#why is he saying this. why is he so unserious
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Kiwi
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Summary: You’re pregnant with Rafe’s baby, and he’s more stressed out about it than you are (and rightfully so).
Word Count: 1.9k
Warnings: fluff, swearing, protective rafe, soon to be dad rafe, smut, angst if you squint, unprotected sex, pregnancy.
You were steadily entering your second trimester, which was shaping out to be a little easier than your first. You were still craving the weirdest food combinations, but Rafe would never complain about needing to go out and buy them for you since the grateful smile you always gave him made his heart feel so full.
Seven years with you, and he was still as crazy about you as he’d been since the first date.
With that being said, he wasn’t sure how much longer he could pretend to like your weird (and sometimes really fucking gross) pregnancy cravings. But he would have to, since you’re carrying his baby like a fucking champ, and you looked so stunning while doing so.
Rafe had just gotten back from a grocery store run, sporting a bag full of odd food choices for you, and he set it down on the counter before leaving the kitchen to go find you.
You were in the living room, your feet planted on the couch as you scrolled through your phone. Why you were standing on the couch, he had no idea, but the thought of you accidentally falling was the first thing that flashed through his head, and he was not about to let that happen.
“What the fuck are you doing?” he rasped, quickly walking over to you and grabbing your waist. “Are you trying to give me a heart attack? You’re four months pregnant, babygirl, you need to be careful. Jesus Christ.”
“I am being careful,” you defended yourself, holding your phone in one hand while your other ran through his hair. You looked around the living room, your eyes flickering between every corner as you stayed standing on the couch. “I saw a spider, and I don’t know where it went. And you know how much I hate spiders. I had to make sure it didn’t crawl on me or something. Then I would’ve been the one having a heart attack.”
You sounded so unserious, but Rafe knew you were being completely genuine. Your fear of anything that had more than two legs was no joke, and he couldn’t count the times he’s killed something for you on both hands.
“Plus, I’ve only been standing here for, like, five minutes,” you added, looking down at him and shrugging casually, as if you didn’t feel the way his grip tightened on you at your words.
“Five minutes is too fucking long,” Rafe muttered, shaking his head afterwards as he leaned in and pressed his forehead against your belly. “You’re not thinking straight right now, are you? That’s the only logical explanation for this.”
His big hands stayed planted on your waist, keeping you steady as he pulled away and looked up at you, his blue eyes wide and full of nothing but adoration for you and the little life growing inside of you.
“You’re going to give me gray hairs, you know that right?” he grunted, a smile forming on his lips when you let out a soft laugh.
“Ooh, silver fox Rafe,” you teased, draping your arms around his neck as he helped you off the couch. “You say that like it’s a bad thing. You’d look so fucking hot with gray hair, baby. Like, so fucking sexy. So don’t tempt me.”
Rafe scoffed, wrapping his arms around your waist. “Silver fox? I’m twenty nine, baby, not forty,” he mumbled, “But, I guess if you like that sorta thing…who am I to judge?”
You laughed, leaning into his touch as you pressed your lips to his jaw. “I like anything that involves you,”
He smiled down at you, his hand coming up to tuck your hair behind your ear. “I like anything that involves you too, babygirl,” he murmured, leaning down so his lips brushed against yours. “Actually, I love everything that involves you.”
Then he was leaning all the way in and kissing you deeply and slowly, his hands sliding down your body until they grazed your ass, and then he was full on groping you through your leggings.
You whined against his mouth, your lips pressing more firmly against his as you pulled him impossibly closer to you until your bump was pushing against his abs. “You always have to one up me, don’t you?” you muttered, “And what’s with you always grabbing my ass? You’ve been obsessed with it since we got together.”
Rafe smirked down at you. “Of course I’m obsessed with it, it’s part of you,” he replied, and you pressed your lips together.
“You are so fucking sweet and sexy and I think we should go to our bedroom before I-” you cut yourself off by screaming directly into your husband’s face as you practically jumped back up onto the couch with wide eyes.
Rafe didn’t even need to turn around to know that the eight legged creature who scared you before had made its big return. “What did I tell you?” he muttered, taking you into his arms as he lifted you from the couch.
“Rafe! Stop, it’s literally right there and it’s so fucking big,” you protested as he carried you out of the living room and into the kitchen. Once he had you sitting safely at the breakfast bar, he slid the bag of food over for you to inspect as he grabbed a piece of paper towel.
“Stay here, okay? Eat something,” he mumbled, pressing a kiss to the top of your head before he walked back into the living room to find the harmless insect that had been tormenting you during the entire time he was gone.
-
You were pulling Rafe along with you towards the bedroom, your lips all over his neck and jaw, but he was moving so slowly. You were now six months pregnant, and Rafe had become more and more protective of you, if that was even possible at this point.
And while you loved him for it, his hesitation every time you initiated sex was making you go crazy. You were so turned on, and you needed your husband.
“Rafe,” you moaned, bracing your hands on his shoulders as you walked backwards. “I need you. I need you so bad. Please? I promise, I won’t break.” you whined, nearly stumbling as you pulled him along with you.
Rafe’s hands instantly tightened on your waist, his thumbs brushing along the underside of your belly as it pressed against his abs through his shirt. “Easy, babygirl,” he cooed, leaning down to press a soft kiss to your lips. “I’ve got you. I’ve always got you.”
While you knew he wanted to be gentle and sweet with you, you also knew exactly how to rile him up and get him going. Rafe had been obsessed with your body since the second he first saw you completely bare, and his obsession had only intensified once your body began to change due to your pregnancy.
You stepped back and pulled your shirt over your head, revealing your breasts that had grown so much, they were nearly spilling out of your bra. You watched Rafe bite his lip before you moved onto your leggings, and you stepped out of them and kicked them aside as well.
Rafe groaned as he pulled off his own shirt and jeans, his hands finding your waist again as he moved to sit on the bed. “Come here,” he murmured, sliding your panties down your legs before he guided you onto his lap.
You willingly went, a needy whine leaving your lips as you settled on top of him and pulled down his boxers, freeing his hard cock. “I love you,” you moaned, kissing him as you began to rub yourself along his dick. “I love you so much.”
He gripped your hips, guiding the slow rolls of your body. “I love you too, baby,” he groaned, “More than my next fucking breath.”
His words made your head feel all fuzzy, and he lifted you slightly to position himself at your soaked core. When he eased you back down onto his cock, you both let out a sound of relief as you came together as one, and you reveled in the feeling of his big hands on your body.
“Fucking perfect,” he praised, his eyes hooded as his hands slid around to grip your ass gently.
You moaned loudly, holding onto his shoulders as you rolled your hips against his as best as you could with your bump persistently brushing against his stomach. “Fuck,” you whimpered, arching your back a bit and making your chest press right up against his. “Oh fuck, Rafe, you feel so good.”
He felt so good, you were powerless to stop the loud moans from leaving your mouth as you rode him. Rafe’s hands slid up your back and fumbled with the clasp of your bra before he pulled the fabric away from your body, his palms immediately roaming over the newly exposed skin. “Fuck, babygirl, you’re so tight and wet for me. Sweet pussy was made for my cock,” he grunted, rolling your nipples between his fingers until they pebbled under his touch. “You’re so fucking hot.”
Then he was leaning in and kissing you deeply, his tongue brushing against yours as he met your bounces with upward thrusts of his hips. You moaned against his mouth, his words making your body heat up in a blush. You’d never get tired of hearing him say things like that.
His hands moved to your belly, and he caressed it as he broke the kiss and buried his face against your shoulder. “God, you feel so good,” he moaned, making your blush deepen as you moved a little faster and a bit harder.
“Rafe,” you whimpered, tangling your fingers in his hair as you felt your thighs start to burn from over-exertion. “Oh, fuck…I’m gonna cum.” you warned, feeling the knot that had been steadily building up inside you start to tighten.
Rafe grunted, reaching in between your bodies until the heel of his hand was pressed firmly against the underside of your belly and his fingers were brushing against your clit. “Yeah, cum for me, baby,” he murmured, his other hand moving to your hip as he guided you to take him a little harder. “I’m close too.”
His fingers pushed you over the edge, and your head fell forward onto his shoulder as you came for him. A cry left your lips as you weakly bounced on his lap, your legs shaking a bit as you pulled on his hair. “Fuck,” you gasped, wrapping your arms tightly around his shoulders as you felt him thrust a few more times before he stilled.
A deep groan left the back of his throat as he held you close to him, his warmth filling you up from the inside out as he let out harsh pants against the side of your neck. “I’ll never get over that,” he muttered, placing soft kisses along your shoulder as he ran his hands up and down your back. “I’ll never get over you.”
You grinned as he gently eased you off him and moved back on the bed, taking you with him as he leaned back against the pillows. “Good,” you hummed as he turned you around and spooned you from behind. “Because I think you’re stuck with me for life.”
When you guided his big palm to rest on your belly, Rafe pressed a gentle kiss to the side of your head as his thumb rubbed along your swollen skin. “Good,” he echoed. “Because you couldn’t get rid of me if you tried. You’re all I want in the world.”
A lazy smile formed on your lips as you snuggled back against him, and only a few seconds later, you had fallen asleep.
-
Not me working on my birthday again...thanks for reading x
#rafe cameron#rafe cameron outer banks#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron x you#rafe cameron imagine#rafe cameron smut#rafe cameron fanfiction#rafe imagine#rafe fanfiction#rafe fic#rafe smut#rafe x reader#rafe obx#obx smut#rafe outer banks#outer banks rafe#outer banks smut#outer banks imagine#obx x reader#obx fic#obx#drew starkey
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GIRL, NEW YEARS??????? Omg if you're staying for a minute, SPILL THE DR TEA
i shifted for a quarter of a year.....does the cia want to know my location??
it’s soooooo over for you all. i have seen the light (coryo). i have tasted the forbidden fruit (no..not coryo). i have held hands with fate and made out with destiny in a dark corner of a new york rooftop bar (coryo!!!!).
hi. so. i shifted. with this method.
and listen, the universe is a freak. it’ll knock the wind out of you, throw you down the stairs, steal your wallet, and then, while you’re still gasping for air, go, ‘oh, my bad. here’s a gift card. also, you can shift now.’ so. hi. i’m back. i lived in my better cr for three months. an entire fiscal quarter. and now i’m here again, blinking in the fluorescent light of this reality, trying to form sentences like a war vet just back from the frontlines.
what do i even say? where do i begin? i guess the first day. let’s set the scene: september 20th. autumn in new york. cinematic. LET'S GOOOO.
i shifted back. cried. obviously. cried some more. then locked in (queen never crumbles) and promptly lost my entire mind on the balcony. squealing, jumping, doing the full carrie bradshaw excited little twirl in paris before she got fucked over the russian short guy. if my neighbours were watching, they were getting a show.
i got dressed for school. threw on something casually devastating. drank matcha on the way as i picked up lily-rose. business as usual, except i was vibrating at a higher frequency than ever before. every nerve ending in my body was singing. i was so happy.
then. okay. i know i said i got with coryo. and i did. (everyone say: ‘she won.’) but. not yet. patience. restraint. delayed gratification. all that. i saw him that first day, and did i think about jumping him? yes. did i? no. but he winked at me.like the absolute menace he is. imagine me, gripping my books like a regency heroine whose gloved hand was just brushed by a suitor. i nearly blacked out. then it was onto the usual: maths, english, lunch, philosophy, p.e. (where i spent the full hour contemplating coryo in gym clothes. blessings upon this timeline), history.
post-school, me, lily-rose, and malina (@chaaistained you made a cameo, my ride-or-die) went shopping on fifth ave because of course we did. the girls were girl-ing. capitalism was capitalism-ing. i know you’re nodding. i know you get it. we all get it. then home. girl dinner. filmed some deeply unserious tiktoks. stalked coryo’s instagram (two days apart and i was already checking for potential threats. he had none. heh). chatted with my car, caesar. absolute king. i was, in a word, thriving.
and now i know what you’re thinking. ‘emma. you were there for three months. why didn’t you stay longer?’ and lovies, i hear you. i do. but last time shifting ate me alive and spat me out, so we’re doing things differently now. a little here, a little there. back and forth, like a woman with multiple lovers in different countries. balance. we're ed recovering this stuff.
oh ! also. minor detail but i started an anonymous page in the shifting community over there. what’s it about?????? well. let’s just say i’ve been documenting.
more soon. xoxo. gotta organise these rogue thoughts first
#asks#emmas better cr#reality shift#shifting motivation#realityshifting#shifting community#reality shifting#desired reality#shifting#shifting realities#how to manifest#manifesting#manifestation#instant manifestation#law of manifestation#master manifestor#self concept#affirmations#law of attraction#loa success#loass#loa blog#loa tumblr#loablr#loassblog#loassumption#law of assumption#shifting blog#shiftingrealities#shifting antis dni
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𝐅𝐔𝐂𝐊 𝐌𝐄 𝐔𝐏 | 09
˗ˏˋ rules ˎˊ˗
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"Rules are funny things. You make them thinking they'll keep you safe, keep everything contained. But sometimes the person you're really trying to protect yourself from… is you"
next | index
⋆。°✩ chapter details ✩°。⋆
word count: 6.5k
content: candle shop shenanigans, friend group dynamics, rules and boundaries
✧ author's note ✧
OKAY FIRST OF ALL—who absolutely LOVES Yeji? Because ME. The way she clocked Jungkook within seconds and had NO filter??? Like, I'm obsessed. Mans was genuinely SHOCKED that someone told him to sit his ass down. The audacity of this woman to not immediately melt under his smirky, tattooed menace energy?? I respect her so much. A feminist icon, if you will.
And IRYA. Ughhh, my precious girlie. The way she’s just casually vibing with Jungkook? Like?? They are NOTHING alike, and yet she’s over here just mingling with him, being friendly, unbothered, meanwhile Yeji is foaming at the mouth in the background. I love that contrast so much. It’s like, she doesn’t see him as a threat, just another guy in the room, which makes Jungkook (who is used to either being hated or obsessed over) lowkey confused. You can see the gears turning in his head like “Wait. Why aren’t you scared of me. Or pissed at me. Or flirting with me.” HAHAH POOR BOY.
And let’s talk about Jimin, because HELLO, my quiet support KING. He’s not even saying much in this chapter, but he’s there, next to Y/N, just in case. That kind of silent loyalty? The “I know you can handle yourself, but if you need me, I’m already here” type of presence??? I eat that up every time. Their friend group is everything to me.
Speaking of menace behavior—Jungkook. Are we surprised? He’s so unserious about everything. I loved giving him Kuko as a contact name for Y/N because in every fic, it’s always Kook or Kookie or Koo and I just—I wanted something different. Something slightly sharp and weird. Like, why does it sound like a pet name and an insult at the same time 😭😭 It’s PERFECT for their dynamic.
And finally, Y/N. My messy, mouthy, disaster baby. She is THEE representation of someone who’s barely entered adulthood, fresh into uni, kind of immature, kind of figuring it out, but loud as hell about it. Like, I KNOW some of y’all are probably reading this chapter thinking “girl, seriously??” but THAT'S THE POINT. She’s got so much personality, she’s a walking contradiction, she’s flawed, but she’s HER. I love her for it.
I also stuffed this chapter with SO many Easter eggs. Like, the foreshadowing is right there at the end, but I know y’all aren’t catching everything yet. You’ll come back later, reread it, and be like “OH MY GOD, KIKI???” And I’ll just be sitting here like 😌✌️ I love when a plan comes together.
Anyway, here’s Chapter 9, babes. Enjoy the mess. I’m off to go prep for my therapist session because, let’s be real, I probably projected a little too hard in this one LMAO.
⋆。°✩ read on ✩°。⋆
ao3
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You don't know why you agreed to go shopping with Yeji.
She texted at ass o'clock in the morning about "needing your expert opinion," and honestly? Your sleep-deprived brain just went sure, whatever without processing the implications. You just mentioned having to buy something for Emma — her birthday's in two weeks — and it was downhill from there.
"This place smells like a Pinterest board threw up," Yeji announces as you enter the third candle store of the day. Some fancy boutique with mason jars everywhere and prices that make you want to cry. "Who names a candle Whispers of Moonlight?"
"Someone getting paid way too much," you mutter, checking the price tag. Jesus. "Forty dollars for—is this supposed to smell like grass?"
"Rich people grass." Yeji picks up another one, face scrunching. "Autumn's Last Kiss. What does that even mean? Like, trees making out?"
"Pretty sure it's just pumpkin spice trying to be fancy."
"Capitalism is wild." She moves down the aisle, combat boots squeaking against the polished floor. "Oh shit, look at this one. Midnight Jasmine's Secret Rendezvous. That's not a candle, that's a Mills & Boon novel."
You snort, trailing after her. "Speaking of reading material—"
"We are not starting a book club book chat right now."
"I'm just saying, if you actually showed up to Victorian Lit—"
"And listen to Professor Stevens cream himself over Dickens for two hours? Pass." She picks up another candle, this one in black glass. "Dark Temptation. Bet you five bucks it smells like axe body spray."
She's not wrong. You wrinkle your nose as she waves it under your face. "Why does everything 'dark' and 'masculine' smell like a frat house?"
"Because the straights are not okay." Yeji sets it back, wiping her hands on her jeans like the scent might be contagious. "What did Emma say she likes again?"
"Anything except roses." You pause at a display of seasonal scents. "Her roommate burns those generic rose ones from the dollar store. Pretty sure she's traumatized."
"Valid." Yeji's already moved on to the next shelf, picking up random ones and reading their names in increasingly dramatic voices. "Summer's Sweet Embrace. Woodland Mystery. Oh my god, Bachelor's Button? What the fuck is a bachelor's button?"
"It's a flower," you say, distracted by a actually nice-looking sage and cedar one. Still overpriced, but... "My mom used to grow them."
"Sounds fake, but okay."
She’s quiet for a second. Then:
"What about this one?" Yeji holds up a purple candle, squinting at the label. "Lavender Dreams. Sounds pretentious as fuck."
"Put that down before you break it," you mutter, scanning the shelves. The prices are criminal. “And aren't you supposed to be in Art History right now?"
"Professor Wang's doing that thing again where he talks about his divorce for two hours." She shrugs, setting the candle back with surprising care. "I've already heard all about Karen three times this semester."
You roll your eyes, picking up a sage-scented one. And no, you're not lingering in the candle section because you love them, okay? Emma likes candles too. It's completely reasonable research for a birthday gift. Nothing to do with how your apartment could use some—
"These are boring anyway," Yeji declares, already moving on. Her attention snaps to something across the street. Barnes & Noble, its windows displaying the latest bestsellers.
"Wanna check out some books?" she asks, hands stuffed in the pockets of her worn-out grey zip-up. The one she definitely stole from Irya's closet.
"Since when do you read?" You snort, following her out of the candle store. Because you know damn well Yeji's idea of "reading" is skimming SparkNotes twenty minutes before class.
"Woah, judging a book by its cover?" She gestures to her whole aesthetic: combat boots, ripped jeans, that stolen sweater. "Just 'cause I look like this doesn't mean I don't read."
"You told me last week that Romeo and Juliet was, and I quote, 'straight people nonsense.'"
"It is straight people nonsense." She pushes open the bookstore's door, a blast of air conditioning hitting you. "But we need books for the club."
"You mean the chat group you named 'Fuck The Patriarchy Book Club' that's basically just for rambling and complaining?" Like how you ended up here today, victim to Yeji's class-skipping schemes. "That club?"
"Yeah?" She flashes that smile that you’re starting to associate with trouble. "C'mon, I need to check if they have Pride and Prejudice."
You trail after her into Fiction & Literature, past towering shelves and that distinct bookstore smell. "Pride and—hold up. Weren't you just shitting on romance classics?"
"Yeah, and?" She's already scanning the 'A' section with laser focus. "My girl wants to read it, so we're reading it."
"You're buying it because Irya mentioned it once in the group chat."
"And?" Yeji doesn't even pretend to deny it, moving purposefully through the aisles. "My girlfriend has taste. Unlike some people who waste their time reading..." she picks up a random book, "The Art of Corporate Finance."
"That's not even—"
"Found it!" She pulls out a leather-bound edition, definitely not the cheapest version available. "Look at this fancy shit. Irya's gonna love it."
You're about to point out how whipped she is when something catches your eye. A "Now Hiring" sign at the front counter, clean white letters against dark wood. Huh. You've been meaning to look for a job, something to get you out of the apartment more. And to help your finances. too. God knows you’d rather avoid having to ask mom and daddy for more money.
"Earth to Y/N?" Yeji waves a hand in front of your face. "You good?"
"Yeah, just..." You gesture vaguely at the sign.
Working at a bookstore wouldn't be the worst thing. Plus, employee discount.
"Oh shit, you should totally apply." She examines the sign with newfound interest. "Then you can hook me up with discounts on all the books Irya wants."
"I haven't even—"
"Excuse me?" she calls to a passing employee, ignoring your attempt to shut her up. "My friend here wants to apply for the job opening."
You're going to kill her. Slowly. With one of these hardcover books.
But the employee's already turning around—young guy, probably another student, name tag reading 'Mark'—and you can't exactly bolt without looking insane. Perfect. Just perfect.
"Oh, yeah?" Mark brightens. "We're actually pretty desperate for people who can work weekday afternoons. You have any retail experience?"
"I—"
"She's great with books," Yeji cuts in, because apparently she's your agent now. "Like, literally will fight someone over their trash literary takes. You should hear her rant about Hemingway."
You shoot her a death glare, but... well, she's not wrong about Hemingway.
"That's actually perfect," Mark says. "We get a lot of students asking for recommendations. Here—" He heads to the counter, returning with an application form. "You can fill this out now if you want. Manager's still here."
And somehow, because the universe hates you, you end up at one of the reading tables, filling out your work history while Yeji "helps" by suggesting you list your special skills as "roasting bad authors" and "setting pretentious men straight about their Joyce opinions."
Your phone buzzes. Group chat.
6B Hell
Yoongs 🎧: 𝙲𝚊𝚗 𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚋𝚞𝚢 𝚌𝚘𝚏𝚏𝚎𝚎 𝚌𝚊𝚙𝚜𝚞𝚕𝚎𝚜? 𝚆𝚎’𝚛𝚎 𝚘𝚞𝚝
+1 (917) XXX-XXXX: 𝚌𝚊𝚗𝚝 𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝚖𝚢 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚍 𝚛𝚗
+1 (917) XXX-XXXX: 𝚙𝚊𝚢𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚠𝚎𝚎𝚔
Yoongs 🎧: 𝙸 𝚐𝚘𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞
Yoongs 🎧: 𝚆𝚎’𝚕𝚕 𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚝 𝚒𝚝 𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚊𝚏𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝟷𝟻𝚝𝚑
Yoongs 🎧: 𝙹𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚏𝚘𝚌𝚞𝚜 𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐
+1 (917) XXX-XXXX: 𝚝𝚑𝚡 𝚖𝚊𝚗
You're about to reply that you'll grab some later when another message pops up.
+1 (917) XXX-XXXX: 𝚙𝚑𝚘𝚎𝚗𝚒𝚡 𝚞𝚛 𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚙𝚙𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝? 𝚞 𝚐𝚎𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚖
What the actual fuck?
You: 𝚠𝚑𝚘 𝚒𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜?
+1 (917) XXX-XXXX: 𝚞𝚛 𝚏𝚊𝚟𝚘𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚎 𝚛𝚘𝚘𝚖𝚖𝚊𝚝𝚎 𝚘𝚏𝚌
+1 (917) XXX-XXXX: 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚑𝚘𝚝 𝚘𝚗𝚎
You let out a disbelieving sound. Yeji, who's been "helping" by pointing out every minor spelling mistake in your application, peers over your shoulder.
"What's up?"
"My roommate being a jerk as usual." You know for a fact Jungkook's probably sprawled on the couch right now, doing fuck-all except maybe killing brain cells on his PlayStation. But sure, you should get the coffee.
You: 𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚢 𝚜𝚞𝚛𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚘𝚗𝚐𝚒’𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚑𝚘𝚝 𝚘𝚗𝚎
You: 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚗𝚘, 𝚒’𝚖 𝚋𝚞𝚜𝚢
+1 (917) XXX-XXXX: 𝚊𝚠 𝚍𝚘𝚗𝚝 𝚋𝚎 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚗𝚒𝚡
+1 (917) XXX-XXXX: 𝚞𝚛 𝚋𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚖𝚢 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚝 𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎
Yoongs 🎧: 𝙲𝚊𝚗 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚝𝚠𝚘 𝚗𝚘𝚝?
+1 (917) XXX-XXXX: 𝚙𝚕𝚞𝚜 𝚠𝚎 𝚋𝚘𝚝𝚑 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚞 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚔 𝚒𝚖 𝚑𝚘𝚝
+1 (917) XXX-XXXX: 𝚘𝚛 𝚍𝚒𝚍 𝚞 𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚐𝚎𝚝 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚗𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚊𝚝 𝚙𝚞𝚕𝚜𝚎?
Your fingers freeze over the keyboard. That asshole.
You: 𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚛𝚢 𝚠𝚑𝚘 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚊𝚐𝚊𝚒𝚗?
You: 𝚖𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚋𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚖𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚊𝚋𝚕𝚎
+1 (917) XXX-XXXX: 𝚞𝚛 𝚕𝚊𝚌𝚔 𝚘𝚏 𝚍𝚎𝚗𝚒𝚊𝚕 𝚒𝚜 𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚙𝚑𝚘𝚎𝚗𝚒𝚡
+1 (917) XXX-XXXX: 𝚊𝚗𝚢𝚠𝚊𝚢. 𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚌𝚎 𝚞𝚛 𝚊𝚕𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚢 𝚘𝚞𝚝…
You: 𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚘𝚠𝚗 𝚍𝚊𝚖𝚗 𝚖𝚘𝚗𝚎𝚢
You: 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝, 𝚢𝚘𝚞’𝚛𝚎 𝚝𝚘𝚘 𝚋𝚛𝚘𝚔𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚋𝚞𝚢 𝚌𝚘𝚏𝚏𝚎𝚎?
Yoongs 🎧: 𝚈/𝙽.
Something about Yoongi’s message makes you pause. That's... weird. But before you can think about it:
+1 (917) XXX-XXXX: 𝚒𝚖 𝚋𝚞𝚜𝚢
+1 (917) XXX-XXXX: 𝚒𝚖𝚙𝚘𝚛𝚝𝚊𝚗𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝚝𝚘 𝚍𝚘 :)
+1 (917) XXX-XXXX: 𝚐𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚢𝚊 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠?
"I'm assuming he means video games," Yeji says, still reading. "Not the fun kind of grinding."
You elbow her in the ribs.
You: 𝚔 𝚠𝚎𝚕𝚕 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚏𝚞𝚗 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝
You: 𝚒𝚖 𝚋𝚞𝚜𝚢 𝚝𝚘𝚘
You: 𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚞𝚊𝚕 𝚊𝚍𝚞𝚕𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝚝𝚘 𝚍𝚘
+1 (917) XXX-XXXX: 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚋𝚞𝚢𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚌𝚘𝚏𝚏𝚎𝚎? :)
Yoongs 🎧: 𝙹𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚍𝚛𝚘𝚙 𝚒𝚝, 𝚋𝚘𝚝𝚑 𝚘𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞
Yoongs 🎧: 𝙸’𝚕𝚕 𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚕𝚎 𝚒𝚝 𝚗𝚎𝚡𝚝 𝚠𝚎𝚎𝚔
+1 (917) XXX-XXXX: 𝚗𝚊𝚑 𝚒𝚝𝚜 𝚌𝚘𝚘𝚕
+1 (917) XXX-XXXX: 𝚙𝚑𝚘𝚎𝚗𝚒𝚡 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚐𝚎𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚖
+1 (917) XXX-XXXX: 𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚗𝚒𝚡? ;)
+1 (917) XXX-XXXX: 𝚐𝚎𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚟𝚊𝚗𝚒𝚕𝚕𝚊 𝚘𝚗𝚎𝚜?
+1 (917) XXX-XXXX: 𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚌𝚎 𝚞𝚛 𝚊𝚕𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚢 𝚐𝚘𝚒𝚗𝚐 :)
You're going to murder him. You're actually going to commit homicide, and Yoongi's going to have to find a new roommate, and you know what? He'll probably thank you.
You: 𝚛𝚘𝚝 𝚒𝚗 𝚑𝚎𝚕𝚕
You: :)
"So," Yeji says as you aggressively save his number under 'Kuko🖕🏻', "this is fun."
"I hate him so much."
"Uh-huh." She glances at your phone, where he's still sending coffee emoji spam. "You know what this means though, right?"
"That I need better roommates?"
"That you're definitely getting this job." She taps the half-completed application. "Can't spend all your time at the apartment if you're working retail hours."
She... might have a point.
Kuko🖕🏻: 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚍𝚘
Kuko🖕🏻: 𝚊𝚏𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚍𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚜𝚎 𝚟𝚊𝚗𝚒𝚕𝚕𝚊 𝚌𝚘𝚏𝚏𝚎𝚎𝚜 𝚞 𝚊𝚕𝚠𝚊𝚢𝚜 𝚋𝚞𝚢
Yoongs 🎧: 𝙸’𝚖 𝚖𝚞𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚝
Yoongs 🎧: 𝚈/𝙽, 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚐𝚎𝚝 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛. 𝚆𝚎,𝚕𝚕 𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚝 𝚒𝚝 𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚛.
Your phone buzzes again, but this time it's the other group chat. Thank fuck.
Fuck The Patriarchy Book Club 📚
Irya 🌸: 𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚗𝚎𝚛 𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚗𝚜?
Irya 🌸: 𝚓𝚒𝚖𝚒𝚗 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚒 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚟𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚌𝚊𝚏𝚎 𝚗𝚎𝚊𝚛 𝚌𝚊𝚖𝚙𝚞𝚜 𝚒𝚜 𝚍𝚘𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚠𝚎𝚒𝚛𝚍 𝚔𝚎𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚐𝚊𝚒𝚗
Jin ☕️: 𝙲𝚊𝚗𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚝𝚘𝚗𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝.
Jin ☕️: 𝙳𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚊 𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚙𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚌𝚛𝚒𝚜𝚒𝚜.
Jin ☕️: 𝚂𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚍 𝟻𝟶𝚔𝚐 𝚘𝚏 𝚌𝚘𝚏𝚏𝚎𝚎 𝚋𝚎𝚊𝚗𝚜 𝚒𝚗𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚊𝚍 𝚘𝚏 𝟻.
Jin ☕️: 𝙶𝚞𝚎𝚜𝚜 𝚠𝚑𝚘 𝚑𝚊𝚜 𝚝𝚘 𝚏𝚒𝚐𝚞𝚛𝚎 𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚊𝚐𝚎.
Your phone keeps vibrating with notifications from the other chat. You peek at it.
Kuko🖕🏻: ☕️
Kuko🖕🏻: ☕️
Kuko🖕🏻: ☕️
Kuko🖕🏻: ☕️
Kuko🖕🏻: ☕️
Kuko🖕🏻: ☕️
Kuko🖕🏻: ☕️
Kuko🖕🏻: ☕️
Jesus fucking Christ.
Yeji 🖤: 𝚙𝚒𝚣𝚣𝚊 𝚊𝚝 𝚢/𝚗’𝚜?
Yeji 🖤: 𝚠𝚎 𝚐𝚘𝚝𝚝𝚊 𝚖𝚎𝚎𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚒𝚗𝚜𝚞𝚏𝚏𝚎𝚛𝚊𝚋𝚕𝚎 𝚛𝚘𝚘𝚖𝚖𝚊𝚝𝚎
Your head snaps up. "Excuse me?"
"What?" Yeji doesn't even look guilty. "You keep complaining about him, might as well know what we’re working with here."
You: 𝚋𝚘𝚕𝚍 𝚘𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚝𝚘 𝚟𝚘𝚕𝚞𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚎𝚛 𝚖𝚢 𝚊𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚝𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝
You: 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝙺𝙽𝙾𝚆 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚒𝚝𝚞𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗
Irya 🌸: 𝚘𝚘𝚑 𝚢𝚎𝚜!! 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚗𝚘𝚢𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚑𝚘𝚝 𝚛𝚘𝚘𝚖𝚖𝚊𝚝𝚎 𝚜𝚒𝚝𝚞𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗??
Irya 🌸: 𝚒 𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚗𝚊 𝚜𝚎𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚖𝚎𝚜𝚜 𝚒𝚗 𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚘𝚗
Irya 🌸: 𝚌𝚊𝚗 𝚓𝚒𝚖𝚒𝚗 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚎?
You let out a loud sigh, now considering Irya’s question. Because part of you thinks about bringing unwanted guests to the apartment, about how that could disturb the peace, especially for Yoongi.
But also? Also, Jungkook brought his friends last time. No warning, no group chat message to let you know you’d meeting random dudes in your pokemon PJs.
So he can suck it, honestly.
You: 𝚜𝚞𝚛𝚎
You: 𝚑𝚎 𝚌𝚊𝚗 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚝𝚘𝚘
Jin ☕️: 𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚋𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚛 𝚏𝚛𝚘𝚖 𝙹𝚘𝚎’𝚜.
Jin ☕️: 𝙽𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚒𝚗 𝚗𝚘𝚗𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚜𝚎.
Jin ☕️: 𝙰𝚕𝚜𝚘, 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚘𝚏 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚐𝚎𝚍𝚕𝚢 𝚑𝚘𝚝 𝚛𝚘𝚘𝚖𝚖𝚊𝚝𝚎 𝚘𝚛 𝚒𝚝 𝚍𝚒𝚍𝚗’𝚝 𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚎𝚗.
Another cascade of coffee emojis floods your notifications. You switch back to the apartment chat.
Kuko🖕🏻: ☕️
Kuko🖕🏻: ☕️
Kuko🖕🏻: ☕️
Kuko🖕🏻: 𝚙𝚑𝚘𝚎𝚗𝚒𝚡𝚡𝚡𝚡𝚡
Kuko🖕🏻: ☕️
Kuko🖕🏻: ☕️
Kuko🖕🏻: 𝚞 𝚌𝚊𝚗𝚝 𝚒𝚐𝚗𝚘𝚛𝚎 𝚖𝚎 𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛
Kuko🖕🏻: ☕️
Kuko🖕🏻: ☕️
Kuko🖕🏻: 𝚒𝚖 𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚐𝚘𝚗𝚗𝚊 𝚍𝚒𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚌𝚘𝚏𝚏𝚎𝚎
Kuko🖕🏻: ☕️
Kuko🖕🏻: ☕️
Kuko🖕🏻: 𝚖𝚢 𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚘𝚍 𝚒𝚜 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝟿𝟶% 𝚌𝚊𝚏𝚏𝚎𝚒𝚗𝚎
Kuko🖕🏻: ☕️
Kuko🖕🏻: ☕️
You hit mute so fast you nearly crack your screen.
You: 𝚢𝚎𝚊𝚑 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚙𝚒𝚣𝚣𝚊 𝚊𝚝 𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚎
You: 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚈𝙾𝚄’𝚁𝙴 𝚋𝚞𝚢𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚢𝚎𝚓𝚒
Yeji 🖤: 𝚕𝚖𝚊𝚘 𝚗𝚘
Yeji 🖤: 𝚒 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚜𝚙𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝟻𝟶 𝚋𝚞𝚌𝚔𝚜 𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚏𝚊𝚗𝚌𝚢 𝚊𝚜𝚜 𝚋𝚘𝚘𝚔
Yeji 🖤: 𝚒𝚖 𝙱𝚁𝙾𝙺𝙴 𝚋𝚛𝚘𝚔𝚎
Irya 🌸: 𝚋𝚘𝚘𝚔? 𝚋𝚊𝚋𝚎? 👀
Irya 🌸: 𝚍𝚒𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚋𝚞𝚢 𝚖𝚎 𝚊 𝚋𝚘𝚘��?!?!?! 💘
Jin ☕️: 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚊𝚖𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚛𝚘𝚖𝚊𝚗𝚌𝚎 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚒𝚜 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚌𝚎𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐.
Jin ☕️: 𝙸’𝚖 𝚐𝚘𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔 𝚝𝚘 𝚖𝚢 𝚌𝚘𝚏𝚏𝚎𝚎 𝚌𝚛𝚒𝚜𝚒𝚜.
Yeji 🖤: 𝚜𝚑𝚞𝚝 𝚞𝚙 𝚌𝚘𝚏𝚏𝚎𝚎 𝚋𝚘𝚢
Yeji 🖤: 𝚐𝚘 𝚘𝚛𝚐𝚊𝚗𝚒𝚣𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚋𝚎𝚊𝚗𝚜
"So," Yeji says, watching you aggressively fill out the availability section of your application. "Should we warn your roommate about pizza night or...?"
You think about the endless coffee emojis. About how he's probably still spamming them, the notifications piling up in your muted chat.
"Nope."
She grins. "Chaos it is."
You make it to your apartment after what feels like the longest trek ever, juggling the coffee capsules bag and your dignity. And no, you didn't buy them because of him, okay? You bought them because Yoongi deserves his caffeine fix. Yoongi, who actually helped you carry boxes up flights of stairs when you moved in. Yoongi, who warns you when the hot water's acting up. Yoongi, who—unlike some people—doesn't blast music at 3AM.
"Still can't believe you actually bought them," Yeji says for the fifth time, trailing behind you up the stairs. "Like, you're really just gonna enable his bratty ass?"
"They're not for him." You dig through your bag for your keys. "I got the regular ones for Yoongi. The vanilla ones are mine."
"Uh-huh." She's got that look again. "And you got the vanilla ones because...?"
"Because I like vanilla coffee." Your keys jangle aggressively as you search. "Not everything is about him."
"I offered to spike them," she reminds everyone, way too loudly for a hallway. "Could've made it look factory-sealed and everything."
Jimin looks slightly concerned. "Do I want to know why you know how to do that?"
"Probably not," Irya says cheerfully. "But that's why I love her."
You finally locate your keys, jamming them into the lock. It sticks—because of course it does, these old-ass doors—and you have to do that weird wiggle thing to get it open. "The last thing I need is a lawsuit for attempted murder by coffee."
"It wouldn't kill him," Yeji argues. "Just, you know. Mild poisoning. Character building."
"Pretty sure that's still illegal," Jimin says.
"Only if you get caught."
The door finally gives, swinging open to reveal... nobody. The living room's empty, thank fuck. No sign of Yoongi or—more importantly—no sign of him. Maybe they're both out. Maybe you'll actually get through this pizza night without any—
"Yo, this is actually nice," Yeji says, already making herself at home on the couch. "When you said 'bros' cave' I was expecting, like, beer pong tables and stolen street signs."
"Those are in Jungkook's room," you mutter, dropping the coffee bag on the kitchen counter. Not that you've seen his room. You haven't. Obviously.
Irya's examining the vinyl collection by the TV. "These are good albums. Your roommates have taste."
"Those are Yoongi's." Probably. You're like 90% sure they're Yoongi's. You've never actually asked.
"The place is surprisingly clean," Jimin notes, still hovering politely by the door. "Need help with anything?"
"Nah, just—" You pause as something orange streaks past. "Oh, shit, wait—Griffin, no—"
Too late. Your cat roommate's already winding between Jimin's legs, purring like the attention whore he is.
"You have a cat?" Irya drops to her knees immediately. "Oh my god, he's gorgeous."
"He's not mine." You dump your bag on the counter. "He's Jungkook's emotional support menace."
"Like owner, like cat," Yeji says, watching Griffin charm his way into Jimin's arms.
"True." You roll your eyes. "Demanding, dramatic, and constantly in the way."
Griffin headbutts Jimin's shin, purring louder.
"Should I..." He looks uncertain. "Is this okay?"
"Yeah, he does that." You start unpacking the coffee capsules. “He's harmless. Just attention-starved and thinks he owns the place."
"Again," Yeji says, "like owner, like cat."
"Pretty much.”
"At least the cat's cute." She stretches out on the couch, combat boots definitely leaving marks. "Makes up for the personality."
"Tragic how the genes weren't distributed evenly," you mutter, strategizing about how to arrange the coffee capsules in the cabinet. Normal ones for Yoongi, vanilla ones hidden in the back where grabby hands can't reach them.
Irya's still on the floor with Griffin, who's now rolled onto his back. "I don't know, he seems sweet."
"The cat? Yeah." You slam the cabinet open. "The owner? Walking nightmare."
"Speaking of nightmares." Jimin's still by the door, ever polite. "Should we maybe warn him we're having pizza here? Since it's his apartment too..."
You think about the forty-seven coffee emojis still sitting in your muted notifications.
"Nope."
"Absolutely not," Yeji agrees. "He can deal with it like she dealt with having his dudebro friends over last week."
Irya looks up from scratching Griffin's belly. "Oh yeah, didn't you say you ran into them in your—what was it?"
"Pokemon pajamas," you groan. "Look, they were clean, okay? And it was like, Saturday morning. Who has people over at Saturday morning?"
"Douchebags," Yeji supplies helpfully.
You're about to agree when you hear it. A door opening down the hall. Footsteps.
Of-fucking-course.
"You bought the coffee, phoenix?"
The drawl comes from behind you, and you briefly consider whether jail time for murder would really be that bad. Jungkook's leaning against his doorframe in—are those fucking Sonic pajama pants?—looking like he just rolled out of bed. At 7PM. Because of course he did.
"Nice little reunion you got going on here, by the way."
He yawns, running a hand through his messy hair as he saunters into the kitchen. Like this is totally fine. Like having your friends over without warning isn't exactly what he did last week with Hoseok and Taehyung—who, by the way, apparently has keys to your fucking apartment.
You pointedly ignore him, which would work better if he wasn't literally heading straight for you. He reaches around you to rummage through the shopping bags, and you slap his hands away.
“Get out of my stuff."
"Oh," he pulls out the vanilla capsules before you can stop him, "you actually got me the vanilla ones?"
"They're not for you." You snatch them back. "Get your hands off them."
He grabs for them again. "Pretty sure you bought them because—"
"I bought them for me." You yank them away, but he's already going for the other bag. "Oh my god, can you not—"
"So this is the pain in the ass?" Yeji's voice drips with disdain from the couch.
Jungkook quirks an eyebrow, still trying to get his hands on your shopping. "Who's Cruella de Vil over there?"
You elbow him away from the bags. "None of your—"
"Another candle?" He snatches it up, holding it over his head where you can't reach. Dick. "Seriously? After last time?"
"If you'd stop making everything smell like balls and nachos—" You jump for it, but he just stretches higher, "—I wouldn't have to buy them, Rogue."
"I don't smell like—"
"Wait," Irya interrupts, and you catch her hiding a smile behind her hand. "Phoenix?"
"Rogue?" Jimin adds quietly from his corner, looking between you back and forth.
Jungkook's smirk widens as he finally lets you grab the candle back. "Oh, she hasn't told you that story?"
"We are not discussing this again." You shove the candle in its bag. "Ever."
"Why not? It's hilarious." He's fully grinning now, leaning his hip against the counter like he owns it. "Haven't told them about how you almost set the place on fire your first week here?"
"BECAUSE YOU ENTERED THE HOUSE LIKE A FUCKING—" Your hand's fisted in his t-shirt before you can stop yourself, and he's snickering, the absolute dick. "Like a complete psychopath," you finish through gritted teeth.
"The lock sticks!" He's still laughing. "I told you, it's an old door—"
"You didn't have to shoulder it open like the SWAT team!"
"You dropped a lit match!"
"Because you scared the shit out of me!"
"Ugh," Yeji groans. "Is he always like this?"
"Worse," you mutter, finally releasing his shirt. "Usually he's too busy being edgy in his room with his electric guitar."
Irya's definitely smirking now. Jimin looks like he wants to disappear into the wall.
"Whatever, phoenix." He makes another grab for the vanilla capsules. "Rising from the ashes of your attempted arson."
"That's not—" You smack his hand away. "That's not why you started calling me that and you know it."
"Pretty sure it is."
"Pretty sure you're full of shit."
Griffin chooses this moment to abandon Irya and wind between Jungkook's legs, the little traitor. Jungkook immediately scoops him up, and you pretend not to notice how the cat starts purring instantly.
"See?" He scratches under Griffin's chin. "G knows I'm right."
"G's a whore for attention." You start shoving the shopping bags away. "He'd side with Satan if Satan had treats."
"So that's why he likes you."
"You calling me Satan now? Wasn't it phoenix? Pick your poison, dumbass."
"Nah." He's still petting Griffin, who's practically melting in his arms. "Just saying you're both dramatic as fuck."
"Says the guy who kicked down a door over a—"
"The lock was stuck!"
"Yeah? Like your head up your ass?"
“Do you two always do this?” Irya prompts.
"No," you mutter, yanking the coffee bag away as he tries to sneak another grab at it. "When he's not gaming like a twelve-year-old, he's—stop touching my stuff!"
"Just checking what flavor you got," he says innocently, which might work better if he wasn't actively trying to steal the vanilla capsules. "Since you bought them for me and all—"
"I will actually murder you."
"With what? Another candle?"
"Keep talking and find out."
"Children," Yeji interrupts, looking physically pained. "Can we not?"
But Jungkook's already reaching for the bag again, and you swat his hand away. "I swear to god—"
"What? I'm just being neighborly—"
"You're being a pain in the ass—"
"Aw, you noticed?"
"Hard not to when you're—" You break off as he successfully snags a vanilla capsule. "Give that back."
"Make me."
"What are you, five?"
"Says the one hoarding coffee—"
"It's my coffee—"
"Pretty sure you bought it with daddy's credit card—"
The words hit like a slap and before you can think better of it, you snarl, "Fuck you."
Your eyes widen the second it leaves your mouth because you know that look on his face, that slight quirk of his lips, the way he's already—
You slam your hand over his mouth so fast you practically punch him, fingers digging into his jaw. He makes a muffled sound of protest, but you can feel him grinning under your palm, the absolute dick.
"Don't," you hiss. "Don't you fucking dare."
He raises his eyebrows like who, me? but you can feel him trying not to laugh.
"Okay!" Jimin claps his hands together, looking slightly alarmed. "So, pizza? Anyone want to look at the menu?”
“Oooh, that sounds promising.” Jungkook says, yanking your hand away.
"Can't you leave?" You eye him. "Go jack yourself off while you look in the mirror or something. Maybe play your fucking guitar."
"Huhhh?" He's already propping his elbows on the back of the sofa, leaning over the narrow table that ‘separates’ the kitchen from the living room. "I want pizza too. Plus, your friends look nice." His smile is all teeth. "I'm sure they don't mind."
Jimin materializes next to you in the kitchen like some kind of conflict-sensing angel, pretending to be interested in the coffee maker. You know he's checking if you're okay, which would be sweet if you weren't currently fantasizing about drowning Jungkook in vanilla coffee.
"I mind," Yeji announces flatly.
"No problem!" Irya chirps at the same time.
Yeji shoots her girlfriend an exasperated look, but Irya just settles more comfortably against her side. You're going to kill both of them.
"Who's the pink pony over here?" Jungkook nods at Irya, and you see Yeji's arm tighten around her shoulders, hackles practically visible.
"Touch her and die."
"Aww, babe." Irya pats Yeji's thigh. "I'm Irya, and this little black cat over here is my girlfriend Yeji." She points across the room. "That's Jimin."
Jungkook glances back at where you're now aggressively reorganizing coffee capsules, Jimin hovering uncertainly beside you. There's something in his expression you don't like, mouth opening to say god knows what—
"And the third roommate?" Yeji cuts in.
You're about to answer but Jungkook beats you to it. "Yoongi's not here."
"Working late," you add, just to be contrary. "You know, like an actual adult with a job?"
"Unlike some people," Yeji mutters.
You snort at her commentary, and you tune out Jungkook’s comeback. Instead your eyes flicker to Jimin, who’s scrolling through his phone, probably looking at pizza options, when—
"Yo Jim, come here." Jungkook waves him over. "Let me look at the menu."
You grab Jimin's arm before he can move, linking it with yours. "I'm choosing first, wait your damn turn."
Jungkook rises from the sofa with a click of his tongue. "Come on, I just wanna—"
"Did she fucking stutter?" Yeji snaps, and Jungkook actually blinks, like he's not used to being shut down that fast.
You turn back to Jimin's phone with maybe a bit too much satisfaction. "Okay, so what are we thinking?"
"They have this new quattro formaggi that's supposed to be good." Jimin tilts the screen so you can see better. "Or the classic margherita—"
"Boring," you mutter, scrolling past. "Oh, what about the spicy one? With the—"
"The calabrese?" He zooms in on the description. "Spicy salami, fresh basil..."
"That looks good." You're actually getting hungry now. "Maybe we could—"
A shadow falls over the phone as Jungkook appears in front of you like some kind of pizza-seeking missile. He peers over both your lowered heads, close enough that you can feel the heat from his chest, and you resist the urge to elbow him in the ribs.
"Have you two decided?" His breath hits your ear. "Because I—"
You're about to grab a fistful of his hair and yank him back to a respectable distance when he snatches Jimin's phone right out of his hands.
"What the fuck—" You start to reach for him, but Jimin catches your wrist.
"It's okay," he says quietly. "Don't worry about it."
Jungkook's already scrolling, completely unbothered. "Yo, what do you two want?" He nods at the couch without looking up.
"Hawaiian for me," Irya pipes up cheerfully. "Yeji wants the diavola, extra spicy."
Yeji just grumbles something that sounds suspiciously like "men" and turns on the TV.
"Cool, cool." Jungkook's still scrolling. "Phoenix, you getting the calabrese?"
"None of your business."
"Just trying to make sure we don't order the same thing." He glances up with that insufferable smirk. "Unless you want to share?"
"I'd rather eat glass."
"Okay, so that's a no on sharing." He's still scrolling through Jimin's phone like he owns it. "I'm thinking meat lovers."
"Of course you are."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"That you're basic as fuck."
"Says the one getting—" he squints at the screen "—spicy calabrese, like some—"
"Can you two shut up for five minutes?" Yeji snaps from the couch. "Some of us are trying to hear the TV."
"My bad," Jungkook says, not sounding sorry at all. He hands Jimin's phone back—finally—and stretches. "Alright, four pizzas ordered. Now we wait."
You watch him sprawl onto the armchair—the one he keeps arguing it’s his (it’s not?)—like he belongs there, and something about it sets your teeth on edge. The casual way he's inserted himself into your evening, how he's somehow charmed Irya into actual conversation, how he keeps looking at you when he thinks you're not paying attention.
"Whatever, man." You push away from the counter, desperate to get away from his presence for at least two minutes. "I'm gonna get into my PJs, I'll be back."
You head down the hall, your skin prickling like he's watching you go. Which he's not. Obviously. You're just on edge because he's being more insufferable than usual, getting all cozy with your friends like he has any right to—
"Yo, phoenix, wait." Jungkook's voice stops you. "Remember that thing with the landlord? The, uh, maintenance form?"
"What maintenance form?"
"You mentioned to Yoongi about the lock sticking, right?" He's already moving towards you with that easy confidence that makes you want to punch him. "Super's been bitching about proper documentation. Needs your signature since it's your door."
He keeps talking as he approaches, something about liability and repair schedules, and it sounds legitimate enough that you almost miss how he's gradually crowding your space. Almost miss how each step brings him closer until—
He reaches past you, hand brushing your hip as he turns the handle. The door barely has time to click shut before Jungkook’s on you, his whole body crowding into yours, ushering you backward so fast you stumble. Almost fall.
“Jesus—”
Your balance tips, but before you can catch yourself, his hands are already on you—grabbing, steadying, possessive. A solid chest against yours, broad palms locking around your wrists before you can shove him away.
He grins down at you, smirky, flushed, pupils blown. That lazy, cocky amusement dripping from his expression like he planned this. Like he knows exactly what he’s doing.
“Relax, Phoenix.” His grip tightens, pulling your wrists just slightly apart. “You’re fine.”
And then his mouth crashes onto yours.
Hard. Messy. Zero warning, zero hesitation. Just heat and teeth and tongue, urgent like he needs to shut you up.
You match him instantly, kissing back just as fiercely, nails curling into his shirt, yanking him closer. His hair is soft under your fingers, thick and dangerous, and you tug—just the way he likes it. Just the way that always makes him groan, makes him grab.
Which he does. Both hands drop to your ass, full palms, fingers digging in like he can’t help himself. A rough squeeze that pulls a breathy sound from your throat before you can stop it.
He chuckles, low and wrecked against your lips, hips rolling slow and deliberate against yours.
“Fuck—” Another squeeze, his voice dropping. “You get all mouthy with me, and then you act surprised when you turn me on?”
Your stomach flips.
His mouth is still moving against yours, sharp and demanding, and fuck—you’re dizzy, heat curling low and deep.
You don’t realize he’s backing you up until your spine collides with the wardrobe.
You wince. “God, fuck—”
Jungkook barely lets you finish before his teeth graze your jaw, lips dragging lower—
No.
You shove at his chest, breath coming fast. “What is your problem?”
His smirk is instant, panting slightly, lips wrecked. The fucking look in his eyes—smoky, half-lidded, shamelessly pleased with himself.
“Mm?” He tilts his head, like he didn’t just grope the hell out of you. “What?”
“You can’t—” A sharp inhale. You straighten your shirt, glare sharp enough to cut. “My friends are here.”
He blinks. Shrugs. "So?"
"So," you bite out, "we are not doing this."
Jungkook just looks at you, like you’re speaking a foreign language. "Doing what?"
"Don't." You level him with a flat stare.
His head tilts, gaze dragging over you, slow and deliberate. "I just wanted to talk."
"Talk," you repeat, incredulous.
"Yeah." He plants a hand on the wardrobe beside your head. Not caging you in—just existing in your space, like he belongs there. "Privately."
Jesus fuck.
"Nope." You press your palms to his chest, feeling the heat of his skin through cotton. "Not happening."
"Phoenix." His voice dips, lazy and smooth, like he’s humoring you. "I'll be quick."
A disbelieving scoff. "Absolutely the fuck not."
He laughs, quiet and amused, like this is funny to him.
Of course it is. Of course it is.
You shove at his chest again. "They don’t know about this, and they’re not going to know about this."
His brows pull together, expression open, genuinely confused. "Why?"
Oh, you could kill him.
"Because," you grind out, "I don't need them speculating."
"Speculating about what?"
"About us, dumbass!"
The words land—and then he snorts. He just, snorts. Like you just told him a funny joke he lowkey doesn’t want to laugh at.
"Oh, fuck off," you snap.
His grin lingers. "Nix. We fuck. That’s it. No one’s gonna think we’re picking out wedding invitations."
You glare. "You're missing the point."
"I really don't think I am."
"Rogue." You exhale sharply. "I don’t want them in my business, okay?"
He watches you for a beat, head tilted like he’s reading between the lines.
Then he nods. Simple. Easy. "Okay."
You blink. "Okay?"
"Yeah?" He shrugs. "You don’t want them to know, they won’t know. It’s not that deep."
Right. Not that deep.
It shouldn’t be a relief—he’s only agreeing because he doesn’t care—but your shoulders still drop a fraction.
"Good," you say.
He hums, gaze flicking over your face, considering. "I mean, it’s not like you gotta tell them I’m your boyfriend or something. Just that we fuck sometimes. What’s wrong with that?"
You scoff. "Everything is wrong with that, Jungkook."
He raises an eyebrow. "Like what?"
Like—god, where do you start?
Like the fact that this is supposed to be contained, something that stays locked in this apartment and nowhere else. Like the fact that you need to be in control of it because if you’re not, it means it’s spiraling, and spiraling is—
Not an option. ��
He hums, considering. The vibration shivers over your skin. "Interesting."
The fuck does that mean?
You glare at him. "What?"
"Nothing." But there's a glint in his eye you don't like. Knowing. Assessing. "Just seems like you're overthinking it."
"I'm not—"
"Ashamed?" His head tilts. "Embarrassed?"
Heat crawls up your neck. "Fuck you."
"I mean." A slow drag of his gaze, head to toe and back again. "If you insist..."
Oh my god.
Your foot connects with his shin. Hard. He grunts, flinching back. Good.
"Touch me again," you growl, "and you lose your dick."
He holds up his hands. The picture of innocence. "Message received."
"Is it?" You cross your arms. Narrow your eyes. "Because it seems like you're having trouble understanding basic fucking boundaries."
"Nah, I get it." But there's a wicked glint in his eye, and oh, that can't be good. "No telling your friends about all the filthy things we do."
"There is no we.” You jab a finger at his chest. "No us."
A slow nod. "Right."
"I mean it, Rogue." You hold his gaze, unflinching. "This?" A sharp gesture between your bodies. "Doesn't leave this apartment."
"Mm." His tongue swipes over his bottom lip. Deliberate. Obscene. "So I shouldn't mention how you like it when I—"
Your hand clamps over his mouth, muffling his words. "Finish that sentence and die."
He grins against your palm, wholly unrepentant. Bastard.
You drop your hand. Take a step back. "I'm serious, Ry."
"Oh, I know." But there's a curl to his lips you don't trust. Not one bit.
"Do you?" You cross your arms. "Because it sounds like you're angling for a free pass to run your mouth."
"Nah." He mirrors your posture, arms folding over his chest. “Just getting a feel for the rules."
Right. Sure. "The rules are simple." You hold up a finger. "Rule one: no one knows we're fucking."
A nod. "Easy enough."
"Rule two," you continue, "if anyone asks, we're just roommates."
"Uh-huh." His tongue presses against the inside of his cheek. Considering. "That all?"
Wariness prickles up your spine. "Why?"
A shrug. Too casual. "No reason."
Bullshit.
You shake your head. "Just—forget it. Are we done here?"
Jungkook watches you for another long second.
Then he nods. "Yeah, we're done."
He turns, already reaching for the doorknob, when—
"Oh." A pause. Like he just remembered something. "And just so we're clear—this isn’t exclusive, right?"
You blink. "What?"
He glances back, expression easy. Casual. "Like, I can fuck other people. That cool with you?"
A laugh bursts out of you. Short. Sharp. "Why the fuck would I care?"
His mouth twitches. "Dunno. Just making sure."
"Well, consider it confirmed." You fold your arms. "Do whatever the fuck you want, just—"
He lifts his brows. "Just?"
"Don’t give me an STD." You level him with a flat look.
He snorts. "Noted." A beat. Then, amused— "You want test results?"
"Oh, fuck off, Rogue."
"Just offering, Phoenix." His smirk lingers for half a second before his expression smooths out. "So, rule number three, then."
You narrow your eyes. "Rule what?"
"Rules." He gestures between you. "One: no one knows. Two: if they ask, we're just roommates." A pause. "Three: no feelings."
Something in his voice shifts, something light but pointed, like he's not saying it just for your benefit.
You scoff. "Yeah, no shit."
He nods once, satisfied. "Cool."
And then he's gone, door clicking shut behind him like the whole thing never happened.
The air in the room is suddenly too thick.
You exhale sharply, back hitting the wardrobe, and press your palms over your face.
God damn him.
Not just for being an insufferable pain in your ass, but for being right. Because logically, there's no reason to keep this a secret—he's not your boyfriend, he's just your roommate who happens to fuck you sometimes. It's not a big deal. It's not anything.
But something in you rebels at the thought of anyone knowing. Of having to explain yourself, to justify your choices. You've had enough of that to last a lifetime, enough of measuring every decision against someone else's expectations. Enough of being told what you should want, what you should do, who you should be.
This thing with Jungkook? It's yours. Messy and stupid and probably a horrible idea, but it's yours. The one thing in your life that nobody gets to have an opinion about, that nobody gets to control but you.
And maybe that's fucked up. Maybe normal people don't feel this desperate need to keep parts of themselves hidden, to maintain this iron grip on every aspect of their lives. Maybe they don't lie awake at night planning escape routes from their own decisions.
But you've never been very good at normal, have you?
You straighten, smooth your shirt, school your face into something neutral.
Then you open the door, step back into the living room, and pretend like your world isn’t tilting.
next | index
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#jungkook smut#jungkook fanfiction#jungkook x reader#jungkook fanfic#bts fanfic#bts smut#bts x reader#bts scenario#bts imagine#jungkook imagine#bts jungkook#bts fanfiction#jk fic#bts au#jungkook oneshot#jungkook angst#jungkook college au#college jungkook#bts scenarios#jungkook scenarios#jungkook scenario#bts fic recs#jungkook x you#jeon jungkook x y/n#fmu#fuck me up
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I just got an idea. Yandere hashira plus the wives kanao and Aoi with a time traveling reader from the 21st century who tries to ward them off by spraying water at them with a spray bottle. And they say “bad! Bad!” While doing it.
The way I wrote it was kinda unserious so it’s basically just fluff and crack
The situation had spiraled out of control.
You, a time traveler from the 21st century, had somehow ended up in the Demon Slayer era. As if that wasn’t bad enough, you had attracted the obsessive attention of the Hashira, Tengen’s wives, Kanao, and Aoi.
They were all crazy.
It started with Mitsuri clinging to your arm whenever she saw you, gushing about how adorable you were. Then, Rengoku began showing up at odd hours, declaring that he would personally protect you at all costs. Tengen’s wives started sneaking you off to “spend time together,” while Obanai and Sanemi developed a concerning habit of hovering way too close.
You had tried reasoning with them. Didn’t work.
You had tried running. Caught within seconds.
Then, an idea struck. A technique passed down through generations of pet owners, daycare workers, and desperate siblings.
The almighty spray bottle.
Armed with a repurposed perfume bottle filled with water, you were ready. The next time one of them tried to grab you—
Spritz.
A fine mist of water hit Rengoku square in the face. He blinked in shock, the sheer audacity of your attack stunning him into silence.
“Bad!” you scolded, shaking the bottle. “Bad!”
Rengoku wiped his face, golden eyes wide. “Huh?”
A moment of silence passed.
It worked. IT WORKED.
Emboldened, you turned to the others, who had begun closing in, some amused, others curious.
Spritz! Spritz!
Shinobu gasped as droplets hit her cheek. “Oh my,” she murmured, touching her face. “How cruel, Y/N.”
Mitsuri squealed, hands flying to her face. “That’s so mean! But so cute at the same time~!”
Sanemi snarled, dodging the mist. “The hell are you doing?!”
“Training you freaks to stay away!” you snapped.
Tengen’s wives were next. Hinatsuru and Makio gasped when they got hit, while Suma let out a dramatic wail, collapsing to the ground.
“IT BURNS! Y/N, HOW COULD YOU?!” she sobbed.
Makio rolled her eyes. “It’s just water, Suma.”
Meanwhile, Giyuu simply blinked at you, water dripping down his face, looking as if he were questioning all his life choices. Muichiro, standing beside him, barely reacted, only sighing as if you were wasting his time.
Then, you heard the soft shuffle of feet.
Kanao.
She approached with a soft, unreadable smile, violet eyes locked onto you. You knew that look—she was about to reach for your hand, like she had done before.
Spritz.
Kanao barely flinched. Instead, she tilted her head and smiled. “I don’t mind.”
You faltered. “What.”
Then, to your horror, she took the bottle from your hands.
Before you could react, she spritzed you.
Betrayal.
“Kanao. Why.”
Shinobu giggled behind her hand. “How interesting… you thought this would work?”
“I-It did for a second!” you argued.
A sigh drew your attention—Aoi. She was staring at you like you were the dumbest person she had ever met. Before you could reach for the bottle, she snatched it from Kanao’s hands and smacked it out of reach.
“Enough of that nonsense,” she scolded, arms crossed. “You’re acting like a child.”
Your heart sank.
And just like that, the hesitation in their eyes vanished.
“Oh no,” you whispered.
A shadow loomed over you—Tengen, his cocky grin sending chills down your spine. “That was adorable, but did you really think you could keep us away with water, little one?”
Rengoku, now recovered, chuckled warmly, though his eyes gleamed with something dangerous. “A valiant effort! But no matter what, Y/N, we won’t leave your side.”
You tried to take a step back, but hands reached for you.
“Wait! Let’s talk about this—”
Too late.
You let out a muffled yelp as you were pulled into their arms, the warmth of their bodies suffocating. Kanao and Aoi stood off to the side, watching as the others crowded you like a pack of wolves.
“I think they’ve learned their lesson,” Aoi said, shaking her head.
Kanao held the spray bottle, inspecting it thoughtfully. “Maybe we should keep this,” she murmured. “It could be fun.”
And as you struggled in their grasp, you made a mental note:
Next time, bring pepper spray.
#gothicxreylover#gender neutral reader#yandere x reader#yandere demon slayer#yandere sanemi#yandere gyomei#yandere giyu#yandere rengoku#yandere shinobu#yandere tengen#yandere kanao#Yandere Aoi#yandere muichiro#yandere mitsuri#yandere obanai#yandere kimetsu no yaiba#yandere tengen uzui wives#demon slayer x you#demon slayer x reader#demon slayer x male reader
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「Youngjae boyfriend headcanons○
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genre.fluff, mention of candy/food
warning.non
pairing.bf!youngjae x fem!reader
a/n. I’m going to do this headcanons do every member
Bf!youngjae Who was written by a girl with a pink glitter pen. He’s soft, dramatic, and way too whipped for you.
Bf!youngjae Who if he doesn’t boop your nose at least once a day, he thinks something is wrong. Does it when you least expect it just to fluster you.
Bf!youngjae Who if you’re with him, expect zero silence. He’s either gossiping, rambling about his day, or asking random questions like, “Would you still date me if I was a worm?”
Bf!youngjae Who always stuffing sweets in your bag or sneaking snacks into your pockets. You tell him he’s ruining your teeth, but he just grins and says, “At least you’ll think of me every time you eat one.”
Bf!youngjae Who made the convenience store that you guys meet your place. Whether it’s grabbing late-night snacks or just standing around drinking from those tiny juice cartons, it’s become your thing.
Bf!youngjae Who calls you things like “babycake” or “sugarplum” just to make you cringe, but deep down he’s dead serious.
Bf!youngjae Who loves touching you—holding hands, playing with your hair, resting his head on your shoulder. If you’re within arm’s reach, you will be cuddled.
Bf!youngjae Who if you ignore his texts for five minutes, he’ll send “I see how it is…” followed by “I’ll remember this.” Then proceeds to spam you until you reply.
Bf!youngjae Who wants to match outfits, phone cases, keychains—anything. If you refuse, he’ll just sneak a matching item into your stuff and pretend you chose to twin with him.
Bf!youngjae Who gets fake mad when other people flirt with you, even if it’s harmless.
“Babe, he was just asking for directions.”
“Yeah, and why was he smiling so much? Huh?”
Bf!youngjae Who acts unserious 90% of the time, but then he’ll do something like write you a letter just because or leave cute notes in your bag.
Bf!youngjae Who If you ask him to do something, he’s already doing it before you even finish your sentence. No hesitation, no complaints—just “Anything for my baby.”
#tws#tws kpop#tws headcanons#tws imagines#tws scenarios#tws youngjae#youngjae x reader#youngjae imagines#youngjae fluff#youngjae#kpopidol#kpop bg#kpop boys#kpop
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#easily in my top ten funniest death note conversations#why is he saying this. why is he so unserious#“tbh i thought you'd look like the grim reaper” okay buddy! focus on the mass murderer please#death note#ryuk death note#near death note#every time i see ryuk and near interacting it makes my day#write more platonic near and ryuk content and my life is yours#INR posts
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The real reason Michael has a British accent in FNAF…
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#michael afton#jeremy fitzgerald#william afton#bonnie bully#fnaf bonnie#fnaf foxy#fnaf fanart#THIS IS MY GAME THEORY……#Listen the only explanation to why Michael and Elizabeth are somehow British#is William just forced them to be#like idk why he’d do it#maybe it’s so his kids stay similar to his image#if it was just Michael I could say maybe he was born in Britain#but Elizabeth got it too#Michael grew up solely on British media to make sure he kept the accent#drank only tea and beans on toast#THIS UNSERIOUS but i genuinely find it so funny that#the Aftons in the games are just British#imagine the bite of 83 but all with British accents (besides Michael’s friends)#also hey Bonnie bully mentioned 🩵#I gotta draw Michael’s other two friends sometime too!!
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the dialogue choices in this game should be more diabolical
#i love akechi but i sometimes i wish you could bully him like no matter which dialogue u pick it sounds like ur flirting back w him#“i'm going to be completely honest with you. i've always hated you” why can't u say smt unserious back#like “sorry i have a snatched waist and correct opinions on everything.” or like “ur loss lmao”#hate playing darts with this bitch bc i play on a steamdeck and i don't have a fucking gyroscope so like#it's trying to replicate how the joycons or pro controller would throw AND ITS SUCKS SO BAD#like i just see akechi get a hat trick every single fucking time with three bulls in a row and meanwhile im struggling to line the thing up#and then after u finish he's like “hmm i see. that's an interesting way to play it” WHAT THE FUCK THERES LITERALLY NO STRATEGY HERE SMARTAS#I JUST MISSED. IM NOT STRATEGIZING. THERES NOTHING “INTERESTING” ABOUT IT.#i hate going to penguin snipers so much i hope i can get this stupid game on switch so i can actually rank up akechi's baton pass#and not waste like 1000 yen every night bc i refuse to not let a party member be on rank 3#akechi fuck yourself why can't we play 501 like we do with everyone else. why do u have to make everything abt this stupid rivalry#im gonna kms i hate akeci and i hate darts#persona 5#persona 5 royal#p5#p5r#goro akechi#ren amamiya#akira kurusu#shuake#akeshu#lotus draws
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#why am i like this#I’m sorry but the moment I saw this pic they came to mind when they say we do whatever he tells us 😭#Lou casting his spell on us#this is so unserious & funny#bucktommy#lou ferrigno jr#tommy kinard#tevan
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Watching House, you just have to accept that sometimes the writers will make him act gross and slightly out of character.
1; because of the times, and 2; likely because the writers have their own weird fetish about it 🙄🙄
#specifically the episodes of him interacting with a teenage girl#house has been shown that he very specifically thinks that teenagers are stupid and he’s not attracted to them#he ALWAYS opts for the older woman; around his age#even with cameron; he didn’t go for her#so WHY are there random af episodes where suddenly this teenager who is flirting with him is soooo hot and tempting#they even use ‘jailbait’ a lot 🙄🙄🤢#almost everything he does is out of a place of sarcasm or not taking anything seriously; or even as a political/social commentary#the intersex episode specifically is less him being weird and more a social commentary and explicitly pointing out how absurd & weird it is#so WHY the FUCK did they suddenly write him like *that*#like; he’s not just flattered. I know that’s a common argument.#they make it clear that house finds her attractive; and I think that’s so gross!#when they make him ironic and sassy and sarcastic about it; that’s great!#I love his sassy personality; that he always has this unserious persona; a lot of what he says is ironic#or trying to make some sort of social statement#don’t take my Dr house away from me 😡 s3 ep 3&4 NOT MY DR HOUSE!#house writers for specifically those episodes when I get you!!!#ITS ALSO THE FACT THE SHOW HAS SO MUCH SOCIAL COMMENTARY about how normal it is in society (at the time) about ‘jailbait’#and casual gross comments about minors; there’s episodes where house specifically makes a point of saying shit just to show how absurd it is#sarcastic commentary; mind you#AND THEN they turn around and do the exact gross shit they were just making a commentary about?#house writers WHEN I FIND YOU… 🫵🫵🫵🫵#sorry I have lots of thoughts about this 😡😡#see; house is an asshole. but he’s a lovable asshole. he’s literally meant to be still likable at the end of the day#house#dr house#Greg house#Gregory house#house md
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At this point I don't know how to explain what protagonists are and how they work
#listen. it was never meant to be about him. johnjoshhayden made it about him#because i feel like they wanted a self insert tbh#and he was so good for a brief beautiful time#but he has never stood for miyagi do and its themes. he actively fights against rhem most of the time.#when making a story about LEGACY#why would he be included? he is not part of the legacy.#like i understand wanting to see your special little guy but omg#imagine crying because the karate kid movie is about the karate kid#imagine crying because not everything is catered specifically towards you#the spoiled toddler energy of it all#a fair amount of the people who want it to be about him (and the strange idea that its somehow Ralph being spiteful???)#are also the people eho have been saying shit like “its all just more Asian bull shit ”#and again like. i dont know how to explain.#“why on earth would a movie that heavily features karate (because its not about about karate#its used as a story telling tool. its used to develop emotional growth)#involve the culture that created it?“#i am looking at you so unserious right now.#ck negativity#but really more like#fandumb#but for filtering purposes
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Okay but no joke the fact that after ALL THAT Armand is still with Louis. Like they're together in the modern day. After ALL THAT. Like okay we knew from the beginning what was going to happen, Claudia was a ghost the entire time I KNEW THAT and I KNEW that she was killed because of and due to those fucked up men but My God. Burning in the sun is too good for him, being eaten by rats under garbage is too good for him I need Armand in the fucking. Hell dimension. Immediately. One million years CBT. Not therapy.
#this show is so unserious but also i am liveblogging while crying so y'know. im not unaffected one could say.#louis babe you best have a fucking explanation as to why you didn't kill this clown (he doesn't i know)#iwtv#iwtv spoilers#interview with the vampire
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regained my 12 year old swag(read an entire new percy jackson book in one sitting)
#CHALICE OF THE GODS WAS SO GOOD#AUAUUGHHHUHGHHHGHHHSH#i was laughing out loud every few minutes for like 5 hours straight#this was a book of BITS#(spoilers in tags from here on out)#i keep thinking abt percy’s river rage tantrum and how he came out of it to annabeth saying ‘yeah he’s scary sometimes when he gets worked#up. do you want more tea?’#COMEDY#the entire bit with him hiding under the pastry cart. the thing about annabeth having a secret fanclub and percy’s not even phased.#THE HIMBO JUICE THING. RICK RIORDAN WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME THERES A HOOTERS BUT FOR MEN AND SMOOTHIES#annabeth apparently specifically won’t bake clue cupcakes. and this is happening less than 2 years after the famous sixteenth birthday blue#cupcake that she and tyson made for him. the one that looked like a blue brick that they are with their hands.#<— not inconsistency. comedy.#percy’s whole thing with playing with the snakes with the rainbow as he’s fully prepared to be eaten😭😭😭😭😭he is SO unserious#the entire mt olympus scene where he keeps getting distracted from what he’s doing bc he can’t stop roasting zues in his head????#PERCY I LOVE YOU#ugh i forgot how much i adore percy pov.#pov of not knowing what’s going on ever. pov of being distracted every 10 seconds. he’s literally so real#i thought eudora was hilarious#the whole concept that percy has to do this at all. i think it’s so funny#ppl who are mad that the premise of the quests is stupid. like yeah. percy jackson has a stupid life.#when annabeth broke through his window at 4am to sit on his bed and talk about rocks and trees. everything#percy not knowing the names of anyone at his school or on his swim team#when the god showed up at his cafeteria and percy just ate his lasagna sandwich before talking to him😭😭😭😭that child is TIRED#i loved the light graffiti in the tunnel. when percy wrote their initials i SCREAMED#WHEN. WHEN HE ASCENDED AND TURNED INTO RAINBOW LIGHT WITH THE POWER OF WANTING TO TELL ANNABETH HE LOVED HER.#I DIED.#THE POWER OF LOVE ALWAYS SO STRONG‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️#AUGH i am weak#pjo
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what did he mean by this 😭
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One of the biggest problems of writing that Frasier post is that the logic of 90s comedies is not real life logic. It's not just that you can just pick which exaggerated thing to believe more (and sometimes you need to outright pick between two mutually excluding canon facts), but also the degree to which you believe anything. Which is fun for theorizing but also terrible for theorizing because to argue one way or another you need to create the fiction that the coherent narrative you are pointing out has value of truth in a universe where the value of truth is the rule of funny.
#This I'm saying about Frasier applies to others btw of course#like The Nanny suffers from those very same problems too#plus prestige tv in the early 2000s really messed with people's understanding of the extreme make-up-as-you-go quality of older tv#It's acknowledged with Cheers for the most part#But like yes Maris becomes more and more of a monster as seasons go by because the creators did take a direction after a few seasons#but seasons 1 and 2 at the very list (of Frasier I mean) are VERY undecided on whether they are going to save Niles and Maris' marriage#or take the Daphne route#And there's so much about expected genre tropes and the structure of sitcoms involved in those decisions!#the rule of funny being the main rule of a world above that of coherence and plausibility truly is a double edged sword#Like I'm confident I can write a narrative as to why Maris is actually not a monster at all in the first seasons of Frasier#And that at the very least some of the jokes are not meant to be taken seriously#but then to prove that I would have to point out all the times the narrative shows Niles mirroring Maris' bad traits#which of course are also ruled by the rule of funny!#Niles worrying about Maris ogling the pool boy while he's been ogling Daphne#Niles talking fondly of how one of their favorite past times when they were just married#was to laugh at people who wore white after labor day!#someone else could of course believe THESE are the ones played more for comedic effect#and believe the meanness of Maris as more real#(again still talking those early seasons)#and like it's not that serious#horrible people can be entertaining and comedy capitalizes on that#it's the emotional equivalent to the physical violence in old cartoons#it's not supposed to be realistic and taking it to be so is silly#on the other hand reimaging how the characters and the story could go in different directions#if the story WAS a drama is deeply compelling#but then how to convey you are just having fun theorizing the dramatic possibilities of unserious comedy#without coming across as if you were taking the comedy to be a drama#see the tough spot I'm in
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One thing that kind of gets on my nerves is when an author not so subtly tells you how you are supposed to perceive their character
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#this is one of the worst scenes in the series no shade#’violet is not like the other girls and i want you all to know that it is because she is smarter and more compassionate because i said so’#‘imogen and sloane are going to change and they’ll be friends with violet & be redeemwed when they understand she is better than them’#xaden will get imogen to get along with vi and liam will get sloane to get along with vi because she got their male stamps of approval#having both imogen and cat say ‘violet i see why he picked you’..this series is so unserious#covert pick me girl fantasy#sometimes the girls don’t get along and they are not evil bitches that need to be ‘redeemed’ and praise riorgail like shut up lol#i want to free the female side characters from this male centered mess like leave them out of this goofy shit i beg#violet sorrengail#fourth wing#iron flame#onyx storm
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