#especially our phone calls
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not to be sad on main but I miss my mom
#especially our phone calls#she always had some wry take on something that found a way to make me laugh#grief tag#may as well toss that in there#but yeah i just really wish i could talk with her right now#I'd feel a lot less crazy if i could just call her and joke about how weird my life is right now and beg for some advice#even if realistically I'd take about 23% of it and ignore the rest to her ire#I'd kill to hear her tell me that it'll be fine. just one more time wouldn’t be enough but I would still take that in a heartbeat#i just had my 25th birthday recently and it felt so empty to experience a milestone without her#i know it's not that big but it got me thinking about bigger milestones#and it all snowballed from there#my dad and i have also been having trouble since earlier this year for reasons relating to her passing which has thrown a wrench into things#i wish i could call my mom to ask her how she would really feel about it. or just bitch about the situation for a while.#as it is it feels like my only two options are to grin and bear it at a detriment to myself or to speak my mind and hurt the relationship#and while she may not have a simple answer ready for me she would still listen to me and emphasize with my point of view#while also pointing out when I've gone way off base and have misunderstood the situation#idk um. if you got this far thanks for reading my ramblings ig?#mumblings
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NO MORE ASSOCIATING THINGS WITH FEMMES ONLY BECAUSE THEY ARE PINK!HYPERFEM FEMMES ARE GREAT AND I LOVE YOU CAMPY FEMMES WHO EMBODY PINK BUT ALSO JESUS CHRIST CAN YOU GUYS NOT GO MORE THAN ONE DAY W/O TRYING TO SHOEHORN FEMMES INTO BEING ONLY PINK UWU BABIES. I AM FEMME AS IN GRASS AS IN DIRT AS IN TREE BARK AS IN WEEDS SPROUTING THROUGH THE SIDEWALK CEMENT. FEMME AS IN GENDER NONCONFORMITY AS IN FUCK YOU MY FEMININITY IS WHAT *I* SAY IT IS. FEMME AS IN DEPTH AND DARKNESS AND WARMTH AND TERROR. FEMME AS IN CAVES. FEMME AS IN LIGHTNING. FEMME AS IN AN AMALGAMATION OF TRAITS THAT I HAVE DECIDED ARE FEMININE REGARDLESS OF WHAT SOCIETY SAYS. FUCK IS IT THAT HARD TO UNDERSTAND?!???
#personal#i am emotional yes#over the years ive had this blog I've made a few posts abt being femme#nd whether they're serious or jokey..... inevitably someone in the tags goes “ohhh yeah bc pink”#or in the case of what inspired this post: someone going “what about the pink ones” on my praying mantis post#and im just.#sick of it. im sick of femme being equated to pink and frilly girlie behaviors.#im sick of femme being equated to skirts and heels. to makeup. to skincare. to pristine nails exactly almond shaped.#im sick of ppl acting like All femmes aspire to this shit. im sick of femms being reduced to this shit.#and i love pink! i love pink! my phone theme is quite literally just black and pink all over.#im just. so tired of any expression of Femme identity being shoehorned into being a Specific type of femininity#especially as someone who DOES get dysphoric wearing skirts. wearing dresses. embodying the femme aesthetic yall are so set on making#if u guys wanna rb this i truly dont care#i just needed to scream#and this is one small thing#but the 2nd largest category of anon hate i have gotten since making this blog is str8 up homophobia from other “queer” folks#saying i cant be femme bc of how i present. calling me slurs (and using them as such) bc they cant understand femme as anything but that#my wife and i have our users in our personal discord server set as 2 different things of anon hate ive gotten#i have had OTHER FEMMES tell me i am not femme. femmes who Know im femme who still call me butch. femmes who ive corrected and been blocked#-by bc of it. the number 1 largest demographic of queerfolk who have me blocked rn is TME femmes who embody pink also#and i dont think its a coincidence at all. (and i know this bc i go to try and follow these ppl bc they get rbed on my dash & i cant)#and ik their blogs arent deleted bc some of them don't block my wife (tall. white. butch) and it cant be politics cause her and i rb#a lot of the same political shit (fuck. i think she rbs More than i do even. this is genuinely mainly a nsft blog)#and usually i don't say anything but im having a bad day so i get to be angry about this and if anyone fucking tries me i will block u#idc if we've been mutuals 4ever. im judt so tired of feeling like i am not Enough as a femme bc i dont embody this shit#im sick of this lameass lip service to he/him gnc femmes etc when the thin white 50s housewife femme is still what is preferred and loved#im sick of this lamesss lip service when y'all feel entitled to theorizing on other femmes genders bc u cant conceptualize a femme who does#wanna be hypetfeminine. im sick of it. im sick of it. im sick of it.#celebrity bun
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Back in 2014, my friends and I met this seagull who couldn't really squawk, just mew. We named him(?) Mew and he was our favorite bird from that day ❤️
@todaysbird a little mwoo!
#seagull#bird video#silly#silly video captions#seagull squawking#seagull who goes mew#edited on my phone#hence the damn app watermark#but hey it did the job#of course we didn't know if Seagull Mew was male bird‚ but calling him a boy was a term of affection more than gender#as is the way with such things#we gave him lots of encouragement#especially with all the other seagulls who could squawk no problem constantly INTERRUPTING our poor boy
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Call It Through as a Crew: Alleviating Some Phone Anxiety
Hello everyone! So as you probably already know, there has been a recent call to make, well, calls! Another member of our crew figured out that the max customer service line (855-442-6629) is a very effective way to get our feedback heard, as the feedback gets transcribed and shared to a multitude of teams.
I already sort of briefly shared my experience on this post, but I wanted to go a bit more in detail to offer some solace for those who are also phone averse, as well as share resources and get the word out even more.
And y'all, when I say I'm phone averse, I mean PHONE AVERSE LMAO; MY FEET WERE SWEATING JSDKLS LIKE I WAS FIGHTING FOR MY LIFE. So I totally, TOTALLY get it, and am here to walk you through everything in detail!
So I called that number and was on a brief hold--probably like 5 minutes or so. The customer service representative (Margot my bestie Margot) then picked up, and asked for the email associated with my account as well as my full name.
I was extremely extremely worried and anxious about being bothersome/annoying the person on the other end and just being able to feel it in their tone, so I was shivering and sweating all the while. But then when she asked for my reason for calling, I said, "Oh, it's actually in regard to some feedback," and she went, "Is it for Our Flag Means Death?"
And we both laughed, and I was like, "Haha how did you knooooowww?" And she laughed some more and was like, "Let me tell you, I have never seen anything like this in all my years working here. We are getting so many calls. It's incredible."
And by that point, a large weight was off my chest because she was friendly, I was friendly, EVERYONE WAS FRIENDLY.
I laughed and told her that we were a very passionate and concerned bunch, and she told me that she thought that was so cool and also super important. She then allowed me to tell her my feedback, and she transcribed it as I talked. This was the little script I had prepared in case you'd like to reference it:
I just wanted to call and express my disappointment, dissatisfaction, and concern with the recent cancellation of Our Flag Means Death on Max. As a queer person myself, this show has a tremendous impact on me. And in a climate where so many diverse and LGBT-centric shows have unjust ends, I’d just like to express my wish for reconsideration, and just the hope that…Max will allow LGBT stories like ours to live and flourish. And I’m really worried about there being some kind of…homophobic angle to the cancellation, so it would mean the world to myself and so many others if the decision could be reversed, and we could get our third and final season.
I went a little graver than originally planned, because I saw talks that taking a DEI (Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion) angle, as well a "hey I'm a queer person and this feels like a decision made for a nefarious purpose" angle, are supposedly more likely to be noted.
Anyway, she allowed me to say my piece and wrote it all down, and then actually stayed with me on the line to chat a bit more. So, the phone call didn't feel rushed or anxious which was SO so huge to me; it felt far more conversational.
She was like, "I don't want to toot our little horn or anything, but Max really takes all this feedback into consideration. It will be passed to the properties team (or something equivalent, I can't remember the EXACT term she used), and they're in charge of what goes on Max and why. So, I really feel like you guys have a fighting chance with these efforts."
And of course I was thanking her profusely for telling me all of this, and for listening; polite menace, that will be my brand!
But man, the coolest part of all? She told me that she was POC, and a queer person herself, and that this was all so cool and so amazing to see. She applauded our efforts, and expressed interested in the show. I laughed and said, "Well uhhhh I might have a BIT of a bias, but I cannot recommend it enough."
And then she proceeded to tell me that it might be even MORE effective to hit from different angles. So, keep calling (they're available 24/7), and also keep utilizing the online feedback form. Basically just keep FLOODING them with how much this means to us and why.
I then expressed a lot of gratitude, we exchanged pleasantries, and there was a brief survey at the end. I don't think the survey is necessary, so you can probably hang up by this point, but I stuck around for a little more horsepower. It tells you to rate the customer service on a scale of 1-5 with 5 being the highest, and you know I gave my bestie a fivvvveee. It also tells you to press 1/2 if your issue was resolved or not. I said HELL TO THE NO, DUDE SJDKLS. And THEN, it asks you to leave a voice message after the tone describing your experience. I said that I was with the customer service representative Margot, and that she was extremely friendly and helpful, but that the issue at hand will not be resolved until Max reserves their decision about the recent cancellation of Our Flag Means Death (I'm also always saying the show title in full as opposed to just the acronym, just for more OOMPH).
...And thennnn I proceed to shake it/shriek it all off LMAO.
Buuuut yeah! Probably took a total of 10 minutes or so. @xoxoemynn also shared with me that she's seen people say that these customer service representatives likely deal with older folks who need help with technology, and are subsequently stunned (and maybe even excited) to talk to younger people who just want to voice concerns instead of chew the poor customer service people out lol! And Margot also mentioned that they were eager to take calls no matter what, so as long as we're all polite and succinct, I don't think we'll have to worry about a very tense and awkward call.
I hope this alleviates some fear a bit! We got this, crew. We're doing so, so much. And it seems like it's being heard all over the place; it also seems like we've got so many people on our side, too. Big big hugs, and I'll share the necessary resources once more-
Customer Service Number: (855) 442-6629
The Online Feedback Form:
The original tumblr post with all the information:
The tumblr post where Fox and others were sharing even more information:
#OFMD#Our Flag Means Death#OFMD Season 3#Renew as a crew#SaveOFMD#RenewOFMD#Be a lighthouse#WHEW LMAO#WE'RE TRYING#i told em this but you KNOW it's dire when all the anxious/nd individuals are cALLING PEOPLE SJDSHDLKS#WE SIMPLY: DO NOT DO THAT EVER <3 SKDJLSDS#IF WE CAN HELP IT#SO IT'S REALLY SAYING SOMETHING#And also again-- just want to reiterate that this is great practice for calling local representatives and politicians too!#ESPECIALLY if you're phone averse#It just gets you used to the whole process in a BIT of a less formal scenario
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meanwhile…
aphtober day 9 ; )
#aphtober 2024#aphtober#aphmau#mystreet dante#mystreet laurance#mystreet cadenza#mystreet zenix#mystreet sasha#mystreet gene#hey look our friends are on tv!#I imagine that if the events of starlight were broadcasted then everyone left behind had a rude awakening#dante especially#in this scenario Dante called Gene once stuff went south and Gene brought the rest of the shadow knights#cadenza showed up spontaneously once she saw the broadcast on her phone#i was gonna do a couple more versions (ex: Vylad in an airport watching on his phone) but I decided it was too much work. Maybe some day
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I got a delicious pair of "What ifs" to answer this weekend. (One born to a different life and one death to protect a loved one. But I'll gladly accept other ideas if anyone has any to tempt the brain worms with.) Just give me a couple days cause a irl situation has me running on fumes. ❤
#ooc#tbd later#grams memory is pretty shot cause of dementia#someone tried to scam her over the phone#an its been a battle all week since the scammer set her off#we've had the cops at our house twice in 12hrs#she's had the cops called on her three times this week alone#so I've been a little stressed and not sleeping much#especially when one of those cop visits was before 6a
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social anxiety can be really funny in retrospect bc it will have you saying shit like 'is it weird to call a doctor's office and schedule an appointment?"with 100% sincerity and panicking about it as if that's not the silliest thing in the world
#this is a personal post about my own experiences having grown up with a debilitating social anxiety disorder#that is more or less under control thanks to meds#if you are scared of calling doctors offices or ordering subway or Being In Public i am not mocking you#anxiety disorders are disorders BECAUSE they are debilitating phobias that lacks logic#(hence why CBT for anxiety often talks about thinking through anxiety with logic)#mostly it's remarkable how far i've come in just four years (i was looking back through old personal posts) and i'm making a joke about tha#bc it feels silly from the other end! but i also remember being that person. i remember how fucking horrible it was#and the thing about anxiety is it does look silly or baseless or stupid from the outside#and sometimes we even see that. but that doesn't change the fact that our brains and bodies are working against us#social anxiety really fucks with your perception of reality. i don't want to say like.. to the level of delusions but it will have you#Making Shit Up. felt extreme social anxiety getting food at a buffet as a child. like to the point where i didn't want to do it if i didn't#have someone else with me bc i thought doing anything Alone was Weird. including. walking#my brain was just gaslighting me to the point of paranoia and of course anyone who's been gaslit or otherwise manipulated#feels stupid once they have the benefit of hindsight. especially when the call was coming from inside the fucking house!#because it seems 'obvious' now. but that doesn't matter!#which is why i'm saying like. if you are the person feeling Wrong being alone in public or making phone calls#i Have Been There. I was there for most of my life lol. i spent more time constantly anxious than i have spent with controlled anxiety#i Remeber what it was like. so this is not me saying “git gud” it's me saying “damn getting better and having hindsight will leave you#thinking about the past in a different light!" which is just how the progression of time#and character development works lol#anyway#the queen of trash has spoken
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MORE INFO ON CONTACTING CANADIAN REPS ABOUT A CEASEFIRE IN PALESTINE:
https://www.instagram.com/p/C07AO2kAKQg/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==
on the fourth slide of this post, there is a list of canadian representatives and their contact information. feel free to refer to the phone/email script a few posts down my blog and keep reaching out to demand an immediate ceasefire.
UPDATED PHONE SCRIPT TO CONTACT CANADIAN REPS FOR CEASEFIRE IN PALESTINE:
“Hello [Contact Name],
My name is [xxxx] and I am a deeply concerned resident of [city or riding]. I am calling on you to demand that you call for a permanent ceasefire, an end to the siege on Gaza to allow to immediate medical aid, and an end to all material and diplomatic support of Israel's war crimes, genocide and colonization of Palestinian land.
The civilian death toll is now over 17,000 (*to my knowledge*) due to indiscriminate bombing, the mass arrest and detention of Palestinians, and countless other violations of international law like collective punishment, withholding access to food and electricity and the use of toxic white phosphorus. This has been ongoing nonstop for over 60 days now. This is not a war, it is genocide which is currently being funded by our tax dollars.
During the 5 day ceasefire, we saw a majority of the released hostages from Palestine were children who had been imprisoned for years for minor offenses like throwing rocks. We also saw Israel shooting civilians still, and kidnapping people in the West Bank.
Now the bombing has resumed, and again, [country] stays silent and complicit.
It is high past time for [country] to stand against genocide. You, and all of Parliament, must call for an end to the root causes of all this violence: the illegal Israeli occupation of Palestinian lands and the Israeli government's apartheid regime.
I will not be voting for you or [your party] in the next election based on your lack of response on this emergency unless you are willing to stand against apartheid and call for a ceasefire.
Thank you for your time and we will all be watching to see if [country] will stand against apartheid and genocide.
Sincerely, (Your Name)”
#heyo it's zo!#zo’s info#🇵🇸🍉#phone scripts for ceasefire in palestine#CANADIANS ON TUMBLR!!#call your reps#call your mps#emal them or write letters i don't give a shit how#just CONTACT your local representatives#demand for a ceasefire in palestine#spread the word#share to different social media platforms#keep speaking up for palestine#expose israel#MAKE THEM LISTEN#doing what you can is better than doing nothing at all!!#hold this facist ethnostate accountable#this isn’t a war it’s a genocide#people need to be aware and ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING about it#especially in our government#our voices cannot go quiet#ceasefire now#from the river to the sea palestine will be free#israel is a terrorist state#no one is free until we are all free#free palestine#free the people from oppression#zo ✬#zoramones
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I do need to sit down today and draft a new budget even though it scares me. I need to be realistic about it too. I really don't enjoy budgeting. Neither me nor wifey are especially gifted with it, and it makes us both anxious and avoidant, so it's really unfortunate.
Definitely one of the tasks for the personal assistant chart once I can afford one.
#for any one wondering:#i have an ongoing understanding with my wife that should our finances ever allow it there are two services i want to hire out#household maintenance care and the phone call/mail/email/bills bermuda triangle of disaster#between the two of we are so fucking bad at these things but they are so essential to basic functioning#that it genuinely harms us when we fuck up#so for now we keep chugging along#lots of radical acceptance and self compassion and executive functioning support strategies to try and keep the plates spinning#but some day theoretically we'll have the money to pay a freelancer to come in and spend 1-2 hours a couple of days per week#just.....helping us deal with some of this stuff#i'd pay them very well#i'm thinking something like $100/day for maybe 2 hours work?#i just want someone who will sort and respond to my mail for me and schedule my appts/log them in my calendar and shoot me a text about it#someone who washes all the dishes down to baseline once a week and helps me do organizational planning/reworking once a month#not big stuff by any means but life changing to me#especially if their role is largely body doubling with me while I do other cleaning/organizing tasks so double the work can get done#anyway its purely hypothetical now and for a long time to come but i keep track of what tasks we may need help with#so i can prioritize and understand how many hours of support we would really need each week
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I meant to go to sleep an hour and a half ago, but I started down the researching tropical cyclones, tropical depressions, tropicals storms, hurricanes, and extratropical cyclones rabbit hole again oops--
#and I'd do it again kdoajduw#this time I started with the labor day hurricane of 1935 and cat 5 storms in general :>#and I ended with hurricane sandy like I normally do gkwkkdkske#listen I basically got a week off from school and my dad's power was out for almost a month that year#got lucky at my mom's and our power came back after 3 days iirc?#legit my mom had my sister and I pack up to go stay with our aunt since her house had power and we all went out to dinner#cause some places in the town over got power back and the grocery store was still out#and when we got back to my aunt's and my mom said bye to my sister and I to go keep an eye on the house#we got a very very excited phone call of “THE POWER IS BACK OH MY GOD THE POWER CAME BACK A WEEK EARLY”#my dad though yeesh he was living off a generator for a month bro#he got cable and internet back before his fucking power (he had the TV and router hooked up to the generator for the news)#and my god I was so sad that Halloween got canceled that year#but the gov of my state rescheduled Halloween#like ngl I could go on for hours about hurricane sandy in particular especially the logistics of it and my personal experience#oh and irene! hurricane irene also sucked!!!#bless pokemon black and white for getting me through the night the storm hit /lh#data log: personal#what can I say I fucking love weather and in particular tropical storm systems
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as ever like: no two things Need to be juxtaposed, much less like material vs material deathmatch Only One Can Be Good, much less am i thinking i have thee objective word on fuckall b/c who does and it's like perfectly boring & unserious whenever someone just throws out Takes that are just "i think...[xyz] is [adjective]" like okay.
but anyways thinking of how, though differing in execution in a lot of ways ofc, deh & bmc start out in a v similar place & explore a journey to self-acceptance from a despairing starting point....it feels like a lot of the hindrance in deh's exploration of its own Theme there is in like, hey. :) hand on your shoulder. it's okay b/c you'll be able to be more normal. whereas w/bmc it's that it's okay b/c you'll be able to be more abnormal
#like hell yeah. and Normality is fake the way that things like Gender is fake so. what's more universally relevant here#versus like. the idea that a winning takeaway re: deh is Talking With Your Parents / Kid like#yeah that could be an improvement? in other situations; that Talking is dangerous &/or just not going to happen / be irrelevant#meanwhile nobody is ''normal'' & the idea of Normality & its Moral Goodness / Requirement does affect everyone#meanwhile that bmc is clear on jeremy's gaining supportive relationships means support for his relationship w/himself#whilest he's also able to feel better insulated from feeling Defined by whatever instance of feedback/input#whereas with deh it's like. All These People....but log off & all you need is at least one parent who doesn't hate you No Matter What#including your unfortunate abnormality....Just(tm) make the phone calls am i right? well now he at least has a part time job#meanwhile difficult to compare w/e's going on w/zoe/evan vs mpdg4mpdg jeremy/christine. latter are cute & a coherent relationship#former are [nothing] to [i'm taking psychic damage] & fuck if i know what's going on besides The Ultimate Romance(tm) (negative)#he was a boy she was a girl they could politely tolerate each other's presence. maybe forever :')#i really don't know what's supposed to be going on there so like. for real share Any reasons you like each other in Either love song abt it#anyways like No Need To Compare but for me the juxtaposition is natural b/c it Does feel like they can be looked at re: a v similar Essence#but one is fumbling around w/it & really Not sticking the landing especially while the other just does exactly what it's trying to do#and ofc it could only help that deh had to go so far from the original [???] ideas & more Farcical approach#vs i don't think bmc's envisioning ever changed so fundamentally along its development at any point#like deh's story does feel like it still has the remnants of the earlier farcier versions even in its bway form#story of A Bunch Of Wild Shit Happens To Our Protag Whaaat & sure ppl are humanized but you still never made room for like a quarter of the#alana & jared? they're alright but they died#anyways & in all these things it's like It's Not A Big Deal lol i am not here to strive to have thee true & final word#right tf on if you as well know them both & like deh more / think It was the more successful execution of its story#though i have natural enemies like say [trt loyalists who are Like That] or forever [deh haters who are Like That]....we're different#erased a tangent also mentioning how i like the Parent Approach of mr. heere's arc better than any parents in deh lol. like of course#it's Not about his Feelings or being Imperfect or Human. like ofc he has the feelings & is human & imperfect#but he just gets energized & focused like welp bummer but ofc i gotta give my kid more support w/whatever he's going through rn#like hell yeah. one fun song we're good to go#bmc#deh
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I don't think I care about my parents
#it's always felt like they were doing a job#like we're work colleagues#not even work friends#cause my mom called me today and said I should call home to show that I care#then I thought oh but I just don't like phone calls#but that's not true#I call my sister constantly and 2 of my friends nearly everyday#calling my parents feels like an obligation#like a contract agreement to sustain our established dynamic#so they don't feel bad#I don't care about them more than a superficial amount#like if my dad got sick I'd feel bad#and I want him to live#but it's more from a place of me feeling bad for him#and also a fear of the inconvenience of what happens after death#especially since he controls all our finances#idk I feel like a bad person now
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Same vibe. To me
no i don't want to use your ai assistant. no i don't want your ai search results. no i don't want your ai summary of reviews. no i don't want your ai feature in my social media search bar (???). no i don't want ai to do my work for me in adobe. no i don't want ai to write my paper. no i don't want ai to make my art. no i don't want ai to edit my pictures. no i don't want ai to learn my shopping habits. no i don't want ai to analyze my data. i don't want it i don't want it i don't want it i don't fucking want it i am going to go feral and eat my own teeth stop itttt
#i want ai to look at pictures of cells and calculate whether they have cancer#i do NOT want ai in my daily life#i don't want my coworkers to suggest I use chatgpt when i ask to pick their brain or mention a problem I'm working on#i don't want an ai coding assistant making wrong assumptions about what I'm trying to write#i don't want every device to keep asking if I want to set up an ai assistant#I'm not that helpless! i can use my phone to make calls and set appointments by myself?#what are we coming to seriously like why do people want this#DO people want this or is it just being pushed on us by our corporate overlords#llms are especially my least favorite. stop that#anyway enjoy this image i think about every day#i know there's a use case for assistive technology speaking but it's the principle of the thing#i want machines to stop acting like people
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.
#i really try to understand both sides#but that post calling leftists nazi with the group of pics#i love how. only like TWO of them have anything. actually nazi in them?#and the rest are just. ways that people protest??? did yall miss when we were toppling our own statues#like the one that especially gets me is the bust of the woman#like. how are you going to call putting an itty bitty palestine flag on the necklace of a statue nazism#be so fr#dont get me wrong the ones holding straight nazi shit is fucked#but half of those pictures.... are really telling#like. i get being hurt at seeing grafitti or protests at memorials. but like. please grow up and look at the bigger picture.#(my beef is with the pics#its ofc also fucked that people are using the conflict as an excuse to hatecrime)#(elaborating on that because people are so quick to assume on this webbed site)#edit: sent them an ask asking for elaboration and... yeah#like i get where they're coming from but i feel like its not seeing all sides#what are they protesting in these pictures? jewish people.#bestie there is a literal genocide#people are literally being starved while you sit here on your phone in your cozy home
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can't tell if i'm like... starting to dislike these girls because im pmsing and that's pretty typical for me to suddenly not like certain people, or if it's genuinely because they've been giving me weird fucking vibes and did smth i think was shitty :/
#they left one dude in the club blackout drunk bc he said he didnt want to leave yet#and his phone died and he slept in the street. woke up with no memory of what happened#and a bachelorette party at the club had ripped his shirt off in shreds apparently#and its like. yeah ik those girls that left him aren't responsible for him that's not their job but like. he couldnt b responsible for hims#--himself in that state#we're in a foreign country and he was visibly fucking blackout wasted#and they left him there by himself#and then in the morning when it was like oh fuck we dont know where jake is? they were insistent that we didnt tell the profs and would#instead wait FOUR HOURS for him to contact us (WTF) before going to the spanish police Ourselves#like what the fuck do you think WE can accomplish??#whatever it turned out okay (or as ok as it could be) bc he managed to buy a charger and picked up when i tried calling again within that 1#hour that we discovered he never made it to his hotel that night#so like. it was fine we didnt need to get the professors or cops involved and nobody had to get sent back home to the US#but like. the fact that they STILL are treating it like no big deal is really giving me rancid vibes#he could have been robbed or assaulted or kidnapped or killed. and what would we have done#like. idk. it seems like theyre just trying to sweep it under the rug bc it was THEM who saw him last#it was THEM who abandoned him while he was in no state to be on his own#and it's especially jarring bc some of those girls i'd considered to be really great people that i really liked!!#and then for one of them especially to be LAUGHING when jake was telling her in person what had happened#like zero concern whatsoever#and its so offputting like... genuinely was this no issue in your eyes.#and it's scary bc it really is a double standard bc if this was a girl then everyone would have been flipping the fuck out#the profs and cops would be called ASAP even if it meant that people got sent home early from the study abroad. bc safety is more important#but bc 'hes a grown man he can handle himself' nobody was in any sort of rush to try and make sure he was okay#its just. i dont feel like i can trust half of them anymore when that was how they reacted to the situation#and when one girl today got lowkey pissed at me for being like yeah that was scary how jake was left all alone and slept in the streets#she was like 'well its not our problem. hes the one who didnt want to leave so its his own fault. he should be able to handle himself'#WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU. WHAT THE FUCK.
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It gets more and more disappointing every time I dream that I'm with my mom and youngest siblings, just to wake up and they're nowhere around. I miss them a lot.
#It would be nice for a call or text bc I know a visit won't happen#But my mom doesn't have a phone and my little sisters definitely don't have access to call us#They all have our numbers so I hope one day we'll be surprised and just get to talk to them#I was dreaming about getting them gifts and books#It was much better than the dream where they were about to be kidnapped and I got them out but wasn't able to save myself#It was a more pleasant dream but the best dream would be to wake up and see them there#Or them waking me up thinking they're being so quiet in reality they never know how to be especially when they're playing#They immediately forget when they start#Just missing them all
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