#why haven't i deleted it?
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Writing Patterns Tag Game
Rules: list the first line of your last 10 (posted) fics and see if there’s a pattern!
I was tagged for this by @sciencemyfiction and it looks super fun! I am going to cheat a little bit tho and post only from my One Piece fics as I haven't published anything else since 2018 and I think the writing sample will be more representative of my current styl
Flotsam and Jetsam
"When Big Mom's crew arrives on Zou, Sanji's first thought is, Damn, we didn't fuck 'em up enough before?"
Here I am cheating AGAIN because this line is actually from chapter 2 of Flotsam and Jetsam, "Instead of the Cross, the Albatross," but IN MY DEFENSE it's the only chapter of that fic that was meant to be its own standalone fic. The rest of those chapters are just things I didn't want to consign forever to the desolation of my scrapped file.
2. Found in the Crack of Your Palm
"'Oi, Luffy,' Zoro calls. He punctuates his bid for Luffy’s attention by toeing his hip with his heavy boot."
3. New Seas Ahead (chapter 1)
“Oh come on. Please?”
4. spill your wine
"Zoro’s had a shower and a nap and three platefuls of food before the scent of his new captain really hits him."
5. Same Song, Different Verse
"The first time Zoro sees Monkey D. Lucy, the sky is a hard, clear blue and the earth is packed dense beneath his feet."
6. New Seas Ahead (chapter 28)
"How is she doing that though?”
“It’s a mystery, Usopp.”
“She’s like a human trash compactor…”
7. New Seas Ahead (chapter 27)
"The oniwabanshu should have an easier time following them in the snow, but they don’t see another attack after Hakumai."
8. New Seas Ahead (chapter 26)
"When he wakes up, Zoro’s surprisingly not feeling like complete shit."
9. New Seas Ahead (chapter 25)
"Tama turns out to be fine, which is a relief. And she eats the oshiruko well when they convince her to actually accept it."
10. New Seas Ahead (chapter 24)
"Are we there yet?"
I was actually super nervous to do this because hooks and opening lines are not my strong suit as a writer. My thoughts about the above are pretty much what I already knew. I have a tendency to set the place of any given scene before anything else. It's present even at the start of fics/scenes where the lines aren't explicitly about the sense of place or setting, and I usually accomplish this by calling reference to some time or place that the reader, as a One Piece fan, will undoubtedly be very familiar with and will instantly be able to recall the wheres and whens of the given scene.
In part this is intentional because in the Fair Winds and Following seas series specifically I jump over or outright skip certain events and catching the reader up to where we are now as efficiently as possible is important. HOWEVER, I definitely have a tendency to over-rely on this strategy, which is something I'm definitely thinking about and considering as I've been writing some original fiction!
Alternatively, four of the above entries begin with outright dialogue which is, funnily enough, my least favorite way to start a scene. I usually do it for the sake of a joke and to set the tone and sometimes place which all of the above entries are with the exception of "Found in the Crack of Your Palm." Also Usopp is the one speaking in both 3 and 6. Probably because I try to include his dialogue wherever possible in Fair Winds because I struggle to insert him into the plot and he's good at setting a mood.
I do think the "best" of these opening lines are from "Same Song, Different Verse," and also "spill your wine." Both of them do the thing where I'm establishing place but they also manage to tie in some important sensory information which becomes thematic as their respective fics go on. Food for thought.
Thanks for tagging me, Dev! I'm tagging @faggotzoro, @acewithapaintbrush, @thricepiercedpirate, @thychesters and @zaharya!
#one piece#fanfic games#zolu#my fanfic#sorry if the way i answered this was boring#I was protecting you all really#sparing you from the supernatural fic I wrote in like 2015 and which didn't see the light of day until two years later#why did i write an august rush fic#better question#why haven't i deleted it?
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tarpit site.
#personal#delete later#for context a tweet i made in the middle of the night blew the fuck up and brought the attention of anime fans who've been#harassing and hassling me about my big factual blunder for an entire day straight#“ok i'll apologize” “bro it's not that serious.”#“you're right it's not that serious“ ”why won't you just admit that you're wrong and apologize!“#i'm not going crazy right. i feel like i'm getting manipulated into thinking i must've been wrong#it's crazy how twitter hate will trick you into believing saying something someone else disagrees with is a moral failing#sorry i haven't seen frieren i guess but what's it to you. i wasn't making a claim or statement#also because nobody has gotten this in the original post i wasn't talking about the quality of animation i'm talking about solid drawing#which is a very specific principle of animation. dandandan has really good solid drawing wherein all the characters are animated#with realistic and proportional 3d depth. newsflash but trigger doesn't prioritize solid drawing in their animation and that's fine#it's an aesthetic choice and has ties to production limits. none of this is a big deal. this is all so stupid lol#i've dealt with worse and more annoying weebs though it's fine i'll put on my clown nose twitter needs their stupid guy for the day#oh btw at the end of the day this doesn't matter. it'll be over by tomorrow. all that's happening is petty angry emotions.#so please don't involve yourself by jumping into the argument and prolonging this shit#i'm about to go on a date with tulli after being apart for a month this is the furtherest thing from my mind rn
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#last one i promise#arson murder jaywalking#drake#kendrick lamar#j cole#this is why i haven't deleted the bird site yet
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Here is your reminder that the Octonauts fandom is going to be PATIENT, will RESPECT your boundaries, will WAIT for your possible return to the fandom, and will NOT pressure you into anything. Any Octonauts fan that does otherwise should not count, because they clearly do not know what it means to be an Octonaut.
An Octonaut is patient, kind, helpful, and respectful, even if things don't go the way they want it specifically. They will care for the creatures(in this case, people) that come to them regardless of how they want their day to go.
Octonauts are selfless; they do not let what they WANT get in the way of what others NEED. They do not prioritize themselves over others. If you never return to the fandom again, THAT IS PERFECTLY FINE. Because that is what I'd best for YOU. It may disappoint some, but as long as you are safe, happy, and healthy, it should not matter what people WANT out of YOU and YOUR art.
If you do decide to come back to us, then we welcome you with open arms. There aren't enough of us to form an overall opinion about the fandom, and sadly bad experiences can taint the entire look of our community.
Trust me, I've had PLENTY of bad experiences myself(probably TMI, but I once had someone DM me to roleplay something where them as Captain Barnacles had insomnia, anxiety, depression, PTSD, and a crap ton of other things and I as Shellington had to comfort him and whatnot. And then Captain Barnacles got his arm ripped off and they never messaged me again. This was on WATTPAD. They have since removed DMs, and I can see why. So bad experiences can definitely ruin one's image of the fandom.)
But if you enjoy the Octonauts and that's what you want to draw, don't let idiots stop you!! Octonauts do not discriminate and any hateful person who calls themself an Octonaut never truly learned what it means to explore, rescue, and protect.
An Octonaut is meant to protect and care for their communities, and unnecessary aggression or rude comments should not be tolerated!!! Not by you or by us! Guilt tripping is not good either!
AND: Remember to drink water, eat food, get some rest, and take time for yourself! Have a lovely day/night factual :3
<XD The Octonauts fandom is a tough subject for me for a lot of reasons.. I guess now would be a decent time to finally open up about some of it..
To start, I have had more art theft/reposters, art tracers, copying/heavily adopting all my headcannon/design choices.. in the Octonauts fandom, more than every other fandom combined. Including FNAF. 70% of the time when someone shows me an account that has reposted my art? Its one of my Octonauts comics.
I'm pretty protective of my work and I like to keep things to myself, so having all of these happen so frequently in this fandom has kind'a spooked me away..
And I get it, the fandom is not that big. Chances are when someone has a different/unique/good idea, everyone is going to adopt it into their Octonauts universe. I get it.. but that doesn't stop me from feeling really uncomfortable about posting Octonauts artwork. And I also get that a lot of the people in the Octonauts fandom are really young and don't realize that reposting is theft, or that blatant tracing is theft. That doesn't stop it from being really frustrating to see and very discouraging.. especially when you say "hey, you traced my artwork, please don't do that.." they just straight up don't listen 💀
What's frustrating is that despite not having posted anything Octonauts related in a long time, I STILL deal with constant theft and art tracers. I had to block a few recently after they denied clearly tracing my art and refused to take anything down.
Not even to mention the people who have bashed me for not head cannoning Kwazii or Calico jack as trans.. I totally understand that its a widely accepted headcannon, but my Jack is just a rare male calico and Kwazii is a regular male tabby/calico mix. The constant "why dont you draw kwazii with top scars?? are you a transphobe?? stop misgendering kwazii he's trans!!" is really annoying..
Another thing that really bothers me is the constant crab comic asks. Despite explaining multiple times that I do not want to continue drawing that comic, I still get constant asks like this,👇
This was sent after a simple eye study of the Octonauts. And it said that I'm still on the fence about Octonauts. What part of that post makes you think I'm gonna go back to the crab comic?
I understand that a lot of these people are young and just don't understand that all this stuff is wrong or could be making me uncomfortable. But currently I just don't have the patience to deal with all this junk.. So until I can get my patience back or find a work around for this, Octonauts is officially back on the shelf. 😔
#my response#octonauts#long post#Hopefully finally addressing this somewhat will finally get some of those constant comments off my back-#“Wheres the crab comic? When will you draw octonauts again? You're a piece of sh*t for misgendering kwazii! why dont you ship these two??”#Brother pleaseeeee leave me be#Take one look at my blog and see that I haven't drawn it in monthsss#take the hIIINTTTTT 😭😭😭#mostly a vent#rare might delete later tag
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DRDT CHARACTER THEME PLAYLIST - My Personal Interpretation
Warning : This playlist was deleted by DRDTdev and thus this is mostly meant to be something fun, and also because people have posted a lot of interpretations that I don't agree with (and I've always wanted to make my own).
So a while back DRDTdev made a playlist that they've now deleted, however I've seen a lot of people making their own posts about who fits which song. However since I'm not "like the other girlsTM", i had mixed feelings on how certain songs were assigned.
Some songs will be exactly the same as some other posts, mainly because they make the most sense to me but I do have some interesting shifts here and there that I will try to explain.
However I want to get the obvious ones out of the way first
UNDEAD ENEMY : David Chiem
I think this one is the most obvious song in the playlist. The song talks about a person who has put on a mask and is miserable trying to addear to the expectations of that mask. There is a lot of pent up frustration and anger in those lyrics which also is very fitting for David.
There is also the hints of something more behind those feelings of hatred, despite how much he's learned to hate the world there's still a sliver of him that still wants genuine companionship.
YESMAN : Nico Hakobyan
This song already fits Nico purely from the introvert lines. I'm joking, that's not just why I considering Yesman to be Nico's song. This song fits really well with Nico's frustration with being a pushover (or you could say a Yesman) and just how society has always treated them poorly.
The song itself is about being forced to do something, like a boring job, and despite how much hatred you feel you still keep on trying to keep your head low and do what your told. I think all of that really fits Nico's arc and what we know of them so far. Someone who constantly is pushed down by other and has been taught that they need to accept it.
SHUNRAN : Arei Nageishi
This song could also fit Ace as another aggressive person who just wants companionship but I personally think this song fits Arei way better especially with the beginning line ("I won't pay attention to small fry" has a lot of Arei vibes).
This song fits Arei's desire to want love and the contradiction that comes with her aggressive personality. She feels that it's unfair how life punished her which fits a lot with the line "They say that praying to be loved is a sin" as she was constantly denied that love. The lines as well about your personality slipping and crying reminds me of Arei's breakdown.
Hi-Fi Evolution Theory : Veronika Grebenshchikova
This song is very vague but despite that it is 100 pourcent a Veronika song.
I don't fully know what the song means in itself but the lyrics really fit Veronika's issues with boredom and her enjoyement of the killing game. There's a lot of lines about laughing and wanting to be entertained which just goes with her really well with her character.
Cartoons : Rose Lacroix
Ok, I think I lied when I said Undead Enemy was the most obvious song, THIS is the most obvious song. I don't think there's much analysis to be done to convince anyone that this is would Rose's theme.
This song reflects well Rose's depression and pain surrounding her talent and just how her life turned out in general. It kinda has that dissociative numbness in the lyrics that just fits her really well.
Sing Along : Teruko Tawaki
This song really fits Teruko extremely well especially her abandonnement issues. The song itself sounds aggressive but it oozes of longing and sadness.
A lot of the lyrics fit her feelings of being betrayed by Xander and Min, people she's gotten close to in a short time but immediatly ended up betraying her. It also fits her feeling towards her brother who ended up leaving her as well.
Now let's take a break and tackle the Instrumental songs !! This is where things start to change from other posts so get ready.
Spitfire (05 Version) : J Rosales
This one just fits J's vibes quite well. It's aggressive but also isn't too serious or intimidating, it just sounds like something J would listen in the car.
It also just has this...manly energy (?) or punk-ish energy that J has, it fits her rejecting the traditional feminity her mom tried to force on her.
Main Theme, Diamond is Unbreakable : Xander Matthews
This song is literally Xander vibes and you can fight me on that, it has a very dramatic and grandiose sound (especially when the piano comes in) that just fits how Xander holds himself (as you can see with that pose).
It's the exact type of theme I would expect from someone being the Ultimate Rebel. There's also more actively aggressive parts that I think also fit Xander, as we see he's got a short tamper when his ideologies are challanged and he also just is surprisingly quick to resort to violence.
desk rotation by RQ laji-2: Charles Cuevas
You can fight me again because you cannot tell this Bill Nye intro ass track doesn't fit Charles. Again it's hard to argue considering assigning instrumental tracks is really just based on vibes however this song really has a huge science show feel to it.
I could imagine hearing it while Charles is doing chemistry stuff or theorizing during the class trial.
Now let's go back to the lyrical songs, and this is where things start to go a bit crazy and I might need to justify myself a bit more.
asymptotic : Min Jeung
I know Charles is considered the resident nerd guy but you cannot NOT give the song about math puns to Min.
I think this song works really well for Min's relationship with Teruko. It especially reminds me of what Teruko says to Min before she gets excecuted that they "should've never gotten attached to one another".
This song is about a romantic relationship that could never happen, which I think represents Min's own feelings towards Teruko. About how they could've been closer but now they'll always be drifting apart.
How Min in a way sacrificed her life for Teruko but again she'll always be "out of reach". A relationship that could never happen under the killing game's circumstances.
RUNAWAY : Levi Fontana
I think this song especially with what Levi revealed to us latest episode REALLY fits him.
A song about a person who is repeteadly failling to try and "become better". The lines about "searching" and "tripping" goes in line with Levi's behavior in chapter 2. He's awkwardly trying to reach an ideal of the person he's supposed to be. He wants to be a "good person" but from the day he was born he was completely denied that ideal (aka "Dreams of who i want to be I'm seeing every empty page")
But there is a silver lining to all of this, the lyrics work with the moral of Levi's character. He doesn't need to run away from who he truly is, that what he considers an obstruction to his goal is simply just a part of himself he should accept. He doesn't need to "run away".
tip toes : Hu Jing
This song already just screams Hu purely from the line "I'm reaching for something more than this feeling of being important". She's a person who wants to protect others, be someone who others can rely on but in part it's very much driven by her own ego.
The lyrics are slightly vague but the parts about her "future" I feel like really gives vibes about how she used to be someone who had givne up on her own life but now is determined to persue it no matter what.
I didn't put this lyric in but "Take this ghost of me with the tide to die" again really feels like it references Hu's past and how she's ashamed of it. The song's lyrics give me a lot of feelings of regret but also determination which I think encapsulate Hu's character well.
Polygonal : Ace Markey
I've never seen people consider this one for Ace which is really surprising but also not because this song is very vague. Despite that, I do think this song 100 pourcent fits Ace purely because of some lines that really fit neatly with Ace's character.
The repeated mentions of how anyone would want to be loved/have someone to laugh with, it reminds me a lot of how Ace reacted to Levi saying he didn't care if he died. Ace desperately someone to give a shit about him, he'd rather take pity than nothing at all but he's also a self sabotager who drives anyone who gets close away from him.
"Your increasing honesty, I hate that about you" Honestly really feels like it's Ace saying that to Levi ? I wouldn't know fully how to explain it but it just really gives that vibe.
The song also seems to go on about a person's suffering about how their life is "full of failures" which again goes unfortunatly with Ace who seems to just have lived a pretty miserable life. Having only one person he could call a friend, being forced into an Ultimate Talent that both ruined his body and mental health .
Drawing Pins : Arturo Giles
Ok this one is probably the most farfetched pick, i'd say ? Considering, however, how little we know about Arturo I feel like this song has a lot of room to fit his characters and certain lines already do in multiple ways.
The parts about not being able to fit in, both makes me think of how he's kind of just, openly mocked within the group. However it also really makes me think about Arturo's family, him wanting to distance himself from them and his apparent disdain from them as well.
"Tell me what you did it for" "Cause I can't figure it out" I honestly think those parts really fit well with Arturo's sister committing suicide. He doesn't know why she did it something like that and he refuses to see it as his fault, it haunts him, he can't figure out why she did it because he can't fathom the idea that in reality it truly was because of him.
The "what do i have to do to be loved by you" parts I think are where things get a bit weird. My thought process would be Arturo's feelings towards "pretty people", him becoming obsessed with J because of her mother really makes me think that he's looking out for some kind of validation in a way.
Good grief : Eden Tobisa
I'm sorry this song is not fucking Whit, it's Eden, y'all can suck it /lh
This song really just fits way to well for me with Eden's feelings about Arei (weither she's the culprit or not even if I don't think she is anymore). The entire of the trial of chapter 2, Eden is struggling with the fact that she lost Arei and what could have been. This song really makes me think about how she tells David that she "knows she's dead and that she's never coming back". The slight upbeat-ness of the song really fits as well with Eden's attempt to try and stay cheerful despite how sad she feels.
I think Arei's death will be a very big sticking point in Eden's character.
Also the time motif with "Every minute and every hour" just fits way too good for it to be ignored.
In terms of other lyrics, I agree some of them fit Whit a bit but there are certain things that click way too well with Eden (and also none of the other songs fit Eden at all). I mean Eden's secret quote literally is "You can't go back no matter how hard you try" so clearly her character is heavily tied with grief as well.
"If you want to be a party animal, you have to learn to live in the jungle...." Really feels to me like Eden having to learn to be stronger and stop blaming herself ? It really just sounds like advice that would be given to someone like Eden who wants to be upbeat and confident but just simply is too prone to be insecure.
"Get drunk, call me a fool. Put me in my place" Again those lyrics really just feel like they fit Arei and Eden's relationship. Arei calling Eden a "fool" and "putting her in her place", it just ends up really matching perfectly in my opinion.
Mistaken Belief of Love : Whit Young
AHAH ! You have fallen into my trap of this post actually being secretly propaganda about how "Mistaken Belief of Love" really fits what's hinted about Whit's character so far !!!
Yeah, no, this song really does not make sense with anyone else other than Whit ? Both the lyrics and vibes do not match with anyone. The song's whole thing is about "love" and Whit's a fucking matchmaker, thematically it just fits like a puzzle piece. Not only that but Whit's whole thing (that actually hasn't rlly appeared in the series itself all that often) is that he seems to not be able to find love himself and is doomed to be single. It reinforces this idea that, yeah Whit's song would be about love in some way or another (I talk about love in general, this song is not a love song despite what you'd think)
It also works really well with Whit's secret quote being "We often idolize the dead" meaning Whit probably saw his mother as someone she wasn't. Perhaps she was abusive or neglectful, or she hid something from him that truly shows that she may not have cared about him at all.
There are also lines that just fit Whit really well like the "deception, boasting, saying "I openly laughed at it"", just really gives giant Whit vibes for me ? Same with the mention of "peekaboo" since we know Whit kinda holds on to childish things like that (his socks, the fact he uses fruity shampoo for kids).
Anyways, this was mostly for fun and also because I desperatly to make my own list because I had some Hot Takes Tm.
#drdt#danganronpa despair time#Teruko Tawaki#Rose Lacroix#Min Jeung#Hu Jing#Veronika Grebenshchikova#Levi Fontana#Arei Nageishi#Nico Hakobyan#David Chiem#Whit Young#Charles Cuevas#Xander Matthews#J Rosales#Arturo Giles#Ace Markey#drdt analysis#Why did this post take so fucking long why did I decide to do a cool visual thing#I hate my life#this was purely self indulgent and I feel slightly bad for discussing the playlist again considering it's content DRDTdev has deleted#However I really like assigning songs to characters and I haven't seen one post where I agreed with the majority of the picks so I had to d#this
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a productive all-nighter starts by making a clear to do list & getting to work spending an hour or so searching for the music that hits the vibe just right
#it’s important#for the morale#but I found a new band I rly rly like so it wasn’t time wasted (best thing for morale)#tho they have only 4 songs so far so can’t fill the whole night with just that#but it can fill The Void so it's a start#(love finding bands that are like somewhat new instead of my usual ''omg I love this band'' 'only to find out they disbanded years ago)#(after deleting other social media apps I've been spending way too long times browsing Spotify but at least it's bringing me joy)#(except why THE FUCK are they trying to bring short-form content there also?? I refuse that's the worst way to find music)#also don't ask me why I'm doing an all-nighter ik I do these way too often it's great (sarcasm)#i'm dumb and been too anxious the past days so haven't done shit and now am in deep trouble#but luckily for me the anxiety turned today to the ''I'll never sleep so time goes by slower''-mode#instead the usual ''will have billion naps as a form of escapism'' which sucks ass#april 2024#2024
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"It's normal for siblings to fight" Okay well it's not normal to be extremely classist and look down on your sister for being non-conforming. Or to go to the woman who ordered the death of your pet to tell her about your father's plans, when he specifically warned you against doing so, because you want to marry the boy you saw attack your sister and her friend (contributing partially to said father's death and your sister being unable to escape on the ship he chartered). Or to think of your sibling as unsatisfactory in comparison to another when you believe her to be dead. I notice that none of the "Sansa and Arya are going to reunite and instantly have no issues" crowd ever acknowledge any of this, which makes it seem like they don't actually believe what they say about their relationship being normal and easily reconciled. People wanting them to have no issues simply because they're siblings is another example of how fandom likes to flatten complex characters and relationships. They get reduced to being bickering siblings when their conflict runs deeper than that. If the author is telling you that they have "deep issues" to work out [X], I don't understand being so adamant about ignoring said issues. I also get the sense it's about ignoring the capacity for a certain character to be flawed, but that isn't going to change the fact that her "slip of the tongue" is very likely to be revealed and a source of further conflict 🤷🏾♀️
#arya stark#sansa stark#house stark#asoiaf#also if it's so normal for siblings to fight then why are you guys losing your minds over us theorizing they won't get along??#the amount of condescending /that's just how siblings act/ takes I see 🙄#sorry I guess? that we read the book and don't just delete parts of the story because we find it convenient?#it's not even like takes about them being enemies is widespread the most I see is that they aren't instantly bffs when they reunite 😭#some people theorize they'll never be close but guess what? that's a completely fair and valid assumption based on their relationship!#personally I think they'll have a sweet reunion before the issues they have inevitably surface again because while they've been through#a lot they haven't fundamentally changed as people or the values they hold#and I think that's going to be very interesting to read about!#I can't figure out why people always take the most boring bland route for how things will play out#mostly because people seem to be unable to swallow the concept that Sansa is a flawed character who isn't perfectly sweet all the time#and the fact that their conflict is instigated by Sansa's classism#which is funny cause in the grand scheme of things her being mean to Arya is such a mild thing that opens the door to a ton of growth#never seen anybody but stansas equating her being a bully to her sister to her being evil/a villain#all we do is point out that it exists in the story...people in this fandom have no concept of nuance I stg 😭#anyways they're both complex characters and their conflict is interesting and I hope we get to see how it plays out#cause it's definitely going to be better then that trash d&d came up with 🙏🏾
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Sooooo I had a drawing planned for today, it was gonna be of Heavy, Gordon and Chell, aka the Orange Box trio......but unfortunately it wouldn't have been done on time, if at all. My motivation to draw is kinda...meh at the moment.
However I did wanna do a little something for TF2's birthday so here's a bunch of the TF2 art I've made :D (hidden under the cut because it's a little long)
And then below are the ones I made in 2021. The dark red one? That's the very first TF2 art I made EVER!! .....And it is in desperate need of a redo, my gosh BHKDGHKEGHISHKHS
(The overlays were a cheap way to hide my mistakes/laziness/inability to draw different head shapes BJKSHJKS)
There is another one (it's a ScoutPauling drawing) but it's particularly crap so I'm leaving it off BHAHUAHUHAUAA if you really wanna see it then go lurk on my DeviantArt page hjfghjfhjf
There are some I skipped over for some reason or another but yeah.. happy birthday TF2!
#Team fortress 2#Tf2#Tf2 fanart#team fortress 2 fanart#team fortress 2 art#tf2 pyro#tf2 engineer#tf2 scout#tf2 soldier#tf2 spy#tf2 demoman#tf2 heavy#tf2 medic#tf2 miss pauling#tf2 scout's mom#tf2 scouts ma#tf2 sniper#tf2 fan art#scoutpauling#Swing and a miss#artsy's art#I have an idea for how to go about redoing the last one but....hm. Will need to consider it#Also hey! If you have questions about my art or my thoughts on TF2 related stuff then please ask away ^^#Also also.. AGH it's a shame I still haven't drawn any Portal art :(#ALSO ALSO ALSO (why did this tag get deleted) shoutout to Lify for introducing me to tf2 Qwq
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#felt cute#might delete later#kira#selfie#self#personal#selca#trying to feel good after my disability status#it's hard#its been hard#which is why ive been off tumble for so long#its been hard fo get back my self esteem#ive felt so lost emotionally#and i feel bad fhat people have to help take care of me#everyhing hurts#i hate being wheelchair bound#disabled#theres so much more i wanna say#maybe i will in a post#I'm sorry to everyone that's reached out that i haven't responded to#i appreciate it but I've been so down that it's hard to answer#but I'm going to start soon#i love you
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goddd ugh why do i have such a debilitating reaction to jealousy, genuinely one of the things i dislike most about myself. why can't i just be chill about things. i see any kind of positive interaction from a friend and someone else or a friend i really like gets into a relationship and just oughhhhh, it gives me body and headaches and makes me really shut down socially and the thought of it looms over me and makes me overthink everything. like, i reallyreallyreallyreally wanna be happy for people but i just cant for whatever reason fuckkk. and how it makes me feel like a shit person doesn't help either. this has been a thing about me for as long as i can remember, it legitimately ended my first relationship in highschool and i was such a huge jerk at the time
#howling#delete later#this is about me overthinking about dogcord sorry#haven't messaged a friend since i they got into a long distance relationship and idk why#like#ive known ive had this for forever and no matter what I can't make it any better
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Not for any particular reason, but chat how would we feel about a uf papyrus / general underfell focused magma on monday? Would that be nice?
#I haven't hosted a drawring thing in a minute#I'd try to hop in now and then#I just kinda wanna try getting into the habit of at least trying to do stuff more#I just always tell myself I can't do stuff like that unless I can put in 100% but like. I never have time for that for other things#idk. maybe also it's just a bad idea lmao#like. why? it's not an anniversary or anything but idk. the idea just popped into my head and it sounded like it could be fun#or not idk!!! sorry I have food poisoning or something so I'm feeling out of sorts#this weeks been really weird in a not so good way. barring like. a couple good things#so ig im just a bit out of it#sunny with clouds#possibly delete later if i become less out of it and decide this is Not a good idea
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you know what, i thought chan's hand would be a lot bigger than mine...
#also... i'm in korea rn#which is partially why i haven't written anything in a month#chan#bang chan#skz#stray kids#delete later#chahnniesroom in korea
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I really want more friends in the same fandom wah
#ramblings#even trying to put myself out there doesn't really work because nobody wants to interact#and all the notable artists feel like they're already friends and it's so hard to get close to any of them#i think part of why dragalia stuck for so long was because of how outgoing a good chunk of the fanbase is#having a pre established friend group helped too even if we've gotten busy and haven't really talked lately#i feel like i'm being really whiny rn h#delete later maybe
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looking at stuff I have created years ago and not recognizing myself in it but recognizing someone I used to be is the worst feeling in the world actually. wtf
#why is she so motivated and knows how to say things. why can i no longer do that. arent you supposed to get BETTER with time#delete later#sorry i just got jumpscared by something i haven't seen in years and have no memory of but love so much#i still feel things i just forgot how to say it. i have to force myself into saying it. like on paper. when did that happen
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#i've never made gifs before i just wanted some oz gifs that i haven't seen so#i couldn't get an hq version of the deleted scene and now i'm realizing maybe this is why i don't already have gifs from that#the first two look ok i think though#i just want to kubrick stare at him on my phone#the batman#the batman 2022#oz cobblepot#the penguin#oswald cobblepot
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rip fags the random self mutilating urge to text my ex in the middle of math won out today
#vagueposting the shit out of tumblr dot com#i just did really well on a sociology surprise quiz and idk why the old impulse to scream about it with her came back#i didn't tell her about it though i just asked how she is now boards are over#messages haven't delivered yet rip#and i deleted her contact do i just searched her bame on whatsapp to find her number#and instead i found a picture of us getting rolls at garia hat last year:') almost exactly a year ago#maybe we can fix it idk. maybe i should call her maybe we could start afresh#we've had enough space that idt well relapse into our old dynamic
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