#why did I think I was lying to myself | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

apprehensiveacorn · 2 years ago

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I genuinely think I’ve been experiencing the stages of grief over the Outsiders SMP. Like. I’ve been reading through the profile of someone who’s had a family member die recently and. Uh. Guys. I thought about it.

And I realized I fit the bill. I’ve been in legitimate mourning over the Outsiders SMP characters

Guys I think I’ve finally hit some semblance of acceptance

This is so fucking funny, oh my god

#pov I realize I wasn’t just exaggerating (to myself) when I said I couldn’t cope #i genuinely felt I couldn’t bruh #why did I think I was lying to myself #why do the lame things happen to me #chronically online frfr #mourning over graves of fictional characters frfr #help me frfr #god I can’t stop laughing at this #I’m so stupid and normal about this #outsiders smp #outsidersblr #c!owen #c!apo #c!rasbi #c!guts #c!squidney #c!mowhee #acronage

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xxplastic-cubexx · 5 months ago

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adding 'tentacles are in the walls' to my list of vague x mansion facts

(X-Men #25)

#xmen #xmen comics #professor x #charles xavier #snap scans #snap chats #i solemnly swear not to abuse this information <- lying #like ya couldnt have built an elevator .... or a ramp ........ why do you do this to yourself this seems complicated dont you think #forced to ask the question how many other bits a bullshit like this exists in his house. i hope the answer is a lot #charles xavier has the right to turn his house into inspector gadget's cousin i think but how do you even come to this solution #'theres a very slim possibility i'll walk downstairs and fall how should i protect myself if the time comes. wall tentacles.'#like girlfriend. did you know i love you.#ok im finishing this issue than im working. im going to the comic shop with my friend later today so thatll be fun !!!!!#bye :)

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emberglowfox · 1 year ago

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i hate having memory issues

#“if you cared you would remember” / people thinking youre lying to them about things you did/didn't do / i am incredibly easy to gaslight #entire chunks of my recent life just. gone without warning #people who know more about me than i do myself #why cant i have a functioning brain #vent #sparks speaks #re the gaslight thing my psychosis + memory issues + regular weird realistic and/or semi-prophetic timeline dreams make me #incredibly prone to questioning reality and manipulable all the time. and i hate it #i wish i could believe in my own senses #unreality mention

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gojo · 2 years ago

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I JUST FINISHED VOLUME 10 OF TRIMAX AND I AM EMOTIONALLY WRECKED

#WHY DID I FUCKING DO THIS TO MYSELF #i was lying to myself saying it wasn’t going to happen but y’all… my eyes are swollen and my nose is running #that and i was listening to i feel love by donna summer on repeat while reading this volume and i think that made it worse ong #this is all i’m going to be thinking about as i go to bed tonight #vash just entered his widow era and is stuffing himself full of food to avoid any negative emotions and keep his mind off of everything #and like yeah same dude i’m about to devour this sopita de albóndigas and hope it somehow cures me #trigun #trigun maximum #trigun stampede #vash the stampede #nicholas d. wolfwood #salo.exe

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lewyn-martell · 2 months ago

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#interview with the vampire #i just found and watched a video on youtube that is a lestat hate and rant about his fans and it was so SO cathartic #i dont even agree with everything said and was naturally at first skeptic of a youtuber's opinion #but finally FINALLY there is a louder voice of someone who can see things about this show from another point of view #even if it's a pov that's more strict than the one i use to analyze media myself #i thought i was going crazy when seeing the fan opinions surrounding this show. mostly out there but sometimes here too #like yeah with how popular loustat is i knew there would be plenty of bias for the angle that flatters it #but the things ive seen lestat & loustat fans say.... the longing for eye bleach was real #but finally someone is there to underline that hey. that very present very intentional racial and power dynamics are in fact very real.#do in fact influence the characters accordingly. and does not come out of thin air or just 'the circumstances'#it's valid to explore the other side of the coin in louis' character of course. but it doesnt mean that it's not there #mind you. all of that shit louis described? is while insisting he was not 'an abused person'#and its so satisfying to see how someone can pass all the bullshit and have the serenity of heart to recognize that #regardless of everything else. there is a reason why louis felt like lestat was a predator and he was being preyed on #that is because he largely was. lestat *was* a vampire on the hunt. an emotional vampire to boost along with the more literal sense #he might disagree to be doing that on a conscious level and he might have clear reasons to have the instincts he does. he still did that #thank you for also calling bullshit on the reunion scene dialogue and parts of the trial in how it was trying to frame certain things #its the main reason why s2 didnt fully work for me. like jesus christ.#that man literally was part of a ploy to murder their daughter. BE SERIOUS. and im supposed to be mad about armand's involvement??#i also felt so seen when he talked about how dickmatized penis delirious to the point of frustration louis is #there is so much to be grateful for. in highlighting the weight of lestat's involvement vs armand's #in talking about louis' family's side of things. expressing how people for some reason love to call armand a mastermind lying manipulator #when the first culprit of that is the blonde bitch??#honestly the irritation i feel towards many of the fans of this show and the major opinions was such #that i was feeling bad just be seeing iwtv content around and i dont wanna feel like that. i like the show so much.#this was soul clearing in a way. even if. again. i dont fully agree with everything #love how its so clear how so many people try to invoke the books when trying to dissuade him from thinking ill of lestat #because thats exactly my experience too LMAO. talk about a weak limpdick argument #and people who try to invoke unreliable narrator are not much better #and the whole story is made up from the writer's head and nothing matters! see i can do this too

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seafoam-taide · 2 months ago

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Guys will literally do anything other than admit that they. Yeah

#tide of consciousness #Sorry theres no reason for me to make a post if I'm not going to actually say it but I'm going thru it OK #I don't even know if I'm right! Maybe it's the wrong word and I'm lying and tricking myself and lying 👍 sooo #Like I could be making it all up did you ever think of that? I could be making it up bc . Uh. You know. Reasons why you would make that up #When I type it out here it sounds ridiculous but I you have to understand that's what it's like in here #You can't just 'accept' things you have to go through the the 'making it up for attention' gauntlet first #And I type that and it sounds like I'm very self aware and being facetious but trust me I'm not I just know but it doesn't do anything #I type all of this to make fun of myself but I still genuinely believe this shit I'm typing #AHHH ! AH! QUIT IT.#The worst part is this is IDENTICAL to how I thought about being nonbinary for years. Which COULD AND DOES MEAN NOTHING !!!#AHHH AHHH AAAAAAAAA NO! no. It's fine.#:)) ^^ smile and itsr so fine #How does anybody do it . Why would you WANT to do it. Surely everyone is burdened this way. Of course. Of course

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lemmylemons · 3 months ago

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How to tell someone you like them, but not in a 'i wanna get into a relationship' way, just like, I have a crush on you, but I like women and I don't wanna be rude cause I feel like I was too forward

#GOD WHY DID I TELL HIM #cause i like him but i dont think i want a relationship and now i feel like im leading him on and lying to myself #i would yell at the top of my lungs that im a lesbian because i fiercely identified so and now im like hes just a guy who like i feel-#compatible with #i hate everything i shouldn't have said anything i shouldve waited

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lightblueminecraftorchid · 3 months ago

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My roommate and I had a conversation last night and I keep rotating it in my brain and I Don’t Like It

#blue chatter #they called me a resilient person. and no the fuck I am not. I break down so easily over everything and my body is falling apart on me.#I scream in terror when someone knocks on the door too hard the fuck you mean I’m good at handling adversity #I pointed out that I freak out whenever my grade gets low even a little bit #and they were just sitting there like ‘yeah. and then you pick yourself up again and you do the work.’#and no? not always? oftentimes I give up and don’t try hard enough to fix it and let points go that I could have earned #I barely ever go for extra credit opportunities and I’ve never gone to office hours of my own free will #I can’t even think about talking to a professor about a bad grade without wanting to cry? hello?#but they were insistent that even with those things I am still managing Incredibly Well in class given the circumstances. which made me #uncomfortable. like. I don’t think of myself as resilient At All and I feel a bit like I’m lying or tricking them.#I start shaking like a chihuahua when people are upset and I’m In The Vicinity. even when they’re clearly not upset with me.#I really struggle to advocate for myself ever and even when I do I usually feel guilty and walk it back partway so I don’t cause a fight #and I always get way too emotional for the situation when someone has anything they’re upset with me for. which isn’t fair to them bc I need #to be able to take constructive criticism without taking it as a personal attack on me.#like what the fuck do you mean *resilient*. I can’t even handle seeing a bug flying near my face or getting a B in a class. or being told #that I did something wrong. I’m actually significantly worse at handling adversity than I used to be. high school me was a resilientish kid.#and it’s not like I was ever *good* at handling my emotions. even when it was essential for my safety. I’ve always cried way too easily #even when it actively made the situation I was in Much Worse. even when I knew better.#I would get angry and scared and sad and start shaking and crying and even screaming at my parents when they were mad at me even though #I knew that it would always make my life much worse. and extend an already beleaguered argument.#I brought this up with my therapist and she was like ‘well. anybody would have done that if they were treated like you were’.#which. okay. maybe so. I still feel like I should have been able to handle it and just shut up and move on and not make it worse.#but I am aware that this is probably a cognitive distortion. even so. that definitely doesn’t make me resilient.#I just. I feel gross being called resilient. I’m not. I’m weak and easily scared and unable to handle even small amounts of adversity.#the fuck is my roommate even *seeing*.#the annoying part is that they’re generally an insightful person about other people and I know logically that they’re probably right #which is why I’m not going to complain any more about this to their face bc I should just drop it and not make it a Thing #I talk too much about myself and my problems anyway. not every conversation has to be about my brain worms.#but the discomfort is Distinct and Unpleasant. and now I’m just having to sit with it. and Feel Uncomfortable. and try to accept what was #definitely intended as a compliment. I know it’s draining to talk to someone who doesn’t accept any of the kind things you say about them.

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todayisafridaynight · 1 year ago

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once more thinking about The Morning Of New Years 2001 and its just now dawning on me that arakawa really chugged two bottles of booze and smoked A Fuck Bitch of ciggies Presumably before noon. like dire situation i know but god damn guy got a lot done in two hours

#snap chats #AND he's just chilling in the dark. ok not 'chilling' but yk what i mean #either he can really hold his liquor or bro picked up some .5% shit #now some might say 'snap it's two hours' and to that i say 'it's only been two hours' he just walkin off two bottles like theyre nothin #unless he is The Most Functional Drunk perceivable theeeeeen CHRIST #in all fairness he is only sitting so no fear of him tripping and banging his head into his desk but still #were you doin twenty-minute rule my dude... funny as hell consideration considering. The Fuck Bitch Of Ciggies #like i dont think health consciousness is on the table this morning..#what time is it. at that point. i keep telling myself i'd try to hunt down the time in-game but i doubt i'd find anything #arakawa office so fucked for not having a clock on the wall like girl id go mad not knowing what time it is #can i get a timeline of events for what happened. jo calls -> presumably they talk about a plan -> drink time #i doubt arakawa would be lying about the time sawashiro got in contact with him.... unless he did.... lol... anyway..#i just want a timeline of events like masato commits murder at midnight -> calls jo afterwards -> ???#did my guy sleep on it.. did he think of a plan all night...#ok bye i cant be sittin on this all night i have a comic im lining. which is why i made this post LMAO #I REMINDED MYSELF OF ARAKAWA'S DEPRESSION BREAKFAST ok bye

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yanderespamton78 · 10 months ago

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why can i not like things normally everything i either dont care about or its a personality trait

I do not like my hat, i love it so much that wear it literally every time i leave my house inside or outside and despite the fact that its a wooly hat i will wear it into july because i love it so much.

I do not like the colour purple, it is my favourite colour to the point that half of the things i own are purple and i genuinely see it as part of my personality.

I do not like spiritfarer, i love it so much that i have a mural based off of the game on my wall which took about a week to paint

I do not like spamton, i love him and the pieces of media he relates to so much that many people see me as "the spamton girl"

I do not like lemon demon, he is my favourite artist he is pretty much the only artist i listen to and i know all the lyrics to at least 30 of his songs and his voice brings me genuine comfort just from how much ive listened to him

#and i have literally gone onto roblox servers and started advertising ut/dr #*joins server*#have any of you guys played deltarune. its really good. the creator made the most influential indie game of all time (ut)#did you know that megalovania by toby fox was played to the pope. also did you know that deltarune is FREE!! £0!! $0!! 0 KROMER!!#it has a really cool story and is still ongoing so the fandom is very active. join us. join us. join us. join us.#why am i like this lmao #not lying about the “wearing my wooly hat into july” thing btw #i have pictures of myself wearing that hat mid july #literally the only place i dont wear it is inside my house #unless i get stressed out often ill wear it if im stressed out too #it broke a bit ago and i nearly cried #dw it was fixable but when i showed it to my mum she said “oooo charlie i dont think we can fix that” because she was teasing me #i have never felt so much panic in my life #i think if i lost that hat i would never leave the house again #im so regular and normal

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vigilantejustice · 2 years ago

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not to be melodramatic but truly do not think i experience emotions the way other people do + it’s not that everyone else in the world is poeticising their lives it’s just that there is something wired not quite right in my brain :(

#think it links to my struggle with anything that isn’t like. concrete or tangible #like could not tell you what i’m feeling if it’s not at either extreme #mentioned it to a psychologist once that i don’t have friends + i don’t feel lonely about it #even though i know that i should and he just kept saying that he thought i did want friends #and i was like i don’t know how to tell you that i’m not just lying to myself i am genuinely missing something + i don’t know why or what #to do about it #how do you make something true that’s not? i want to want these things but i just don’t #maybe it’s like a learned trauma response and it can be unlearned #or maybe it is that my brain is put together wrong #the synapses just aren’t synapsing #anyways. semi-regular pity party underway nothing new!#personal

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wibbly-wobbly-kylie-wylie-blog · 3 months ago

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I realized recently that I don’t think I’ve ever been someone’s best friend. I don’t think anyone would choose me first. In a crowd of people, they’ll turn to someone else. There’s always someone else. Always someone better than me.

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playingonedchess · 6 months ago

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really feeling the fomo with those last two posts arent i why now i wonder

#i get like this every so often #randomly reminded of years ago at school when i had classmates and stuff #what a bloody loser #nah seriously lying in bed in my old room at my parents feeling sorry for myself that i didnt make proper friends when i was 15 #get a bloody life #not like this isnt why i never made any friends or anything #like you do have to make an actual effort not spend your time in bed on your phone #its literally the middle of the day #nah it is a bit weird being back here even though i go back most holidays and sometimes the weekend #but like no one i knew from then went to my uni or if they did i just dont know cause i havent seen them since #but likw it was in this town where i am now #i barely go out but over the whole time i think i only saw like two in town and we didnt really talk #like i dont even really want to? i dont know #its just something to comiserate about not that theres a solution that way #obvious solution would be to make friends when uni starts again not that i can be bothered #yeah and i wonder why im miserable bloody hell

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enchantedephiphany · 7 months ago

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Bad day can be a good day if you let it (sometimes you have to step away to breathe, to see)

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