#wish she got more speaking time
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out of context this image looks like two friends and their robot bestie are about to go get up to some tomfoolery
#love how arcee is just chilling in the back#she's so fun and i loved her#wish she got more speaking time#she and elena shouldve been besties#tf rotb#elena wallace#noah diaz#arcee
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the lack of fandom insanity about aloy hzd is crazy to me.....she was literally born of immaculate conception to be the saviour of a world that doesnt want her. she was the loneliest girl in the world the first and last of her kind. while gay
#she is everything to me!!!!!!!!#went back to my hzd replay and in my feelings currently#also started on burning shores finally and while its good. for reasons known. opening hfw again does remind me#how i feel that it did not do justice to the themes of hzd#manyyyy thoughts on that#one major thing is that the zeniths even existing takes away the fact that up to that point there was absolutely nobody left#from the old world. just recording and emails and broken holograms#not even gaia (!!)#(yes it is very important to me that the gaia in hfw is just a backup copy she is the same program per se but NOT the same gaia#that chose to give life to aloy. out of her love and trust in elisabet. it was actually very impactful imo how that gaia was destroyed#before she could ever speak to aloy. she could nly leave her a message. addressing her as elisabet iirc#which ended on 'i only wish i could hear your voice again' DEAR GOD#anyways the fact that the hfw gaia is NOT the same one. and thats never addressed or anything#just encapsulates the emotional hollowness of hfw compared to hzd#hzd just had this massive all encompasing theme of loneliness. that came together in all aspects of the game#hfw was such a paradigm shift from that it should have been more meaningful#but they got lost in the sauce and ended up with kind of a nothingburger in comparison#hzd was a story hfw was just a game. THERE!!#wow this turned into kind of a rant anyways. aloy girl of all time!!!!#hzd#hfw#aloy
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and like, despite the deliciously shippable couples it has, Twinkling Watermelon is not a romcom, it’s a fantasy coming-of-age. the theme is family, the main relationship is between Eun Gyeol and his father and while their respective romantic storylines are crucial, they’re not central.
which is nice, on the one hand, because it offers a slightly different (and beautiful) kind of story, but then because instead of being [main couple] > [second couple] it’s [son and dad] > [son’s gf and mom], it ends up letting down Eun Yoo and Cheong-ah a bit and leaving their resolutions a bit rushed / open ended (you know, like how in other shows you’ll see the second couple standing together at the main characters’ wedding but no actual, solid resolution).
so the final scene of the show is primarily a bonding moment and a resolution for Yichan and Eun Gyeol, and you don’t get much of Cheongchan and a very quick last-moment wrapping up of Euneun (and like. what happened to our girls in the years in between?? we need answers!)
#which is… not a complaint necessarily#like yah the main characters are Eun Gyeol and Yichan this we know and it makes sense that the ending would be mainly about them#but it does feel like they swept some stuff under the rug for the girls when their stories were just as interesting#like we have the euneun kiss at the end and the very very last scene also belongs to Eun Yoo which is nice#but it’s also like okay wait! how did we get here? how did she realize the truth? what’s her life like now that everything has changed?#there’s definitely like. hints and subtext but I do wish we’d gotten more#and that’s the main couple. the second couple… I mean. they got married obviously#but we KNEW that from episode 1#that was always going to happen and I think it would’ve been nice to just have a bit more of them together at the end#though we do have Yichan speaking about her and making her blush that was cute#like. I’m not *complaining* I’m just saying that that’s where the weakness of the ending lies#it doesn’t have enough time so it sacrifices Eun Yoo and Cheong-ah a bit (especially Cheong-ah)#I feel like I’m not making sense atp just rambling and talking in circles but you get me right?? you understand my feelings#and heck I haven’t even MENTIONED Se Kyeong. no one knows what happened to her fr#elly's posts#twinkling watermelon#day 230925 of twinkling watermelon obsession
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I find it fascinating to trace the development of Jekyll and Lisa's relationship through the various versions of the musical. On the surface, not much changes; Lisa (or Emma, depending on the version) Carew, fiancée of Henry Jekyll, watches helplessly as he dives deeper into his obsession with his experiments, only discovering the true reason for his isolation when it is too late. Whether we look at the Lisa of the early demo recordings, the Emma of the Broadway productions, or any version in between, her role and her fate remains largely unchanged.
Even so, her relationship with Jekyll, specifically its portrayal in their song(s), underwent arguably the most rewrites of the entire show. While (very early drafts of) some songs, such as "Alive" and "Murder, Murder", appear as early as the very first demo recording in 1986 (and by 1987 Lucy's main songs make their appearances as well), Jekyll and Lisa's main duet of "Take Me As I Am" does not appear until 1994's "Gothic Musical Thriller" album, after which the song does not undergo any significant changes.
In TMAIA's place, the pair sing several different songs, including "Love Has Come of Age", a duet version of "Someone Like You", "The First Time", and several more. In the 1986 demo, half of the songs are duets between Lisa and Jekyll!
Out of all the rewrites and cut songs, why did "Take Me As I Am" manage to stick? And why was it the only true Jekyll/Lisa duet to survive revisions?
Though earlier drafts of Jekyll & Hyde devoted more attention to Lisa and Jekyll's relationship (which I, as resident Lisa fan, thoroughly enjoyed), the extra songs did very little, if anything, to progress the plot or develop the show's major motifs. Most early Jekyll/Lisa duets were generic love duets, serving no other purpose but to tell the audience that Jekyll and Lisa were, in fact, in love with each other. Most of these early duets exist mainly to serve this purpose, bogging down the story because they did nothing to address any other aspect of the story than their love and longing. The songs were, in the grand scheme of the show, redundant.
This is where "Take Me As I Am" stands out from the cut songs. While it still serves the important function of Duet To Show How Much They Love Each Other, TMAIA also speaks to the underlying motif of "known vs. unknown". The reason Lisa and Jekyll love each other, at least when we first meet them, is that they truly know, understand, and accept each other. Only when Jekyll starts hiding (pun intended) things from her does their relationship start to show cracks.
From the very beginning of the show, Jekyll's "need to know" the secrets of humanity is set forth as a driving factor of his character. It is in the pursuit of knowledge that he starts down the destructive road of the plot. His desire to know is central to who he is (and, through him, central to the show). Because "knowing" is central to Jekyll's character, Wildhorn centered his and Lisa's relationship on knowing each other. For Jekyll, Lisa is security. She is the only person that knows him, and he knows that he can depend on her to remain a constant in his life. She won't abandon him, no matter how far he dives into his experiments.
Where Lisa represents knowledge and stability, Lucy represents the unknown that Jekyll dives into as the show progresses. Lucy says herself that "no one knows who [she is]", framing her as the opposite of Lisa. Her life is foreign to Jekyll, and she is the person that inspires Jekyll to experiment on himself. Lisa is the known, but Lucy is the unknown that Jekyll desperately needs to understand.
Without "Take Me As I Am", Lisa loses the "known vs. unknown" significance that makes both her and Lucy more compelling characters. None of the earlier songs (with the possible exception of "If You Only Knew", which I desperately want more productions to include) provide that symbolism, which is why, in the end, TMAIA was the only one that could survive revisions.
#seph speaks#jekyll and hyde#jekyll and hyde musical#henry jekyll#lisa carew#emma carew#long post#seph thinks too much#note: this is coming from someone who genuinely likes many of the early duets#as much as i adore lisa and wish she got more time onstage#objectively i do think they made the right choice to trim down the number of hensa duets#though i find it HILARIOUS to see them all lined up next to each other in the completists' script#there's an entire act dedicated to lisa/jekyll duets lmao
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I was tagged by @tevinterspirit , @sstrawbearies and @yacchannanamin to post 6 (5 originally but I'm cheating a little since I got tagged by 3 people) of my all time favorite characters. Vote for your faves (bonus if you tell me who)!!
Tagging @aroacehanzawa @bixiaoshi and @verlaines-ex and anyone else who wants to do it
#“night did you put the guy from the classic french novel the stranger on here?” yes bc im obsessed with him. meursault isnt even a character#to me he's my next door neighbor. ive read the stranger more times than any other book#and then naturally i had to put yjh on here i literally named my blog after him#yukina has such a special place in my heart bc i could relate to her story in so many ways and her design is so good and i love her#character. i wish so bad she got more screentime#celty is also so special to me. i can relate to her so much too and her design and her character and her story arc and!! everything about#her i love her. celty was also the first character i ever cosplayed as#god the essays i could write about chuuya's character and his development. i love him so much. he and i also are the same height#night speaks/a voice from the shadows#tag games#polls
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I have said this before but me being self proclaimed number 1 Ryoma fan and that being possibly literal-bc even if this bro had fans before me I might’ve simply done the most for him by talking about him so much + being the first to write fics that are in depth studies on his trauma across canons-I gotta say if there’s one other character I rotate a lot that isn’t him it’s probably Kei. (Shocking it’s not Hayato even if I do think about him too- but it’s usually associated with Ryoma bc gays 🗿)
I’m not even exaggerating when I say Kei would be my favorite and only isn’t because she doesn’t exist in many other canons yet my brain rotates the endless possibilities of how to incorporate her. I’ve already written a fic where she’s in shin vs neo verse which worked surprisingly well but I’ve been thinking how universally she could appear in other things. (Whether it be fitting her into a idea of a possible Go team in New or just a new canon completely) I think what I’ve narrow it down to is that she could be like- in Michirus role? Like she’s the supporting female who isn’t a pilot but helps out the real occasionally which I think would align very well especially with the original manga role she has of being Hayato’s assistant. And even if Hayato isn’t grandpa mode yet he still very much is in Saotomes position at that point. Not sure if she’d Hayato’s biological kid to further parallel Saotome and Michiru given well Hayato already adopts the Go team and his wife is irrelevant LOL.
I have no idea if I’ll ever write this specific idea but I’m still- rotating it cause this is such a easy way to get around “picking between Sho or Kei as the 2nd pilot” since both of them can still exist even if one doesn’t get to pilot, idm my supporting females. (Granted there could always be like- plot line where Sho gets hurt so Kei is temporary pilot but I can’t remember if Getter ever really did this since “once your hurt your ass is basically replaced” lol)
#meg text#getter robo#au rambles#I think I rotate her so much because my friend and I talked about her relationship with Go#like it makes so much sense if among all the universal constants in getter one would be Kei is important to Go#granted the shift from “she’s my love interest” to “she’s my sister” will never not be so fucking drastic 💀#also I get why in SVN she wasn’t there for time and idk where you’d fit her but man Kei deserves a more significant role#hence why I imagine her in Michirus role because even if she also had it ROUGH some iterations knew how to use her#also Kei already has a established relationship w gai mainly thanks to arma so- Sho deserves to speak with her too#they can be besties who rat out on the boys but still have high respect for hayato#granted I know the real reason why this hasn’t happened is because Kei is a minor character and “no proper go manga adaptation??”#at this point I don’t expect a anime but it be nice if Go team got used in a spin off bc we had a good run of OG team#I’d also want them to use arc in spin offs too but I understand their more- finicky characters to use#given their main thing is their actual descendants of existing characters and one of them is our first boyo (ryoma)#if you took out the bloodline stuff it make them feel redundant because you can just use go team for that#also honestly despite how mixed arc anime is for everyone they really don’t need to be in anything after this#other then wishing they get something with nicer animation but that’s what’s SRW is for#(also back to Kei I’m a bit upset she did not get a cameo in arc even if she’d probably look horrendous it was just salt in the wound)#(GAI LITERALLY SAIDS WHEN HE DIES IN THE MANGA HE SEES KEI WHERE WAS SHE WITH ALL THE GETTER GHOSTS?)#actually Michiru wasn’t there too so it was probably just woman erasure /hj
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what i like about ada's report, & i'll get into it more eventually, is that despite it being ada explaining the plot (& her motivations) to you directly, it presents an interesting relationship between ada, a known liar & manipulator, & the audience. while she withholds information from other characters & skirts about on mystery throughout RE4 & separate ways, there is one person to whom she doesn't lie, to whom she does tell the truth, at least a part of it, & that is you, the player. it is a very neat narrative device that wouldn't work as well in a different medium
#* file // : OOC — ( 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑'𝐒 𝐂𝐑𝐔𝐒𝐀𝐃𝐄 . )#not that anyone's actually fucking read ada's report people still think ada was saving leon out of love#in direct opposition to wesker's orders in the original re4#i wish this didn't make me mad but it does it's right there in plain english the nikita pose is a misdirection#it's subverting the trope she's part of a bigger conspiracy leon is a necessary piece of her mission#like the subversion of the femme fatale isn't subtle#they either die or are undone upon reveal of their treachery ada survives & lives beyond the logical endpoint of her character#she isn't weakened or completely changed in fact she learns how to manipulate the hero better for their next encounter#she isn't working for the villain both in that she tells you that she's only been pretending to this whole time#& that she works for another organization that's been spying on wesker through ada this whole time#but also the fact that wesker is neither the villain of re4 nor resident evil as a franchise he is another cog in the machine#just another one of umbrella's leftovers#see i know people think ada despises chris because he mistook her for carla one time on the tanker#but i think they've got a lot more in common than either is truly willing to admit should they actually ever speak to each other#i just think it's neat that she gets his line addressed to wesker to use on mr. x (just another one of umbrella's failed experiments)#darkside chronicles & re5 were developed around the same time i'm sure it's a coincidence
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I just went on a buying spreeeee I'm so sorry bank account 😭😭😭😭😭
#lindsay speaks#i just.... it was just a FEW THINGS at first#so like I keep buying different slacks for work becs each pair keeps messing up one way or the other#and then i was like my belt is pretty torn up... i need a new one before this one snaps.... but then i accidentally broke my necklace chain#so i went ahead and got a new one... which reminded me i was wanting to accessorize my uniform more#and ended up buying like. an undershirt. a bracelet. new shoes. new shoe laces#I ALSO GOT off brand crocs because my bro's family all has w CUTE CHARMS and i feel left out i want to go matchies#when we all leave in our sweatpants & crocs to the gas station... IT'S A VIBE#anyway i also ordered a bottle so i could take my energy drinks to work in my purse LMAO which reminded me i was wanting a bottle to go#round my neck for when I'm walking/jogging SO I GOT ONE OF THOSE TOO 😭😭 and a couple of stretching/working out things too...#including pants i always forget to buy workout pants...#and i got a new bookmark because I've been reading more again recently and have been using a scrap of paper#and. a new headband for skincare/make up time... and a workout headband... and a glass for water in the bathroom... and a face brush...#Oooo AND PAJAMAS#I've never had a pj set before#:>#and um. a capybara accessory for my purse. and um. a tenma lanyard + hair tie.#and a portable charger so i don't have to be in the breakroom on my break... and a yearly planner... cause i think it will help...#and finally more lip tint......#lord forgive me i have made a purchase 🙏 many purchase in fact#you WISH you were me with my pink kitty cat fanny pack on my hip w strawberry scented dog poo bags & brown bear water bottle round my neck#<- what i look like on my walk#like damn she in ha mood
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Heretical thoughts on Gameboy games?
It's a great way to be introduced to the Harry Potter franchise.
I was eight years old, hadn't read any of the books nor seen the movies when a relative gifted me the Game Boy as well as the game for Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.
An incredible time was had, complete with the shock I had when the unskippable character dialogue revealed that Sirius Svaart was in fact innocent, and then the teeny tiny pixel rat turned into a not so tiny pixel man. Lupin turned into a werewolf shortly after that, and we had a boss fight.
The only thing resembling drama would be that the game was in Danish, so I learned the Danish versions of everybody's names and made something of a fool of myself because of this when I tried to talk to the cool kids about Harry Potter. "Have you read the books? Or even seen the films?" "No... game boy..."
It was a great game. I sometimes miss it.
#thanks for the nostalgia ask anon!#game boy#about me#harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban#nintendogs#the urbz#gaming#Other Game Boy/Nintendo DS I had a great time with would be Nintendogs#(I bought it on the launch day#only got brown beagles and even maxed out the kennel so I could have more of them#proceeded to wish I had exciting non-beagle dogs without ever wanting to sacrifice any of my beagles. In the end I gave one beagle away and#this ruined the game for me and I stopped playing.) and The Urbz (spent actual real life years walking around tending to my sim's needs#while she lived in her apartment before discovering by accident that I was meant to go clubbing with her and progress within the game.#There was a storyline?!#I suspect the problem here was that I didn't speak English at the time.).#of course i also learned some english from nintendogs. when dogs are famished it means it's not good
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he's HORRIBLE
#tm#all the bullshit she put up with from him for 10 years and she's late to a crime scene ONCE and look at him ffajdslk#as if you give one single shit about punctuality patrick; but this brings up a point that i can't believe i never considered in all my bs:#does patrick jane know how to be jealous? discuss#i mean...obviously he KNOWS but....does he though#at the very least he's exceedingly out of practice#of course we know next to nothing about his and angela's relationship but between that and this he's basically had 10+ years of red john#and we know lisbon dated during that time (and we know he DID get jealous because...obviously how could he not)#but not jealous in a way he could act on - in part because ms 'intense and particular' didn't seem to have many repeat dates#(idiots) but mainly because of the red john of it all#i doubt he realized it on any conscious level (and if he did he repressed/ignored the shit out of it)#but he couldn't see anything happening with them while he had red john hanging over his head#(tangent: all his 'you deserve a good man' 'he's a good man' later on...he really doesn't see himself as a good man does he#my poor little meow meow - thinking about naomi's tags about the letter again god i wish that had happened)#and she deserves better than that; deserves better than him (SOB); so he lets the hints and the moments of jealousy pass by#but now....well now there's no more red john#he's still got a LOT to work through but that gigantic weight is off his shoulders and there's been this shift between them#(i can't come up with a better way of saying it than) they're flirting like they mean it....not that they didn't before#but now there's this sense of actual possibility behind it; this could be going somewhere; it's slow but they're taking actual (baby) steps#and then pike shows up and the whole thing is imploding as they speak - like he knows from the second that cab pulls up#how her date went and she knows that he'd know and they're just talking around it and they're so AWKWARD where they'd been#working so well together (minus an airplane ride or two)#and now he's trying REAL hard to be supportive even though he probably wants to curl up and sob#because he wants her to be happy (more than maybe anything he wants her to be happy) and he couldn't make her as happy as pike#she deserves a GOOD man and that is not him; she shouldn't have to put her life on hold for him anymore she's done that too much already#but what he doesn't get - what he can't quite comprehend (what absolutely stuns/amazes/thrills him at the end of blue bird)#is he DOES make her happy; he IS a good man (he might be the best man she knows; flaws and all); and (in this instance)#she'd be more than willing to wait for him; to be patient with him#if he'd only let her know that there's something there to wait for; something concrete they could be heading towards together
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not to be sad on main but I miss my mom
#especially our phone calls#she always had some wry take on something that found a way to make me laugh#grief tag#may as well toss that in there#but yeah i just really wish i could talk with her right now#I'd feel a lot less crazy if i could just call her and joke about how weird my life is right now and beg for some advice#even if realistically I'd take about 23% of it and ignore the rest to her ire#I'd kill to hear her tell me that it'll be fine. just one more time wouldn’t be enough but I would still take that in a heartbeat#i just had my 25th birthday recently and it felt so empty to experience a milestone without her#i know it's not that big but it got me thinking about bigger milestones#and it all snowballed from there#my dad and i have also been having trouble since earlier this year for reasons relating to her passing which has thrown a wrench into things#i wish i could call my mom to ask her how she would really feel about it. or just bitch about the situation for a while.#as it is it feels like my only two options are to grin and bear it at a detriment to myself or to speak my mind and hurt the relationship#and while she may not have a simple answer ready for me she would still listen to me and emphasize with my point of view#while also pointing out when I've gone way off base and have misunderstood the situation#idk um. if you got this far thanks for reading my ramblings ig?#mumblings
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nah im kinda cryin at the ‘to’ part of masato’s name comin from masumi’s dad
#snap chats#we knew toshio arakawa for five minutes for i KNOW he was king as hell#like i was wonderin what the 'to' was in reference to since obviously 'masa' was from 'masumi'#and then i realized and got sad#rip akane but i guess there isn't much you can do with masumi and akane#masane.... MAKA yeah maybe if they had a daughter#or yk. jo had a daughter--#imagine how confusing that would be if one of them did have a girl tho#fuckin masumi open that locker like Oh I Thought. She Said. Hm. and he just takes it anyway#no time to question the gender of this baby it's got hypothermia we'll figure that out in like ten years time#where am i going with this ramble Lord Knows bye#i just wanted to say i wish we got to see more of masumi and toshio#there's no greater bond than a father and his son when his mom is deranged <-- speaking from personal experience#ok bye now fr fr
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i can't believe i used all my tags on this. i have MORE TO SAY. honorable mentions i will not elaborate on: pikmin, runescape, OG animal crossing.
the reason for all my tags is because there's a difference between "most fun" and "most important" and feel like if they're important u should at least say why :3
#1. metroid prime trilogy: my first dive into metroidvania games and to this day it is probably my favorite genre next to soulsborne.#also as a space nerd egg “wow she's so cool i wish i could be like her” lmaooooo buddy..#2. eternal darkness sanity's requiem: REALLY great unique game. graphics r a bit dated but i think it otherwise holds up rly well.#great spellcasting system with a rock beats scissors beats paper type of thing between different uh. “types” of magic? sourced#from different gods that seem to exist outside of time. idk what bar it raised exactly but it made a strong impression on me#and I've been wishing i had something like it ever since. the sequel has been started multiple times but i don't think it's ever#gonna happen 😔 nintendo has some surprisingly GREAT rated R games.#3. fallout new vegas/skyrim: having enjoyed these so much I've had them on every system i think getting them for PC was a literal#game changer. i played vanilla then ultimate editions and Thought i played them to death but once i got console access on PC??#it kinda served as my entry point to using mods and recently I've even made my own mod for elden ring and dark souls 3 (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)#not that I really needed or used mods with those games - but just kinda being Aware™ that being on PC means u have access#to the game's underlying functionality that you don't get on console. making bat scripts for skyrim/fonv made for some#HILARIOUS gameplay 😭#4. Sonic adventure 2 battle: rly just the sonic games in general but this one FUCKS. Songs r bangers. love the characters.#u low-key kidnap the president for a bit?? more like u break into his car to talk with him nonchalantly lol but still 💀#i listen to the OST to this day!!! when i think of a favorite GameCube game this is one of the first to come to mind.#and the chaos 🥺🥺🥺 and Rogue hey queen (。ノω\。)#5. hard to pick a Last One here.. I'm sure there are a lot of games that could be a stand-in choice but RE4/Dead Space Trilogy:#these were some GREAT horror survival games with a good plot and engaging gameplay. Dead Space especially was one me and#all my friends played and took turns playing (◍•ᴗ•◍)❤ just the time spent together alone was good but just rly solidifying that#u can have horror a good plot And good gameplay all in one. i love survival horror as a genre to this day ( ◜‿◝ ) wish i could#remember others i played but i can't?? speaks to how iconic they were at the time though.#6. (honorable mention) the mass effect trilogy: u wanna talk about great plot and engaging gameplay?? these games were SO#fucking good omg 😭 i LOVE the lil class system and the different abilities u get to use i loved that u could carry ur character and#decisions across games. and the fucking TRAGEDY of ur faves not making it thru the ending of ME2 (〒﹏〒) I fr#Went Back so i could try again and again till i at LEAST saved Jack but also saved everyone.#i think the emotional payoff for all ur characters ur invested in r pretty good when u make it to the third since it's p cinematic?#kinda want to play it again. ick do i want to touch the origin launcher though is the real question (´-﹏-`;) i bought it in a bundle#on steam and immediately asked for a refund when i realized i couldn't just play it through the steam launcher (ノ`⌒´)ノ┫:・┻┻#anyways. lots of time spent there too and another addition to the “you can have fun gameplay AND a great plot” pile.
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late but my kiwami character tierlist <3
#speaking in runes#yakuza kiwami#farewell nishiki......your dedicated tier will be missed :(((((#date is only in meh cause honestly him failing to protecti haruka literally every time we left her with him was pissing me off lol#i REALLY wish we got to see more of yumi. what she goes through is so intriguing but we only hear about it through flashbacks#and like 20 mins before they kill her off :/
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on the topic of ocs, here's a simple but fun oc question: do your ocs let themselves cry?
#idk i feel like it can say a lot about the character whether or not they are the crying type#reblogs welcome if y'all wanna talk about your ocs in the tags :}#for me#vanessa ran out of tears a long time ago and even in her lowest moments doesn't let herself cry#similar thing with ruathym but he's more bitter about it bc of course he is#zephyr can be a very emotional person but she has the discipline to not get anything beyond misty-eyed#i think viola would cry but only in very stressful situations and not really as a response to sadness#anwen tells you she doesn't cry but she absolutely does and just doesn't let anyone catch her doing it#sabina 100% cries very freely like she was nearly sobbing when they got to ukaizo :(#katheryne also cries but it's never more than a single “manly” tear#maya cries but she's also like 15 so that comes with the territory#marco doesn't cry but by god everyone around him wishes he would instead of the myriad of unhealthy ways he deals with grief/stress#vanessa shepard#ruathym dhalmass#zephyr skybreeze#viola#anwen hawke#sabina lancaster#katheryne cousland#maya#marco ryder#marie speaks
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my mother passed away on the 2nd and while many people who've been around me know she wasn't the best mother, it's still a loss and something to adapt to. so i wanted to share some of her favorite characters of mine even if just visually via sims. i've only shared a few of them here, but in order their names are teruki, sai, rei, bada, theo, kazuya, livewire, and giacinto. i've tried very hard not to give up on my writing these last few years and in the last month i wrote nearly 30k between a novel project and fleshing out ocs. one of the few things i connected with my mother over other than gaming or movies was my ocs, and i shared most all of them with her as of the last eight years. i'm sad she couldn't see the end of this novel since it was probably her favorite work of mine, but i'm trying my best to finish it, not just for her, but even more importantly, for me and my own happiness.
in her last year i tried really hard to help give her the holidays and experiences she wanted. i didn't get to give her every single one, or i couldn't do it exactly as she wanted, but i think one of the most important things to her was being able to, despite us being pretty poor, give me two gifts that really made me happy and have helped me to regulate. i haven't spoken about anoko on here because chiikawa isn't too huge on here compared to twitter, but having these plushies and my interest in anoko brought us closer together and these two have made me happier, helped me to have less nightmares and anxiety, and overall improved my life. it sounds stupid to say but as an autistic person with a lot of trauma, stuffed animals were a safe thing for me, but i hadn't had one in a long time that i connected with. i think she probably knew how much i needed them, so i'm grateful she helped me to get them even when they were really expensive. they really did and do make me happy, and i'm glad that even for years of turmoil in our relationship, you could leave off on a good note.
#losing a parent who was complicit in/was abusive is difficult when they were once a good parent#the relationship i had with her was extremely complex especially since i was her caretaker whether i wanted to be or not#but it's still a loss to process#it feels kind of stupid posting this but i know quite a few people are aware of my living situation and how it's been#it's going to change a lot from now on. even if just because i won't be caretaking for both my parents anymore#i still have pieces of her and i'm glad that in her last few months she finally started gaming again. i wish she could've done more. but sh#mostly finished her ac island and as someone who spent thousands of hours with her playing the og#it's nice to have that. it's nice to have a capsule of both who she was and who she could be#i know she wanted to make things up to me for years of being sick and absent and also awful at times#that's probably why she was so excited to see me want something as badly as i wanted those anokos#and no material items don't fix trauma or pain but it was a gesture of kindness and understanding of my needs#so it was nice. i'm glad i got to share my favorite things with her and that in the end she was more like the mother i used to have#riley speaks
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