#why do i always feel like im asking for too much of everyone else
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staryscorner · 2 days ago
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Monster
Paring: In-ho x reader
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You and In-ho have had a steady relationship. You both met at a bar and since that day he has shown you almost every side there is to him. He trusts you with every little secret of his, even how he is the “Frontman” of some sort of game. Although you don't know what type of game it is you just thought it was nothing to worry about. He's your finance. So one day he said that he was going on a work trip which he would take every once in a while. You never went to any of them since you knew it was work, but for some reason you felt like you needed to go this time.
“Hey honey, would you mind if I tag along to your work trip?”
“Um well i'm not sure dear you might get bored and want to go home” He said chuckling nervously. 
Now you definitely had to go! He never acted this weird about his work.
“Come on sweetheart it’s just a week right you always come back looking so happy I want to see what brings you so much joy.” you said pushing him to take 
“And since it’s work I can be there to cheer you on if you ever feel down you know? So that’s why you should bring me” feeling like this would make him bring you.
He did hesitate for a bit but he said you could come 
.
.
.
After packing and heading on a boat you were surprised that it was just you and him.
“Where’s everyone else?” 
“There already at the destination so no need to worry” He said grinning at you 
“But I do need to tell you something … Once we get on this island you might see me in a whole other way and I hope that you feel no different than you do now about me” In-ho said in a worried tone
You were confused but what could make you change the way you feel about him
After finally reaching the island he went to the back of the ship and took out an all black leather outfit and a black mask 
“What's with the outfit?”
He didn't say a word, he just continued to put it all on and he handed you a similar mask and outfit.
“Just follow me and don't speak to anyone once we get off”
He was almost like another person this couldn't be your In-ho he was never this cold to you, but you didn't ask since your head was spinning with questions
You entered from a pit in the mountains and had to do a lot of climbing but once you saw made it to the top it was dark lit room which looked luxurious but one he walked you to the main room your heart sank… there were people put in track suits with panicked expressions 
“In-ho WHAT IS GOING ON!” you yelled at him
“Calm down you haven't even seen what my job is” 
He got up and told the guards dressed in pink to escort the players to the first game. You just keep on thinking is this what he meant when he said game
Once everyone was escorted to what seemed to be a dry land with a robot girl, that's when the true horrors began. You saw the robot turn around and say “green light” maybe this might be nothing to worry about, it's just a kids game. Maybe his job was to entertain people. Then the robot said red light and once she turned around the people who were moving were shot and blood flew everywhere.
Now this was something that you could not unsee. You looked up to now see the man you had trusted he was smiling he looked like he could laugh any second 
“I'm leaving, I'm sorry but I can't be with you anymore after this. I know I said I wasn't going to see you differently but this was something I was expecting.
“NO WAIT YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME” He grabbed your arm aggressively and would let you go
“You know too much and I can't have you reporting this to the police just stay here and nothing will happen to you I swear” 
You were trembling “Im sorry but I just can't I swear I wont tell the police but please just let me leave” 
.
.
He let go of your arm and you just ran leaving the same way you entered Once you made it out you felt a sharp and hot feeling coming from your chest as you looked down you saw blood which made you fall you turned around and saw him the man you once loved the one you thought you knew everything about … your future husband
He had tears in his eyes he tried not to look pathetic but he really was he loved you with all his heart and he had to now kill you just for a selfish reason of him not getting found out and he knew that you wouldn't say anything but he still had to do it 
“I will always love you” Those were your final words before you collapsed and had stopped breathing. He just came near you holding your cold body in his arms
Now he was truly a monster
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A/n: OHH YEAAA ANOTHER ONE DONE ISTG LEE BYUNG HUN is just so FINEEEE LIKEEE!!!
I hope y'all enjoy this!!
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amberss · 1 year ago
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mellotronmkll · 5 months ago
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I need to stop having one weird reaction with someone and then letting the anxiety decide in my head that the friendship is doomed because I ruined it like it's my absolute worst trait and I just have to move past it but it's hard
#i have to operate under the assumption that if people have an issue they will tell me but unfortunately this isnt true .#and it has happened to me in the past that i thought everything was ok because people were giving signals i wasnt picking up on#due to the autism so now im paranoid and constantly looking for signs i did something wrong and people are mad#and then i find them where they arent there which perversely does more to ruin a friendship than almost anything else#like the constant Are you mad at me... so i try to force myself not to do that and just#try to again assume that people arent however. im so worried about being blindsided Also of course i naturally dont want to make people#upset so if i am doing something wrong i want to change my behavior. however the fact its nuanced like#where you have to only do that a little bit and then take people at their word most of the time#fucking sucks like you actually are required in relationships to read peoples unspoken signals but you cant do that Too much#and if you misinterpet them its bad... but you cant ask for feedback too much because thats bad too. IT DOES MY HEAD IN actually like#it makes it so hard for me to interact with people because im just worried All of the time . and i have to be constantly like#ok check the facts and adjust behavior. check the facts and adjust behavior. make sure the facts are facts and not jumping to conclusions.#ok how do i do that . ok when do i ask directly. also people dont always tell the truth when you Do ask directly .#and then this is why my whole life i have mostly kept to myself and im trying to stop doing that but its hard because talking to others is a#puzzle for me that stresses me out more than anything else. man this sucksssssss can i just BE NORMAL!!!!!!#i know like Everyone has this problem its a common issue with relationships Communication but it feels especislly difficult for me .i#like cant fathom how other people manage very large numbers of friendships like even being able to count my close friends#on one hand i feel like im barely managing everything and im letting everyone down constantly but again i think thatsnonly my perception/#worry and not even true. god
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termagax · 5 months ago
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re: "good girl" i think they say it once randomly as a joke and its just one of those things that gets him wayyy more than they expected it would. so now its their secret weapon and they use it very sparingly and every single time he gets super embarrassed about it but it works ill tell you what.
#HES MY PRINCESS IDEK.#i dont think it happens naturally all that much because theyre usually in the business of calling each other names and being mean#so i think this would just be a random night where theyre on top and just think it would be really funny. to yank on his leash and call him#a good girl after bullying him into doing something. and well i just think it would get him is all i dont knowwwwwwwwwwwwww#i havr a lot of thoughts on the matter but i will stop for now#but the tldr is that with each other they tend to switch frequently and are always fighting#so i think itd take someone else being in the picture for hog to even realize how much he likes being a good boy :3#and i also dont think fish would be good at straightforward domming in the way he would want and they both know that#so its something he keeps between him and rat mostly. please dont ask me questions abt jrs sex life i have too many opinions on it#anyways. i think even tho fish knows theyd be bad at that they still feel left out so sometimes they go watch. they dont get anything out of#doing that theyre just sort of taking mental notes#all of this circles back to i think fish has always been the more sexually experienced of the two. and romantically.#i dont rlly think hog is a guy who dates i dont think hes ever been that and i dont think he made much time for hookups#(i think its cute if hes a virgin when they meet but 🤷 im not solid on it)#but i think for him hes just only ever fucked this one person and they do a LOT of stuff and it gets the job done so hes just never really#tried anything else. but. and again i have too many opinions on this but i think rat wouldnt be into their usual shteeze#i think hes a bit of a freak in his own way but the blood and weird anger issues is just not doing it for him most of the time#but i do think if given the opportunity he would LOVE to be The Boss for a little bit so i think he and hog can explore that together and it#will work out beautifully for them. this is great because i am not into strict d/s dynamics like that but i know in my heart that hoggy#would be. and i cant do that for him#again i think fish would be butthurt about this. mostly in a 'why didnt u tell me so we could try this :(' and he would go#'because you would suck at it and wouldnt like it' and they go oh. right. well im still mad#ANYWAYS. circling back. i think the good girl thing would be something fish knows that rat doesnt. and idk if theyd tell him or not#because i do think if they tell him he is using that for evil hog is going to be a good girl forever and ever. rat doesnt have the patience#to space it out the way fish does. which idk maybe thatd be good for hog he could work through some stuff...#but on the other hand i think its fun if they DONT tell him and just bust it out sometime when all 3 of them are doing the deed. or whatever#because again they mostly like how embarrassed he gets about it and i think he would be reallyyyy flustered by it#^ this is essentially part of my fantasy about spitroasting my beautiful wife until he cries just so everyone knows#idk i just think when he lets go of himself hed be a very cute and kind of needy subby bottom and i think hed be really easy to fluster#about it and i want it so bad
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softshuji · 1 year ago
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y'know it's a night when hal sits and eats cereal in the dark room at 1.30am.
#i was thinking abt it earlier#but i've been crying so much lately like so much. almost every second day if not every day and i dont know why#actually i do kinda know why.#i think im hitting my limit with a lot of things and one of them is my parent dumping their problems on me#earlier today my mom told me again abt the whole debacle with my dad cheating on her multiple times and everyone knows i find this subject#too much for me i dont tlike to think about it or anything and im so tired of hearing it and especially when i lived through it trust me i#was literally there the whole cheating subject is very raw to me for many reasons and im just tired of being the emotional dump so often#especially because she always comes to me for everything all the time and im so sos tire d#everyone always tells me i should consider my own needs as a person and its okay to have them and yk in theory i agree with this but i just#cant. i grew up not having any needs met so how can i let myself have them now it makes me feel absolutely awful with myself to even#consider having to ask for something off someone and yet i know how wrong this is iknow needa and desires and wants are natural#but mine have always been on the back burner for everyone else. so its' no surprise ive let myself think im something to be used for other#peoples sake. whether that be physically or emotionally and especially the latter. because thats how i see myself someitmes. something#something to make people feel betetr about themselves that has no use outside of how i make them feel - just something to use until they#move onto the next best thing. something more entertaining and better value whatever that might mean something with less feelings less#sensitive. it feels like sometimes thats what i am. the indestructible never breaking hal that somehow has a solution to everything and can#always be there to fix every issue and is there to make people feel better but needs nothing in response#and god it really does feel like my problems dont mean anything to anyone#it does feel like no one thinks theyre worth anything#not worth listening to not worth thr same attention etcetc and yknow what i hate hate hate asking for attention and yet i get upset when i#feel like im not actually being heard or listened to#and i find it happens so often. sometimes i wanna hear it just once for once i wanna hear 'hey its okay to be upset i wish i could hug you'#or something like that god i dont want to be strong and nursing my wounds in private anymore#god i want a hug so bad and someone to just let me cry on them just once i want to be held and told someones got me instead of me doing it#for everyone else all the time#is thisselfish? it feels selfish to say#this is why it affects me so deeply whenever anyone does validate me or tells me its ok to want things or that im loved or anything nice#god i cant handle niceness at all it feels like it knocks me so bad it takes me ages to recover#and yet somehow all i can tell myself is that theyre only saying nice things because theyre being obligated to and not becayuse they feel#like they actually like me
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koishua · 9 months ago
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shining solo ep 8. my reaction rn 😐😐 took it a bit hard lmao
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#tp#very mixed feelings. as someone who associates herself with jeongwoo and having very similar personalities... this ep hurt a lot#idk idk#i mean i get it but i also absolutely do not get it#so many thoughts im taking this very personally what the heck#i cant really warm up to half of this part's girlies im sorry#i loved everyone on part one#as someone who also struggles with managing my social energy lvls... this was a slap in the face#bc my boy jeongwoo truly gave it his ALL the whole day and even managed to perform a couple songs for the girls#despite already having spent the whole day together#and his energy must have been SPENT already and then they pick him as MVP of the day and he has that 1:5 date with all of the girls#by himself!! which is so terrifying imagine being the one person who everyone's attention is on and you have to interact with these ppl#that you arent very comfortable with but you still try your best to give them a good time#AND THEN!! they give you NOTHING in return?? not even a recorder?? no jewel no recording nothing. just ignored like that by everyone#and i get that the girls dont know who's voting for who so they might have believed someone else was gonna give him a jewel or sth#but no one gives him anything (positive OR negative)#and yeah. he was absolutely shocked at the empty safe. i would have been too.#and why did they not give him a jewel y'all might ask??? IT WAS BC HE FELL SILENT DURING THE LAST BIT: THE DINNER#my gosh that's the part that i take offense to personally bc it's really really really difficult to always engage in convos with ppl#after spending the whole day with them already?? and your social battery is down so you quietly enjoy a simple meal??#and then all the girlies threw him away like that??#i mean yeah you're surrounded by sweet men who spend the day appealing themselves to you but come on??#i would have been so impressed by jeongwoo and thankful that he put that much effort in and would understand how difficult it is to#maintain it till the very end because not everyone has hyunsuk's boundless social energy#no offense hyunsuk i love you dearly#and also??? what's up with admitting that you lack some confidence upfront??#the girl's reasoning for giving yoshi the voice recorder was that he said he holds himself to a high standard and lacks confidence sometimes#and i get it. being confident is more attractive than someone who's always insecure and puts themselves down#(and makes the other person uncomfortable) but they were having an honest and deep convo when the thing he said in that convo was used#against him in the end? i would feel kind of betrayed too bc being able to admit that you feel insecure sometimes is a v brave thing to do!!
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apollo-zero-one · 9 months ago
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Man I can't believe I had the chance to go to a performing arts school up through middle school and I fuckin quit after 6 months just because I got bullied. BRO YOUR HOMEWORK WAS POETRY!! YOU HAD TO PRACTICE DANCING TO COTTON EYE JOE AS YOUR BIG UNIT TEST. GYM CLASS HAD A CIRCUS UNIT!! YOU HAD A WHOLE DAILY CLASS ON IMPROV!!! YOU FOOL!! YOU ABSOLUTE IMBICILE!! YOU COULD HAVE BEEN A YOUTUBER!!! YOU COULD HAVE BEEN ONE OF THOSE TWEENAGERS GETTING LOADED BY MAKING SHITTY YOUTUBE SHORTS IN 2008-14!! But noooOoooOOOoo little miss Noellie (who WANTED TO GO!! who worked SO HARD and sent in an application essay and did an INTERVIEW to get in!!) couldn't handle disruptive classmates or little scuffles and petty grudges and general Attitude of the other students and cried to mommy to put her back in public school. I am EATING MY HAIR over what Could Have Been. I COULD BE SOMEONE'S ANNOYING YOUTUBER!! I could be a DISGRACED DISNEY CHANNEL STAR!! I could be an America's Got Talent winner! A mild to moderately successful comedian! I could be making short films!! But no no no precious thin skinned baby me heard a few new cus words and watched a teacher get heckled and begged to give up The Dream in favor of?? Quiet math tests?? I am such a fucking quitter I quit everything the second it gets too hard I always take the out as soon as it's offered what's my fucking damage.....
#I had SO MUCH POTENTIAL and I SQUANDERED IT!! weak ass third grade PUSSY! Your life could have been SO SICK!!#or you could at least be addicted to cocain or something interesting like that!! Boring ass goody two shoes always just staying home doing#NOTHING bitch make a REAL FRIEND go to a God Damn PARTY live a little instead of just hiding in the closet eating saltine crackers for years#waiting for it to be quiet outside before you ever even toed the line#mentally ill self-isolating motherfucker#you could have shrugged it off you could have GROWN A PAIR and FOUGHT BACK but you just ran and cried for mommy#victim complex little bitch baby always whining and exaggerating and making shit up fucking LIAR I am you and I KNOW what you did and I know#you knew it wasn't the truth and you regretted it the moment it came out of uour mouth but once you'd said it you just swallowed it back and#doubled down incriminating or discrediting others with your lies. For why? Because you didn't like them? You could have ruined someone's#life you wouldn't have hesitated mayhe you did and don't even remember because you cant keep your mouth shut with your pants ablaze#manipulative little shit and to WHAT END? Pity? Sympathy? Attention? Entertainment?? What was even going on in your stupid ugly head?#This is a callout post for my third grade self that possessed demon ass evil nine year old. That kid drowned anthills in olive oil and#poisoned a wild animal once. That kid cut plants just to see if they oozed. That kid modified her whole ass personality on a dime for a boy#she had a crush on. INSTANTLY dropped a LIFELONG CULTURAL ALLEGIANCE (thats what football teams were like back then in our town) because he#said he had the opposite allegiance??? What the fuck? girl had NO integrity none zip zilch.#No empthy either that kid looked at everyone else on earth like they were friggin space aliens and she was the only one with Real feelings.#bitch literally thought like 'I have Feelings they just have Reactions' bitch what the fuckkkkk#that nine year old was fucked the hell up!!!#and for literally NO REASON!! No cause!! Just born fucking evil and weird. jesus fuck.#Evil ass bitch caused her autistic brother months of nightmares and then laughed about it and wrote poetry about how evil he was because he?#was a kid??? Normal sibling rivalry taken way way way too far defamatory ass statements#and this girl had NO CONSEQUENCES because she could lie and manipulate her way out of ANYTHING she had the baby eyes and the helpless charm#and played dumb soooo well . read people like some calculative evil AI scanning their faces for microexpressions and overanalyzing each word#choice like holy shit. its not That Deep. pretentious shit trying to play 5D chess on a checkers board.#Manipulating shit just to see what happens?? zero awareness?? no asking just skipping straight to testing for yourself??#'What happens if I step on this' it fucking breaks 'what does that taste like?' it's not fucking yours to mess with 'if I hit this person#how will they respond?' they'll be upset use your goddamn judgement you are NINE not TWO do you even care a little about any other person??#Are you just living in some other reality???#callout post for the fucking demon child inside of me#im so goddamn problematic I'm so so so deeply mentally disturbed and broken for no reason
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lilac-melody · 2 years ago
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I'm gonna be whiny for a while lololol
#ummmmmm#so how much can i#like...#frfr endure#before i just#start.#breakinig#genuinely asking here#because i dont know anymore#im so fucking.#sick and tired of always.#faking good moods. im tired of being the shoulder for everyone to cry on. i dont mind it but i feel like i cant cry on anyone else#shoulder when i really need to. bc all i do is complain complain complain#i grew up in **** and endured ///////////////// and have fuckin depression. and anxiety!#how fun!#oh dont forget the PTSD too lol#but the real kicker is the fact that even though i still have the urge to just slice my own skin open#or do smthin equally gruesome to myself. even tho so fucking often i feel as though i cant fuckng breahte#bc everything fucking hurts so badly and it feels like i have absolutely NOTHING to lvie for#why am i living. why am i here. why do i exist.#i cant even take any antidepressants bc they apparently cancel out my seizure meds#its like life is just fucking laughing at me and seeing how much i can be forced to endure until i just#end it all one day.#ik im a fucking annoyance to people. i know i act like a bigshot and shit but how else can i at least#SOMEWHAT pretend i have people who give a damn about me???#if i disappeared ik people would forget abt me...just like my first few online friends did after a few years...#im unremarkable. im a fucking mess. i want to scream but i cant. i dont want to be here anymore.#im disgusting. my body is disgusting. everything about me is disgusting.#i want it all to end.
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tbaluver · 5 months ago
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I loved the “when you have a baby with them” fic, could you do one where you feel insecure about your body post birth and they reassure you? I love your work!! 🤍
When You're Insecure About Your Body After Birth- The Love And DeepSpace Men
warnings: mentions of body insecurities
parings in order: Xavier x Reader, Zayne x Reader, Rafayel x Reader, Sylus x Reader
a/n: hihi anonnie!! im so happy to hear you loved that headcanon fic and my works! (´。• ᵕ •。`) it always makes my day to hear you guys love them <3 i hope you and everyone else enjoys this one!
any likes and reblogs are always appreciated! enjoy!
⋆。‧˚ʚ♡ɞ˚‧。⋆
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Xavier:
He would notice every time he tried to get close to you, you would find an excuse or completely avoid him. Anytime you would try to wrap his arms around you at bedtime, you would roll away from him so you're out of his reach. Your sleepy lover would not be able to sleep anymore without you in his arms.
He would be so confused on why you tried to avoid his affection. He would look it up on his phone, his search history filled with questions of "Does my lover hate me?" "Why does my lover not want my affection" All the answers he read online made him more confused and sad.
It wasn't until he watches you stand in front of the mirror, tugging at your clothes and grimacing each time you realize the fabric doesn't sit on your body like it used to before. You wouldn't notice that he was watching you, thinking he was asleep the whole time.
He would grow concerned every second and every minute as you're still fixated on your clothes and by the time he gets up from your shared bed, you're on the verge of breaking down. You avoid eye contact with him before he can even ask what's wrong.
His arms reach around your waist and he pulls you firmly into his body, his chin resting on your shoulder. “Honey, I can’t stand seeing you like this. What’s making you upset? I want to support you and make everything better.” He would say, kissing your neck before nuzzling into you.
Although your lover warms your heart, it doesn't stop your tears. Instead, you start to ramble about how you don't look like how you used too before your pregnancy. How your clothes don't fit you like how they used too and how you felt like you started to hate your body.
He would listen silently, letting you let it all out while he's continuing to hold you so closely. You let out a deep sigh when you finished talking, melting into his touch.
He would pepper you with kisses and promises you that every inch and part of you is beautiful and deserves to be loved. He'll continue to love on you as much as it takes for you to see you as he sees you.
"You're my everything. Every change is proof to your incredible strength and the beautiful journey we've shared. To me you're more than perfect and I'll keep reminding you of that every single day."
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Zayne:
Zayne has always been and will be extremely attentive to you and your family. He's remembered your medical record and has known the smallest detail about you so he's already noticed the change on your eating habits. He'll notice you checking the packages to check the calorie counts and at first he wouldn't think much of it. He would think at first, you were maybe keeping track of your energy but he wouldn't brush this off.
He'll notice this has been happening quite often every day. Every time you want too cook something or order something or even get a snack, you'll always check the calorie count. So he decided to finally talk to you about it during dinner and ordering your favorite takeout.
As you chat and set down the dinner together, feeding the baby first, he’ll notice you putting only a small amount of food on your plate. It’s your favorite dish, so this seems unusual to him. "Is that all you're going to eat, my love?" He would ask, his gaze on you. You would look at him anxiously and tell him it was enough for you because you were on a diet but he would tell you that it wasn't enough and that you didn't need to go on a diet at all.
Tears would threaten to spill from your eyes when you would explain to him that you need to lose weight. You'd open up about your insecurities, worried that he might not find you as attractive now because you feel your body has changed after the pregnancy compared to how you looked before.
Zayne would get up from the opposite side of the table where he sat and made his way to your side. He would sit back down on a chair closest to you, hold your hand tenderly, and gently rub soothing circles on the back of your knuckles.
“My love, you’ve only just welcomed a new life into the world and your body has done something remarkable. It’s proof of your strength and love, and its beauty goes far beyond just appearances.” He would say while pressing soft kisses on the back of your knuckles.
He hated to see you so upset like this, insecure and hating your body when to him you were the most beautiful thing in the world. He would do anything to show you how truly loved you really were.
"I promise you, you don't need to lose any weight. I think you're perfect the way you are. But if you don't feel confident in your body, then there are better ways to do it. I can help you and support you."
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Rafayel:
He's called you a couple times to dinner but you didn't come down to the dining area. He's already fed the baby and put your baby down for a nap before he went off to find you. You stood in your shared bathroom mirror, poking and prodding at the pregnancy scar and imperfections on your body. Every single flaw became amplified in your mind the longer you looked at your figure contort in the mirror. You felt disgusted in your own body and wanted it all to disappear.
Tears would race down to your cheeks and you would feel strong arms wrap around your waist. You were met with Rafayel's reflection smiling right back at you until he saw the tears stain your face. He would gently turn you to face him, keeping one arm wrapped around your waist while using his free hand to wipe away your tears. "What's the matter princess?"
He patiently waited for you to talk as you tried to steady your breathing as he continued to wipe any more tears that came running down.
When you were ready to talk, you explained to him that you've been feeling insecure lately. The weight that you gained from pregnancy hasn't left your body. You haven't looked the same every since. A couple of your clothes don't fit the way they used too and it's all been upsetting you.
Hearing you talk so low of yourself broke Rafayel's heart. He hated that part of your brain. The brain that brings you down and makes you despise yourself. He desperately wished you could see yourself the way he saw you.
He began peppering your face with soft kisses, causing you to let out a laugh. He continued trailing kisses over your body and stopping at every area to tell you why he loved it. Your body was practically covered with kisses and praises from head to toe. Once he was finished, he brought himself back up and pulled you into a kiss.
"My love, you're like a breathtaking masterpiece to me. Every change tells the story of the journey we've been through together. You're still the same incredible woman I fell in love with, and you'll always be my beautiful, amazing wife. My one and only. I adore you more than ever."
He cups your cheeks gently and looks into your eyes with his warm gaze, "I love you, every part of you," He says softly. "If I could somehow transfer my thoughts and feelings into your mind so you could see yourself the way I do, I would do it in a heartbeat."
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Sylus:
He would notice the signs but he didn't want to jump to conclusions just yet. You two would shower often before you gave birth. It was one of the intimate times you both shared. After birth, he noticed that you wouldn't shower with him anymore. Usually you would excuse yourself to watch the baby or say you would have already showered. You also wouldn't go out that often with him to auctions or any dates even if he offered Luke and Kieran to watch the baby. He figured maybe it's because you didn't trust them with the baby just yet, which is valid.
It wasn't until he finally got to convince you to go out tonight to an auction. He picked out a dress for you so he could match with you.
You stared at the mirror completely lost in thought. You hum dismissively as continued to poke at your skin. You analyze every stretch mark that appeared on your skin out of the dress. You'd turn every few minutes to check out your other angles.
You were so caught up in thought that the footsteps of your lover didn't alert you that he was in the room. He was leaning against the door frame, watching you for a while. He approaches you, wrapping his arms around your waist. "You look beautiful sweetie." He says, placing a kiss on your shoulders and then one at the top of your head.
You'd frown and protest, feeling that you're not as beautiful as he says. You'd start to ramble about how the changes from pregnancy have made you uncomfortable with your appearance, tears welling up in your eyes. Realizing that tonight might not be the best time to go out, you'd suggest that he should go by himself instead.
He'd spin you around so you were now facing him. His large hands cupping your face as one of his thumbs wipe any tears running down. A finger on your chin made you look up at his crimson eyes and you can see the concern and honesty in his eyes as he spoke.
"Sweetie, you are truly beautiful. Your beauty isn't just in how you look but in the love and resilience you've shown. I see you, not just as my wife but as this remarkable woman who has given a gift and something truly precious. You are stunning, inside and out."
He would gently intertwine his fingers with yours, holding together as he placed tender kisses on your knuckles. All the while, he'd keep his gaze locked on you, with one arm wrapped lovingly around your waist.
"I know every detail about your body and I know it's perfect. I will continue to love you, every inch of you. And I'll remind you that every single day."
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dokjaism · 2 years ago
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😐
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mrfoox · 2 years ago
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'huh... You have abandonment issues? I thought that was usually something you got from childhood trauma. Were you abandoned as a child?'
Me, trying not to cry: haha, not in the usual sense?
#miranda talking shit#I never .... Thought i was outright abandoned but the more i think about it... Uh i may fall under that category#I mean i probably felt abandoned... Emotionally? By dad i was he was never around even if we shared house#But even by my mom who i love to death... When i was hurt both hit physically and emotionally she never... Did much to help me#So i probably felt abandoned. It might be why i actually didnt tell my mom anything important until i was 15+?#I always loved her and i dont blame her or have any ill will towards her but... I uh. Yeah i definitely felt alone in the sense no one#Protected me against the abuse i got so my survival tactic for that was... Dont open up to anyone bc they wont help or care anyway#Always try to appease everyone/be liked so they don't hurt you or leave. I mean im no expert but i dont think this is too crazy of a theory#I actually never considered it until i got asked this... And i looked at my past through that lens. I know my trauma was thanks to my#Siblings abuse for years. But i... Never considered WHY i have some typw of abandonment issues... And now im like uh#Oh i guess ... I was somehow abandonment... If not physically emotionally.... When i needed to be seen and protected#Ah... Oh ... Uh... I dont know how to feel about this... I always feel bad about calling my past ... A trauma or something bc i feel#Others have had it much worse. But i also dont know what else to call my childhood experience like... I was definitely constantly terrified#Never felt at ease or safe at home or at school... My mom was my safe space but she still couldnt protect me#Or rather she didn't see or understand i needed it? I dont think she thought it was as bad as i felt it was. Bc i never said what they said#Or did. I just cried... So she probably just thought they did some lighthearted teasing and i was a sensetive child#But uh... Instead i was hit and was put in unsafe situations bc they told me to do things. And the constant shit i was told#Hearing i was a fat ugly idiot who could not do anything right and i was basically a waste of space... Since i was 4 yrs old... I uh#I thought that was a fact. I still believe thats true. Yeah no i... /:#Negative
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huellitaa · 11 months ago
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𓏲˳˚⊹ 🧸 become obsessed with yourself.
you are stupid. i said it. there. you are stupid.
let me get this straight. you are out here listening to these people who make you insecure. you are listening and actually giving a shit about people who put you down, make you feel unworthy, inferior, less of the absolute goddess that you are. you people please, you go above and beyond to help people & change yourself for people who would never do the same and for what. for people to like you? honey nobodys gonna like you. you dont even like yourself.
listen ml you need to get your priorities straight. sit down for a sec. like. just sit and genuinely ask yourself "what do i get out of this? how does this serve me?". go on, ask yourself. all these people who constantly think theyre better than you, that they can walk all over you, the ones that dont care a bit for you with their actions even if their words say otherwise, all these habits that only make you feel more low, more insecure, and dont align with where you wanna go in any way, shape or form. honey how in the hell does any of this serve you ???😭😭
i am sick to death of seeing the word selfish everywhere the moment somebody steps up and is brave enough to try and better themselves. the amount of times ive gotten "youre so selfish" or "youve changed" or "you werent like this before" jst because i got out of the most severe depression of my life where i came close to being unalive so many times is riDICULOUS and just shows how normalised insecurity and people pleasing is nowadays.
you see, people are always trying to follow the trend, follow the leader, follow everyone else nowadays. nobody actually honours what they want & that is a reflection of their own insecurity and traumas and emotions they are too scared to face. do you really want that for yourself? youve got such big dreams, such big potential, but what on earth do you do to fulfill them?
i dont think you realise just how limitless you actually are. you can do anything. we are all born the same. its only those with the courage to get up and try who will reach what they want and achieve greater things.
GET OBSESSED WITH YOURSELF. i am so DRAINED and TIRED of caring about what people think. i like something? im gonna do it. i dont care. fuck people pleasing. what are they gonna do when youre rich and famous and successful and thriving? YOU ARE THE ONLY VALIDATION YOU NEED. life is so much easier when you genuinely could not care less, like you just dont give a single shit. you are the only person who knows you inside out and will be there with you 24/7 365. it infuriates me how self hatred is so normalised nowadays. like what the actual fuck, why would you wanna spend your entire life hating the only person whos gonna be with you every second without fail, when you are perfectly capable of reversing that???? its ridiculous.
get up. get obsessed with yourself. the only validation you should be chasing is your own. pull yourself together girl. this is ridiculous. you are so much more than this. start acting like it. be ur own biggest fan. be ur own bestest friend. everything you need is already within you. u got this. 💕
all my love 💓✨💗💘🎀💖
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aphroditesmoon · 1 year ago
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wish you'd ask me
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clarisse la rue x fem!demigod!reader
summary: you're not good at reading subtle hints, clarisse realises that maybe she should've been more upfront with her feelings for you.
warnings: fluff, oblivious!reader, clarisse is down bad, reader is very neurodivergent coded, kissing, flirting, title n fic inspired by 'Wish You'd Ask Me' by Matt Maltese.
A/N: thank you for 1.9k followers!! I love you all dearly, my ask box and dms r always open, im glad that my writing is being enjoyed by so many people<3
wc: 4.5k
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You have been in camp half blood for more than 4 years. You have made yourself at home for the last several years. 
It was easy to view yourself as lesser or inadequate in comparison to other mortals during your days in the real world before you were sent to camp. The world has never failed to remind you of how different you were. Always too much or not good enough, always special and never normal
And it wasn't like you were dying for some sort of diagnosis to justify why you are the way you are, but upon discovering that you were actually a demigod, it felt like all the questions you've been harboring to yourself was finally answering themselves. 
Everything clicked. Everything made sense, though at the same time, it felt impossible. You were a very confused little girl when you first arrived at camp. A girl who just wanted someone to tell them that it'll all be alright in the end.
And you still remembered the first person to hold you by your shoulders and made you look into their eyes as they told you that it was all going to be okay.
The girl with beautiful long curls and dark piercing eyes. The girl that everyone else, apparently, was afraid of.
But you could never be afraid of Clarisse La Rue. 
Not with the way she smiles when every time she sees you, the way she never fails to make you feel included even in activities you're not capable of participating in. Not with the way your whole body electrifies every time your skin touches, when your hands brush against each other. 
It didn't matter what anyone think, because no one could change the perception you've built of her. Clarisse La Rue is good. Or at least she is to you.
When you first heard of the rumours surrounding her, you did think better than to force a friendship on her. You strayed away from her and stuck to your cabin siblings and your books, but you noticed daily how she'd still go out of her way to talk to you at least once a day.
It didn't need to be a long conversation, just a passing acknowledgement. An easygoing 'hey, how've you been doing.' Sometimes she'd even go as far as cracking a joke with you.
With how serious her face is whenever she make the jokes, you'd have to think twice as hard and thrice as faster than another person to try and guess if she was being genuine or not so you could fit in a necessary laugh when you needed to.
Even as her anger became more apparent because of the new kid's accidental climb to fame and embarrassing the Ares' cabin, she still found time to make a conversation with you.
It had been long since you tried to ignore or avoid her. You learned that her attention towards you is harmless, and that she seemed much more comfortable telling you certain things compared to others. If she has been viewing you as some sort of safe box, then you don't really mind it. You liked listening to her talk and keeping her heart's intent as your secret.
You too, talking to her. To some people, you are reserved,  
and to others, talkative. Either way, people find it easy to discard you at any moment they decide you are irritating.
But Clarisse listens. And she asks questions, she's patient- much patient that anyone could anticipate or guess. 
It may be hard for others to believe, but Clarisse is more complex than she seems. She had the capacity to be gentle, and she had the capacity to respect boundaries. The more time you spent with her, the more that side becomes easy for you to access.
Today, however,  marks a new record for your friendship with her. A few weeks ago, she had informed you of her newfound interest in the history of folklore monsters. What a coincidence that you were currently self-studying on that specific topic.
She insisted that you hook her in on whatever it is you're learning. She had even gotten you a doughnut to eat together outside the library as you told her of your insights of dragons and their theorized blindness and incapability to differentiate a variety of prey.
The conversation went well, she seemed immensely in awe of your knowledge and had no problem telling you how she felt. 
You even gave her some book recommendations, though you knew she wasn't much of a reader.
You felt a shift in your relationship that night and had spent the next three days studying more and more about the topic. And today, you had asked her to spend the evening with you. 
You shouldn't feel so nervous asking her to hang out. That is what friends do, after all.
She found you in the library, sitting on the floor in between two large bookshelves. She had been right on time and enthusiastically so. The two of you sat together, hidden by the shelves as some semblance of privacy. 
Clarisse looked confused when you had explained that you indeed wanted to spend the rest of the day in the library, but she accompanied you anyways.
You could never get sick of the smell of the books. Old and new, they all have some nostalgic past tied in between the pages, begging to be discovered. 
You had your back on the walls with tinted windows above your head as she's seated opposite of you in a criss-crossed position.
Today, the library isn't as packed as usual. There were still people walking in and out and checking out the books on the counter, but not too many that it became obnoxiously loud and annoying. 
After finishing another book of Monsters and how to spot them, you're feeling knowledgeable enough to explain the lore of the Giants to Clarisse, she had asked you about this the other day, giants have been long extinct to the point that some might even say they may have never even existed. And so you were interested in sharing with her all of the information you have learned about the majestic species of a beast.
You started with the general information. The basic understanding of what a Giant is the mythhs of Giants and the validity of those sources. Clarisse listened closely in the beginning, never interrupting you unless she had an actual question.
She seemed in awe of the stories you tell her of. You don't blame her, for you yourself have been most interested in the topic of Giants.
You were an hour an a half in when noticed her attention faltering. She leaned against the cases of books, her eyes twitched slightly when you began to explain the different types of giants, and the difference of how they operate.
Her hands are folded together on her lap, and you can feel her listening in on everything you're telling her as she adds in some commentary here and there, but you also felt that she wasn't entirely in on the conversation.
The dim lights of the library made the atmosphere feel warm and secluded, even with its vast space and many other campers hanging around in the other tables and shelves. You made sure to keep your voice low as you spoke in fear of the librarian kicking you out. 
You had a good reputation with the library workers, they liked how organized and polite you were. 
"A lot of people think their greatest strength is their size, which is valid, they are huge, but their real weapon is their mouth." You told Clarisse, ignoring the litter of books by your left that you had brought over for reference.
"They kiss you to death?" She asks suspiciously. You laughed shortly and shook your head. "No, I mean their breath."
She responds with an 'ohh.' 
"They're giants, so their mouth is large too, and you can easily tell what they had for breakfast even from their tall height. Their breaths are also known to be so rancid it could kill you, because they don't exactly eat what we eat." 
She raises a brow as she stretches her hands upwards. "Isn't that ogres?" 
"It's both." You confirmed.
You were about to continue your explanation but halted by instinct as you notice how her mouth keeps pursing together as if unsatisfied, and she has that look on her face that mimicked a confused expression. You're don't think there's anything to be confused of.
"Are you okay?" You asked her worriedly. Clarisse sits up straighter at the question and waved a hand off to assure you she's fine. "Of course, no yeah- I'm fine."
"You seem bored, you're not really interested in what I'm saying are you?” She opens her mouth to counter your words but hesitates to say anything. 
"I- well, I like giants-" She attempts, "-no you don't. " 
"No. I don't." She admits with a sigh. "But I thought you said you were interested in these kind of stuff?" You questioned her. "Well, yeah, like the general idea of it. I mean, I don't hate it, and I like hearing you talk about it." She answers with a shrug.
"Then why do you look disappointed? If you didn't want to come, you could've just told me. I wouldn't get mad." You told her honestly. It was conflicting for you to see her so confused on what to say, being so picky with the words she chooses.
You figured she's probably reluctant to hurt your feelings. That is a notion you're used to. You'd rather she tell you the truth to your face than to be catered around like a time ticking bomb that everyone's so afraid might explode at any time. 
"When you asked me out yesterday, you told me this would be an 'evening to remember." She tells you with such confidence like it was an explanation to her weird behaviour today.
"You don't think this is an evening to remember?" You sincerely inquire.
"No, I do! I just- well, when you said that I didn't think you'd mean we'd be doing this." Your frown deepens as you try to figure out what she means, eyeing her body language closely. “What do you mean? I told you I wanted to hang out.” 
A part of you is offended. She was the one who had said she liked hearing you speak, why would she be disappointed that this was your idea of spending time together?
"I don't know, I thought we'd just be doing...something else?"
It didn't matter what she had really meant with that. You felt completely embarrassed once she finished her sentence. Why was it that everyone else had no problem having long conversations with their friends, but when it came to you, it's all too awkward, unnecessary, and odd? 
You liked Clarisse, you considered her your friend. Sometimes you wonder if it could ever be more, but you never entertain those thoughts because you don't want to ruin what the two of you already have. 
But moments like these resemble a huge slap in the face by the universe.
You couldn't even be good friends with her, how ridiculous of you to think that there could ever be something more.
"Okay, um, maybe we should just go back to our cabin." You decided whilst standing up and picking up the stack of books you're currently borrowing from the library, ready to leave the place without waiting for her.
"Hey, wait." She called out as you walked past her. You spared her a glance, trying your best not to show how upset you are.  “We're friends." She says it so much like a question that you weren't sure if she's even sure of the fact herself until she continued speaking. "I like hanging out with you."
Another thing that you weren't sure if she really meant. "Sure." You replied thinking it's the most suitable response. 
Before she could say anything else, you turned around and started picking up your pace until you disappeared out of her sight.
You have been consistently ignoring Clarisse. Which proved to be harder than expected.
When you pass by her camp or the training ground, you make a mental note to always look down or to your front as to never accidentally cross eyes with her.
And everytime you hear her call out your name, you keep walking like you didn't even hear her, knowing that she wouldn't be bold enough to call for you again. After all, she still had a reputation to uphold.
If ignoring her wasn't hard enough, having to deal with how you felt for her is worse.
You've been avoiding confrontation with yourself for weeks even before you decided to go no contact with her.
And so far, you thought you've been handling it pretty well. Except for days where you don't see her where she's expected to be. You tell yourself that you don't care as you make your way to training in the day and reading in the evening, and yet you still go back on your own words when you asked a passerby Ares kid on where his cabin leader was.
"She's dunking some kid's head into a toilet bowl." Of course she was.
You thanked the dude and went back on your way to your cabin. It's close to dusk, the sky is turning orange and the sun is dipping itself below the earth. You take your time returning to your cabin as you enjoy the way the sun slowly removes itself from anyone's viewing.
You wondered to yourself if things like these are what makes you weird or off-putting to some people.
Was enjoying nature and having niche interests only cute when it's done by girls pretty enough to be cool or if it's only in romance movies or books.
You don't find yourself weird, in fact you think all of your hobbies are pretty common and usual, and yet the way Clarisse had spoken to you at the library last week had made you feel unnatural.
You had wanted to do normal people things with her, but maybe your perception of normal is different to her.
Either way, you are pretty hurt with how she reacted. You loved her still, of course. It's kind of hard to unlike the girl you've been obsessed with since you were 15.
Once you finally reach your cabin, you quickly put down all of your books and your tiny sling back by the side before making it to the shower to refresh yourself before dinner.
You thought it hilarious of how hard you're trying not to care about Clarisse, and yet as you're cleaning yourself up, changing your clothes and attempting to read at least 15 pages of your World's Most Dangerous Beasts book, you could only think of her.
What would it take for her to think that you're cool, what kind of things did she want to do instead of listening to you yap around for 2 hours on what is an equivalent of a boring dinosaur facts, not that you really think dinosaurs are boring.
During dinner, you kept to siblings and had to make yourself finish your plate as your anxiety wrecking thoughts have a way of deriving you of an appetite. You also had to convince yourself to not search for her at the other tables which took more strength than one would expect.
But you succeeded, and you were now sure that the only obstacle left for the day was to try and fall asleep without the thoughts of her keeping you up.
Clarisse is a force, a fierce daughter of Ares, and a cabin leader who had much better things to do then hole up at quiet small places with you.
And just because she was nice enough to mantain a good relationship with you for 4 years, does not mean that you're worth her time. Or at least that's what you tell yourself.
That night, you managed to fall asleep after an hour of recalling Harpy facts in repetition. Counting sheeps had never worked on you, so you had to find something much more active to tire out your brain.
You dreamed of Clarisse with her hair down, holding your hand and pulling you closer so she could slip a flower on your ear.
And just as she's looking down at you, moving closer to do what it seemed like to kiss you, you awoke with a jolt, swearing under your breath as if you'd just gotten jumpscared by a ghost.
Someone's palms moved to shut your lips as you're met with a girl, hovering over you in the dark. Clarisse's dark eyes were recognizable, but it sent a shot of adrenaline through your body still.
"Shh." She whispered to your face, hand still keeping your mouth shut. "I'm going to remove my hands now." She whispered again. You nod in understanding and waited for her to pry her hand away from your face.
"What are you doing here?!" You exclaimed as quiet as possible as she helped you sit up.
"I'm sneaking you out." She answers with a wink. "It's 2 in the morning." You waved your hand around at the darkness and sleeping children. "3 in the morning, and yeah, I know. That's why it's called sneaking around." She corrects you with a grin so devilish that if you hadn't known her for a long time, you'd assume she's about to turn you into a new toilet bowl or dumpster boxing victim.
You sighed loudly and glared at her despite your fast beating heart. Her hand remained on top of yours until the minute becomes more awkward and she removes it as if she just remembered that she's been holding your hand.
Without explanation,  she climbed out of your bed and tiptoes to the open cabin door. You're still sitting up and looking at her with conflicted feelings.
Only after she turns back to you, cocking her head towards the entrance, do you give into her request and softly leave the comfort of your bed and trail after her.
"Where are we going?" You asked after her as she kept walking. Instead of responding, she asks you another question back, "Can you swim?"
"We're going swimming?" You watch her shrug in return from behind her and became even more distressed.
"So, is this your idea of having fun and hanging out then?" She laughs drily and slowed down so you could catch up. You walked fast enough until you're beside her and waited for her to talk. "You sound surprised, I would've thought that after 4 years of friendship, you'd know by now that I love doing things that includes active movements."
You did know that, it's a bit hard to not notice how much working out, training and running fuels her even more.
"And why are we doing it in the middle of the night?" The walk towards the lake by the back of the forest was short, considering that your cabin is the closest to the location.
You almost tripped and fell over a stick, but Clarisse was quick to scoop you back up by the back of your shirt. "Thanks." You mumbled to her. "And you haven't answered my question."
Clarisse pulled her shirt over her head and tossed it on the ground without caring of your presence. You, having more moral obligations than her, twisted your face to your left when she began to pull her trousers off. "Too many people in broad daylight." She tells you.
That is a valid reason, this lake is mostly known as a hook up spot, and true to it's cause, many dating campers have been caught together here during dawn or late evenings.
You braved yourself to turn towards her again slowly and realised that she had already hopped into the water. She had a sports bra on and a boxer.
And though you yourself had a tank top and shorts on, you contemplate the idea of suicide as a better choice than having to strip in front of her.
"Are you gonna get in, or are you just gonna gawk at me from there?" You were grateful for the dark being able to hide your flushed face from her, but deep down, you knew that she probably saw it anyways because of the shining bright moonlight.
"I can't swim." You told her.
"That's fine, the water's not very deep." You ransacked your brain for reasons to decline her offer, but at the same time, a small part of you yearned to take this risk that you've been so afraid of for gods knows whatever reason.
Clarisse is there, in the water and under the moonlight. You are only a few steps away from her. And like she said, the water isn't deep, only waist length. She stares back at you with a raised brow like she's challenging you to join her.
"Turn around first." You tell her. She smirked slightly before slowly spinning to the opposite direction. "You know I've seen you naked before right?"
"What?" You choked out, aghast. "Who do you think changed your clothes for you when you first got to camp." Oh, that.
Your shoulder relaxes as you realize she's talking about the first time you met. "That's was a long time ago." You noted. She hummed im agreement. "Yeah, we've both grown since."
You told her she could turn around once you're inside the water. Forgetting about the heighy difference between you two, the water was high enough to reach your chest, trying your best not to trip underwater the way you always do on dry ground, your hand instinctively reached outnfor her shoulder.
Clarisse held your forearm tightly and drew your closer to her until you're inches away from eachother.
You breathed in sharply and felt the need to fill in the awkward silence. "So, you...like swimming, huh?"
"Yes, evidently so." She answered. "Right right, can't sit still and all that." She actually chuckled at your sarcasm, making you proud of yourself.
"You know, even before I came to camp Half Blood, I use to be a pretty active person, running track, volleyball, sometimes swimming." Your eyes widened in curiosity. "Really?" She nodded.
"The counselor told my mom that I just had so many untapped energy, which I guess is a code for anger issues." Her grip on your forearm moves higher until her palm is over your shoulder.  "She told her that it'd be best for me to find a...healthy way, to channel that energy, and for my strong competitiveness. So I joined what I could, and that's how I spent most of my free time there. Besides, I never was that good academically. So, I ought to at least be good at something, right?"
"You are good." You blurted out. Your embarrassment faded away when you saw her smile. "You think so?"
"Yeah." You assured her. Her other hand had snaked around your waist without you noticing. Only when you moved slightly do you notice her holding you softly.
"The moon is really nice tonight, isn't it?" You said, trying to diffuse the tension. You pointed your finger up to the sky at the singular white orb.
She glanced up and let out a 'huh.'
"I like it when it's bright and whole like this, the moon in all of its glory. You don't even notice the starts around it when it's glowing like that." You could stare at the moom forever, even longer than the way you've been staring at the sun.
You believed in it the way children do with their birthday candle. To you, the moon has always been a symbol of hope or comfort for your future. Your fascination for it existed from when you were a child, the way it'd follow you from behind as you gazed upon it from the back of the car seat whilst your parent drove down the road.
The way it moved above you as you walked home from school, like one of the gods themselves watching over you.
"Nothing compares to the moon." You announced aloud, watching as the clouds around it began to gather over it. "Yeah, It's beautiful." You hear Clarisse speak.
As your head snapped back to her, you found that she had already been facing you.
"I like the moon...but not as much as I like you." She whispered loud enough for your ears only. Her face leans closer to yours, your noses brushing together. "Not as much as I like to hear your voice, when you tell me about your little harpy facts-"
"Oh, I haven't told you about the harpies yet." You cut her off. "I just finished that chapter this morning actually and-"
"-and, you can tell me about it after I'm done talking." You blushed and became silent, letting her speak.
Clarisse exhaled breathily, fanning your face with the subtle warm air. "I like doing things that friends do with you, but I don't want to be your friend anymore."
"Oh."
"I want to be more than friends." She elaborated.
"Oh." Oh.
You feel a sudden tightness in your chest, from anxiety or from butterflies is undecided. "You want to be best friends?" You joked, laughing nervously.
Clarisse snorted at your joke, but she was still grinning widely. "Best friends, If that's what you want to call it."
There was a moment of understanding shared between a second of shared gazes before her lips attached themselves to yours. An urgency, approval, meaning that can't be described by words.
Whatever gentleness there was inside of her before had vanished. Clarisse kissed you like a starved woman. Her lips craved yours like it'd be the last time she'll ever know how you taste like.
Your hands clasped on her shoulder and neck for support as she embraced you tighter to her body. You let her tongue slip into your mouth, meeting your own.
And as they danced together, inhaling all there is in your lips, every secret and every confession that have died on the tip ofnyour tongues, you are sure that no heaven nor hell could tear you open to see you back together like this.
You push her back abruptly, letting fresh air fill your empty lungs. "What's wrong?" Clarisse inquired worriedly.
"Last week." You sighed out, chest still heaving as your thoughts clicked together. "You thought I had asked you on a date, that's why you were disappointed."
She winced at the reminder, and for the first time in your life, you had been lucky enough to witness a flustered Clarisse.
"I'm right." Her silence confirmed. "Oh Clarisse, why didn't you just ask me?"
Huffing loudly, she rolls her eyes in irritation. "I thought I was obvious enough. "
Thinking back on it all, it did seem pretty obvious, but gods were you oblivious. The way you intepreted it all so wrongly.
"I've liked you for so long too." You admitted to her. Her scowl was gone at that, replaced by a teasing smile. "And what are you gonna do about it?" Her mouth returned to yours, letting go of all your fears and holding on to Clarisse like she's your anchor, you close the gap between your lips, welcoming the kind of pleasure that you've never tasted before.
2K notes · View notes
haetrack · 11 months ago
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HOW IT ALL GOES | MASTERLIST
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there are millions of love songs in the world. though they all speak of the same thing, they’re not all the same. love can be happy, sad, exciting, or just shown physically. love is different for everyone. there’s a song for every story, for every person who experiences love.
starring: haechan, mark, jaehyun, jaemin, and renjun!
general warnings: fluff, angst, and smut (not all fics will contain smut, so minors be aware!) fics will be tagged with their specific warnings! general yearning, heartbreak, happy and sad endings
note: the fics are not connected to each other! they can be read as stand alone fics but i hope you stay to read them all! synopses and tags might be changed during the writing process!
side note: if you would like to be tagged, please send in an ask or comment on this post!
I. (lucky for you) we’re just friends
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best friend!haechan x reader
synopsis: haechan is someone who always gets what he wants. he’s willing to do anything, but now, he realizes, he doesn’t know what to do. will you, his best friend of many years, let him step into your life where he hasn’t before? do you think about him as much as he does you? or will it all slip away, along with all his memories with you. (angst, little fluff)
side a: like a friend - pulp
side b: now playing
II. no clue
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one night stand!mark lee x reader
synopsis: when mark realizes how long it’s been since he’s gotten laid, he rushes out to a party. he’s quick to find someone, rushing into a room without really thinking about it. when he sees you laid under him, it clicks that he might just like you, a stranger. he tries looking for you all over campus, wanting to talk to you. how long will it take for you both to meet? do you even want to meet him? (smut, fluff, little angst)
side a: tongues - the frights
side b: now playing
III. your fate, my karma
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fwb!jaehyun x reader
synopsis: jaehyun realizes he’s in love with you. it’s fucked, especially because he rejected you once before. he doesn’t want to ruin what he has with you, more importantly, the friendship he has with you. he can’t help it, not with how you look at him, how you smile, how you feel. it’s like he was made to see and touch you. he doesn’t know how much longer he can hold in his secret. (smut, angst, little fluff)
side a: somethin’ stupid - frank sinatra
side b: now playing
IV. can it last forever?
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boyfriend!jaemin x reader
synopsis: after many successful dates, jaemin finally asked to be your boyfriend. you were so happy in the beginning, but doubts begin to fill your head. jaemin is a loving boyfriend, but you can’t help but wonder if you deserve him. did you go into this too fast? what if this is all you have? will you be able to make him happy? (fluff, angst, suggestive)
side a: valentine - laufey
side b: flip over?
V. all to myself
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acquaintance!renjun x reader
synopsis: renjun hates how all you’ve been doing is talking about another man. usually, he wouldn’t really mind. but now, he realizes the only reason why he hates it is because he likes you. you’re a friend of a friend, and he’s not sure how he’s supposed to get closer to you if all you’re thinking about someone else. (fluff, smut)
side a: eastside - daisy
side b: flip over?
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a/n: im so excited for this series HOORAY!!! i hope u guys are as excited as i am when i start releasing them :3 i also recommend listening to the songs i put!! the fics were inspired by them and lay out the overall feel i want the fics to have! enjoy reading :p
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satxoru · 6 months ago
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You were always the quiet one in the friend group. You would try to make your voice heard, but your friends just didn't ever hear you nor believed in you or considered your feelings whenever they did anything.
You always tried to fit in with them in any way, maybe they'll start noticing you right? it even came to the point where you change your opinion so you could be just like your friends.
but they never really noticed you, never considered your feelings in anything, even if it's about an important situation or not.
one day your friends brought universities up in a conversation, which is great because you've been thinking about universities for a while so you took it as a chance to voice out your thoughts.
You have always loved drawing and photography. You were thinking about taking either arts & design or photography in college, but you weren't sure which one to choose. You were leaning more towards photography because you loved taking pictures of nature and you felt like it was something you really had a passion for.
but you weren't sure if you should pursue this or not. You wanted some advice on what to do, and you made the mistake of asking your friends for advice, because they did everything other than advice or encourage you.
"i was thinking either arts & design college or photography college."
one of your friends scoffed "are you even good at either of them to consider these universities?" your friend said.
"oh, i never knew you were thinking of going to college considering you'd most likely fail the admission test" another friend added which had the rest of the friend group hollering in laughter.
as if the first comment didn't already hurt you enough, your friends just had to bring up the fact that they thought you'd fail the admission test, which was something you were always scared of.
You felt completely humiliated and your confidence started to crumble even further as they kept laughing and mocking you.
You tried to laugh off the hurt that you felt when your friends mocked you, but it was clear to everyone that you were upset. one of your friends noticed this and said, "don't be so dramatic, we're just joking around." this only made you feel more hurt and embarrassed, and you quickly tried to hide your tears.
You slowly started to doubt yourself and your abilities. Your friends' behavior towards you started to take a toll on you and you started falling into a depressive episode.
later that night, you were having a hard time falling asleep. You were overthinking everything that happened at school, doubting yourself and your abilities, and you kept thinking about why everyone else seemed better than you and why you couldn't do anything right. You kept beating yourself up about it and it was too much for you to handle, you broke down in tears and cried yourself to sleep that night.
It was the same cycle again the next day in school. Your friends kept making fun of you, but you weren't aware that a specific person with blue eyes was watching you for the past two weeks, dying to go protect you from your cruel friends.
later after school, you and your friends went to the park even though you were very heavy-hearted that day and didn't have the energy to socialise with them, you didn't give up on trying to fit in with your friends.
they ended up coming across a dog. everyone was squealing about how cute the dog was, but you kept your distance because you were scared of dogs since one had bitten you before. you tried to tell your friends this, but they dismissed your feelings and told you that you're just being dramatic, which hurt you even more.
"god why are you so dramatic, its just a dog it won't bite." a friend snarled at you.
"i literally told you guys before that I've been bitten by a dog before, that's why im scared of them and you know it!" you complained.
"how were we supposed to know when you never told us." another friend added.
"i did tell you guys but you never listened to me." you sighed out, having no energy to argue back.
the next day at school, Satoru noticed how exhausted and down you were. he was concerned for you and wanted to help.
he started a conversation with you to distract you from sitting with your friends and give you some time to yourself.
"hey, can i sit next to you?" Satoru asked which he got a slight hum of approval in response. You and Satoru knew each other, but you didn't know each other to the point where you would start a conversation which confused you a little, but you didn't complain, you love company as long as no one is making fun of you.
You were doodling in your notebook midway through class when Satoru noticed and took it as a chance to start another conversation.
"..i've noticed how hard you've been working on your drawings in art class and I think they're really cool" he complimented.
"really? you mean that?"
"yeah, I really do, you have a lot of talent and I think it's amazing how you're always challenging yourself."
his words made you smile, "thanks, Gojo. That means a lot to me."
Satoru could tell that he had put a smile on her face and he was glad he had.“Satoru.” He corrected you to which you tilted your head in confusion. he smiled at your expression.
“call me Satoru.”
two months have gone by and You and Satoru have grown very close, you're basically attached at the hip now and you have gotten so close to each other that Satoru is the best friend you have always asked for; he is always standing up for you and encouraging you, and slowly you've gotten the strength to believe in yourself and are becoming better and better in what you do.
he even helps you by being your photography companion, posing for you and doing silly faces to make you laugh and giggle, which leads you to have lot of pictures of Satoru in your gallery. and as his friendship with you grew, you became more distant from your friends, even though they never really asked about you, nothing really changed in your absence, so things were still the same as usual.
but, there was this weird feeling that you weren't quite sure of, you didn't want to think too much about it in case you ended up convincing yourself of it
You liked Satoru, but weren't sure of your feelings and kept denying it by saying it was because he was your first guy friend or the first person who ever believed in you, but you sometimes share some moments together that would leave you blushing, and you weren't sure if he shared the same feelings as you, or if he was just being friendly.
like that one time you were at the park walking together when suddenly Satoru randomly blurted out "you know, I just realized how nice it is to walk with you, being around you is just so peaceful."
You blushed slightly and couldn't help but smile. You were starting to realize how comfortable you felt around him and you couldn't stop thinking about that interaction for the rest of the day.
or that one time when you were in the school hallways heading to class, and bumped into Satoru. you both said apologies at the same time and laughed it off. but it was then that you realized how close to you Satoru was and how strong his cologne smelled, you blushed a bit and couldn't help but notice how handsome he was.You both continued on your way, but the interaction had left you blushing.
and today in class you were talking to each other when suddenly Satoru leaned in close to your ear and whispered "you know, you're so cute when you talk about what you love." You blushed and ducked your head low, giggling.
You couldn't help but blush from the compliment and you were starting to realize that you might have feelings for Satoru.
a few weeks later and you finally mustered up the courage to confess to Satoru, at the thought of him you got a text from him telling you to meet him in the park because he has a surprise for you, as you were reading the message you got your hopes up maybe he'll confess.
As you arrived, you spotted Satoru sitting with another girl, and your heart sank but didn't want to jump to conclusions.
"hey Satoru" you said as you were approaching them, he looked up at you and smiled, although it was clear that he was quite comfortable with the other girl, you didn't forget to give a slight smile to the pretty girl although jealousy was all you felt.
"who's this?" you asked politely, and as Satoru introduces his girlfriend. Your heart sank.
seeing him introduce his girlfriend with a big grin made you glad he was happy but you can't deny the pain you're feeling right now, though you tried your best to hide your feelings, That's what you've been doing all along. You started a conversation with his new girlfriend.
"omg I'm so happy for you two, congratulations!" You say in a happy tone hoping Satoru won't notice your change of mood, but as he knows you too well, he definitely noticed. He decided to act clueless for now but he would talk about it later.
a while goes by with them and you had to make up an excuse to go home because the pain in your chest was unbearable. Later at night you got a text from Satoru reading "hey, are you okay?" followed by another message "i noticed how upset you were today with us— did something happen?"
"yeah I'm okay, i just needed to go home cuz i remember something important to do"
You sent the text hoping to change the subject.
"im not stupid"
"be honest with me, what happened"
you both went back and forth, with Satoru asking if you were sure you wanted to tell him what was bothering you, and you finally building up the courage to ask him to come over.
"But promise me nothing will change between us when I tell you," you added.
Satoru agreed to your condition, and came over to your house.
when you opened the door for satoru, you couldn't help but get a little teary eyed. Satoru noticed the worry written all over your face, and he didn't hesitate to hug you when he saw tears in your eyes.
he closed the door behind him and held you tightly and comforted you. letting you on his shoulder, he took you to sit on the couch and get more comfortable. you were overwhelmed with emotions, but you were appreciative of how Satoru was taking care of you in this moment. you felt safe in his arms.
"you wanna tell me what happened?" he slowly asked. your voice cracked as you tried to talk to him which gave him a signal that you weren't calm enough to talk right now. "hey its okay, take your time, im not pressuring you." he whispered in your ear while trying his best to calm you down.
he held you closer, not letting go and continuing to hold you close; he didn't want you to feel unsafe or uncared for, he wanted you to take your time and be ready to share what was bothering you when you were ready to do so.
You tried to stay calm, but you could feel your heart racing and your emotions overwhelming you.Satoru was looking at you curiously, and you knew that you had to tell him what was bothering you.
after a deep breath, you went on "I have to be honest with you, I've liked you for a while now, but when I arrived at the park today, you were with another girl and I realized that you had a girlfriend. It was hard for me to hide my disappointment and heartbreak." You said all in one breath which left Satoru silent for a while trying to understand what you just said.
the silence scared you, it was eating you alive and you couldn't help but start to overthink, "does he hate me now?" "is he disgusted of me?" "is he gonna leave me?" "i dont want him to cut me off."
all those thoughts came rushing all at once, you were gonna let go of the hug but he pulled you closer to himself and started talking.
"you know, i used to like you back then." his sudden statement confused you, you needed more clarification.
"no, i used to love you, but i realized you weren't in the right state to be in a relationship, and you weren't looking for a relationship and i didn't wanna get it into your head"
"i didn't wanna pressure you into anything but at the same time I've been waiting for too long. it was hurting me so bad"
"i was glad and upset that i was starting to move on from you, and now that you told me, im disappointed." Satoru isn't sure what he's disappointed by, but the thought of them nearly becoming something ached the both of them.
maybe Satoru should've waited a while longer? maybe you were just late trying to figure out your feelings? either way time was up and there was no going back, and of course Satoru won't leave his new girlfriend, he loves her still.
but he knew deep in his heart that he could never love someone else the way he loved you.
"but.. in the future if im able to fall in love again, i hope its you." he added
"in the future, if you ever find yourself in the position to love again, fall in love with me." you could barely form a sentence.
"i wish you well for you and your girlfriend, but if anything happened that separates the two of you, just know that ill always be waiting for you Satoru."
"you cant waste your life waiting for me" he caressed your hair.
"i know but i love you too much to let you go.”
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7ouls · 3 months ago
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daisuke x fem reader where they’re both super awkward and swansea is tired of them being oblivious to the way they feel for eachother that he makes both of his interns work on a project together
omg i totally loved writing this even tho i hcent written in a while so it might look weird? im really sorry its been a long time… (and its pretty short sorry abt that) also swansea is probably a bit ooc (i think u say it like that? idk) cause i have really bad memory so sorry abt that too…
this is set before the crash
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No matter how many times the two interns tried to communicate it would always end up being awkward since everyone but them knew about their obvious crush on each other.
Nobody cares enough to help them realise that, except their boss Swansea.
That shortly explains how the three of them are now repeating the bases of engineering.
“So is that clear?” The older man looked at the young adults as they nodded.
“Great, i don’t have to repeat myself for once. Now to see how much you’ve understood try to fix this.”
He said taking an old radio that sat behind him and handed them the needed tools. He then proceeded to leave but not before giving a smirk to his interns that blushed as a reaction.
Daisuke was the first to speak up. “I didn’t actually understand all of it.”
Y/n giggled at the boy and he soon joined too. “Don’t worry… I barely managed to take some notes. Swansea isn’t really the best teacher…”
“But we don’t really have much of a choice”
“Right, so here. You can read some of my notes and umm… i guess start working.” She said handing him her notebook. He started quietly reading all of it as the girl got slowly closer and closer to read with him.
After a while Daisuke stopped and thanked her, then realised how close she’s gotten to him. Y/n panicking apologised as she didn’t notice the close distance between them.
He quickly straightened himself. “No need to apologise! We’re supposed to work together so that eventually would’ve happened, not that i mind anyways…” He muttered the last part.
Y/n raised an eyebrow at that but didn’t question it. “We should get the work started now.” She said as he nodded happily.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
It has been around two hours when the two finally ended their work and were now chatting.
“Sooo… would you be free after dinner tonight?” Daisuke asked nervously, Y/n blushed at the question then smiled. “I mean… there’s not much else to do so yes. Why do you ask?”
The boy grinned and answered. “Well, i’ve been meaning to ask you this for a while now. Would you like to play on my gameboy with me? We can take turns! And then we can eat all the sweets that i have and stay up all night!” He exclaimed out of breath.
Y/n was surprised to hear the boy so excited and soon replied. “Sure, we can do that. We’ll just have to make sure to be quiet or else we’ll wake the captain up.” Daisuke happily nodded as he watched the girl get up and wave at him.
When she left he let put a puff of air he didn’t know he was holding. “Holy moly. She’s like super cool!”
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i took the gameboy idea from a daisuke fanfic on here but i dont remember the tag. sorry this is kinda short as i said i have to get used to weiting it’s been like 2 years since i last did it. maybe i’ll write about that sleepover soemtime!! (i swear this looked longer whem i wrote it on my diary)
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