#with an expectation of being understood

[variousqueerthings]

There are, however, those for whom there is no other answer [other than to have surgery]. In my experience these people, both men and women, are asexual before they make the changeover and have difficulty in relating to others because of their own confusion which comes from deep within them. Once they have made the changeover, and they are what they have always felt themselves to be, their emotions are released and they become capable of a deep loving.

"Know Thyself" speech by Mrs Doreen Cordell at the 16th March, 1974 TV/TS UK conference, held in Leeds

Fascinated by the use of the word asexual here, definitely covering (if not actually mainly about) what we today would call "aromanticism" and the ways the conference/1970s attitudes towards TS/TV distinction takes on a pathologisation of various behaviours in an attempt to normalise the parts that individual activists/speakers related more to within themselves -- I am the normal trans, and you can tell because of xyz medically/psychologically measurable behaviours

I think this is a limitation that's deeply baked into 20th century trans histories and politics, which in no small amount came from the pathologisation of queerness (see how trans and ace are linked along the lines of mental illness) as a whole in the 1950s-onwards, specifically from the cis, white, male majority psycho-babble

It's important to unpack these limitations, especially as how they pertain to throwing others under the bus, in particular if we as a community want to better support anti-colonialist and anti-racist gender movements and our intersex siblings

The 1974 conference is an important moment in trans history, that undoubtedly contains within it a great deal of joy and community, as well as intersex voices (Miss Della Alexander was a pretty big deal in the UK community in 1974, although I wonder if some of her ideas aren't too radical even for today -- I think they're still very interesting and might share some of her words on here as well, they certainly make me think, even if I don't know where those lines of thoughts are going) but simultaneously reiterates or often struggles to have the effective words to challenge white, western-centric, passing-focused, pathologised, and intersexist ideologies

what parts of all of this muddle have we managed to challenge today, and what voices are we still not centering enough?

I do note, I know a few trans people who identified as ace pre-transitioning, as well as trans people who identified as allo in one way or another, and their sexuality changing with transition -- crucially, they didn't think of their pre-transition sexualities as a negative, but merely a part of their ongoing journey, and even if someone were to see it as a negative symptom (and I'm sure many do) it's not a generalisation of everyone's experience in the way one often risks seeing in some of these older takes (or... some modern takes)

(I deliberately didn't get more into the asexual/aromantic conflagration and pathologisation, because that's its whooole own post that I'm still thinking about as I continue to read the conference transcript. suffice to say, it's interesting to learn more and unpack a lot of what was said 50 years ago)

[shiraishi--kanade]

"It's so embarrassing to admit I only create art for validation" did paleolithic humans not paint for other humans to see. Does a child making their first drawing to show their parents makes it any less valuable. Do gardens arranged for the visitors' eyes make the roses any less beautiful. Do love poems written for one person alone to hear make your heart ache less. You're fine

[luridcomixofthenuit]

Me in my very first class as a substitute teacher after completely losing control of the kids in the first 2 minutes

[rosekasa]

there is something so. intensely frustrating about feeling incapable of showing up for people the way that they want you to

[hualianisms]

finding out that in the original script for mysterious lotus casebook ep 19, after FDB passionately argues that LLH wasn't arrogant, but had good intentions and simply wanted to establish a more just and moral sect in the jianghu and LLH says:

then in the original script deleted line, LLH calls FDB his 知交 zhi jiao*, not just "best friend", in this dialogue here:

*知交 zhi jiao is a term that has a similar meaning to zhi ji. something like a companion who Knows you on a profound level. for a detailed explanation of what zhi jiao means, see this twitter thread by forhenjun which talks about how zhi jiao is specifically mutual and reciprocal.)

so LLH called FDB his zhi jiao first, even way before FDB calls LLH his zhi ji... because FDB alone understood LXY's true character and intentions, unlike everyone around LXY who put him on an unfair pedestal, called him arrogant and unfairly blamed him for the fall of sigu sect. FDB, the only person who LLH felt always treated him like a regular *human being*, whether it was LXY or LLH.

(source credit: forayuarchive's translation of the ep 27 original script on twitter, which has a flashback to the original ep 19 scene with the deleted line saying zhi jiao)

[melmedarda]

Can't stop thinking about the thoughts Mel must have had after waking up to an empty bed. She had just laid her heart bare, given her body to Jayce and to wake up the next morning alone?

When he returns to her, she tells him there's a lot he doesn't know about her. She'd shared such an intimate part of her the night before, but she doesn't want Jayce to feel like he knows her. Because if he thinks he knows her, he must have not considered her worthy of staying for. She likely thought that he had gotten what he wanted from her and cast her off.

And why should Mel think this? A woman who is so wealthy, so beautiful, so accomplished and powerful? Because her mother had seen her and cast her off. Her family had disowned her because she was not good enough in their estimation. So all those twelve years that she's been in exile, and her mother has not visited her or called her back to her side, Mel likely thought she was not good enough. All those twelve years, she was just a girl trying hard enough to be.

And then Jayce comes, bares his heart to her as well. Lets her see him in his weakness, in his uncertainty. Shows her how much he values her, wants her around, how highly he holds her opinion. Even when he knows. Perhaps, because he knows her heart. Values it and the compassion she holds within her. And she finally feels good enough.

Only for her mother to come, and tell her it's time to come back home, to be at her side. Only after her brother is dead. When there is no other choice. So yes, of course Mel chooses Jayce, Piltover, and the legacy of peace they've begun to forge. Her family disowned her. Now, she disowns them too.

[cesarescabinet]

Being a Skyvik fan gives me whiplash with how they've been handled I swear.

[bunisher]

might be the aro in me but i think one of the reasons i don’t ship mattfoggy is because i enjoy the idea of platonic intimacy and friendship without romance. i enjoy them as best friends, because their friendship is not any less than romantic love or needs to be. especially for characters like them, i think it’s important that they have friendships that are not inherently romantic. matt, because he has severe abandonment trauma and avoidant attachment, where all of his romances have ended in some form of tragedy. he has trouble feeling comfortable with people, he feels like he has to perform in many aspects, and does not with foggy, at least not anymore. trust is a hard earned thing with him, but it’s not just about trusting with being a hero, but trusting to be himself. in regards to foggy, because he also has his own issues regarding family and not feeling accepted. he needs that friend who provides the motivation, validation, and feeling of being good enough just for being him. his insecurities often come from being underestimated, being awkward, not fitting in, and with matt he can just be. they’re able to have a relationship with each other that has rupture and repair, knowing eventually after time it’s them against conflict and not them against each other. they set the standard for each other in how romantic relationships are. they provide that safe place for love that doesn’t have the weight of being someone’s everything or partner. they’re already partners! they’re best friends. i personally am a little in love with all of my friends, and i am utterly devoted to them. i will be affectionate and supportive and loving and i am not dating them. so yeah i see how stuff could be read romantic, i understand why people enjoy the ship, i get it, i do. but it’s more powerful to me when it’s not. romance is not the end all be all and that’s why i am obsessed with their friendship without it being this stepping stone for romance or there being no other explanation.

[dennisboobs]

my favourite thing about the always sunny podcast is listening to rcg all say something extremely neurodivergent and then agree amongst themselves and convince themselves its completely normal

[avelera]

I do completely understand people waiting to read a fic until it’s further along or even finished but sometimes I wish that impulse came with an understanding that the writer still hopes that the reader will comment on chapters along the way 🥺

[antiqua-lugar]

fun fact, during my first fully blind playthrought of bg3 I honestly thought gale was the writers' favourite if nothing else because of how much varied dialogue he had. like I never reallly had a conversation with astarion that wasn't about his trauma, his vampirism or how boring I am for not wanting to take over a cult but I knew all of gale's hobbies, two or three childhood's anecdotes and the whole history of tara, who he was making plans to introduce to me later.

[tenebrius-excellium]

Thinking about Httyd...hot and perhaps too personal take: To me, Httyd was more than anything else a movie about emotional starvation. And Forbidden Friendship was the sweetest, briefest celebration of relief from that.

Afterwards, everybody basically told Hiccup to man up “because that’s just life” and I will never forgive Httyd2 and Httyd3 for that.

[walkietalkiemaniac]

since it fits the "love interest randomly undresses for tension purposes" trope people miss that scenes full meaning, Dong Eun undressing before Yeo Jeong. Shes baring her soul, choosing to. pretty obvious visual metaphor of opening up fully to him. It went beyond just telling him the story, when the words fail to convey the pain she undresses fully. its not the weaponized show of arms for Do Yeong, that was meant to distress and shake him. neither is it for manipulating him! she wasnt even hoping to gain anything from it! she had already given up on relying on him (using him, in her mind) because he had his own share of pain in his life. shes ONLY looking to be understood by him. to be seen. SHES surprised he answers as intensely as he does.

that scene is her biggest surrender and open admission of being fond of him without expecting any benefit. her most vulnerable and human moment, only possible through her trust and affection for him.

[horizon-penblade]

either BigB is going all in on the "secretkeepers are the watchers are the viewers" lore or I am reading WAY too much into the phrasing of his intro

[obstinatecondolement]

Not to be all "this is an Only Murders in the Building blog now" but apparently since yesterday I have reached a point of no longer being satisfied with being part of a two-person fandom irl with my sister and I need to Discuss things with you all.

Anyway. Currently thinking about how Theo Dimas is a) Greek and b) Deaf—both cultures that are very physically demonstrative—and that he is. Like that.

[texeoghea]

kamen rider really is a series about women. with obstacles. to me