#with an expectation of being understood

[variousqueerthings]

There are, however, those for whom there is no other answer [other than to have surgery]. In my experience these people, both men and women, are asexual before they make the changeover and have difficulty in relating to others because of their own confusion which comes from deep within them. Once they have made the changeover, and they are what they have always felt themselves to be, their emotions are released and they become capable of a deep loving.

"Know Thyself" speech by Mrs Doreen Cordell at the 16th March, 1974 TV/TS UK conference, held in Leeds

Fascinated by the use of the word asexual here, definitely covering (if not actually mainly about) what we today would call "aromanticism" and the ways the conference/1970s attitudes towards TS/TV distinction takes on a pathologisation of various behaviours in an attempt to normalise the parts that individual activists/speakers related more to within themselves -- I am the normal trans, and you can tell because of xyz medically/psychologically measurable behaviours

I think this is a limitation that's deeply baked into 20th century trans histories and politics, which in no small amount came from the pathologisation of queerness (see how trans and ace are linked along the lines of mental illness) as a whole in the 1950s-onwards, specifically from the cis, white, male majority psycho-babble

It's important to unpack these limitations, especially as how they pertain to throwing others under the bus, in particular if we as a community want to better support anti-colonialist and anti-racist gender movements and our intersex siblings

The 1974 conference is an important moment in trans history, that undoubtedly contains within it a great deal of joy and community, as well as intersex voices (Miss Della Alexander was a pretty big deal in the UK community in 1974, although I wonder if some of her ideas aren't too radical even for today -- I think they're still very interesting and might share some of her words on here as well, they certainly make me think, even if I don't know where those lines of thoughts are going) but simultaneously reiterates or often struggles to have the effective words to challenge white, western-centric, passing-focused, pathologised, and intersexist ideologies

what parts of all of this muddle have we managed to challenge today, and what voices are we still not centering enough?

I do note, I know a few trans people who identified as ace pre-transitioning, as well as trans people who identified as allo in one way or another, and their sexuality changing with transition -- crucially, they didn't think of their pre-transition sexualities as a negative, but merely a part of their ongoing journey, and even if someone were to see it as a negative symptom (and I'm sure many do) it's not a generalisation of everyone's experience in the way one often risks seeing in some of these older takes (or... some modern takes)

(I deliberately didn't get more into the asexual/aromantic conflagration and pathologisation, because that's its whooole own post that I'm still thinking about as I continue to read the conference transcript. suffice to say, it's interesting to learn more and unpack a lot of what was said 50 years ago)

[shiraishi--kanade]

"It's so embarrassing to admit I only create art for validation" did paleolithic humans not paint for other humans to see. Does a child making their first drawing to show their parents makes it any less valuable. Do gardens arranged for the visitors' eyes make the roses any less beautiful. Do love poems written for one person alone to hear make your heart ache less. You're fine

[crustyfloor]

While the notion that Sua had omitted the full truth about death to Mizi, and that's the reason Mizi resents her, is still true, the new comic might present a new reason for why Mizi resents/hates Sua as much as she loves her, and it deepens the complexity of the former reason in Mizi's perspective (plus I'm just here to ramble about some of Mizi's struggles more)

Mizi resents people for objectifying her, because she is a beautiful, friendly girl, she's crowded and adored by many but not understood, that's how she encounters so many people who believe they're entitled to her because "that's the rule" or because, well, why should she say no? Just like that dogshit npc who essentially accused her of leading him and others on because she was intentionally acting foolish and exploitative without any worries, (very similar to the way women are treated like Satans spawn-like temptresses in real life if they dare disappoint and not please)

Mizi resents people who don't think about getting to know her beyond what she represents or what she can offer them. things that simply contribute to how much of a pampered object she appears to her peers, that's why she was so disappointed by Till's answer. There might be men in a woman's life who won't know anything about her, won't care about her as a person, yet will still be adamant about their feelings even against her wishes; it just reaffirmed her self-hatred. She wanted a friend out of somebody she genuinely admired and cared about and felt like she couldn't because his idealization really set him back and put a strain on their dynamic, "Is it that hard to not like me?" (side note it seems like an odd question from her because it prompts an obvious answer, probably sounds a little dense too but I think it's genuinely what Mizi resents, that like other people around her, it is so hard for him to get over it and see her beyond the idealized perception, and she thinks its her fault for it)

Mizi resents people for assuming everything about her, or thinking she's genuinely so perfect and has it easy, while she knows how much she struggles, she genuinely doesn't want people to hate her and she doesn't want to hate people in turn so she feels as though she must internalize it and not burden others. (That's in part where the people pleasing comes from, if not out of necessity, she's genuinely just kind, but doesn't know how she can possibly make everyone happy, so it's easier to pretend)

(Again, it's so fascinating how Mizi presents a lot of parallels to women's struggles in real life because this comic, in some parts, is a commentary on that stigma and normalization )

That's why the scene with Mizi and Sua is so significant to me, because while Mizi is bitter toward people who perceive and treat her a certain way, she's especially upset when Sua does it too, the person she loves most and confides in most, is accidentally dismissive and insensitive to Mizi's experiences because Sua too believes Mizi has it easy, she doesn't fully understand- "at least you don't get dragged around like me, must be nice right?" She ends up sounding like the other people that Mizi is upset with

I described this a little in some other posts, but all in all, the way Sua believes Mizi's people-pleasing bubbly facade at times, and Mizi too wanted companionship and an escape in Sua, is the reason they're co-dependent on each other, it's the reason why Sua is so protective of keeping Mizi as naive as she thought she was, because Mizi's happiness was her escape, that too is the reason she felt like she should keep pretending and lying until they had their time on stage. After Sua dies, Mizi realizes that Sua must've known about the full truth of death, yet didn't tell her, Sua didn't want to taint Mizi's "perfect and oblivious personality," and so lied to her; it's similar to other instances where people assume things of Mizi, and what they think is out of her control no matter what she says, so I think this just adds more complexity to Mizi's reaction to Sua's death, Mizi's upset that she thinks Sua assumed she wouldn't have been able to handle it, that she didn't need to know, and so left her clueless, because of that Mizi wishes she could've been able to do something and she hates herself for taking on that facade in the first place and "causing Sua's death" like the manipulative and exploitative person she thinks she is

[roobylavender]

[microwave noises]

[in-tua-deep]

I’ve seen critique of the way show!murderbot said it felt good after killing leebeebee (thank goodness, I really disliked her - though at the same time I actually think that it’s interesting for the preservation team to have someone very blatantly objectify murderbot right in front of them and show them how other humans likely treated it)

but,, I didn’t really read it as it feeling good about killing someone so much as feeling good that it has made the team realize that it isn’t some little robot that wants to be human, and it doesn’t want to be assimilated into their group because it isn’t human. It’s a construct. They cannot and should not assume that it wants to be like them - it shouldn’t have to change or be human to be accepted

So I thought it was more of a “it feels good that this is making them rethink their little uwu poor little meow meow narrative when that’s kind of condescending and I am way more familiar with how fucked up my situation is than they are?”

Idk, any thoughts?

[theborzoiarebackintown]

My sweet summer child has no idea we’re leaving in less than two hours to gO RUNNIN!!!!!

[butchkaramazov]

GUESS WHO HAD THEIR FIRST KISS TODAY

[random-dragon-exe]

Ok but like, can we talk about how Stan learned about physics and advanced engineering and/or other stuff to create the portal?

This means that he actually understands what Stanford is saying when he speaking his nerd gibberish.

Although, he probably won't admit it. Maybe he'll imply it though.

[starteas]

You know you’re in too deep when you think a redemption arc can work for a character everyone believes shouldn’t be

[rosekasa]

there is something so. intensely frustrating about feeling incapable of showing up for people the way that they want you to

[puckpocketed]

very fascinating to see that jhag’s essentially played himself out of uncontested first overall territory this past year because love and light for him i did not realize his stat line looked like…..that. or that he was almost little by hockey standards. i’m rooting for him though! genuinely!

I'm also rooting for him!!! he'll have a bounce back year. I believe!!!! <3

[pergaminaa]

Modern au

One major point of difference between Aelin and Manon is how how they deal with success.

Aelin loves it and loves the sense of accomplishment that she gets every time she does something that gets her a lot of praise. She’s cocky and loves for that kind of joy. She picks these things because she knows the end result and she just loves being the center of attention because she’s Aelin.

Manon is also very successful but she doesn’t deal with it the same way. She doesn’t feel any sense of accomplishment, it’s just one thing that’s causing her a lot of anxiety off of her shoulders and she’s relieved that it’s over more than anything else. She certainly doesn’t await anyone’s praise. She’s also lowkey competitive so anything less than perfect results is a fluke in her eyes. (For example in school or in any competition she’s either at the number one spot or she’s has brought shame and disgrace to both herself and her name). So to Manon, there is no joy in these things; there is only stress and pressure and nothing else matters.

[hualianisms]

finding out that in the original script for mysterious lotus casebook ep 19, after FDB passionately argues that LLH wasn't arrogant, but had good intentions and simply wanted to establish a more just and moral sect in the jianghu and LLH says:

then in the original script deleted line, LLH calls FDB his 知交 zhi jiao*, not just "best friend", in this dialogue here:

*知交 zhi jiao is a term that has a similar meaning to zhi ji. something like a companion who Knows you on a profound level. for a detailed explanation of what zhi jiao means, see this twitter thread by forhenjun which talks about how zhi jiao is specifically mutual and reciprocal.)

so LLH called FDB his zhi jiao first, even way before FDB calls LLH his zhi ji... because FDB alone understood LXY's true character and intentions, unlike everyone around LXY who put him on an unfair pedestal, called him arrogant and unfairly blamed him for the fall of sigu sect. FDB, the only person who LLH felt always treated him like a regular *human being*, whether it was LXY or LLH.

(source credit: forayuarchive's translation of the ep 27 original script on twitter, which has a flashback to the original ep 19 scene with the deleted line saying zhi jiao)

[ice-sculptures]

SCREAMMMM not my mom telling me to be bisexual today....idk whether or not to feel insulted or not

[melmedarda]

Can't stop thinking about the thoughts Mel must have had after waking up to an empty bed. She had just laid her heart bare, given her body to Jayce and to wake up the next morning alone?

When he returns to her, she tells him there's a lot he doesn't know about her. She'd shared such an intimate part of her the night before, but she doesn't want Jayce to feel like he knows her. Because if he thinks he knows her, he must have not considered her worthy of staying for. She likely thought that he had gotten what he wanted from her and cast her off.

And why should Mel think this? A woman who is so wealthy, so beautiful, so accomplished and powerful? Because her mother had seen her and cast her off. Her family had disowned her because she was not good enough in their estimation. So all those twelve years that she's been in exile, and her mother has not visited her or called her back to her side, Mel likely thought she was not good enough. All those twelve years, she was just a girl trying hard enough to be.

And then Jayce comes, bares his heart to her as well. Lets her see him in his weakness, in his uncertainty. Shows her how much he values her, wants her around, how highly he holds her opinion. Even when he knows. Perhaps, because he knows her heart. Values it and the compassion she holds within her. And she finally feels good enough.

Only for her mother to come, and tell her it's time to come back home, to be at her side. Only after her brother is dead. When there is no other choice. So yes, of course Mel chooses Jayce, Piltover, and the legacy of peace they've begun to forge. Her family disowned her. Now, she disowns them too.

[suranastair]

Kestrel "Kes" de Riva 🐦‍⬛

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