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demelzathemer · 2 months ago

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I'm watching the Doom Patrol episode for the first time ever and LOSING MY MIND, why didn't anyone tell me this is GOOD??? It's written by Steve Yockey and it SHOWS because the dialogue is absolutely the same as in the netflix series

Crystal is so catty and Edwin is fed up with people while Charles mediates, they're the same characters just played by different people?? I'm gonna add some shitty screensnaps here to yell about it

Obviously spoilers if you care about that;

Crystal <3 She looks closer to her comicbook self but has the same amount of sass as her netflix self

I swear I'm so normal about this bit of dialogue. Crystal telling Edwin Charles will protect him (with a baseball bat, mind you, they're in the States!) and their responses, I wish I could see Jayden and George act this part.

(I can hear "I'd do it anyway, won't I?" in Jayden's voice... weeps)

Edwin sassing out little girls again??? I lost it with the pose and voice

WEAK FOR THOSE BIG BROWN EYES

(Jayden's voice again. I know you hear it)

He should've been allowed to drape himself over Edwin like this too. Why would Netflix do this to me

"Love this." EDWIN??? He's way too happy that they're gonna smack their client with a shovel.

And CHARLES (pulls it out without anyone asking, he knows what's going to happen next) HANDS IT TO CRYSTAL so she can be the one doing the smacking???

And she's way too eager as well. What is happening here. Though I love how seamlessly they work as a trio now. Even if it's for the purpose of knocking out their unsuspecting client

"The price to open the door to afterlife is pain, and I'm the only one who can do it."

With the door handle being a BABYDOLL HEAD. With HELL FLAHBACKS. What the actual fuck?

I thought the doll spider was netflix original character??

And Charles immediately being "you don't have to do it, we can find another way in" I might be crying

Charles is afraid of water??? That's CANON?? It has to be, nothing has been changed about the characters so far!

Charles (with red-rimmed eyes): "I'm not scared! Just so you know."

Edwin (lying to make Charles feel better): "We know."

They're so in love. But what do you mean with "I'll make sure he's fine"? What are you gonna do, Edwin? Hold his hand on the boat ride? (They didn't show that part, so that's probably what happened.)

They had ONE episode and they still had to make sure that we know Edwin's gay.

I'm OBSESSED with this line and this repressed version of Edwin, I don't have the words right now but I read someone's brilliant analysis about it. (Pls link if you find it)

"I used to think that, too. But it's not 1916 anymore, you know?"

"Well, I'm not like you. But thanks for the concern."

Edwin, oh my god that is so sad. What makes you think you don't deserve happiness? I need to study him under a microscope

...Then STRAIGHT INTO death flashbacks??? They didn't leave anything out, watching this one episode spoils 7 out of 8 episodes of the netflix series?!

"She's good." Edwin appreciates Crystal! I love that they genuinely are a trio here and the boys know about her quirks like they know each other

Also David lore is unchanged too and Crystal bonding with Dorothy was so sweet

...THE NIGHT NURSE IS HERE TOO?? I thought she was a netflix original character too (Cat King, Tragic Mick and Jenny are, at least?)

AND SHE'S RUTH CONNEL??? ALSO WTF JUST HAPPENED

Her character is pretty different alright, and played very differently by the same actress??? And Charles just WENT FOR IT unprovoked?! Do they know about her in this universe, is she like a monster that's actively hunting them down and can be alerted by killing(?) I literally don't know anymore this is crazy

(Edwin was so cute jumping up and cheering lol. A bit jarring how much more he curses here though)

This is actually an insane episode, the trio with their huge amount of lore just drop in in the middle of already established group of characters and their lore and then, they're never seen again after this??

And they had flashbacks to both of their deaths without explaining ANYTHING about what the hell was that. Just five seconds of "being chased and covered in blood", teasing something about their relationship, Crystal dropping her goal of beating her missing memories out of a demon, no conclusion of wtf was "spider-face lady" aka the Night Nurse, etc etc. They needed their own show really badly huh

So netflix hurry up and give us a second season! After seeing this I'm blown away by the execution of Dead Boy Detectives and how Jayden and George really brought the characters to life. I'm so thankful we have that. Their chemistry really is what makes the show.

#dead boy detectives #doom patrol #save dead boy detectives #charles rowland #edwin paine #edwin payne #crystal palace #payneland #dead patrol

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halfagone · 10 months ago

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Before The Wayne Came A Kane

Martha Wayne née Kane came from a very prestigious family even before she married her husband, the illustrious M.D. Thomas Wayne. Sadly, her family never supported her union with Thomas, so she largely cut them out of her life once she married and that certainly had not changed when she had a son.

Her strained relationship with the rest of her family is particularly apparent when it's revealed, at the release of her and Thomas' respective wills after their unexpected, tragic deaths, that she would not give her brothers or sisters-in-law custody of Bruce. They may be the last of his living relatives, but even in death she would never allow them to touch her baby boy. Hence, his care is left to the head butler, one Alfred Pennyworth.

She did have two sister, though. Two baby sisters, one who had been disowned and disavowed from the family long before her, named Alicia. And one who was far too young to take in her son, even if Martha had allowed it. Her name is Madeline Kane. As the only other acknowledged daughter left from Roderick and Elizabeth Kane, she is left to carry the burden of her older sister's legacy. And what a burden it was, to be constantly compared to a dead woman her family seemed to adore and loathe in strides.

It's really no wonder that the moment she gets the chance, she leaves her family in Gotham to attend a university in Wisconsin. There, she meets Jack Fenton. He can be a little clumsy sometimes, but he has an eye for engineering and doesn't like her for her family's name or wealth. He calls her "Maddie" when she says so, and he doesn't ask about the change.

She falls in love and the two are wedded in the blink of an eye, Maddie pregnant with their first child only a few years after graduation. In her family's eyes, it just further proves that any Kane daughter is cursed and doomed to failure. (Beth understands this. Bette learns this. Kate knows this.)

And all too similarly to her elder sister, when her son is just fourteen years old, she is killed: yet another unexpected, tragic death. Her husband and her daughter perish along with her. Just like her older sister, the only one left is her baby boy.

Only, Maddie wasn't nearly as forthcoming with her will, and there is no guardian marked for custody in his papers. The Kanes, who proclaim they are his rightful family, are more than happy to take advantage of this.

Bruce isn't close to his family, beyond perhaps Kate. But if there is one thing that he knows it's that his parents didn't give his estranged relatives custody of him for a reason. Alfred is stingy with the details, but he can confirm that much.

Bruce is left to fight an uphill battle, helping a mourning boy heal from his loss and fighting his extended family's attempts for custody at every turn.

More ramblings under the cut:

See this guy right here?

This is Jacob Kane, Kate's father, Martha's brother, and Bruce's uncle. He's got the distinct red hair and do you know who else has red hair? Maddie. Jacob is a respected military officer and Maddie, in general, has always given me strong former U.S. agent vibes. But regardless, it makes sense that Maddie would know things or learned how to fight at an early age if her older brother left for military service.

Also, I just love showing Bruce's extended family and how twisted, complicated his family was long before he adopted so many children. And this also helps explain why Maddie is so cagey with her background. She only has Alicia left really, all the rest she keeps out and away for good reason.

But she can't protect Danny from them forever.

Plus, there's this really cool possibility for Danny to stay with the Kanes for a while and explore that avenue before he's ultimately brought into the Wayne fold. Danny gets to see what the upper crust Gotham elites look like with his own two eyes, beyond Sam's stories.

#dpxdc #dpxdc prompt #dpxdc au #long post #i might actually write this one #one of these days #there are so many possibilities #but anyone is free to run with it!#>:3

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sunnywalnut · 7 months ago

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Finished watching Dead Boy Detectives. Here are my honest thoughts.

-If you're going into it expecting another Good Omens, stop. Our protagonists are all minors. Teenagers. They cuss, they have total dirty mouths and sexual humor, but they are not eternal beings pretending to be middle aged men. They're ghosts. Dead Boys, if you will. Also this might be a stretch, but I'm assuming from the slightly less good CGI that the budget for this series was a LOT less than what it was for GO

-Edwin is kind of a dick in the first episode. But it's okay. Because character growth is swag.

-REALISTIC CHARACTER GROWTH!!! I liked Edwin a LOT more during the second episode BECAUSE of the character growth. And honestly? It's completely natural that bro is more than a little prickly after only being able to trust one guy for an extremely long time. Fair enough my guy. Carry on.

- this show kinda has Nimona vibes. If that makes sense. Witty humor, somewhat sexual dialogue, funny moments during serious times, though geared towards a younger audience. If you like those kinds of things, you will like this, I'm sure of it.

- In the early episodes, the pacing/character relationships feel a little off??? I'm not sure if that was because I was expecting another Good Omens or what. But after 2-3 episodes, the dust quickly settled and we got into the actual storyline. Which was extremely appreciated✨

-these villains are FUCKED up. I'm telling you. They are HORRIFIC. Had me squirming and cringing through their intense scenes. And gosh. That was a TRIP.

-TY TENANT PLAYS THE MAIN GUY EDWIN!!!! And he plays him WELL. I did not realize this going in to the show and thought his face was VERY familiar. Only after I looked it up did I realize why. He's our sassy son of Job. (EDIT: turns out Ty plays the Doom Patrol version. Not the one on Netflix. My bad! They do look pretty similar though, so ykw. Great casting. Also my point still stands. This guy is a pretty fuckin awesome actor. 10/10)

-Cat King is such a wild card holy SHIT.

-Charles is cute as fuck. His backstory HURTS. But also. I love the way his ears look. Like in the pictures that I saw of him they were of when the Cat King impersonated him so I was like oh chill. So he's got pointed ears bc feline but NOPE. He's just like that!! And honestly? Slay. I fuckin love it.

-oh did I mention tragic backstories???? Yeah we got those :D for everyone :D

-Niko is the best and I love her. Also I love how the letters on her desk are written in Japanese. That is a VERY nice touch of character building.

-hot butcher lady with throat tattoo

All in all. A truly delightful series and I genuinely hope it gets another season because I NEED to know what happens next. My little sister LOVED it and the ending had us all staring open mouthed at the TV screen in shock.

This 15yo girl is literally ranting my ear off, having adventures with the Dead Boys in her dreams and chatting with me about it, searching up fanfics and drawing fanart, the whole shabang. And it is DIFFICULT for this girl to get into shows like this. So honestly? This is perfect. Thank you, Neil. For giving us a whole other banger.

That being said. If anybody else has some younger siblings that are around 15-17 and are looking for shows to binge watch together, this is the perfect one. I'm telling you, you will NOT regret it (except maybe emotionally)

Thoroughly recommend.

#dead boy detectives #dead boy detective agency #netflix series #neil gaiman #series recommendation #series review #dead boy detectives review

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olympeline · 2 months ago

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Been thinking about why I found Arthur in the Dark so impressive and it made me realise something kinda significant. Something significant that I’m going to put under a read more because it revolves around a heavy subject. So I wouldn’t advise looking beyond the cut if you’re sensitive to that kind of thing.

Less important, but everything below is a big spoiler and, guys seriously. If you like USUK and can handle darker fiction - no pun intended - give AitD a try. Don’t spoil yourself here. Go try it first and then come back if you’re interested. Try it if you’re neutral on USUK. Or, heck, even if USUK is a ship you dislike but isn’t an outright NOTP. I’d still recommend checking out this comic. Arthur in the Dark is still worth a read in my opinion. It’s that good. But enough gushing. Read on for the meat of this post.

Ready? Here we go: Arthur in the Dark has one of the best depictions of rape I’ve ever seen in a piece of media. “Best” as in most skillfully crafted for narrative purposes. Honestly and truly. Not even kidding. Which is kind of amazing considering it’s a depiction that came from a fan comic based on a jokey, anime gag series. Why do I feel this way? A couple of reasons:

Firstly, the rape in AitD is frighteningly, tragically realistic. Something the majority of fictional rapes are not. We tend to think of rape as taking place in a dark alley in the inner city. Stereotyping up a scene of a bottom feeder, criminal man dragging a (young, attractive) woman away to violate her. They’re usually total strangers and it’s always violent. These kind of rapes do happen, but statistics tell us they’re the minority. The majority of rapes happen like the one in AitD did: between two people who know each other well. Friends, romantic couples, even family members, make up the bulk of rapists and their victims.

Most narratives prefer the less common type of rape. Usually because the creator doesn’t want to tell a story about rape. Not really. What they want is a gut-punch to add easy drama and darkness to their creation. The sliding scale of “irredeemable bad guy” roughly goes: murderer → cold blooded torturer → rapist → child rapist. Making a villain a rapist is one of the worst things he - because 99% of the time it’s a he - can be. Conversely having a character be raped gains them instant sympathy because people are moral and empathetic creatures at heart. Most creators know this and throw in a rape for the shorthand: “Look how evil our villain is!” Which often makes the rape and its aftermath feel artificial. In no small part because the rapist characters, by virtue of being written to be the worst of the worst, don’t come off as very human. They can’t be when their main purpose is to be loathed by the audience. I could go on because there’s tons more to unpack about rape in fiction, but you get the point.

The rape in AitD isn’t like that. America and England know and love each other. Their relationship is complicated (oh boy, is it ever!) but that part of it is never in doubt. They’re each other’s most treasured person and have been for centuries. They’re not a duo made up of a flat, hate bait, villain on a collision course with their victim. Who’s doomed to suffer and be pitied until the creator decides the audience has had enough of their trauma and shuts it away so the story can move on. America and England are two people living together, going through a period of immense change and stress, trying to manage as best they can, and sometimes getting it very wrong. From a narrative point of view, this makes what happens between them so much better and so much more upsetting at the same time.

Which brings me nicely to reason number two of why this particular rape works: the build up. Like everything else in AitD, America raping England is carefully planned out and set up. The chocolate bar scene, man. Brilliant, I have to say. Alarming, uncomfortable, and brilliant. The scene in the garden is not just sprung on the reader for a jarring “Oh no! Oh shit-!” moment. If your typical under written rape is a cheap jump scare, the rape in AitD is a carefully crafted slowburn dread. Early on we start to become aware we’re building to something bad. From the foreshadowing, the art, the atmosphere, etc. We just know a storm is coming. It’s done without America acting OOC too, which is very important. It’s how he can come back from what he did. Something that would be impossible if the author didn’t handle this setup well. America’s actions aren’t right, but they are understandable. That’s the crucial distinction. The psychology of the whole thing is so very well done. America was in love with England and had been for a long time. The guilt he felt tormented him because of what their relationship was in the past. Caught between his human side and his immortal one. The guilt helped keep America in check because he didn’t want England seeing the lustful way he’d begun to look at him. Then they started living together and England was suddenly vulnerable. Vulnerable in more ways than America was aware. Which is another vital detail of how the creator keeps America sympathetic, but more on that in a moment. England willingly went blind so he wouldn’t have to see when America - the man grown from the child he raised - looked at him with lust. The guilt America felt peaked, only to clash with the realisation that he could freely indulge in his fantasies. Indulge and push (again, chocolate bar scene) now the usual moral restraint - England seeing his desire - was removed.

Meanwhile, England himself felt that same guilt but his was also laced with panic and despair. He didn’t want to lose or strain his relationship with the most important person of his centuries long life. Pulled between human standards of morality and the very inhuman existence of nation-people. Incidentally the clash between their existence as humans, while also being something more than human, is brilliantly done in AitD. It’s something that’s hard to get right - especially involving such taboo topics - but Hotama nails it. USUK usually handwaves the implications around England raising America, but here it’s made part of the narrative. Part of the tragedy, part of the resolution. Good stuff. Anyway, England begged Arthur to take his sight away so he wouldn’t have to see the way America looked at him. Then banished Arthur back into the dark in an attempt to run away from his problems. But without Arthur - without his strength - England couldn’t stand up to America when he needed to. Not that America was aware of any of this because he never knew about Arthur. Which brings me to point three: nuance of blame.

“Blame” is a very loaded word in this context, so I’ll do my best to talk about this carefully. Rape in the media is almost always black and white. Absolutely evil, irredeemable rapist. Absolutely blameless, sympathetic victim. But real life isn’t always that simple. Obviously the rapist is always the perpetrator and the one most in the wrong. I need to make that very clear. But the scene in AitD illustrates that sometimes a victim could have done more to help themselves. Not always, but sometimes. This is a delicate subject so I hope you understand I’m not trying to victim blame. Just saying that rape, like all crimes, doesn’t always deal in absolutes. Unlike media, real life is often complicated and tragic. Good people can give in to temptation. Be weak, do bad things, or allow those bad things to happen. England told America to stop, but failed to follow it up when needed. When America pushed for more and used England’s own words to argue he’d already been given consent, that was when England needed to push back. Interpretation comes in here but, personally, I think if England had told America to stop when prompted, America would have. But England didn’t and he gave in instead. Something America took as a tacit “yes.” Again, not right, but understandable in how it could happen. Their power imbalance had grown extreme, stress and feelings were running high, they were struggling to connect as they used to, England’s prior cowardice and separation from Arthur prevented him from being strong when he needed to be, America was ignorant of his problem, and it all came together in a horrible, tragic mistake. All throughout, the rape continued to be brilliantly, awfully realistic. America not noticing - either genuinely or from denial - that England was not enjoying what was happening. England quickly becoming too distracted by the pain to do anything other than focus on enduring it. Then the aftermath where America didn’t realise what he’d just done due to coming down from a post-sex, post-stress euphoria. Awful, miserable, horrifying, tragic, perfectly crafted scene.

Which brings me to my final reason why this comic impressed me in its depiction of rape: where the story goes from there. Where it goes and how the narrative builds from the rape instead of trying to move on because the “shocking” part is over and now we’re in diminishing returns. Going back to my first point, too many stories see rape as something that happens in an isolated part of the narrative. It happened, it was shocking and brutal, now it’s done and we can move on because we didn’t plan to interweve the rape with the rest of the story. So we won’t give it the weight it needs. At best the victim might get a few scenes expressing their trauma later on - maybe a callback or two - but that’s it. It’s shallow. Plenty of fictional rapes could be replaced with a savage beating and nothing would change. In the worst cases you could remove the rape, not replace it with anything, then run the story with minimal problems. Not so in AitD. There, the rape isn’t just another semi-important plot point. It’s a crucial one which couldn’t be replaced with anything else. The whole first part of the story, the engine of the narrative, is built around America and England failing to deal with their changing relationship. A relationship between a pair of humans who also happen to be strange, immortal beings that ordinary humans can’t understand. Changing from platonic/familial to romantic over hundreds of years. With romance comes lust. Lust can be perfectly healthy just like any other bodily appetite. In this case it became twisted by circumstance, and the only “suitable” narrative payoff was rape. Nothing else would have had the necessary impact.

Then there’s how the rape compares to the final sex scene in some classic narrative juxtaposition. The final sex scene which happens to be the only one in the comic that’s fully consensual on both sides. The one that goes beyond sex and becomes real, honest to goodness lovemaking. It’s a perfect contrast. The rape scene had all the trappings of a classic romance. Right down to it being their first time and taking place in a rose garden. But it’s tragic, horrifying, and deeply unsexy. Then, near the end of their story, America and Arthur get lost on their road trip and have sex in their car. Their crappy, cramped car, where they’re surrounded by ordinary luggage, both of them sweaty and a little cranky with each other after a long day. It’s awkward, ordinary, imperfect and gorgeous. If we didn’t have the rape before to show us the nadir of this relationship, the healing and the dawn that came after wouldn’t be half so meaningful. A very strange thing to say without context, but it was a perfectly done rape that gave the audience the payoff of perfectly done lovemaking. It’s no small feat to get a reader to cheer for a romantic resolution after all of the above. Kind of in awe of Hotama’s skills, I tell you what.

Up to this point and I don’t know what else there is to say other than, geez. This comic, man. Blew me away. I’m so happy I rediscovered my interest in Hetalia if for no other reason than I got to read Arthur in the Dark. I’m a bit of a bookworm in my spare time and I’ve read quite a lot of classic literature over the years. Classic literature with rape scenes not crafted half so well as AitD did. Really think about that. An amateur fan comic based on a jokey gag series about national personifications being silly with each other. Did better at something than the books we hold up as the best of the best. Can’t really say anything else than that is genuinely bloody amazing

#hetalia #usuk #hws america #hws england #aph america #aph england #my posts #arthur in the dark

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drea-ms · 10 months ago

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CRIME AND PUNISHMENT. (罪と罰.) DENJI.

synopsis. tragic lovers who were never meant to be tragic at all. What a tragic story.

warnings. reader dies. no description of gender. heavy angst. hurt no comfort. blood. death. read the first word of each paragraph. typos & not proof read.

— "I love you." three words, three simple words for one to say, three letters that meant every feeling meant to be beautiful, sweet, kind. But, in this case, those three smiple words were used as a lie of sorts. Sure you did love the the messy blonde haired boy, but you knew better than to love love him. You were never capable to do so. Three words so true, yet not.

Will those three words change a thing? Probably not. What a shame. "You don't mean it, I know you don't. So stop lying to me and yourself, [name]." he says, looking at you with a displeasure look on his face, blood stained in his white dress shirt and his oh so beautiful face. A face that could melt you for sure, but it doesn't right now. If love was a crime, then your punishment was this moment you were living in.

"Always—" you cough, blood coming out from your mouth, "I always mean it when it comes to you. Nothing will change that." you say, a small smile shows up on your face, a true honest smile, one that only he can get. He looks at you with a frown, he pouts. How cute, was...he always this blurry? Why is he blurry? Why can't you see him?

"Love, Lets get you up, okay? You're losing blood." He says, an unknown look is shown on his face. you can't tell what it is, you don't know who he is. What is going on? Nonetheless, you nod, after all, you were losing a lot of blood. What a pain.

You get told that love is a nice feeling, one that can make your heart beat fast for the other, a feeling no one wants to get rid of, even if it does hurt you in the process. Love is like a nice warm summer breeze, where you're standing with your beloved enjoying the sunshine and the flowers around you. Love is also a cruel, cruel feeling. Killing others like a deadly disease, harming others like it's nothing and ending stories that were never meant to ended.

"I won't make it." you state, it was obvious. The amount of blood that you have lost is high, by the time he takes you to help you'll be dead. Maybe it was a good thing, you'll finally have your peace. Living in a constant state of fear and pain gets to you sometimes. "You will. I know you will because I'm telling you to. So please, stay alive for me." He says, "Promise me." he whispers this time, holding his pinky up, looking at you with tears in his eyes.

"Promise." You say, lying to him, holding your pinky up against his and interlocking them together, both pinkies fitting together like a puzzle, smiling at him with a bright smile. You knew you were doomed from the start, He knew too but he had hope. Too much hope.

"I'm sorry, Denji."

"I know."

"I love you."

"I know."

"Do you—"

"I always have."

"Hey Denji,"

"Yes?"

"I will always love you. I Promise."

Darkness enveloped your vision.

This time when you open your eyes, you're in your room.

The loop repeats once again.

notes. sorry for the long ass break guys.... i have a life and got writers block.....but!!! im writing now!!! and will probably finish some works!!! this work is based of my new fanfic in wattpad!!! it's an oc x denji but i'll probably change it to an x reader...but so sorry for the delay of works!!! really busy throughout the whole time :(

#🌙 — val writes #chainsaw man #chainsaw man x reader #csm #csm x reader #csm x y/n #csm x you #csm denji #chainsaw man denji #denji #denji x reader #denji x you #denji x y/n

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creatingnikki · 11 months ago

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things to remember in 2024

i. more quiet time, more silence. more shavasana, more stillness.

ii. keep promises you make to yourself. everyone else can be disregarded — the promises they make, the promises you make to them.

iii. there is no "should do this" or "should be that way" as a universal rule book. your experiences and lessons teach you what are your values, preferences, and takes on life and people. you don't need to convince others of them, you don't even need to most times articulate them to follow them and do as you please.

iv. things that increase your risk of chronic health (mental and physical) issues: sitting, smoking, and situationships. your legs, lungs, and love life deserve much better.

v. 'the best way to take care of the future is to take care of the present moment'. fight the instant gratification, the fomo, the yolo. do the healthy thing for you in the moment, every moment.

vi. go to the salon, the bookstore, the train station, the beach, the bakery more than you go to the bar, the boy's house, and self doubt/loathing.

vii. travel even if you don't have a big budget and cannot do everything you'd want to in that destination because you do now want some travel experiences and stories while you're still in your 20s. make it a priority now, you don't want to feel bitter later.

viii. stop trying to frustrate and confuse yourself so much. you are both the vivacious, warm, kind, person and the somber, detached, pensive person. it's not one betraying the other. it's both you — the sunflower and the black orchid.

ix. ask people of things, it's no virtue to only give and not take. however, don't be so sensitive or shattered if not given or denied. people don't have as much power over your heart as you believe. your heart is happily vacationing on the moon most months of the year away from this worldly chaos. it's your ego that cannot take it. acknowledge the role of your ego, learn to understand it so that you can work with it.

x. do the cringe things. post a hundred reels on Instagram even if you get five likes on each. cringe at that part of you that cringes when you do the things you want instead of cringing at yourself. when you do that you're viewing yourself as a third-party judging yourself and honestly love aren't there thousands out there to do that job already? so then you stick to your job — support yourself no matter how you decide to live your life.

xi. love and romance are not the centre or purpose of your life. you are. the genre of your life is neither rom com nor tragic passionate romance. it's slice of life. love and romance will happen when it happens and will be one part of your life. but all the other parts? they belong to you — to your art and writing, to your joy and exploration of yourself and this world, to your family and friends, to food and cats, to travel and music, to peace and sleep. live a full life.

xii. set processes for your routine that streamline everything and make it easy. your morning work commute, your night skincare, going over your monthly budget, saving and investing for your goals, how you organize your life and time. and when problems show up, simply problem solve. don't take it personally, try to not feel dejected and doomed. and for the times you do, don't try to fix anything. take a shower, eat a good meal, go to sleep.

xiii. when setting boundaries, and when those boundaries are crossed, you don't have to break your head trying to get the other person to change their behaviour. instead, you should change your behaviour. if they cross a boundary, then that should be your cue for a behaviour change, a decision. don't be at the mercy of another's understanding and compassion to have your life be aligned to your needs and values.

xiv. three steps taken > three hundred steps planned. pausing for three months > abandoning for three years. three people you love and who love you > thirty people who are fluff. idk why three is the magic number here but you get the gist. moderation, my love, and balance. regulation and removal.

xv. cut out the noise. you'll figure out more of what that means as you begin to do it. it's social media, yes. it's societal conditioning, yes. but it's also the things your loved ones say despite having the best intentions at heart for you. it's the things the younger you believed and thought and wrote. it's the friends and lovers who come and go and don't really know you well. it's all of it. you have to cut out the noise. build noise-cancelling headphones for your soul over time and carry them with you everywhere.

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azure-firecracker · 2 months ago

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The X-Files Season 4 Review (First-Time Watcher)

It has been a minute but we are back!

(Full disclosure - I am actually a little ways into Season 5 as I write this. College has given me more time with energy for watching than energy for writing. Such is life!)

Life seemed to stand between me and this season. I finished the first half in about a week and a half, and then the second half in three times that because…college happened. But we got there! And oh boy did we get a lot.

This season was hyped up to me even before I watched it (it won my favorite seasons poll a while back) and it DID NOT disappoint! I think this season managed to merge the melancholic energy of season 2 with the consistency of season 3. The first half was especially consistent (out of the first 10 episodes, there wasn’t a single one I didn’t like), and while the second half was a bit more uneven in terms of quality, when it hit it hit hard!

I thiiink Season 2 still takes my favorite spot among the seasons, but this is a close second. It’s just so good, and the second half especially has this looming sense of heartbreak that I haven’t seen in the other seasons. If Season 1 is a campy monster flick, Season 2 is an alien soap opera, and Season 3 is an action movie, then Season 4 is a Shakespearean tragedy of epic proportions, wrought with miscommunication, near-misses, and hurtling towards an unavoidable, doomed ending that lurks in the background even of the most mundane moments. I’m a sucker for a good tragedy, so I loved every moment we got. I was also happy that Scully got to have a real emotional arc. Especially in Season 1 and 2, those usually belonged to Mulder, but the cancer arc is first and foremost about her, and the show takes a lot of care to keep her at the center of that story - which I appreciate.

I found the MSR dynamic this season to be fascinating. It’s like they’re in this territory - even before the cancer arc but especially during it - where they’re realizing how much they mean to each other but also how much it could damage them both. They’re closer than ever and yet more at odds than ever. They’ll cling desperately to each other in the face of death but run away from each other in the daylight because they’re afraid of what it means. It’s tragic and less fun than what we’ve seen from them before, but it’s also fascinating.

As always, I do have a few gripes. My biggest is that, while the cancer arc is beautiful and heart-wrenching, I wish they’d explored it a little more. Only Memento Mori, Elegy, and Gethsemane center around it (and Never Again, if you go off of airing order instead of intended order). Maybe Zero Sum too, but that’s about Skinner and kind of its own thing. And I just felt like there was some wasted potential there. Scully was literally DYING and losing control of her life and Mulder was powerless to stop it. There’s so much plot and character potential there that really wasn’t touched on, and it felt like they really only scratched the surface. Of course, part of the fun of this show is that they leave a lot for us fans to do ourselves, but it feels a bit like a wasted opportunity on the show’s part (friends: please be kind and point me to the fanfic now!)

Also, while I love the cancer arc for emotional value, I do have some qualms about yet another major arc about Scully having her bodily autonomy taken away. Why must all of the female protagonist’s arcs have to do with this? (I wrote about it in Season 2 here).

But frustrations aside, I think this is objectively the second-strongest season after Season 3, and subjectively my second-favorite after Season 2. Its overall arc is maybe the most compelling of the show, and the individual episodes (for the most part) are all fantastic.

Speaking of which, let’s get into the individual episodes! Quick disclaimer- because this season took me so long to watch, it’s been quite a while since I watched the earliest episodes. Just something to keep in mind:)

Herrenvolk: Unfortunately, I feel that this was the show’s weakest season opener so far. It’s not bad by any means, but it falls victim to the same gripe I have with many mytharc episodes, which is that it prioritizes plot over character work, and that rarely works for me. On top of that, the plot here was kind of hard to follow, especially Mulder’s half (Scully’s half was easier because she was literally explaining everything like the scientist she is I love her so much). Also they were separated which is never fun. At this point, I sort of feel like the show is just adding more and more elements of the conspiracy without explaining what we already have, and it’s getting to be a lot. I did adore the hospital scenes between Mulder and Scully, though - it’s a vulnerability and openness we rarely get from both of them (and I think it scares the shit out of them both - hence why their dynamic for the next 3 episodes is kind of weird). Anyway I’ll give this one a 7/10

Home: I know opinions on this are mixed, but I really liked it. It was genuinely SO creepy, especially the scene where the Peacocks are beating up the sheriff and their car music plays in the background. I agree with @graciehart who says that Mulder and Scully’s dynamic in here was odd, but I kind of get it. Scully represses a lot of her emotions, and it would make sense that she might not think or talk about motherhood until she sees a distorted version of it, and she can examine it from a more scientific angle. For Mulder’s part, @theswisscheeserag said that this episode was sort of an exploration into Mulder’s privilege, and how he’s a little bit immune to the darkness that lurks behind the small-town American ideal (in part because that ideal is something he never had). All of that is interesting. I also liked Scully really taking the lead on the case, especially when they thought there was an innocent woman in danger. This show has a trend of victimizing women, so it was really nice to see Scully, who’s been a victim of this trend herself, fight against that. Overall I’ll give this a 9/10

Teliko: I am never safe from the ethnic flute, am I?

Plot-wise, this episode was boring. The pacing was slow, Mulder and Scully were fantastic when together, but that wasn’t a lot, and really not much happened the whole time.

But that wasn’t the real problem - the problem is that this is a “cultural episode.” And a bad one. They sort of half-engaged with all of the racial issues, and they said some super out-of pocket stuff that they then didn’t elaborate on, and it almost seemed like they got what they were talking about for a second but then they didn’t and the whole thing was weird but definitely problematic.

When I tell you I have never hated a score more - TRIBAL CHANTING AND DRUMS SHOULD NOT BE USED TO SHOW HOW OMINOUS YOUR VILLAIN IS! DO YOUR PROPER FOLK MUSIC RESEARCH!!

Alas I would love to 100% hate this episode, but I love the climax SO much. This is the first genuine kidnapping loss-of-bodily autonomy role rehearsal that I’ve been begging for since Season 2, and this is my favorite trope, so I devoured it. It’s also SO sweet. I wrote a meta about it. It’s here.

Anyway my love for the climax will bring this episode up to a 6/10 but without the climax it’s like a 3 lol.

Unruhe: Okay. Kind of like Our Town, I have to separate my feelings about this episode from its actual quality. Because in quality alone, this episode is fantastic. The villain is interesting, the tension is palpable, the climax is gut-wrenching, and Mulder and Scully’s dynamic has this fascinating push/pull that’s reminiscent of early seasons but starkly more intense. The way they yell for each other when he’s saving her from the van (trailer? Large vehicle) is haunting, especially for her part, because Scully never screams like that. And the outro of this episode - Scully talking about finally being forced to understand evil and how it can be inside her and come for her while a single tear slides down her face - is my favorite of the whole show.

But it seems I am not recovered from Season 2, and the second I saw violence against women I knew exactly where this was going. I spent the whole episode waiting for the other shoe to drop, and when it did I was more annoyed than anything else. There is one hilarious frame right after Scully wakes up in the trailer where Gillian stares into the camera and looks annoyed af as if to say am I seriously filming this kind of scene again? and I was like same, girl, same. But with the understanding that most of this comes from me and not the episode itself, I’ll still give it a 10/10

The Field Where I Died: I have mixed feelings. I like the idea of past lives here, and the idea that Mulder and Scully were always friends, I love. I know it bothers some people that they weren’t together romantically, but I don’t think they need to have been romantic in past lives in order to be romantic now. I actually really love the idea of the same souls reconnecting in different lives but always in different ways (I’m thinking of the musical Ghost Quartet if anyone here knows it). I also love the concept of Scully always dying before Mulder in past lives - it adds another layer to the tragedy.

But also this episode feels like it’s missing something, and introducing a one-off character to be in the reincarnation cycle was kind of weird, and even though I think the concepts are cool, I just can’t quite love it. I’ll give it a 7.5/10

Sanguinarium: Finally a short episode review! This one was spooky and fun! Nothing in particular to love or hate about it, just a really creepy good time. A good episode for spooky season. 7.5/10

Musings of a Cigarette Smoking Man: Naturally, I missed Mulder and Scully during this, but I thought it was really interesting! I’d much rather take a tour of CSM’s past than see another meeting with the high school board of trustees shady government organization of white men that I don’t care about. I also love that he’s an aspiring author and that he sucks at it - he’s kind of a bad bad guy too if you think about it. My favorite thing about this is that it wasn’t a tragic backstory and that he wasn’t redeemed! A tragic villain who redeems himself is great, but it’s also great to let your villains just suck. 8/10

Tunguska/Terma: Okay Mulder/Krycek shippers, I may not live on your planet, but I now see the roots from which you sprung. Their dynamic in these was actually wild.

This was overall an excellent two-parter! It focused more on character tension than alien plot, which I feel is always better. I liked the juxtaposition of very different high-stakes scenarios for Mulder and Scully - the Russian gulag and Scully being held in contempt of Congress, and kind of the implications that all corrupt governments are the same with that parallel - all good stuff! Although, for being hyped up as inescapable, Mulder sure got out of that prison camp real fast. Also…Mulder being injected with the black stuff is a HELL of a plot point to never touch again, but it is in character for the show. But TELL ME why there are no post-ep fics for this! There’s so much angst potential! Anyway 9.5/10

Paper Hearts: *cries*

See this is what Oubliette could have been if it had properly utilized Mulder and Scully’s dynamic, because Mulder’s search for Samantha is him making all the wrong choices, knowing they’re wrong but always digging in the dirt anyway, and Scully seeing the inevitability of Mulder’s downfall but standing there and letting him hold onto her after he breaks, coming back again and again because he always needs her and she’ll always follow him.

I do think the climax was a bit underwhelming given the emotional weight of the episode. I think Mulder maybe figured the killer (forget his name) out too early. But the post-climax scene is, of course, phenomenal, as is this episode overall. Point me to the fics for this one too! 10/10

El Mundo Gira: And this time the ethnic flute is accompanied by a vaguely Spanish guitar! And a boring plot! And some actors who are supposed to be native Spanish speakers who are very obviously not! 2/10

Never Again: Yes, I did watch this before Leonard Betts, and I’m glad I did, because I think it’s more interesting to look at Scully’s actions through a lens of her reaching breaking point than as a trauma response. I know this is controversial- the wonderful @mulders-too-large-shirt and @thursdayinspace aren’t the biggest fans, but I’m going to have to disagree and say I adored this one. Scully episodes are always treats for me, and this one was no exception. I know that people don’t like the implication that she sees Mulder as a disapproving authority figure, but I saw that as more of a manifestation of her fears than anything else. Scully will always crave the approval of those she loves, no matter how much they show her that she doesn’t have to earn it, she will try, and especially with Mulder, who can be a bit oblivious, the extent to which he values her can go unnoticed, and she’s left feeling like she’s bending over backwards for nothing. She doesn’t feel this way all the time, but here that feeling reaches a peak for her, and she gets these desires to break the mold and do something else and just try everything she never tried before. And as someone who also has a good girl identity, this really resonated with me.

The ending is also killer. Mulder wanting to say it’s become mine but he can’t finish the sentence…especially knowing what’s coming for them…GOD. This is in fact a 10/10 for me.

Leonard Betts: I mean, this is really just cancer arc setup. All of that, and the last few scenes with Scully, are fantastic. Individually, this is pretty good! Nothing to really complain about. 8/10

Memento Mori: *cries* I seem to be doing that a lot this season.

What a fantastic introduction to the cancer arc. I adore that this episode starts with Scully’s narration, to really emphasize how this is her story, and she will be taking center stage. I love how this episode showed Scully and Mulder’s reaction to her disease, and really dove into their psyches in a way they really wouldn’t again. It’s Scully’s desire to maintain her strength, to keep going, to just accept it and keep working as she does so many things. It’s the way the fear of death hangs over her, and she accepts it with open arms because it would almost be more vulnerable to fight it, but Mulder fights it because there’s nothing he fears more than losing her, and yet when she calls him he’s there in an instant, because he’ll give up every answer to be with her. It’s One Breath all over again.

And of course, the hallway scene. Gillian Anderson the actor you are. They both look at each other with so much care and grief and tragedy and love, and it’s fantastic. Though this is not the show’s first forehead kiss (there was a blink and you’ll miss it one in Irresistible) it was the first noticeable one, and it’s so tender but also heartbreaking. I was sobbing in my dorm room. 10/10

Kaddish: I did enjoy the parallel to Mulder not wanting to let go of Scully. And I loved the score, which actually drew on elements from Yiddish folk music (Yiddish is a very prominent folk music for Eastern European Jews). Makes me wonder why they couldn’t do that for the non-white “cultural episodes.”

They seemed to be a bit more clear on the messaging regarding antisemitism than they are when they’re dealing with non-white cultures, but it still felt a bit muddled to me, what with the villain being one of the Jewish people (sort of). I’ll give this a 7/10

Unrequited: What’s that? There was an episode? I must have fallen asleep. 3/10

Tempus Fugit/Max: My lovely friend @california-112 loves these - alas I must disagree. These fall victim to the “too much plot, not enough character stuff” thing that I don’t like. I want to emphasize that this is a subjective taste thing for me, but it does impact my viewing experience nonetheless. I was just annoyed that there was a big mytharc two-parter and Scully was LITERALLY DYING OF CANCER and it wasn’t about that. It felt like that whole plot was just sitting there, wanting to be used, and it wasn’t. And while the plot with Max was nice, it seemed like an awful lot of significance to give a one-off character. If he had been recurring, I might have liked this more.

But I did, of course, love the birthday bookend scenes. He finally celebrates her birthday because he thinks he may never get to again😭😭😭 And her explanation at the end. I love them❤️ Overall these two are a 7.5/10

Synchrony: I actually really liked this one! Maybe it’s because I’m a physics girlie but I liked the time travel elements of the whole thing, and I thought the continually unraveling mystery was really cool. I guessed some of the plot twists for sure, but not all of them! Also Mulder literally quoted Scully’s thesis at her, which was especially fun because, as a physics student, I now know what the Twin Paradox is. Anyway this was an 8/10 for me.

Small Potatoes: I need David Duchovny to star in a comedy immediately. This episode gave us some much needed levity in a pretty gloomy season. All of the jokes landed for me, and I love how pathetic of a villain Eddie is…and that’s exactly why he’s dangerous. I also love every second of body-swapped Mulder and the way the show takes the opportunity to make fun of itself. “Where do I sleep?” might be my favorite joke in the whole show.

I also like that this episode has layers, and kind of gets sadder the more you think about it. Read what I wrote on that here.

All that being said, I do agree with @california-112 that this episode falls into the trap of belittling women who were victims of SA, and I do think that that’s generally icky and a problem. With that in mind, I’ll give this episode a 10/10 for my personal enjoyment but an objective 8/10.

Zero Sum: Another Skinner episode! I do feel like Avatar gave us more insight into his character than this, but I still thought this was intriguing. I thought the push-pull between Mulder and Skinner was entertaining, and the thought that Skinner was willing to go to such lengths while Scully was sick is an interesting one - but most of this episode escaped my memory and I did watch it fairly recently, which I think is telling. So 6/10

Elegy: *cries* Scullyyyyyy

First of all, the ghost makeup in here? Terrifying. It got me. And I’m not easily spooked by this show.

But I loved Scully’s reaction to this. Her in therapy, only admitting how much she needs Mulder when she knows he can’t hear it, because she’s still fighting those same battles with her emotional walls and her self-image. Her refusal to believe in what was happening to her because of science, but also because she doesn’t want to admit that she’s dying and that things aren’t normal and they can’t be normal and they can’t go on. I also don’t know if this is the episode where she finds out her cancer has metastasized (what we learn in Gethsemane), but her final argument with Mulder hits so much harder if you think it is. I know what you’re afraid of, because I’m afraid of the same thing…and what that really is is being apart. And the final shots of her in the car…this season has so much Scully crying and I hate it but I love it. 9.5/10

Demons: Dare I say…tied with Irresistible for new favorite episode? I’ve already made a meta about this, so you know I adored it. Plus it takes place in my hometown which is awesome!

All jokes aside, this episode was so sad but so wonderful. Mulder feeling like his life is spinning away from him and he can’t save anyone, taking desperate measures to find answers, and just being fully swallowed by his self-hatred, willing to go further than he ever has because there’s no hope left.

And Scully, who is his beacon of hope, following him and believing in him when no one else does. She stays until the case is solved and she puts every single piece together herself because she has to. She follows him into the house and stares down the barrel of his gun because she will never fear him, no matter how far he goes, and he will run endlessly into the darkness chasing the truth, and she will run just as far to pull him back.

God. He’s so broken and she’s so devoted to him and this episode showed both things in spades. It was beautiful (and, on a more self-indulgent note, played into all of my favorite tropes. It felt like an upgraded version of one of my fanfics). Obvious 10/10

Gethsemane: Like Talitha Cumi, this is more of a precursor to Redux than a finale in itself, but it’s still a really good episode. High stakes all around! This really digs deep into the question of is it aliens or the government or both, and that’s an ambiguity I’ve always loved, so it was nice to see it back. Scully saying her cancer had metastasized absolutely killed me, but what really got me was the ending. Holy shit! 9.5/10

I think this may be my longest review so far, which is fitting for Season 4! Please feel free to tell me your thoughts on these episodes or the season as a whole, or to send me asks about TXF or anything at all! There’s truly nothing I love more than fangirling with all of you! I’ve had such a stressful few weeks with college, and you’ve all been so kind to me, sending me asks and commenting on my writing and chatting with me, and it’s just meant the world to me, so thank you❤️

On another note, my birthday is coming up in a few weeks, and I’d love to make something special for it, so if any of y’all have ideas, please let me know:)

Until next time!

#the x files #txf #txf s4 #x files #dana scully #fox mulder #msr #david duchovny #gillian anderson #mulder and scully #mulder x scully #azure txf reviews

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blue-mint-winter · 4 months ago

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Daella's fears and her sisters' fates - a clue to Gael's death?

In my post about king Jahaerys' reign I noticed that Daella's fears were connected to tragic fates that befell her sisters. I went through the book again and here's what she was scared of:

Alyssa

Vaegon

kittens

dragons, even Silverwing

a prince from Summer Isles, dark-skinned, with a feathered cloak,

singing (by herself)

bees

horses

old gods/marriage before weirwood

pregnancy

She cried because of:

Vaegon saying: "She should find some lord in need of stupid children, for that’s the only sort he will ever have of her.”

scoldings

being asked to read from Seven-Pointed Star

a boy trying to kiss her without permission

maester not letting her hold her newborn child (that one sounds like a normal reaction to her current situation and not having any prophetic reasons)

Jaehaerys listed the major fears of Daella when talking to Alysanne:

"Find her someone. Someone gentle, as she is. A kind man, who will never raise his voice or his hand to her, who will speak to her sweetly and tell her she is precious and protect her…against dragons and horses and bees and kittens and boys with boils and whatever else she fears.”

5 fears, 5 sisters:

Kittens - Daenerys had a kitten, cats hunt rats, rats carry disease, Daenerys died of Shivers.

Boys with boils - Maegelle nursed patients with greyscale, got infected and died (also reading Seven-Pointed Star could have reminded Daella of her sister's future death, causing her to cry).

Bees - Saera's disgrace was caused by her affair with Braxton Beesbury. Additionally, it would explain Daella's fear of flirting squires. (Crack theory because we don't know how Saera died, but it would be funny if she was allergic and died because of a bee stinging her when she was living in Volantis.). Also, Saera said she might like to marry a trader from Summer Isles, which could connect with Daella's fear of the prince of Summer Isles (another theory - maybe Saera lost her virginity with that trader, after all later she was experienced when she corrupted Perrianne and Sweetberry and she did say that the 3 boys were silly and all thought they were her first, implying that they actually weren't. Summer Isles are known for their sexual liberation). Daella's fear of scoldings could be connected to Saera's interrogation/trial by Jaehaerys.

Horses - Viserra dying because she was racing while drunk and fell off a horse. She was also meant to marry a Manderly, probably having a wedding before the old gods, which could be the connection to Daella's fear of weirwood. If Daella's prophetic ability allowed her to see the outcome of different choices, maybe Viserra was doomed to die anyway as a result of that marriage. Or maybe she was doomed to die while running from that marriage - so it was the major, underlying cause of her death.

Dragons - ?

Dragons aren't connected to any of Daella's sisters deaths. The only left are Alyssa and Gael. Alyssa was a dragonrider, but she died from complications after childbirth: "She never fully recovered from Aegon’s birth, and died within the year at only four-and-twenty." This fits with Daella's fear of pregnancy and how she purposely chose a suitor that already had children, thinking that he wouldn't force her to get pregnant (unfortunately for her, lord Arryn was a sicko that "loved her for years" and just wanted to have sex with her). I guess her fear of Vaegon could be connected to the fear of pregnancy as initially Vaegon was supposed to marry her. Though I'm not sure why Daella was afraid of Alyssa as she didn't cause anyone's death and even defended her from Vaegon's hurtful words. (Crack theory without any basis in text whatsoever - Vaegon took revenge on Alyssa by ordering the maester that was taking care of her to do a shit job and that's why she didn't recover after childbirth. If Daella knew, maybe that's why she was scared of Alyssa, probably she was just avoiding her. Sadly, she still caused Vaegon's grudge against Alyssa who humiliated him to defend Daella.)

That leaves Gael. Her fate is described like this:

"A sweet-natured girl, but frail and somewhat simpleminded, she remained with the queen long after her other children had grown and gone, but in 99 AC she vanished from court, and soon afterward it was announced that she had died of a summer fever. Only after both her parents were gone did the true tale come out. Seduced and abandoned by a traveling singer, the princess had given birth to a stillborn son, then, overwhelmed by grief, walked into the waters of Blackwater Bay and drowned."

Daella's fear of singing fits with the traveling singer causing Gael's downfall. However, Daella was afraid of being asked to sing. She had a positive reaction to a Blackwood suitor's singing to her. That makes the involvement of a traveling singer in Gael's death very doubtful. On the other hand, the last clue and fear of Daella that's not connected to any of the other sisters, was fear of dragons.

The strong connection between Daella's fears and her other sisters' deaths should mean that Gael's death is connected to dragons. In addition, it makes the whole "true tale" of Gael's death suspect because Daella did not fear water or drowning - she visited Driftmark to see Corlys who was one of her prospects and she only got seasick on the boat. Oddly, that one voyage she took didn't cause any fear or tears.

Some fears/causes of death were literal, like kittens and horses, so it could be that a dragon caused Gael's death. Maybe she tried to claim one on Dragonstone and it burned her or she fell from its back and drowned in the sea. Would Jaehaerys cover it up? Probably, it would look bad for his propaganda how Targaryens are special and godly if it was known that his daughter was killed by a dragon like any commoner.

Fears of singing and dragons can be connected - I'm basing this on HOTD, not the book. In the show Daemon was singing to dragons to prepare them for new riders. Maybe Gael tried singing to a dragon she wanted to claim but it didn't work and she was killed?

The whole theory with Gael failing to claim a dragon assumes Dragonkeepers were sleeping on a job as Jaehaerys created their order to prevent any unsanctioned claiming of dragons after Saera's attempt. However, she may have tried to claim a wild dragon on Dragonstone, so the theory that her death was caused by a literal dragon can't be entirely discarded.

On the other hand, the fear of bees connects to a Beesbury, which is a metaphorical interpretation. Therefore fear of dragons may refer to a Targaryen causing Gael's death but which one? The list of suspects is: Alysanne, Jaehaerys, Baelon, Viserys, Daemon. All people who had access to Gael.

Events surrounding Gael's death:

92 AC - Aemon's death, Baelon becomes Prince of Dragonstone, Alysanne quarrels with Jaehaerys about succession and goes to Dragonstone

93 AC - Alysanne's last flight on Silverwing, birth of Laena, Viserys claims Balerion

94 AC - Alysanne and Jaehaerys reconcile, birth of Laenor, Balerion's death

95 AC - Alysanne breaks her hip and starts using a cane to walk

96 AC - Maegelle's death

97 AC - birth of Rhaenyra, Daemon's marriage to Rhea Royce

98 AC - great tourney at King's Landing, whole family gathers, Septon Barth's death a fortnight after the tourney

99 AC - Gael gives birth to a stillborn child and dies, then Alysanne returns to Dragonstone; Baelon becomes Hand

100 AC - Alysanne's death

101 AC - Baelon's death, Great Council

103 AC - Jaehaerys' death, after his death the "true tale" of Gael's death comes out; Viserys is king, Daemon is brought back to court

It's hard to say what was the order of events within a year because Gyldayn sometimes mixes it up. For example, it's unknown if Baelon became Hand after Gael's death or before.

Alysanne could be indirectly responsible for Gael's death due to smothering she did to the girl. Maybe the life under her mother's thumb, never allowed to grow up and be free was the cause of Gael's bad decisions leading to her suicide? Counterarguments: Alysanne was infirm, walked with a cane and was going deaf (couldn't hear singing), I doubt those last few years Gael didn't get more freedom. What's more, Daella worshipped her mother, she was never afraid of her. Gael died in 99 AC, Alysanne in 100 AC from wasting illness and grief over losing her last daughter. I think Alysanne didn't cause Gael's death.

It's important to determine Gael's whereabouts. The quote says that she "remained with the queen" but "in 99 AC she vanished from court, and soon afterward it was announced that she had died of a summer fever". Alysanne went to stay on Dragonstone after Gael's death. So Alysanne and Gael were in 98 AC in King's Landing for the tourney. And that's when Gael became pregnant. Presumably she vanished only when the pregnancy was impossible to hide but Alysanne stayed in court. Where did Gael go?

Out of all elements of the "true tale", Gael giving birth to a stillborn seems the most likely to be true. It's a shame of the family so if she didn't have a child, then the "true tale" wouldn't mention its existence at all and just said that she killed herself because her traveling singer left her. It seems to me that other elements that are questionable and don't fit with Daella's fears are obfuscating the most important mystery - the identity of the father of Gael's child. And the official version of the story is obfuscating it on purpose because it's so scandalous for the man. That man wasn't a mere traveling singer. One of her own Targaryen male relatives seems most likely to be the father and fits with Daella's symbolic fear of dragons as well as known incestuous preferences and traditions of the family. Three of the suspects were married (Jaehaerys, Viserys, Daemon) and one was a widower with a reputation of total loyalty to his dead wife (Baelon). Having a bastard with Gael would cause a big scandal for any of them.

If someone wanted to hide a visibly pregnant Gael, especially from her infirm and overprotective mother, where would he take her? I think the answer is easy - Dragonstone. A place she could try to claim a wild dragon to run away from her captor. Conveniently, Baelon was the Prince of Dragonstone, meaning it was his seat of power and he was ruling it. The same year Gael died, 99 AC, Baelon became Hand, therefore he had to take residence in the Tower of the Hand. Alysanne returned to Dragonstone after Gael's death. If Gael still lived when Baelon became Hand, his absence could have been the perfect time for her to try to claim a dragon (or kill herself). Though Baelon becoming Hand after her death also works.

Baelon spiriting Gael away makes sense thematically within ASOIAF - we have the famous tale of BAEL the Bard kidnapping the king's daughter and impregnating her. In the main story Petyr BAELish kidnaps Sansa and hides her away in his own seat of power. The name BAELon is pretty damning. The connection with the "true tale" is clear: "traveling singer" -> Bael the Bard -> Baelon. Furthermore, the peak of Targaryen romance is "take me to Dragonstone and make me your wife" just like Jaehaerys and Alysanne.

Baelon being the father of Gael's child makes sense. He was a widower and heir, but he couldn't marry her because of Alysanne. Previously Alysanne actively prevented him from marrying Viserra and he was feeling bad for what happened to his sister, wondering if it was his fault. "Prince Baelon was greatly distraught as well, wondering if he should have spoken to his sister less brusquely the night he found her naked in his bed." Baelon had a good reason to hide the affair and pregnancy from Alysanne and also a close place to hide Gael. After Gael died Baelon kept visiting Alysanne. "Only Baelon the Brave remained near her till the end. Her Spring Prince visited her as often as he could and always won a smile from her". He knew how much the loss hurt his mother and tried to make it up to her, probably out of guilt.

Baelon also had a good reason to hide the affair from Jaehaerys who the last time personally killed the man that seduced his daughter (Saera).

Despite all above making Baelon the most likely suspect behind Gael's disappearance, a case can be made that he wasn't really the father of her child, just the person hiding her away. Let's examine the other suspects.

Jaehaerys - it's in line with the theory that he was molesting his daughters. In 98 AC all of them were dead (and Saera was in Essos), except Gael who Alysanne always kept close and protected. In addition, his most trusted advisor, practically his conscience and moral compass, Septon Barth died that year. Maybe after that Jaehaerys took the opportunity to go after the last untouched daughter. Then Baelon realized what was happening with Gael and hid her on Dragonstone, finally saving one of his sisters from her abuser. Hiding this from Alysanne made sense, if she knew, it would break her heart. Whether Jaehaerys knew where Gael was, it doesn't matter, either way he would want her pregnancy covered up to preserve his own reputation.

Viserys - that one seems the most unlikely of all suspects. He was married, Rhaenyra was born in 97 AC and he was probably optimistic about having a son with Aemma. Additionally, he just doesn't seem like the type to have dangerous affairs like that. No true motive. He even had no dragon to kidnap her. I'm crossing him off the list of suspects. However, the "true tale" comes out after Jaehaerys' death, when Viserys was king. He would want to preserve his father's memory as a perfect prince and heir so he would cover up Baelon's involvement in Gael's disappearance. Same if the baby's father was Jaehaerys.

Daemon - it could have been him, he was unhappily married to Rhea Royce and had a known preference for Valyrian maidens. Gael would have been a suitable royal match for him, but Alysanne wouldn't allow her to marry anyone. It's possible that Daemon took the chance at the tourney to seduce Gael and later his father hid this from the king and queen. However, later on we have an incident with Daemon being found in Rhaenyra's bed, when he hoped to get annulment of his first marriage and marry the princess instead. Why didn't he try causing the same sort of scandal with Gael? It must be because he knew that Jaehaerys would just kill him like Beesbury, instead of granting him anything. Viserys posed no danger to Daemon's life on the other hand. On top of that the time of the "true tale" coming out means that if Daemon was Gael's seducer Otto would have probably used it to exile him sooner. It wouldn't be "traveling singer" but the "Rogue Prince" and everyone would know. Therefore, the chances that Daemon seduced Gael are very low.

Did Gael really commit suicide?

A real or figurative dragon's involvement in Gael's death is possible in accordance with Daella's prophetic fear. However, it's uncertain how much Daella knew or understood about her visions. The only people she was afraid of were Alyssa and Vaegon and they didn't kill any of her sisters. She didn't fear lord Arryn who caused her own death from childbirth. She wasn't scared of Jaehaerys, Alysanne, Baelon or any of the other suspects in Gael's case but on the other hand she cried because of boys similar to Saera's boyfriends.

The suicide by drowning can't be entirely ruled out as the cause of Gael's death. Daella wasn't afraid of water or drowning, but maybe she just didn't receive a warning vision because Gael chose to die. All the tragic fates of the other sisters were beyond their control. They all wanted to live and find happiness, but it was taken away from them.

Why would Daella fear suicide? She never wanted to kill herself, instead she worked hard to avoid death and misfortune. Drowning by choice was never a danger to her.

It's hard to say if the tale of Gael's suicide is true or a fabrication. Her situation on Dragonstone may have looked so bleak that it was possible she decided to kill herself. There's no mention of any suicide note which is a reason to question and doubt that the suicide happened at all.

Too many things are unknown, especially in regards to the "true tale" and how exactly it came out. We don't know if Gael's body was recovered, proving that she drowned, if there were any witnesses to her fate and what did they say before being silenced that the official story had to acknowledge their testimony or cover it up for some reason.

Was drowning real or a cover-up for a dragon-related cause of death? Was Gael truly trying to drown herself or did she attempt to escape by swimming away, back to her mother? We don't even know if she tried any other method of suicide or if it was it her first, successful try.

The true cause of Gael's death will remain a mystery as there's not enough evidence to be certain.

Congratulations to those who read this whole long theory post, I hope I wasn't rambling too much and the reasoning was easy enough to follow. Did I connect the dots? I'm open to thoughts about this.

#fire and blood #asoiaf theories #daella targaryen #gael targaryen #saera targaryen #alyssa targaryen #king jaehaerys #jaehaerys the conciliator #my thoughts #baelon the brave

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kandadze · 17 days ago

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Ep 28 loose thoughts

I'm glad for the lighthearted opening, because I know it'll just go downhill from here. Also, PSJ lumped with the men while ZYZ gets to annoy them from the distance is peak comedy. Again, I'm pretty sure we'll need all the laughs we can get.

Also, this is purely from an aesthetic point of view, and seeing ZYC out of his usual deep blues, grays and indigos was jarring, to say the least. The sandy beige does not compliment his porcelain complexion at all... unless they were going for this washed-out, weary look specifically, in which case, A+ (and boy, does he have reasons to be weary lol). Bonus: Ying Lei and PSJ knowing exactly why he's calling ZYZ a bastard 😂

"Next time, please finish your words in one go." Where's the fun in that though, ZYZ? You walked right into that one all by yourself 🤣

Of course Li Lun's way of "asking" for the scale was to threaten its owner with death. I'm afraid he hasn't learned anything... pity, really. I would love for him to have *some* sort of character growth.

Wow, ain't she miss popular all of a sudden! Is the Chongwu Camp guy gonna help LL to save Bai Jiu's body, or is he gonna go with his boss's orders after all? And of course the boss has *something* on the princess - I refuse to believe that his repulsive ass is Meng Xuan.

What's with that look, LL? Did you forget that the 3-face-mask - what's his name again? Wen something? - is after ZYZ's inner core? Did you think he was gonna stop trying to get it when you backed out of your deal? (Unless he's more like, welp, there goes my chance to get rid of the poison...)

The whole "why do we need the scale" sequence is sending me. Ying Lei: she's so good at making up stories! ZYC: she probably got that from one of her novels. YL: I was not allowed to read erotica!!! 🤣 Meanwhile, in the distance, WX: let me spin this even harder, for maximum effect. ZYZ: 😲😱🤯😵‍💫🫡 YL: 🤢

But of course, the show will not let us forget that the success rate of interspecies romance in this universe is exactly zilch, nada, and zippo... and here I am, still holding onto hope for some kind of satisfactory ending. Oof, the way WX went "you owe me a life" so matter-of-factly... give me more female characters with a backbone of steel!

Omg can I just barf. Wen Zongyu *is* Meng Xuan? Is it just me who finds the taste of the Wilderness women we've seen so far shacking up with humans - Bai Jiu's mom and now the princess - highly questionable? Like, why. My aroace ass cannot conceive how the princess could fall for *that* guy, of all people. I've sat through all the tragic romances so far not quite understanding maybe, but believing in all of them, but this, no.

(Also, it is now confirmed, that little bridge is like a tourist attraction for lovers, only every couple who sat on it is doomed. You should've played with your sparklers at the dock, ZYZ, WX!)

Oh wait hold up? Meng Xuan is someone WZY knew? He pretended to be him? Oh for fuck's sake! But the woman the princess poisoned *was* WZY's wife, right? And WX's dad and WZY knew each other??? This is so confusing ffs

"An innocent person's only crime is to own something valuable." "People with a treasure are always surrounded by bad wolves and cunning foxes. In most cases, in order to protect the treasure, they become a bloodthirsty beast, too." "It's a choice. She could choose not to." Love this whole convo on innocence and how it can get twisted, and ZYC restating his values. (I also get distracted by his eyelashes, like, constantly. 😅)

Oh, is WX going for the jugular. (And it appears only ZYC knew about the princess killing WX's dad. When did he find out, I wonder.) Also, hello? The *triple* murderer gets to make a request? For ZYZ's inner core, nonetheless??? I mean, I know why she's asking for that specifically - Chongwu Camp lackey did get to her first, after all - but that's not how "paying back" works, lady.

ZYZ, you just promised ZYC that you won't seek death, and then not only do you risk your life for him almost immediately after, now you're back on your self-sacrificial bs??? I swear, ZYC's patience for this demon. And his love, too. "Keep your inner core. I won't exchange it for anything, not even the Cloud Light Sword." Ahhh my heart.

Did he really pull a demonic equivalent of "my body, my choice"??? ::dies:: and then he goes, you don't want to make that choice, I'll make it for you. I immediately flashed back to Ying Long making the decision for Bingyi, oh no 😭

Awwww goddamnit everyone (not you WX, you're on the right side here), stop making ZYC sad! He cares for all of you, stop forcing him to make impossible choices! (You can tell I'm really invested when I start talking directly to the characters lol) In a way I understand why Ying Lei and PSJ would choose Xiao Jiu over ZYZ. YL's grandpa's death is no doubt still fresh on his mind, and even though in a way he seems to be going against his grandpa's final act of love, it's also a sort of "life for life" reasoning. For PSJ, even if her views of demons shifted since we first met her, Xiao Jiu is first and foremost a kid who reminds her of her brother. So I understand where they might be coming from, and I still don't like that ZYC has to deal with his found family fracturing before his very eyes.

Goddamnit, Ying Lei's projecting his own wish for being special and chosen. Makes sense, our underappreciated comic relief might not be expressing it much but we've been shown his constant vying for attention and validation (especially from ZYC and XJ) often enough. Headpats my dear boy, you *are* special. You are also, however, using emotional blackmail to sway ZYC, and I don't like that.

Ah, PSJ, back to annoying tf out of me. "Not 'we.' Just you and Zhuo Yichen" is it now? Damn it, this show just keeps finding ways to make my heart hurt. Don't break up the family!!! Not like this! You tell them, ZYC! (ZYZ's face when ZYC in essence said, over my dead body!)

............

Remember folks this is me yelling into my notepad as I'm watching bit by bit. At this point I had to stop because I reached my limit and at the same time had a terrible thought that this is another illusion. Because no way in hell did I just watch them- Draw. Weapons. On. ZYC???!!!

This can't be real. ZYZ, stop this nonsense!

....... I hate it here.

Okay, before I go any further, I *know* from the MV and the trailer that whatever the fuck just happened can't be real. But they better have a *very* good explanation because my poor heart pretty much stopped for a moment.

So they got the scale. Yippie.

What was the point of all of this if she dgaf for the letter? Please get them both off of my screen, he's a fucking monster and she has no taste, and I dgaf for their tragic story (barf). I think this is the first time I got seriously annoyed while watching this drama, which, considering we're on ep 28, is a feat in itself.

How tf did he recognize PSJ's arrow? Can he tell it's hers by its trajectory? I guess he's just naturally brilliant at everything killing related?

OMG ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, DRAMA. We were told earlier that the fish can communicate with Longyu! And they gave us a shot of fish in that pond they were all standing at! They even showed us WX holding up something before the "break-up" started - I just didn't realize it was her "notebook"... So everyone was acting??? But there was no way ZYC could've read her notes, so was he the only one who wasn't??? 😭 You mofos, how dare you put him through stress like that!!!

"Go away." "Okay." Someone's sleeping on a couch tonight... From the music in the background I know we're supposed to find this reveal funny, the *four* of them definitely do (while laughing at him), and I just keep thinking of what it must've felt like to him. Isn't his biggest fear losing his loved ones? Whether by death or by a difference in thought, which changes love into hate? (Stil not over that little speech on love vs hate XJ's mom gave several eps back!) Even if it was a ruse, for him it was real. In short, ZYC my man, I applaud you for your restraint; I would've blasted the lot with some ice by now.

Oof another reveal. Will the asshole care? I doubt it. ZYZ's hand on WX's shoulder because of course she's gonna blame herself. Aaaand I was right, the asshole doesn't care... can someone just shoot him for me, please.

Wow, ZYZ, you little attention whore. And again they're giving us the "you can't choose your origin, but you can choose your own life," just as they're marching us towards the inevitable end. Nooo, not the leaves speech! Seriously, the amount of beautiful, soul-crushing lines in this drama! Aaaand he just said the title. The dream will end, we will wake up, we'll go back to reality. But we'll remember the dream forever... I feel like WX is expressing our hopes for a different ending, and ZYZ is confirming our fears that it can't be changed. Goddamnit.

And then she goes, let's live together, even though there's definitely something wrong going on with her??? Thanks for the forehead touch, drama, I'm a sucker for those.

Aw LL, you sad little demon possessing a dying child's body. I find it fascinating how different his cave looks now, almost ethereal with all the flowers and floating lights, while he's decaying (not to mention all the raw meat he's been consuming).

ZYC changed clothes, thank goodness 😅 I mean, y'all *could* just apologize? Why make it seem that he's the unreasonable one for being genuinely upset over something he didn't know was an act? The prolonged hovering of their hands, I can't 🤣 Do you want to get the scale stolen? Because that's how you get things stolen in this world, by not using them immediately. Come to think of it, why don't they know how to use it? You'd think Ying Long told them, right? (What you wanna bet that somehow WZY knows?) What the heck did I just say? They're already being watched...

Good on you for not being fooled (I mean, ZYC *never* smiles like that, why does she keep making the same mistake), but oh goodness did he lose the thing he was supposed to guard with his life *fast*. I hate that we see them so reactive so often, and just *not* smart. They *just* said LL was going to try to get the scale - but they still left Ying Lei by himself? Please, you're supposed to be good, not *dumb*!

Huh, I guess I should've known there'll be another twist(s). I'm exhausted so all I have left is, I appreciate the little moment of softness between LL and his human livers dealer, and did ZYZ really teach LL *all* his tricks? We shall see. (And as I promised myself, I'm not checking out the preview. My sanity's frayed as it is.)

#fangs of fortune #fof ep 28 #fof liveblogging

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most-datable-datable-bracket · 1 year ago

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ROUND 3 MATCH 10

Alistair propaganda:

“I love his puns and sarcasm. He may be kinda dumb and like the epitome of boring white boy to some people, but i just love the humour he brings to the party.”

"alistair was literally forced to live in the stables growing up because the man who had stewardship of him remarried and she didn't like him; he's a bastard prince and tries to keep it secret but is almost identical to the king and you meet those two within 5 minutes of one another; he finds a rose in the middle of a battlefield and thinks how impossible it was to find something so beautiful in somewhere so terrible and it reminds him of finding you - so he saves it to give it to you; he's 20 and if you tell him to he will take the throne (even though it's always been his greatest fear - he'll do it if you're at his side); he doesnt know he's a half elf and its possible for him to live in the same castle as his mother later; he notices she looks at him strangely but he never finds out why; he's doomed to die young and so are you"

Shinjiro propaganda:

"shinjiro is leaps and bounds ahead of any of the other persona romance options. sorry NOT sorry literally jerk with a heart of gold taken to the nth degree his romance is BEAUTIFUL it's TRAGIC it's ultimately DOOMED BY THE NARRATIVE. literally a guilt-ridden man who despite his death wish reluctantly opens his heart to the MC and it's so touching and despite his struggles he still finds beauty and kindness in love and the small things. he's a great cook he's a lover of animals he is one of the only romance options that gives a shit about how the MC is doing. he TAKES a bullet for a kid but is saved literally by the PC romance/power of love in an ironic twist of fate that depends on the player liking his romance SO MUCH that you keep trying to hang out with him AFTER COMPLETING THE ROMANCE LINK.... he wakes up from a COMA at the end of the game because he feels the MC about to fade from this plane of existence (doomed romance alert) just so they can spend a few last moments together. Fucked up. his romance accomplishes more in his one month of gameplay time than any other options have in their whole runtime."

#alistair dragon age #dragon age #dragon age: origins #shinjiro aragaki #persona #persona 3 #round 3 #most datable datable character

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hamliet · 2 months ago

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Hello Hamliet, I started reading Dostoevsky because of you and just finished The Idiot. I really enjoyed the book and I wanted to ask what are your thoughts on Nastasya Fillipovna?

AHH I'm so happy to hear that!

Hoo boy. First I'll direct you to this post I wrote on Rogozhin and this brief post.

The short of it is that I think Nastasya is, perhaps, Dostoyevsky's best character (besides maybe Smerdyakov, though I see Smerdyakov as essentially the male Nastasya). But she's incredibly tragic, and you're supposed to be outraged as you read her story. She's self-destructive because of trauma (being sexually abused from a young age), and she isn't even hiding it. She's upfront about her trauma, and that is what makes her fairly unique especially for a woman in her day and age--and also kind of what dooms her.

Nastasya is remarkably prescient about the factors that led to her position, which makes her an ideal contrast to Myshkin and to society as a whole. She knows who is to blame even more than Trotsky (her abuser). While everyone calls her a madwoman for her actions that lash out at everyone around her as well as at herself, she's not mad. She's blaming exactly who should be blamed. The mad ones are society, who pretend not to see the reality they are all living in.

Nastasya lashes out at everyone because society is, itself, an even bigger villain than Rogozhin. Society looks proper and flaunts beauty and power, like Trotsky . Society, at its best, is intended to be a community that helps protect the innocent and care for those who are in pain. Instead, much like Trotsky acted as a "benefactor" for the poor Nastasya who needed an adult in her life, society grooms and takes advantage of the innocent and hurting, and then uses their pain for their own entertainment. It's an observation not limited by time: see, every pop star ever.

And even when society feels pity for her, it's too late to save her. Her life is ruined. And yes, the misogynistic and patriarchal values of 1800s Russia do play a role here, but there are still also those elements present today, too. They push her to a point where even "redemption" offered to her in the form of Myshkin is not about her--it's about them. It's about them feeling good about themselves.

She has no power and no say over her own life, and that's why she constantly acts out in any way she can--to act like she has power, and to punish society for being "invested" in her either as a hot mess or as a redemptive bride. And society could have intervened with Trotsky, or just--not cared about Trotsky, as they all acknowledge she was taken advantage of, but they don't.

I do think she genuinely loved Myshkin, and my hot take is that Myshkin and Nastasya were better suited as a couple than Myshkin and Aglaya, which is what most critics tend to purport. I don't think Myshkin ruined things by choosing Nastasya out of obligation over true love with Aglaya. I think what ruined things is the whole paradox that is the crux of the book's thematic question: how can one be a true human being in a corrupt society?

I think the tragedy is that in not understanding herself as a human being--something society has never seen her as--she cannot treat others as humans either. Marrying Myshkin would have meant facing that about herself, and also facing the inherent power she does have as a human being--to affect those around her, because no person is an island and we do need community. Nastasya is used to being a tool, and her spirit is so broken down at that point that she is afraid to be human because community has only objectified her. So she cannot face it and chooses to go to Rogozhin instead so that he will kill her; it's suicide, and the text directly says that.

Yet in her death, she ironically proves that she is human--her death destroys Myshkin, because he was a human being too who loved her. He goes truly mad, and society continues on by putting him away in a sanatorium and washing their hands of it.

That's tragic. It's wrong, and we understand that as readers and are meant to grieve and to feel angry at how society, which can heal, destroys. And we're meant to examine our role as human individuals and as a collective in the destruction of the innocent around us--the limits and strengths of our own humanity.

#ask hamliet #the idiot #fyodor dostoevsky #prince myshkin #lev myshkin #nastasya filippovna

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multifandombullshitbabes · 4 months ago

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i'm gonna yap about alicent's character because i'm in love with it and i hate that ppl just cannot watch this show with their eyes n ears open

"why would alicent kill aegon when she was ready to die for him in his coronation its so stupid they killed her character!!" SHE DOESNT WANT HIM DEAD THATS THE POINT!!!! ITS WHY ITS A SACRIFICE!!! FUCK!!!

rhaenyra doesnt WANT aegon dead cuz she hates his guts or smth: this is a war and he is her biggest threat. she needs to neutralize him aka kill him. she knows it. she says it!!! she says it to alicent!! they both know it is tragic but it will happen!! aegon was dead the second he was born!!!

thanks to her father, alicent has always had this idea drilled into her head that unless she secures aegon as king he is going to die, rhaenyra will kill him cuz he is a threat (she wouldnt have done that, duh, she doesnt work like the heartless blood hungry men around her that just want everything to be bloodshed and death. she is trying to avoid bloodshed n no one is on the same wave length except for alicent, which is so ironic). can u imagine growing up alongside ure first born son and looking at him and seeing him dead. thats what alicent sees: she sees her lil boy dead as long as he isnt king.

and before viserys death, she understands that actually no thats not true: rhaenyra would never kill him. she trusts her. she understands in that dinner scene that rhaenyra wants peace just like alicent. and then viserys talks his big talk abt dreams and aegon and alicent is now forced with this huge revelation. here he is, her husband, the man that robbed her of her childhood, a childhood of her being strung along and pimped by her own father for his own schemes, never having a voice, always trying to be good, jealous of rhaenyra and her rebellion; here he is denouncing his rebellious daughter in name of tradition and the order of things (so she thinks) and shes brought back to her young self, following her fathers words, and finds herself trusting the men in her life again n again n again. she had power for a brief moment when she was queen regent and what did she do? find religion, another way to constrict her power and her decisions by making them in name of smth else, not herself.

and i mean... it was for nothing!!! they were always going to be aegon on the throne!! shes fucking powerless, everything keeps reminding her of that. all she can do is damage control. but how can u do that when u dont do it to urself? she doesnt know how to mend herself without admitting shes been broken. she doesnt know how to comfort her children because she doesnt know how that looks like. shes flying blind, and shes trying, and she cannot tell between right or wrong anymore.

she IS losing herself, thats the point!!! shes tried to do everything in her power to not let aegon die even tho shes already grieved him to hell n back the second he was made king. she tries to honor viserys, the man that ruined her under the hand of the other man who ruined her (her father), because what else can she do as a wife but honor him in his death? n then to know she didnt even do that right, it was a misunderstanding.

after that scene alicent is truly truly lost. they were close to peace before, she threw that away (it was always going to be thrown away but she blames herself all the same), thinking it was the right thing to do even when she was dooming them all, and then it was for nothing. THATS THE POINT!!! IT WAS ALL FOR NOTHING!!!! THE POINT OF WAR IS THAT THERE IS NO POINT!!! ITS JUST DEATH AND GRIEF AND BLOOD. THERE IS NO VICTORY. THERE ARE NO HEROES. THATS THE POINT!!!!!!

she even fucking says it to the maester in ep 7, so clearly, and somehow yall still miss it. they were always doomed from the start. the second her father pimped her out to viserys, she was always going to live in pain and grief and numbness and madness. always.

she does what shes used to, damage control. she tries to save her daughter halaena, what else does she have? her other son, aemond? the one who is so sure he has this great big heroic task of winning this war by blood and fire, so blinded by his rage his bruised ego his pain and suffering and lack of love that he's turned into the scariest things in alicents eyes, a kinslayer; she knows that if they become too much trouble to him, he'll kill them. Halaena says so. he teases it when he removes Alicent from court. He's telling her "i know u want me to do things ure way. i do not want that. i dont want ur gentle ways, i think ure foolish for caring for the enemy, we need them dead, damn the consequences. do not come between me and my goal again. leave." and she understood that. when he turned his attention to halaena u can see so clearly alicent is terrified: hes going to kill my daughter. shes already set on leaving, so she says everything she can to aemonds face head on. she still sees her son there, she doesnt want him gone into the dark and blood and fire that she sees him walking head on into. she tells him "i know what u are. what u want. it is foolish. youll damn this whole family to death with this." and aemond cannot see that cuz he truly thinks hes in the right.

its why that last scene hurts so much. alicent is so fucking lost. she doesnt want any of her children to die and yet she knows they will. even if never went to rhaenyra, aegon is easy dead meat in his state. she knows this. if she continues there n lets halaena stay she knows aemond will make her fight and die n she cannot bear that either. she cannot have her daughter suffer her own fate while under war. she does not want that.

she doesnt sacrifice aegon cuz she wants him dead: he is dead either way. she didnt go to rhaenyra thinking she would make her choose that. and in the end she chose for her son to die because she cannot do anything else. he is always going to die. at least this way she can try and prevent complete n utter bloodshed (and it is all for nothing, there will always be war, she never has any power but at least shes accepted that. she knows nothing she does influence much. she just wants to take her lil girl and her own lil girl and run far far away from death).

there are no heroes or villains in war, only casualties. thats the point. thats the whole point. they are all casualties. theres no point to any of it cuz every player is dead the second they were born. thats tragedy. thats war. thats the show.

#house of the dragon #hotd #alicent hightower #hey look i posted a thing #come get yall headcanons

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