#just making guesses chatting shit talking bollocks you know how it is
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acquiescest ¡ 5 months ago
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my guess for yesterday's events on liam's twitter: he watched the trailer for noel's sifters interview, heard the 9 or 10 comment without context, had a bit of a strop on twitter
then he read the replies saying noel was being sweet and saw the sunsheeiiiiiiine clip on twitter, then later watched the whole interview and deleted the tweet
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punkscowardschampions ¡ 7 months ago
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JC pt.1
Janis: Has your brother talked to you too?
Casey: ‘Course
Janis: I don’t know what I’m meant to do with him
Casey: you ain’t meant to do owt, he weren’t meant to be your problem
Janis: It was stupid to think he wouldn’t end up my problem when your dad left for good
Janis: not saying I wish he’d gone with but Jesus
Casey: I dunno what you’re coming to us with it for, he’s after me going
Janis: I was after knowing how much of a rage he got in with you
Janis: Where does he think you’re going?
Casey: enough to where if our dad moved us further he’d be shooting up a school
Janis: Yeah, I didn’t think it were just me that was treated to the incel manifesto of it all
Janis: I’m worried about him, lack of a gun an’ all
Casey: he’s fucked, no massive surprise, lack of a club an’ all
Janis: Neither of you are like that
Janis: sure, no prizes but I’m serious, do I have to search his tech and hope he doesn’t push me down the stairs in the meantime
Casey: he’d say different except he can’t hack me and him being even a bit alike
Janis: Of course, you’re the bad guy, us both in this one
Janis: but when he doesn’t get his way then where is all this energy going
Casey: probably a list of his other targets somewhere when you crack on with your search
Janis: Don’t act like you think it’s a laugh
Casey: no dickhead’s no use when it’s their job to be and as the twat’s pointed out, mine’s minimum wage customer service bollocks
Janis: I know you can’t fix it, I weren’t asking, just
Casey: just what?
Casey: here’s the chats you save up to fill the awkward silences between you and your husband, have him fix it, he’s the one who reckons he can
Janis: Well he obviously can’t
Janis: I’m talking to you because it involves you, far as Bobby is concerned
Casey: far as our kid’s concerned my room’s his new gym and I can piss off and die, like
Janis: He talks like a sociopath
Janis: that’s not happening because he didn’t see anything and even if he did, he doesn’t get to make demands, what the fuck
Casey: under the same roof or not, it don’t involve me
Casey: and you don’t fancy me putting myself in the middle either, you know what’ll happen
Janis: That’s all you’ve got to say on it?
Casey: what else is there
Janis: Sure
Casey: I get it, you’re in over your head and it ain’t big enough this time to sort you a way out
Janis: I just thought you might have an opinion, give a shit
Casey: bit late in the day for all that, mate
Janis: Not like you could be homeless or anything, why would you bother
Casey: I wouldn’t for long, I don’t go ‘round burning every bridge like them pair
Janis: I’m thrilled you have options but that’s not really the point
Casey: you’ve not got a proper point
Janis: You’re being a brick wall, I get it, you had to be so he tired himself out smashing his head against it but can we not fucking talk
Casey: I don’t wanna talk about Bob
Casey: I’d have to say I can’t fucking help you
Janis: Yeah and you were right I don’t have a single clue but you were wrong because it is my problem still
Casey: *all of ours
Janis: Too right
Janis: don’t let me feel useless alone, you prick
Casey: alright, look
Casey: I’d be fuming to give right into the spoiled little gits demands but
Casey: if moving out causes you less problems, tell us to
Janis: He only thinks that’s a solution
Janis: what’s next, when that don’t do what he wants it to
Janis: it’s not fair
Casey: letting him think he’s won’ll stop you losing sleep over what a bloody nutter he is, chuck you breathing room before his next strop
Casey: feels a fair trade to me, my room for you to have that
Janis: I guess, maybe it might
Janis: and you’ll really be alright?
Casey: I’ve mates to crash with, a girlfriend now
Janis: Yeah
Janis: It doesn’t need to be long, he just doesn’t want us spending time together, he doesn’t really want you gone for you to be gone, you know
Casey: he does, but that don’t matter
Casey: as I told him, ‘til she’s out he’s stuck sharing this town, I’ll not be rushed for nobody, least of all a crying kid
Janis: Have you heard anything lately?
Casey: nah, you heard, no dickhead’s no use when it’s their job
Janis: Sorry, depressing ‘round here lately
Casey: lately, try the last [however old Bobby is in years]
Janis: I’m not taking credit nor blame for that though, tah
Casey: no need, you know where and when to take yours off
Janis: Have spent the last [however long, even if we’re exaggerating for how it felt lol] being told exactly what I’ve done wrong, yeah
Janis: even got my sister involved, prolong the telling off
Casey: Gracie? Good on the lad, that’s funny
Janis: That would’ve been
Janis: Mags, obviously, they’re in the same year
Casey: gutted for her, bet he’s a right laugh in class
Janis: Probably why he’s so angry, can’t have this go effectively in person, really
Janis: far as excuses go, alright but still, taking the piss now
Casey: even the foreign kids could make themselves understood by chucking a desk at Lucas, he’s got no excuses, why he’s actually so wound up
Casey: life ain’t half as shit as he wishes it were, not his
Janis: Teenage prerogative, being an unbearable dickhead
Casey: shame he’ll never grow out of it
Janis: He’s not got the best role models there
Casey: what he’s got’s you and Jim playing happy families, decent roof over his head and that lass who gives him a hand at school, never mind the lasses his own age who won’t care about talking
Casey: don’t know his luck
Janis: You know he’s not interested in that stuff
Janis: but yeah, providing I stay in line and don’t fuck the former up for him, he’ll not start setting fires or murdering puppies
Casey: no pressure
Janis: Thanks, like
Casey: sort of mate I am
Casey: I’ll stay at hers tonight and come in for my stuff [a day that is irrelevant but is giving he’s off work so he can do it when Bobby and Jimothy aren’t there]
Janis: Thought her parents didn’t like you
Casey: they’ll be asleep
Janis: Sure, ‘course you behave better at other people’s
Casey: nowt to do with the earplugs and sleeping tablets
Janis: Maybe an incel kid isn’t that bad after all 
Casey: too right, sod all’s worse than the middle classes
Janis: I’m so glad our meeting was brief
Casey: might as well have been an intro, how much she’s gone on and on about you
Janis: Posh girls are always obsessed with me
Casey: tends to be ugly girls which she’s not
Janis: Do you want me to be flattered?
Casey: what you’re used to, not gonna be
Janis: What?
Casey: jealousy of how fit you are, standard to you by now
Janis: Oh, yeah
Janis: it’s a hazard of the occupation but I happen to be a cunt anyway 
Casey: yeah, she’d have a job competing with that an’ all
Janis: It’s okay, both of those sound like compliments, she’ll not know
Casey: can make anything sound like a compliment if you try and we’ve both said we would
Janis: I don’t remember that
Janis: nowhere near enough blood to make anything binding
Casey: it’s alright, I do
Janis: I forgot that too, you’re boring now, my bad
Casey: oi, don’t chat shit
Janis: No, it’s handy, like you said
Janis: can prove him wrong, you’re a non-threat now
Casey: piss off, take back that I’m boring
Janis: Why? It’s what you want, makes it a good thing
Casey: why would I want to beat you to the scrapheap
Janis: I dunno, that’s your business
Casey: I’ve no business with none of that, tah
Janis: Whatever you say, mate
Casey: she’ll do for the minute, I’m not marrying her
Janis: ‘Cos that makes it real, just paperwork ain’t it
Casey: whatever you say, you who signed yourself away to the first dickhead bothered by the paperwork
Janis: He asked, I weren’t putting out ads for myself
Casey: I remember
Janis: Try not to, I get it
Casey: unforgettable day, can only try so hard
Janis: You don’t need to tell me
Janis: Thank God for the free bar
Casey: speaking of, I’ve drinks to pour
Janis: Very tactful, okay
Casey: in a bit
Casey: [the stuff collecting day he said] maybe
Janis: Do you want me to be there or not
Janis: because neither of them will be, as you’d worked out
Casey: you know how I am with goodbyes
Janis: But it’s not one
Casey: it’s as good as
Janis: Then I’ll be there, even though it’s not
Casey: I’ll not be catching you with a brew and a blanket no more, acting 90 if you’re a day, it’s an end to that
Casey: to all sorts
Janis: You who made said brew and threw the blanket at me 
Janis: nothing happened, how much more wholesome and boring could you get
Casey: can’t have you catch your death of cold, dunno when flu season is but your nan would the dangers
Janis: Our lung damage is on a par, she should be concerned meanwhile
Casey: you’ll not be tempted when I’m not there to tempt you 🚭
Janis: How heroic
Casey: what you’re after, some dickhead to play the hero before our kid goes villain
Janis: is it
Casey: nearly on your knees for my help, you
Janis: I know who you are, and what
Casey: don’t forget
Janis: don’t try to bullshit me
Casey: I’ve never been able to, no use trying
Janis: It’s one of my favourite things about you
Janis: wouldn’t want that to change for no reason
Casey: I need you to remember it weren’t all bad, it won’t be
Janis: I know what you need me to do
Janis: the same as Bob wants
Casey: there’s gotta be some hope left even for the likes of us
Janis: ‘course, no pressure
Casey: reminded me how young he is, the chat we had
Janis: Still a kid, even if a fucked up one, yeah
Casey: if someone had cared when I were, tried more
Janis: don’t
Casey: don’t need to be too late again
Janis: You know this is the party line I get from him as is
Janis: the kid is not a Hail Mary to fix what was done to you two
Casey: nah, he’s another fucked up kid
Casey: but now we’re the adults
Janis: it’s going to destroy him, if Bobby keeps down this path, we all can see that coming from a mile away
Janis: so not only do I need to save him, I need to save Jim from ever knowing
Casey: you can’t, he’s gotta know to get involved
Janis: He has been, these whole [however old Bobby is] and the kid is still walking around like a new and improved version of your dad
Janis: I’m supposed to throw that blame at his door because you know he’ll feel solely responsible even though it’s clearly DNA with the rest
Casey: the kid needs his head seen to, how would you sort that behind his back
Janis: I don’t know
Janis: I don’t know that he’d agree to that, what’s he do, take his fucking translator so she gets to know all his deepest darkest secrets
Janis: would you? I wouldn’t
Casey: might be they can do it in writing or whatever, I don’t know
Janis: I’ll chuck him a diary, that’s really lending itself to the school shooter 
Casey: fuck’s sake
Janis: is right
Janis: I’m not freaking out because I’m a big head who reckons she can solve everything, I know I can’t so don’t you join in giving me these easy fixes, please
Casey: I just want to give you something other than another massive headache
Janis: It isn’t you, it’s the state we find ourselves in
Janis: I’ll be grand
Casey: what, you’re allowed to bullshit me
Janis: Felt like I had to
Casey: I’m not them
Janis: Don’t be
Janis: not to play pass the parcel with this bullshit but I might lose it myself if you go to the dark side
Casey: I’m going nowhere
Casey: only [whatever dublin numbers his friends and gf live in because we can deffo say hers is different when her parents are trying to be posh and his friends could live everywhere he has many is the vibe of this era]
Janis: 🌍📍
Janis: Alright, world traveller 
Casey: and you’ll be there [the day we specified]
Janis: I’m really going nowhere
Janis: promise
Casey: then I’ll be alright
Janis: promise too, dickhead
Casey: I’ll do it in front of you
Janis: alright
Janis: I better let you get back to it ‘til then
Casey: getting sacked’d be as typical at the minute as it’s avoidable, like
Janis: Nah, you’re too good at your job
Janis: you should make the [sherry drink he made her that was somehow bomb], well impressive stuff
Casey: nobody here I feel the need to impress, but I’m buzzing you liked it
Casey: secret’s [and drop the full recipe] if you wanna make it
Janis: I might try
Janis: felt like drowning in a good way
Casey: long as you won’t
Janis: Was ambushed by that pair before I could even leave the tub, no chance
Casey: you’d go before I could even save you, chances are
Casey: slow night’s still a paid shift and you reckon I’m alright at this job
Janis: I know how to hold my breath
Janis: and you’re not my hero, I heard, don’t worry
Casey: how long for
Janis: [tell him because of course you have a personal best]
Casey: they teach you at lifeguard training or what
Janis: Ha, you do have to be able to swim a certain amount without coming up for air, yeah but I’ve trained myself to do it longer than that
Casey: [tell her the amount of swimming and time you know it to be because she was doing that job in peak crush era so ofc he knows cos he’d have wanted to do it to had he been older]
Janis: Well remembered
Janis: you could do it easy, I’ll teach you, probs not in the bath though
Casey: steady on, fucked as we are, we ain’t so cursed I should worry about getting myself prepped for a great flood
Janis: You don’t need to be embarrassed by how easily I can lap you
Casey: never been when we run, same difference
Casey: and I already said how fit you are, works that way too
Janis: Technically you said your girlfriend thinks I’m fit
Casey: more of the same difference, she’s my missus, obviously she can’t have her own opinion
Janis: Hmm, you’re a less convincing sexist than your brother these days
Janis: still take it
Casey: I’d say your influence, but since you’ve not convinced him
Janis: I’m that shit a woman I’ve ruined it for all the rest?
Janis: whoops
Casey: do ruin loads for the rest, you, yeah
Casey: ‘course they’re lying it’s cos you’re shit
Janis: long as you’re still my mate, can’t pretend I care about having a girl gang
Casey: you’re the only mate I really want an’ all
Janis: can say you’ve ruined that for anyone else too
Casey: *you’ve
Janis: I’ll take that blame
Casey: I’ll miss you [+ whatever the most ridiculous pet name is from the ones they were throwing around when they were in the previous convo]
Janis: 😁😁😁
Janis: I’ll miss you so much more [and throw your own wild pet name out too]
Casey: I’ll take that challenge, aced your last
Janis: There’s still some in the fridge
Casey: will it keep alright ‘til [the day] or you gonna have to finish it in your bath
Janis: if I say no now, looks like I just want to keep it all for myself but
Janis: would be pushing it
Casey: have it, I told you
Janis: ‘cos you feel bad for how much more I’ll miss you
Casey: ‘cause you deserve to feel good and I want you to
Janis: I want it for you too, I’m only being a twat and teasing you because, you know
Casey: yeah
Janis: dunno if you do, doesn’t even make sense
Janis: but you being happy is what matters
Casey: nah, you
Janis: I’ll keep you happy and you keep me happy, how’s that?
Casey: how’s it to know I miss you loads more now
Janis: hard but like I can’t bear how much harder it’d be not knowing
Casey: harder for me
Janis: You’ve got so many distractions
Casey: everybody ordering can see how hard it is, I haven’t enough distractions
Janis: I owed you
Janis: you did it first at lunch, remember
Casey: you that forgets, I can’t
Janis: I haven’t
Janis: it’s everything else I wish I could
Casey: I’d let you with everything else, make you
Casey: you’re owed that
Janis: I know
Janis: but we’re trying
Casey: start [the day he’s picking his stuff up aka saying his goodbyes, love that we’re giving this is bants and like a diet she doesn’t need to go on cos that dessert she’s gotta eat, when it’s SO serious]
Janis: You couldn’t make me dread seeing you if you tried
Casey: I don’t want you to dread me
Janis: Too sentimental how much I look forward to seeing you
Casey: too easy to just say fuck it and come see you now
Janis: yeah
Janis: have to remember the whole list of reasons why you can’t
Casey: but I’m that ready to forget them all when I remember you’re waiting
Janis: I’ll still be waiting [on this day]
Janis: swear
Casey: you left work for us, I could do for you
Janis: Your girlfriend will be there, right
Casey: mates before the missus
Janis: good one, give you that
Casey: I’ll tell her and my boss I’ve got a headache
Janis: stealing my excuse, the cheek
Casey: cheek for the night to be this slow after the day I’ve had
Janis: seriously
Janis: could convince the kid to have another go, well easy
Casey: he already is I’m scum
Janis: It’s self-loathing, you know that
Janis: anything he can call you is how he feels about himself
Casey: owt he accuses me of I might as well do
Janis: That’s why you want to
Casey: you know why I want to’s fuck all to do with him
Janis: I can’t have this be some fuck you reaction, even if I feel the same way about the shit that was said
Casey: how I feel never has done nor will change, for him, her, not for nobody
Janis: It can’t, not for me
Casey: I wouldn’t ever treat you like that, he don’t believe you’re special to me but you are
Janis: If it was as easy as he thinks, to get it out of our systems or whatever
Janis: could have years ago
Casey: he don’t know what to think, he’s not felt it
Casey: and how he’s going, he won’t
Janis: reckon there’s a lot of people who never have
Janis: can’t do, seems like no one else is kept awake wondering
Casey: wouldn’t be special then
Janis: You are
Janis: you’re my every other thought, that you’d like something, or hate it too, how much better something would be if you were here
Casey: you’re my every, not just saying it to top you
Janis: feels like a win for me too so 
Janis: you can say it again
Casey: been years since I’ve thought of anything else
Casey: Bob asked if I was planning on taking her to meet dad and I had to laugh, ‘cause ‘course I’m not
Janis: couldn’t hate her as much as he does me
Janis: that’s what you meant, that I’d ruined loads of things
Casey: I don’t feel ruined by you, whatever I said
Janis: Maggie thinks it’s selfish, but I’m just trying to be honest because that’s what’s most important with us
Janis: you’d rather know how I really feel, wouldn’t you?
Casey: yeah
Casey: nothing fucks with my head worse than when you piss about ‘round something instead of just telling us straight out, there’s too much room for bollocks to creep in
Janis: You’re the only person who gets me 100%
Janis: when that don’t feel true, I hate it
Casey: same for me, I told you
Janis: let’s tell each other everything, no secrets, no bollocks
Casey: okay
Janis: okay
Casey: from [the day] or from here on
Janis: I don’t want to wait
Casey: it’s alright, I don’t fancy keeping you waiting
Janis: I want to be close to you, how we were
Janis: don’t even know when and where we drifted
Casey: You married him
Janis: Everything started going wrong then
Casey: no shit, was the wrong thing to do
Janis: I couldn’t just not
Casey: you could, it ain’t just a piece of paper
Janis: I thought it was to him but
Janis: now I don’t know
Casey: you reckoned on using it like a plaster to stick over him, another fucking patch up job, this time to last ‘til there’s kids who can take it on
Janis: I’m not going to do that
Janis: fucking hell, I’ve not avoided all the sins of my ma but I can do that much
Casey: he’ll never do more than survive, if that
Janis: But we’ve seen him do more, it’s possible
Janis: and I’m not saying I’m the answer but I didn’t imagine the whole thing
Casey: your first honeymoon don’t count, he was a teenager and he fancied you, there’s the answer
Janis: what did you say about hope before
Casey: still limits, he’s had every chance and chucked every
Janis: Maybe
Janis: don’t mean it comes naturally to me, to stop trying
Casey: I know it don’t, girl
Janis: I know you know how it feels
Casey: I’ve avoided the sins of neither my mum nor dad, no leg to stand on chatting about mistakes
Janis: This isn’t though
Janis: I’m not gonna be told it is just because there’s plenty in my history
Casey: my favourite thing about you, you won’t be told
Janis: your favourite when you’re not trying to tell me something, yeah
Casey: always
Casey: you’ve got instincts you trust, I wish I had
Janis: use mine, I’ll keep you safe
Casey: I do and you have, be in prison or bled out ages ago without
Janis: Might be my proudest achievement 
Casey: not 90 yet, you’ve loads of time to achieve something better
Janis: shut up and take the compliment 
Casey: yours to take along with all the credit, like
Janis: not all
Janis: if you weren’t you, it wouldn’t work, not looked after anyone else as well 
Casey: and I dunno how to be anybody else, what a pair
Janis: I like you, fuck being some other twat
Casey: I love you, I won’t stop for no other twat
Janis: You’re not drunk, are you
Janis: because you sometimes say it when you are and I have to act like I didn’t hear it to play fair and not get hurt
Casey: be lying if I said I haven’t had drinks bought but
Casey: I’m mostly serving ‘em
Janis: alright
Janis: a good indicator because you’d be to gone to the state you usually are 
Casey: go on, how many sherrys have you had, nan
Janis: She’ll never let you call her that without knocking some teeth out of your head, get over it, boy
Janis: He can add driven to drink to his list of complaints, half this bottle is gone but it’s only sherry
Casey: how would I get over foreplay like that, tell her I’ll let her have all my teeth, won’t need ‘em for her turn, will I
Janis: It’s like all that wine hit at once, tah 🤮
Casey: 😏
Janis: No more offering to make you smirk on the other side of your face, you’re too distracted to care
Casey: what else you offering, [the dessert]’ll be long gone too, you’d need to soak up that sherry somehow 
Janis: a fat lush, you’re so charming, are you bringing this energy for your other customers or just me?
Casey: you’ve not been a customer of mine yet
Janis: The invite still stand or
Casey: or what, am I over you
Janis: or you don’t need to make me madly jealous now, you already know
Casey: I weren’t inviting you for that
Janis: what for then?
Casey: I just want your opinion of the place, what you like, what you don’t
Casey: for you to be with us somewhere I am that ain’t his house and to be able to make you feel something
Janis: Name another day
Casey: tomorrow
Janis: I’ll be there
Casey: don’t say that unless you’re coming
Janis: I came back when you asked, you’ve asked me to, I’m going to
Casey: you wasn’t half a bottle of wine deep pre pulling your sickie
Janis: You can ask again when I’m sober in the morning
Janis: though you know I’m not drunk and I’m not fucking about
Casey: alright
Janis: Is the drunkest you’ve ever been the wedding
Janis: it was for me
Casey: I weren’t just drunk, highest I’ve ever been too
Janis: misnomer, always reckoned
Casey: mate, I’ve never read that word before in my life, tried to, I should say
Janis: oh, just a posh way of saying the name don’t match what it is
Janis: you weren’t high, not that time, like
Casey: alright, dickhead, lowest then
Casey: what you gone posh for
Janis: Might be a side effect of the sherry
Janis: posh nan
Casey: been in the cupboard dog years if we’re talking effects it’ll have
Janis: can it go bad if that’s what it’s already done
Casey: unopened it’s doing a 1-5 stretch, opened you might get a year from it
Janis: Can’t believe you’ve poisoned me
Casey: calm down, it don’t go mouldy, just tastes even more shit
Janis: yeah let’s chat about mould, that’ll help
Casey: come on, you can trust me
Casey: drink’s what I know
Janis: I trust you
Janis: and it didn’t taste even a bit shit when you made it for me
Casey: meant to be being honest, you’ve gotta say if it tasted a bit like vinegar or dust
Janis: I don’t clean the house with my tongue
Janis: and I like vinegar anyway
Janis: I wouldn’t have lied the first time, was a really fucking good drink
Casey: shame for the kinky couple at [whatever number we’re saying for neighbours lol] 
Casey: show us the bottle label a sec
Janis: you’d never see me again, chained up in their spare room 
Janis: you gonna judge my taste if it's out of date?
Casey: let me have a look and I’ll be able to judge all sorts
Janis: alright, nerd, impress me
Janis: [send him this label]
Casey: [do be a nerd and be able to be more specific about the shelf life of this sherry cos it really do vary, how it should taste if it’s off and if it’s not etc, all the things because he genuinely wants to put her at ease that she hasn’t been poisoned]
Janis: Bloody hell
Janis: you’re a fast learner, most bar staff I know can’t pull a decent pint 
Casey: I’ve been Ian and Debs’ bar staff since I were [however old] not that fast
Casey: but who cares about none of that, you’ll be okay
Janis: I don’t believe your parents were teaching you about varietals, you did that yourself
Janis: were you worried about me
Casey: wasn’t much else about to read, why I can’t
Casey: and it don’t matter, don’t have to be now
Janis: Can too
Janis: and it matters to me
Casey: do you feel sick or owt like that
Janis: God, I love you too
Casey: you can’t distract us from you not answering, but nice try
Janis: definitely could, if I really gave it my all
Janis: talking to you is the only time I don’t feel sick in the pit of my stomach
Casey: it’s like I’ve been punched or kicked there when we don’t talk
Janis: hollow
Janis: I feel you missing like a part of me, is that weird to say
Casey: only weird ‘cause I’ve thought and felt it too without saying
Janis: You’re like the version of me I can love, all the bits worth having
Casey: nah, there ain’t no part of you not worth having
Janis: you can think so, might be I need you to 
Casey: I’d take every bit of you
Casey: the version from when we first met, you now, at 90, all of ‘em
Janis: nobody has wanted me as much as you, not proper
Casey: nobody else gets you, proper, like you said
Janis: I only want it to be you, I let you in
Casey: I only want you, whoever else I let through the door to chuck their knickers barely over the threshold of
Janis: can’t blame her but I will
Janis: violent fantasies are the only way to cope with them all
Casey: I’ll wait, he don’t have enough violent fantasies to outlive me
Janis: I hate myself for making you wait [however long you’ve known each other exactly]
Casey: you’d be on the register, you didn’t make me wait [however long ago his 16th bday was from this, I could do the maths but no I couldn’t lol]
Janis: alright, alright
Janis: suddenly you’re someone who plays by the rules
Casey: when they protect you
Janis: I would never do anything to hurt you really either
Casey: you never asked for none of this, off us, them pair
Casey: and the hurt what’s already been put there’s the bollocks that’s fucking everything up, not you
Janis: I dunno who I’d be without you lot though, or if
Janis: I wouldn’t change it, can’t but still
Casey: I didn’t reckon I’d hang about for nobody else but my mum, still have and still will count the days for you both
Janis: I never meant to give you that parallel
Janis: but knowing what she means to you, I’m honoured that it exists
Casey: nobody means to go to prison but you’re locked up the same as her
Janis: wouldn’t be a fair comparison
Casey: nah, she loves it, what I’ve heard
Janis: No responsibilities, get your meals and a bed
Janis: maybe I see the appeal, a bit
Casey: only men in a uniform you could fantasise about if you’re hard up for material, booze made to order in the bog, any gear you fancy
Casey: time of her life
Janis: ACAB, Debbie
Janis: I couldn’t be away from you
Casey: all she’s after are bastards
Casey: I should’ve tried harder to be one, might be posted a visiting order then
Janis: Could be she didn’t want kids in a place like that and then all those years are gone and she dunno how to pick it up proper
Casey: I’d maybe buy it had she not taken us as a kid with her to places worse
Janis: Didn’t say her logic was solid, nah
Janis: I dunno, I want to make shit alright for you when I can’t again
Casey: when she’s done her time she can sit down free and we’ll have all of it out
Janis: Yeah
Casey: start to finish, however many [whatever Debbie’s drink of choice was] she needs to get deep
Janis: you’re owed that, all of yous
Casey: she’ll give at least me that, I know how to ask
Casey: and I’m her favourite for it
Janis: I know you are
Casey: yours as well
Janis: my ma’s? Dunno about that, mate
Janis: say that to everyone
Casey: could be but your nan’s more my type
Casey: say it to us
Janis: I’ll say it when you can hear it
Casey: [the day] when we’re alone again
Janis: There’s so much I almost said to you
Casey: I dunno when to stop
Janis: I didn’t want you to
Janis: you do when I tell you, I weren’t
Casey: you can say what you want to me, I’ll hear you
Janis: [send him a voice note saying ‘do you feel like you can hear my thoughts like I do yours? The same way we feel each other being there and being gone’]
Janis: put that to the test 
Casey: had to play that 3 times for my heart hammering in my ears when your voice started 
Casey: but yeah, [the initial pet name he used accidentally during the blanket playfight used completely deliberately and intentionally in this moment], listening to your head with mine I get itt first go
Janis: and that’s the only reason, yeah
Janis: still not used to hearing you say words like that, without being totally sarcastic
Casey: reason’s that it’s pumping blood to where it’s most needed
Casey: not putting you to the test with ‘em, not yet
Janis: show us how loud it is there, what shit music they’re playing
Janis: yeah you were, calling her up when I was trying to enjoy [all his faves lunch]
Casey: show you tomorrow and I won’t call her up then
Janis: will she not show anyway, knows where you work, like
Casey: she’ll do as she’s told
Janis: are you reckoning on causing a scene
Janis: because I’m too old for that shit, always have been
Casey: I’m no kid, never have been
Janis: just warning you, if you think you’ll be treated to a catfight, you won’t ‘cos I don’t stop at hair-pulling
Casey: can you hear my thoughts or can’t you
Janis: I’m trusting you
Janis: fucking around with me to this level isn’t who you are
Casey: your best mate, who I am
Janis: yeah, always
Casey: Music ain’t total shit, you know
Janis: be able to dance then
Casey: [send her a song you’ve clearly heard at work that you like because it reminds you of jc for some reason which she’ll be able to also pick up on, simply must]
Janis: sorry, I had to listen twice
Janis: it’s decent
Casey: sounds like something the sherry talking would say
Janis: piss off, you like it too
Casey: you’re alright, we don’t have to like everything the same
Janis: save the gaslighting for your girlfriend
Janis: you wouldn’t send it to me else
Casey: obvious what I sent it you for
Janis: I’m still shit with words, never changing
Casey: bollocks are you
Casey: you’re the only one who knows how to talk to me
Janis: you’re the only one who gets what I mean, what I don’t
Janis: I’m never worrying we’re not on the same page, as long as we’re talking 
Casey: we’ll keep on, I’m leaving the house not you
Janis: you can’t
Janis: I’m not sorry, can’t even say it here
Casey: you’ve done sod all to be sorry for
Janis: I need you like I want you
Casey: I needed you and you showed up, be wrong to be the sort of knobhead who don’t
Janis: I could tell you were serious, it don’t matter the why or where I should be, none of it matters in comparison 
Casey: like I can tell you are about Bob and that being why I should piss off to my mate’s for a bit, no other reason
Janis: it’s the best we can do for him right now
Janis: doesn’t mean I want it for any other reason either, that I won’t miss you, or think he’s right for reckoning this’ll sort things
Casey: you don’t have to ask us twice to do anything for you
Casey: I’d sleep at the bus stop on the end of our street if it meant doing what’s best for you
Janis: I know you would, that’s why I have to look after you, so you don’t
Janis: and you can come back in the day any time, he’s not gonna be there, really only breakfast and tea he sees any of us anyway
Casey: I’ll be hearing off Grace next, you pull more sickies to see us
Janis: She loves a self-care day when she’s got a lad on the go, can’t talk
Janis: but I’ll not, only if you ask
Casey: or when she’s been dumped by him, yeah
Janis: exactly, any excuse to do her own nails instead of somebody else’s
Casey: what you do’s proper work though
Janis: didn’t get chance to fully show ya
Casey: might give you another, without taking the piss every comedown
Janis: sleeping on sofas will have you needing it
Janis: when you come back, for good
Casey: be too old for floors and baths before long
Janis: payback for taking the piss out of me, that
Casey: don’t sound like me
Janis: now you don’t remember, is it
Casey: oi, not got dementia, that’s ages away
Janis: it’s alright, you made it up to me after
Casey: sherry did, more like
Casey: you’ve developed a right taste for it now
Janis: you started being nice before then
Janis: bath to prove it, for a start
Casey: must be freezing, make sure you chuck some more hot in
Janis: [send him a pic of one of the candles he lit being dead legit]
Casey: watch what else you send, bubbles I poured gotta be ages gone too
Janis: tah for the warning
Janis: nothing quite like a drunken thirst trap to let the people know you’re TOTALLY fine
Casey: been caught out by the reflection off the taps myself
Janis: … is that a challenge to stalk your entire feed to see if I can 
Janis: ‘cos at some point I will have to leave the tub
Casey: challenge to the house staying standing if you stay there
Janis: I thought you had come back
Janis: it wasn’t you though
Casey: ask me and I will
Janis: I wouldn’t know how to stop now
Janis: like you said
Casey: stop where you are
Janis: okay, I’m not moving
Casey: weren’t challenging you to stay proper still, but it’s your bath, I ran it for you
Casey: and I know you ain’t nowhere near ready to get out
Janis: so I felt better
Casey: was your turn
Janis: and you thought it was a bigger goodbye
Casey: you’ll only get more headaches if no dickhead’s looking after you
Janis: hate you for making me want that
Janis: so not who I am
Casey: nowt wrong with being taken care of, all of us need it
Janis: easier to not, if it ain’t coming
Casey: I’ll always come
Janis: You can’t promise that
Casey: I just did
Janis: You make me high
Janis: using the word properly
Casey: you’ve no comparison, you don’t get high like that
Janis: not as a habit but I have
Janis: my dad is famously a dealer
Casey: why you won’t, you don’t fancy taking nothing off him
Janis: such a know-it-all
Casey: about you and your habits
Casey: bet you’ve forgotten to wash behind your ears for a start, all that hair in the way
Janis: are you calling me dirty?
Casey: ask us really nicely and I might
Casey: go on, clean yourself up
Janis: 😏
Janis: fine, as you asked nicely yourself, I’ll be thorough 
Casey: you’ll feel better for it
Janis: I already do
Janis: you might have some good ideas sometimes
Casey: I’m overdue a break, say when your back wants doing
Janis: Casey
Casey: you’re right, touching yourself’s not cheating, should stick to that
Janis: we can stick to technicalities 
Janis: none of it is as simple as one label
Casey: none of it’s ever been or gonna be simple
Janis: It never was
Janis: doesn’t make it all wrong
Casey: do what feels right
Janis: not alone, not without you
Casey: I’ll do it with you
Janis: my head is full of you, that feels right
Casey: ‘cause we’re the same and it’s mutual
Janis: do you think about how many times it’s been mutual before
Casey: yeah, I try to work out when, keep count in my head
Janis: how it looks on your face feels like our own secret language, knowing is just for us and it makes everything better, every time
Casey: what you can do with just a look ain’t easy for me to keep secret
Janis: worst kept is the best though
Janis: it felt like everyone could see on my run earlier
Casey: neighbours will have heard me in the shower
Janis: you literally did it right here where I’m laid
Casey: feels right, that
Janis: the what-ifs are making me mental
Janis: what if I’d stayed at the table, what if I’d followed you upstairs
Casey: no ifs, you know what would happen
Janis: *should’ves works better
Casey: you should let the neighbours have a listen to you
Janis: fuck
Janis: heartbeats so loud in my ears now, must be hearing the two of ours together
Casey: just like that, yeah, tell ‘em how you feel
Casey: can still turn the song up if you want, get that beat as synched
Janis: your name is too easy to say, like it was waiting in my throat this entire time
Casey: maybe I put it there when I touched you
Janis: I believe that you could
Janis: how you touch me and the effect it can have
Casey: I dunno about that
Casey: but I want you to say my name
Janis: [send the voice note, which sounds so FINE so CASUAL lol not, obviously you’re trying to be quiet still with the restraint that takes being put into that and that alone here]
Casey: fuck
Janis: it feels so good to be allowed
Janis: you have to try it
Casey: [do because you’re 100% taking that break atm and using it to be feral so there’s no reason you can’t and won’t send her a voice note back, we all know there’s basically no restraint being applied to his volume or levels of indecency whether he’s in a toilet, cloakroom or wherever because no fucks remotely given]
Janis: I’m going to scream or drown
Janis: nothing else is appropriate for how that felt
Casey: something else is, you’re going to do what I did, there in the same place
Janis: I can see you, stood over me, pressing your head into the tiles
Casey: how I’m stood now, barely fucking standing, ‘cause it feels as good as you said it would
Janis: it feels like being honest for the first time, asking for what I want and being rewarded
Casey: be this honest with me all the time
Janis: we have to, this is right, it feels different
Casey: it’ll make the knot in your stomach go away
Janis: but that’s been there since [the wedding lbr]
Casey: you’ll forget what it feel like soon as you’re rid of it
Casey: and it’ll not be back, I’ll not let it
Casey: there’s your goodbye, to that
Janis: I’m forgetting what before was, that we weren’t talking like this, doing this
Janis: seems impossible already, stopping myself
Casey: you don’t need to stop, not ‘til you are screaming or reckon you might drown
Janis: You’ve got me
Casey: stay with me
Janis: You don’t have to ask
Casey: what should I ask for instead
Janis: me
Casey: I’ve got you too
Casey: right where I want
Janis: I’ve got what I want too
Janis: we’re not used to that being real
Casey: I ain’t gonna get used to this nor to you, long as I live
Casey: it’s never not been that real for me
Janis: I won’t hold you to it but you can’t yet
Janis: not when there’s so much still to happen outside of our heads
Casey: nah, do, I mean it
Casey: and I still would even if we’d already done everything in your head
Janis: oh, just my head
Janis: my mistake
Casey: I’ll not hold you to making happen what’s in mine, too massive of an ask
Janis: 1. I’m just as imaginative as you, maybe you can’t read mine if you really reckon otherwise 2. Fuck you let me
Casey: there’s fuck all I wouldn’t let you do
Janis: It’s mutual
Janis: don’t doubt that
Casey: what I’ve got my doubts in ain’t you or this, don’t need your mind reading skills on that one
Janis: the rest don’t need considering tonight
Janis: I’ll go back to worrying about everything and everyone else after, let me just think about you right now
Casey: don’t worry, I’m on about me, nobody else, be alright if we trust your instincts like you said and forget I said anything
Janis: No, tell me
Janis: I want to know what you’re thinking no matter what it is
Casey: I want too much, you can’t imagine
Casey: or probably just shouldn’t
Janis: You’re scared of scaring me away 
Casey: tomorrow when you’re shouting us drinks we can chat about what scares me
Janis: fair, alright
Janis: I do owe you one
Casey: and I can’t have you lay in the dark out of candles, you wanna see what you’re doing 
Janis: *you do
Casey: I saw you students might as well head off home ‘cause they’ve no chance of being served rest of this shift
Janis: You told us not to, I remember
Janis: their [giving WKD or something equally studenty]s are safe
Casey: warned you not to flash by accident
Janis: I’m only talking to you now the kids have pissed off
Casey: near their bedtime, like
Janis: tah for not including me to take the piss
Casey: already well past yours
Janis: there it is
Casey: walked straight into it
Janis: you can’t decide if I’m 👶 or 👩‍🦳
Casey: who says I’ve got to
Janis: me
Casey: why not both
Janis: you’re funny, acting like you think I’m some nun 
Casey: oi, let a lad have his fantasies
Janis: I’d not take that away from you, ‘course
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monellabella ¡ 4 years ago
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Here’s pt.1 1/2 (sort of) of “Fight or Flight”!! You can read pt.1 here . Enjoy!
Fight or Flight
Fred Weasley x Fem!reader
Warnings: cursing, food mention, injury/ injury mentions
Taglist (Just send me an ask to be added or removed) : @krasivayadarling @amourtentiaa @plant-flwrs @pineapplesandpinas @wonderfilworld @fictionalwhores
Something's gotten into you You don't really look at me the way you used to And I'm hoping it ain't true Every single rumor that I've heard of you say
You were off with someone that I don't know Calling other people on your telephone Kinda wish I didn't know
Since first year, Fred was always pulling pranks on y/n, but she refused to retaliate because then she felt like she’d just be a hypocrite, as she was always complaining about how stupid and immature Fred and George’s pranks were.
But by fourth year, after Fred had pulled a prank on y/n that ended with her being thrown into the black lake in the middle of JANUARY, she couldn’t take it anymore, and it was Game. On. 
Y/n started out with the classic colored shampoo prank- Fred’s hair was turned a ghastly shade of yellow for over a week. 
Fred got her back by transfiguring every one of her quills and pens into worms. 
The pranks kept getting more and more outrageous as they kept trying to outdo each other.
While George and y/n’s friends initially helped them out and kept them in check, it got to the point where there was nothing ANYONE could say or do that would stop them- including the teachers.
They couldn’t care less about the myriad of detentions they’d each get whenever they were caught- in fact, they actually started COMPETING to see who could get the most by the end of the week.
This turned into them seeing who could get into the most trouble without getting expelled.
By April, this had led to a prank war between them that got SO bad, Dumbledore himself had to intervene and make them put a stop to it when one of the pranks resulted in a number of student getting injured- I’m talking broken noses, twisted ankles, chipped teeth, a black eye or two, and one poor kid even broke his wrist.
Needless to say, they both felt terrible.
They were brought to Dumbledore’s office and threatened with expulsion if they didn’t sort this out.
So right then and there, they agreed to a truce- promising to stay as far away from each other as possible, lest one of their arguments leads to other people getting injured.
They each received a month’s detention and were made to personally apologize to every person they’d landed in the hospital wing- not that either of them minded.
As promised, they also started ignoring each other entirely.
It was hard at first- y/n still thought he was a complete asshole and she wanted to remind him every chance she got- but she knew she was on incredibly thin ice with Dumbledore and was already threatened with expulsion, so she held her tongue.
For Fred, it was equally difficult. When him and George purposely made their potion explode, causing the entire dungeon to be filled with a thick, violet smoke and subsequently evacuated, he was so used to y/n chewing him he’d already thought of a response that was sure to get her riled up.
But then he was reminded of their truce.
While waiting for Snape to come and take away god-knows how many points from Gryffindor and give him and George detention, he saw her standing by the wall, arms crossed, not even bothering to look his way. She was chatting with Alicia as they waited with the rest of the crowd to be let back into the classroom to collect their things. 
They would always complain about each other. Y/n was always more than happy to remind Fred that he was brainless fuck after every stupid comment or irritating remark. 
Fred could write a ten-page essay on how much of a nagging cunt y/n could be sometimes. 
There was no question- they hated each other. They didn’t “miss” talking to each other. And the fact that they hadn’t spoken in nearly two weeks was NOT the reason they’d both been acting strange:
“Hey, y/n,” said Alicia. Y/n’s head jerked up, “Hm?” “Are you alright?” Alicia asked, “You’ve been picking at your food for the past 20 minutes, you’ve hardly eaten anything.”
“Oh, um,” y/n sat up and cleared her throat, “sorry. I just sort of spaced-out I guess.” she looked back down at her plate and carelessly pushed the food around. Angelina and Alicia shared a look.
“Y/n…” Angelina began, “Are you sure-”
“Ange, I’m fine, okay?” y/n interrupted, “I’m just tired.” Angelina and Alicia looked at each other again. Y/n noticed it and felt a surge of anger start to bubble up in her chest.
Y/n’s jaw clenched, and she forcefully dropped her fork down over her plate. The resulting clatter grabbed the attention of a few students nearby. She pushed herself away from the table and stood up.“I’m going to bed.” She announced.
As she started walking quickly out of the Great Hall, Angelina and Alicia started getting out of their seats, “Y/n, wait!” Angelina called out after her.
But y/n just sped up, “Good-night!” she called out, lifting her arm up and giving a sarcastic little wave before dropping it down and exiting the Great Hall in a huff. 
Fred was no better- he seemed angrier and more easily frustrated these days, and the dark circles starting to form under his eyes were a clear indicator of his recent lack of proper sleep. He was more quiet nowadays, which was extremely odd indeed. He’d constantly space out, and sometimes he’d catch himself staring at y/n in class, both of them quickly dropping their gaze any time their eyes met. Most noticeably though, was that all this had started to affect his Quidditch abilities.
“Oi, Fred, s’everything alright, mate?” George asked after practice one day.
“Yeah, everything’s fine, why?” he replied flatly.
“I dunno, mate, you just seem really distracted. You hardly ever miss a bludger but lately…” George trailed off. Fred sighed exasperatedly, “Look, I just have a lot on my mind lately, okay? For fucks’ sake there’s still some sort of bloody monster loose in the castle! a-and all this bollocks about me nearly getting expelled, I just-” he sighed in defeat.
“Well, d’you want to talk about it? Might help.” George suggested.
“It’s fine, mate. I just need some time alone.” Fred answered, lugging his broom over his shoulder and walking past the locker room as he made a bee-line for the castle. 
Fred and y/n were enemies- it was a known fact. So then why was this sudden separation taking such a toll on them? The fact that they had an excuse not to interact anymore was a good thing…right? 
About a month or so after the incident had passed, and y/n FINALLY had her free time back after serving all her detentions, y/n often found herself on the Quidditch pitch. She was hoping to join the team the coming year, and she wanted to get in as much practice as she could.
Late one afternoon after practicing with Angelina and Alicia, y/n decided to stay on the pitch after they left. She said she wanted to work on some new strategies, but really she just wanted some time alone.
While she was hanging on her broom by her knees, hovering a few feet above the ground, a voice called out “Nice trick.” She was so startled that she slipped off and landed headfirst in the sand.
“Oh shit,” the voice said as they rushed over to her, “Oh my god, I-I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to startle you like that. Are you okay?”
She was ready to start screaming at whoever it was that made her nearly break her neck, but when she came face to face with Cedric Diggory, a look of genuine concern in his eyes, her rage seemed to subside a bit. A bit.
“Um,” she said, sitting up slowly, “Yeah. Yeah, no, I’m fine.”
“Are you sure? Do you need to go to the hospital wing?”
“No, no it’s okay.” Y/n replied. She turned her neck slightly and winced. “Um, actually, could you bring me an ice pack? There should be some in the locker room.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. Er, I’ll be right back.” and with that, Cedric practically sprinted across the field. Y/n smirked, and couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle at his fervor- but it was short lived as she felt another pain at the back of her head.
“Ow,” she mumbled. She gingerly placing her hand at the sight, where a small bump was beginning to form.
Luckily, Cedric had just come back with several ice packs.
“Thanks.” She said shyly. “You sure you’re okay?” He asked. “Yeah I’m fine, just a bit of a bruise probably.” Y/n replied, holding the ice pack to the back of her head. “Well, I’ll stay with you just in case.” He said.
“I appreciate it.” Y/n said chuckling slightly. Cedric slowly lowered himself onto the ground and sat next to her.
“So, um, just curious,” Cedric began, “where’d you learn to do that little trick on the broom?” Y/n laughed, and she began to explain where she’d learnt her unusual talent. 
Long story short, they ended up talking until it was pitch black out and they were both shivering from the cold night air. Cedric walked her back to her dorm, using the excuse that he just wanted to make sure she didn’t have a concussion, though they both knew she was perfectly fine. 
They walked as slowly as humanly possible across the grounds. When they got to y/n’s dorm, their conversation ended, and they both stood there awkwardly as each of them tried to come up with something to say.
Y/n was still holding the ice pack, which had long since melted, and was now slowly dripping onto the floor.
“I should probably get back to my dorm.” Cedric said, rubbing his hand across the back of his neck while attempting to avoid y/n’s gaze.
“Oh, yeah, yeah, of course,” she stammered, “yeah, no, don’t let me keep you.” 
Cedric chuckled. He suddenly seemed to remember something and he looked back up at y/n. “Oh! Um, mind if I take a look at your head one more time?” He asked. “Just to be sure there’s nothing there.” He added quickly.
“Oh! uhh...yeah!” she said slowly, “Yeah, sure.” Y/n turned around so her back was facing him.
She then felt him gently pushing her hair to either side, his fingertips brushing over the back of her neck. She felt a shiver run down her spine, and she knew that goosebumps had risen up where his hand had been, though she prayed he didn’t notice.
“Where was it again?” He asked. “Oh, um,” y/n brought her hand up to where the injury had been, “ ‘round here somewhere, I think.”
Cedric placed his hand diagonally over hers, their fingertips at the same spot. “Here?” He asked softly. y/n felt heat rushing to her cheeks.
“uM,” her voice had gone up about five octaves. She coughed and corrected herself, “um, yeah. About there.”
Cedric chuckled lightly, and she felt his breath fan over the back of her neck. She quickly brought her hand back to her side as Cedric inspected the injury. After a few seconds of silence, he spoke up.
“Well,” he paused, “I don’t see a bump or anything- maybe a bit red where you fell, but other than that, I’d say it’s fine.” Cedric took his hand away, then carefully reached over and pulled y/n’s hair back into place.
Y/n gave a sharp inhale and cleared her throat, “Well, um, thanks.” She said. Y/n turned around and looked up at him, “for, um,” she gestured towards the back of her head, “y’know, making sure I was okay and all.”
Cedric cleared his throat and blinked a few times,“Um- yeah! yeah, of course. No problem.” He said, a blush creeping up over his cheeks. 
Y/n looked down and smiled to herself. “I’ll see you around then, yeah?” She asked.
“Yeah, definitely.” He replied.
“Okay, yeah, cool.” Y/n said, her brow slightly furrowed. “G’night, then.” She added. Her face relaxed as she glanced back up at him, trying to subdue her grin. “Goodnight.” Cedric replied. He nodded to himself then flashed her a soft smile as he turned on his heel and walked away with his hands in his pockets. Y/n bit her lip and grinned as she watched him walk away. 
She felt her heart beating a little faster than normal, but she didn’t mind one bit. Feeling like her head was stuffed with candy floss, she turned to the portrait of the fat lady and gave her the password; still grinning softly as she walked through the portrait hole and into the empty common room.
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rebelwrites ¡ 4 years ago
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Chapter Nine: Don’t Threaten Me With A Good Time - Lola
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Falling For Red Masterlist
This Months Writing
My lungs burned as I ran but I wasn’t planning on stopping. At least I was feeling something other than anger right now running through the streets, music blasting through my headphones. I wasn’t stupid, I knew that I was being followed but again didn’t care. It wasn’t like I couldn’t handle myself. And with the mood I was in whoever it was would be stupid to try anything.
Quickly side eyeing the car that was curb crawling, I noticed the blacked out window being wound down, revealing the one person I was hoping I would have seen for at least a couple of days.
For fuck sake it was him, the arrogant asshole that pissed me off in the first place. Oh how I wanted to shove my knife somewhere where the sun doesn't shine.
“Red” Grayson shouted.
I just ignored him and kept running. Maybe he would get the message and get bored soon enough. But he didn’t, again he must have a death wish.
“I expect you to answer when I shout you Red” Grayson shouted a bit louder, anger coating his voice.
“Ever thought I don’t want to talk right now asshole” I snapped, not slowing the pace down. I wanted to get as far away from him as I could, I didn’t want him near me. Not now not ever.
“You see Red I don’t like being told what to do” Grayson tutted “So just get in the car I need to speak to you”
“Yeah not happening prick” I said, narrowing my eyes at him. “Now if you don’t piss off and leave me alone I will drag you out of the car and snap your fucking neck”
“Oh I would love to see you try sweetheart” Grayson smirked “You have no idea what I could do to you, with just my hands”
Squeezing my eyes closed I tried so hard to ignore what he said, I was too sexually frustrated to be dealing with his bullshit. But there was something about him, the moment I stepped into his office earlier this morning, I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand, goosebumps forming as he ran his eyes over my body, taking in my appearance. I am only human and he was extremely attractive, even if he was a wanker.
I had only known him for less than twenty four hours and I despised him but somehow my body thought differently, ever since this morning the thought of him being near me set my soul on fire, the aura that surrounded him drew me in. The sound of my name on his tongue sent shivers down my spine and honestly my mind went straight to the gutter. But that wasn’t hard as that’s where it laid ninety percent of the time anyway.
“And you don’t know who I am and what I can do either,” I said, flipping him off before running down an alley.
I thought I had gotten away from Grayson, that was until I was thrown against the brick wall to my right, the dampness of the rough bricks seeping through the thin hoodie I was wearing. I was just about to shout in protest when a solid body pressed against mine. He was so close I could smell the mintiness of his breath and again the hairs on the back of my neck stood to attention and I got goosebumps. Why did this have to turn me on?
“I don’t like repeating myself Red” Grayson growled as he placed his arms either side of my head, I was trapped.
I held eye contact with him, like we were in some unspoken staring contest, the sexual tension settling over us like a warm blanket, the dim light from the one street lamp made his blue eyes shine brighter, drawing me in like a moth to a flame.
“Well get used to it” I glared, trying to break the sexual tension and trying not to let my body give in. I wouldn't let him see how he was affecting me, I didn’t even know him, all I knew was he was an arrogant cunt and I hated him.
“You are making me despise you Red” He said slowly, his hot breath fanning my face.
“Feeling is mutual” I huffed, rolling my eyes at him. “Now can you get off me, I’ve got shit to be doing”
“I chose you for the job because word on the street is the person that goes by the name of Red is the best of the best” He said before laughing dryly “but now I am starting to think those people are chatting bollocks, so tell me Red, are you worth my time?”
“If you don’t get the fuck off me, I will show you just exactly why I have a rep” I smirked narrowing my eyes at him. My heart was pounding against my rib cage right now and I just prayed that he could feel how fast he was making my heart race.
“You are really getting on my nerves girl” Grayson sneered as he moved one of his arms off the wall and was now being pressed against my shoulders, but it also meant his arm was somewhat over my throat as well due to the height difference.
I wonder what it would feel like to have his hand wrapped around my throat? No, stay focused, don’t get even more horny at that thought he is a pig.
“Maybe that was my plan” I laughed, reaching for the switchblade I always kept tucked in the waistband of my joggers. Pulling the knife out I used all my strength to push Grayson off, before pinning him to the wall, just like he had been moments ago. But this time I was holding the knife up to his throat.
“This is what is gonna happen” I said with my face inches away from his, “I am going to walk away, and finish my run, you are going to get back into your fancy car and drive off like this didn’t happen!”
“And what if I didn’t and had other things in mind” he smirked as his gaze dropped to my lips, his tongue gliding over his bottom lip. “But I guess we will never find out, seen as you hate me, it’s a shame really”
I wonder what he could do with that tongue. No Red stay focused, stop thinking about what he could do with his tongue or how good he could make you feel, he is a wanker, stop getting horny over him.
“Well you don’t want to know what I would do” I laughed dryly “Or are you forgetting who has a knife against their throat right now”
“Don’t threaten me with a good time” he breathed. “But if you insist but I want you in my office at 8am sharp tomorrow to discuss your plan”
“Fucking Asshole” I hissed as he pulled my knife from his throat before taking off, I needed to get away from him and fast before I did something I would regret. I had standards, I wasn’t going to be some notch on his bedpost and definitely not in some alley way.
And I needed a cold shower.
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bazypitchandsimonsnow ¡ 5 years ago
Text
Missed Moments with You
Rating: M
Genre: Fluff/Angst
Word Count: 14353
Summary: Almost six months after Baz drunkenly stumbled back into Simon's life, they're still together and happy. Well, mostly. It'd be great if they had more time together, but work keeps getting in the way. Can their relationship survive their real lives?
Read on AO3
Sequel to “Back to Haunt Me”
AN: HAHAHAHAHA I DID IT BITCHES!!!! I FINALLY FINISHED A FIC AFTER MONTHS OF ILLNESS AND WRITER'S BLOCK!!!! Seriously, I could not do ANYTHING for so long. But I was finally able to do this! Big thanks to @carryonmylovelies for all her help and encouragement. She is the best.
Sadly, I couldn't get this to fit into any of my requests. I will try to get to those, I promise. My brain is just not functioning at full capacity and really hasn't for awhile. Hope you enjoy this one tho :)
Disclaimer: I am not a teacher or a psychiatrist. Most of my knowledge comes from being a student and a therapy/psychiatry patient, plus a little research online. This is not meant to be a super duper accurate representation of either. Dramatic License was taken.
———————————————
Simon
Even though it’s soft, I still hear the door close. It’s not like I have super ears. I’ve just been sleeping lightly, trying to stay up until Baz comes back. I hear him quietly take off his ugly shoes, walk towards the room, and open the door. I stay still as he flops down next to me and gets under the blanket. He lazily throws an arm over my side, long nose pressed against my neck. I love when he does this, wraps himself around me. Baz makes me feel so happy.
“Hey,” I say, barely a whisper. “How was the hospital?”
Baz’s groan reverberates down my skin. “Nearly punched a patient’s father in the face.”
“Sounds like the usual.”
“Mhm. Just another day and night at University College Hospital.” He tosses his leg over mine. Sometimes I swear he wants to bloody climb me. “You should be asleep, Snow, it’s late.”
“You’re up.”
“Because I’m a medical resident and my hours are completely insane. You’re allowed the luxury of a mostly normal sleep schedule, take advantage of it.”
I grab his hand over my stomach, weaving our fingers together. “I like waiting for you.”
“Mm.” He nuzzles closer and holds me tighter, then presses a soft kiss behind my ear. I’m in heaven. “Sap.”
“Always.” I kiss the back of his hand. “We should both sleep now, love.”
“Yeah,” he mumbles. “Night, love.”
I close my eyes, finally sinking into sleep as my wonderful, exhausted boyfriend holds me tight.
———————————————
I’m woken up by my alarm blaring shitty hair metal at top volume. Baz lets out a loud groan into my shoulder.
“Why do you play that rubbish?” he growls. “Why not some nice classical?”
“Because this rubbish wakes me up.” I reluctantly extract myself from Baz’s lovely arms. I hear him roll onto his stomach and spread out in a starfish on my bed. He loves cuddling with me, but he also likes to stretch out his long limbs. I grab my glasses, returning my ability to see properly, then turn around to look at him, and my mouth drops open.
“Baz!” I shout. “You climbed into my bed in your fucking scrubs again!?”
Baz lifts his head slightly and pulls at his light blue scrubs, eyebrows pulled together. “Hm, looks like I did.”
“They’re filthy!”
“No.” He flops back down, face smushed into my pillow. “I washed them yesterday. There’s just a bit of dried blood on my trouser leg. No sick or spinal fluid this time.”
I shake my head, but it’s with a smile. “I can’t believe my neat freak former roommate has developed such low standards of cleanliness.”
Baz makes an annoyed grunting sound before sinking further into my bed. I chuckle and press a kiss to his hairline. He’s already asleep again.
I grab my bathrobe and go into the kitchen, a smile on my face. It’s been five months since Basilton Pitch drunkenly wandered his way back into my life. I never imagined we would see each other again, let alone start dating. But it’s been pretty great. Baz is so much more than I thought he was. I already knew he was brilliant, but he’s also hilarious and kind and utterly amazing. I’m happier with him, and I think Baz is happier with me too.
The only problem is exactly what Baz warned me about when we started dating; he’s insanely busy. The hospital has him on a weird, inconsistent schedule. He’ll sometimes work for over twelve hours then collapse for an entire day afterwards. If that wasn’t hard enough, when this started, I didn’t factor in my own job. Very dumb, considering what I do. When I’m not teaching, I’m usually grading or writing lesson plans, so it’s not like I have a lot of free time either. We once went two and a half weeks without seeing each other. It was awful, but both of us understood. Still missed him though. I miss him a lot. In nearly six months, we’ve been on three proper dates. It’s not that I like fancy dinners and shit, I just like being with Baz. I wish we could be together more.
I stop to give Cherry her morning pet and wet food. She purrs under my hand. Then I make myself instant coffee, the ambrosia of primary teachers, and toaster waffles. I leave some for Baz to heat up later. He has pretty refined tastes, but no one can resist toaster waffles. He’ll probably be up to eat them around noon, when we’ll Skype chat while I have lunch at school. It’s my favourite part of the day. I want it to happen more often.
The phone ringing breaks me out of my lovesick melancholy. Penny’s grinning face stares back at me. I quickly pick it up. “Hey, Pen.”
“Hey Si,” she says, voice crackling slightly. “How’s it going?”
“It’s going alright. Just making myself some shit coffee and toaster waffles.”
“I’m a bit horrified your breakfast habits haven’t changed since uni.”
I scoff very self righteously. “Neither have yours. Last time I visited, you were stuffing your face with pop tarts.”
“You have no proof of that.” I can feel Penny’s glare from across the bloody Atlantic.
“No,” I chuckle. “I guess I don’t. Oh, I did almost get video proof of Baz wolfing down two Big Macs. He finished just after I got my phone out, it was amazing.”
“Ha! Get a video of it when it happens next time, then show me that and I’ll owe you a pint.”
“I’ll try next time we go out.” I slump a little in my chair.  “If we go out...”
Penny sighs in a particular way. It’s the one she uses when she knows I’m down and wants to bring me back up. “Baz still working those long shifts, huh?”
“Yeah, so he’s tired a lot. And our schedules have trouble syncing up. It really sucks and it’s not like either of us have a choice in it, especially him. But still it...it’s like- I just-”
“Part of you doesn’t give a shit about work, you just want to be together more.”
I sink further on the chair, so much so I fear I’m going to melt into the vinyl. “Kinda, yeah. Does that...does that make me a bad boyfriend and person?”
“No, no, absolutely not, Simon. It makes you a normal person who desires their partner.”
“Okay, yeah, sure, but Baz warned me about his job. He told me that he would have insane hours and it would make having a relationship really hard. I told him it was okay, that we would make it work, so I can’t get mad now, right?”
“You’re allowed to be upset that you don’t get to see your boyfriend as much as you wish you could.”
“I guess, yeah.” I shove half a toaster waffle in my mouth. It marginally helps. “I don’t know what to do, Pen. I can’t ask Baz to cut his hours, it’ll mess up his degree and piss off the doctors cause they’ll say he’s ‘not being dedicated’, which is a load of bollocks but it’ll happen. And it’s not like I can change when I work. There doesn’t seem to be a solution.”
Penny sighs. “I don’t know what to tell you, Si. There’s no easy way to deal with this. I think you just have to talk things out.” I groan heavily. “Yeah, I know, you hate talking. But can you think of anything else?”
“No,” I grumble. “Save for just shagging him senseless so we can both let off some nervous stress.”
“Sex doesn’t fix everything.”
“Well, no, but it would be nice to try it period.”
“You two still haven’t slept together?!” she says far too loudly. I hope Micah isn’t home. God, that would be embarrassing. “It’s been months!”
“I know,” I groan, “but we’ve both been busy and tired, especially Baz. Mostly we’ve just been snogging, which is awesome. Baz is a great kisser.”
“Too much information, Si.”
“Sorry, sorry. I like kissing, I’d just like to do...other stuff too.”
“Which is perfectly understandable, and the only way it’s going to ever happen is if you figure out where to go in your relationship. And that’s only going to happen by  talking about it and working something out that both of you can live with.”
I eat another toaster waffle. Again, helps a little, not enough. “That’s hard.”
“And necessary if you want to keep this relationship.” There’s a short pause and I try to speak before Penny interrupts me. “You definitely do want to keep it, right?”
My leg jerks so hard I nearly knock my coffee over. “Of course I do! Baz is kind and amazing and funny and brilliant and I fucking lo-”
We both go silent. I put a hand over my mouth. Holy shit, I can’t believe I almost said that. I haven’t even thought about it before, until now. (Typical, I don’t figure it out until I’m right in the middle of shit.) I mean, I’ve thought about it in a sort of abstract, future way. But not right now, not after only five months together when we spent seven years apart and an equal amount of time hating each other. Could I really be in love already?
“Shit, really?” Penny whispers. “You love him?”
I bite my nails, something I haven’t done since second year of uni. “Uh, I guess, maybe. I don’t know. It’s way too soon and I’m not exactly that experienced in love. I don’t think I can say for sure of anything...”
“Okay. What can you say for sure then?”
“Well,” I stop chewing on my nails, “I know I care about Baz. I enjoy being around him. And I really, really,  really  like him.”
“Is that okay with you?”
“Yeah, I can deal with that.”
“Good, stick with that, don’t jump too far. Figure out where you two stand before you start talking about love.”
“Yeah,” I sigh, “you’re right.”
“Of course I am.”
I scoff and roll my eyes, similar to Baz. I’m picking a lot up from him, “I know, I know.” My eyes catch the clock. “Oh shit, I’ve got to go right now. If I’m late my kids are going to destroy the classroom.”
Penny snorts. “The trials of a parent of thirty two children.”
“Exactly. Talk to you later, Pen, love you.”
“Love you too, Si, bye!”
The phone clicks off, leaving me hopelessly alone with my thoughts. So, I want to be around Baz more. That’s reasonable, he’s my boyfriend. But neither of us can be around more because of our beloved jobs. I’m going to have to find some solution. But not right now because I’m going to be very, very late. I rush out the door with only the thoughts of the tube schedule on my mind.
———————————————
“Lishie, no,” I say, taking the marker from her hand, “that’s a shared class writing utensil, you can’t chew on it.”
Lishie pouts at me, blinking her big brown eyes. “But Mr. Snow,” she whines.
“None of that, please. If you must chew on something, please use your own pencil.” I lean down to look at her drawing of a castle. “This is your favourite place, huh?”
“Yeah.” She points at her lovely pink palace. “This is my Lishie only place. It keeps my brother out and shoots lasers at bad guys.”
I nod with a big smile. “Both are very important. Nice work.” I turn to Zahir. His drawing is of a beautiful shoreline with a fiery sunset. “And what place is this?”
“It’s the view from my grandparent’s house,” he chirps.
“It looks lovely, Zahir, good job.”
I stand up and check the other kids. They’re all doing wonderfully. I help where needed, handing them markers and giving colour suggestions. Luckily the kiddos are being good today. I don’t think I can handle their particular brand of tornado like insanity right now.
“Mr. Snow, look what I did!” I lean down to Harrison’s level. His picture is of himself with his two Mums holding hands under an abundance of trees.
“It’s amazing, Harry,” I say. “Where are you three in this picture?”
“We’re at the camping ground where my Mums met. They got married at the lake last year. We go there every summer break.”
“Aw, that’s very sweet.”
“Are you married, Mr. Snow?” Rosanne calls out. I hate mean nicknames. They’re a dumb bullying tactic. At the same time though, “Nosey Rosie” is occasionally apt. Not that I’d ever say that out loud, of course.
“No, I’m not married, Rose,” I say calmly.
“Do you have a girlfriend?”
The kids start muttering and giggling. I sigh, shaking my head. “No, I don’t have a girlfriend either. But my love life is none of your business, munchkins.”
“A boyfriend?” Liza shouts. “My mum said you probably have a boyfriend.”
I sigh and rub my temple. Well, while her mother is correct, the beautiful and single Ms.Thorn has also made many advances on me. I suppose me being gay rationalises my kind rejections of her. I believe she needs to get over herself.
“No, I don’t have a boyfriend.” I hate lying to the kids, but I’m not going to talk about my relationship with them. “Again, my love life is personal.”
Thandi gasps, and leans over to Riya beside her. Her tone suggests a whisper, but her volume shows she absolutely means to be heard. “What if Mr. Snow has a  secret girlfriend or boyfriend?”
They all start chattering away with big grins on their faces. I sigh heavily. There is nothing ten year olds love more than gossiping, especially about their teachers. I’ve caught my munchkins talking about if the football coach and year 11 science teacher are together. (They aren’t. Both Coach Markova and Mr. Saadia have been married for over twenty years. Their husbands are wonderful friends.) I don’t want to become the next rumour on the playground.
“Okay, hush up all of you,” I say loudly. They all quiet down. “It’s not appropriate to discuss my personal life, so you’re going to stop right now, understand?”
“Yes, Mr. Snow,” they reply all at once in a shamed, slightly annoyed tone. It’s one I’m extremely familiar with.
“Good. Now go back to your drawings, or we’ll start the maths worksheets early.”
They all gasp, then go back to drawing. I hear whispers about normal things, like Power Rangers and Disney movies. I sigh and return to my desk, leaning back in the chair. Honestly, even if I did want to answer the kids, I wouldn’t be sure what to say. I do have a boyfriend officially, but I barely see him. Twice a week at best. It’s not his fault, he tries his best. I fuck up more than him honestly. I just wish we could be...more boyfriends? That doesn’t make sense.
My pocket buzzes and I pull out my phone. I’m not supposed to use it during class hours, but the kids are working right now, it’s fine. The text is from Baz. My pulse speeds up like it does every time. But when I open it, my heart drops instead.
Baz [13:40] Hey love. So sorry but I can’t come over tonight. Need to pick up an extra shift. I promise I’ll make it up to you ❤️
I sigh heavily, trying to suppress the disappointment and hurt. It’s not his fault, he’s doing his best. We’ll figure something out. Right?
Simon [13:41] it’s alright love we’ll find another time
Baz [13:41] ❤️
———————————————
“No, no, hold the rock like this.” Baz adjusts my grip. I love his fingers, long and elegant. If he wasn’t a doctor, I think he would make an incredible pianist.
“How does the way I hold the rock change anything?” I ask.
“It helps you get the right angle to skip it.”
I frown in confusion. “I thought the rock’s shape helped with that.”
“Both help. So,” he guides my arm back, “let’s try.”
Baz’s callused fingers caress my bare skin. I let out a shaky breath. God, I shouldn’t get this hot and bothered from Baz just touching me. I’m not some horndog, I can wait for sex. The pent up tension is just...getting to me a bit.
“Now flick it, Snow,” Baz says.
I fling the stone forward. It flies over the pond, sending ripples across the aquamarine water. The stone nearly reaches the other side before finally dropping. I’m grinning ear to ear. When I turn around, Baz is too.
“Wonderful job, love.” He presses a kiss to my temple. “I knew you could do it.”
God, I’m going to melt into a puddle. I peck his lips softly. “Thanks for showing me, love.”
He kisses me back, a bit firmer. I would snog the life out of him right now if we weren’t in the middle of Regent’s Park, apparently a popular relaxation spot for UCLH. We’re surrounded by nurses chatting, residents resting, and doctors smoking cigarettes. (Baz says doctors truly have the least regard for their own health.) We sadly pull apart and take a seat on a bench. I put my head on his strong shoulder, and he throws his arm around me.
“How were psych rounds today?” I ask.
“Awful,” he groans. “Mr. Teversham still refuses to take his medication, and Mx. Joseph is fighting therapy at every turn.”
“Hm, well, you expected this. Any ideas?”
“Mx. Joseph needs to be in therapy without  knowing they're in therapy. Mr. Teversham needs to be sedated so he can’t yell at me anymore.”
I snort. “Not sure that’s legal.”
“It’s not, but one can dream. Both probably need adjustments in their medications but that would affect serotonin levels too much at this delicate stage of treatment.”
“Mm, that sucks. Anything you could do for now?”
“More group therapy and coping techniques, I suppose. Little else we can do.”
I nod thoughtfully. Honestly, I have no idea what he’s talking about, but I try to be interested. It’s important to him so I do my best. 
He slowly strokes my hair. I lean closer to him. “How’s your work going, love?”
“It’s alright. Kids aren’t being too destructive. Oh, I’ve been working on something else though.”
Baz smiles, pulling me closer. “What’s that?”
“A new scone recipe.”
He lets out a joyous laugh, throwing his head back so far some of his gelled hair gets dislodged. I like the way a few raven strands fall in his face. “You seriously haven’t run out of new ones to try?”
I shrug. “Not yet. Maybe one day.”
“And then you’ll start making your own.”
“Probably.” I throw both arms around his torso, squeezing him tight. “I’ll give them to you to try.”
He chuckles softly. “Well, maybe. I have to stay in good shape to keep up with the other residents, and I can’t mess up what little sleep I have.”
I deflate slightly. Right, he’s gotta watch his health more than me. I should remember that. Bloody hell, I’m a terrible boyfriend. “R-Right. Well, I’ll make something else for you I guess...”
He makes a humming noise, but I can’t tell what it means. I’m horrible at non-verbal cues and unfortunately Baz is still no exception. I want to ask him about being around, about us being together, but the words get all tangled in my throat. I don’t know how to ask him without sounding like a selfish arse. 
(Maybe I am a selfish arse. Maybe I don’t deserve this, deserve him.)
(No no, Simon, stop it, stop with the self deprecation.)
(Even though he is better than me...)
I’m about to open my mouth when two clashing beeps ring out. Baz and I scramble to our phones.
“Fuck,” I groan. “Emergency staff meeting in twenty minutes. I’m gonna need to get a cab.”
“Me too,” Baz sighs. “Dr. Dehnavi wants to talk to me about a new inpatient. I suppose I should be flattered, but I’m more annoyed.”
“We’re both suffering it seems.”
“Apparently.” Baz leans over and pecks my lips. I lean forward, just slightly, asking for more that I can’t have right now. “I’ll text you later, love.”
“Yeah, me too.” We dash off in different directions. The questions I have still hang in my throat, but I put them down for now. Next time. Maybe...
———————————————
Thursday April 21
Baz [06:06] Hi, love. I’m finally done my night shift. We still on for the cafe this afternoon?
Simon [07:01] hey sorry I didn’t get this until now. unfortunately i’ve got some last minute extra tutoring to do with Sasha sorry 
Baz [07:02] It’s alright. You free Friday night?
Simon [07:02] nah got grading ☹️ gotta go to class ttyl!
Baz [07:02] Alright, talk to you later.
———————————————
Sunday April 30
Simon [17:37] hey baz can I come over tonight?
Baz [17:58] Unfortunately not. I’m on call for OBGYN all night. Lots of sitting with tiny sick babies in the NICU...
Simon [18:05] fuck that doesn’t sound fun at all ☹️
Baz [18:06] Absolutely is not. I’ll text you later okay?
Simon [18:06] Okay ❤️
———————————————
Wednesday May 8
Baz [22:24] I miss you
Simon [22:24] I miss you too
———————————————
My phone rings at lunch. Baz’s slightly smiling face looks right back at me. I took the photo one night when we were watching telly. He’s got his hair all piled up in a bun, wearing an LSE sweatshirt. He looks gorgeous, as always. I’m so entranced by the picture that I answer it just before the last ring.
“Hey,” I say. “What’s up?”
“Not much,” Baz replies, sounding extremely tired. (He’s been sounding like that more and more lately.) “How’s your day been?”
“Not too bad. Joey fired a spitball at me, but I took the straw away pretty quickly.“
“Dear Lord, you teach monsters.”
I chuckle, shaking my head. “Nope, just children, love. They’re naturally nightmares.”
“Don’t have to tell me, Snow, I have four younger siblings.” He sighs, and I can imagine him tilting his head back, hair falling down behind him. It’s a nice image. “Are you free next Friday?”
“Hm, let me check.” I look at my Google calendar, which is filled to the brim with multicoloured event tabs, everything from field trips to when lesson plans need to be done. (I consider the second one more a guideline than a rule.) Friday is surprisingly blank. A grin breaks out across my face. “Yeah, Friday is good. Got something in mind?”
“Well, I finally have a Friday off. So I was thinking we could dress up and go somewhere nice. Somewhere with fine food, candles, a generally romantic atmosphere. Does that sound good to you?”
I can’t help biting my bottom lip like some stupid teenager. I haven’t seen my boyfriend in person in nearly three weeks, sue me. Sure there’s been some texting and calls and Facetimes, but none of that compares to the real thing. I’ve missed how Baz’s long fingers feel between mine, or the way he cups my cheek perfectly when he kisses me. I just want to be with him. And finally we have a chance.
“That sounds very good. And uh...” I take a pause to muscle up courage to say what I really,  really  want to say. “Do you want to go to my place afterwards? And sleep over? But y’know...not sleep?” Baz snorts. My cheeks are probably bright red. I groan and rub my forehead. “Sorry, that sounded dumb. I’m an adult, I should be able to talk about sex openly.”
Baz sighs in his strangely affectionate way. “Well, we both know you’re not the best with words, Snow.”
I chuckle and shrug. “Okay, true. But the message still got across right? What I’m asking? But please don’t feel pressured, I just wanted to ask if we could try...”
“Yes, it definitely did. And I would love to try. I think six months is a long enough wait. And I’m really sorry about that.”
“Don’t blame yourself, love, we’ve both been pretty physically absent. Life has just been nuts for us.”
“Agreed. So it’ll be nice to...unwind a bit.”
My face is absolutely bright red now. A lot of inappropriate thoughts are racing through my head right now. I have to shove them down so my brain doesn’t start dribbling out my ears before I have to go back to teaching.
“I-I would like that a lot too.” And of course the first lunch bell decides to ring just then. I groan loudly. “Fuck, lunch is over. Kids will be back soon. Text you later to set up details?”
“Sounds good. Bye, darling.
“Bye, darling.”
I listen until Baz hangs up, then press my phone to my chest with a sigh. I feel so unbelievably giddy. It’s ridiculous, really, to be this excited about a dinner and (possible) sex. But for some reason, my chest is so full it's about to explode. I want to run around the room, shouting to the heavens that I’m going on a lovely, romantic date with Basilton Grimm-Pitch.
Fuck, maybe I really am love. That’s a terrifying, wonderful thought.
———————————————
“Does my hair look alright?” I tousle it to the left, then to the right, then to the left again. Penny sighs and shakes her head on my screen.
“It looks fine either way. But if you don’t decide soon, you’re going to be late!”
I groan and tighten my tie, trying to see myself in my tiny image in the corner. “I know, I know, I just want this to be perfect.”
“Nothing can be perfect, Si.”
“Yeah, but I can try.” I sigh, buttoning my grey suit jacket. This is the one nice suit I own, and I took great precautions to keep it from getting wrinkled on my way to work. “So much hasn’t gone right or easily in our relationship. I want one thing to not go down the drain.”
Penny nods thoughtfully. “Understandable. Just also be realistic.”
“Yes, I will.” I check my watch (a graduation gift from Penny that goes really well with my suit) and inhale sharply. “Shit, I really do have to go. Bye, Pen!”
She waves with a big, toothy smile. “Bye, Si, good luck!”
“Thank you!”
We press the red button at the same time. I tuck my phone into my jacket, then do a last cursory look at myself. No wrinkles? Check. Dashingly messy hair? Check. “Supplies” for later waiting in my bedside table at home? Absolutely check. Awesome. I’m so bloody excited I could seriously start flying right now.
“M-Mr. Snow?”
My head head whips around at the small, familiar voice. It’s Jeremy, with his wavy brown hair and little freckles. He’s sniffling, wiping his nose and blood shot eyes. I immediately rush forward and get on my knees in front of him.
“Jeremy? What’s wrong? Are you okay?”
He makes a big sniff, more tears falling down his cheeks. “M-My dad was supposed to pick me up outside, but he never came! And Ms. Reinhart tried to call my mum and she’s not answering and I don’t know what to do!”
He breaks out into another sob. He wraps his little arms around my neck, crying into my shoulder. I pat his back, trying to comfort as best I can. Poor kid. I’m unfortunately aware of what Jeremy’s parents are like. This isn’t out of character for them. His dad’s probably off with his college age mistress and his mum is partying late with her friends. From what I know, Jeremy was an accidental teen pregnancy, and now his parents hate each other and resent Jeremy for “ruining” their young lives. (Baz would say something about emotional stunting and projecting and shit.) This is the first time they’ve truly abandoned him though. Poor, poor kid.
“Is there anyone you trust who could come get you?” I ask quietly.
“My aunt,” he sniffles. “But she’s super far away.”
“Okay, where does she live?”
“L-Luton, I think.”
Fuck, he’s not exaggerating. Luton is an hour away on a good day, and it’s the middle of London rush hour. His parents may be able get here before her, but she’s probably much more stable than both of them put together.
���Alright. Do you know her number?”
Jeremy nods and moves off my shoulder. He pulls out a cheap flip phone. One of his parents probably gave it to him for emergencies. That’s one good decision on their part. He then hands it to me. The contact is listed as “Auntie Caroline.” I stand up and press dial, Jeremy still clinging to my leg. It only rings twice before it’s picked up.
“Jeremy?” a seemingly female voice says, sounding utterly frantic. “Are you okay, love?”
“Hi,” I say, “I’m Simon Snow, Jeremy’s teacher. Don’t worry, he’s here with me, he’s safe.”
She lets out a very deep sigh. “Oh thank god. Is there something wrong?”
“Unfortunately, yes. His father was supposed to pick him up but hasn’t shown, and his mother isn’t answering her calls.”
“Those bastards,” she growls. “My brother and his good for nothing wife have already put him through hell, but this just takes the bloody cake!”
“Believe me, I agree with you. Considering our shared opinion, I was hoping you could come pick him up? I know it’s a lot to ask this late and you’re all the way in Luton but-”
“Don't have to ask me twice. I’ll be there as soon as I can. But it’s going to take me an hour, maybe two.”
I think about Baz, about everything we have planned, about every missed connection these past few weeks. But then I look down at Jeremy, who has the most tragic expression I’ve ever laid my eyes upon. I sigh heavily, then put the phone back to my ear.
“Don’t worry, I’ll stay with him at school until you come. Let me give you the address.”
I rattle off the school’s address, my room number, and the best route to get here. She listens raptly, obviously scribbling it all down.
“Alright, got it. Thank you, Mr. Snow, this means so much to me.”
“No problem, see you soon.”
The line clicks off. I get back down in front of Jeremy. “Your aunt is going to be here soon, Jer. Until then, we’re gonna stay here and sit tight. Okay?”
Jeremy nods, wiping away more snot. “O-Okay.”
“Awesome. How about you go sit in the reading corner and I’ll join you in just a sec.”
“Okay.” He throws himself at me, hugging me tight. “Thank you, Mr. Snow.”
I smile and pat his head. “You’re very welcome, Jeremy. Now go read and get your mind off all this.”
He pulls away and runs over to the reading nook, throwing himself into the neon pink bean bag chair. He grabs a Harry Potter book. Good pick, it’s something he’s familiar with. Though I hate to think how much he relates to the way Harry grew up.
I go to my desk on the other side of the room and take my phone out. Baz’s beautiful contact picture stares back at me, and my heart twists painfully. I hate this situation. I hate that I’m doing this again after nearly three bloody weeks of no physical contact. I can only hope he can understand. And forgive me. The other end rings three times. 
“Hey.” Baz’s honey sweet voice is both comforting and painful right now.
“Hey,” I sigh.
“Oh no, that’s not a good ‘hey,’ is it?”
“No, unfortunately, it’s not.” I run a hand through my hair. “Remember Jeremy? One of my kids?”
“Yes, the one with the arsehole parents.”
“Yeah, that’s him. And tonight his parents have really taken the cake. Dad was supposed to be here but is probably off shagging his barely legal mistress, and mum is probably out clubbing and not picking up either.”
“Bloody hell, what a nightmare.”
“Exactly.” I slump into my chair, tugging my tie loose. “His aunt’s coming to pick him up, but...she lives in Luton...”
It’s Baz’s turn to sigh deeply. “And you’re going to have to stay with him until she gets there.”
God, I'm such an arsehole, and a predictable one at that. “I’m so, so sorry, Baz. I really wanted to go out tonight, and I know you don’t get many days off. This is such an out of the blue thing and I can’t just leave him. I promise I’ll make it up to you.”
“It’s alright, Snow, I understand. I’ll hold you to that promise, okay?”
“Please do. I’ll text you later, yeah?”
“That’s good. Bye, love.” The tinge of sadness in Baz’s voice fucking kills me.
“Bye, darling.”
He hangs up, and I hang my head with a quiet groan. I’m such a dickhead. I could’ve left Jeremy with Ms. Reinhart and went on my date, but I know she has a sick mother at home that she takes care of. Then I would have ruined the date by feeling all guilty and shit. I hate that this is probably the best choice.
“Mr. Snow?” I turn to Jeremy. He’s looking at me with a furrowed brow and pout. “Are you okay?”
I shove all my guilt and worry deep down, and put a big smile on my face. “Yeah, I’m good, Jer. Now how about you read some Harry Potter to me? I’d love to hear it.”
A grin breaks out on his face. “Okay.”
I leave my jacket and tie on my desk and stride over to him. I sit in the beanbag next to him. (Of course I didn’t get these things just for the kids.) Jeremy opens the book to his page.
“Chapter 12,” he starts with gusto
And I sit there listening to him for God knows how long. I laugh, make comments, correct his pronunciation when needed. I'm still a teacher after all. Then when the chapter is done, we watch silly animal videos on my laptop. I make sure Jeremy is happy. He deserves that after all of this. He needs to feel safe. I just wish it wasn’t at the sacrifice of Baz getting stood up,  again. God, am I ever going to get to see my boyfriend again? Is the universe ever going to let us have a moment together? I can’t really blame the universe though, I guess. This was my choice. I’m awful. Baz doesn’t deserve this. I don’t deserve him, honestly.
Soon enough, a middle aged woman with long pink and purple hair sticks her head through the door at the other side of the room. “Hello?”
Jeremy grins and drops the book immediately. “Auntie Caroline!”
Caroline grins and catches Jeremy right in her arms, holding him up high. I walk to them but keep a good distance. “Hey munchkin, good to see you. You okay?”
“Yeah, yeah, Mr. Snow stayed with me. We watched kittens!”
“That sounds awesome.” Caroline turns to me. “Thank you so much, Mr. Snow. Is there any way I can repay you?”
I wave my hand. “Don’t worry, no payment is needed. Just glad Jeremy has somewhere to go.
Her face falls slightly. She puts Jeremy down, touching his head. “Can you go get all your stuff, dear?”
“Okay!” Jeremy races off to the cubby area at ten year old speed. It’s a unique phenomenon. Caroline looks at me with a very serious expression.
“Here’s the thing,” she says in a hushed tone, “I’ve been trying to build a custody case for months, but I haven’t been able to get concrete proof of abuse and neglect. This changes things. If my lawyer needs you to, could you please testify at the custody hearing? I know it’s a lot to ask. You’ve already done so much, so if you can’t, I understand-”
“Say no more.” I take a sticky note from my desk and write out my mobile number. “Here. Tell your lawyer they’re free to call me. I’ll do anything to help Jeremy get somewhere safe.”
She sighs and takes the note. “Thank you, Mr. Snow.”
“Please, call me Simon. Only my students have to use my last name so I can pretend I have their respect.”
She chuckles. “Okay, Simon. It’s no wonder Jeremy says you’re his favourite teacher.”
Well, I don’t need an ego stroke (at least that’s what I tell myself), but...it’s nice. I nod with a humble smile. “Good to know.”
Jeremy runs up, wearing his bright red power rangers backpack. “Ready.”
“Awesome. Say goodbye to Mr. Snow.”
Jeremy gives me a big, full arm wave. “Bye bye, Mr. Snow.”
I tousle his hair, making him giggle. “Bye, Jeremy. See you Monday.”
“See you!” He grabs Caroline’s hand and literally skips away with her. Honestly, I’ve never seen him this happy outside of class. He usually hangs his head and slumps off after hanging around in the cubby area for as long as possible. I know the patter well. It's what I used to do before I went to Watford, when I was stuck in shitty group homes. I hope Caroline gets custody. Jeremy deserves to be happy.
Slowly but surely, I collect all my stuff, from my snot covered jacket to my book bag. I look at my phone, and see a few texts from Baz.
Baz [16:56] Hey, just wanted to reassure you that I’m not upset, I understand. I’ll get another day off eventually.
Baz [18:30] I’ve got some takeout, it’s lovely. I’ll save some for you the next time you come over ❤️
Baz [19:18] I’m going to bed soon. Hope Jeremy gets to his aunt’s safe. Good night, love.
I sigh, my heart feeling like a lead balloon. I absolutely need to make this up to him. I’ll figure something out when my brain isn’t so exhausted. For now, I can at least text him back.
Simon [19:23] Sleep well, love. I’ll talk to you in the morning ❤️
Baz doesn’t reply. He’s probably asleep. Probably...
I walk home with my shoulders slumped and feeling like an utter, utter twat.
———————————————
“I’m a dick,” I groan.
“You’re not a dick,” Penny says. “You did the right thing and kept a student safe. That makes you an incredible teacher.”
“And a crap boyfriend.” I throw my cookie dough on the counter a little too hard. It makes an awful splat noise.
“Well, maybe, but Baz has bailed because of his work as well. And he said he understood.”
I grumble as I roll out little balls between my hands. Baking always helps me calm down. Well, usually. Right now I’m close to crushing each one. “Yeah, I guess, but I still feel super bad.”
“Well, take him out on his next day off.”
“Yeah,” I chuckle darkly, “that’ll probably be in about two or three months.”
Penny sighs, sounding just as defeated as I feel. “That fucking sucks. I can’t believe his schedule is really that insane.”
“He works himself to the bone, because he’s a great doctor and he’s going to be a great psychiatrist. It just means we don’t get a lot of time together, but it’s fine.”
“No, it’s not fine. Both of you need to carve out more time for each other. You’re not the only one who is having issues, Si.”
“Yeah, but like, he can’t help but work more. Being a doctor is more demanding than being a teacher. He doesn’t have control of his hours.”
“Neither do you!” She’s practically yelling. “Being a good teacher means going above and beyond for your students. Therefore, you  have to put in extra hours if you want your students to have a great education.”
I make a semi agreement noise. My non-verbal way of saying she may have a point but I don’t like it. “Okay, maybe. But Baz doesn’t deserve to be neglected because of it.”
“Of course he doesn’t, Si, which is why you have to make time for him. And he has to do the same for you if you want this relationship to work.”
“I know you’re right, Pen, I just don’t know how.”
There’s a small pause, and I can imagine Pen stroking her chin like the old scholar she is in spirit. It’s comforting to think of. Penny thinking was a staple of the best parts of my childhood.
“What time is it where you are?” she asks.
I look down at my watch. “Uh, about 11?”
“Good. Finish what you’re baking, bring it to the hospital, surprise Baz with home baked treats. Then see if you can get Baz to go to lunch with you. If not, at least give him something to eat during his insane shift. Try to talk to him or ask him to talk about all this later. Sound doable?”
I’m grinning so wide it threatens to dislodge my earbuds. “Yeah, definitely sounds doable. Thanks, Pen.”
“No problem. Si. Now can I run this new lesson plan by you?”
“Absolutely, go ahead.”
Penny starts rattling off her curriculum points while I throw the cookies in the oven. And for the first time today, I feel good. I feel hopeful. It’s nice. I’ve missed it.
———————————————
UCLH is a towering, intimidating giant of white metal and panes of glass. It’s hard to not feel freaked out looking at it. Anytime I went to the hospital as a kid it was because of a fight at the group home or injuries from particularly awful foster parents. There was never a good reason to be here. Until now, that is.
From what I remember, Baz said he would be on psychiatry today. Problem is, I have no idea where the fuck that is. I can barely navigate my tiny school. This is an entirely different, far more sterile beast. I walk to the front desk where a man with big round glasses and very cool arm tattoos is sitting.
“Hi,” I say cheerily as possible.
“Hello,” he replies with a perfect, pearly white smile and a thick American accent. “How can I help you today?”
“Uh, I’m looking for the psychiatry wing? Specifically for Dr. Grimm-Pitch.”
“Okay. Are you a patient...?
“No, no, I’m his boyfriend. Got some stuff to drop off for him if he’s not too busy.” I hold up the Christmas tupperware filled with raspberry and white chocolate chip cookies. They’re Baz’s favourite.
The man’s eyebrows shoot up. “Oh, you’re Basil’s boyfriend?”
“Yeah, last time I checked,” I chuckle.
“Wow. Nice to finally meet you. I’m Shepard, from Omaha, Nebraska.” 
He holds out his hand, and I of course shake it. “Nice to meet you, Shepard from Omaha, Nebraska. I’m Simon, from uh, Lancashire, I guess.”
“Good too meet you too, man.” He leans his cheek on his hand. “Y’know, Basil has mentioned you exist a couple times, but won’t say anything else no matter how much I beg him.”
I shrug with a smile. “He’s a private person.”
“Yeah, but if I were dating you, I’d be bragging about it.”
Well, now my face must look utterly ridiculous. I’m twenty five years old and blushing from one compliment. “T-Thanks, wow. You’re pretty forward.”
He throws his head back laughing. “Nah, just blunt, man. And way too nosy, at least according to your boyfriend. Says I have some sort of anxiety fueled need to overshare and figure out everything about people."
"That...sounds odd."
Shepard shrugs. "Pretty sure it's made up. Besides, I already have two therapists. Don't need a third one." He laughs, and I laugh along with him. Thought part of me is truly concerned about him. Hope he's okay, he seems nice. "Anyway, I hope Basil is less intense outside of work than here.”
“Most of the time, yeah. He’s got his softer side, just has trouble showing it.”
“Believe it when I see it. Also,” he hands me a pamphlet, “psychiatry is on the fifth floor. Take the south elevator up and turn to the right. Basil should be at the front desk. Said he had patient files to sort all day.”
“Awesome, thanks.” I take out a cookie and hold it out to him. “Here, you can have this, unless you’re allergic to berries, gluten, or dairy.”
“Nope. I will happily take that.” He plucks it from my hand. “Thanks, man. Tell Basil I say hi, and I still have his pen.”
“Will do, thanks!”
He waves me off with half the cookie already in his mouth. Interesting guy. I may have to come back to talk to him more.
I follow Shepard’s instructions as best I can. Though I get lost trying to find the elevators,  twice. The halls twist and turn and loop back in on themselves. Seriously, who designed this hospital, Willy Wonka? Eventually I finally make it to the elevators and suffer in the sanitizer smelling tube for five floors. The psychiatry floor itself isn’t too bad, just kind of bland. Lots of blank grey walls and inoffensive paintings of scenic nature. And it’s pretty straight forward compared to the first floor. I just have to walk down the hall, turn at the “front desk” sign, and there will be-
I freeze in place. There’s Baz, with some redheaded guy leaning on his desk.
“Come on, Basil, you can’t be serious,” he says in a smooth, beautiful voice. “I’d totally shag Dr. Mayer over Dr. Dehnavi. Mayer has such polished charm.”
“Hm, I prefer a more ruggish look,” Baz replies with a half smile. “And Dehnavi gets that wonderful five o’clock shadow after a day of rounds.”
“True, very true. Not so hot when he’s yelling about oral board prep.”
Baz lets out a laugh, shaking his head. Wisps of black hair fall in his face. He looks at the redhead with a sly smile. “Well, I haven’t gotten to that point yet. But I do get an earful about SSRI dosage levels.”
“Oh lord, you’re giving me baby doctor flashbacks, stop. I’m scared Dr. D is going to be on the other side to yell our asses into submission.” 
They laugh together, and redhead moves closer to Baz, their hands nearly touching. My heart drops to the ground and burrows into the centre of the fucking Earth.
Baz looks at ease, content, and most of all, this guy seems to understand what the hell he’s talking about. Definitely more than I ever have. And he’s super bloody attractive. And he’s there, like I haven’t been. Fuck. Deep down, I thought this was going to happen, but it’s still ripping me apart. Baz has found someone better. I’m just the stupid poor orphaned kid he had a crush on in school. Now he’s gotten those old feelings out of his system and he’s found someone, another doctor no less, who can easily be a better boyfriend. Bloody hell, I’m about to cry. I need to go, right now.
I quietly and quickly get away. Going back through the hospital is a blur. And not just because my eyes are filled with tears and fogging up my glasses. My brain is a jumbled, heartbroken mess that can’t focus on anything. I think Shepard waves at me as I walk past but I can’t bring myself to respond right now. I don’t stop moving until I throw myself into my car, tossing the cookies on the front seat.
Finally, I have to stop. And worse I have to think. So, Baz has found a new guy. Some pretty red haired doctor who makes him laugh with doctor humour and probably doesn’t bail. He’s probably going to break up with me today. I should just break up with him, save him the hassle...
I’m gripping the steering wheel so hard my knuckles are white. My cheeks are raw from wiping tears away. I think about losing Baz, losing a chance to make things better, and it's the worst pain I've ever felt. A small part of me thought that maybe Baz was it. That he was the person I could actually, possibly spend the rest of my life with. Maybe it was a stupid thought. I was so stupid.
My head falls forward, forehead pressed against the wheel. And I just cry.
———————————————
I’ve called in sick for a week. I’ve never called in for that long, not once in my teaching career. But I can’t get off my couch, let alone leave my flat. I’ve been laying here for days, surrounded by takeaway wrappers, watching old Dr. Who episodes, cuddling Cherry nonstop. Penny is probably worried about me but I haven’t really been using my phone. I’ve tried to call Baz a few times, but always hang up before it starts dialing. I know I should just rip off the band-aid already. But I’m a coward, I guess. I’ll just lay here, waiting for Baz to call me and finally dump me. Every time I think about it, I still cry a little.
The phone rings and my heart gets so tight I can hardly breathe. Fuck, this is it. I slowly lift it up. But it’s not Baz’s photo I see, or Penny’s. Rather, it’s Agatha’s, grinning with her soft California tan. I press talk right away.
“Hello?” I say
“Oh thank god,” Agatha sighs, “you’re alive. We were all sure you’d been in a horrible accident or something!”
“Um, no, I’m fine, just a little under the weather.”
“Then why haven’t you been answering your fucking texts, you arse?!”
I move the phone away from my ear slightly to avoid hearing loss. “I told you, I’ve been sick. Haven’t felt like responding...”
“Okay, that excuse could work on Baz or even Penny, but I’m not buying it. Cut the crap, Simon, what’s wrong?”
I sigh, running a hand over my face. Well, she’s here, and I’m too tired to make up another lie. “Baz is breaking up with me.”
“What?!” I move the phone again. Agatha is going to make me go partially deaf in one phone call. “That dickhead! I- Wait, what do you mean is?”
“Well, uh...he hasn’t dumped me yet...”
Agatha takes a pause. I can imagine her expression right now. Probably a lot of confusion mixed with disbelief. “Okay, please explain this to me, because I’m so lost.”
I sit up, scratching the back of my neck. “Well, um, Baz and I have been having issues meeting up for the past month. Things kept happening. Baz had this wonderful date planned after three weeks of not seeing each other. But then a kid from my class needed someone to stay with him because his stupid parents wouldn’t show up and we had to wait for someone else. So I cancelled and Baz said he understood but I still felt awful. Then the next day I was going to bring him cookies to say sorry, but when I got there, I saw him chatting with this redhead doctor. And I realised Baz had found someone better. Hoped it wouldn't happen but yeah, he’s going to break up with me. Just waiting for him to call or come over. I’d do it myself but I’m too much of a wimp.”
There’s a long drawn out silence. The only sounds are the California waves on Aggie’s end and Cherry meowing for attention on mine. More than ever, I wish I was a mind reader. I want to know what’s going through her head. It’s probably less muddled than mine.
“Simon,” she says slowly, “I need you to know that I’m only saying this because I love you very, very much. This all comes from a place of caring.”
“Uh...okay?” Now I really need to know what’s in her head. But I think I’m about to find out.
Agatha takes a few deep breaths, and then, well...explodes. “You absolute, goddamn fucking numpty! You’re seriously throwing away objectively the best relationship you’ve ever had because you saw him chit chatting with some redheaded twat!? For Christ’s sake, Simon, this is beyond idiotic and self destructive!”
“Hey I-”
“Shush, Simon!” I shut my mouth. “I get you have some serious self esteem issues, Si, but what happened to acknowledging and dealing with them? You are not a warm body for Baz until he finds someone ‘better.’ He’s been pining after you since bloody Watford and being with you is his dream come true. I know because he’s told me so!”
My cheeks flush a little. “R-Really?”
“Yes, really! He adores you, Si, he thinks you hung the bloody moon. In no world would he just up and dump you!”
“I-I mean, yeah, but like, I’ve been an awful boyfriend lately. I wouldn’t blame him if he did...”
“You really think Basilton Pitch, king of overthinking and future psychiatrist, would dump you without first trying to talk?”
“Um, well, I can see your point.”
“Good. I promise you, Simon, he doesn’t want to break up with you. But if you don’t talk to him soon, it may be too late. So get your arse in gear and get your guy. Or I’ll come from all the way across a continent and an ocean just to smack you upside the head.”
I chuckle softly. Huh, this is the first time that’s happened in awhile. Feels good to laugh. “Okay, will do. Thank you, Ags.”
“You’re very welcome, Si. Please send me an update later so I know you’re okay? And Penny too so she doesn’t blow a gasket.”
“I promise. Talk to you later?”
“Talk to you later, Simon. Bye.”
“Bye.”
The second my phone is off, I jump up. I’m invigorated with new energy, both happy and terrified. I may have just ruined the best thing that’s ever happened to me because I’m insecure as fuck. I’ve got to fix it. Before it’s too late.
I pick up all the takeaway containers at lightning speed. They don’t all fit into my trash though (God that’s sad), so I have to get a new trash bag. At least I don’t have a depression nest anymore. That’s a good start. Next step, I run to the shower. I smell fucking ripe. No way I can apologize while smelling like the bottom of a McDonald’s dumpster. Thank every god that I still have some hot water left. I scrub quickly and furiously until I stop feeling so gross.
I jump out and go to my room. Unfortunately, I haven’t done my laundry in a week either. The only things I have are a baggy pair of jeans and one of Baz’s shirts. It’s soft cream with flower buds on it. For all his dark brooding, Baz has a thing for florals. It smells like him, cedar and bergamot with a hint of hospital antiseptic. I put it on.
I’m halfway through the buttons when I hear my door open and close. What the fuck? Who’s here? Who has a key?
“Snow?” Baz’s voice calls out. “Simon, are you here?”
Oh. Oh shit. I dash out of my room, shirt still half open. I even slide on my laminate floor like a cartoon character. Baz is standing in my entryway. And he looks like a total mess. His hair is disheveled, there are huge dark circles under his eyes, and he’s got close to an actual honest to god beard. We just stare at each other way too long. Until I can find my words again.
“Baz,” I stutter. “Hi. W-What are you-”
“Oh thank god.” He runs forward and throws his arms around me in the tightest hug I’ve ever felt. “You’re alive. I thought you were dead or in a coma or-” He pulls back. His eyebrows are all scrunched up. “Is that my shirt?”
My face starts to heat up. “Um, uh, yeah. Didn’t have anything else. I was going to see you. What are you doing here? Are you okay?”
He scoffs, but it’s with a smile. “No, not really, I’ve been worried sick all week. You weren’t answering my texts or Bunce’s. I was scared shitless. I came here because it was my last resort.” He pushes back my hair, rubbing his thumbs along my temple. It’s downright tender. “I’m just so glad you’re okay.” His hands move to my shoulders. “Where did you go?”
“I, uh-” I hang my head. “I-I did something dumb. And I got super sad and I didn’t know what to do. So I was just here a lot...”
His eyes grow wide. “You were here at your apartment? All week?”
“Um, yeah...”
He steps back and blinks. His face is just blank, and honestly it’s more freaky than him panicking. “You’ve been home alone all week, and didn’t tell me?” I nod slowly. That blank face suddenly morphs into unbridled anger. “What the fuck, Snow?! You couldn’t take two seconds to text me back to let me know you’re bloody alive?!”
“I-I didn’t know you texted.”
“Check your phone!”
I scramble over to my couch and scoop up my phone. I haven’t looked at my notifications out of fear. Oh...oh fuck. 53 missed text messages, and 42 are from Baz. My stomach feels like it’s full of rocks. I really am the worst.
“Oh god,” I say, voice very strained. “I’m so sorry, Baz, I was just so caught up in my shit, I wasn’t checking my phone-”
“Obviously.” He rubs the bridge of his nose. “Why did you come to my work?”
My eyes go very wide and my body becomes very stiff. “Wait, you saw me there?”
“No, but Shepard came to talk to me the next day. He asked if my boyfriend was alright because he ran out looking upset. I was surprised he knew who my boyfriend was, and even more so that you were there. So why were you at UCLH and talk to me?”
“Uh, I wanted to talk to you and say sorry for standing you up. B-But when I came, you were um, talking to this guy...” I curl in myself, rubbing my arm. “And I freaked out because I thought after I fucked up the date you’d found someone better and...were going to dump me.”
I look up, and Baz’s jaw is wide open. He drags his hands down his face. “Oh my god, Simon,” he groans, “after all the time we’ve spent together, I can’t believe you still think that low of me.”
“N-No! I don’t!”
“You thought I would dump you after six months together because of a cancelled date? Which you cancelled to help a neglected child?! I’m not a monster, Snow, I’d never do that.”
“Y-Yeah, I know, Baz. It’s just...” I rub the back of my neck. “When I saw you with him, it made all this shit come up and I totally panicked-”
“I understand that, Simon. But it was one conversation with another guy! Why did you ghost me instead of just talking?”
He sounds less angry, more desperate than anything. But it makes me feel even worse. “Because...because I got scared and anxious and I hated seeing it so much...yeah.”
Baz’s mouth is a thin line. “That’s not a real answer, Snow. Why on Earth did you think the worst of me instead of trying to talk?”
“It’s not about you!” I shout desperately. All the words are so muddled up, I can’t get them out. It’s not Baz’s fault, my brain is just being so unhelpful right now. I wasn’t ready for this talk, fuck.
“What does that mean? You stopped talking to me because you thought I was bloody cheating on you! How is this not about me in some capacity?!”
“I didn’t think you were cheating! I just- I thought- I just got so freaked out because I didn’t want to lose you-”
“You weren’t going to lose me!”
“But I thought I was and that scared me so much because I- well, I-”
“Because what, Snow?!”
“Because I love you, you massive arsehole!”
The room goes absolutely, perfectly silent. Baz’s lips have fallen wide open. I inhale sharply. Oh God, did I really just say that out loud? I clap a hand over my mouth and look down, trying to get my breathing under control. I can’t believe I just did that. I’m such an idiot. Baz is going to dump me for sure. Adores me or not, I’ve probably scared him off. My hand falls down.
“I’m so sorry, Baz,” I say softly. “I-I didn’t mean to say that. It just came out-”
“Did you mean it?” I lift my eyes up slightly. I expect Baz to look horrified, angry, maybe even disgusted. But instead he looks...kind of awestruck? His eyes are wider than I’ve ever seen them before. I think about lying, but I don’t think he’s upset. And I have a feeling that if I lie he will be. I think I need to stop hiding my feelings from Baz.
“Yeah. I did.”
His lips fall open even more. And I swear, he’s smiling a little. My heart is beating faster. “Seriously? You...you love me?  In love with me?”
I take a deep breath, trying to calm down my racing mind. I nod and take a small step forward. Not crowding Baz, but getting closer. “Yeah. I'm in love with you, Baz. I-I know it’s too soon, but I can’t help-”
Baz cuts me off with the most intense, head spinning, world shaking kiss of my life. He presses the small of my back with one hand and grabs my curls with the other. I literally stumble backwards from it. Baz takes the chance to press me against my hallway wall. Like he’s shielding from the world with his own body. He’s kissing me so hard, so passionately, and I can’t help but melt. 
Is this Baz’s way of saying he loves me too? I don’t know. Honestly, I don’t care. This is heavenly to the Nth degree. I’m good at turning off my brain when needed. So that’s exactly what I do.
I push back against Baz with equal force. He groans so deeply it makes me shudder. I grip his face tight, pushing my fingers through his tangled but still soft hair. He drags his tongue along my bottom teeth, slowly and carefully. I nearly melt into a puddle. We’ve never kissed like this before. Even our most intense snogging sections don’t come close. It’s like Baz is trying to touch and grab every part of me but can’t decide which. I don’t mind. He can have it. I’d give him all that I am and more. I’d tie our hearts together, chamber by chamber.
Baz runs his hands down my thigh. I can feel the heat through my trackies. He hooks under one of my knees, pulling it up. I think I get the message. (I hope). I jump, fully prepared to fall flat on my arse, but Baz catches me easily. I wrap my legs around his waist while he holds me up above him. Christ, he’s strong. It’s so hot. And I love this angle, because I can snog the life out of him more easily. This is amazing. But I still want more.
I pull off his mouth (sadly), just enough so I can speak. “Bed?”
Baz just nods and kisses me again. He pulls us off the wall. He barely stumbles as he walks us through my flat. I scramble to unbutton his shirt. I know Baz is really into this because he’s making no fuss about me possibly ruining his clothes. Soon enough, we stumble into my bedroom. Baz quickly kicks the door shut, cutting off the rest of the world, and I don’t mind one bit.
———————————————
Baz and I roll apart solely because we need to breathe. Our chests are heaving. My blankets and sheets are completely tangled around us. I’m more sweaty than the one time I tried to go to a cross fit class. However, this was a way better workout. I’m glad I kept all those supplies in my nightstand.
So, now I know what sex with Baz is like. It’s sweaty, vigorous, a little awkward, and so,  so  incredible. Pretty sure my brains have been thoroughly fucked out. It takes me a few panting moments for me to muster up a singular word.
“Wow,” I say. My voice is really hoarse, but I absolutely don’t mind.
Baz lets out a small laugh. His voice sounds rough too. It’s really hot. “Still very eloquent.”
“Fuck off.” I lightly push his sweaty shoulder. But when I start to pull back, Baz grabs my wrist and tugs me towards him. Before I know it, Baz is kissing me again. It’s soft, slow but so unbelievably hot. I completely melt into his arms. He’s so warm and strong and I could spend an eternity wrapped up in him. No more work or life, just Baz and I in this bed forever. My god that would be a dream come true.
He pulls off to kiss across my cheeks, then down my neck. He already knows the exact spots that drive me insane. (Well, Baz has always been a quick study.) My eyes flutter closed. I’m falling into that haze again, where my head gets foggy and I can only think in “yes” and “please” and  “more.” Part of me wants to sink back into that bliss, but the aching of my out of shape muscles is unfortunately more insistent.
“Baz,” I whisper, “as much as I would like a fourth round, I’d also like to be able to walk tomorrow.”
Baz groans, but relents and rolls onto his back. We settle for just staring at each other. I don’t mind. Baz is always gorgeous but he is a different kind of beautiful right now. His face is all flushed, pupils blown wide, black hair plastered to his damp forehead. And I thought I couldn’t get more attracted to him.
“You alright?” he asks.
“Yeah, absolutely.” I cup his face, running a thumb on his cheekbone. “You?”
“I’m bloody fantastic.” He spreads his fingers out on my side, tracing the most delicate patterns that make me shudder. “Can’t believe I was so scared of this.”
My heart beats faster as my eyebrows scrunch up. “Scared? Of what?  Me? I’m sorry-”
“Don’t apologize, Snow. I wasn’t scared of you, not at all.” He sighs and pulls me a little bit closer. “I just built up sex with you so much in my head that it became overwhelming. I was terrified of fucking it up after wanting it for so long.”
“Yeah, I’ve been thinking about it from the start too. Six months of sexual tension really mess with your head.”
He chuckles. I like the way his breath hits my skin. “Simon, love, I first fantasised about sleeping with you when we were 15.”
I was already flushed, but now I’m on fire. It’s a miracle I’m not a pile of ash right now. I flap my mouth open and closed like a fish for too long. Baz just smiles at me like I’m beautiful or something, not a total deer in the headlights.
“R-Really?” I finally get out. “That long?!”
“Mhm. I told you, Snow, I figured out I wanted you in fifth year. Puberty was a bloody nightmare with you right across the room.” We laugh quietly together. But I genuinely feel bad for Baz. I hold the back of his head, running my fingers through his soft hair.
“I’m sorry you went through that, love. Must’ve been awful.”
Baz sighs, putting his hand on mine. “Thank you. At least things worked out in the end." He pecks the tips of my fingers. "I’m glad we finally did this. Real life was far better than any fantasy.”
I kiss the corner of his smile. He giggles, so small and adorable, something I never would’ve thought Baz was capable of until six months ago. I’m so happy. And my heart sinks, thinking about how this was almost over because I was so insecure.
“I’m sorry,” I blurt out, and Baz’s face becomes much more serious. “I-I’m sorry that I vanished without telling you. That was immature and dumb. And I’m sorry for scaring you. I promise I won’t ever do that again.”
Baz nods slowly, mouth twisting from side to side. He brings our hands between us, holding me tight. “I accept your apology. Just, what happened, love? I’m still not sure what you meant.”
Well, I knew this was coming. Doesn’t make it any easier. I clutch him hard, like I’m scared he’ll go. But if the last hour or two means anything, I don’t think he will. Still, I hold him tight.
“That’s a long story,” I sigh.
Baz presses his lips to the back of my hand. It’s firm and comforting. “You can tell me. It’s okay.”
I carefully roll onto my back. Baz goes onto his side, propping his head up with his free arm. We keep our hands together. I really can’t let go of him right now.
“I meant it when I said it wasn’t about you,” I say. “It’s really not. I don’t think you’re a terrible person who would dump or cheat on me. It’s more that...that I was scared and felt worthless. Part of me has always felt worthless, unlovable. Sometimes my brain is like ‘your own parents didn’t want you, why would anyone else?’”
“Simon-”
“You don’t need to tell me it’s not true, Baz, I know. Most of me does, anyway. But sometimes that mean voice gets louder, and it’s been louder lately. Not because of you, not really. It’s because I think you’re incredible and brilliant and that mean voice kept telling me ‘why the hell is he with you? He’s way too good for you. He’ll find someone better.’ And after weeks of missed dates and the whole dinner fiasco, it got worse. Then when I saw you with the other doctor I guess the anxiety just took over. And I just sort of shut down.”
Baz moves closer. “I’m sorry, that’s horrible.”
“Thanks.” I sigh and run a hand through my tangled hair, like I’m trying to pull the stress out of myself. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you this. I didn’t want to dump all my shit on you. It’s a lot to deal with and I should deal with it on my own, not pull you in.”
“Simon,” Baz says firmly, holding himself above me, “you can absolutely pull me into your shit. I want to know everything you’re worried and scared about, so I can be there to help if you want. You never have to hide anything because I love every single part of you, no matter how insecure or sad.”
I stare at him for too long. My heartbeat is roaring in my ears. Slowly, a smile stretches out across my face. “You love me?”
Baz’s face pulls together in confusion, and for a moment I’m scared he’s going to take it back, because I’m not worth it. But then I push that fear down because Baz cares about me. He’s shown that again and again. I'm not unworthy of his love.
“Did I not say it?” he says, genuinely surprised and concerned.
“I mean, maybe, but things were a bit...chaotic before.” My eyes flick over to our rumpled clothing strewn across my room. It honestly looks like a tornado somehow hit both a Primark and a Topshop. Baz laughs with a nod.
“Okay, good point. Let me correct that then.” He delicately holds my chin, making sure our eyes meet. Black hair surrounds his face like a dark halo. His deep sea eyes sparkle with his gorgeous smile. Everything about him is absolutely stunning. “I love you, Simon Snow. I’ve been in love with you since we were kids, because you are the most kind, most caring, most wonderful man I’ve ever known. You are not a holding place or my second choice. Got that?”
I nod very vigorously. I can’t speak right now, my throat is too filled up with all my emotions for words. I wipe my snot and tears with the back of my hand. Extremely unsexy. God I’m a mess. But Baz still looks at me like I’m the most gorgeous thing in the world, because he loves me, imperfections and all. 
“Don’t cry, love,” Baz chuckles, “it’s okay.”
“Just overwhelmed,” I say, still sniffling, “and happy. I love you too.”
Baz kisses my forehead.  “I know, and I’m very happy as well.” He tucks his head into the crook of my neck. “Not to get all psychiatrist, but these issues of hidden insecurities and fear we both have are going to reoccur if we don’t communicate more.”
I nod, rubbing the arm he has across my chest. “Yeah, I agree.”
“Good.” He rolls slightly, chin placed on my shoulder. “In the name of communication then, I think not seeing each other for weeks on end isn’t good for us. We need to try to meet in person more.”
“Yeah, definitely. I think not seeing you for a while made my anxiety get worse. Thought you would dump me because it was too hard for us to meet up.”
“Honestly,” Baz sighs, “I felt something similar. Not as badly as you, I think, but still not fun. The self deprecating part of me wondered when you would finally get sick of my insane schedule and break up with me. I’m not exactly the easiest person to date. Or the easiest person, period.”
I laugh quietly and tug him closer. "Me neither, love."
Baz smiles all the way to his ears. He kisses me firmly, making my head spin, before pulling me away just as quickly. Our noses stay pressed together. “Suppose we match then, love.”
I throw my arms around his neck. I’m grinning, I can’t stop grinning. “And you like that?”
“I love it.”
“Me too.” I press against his back, reveling in his warm, smooth skin. “I promise to make more time for you. I want this to work. ”
Baz kisses a mole on my cheek. “So do I. I’m in this for the long haul, Simon.”
“Good, because I’m not letting you go.”
“I would love nothing more.”
I grab Baz’s head and smash our mouths together again. Baz instantly returns it, holding me tight. His body is a warm blanket on top of me, protecting me from anything bad in the world. Yeah, I could spend the rest of my life with Baz. I want that so much. Our snogging gets more intense. And each of us can definitely feel our mutual arousal pressed against our thighs.
Baz pulls off my mouth, but only a little. “What happened to needing to walk tomorrow?”
I shrug with a sly smile. “Eh, who needs walking? You can just carry me everywhere.”
He grins once before kissing me hard. I’m truly a lucky guy. And it’s incredible that Baz thinks the same. I’m living a charmed life.
———————————————
Three months later
“Y’know,” I pant, “you could help.”
Baz looks up from his phone, one eyebrow propped up. “Who carried all your KitchenAid hardware to our new place?”
“Okay, yeah, but that was  down the hall, not up four flights of stairs.” I drop another box of books and breathe heavily.
“That mixer was very heavy.”
“Baz.”
He lets out a very dramatic groan, making a show of hanging his head over the back of Penny’s settee. “Fine. I’ll help.”
I don’t miss the joking glint in his eyes. Arsehole. He just likes making a show of it. He kisses my cheek on the way out. I slap his arse, making him yelp, but his smirk tells me he’s not upset at all.
“Are you two flirting?” Penny calls out from the hall. “I told you, my flat is a flirt free zone!”
“No flirting, Bunce,” Baz says. “Just some light groping on Snow’s part.”
Penny groans so loud I’m pretty sure the whole floor can hear her. She walks in with a box filled with figurines. She glares at me viciously. I throw my hands up in surrender.
“I slapped his arse, didn’t grab it.”
“That’s not much better, Si.” She places the box on the ground and puts her hands on her hips. “Focus more on moving and less on your boyfriend’s arse.”
“Aw, don’t be mad, Pen, I’m sorry.” I wrap her up in a tight hug, and she holds me just as close. She’s been doing that a lot lately. I don’t mind. “Y’know, that offer to fly to Chicago and kick Micah’s arse is still on the table.”
That finally makes her laugh. She shakes her head against my chest. “No, it’s alright. I’m mad but not really vengeful. He tried to break up with me, I just wasn’t listening to him.”
“Still not an excuse to start dating someone else.”
“Yeah, I guess," she sniffles. "Thanks for subletting your flat to me."
I kiss the top of her head. "You're very welcome, Pen. Anything for you."
She holds me tighter. I let her hang on to me. It’s the least I can do.
“After all the fuss you made about me helping,” Baz shouts, “now you’re just standing there, Snow? Really?”
I sigh and look up over Penny’s head. Baz is balancing two large boxes because he likes to show off how strong he is. But he’s being helpful, and his strength is hot, so I don’t mind.
“I am comforting my friend,” I say, tone very high and mighty and mocking.
“Yes, but avoiding work must be a plus.”
“Oh, absolutely. And teasing you.”
Penny laughs and pulls back from me, looking at Baz as he puts down the boxes. “As a psychiatrist, you think it says something that even though you’re together now, you two still bicker like in school?”
Baz tilts his head side to side, stroking his chin like a great scholar. “Probably could say something about regressing to old patterns of behaviour from when we were children. But now after time together, working out our issues, and forming better patterns of behaviour, the bickering is now a show of affection rather than true antagonism. Therefore it has transformed into a healthy relationship feature from a bad one. A rare but possible event.”
Penny blinks at him. I’m trying to hide my blush. Don’t really want Penny to know how hot I find Baz being all smart and shit. Still have no idea what he’s talking about, but now I definitely want to rip his clothes off. Penny would kill me though. Murder would not be sexy.
“God,” she chuckles, “you really are a psychiatrist.”
“Yeah he is!” Shepard stumbles in, a box wobbling precariously on his arms. “Either that or he’s a weirdo who enjoys being in a hospital all the time for some reason.” The box tips over. I run up and catch it just in time. “Oh, whoops, sorry.”
“You break it, you suffer Bunce’s wrath, Shep,” Baz says.
“Damn right you do.” Penny walks past him, leveling a look over her glasses. Shepard gulps and watches her as she goes downstairs. And he follows her to help, looking totally out of it.
A pair of familiar arms wrap around my waist. Baz rests his chin on my shoulder. “In my humble psychiatrist opinion, I think our dear American might have a little crush on Bunce.”
I chuckle, cupping his cheek. “I wouldn’t blame him. Pen is pretty awesome.”
“Oh," he says with a teasing lilt, "should I be worried that she’s living down the hall from us now?”
I scoff and roll my eyes like he does at stupid people on telly. “Should  I be worried about you working with Dr. Lamb?”
Baz makes a very unattractive dry heaving sound. “Never. That backstabbing twat can go eat a bag of rusty screws. Only reason I give him the time of day is because he’s got my supervisor wrapped around his stupid finger.”
“And if you piss him off you’ll lose important psychiatry rounds, yes, yes, I know. He’s still gonna try to flirt with you.”
“Yeah, because he’s a twat. But I only want you.” He kisses a mole on my neck, his favourite one. “I love you, Simon.”
I kiss his temple. “I love you too.”
“I love you  so much I’m willing to give up my lovely condo to move into your weird exposed brick hipster building.”
I scoff and turn to him, arms around his slender neck. “Wasn’t it  your idea to move into a bigger place here because it’s closer to both of our workplaces?”
He smiles, kissing the tip of my nose. Bastard. I hated his teasing in school, but he’s right, now it’s out of love. Crazy, stupid, wonderful love. “Since when do you listen to me?”
“You have a good idea every once in a while.”
“How about this one?” He kisses me firmly. When he pulls back a little, my heart is beating rapidly.
“Yeah, I like that one.”
“Good.” We kiss again, soft and slow. Never before have I felt so safe and content kissing someone. Baz can hold me close and make all my worries go away. Part of me still can’t believe I get to have this. A person who adores me completely, including every single weird, flawed, stupid part too. But I have to stop thinking like that. I’m allowed to be happy. I’m allowed to be with someone so incredible. And someone so incredible can absolutely love me back. The work we've both put in to being together shows our mutual care again and again. We deserve to be happy together. It's amazing.
“Oh for fuck’s sake!” Baz and I pull apart to look at Penny’s glaring face. “We leave you two alone for five minutes and you’re already defiling my apartment?”
“This is still technically Snow’s flat, you know,” Baz says smoothly.
“And you don’t want to know how we’ve already defiled it.” I give the biggest shit eating grin I can.
Penny waves her hands in front of herself. “Nope, nope, I’d rather live in blissful ignorance. Also, Simon," Penny hands me an envelope, "postman came. This is for you. Thought I'd grab it before they accidentally delivered it to me."
I rip it open with ease. Inside is a paper with familiar terrible handwriting. I grin ear to ear. Baz looks over my shoulder. "What is it?"
"It's from Jeremy." I scan down the letter. Luckily I'm adept at deciphering kid writing. "He says he misses me but likes his aunt's place a lot. They garden a lot and he's playing football on a community team.:
"All sound great," Penny says, having moved to the shoulder not occupied by Baz.
"Yeah, definitely. Oh, and he's got a new kitten. And guess what he named him?"
"What?" Penny and Baz say at the same time. It's pretty hilarious but I keep myself from laughing to avoid any glares.
"Snow." I hold up a Polaroid picture of a grinning Jeremy holding a small, fluffy white cat. Both of them can't help but make awing noises.
"Adorable," Baz says. "You did a good job with that kid, Snow."
I kiss his cheek. "Thanks, love."
"I want a cat," Penny sighs. Her nose scrunches up. "Am I going to turn into a crazy cat lady?"
"Hey," I say, "you were the one who told me that was a sexist stereotype. So no, you're going to be a very sane, wonderful, brilliant cat lady." I lean closer, whispering in her ear. "And maybe, once you feel better, you can try talking to a certain American. I think he's got a thing for you."
Penny sticks her tongue out, but before she can respond, Shepard comes stumbling in with a box of china. He places it very carefully. I can see him not so subtly watching Penny out of the corner of his eye. I don't think he wants to piss her off again. “Okay, I think that’s all of it. Wow, a lot of books. Reminds me of my Mom's office back in Omaha.”
"So I remind you of your mum?" Penny asks, arms crossed over her chest. Shepard's eyes go wide. I snort into Baz's shoulder
"No! No, definitely not, I just mean...you're both super smart."
Penny scoffs. "Good answer, American. Now let's get all my books unpacked."
I groan loudly. “Come on, Pen, not today. Why don’t we go to mine and Baz’s flat and we’ll make you dinner?”
“You mean I’ll be making dinner.” Baz raises his eyebrow at me. “You can’t cook, Simon.”
“I’ve been learning!”
He sighs over dramatically. “Very well. You can chop the onions.”
“I’ll take it.” I put my arm on Penny’s shoulders. She leans into me like always. “Come on, let’s eat.”
“Can I come?” Shepard asks, beaming wide. Who could say no to that face?
“Of course! You deserve a reward for all your hard work.”
“Awesome!” He dashes up beside Pen, looking all cute. And I can see Penny smiling, just a little. I’m glad to see her happy.
I put Jeremy's letter in my pocket. It's going right on the fridge the second we get to mine and Baz’s new place. Baz takes my hand in his, weaving our fingers together. He smiles, looking at me from the corner of his eye. I feel like I could fly on the power of love alone right now.
God, I truly have an amazing life.
———————————————
Awwww stupidly in love, just how I like it. Tbh I started writing this before Wayward So came out, and after I decided I wanted to deal with their communication issues like in the book but resolve them. I'm not throwing shade, just stating an opinion, plz don't kill me lol. But I do hope you all liked it! I never planned on writing a sequel but sometimes shit works out like that. I do have another idea for a short one shot but don't hold me to that, life is pretty nuts rn and I don't have a lot of free time, hence why this took me so long. Anyway, have a good day/night y'all!
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stonecoldcrazy0510 ¡ 5 years ago
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Baking with the boys // Freddie Mercury / Roger Taylor blurb
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A/N: Guys, here we go again. I wrote another thing and I kind of like it. Inspired by true events (aka me struggling with american recipes). Sadly I don’t have any of the Queen boys around to help me hahaha
It’s kind of a sequel to “A night at the pub” since the same girl is appearing, but you don’t have to read it to understand this little blurb.
If you want the peanut butter recipe, hit me up, but the cookies were really not that good hahaha
Soo have fun while reading, and as always: If there are any ideas or wishes for other blurbs / one shots, let me know!!
______________________________________________
,,Oh bloody hell, this is pure shit!”, I cursed under my breath, reading the recipe in front of me once again. How the hell were these Americans able to bake like that? Measuring in cups? What was that supposed to mean? I sighed, pushing a strand of my black hair aside while trying to make sense of this nonsense. One of my best friends had moved to the US after we finished school and we sent each other packages here and there with sweets and letters to keep up about what was going on in each other’s lives.
This time she’d also sent me a magazine and I found this recipe of delicious looking peanut butter cookies that I absolutely wanted to try out… plus, I knew that the boys always were super hungry in the studio and I just wanted to treat them with something sweet. But well, when I’d made that plan I didn’t think that it was this complicated to bake some bloody cookies. 
I’d already called my mom and my grandma and they both had something different to say about this measurement so now I was even more confused than before. Okay, whatever… I guess I just had to improvise somehow. Of course I could’ve called Anna, but it was night time where she was, so that was not really an option right now. 
,,What are you up to in our kitchen?”, Roger’s voice made me look up from the recipe in front of me. Yes, I burrowed the kitchen of Roger and the other guys for my experiment, since I almost lived here anyway. With an exasperated sigh I threw my hands in the air and then shrugged my shoulders. ,,I don’t even know, to be honest. I mean… originally I wanted to bake cookies for you guys for when you’re in the studio later but this recipe is just… bollocks!”
,,Okay, let me see!”, he grabbed the magazine from the counter and I couldn’t help but smile and roll my eyes, which didn’t go unnoticed by him. ,,What?” ,,So you really think you can make sense of this?”
,,Roger and making sense in one sentence? Oh dear, this can’t be right”, Freddies voice appeared and I sighed again. Oh well, this could only end in chaos. Just a moment later he’d snatched the magazine from Rogers hands and read the recipe, but with each word the look on his face became more confused.
,,Oh, for gods sake, I don’t have any idea about this cooking thing. I can make tea and that’s it, but don’t trust Roger!” ,,You can’t even make tea, stop lying. I’m surprised you didn’t starve yet but that’s only because at least you know how to use a phone and order Pizza!” ,,Oh shut up, you load of tart. At least I can write better songs than you!”
,,Okay, that’s enough boys!”, I chimed in, grabbing the magazine and putting it back on the counter. ,,We’re not in kindergarden. Let’s bake these bloody cookies”
It didn’t even take five minutes until I was done with the dough and it didn’t even look that bad. I just took the same amount of sugar as peanut butter, added an egg and mixed all the ingredients, all while the boys curiously looked over my shoulder. At least they’d gone quiet by now. 
,,Are you just gonna stare or are you gonna help me?” ,,Are you joking? You said you were making them for us!”, Roger scoffed but I didn’t care. Freddie on the other hand seemed to be eager and went to wash his hands, a grumpy Roger following him, before they appeared again.
,,So all we have to do is roll this dough into tiny balls and then we’re gonna place them on the baking tray. We just have to leave some space between them or we’re gonna end up with one huge cookie!” ,,Well, I suppose Roger knows all about tiny balls since his are the same size!”
I couldn’t help but snicker while Roger shot his friend a deadly look, but all Freddie did was shrug his shoulders and then burst out laughing. God and there were people out there who thought that dealing with kids was exhausting… 
Without any further comment I took a bit of the dough and rolled it in my hands to form a ball, which I then placed on the baking tray in front of me. The boys watched me at first but then they tried it themselves… and well, it was a disaster. You couldn’t really name these bits of dough balls… those were… sausages? Rocks? I didn’t know but they were definitely not round. And when they weren’t forming these creatures, they were just eating the dough.
,,You know what? You guys go and sit down and relax or whatever but I’m gonna finish this by myself!” ,,Are you firing us right now?”, Roger looked at me, dropping another one of these failures on the baking tray. ,,Uhm, yes, I suppose you could call it that!” ,,That is outrageous! We were just getting good at this!”, Freddie almost yelled, putting one hand on his hip and shaking his hand.
,,Whatever, I’m gonna go have a smoke and then I’m gonna try our delicious cookies! Just wait and see, they’re gonna be perfect!”, with that said, Roger put the tray into the oven, before he took my hand and pulled me with him onto the tiny balcony. We were followed by Freddie and while Roger smoked his cigarette, the boys started talking about their upcoming recording session and a few gigs that they were gonna play over the next few weeks.
I just stood there and listened, enjoying the fresh air and the company of those two, especially being so close to Roger who had one of his arms wrapped around my waist. I really didn’t think it would come this far when he chatted me up that one night in the pub and-
,,What’s that smell?”, Freddie got me out of my thoughts and I gasped when I smelled it too. ,,THE COOKIES!”, I yelled, hurrying back inside. I opened the door of the oven and a huge cloud of smoke greeted me, making me cough… ,,Fuck!”, with some towels I got the baking tray out but all I was left with was burned cookies that looked and smelled horrible.
,,Oh won’t you look at that, darling? Who’s fired now?”, Freddie looked at me, a cocky grin on his face, while Roger was standing behind him chuckling. What a huge failure.
,,Guess I’m gonna order you guys some Pizza in the studios later…”
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lockdownuk ¡ 4 years ago
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Lockdown Diary Part 8
A personal account during the lockdown in the UK due to the Covid-19 outbreak.
23/03/2020 8:30pm Boris Johnson, UK Prime Minister, gives a live address to the nation to, effectively, put the country on lockdown to stem the spread of the deadly coronavirus strain, Covid-19.
Many of us have been self-isolating for days but this latest development within the UK in reaction to the pandemic feels very serious and very scary. I decided to keep a simple diary and where better but online.
Day 211: I stayed up till 5am last night. The last thing I watched was Ronny Chieng, a Malaysian comic in the states. It was a Netflix comedy special and bloody funny. Other than that, a quiet night, nowhere near as fucked as Friday night. As I type, I am about to finish off spicy af sausage cassserole for tea and watch a film - all quite sedate. I’ve work tomorrow, after all!
Day 212: Every time I try and watch something on Amazon Prime, it errors or doesn’t load so I have to uninstall and reinstall, which is a pain the fucking arse. Glad I don’t pay for it. I watched half of the Tom Hanks film last night, A Beautiful Day in the Neighbourhood, based on a real life children’s TV actor. It’s good but weird. I’ll finish it tonight. Jo Broom called and told me (well, reminded me of, actually) some good info, especially about insulin lasting 4 hours and the liver producing sugar for when you wake up). Day 213: I didn’t watch the rest of that Tom Hanks film last night, doing so right now. I got a call @5.30pm from Tall Tom asking to pop round which he did (social-distancing at the front door). He dropped of a canvas print he’d ordered of on eof my pictures from FB. Fucking gobsmacked! That’s how much he likes them. I am still in shock. What a brilliant thing to do! Day 214: Finished  A Beautiful Day in the Neighbourhood last night, I enjoyed it. Today has been standard. Half way through the third week back from furlough and, while I am still very glad to be working, I now also relish pasrt of being paid 80% for fuck all! My walks have been tentative today, I have done something to my right ankle, it feels sore but OK when walking at pace. My phone and Google Fit are playing up - I am suddenly walking 8km/h! Day 215: Phoned Dad - Rita sent an email a couple of days ago telling of a lump in his ear which he had removed and they are going to check for cancer. When I spoke with him it was usual dad - nothing to worry about. He spoke very highly of the staff at Stamford Hospital where he had it done. They took skin from his nesxk to put on his ear lobe where they performed the op.  I had pie and veg tonight. It’s a real change and I am stuffed as I type this. SB pee-ed me off at work big time late this afternoon. Diary updated! Day 216: Dan’s in court today for his drink driving escapade. I think he’s pleading not guilty - I’m not sure, neither has he been each time I have talked to him about it. It was scheduled at 4pm and he’s meant to let me know how it went. As I type, it’s just gone 9pm. Fuck knows what’s happening. I guess he’ll let me know in his own time. Meanwhile, work was OK, nothing hectic, I am on my first Friday beer, just about to eat meatballs and pasta and watch Taxi, a film written by Luc Besson. End of my 3rd week back and it’s a bit like I wasn’t furloughed for 6 months!
Day 217: I switched off that Taxi film after 30 minutes. It was bollocks. Dan got a 20 month ban (reduced to 15, if he does a course, which he says he will) and £1100 fine. At least it’s over and done with now. I got up at gone 2pm today. I have to cut this late sleeping habit out at the weekends. That being said, it’s 8.40pm, just about to dive in the shower, eat and then get on it. Clocks go back later so I’ve an extra hour to play with!
Day 218: Still managed to stay up stupidly late last night, up at before 1pm (but in real terms, that’s just before 2pm!)  Had a video chat with Fog - I was meant to go up to his yesterday to listen to the footy but, ‘cos I was up so late, I didn’t. Anyway, during our chat, we’ve decidied to go to Honolulu when it’s safe, specifically to go to McDs. It was a bizarre conversation - I can’t actually remember the details!
Day 219: The lady (I think it’s a lady) from the Oundle Chronicle emailed to say she didn’t think William (the student) has contacted me (he has but is fucking useless), so she’s found some questions for me to answer and wants me to pick my favourite 4 (hi-res) photos. I’ve written a couple of paragraphs that answer her questions and I was to pick photos that have had the most likes on FB - finding that info out, without trawling back over my posts, is easier said than done! Got the car tyres sorted today - an advisory from the MOT that Julian did last week.. I do like Oundle Tyre and Exhaust centre. Work was fine. Marke had to deal with Eileen Baxter and chatted to me about it. I had it all the week before last. She’s delightful but the least IT savvy person I have ever known in a workplace whereby a computer is integral to the role!
Day 220: I’ve been doing press-ups and toe tocuhes after each exercise for a little while now. 7 press-ups, doesn’t sound much but when I did it before and rapidly increased the numbers (up to 22), it played havoc with my shoulder which I thought was becoming frozen. So, I will icrease the amount slowly. I can just about touch my toes now. When I started, I barely got past my fucking knees! Work was standard today and I had an interesting chat with a recruiter about a job at Jagex, a computer game firm responsible for Runescape which is, apparently, a big deal. Posh playing tonight. At one point, when leading at home to Burton we were top. Now it’s 2-2 with minutes to go and we’re third with fucking Lincoln top. Day 221: I sent an email to Shirley from HR (re) asking about the salary discrepancy between mine and Mark’s. She’s going to talk to me tomorrow about it. I had a lomng chat with Barrzy tonight, always good to catch up and reminisce. I’ve just had two sausage rolls (on the cheap shelf from Co-Op, Dauphinoise dotatoes (ditto), mixed green veg and onion gravy for tea and I am fucking stuffed.
Day 222: Typing at gone 4pm on day 223! Had a meet with Shirley. No dice on the pay until it can be reviewed next year. All pay reviews are on hold. She explained that the salary offer was based on available budget rather than a pay grade or bench mark. Day 223: Typing this very late on day 224. Usual Friday. Work, beers, bed at 5am. went up Fog’s for a couple and watched Train to Busan. Day 224: I swore blind, when I woke and got up (2.24pm) I would have a day off from exercise. Stair climb and 10km walk done! Leigh from Oundle Chronicle messaged chasing my answers for the article. Last night, someone posted such great pics on the Oundle Chatter group that it makes me think twice about posting my photos. I tell everyone I just point and snap with my phone camera and, while it is the phone camera, I do so much pissing about with Google photos I feel like a con, it doesn’t sit well with me. Made lasagne for tea. Fucking lush - lardons, scothc bonnet and an Oxo cube really helped, I think. It’s 11:44pm as I type, 15 mins and I’ll deliver K’s birthday card. Not sure what I am hoping to come out of that, really. Just can’t let go! Day 225: Stupidly late one again last night. Up at 2pm. I’ve responded to Leigh at the Oundle Chronicle - why I make it so hard, I do not know, I really overthink some things.  Eye appointment tomorrow, 9.50am, which Sam, Mr. Minos’s secretary offered me when she called on friday. Sueanne was very cool about it when I checked it was OK. So, now I am fretful of what will happen! More lasering, I reckon.
Day 226: Eye clinic was not great. I need lasering in my right eye, so that will be both eyes. Mr. Hussain, the consultant that ive seen loads including today, explained that the field of vision is affected that it can mean I am not allowed to drive. In one eye it doesn’t matter, in both the DVLA will order a test and, if the field isn’t wide enough, means I won’t get a license to drive. Shit! K WhatsApp to thank me for the card plus some ‘chat’ which ended uninvitingly (i.e., end of conversation!). I just replied that I was glad she liked it (the card),
Something is up with my left thumb, it’s sore by the nail, as if it’s ingrowing, but it isn’t. Fuck knows what it is and it’s really bothering me, very painful. Pretty shit day, all in all. Day 227: Called the surgery about my thumb and Dr. leijsen called me back, asked some questions about the photo (I had to take a pic and send it in), including whether there’s any pus, and then said she’ll prescribed anti-biotics. Later today, it started to leak pus, and feel better! But, it’s still not right so I’‘l take the course. Looks like I have got an interview for the IT support job at Jagex, got a call from the recruiter today, just need confirmation. Spoke with Shirley from HR about the fact I might not be able to drive in the future. She was pretty cool about it in a kind of cross-that-bridge way and suggested I run it past Sueanne.
Day 228: Spoke with Sueanne about my impending eye lasering which is on Friday ay 3.30pm, the hospital called to let me know, she was very cool about it and even suggested I take Monday off! More importantly, she spoke of the non-driving as no factor to worry about job wise, especially as we are all WfH nowadays. I have an interview at Jagex, well, Zoom, but it is on Friday, 1pm.
Day 229: Told Mark at work about the lasering adn potential non-driving. I think it shocked him a little. I am worried about tomorrow, big time, although it’s just lasering - I’ve had it done before. I cannot wait for this time tomorrow (9.40pm). I have been trying to concentrate on preparing for the interview but it’s all too easy to get distracted. Day 230: Interview went OK. Eye appointment was horrible but bearable. The doc wants me to book in for more laser but, only so it can be reviewed and ‘topped up’ if need be. Better than a going for a check up and having to book another laser appointment thereafter. It’s near enough 9.00pm and I am going to enjoy a bear or two.
Day 231: No after affects to speak of from the eye appointment but I know lasering has occurred. It’s like I haven’t got the full set of cells recieve information from yje pupil. It’s intangible but still perceptible. Great walk today, took some cracking photos - very pleasing. More booze and draw tonight and, hopefully, up tomorrow before the 2.20pm wake up time of today. Posh beat Oxford away (1-2) in the FA Cup 1st round.
Day 232: 2pm by the time I got out of bed. I’ve got to curb this habit. Missed calls from Dad but answered one from Rita just before going for a walk when I promised to phone tomorrow. Day 233: I think SB wa surprised was at work today. I ordered two rugs (from irugs.co.uk). They are 8x5″ and were 75% off, £58 ea. One for under the table (desk) and I put one in the spare room. Hopefully keep the house a tad warmer. Getting into Barry on Sky Comedy. Barry’s a hit man. It’s darkly intriguing. I took a couple of pics of a solitary poppy today, icuding a couple of macros. They turned out OK so will post one on Wednesday (11/11).  Talking of photos, two people (one is Alison Brighty) asked for a jpeg of one of the photos I posted on Saturday so they can get it printed. 
Day 234: Spoke with dad today, let him know the situation with my eyes which, I think worries him, so I hate to do it but, also, he needs to know, just in case.
Day 235: The poppy pic I posted was very well received, over 160 likes on the Oundle chatter page and Jo Langford wants the original (why she can’t take it of FB?) to print off, which is nice. I am working on Saturday - gotta attend a meeting at 8am. FFS! SB also agreed for me to back on call, cool!
Day 236: Average sort of day. I really wish I wasn’t working on Saturday! OH, Dan messaged...first I’ve heard from him for over two weeks...he’s got two days of so he can watch all the US Masters which started today, and was good watching. So, not that average a day afterall, now that I think back on it. Day 237: Woke up at 9.14am today, yikes! Messaged with Dan a lot as he is home watching the US Masters...told him abbout my eye issues and the fact there’s a chance of losing my driving license. Also, in a silly facebook post and comments, about me not being able to drink tonight ‘cos of work tomorrow, Scottish Ricky asked if I was OK. I replied, not really, meaning that I’m pissed off I can’t get pissed. He messaged to say if I ever need to chat. Fucking great bloke. I rang him to let him know I was not being serious on FB and we chatted for 30 mins or so. Top man. still, it does remian that I am missing a beer this Friday - roll on tomorrow night!
Day 238: Work thsi morning was OK, finished at midday. Watchung golf, having abeer or two right now (just gone 8pm). Posh lost away to Crewe 0-2. Day 239: Up at 2pm after a good few drinks last night (and some silly video posting on FB of me  trying shit lager - Corrs Light - with hot sauce). Just settling down to watch Dustin Johnson win the Masters - he’s -20 with 2 to play, no one near him.
Day 240: I ordered some slippers from Amazon that arrived today. They were also returned today. I’m destined to never find a decent, non-expensive pair.
DJ did win the golf.
I watched Jojo Rabbit this evening. A first class film.
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The Spring of Burning Forests: Chapter 6 (Geraskier)
🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵
Jaskier wants to write a bittersweet ballad about true love. 
Geralt thinks he can make it better by adding a touch of gritty realism.
You can read the chapter on AO3.
For a full summary, see this post. Go here if you want to start from the first chapter.
Big thanks to @booichiboo, @sdmcburney, @goshdraws, Rita, @valdomarx, @carmillacarmine, @thelastsock, @geraskierficrecs ❤️ Dedicated to @variousnoises.
Updates every Sunday.
Here’s the first scene:
Nothing more than a glimmer of light, perhaps. It was not wise to assume anything prematurely. The next time he looked, the shadow was clearly there, as if mocking him. The sight should have calmed him down but didn’t.  
As the empty fields gave way to picturesque hills and valleys, with narrow rivers running along winding paths, their moods shifted. The grass was long, the trees in full bloom, and the shade of green fresh and highly saturated.
Geralt didn’t like any of it.
All throughout the day he watched Aliya’s every move. She didn’t seem concerned. Jaskier, in contrast, ended up throwing glances his way with increasing frequency. He would look up when talking to Lianna, or suddenly find himself walking by Geralt, then moving away.
Finally, as they stopped to rest and eat, he settled on remaining within a safe, two-meter radius. Aliya promised to supply the food but then just happily chatted with Lianna, both lying in the grass at a fair distance, occasionally laughing. One would be forgiven for thinking they were traveling for pleasure.
‘What the fuck are we waiting for?’ Geralt asked as he sat by an old oak tree.
Although the question was rhetorical, he happened to direct it towards Jaskier, who was more than comfortable with their current situation.
‘Would it kill you to relax for a while?’ he asked, sounding more pleased than he wished to.
Finally sitting down, his legs exhausted from walking, he was leaning against a convenient tall bump in the grass, closing his eyes and breathing in the fresh air.
‘There’s even a breeze,’ Jaskier whispered, smiling to himself, content. ‘I’m sorry, Geralt, I know you want to be miserable, but this is motherfucking idyllic.’
Geralt rolled his eyes.
‘Are you rolling your eyes at me?’
‘You’re not even looking.’
‘I don’t have to look to know,’ he responded with glee, smirking, half-surprised to be right, eyes still closed.
Geralt smiled back, not something Jaskier could have predicted or seen.
‘That thing you’re leaning on…’
‘What about it?’
‘Nothing,’ he sighed. ‘There’s a tree, right here.’  
Jaskier stood up and came by to sit close to him, treating it as an invitation. Geralt didn’t protest. The afternoon was so calming, even he was starting to feel a bit less on edge. The leaves were rustling above them, and the movement of the branches slowly swinging in the wind was oddly hypnotic.
Jaskier started strumming on his lute, trying to decide what to work on next.  
‘I think I need a good love ballad. Some forbidden romance perhaps?’ He seemed enthusiastic about the idea.
‘Isn’t that a bit overdone?’ Geralt couldn’t stop himself, his enjoyment of their break was clearly increasing with every little jab at Jaskier.
‘Everything has been done before. I just have to avoid the clichés,’ he stated confidently, totally not discouraged.  
‘So no tragic ending?’
‘And no happy ending either.’
‘That only leaves bittersweet.’
‘I suppose.’
‘What’s the obstacle?’
‘I don’t know. Social disapproval of some kind?’ Jaskier seemed unsure.
‘Hm.’ Geralt gave it a thought. ‘She’s an elf and he’s human?’
‘No, I think I should leave elves alone.’ He looked straight at Geralt and smiled. ‘What if he’s a witcher?’
Geralt just grunted in response, noticeably sceptical.
‘Well, it only makes sense. I know quite a bit about witchers already.’
‘Do you?’ Geralt seemed amused by that. ‘And what about her?’
‘What about her?’
‘What’s wrong with her?’
‘Nothing. She wants to be with him.’
‘But?’
‘But… it’s hard to get through to him. He is not exactly used to people showering him with care and attention.’ Jaskier seemed deep in thought for a minute. ‘There are some challenges there but… although he is a tough, obsessively self-sufficient loner, other people matter to him so much. Not that he would necessarily admit that. Ultimately, he just wants somebody who understands him, and values him for who he truly is. You know, somebody who can break through that bullshit veneer of indifference. Isn’t that how witchers are?’
‘I wouldn’t know.’  
Jaskier just smiled, and continued, ignoring Geralt’s huffiness.
‘And she… she is sociable, very much unlike his reclusive self, has some, I don’t know.’ He went through a few ideas in his head before he lit up. ‘She’s a princess.’
Geralt grinned, clearly suppressing a laugh.
‘And why would a princess want a witcher?’
‘Well, he’s very… lovable.’
‘A lovable witcher? I’m not sure if I’ve ever met one.’
‘I’m sure everyone has, at some point. They’re around.’
‘Right.’ Geralt’s eyes narrowed. ‘Awkward that.’ He shook his head with disapproval. ‘No heir to the throne.’
‘No, and her father is terrified. He hates witchers.’
‘Won’t work.’
‘Why?’
‘It’s bullshit.’
‘Because…’
‘A witcher won’t sacrifice his peace of mind for some royal nonsense. Witchers like a simple life. She grew up believing social rank is all there is. What is he worth to her? They might spend one night together. He’s feeling lonely. She sees him as some… exotic oddity.’
‘What if she’s a bit unconventional? She doesn’t care for royal nonsense and appreciates he doesn’t either.’
‘Doesn’t she?’ Geralt seemed far from convinced.
‘She doesn’t. And she doesn’t care… I mean, she would be at least a little impressed with him as a witcher.’
‘Ah.’
‘No, but… she would actually appreciate him as a person.’
Geralt grunted, looking slightly suspicious, and still very much amused.
‘He probably saved her life and she thinks that means something,’ he said, casually.
‘Well, wouldn’t it?’
‘It’s a part of the job.’
‘Oh, is it?’
Geralt smiled. He was enjoying getting on Jaskier’s nerves a bit too much.
‘That depends,’ he added finally.
‘I guess it does,’ Jaskier agreed, reluctantly.  
‘But it would still be stupid of them to go for it.’
‘And why would that be?’
‘There’s a viable prince somewhere. He is familiar with all the crap she grew up with, her family would approve. She’s just creating needless drama for herself, asking for pointless heartbreak.’
‘Not a single creative bone in your body. It’s a story, Geralt. Drama is the point.’
‘I don’t see it.’
‘It’s love.’
‘Hm… That excuse only works for a while.’
‘Bollocks… If you were writing ballads, they would end before they even started.’ He looked back at Geralt who just started calmly sharpening one of the short knives he kept in his belt. ‘Well, yes, of course, why am I surprised?’
Geralt was undeterred. He just looked up for a second, noting Aliya and Lianna were still sitting quite far away, focused entirely on each other, not a single glance their way.
‘The princess,’ Geralt continued, his voice dripping with sarcasm, ‘even at the height of love, would keep one eye on all she sacrificed to get there. All these palaces. All that comfort. Her family’s love. The gold. The admiration of common people. The blessed peace of mind.’ He pushed a sharpening stone across the edge of the dagger with every phrase. ‘There would be no great fights, just growing resentment, until it snaps, one day. Possibly over something trivial.’ He nodded, clearly pleased with both his conclusion to the story, and his sharpening job.
He weighed the knife in his hand. The blade was shining as it reflected the sunlight. He then cut through the grass, the movement was swift and efficient, a couple of wildflowers collapsed to the ground. He grunted, satisfied.
Jaskier looked strangely overwhelmed by that, his mouth gaping open.
‘I thought…’ he started, finally, ‘I thought we said no tragic ending.’
‘It’s not tragic. It’s normal. Bad decision-making does that. Maybe that’s the point of the story.’
‘No, that’s not the point.’
‘Gut feelings are not better than long term strategies.’
‘But you can’t just ignore…’
‘Believe me, you can.’ The statement came out a bit more aggressive than intended, which surprised them both.
Jaskier just stared at him, looking almost ready to give up. And yet, he couldn’t let go.
‘What if that’s what she wants?’ he asked, sounding surprisingly invested. ‘What if that’s exactly what she wants. I mean all of it. You are…’ He stopped and looked confused for a second. ‘You are… assuming so many things about her. Maybe it’s not a sacrifice for her at all. Perhaps, she is proud to be where she is. And maybe, just maybe, she didn’t feel that way at the royal bloody court. Maybe this is exactly who she is.’
‘She might think so. But that’s only because she has no clue. She grew up with her ass sat comfortably on a golden fucking pillow. He lived in the shit she’s now walking into his whole life.’ Although his words seemed heated, Geralt’s tone was matter-of-fact to the point of being unsettling. ‘It’s not easy being hated, sneered at and turned away,’ he added a moment later, somehow still sounding completely unbothered. ‘Not if you’re used to… applause. Not if you don’t have to.’
‘But…’ Jaskier was a bit uneasy but kept going. ‘They can still be happy. They don’t have to care what others think.’
‘Sure, they don’t have to care. Not until some random villagers shower them with stones.’
Jaskier looked away, frustrated.
‘But, Geralt, isn’t that exactly what makes it good? The story, I mean.’ He was annoyed with himself for feeling like he needed to clarify. ‘That is the point. She risks it all out of love. Because fuck these people. Because we are not like them. And they don’t dictate what we do. Your normal princesses can be happy with a prince but that’s not special, is it? By sticking to the rules, they are no better… they are contributing…’
‘I think you’re starting to mix your metaphors.’
‘I mean, of course, a normal princess doesn’t have to fight for it as much. She doesn’t have to sacrifice… her comforts. She’s going with what’s expected. It’s bloody boring and simple. The point is our princess pays a high price but it’s worth it precisely because she cares so much more. It’s worth so much for her, everything else pales in comparison. And if it fails, so what? It was the right thing to do. Witchers do not deserve to suffer for who they are. Both of them should fight for what they want. Otherwise nothing will ever change. It might be wonderful, the best thing that happened to them, even if it just lasts for a while.’ He noticed Geralt remained unimpressed. ‘It’s at least worth a try,’ he added, faintly.
‘Everyone suffers for who they are. That’s just life,’ Geralt stated simply.
It was clear he was getting bored with the conversation. He looked up and lost his focus. Jaskier followed his line of sight, and saw Aliya looking back at them.
‘Why do you keep staring at her?’ he asked, sounding hurt.
Geralt ignored him and Jaskier waved his hand in front of his face, annoyed.
‘Oh, come on, Geralt! I asked you… Isn’t it at least worth a try?’
‘Not really.’
‘Oh, and why is that?’
‘It’s short-sighted, selfish and greedy.’
‘Is that so?’
‘I don’t see why some frustrating bards are so set on romanticising impulsive behaviours.’
‘Well, life is both too long and too short to never…’ He looked back at Geralt, suddenly distracted by what he said. ‘No, they are not. They romanticise freedom and love.’
‘If that’s what you call it.’
‘Fuck, it’s like trying to explain colours to a blind person.’ Jaskier took a deep breath. ‘You must know what I mean.’
‘I know what you mean.’
They went silent for a moment. Jaskier looked like he was desperate to say something but hesitated.
‘Then…’ he said, finally, a glimmer of hope in his eyes.
‘The princess should wait. It will pass… like a bad cold.’
‘Oh, fuck you, Geralt.’
Geralt smiled to himself, feeling a tiny bit bad for Jaskier.
‘Look there.’
‘What?’ Jaskier was confused for a moment.  
Geralt looked ahead, motioning towards Aliya and Lianna who were deep in conversation, looking perfectly harmless.
‘That’s where the real story is. As a specialist in narratives…’ He turned to Jaskier, rapidly changing the topic. ‘You should understand… if we die because you couldn’t keep your dick in your pants, it would make for a very sad and disappointing story. How hard can it be…’ He stopped, looking slightly disoriented for a moment, and opened his mouth, ready to justify what he just said.
‘Ehm… Geralt? You’re getting a little carried away here,’ he smiled, chuckling slightly. ‘Why do you keep nagging me about this anyway? Nothing terrible has happened yet. On the contrary… Let’s admit it. Ever since we joined them, everything improved. Also, you said yes to this! And, may I remind you, you don’t exactly struggle with the idea of saying no to me.’
‘If only there was a quick and efficient way to keep this under control,’ he sighed, observing Lianna leaving Aliya in the grass and walking towards her bag. ‘Anything we could do to stop you behaving like a stray cat in the spring.’
‘Anything we could do?’ Jaskier found that amusing. ‘Do you know what you’re suggesting?’
‘I was thinking castration. What was your idea?’
‘Ah, that’s what you meant. Well… that’s probably for the best, Geralt. Because I do believe there is a good reason “quick” and “efficient” are not two words which feature in passionate love ballads very often.’
‘What does that have to do with anything?’
‘And you dare to call me frustrating.’
‘What’s going on?’ Lianna asked cheerfully as she approached them, seeing their conversation was getting livelier.
‘Nothing. Don’t pay attention to Geralt. Sometimes he likes to stab me and then really twist the knife. It gives his life meaning. I tend to indulge him.’
‘Jaskier was just explaining why he thinks the best sex is slow and inefficient.’ Geralt’s face lit up with a light grin.
‘You know…’ Jaskier was clearly annoyed now. ‘It doesn’t really cost me that much to put up with his nonsense. And it genuinely makes him happy.’
‘Slow is good!’, Lianna exclaimed, enthusiastically.
Geralt noticed Aliya suddenly started laughing. She was sitting too far away to be able to hear them talk.
He looked even more worried from then on.
Keep reading on AO3.
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Okay, so, imma let off some steam real quick.
I’m in an LDR, and it’s cool and fun and great and I love my lady more than I love oxygen filling my lungs, we recently got married while I was visiting her and now we are trying to sort out living together. This is where I get moody ;D So, honestly, the whole thing is such a loada bollocks. Like, we have been together for a little over 5 years now, married for a couple of months, but looking at the shit I need to provide to be able to support my application to move to the states to live with her is so stressful, like, okay so I gotta show X amount of payslips for the most recent 6ish months, I’m moving to another country, I won’t have an income there? Why you need to know what I’m making here? To ask about my savings? I guess but like I’m hoping to work in your country and pay my fair taxes and shit to be a cool guy and do shit? They want an official document from my friends that can vouch for our relationship- fuck face why? Like, what if I don’t have friends? What if I do and they don’t like my partner? Why is this even an option??? You can include ticket stubs and shit of stuff you been up to but like how is that even helpful? They’re rarely named as to who the hell redeemed them ;P it seems daft. Chat logs, they’re a nightmare to copy to show proof of talking to each other >_< Photos together, mine are almost never date stamped so now it feels like I’m faking the time together because you can’t tell the one from February 2017 next to the one from 2014 >_> wtf! Call logs and shit are helpful too if you can work out where to get them >_> Then there’s about 24 pages worth of legal forms to complete, one to say who wants to do what and the other to prove some poor soul can take financial lead if you super fuck up, jeez that’s a lot of paperwork. Like, okay, I get that we need to be sure people aren’t trying to scam your governments and shit to live somewhere, but it also just makes life so stressful for us poor bastards actually trying to start a life together. I work a lot of hours at my job but if I wanted to have my wife live with me here in England I need to be on a manager salary or have somebody that makes about 6k more than me a year offer to support her f needed, that’s hard man. Same for me moving to her which luckily we have right now. But even so, it’s fucking rough man. LDR’s are hard to maintain a lot of the time due to various stresses but this entire process feels like governments are trying to force people to reconsider their chosen path because it makes it all feel super shady and hard to achieve. So, basically, I feel like my next several weeks/couple months will be spent trying to prove that my relationship is actually real to somebody just because I want to live with them in another country. For everybody else in LDR’s, i dunno where you might try and live together, but do yourselves a favour, if you think you want to take those steps and close distance to wherever, keep date stamps on your pics, document your holidays in labelled folders, keep all your e-tickets or photocopy your boarding passes and file them, document and save everything so that one day, when you’re looking at what I’m looking at, you’ll have it sorted in a few days :) I have photos and stuff but they’re disorganised, I have ticket stubs and stuff cluttered around in memory draws and now I need to photocopy them and get them onto my laptop, it’s going to be a long process but yours doesn’t have to be :) make your lives easy and do it as you go, I wish I didn’t underestimate how much they would want, how thorough I’d need to be with my call logs, chat logs, friends and holiday proof and so on. But I did. Please, don’t make the same mistake, it shou be fun and exciting but I feel stressed and anxious that I’ll miss something :/ I just want you all to be happy and to close the distance quickly like I want to do :)
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acquiescest ¡ 3 months ago
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irt the lrb what would you say if i said liam & noel spent new years 2023 together in paris
what would you say if i said liam bought the house in france (the one with noel's name carved into the walls) in march 2023 and that month noel talked about wanting to spend several months in paris
which could mean nothing
#just making guesses chatting shit talking bollocks you know how it is#if anyone can debunk that first thing pls tell me!#feel like i'm wearing a tinfoil hat and it doesn't vibe with my outfits if y'know what i mean#feel like i should do a timeline but every time i try it gets out of hand#ok have some very messy puzzle piecing:#liam & noel texting/calling from time to time since jan 2020#noel splits w sara spring 2022 starts spending more time in manchester#maybe march mothers day something happened?? possibly liam & noel met up in april??? that's pure speculation though#pretty boy released oct 31 2022 noel stops wearing wedding ring#noel spends christmas in england for the first time in ages#liam listens to the smiths all christmas eve. on christmas he has a party for close friends and family (including bod)#liam and debbie go to france for the new year to house hunt#liam claims on twitter (no one believes him) that noel is with him on new years day#(((he posts a selfie that i uhhh got very tinhatty about.. don't worry about it)))#noel goes to a football game on jan 5 and he is in a very good mood#divorce news jan 14. liam's divorce playlist jan 15. allegedly out drinking together jan 16. noel does promo for new single jan 17#jan 18th liam claims on twitter noel wants to meet up#peggy's 80th birthday end of jan#liam's hip surgery beginning of feb#feb 6th he claims noel's “coming over later to wipe my arse and change the bedding he's a good lad really”#starts slagging noel off for real again in early march (he'd been “nice” since november's pretty boy promo)#news that he bought a house in france#noel does a bunch of promo at the end of march (when the 3rd single came out) some of which didnt air until june when the album came out#there's one interview where he seems very tired and hungover and he blabs about paris for ages#end of march is the 1st time he tells liam to call him. 2 months later he asks (goads) liam again a bunch of times#anyway i probably forgot some liam tweets from jan/feb and i really haven't looked into 2022 or 2021 yet#but yeah it's pretty clear they were hanging out 👁️👁️ jan 2023 and then things soured by march after liam's surgery#(((kinda wonder if noel ghosted him and then was too scared to call))) ←wondering that bc it's exactly what i would've done :/#the christmas eve/day stuff probably means nothing btw but well i'm feeling insane about the new years stuff don't even worry about it
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punkscowardschampions ¡ 4 years ago
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China & Bobby
China: Hey, have you heard
Bobby: ?
China: Your girlfriend is setting up private rehearsals with that kid Louie
Bobby: I know they’re running lines together, yeah, and you know she’s not my girlfriend
China: If that’s what you want to believe
China: that’s not what my sister reckons it is
China: or Jake, actually
Bobby: 👌 Well, I’ll believe what’s actually coming from Libi
China: 😂
China: Have fun waiting for that
China: hardly going to tell you, is she
China: I’m just warning you, so you don’t look like a total cuck
Bobby: what’s funny is 1. the idea you’re looking out for me and 2. that I’d need that when it’s Libs we’re talking about 😂
China: Yeah he said she was probably frigid
Bobby: I’m SO glad I can’t usually understand what either of you are saying
China: Ignorance is bliss
Bobby: when you’re talking that much nasty bollocks it is
China: Um, it’s her you’re actually mad at, not me
Bobby: No, it’s you I’m fed up of
China: I’ve done literally nothing to you
Bobby: You’re a bit busy with Libi as a target for now
China: How am I?
Bobby: You’re only talking to me to try and stir up trouble and make her look and me feel bad
China: Oh, because I’M the rude one here 👌👌
Bobby: Yeah, unless you wanna say sorry and start over
China: I don’t owe anyone an apology
Bobby: Alright, I’ll see you in rehearsal then
China: You mean the actual rehearsals we all go to, or the cliquey one your girlfriend organized?
Bobby: Depends if you’re gonna turn up there without an invite
China: I wouldn’t come even if she wasn’t excluding half the cast
Bobby: so it’ll be left to Ms Howe to referee, lucky her
China: She literally started it, if it’s annoying you, you should bring it up with her
Bobby: I just said, you’re the one annoying me
Bobby: whatever massive scandal you reckon is going on must’ve passed me by
China: *you wanna pretend it isn’t happening
China: whatever, that’s on you
Bobby: I don’t know what you’re talking about, that’s real
China: Jesus, get with it
China: thought you weren’t meant to be slow
Bobby: She wants to do a good job, so would you if the lead had been given to you
Bobby: the rehearsals with Louie are just that and we’re having our own without you and your mates ‘cause you say stuff like that and think it’s okay, you have done since we were kids, don’t start pretending you don’t get why when it’s not a new thing
China: I didn’t say you were slow, I said you were acting it
China: you use it as a get out of jail free card for everything, if you’re looking to be offended, then you will be 🤷‍♀️
Bobby: I have stuff to do that’s not this
China: So?
China: Go do it
China: Being salty with me isn’t going to change anything
Bobby: don’t worry, I wasn’t relying on you to change Mullan’s mind about the casting or anything
China: Yeah, I’m blatantly not the only one who didn’t get the role they wanted
Bobby: That much we could’ve agreed on, except it’s too weird
China: I didn’t actually think that whole deaf plot was a terrible idea
China: neither of you deserved leads, but if he’d made her the maid or something, it could’ve been a subplot
Bobby: She did deserve the lead, sir got that bit right at least
China: 🙄
China: her and Jake look ridiculous together
Bobby: Yeah, that’s why they need extra rehearsals together too or the whole play is gonna fall apart
China: Well she hasn’t asked him, that’s my point
China: She clearly fancies that kid, God knows why
Bobby: No she don���t
China: How would you know? 😂
China: She’s giving him favourable preference
China: or maybe she thinks it’ll make Jake jealous, tragic
Bobby: We’re best mates, there’s nothing she wouldn’t or don’t talk to me about, but even if she didn’t wanna, I could tell ‘cause I know her inside out
Bobby: she’s not into Louie or Jake
China: When you were both children maybe
China: boys and girls can’t be friends like that after the age of whatever the fuck she is
China: 10, 11
Bobby: How did you work that out?
China: I’m not giving you a biology lesson we all had 5 years ago
Bobby: She’s not my only mate who’s a girl, I’d have to fancy them all, are you gonna go into the subject of polyamory or something like Miss never did?
China: That’s why I said mates like that
China: There’s a difference between BFFs and a girl you hang out with on occasion, duh
Bobby: whatever, it’s not true anyway
China: If you’re this upset, you should really say something
Bobby: I’m not that bothered that Mr Mullan can’t recognise a decent idea when it’s handed to him, I still get to be in the play
China: Yeah, so what I meant
Bobby: You’re the last person I’d tell anything personal to, not THAT slow
China: It’s pretty obvious
China: everyone knows
Bobby: *thinks they do
Bobby: but it’s alright there’s loads worse they could be saying than I’m going out with Libi or want to, least they reckon I’ve got good taste
China: You’re sickening, truly
China: don’t tell me all about your 😍s when she’s the one that don’t give a fuck
Bobby: You’re the one going on about it
China: You bang on about each other constantly, it’s gross
Bobby: yeah well
Bobby: I’m not gonna say or be sorry, especially not to you
China: Do something about it or shut up
China: before everyone else gets as tired of it as we are
Bobby: We’re not kids doing the nativity now, you can’t push me about or get mardy and automatically get your way
China: Ugh, I’m giving you advice to help you
China: fuck knows why
China: you lose all your mates then, girls or otherwise
Bobby: There’s no need
Bobby: but tah, the offer’s decent of you
China: Don’t take the piss
Bobby: I’m not, it’s a headfuck but cool of you to try and help me sort what you think is going on
China: Don’t be a freak about it
Bobby: 👍
China: I’m sick of her bullshit, you were the only other person who might’ve been too
China: but of course not
Bobby: I can only agree with you that Mullan is a dickhead, she hasn’t done anything to me
China: Perhaps not yet
China: I disagree
Bobby: ‘Course you do, whatever makes her the bad guy
China: I can just see what you don’t want to already
China: She’s all over both of them
Bobby: My 👀 are fine
Bobby: they’re both being full on with her but it’s not like she’s encouraging either of them
Bobby: she’s just 😳
China: Of course, she’s totally innocent
China: get real
Bobby: You and I both know she don’t look at Jake with 😍 and all she’s ever said about Louie is he’s alright, totally uninterested is what I’m saying
Bobby: maybe they’ll become mates after spending loads of time together, that’s up to her, she’ll know him better than I do by then, but there’s no real 💘
China: and maybe they’ll get together
China: it’s just as possible and you’d be able to admit that if you weren’t so butthurt about it
Bobby: What are you gonna try next, opposites attract? This is stupid
China: I’m not trying anything
China: Plus I hardly think bland v bland is opposites
China: Jake is ‘opposite’ I guess
Bobby: Calling him bland has helped a 🤏 putting aside you also said she was
China: I knew you were jealous 😏
Bobby: That I don’t get to spend as much time with her when that’s what I signed up for and we already don’t have lessons together, yeah
Bobby: I never said different
China: I don’t miss my friends when I can’t see them for a few hours a day
Bobby: I get why you don’t, loads of them haven’t been great recently
Bobby: and you’ve got more than me, it’s not gonna be as deep
China: You don’t get it, you don’t know anything about me or my friends
Bobby: as much as you know about me and mine
China: except one of your friends is my sister and the other is her little boyfriend, so nah, actually
Bobby: Which is how I know what’s going on, how else, I can’t hear the gossip just going around, can I?
China: And you believe my sister, the infamous liar?
China: that’s solely a you problem, not a me
Bobby: I also believe what I saw when he busted up your party we were at, but okay, no heart to heart happening
China: Yeah, no
China: my ma has a shit boyfriend rn, so what
China: you should really be having that heart to heart with your girlfriend about her mess of a family
Bobby: Her nan isn’t very likely to get a shit boyfriend anytime soon, she’s alright
China: Oh, you mean her great grandma, that she lives with
China: because her teen parents died
China: yeah no she’s probably grand
Bobby: She’s got loads of people around her making sure she is
China: Won’t be long before they peg it
China: who then, her incest loving auntie, perhaps?
China: I guess her actual grandma, who’s younger than my mum, cool, cool
Bobby: Feel better yet?
China: Like I said, worry about her
Bobby: there’s no need, I said, and nothing lost in translation when we’re both on our phones
China: yeah right
Bobby: You don’t want much do you? Tell I love her and slag off her family in the same chat
China: I’m not asking you to do anything, I’m pointing out the obvious
Bobby: 😂👌
China: Fuck off laughing at me, state of you two
Bobby: I’m laughing at what you’re bothering to point out
China: Well I don’t see how you’ve got any room to laugh when it’s about you and your bestie
Bobby: ‘Cause it’s stupid and you’re way off
China: 😂👌
Bobby: I dunno how you’ve got any room to tell me how I should react to such a weird convo
China: It’s not weird, you’re weird
China: if you reacted appropriately it’d be fine
Bobby: maybe it’s just ‘cause it’s you
China: what’s that meant to mean?
Bobby: I could count on one hand the amount of times you’ve spoke to me since I moved here and every word’s been rude
China: You’re too sensitive, still
Bobby: Piss off, you know it’s not on
China: So cry about it
China: you’re calling me rude, don’t see me moaning
Bobby: I could’ve called you loads worse but then I’d be as bad
China: Heaven forbid
China: 😇 wouldn’t love you then
Bobby: Not being a massive dickhead is a choice I’m pretty happy with for everyone who has to put up with me and not something I’d want even if Libs and I had never met
China: You want a round of applause?
China: you’re both so righteous, it’s ridiculous
Bobby: Only if you sign it
China: Ha ha
Bobby: I know you know it from assembly
China: If you see me hitting one hand into the other, you know what that means
China: why would you need a sign, you just want special attention
Bobby: Why does French have le and la? I didn’t invent the language
China: It’s not a real language
Bobby: Bit awkward for all the people who use it
China: If you wanna be a snowflake about it
China: Language is about more than just functionality, that’s all sign language is
Bobby: I wanted a way to communicate when I was too young to write, I don’t see how that makes me a ❄️
China: And that’s nice for you and your family
China: there’s no reason I need to know it, it serves no purpose to me, and loads of people who will never need to talk to someone like you
Bobby: Nobody’s forcing you, school doesn’t even offer it to people who want to
China: Then what’s your point?
Bobby: I’m just answering you
China: I don’t want to talk to you
China: this has a point, pointless as it has ended up being
Bobby: Alright
China: Enjoy then
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no-crap-fm ¡ 8 years ago
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Tell Me A Secret
Hiya! So I took some liberties (what else is new?) with a combination of scenes and moved around some recognizable lines. Here goes...
“Tell me a secret.” He rolled back to his spot on the grass. His breath had tickled her ear as he whispered. Her heart thrilled at having him so close. Maintaining her chilled demeanor, she scoffed. “Ya what?” Her raised eyebrow made him laugh. T-E-L-L-M-E-A-S-E-C-R-E-T He scrawled across her thigh. Huffing a breath, Rae was lost. Finn looked at her, biting his lip, with both eyebrows raised in hope. What does he expect me to tell him, she wondered. Rae certainly had secrets but what on bloody Earth was she prepared to share with Finn Nelson? Rae reconsidered her decision to rush to meet the gang at Rutland. The only one there when she arrived was Finn. As much as she loved being alone with him, this was too much. Their usual nod of a greeting took a turn. Finn jumped up at the sight of Rae and pulled her into a hug. Something was off with him, Rae thought. He was smiling far more than his typical grumpy sod demeanor would permit. She watched him for a moment as they laid back in the grass at their favorite meeting spot beneath the arches. She knew that Chop, Izzy, Archie and Chloe would arrive any minute. Finn had draped his legs over Rae’s after she had chosen her place to soak up the late afternoon sun. This was far more physical contact than they had shared before. Despite being pleased by Finn’s proximity, she wondered about his motives. Where the hell is everyone, eh? She asked herself. Just as she wiped her sweaty palms on the sides of her skirt, Finn knocked her side with his hip. “Come on, Rae. I’m wai-ting.” He punched the t for emphasis. Thinking a row would be preferable to actually telling Finn one of her secrets she said, “Fuck off, Finnley. I’m not telling you owt.” She closed her eyes for good measure and shifted back to rest. Rolling onto his side, Finn was not giving up. “Rae, puhleez?” Rae opened one eye to see him lying on his stomach even closer to her. He batted his eyelashes and held his clasped hands under his chin. She rolled her eyes, laughing. He was being silly. That was odd. Scooting even closer Finn said into her ear, “How about I tell you a secret, eh?” Leaning back, he watched for Rae’s reaction. Rae’s blood heated at the suggestion. Externally, she shrugged and pursed her lips dismissively. “Do what you like, Finn. It’s not going to influence me either way.” Her insides quivered in a mix of anticipation and anxiety. What could he possibly want to tell me? Oh shit, is it about a girl? If she wasn’t mistaken his giddiness could be due to a new romance. At least that was how the lovers in her novels occasionally behaved. Rae’s gears were grinding away as Finn cleared his throat. Biting his lip and looking shy Finn said quietly, “Em, I came here early on purpose.” Rae turned to him in apparent confusion. “Not much of a secret, Finnley.” Rae mocked. Finn leaned closer to her. “I wasn’t done, Rae.” With a crooked grin he continued, “I came here early because I hoped you would get here before the gang.” Feeling defensive Rae countered, “Why?” “Because I were hopin’ you and I would get to be alone for a little.” He lifted his gaze and half-smiled. Not letting up, Rae pressed, “Why?” Finn shook his head. “Nope. That’s my secret told.” He jerked his chin toward her. “Your turn.” “So you tell one, I tell one. Is that what you want?” Rae was skeptical. Finn nodded slowly. His face was still so close to hers. Rae debated internally. What would she tell him? Hospital? Tix? Hurting herself? Being in love with him? Finally she settled on something easy. “I never dated Danny. All of his stories that he told at the party were total bollocks.” She punctuated her statement with a nod of her chin. Finn looked like he wanted her to elaborate. When she didn’t he snickered. “I sort of guessed that, Rae.” “Did you, now? Well, that’s my secret.” Eyeing him she dared, “Your turn.” Rolling onto his back, Finn sighed. “Aw, you can do better than that, Rae. I trust the next one will be something good.” Rae grinned. “I’m not saying I’ll tell you another one, Finn.” He pouted. “Well, I’ll tell you another and hope you will, yeah?” He cocked his chin and turned to her. Rae shrugged. Turning his face skyward he said quietly, “I fancy someone. I think, em, I think she fancies me too.” Rae’s heart squeezed painfully. She knew it. Finn wanted to tell someone about his potential girlfriend. The thought occurred to her that it might be Chloe. Rae’s best mate had confided that she wanted to try it on with Finn. Swallowing back tears, she remained silent and shut her eyes. She felt itchy and longed to scratch her hands. Finn nudged her shoulder. “Rae? Your go.” The breeze picked up and Rae felt her hair move across her face. She lifted a hand to brush it away but Finn had been faster. His fingers lightly stroked the side of her cheek, pushing it back for her. She opened her eyes. Finn was so very close. He was almost hovering over her, leaning on his side. She watched as he tucked her hair into place. His index finger lightly traced the outside of her ear. His eyes followed his hand, a lopsided grin on his face. He repeated his movement, slowly touching her ear and letting his fingers run through her hair. She watched him curl the ends and lift it off her shoulder. Studying her hair, Finn whispered, “It’s still your go, Rae.” Rae longed to know what he was playing at. Staring at the freckles dotted across his nose and cheeks, she tried to breathe normally. He looked up from her hair, smirking. Just as her heart had calmed down, it started pounding anew. He blinked, not moving a muscle. Rae bit her lip in thought. He lightly poked a finger into her side. She giggled. “Rae, please say something.” He seemed apprehensive. His eyebrows lowered as he frowned. Taking a page from Finn’s book, Rae kept her mouth shut for once. She just barely managed to maintain eye contact with him at this point. The tingles rushing over her body were beyond distracting. Rae had been contemplating telling Finn the truth about her feelings. She wanted to tell him all about her past, actually. She felt like a phony with Finn and her new friends. Chloe’s many assurances that everyone had secrets was no help whatsoever. Now faced with the opportunity, Rae well and truly bottled it. “Rae, I see you looking right at me but I can tell you’re far away.” A worried expression took hold of Finn. Rae didn’t mean to upset him. Her lips pressed together as she looked out to the fields at her side. Considering her options, Rae wanted to have a go at being honest. Taking a chance, she stretched her hand up and placed it over the hand Finn rested in her hair. She couldn’t tell who instigated the movement but their fingers were suddenly entwined. Finn’s smile returned as their eyes met. Mirroring his smile she finally spoke. “Finn, I fancy someone too.” Finn’s face lit up at her words. “You do?” Rae nodded, a little sadly. “Yeah, but I think he fancies someone else.” Finn’s brow furrowed. “Why would you think that, Rae?” The game forgotten, Rae continued. “Because I know a girl who fancies him. Well, lots of girls do, actually.” Her eyes stung from the gathering tears. Looking up she tried to hold them back. “Anyway, this girl’s much better suited for him. She’s very pretty.” Now he was leaning over her. Rae felt him slip his hand from hers and bring it to the side of her face. The contact drew her attention. “Rae, you’re so much more than pretty. You’re amazin’.” Rae rolled her eyes. “I don’t care if you don’t believe me. But any lad would be well pleased to be with you.” Finn’s determined look threw her. She shook her head. She choked on her breath. Now she really might cry in front of him. Squinting at her he said, “Tell me about this girl. The one who is so much better suited for the lad you fancy.” He sat up. Holding his legs in his arms, studying his boots. Blowing out her lips, Rae sputtered, “Well, like him, she’s fit. They would make a handsome couple, I suppose. She’s also fairly experienced with men.” He scoffed. “What else?” Finn prodded ripping up grass as he listened. Rae scrunched up her face in thought. “I guess that's about it, really. I mean, they have nothing in common.” She continued on, lost in her thoughts. “She knows shit about music. She’s not funny. Or not very funny, I should say. She wrote him a stupid love letter that didn’t even come close to explaining why anyone would want him. That letter said nothing about how kind he is, how generous. He’s so much more than fit. ” Rae failed to see Finn’s head snap up at these words. “I have no idea what they’d talk about.” A crooked smile appeared at the thought of Finn and Chloe trying to talk about anything, really. “So why would he like this girl, then? Why would he like her and not you?” Finn’s words broke her out of her musings. Turning to him she watched as he forcefully pulled up more grass and threw it across the way. Rae sat up and took his hand as he was about to grab another fistful. “Finn? Are you all right?” Her words felt empty. Being in hospital had taught her a thing or two about identifying destructive behavior. She always caught it in others before herself. His eyes met hers. They were shining with tears. “You are kind too, Rae. You look after everyone. I just wish you looked after yourself as well. You deserve to have someone look after you for a change.” Rae was puzzled. Finn let out a ragged breath. “You were so good to me when my Nan…” He couldn’t go on. Rae pulled him into a hug and rubbed his back. She held him in silence letting the minutes pass by. “Rae, I have another secret to tell you. This isn’t how I thought our chat would go today.” He spoke into her neck. Rae huffed out a short laugh. Still holding him she asked, “How did you expect it to go, Finn?” His arms loosened and he pulled out of their embrace. He lifted his face to hers. Instinctively, Rae wiped the tears from his cheeks. His watery smile made her chest tighten. Biting his lip, Finn said, “I thought it would go something like this.” Without another word Finn’s lips were on hers. The kiss was sweet and slow. Rae was caught off guard but quickly followed Finn’s movements. She felt his smile against her mouth. They both laughed as they carried on. “Oi! What are you two up to, eh?” Chop’s voice carried across the field and echoed under the stone arches. Resting his forehead against Rae’s, Finn called out, “Perfect timing as ever, Chopper.” “Rae!” Archie called out as he ran up with Chloe and Izzy in tow. Rubbing her thumb over Finn’s cheek, she said, “Hiya, Archie.” Chloe and Izzy both made cooing noises at the sight of the pair. “What’s up with you two?” Chloe asked. “What do you mean?” Finn countered, his eyes not leaving Rae. “You look like a couple.” Chloe said. Taking both of her hands, Finn said, “That’s cuz we are!” He winked at Rae and she beamed back. “Isn’t that right, girl?” He popped his chin at her, waiting. Nodding Rae said, “That’s right, Finnley.” He grinned and pulled her in for another kiss. Izzy let out a long drawn out, “Aaawww.” “Finn, what time did you two get here anyway? You called and told us lot to meet,” Archie looked at his watch, “right about now.” Rae’s eyes grew wide in comprehension. Finn smiled sheepishly and said to her, “I guess I had another secret to tell you.”
The End
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bazypitchandsimonsnow ¡ 7 years ago
Text
Cooking/Baking
Rating: T
Genre: Fluff/Very slightly angsty
Word count: 3945
Summary: It's post-Watford, and Baz has been avoiding Agatha. Penelope decides to change that.
Read on AO3
Baz
I wake up in the large bed, the California sun streaming in through the windows. I know Florida is supposedly “the sunshine state” but I’m pretty sure California could give it a run for its money. No matter, I still groan and throw the blanket over my head, reaching for Snow, who should be beside me. But I reach and touch empty sheets instead. That’s when a loud, familiar laugh comes in from the kitchen.
With great effort on my part, I get up and make my way towards it. Wellbelove’s American flat is very nice. It’s summer break, so her two roommates are away, opening up one room for Bunce and one for Snow and I to all borrow. (I’m surprised Wellbelove got their permission to let her us stay in them.)
Soon I enter the kitchen. There’s pop music playing on the bluetooth speakers. Snow and Wellbelove are giggling about something over the counter
“Should I even ask what you two are doing?” I say calmly. “I’m a little scared to.”
Snow turns around, grinning ear to ear. “Morning, love.” He holds up a bowl filled with sloshing white batter. “We’re making pancakes!”
I cock an eyebrow. “How successfully?”
“Not very,” Wellbelove says, not turning around. “Considering Simon keeps eating the ingredients and batter.”
Simon effects a defiant pout. “They’re tasty.”
“Yes, which is why they’re supposed to be in the pancakes.”
“She’s got you there, darling,” I interject.
He rolls his eyes dramatically. “Yeah yeah, shut up, you two. You wanna help?”
I tense up unintentionally. It’s not that I’m opposed to pancakes. It’s that I’m worried about being around Wellbelove.
It’s not that she’s unpleasant or been rude in our time here. It’s that I have no clue what to do around her. She’s not my friend, never was. In fact, I quite disliked her. But now I’m dating one of her best friends so we’re suddenly supposed to be nice. Most of all, I fear a very uncomfortable conversation, where she’ll ask how I ended up with her ex without her noticing. Call me paranoid, but I’m quite sure she’ll somehow make our relationship about herself. She always did try to suck me into her maiden fair drama. And I for one do not want to bring that back from our Watford days.
“You know,” I say calmly, “I think there shouldn’t be too many cooks in the kitchen. I’ll just make some coffee.”
“Oh make some for me too?” Simon asks. “French vanilla with cream and-
“Lots of sugar. Don’t worry, love, I’ve memorised your coffee preference at this point.”
“Thank you!”
I go to Wellbelove’s coffee maker. It’s one of those fancy little cup ones. There’s water already in it, but I have to wait for it to boil. I turn it on and make my way to the living room.
“Morning, Baz,” Penny muses from the couch, where she’s curled up with Great Expectations. I sit on the other end, facing the large window.
“Morning. How’s Dickens?”
“Horribly depressing, as usual. How’s avoiding Agatha?”
My breath hitches. I slowly turn to look at her smug face, peeking out over her pages. I narrow my eyes.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I mutter.
“Please, Basilton, you’re not as subtle as you think you are. You’ve been avoiding Agatha like she’s an open flame. Or worse, your father. Only question I have is why?”
I shift uncomfortably, looking at my feet. “I don’t know. It’s not like we were friends before, so there’s no previous reference point  for us like for you and Simon. And I don’t look forward to any conversation about me dating her ex-boyfriend.”
Bunce raises an eyebrow. “What, think she’ll yell at you for stealing her man? Or you being with him instead of her?”
I shrug (Snow has had quite an influence on me). “I don’t know... Maybe?”
She laughs obnoxiously loud. I growl and look away, crossing my arms. “Shut up,” I grumble.
“Oh Baz,” she chuckles. “Don’t you remember? Agatha broke up with Simon first. And that was ages ago. She’s not going to go jealous ex-girlfriend on you. Seriously, Baz, way to be sexist.”
“Hey, I’m not-”
“Yes you are. Maybe not consciously, but part of you still sees Agatha as nothing more than ‘Simon Snow’s girlfriend’ or ‘the annoying girl who has a crush on you.’ She’s a lot more than that. If you actually talked to her, you’d agree.”
I open my mouth to protest, but just as quickly close because there’s no point. Penelope is right. I hate it and definitely feel terrible, but she’s right. Maybe I have been judging Agatha too unfairly. I really don’t know her too well, but I haven’t tried to either.
“Okay,” I sigh, “you may have a point.”
Bunce nods once. “Of course I do.”
Her brow furrows for a second, then a sly smile creeps across her face. My heart seizes. I know that look. That’s the “Penelope Bunce has a plan” look. That expression has caused me problems on more than one occasion. (I saw it the day before she decided we should all go paintballing. I had bruises for weeks, and I don’t bruise easily.)
“Bunce,” I say slowly, “what are you-”
She grabs my wrist and hauls me up (she’s surprisingly strong). I’m dragged across the room, back towards the kitchen.
“Hey Simon!” She shouts. “I think we should have some scones with breakfast. Don’t you?”
Simon perks up (as expected), flashing a wide grin. “Yeah, that’d be great!” His brow adorably furrows. “But what about the pancakes? Ags can’t make this many on her own.”
“Oh, Baz can help Agatha. Can’t you?”
I tense up, looking at her smug smile, then at a very wide eyed Simon. Wellbelove tenses up too, ever so slightly. I still see it though. (Growing up in my house, I had to learn to read minute body language very young.) Shit, I have no way to get out of this, do I? I just nod.
“Sure. You know I’m a brilliant cook, Snow.”
He smirks, only the corner of his lip pulling up. I love when he does that. It’s wickedly hot for some reason. “Well, can’t disagree with you there. I think you can handle pancakes.”
I roll my eyes. “Thank you for your vote of confidence, darling.”
Simon strolls over to me and plants a kiss on my cheek. I immediately go as red as I can. (He tends to have this effect on me.)
“Be nice,” he whispers, so quiet he knows only I can hear with my vampire hearing.
“Always am, love,” I reply.
He gives me one last smile before walking over to Bunce. They chat as they walk out. But once the door is closed, we’re left in total silence, save for the sizzling flapjacks. I turn to Wellbelove. She looks just as bewildered as me. Neither of us know where to go from here, I guess. Well, I’ll just make it up as I go along.
“How should I help?” I say as kindly as I can.
Wellbelove smiles just a bit. “You can start on another batch, I guess. Simon ate so much of this one, we’re going to need it.”
I chuckle. “Well, that is expected.”
I roll up my sleeves and go to the counter. All the ingredients and the cookbook are already set out. It’s a simple enough recipe, especially compared to the French cuisine I’ve attempted (and failed at) more than once.
As I mix the recipe, we stay silent. I know I should say something, but where to start? Hey, I know we weren’t friends at Watford. Actually I sort of despised you because you were dating the love of my life. But now I’m dating him and you two are still friends so I think we should try to be friends as well. How about that? Fuck I’m bad at this. How did I get a boyfriend again? (Secret longing, insults, and a forest fire. Yeah, that won’t work now.)
“So,” she says, “how’s school going?”
She’s breaking the ice. She’s much braver than me. “Pretty well,” I reply. “Very challenging, but I always like a challenge.”
“I remember. You always did go for the toughest spells.”
“Damn right.” I pause for to grab an egg. “How about you? Is American education working for you? ”
She chuckles. “It’s working very well, actually. I’m studying veterinary medicine. I hope to work with horses someday.”
“You like horses?”
“Oh yes. Has Simon never told you?”
I run through what Simon has told me, and come up with nothing about Wellbelove and horses. (Most of what he’s said has been food related, stupid jokes, or inappropriate to share.) “Hm, no, I suppose not. Do you ride often?”
“Yes. I have since I was a child. I used to do competitions back home.”
“Really? That’s amazing. My sister wants to do those. I’m not sure how serious she is though. It may stem from her My Little Pony obsession.”
Agatha lets out a more hearty laugh. I look over my shoulder and she seems genuinely amused. It’s actually sort of nice. “Crowley, I’m not sure if that show has done more harm or good for the equestrian community.”
“It’s certainly done harm to my ear drums. My three sisters all sing the theme song completely off key.”
“Merlin and Morgana, sounds like hell.” She sighs, audibly flipping another pancake. “Y’know, I’ve always wanted siblings. But my mother believed that whole ‘magic splits up among children’ bollocks so I’m an only, lonely child.”
I chuckle, shaking my head. “Trust me, Wellbelove, I have four younger siblings. It’s not as fun as it’s made out to be.”
“Still, I’d like to find that out myself. Closest thing I’ve ever had to a brother is Simon.”
I’m finished mixing the batter, so I bring it over to her. In the spirit of being nice, I suppress the loud scoff I want to let out. Right, brother, that’s why you dated him for years.
“Hm,” I say instead, not elaborating further.
“I know what you want to say, Baz,” she says flatly. Shit, guess I wasn’t as subtle as I thought. “To be honest, I never thought of Simon as a boyfriend.”
“Could’ve fucking fooled me.” The words are out of my mouth before I stop them. I’m definitely still very sharp tongued sometimes. Agatha winces, and for once, I feel bad for her.
“Sorry,” I sigh. “Just...a lot of repressed anger there. I watched you two date for years and it wasn’t exactly pleasant. But that’s not your fault, so, I’m sorry.”
Wellbelove nods slowly, a small smile creeping up her lips. “Y’know, I think that’s the first time I’ve heard you apologize for anything.”
I chuckle. She does have a point. “I’ve been trying to do it more lately. Snow and Bunce have been positive influences particularly in that regard.”
“That’s good. Glad you’re learning.”
I nod once, then grab another pan and put it on the stove top. I ladle the batter onto the buttered pan, grabbing a spatula. The two of us work in silence for awhile. I’m not sure why she’s silent, but I know why I am. There’s a certain subject sitting on my tongue. But I don’t know how to phrase it right. I’m usually so good with words, but now they all feel stopped up in my throat. Crowley, is this how Snow feels all the time? It’s dreadful.
“You know,” I mumble. “I thought you’d have a problem with Simon and I. Being together and all. I’m...I’m glad you don’t.” (Merlin, that was bad.)
Agatha sighs, not looking up from her pan. “No, I don’t have any issues now. But I’ll admit, I did at first.”
My body tenses. Shit, of all people, she’s homophobic? Well, she was raised by the same kind of family as mine. “Oh I see...”
“Not because you’re two blokes. Or because Simon’s my ex and I had silly schoolgirl crush on you. No, I was worried because I thought you were going to hurt Simon.”
I drop my spatula. It splatters pancake batter on the floor. I turn to her with a wide, slightly angry gaze. I can’t help it. That sort of judgement hurts. “What?!”
She sighs heavily, putting down her own flipper. “Don’t act so surprised, Basil. I barely saw when you and Simon were on that relationship creating truce. And even when I did see you two, you were still fighting. What I always saw was Simon spending all his time thinking about you and you hurting him. You teased him, cursed him, punched him, and tried to feed him to a bloody chimera. So when I heard you two were together, my first thought was ‘Aleister Crowley, has Simon’s obsession with Baz become that unhealthy?’ I was scared for him. Because even though I was never in love with Simon, I still love him with all my heart. And from what I knew about you, I was so worried you were going to hurt him, like you had been for years. Can you really blame me?”
Once again, I feel like an idiot. Seems to a running theme today. I sigh heavily as I lean against the stove. “No, I can't. Your worries make sense. I know I hurt Simon quite a lot back then. I regret all of it and apologized to him profusely. I can’t erase what I’ve done, but I’m trying to be better now, I swear. I want to treat him the way he deserves. I want to be good for him. And I hope I can prove that to you.”
“Don’t worry,” she says, sounding genuinely caring. “You already have.”
My nervous death grip on my utensil loosens. I flick my eyes over to her. “Really?”
She finally looks at me full on. Her golden-brown eyes are warm and kind. I can sort of see why Snow fell for her. “Now that I’ve seen you two together in person? Yes. Penelope was right, you two are sickeningly adorable with all your flirting. But as annoying as it is, it shows that you’re both happy, and deeply love each other. Which is wonderful. We all deserve happiness after the shit we went through.” She puts a hand on my shoulder. Despite the initial urge, I don’t flinch away. It’s weirdly comforting. “No matter what happened in the past, I’m glad you’re with him now. You’re very good for each other. Don’t ever doubt that.”
I smile a little lopsidedly. Merlin, I really do like her. Never thought I’d admit that. I pat her hand. “Thank you, Agatha.”
“You’re welcome, Baz.” She claps my arm once, grinning widely. “Now let’s finish these. Simon and Penny should be back soon and Simon will want at least ten.”
“Good point.”
I pick up the dropped spatula and go back to flipping the fluffy pancakes. (They’re turning out quite well.) However, Agatha doesn’t. She’s flipping through phone with an annoyed expression instead.
“What is it?” I say. “Mobile acting up?”
“No, I’m trying to find some good music for us. Though I don’t think you’d like most of my stuff. What do you usually listen to?”
“Horribly morose violin music. Snow and Bunce call it audible depression.”
She chuckles but still smiling. “Why am I not surprised? Alright, how about some Troye Sivan? Nobody, not even you, can dislike Troye Sivan.”
“Can’t argue with that.”
“Knew it.”
Agatha puts on “Wild”, Sivan’s smooth and melodious voice echoing out of the speaker. She starts to sing along. Her voice is nice, quiet but on key. Feeling a bit bold, I start humming along too. She knocks my shoulder.
“C’mon Basilton,” she mockingly groans. “You can do better than that.”
I flick my narrowed grey eyes at her. “Maybe I don’t want to.”
“Pleeeease?” She tilts her head and smiles wide in an attempt to convince me. And somehow, it does. I guess I really do like her.
I sigh. “Leave this blue neighbourhood, never knew loving could hurt this good, oh. And it drives me wild.”
She laughs blissfully and takes the next line. “Cause when you look like that, I never ever wanted to be so bad, oh. It drives me wild. ”
All together now. “You're driving me wild, wild, wild. You're driving me wild, wild, wild. You're driving me wild.”
We continue singing, getting through five songs. Surprisingly, we don’t burn the pancakes, as we’re pretty distracted by Troye Sivan. Agatha eventually adds in some horrible-on-purpose dancing. She spins in place and throws her arms up overdramatically for the big parts of the songs. I laugh with her, not one bit of mocking or cruelty in my mind. It’s actually a lot of fun.
Eventually, we finally run out of batter. (There was a lot.) We put our mountain of breakfast food in the oven to stay warm and turn off Troye. I sigh and lean against the counter. Agatha joins me, hanging her head back.
“Are those two really not back yet?” She groans.
“They’re probably staying out on purpose,” I say, tucking loosened strands of my hair behind my ear. “You know this was all a ploy by Bunce to make us bond, right?”
“Oh of course I know. Unfortunately, it worked. Now we’ll never hear the end of it from her.”
I groan, tilting my head back. “Fuck. As if her smugness wasn’t bad enough.”
“Agreed.”
Silence reigns again. I don’t know what to do, and seemingly neither does Agatha. She fiddles with her long blonde hair, chewing on her lip.
“Yknow,” she finally says quietly, “In the spirit of laying everything out, I never really had a crush on you. I just thought you were a way to escape the bullshit expectations put on me. Sorry for using you like that.”
I look over at her. She looks back. This time, I lightly hold her shoulder, and she doesn’t flinch either. “It’s alright. I understand that situation incredibly well. I'm sorry for flirting with you just to piss off Simon. It was wrong and unfair.”
“It’s cool. Guess we both fucked up. We just have to not fuck up anymore.” She gives me a soft smile, which I gladly return. Wow, we’re really a lot more alike than I thought.
She sighs and puts her hands on her hips. “Well, what shall we do until they return?”
“Hmm.” I scratch my chin. “Want to play gin? Snow and I play it all the time now, and I think I’m getting better because I’ve actually won a couple of games.”
She points a long, delicate finger at me. “Okay, fuck magic, that is a supposedly impossible feat. I applaud you. Simon’s lethal at that game.”
“Tell me about it! So, wanna see who’s the less terrible player?”
Agatha’s grin is simultaneously pleased and evil. She saunters around the counter and takes a seat at her dining room table “Gladly. Go get your cards, Basilton, and prepare to have your arse whooped.”
I do as she says. Bunce was right. Agatha is a lot more interesting than I thought. Part of me wishes I’d talk to her sooner. I hate to say, but thank you Penelope Bunce.
Simon
“Do you think we did the right thing, Pen?” I say, munching on one of the scones we bought. We walk down the bright hall to Agatha’s flat. Penny’s all upright and determined, while I’m more hunched over. I feel weighed down by worry.
Penny rolls her eyes. “It's not like we left them alone in the desert, Simon. It was just cooking.”
“Yeah, but you know Baz. He’s been a lot better lately, but he still goes for the lowest blow sometimes. I just don't want him jabbing at Agatha.”
She turns the doorknob. “Well if that's the case, I'll curse his skinny pale ar-”
“Gin! You lose again, Baz.”
“Godammit!” Baz throws his cards on the table, crossing his arms and pouting like a small child. Agatha throws her head back cackling. Penelope and I freeze at the doorway.
“You sure you won those games before, Basil?” She giggles out.
“I’m thinking now that those may have been flukes.” Baz turns to me, smiling kindly. “Hello, love. Got your scones?”
“Uh, yeah,” I reply. “What's going on here?”
“Baz is getting his arse kicked at gin,” Agatha announces proudly.
Baz glares at her, but with a sort of wry smile. “Am not.”
“You're losing 6 to 1, Pitch. I think your arse has been soundly kicked.”
“Pfft. Whatever. We have to stop now anyway. With these two back we can finally eat those pancakes.”
“Yes, finally! Simon, Penny, can you set the table? Baz and I will get the food.”
“Um,” Penny says, still sort of shocked, “sure. Will do.”
“Awesome!”
Agatha jumps up and speed walks to the kitchenette. Baz gathers up the cards then joins her. Penelope and I wordlessly get out napkins and utensils, eyes fixed on my boyfriend and our friend. Those two are whispering, smiling, even giggling.
“Standing in the eye of the storm,” Agatha sings so softly I barely hear it. (But I honestly don’t think I’m supposed to.)
“Oh shut up,” Baz chuckles quietly, playfully jabbing her side.
“But you said it was your favourite.”
“Shh! Don’t give Bunce any more teasing ammunition than she already has!”
Agatha laughs, knocking his shoulder as she brings the pancakes out of the oven. They’re being civil. Crowley, they’re more than civil, they’re acting like friends. It’s both amazing and confusing all at once.
“I think your idea worked,” I whisper to Penny.
“Yeah,” she replies. “And way better than I thought.”
The two of them keep quietly chatting as they get the rest of the breakfast supplies. For the first time, I see Baz smiling around her. That is quite a rarity. There are very few people Baz is comfortable with. Me, Penelope, and very occasionally his family. But, he’s comfortable around her. Thank Merlin, for many reasons.
I lean close to Penny. “Think I should worry about Agatha stealing Baz?”
She chuckles, rolling her eyes. “Yes, that is an incredibly real possibility, Simon. Your ex-girlfriend is going to steal your gay boyfriend. Be very worried.”
“Oh shut up.”
Agatha swans her way to the table, holding up the platter of beautiful looking flapjacks. She places them on the table.
“I present,” she announces. “Pancakes à la Agatha and Baz.”
“That’s not the proper use of French, Wellbelove,” Baz says amusedly as he places the syrup and butter on the table.
“Oh be quiet, Baz.” She playfully swats his arm with an oven mitt. “It’s pancake time, not French lessons.”
Agatha and Penelope take one side of the table while Baz and I take the other. The girls chat as they serve themselves. I grab Baz’s hand under the table, leaning over to his ear.
“Hey,” I whisper. “Things went well, yeah?”
He squeezes me once, skin cool and grasp firm, as usual. “Quite well. I’ll tell you all about it later.”
“Alright.” I pull back. “Let’s have some of these awesome looking pancakes then.”
“Gladly.”
I shovel the fluffy cakes onto my plate. Agatha and Baz start discussing horse competitions for some reason. I sigh in relief under my breath. As ridiculous as Penelope’s idea was, it seems to have worked. My boyfriend is no longer avoiding my other best friend like the plague. They’re becoming friends themselves. I couldn’t be happier.
AN: I really wanted to do something with Agatha, and this worked well. Tbh Agatha would probably be freaked out because as far as she knows Baz is an asshole. I'd be freaked out if my best friend started dating their worst enemy. Hope you liked this. Tomorrow: stars!
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gaiatheorist ¡ 8 years ago
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“Reintroduction of apex predators.”
(My head is playing the 2am game again, there are dozens of things I should be concentrating on, but I’m busy going mad. It’s fine, I usually come back eventually.) 
2am-ish. “Bleurgh. Ick. Cold. Timesit?”
Yes, ‘Bleurgh’, and yes ‘Ick’, that’ll be the wine. Yes, ‘Cold’, because I’d fallen asleep on the sofa again. ‘Timesit?’, bollocks, I didn’t put my phone on charge, so there’s an on-screen reminder that a pending update couldn’t be installed overnight. I hate phone updates, I always worry that something will go wrong, which is ridiculous, because I haven’t ‘always’ had a mobile phone, and there must, logically, be a way to un-install an update if something does cock up. It’s just after half past three now, so it’s taken me about an hour and a half to convince myself that ‘nothing bad will happen’ if I update my phone. Not that updating my phone would stop OTHER bad things from happening, I’m not THAT mad.
The sensible thing to do if you wake up at 2am on the sofa would be to go to bed. I’m not sensible, and, since the brain haemorrhage, there’s been even more of the “Ping! Wide awake!” malarkey. It is a behaviour I need to change, and, yet again, I failed to do so. (Side-thought about setting up a GO TO BED screen-saver on my phone?) I’m differently-mad to my friend, who called around for a cup of tea after his eye test this week, we share some similar traits, and we’re open-ish with each other. He wakes up every single morning crippled by confusion, processing the fact that he’s one of billions of bipedal beings on the surface of a spinning rock, and, every day, it takes him ‘hours’ to shake off that confusion, and regain some semblance of functionality. In a way, I’m glad I just wake up in the middle of the night, with hundreds of fragments of nonsense-thought running through my head, because his existential anxiety every morning sounds awful. (Waking up at 2am, knowing it’s going to knock-on my sleep pattern again, and immediately checking the internet to see if anything has happened is awful, too, but I’ve normalised it to an extent. It’s my awful, I’m used to it.)
We’re similar in that I knew where his post-vasectomy anecdote was going as soon as he started it, I guessed the ‘masturbating with a bag of frozen peas clamped to his testicles’ part, but the ‘while the police raided the house next door for cannabis’ twist was a surprise. We talked non-stop for an hour, about what utter chaotic twats we were two decades ago, about the times he’d driven the ex and I home out-of-his-mind drunk, bouncing off kerbs, that I couldn’t remember, because I was also out-of-my-mind. He couldn’t remember the time he’d stayed at our old house, and put his foot THROUGH one of the stairs. We both remembered disgusting days of just not going to work, and arsing about. We both remembered the Ouija board, his unflattering nickname for one of my friends, and how unpredictable-unstable our weird little pre-bubble group was. We’ve concluded that we were twats, and we’re trying not to be any more.
Part of his twattery was multiple affairs, his wife is an absolute stoic, and keeps taking him back, they’ve divorced twice. He’s married her 3 times, and she was his third wife, I think. Other people’s business, isn’t it? After one of the affairs, she banned him from associating with us, like she was a grown-up, and we were teenagers, leading him astray. I became ‘Her!’, and the focus of her hate, more so than the ‘other women’ he was having affairs with. (To clarify, there was never any of that between us.) I’d forgotten about being ‘Her!’, but, apparently she hasn’t, and still resents me. I’ll live, but now sort-of-understand why I don’t have his actual mobile number, he only ever contacts me on Fakebook, AND he deletes the chat-messages. “She’d go mad if she knew I was here.” For fuck’s sake, unwittingly duplicitous-complicit in a married man’s sneaking-about.
I went the long way around that, didn’t I? There are several escaped crickets having a little adventure on my living room carpet, I really ought to pick them up.
OK, I woke up at an unreasonable time, and did what I shouldn’t have done, in checking the news, to see if anything had happened. With me, that’s a hang-up from September 11th, I’d been ill with a migraine, and missed the news, I plunged into obsessive-panic about not missing ‘The News’, which, back then, was on the TV, there was one computer in the house, which took about a century to boot up, and then the rest of your life to connect to the dial-up. How times have changed. I’m not the only one doing it these days, logging on, and hoping for the best, but acknowledging that there is the possibility that something catastrophically ominous is on the horizon. Please, please, let me find something in the news that’s not Him, or Her, like the lovely nun yesterday. 
Lettuce? I don’t buy it as a matter of course, the father-in-law used to plant millions of the ‘butterhead’ bastards on the allotment, horrible, floppy-limp things, full of mud and slugs, for years my fridge was guaranteed to contain mud and slugs. “Here, lass, I’ve fetched you a lettuce!” I don’t like lettuce all that much.
Wikipedia? OK, it’s a side-swipe at people telling huge great big massive lies, but the ‘many hands make light work’ approach is encouraging. A chain is only ever as strong as its weakest link, but so many links could effectively knit truth-chain-mail. Too relevant, though, too linked to real-time events.
Bullshit Barbie? No thanks, I read that yesterday.
I flicked through, looking for something that wasn’t ‘that’, ready to be witty, or engaging, or insightful before some knobhead invariably weighs in with “How is this news?” That’s the fucking point, knobheads, we’re aware of the news, which is why we’re also looking at “10 ways to tuck in a shirt.”, or whatever, with courses as heavy as these ones, we absolutely need palate-cleansers as well. The ‘breaking’ banner will pop up if something happens, in the meantime, we’ll read the fluff, and the filler.
It would appear that it’s not working, though, the distraction-method. I clicked on an article about a proposal to reintroduce lynx in Northumbria, thinking that couldn’t possibly have any “We’re all fucked!” connotations. (Except if you’re a roe deer, apologies to any roe deer reading this...) I can see the logic, the lynx would be brought in to control the roe deer population. The deer haven’t done anything ‘wrong’, they’re just being deer, you know, making more deer, eating leaves, making more deer to eat more leaves, when the tree really needed those leaves, to photosynthesise, and keep us all breathing, and such. The local farmers don’t want the lynx, because they worry for their livestock, and I’m relatively certain there’s probably some knobhead setting up Fakebook pages that say lynx eat babies. (Note ‘relatively’, and ‘probably’, I talk shit, but I’m not Bullshit Barbie.) 
It’s not the ‘people refusing to accept science, because it threatens their lambs’ thing, it was one phrase, used repeatedly. ‘Apex predator’ (Food-chain, chain-mail, my head is misbehaving, but that’s why I’m rattling it all out here, to purge my cranium of these thought-snippets.) Apex predator, top of the food-chain, it’s nature’s way, because most creatures on this revolving rock don’t have access to family planning. Oh. The thing at the top of the food-chain, or food-pyramid, or food-web, depending on how they’re teaching it now eats the things below it. (Fucking hell, woman, park THAT Gaia Theory, this potential catastrophe for the planet ISN’T a global phone-update, move away from the rats-and-cockroaches ideation.) 
Nature does its thing, or, at least it did, until we started trying to boss it. We’re twats, some more so than others, we kill things we have no intention of eating. We kill each other. We bugger about with the environment, and then complain about lettuce. We, in the UK have eradicated most of our apex predators, what chance do a handful of nappy-eating foxes have of controlling the rabbit population? (Especially if people in silly clothes carry on with their ‘sport’.) We ate all the dodos, and all of that particular kind of turtle, we’re killing the fucking BEES, and we all know how that ends. (Removes tinfoil hat.) 
We have new apex predators, and we need to figure out how to keep ourselves as safe as we can, because these new apex predators don’t behave in exactly the same way as the ones we’re used to. The ‘bubbles’ are electronic versions of stone-age tribes’ perimeter-spikes against sabre-toothed tigers. (I don’t know, I’ve already told you I never paid attention in History, sometimes I used to pick my ear until it bled, so I could get out of class to see matron for a plaster.) I’m dithering around a vague notion that our greatest weapon is the truth, but also dabbling with the idea that our strength is our number,  not in the same way as animals produce ‘spare’ young, because they know some will be eaten, though. We are little, but there are lots of us, aside from good guys always coming last, we DO need to remember that we’re human, in the face of this inhumanity, the first big collection of little things that stoops to the level of the new predators is on a very shaky foundation. 
This thing will run its course, as all things do, we just need to remember to show our arses to bears, and punch sharks on the nose, not the other way around. Personally, I’d prefer this fuckpuddle to be mopped up with paper rather than projectiles, and soon, because this limbo-uncertainty is exhausting us, and sending us mad. Nobody’s going to pop out from behind the sofa with a hidden camera crew and shout “Fooled you, you’ve been part of the biggest reality TV experiment ever!” We need to watch and wait, keep ourselves and each other safe.
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acquiescest ¡ 3 months ago
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ok wait forgot some stuff
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acquiescest ¡ 4 months ago
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london, 5am friday sept 20 2024
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football match in manchester, sunday sept 22 2024
liam tweets and rambling speculation under the cut
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↑ re: malta (liam's gig was sunday night, he sang beautifully)
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ramblings: noel being seen twice during liam's birthday weekend (pointedly not with liam) seems like a pr tactic. there's anticipation and tension building to when they're finally publicly seen together—so far we've only seen the reunion photoshoot (which barely gave us anything). the american tour is going to be announced this friday and what with the whole ticket debacle (plus people being mean about liam's voice) will have to be handled with some care
(as for sally i think they were dating—as in going on dates—and when he decided for sure to sign the oasis paperwork (it was signed beginning of july) she dialled things back and he was "single" again and complaining that women don't like him or whatever on the (aug 5??) podcast. pre-reunion i thought it was serious in part because he seemed so happy and giddy...... which, i have now reassessed the reason for lol......... i think they're now casually going on dates.... or friends and she doesn't mind tabloids making assumptions—except ?? she does seem to mind??... or maybe they're trying dating again and this is their version of lowkey?? hmmm)
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