#its been hard fo get back my self esteem | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

harrysgloves · 4 years ago

Note

Hey if you are taking requests could you please write something where Harry leaves Y/N for someone whom he thinks is better than her and is a major tool while leaving Y/N and then soon realizes that he only loves Y/N and goes to get her back but she isn't convinced easily! But please let it be a happy ending!!

>>My first request! Excuse me while I go die from how excited I’ve been over this. Also, got way too into this and got a bit carried away... and the ending well.. I debated it for too long.

word count: 3.3k

warnings: Language // Mentions of depression, anxiety // Unhealthy amount of ice cream consumption // Harry is a dick // angsty // mentions of smut but nothing fancy

>>><<<

You laid in bed alone for what felt like the millionth time in the last few months. The spot besides you that was usually filled with your loving boyfriend was now empty and as cold as the northern winters. You tried to ignore that nagging deep pit of dread in your stomach when you turned on your side to face the wall.

You knew something wasn’t right but you didn’t want to admit it to yourself. Just a little bit longer of being in denial before you had to face up to the facts.

Harry was out running around on you.

Your eyes filled with unfallen tears as your fingers dug into the soft plush of your pillow. You tried your best to hold it in, to not let your thoughts get the best of you. You tried to rationalize everything he’d done lately that had seemed weird or off. The late nights, the way he guarded his phone like it was his most prized possession. You could rationalize some of it but not all of it, that sinking feeling in your chest only worsened as the minutes on the clock ticked by.

You started to wonder how someone could throw away a five year relationship so easily. How he could possibly come home and look you in the eyes after spending time doing god-knows-what, with a straight face? The feelings of hurt slowly started to wash away into anger as the sun blared its way through the lace curtains you’d bought specifically because Harry liked them.

Fuck those goddamn curtains, you thought as you flung yourself out of your warm and comfortable bed. The tears you had been refusing to cry finally fell in rivers as you ripped the delicate and expensive lace down from the window. Your body shook with a flood of emotions you couldn’t begin to describe as you stared at what you’d done.

You felt like those curtains- torn to shreds, laying like a rag on the floor like yesterday's garbage.

And you used to be so happy.

You dried your eyes with the back of your hand. Fuck this, you were worth more than this. More than sitting around waiting on some man to come home after getting his dick wet somewhere else.

His bags with all his stupid expensive clothes by the front door while you lounged in your nicest outfit, drinking your glass of wine at 6 in the morning. You thought maybe you had gone a bit overboard on being petty but in all honesty, he should just be happy his Gucci didn’t end up on the front lawn. You had some class still reserved.

When the front door finally creaked open at 7:20 your heart felt like it could drop. The back of your tongue was thick and hairy with nerves and venomous words you wanted to spew. The look of surprise on his face satisfied that demon of pure rage in your mind. Of couse, he would think that you’d just be off to work again, that you’d ignore this, again.

No words were spoken as he fully entered into what was once, a very happy home. His green eyes fell on you sipping on your drink, your legs kicked up on the stool in front of you as you relaxed into the chair. Determined to not let him see the fact you were nothing but a mess, ready to break at any moment.

“Wot’s this then?” He asked even though you both knew he didn’t need to.

He knew damn well what this was. He had wanted to break up for months, maybe even longer. Things had changed or maybe it was just him that changed. One thing he did know for sure was that you weren’t Camille. You’d never be her and well… That was the problem.

Ever since the two had been forced to work together again, Harry had realized that spark for her was still there and the girl was everything you weren’t. Sophisticated, educated, gorgeous down to her bones. Sure, you were pretty but you weren’t the famous type of pretty. No, you were just a boring kindergarten teacher who he happened to cross paths with one day.

“Figured you were smart enough to work that one out for yourself.” Your sharp words were a total contrast to your demeanor. You shrugged, your eyes not bothering to look at him when he gave a short, sarcastic, laugh.

“Yeh gonna pay fo’ this place by yehself?” His arrogant voice rang through the home you now hated with a burning passion. Your glass clinked against the glass of the side table when you sat it down. Your body finally turned just enough to him to see whatever was lurking behind his eyes was anything but remorse.

“Nope. Going to move out once I find a new place. Until then, you can stay wherever you want, not my concern.”

“This is my house, Y/N.” He argued. His patience with you running thin as you stood from your spot. The heat and rage that built in your chest finally came to a breaking point.

“The person who cheats gets to couch surf, you fucking asshole.” You seethed, the anger, pain, and hurt couldn’t stay bottled in any longer even if you tried. Your face burned as you looked at him, your body shaking as you clenched your fist.

“Yeh don’t know shit.” He scoffed not caring one bit that you were seconds away from breaking.

“Oh really? Where were you last night?” You asked, hands on your hips, knowing whatever was about to come out of his mouth was about to be nothing but bullshit.

“With Jeff.”

“Alexa, Call Jeff.” You called out loud enough for the smart device to hear. The color from Harry’s face drained as his and your friends' groggy morning voice came over the speaker.

“Was Harry with you last night?” You asked as you stared directly into Harry’s eyes. Tears clouded your vision as he looked back at you.

“What? No?” Jeff said through his barely awaken state.

“Get the fuck out.” You barked at Harry. Storming towards the door to open it for him.

“Fuck you, Y/N. Jesus, you’re so fuckin' dramatic.” He rolled his eyes as his hands picked up the bags that laid on the floor in front of him. “Yeh got so many damn problems I can’t wait to get away from yeh. Every week it’s somethin’ else. My anxiety this, my depression that. How do expect anyone to be happy around you when you suck the fuckin’ will to live out of everyone?”

“Screw you.” You said through clenched teeth. Your eyes burned from how hard you were crying. You couldn’t believe he had used all those things you confided in him about against you.

“Yeah, yeah. Fuck me, I get it. At least I’ll be happy with someone else.” He shook his head at you before he walked out the door. The slam of the wood hitting the frame vibrated the walls, the ceiling, your chest.

“I’ll be there in 5 minutes.”You heard over your sobbing but you couldn’t calm down enough to stop. Your arms wrapped around yourself in a hug as you nodded your head, knowing he couldn’t see it but it was the only type of communication you could do right now. Your heart felt like it was literally ripped from your chest.

>>>

The words Harry said ran through your mind more than you’d ever like to admit. Late at night as you laid in bed staring up at the ceiling of your new apartment you wondered if it was true. If you did force people away from you with all your problems. If you chased him away from you.

You couldn’t stop thinking about it. Every time you were alone or had a moment of peace it was the first thing that popped into your head.

Maybe you were the problem all along. It made sense, you were the common denominator in all your relationships that ended terrible. All your relationships ended terrible and now you realized, it was because of you.

“That’s not true.” Jeff said softly from the other side of the cafe table. His hand reached out to take yours. His thumb running over the back of it as you tried your best to not break down in public.

“Feels like it.” You mumbled. The fork in your other hand pushed the food on your plate around.

“It’s not true. You have so many friends and we all love you. Harry was a dick.” His irritated voice brought a slight smile to the edge of your lips. Jeff had somehow become your life line in the last few weeks.

He had brought you groceries, sat with you when you cried into a tub of ice cream, held your hair back when you tried to drink your feelings away with cheap liquor. He had been an amazing friend, not that he wasn’t one before but now that you two had more time one-on-one, you realized how sweet he could be and how great he was at cheering you up.

“Want me to kick him?” He asked, his big toothy smile across his face when you finally let out a laugh, one he hadn’t heard in what felt like forever.

Whatever small sense of normalcy you were feeling again was short-lived. The bell on the door sent you crashing back down to reality when you saw the head of brown curls enter into the building. A pretty blonde on his arm, smiling brightly up to him like he had just told the world's best joke.

“Fuck.” Jeff said under his breath. The hand connected to yours quickly pulled you up from your seat. His arm around your shoulders, trying to block you from their sight as he guided you towards the door.

“Thanks for taking the trash out, Jeff.” She said in the sickeningly sweet voice. A gloating smile across her face when she looked at you.

Your already low self esteem dropped to deeps you couldn’t imagine when your puffy red eyes met Harry’s. For a second, he looked remorseful for what she said. A look of shock briefly fluttered on his face before turning to stone. Not like it surprised you, what he had said had been so much worse.

Jeff shook his head, glaring at Harry before he pulled you fully outside the building. The cool air licked across the wet streaks on your cheek that you hadn’t even realized was there. You sighed, head against Jeff’s chest as he walked you both back to your place.

>>>

Harry laid in bed that night. The image of your defeated face couldn't leave his mind. Your puffy red eyes like you'd been crying for days filled his wandering thoughts.

He couldn't understand why he couldn't get you out of his mind. He swore he wanted this. The urge to leave the relationship built in him for so long and now he laid next to the only person he swore he loved.

So why did he feel so empty?

Memories of you sitting on the couch beside him, reading to him out loud as you stroked your fingers through his hair flooded his mind. The way you'd look down at him with that crooked smile whenever he said something cheeky about the characters in the novel.

He sighed, his hands ran over his face in the darkened room. He couldn't stop, more like, his mind couldn't stop.

The way you hugged him tighter than anyone else he'd ever known.

The way you'd tell him all about the kids in your class and how much they loved him or his music.

Your cooking, God, he even missed the nights when you'd fuck you dinner and you two would end up ordering pizza. He even missed your sad attempt at biscuits that you tried, and failed, to make every month.

He missed your caring nature. How you'd never call anyone rubbish, even if you hated them, even if they'd wronged you in some way.

He turned in his spot in the bed. His eyes focused on the pretty blonde beside him. Her eyes fluttered open at the movement, a smile on her face when she saw him looking at her.

"Love you." She mumbled, her head nuzzled into his chest that felt like it was being ripped out.

The memory of you saying those words for the first time to him popped in his mind. The way your smile lit up the room when he said it back. Your soft lips against his, kissing him with a hunger and passion he'd never felt before. His hips rocking soft waves into yours as he mumbled to words over and over again close to your ear while your climax hit you.

His heart sank. The feeling of regret was an overwhelming black hole in the bottom of his stomach. The eyes that weren't yours blinked back at him.

"I can't do this." He said as he pushed her away. His body rolled out of the bed in an instant, quickly grabbing for his clothes to leave her house as soon as possible.

"You can't be serious." She scoffed, that soft sweet facade she had started to crack under her aggravation.

"I don't love you." He stated as plainly as he could. He thought he loved her, swore he did, but whatever he was feeling towards her wasn't anything more than last.

You were the one by his side through thick and thin. He was just too much of a dumb-ass to notice it before.

"She's not going to take you back." Camille shot back at him as she scooped up the blankets in her hands to cover herself as he started for her front door. "You're going to regret this, Harry."

He sighed, his hand ran through his hair, tongue wetting his lips as his hand rested on the door knob. He shook his head before opening the door without a word back to her.

The only thing he would regret was letting you go.

>>>

The pounding at your door startled you out of your sugar induced ice cream coma. The empty tub fell to the ground with a loud thud and tinkling of the metal spoon skipping across the linoleum floors. The only sound other than the obnoxious loud bangs was coming from your television, the blue light engulfed the small room all around you.

"Summer, Sid stabbed Nancy... Seven times with a kitchen knife. I mean, we've had some disagreements but I hardly think I'm Sid Vicious." Joseph Gordon-Levitt's pleas for Zooey Deschanel to not end things with him echoed against your bare walls.

Pathetic, you thought to be groveling for someone to not leave you, but yet it was so goddamn relatable.

The slamming of a fist against your door brought you back to reality. You groaned the blanket flung off you as you called out that you were coming, to shut up before they woke your neighbors.

"What the fuck do you want?" Was the first thing out of your mouth when you finally opened your front door. The person standing in front of you was the last person you wanted to see right now.

"Please, Y/N, jus'- jus' listen. Okay?" His words stumbled out of his mouth and as much as you wanted to hate him, you couldn't.

You swallowed as you stepped aside for him to come into your apartment. Not wanting your new neighbors to hear all your business. A curt nod of your head was the only answer you gave him. Your arms across your chest as you stared at the floor in front of you. A part of you wanted to hear but the other didn't.

"I- I," He sighed, his fingers tugged his bottom lip to a point as he looked at you. Nerves radiating off him. "'M so sorry, Y/N, for everythin'."

"I think you should go." You said when your lip started to quiver. Tears welling in your eyes again. What you wouldn't give to go 4 hours without bursting into tears.

"Y/N," he said softly his hand cupped your face. His thumb brushing over your cheek to wipe away the tears and for a second, you leaned into the comfort he was giving you.

Until you remembered he was the reason you were hurt.

Your hand smacked his away as you backed up from him. You brows furrowed, your skin that he touched burned like a fresh sunburn when your fingers ran against it.

"Go!" You yelled, your finger pointing towards the door as he stood there dumbfounded.

"No." He said after a long moment of silence. The words shattering the deafening quiet in the room, cutting like a blade through the tension between you two.

"I. Said. To. Leave." You growled from low in your chest. Anger but mostly hurt and pain from the bitter sting of rejection fueled your words.

"Not until I say what I want to say." His fallen face made a pathetic laugh come from you. He had no right to ask or demand for anything from you.

"Don't you get it? You lost your chance to say anything to me!" You didn't try to hold back your emotions that ran through your voice.

"I fucked up, I know but-"

"Goddamn it, Harry. It's not always about you!" You shouted, your arms flung from your chest as you yelled at him. "You ripped my heart out and dangled it in front of me."

"I love yeh, 'm so sorry. 'M so sorry."

"I don't love you." Your voice cracked as you lied to him. Your puffy swollen eyes swarmed in oceans of tears when his own bloodshot watery ones met yours.

"Y'don't mean that." He said quietly his small footsteps across the floor inched closer and closer to you. Your head nodding that yes you did mean it as you choked out a sob.

"I do mean it." You lied more. Your lips trembled in time with your tears as he grew closer. Your back against the wall, literally, when he finally stood in front of you.

"Know yeh don't. Know yeh jus' want to hurt me like I did to yeh." He muttered, his hand pushed away the few strands of hair that bad fallen into your face. "Yeh can hurt me how ever yeh want fo' the rest of m'life if yeh give me a second chance."

His words stung. Your head buried deep in his chest as your hand grasped on his shirt, and the last bit of sanity you had left floating through your mind.

"I'd do anythin', love. Please." He begged his head rested against your forehead. His chest pressed against yours, his cologne filling the air around you.

Your eyes fluttered open just enough to see him look as wrecked as you felt. His eyes sunken with dark circles, hair a mess, tears down his own face.

Maybe you'd hate yourself and curse yourself one day for this but you couldn't deny the truth.

You were totally fucked for him.

Without another moment of thought or argument running in your mind, your lifted your lips to his. Those soft cushions felt like home against your own. A weight you didn't realize you had laying in your chest lifted when his hands cupped your face, bringing you impossibly closer to him.

His tongue dominating your own when you parted your lips for him. Warm sensations of being close to him like this again ran down your spine as you tugged him towards your bedroom.

A smile formed on your lips as you both stumbled over the threshold to your room. The wrecklessness of trusting him again with your heart never crossed your mind for more than a second.

If anyone was ever going to destroy you, you'd gladly let it be him.

#harry styles #harry styles x reader #harry styles x y/n #harry styles x you #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #fanfic #fanfiction #writing #mine #trish takes requests!

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bladekindeyewear · 4 years ago

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HS^2 bloggin’ mainline 2020-09-29

More Homestuck time! Continuing on the outside-canon plot. Livebloggin’ starts now...

> CHAPTER 14. The Best Laid Plans

Wait, who’s house is this? Was this Roxy’s? (When I saw a glimpse browsing my twitter feed during the debate, I saw Yiffy on the ground accosted.)

> (==>)

THEY’RE JUST HOME?!?!?????

HOW??? HOW could the heat be off so badly?

Jane’s arrogant, but one of the CHARACTERISTICS of her arrogance is that she underestimates the character and capability of her political opponents. How would she NOT consider the possibility that these kids would return home again even while the heat was on?? How would she assume that JOHN would be too smart to come back to--

...oh right, she may not know John is involved or willing to do anything. That’s fair. But the kids??

I’m sure there’s going to be SOME sort of explanation of why the heat is off. Also, I wonder who made that anti-Jane battle plan chart? John himself, or Karkat or something? Karkat’s usually the chart-er.

JOHN: wow, i feel like i'm barely keeping myself sitting. JOHN: if it weren't for keeping you kids safe i'd be out there right now!

Hm. Are they counting on the fact that Crockercorp would KNOW that John and Vriska are both there to intimidate them from moving in against them? From a sheer difference-in-firepower standpoint after Vriska’s big display?

HARRY: and some of us aren't gods and shit. JOHN: i'm detecting a hint of judgement in your voice, there, harry anderson JOHN: don't you enjoy being a part of all this? finally getting to be in the thick of it all? HARRY: i mean i was having a fine time at school, if i'm being honest. HARRY: all this tear-assing back and forth between my home and various points of interest over the past few days has me pretty beat.

Yeah, most kids don’t appreciate being involved in war. Even Vrissy immediately showed some regrets no matter how much she liked to think of herself as wanting to get out there.

HARRY: also i wouldn't call this "the thick of it all" JOHN: oof, getting air quotes'd by my own son. JOHN: we had to hide in a forsythia bush on the way back here when that drone flew by! JOHN: that's the thick of father-son hijinks if i ever saw it! JOHN: well, modern day war hijinks, but i'll take what i can get, you know??

(Be more considerate, John!!) Hm, so they DID sneak their way back in here? I mean, John’s powers may have helped them get through unnoticed, but this is still a big stretch.

HARRY: i'm not knocking the old adrenaline thrill, or helping out Vrissy's moms or anything. HARRY: i'm just saying i was literally just here and you told me to leave, so i hope this is where we're gonna park it for a minute. HARRY: a boy's gotta breathe. JOHN: yeah, well, this wasn't my plan, either. JOHN: but rose sent out some false intel about us heading toward my house, so technically this is the safest place we can be right now, since they cleared the area and everything. JOHN: i guess.

Ahhhh. Okay. Yeah, a Seer of Light can float an attention lure and know it’ll be an effective enough distraction.

HARRY: hmm. JOHN: what? HARRY: now YOU look like you're hiding some extra commentary. JOHN: oh, i don't need to burden you with all the bureaucratic stuff, it's boring. HARRY: well now hold up, dad. HARRY: a minute ago you were all "we're in the fight together," and now you're backing out of sharing the details? JOHN: it's not really- HARRY: am i a part of this or not? JOHN: well i'd sure say you were! JOHN: but i guess maybe my thoughts on what is or isn't right for the operation aren't up to snuff. JOHN: because here i am, sitting in the dugout, same as you. HARRY: in the dugout?

Mhmm, John’s sore about Rose not counting on John as a heavy hitter. He got back INTO this in part because he missed all the action and relevance, and now they’re telling him to stop and stand still? That’s never been a command John’s easily agreed with. For now, protecting the kids (Blood!) is enough to keep him sitting, but if they (and Vriska) start encouraging him...

HARRY: plus i wouldn’t have been able to get your measurements for some clothes that actually fit you if we hadn’t come back here where all my sewing stuff is.

Thank god, we might get a non-embarrassing god-pajamas John back

HARRY: you were getting pretty into everything back there with rose and them? getting to be with the old crew and everything, like the stories you told me about the game? JOHN: yeah. HARRY: that sucks. JOHN: i had a good plan, too! JOHN: it just wasn't good enough for karkat, i guess. JOHN: i'm just not "experienced enough in combat strategy"

Oh huh, so that’s John’s discarded plan he’s holding. Karkat's faction hasn’t quite succeeded the bloody (heh) way so far, perhaps he needs John’s Breath to add some inspiration to it for the most success but they’re not giving him enough credit? It’s hard to blame them for doubting him, though.

JOHN: that is a plus of being here, at least. JOHN: it's been really nice to get to spend so much time with you. HARRY: um. yeah, it's not so bad. HARRY: anyway, before you ruffle my hair or anything, it looks like things are getting a bit heated between the vriskas over there. HARRY: maybe we should offer them a snack to bring the mood back down? JOHN: me, mess up your hair when you’ve worked so hard on that look? i do know you at least that well, harry anderson HARRY: thank god.

Cute!

VRISKA: So you actually want to know what I’m thinking now? You want my opinion? VRISSY: Um...Yes? VRISSY: I'm not Really Sure what’s going on right Now. VRISKA: What? VRISSY: I just was wondering why you’re so pissed off at me. VRISKA: What the fuck are you talking about? VRISKA: I’m not pissed at you, you haven’t done shit 8asically at all since i’ve been here. VRISKA: I just can’t 8elieve I’m 8ack stuck in this tacky rumpusblock after all of that!

Both Vriskas are constantly assuming the other Vriska is thinking about them because they’re both Vriska, when they’re really both self-cente-- no, that’s not quite true. Vrissy constantly assumes Vriska is thinking about her when she isn’t, and Vriska is somewhat grated because Vrissy belongs in this universe and she isn’t? Or--

Gosh they both have so many issues going on and firewalls up that I can’t actually make heads or tails of it. Usually what’s on Vriska’s mind is painfully obvious from her dodges, but Vrissy is so oblique with her OWN weird thought processes that-- god I dunno

VRISSY: We could do Something if You Wanted. VRISKA: Huh? VRISSY: If you’re 8ored. VRISSY: This isn’t my House, but Harry has video games and Movies and shit. VRISSY: Actually, we’re pro8a8ly 8etter off not watching his movies. VRISSY: His taste is Worse than His Dad’s. VRISKA: AGGGHHH!!!!!!!!

They’re from two different worlds, yeah.

VRISKA: No, I don’t want to watch a fucking movie! How the fuck can you think a8out movies????????? VRISKA: How are you okay with any of this? VRISSY: Any of What? VRISKA: 8eing left at home like a couple of dri88ling of wigglers!

Vriska invests all of her self-worth in what she can bring to the table relevance-ways. Her self-esteem couldn’t survive the sidelines.

VRISKA: How are you so calm right now? Your lusii were training you, right? And you’re a troll, you’re definitely five times stronger than a human! And if you’re my clone, you are way more 8adass than little miss Fussy Fangs. VRISKA: I can’t 8elieve you just stayed 8ehind?!?? VRISSY: Well...they told me to. And they’re my Moms.

COMPLETELY different lives. Vriska has never really accepted, never really KNEW what “peaceful life” is actually supposed to be, nor how alluring and satisfying it is.

VRISKA: Clearly not a good plan, 8ecause then I would 8e part of it! VRISKA: What’s the point of me even coming to this shitty fake reality if I’m not supposed to fix it?

hahahahahahahaha

VRISSY: Yeah, they told me about That stuff, but a Lot of the Shit that Happened in the Session if just not in the History Books. VRISSY: You weren’t Really mentioned that Much. VRISKA: Excuse me? VRISSY: People know who you Are, 'cause we had to Memorize the names of Every one of the Players, Even the ones who didn’t last very Long. VRISKA: You’re trying to tell me that there’s a whole recorded history of SGRUB, and I’m not in it? VRISSY: You’re not not in it. VRISSY: I guess they Mostly Focused on the Creators who Ascended, you know?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

--hm, what if some of the pre-retcon timeline where Vriska WASN’T as involved DID fold its way into this one? Explaining Jane remembering Gamzee showing up early in her session to sell her troll blood when that was (if we’re remembering right, correct me if I’m wrong) erased by the retcon in favor of Vriska time-traveling in in his place?

VRISKA: Whoever was schoolfeeding you was a complete 8ulgesucker, because I “ascended” 8efore any of the humans did!! VRISKA: Literally 8illions of years 8efore, since our session was the one that created theirs!!!!!!!! VRISKA: I was the 8ne who 8uided John’s 8uffoonish 8lue ass all the way through his first 8ew days in the Medium! VRISKA: I m8de all the plans to take down the J8cks! VRISKA: I SINGLE H8ND8DLY! VRISKA: CURED YOUR MOTHER’S FUCKING ALCH8LISM!!!!!!!! JOHN: uh, vriska, everything okay over there? VRISKA: EVERYTHING’S FINE, J8HN! JOHN: okay. JOHN: do you girls want a snack? VRISKA: AAAAGGH!

HA!

HARRY: vriska, eat whatever. HARRY: just not the zebra cakes, those are mine.

(Zebra cakes are kinda Barbasol-bomb-like, right? Doom thing, because black-and-white stripes like most of the black-and-white-striped explosives in Homestuck? --Nah that’s a stretch.)

> (==>)

--That’s not Jane’s head, that’s JOHN’S head giving a thumbs up. Wow.

...Your plan prominently features Yiffy even though you didn’t know she existed until a couple hours ago?

JOHN: so anyway, as you can see, this would have worked just fine! HARRY: no i think karkat’s right. this looks like shit, dad. JOHN: you know, me letting your earlier use of the word "fuck" slide wasn't a blanket approval for all cursing in front of me. HARRY: sorry. HARRY: try not to make such a shit plan, and i won't call it that. JOHN: haha wow.

Harry really is his son, wow

HARRY: i mean, i still can't believe i told vrissy and them to bring a dead celebrity to school. HARRY: what was i THINKING. JOHN: you were thinking it sounded hilarious! JOHN: but yeah, in hindsight, maybe not the best call. JOHN: maybe it’s genetic? HARRY: yeah.

Harry really is his son, wow

HARRY: i kinda can’t believe we’re all still alive, actually. HARRY: and how did YOU make it this far, being so bad at this? JOHN: i had my friends with me, i guess.

Pretty much!

Plus, they haven’t really had time to talk about what happened with Dave, yet, and he doesn’t want to tank the mood by bringing him up.

Glad John’s taken some time to deal with that offscreen, so he can keep being cheery here.

He’d spent so long seeing mostly the best parts of Roxy in Harry Anderson. He forgot, he guesses, to look for himself in there, too. And if what they have in common right now is a lack of strategic foresight, hey, he’ll take it.

Hah, fair enough!

JOHN: speaking of friends, i will say the snacks were a good call, at least! JOHN: i don’t hear any more screaming, anyway. JOHN: see, that's one good plan between the two of us!

--they left, didn’t they.

> (==>)

HARRY: oh, that was definitely them leaving, wasn’t it. JOHN: ah.

--So was Vrissy peer-pressured along, or practically abducted?

> (==>)

--Oh, this was the picture I glimpsed and scrolled past on Twitter! She’s not on the ground, she’s running-- good.

> (==>)

--ALREADY! Fuck yes! :D

(and those cute paws on jade’s gloves wow)

> (==>)

--Oh I thought that was an air-lift! No, they were just diving to the ground with her.

Man, the pacing of this panel-to-panel composition throws me SO much. Stuff happens without being properly established, and we’re shown the wrong keyframes to internalize it easily. (I hope I don’t have to keep mentioning how much I miss Andrew’s talent at it, even though the art WITHIN panels is better here.)

So Jane is confronting them with soldiers.

ROSE: Oh, is this one of those rare and marvelous beasts, the "villain speech"? ROSE: I've written one or two in my time. ROSE: I'm on the edge of my seat. I hope it's better than your political material; I've always found that rather trite. JANE: I haven't given a political speech in years, Ms. Lalonde. I don't know what you're referring to. I'm just a simple business woman. JADE: right with her own talk show JADE: and multi billion dollar merchant company and lobbying groups! JANE: That's what a business woman is, Jade, dear.

--ah, in this perspective maybe Jane DOESN’T have the resources to be “everywhere” yet. Makes more sense that they could’ve left the home unguarded.

JANE: But enough of that. I'll skip straight to the point. JANE: You are on my territory, in the presence of my secret police, laying your hand on my investment.

QUIT DEHUMANIZING THE GIRL

JANE: You think I come anywhere unprepared? I haven't left the house without an armed guard in years. ROSE: Is it the libidinous power rush that comes from snapping your fingers at men with guns, or are you worried that you might accidentally do something heroic?

Rose usually has decent snapbacks I guess

I don’t think Rose’s plan was to admit themselves into custody like Jane is asking, but I’m not ruling it out.

> (==>)

(this image is so cute)

JADE: wow could you be any more full of yourself?? JADE: shut the fuck up for a minute and look up!

> (==>)

Ahwhoops. Jane misunderstood who’s in control of the situation.

> (==>)

Ooh! That’s threatening. :)

(Tavros is playing along, but he doesn’t HAVE to fake that sweat.)

KANAYA: If You Make One Single Move I Will Bite Him Directly On The Exterior Shout Tunnel KANAYA: I Will Turn Your Son Into A Rainbow Drinker KANAYA: Then You Will Have A Rainbow Drinker Son JANE: That's not how troll vampirism works, don't treat me like an imbecile! JANE: You think I don't know everything there is to know about your disgusting biology? KANAYA: KANAYA: Okay Then I Will Just Break His Fucking Neck

HAH

Yeah, mutual child-threat standoff. Jane isn’t going to make that sacrifice, AND can’t be SEEN making that sacrifice.

> (==>)

Jane Crocker hesitates.

This is something that she used to do regularly. Hesitate. Stop and think and weigh her options. Talk out every possible scenario and the impact they might have, morally and optically and socially. What would the political apparatus think? What would her social media followers think, her friends? As the years went by and she honed her instincts, she found herself doing this less and less.

Yeah, the difference between deserving a Just death or not is whether you’re willing to check yourself and allow another’s will to override your own. To allow someone who ISN’T you to have a say in how reality unfolds, to consider that what you want may not be right.

The impact that her words made became lessened when spread out across such a wide and thirsty audience, as public sentiment began to swing her way. She stopped thinking about how she would be received, and more about how she could play to the people she knew would receive her favorably.

Yeesh. Topical.

Looking up she sees Tavvy with tears in his eyes. Rage and guilt surge inside her. This situation is not her fault.

Anger is based in fear. Jane is not just afraid for Tavros, but afraid that she’s at fault. And the more she fears and has to deny that, the angrier she’ll get.

Is it angry enough to make a rash decision here?

> (==>)

JANE: This situation is not my fault!

Jesus, she even said it out loud?

JANE: I'm the only one who has taken any interest in her upbringing or education! JANE: Or have you forgotten who has been paying for her schooling and taking charge of her introduction into society? JADE: i never asked you to do that! JADE: you offered! JADE: so stop calling me ungrateful for not sucking your dick over things i never asked for!

Taking something that was a clear, ostensibly-selfless gift and using it as a transactional club. I hate that. Nothing shows how transparently little you actually believed in the “selfless thing to do” than that.

> (==>)

She can't just stand here and let herself be humiliated, allowing two architects of the insurgency mess her around like this.

If they were to kill Tavros, the entire world would see them commit this war crime. And weighed in the balance, Lalonde and Harley would be off the playing board. Saving your daughter certainly counted as a heroic death, and with the damage they'd done to humanity, it would also probably be just.

Tavros has not called out for her once. Perhaps he knows what her choice was always going to be.

Whoa you made that choice pretty easily, psycho-Jane. Are you actually gonna try it???

> (==>)

JAKE: Tavvy!

Oh shit, the plan! :D

--if Jake isn’t just. Um. Taking the threat to Tavvy seriously, not having realized this was a bluff. Um. Jake?

> (==>)

That looks like he’s taking it seriously. Shit.

At least Jane will look like even MORE of a monster if she gives the order this way.

> (==>)

JANE: Stand down!

I don’t think Jake’s gonna listen to you when it comes to Tav’s safety anymore.

> (==>)

JANE: Get out of my sight.

Oh.

Is she letting Jade, Rose and Yiffy go? --probably, but it’s unclear.

Damn this panel-to-panel framing not conveying what’s going on properly.

Guess that’s it for now! Patreon Commentary....... I’ve been putting off the commentary backlog for a long time, but I think the Homestuck Commentary coverage deficit still has to wait a while longer because the World Is A Fuck and I have to devote more time to stress relief than usual. Take care y’all

EDIT: extra bit on gamzee corpse here

#Homestuck #hs2 #Homestuck Liveblog #upd8 #Homestuck^2 #spoiler #spoilers

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kandadiff · 2 years ago

Text

Van Der Wulff : The Morning After

~~~~

We got home late around 2 in the morning. And while Maddy and Jules slept on the couch as soon as there heads hit the pillows. I dragged myself up three flights of stairs, showered and fell into bed.

I woke up to the alarm screaming that it was time for me to get ready and go to school. Except the sun was still down and the numbers as I pressed the alarm showed I had only been sleeping for an hour. I sighed cursing myself for the mistake fo setting the alarm too early and shifted. Thats when I saw a shadow moving towards that made me jump. Quickly I snapped on the light and took a breath.

“Luther” I whispered, my voice hoarse from sleep. “What the fuck are you doing in here?” He approached slowly, like a lion nearing its pray. It instantly made the sleep leave my body almost immediately and I sat up.

“Do you know what time it is?”

“Yeah” I looked at my phone “Too fucking early I need to sleep! Go away you're supposed to be in the guest room!” He ignored me, ripping the covers off of me. “Hey!” I shouted and he clamped one hand behind my head and the other to cover my mouth harshly.

“Shut up!” He barked and I looked up at him defiantly. “You’re too fucking loud.” He slowly released the hand that was covering my mouth.

“You’re daughter is downstairs!” I hissed quietly pushing him off of me. “Get out!”

“I really don’t understand how you’re upset.” His voice was deep and dark. His one hand that was in my hair tangled deeper and he forced me to look at him. He sat next to me “You act like I’m the bad guy here,” He starts “Like I treat you so horribly on my own accord…” He adds. “Why are you doing this to yourself disrespecting yourself with this.” he pulled out his phone clicked a few buttons and showed a picture of me - on Damiens bed only the French fan covering my body. It was taken earlier today and of course the contact was UNKNOWN. “You think he cares about you?” He said, his voice harsh and I stared at his phone “You think he can give you what I can? Some manwhore?” He released my head harshly my head knocking back into my pillow. “I came back for you to give you everything and you reward me with this?” He shook his head like a disappointed father.

"Excuse?” I shot at him standing up and marching over to him. “Who asked you to come back?" He made a face and I knew he wasn’t taking anything I said seriously. “I moved on, you should too. You're married, for fucks sake!”

“Stop being so loud, You little brat!” He hissed clamping his big hand over my mouth again. “We are separated, you know that. And I told you I’d come back for you. Stop pretending that you didn’t know I would always come back. Instead your wasting your time and mine with a series of manwhores. What is wrong with you? Did your parents fuck you up that much? Either one of them?”

“Don’t.” I warned him.

“Or is your self esteem that low? You whore yourself out? Want attention that bad from some stupid boy who would fuck anything with a hole.”

“Don’t speak that way about him!” I ordered quietening my voice as to not wake draven. Though, she did sleep like the dead. “And don’t speak to me like that!”

I watched as he turned and went to my closet, ripping the clothes from the hangers. “Short skirts, half tops, skin tight dresses,” He shook his head.

“Stop!” I hit his back but he was much taller and stronger than me. My hit did nothing. I watched as he tore through my clothes, ripping some in the process. “Dressing like a goddamn prostitute! And this dress” he held up the gold and black checkered dress I was given that used to belong to Harley. The shiny fabric quickly coming undone and he tossed it to the floor. “Enough! I’m buying your clothes now!”

“YOU ASSHOLE!” I shouted and he went to silence me again but I hit him again. He gripped my arms tight to my sides laughing. He was laughing. “Let me go!”

“Watch your mouth, or I will-” I got loose from his grip and slapped him as hard as I could. It made a satisfying sound that echoed through the whole room and I kept hitting him. Until I was tired out and just stared at him defiant. I inflicted basically no damage.

“You done?” He asked not looking at me.

“Yeah.” He quickly picked me up throwing me on my bed and was instantly all over me. His kisses forceful and uncomfortable. I tried to push him off of me but he was too big. “Get off!” I shouted but my shouts of frustration and anger were drowned out by his lips. I managed to get my knee in his stomach and crawl out from under him landing on teh floor with a harsh thud. We both paused and I strained my ears to hear some form of stirring on the floors below us.

I was so wrapped in listening if the secret had been found out that it came as a complete and utter surprise when he smacked me. My entire head was thrown to the side, turned towards my door. I was in complete shock and at a loss. I became hyper aware of his shift and I was afraid to look at him again, scared he would go off and do something worse. So I stood still. The shifting of my bed and the shadow that played off the streetlight lamps coming through my window told me he was now right next to me. “I’m sorry, snowflake.” He said softly. Like I was a new puppy that he was trying to get on his side. I didn’t look at him. “I’m so sorry I lost my temper.” I said nothing my eyes darting around the room. Looking for something, anything to defend myself with. He was talking, saying some apologies and excuses that were meaningless. Nothing he could say could make me forgive him or love him at all. I spied the baseball bat under my bed and thought ‘Could I kill him?’ If I could move quick enough I could grab it and bash his fucking brains in. The thought made me inwardly smile. J would be proud.

“I’m sorry” his forehead was on my shoulder “I’m sorry, snowflake, I will never do it again.” I heard another alarm off and figure it must be Makayla. She got up the earliest to do yoga in her art studio. Which was on this floor.

“You should go.” I said my voice sounding detached. “Makayla is going to be up here any minute.” He nods and stands up heading over to the door.

“I’m sorry, baby. Please forgive me.”

“Get out.” I ordered and just as he is in the hallway I call after him “After today, Naomi isn’t allowed to have you stay over.”

~ ~ ~ ~

Robin had the brilliant idea to steal the limo Shawn tried to impress you with. Of course, the limo was filled with your favorite liquor and a private barrier between the driver and the back. “Bring us to my house.” You said knowing the driver would remember your voice. As though on cue, music filled the back fo the limo to drown out anything Shawn was planning. It reeked of desperation.

“I didn’t know Shawn was this desperate for you.” Robin said as he poured some of teh liquor into two fo the cups and handing you one.

“Oh yeah” You nodded taking a sip. “Jealous?”

He rolled his eyes “You caught me.” He said sarcastically.

You chuckled sitting next to him and he pulled you closer to him. His hand was on your thigh, and that seems thats all it took. Soon you two were attacking each other in a mash of tongues, teeth and lips. And your dress became bunched at your waist and his pants were loose around the waist. He entered you effortlessly and there you were in the back of Shawns personal limo. Robin seducing you exactly where Shawn was, you would have laughed if you weren’t in so much pleasure. You felt high on euphoria seeing Robin come undone for you and you in turn for him.

You hadn’t even noticed that you were in front of the house until he finished the same time as you. “Um” the driver coughed “You’re home.” Robin smirked taking a few of the napkins and wiped your chest (the place he finished).

He fixed his pants and helped fix your dress before walking out of the limo and took your hand leading you out. As you approached the door, the driver looked at him shocked and surprised he wasn’t Shawn. “Thanks for the ride.” Robin winked.

He kept the smile on his face until he passed teh couch and shook his head. “I’m leaving,” he whispered to you. You looked at him confused. “SHES HOME, X!” He calls out and you look at him confused and he walks out. Leaving you standing there confused.

A few moments late you see why. Your eyes widened when you saw Xavier smoking a cigarette at the top of the stairs. “Hey baby, sorry I couldn’t go out with you. Have fun?”

~~~~

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thelazyhermits · 7 years ago

Text

A possible story prompt?

Lol Hey Haze XD Sorry for disappearing for a while but i’ve been looking for a few reverse harem fics fo Undertale when I got this idea for a story and I basically just wrote out everything that I’ve thought out so far and I wanted opinions on it. If it gets good enough of a response I might write it, or I’ll just put it out so someone else can write the idea. The basic premise i’m pretty sure someone else has written something similar, but this is my take on it so I wanted your opinion on it and what I can do to improve it, or what you think other people who might know how to improve it.

So here you go

An AU where its a Megaverse, where when all Monsters got out of the mountain, their AU versions came up with them. When Monsters came out on the surface, it was hard to ID everyone since they’re were alternative versions of themselves (Even of Frisk and Chara) and their different background, so to differentiate each other they added Middle Names to their ID’s which they choose. So the ‘common’ nicknames are just nicknames(Like Blueberry and Stretch, etc), but some characters will be referred by their official middle names (Cuz i thought nicknames like Crooks and Axe were kind of mean so yeah), so as to avoid insults.

All the Sans’s and Papyrus’s are billionaires and are involved in a thing where the first to find and bond with their chosen mate becomes the Head of the Skeleton family. (Who proposes this? Maybe too much in house fighting resulted in this proposition to be made by US!Alphys and UT!Undyne betting that there was no way they could get someone to fall in love with them with the way they were acting???)

Rules to the Competition thing to be named:

They can’t tell their chosen Mate the stakes or about the competition (AKA head of family). They have to seduce and charm their chosen mate with their own wits and talents.

If they don’t know their status of wealth (As in what positions they are as head companies and real status of wealth), they are not allowed to tell them, their chosen mates have to figure it out themselves.

They Can’t marry and then divorce, they have to soul bond mutually and prove it by the bonds tying their souls.

They can’t force someone to fall in love with them by magic or other methods.

They can’t sabotage one another’s attempts to woo someone (dolly so if they are pursuing the same person)

The first one to bond and Mate with their chosen prospectives, earns the right to be the Head of the household.

Enter MC, who is an author that is aquatinted with Muffet and Grilby (cuz she loves sweets), who somehow gets involved with the Skeletons by accident. Some fall in love at first sight, other just wanted to piss each other off, eventually became a fight not for the head, but for the hand of the MC, who is somewhat oblivious of it all.

MC- An author of somewhat renown, whose books touch people emotionally. Shy, sweet with a wicked sense of humor. Puns is something she loves but sometimes have a slow reaction to, but when she recognizes it, she’ll howl for days. When it comes to love, she’s like a classic shoujo protagonist, dense and airheaded. Some social cues go over her head, not all, but some especially in regards to flirting. She’s also incredibly stubborn on some opinions, but she knows when she’s wrong so she’ll apologize. Has no sense of direction and depends on her phone for directions. Love sweets and has no alcohol tolerance. Lives in an apartment in Monster Town. Was raised by her Grandmother when her parents passed away and still keeps in touch with her. She is aware that Monsters are rich from the Gold Exchange and assumes this of UT!Sans and UT!Papyrus when they first met (which was like 6 months after they got out of the Underground) but is unaware of how truly rich the two became when in those six months they became pros in their professions (she knows of what professions they are in, but are unaware of their positions and how famous they truly are since she stays in Monster town all the time and monsters don’t overreact when Sans and Co became filthy rich). Just considers them like all monsters. Is unaware that they have a huge ‘family’.

All monsters are rich from the Gold exchange when they got out of the mountain, but the Skeleton household are on another level.

UT Sans - Head of IT company, basically redone computers and phones in a revolutionary pace and almost became a billionaire by accident. He has a second job as Grilby’s comedian sometimes. Still loves Ketchup and puns and is still really lazy. Was acquitted with the MC before the Competition when he told a run and she took such a long time to react, but when she did she howled with laughter. This was just soon after they got out of the surface. Took an interest from then on.

UT Papyrus - A Master Chef who has numerous famous restaurant chains. Has several cookbooks published in human and monster food and has advanced cuisine in both technology and techniques. Was passionate in his job and somehow ended up with more money than he needed. Is an acquaintance of the MC and sometimes teaches her to cook. Is already infatuated with her when she was kind with him when they first got out of the surface when tensions were still high between the two races.

US Sans - Head of several athletic companies, a successful business man who has a successful worldwide brand of athletica for monsters and humans. Is still very active and jogs often. Has not yet met the MC as of the beginning of the story but forms a crush when they first meet when she was kind to him for consoling him when he and Stretch got into a fight.

US Papyrus - Head of a successful game company. He had revolutionized a new game engine and is in progress of developing a fully functioning VR experience. Is still very laid back and still loves Honey. Is fond of the MC after helping him and his brother patch things up. Wasn’t really interested in the competition but eventually…

UF Sans - Head of an Automobile company. Revolutionized the Engine and made cars and bikes run smoother than ever. Has his own customized bike and treats it like its his baby. Was interested in the MC when his flirting sort of flew over her head, and when she accidentally flirted back unconsciously he got flustered. Was his goal originally to get the MC flustered but he got in too deep… In the Underground was lazy and was treated badly by Papyrus in public, but at home they were kind to one another and took down those facades. They have a strong bond.

UF Papyrus - Head of Fashion company. It was a surprise for everyone when he went into this but it started when somebody challenged his sense of fashion (given that his uniform had spikes) so he took on the challenge and designed suits and clothing that wowed the world and became an internationally famous designer almost overnight. Still very fit and trained for duties of the Royal Guard. He’s a very ruthless businessman and met the MC when she was dressed sloppily and couldn’t stand it and forced her to change her clothes to something more neat. Starts Tsundere, but as he slowly falls in love with the MC becomes more and more devoted to the MC and eventually is super devoted to the MC that when he tries to seduce her he bring the big guns (Flowers, clothes, fancy stuff) which sorts of confuses the MC because how did Tsundere become DereDere all of a sudden??? IN the Underground he had to act tough with everyone and his brother, but at night some days he would ask Sans to read to him his favorite story. They have a strong bond. He nags on his brother to be more active (though not as much as before given how successful they are) for his health.

SF Sans - Head of a famous hotel chain. HIs hotels are rated to be of the highest quality and hospitality and famous people are always eager to stay at his hotel chains. HIs hotels are also infamous for having Casino’s in them and people tend to gamble their money away which he keeps. Was unimpressed with the MC as he met her later on compared to the other, but is taken in by her kindness eventually. Like UF Papyrus, he was a total Tsundere when he met the MC, and originally pursued her because he wanted to steal her from everyone else to piss everyone off, but eventually became DereDere for her. He wants to spoil her (which the MC always refuses) and wants to be spoiled by her. He acts petulant when the MC doesn’t pay attention to him . Loves his brother but in his underground he had to act cruel to him in public, though at home they were affectionate and Papyrus would read him his favorite stories at night to issue each other.

SF Papyrus - Is a famous Auction holder and bidding master. He gathers infamous antiques that originally seem like they are worth nothing but are actually historical or monetary treasures. Earned his keep by accident. Also occasionally bids on stocks that he always gets right. He loves his brother and knows why his brother treated him badly in the underground but given their nightly readings, they hold very strong bonds. Though unfortunately as a side effect he has low self-esteem which he hides by acting confident and apathetic. Just went along with his brother’s plan to seduce the MC but fell in love pretty fast with the MC because she was super kind to him.

HT Sans and Papyrus - They both share an agriculture company and advocate for less food waste and contribute to lower starvation rates. They have been known to develop agriculture techniques and advance agriculture that it reduced food waste and compost. UT Papyrus and HT Papyrus have good relations given that UT Paps requests ingredients from him. They work together really often. Although UT Sans is somewhat wary of HT Sans because of what they went through, he is kind to HT Paps because he is still another version of his brother. When they got out to the surface, they had their injuries looked at, so HT Paps has braces and glasses, while HT Sans got his hole fixed. Though HT sans is slower than UT Sans, he is slowly regaining back his former magic prowess that he once had. Was introduced to the MC by UT Papyrus and are intrigued by her.

G!Sans - Head of an internationally famous Music Company. HE himself is a famous singer but he has so few released tracks that they are weighted in gold. Only a select few have heard him sing in person. He manages and creates top artists constantly. Has a large fanbase and still smokes and were leather. Met the MC when she visited Sans in his house (which she did not think would be a mansion) and is amused by the whole situation and thought to meddle because he thought it would be fun, accidentally got in too deep.

G!Papyrus - Head of an internationally known Pharmaceutical Company. Has advanced medicine by leaps and bounds and has cured several diseases. Has a love of tea and would like his ‘brother’ (He came from a version of echo tale that fused Gaster and Papyrus, so technically he is not brother with G but they got along together so well, they treat each other as brothers- this head cannon was from TheLazyHermit) to stop smoking. is an absolute gentlemen and due to his personality he is loved by many people and has his own large fanbase. Treats the MC kindly and is slowly developing feelings for her.

Other AU’s to be added??? I dunno?? Maybe, but given how many Skeles are here already adding more might be too much XD

What do you think of this so far? I have so many Undertale Prompts that I want to write but might never produce cuz the idea can get super longwinded… Maybe I’ll just post a bunnyplot pile and let people use the ideas…

I talked with Silver and got the ok to post this, so we could see if any of y’all had any ideas you wanted to contribute for this story plot. Also, if you wanna try writing this, be sure to give proper credit and let Silver know. ^-^

#submission #this is a really good story idea #I love it #having them as heads of all these different companies is so cool #it really suits them #I especially love that this idea includes Aster #cause I'm all for some G Pap XD #this would be such a fun story to read #I love it <3 #I'll never turn down the chance to read about skeletons in suits haha

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tinygaysheep-blog · 7 years ago

Text

A lil Keith theory+ character analysis (kinda) ALSO LANCE IS KEITH’S STABILITY EXPLAINED

Ya girl is back with a theory that quite honestly breaks my heart. But it has nesttled itself into my head and oh boy, oh boy does this make me sad.

BPD, or borderline personality disorder is a mental illness a lot of people don’t really understand. Its also pretty hard to diagnose for some reason and often confused with bipolar depression and autism.

Lets take a look at the symptoms;

Having an unstable or dysfunctional self-image or a distorted sense of self (how one feels about one’s self). Keith definitely has a problem with feeling worthless. We all know that Lance has problems with insecurity, but what goes over a lot of people’s heads is that Keith does too. He assumes people dont like him, the only thing he’s actually sort of proud off are his flying skills. He doesn’t want to lead Voltron cause he doesn’t think he’s any good as a leader, and while he’s not as good at it as Shiro, he defnitely has some leader qualities but he doesn’t see them himself. He came a long way in season 3 in a very short time but he didn’t see it. And his self-sacrifice at through-out of season 4? It could just be the blade of marmora influencing him with their “the mission is more important than the individual” crap, but I don’t think it is. He goes back for other memembers and even tries to fight Kolivan to save the guy when he would maybe be able to throw the guy to safety but never run back himself. And the final eppisode? Keith cares more about anyone and anything than himself. He’s literally willing to die to save anyone else.

Feelings of isolation, boredom and emptiness. We all know Keith suffers from not really feeling a connection with others. He’s literally been on a ship in space with six other people for God knows how long and they still describe him as the lone wolf, he still trains on his own all the time. And the common misconception is that he wants to be alone. He really, really, really doesn’t. I cannot stress enough how much this boy would love to join in on the fun all the time, to not be so far away from the rest of them, but he just can’t. He’s too scarred he’ll be rejected or something along those lines so instead he just... Lone wolfs it.

Difficulty feeling empathy for others. I decided against highlighting this one because we haven’t really seen a lot of it. Although, there have been a few cases of this, like when Pidge tried to leave. In my personal opinion, I don’t think he can summon the empathy very well unless he’s going through or has been through the same thing. When he and Allura went out to space because they both though Zarkon was tracking them he showed quite a bit of empathy towards her but that was also because they were in the same boat (no pun intended) he was sort of going through the same thing. So he understood. When Lance came to him with his issues of insecurrity he got it because he’s scarred of being kicked out too. Of not being a valueable member to the team. But when Pidge wanted to go find her family he couldn’t relate. Cause he’s never really had a family to look for. We don’t know what happened with his dad, whether he died or just up and left like his mum did. But seeming it’s more logical, lets assume his dad did die, he doesn’t know his mother, so... He doesn’t understand Pidge wanting to look for her brother. You may argue that he had Shiro to look for, but if you watch the first episode of season one its pretty clear he wasn’t looking for Shiro. He’s surprised to see him there and he was tracking Voltron before that. Finding Shiro was merely conicidental.

A history of unstable relationships that can change drastically from intense love and idealization to intense hate. Again, I didn’t want to highlight this one because, well, we don’t know enough about his backstory to be able to judge if he’s had unstable relationships in the past. However, you cant tell me he doesn’t have and intense idealization of Shiro that kinda turned into a sort of hate (but not really) when he was left in charge of Voltron. But that’s all I got on that one. He doesn’t really seem to hate people or idealise them (apart from Shiro) Some may argue that he hated Lance in season one, but honestly, I call bullshit on that. Annoyance, yes. Hate, no. Annoyed neutrality.

A persistent fear of abandonment and rejection, including extreme emotional reactions to real and even perceived abandonment I feel like I dont have to go into this.... So I wont... AT LEAST NOT THE OVERLY OBVIOUS STUFF. Okay so, our boy has abandonment issues. We all knew that. But I honestly don’t think y’all are seeing just how far this stuff actually goes. When he though Lance hated him (EXACTLY HOW CANNON THE HATE IS IS UP FOR DISSCUSSION, FIGHT ME ANNONS) he really didn’t want much to do with him. Even made a few jabs at him so that he could reject Lance first. With the B.O.M however, we see him literally almost work himself to death during the trails in fear of being rejected to the group. The boy has major issues with self esteem, which is probably why he did so well at the garrison, cause he needs those results to feel okay about himself. He doesn’t think he’s good enough so he works towards being better, yes its pragmatic, but ultimately he’ll end up.... oh I don’t know... sacrificing himself.

Intense, highly changeable moods that can last for several days or for just a few hours. Again, I didn’t highlight this one because, well I don’t have too much to back it up other than that he seems very easy to upset. A little comment like that he’s the lone wolf, even though he’s trying to fit in can really get to him. And just... can people stop hurting my baby please?

Strong feelings of anxiety, worry and depression Honestly, this is another one I don’t feel like I have to explain. It just, Keith is a guy that worries a lot, and he definitely has anxiety when it comes to interacting with others. From the way he talks about his mother to the way he looked at his blade when he was figuring out his Galra identity, and the look on his face when the others were pissed off at him in season 4, I think depression is definitely a concept he touches on. Maybe not fullblown, actual depression, but I think he has... issues with feeling like a depressed person feels sometimes. But he’s never actually vocalized this, so this may be me projecting. Though he does show some general symptoms fo depression.

Impulsive, risky, self-destructive and dangerous behaviors, including reckless driving, drug or alcohol abuse and having unsafe sex I just, r e c k l e s s d r i v i n g Yes, he’s a skilled pilot but you cannot tell me he doesn’t throw caution to the wind a lot. Also remember that king he held hostage? Also remember how he worked himself to death during the B.O.M trials? Also remember the self sacrifice? Also remember the putting himself in danger to safe his teammates? Also remember how he ran away with Allura in the middle of the night because he THOUGHT he MIGHT be getting tracked and left the team unable to form Voltron without telling anyone?

Hostility “What? Keith is a total hothead”- Lance, 2016. No but, Keith has said himself that he can be this way. Even Shiro has pointed it out to him. This one is kinda also just very self explanitory.

Unstable career plans, goals and aspirations Well I mean, his plans do kinda seem to be all over the place. He got kicked out of the Garrison... and tracked alien life for a year??? And other than finding Shiro in season 2-3 and joining the blade he never really has a long term plan. His only goal is defeating the Galra, it doesnt go deeper than that. He doesnt necessarily want to go home or settle down. He has no plan. He just kinda floats through life.

With BPD you have these things called modi. Modi are... in simple terms, fragments of your personality. There are five modi, the protector, the strict/punishing parent, the abandoned/abused child, the angry/impulsive child and the healthy grown up. Everybody sort of has these a little bit, but when you have BPD your healthy adult mode is a little... under developed/overwhelmed by the other modi.

I personally also suffer from BPD and I honestly see a lot of these modi in Keith. The protector is the main one that seems to be present with him. (I also have this one, I call mine richard/dick for short). The protector’s main job is keeping people at arm’s lenght, its hard to get past this guy, esspecially if he’s the main dude running the show. Keith’s protector seems to work a lot with the impulsive child which is why he has such dificulty being a leader.

I want to give an example here of how Keith’s modi seem to coexist;

So lets take the scene where he just started leading Voltron and he chased Lotor into the gassplanet. So, he has an objective; get Lotor. His strict parrent modi will lock onto this WITH A FUCKING DEATH GRIP. It doesn’t matter what he has to do, he needs to get his objective. The impulsive child then takes over with the the stirct parent fueling him by telling him he needs to do this, when the team tells him to stop the protector shrugs them off.

Later, once he failed, and lost everyone, the child and the protector regress, leaving the abandoned child and the strict parrent to yell at it and make the child feel like shit about itself. This is when Keith is vulnerable. That’s why Lance could approach him, and he knows it. And while acknowledging that Keith fucked up, he appeals to the healthy adult in his system to try and get him to move on.

THAT is why Lance is so good for him and why he stablizes Keith mentally. He is able to tell him that he made a mistake while still accesing the healthy grown-up. Shiro, on the other hand, doesn’t do that. He is constantly trying to shape Keith to be better and sometimes, yes he gets through to Keith’s healthy adult and stuff (patience yeilds focus), but mostly he appeals to the strict parent telling him to be better.

It doesn’t surprise me that that’s why he saw Shiro during the Galra trials. He really, really, really wants his approval. He might even see Shiro as the strict modi if he were to personify it.

I hope you’re as sad about this as I am, because it’s two a.m and this suddenly hit me like 20 minutes ago and I’ve been keeping my emotions in check ever since.

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takaraphoenix · 7 years ago

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Glee?

OH MY GOSH THIS COULD TAKE A WHILE.

Deep breaths.

I LOVE GLEE.

DARREN CRISS IS A NATIONAL TREASURE AND NEEDS TO BE CHERISHED.

Just like Supernatural, it used to hold the spot of my third favorite TV show of all times. Actually, after Supernatural and… just before my current third spot rose up.

Oh dear lord, where to even start?

OTP. OTP is always the best way to open a conversation. I love the living underworld out of Kurt/Puck and Karofsky/Puck. Preferrably in an OT3.

Noah Puckerman is my favorite character on the show. And that, I think, is the perfect opening actually.

Because what I love most about this show is its fandom. I have never seen a more amazing fandom than the Glee fandom. I love this fandom to bits and pieces.

Because the main problem that Glee has is that it has about 300 characters and only like 3 of them ever get to even play major parts.

It’s sold to you as a show about a Glee club with twelve members. And you would think that, cool, you got twelve main characters who get like equal screen time and all have important stories to tell.

Hah. Magnus Bane Mike Chang barely had one proper storyline throughout the show.

When Quinn was pregnant and lived with Mercedes, one would have thought they’d give us some scenes of them, some bonding.

But it has very fast developed into a show centered around Kurt Hummel, Rachel Berry and Finn Hudson.

And that is, really, this show’s main problem in my eyes.

All of those characters are so different and have so much to tell, but they barely got any screentime to tell their stories in favor fo the Kurt & Rachel Show.

And the sad thing is that Rachel didn’t even have that much story to tell, if we’re being honest. I’d have preferred more focus on Santana as she came out to her family. More insight into how Brittany’s family even managed to survive for that long. Generally just more Mercedes and Mike and Artie and Tina.

Which, okay, in the beginning they were still trying to give relatively equal story-time to those characters, have them all equally involved.

Where the show completely lost… everything was when they graduated.

That was where the show should have either truly ended or stuck with the new Gleeks.

But it was still the Kurt & Rachel Show and it was still trying to tell the stories of the other former Gleeks but it was now also handling an entire new team of Gleeks and that was just too much and the whole thing crumbled into pieces.

Still, this show had so many rich characters. It’s what I loved most about it. Even though the characters didn’t get enough time to tell their stories, you knew those stories existed. They were always so much more and so much deeper than just the average stereotypes they were first introduced as.

This show was brilliant at playing with the stereotypes and tropes and cliches.

Music.

I love musicals. I really, really do. Which is why I so easily fell for this show too, I suppose.

And I liked when they tried to divide the songs relatively equaly. Again, that fell apart when Kurt and Rachel moved to New York and it really, truly became the Kurt & Rachel Show and every second song was sung by Rachel. Honestly, she had more solos after graduating from high school than she had during her career as a Gleek - and she already had basically all the solos back then too.

I’ve developed a constant cringe when I hear Lea Michele’s voice by now. Which is ridiculous, because for the first like three seasons, I really loved her voice. But it became just… too much Rachel.

I really did love how they balanced the air-headed lovey-dovey musical elements that were just filled with pointless fluff - which, yeah, any respectable musical needs - with the actually heavy and big issues.

Story-telling wise, this show will probably always leave me in awe at how good it was while also at the same time failing so hard because so many characters came out short and the focus was a mess.

The love-drama was also just… unreal. I mean. Wow.

But it didn’t really bother me? This show surprisingly succeeded in getting me on board with… most of its couples. Finn/Rachel were just so unreal and sugar-coated that I… kind of liked them, in the way that they’re one of those couples who just deserve each other. Santana/Brittany are so weird and amazing at the same time? I am still hung-up on Artie/Tina and think them breaking up was a problem. Sam/Quinn were just so cute. Burt/Carol too. I even liked Ryder/Marley when they came around.

The fact that they were kind of a giant ship-mess was endearing because it reminded me of fandoms? Like “Oh my gosh, what do I do? I ship everyone with everyone.”. It was part of the show’s charme, I suppose.

Sue Sylvester was a brilliant villain and I have the hugest fictional character crush on her. She was diabolic, unrealistically powerful and just so much fun.

Now, what I love most about this show is definitely its fandom.

Because, as previously mentioned, the biggest flaw of the show is that the characters don’t get to tell their stories. But the fandom does. I don’t know how that is in the other ships, but the ones I sail always filled in the blanks so wonderful. This fandom is so filled with headcanons that are just so ultimately accepted and work so well that they nearly become part of canon. Even though the stories I read focus on, of course, my ships, they still covered the Quinn and Mercedes living together situation, the Santana coming out thing, the very complex friendship between both of those women and Noah.

There are just so many small things that… the show left open for interpretation, that she show only hinted at and that the fandom built up on and it’s legit my favorite fandom to be around. It’s, to date, the only fandom that made me read stories with over 100k words. I particularly do not read stories that lenghty because I don’t have the attentionspan for such things, my max is around 50k for reading.

But… the world-building in this fandom is just beautiful. Because the set-up from the show is just so good already. I just wish the show could have filled in the blanks in the same amazing way as the fandom did.

Which is how Noah became my favorite character, actually. When I started out on the show, Kurt used to be my favorite and Noah was just that background jock guy. But the fandom filled in so much. The abuse, the prostitution, the insecurities and self-esteem issues. And they all made perfect sense and fit into the character and his plot, as given by canon. Like I keep saying; filling in the blanks.

I think that the last season was them understanding that the huge focus on Rachel had become a problem. It was a surprisingly good attempt at fixing things on side of the show. Shows are very often unaware of their flaws and the way they drive themselves into the ground with their writing. But the smooth way in which they brought Rachel just back to the Glee club and tied it together again, instead of being literally two different shows at once, it was well done and made me wish they would have done so one season earlier, because that season had been the show’s downfall for me because there was just too much Rachel-focus and too little development on literally everyone else.

Gods, I miss that show.

#TV Rants #Fandom Rants #Glee #Ask me a show and I shall rant

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