. I mean… originally I wanted to bake cookies for you guys for when you’re in the studio later but this recipe is just… bollocks!”

,,Okay, let me see!”, he grabbed the magazine from the counter and I couldn’t help but smile and roll my eyes, which didn’t go unnoticed by him. ,,What?” ,,So you really think you can make sense of this?”

,,Roger and making sense in one sentence? Oh dear, this can’t be right”, Freddies voice appeared and I sighed again. Oh well, this could only end in chaos. Just a moment later he’d snatched the magazine from Rogers hands and read the recipe, but with each word the look on his face became more confused.

,,Oh, for gods sake, I don’t have any idea about this cooking thing. I can make tea and that’s it, but don’t trust Roger!” ,,You can’t even make tea, stop lying. I’m surprised you didn’t starve yet but that’s only because at least you know how to use a phone and order Pizza!” ,,Oh shut up, you load of tart. At least I can write better songs than you!”

,,Okay, that’s enough boys!”, I chimed in, grabbing the magazine and putting it back on the counter. ,,We’re not in kindergarden. Let’s bake these bloody cookies”

It didn’t even take five minutes until I was done with the dough and it didn’t even look that bad. I just took the same amount of sugar as peanut butter, added an egg and mixed all the ingredients, all while the boys curiously looked over my shoulder. At least they’d gone quiet by now. 

,,Are you just gonna stare or are you gonna help me?” ,,Are you joking? You said you were making them for us!”, Roger scoffed but I didn’t care. Freddie on the other hand seemed to be eager and went to wash his hands, a grumpy Roger following him, before they appeared again.

,,So all we have to do is roll this dough into tiny balls and then we’re gonna place them on the baking tray. We just have to leave some space between them or we’re gonna end up with one huge cookie!” ,,Well, I suppose Roger knows all about tiny balls since his are the same size!”

I couldn’t help but snicker while Roger shot his friend a deadly look, but all Freddie did was shrug his shoulders and then burst out laughing. God and there were people out there who thought that dealing with kids was exhausting… 

Without any further comment I took a bit of the dough and rolled it in my hands to form a ball, which I then placed on the baking tray in front of me. The boys watched me at first but then they tried it themselves… and well, it was a disaster. You couldn’t really name these bits of dough balls… those were… sausages? Rocks? I didn’t know but they were definitely not round. And when they weren’t forming these creatures, they were just eating the dough.

,,You know what? You guys go and sit down and relax or whatever but I’m gonna finish this by myself!” ,,Are you firing us right now?”, Roger looked at me, dropping another one of these failures on the baking tray. ,,Uhm, yes, I suppose you could call it that!” ,,That is outrageous! We were just getting good at this!”, Freddie almost yelled, putting one hand on his hip and shaking his hand.

,,Whatever, I’m gonna go have a smoke and then I’m gonna try our delicious cookies! Just wait and see, they’re gonna be perfect!”, with that said, Roger put the tray into the oven, before he took my hand and pulled me with him onto the tiny balcony. We were followed by Freddie and while Roger smoked his cigarette, the boys started talking about their upcoming recording session and a few gigs that they were gonna play over the next few weeks.

I just stood there and listened, enjoying the fresh air and the company of those two, especially being so close to Roger who had one of his arms wrapped around my waist. I really didn’t think it would come this far when he chatted me up that one night in the pub and-

,,What’s that smell?”, Freddie got me out of my thoughts and I gasped when I smelled it too. ,,THE COOKIES!”, I yelled, hurrying back inside. I opened the door of the oven and a huge cloud of smoke greeted me, making me cough… ,,Fuck!”, with some towels I got the baking tray out but all I was left with was burned cookies that looked and smelled horrible.

,,Oh won’t you look at that, darling? Who’s fired now?”, Freddie looked at me, a cocky grin on his face, while Roger was standing behind him chuckling. What a huge failure.

,,Guess I’m gonna order you guys some Pizza in the studios later…”

[lockdownuk]

Lockdown Diary Part 8

A personal account during the lockdown in the UK due to the Covid-19 outbreak.

23/03/2020 8:30pm Boris Johnson, UK Prime Minister, gives a live address to the nation to, effectively, put the country on lockdown to stem the spread of the deadly coronavirus strain, Covid-19.

Many of us have been self-isolating for days but this latest development within the UK in reaction to the pandemic feels very serious and very scary. I decided to keep a simple diary and where better but online.

Day 211: I stayed up till 5am last night. The last thing I watched was Ronny Chieng, a Malaysian comic in the states. It was a Netflix comedy special and bloody funny. Other than that, a quiet night, nowhere near as fucked as Friday night. As I type, I am about to finish off spicy af sausage cassserole for tea and watch a film - all quite sedate. I’ve work tomorrow, after all!

Day 212: Every time I try and watch something on Amazon Prime, it errors or doesn’t load so I have to uninstall and reinstall, which is a pain the fucking arse. Glad I don’t pay for it. I watched half of the Tom Hanks film last night, A Beautiful Day in the Neighbourhood, based on a real life children’s TV actor. It’s good but weird. I’ll finish it tonight. Jo Broom called and told me (well, reminded me of, actually) some good info, especially about insulin lasting 4 hours and the liver producing sugar for when you wake up). Day 213: I didn’t watch the rest of that Tom Hanks film last night, doing so right now. I got a call @5.30pm from Tall Tom asking to pop round which he did (social-distancing at the front door). He dropped of a canvas print he’d ordered of on eof my pictures from FB. Fucking gobsmacked! That’s how much he likes them. I am still in shock. What a brilliant thing to do! Day 214: Finished  A Beautiful Day in the Neighbourhood last night, I enjoyed it. Today has been standard. Half way through the third week back from furlough and, while I am still very glad to be working, I now also relish pasrt of being paid 80% for fuck all! My walks have been tentative today, I have done something to my right ankle, it feels sore but OK when walking at pace. My phone and Google Fit are playing up - I am suddenly walking 8km/h! Day 215: Phoned Dad - Rita sent an email a couple of days ago telling of a lump in his ear which he had removed and they are going to check for cancer. When I spoke with him it was usual dad - nothing to worry about. He spoke very highly of the staff at Stamford Hospital where he had it done. They took skin from his nesxk to put on his ear lobe where they performed the op.  I had pie and veg tonight. It’s a real change and I am stuffed as I type this. SB pee-ed me off at work big time late this afternoon. Diary updated! Day 216: Dan’s in court today for his drink driving escapade. I think he’s pleading not guilty - I’m not sure, neither has he been each time I have talked to him about it. It was scheduled at 4pm and he’s meant to let me know how it went. As I type, it’s just gone 9pm. Fuck knows what’s happening. I guess he’ll let me know in his own time. Meanwhile, work was OK, nothing hectic, I am on my first Friday beer, just about to eat meatballs and pasta and watch Taxi, a film written by Luc Besson. End of my 3rd week back and it’s a bit like I wasn’t furloughed for 6 months!

Day 217: I switched off that Taxi film after 30 minutes. It was bollocks. Dan got a 20 month ban (reduced to 15, if he does a course, which he says he will) and £1100 fine. At least it’s over and done with now. I got up at gone 2pm today. I have to cut this late sleeping habit out at the weekends. That being said, it’s 8.40pm, just about to dive in the shower, eat and then get on it. Clocks go back later so I’ve an extra hour to play with!

Day 218: Still managed to stay up stupidly late last night, up at before 1pm (but in real terms, that’s just before 2pm!)  Had a video chat with Fog - I was meant to go up to his yesterday to listen to the footy but, ‘cos I was up so late, I didn’t. Anyway, during our chat, we’ve decidied to go to Honolulu when it’s safe, specifically to go to McDs. It was a bizarre conversation - I can’t actually remember the details!

Day 219: The lady (I think it’s a lady) from the Oundle Chronicle emailed to say she didn’t think William (the student) has contacted me (he has but is fucking useless), so she’s found some questions for me to answer and wants me to pick my favourite 4 (hi-res) photos. I’ve written a couple of paragraphs that answer her questions and I was to pick photos that have had the most likes on FB - finding that info out, without trawling back over my posts, is easier said than done! Got the car tyres sorted today - an advisory from the MOT that Julian did last week.. I do like Oundle Tyre and Exhaust centre. Work was fine. Marke had to deal with Eileen Baxter and chatted to me about it. I had it all the week before last. She’s delightful but the least IT savvy person I have ever known in a workplace whereby a computer is integral to the role!

Day 220: I’ve been doing press-ups and toe tocuhes after each exercise for a little while now. 7 press-ups, doesn’t sound much but when I did it before and rapidly increased the numbers (up to 22), it played havoc with my shoulder which I thought was becoming frozen. So, I will icrease the amount slowly. I can just about touch my toes now. When I started, I barely got past my fucking knees! Work was standard today and I had an interesting chat with a recruiter about a job at Jagex, a computer game firm responsible for Runescape which is, apparently, a big deal. Posh playing tonight. At one point, when leading at home to Burton we were top. Now it’s 2-2 with minutes to go and we’re third with fucking Lincoln top. Day 221: I sent an email to Shirley from HR (re) asking about the salary discrepancy between mine and Mark’s. She’s going to talk to me tomorrow about it. I had a lomng chat with Barrzy tonight, always good to catch up and reminisce. I’ve just had two sausage rolls (on the cheap shelf from Co-Op, Dauphinoise dotatoes (ditto), mixed green veg and onion gravy for tea and I am fucking stuffed.

Day 222: Typing at gone 4pm on day 223! Had a meet with Shirley. No dice on the pay until it can be reviewed next year. All pay reviews are on hold. She explained that the salary offer was based on available budget rather than a pay grade or bench mark. Day 223: Typing this very late on day 224. Usual Friday. Work, beers, bed at 5am. went up Fog’s for a couple and watched Train to Busan. Day 224: I swore blind, when I woke and got up (2.24pm) I would have a day off from exercise. Stair climb and 10km walk done! Leigh from Oundle Chronicle messaged chasing my answers for the article. Last night, someone posted such great pics on the Oundle Chatter group that it makes me think twice about posting my photos. I tell everyone I just point and snap with my phone camera and, while it is the phone camera, I do so much pissing about with Google photos I feel like a con, it doesn’t sit well with me. Made lasagne for tea. Fucking lush - lardons, scothc bonnet and an Oxo cube really helped, I think. It’s 11:44pm as I type, 15 mins and I’ll deliver K’s birthday card. Not sure what I am hoping to come out of that, really. Just can’t let go! Day 225: Stupidly late one again last night. Up at 2pm. I’ve responded to Leigh at the Oundle Chronicle - why I make it so hard, I do not know, I really overthink some things.  Eye appointment tomorrow, 9.50am, which Sam, Mr. Minos’s secretary offered me when she called on friday. Sueanne was very cool about it when I checked it was OK. So, now I am fretful of what will happen! More lasering, I reckon.

Day 226: Eye clinic was not great. I need lasering in my right eye, so that will be both eyes. Mr. Hussain, the consultant that ive seen loads including today, explained that the field of vision is affected that it can mean I am not allowed to drive. In one eye it doesn’t matter, in both the DVLA will order a test and, if the field isn’t wide enough, means I won’t get a license to drive. Shit! K WhatsApp to thank me for the card plus some ‘chat’ which ended uninvitingly (i.e., end of conversation!). I just replied that I was glad she liked it (the card),

Something is up with my left thumb, it’s sore by the nail, as if it’s ingrowing, but it isn’t. Fuck knows what it is and it’s really bothering me, very painful. Pretty shit day, all in all. Day 227: Called the surgery about my thumb and Dr. leijsen called me back, asked some questions about the photo (I had to take a pic and send it in), including whether there’s any pus, and then said she’ll prescribed anti-biotics. Later today, it started to leak pus, and feel better! But, it’s still not right so I’‘l take the course. Looks like I have got an interview for the IT support job at Jagex, got a call from the recruiter today, just need confirmation. Spoke with Shirley from HR about the fact I might not be able to drive in the future. She was pretty cool about it in a kind of cross-that-bridge way and suggested I run it past Sueanne.

Day 228: Spoke with Sueanne about my impending eye lasering which is on Friday ay 3.30pm, the hospital called to let me know, she was very cool about it and even suggested I take Monday off! More importantly, she spoke of the non-driving as no factor to worry about job wise, especially as we are all WfH nowadays. I have an interview at Jagex, well, Zoom, but it is on Friday, 1pm.

Day 229: Told Mark at work about the lasering adn potential non-driving. I think it shocked him a little. I am worried about tomorrow, big time, although it’s just lasering - I’ve had it done before. I cannot wait for this time tomorrow (9.40pm). I have been trying to concentrate on preparing for the interview but it’s all too easy to get distracted. Day 230: Interview went OK. Eye appointment was horrible but bearable. The doc wants me to book in for more laser but, only so it can be reviewed and ‘topped up’ if need be. Better than a going for a check up and having to book another laser appointment thereafter. It’s near enough 9.00pm and I am going to enjoy a bear or two.

Day 231: No after affects to speak of from the eye appointment but I know lasering has occurred. It’s like I haven’t got the full set of cells recieve information from yje pupil. It’s intangible but still perceptible. Great walk today, took some cracking photos - very pleasing. More booze and draw tonight and, hopefully, up tomorrow before the 2.20pm wake up time of today. Posh beat Oxford away (1-2) in the FA Cup 1st round.

Day 232: 2pm by the time I got out of bed. I’ve got to curb this habit. Missed calls from Dad but answered one from Rita just before going for a walk when I promised to phone tomorrow. Day 233: I think SB wa surprised was at work today. I ordered two rugs (from irugs.co.uk). They are 8x5″ and were 75% off, £58 ea. One for under the table (desk) and I put one in the spare room. Hopefully keep the house a tad warmer. Getting into Barry on Sky Comedy. Barry’s a hit man. It’s darkly intriguing. I took a couple of pics of a solitary poppy today, icuding a couple of macros. They turned out OK so will post one on Wednesday (11/11).  Talking of photos, two people (one is Alison Brighty) asked for a jpeg of one of the photos I posted on Saturday so they can get it printed. 

Day 234: Spoke with dad today, let him know the situation with my eyes which, I think worries him, so I hate to do it but, also, he needs to know, just in case.

Day 235: The poppy pic I posted was very well received, over 160 likes on the Oundle chatter page and Jo Langford wants the original (why she can’t take it of FB?) to print off, which is nice. I am working on Saturday - gotta attend a meeting at 8am. FFS! SB also agreed for me to back on call, cool!

Day 236: Average sort of day. I really wish I wasn’t working on Saturday! OH, Dan messaged...first I’ve heard from him for over two weeks...he’s got two days of so he can watch all the US Masters which started today, and was good watching. So, not that average a day afterall, now that I think back on it. Day 237: Woke up at 9.14am today, yikes! Messaged with Dan a lot as he is home watching the US Masters...told him abbout my eye issues and the fact there’s a chance of losing my driving license. Also, in a silly facebook post and comments, about me not being able to drink tonight ‘cos of work tomorrow, Scottish Ricky asked if I was OK. I replied, not really, meaning that I’m pissed off I can’t get pissed. He messaged to say if I ever need to chat. Fucking great bloke. I rang him to let him know I was not being serious on FB and we chatted for 30 mins or so. Top man. still, it does remian that I am missing a beer this Friday - roll on tomorrow night!

Day 238: Work thsi morning was OK, finished at midday. Watchung golf, having abeer or two right now (just gone 8pm). Posh lost away to Crewe 0-2. Day 239: Up at 2pm after a good few drinks last night (and some silly video posting on FB of me  trying shit lager - Corrs Light - with hot sauce). Just settling down to watch Dustin Johnson win the Masters - he’s -20 with 2 to play, no one near him.

Day 240: I ordered some slippers from Amazon that arrived today. They were also returned today. I’m destined to never find a decent, non-expensive pair.

DJ did win the golf.

I watched Jojo Rabbit this evening. A first class film.

[oxbridge-quality-fanfiction-co]

The Spring of Burning Forests: Chapter 6 (Geraskier)

🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵

Jaskier wants to write a bittersweet ballad about true love. 

Geralt thinks he can make it better by adding a touch of gritty realism.

You can read the chapter on AO3.

For a full summary, see this post. Go here if you want to start from the first chapter.

Big thanks to @booichiboo, @sdmcburney, @goshdraws, Rita, @valdomarx, @carmillacarmine, @thelastsock, @geraskierficrecs ❤️ Dedicated to @variousnoises.

Updates every Sunday.

Here’s the first scene:

Nothing more than a glimmer of light, perhaps. It was not wise to assume anything prematurely. The next time he looked, the shadow was clearly there, as if mocking him. The sight should have calmed him down but didn’t.  

As the empty fields gave way to picturesque hills and valleys, with narrow rivers running along winding paths, their moods shifted. The grass was long, the trees in full bloom, and the shade of green fresh and highly saturated.

Geralt didn’t like any of it.

All throughout the day he watched Aliya’s every move. She didn’t seem concerned. Jaskier, in contrast, ended up throwing glances his way with increasing frequency. He would look up when talking to Lianna, or suddenly find himself walking by Geralt, then moving away.

Finally, as they stopped to rest and eat, he settled on remaining within a safe, two-meter radius. Aliya promised to supply the food but then just happily chatted with Lianna, both lying in the grass at a fair distance, occasionally laughing. One would be forgiven for thinking they were traveling for pleasure.

‘What the fuck are we waiting for?’ Geralt asked as he sat by an old oak tree.

Although the question was rhetorical, he happened to direct it towards Jaskier, who was more than comfortable with their current situation.

‘Would it kill you to relax for a while?’ he asked, sounding more pleased than he wished to.

Finally sitting down, his legs exhausted from walking, he was leaning against a convenient tall bump in the grass, closing his eyes and breathing in the fresh air.

‘There’s even a breeze,’ Jaskier whispered, smiling to himself, content. ‘I’m sorry, Geralt, I know you want to be miserable, but this is motherfucking idyllic.’

Geralt rolled his eyes.

‘Are you rolling your eyes at me?’

‘You’re not even looking.’

‘I don’t have to look to know,’ he responded with glee, smirking, half-surprised to be right, eyes still closed.

Geralt smiled back, not something Jaskier could have predicted or seen.

‘That thing you’re leaning on…’

‘What about it?’

‘Nothing,’ he sighed. ‘There’s a tree, right here.’  

Jaskier stood up and came by to sit close to him, treating it as an invitation. Geralt didn’t protest. The afternoon was so calming, even he was starting to feel a bit less on edge. The leaves were rustling above them, and the movement of the branches slowly swinging in the wind was oddly hypnotic.

Jaskier started strumming on his lute, trying to decide what to work on next.  

‘I think I need a good love ballad. Some forbidden romance perhaps?’ He seemed enthusiastic about the idea.

‘Isn’t that a bit overdone?’ Geralt couldn’t stop himself, his enjoyment of their break was clearly increasing with every little jab at Jaskier.

‘Everything has been done before. I just have to avoid the clichés,’ he stated confidently, totally not discouraged.  

‘So no tragic ending?’

‘And no happy ending either.’

‘That only leaves bittersweet.’

‘I suppose.’

‘What’s the obstacle?’

‘I don’t know. Social disapproval of some kind?’ Jaskier seemed unsure.

‘Hm.’ Geralt gave it a thought. ‘She’s an elf and he’s human?’

‘No, I think I should leave elves alone.’ He looked straight at Geralt and smiled. ‘What if he’s a witcher?’

Geralt just grunted in response, noticeably sceptical.

‘Well, it only makes sense. I know quite a bit about witchers already.’

‘Do you?’ Geralt seemed amused by that. ‘And what about her?’

‘What about her?’

‘What’s wrong with her?’

‘Nothing. She wants to be with him.’

‘But?’

‘But… it’s hard to get through to him. He is not exactly used to people showering him with care and attention.’ Jaskier seemed deep in thought for a minute. ‘There are some challenges there but… although he is a tough, obsessively self-sufficient loner, other people matter to him so much. Not that he would necessarily admit that. Ultimately, he just wants somebody who understands him, and values him for who he truly is. You know, somebody who can break through that bullshit veneer of indifference. Isn’t that how witchers are?’

‘I wouldn’t know.’  

Jaskier just smiled, and continued, ignoring Geralt’s huffiness.

‘And she… she is sociable, very much unlike his reclusive self, has some, I don’t know.’ He went through a few ideas in his head before he lit up. ‘She’s a princess.’

Geralt grinned, clearly suppressing a laugh.

‘And why would a princess want a witcher?’

‘Well, he’s very… lovable.’

‘A lovable witcher? I’m not sure if I’ve ever met one.’

‘I’m sure everyone has, at some point. They’re around.’

‘Right.’ Geralt’s eyes narrowed. ‘Awkward that.’ He shook his head with disapproval. ‘No heir to the throne.’

‘No, and her father is terrified. He hates witchers.’

‘Won’t work.’

‘Why?’

‘It’s bullshit.’

‘Because…’

‘A witcher won’t sacrifice his peace of mind for some royal nonsense. Witchers like a simple life. She grew up believing social rank is all there is. What is he worth to her? They might spend one night together. He’s feeling lonely. She sees him as some… exotic oddity.’

‘What if she’s a bit unconventional? She doesn’t care for royal nonsense and appreciates he doesn’t either.’

‘Doesn’t she?’ Geralt seemed far from convinced.

‘She doesn’t. And she doesn’t care… I mean, she would be at least a little impressed with him as a witcher.’

‘Ah.’

‘No, but… she would actually appreciate him as a person.’

Geralt grunted, looking slightly suspicious, and still very much amused.

‘He probably saved her life and she thinks that means something,’ he said, casually.

‘Well, wouldn’t it?’

‘It’s a part of the job.’

‘Oh, is it?’

Geralt smiled. He was enjoying getting on Jaskier’s nerves a bit too much.

‘That depends,’ he added finally.

‘I guess it does,’ Jaskier agreed, reluctantly.  

‘But it would still be stupid of them to go for it.’

‘And why would that be?’

‘There’s a viable prince somewhere. He is familiar with all the crap she grew up with, her family would approve. She’s just creating needless drama for herself, asking for pointless heartbreak.’

‘Not a single creative bone in your body. It’s a story, Geralt. Drama is the point.’

‘I don’t see it.’

‘It’s love.’

‘Hm… That excuse only works for a while.’

‘Bollocks… If you were writing ballads, they would end before they even started.’ He looked back at Geralt who just started calmly sharpening one of the short knives he kept in his belt. ‘Well, yes, of course, why am I surprised?’

Geralt was undeterred. He just looked up for a second, noting Aliya and Lianna were still sitting quite far away, focused entirely on each other, not a single glance their way.

‘The princess,’ Geralt continued, his voice dripping with sarcasm, ‘even at the height of love, would keep one eye on all she sacrificed to get there. All these palaces. All that comfort. Her family’s love. The gold. The admiration of common people. The blessed peace of mind.’ He pushed a sharpening stone across the edge of the dagger with every phrase. ‘There would be no great fights, just growing resentment, until it snaps, one day. Possibly over something trivial.’ He nodded, clearly pleased with both his conclusion to the story, and his sharpening job.

He weighed the knife in his hand. The blade was shining as it reflected the sunlight. He then cut through the grass, the movement was swift and efficient, a couple of wildflowers collapsed to the ground. He grunted, satisfied.

Jaskier looked strangely overwhelmed by that, his mouth gaping open.

‘I thought…’ he started, finally, ‘I thought we said no tragic ending.’

‘It’s not tragic. It’s normal. Bad decision-making does that. Maybe that’s the point of the story.’

‘No, that’s not the point.’

‘Gut feelings are not better than long term strategies.’

‘But you can’t just ignore…’

‘Believe me, you can.’ The statement came out a bit more aggressive than intended, which surprised them both.

Jaskier just stared at him, looking almost ready to give up. And yet, he couldn’t let go.

‘What if that’s what she wants?’ he asked, sounding surprisingly invested. ‘What if that’s exactly what she wants. I mean all of it. You are…’ He stopped and looked confused for a second. ‘You are… assuming so many things about her. Maybe it’s not a sacrifice for her at all. Perhaps, she is proud to be where she is. And maybe, just maybe, she didn’t feel that way at the royal bloody court. Maybe this is exactly who she is.’

‘She might think so. But that’s only because she has no clue. She grew up with her ass sat comfortably on a golden fucking pillow. He lived in the shit she’s now walking into his whole life.’ Although his words seemed heated, Geralt’s tone was matter-of-fact to the point of being unsettling. ‘It’s not easy being hated, sneered at and turned away,’ he added a moment later, somehow still sounding completely unbothered. ‘Not if you’re used to… applause. Not if you don’t have to.’

‘But…’ Jaskier was a bit uneasy but kept going. ‘They can still be happy. They don’t have to care what others think.’

‘Sure, they don’t have to care. Not until some random villagers shower them with stones.’

Jaskier looked away, frustrated.

‘But, Geralt, isn’t that exactly what makes it good? The story, I mean.’ He was annoyed with himself for feeling like he needed to clarify. ‘That is the point. She risks it all out of love. Because fuck these people. Because we are not like them. And they don’t dictate what we do. Your normal princesses can be happy with a prince but that’s not special, is it? By sticking to the rules, they are no better… they are contributing…’

‘I think you’re starting to mix your metaphors.’

‘I mean, of course, a normal princess doesn’t have to fight for it as much. She doesn’t have to sacrifice… her comforts. She’s going with what’s expected. It’s bloody boring and simple. The point is our princess pays a high price but it’s worth it precisely because she cares so much more. It’s worth so much for her, everything else pales in comparison. And if it fails, so what? It was the right thing to do. Witchers do not deserve to suffer for who they are. Both of them should fight for what they want. Otherwise nothing will ever change. It might be wonderful, the best thing that happened to them, even if it just lasts for a while.’ He noticed Geralt remained unimpressed. ‘It’s at least worth a try,’ he added, faintly.

‘Everyone suffers for who they are. That’s just life,’ Geralt stated simply.

It was clear he was getting bored with the conversation. He looked up and lost his focus. Jaskier followed his line of sight, and saw Aliya looking back at them.

‘Why do you keep staring at her?’ he asked, sounding hurt.

Geralt ignored him and Jaskier waved his hand in front of his face, annoyed.

‘Oh, come on, Geralt! I asked you… Isn’t it at least worth a try?’

‘Not really.’

‘Oh, and why is that?’

‘It’s short-sighted, selfish and greedy.’

‘Is that so?’

‘I don’t see why some frustrating bards are so set on romanticising impulsive behaviours.’

‘Well, life is both too long and too short to never…’ He looked back at Geralt, suddenly distracted by what he said. ‘No, they are not. They romanticise freedom and love.’

‘If that’s what you call it.’

‘Fuck, it’s like trying to explain colours to a blind person.’ Jaskier took a deep breath. ‘You must know what I mean.’

‘I know what you mean.’

They went silent for a moment. Jaskier looked like he was desperate to say something but hesitated.

‘Then…’ he said, finally, a glimmer of hope in his eyes.

‘The princess should wait. It will pass… like a bad cold.’

‘Oh, fuck you, Geralt.’

Geralt smiled to himself, feeling a tiny bit bad for Jaskier.

‘Look there.’

‘What?’ Jaskier was confused for a moment.  

Geralt looked ahead, motioning towards Aliya and Lianna who were deep in conversation, looking perfectly harmless.

‘That’s where the real story is. As a specialist in narratives…’ He turned to Jaskier, rapidly changing the topic. ‘You should understand… if we die because you couldn’t keep your dick in your pants, it would make for a very sad and disappointing story. How hard can it be…’ He stopped, looking slightly disoriented for a moment, and opened his mouth, ready to justify what he just said.

‘Ehm… Geralt? You’re getting a little carried away here,’ he smiled, chuckling slightly. ‘Why do you keep nagging me about this anyway? Nothing terrible has happened yet. On the contrary… Let’s admit it. Ever since we joined them, everything improved. Also, you said yes to this! And, may I remind you, you don’t exactly struggle with the idea of saying no to me.’

‘If only there was a quick and efficient way to keep this under control,’ he sighed, observing Lianna leaving Aliya in the grass and walking towards her bag. ‘Anything we could do to stop you behaving like a stray cat in the spring.’

‘Anything we could do?’ Jaskier found that amusing. ‘Do you know what you’re suggesting?’

‘I was thinking castration. What was your idea?’

‘Ah, that’s what you meant. Well… that’s probably for the best, Geralt. Because I do believe there is a good reason “quick” and “efficient” are not two words which feature in passionate love ballads very often.’

‘What does that have to do with anything?’

‘And you dare to call me frustrating.’

‘What’s going on?’ Lianna asked cheerfully as she approached them, seeing their conversation was getting livelier.

‘Nothing. Don’t pay attention to Geralt. Sometimes he likes to stab me and then really twist the knife. It gives his life meaning. I tend to indulge him.’

‘Jaskier was just explaining why he thinks the best sex is slow and inefficient.’ Geralt’s face lit up with a light grin.

‘You know…’ Jaskier was clearly annoyed now. ‘It doesn’t really cost me that much to put up with his nonsense. And it genuinely makes him happy.’

‘Slow is good!’, Lianna exclaimed, enthusiastically.

Geralt noticed Aliya suddenly started laughing. She was sitting too far away to be able to hear them talk.

He looked even more worried from then on.

Keep reading on AO3.

[bobby-singers-library]

A Whirlwind Romance Chapter 1

A Crowley Romance (Supernatural)

It was a sunny Saturday morning in late March and Jo was driving down to West Point, Nebraska from her apartment in Sioux City for a gun and knife show. She was hoping there would be something to add to her growing collection of knifes, but even if there wasn't at least she was getting out and doing something other than work. Her restored 1957 Chevy pickup rambled at a good pace down the highway, it was her most prized possession, given to her by her family four years ago for her 21st birthday. Singer and Son Restorations/Auto Shop, where she worked, had been in cahoots with her mom and dad to make sure the truck had been restored to perfect condition and painted a deep metallic blue, just for her. No gift before or since had came close to topping it. The truck was a gas sucker but she couldn't bring herself to drive anything else.

She felt that when her mom had helped get her this truck she had finally accepted Jo's professional choice. She worked for Bobby at Singer and Son Auto and she wouldn't be going back to college. She had found her true calling and she was the best at her job. She would track down old cars that clients wanted and broker the deals for the shop. If you wanted your car restored, if you wanted to find a car for Bobby and Dean to restore for you, you went through Jo. She was also very good at convincing people they should get an old car to restore instead of just buying new. She knew her stuff and she knew how to sell it. The fact that she drove around a perfectly restored classic truck only helped her get business, whenever someone admired it, she made sure to give them a Singer and Son Auto card.

On her down time she liked indulging in her other passion. Knives. She kept herself up to date on when and where gun and knife shows would happen in Nebraska and the surrounding states, and this weekend there was one in West Point, only about an hour away from her home in Sioux City. It wasn't until half way through her drive when things got interesting. As she came around a corner she saw a brand new Mercedes S550 along the side of the road. The hood was up and there was a man looking at the engine. He was older than her but is was hard to judge how much older and he was dressed in an expensive suit and tie. His hair was dark and short with a receding hairline, even so he was still very handsome. He also looked like he had no idea what he was doing. If Jo had to guess she would say he had never seen what was under a hood in his life. Jo sighed and pulled her truck in front of the fancy car.

The man looked toward her truck with some suspicion. When her door opened and she jumped out his eyebrows rose up in surprise. Jo smirked at him.

“Hey there guy, you having car trouble?” Jo asked as she walked up to him.

“Yes, as a matter of fact. My bloody car just quit on me.” said the man. This time it was Jo who raised her eyebrows in surprise at the incredibly deep, scratchy voice and British accent.

“You want me to take a look?” asked Jo with a small smile.

“Be my guest.” He gestured at the car with a look of acceptance. He seemed resigned that his car would never work again, Jo wanted to laugh but held it back.

Jo smirked at him then looked down into the motor, she wasn't usually on this side of the car but she knew the basics, you don't work at an auto shop as long as she has and not learn some things. She quickly checked the oil and the lines to the battery. They both seemed fine.

“Well, I can't see anything obvious, I think you are just going to have to get it towed to a shop.” She turned around to look at him. He had waited silently beside her watching with interest as she poked at the engine.

“Bollocks...I don't suppose you know any? I haven't been here very long, and getting an mechanic on speed dial never crossed my mind.” He sounded disappointed, but Jo didn't know if it was that his new car was on the side of the road or something else.

“You're in luck, I know the best mechanic in three states!” Jo smiled at him, “That is if you're near Sioux City?” she asked.

He gave her a little smirk back, “Yes, actually that's where I am based for now. Do you have the number?”

“Yeah, but let me call, I work for him and it will be easier for both of us if I talk to the cranky old bastard.” Jo laughed and took out her phone. “Where were you headed if you don't mind me asking? You're a ways out from Sioux City?”

“Ah, yes, well I was headed to...” He pulled out his phone to look at it, “Somewhere called West Point. They are having a gun and knife show.” he looked up from his phone at her, “Guess I'll be missing all the fun.” He had that disappointed look on his face again. Jo couldn't help but think it was kinda cute, just that small hint of pout and the narrowed eyes.

“No shit. That's where I'm going!” Jo smiled at him, “I'm Jo by the way.” She held out her hand realizing she hadn't even introduced herself when she pulled up.

“Crowley, pleasure to meet you.” He took her hand but instead of shaking it he brought her hand up to his mouth and kissed the back of her hand. Her eyes went wide, she'd never had a man do that in real life.

When he released her hand Jo dropped in to her side awkwardly, he seemed amused by her wide eyed shock. “So, Mr. Crowley would you like a ride to the show? I'm going anyway, and it will probably be awhile before Bobby can get here.”

Crowley seemed to study her for a moment, “I wouldn't want to put you out.” he started to say.

“No, no, it's fine. Here, let me call Bobby, you get your stuff, lock the car and put the key on the back tire, then we'll head out!” She flashed him another big smile, then turned around to make the call.

Crowley thought about it for a moment before shrugging and doing what she said. This had been his first attempt at doing something other then work in this god forsaken country, he had been ready to give it up as a terrible idea, go back to his office and stay there until his work here was done and he could go back to England.  But now a beautiful young lady wanted to give him a ride to a knife show. He couldn't argue with that. He grabbed his over coat out of the front seat, made sure he had his phone and wallet. He locked the car and put the key on the back tire like she had told him and made his way toward the beautiful truck. His car tastes is cars had always ran more towards the absolute newest and best, but he had to admit this vehicle was a thing of beauty, and he was sure it was older then both himself and Jo.

Jo hung up the phone and motioned for Crowley to get in the truck. “Bobby will be here as soon as he can for the car. He'll call me when he has it, and I'll drop you at his shop once we're done with the show. Sound good?” Jo slammed her door and looked over at Crowley who was looking around at the inside of her truck.

“Yes, that sounds fine, thank you.” He gave her a bit of a smile. “Are you sure you are ok with taking a stranger with you? I could be a homicidal murderer you know.” His smile turned into a smirk as Jo laughed at him.

“Well, you could try to murder me, but I can tell you, I probably have more knifes on me then you do.” She shot him a grin as she fired up the truck.

Crowley seemed pleased with this answer, “A woman after my own heart. I have about 300 knives in my collection. Mostly antique, but also some new reproductions. Are you a collector?”

Jo's eyes darted over to him in interest, “300? That's so cool.” she said impressed, “I have about 50 right now. Only 3 are antique, but they came from my family. I have a sword that my however many greats grandfather used in the Revolutionary war, a knife from the civil war that was also used by a family member, and the last one is a Bowie knife my Grandad used in World War 2. I guess that one isn't technically an antique, but it's still older then all the newer ones I have.”  

“Very nice, I have several that family members used in various wars as well. That's how my collection started. I love old swords and spears. Anything used in times past for military purposes. I have a few other weapons as well, but I am mostly interested in swords and knives.”

“Nice, I only have one other sword but it is a reproduction of Sting from the Hobbit.” She grinned thinking about it, “It was a Christmas gift last year. Not what I usually go for, but it's still sweet.”  

As the rest of the car ride went on they chatted away, completely at ease with one another. There was none of the awkward silences Jo had experienced with meeting new people in the past.

The knife show was fun for both of them. They looked at every table, each of them buying one or two things through out the show. Crowley bought Jo lunch at a local cafe before they started the drive back to Sioux City. They talked all the way back and when they didn't the silences were comfortable. Jo didn't want it to end, she hadn't had so much fun with someone in a long time.

When they finally made it to Singer and Son Auto, Jo introduced Bobby to Crowley. It was funny seeing them side by side. Crowley in his nice suit and Bobby in dirty overalls. Oddly enough they seemed to have the same instant connection that Jo and Crowley had. When Bobby started smarting off to Crowley about his car, Crowley gave back as good as he got. Jo could tell Bobby was impressed with Crowley’s wit, not many people could deal with Bobbies cranky, snarky attitude but Crowley seemed to enjoy it.

It turned out that there was nothing seriously wrong with the car, it was ready to go when they got there. But the three of them spent some time chatting and laughing. When Crowley was getting ready to leave Bobby took himself back into the shop leaving Jo and Crowley standing by the black Mercedes.

“So, it was great meeting you. I had a good time.” Jo wasn't sure what else to say.

“I did as well. Maybe you would like to do something again?” Crowley asked sounding hopeful.

Jo smiled widely at him, “I was going to ask the same thing, I'd love to get together.” Jo took out her phone and handed to it him, “Give me your number?”

Crowley smiled back and took her phone to type in his number when he was done he took a selfie to link to his number. Jo laughed at him, “Thanks for that.” said Jo as she took her phone. “Now give me yours.” She held out her hand.

Crowley pulled out his phone and tossed it to her, she caught it but gave him a look. She dreaded the idea of dropping his fancy phone. She typed in her number and also took a selfie for his phone with a big smile on her face. Crowley laughed about it as he took his phone back. “Thanks, I look forward to seeing you again.” He flashed her a smile, got into his car and headed for home.

Jo watched him drive away with a stupid smile on her face. She didn't notice Bobby as he came to stand next to her so she startled when he spoke. “He's too old for you.”

“Fuck, Bobby, don't scare me like that...and I think he's a perfect age for me.” she smirked at him. Jo had always had a thing for older men, much to her mother and fathers concern.

Bobby sighed. “Yeah, I figured you'd say that.” he shook his head and walked back into the garage. Jo could hear him yelling something at Dean. She just looked down at the picture in her phone and smiled.

A/N

This story is complete and I will be posting all the chapters, probably one a day. I would love some feedback, a beta reader would be great! Let me know if anyone interested.

Chapter 2

This story can also be read on my AO3 http://archiveofourown.org/users/Jodie13

@gettinjoyful

[regular-tree-climbing-monkey-boy]

Okay, so, imma let off some steam real quick.

I’m in an LDR, and it’s cool and fun and great and I love my lady more than I love oxygen filling my lungs, we recently got married while I was visiting her and now we are trying to sort out living together. This is where I get moody ;D So, honestly, the whole thing is such a loada bollocks. Like, we have been together for a little over 5 years now, married for a couple of months, but looking at the shit I need to provide to be able to support my application to move to the states to live with her is so stressful, like, okay so I gotta show X amount of payslips for the most recent 6ish months, I’m moving to another country, I won’t have an income there? Why you need to know what I’m making here? To ask about my savings? I guess but like I’m hoping to work in your country and pay my fair taxes and shit to be a cool guy and do shit? They want an official document from my friends that can vouch for our relationship- fuck face why? Like, what if I don’t have friends? What if I do and they don’t like my partner? Why is this even an option??? You can include ticket stubs and shit of stuff you been up to but like how is that even helpful? They’re rarely named as to who the hell redeemed them ;P it seems daft. Chat logs, they’re a nightmare to copy to show proof of talking to each other >_< Photos together, mine are almost never date stamped so now it feels like I’m faking the time together because you can’t tell the one from February 2017 next to the one from 2014 >_> wtf! Call logs and shit are helpful too if you can work out where to get them >_> Then there’s about 24 pages worth of legal forms to complete, one to say who wants to do what and the other to prove some poor soul can take financial lead if you super fuck up, jeez that’s a lot of paperwork. Like, okay, I get that we need to be sure people aren’t trying to scam your governments and shit to live somewhere, but it also just makes life so stressful for us poor bastards actually trying to start a life together. I work a lot of hours at my job but if I wanted to have my wife live with me here in England I need to be on a manager salary or have somebody that makes about 6k more than me a year offer to support her f needed, that’s hard man. Same for me moving to her which luckily we have right now. But even so, it’s fucking rough man. LDR’s are hard to maintain a lot of the time due to various stresses but this entire process feels like governments are trying to force people to reconsider their chosen path because it makes it all feel super shady and hard to achieve. So, basically, I feel like my next several weeks/couple months will be spent trying to prove that my relationship is actually real to somebody just because I want to live with them in another country. For everybody else in LDR’s, i dunno where you might try and live together, but do yourselves a favour, if you think you want to take those steps and close distance to wherever, keep date stamps on your pics, document your holidays in labelled folders, keep all your e-tickets or photocopy your boarding passes and file them, document and save everything so that one day, when you’re looking at what I’m looking at, you’ll have it sorted in a few days :) I have photos and stuff but they’re disorganised, I have ticket stubs and stuff cluttered around in memory draws and now I need to photocopy them and get them onto my laptop, it’s going to be a long process but yours doesn’t have to be :) make your lives easy and do it as you go, I wish I didn’t underestimate how much they would want, how thorough I’d need to be with my call logs, chat logs, friends and holiday proof and so on. But I did. Please, don’t make the same mistake, it shou be fun and exciting but I feel stressed and anxious that I’ll miss something :/ I just want you all to be happy and to close the distance quickly like I want to do :)

[acquiescest]

irt the lrb what would you say if i said liam & noel spent new years 2023 together in paris

what would you say if i said liam bought the house in france (the one with noel's name carved into the walls) in march 2023 and that month noel talked about wanting to spend several months in paris

which could mean nothing

[punkscowardschampions]

China & Bobby

China: Hey, have you heard

Bobby: ?

China: Your girlfriend is setting up private rehearsals with that kid Louie

Bobby: I know they’re running lines together, yeah, and you know she’s not my girlfriend

China: If that’s what you want to believe

China: that’s not what my sister reckons it is

China: or Jake, actually

Bobby: 👌 Well, I’ll believe what’s actually coming from Libi

China: 😂

China: Have fun waiting for that

China: hardly going to tell you, is she

China: I’m just warning you, so you don’t look like a total cuck

Bobby: what’s funny is 1. the idea you’re looking out for me and 2. that I’d need that when it’s Libs we’re talking about 😂

China: Yeah he said she was probably frigid

Bobby: I’m SO glad I can’t usually understand what either of you are saying

China: Ignorance is bliss

Bobby: when you’re talking that much nasty bollocks it is

China: Um, it’s her you’re actually mad at, not me

Bobby: No, it’s you I’m fed up of

China: I’ve done literally nothing to you

Bobby: You’re a bit busy with Libi as a target for now

China: How am I?

Bobby: You’re only talking to me to try and stir up trouble and make her look and me feel bad

China: Oh, because I’M the rude one here 👌👌

Bobby: Yeah, unless you wanna say sorry and start over

China: I don’t owe anyone an apology

Bobby: Alright, I’ll see you in rehearsal then

China: You mean the actual rehearsals we all go to, or the cliquey one your girlfriend organized?

Bobby: Depends if you’re gonna turn up there without an invite

China: I wouldn’t come even if she wasn’t excluding half the cast

Bobby: so it’ll be left to Ms Howe to referee, lucky her

China: She literally started it, if it’s annoying you, you should bring it up with her

Bobby: I just said, you’re the one annoying me

Bobby: whatever massive scandal you reckon is going on must’ve passed me by

China: *you wanna pretend it isn’t happening

China: whatever, that’s on you

Bobby: I don’t know what you’re talking about, that’s real

China: Jesus, get with it

China: thought you weren’t meant to be slow

Bobby: She wants to do a good job, so would you if the lead had been given to you

Bobby: the rehearsals with Louie are just that and we’re having our own without you and your mates ‘cause you say stuff like that and think it’s okay, you have done since we were kids, don’t start pretending you don’t get why when it’s not a new thing

China: I didn’t say you were slow, I said you were acting it

China: you use it as a get out of jail free card for everything, if you’re looking to be offended, then you will be 🤷‍♀️

Bobby: I have stuff to do that’s not this

China: So?

China: Go do it

China: Being salty with me isn’t going to change anything

Bobby: don’t worry, I wasn’t relying on you to change Mullan’s mind about the casting or anything

China: Yeah, I’m blatantly not the only one who didn’t get the role they wanted

Bobby: That much we could’ve agreed on, except it’s too weird

China: I didn’t actually think that whole deaf plot was a terrible idea

China: neither of you deserved leads, but if he’d made her the maid or something, it could’ve been a subplot

Bobby: She did deserve the lead, sir got that bit right at least

China: 🙄

China: her and Jake look ridiculous together

Bobby: Yeah, that’s why they need extra rehearsals together too or the whole play is gonna fall apart

China: Well she hasn’t asked him, that’s my point

China: She clearly fancies that kid, God knows why

Bobby: No she don’t

China: How would you know? 😂

China: She’s giving him favourable preference

China: or maybe she thinks it’ll make Jake jealous, tragic

Bobby: We’re best mates, there’s nothing she wouldn’t or don’t talk to me about, but even if she didn’t wanna, I could tell ‘cause I know her inside out

Bobby: she’s not into Louie or Jake

China: When you were both children maybe

China: boys and girls can’t be friends like that after the age of whatever the fuck she is

China: 10, 11

Bobby: How did you work that out?

China: I’m not giving you a biology lesson we all had 5 years ago

Bobby: She’s not my only mate who’s a girl, I’d have to fancy them all, are you gonna go into the subject of polyamory or something like Miss never did?

China: That’s why I said mates like that

China: There’s a difference between BFFs and a girl you hang out with on occasion, duh

Bobby: whatever, it’s not true anyway

China: If you’re this upset, you should really say something

Bobby: I’m not that bothered that Mr Mullan can’t recognise a decent idea when it’s handed to him, I still get to be in the play

China: Yeah, so what I meant

Bobby: You’re the last person I’d tell anything personal to, not THAT slow

China: It’s pretty obvious

China: everyone knows

Bobby: *thinks they do

Bobby: but it’s alright there’s loads worse they could be saying than I’m going out with Libi or want to, least they reckon I’ve got good taste

China: You’re sickening, truly

China: don’t tell me all about your 😍s when she’s the one that don’t give a fuck

Bobby: You’re the one going on about it

China: You bang on about each other constantly, it’s gross

Bobby: yeah well

Bobby: I’m not gonna say or be sorry, especially not to you

China: Do something about it or shut up

China: before everyone else gets as tired of it as we are

Bobby: We’re not kids doing the nativity now, you can’t push me about or get mardy and automatically get your way

China: Ugh, I’m giving you advice to help you

China: fuck knows why

China: you lose all your mates then, girls or otherwise

Bobby: There’s no need

Bobby: but tah, the offer’s decent of you

China: Don’t take the piss

Bobby: I’m not, it’s a headfuck but cool of you to try and help me sort what you think is going on

China: Don’t be a freak about it

Bobby: 👍

China: I’m sick of her bullshit, you were the only other person who might’ve been too

China: but of course not

Bobby: I can only agree with you that Mullan is a dickhead, she hasn’t done anything to me

China: Perhaps not yet

China: I disagree

Bobby: ‘Course you do, whatever makes her the bad guy

China: I can just see what you don’t want to already

China: She’s all over both of them

Bobby: My 👀 are fine

Bobby: they’re both being full on with her but it’s not like she’s encouraging either of them

Bobby: she’s just 😳

China: Of course, she’s totally innocent

China: get real

Bobby: You and I both know she don’t look at Jake with 😍 and all she’s ever said about Louie is he’s alright, totally uninterested is what I’m saying

Bobby: maybe they’ll become mates after spending loads of time together, that’s up to her, she’ll know him better than I do by then, but there’s no real 💘

China: and maybe they’ll get together

China: it’s just as possible and you’d be able to admit that if you weren’t so butthurt about it

Bobby: What are you gonna try next, opposites attract? This is stupid

China: I’m not trying anything

China: Plus I hardly think bland v bland is opposites

China: Jake is ‘opposite’ I guess

Bobby: Calling him bland has helped a 🤏 putting aside you also said she was

China: I knew you were jealous 😏

Bobby: That I don’t get to spend as much time with her when that’s what I signed up for and we already don’t have lessons together, yeah

Bobby: I never said different

China: I don’t miss my friends when I can’t see them for a few hours a day

Bobby: I get why you don’t, loads of them haven’t been great recently

Bobby: and you’ve got more than me, it’s not gonna be as deep

China: You don’t get it, you don’t know anything about me or my friends

Bobby: as much as you know about me and mine

China: except one of your friends is my sister and the other is her little boyfriend, so nah, actually

Bobby: Which is how I know what’s going on, how else, I can’t hear the gossip just going around, can I?

China: And you believe my sister, the infamous liar?

China: that’s solely a you problem, not a me

Bobby: I also believe what I saw when he busted up your party we were at, but okay, no heart to heart happening

China: Yeah, no

China: my ma has a shit boyfriend rn, so what

China: you should really be having that heart to heart with your girlfriend about her mess of a family

Bobby: Her nan isn’t very likely to get a shit boyfriend anytime soon, she’s alright

China: Oh, you mean her great grandma, that she lives with

China: because her teen parents died

China: yeah no she’s probably grand

Bobby: She’s got loads of people around her making sure she is

China: Won’t be long before they peg it

China: who then, her incest loving auntie, perhaps?

China: I guess her actual grandma, who’s younger than my mum, cool, cool

Bobby: Feel better yet?

China: Like I said, worry about her

Bobby: there’s no need, I said, and nothing lost in translation when we’re both on our phones

China: yeah right

Bobby: You don’t want much do you? Tell I love her and slag off her family in the same chat

China: I’m not asking you to do anything, I’m pointing out the obvious

Bobby: 😂👌

China: Fuck off laughing at me, state of you two

Bobby: I’m laughing at what you’re bothering to point out

China: Well I don’t see how you’ve got any room to laugh when it’s about you and your bestie

Bobby: ‘Cause it’s stupid and you’re way off

China: 😂👌

Bobby: I dunno how you’ve got any room to tell me how I should react to such a weird convo

China: It’s not weird, you’re weird

China: if you reacted appropriately it’d be fine

Bobby: maybe it’s just ‘cause it’s you

China: what’s that meant to mean?

Bobby: I could count on one hand the amount of times you’ve spoke to me since I moved here and every word’s been rude

China: You’re too sensitive, still

Bobby: Piss off, you know it’s not on

China: So cry about it

China: you’re calling me rude, don’t see me moaning

Bobby: I could’ve called you loads worse but then I’d be as bad

China: Heaven forbid

China: 😇 wouldn’t love you then

Bobby: Not being a massive dickhead is a choice I’m pretty happy with for everyone who has to put up with me and not something I’d want even if Libs and I had never met

China: You want a round of applause?

China: you’re both so righteous, it’s ridiculous

Bobby: Only if you sign it

China: Ha ha

Bobby: I know you know it from assembly

China: If you see me hitting one hand into the other, you know what that means

China: why would you need a sign, you just want special attention

Bobby: Why does French have le and la? I didn’t invent the language

China: It’s not a real language

Bobby: Bit awkward for all the people who use it

China: If you wanna be a snowflake about it

China: Language is about more than just functionality, that’s all sign language is

Bobby: I wanted a way to communicate when I was too young to write, I don’t see how that makes me a ❄️

China: And that’s nice for you and your family

China: there’s no reason I need to know it, it serves no purpose to me, and loads of people who will never need to talk to someone like you

Bobby: Nobody’s forcing you, school doesn’t even offer it to people who want to

China: Then what’s your point?

Bobby: I’m just answering you

China: I don’t want to talk to you

China: this has a point, pointless as it has ended up being

Bobby: Alright

China: Enjoy then

[ronyxfic]

Educating the Victim - Act V, Chapter XIV

Pairing: Pearl/Amethyst

Rating: Teens and up

Warnings/Tags: none for this chapter

Read it on AO3!

Educating the Victim Masterpost

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CHAPTER 14: High

It was the morning after Aurora's dream, and Amethyst came to school only a little bit stoned.

She found Pearl before the first lesson.

"Yo," she said. "Got a minute?"

"Oh! Amethyst!" Pearl smiled. "Sure. What's up? Oh, Goodness, you smell of green. Up to no good, and without me? Rude."

"Shit, is it that obvious?" Amy blushed, self-conscious. "What can I say, Rori had the stuff and told me to help myself so here I am. You ok?"

"I... guess. I had some words with the Principal. She, uh. Told me some things."

"Oh?" This should be good. "Gimme the beef."

"Aurora's gay." Pearl’s voice sounded numb.

"...oh." That went in a completely different direction than expected. "Wait, you didn't know that?"

"You. Knew." Pearl looked at her. "She was always just. So perfect and better than me. I guess I just put me being a lesbian into another one of the things that made me the screw up faggot next to her and Blue."

Amethyst was speechless.

But only for a moment. "...You know Blue's gay too, right?"

Pearl turned to her slowly. "You missed April fools by a week, Amy. Good one, though."

"You're... joking. Right? You gotta be. You know Blue's been dating a woman for like three years, right? Holy shit, doesn't Rori tell you anything?"

"No?" Pearl looked flabbergasted. "Blue used to call me a queer and tackle me a lot because she... read my vent blog when I was younger... oh my god she was doing it because she was trying to tease me."

"Oh jeez. Really? Welp, there's your fun facts for the weekend. None of you are straight! And you had no idea." Amy sighed. "Sorry, I really didn't realise you didn't know. I always thought it was, like, super obvious, just from like, talking to Rori."

But that was also because Rori talked about Marigold. A lot. It was impossible to miss, and also not something Amy was going to tell Pearl about.

"And everyone... but me knew?"

"I... guess so? I don't think your parents know about Rori, but they definitely know about Blue. Rori doesn't exactly tell people, it's just cus we're..." Amethyst hesitated. She knew that her being close to Aurora upset Pearl. "Friends," she finished.

Pearl stiffened at this. Suddenly, Marigold warning her of Aurora and Amy's friendship coming too close made her stomach turn. "Are there other things I don't know, then? Or is the world done with leaving me out of things altogether?"

"Oh. I'm sure there's loads of things you don't know." Amy smirked. "Such as where the edge of the universe is, or whether we'll ever meet aliens, or why everyone in our immediate friend group has such suspiciously gemstone related names. Seriously though, you ever wonder about that?"

"Many times, Amethyst. But we're going to put a pin in that." Pearl curled her fists. "I'm. I need to go, I think."

"Go where. We got class together, remember?" Amy nudged Pearl with her elbow. "You okay?"

"I feel sick." It wasn't a lie.

"Oh boy. You need to go to the bathroom? I'll come with ya." Amy linked their arms. She had no idea where Pearl's sudden distress was coming from; all she knew that Pearl wasn't feeling good, and she needed to help because... she loved her.

She was still high enough not to freak out at that realisation.

Pearl didn't pull away. The bathroom they entered was lonely. Spit balls dripped from the ceiling and suicidal graffiti plastered the walls in sharpie. "I feel. Jealous."

"Oh? Of who?" It was... odd, really, because Rori had told her last night that she was feeling jealous too. Left out.

Really, these two should be talking to each other.

"You and Aurora. How close you are. I... shouldn't have ever let you two meet because now I can't separate you and you've got your own special thing. And if I make you let go of it, I'd be a controlling asshole and... a bad friend. Because you'd be miserable."

Oh.

On impulse, Amethyst came in and hugged Pearl.

"You don't need to worry," she said, "we're just friends. And really instead of wanting to separate us, you should really try to get closer. To her especially. We love you, Pearl. We really, really do, both of us, and we'd be more than happy to have you be a part of this. You know how many times I've wanted to invite you round? And Rori - Rori misses you. And honestly, most of the time when we're talking, we're talking about you." Or Marigold. But mostly Pearl.

"But it makes me so scared that you're going to get into some kind of relationship. And that part isn't so bad. I couldn't care less if you dated someone else, as long as it made you happy. But I'm scared it would also make me lose you."

"You're silly." On impulse, Amethyst came in and kissed Pearl's cheek. "I don't even like her in that way. And Rori's way too hung up over..." Whoops. "The person she. Uh. Used to see. She doesn't even have space in her head to be thinking about anyone else in that way."

"You sure? Because your friendship is moving awful fast. Almost like you're her favourite person or something."

"Nah, I just happen to be one of, like, two people she can actually talk to about a bunch of stuff. And we're living together. We're just friends. I'm sure."

Pearl looked relieved. "If you're sure. I'm sorry I'm so suspicious of shit. It's just a part of this stupid mental health issue I have."

"Eh, that's fair," Amy said. "Honestly, I'd probably much rather be dating you than her." Whoops, she hadn't exactly meant to say that out loud. She blushed furiously. "I - I mean!"

Pearl only giggled. "Shh. You're stoned, silly. Don't you know that loose lips sink ships?"

Amy pouted. "I still don't even know what your whole deal is with Quartz and that poly-thingy-stuff. Or if you even like me like that. But kissing you was nice, that one time." She should probably stop talking now.

"Of course I like you like that. But I... I don't know. I'm just waiting for all this shit with Diamond to blow over so that I can not live in fear, thanks."

Oh. Oh yeah, Diamond. Amy suddenly remembered that she had an agenda. "So what's the deal with you and Diamond anyway, huh? I saw those texts you sent to Rori. Did you just send them to wind her up or did something actually happen?"

"A bit of both. She got really close to me and I spun it so that Rori would feel bad. But... I had this talk with the coach. She put me in the right state. I've been such an ass."

"Yeah you have," Amy said bluntly, "Rori had like three panic attacks because of this. You have no idea how much you mean to her, do you? But anyway, so Diamond's gonna keep her filthy paws off you, that's the bottom line, yeah?"

"I've asserted that I don't want anything to do with her, but... I don't know. I'm a little worried."

"Why? You think she's gonna do something?"

"Exactly that. Something about all this just... rubs me the wrong way."

"Hmm." Amy hugged Pearl again. "I'll protect ya. And Quartz, too, probably, and Coach if she had that chat with you. Diamond isn't gonna get to you."

She checked her phone: they were already late for class. "Wanna skive the first lesson and go chill somewhere? What is it. Maths?"

"Leggy isn't going to notice us missing. Let's go to the park. Do you have any bud on you?"

"Sounds good. Yeah, should do," Amy said, digging through her bag and pulling out a grinder and a small baggie. "I know how to roll decently now. Let's go." She hid the stuff in her pocket and grabbed Pearl's hand before opening the bathroom doors.

She noticed a figure standing at the end of the corridor and drew back.

"Oh, fuck. Speak of the devil." She shot Pearl a look. "She's here."

"Shit," Pearl whispered. "Just walk. Act... not high."

Diamond had spotted them. Her eyes narrowed as Amethyst tried to slip out unnoticed.

"Shouldn't you be in class?" Her voice echoed through the corridor. She saw Pearl and Amy holding hands. Rage boiled in her stomach. "Get away from each other. I will not allow such depravity."

Pearl didn't let go. "She's supporting me to the front desk. I feel ill."

"Not too ill to walk on your own, surely?" Diamond said coldly. "You look just fine to me. I know what you are, Pearl, and I will not allow it."

Amethyst tugged Pearl's hand. "Let's just go," she said.

Pearl shot a glare at the principal and let go. "Fine."

Diamond smiled smugly. "That's more like it. And Pearl? If I don't find you've handed in a doctor's note for this, I'll make sure your teachers know you were skiving."

"And I'm sure Ms Quartz will give me a harsh bollocking." Pearl mocked a deep nod. "I'll see you later!"

Diamond was seething.

"If she doesn't, I'll have another disciplinary in store for her," she said. "Not get out before I find a reason to put a bad mark on your record."

Amy grabbed Pearl's arm and all but ran for it.

By the time they'd left the school grounds, both were out of breath and Pearl was losing it. "Did you see her FACE? Oh, thank goodness you were there, too. I would have been terrified if I was alone."

"Jesus fuck, yeah, I don't blame you. Was she serious?" Amy let out a deep breath and reached out to hold Pearl's hand again. "We're not even dating. Wait, does she know you're gay?"

"I... may or may not have let it slip when I indirectly called her a cunt. To her face."

"Oh, shit." Amy grimaced. "Probably not the best move. But oh well, let's just head to the park and get stoned and forget all about her. Alright?"

"Yeah." Pearl took her hand again. "I don't fancy her anymore. I'm kind of grossed out at myself for even liking her."

"Good to know you've come to your senses," Amethyst said. "Now let's find a good place to roll."

The park was only a few minutes by foot. Pearl held onto Amethyst's hand the whole journey, constantly looking over her shoulder.

"She's not gonna follow us, dude," Amy said. "Look, we're here. You can chill." She squeezed Pearl's hand and then looked around. "There's a bench there. Not many people around, that's good." She pulled Pearl in the direction of the bench and then took out her stuff.

"How much you got?" Pearl tilted her head, Amethyst was right. It was only morning. Barely anyone outside of occasional dog walkers seemed to even exist.

"Enough," Amy said and started to roll. Ever since Aurora had started smoking regularly again, Amethyst had gotten pretty decent at rolling.

A little later, a joint was rolled. "You wanna light up?" Amy asked Pearl.

"The honour shouldn't be mine, but sure. I need it. I can't get any replies from Ronaldo - my dealer - anymore."

"Dang, I hope he's alright," Amy said, then passed the joint to Pearl. "You got a lighter?" she asked.

"Oh yeah, he's a bit weird sometimes. Last time he dealt to me, he wore a fedora and I'm not sure about going back."

"Aw man, that's rough," Amy said. "I can get Rori to get more - apparently she's got her dealer from high school back, and if that guy's been around that long I can't see how this could possibly go wrong. Anyway, let's bake."

"Whatever fixes this mood." She sighed and lit up, taking a drag.

Amy watched, realising a little too late that it might be a bad idea to get high with Pearl again.

Oh well. She decided that for now, she didn't give a shit, and held out her hand for the joint.

Pearl passed after a couple more hits. "Oh. Mm. Yes, this is better than Ronaldo's stuff."

Amy chuckled and took a hit. "Good," she said. Took another, ashed the joint and passed it back.

"What's it like? Y'know... Living with her. Does she at least cook good? She used to make me macaroni and chicken stock when I was a kid and it was so salty and buttery... not healthy at all, but. Sometimes I make it for myself."

"She's decent," Amy said. "I do quite a lot of the cooking, though. You know, to make up for the fact that I leave mess everywhere and she's, like, constantly cleaning up after me. It works."

Pearl took a deep inhale. "I see. And she's been good to you?"

"Yeah! It's way better than living with my parents. The most she does is get a bit pissy when I make a mess but that's fair enough, to be honest." Amethyst took the joint and took another hit. She was already feeling it.

Pearl swayed a little, eyes drooping. "I suppose that's pretty good. You deserve some peace."

"Yeaahh," Amy said. "Cmon, sit down, you're gonna hurt yourself." She reached out and pulled Pearl close; Pearl ended up on her lap. "Whoops."

Pearl could only laugh. "Um, excuse me. A date would be nice first."

"I thought we already had one of those," Amy said. "Well, it was months ago, but."

Up close, she had to notice once again just how pretty Pearl was.

She swallowed.

"Well, then. I suppose that means I'm all yours."

Amy chuckled.

"Does that mean I can kiss you?" she asked.

Pearl leaned down and kissed her in response.

Amy smiled into the kiss and curled her arms around Pearl, pulling her in closer.

"I missed this," she murmured against Pearl's lips. "I missed you. I - I'm sorry I'm so weird about this when I'm sober. I just... I dunno. I can't even explain it."

"Don't care. I just. Want you to be alright. And not scared. And happy."

"Okay," Amy said and kissed Pearl again. "Feel free to slap me if I'm stupid about this again. I don't wanna be. I've just never had anyone I could do this with before."

"It's why we need to appreciate each other, Amethyst. Because not many people have this."

Amethyst nodded and kissed Pearl again.

"So, now that I'm high and don't care about shit," she said, "you wanna tell me about you and Quartz?"

"Oh geeze. There's honestly not much to tell. We kiss. We hold hands and share awkward moments and it's stable and nice. I just can't show or tell anyone I'm dating her."

"That sucks, man," Amy said. "But at least you'll be able to do that after graduation, right?"

"I hope so. Sometimes I'm just worried that... she isn't taking us all that seriously."

"She adores you," Amethyst said. "I mean, I get jealous of how much she loves you. You got nothing to worry about, in my opinion."

"I guess. I just. Can't help the paranoia sometimes."

"Have you talked to her about it?"

"Not yet. Maybe later. I just want to cool down and not think about the fact that our exams are like two months away."

"Oh god, don't remind me." Instead, Amethyst kissed Pearl again. Pulled her in closer and deepened the kiss. She wasn't sure whether she would be able to kiss Pearl like this later, so she was determined to make the most of it.

Pearl opened herself into her part of the smooch and tasted Amethyst's mouth before pulling back. "Weed smell."

"No shit." Amy just pulled Pearl back in and kissed her again.

Pearl giggled into the kiss, the world turning a little blurry as she happily made out. "I love you, Amethyst."

"I love you too," Amethyst said happily.

She wasn't so sure if that would still be something she'd readily say when sober, but for now, she was determined just to enjoy herself.

"Are you sure no one is watching us?" Pearl asked, bringing her weight down on Amethyst's crotch.

"I dunno, someone could come at any moment." She looked up at Pearl. "What... do you want to do?"

Pearl shrugged, pushing her hips down a bit. "Just mess around. Relax."

"Okay." Amy kissed Pearl again, her fingers in her hair. It was okay. She just wanted to feel Pearl.

Pearl ground down a little. "Is this alright? You feel good right now."

"Yeah." Amy let her hands slip down, holding Pearl's torso, her waist. "Just kinda wanna go somewhere... warmer. More comfortable. Private." She had no idea where they'd find a place like that.

"Aurora's at work, right?"

"Yeah, but it'll take ages to get there," Amy complained. "What about your parents? You don't live far, right?"

"They're not at home." Pearl nodded. "We could. Go to mine. I've got some ciders in the fridge too. And a box set of friends."

"I got some more weed, too," Amy said. "Let's just take the day off. Who cares about Diamond or anything, I just wanna spend time with you." She kissed Pearl again.

And Pearl kissed back. Taking her hand. "Let's go. I want to touch you. I want to show you things."

> Insert 6

> Act V, Chapter XV

[no-crap-fm]

Tell Me A Secret

Hiya! So I took some liberties (what else is new?) with a combination of scenes and moved around some recognizable lines. Here goes...

“Tell me a secret.” He rolled back to his spot on the grass. His breath had tickled her ear as he whispered. Her heart thrilled at having him so close. Maintaining her chilled demeanor, she scoffed. “Ya what?” Her raised eyebrow made him laugh. T-E-L-L-M-E-A-S-E-C-R-E-T He scrawled across her thigh. Huffing a breath, Rae was lost. Finn looked at her, biting his lip, with both eyebrows raised in hope. What does he expect me to tell him, she wondered. Rae certainly had secrets but what on bloody Earth was she prepared to share with Finn Nelson? Rae reconsidered her decision to rush to meet the gang at Rutland. The only one there when she arrived was Finn. As much as she loved being alone with him, this was too much. Their usual nod of a greeting took a turn. Finn jumped up at the sight of Rae and pulled her into a hug. Something was off with him, Rae thought. He was smiling far more than his typical grumpy sod demeanor would permit. She watched him for a moment as they laid back in the grass at their favorite meeting spot beneath the arches. She knew that Chop, Izzy, Archie and Chloe would arrive any minute. Finn had draped his legs over Rae’s after she had chosen her place to soak up the late afternoon sun. This was far more physical contact than they had shared before. Despite being pleased by Finn’s proximity, she wondered about his motives. Where the hell is everyone, eh? She asked herself. Just as she wiped her sweaty palms on the sides of her skirt, Finn knocked her side with his hip. “Come on, Rae. I’m wai-ting.” He punched the t for emphasis. Thinking a row would be preferable to actually telling Finn one of her secrets she said, “Fuck off, Finnley. I’m not telling you owt.” She closed her eyes for good measure and shifted back to rest. Rolling onto his side, Finn was not giving up. “Rae, puhleez?” Rae opened one eye to see him lying on his stomach even closer to her. He batted his eyelashes and held his clasped hands under his chin. She rolled her eyes, laughing. He was being silly. That was odd. Scooting even closer Finn said into her ear, “How about I tell you a secret, eh?” Leaning back, he watched for Rae’s reaction. Rae’s blood heated at the suggestion. Externally, she shrugged and pursed her lips dismissively. “Do what you like, Finn. It’s not going to influence me either way.” Her insides quivered in a mix of anticipation and anxiety. What could he possibly want to tell me? Oh shit, is it about a girl? If she wasn’t mistaken his giddiness could be due to a new romance. At least that was how the lovers in her novels occasionally behaved. Rae’s gears were grinding away as Finn cleared his throat. Biting his lip and looking shy Finn said quietly, “Em, I came here early on purpose.” Rae turned to him in apparent confusion. “Not much of a secret, Finnley.” Rae mocked. Finn leaned closer to her. “I wasn’t done, Rae.” With a crooked grin he continued, “I came here early because I hoped you would get here before the gang.” Feeling defensive Rae countered, “Why?” “Because I were hopin’ you and I would get to be alone for a little.” He lifted his gaze and half-smiled. Not letting up, Rae pressed, “Why?” Finn shook his head. “Nope. That’s my secret told.” He jerked his chin toward her. “Your turn.” “So you tell one, I tell one. Is that what you want?” Rae was skeptical. Finn nodded slowly. His face was still so close to hers. Rae debated internally. What would she tell him? Hospital? Tix? Hurting herself? Being in love with him? Finally she settled on something easy. “I never dated Danny. All of his stories that he told at the party were total bollocks.” She punctuated her statement with a nod of her chin. Finn looked like he wanted her to elaborate. When she didn’t he snickered. “I sort of guessed that, Rae.” “Did you, now? Well, that’s my secret.” Eyeing him she dared, “Your turn.” Rolling onto his back, Finn sighed. “Aw, you can do better than that, Rae. I trust the next one will be something good.” Rae grinned. “I’m not saying I’ll tell you another one, Finn.” He pouted. “Well, I’ll tell you another and hope you will, yeah?” He cocked his chin and turned to her. Rae shrugged. Turning his face skyward he said quietly, “I fancy someone. I think, em, I think she fancies me too.” Rae’s heart squeezed painfully. She knew it. Finn wanted to tell someone about his potential girlfriend. The thought occurred to her that it might be Chloe. Rae’s best mate had confided that she wanted to try it on with Finn. Swallowing back tears, she remained silent and shut her eyes. She felt itchy and longed to scratch her hands. Finn nudged her shoulder. “Rae? Your go.” The breeze picked up and Rae felt her hair move across her face. She lifted a hand to brush it away but Finn had been faster. His fingers lightly stroked the side of her cheek, pushing it back for her. She opened her eyes. Finn was so very close. He was almost hovering over her, leaning on his side. She watched as he tucked her hair into place. His index finger lightly traced the outside of her ear. His eyes followed his hand, a lopsided grin on his face. He repeated his movement, slowly touching her ear and letting his fingers run through her hair. She watched him curl the ends and lift it off her shoulder. Studying her hair, Finn whispered, “It’s still your go, Rae.” Rae longed to know what he was playing at. Staring at the freckles dotted across his nose and cheeks, she tried to breathe normally. He looked up from her hair, smirking. Just as her heart had calmed down, it started pounding anew. He blinked, not moving a muscle. Rae bit her lip in thought. He lightly poked a finger into her side. She giggled. “Rae, please say something.” He seemed apprehensive. His eyebrows lowered as he frowned. Taking a page from Finn’s book, Rae kept her mouth shut for once. She just barely managed to maintain eye contact with him at this point. The tingles rushing over her body were beyond distracting. Rae had been contemplating telling Finn the truth about her feelings. She wanted to tell him all about her past, actually. She felt like a phony with Finn and her new friends. Chloe’s many assurances that everyone had secrets was no help whatsoever. Now faced with the opportunity, Rae well and truly bottled it. “Rae, I see you looking right at me but I can tell you’re far away.” A worried expression took hold of Finn. Rae didn’t mean to upset him. Her lips pressed together as she looked out to the fields at her side. Considering her options, Rae wanted to have a go at being honest. Taking a chance, she stretched her hand up and placed it over the hand Finn rested in her hair. She couldn’t tell who instigated the movement but their fingers were suddenly entwined. Finn’s smile returned as their eyes met. Mirroring his smile she finally spoke. “Finn, I fancy someone too.” Finn’s face lit up at her words. “You do?” Rae nodded, a little sadly. “Yeah, but I think he fancies someone else.” Finn’s brow furrowed. “Why would you think that, Rae?” The game forgotten, Rae continued. “Because I know a girl who fancies him. Well, lots of girls do, actually.” Her eyes stung from the gathering tears. Looking up she tried to hold them back. “Anyway, this girl’s much better suited for him. She’s very pretty.” Now he was leaning over her. Rae felt him slip his hand from hers and bring it to the side of her face. The contact drew her attention. “Rae, you’re so much more than pretty. You’re amazin’.” Rae rolled her eyes. “I don’t care if you don’t believe me. But any lad would be well pleased to be with you.” Finn’s determined look threw her. She shook her head. She choked on her breath. Now she really might cry in front of him. Squinting at her he said, “Tell me about this girl. The one who is so much better suited for the lad you fancy.” He sat up. Holding his legs in his arms, studying his boots. Blowing out her lips, Rae sputtered, “Well, like him, she’s fit. They would make a handsome couple, I suppose. She’s also fairly experienced with men.” He scoffed. “What else?” Finn prodded ripping up grass as he listened. Rae scrunched up her face in thought. “I guess that's about it, really. I mean, they have nothing in common.” She continued on, lost in her thoughts. “She knows shit about music. She’s not funny. Or not very funny, I should say. She wrote him a stupid love letter that didn’t even come close to explaining why anyone would want him. That letter said nothing about how kind he is, how generous. He’s so much more than fit. ” Rae failed to see Finn’s head snap up at these words. “I have no idea what they’d talk about.” A crooked smile appeared at the thought of Finn and Chloe trying to talk about anything, really. “So why would he like this girl, then? Why would he like her and not you?” Finn’s words broke her out of her musings. Turning to him she watched as he forcefully pulled up more grass and threw it across the way. Rae sat up and took his hand as he was about to grab another fistful. “Finn? Are you all right?” Her words felt empty. Being in hospital had taught her a thing or two about identifying destructive behavior. She always caught it in others before herself. His eyes met hers. They were shining with tears. “You are kind too, Rae. You look after everyone. I just wish you looked after yourself as well. You deserve to have someone look after you for a change.” Rae was puzzled. Finn let out a ragged breath. “You were so good to me when my Nan…” He couldn’t go on. Rae pulled him into a hug and rubbed his back. She held him in silence letting the minutes pass by. “Rae, I have another secret to tell you. This isn’t how I thought our chat would go today.” He spoke into her neck. Rae huffed out a short laugh. Still holding him she asked, “How did you expect it to go, Finn?” His arms loosened and he pulled out of their embrace. He lifted his face to hers. Instinctively, Rae wiped the tears from his cheeks. His watery smile made her chest tighten. Biting his lip, Finn said, “I thought it would go something like this.” Without another word Finn’s lips were on hers. The kiss was sweet and slow. Rae was caught off guard but quickly followed Finn’s movements. She felt his smile against her mouth. They both laughed as they carried on. “Oi! What are you two up to, eh?” Chop’s voice carried across the field and echoed under the stone arches. Resting his forehead against Rae’s, Finn called out, “Perfect timing as ever, Chopper.” “Rae!” Archie called out as he ran up with Chloe and Izzy in tow. Rubbing her thumb over Finn’s cheek, she said, “Hiya, Archie.” Chloe and Izzy both made cooing noises at the sight of the pair. “What’s up with you two?” Chloe asked. “What do you mean?” Finn countered, his eyes not leaving Rae. “You look like a couple.” Chloe said. Taking both of her hands, Finn said, “That’s cuz we are!” He winked at Rae and she beamed back. “Isn’t that right, girl?” He popped his chin at her, waiting. Nodding Rae said, “That’s right, Finnley.” He grinned and pulled her in for another kiss. Izzy let out a long drawn out, “Aaawww.” “Finn, what time did you two get here anyway? You called and told us lot to meet,” Archie looked at his watch, “right about now.” Rae’s eyes grew wide in comprehension. Finn smiled sheepishly and said to her, “I guess I had another secret to tell you.”

The End

[bazypitchandsimonsnow]

Cooking/Baking

Rating: T

Genre: Fluff/Very slightly angsty

Word count: 3945

Summary: It's post-Watford, and Baz has been avoiding Agatha. Penelope decides to change that.

Read on AO3

Baz

I wake up in the large bed, the California sun streaming in through the windows. I know Florida is supposedly “the sunshine state” but I’m pretty sure California could give it a run for its money. No matter, I still groan and throw the blanket over my head, reaching for Snow, who should be beside me. But I reach and touch empty sheets instead. That’s when a loud, familiar laugh comes in from the kitchen.

With great effort on my part, I get up and make my way towards it. Wellbelove’s American flat is very nice. It’s summer break, so her two roommates are away, opening up one room for Bunce and one for Snow and I to all borrow. (I’m surprised Wellbelove got their permission to let her us stay in them.)

Soon I enter the kitchen. There’s pop music playing on the bluetooth speakers. Snow and Wellbelove are giggling about something over the counter

“Should I even ask what you two are doing?” I say calmly. “I’m a little scared to.”

Snow turns around, grinning ear to ear. “Morning, love.” He holds up a bowl filled with sloshing white batter. “We’re making pancakes!”

I cock an eyebrow. “How successfully?”

“Not very,” Wellbelove says, not turning around. “Considering Simon keeps eating the ingredients and batter.”

Simon effects a defiant pout. “They’re tasty.”

“Yes, which is why they’re supposed to be in the pancakes.”

“She’s got you there, darling,” I interject.

He rolls his eyes dramatically. “Yeah yeah, shut up, you two. You wanna help?”

I tense up unintentionally. It’s not that I’m opposed to pancakes. It’s that I’m worried about being around Wellbelove.

It’s not that she’s unpleasant or been rude in our time here. It’s that I have no clue what to do around her. She’s not my friend, never was. In fact, I quite disliked her. But now I’m dating one of her best friends so we’re suddenly supposed to be nice. Most of all, I fear a very uncomfortable conversation, where she’ll ask how I ended up with her ex without her noticing. Call me paranoid, but I’m quite sure she’ll somehow make our relationship about herself. She always did try to suck me into her maiden fair drama. And I for one do not want to bring that back from our Watford days.

“You know,” I say calmly, “I think there shouldn’t be too many cooks in the kitchen. I’ll just make some coffee.”

“Oh make some for me too?” Simon asks. “French vanilla with cream and-

“Lots of sugar. Don’t worry, love, I’ve memorised your coffee preference at this point.”

“Thank you!”

I go to Wellbelove’s coffee maker. It’s one of those fancy little cup ones. There’s water already in it, but I have to wait for it to boil. I turn it on and make my way to the living room.

“Morning, Baz,” Penny muses from the couch, where she’s curled up with Great Expectations. I sit on the other end, facing the large window.

“Morning. How’s Dickens?”

“Horribly depressing, as usual. How’s avoiding Agatha?”

My breath hitches. I slowly turn to look at her smug face, peeking out over her pages. I narrow my eyes.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I mutter.

“Please, Basilton, you’re not as subtle as you think you are. You’ve been avoiding Agatha like she’s an open flame. Or worse, your father. Only question I have is why?”

I shift uncomfortably, looking at my feet. “I don’t know. It’s not like we were friends before, so there’s no previous reference point  for us like for you and Simon. And I don’t look forward to any conversation about me dating her ex-boyfriend.”

Bunce raises an eyebrow. “What, think she’ll yell at you for stealing her man? Or you being with him instead of her?”

I shrug (Snow has had quite an influence on me). “I don’t know... Maybe?”

She laughs obnoxiously loud. I growl and look away, crossing my arms. “Shut up,” I grumble.

“Oh Baz,” she chuckles. “Don’t you remember? Agatha broke up with Simon first. And that was ages ago. She’s not going to go jealous ex-girlfriend on you. Seriously, Baz, way to be sexist.”

“Hey, I’m not-”

“Yes you are. Maybe not consciously, but part of you still sees Agatha as nothing more than ‘Simon Snow’s girlfriend’ or ‘the annoying girl who has a crush on you.’ She’s a lot more than that. If you actually talked to her, you’d agree.”

I open my mouth to protest, but just as quickly close because there’s no point. Penelope is right. I hate it and definitely feel terrible, but she’s right. Maybe I have been judging Agatha too unfairly. I really don’t know her too well, but I haven’t tried to either.

“Okay,” I sigh, “you may have a point.”

Bunce nods once. “Of course I do.”

Her brow furrows for a second, then a sly smile creeps across her face. My heart seizes. I know that look. That’s the “Penelope Bunce has a plan” look. That expression has caused me problems on more than one occasion. (I saw it the day before she decided we should all go paintballing. I had bruises for weeks, and I don’t bruise easily.)

“Bunce,” I say slowly, “what are you-”

She grabs my wrist and hauls me up (she’s surprisingly strong). I’m dragged across the room, back towards the kitchen.

“Hey Simon!” She shouts. “I think we should have some scones with breakfast. Don’t you?”

Simon perks up (as expected), flashing a wide grin. “Yeah, that’d be great!” His brow adorably furrows. “But what about the pancakes? Ags can’t make this many on her own.”

“Oh, Baz can help Agatha. Can’t you?”

I tense up, looking at her smug smile, then at a very wide eyed Simon. Wellbelove tenses up too, ever so slightly. I still see it though. (Growing up in my house, I had to learn to read minute body language very young.) Shit, I have no way to get out of this, do I? I just nod.

“Sure. You know I’m a brilliant cook, Snow.”

He smirks, only the corner of his lip pulling up. I love when he does that. It’s wickedly hot for some reason. “Well, can’t disagree with you there. I think you can handle pancakes.”

I roll my eyes. “Thank you for your vote of confidence, darling.”

Simon strolls over to me and plants a kiss on my cheek. I immediately go as red as I can. (He tends to have this effect on me.)

“Be nice,” he whispers, so quiet he knows only I can hear with my vampire hearing.

“Always am, love,” I reply.

He gives me one last smile before walking over to Bunce. They chat as they walk out. But once the door is closed, we’re left in total silence, save for the sizzling flapjacks. I turn to Wellbelove. She looks just as bewildered as me. Neither of us know where to go from here, I guess. Well, I’ll just make it up as I go along.

“How should I help?” I say as kindly as I can.

Wellbelove smiles just a bit. “You can start on another batch, I guess. Simon ate so much of this one, we’re going to need it.”

I chuckle. “Well, that is expected.”

I roll up my sleeves and go to the counter. All the ingredients and the cookbook are already set out. It’s a simple enough recipe, especially compared to the French cuisine I’ve attempted (and failed at) more than once.

As I mix the recipe, we stay silent. I know I should say something, but where to start? Hey, I know we weren’t friends at Watford. Actually I sort of despised you because you were dating the love of my life. But now I’m dating him and you two are still friends so I think we should try to be friends as well. How about that? Fuck I’m bad at this. How did I get a boyfriend again? (Secret longing, insults, and a forest fire. Yeah, that won’t work now.)

“So,” she says, “how’s school going?”

She’s breaking the ice. She’s much braver than me. “Pretty well,” I reply. “Very challenging, but I always like a challenge.”

“I remember. You always did go for the toughest spells.”

“Damn right.” I pause for to grab an egg. “How about you? Is American education working for you? ”

She chuckles. “It’s working very well, actually. I’m studying veterinary medicine. I hope to work with horses someday.”

“You like horses?”

“Oh yes. Has Simon never told you?”

I run through what Simon has told me, and come up with nothing about Wellbelove and horses. (Most of what he’s said has been food related, stupid jokes, or inappropriate to share.) “Hm, no, I suppose not. Do you ride often?”

“Yes. I have since I was a child. I used to do competitions back home.”

“Really? That’s amazing. My sister wants to do those. I’m not sure how serious she is though. It may stem from her My Little Pony obsession.”

Agatha lets out a more hearty laugh. I look over my shoulder and she seems genuinely amused. It’s actually sort of nice. “Crowley, I’m not sure if that show has done more harm or good for the equestrian community.”

“It’s certainly done harm to my ear drums. My three sisters all sing the theme song completely off key.”

“Merlin and Morgana, sounds like hell.” She sighs, audibly flipping another pancake. “Y’know, I’ve always wanted siblings. But my mother believed that whole ‘magic splits up among children’ bollocks so I’m an only, lonely child.”

I chuckle, shaking my head. “Trust me, Wellbelove, I have four younger siblings. It’s not as fun as it’s made out to be.”

“Still, I’d like to find that out myself. Closest thing I’ve ever had to a brother is Simon.”

I’m finished mixing the batter, so I bring it over to her. In the spirit of being nice, I suppress the loud scoff I want to let out. Right, brother, that’s why you dated him for years.

“Hm,” I say instead, not elaborating further.

“I know what you want to say, Baz,” she says flatly. Shit, guess I wasn’t as subtle as I thought. “To be honest, I never thought of Simon as a boyfriend.”

“Could’ve fucking fooled me.” The words are out of my mouth before I stop them. I’m definitely still very sharp tongued sometimes. Agatha winces, and for once, I feel bad for her.

“Sorry,” I sigh. “Just...a lot of repressed anger there. I watched you two date for years and it wasn’t exactly pleasant. But that’s not your fault, so, I’m sorry.”

Wellbelove nods slowly, a small smile creeping up her lips. “Y’know, I think that’s the first time I’ve heard you apologize for anything.”

I chuckle. She does have a point. “I’ve been trying to do it more lately. Snow and Bunce have been positive influences particularly in that regard.”

“That’s good. Glad you’re learning.”

I nod once, then grab another pan and put it on the stove top. I ladle the batter onto the buttered pan, grabbing a spatula. The two of us work in silence for awhile. I’m not sure why she’s silent, but I know why I am. There’s a certain subject sitting on my tongue. But I don’t know how to phrase it right. I’m usually so good with words, but now they all feel stopped up in my throat. Crowley, is this how Snow feels all the time? It’s dreadful.

“You know,” I mumble. “I thought you’d have a problem with Simon and I. Being together and all. I’m...I’m glad you don’t.” (Merlin, that was bad.)

Agatha sighs, not looking up from her pan. “No, I don’t have any issues now. But I’ll admit, I did at first.”

My body tenses. Shit, of all people, she’s homophobic? Well, she was raised by the same kind of family as mine. “Oh I see...”

“Not because you’re two blokes. Or because Simon’s my ex and I had silly schoolgirl crush on you. No, I was worried because I thought you were going to hurt Simon.”

I drop my spatula. It splatters pancake batter on the floor. I turn to her with a wide, slightly angry gaze. I can’t help it. That sort of judgement hurts. “What?!”

She sighs heavily, putting down her own flipper. “Don’t act so surprised, Basil. I barely saw when you and Simon were on that relationship creating truce. And even when I did see you two, you were still fighting. What I always saw was Simon spending all his time thinking about you and you hurting him. You teased him, cursed him, punched him, and tried to feed him to a bloody chimera. So when I heard you two were together, my first thought was ‘Aleister Crowley, has Simon’s obsession with Baz become that unhealthy?’ I was scared for him. Because even though I was never in love with Simon, I still love him with all my heart. And from what I knew about you, I was so worried you were going to hurt him, like you had been for years. Can you really blame me?”

Once again, I feel like an idiot. Seems to a running theme today. I sigh heavily as I lean against the stove. “No, I can't. Your worries make sense. I know I hurt Simon quite a lot back then. I regret all of it and apologized to him profusely. I can’t erase what I’ve done, but I’m trying to be better now, I swear. I want to treat him the way he deserves. I want to be good for him. And I hope I can prove that to you.”

“Don’t worry,” she says, sounding genuinely caring. “You already have.”

My nervous death grip on my utensil loosens. I flick my eyes over to her. “Really?”

She finally looks at me full on. Her golden-brown eyes are warm and kind. I can sort of see why Snow fell for her. “Now that I’ve seen you two together in person? Yes. Penelope was right, you two are sickeningly adorable with all your flirting. But as annoying as it is, it shows that you’re both happy, and deeply love each other. Which is wonderful. We all deserve happiness after the shit we went through.” She puts a hand on my shoulder. Despite the initial urge, I don’t flinch away. It’s weirdly comforting. “No matter what happened in the past, I’m glad you’re with him now. You’re very good for each other. Don’t ever doubt that.”

I smile a little lopsidedly. Merlin, I really do like her. Never thought I’d admit that. I pat her hand. “Thank you, Agatha.”

“You’re welcome, Baz.” She claps my arm once, grinning widely. “Now let’s finish these. Simon and Penny should be back soon and Simon will want at least ten.”

“Good point.”

I pick up the dropped spatula and go back to flipping the fluffy pancakes. (They’re turning out quite well.) However, Agatha doesn’t. She’s flipping through phone with an annoyed expression instead.

“What is it?” I say. “Mobile acting up?”

“No, I’m trying to find some good music for us. Though I don’t think you’d like most of my stuff. What do you usually listen to?”

“Horribly morose violin music. Snow and Bunce call it audible depression.”

She chuckles but still smiling. “Why am I not surprised? Alright, how about some Troye Sivan? Nobody, not even you, can dislike Troye Sivan.”

“Can’t argue with that.”

“Knew it.”

Agatha puts on “Wild”, Sivan’s smooth and melodious voice echoing out of the speaker. She starts to sing along. Her voice is nice, quiet but on key. Feeling a bit bold, I start humming along too. She knocks my shoulder.

“C’mon Basilton,” she mockingly groans. “You can do better than that.”

I flick my narrowed grey eyes at her. “Maybe I don’t want to.”

“Pleeeease?” She tilts her head and smiles wide in an attempt to convince me. And somehow, it does. I guess I really do like her.

I sigh. “Leave this blue neighbourhood, never knew loving could hurt this good, oh. And it drives me wild.”

She laughs blissfully and takes the next line. “Cause when you look like that, I never ever wanted to be so bad, oh. It drives me wild. ”

All together now. “You're driving me wild, wild, wild. You're driving me wild, wild, wild. You're driving me wild.”

We continue singing, getting through five songs. Surprisingly, we don’t burn the pancakes, as we’re pretty distracted by Troye Sivan. Agatha eventually adds in some horrible-on-purpose dancing. She spins in place and throws her arms up overdramatically for the big parts of the songs. I laugh with her, not one bit of mocking or cruelty in my mind. It’s actually a lot of fun.

Eventually, we finally run out of batter. (There was a lot.) We put our mountain of breakfast food in the oven to stay warm and turn off Troye. I sigh and lean against the counter. Agatha joins me, hanging her head back.

“Are those two really not back yet?” She groans.

“They’re probably staying out on purpose,” I say, tucking loosened strands of my hair behind my ear. “You know this was all a ploy by Bunce to make us bond, right?”

“Oh of course I know. Unfortunately, it worked. Now we’ll never hear the end of it from her.”

I groan, tilting my head back. “Fuck. As if her smugness wasn’t bad enough.”

“Agreed.”

Silence reigns again. I don’t know what to do, and seemingly neither does Agatha. She fiddles with her long blonde hair, chewing on her lip.

“Yknow,” she finally says quietly, “In the spirit of laying everything out, I never really had a crush on you. I just thought you were a way to escape the bullshit expectations put on me. Sorry for using you like that.”

I look over at her. She looks back. This time, I lightly hold her shoulder, and she doesn’t flinch either. “It’s alright. I understand that situation incredibly well. I'm sorry for flirting with you just to piss off Simon. It was wrong and unfair.”

“It’s cool. Guess we both fucked up. We just have to not fuck up anymore.” She gives me a soft smile, which I gladly return. Wow, we’re really a lot more alike than I thought.

She sighs and puts her hands on her hips. “Well, what shall we do until they return?”

“Hmm.” I scratch my chin. “Want to play gin? Snow and I play it all the time now, and I think I’m getting better because I’ve actually won a couple of games.”

She points a long, delicate finger at me. “Okay, fuck magic, that is a supposedly impossible feat. I applaud you. Simon’s lethal at that game.”

“Tell me about it! So, wanna see who’s the less terrible player?”

Agatha’s grin is simultaneously pleased and evil. She saunters around the counter and takes a seat at her dining room table “Gladly. Go get your cards, Basilton, and prepare to have your arse whooped.”

I do as she says. Bunce was right. Agatha is a lot more interesting than I thought. Part of me wishes I’d talk to her sooner. I hate to say, but thank you Penelope Bunce.

Simon

“Do you think we did the right thing, Pen?” I say, munching on one of the scones we bought. We walk down the bright hall to Agatha’s flat. Penny’s all upright and determined, while I’m more hunched over. I feel weighed down by worry.

Penny rolls her eyes. “It's not like we left them alone in the desert, Simon. It was just cooking.”

“Yeah, but you know Baz. He’s been a lot better lately, but he still goes for the lowest blow sometimes. I just don't want him jabbing at Agatha.”

She turns the doorknob. “Well if that's the case, I'll curse his skinny pale ar-”

“Gin! You lose again, Baz.”

“Godammit!” Baz throws his cards on the table, crossing his arms and pouting like a small child. Agatha throws her head back cackling. Penelope and I freeze at the doorway.

“You sure you won those games before, Basil?” She giggles out.

“I’m thinking now that those may have been flukes.” Baz turns to me, smiling kindly. “Hello, love. Got your scones?”

“Uh, yeah,” I reply. “What's going on here?”

“Baz is getting his arse kicked at gin,” Agatha announces proudly.

Baz glares at her, but with a sort of wry smile. “Am not.”

“You're losing 6 to 1, Pitch. I think your arse has been soundly kicked.”

“Pfft. Whatever. We have to stop now anyway. With these two back we can finally eat those pancakes.”

“Yes, finally! Simon, Penny, can you set the table? Baz and I will get the food.”

“Um,” Penny says, still sort of shocked, “sure. Will do.”

“Awesome!”

Agatha jumps up and speed walks to the kitchenette. Baz gathers up the cards then joins her. Penelope and I wordlessly get out napkins and utensils, eyes fixed on my boyfriend and our friend. Those two are whispering, smiling, even giggling.

“Standing in the eye of the storm,” Agatha sings so softly I barely hear it. (But I honestly don’t think I’m supposed to.)

“Oh shut up,” Baz chuckles quietly, playfully jabbing her side.

“But you said it was your favourite.”

“Shh! Don’t give Bunce any more teasing ammunition than she already has!”

Agatha laughs, knocking his shoulder as she brings the pancakes out of the oven. They’re being civil. Crowley, they’re more than civil, they’re acting like friends. It’s both amazing and confusing all at once.

“I think your idea worked,” I whisper to Penny.

“Yeah,” she replies. “And way better than I thought.”

The two of them keep quietly chatting as they get the rest of the breakfast supplies. For the first time, I see Baz smiling around her. That is quite a rarity. There are very few people Baz is comfortable with. Me, Penelope, and very occasionally his family. But, he’s comfortable around her. Thank Merlin, for many reasons.

I lean close to Penny. “Think I should worry about Agatha stealing Baz?”

She chuckles, rolling her eyes. “Yes, that is an incredibly real possibility, Simon. Your ex-girlfriend is going to steal your gay boyfriend. Be very worried.”

“Oh shut up.”

Agatha swans her way to the table, holding up the platter of beautiful looking flapjacks. She places them on the table.

“I present,” she announces. “Pancakes à la Agatha and Baz.”

“That’s not the proper use of French, Wellbelove,” Baz says amusedly as he places the syrup and butter on the table.

“Oh be quiet, Baz.” She playfully swats his arm with an oven mitt. “It’s pancake time, not French lessons.”

Agatha and Penelope take one side of the table while Baz and I take the other. The girls chat as they serve themselves. I grab Baz’s hand under the table, leaning over to his ear.

“Hey,” I whisper. “Things went well, yeah?”

He squeezes me once, skin cool and grasp firm, as usual. “Quite well. I’ll tell you all about it later.”

“Alright.” I pull back. “Let’s have some of these awesome looking pancakes then.”

“Gladly.”

I shovel the fluffy cakes onto my plate. Agatha and Baz start discussing horse competitions for some reason. I sigh in relief under my breath. As ridiculous as Penelope’s idea was, it seems to have worked. My boyfriend is no longer avoiding my other best friend like the plague. They’re becoming friends themselves. I couldn’t be happier.

AN: I really wanted to do something with Agatha, and this worked well. Tbh Agatha would probably be freaked out because as far as she knows Baz is an asshole. I'd be freaked out if my best friend started dating their worst enemy. Hope you liked this. Tomorrow: stars!