#why do I hurt myself like this?

[sydneyofalltrades]

I want a Ride the Cyclone au where Mischa realizes his love for Noel at the same time as he fell for Talia so he’s stuck in this bisexual crisis until he works up the money to go back to Ukraine, so for that summer he and Noel have a summer fling and it’s a dangerous situation bc both boys knows this is going to break their hearts but they’re doing it anyway bc why not?

[libertastandem]

Levi never got married nor had a relationship. He doesn't think he deserves the luxury. He has no right to even want to experience that kind of love. Not after everything he's done.

[ghostgirlvii]

Did I just hurt myself by playing the Alone mission? Yes 🙃

The whole "I want to be like you when I grew up" part fucking wrecked me 🙃🙃

Then the " Think I'll live that long?" "Probably not" part.

Just take my heart and stab it harder I guess!

[nonbinaryoceanwater]

when you go into the misogyny tag looking for the discourse and people are doing misogyny in there

[xxplastic-cubexx]

oh noooo or whatever

bonus aka The Real Motive Behind This:

SURPRISE double bonus. textless ver of the first pic under the cut

[chrissy-kaos]

Why.. why does this always happen to me 😭

[kanjichris]

"why don't you want him to know how much you love him?" "that's a little personal. he knows." "uh-huh."

[captainofthetidesbreath]

one of my favorite parts of speculating ahead of the Veilguard is the number of people talking themselves around and around in the loop of "Illario is extremely suspicious and the most obvious choice for who betrayed Lucanis → However, Illario seems like he genuinely cares for Lucanis and seemed sincerely distraught in The Wake → I know in my heart it must be Illario: there is no one else with means and motive → If Illario did it, I understand why given how Caterina has treated him and them, and he has arguably earned a bit of a villain era → The situation is ultimately caused by Caterina and Crow politics and, again, Caterina → I don't want it to be Illario because I want he and Lucanis to have a good relationship given all they've suffered together → However, there is already an existing bitterness between them because of the succession question and in Illario generally because he's seen as lesser → Illario is the most obvious choice"

[phantom-z0ne]

"Billy wasn't sure what the creature ransacking his train car was.” Alternatively, Billy feeds a stray and ends up with a roommate.

WC: 1215

Serendipity (n): the occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way.

Billy wasn't sure what the creature ransacking his train car was. Granted, the train car wasn't in the most hidden place ever, but he had made sure to ward it against most creatures. The ward would have made one unable to see the train, and if they somehow saw it anyways, they would have been turned around. He usually was pinged if anything passed his wards, which was why he was so blindsided to see something moving around in his train car. It seemed that this one had slipped through his protections. 

The creature was strange and almost hard to look at directly. Its blinding white hair moved independent from the wind and twined around its long, pointed, mint colored ears. It was also small, small enough that Billy thought it could comfortably fit into his cupped hands, and wearing some sort of skin tight suit, black with a stripe of silver along its torso. Or what appeared to be its torso, Billy couldn't really tell when its lower body faded into a long tail.

From his perspective, it seemed to be rummaging through where he usually hides his food, showing slivers of its white paws. Did it pass through the barriers he set because it was hungry? 

Billy approached the creature quietly, making sure not to get too close, he wouldn't want to startle it. His efforts were in vain though as the creature snapped its head towards him. It's glowing eyes like headlights, as if staring into Billy’s soul. The green in its eyes swirling hypnotically as the creature bristled at his presence. 

Billy watched, amused but vigilant, as the creature puffed up like a cat. Even going so far as to swat a couple times in his direction. So far, it was quite harmless, but the buzzing in the back of his head that he usually equated to Solomon told him to be careful.

Billy slowly dropped to his knees, mindful of the creature's reaction, and shifted his bag to his front. He shuffled through his bag and brought out the small piece of jerky he was saving for later, sliding it slowly towards the creature.

The creature tilted its head, staring at the jerky suspiciously before taking a few steps to paw at it. It apparently passed its test as it devoured the jerky surprisingly fast for its small size. While it seemed to be starving, thankfully it didn't reflect onto its body. It wasn't gaunt or thin, but actually quite plump. Perhaps it just didn't eat for a day or two? 

Billy took a small step forward, then a few more when he realized the creature was focused on eating. “So,” He began softly, the creature startling as if it was just realizing he was so close. “What are you doing here, little guy?”

It stared at him silently before once again tilting its head. It was cute, Billy realized. The chubby cheeks and button nose paired with big, shiny eyes made it endearing to look at. His expression melted slightly as he took a closer look at the creature.

The creature's ear flicked as it padded up to him, paws on Billy’s knees. It let out an unintelligible sound, layered and harsh to Billy's ear, yet somehow melodious. Billy blinked, not expecting that noise. The creature looked at him almost expectantly, eyes shining brightly.

Billy hesitantly brought his knuckles closer to the creature, feeling its cold nose as it sniffed him. It was clearly unimpressed and trilled for more food. Billy chuckled under his breath as he brought another piece of jerky to the needy creature. It gobbled it up swiftly, looking up at him and once again begging for more, its eyes almost sparkling.

Billy folded under the cuteness overload and retrieved a sandwich from his bag, splitting it in half. He was worried that it would eat more than it could handle if he kept feeding it. He knew very well what that felt like.

The creature blinked at him, once, twice, before giving him a small, pleasant trill and headbutted his fingers. Billy cautiously set his hand over its silky hair? Fur? All he knew was that it felt divine, though not in the godly way. 

“What are you?” Billy asked as he wove his fingers through its hair, genuinely curious on what species the creature was. He had inputted a lot of creatures in his ward but he had no clue what this one was. The tingling at the back of his head spoke otherwise, Solomon knowing very well what it was. He could transform and ask Solomon, since he couldn't really speak to him unless he was Captain Marvel, but that would just scare the creature.

It gave him a look before resuming its lunch, finishing it in record time. Apparently, it deigned him worthy of its presence on his lap as it kneaded his legs then curled up onto them. The purring surprised him, pausing when the creature gave him an impatient look when he halted his ministrations on its hair.

He resumed, of course. Why wouldn't he? It was a nice reprieve from fighting villains as Captain Marvel and watching out for himself when he was on the streets. It was just a quiet moment between him and the strange creature that broke into his home. 

…He hadn't realized how lonely he was before this. 

He had friends, of course. Freddy, Tawky Tawny, and the Justice League. But… this just wasn't the same. As good as a friend Freddy was, he doubted that he would be willing to just sit and enjoy each other's company silently. Freddy was a huge superhero fan and couldn't help but talk about them in excitement. Not to mention his analyses on Billy’s techniques as Captain Marvel.

The Justice League wasn't any better. They had a professional relationship, thinking of him more as a coworker than a friend. The times he tried to deepen their friendship by inviting them out, he was unfortunately turned down. It seemed that they got along better when they were in battle than not.

Billy usually went to Tawky Tawny for advice, but Tawky Tawny never turned down the opportunity to just spend time in the other’s company. Unfortunately, those times were far and few between, usually because Tawky Tawny was traveling or busy with something else. 

With this creature— he’d have to name it eventually, Billy thought absently—all that was expected of him was companionship, nothing more.

Billy felt a cool paw pat his face, the creature looking up at him concerned. His eyes widened before he let out a huff, ruffling its hair. The creature let out a disgruntled chuff and phased through his hands then batted at them, settling down once more on his lap once it was done. 

It hadn't been with him long, all he had done was give it some food, and it was already trying to comfort him. Admittedly, it wasn't the best comfort, it stopped once he focused on it, but it wasn't something he expected from a creature he met not an hour ago.

Billy smiled, eyes soft. Perhaps it could stay, if only for a while.

Whipped this up in a couple hours while trying to get out of my funk 

Thanks for reading!!

Ao3

[charmac]

Do you think Mac has jacked off while reading the Bible? Or is he too ashamed? Or does the shame just turn him on more? Are the pages of his Bible all stuck together?

Oh, I don't think; we know:

(Pages stuck together, thanks for the confirmation, Charlie)

I think the shame definitely turns him on more, considering Mac Day:

And, the connected punishment, lest we forget The Gang Goes to Hell... (and the script here... whew)

While he was repressed then, he wasn't as of Charlie's Home Alone, so I think it's clear to claim that a part of his "homosexual awakening" was connected to the fact that he was gradually getting more and more into the idea of being punished (gone sexual) for his sins, to a point where he was just genuinely jerking off to the "evils of homosexuality"

I do wanna continue here though and say Season 15 is pretty interesting because we see Mac battle between being Catholic and proudly gay. He seemingly has no issue bragging to a Priest in the middle of a church that he's into triple penetration, but it is his sex life that is the driving "reasoning" for why he thinks he should become a Catholic Priest:

He's been "S-ing&F-ing" his way though life for too long and now he thinks God has taken away one of his identities (Irish) as a result. Mac's idea of being punished by/for God continues, but it's now through the form of revocation (as opposed to shame or flagellation). I think there's a clear "connect the dots" idea that depriving himself of sex (via becoming a Priest) is an "evolved" form of allowing God to punish him for being gay.

Obviously Mac learns he was lied to, as he actually is Irish, so his "journey" here is a bit of a wash, but the fact that his rationale jumped to God punishing him for having gay sex still stands. As he grows to accept himself, he's still looking for ways to feel shame (which, as we've seen, gets him off)...

But is the constant seeking for some form of punishment still there? We didn't see much of his Catholicism in Season 16 (I think the only mention of God from Mac was in The Gang Gets Cursed), but we did continue to see his sex life and—well, that was pretty heavy on Mac, openly gay dating, somehow managing to be neglected and deprived of actual gay sex, wasn't it?

[spaciebabie]

at first getting diagnosed with cptsd was like, "yay my trauma has been validated (it always was valid)!" and i really thought that was going to be it, but then i started to do research as i do whenever i realize i have something and learned that!! the way i experience socialization is!! quite horrid actually!!

[coolnonsenseworld]

I wanted to say that outside of semantics and divisions - I am simply happy to find communities that welcome with kindness - that welcome you by a good heart and not the ability to conform. I am happy for the opportunity to be surrounded by people who care. It's a funny world we live in - making the same mistakes over and over, multiplying the same suffering by billions. I don't think I hope for an utopia anymore, I don't think such a thing exists - but you can't call me hopeless either. And that's what matters.

As a side note - this piece is set in DanceAU, which might be better known to Patrons so far, but still it was the best and most fitting option for this occasion..... also there are 12 DanceAU pieces incoming, because I might be making another calendar so. get familiar with these mutts

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

thank you WH update for confirming that Wally breathes. i really thought he didnt <3

[sage-nebula]

There has been a lot of speculation about how Jinx and Ekko will interact in the upcoming season, and as someone who both loves the tragedy of timebomb, but also loves both Jinx and Ekko individually as characters and wants to see them both respected, I want to speculate on how they might interact in the upcoming season with particular focus on Ekko, and how their interactions in season two can be handled while treating his character with the dignity and respect that he deserves.

So, with that said: Let's start with what he know about Ekko and how he feels about Jinx, and how that might inform how he interacts with her in season two.

Ekko did have a crush on Powder when they were kids, as one of his quotes from the card game says: "I used to have a crush on you, before you started talking to the gun." We know from the "Enemy" music video that they were childhood besties; they jumped on beds together, rode around on that circle bike mocking enforcers together, et cetera. And we know from their fight on the bridge that they played a game together involving Ekko's pocket watch and Powder's toy guns, that they then recreated in their actual fight. (And that while Powder always won as kids, Ekko won in their rematch as teens, because his growth and development wasn't arrested like hers.)

But we also learned something else on that bridge, from Jinx herself.

"Well, look who it is. The boy savior!"

Jinx says this in a mocking tone. In a Reddit AMA, we learned that there was originally going to be a flashback showing Ekko trying to save Powder from Silco, believing her to have been taken hostage / kidnapped. Powder, however, refused to go with him, telling him, "Powder is dead." This is why she mocked him on the bridge with the title "boy savior": Jinx was mocking Ekko for trying to "save" her from Silco. She was twisting the knife that she wanted to be with Silco, that he couldn't save her like he intended.

And how do we think that made him feel?

There's a reason that Ekko was so insistent to Vi that Jinx wanted to be with Silco, that she worked for him voluntarily and didn't want to leave. It's because he knew that from firsthand experience. He tried to get her out of there, and she not only didn't go, but she still mocks him for trying years later. She was his best friend in childhood, the only one he had left after Benzo, Vander, Mylo, and Claggor died (and Vi was arrested, but he thought she was dead too), and she essentially spat in his face, rejected him in the harshest way possible, and continues to mock him for even trying to rescue her, for even trying to still be there for her after they had lost everyone else.

And then, on top of that, in working for Silco, she also ended up killing a number of his friends in the Firelights. (Well, we know that she at least for sure killed the pink-haired girl; I don't think we know for certain that she killed others, but I don't think it's outside the realm of possibility.)

Suffice to say, Ekko has more than enough reason to raise his hand if someone asked, "Who here feels personally victimized by Jinx?" It's easy to see how Jinx has been traumatized and hurt, because we saw everything that happened to her; but Ekko also suffered traumatic losses, had no idea what happened to Powder the night everyone died, but he cared about her so much (even setting aside his crush, he just loved her as a best friend) and put himself in danger to try to save her, only to be rejected for no reason he could understand, then continued to be mocked for it years later while also losing his friends to, if not Jinx directly, than to the man she works for and decided to see as a surrogate father. Ekko lost everyone in that same night, too, for reasons completely beyond his control, for reasons he probably still doesn't understand or have closure on. And I'm not saying that Jinx needs to open up to him about her trauma, but I am saying that I don't think that this would make her very attractive to him as a romantic partner or even a friend at this point.

(As a side bar: I don't think that Jinx ever felt true malice toward Ekko. She did him dirty by mocking his attempt to save her on the bridge absolutely, and cutting ties with him after Silco took her in is a lot more complicated and messy than we have time to get into right now, but to try to tl;dr it . . . I think that Powder saw Silco as her only lifeline. He was an adult who took her in, gave her a home, and was promising to be her family. He also, crucially, didn't know her as the person she was before. Ekko, on the other hand, was a child who did know who she was before. So Powder felt she had to cling to Silco and push Ekko away for her own sake. But -- and this is headcanon on my part -- I do still think she cared about Ekko as her childhood bestie, and I think this because Ekko is still alive. I think that Silco would have killed anyone who would cause Jinx distress, even at that early stage, and Ekko definitely would have triggered Jinx's psychosis (albeit by accident) by asking about Vi and the others. And I think that Jinx/Powder, caring for Ekko, would have told Silco not to kill him, saying something like, "He's not worth it, he's just some guy, let him go," or something of the sort, to make Silco back off. Something that would make both Ekko and Silco think she didn't care, when she did. So I don't think Jinx ever hated Ekko, or held true malice toward him. She was absolutely out of pocket and mean with that taunt on the bridge, but I don't think she was ever actually malevolent toward him.)

So, what do I see possibly happening between them in season two?

Well, if we remember how their fight on the bridge concluded: Ekko was winning the fight, and was essentially beating Jinx to death when he got a really good look in her eyes for the first time in years and realized that Jinx = Older Powder. That made him hesitate long enough for Jinx to pull a pin from a grenade, intending to die and take him down with her. (I think it might have been Amanda Overton who stated that Jinx "does not have a healthy fear of death," and that she wanted to take Ekko down with her because he was the only one who never left her? Which is truly funny considering how he tried his goddamn hardest to stay with her and she actively shoved him away and then mocked him for trying to stay with her literally right before that fight lmao. But that's our mentally ill girly at her finest.) Ekko, of course, saw what she did and escaped enough to not die, but to still be wounded. And Jinx would have died had Silco not taken her to Singed, and, well . . . we all know how that turned out.

So, season two.

From the trailer, we can see that there are at least some people in Zaun who see Jinx as a revolutionary figure. Some have pointed out that the mural looks like it was made in the style of Firelight art, with some speculating that perhaps it was even Ekko himself who painted it. Given all of the above, I really, really, really doubt that it was Ekko himself who painted it. In fact, I would actually be pretty upset with the writers of the show if they did make Ekko the one to have painted it, because I feel it would be a disservice to his character. Again, quick recap:

Jinx rejected him soundly when he tried to save her from Silco / reconnected her after everyone else in their lives was killed.

Jinx continues to mock him for this to his face years later.

In working for Silco, Jinx helped pump Zaun full of shimmer, which actively harms the very people whose lives Ekko wants to make better.

In working for Silco, Jinx has killed at least one, though probably more, of Ekko's friends in the Firelights. (Silco's other employees have also undoubtedly killed them as well and, again, Jinx still aligns herself with them.)

The big revolutionary act that others in Zaun are hailing Jinx as a heroine for is blowing up the council tower, which is bringing the military might of Piltover down on Zaun, guaranteeing bloodshed that I highly doubt Ekko wants. He wants change, but not like this.

It simply doesn't make sense for his character for him to have painted the mural. More likely, there are some Firelights who see what Jinx did as "the base violence necessary for change," believing in her "cause" over Ekko's -- not realizing that Jinx didn't do what she did because of a grand, overarching cause, but because she was lashing out as a result of the sustained agony the system had been putting her through for her entire life. She isn't going to be leading a revolution in season two; she didn't ask for that mural to be painted and she isn't going to be raising a flag. She'll be raising hell, no doubt, but not a flag. That's not who she is. The person painted in that mural isn't Jinx, not really, and Ekko knows that better than the actual artists.

Instead, I see Ekko as being in a sort of 90 / 10 situation regarding Jinx. 85% of him still feels all of the negative feelings he had about her regarding everything in the past six or seven years, plus her recent murder of the pink-haired Firelight, attempt on his life, and blowing up of the council tower that brought the Enforcers down on him. (Because don't misunderstand, he doesn't care about the Pilties in the tower, but he does care about the innocent Zaunites that are about to get murdered by the Enforcers who are going to blow apart the undercity's streets looking for Jinx.)

But then 10% of him is going to keep thinking back to that moment on the bridge, where he looked into her eyes close-up for the first time in six or seven years, and realized that Jinx is Powder, just older, and be just wracked with sorrow. No, he doesn't want to date her. No, they can't be friends when she's doing all this shit. She's literally killed people that he cares about. Her actions have resulted in the deaths of innocent people and she doesn't seem to give two fucks. (Again, not the Pilties, but the innocent citizens of Zaun that the Enforcers are now killing, and yes Piltover and the Enforcers are choosing to do that, but the reason why they are choosing to do that does matter, and if other Zaunities can hail Jinx as a hero for it, then he can call her out as a fucking dumbass for it, too.) But Janna, he wishes she wasn't doing this shit. He wishes she wasn't like this. He wishes things could have turned out different. Why didn't they turn out different? Jinx is Powder. Powder is Jinx. So what went wrong? When she left that night, why did she come back under Silco's wing? Why did everyone die, with Vi in jail? What happened? Was it his fault? Could he have stopped it somehow?

But there's not enough time to think about that, and it doesn't matter when here, in the present, she is like this and she is doing this shit and it's not his fault that she, here and now, is like this and doing this shit. He's not responsible for her. And she made it clear she didn't even WANT him to be in her life, so -- !

It's messy. It's messy and tragic and painful, but since when are the relationships in Arcane anything but?

The point I'm getting at here is: I don't think that Ekko will be supportive of Jinx. And if they work together at all, I think it will be with gritted teeth on his part, out of forced necessity. Or more like . . . it seems, from the trailer, that Jinx and Sevika may be teaming up to take down the chembarons. (I say "may," because the idea of Jinx and Sevika teaming up is still very hard for me to believe. But like, Sevika has Jinx's gun, and her new arm looks like it was made by Jinx, and we also see Jinx standing at the other end of the alleyway when Sevika is fighting one of the others so like . . .) We also know that the distribution of shimmer hurting Zaunities is something that Ekko doesn't like. So it is possible that Jinx and the Firelights could potentially work together in order to take down the other chembarons, with Ekko seeing it as a "the enemy of my enemy is my ally" situation, and Jinx agreeing to those terms while also, in her way, still viewing Ekko as "the one who never left" and thinking, hey, maybe we could start over.

As with everything else in Arcane, I fear it can only end badly for her.

It's also possible that, because of that moment they had on the bridge (and because of Vi's insistence to Ekko that she could talk Jinx down), Ekko could use this temporary truce to try himself to talk Jinx down again, to talk reason into her to some degree, especially now that Silco is dead. He might see it as an opportunity, a sort of, "Now that he's dead you don't have to work for him anymore, you can start over." Which, again, would end badly because Jinx herself is the one who killed him (by accident), and he was the one who gave her the affirmation of unconditional love that she'd always wanted, and as such his death is something she deeply regrets and would not appreciate hearing lauded as a good thing. So again, yet another thing in Arcane that would go horribly wrong. Still, I could see him potentially trying that avenue if in fact they did work together. Not as a romantic or "let's be buds again" angle, but in a "it would be better for everyone if Jinx stopped killing people" angle. (And then, you know, maybe after years of no murders and less hostile behavior, maybe then they can be friends again.)

Of course, that would never happen, but I think that would be Ekko's thought process nonetheless.

Bottom line here is, if Jinx and Ekko do end up teaming up, my hope is that Ekko's feelings and character are respected. So far, the Arcane writers haven't given me a reason to think they won't respect him, thankfully, but I still wanted to put it out there regardless. Ekko's trauma and how the tragedy of arc 1 impacted him is often overlooked, particularly since he is one of the more well-adjusted members of the cast (especially on the Zaun side, good god), but he still was traumatized and hurt horribly by what happened and he deserves to be treated with as much respect and dignity as anyone else. He certainly doesn't deserve to have his character or motivations pushed aside or forgotten just to prop up Jinx.

But those are just my thoughts. Everyone else is free to have their own. :)

[the-woman-upstairs]

It’s just…so painful to watch Armand readily submit in order to obtain the love he so desperately craves. And while it’s most assuredly a manipulative tactic, it’s still one borne out of fear and desperation. He cannot lose this person he’s come to love and so will become whatever they want, do whatever they want just so they’ll stay with him. But it won’t be enough. No matter how much he acquiesces or seeks to control (himself, others, the environment), he won’t be able to make Louis stay with him in the perfect life, perfect self he built in the hopes of finally being loved. It will all crumble with Armand left alone in the rubble of what he created, the author of his own abandonment.

[indig0-constellations]

I like to think that after Ice died, Mav kept his shoes by the front door so that when he gets home after work and takes his shoes off it’s like Ice is still there in the house waiting for him to come home