#will be cleaning the whole day tomorrow
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I pulled muscles in my ass cleaning. Figure if I got to suffer then everyone else should have to hear about it
#lmaooo#sorry#but I am in pain#will be cleaning the whole day tomorrow#but I’m kinda excited#because I’m redoing my room#bought a new frame#and a tapestry#and neon lights for my wall#I’ve had them for months#but my depression hasn’t let me do anything#until now#I cleared my schedule for it#sounds silly#but I’m proud of myself
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i think the last 5 days of my life have been a hallucination
#1. brother hospitalized with no discharge date in sight#2. wiplash of international travel -> dogsitting -> hosting guests at my house#3. at work i’ve got people pushing promotions and all these job opportunities at me#4. got a call from the lady i dogsat for apparently the amazon driver ran over my work phone that i dropped in her driveway yesterday???????#(meaning it sat outside during the rain all last night?? and it still works LMFAO)#5. best friend called in tears bc she made a mistake and is now getting run out of her rec volleyball league for it which is her whole#community#6. speaking of community fighting my ass off to keep my neighborhood elementary school from being voted to close down tomorrow?????#7. speaking of schools one of my students had a med emergency and we had to get her in an ambulance last thursday and i had to#manage the rest of the kids to keep them from freaking out and they’re still all freaked from it#LITERALLY CAN WE ALL JUST LIKE CHILL#i need to clean my house before my friend comes to stay with me tomorrow wtf#oh and 2 days after she leaves i fly home for thanksgiving 🙃 god knows what that’ll be like
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#there's a flood coming to my city 😬#the wave is supposed to hit tomorrow at night#i'm a bit worried?#they say it's gonna be similae to 1997#which is. not good.#everyone at work was panicking which did not help#they said the water is almost sold out in shops#and i couldn't go to the shop to buy it because i was. at work.#so i messaged my dad and he bought some for me and he'll drive over to bring it to me#his town doesn't have a big river so you can still buy water there lmao#i asked him to buy me some non perishable food like rice crackers while he was at it too#and now i'm scared that he and my mom will buy out the entire shop and i'll have to eat those things for months 😬#they can be like that sometimes haha#yeah they most definitely will bring over the whole car full of food what do i do 😭#anyway my main concern is the lack of electricity because the stupid stove in this flat doesn't use gas ;_;#gotta charge the powerbanks 💪#people are also worried that we'll go to work tomorrow and then it'll turn out the road is flooded and we'll have to stay at work overnight#lmaoooo why won't the company just give everyone the week off?? (because of capitalism)#my sister has a two months old baby and she is leaving the city tonight to stay with our grandma#they do need clean water for the baby and the government recommended the children and the elderly to evacuate#i'd evacuate myself if it wasn't for my work 😭 (capitalism)#aghhh i'm sure it's not gonna be that bad#it's just my first flood you see#well technically the second one because i was born in 1997 hahaha but yeah. yeah.#i do like my warm meals and hot tea and i do like to shower#i do hope it'll last 2 days max!! but a friend says it can last longer depending on the damage ;_;#i know i can't really complain because i at least live on the 5th floor#my sister lives on the first floor. right by the river. yeah...#not to mention the people in surrounding villages#someone at work said that the water reached the third floor in some places in 1997 wtf 😭
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Thought I would update:
#personal*#jess talks#I am by no means fully better#I will never be fully better in all honesty#BUT#the last few days have been such a turn around from the weeks before#/some positivity is heading my way and that’s good#I don’t want to jinx anything by talking about it#but things have semi improved#certain stress related subjects have got good ish conclusions#so the stress my whole family felt is lifting#again I’m still waiting for it to flip on its head again#but there’s progress being made I guess#I’ve also made a doctors appointment to talk about the numerous things wrong with me#so that’s eased me a little too#but yeh - a semi decent update#I personally am feeling better mentally#I feel more myself again#still have blips and weird spikes of anxiety#but I’m actually able to eat again without wanting to hurl#and I feel more comfortable doing things again#like I cleaned all the floors of my house yesterday…#not to mention lots of good long chill seshs/talks in the garden with both parents#I have a sleepover with my sister planned for tomorrow so I’m looking forward to that#just yeh#thought you guys deserved an update
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Failed a social interaction 0 injured 1 killed (me)
#Today has been so long 😭😭😭 I've been out the whole day studying and when I came back I spent more than one hour to cook my probably gone–#bad chicken (and rice and spinach) and then I couldn't even eat it because it was my turn to clean the kitchen at the dorm (which is the–#third following day I'm doing) (worth mentioning I'm running on 5 hours of sleep)#And I was goofing around with my friends but while doing so I. made fun of the landlord. And then one friend told me “hey girl he's right–#outside” and like 😭😭😭😭😭😭 I hope I die painfully. I need to be back next year and he already makes my life hard enough and hhhhhhhhhhh#I wasn't even like. Serious. It was just to joke around with my friends I don't have anything against him (except for the things I do)#hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#And now I feel so embarrassed I have no appetite at all + the chicken (which I had to bring home through one hour walk in summer which–#probably wasn't good for it. And then froze one day past the expiration day) (I really need to get better eating habits) I had been–#preparing despite taking one hour to cook it I got the firing wrong and now it's all hard and honestly not very good and like 😭😭😭#Look at what you did to the (frankly already diseased) chicken#I feel so betrayed by everything 😭😭😭 Can life get a little easier#I'm mostly kidding I'm doing okay. I just need to rant because I CAN'T GET OVER THE LANDLORD THING MAN HOW DO I FORGET ABOUT IT.#This kind of things always haunts me for at least three days so 😭😭😭#I'm dead tired but I really wanted to answer asks today so. Probably doing so between today and tomorrow#Rant over sending lots of l love 💞💞#random rambles#In my defense it's not my fault I'm too poor to throw the chicken away 😪😪 I haven't eaten since forever#It's also not my fault I can't afford a new non sticking pan so I have to stick (ah) to the probably toxic one#It is very much my fault for messing up the chicken cooking temperature tho lol
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oh. that's thanksgiving tomorrow
#sage's diary#011#11/27/2024#today has been eventful for sure but not in the ways i wouldve really liked#cleaned the whole house cause my roommates are out for a few days#its nice to get the house to just my bf and i but im remembering the one con i have to that#being alone with my thoughts#trying really hard not to let the mind palace dwell too hard lest i start sobbing with no physical comfort#hell. even typing this entry out is making me tear up#i think part of why im feeling shitty like this is i missed out on a chance to talk to friends earlier#so now i just feel. stuck and its upsetting me#...i just hope tomorrow goes ok#ive never had any bad thanksgivings so im not worried about arguments or anything#just. scared something causes my mood to get worse like tonight#whatever. im gonna distract myself with music and forcing myself to draw til i innevitably break down probably#o7
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Glad I’m starting therapy so soon after moving out ☝️ I am already feeling the helplessness and loneliness
#vent#<- slightly? not that strongly? this is a pretty chill post like. I feel pretty chill#but also :( sad#I miss my family and friends at home#I haven’t really talked to my roommates#including the one who’s been my friend since high school bc she’s been sick (?) for the past few days#and this semester is definitely going to be A Lot#I got accepted into another choir but I’m most likely not joining bc my schedule is so packed#but the main thing is#I FEEL LIKE A BABY#my parents never really made me cook or clean and I just feel kinda useless#I’m just gonna have to force myself to learn which is fine#and my parents have offered to walk me through stuff over the phone when they can#but idk I just feel really immature bc like. damn I am 20 and don’t know how to cook Anything#I’m gonna go grocery shopping either tonight or tomorrow and get some sandwich supplies and other non-cooking stuff#so we are not completely doomed lol#also I need to do laundry tomorrow.. which. I can do and have done before. but I’m still gonna call my mom for guidance 😅#idk I think the main thing that’s stressing me out is spending money on food vs. groceries#and trying to eat at least some protein and fruits/vegetables etc. while also not spending exorbitantly#bc I am SOOOO irrationally anxious about money. I hate hate hate spending money#so the whole idea of grocery shopping is just kind of filling me with dread 🥲#but I will do it bc I need to Adult at some point#I just. idk I guess most students do this and I’m being whiny about it bc I’m not used to it??#but it just feels like So Much to be taking five classes and doing a bunch of extracurriculars and living on my own for the first time!#like! ahhh! too much at once!#😰😰😰#and I need to get an internship soon 😀 and if I don’t get one this semester I need to at least get a job so I can stress less about money 😀#but I always stress about money regardless 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀 even though I have scholarships savings etc 😀😀 ocd things! 😁 (🥲)#thank god for my meds and the thought that I’ll be starting therapy in the next week or two#and also my mom for being like the sweetest wver
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i've hit that point where i'm just vibrating with anticipation and i can't focus on anything at all
#i spent the whole day cleaning trying to wear out this energy#cleaned the whole house top to bottom and washed all the sheets and towels#tomorrow morning i'm gonna do some batch cooking
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ok so man that i hooked up w like 2 weeks ago that i wanted to see for like dates: cancelled. i’m bored of him 😭😭😭
#stream#ALKSALKSALKSLAKSLAKSLA#like ok#he needs to let me know like EARLIER than 30 MINUTES BEFORE to see me#& u need to not have like#an hour SHARP to leave like i need more than an hour IF IM HOSTING !!!!! like i want ATTENTION after#+ i would’ve cleaned everything like an insane person#‘like an insane person’ u mean ‘bc ur an insane person’#anyway#i haven’t showered in days bc i’ve been compulsively cleaning until im so exhausted that i just pass out#like literally everyday#but i mean there’s no reason for me to leave the house bc u gotta clean & then i can’t have anyone HERE bc i got SHIT TO CLEAN so they don’t#DIE FROM ILLNESS & DISGUST & MY DIRT (a quarter of a piece of a small leaf that was tracked in at the door)#ALSKALSKALSKLAKSLAKSLAKSL but ok what’s so fucking funny is that IF SOMEONE ELSE says like ‘i’m coming over at 5’ & it’s like ‘10a’ i will#LITERALLY get everything done so fucking quick like i will be SONIC & then im right there ready to go like :D#ALSKALSKALKSLAKSLAKSLA but if ive to do it for ME irs like wow this is agony im going to die i should kill myself bc ur such a wreck stupid#anyway maybe i should talk to the therapist abt this bc it does Not Seem to Be Healthy#so he will be like ‘we’re going for about 2 tomorrow :)’ at like 1p that day & i agree then he doesn’t message me until like 1 saying ‘i’ll#be free in an hour x’ like#like i sent questions to him like ‘so what do u think abt xyz’ would u do xyz like gaming or whatever u know then he answers them the whole#next day idk it’s like ur literally expecting me to drop everything to suck ur dick for 30 mins & that’s just#it ain’t it#like ALSKALSKLAKSALSLAKSLAKAS at this point i’m just going to block him next time he does that 😭😭😭#probably never going to see him again i’ve never seen him since the first time#literally i was like ‘hey i’ll be free …’ for like 1.5week & then just gave up on that bc he never was or wouldn’t respond until late like#girl …. this is BORING ur DULL u don’t even DO ANYTHING as far as i KNOW 😭😭😭😭 he’s always like ‘at work :)’ ‘watching tv :)’ ‘cooking :)’#that’s it#like …. ok
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boss giving me a 4 day weekend... guess ill be making plans
#off.txt#4 whole days !!! as a food worker this is insane#will def be staying home and resting tomorrow#might go out and get a halloween costume sun#clean and laundry monday#and maybe see if my roomies wanna do smth tues
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#it's the last day of them being here thank fucking shit#honestly the best part of it all is that i have had a break from my on call job during this#it's made me realize how much of my energy taking care of him takes out of me#but also like#he won't ask me to do ANY fucking extra cleaning for him but has had this person doing So Much each fucking day they've been here#and this is shit we've talked about together So Many Fucking Times and yet he Still refuses to ask even the smallest fucking things of me#and this person had there hands all over my shit and i KNOW they arent a careful person#the biggest one to me is my childhood blanket that's nothing but tatters anymore#like#you have to be CAREFUL with that thing and this person was Not#im just.#so fucking frustrated with this whole entire situation#rn im just waiting in the parking lot for the extra shift that i picked up to start#been here for an hour at this point#just 25 more minutes then i can talk to strangers for the rest of my day#ugh#then back to the shitty fucking normal tomorrow#with all the EXTRA fucking cleaning I'll have to do to finish all the bullshit that they've started#i just want my house to feel like a home again
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I want to cut my hair
I want to cut my hair
I can't cut my hair because fuck if I know where the hair clippers are and even if I did know where they are I can't take a fucking shower to help me clean up afterwards
I can't fucking shower because we still don't have water in the house
#the plumbers are coming tomorrow#I really hope they fix things so I can take a shower#I'm metaphorically chewing on the walls#I'm literally scratching my skin off from my eczema#look I read books like My Side of the Mountain and Little House in the Big Woods because they are fun not because I wanted to recreate them#this whole thing could have been avoided with the properly timed phone call but we missed that window and how we need to play catch up#before winter arrives#cause guess what hauling buckets of water to use the toilet only works when you have a hose to fill them#and in winter the hose has to be turned off so it doesn't freeze#I am very grumpy and feel very gross#my last shower was 6 days ago (last Friday)#I've been able to use body wipes to stay mostly clean but it's not the same
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like this post if you think joseph from the kia service station at [redacted] blvd in [redacted] should kill himself.
#i finally got my car back and then the next day i open the trunk to find it full of broken glass from when it was stolen#even tho theyve had my car for a month and half and it’s literally.#they’re fucking job. and pretty bare minimum to return the car to me not filled with broken fucking glass.#and so i called joseph the manager handling my case and said im bringing the car in tomorrow for you guys to clean it#and i brought the car in and they had me wait in the lobby for an hour and so i went to go get an update and#so i went to go get an update and i found the car just sitting there and go to joseph and im like is it done?#and he’s like oh yeah! its done like he completely forgot about it and i go okay im gonna double check it#and i double check it and got glass shards stuck in my palm because they didn’t vaccum the backseats#even tho they had me waiting for an hour and i told them to do the whole car because there was some glass in the backseat too#and i pull the glass shards out of my fucking hand and go back inside and hold up my bleeding fucking palms to joseph#and say there are glass shards all over the backseat#and he just looks at me like ‘ok what do you want me to do about that’#so i asked him for napkin and left.#his stupid fucking blank stare is burned in my head and has ruined my life. frankly.#it’s not about the glass it’s about the fucking. disrespect.#and because of all that we missed the farmers market#even tho i am wearing the perfect farmers fit and i was so excited to go to the farmers market in it#m
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okay I severely misjudged spaghetti guy he’s actually just really cool
#okay so I came to this flat and he wasn’t here. greeted by a very dirty flat with shit all over the kitchen counters over cling film#I meet first my other flatmate who told me he stays in his room constantly bc of previous bad flatmates#has literally just a saucepan and some salt in the kitchen. so I’m like okay spaghetti guy potentially not great but could just be#how this guy is yknow#on Tuesday I get an email back saying he’s coming back from Norway tonight looking forward to seeing you feel free to use the kitchen sauces#rlly friendly message that I wasn’t expecting. I also didn’t know he’d been on a trip i just knew he wasn’t there bc his door was open#(to a REALLY nice room. multiple rlly nice plants (which he has little care labels for!!!) and it’s tidy and pretty#and he’s got a sheep teddy on the bed)#meanwhile I am in my own head bc I don’t wanna cook in the kitchen until I can clean it and I can’t clean it without moving his shit and#I haven’t seen him yet to talk abt it and I can’t bring myself to talk to him immediately bc I’m dying#and embarrassed as hell by how I’ve been cooking in my room with a microwave and air fryer (loud) and sneaking my shit out of the kitchen#but then yesterday I DO talk to him!! and he’s super friendly!! actually interested in having a conversation and Good at it.#and then he’s cooking and like. spaghetti burns but I’m not there for long and seems to be a mistake (he made the same thing for lunch today#and did Not burn the spaghetti) and is otherwise clearly competent bc the food smells Good and despite leaving a few things out it’s like#washed up stuff isn’t dirty and the sides are better despite still under cling film. more a case that he’s spread out than he’s messy#and now today we talked and i offered to hold onto some shit over summer bc complicated situation that boils down to he’s flying back home#and he cant take all his stuff and had to choose between chucking stuff/having literally nothing this weekend. like sleeping on the sofa etc#and then cleans the whole flat?? which I’m assuming a good chunk is his mess? but he did not need to do that. could’ve easily left#bc there are two people still living here who would’ve had to deal with it and he doesn’t know either at all#and THEN tonight we talk abt food which is fun bc we both ordered stuff. and he offers me some honeydew melon bc he’s been gorging himself#these past two days to finish it before it goes bad/he leaves which is also really sweet#and JUST NOW. I take my headphones out after finishing dinner and hear the sweetest fucking guitar#he plays the gentlest like dreamy sounding acoustic guitar I’ve heard in my life in his room (door closed by the time I leave)#this is actually just a really cool dude#now that the kitchens clear I’m gonna cook tomorrow and will probably offer him some bc otherwise he’s gonna be eating out all weekend#he has extra takeout for tomorrow night but might want smth Sunday#regardless I am just. huh??? left a bit stunned bc of the u turn my opinion of this guy has taken. bc my opinion of him was a reflection#of my discomfort moving to this weird dirty basement flat with two people I didn’t know#well. idk where to go from here. I think I’ll start by talking to him more this weekend. bc holy fucking shit.#luke.txt
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head in hands. i spent half of the day cleaning the flat and only like 2h ago sat down to rest but my roommate just came home and announced that i need to get up and help her pack all the stuff RIGHT NOW because she originally wanted to do it tomorrow morning but since im going out for a while it has to be NOW 🧍
#girl it's almost 10pm#you weren't here for 4 days and it was no problem but im going out for 2 hours tomorrow morning and suddenly we have to do#everything now because of that#the only good thing is that while cleaning i watched the whole season of an anime#i SOOO want to tell her to do it alone since i already cleaned the flat by myself but it would 100% end with an argument hhhhh#and that's not the end#i tell her that before thursday i won't be able to move my things because my parents took the car on their vacation#and she said you do you but you'll be sleeping and sitting on the ground#and we can't postpone packing furniture to wednesday because on thursday she's going on another trip#just great#would it really hurt her to tell me that before when i had access to the car and was staying alone in the flat while she was on her trip#i guess i can always take a bus and move my stuff this way but it'd require doing that 2-3 times#and bus fees cost 😔
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The communal half of the kitchen is clean!!
#i washed up. then washed the counters. then the sink. then sweeped the floor.#i did walk away or else i would've started wiping the walls#bc this house is a germaphobe's nightmare#and mum's back in half an hour so i dont really have the sort of time to be cleaning the whole kitchen#i could do it tomorrow tho!!! no nic day 4 is supposed to be the worst so that'll provide a long enough distraction#bc ao3 is due to go down so i wont have any fic distractions like ive had so far
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