#think it links to my struggle with anything that isn’t like. concrete or tangible

[vigilantejustice]

not to be melodramatic but truly do not think i experience emotions the way other people do + it’s not that everyone else in the world is poeticising their lives it’s just that there is something wired not quite right in my brain :(

[theexistentiallyqueer]

It’s been a while, what with me being being more active on Twitter these days, but I had some thoughts churning around in my brain and this felt like a better place to post them rather than threading them over there.

This is a post about Persona 5 and restorative justice. Before I go any further, though, a note: this is meta about restorative justice and prison abolition as ethical philosophies only, how it can be expressed/structured in works of fiction, i.e., Persona 5 and Persona 5 Royal, and what the importance of doing so is.

I should also note that I am not a philosopher, a legal scholar, or an activist, I just like to read, and I strongly encourage you to look into the topics I’m discussing in this essay. If you want specific recommendations you can DM me; again, this being meta about a video game, I think linking those titles here would diminish their importance regarding what they’re actually about.

Ready? Okay. Let’s get started.

what is restorative justice?

‘Restorative justice’ is a concept in ethical and legal philosophy that holds itself in contrast to two other kinds of justice: punitive and carceral. Punitive justice is justice as punishment, i.e., an eye for an eye, while carceral justice involves justice as the confinement of criminal offenders. While both have heavy overlaps with one another, they’re distinct in the generality vs the specificity of their outcome: punitive justice can involve the death penalty, property seizure, permanent loss of rights, etc., carceral justice refers strictly just to the incarceration of criminal offenders in institutional facilities (jails, prisons, etc.).

Restorative justice, in contrast, roots itself in the understanding of closing a circle: the best and most holistic way to heal harm one person inflicts on another is to have the person who inflicted the harm make reparations to the person they hurt in a tangible and meaningful way. This can take many forms, and if you’re passingly familiar with restorative justice already, you may have heard about it involving the offender and the victim meeting face-to-face. This does happen sometimes. Personal acknowledgement of the harm you’ve inflicted on someone is important, and direct apologies are important, but these need to also be coupled with actions. The person behind a drunk hit-and-run of a parent could help put their orphaned child through school, or a domestic abuser could be made to take counseling and go on to help deter domestic violence in other households, and so on. 

The vast majority of states across the world use punitive/carceral models, though small-scale community trials of restorative justice have been attempted, to varying degrees of success. No one is going to argue that it would be easy to implement, but it is important. Restorative justice is about recognizing that crime, specifically crimes against other people, are fundamentally still about two people: the perpetrator and the victim. And we have to look beyond the words perpetrator and victim to recognize that they are both human beings and challenge ourselves to build a society where our concept of justice means healing hurts instead of retaliation.

It’s not easy, but it is possible. It requires changing your own perceptions of justice and humanity and society and the big wide entire world to have the kind of mindset that allows it to be possible. But it is possible, and I know that from personal experience, because it’s my own mindset and I’ve been through trauma too.

prison abolition and the god of control

Persona 5 has an authority problem. By which I mean, Persona 5 has a problem challenging authority in any way that functionally matters.

The game is drenched in heavy-handed prison imagery, from jail cells to wardens to striped jumpsuits to cuffs and chains to an electric chair. Throughout the long build-up of the main storyline we’re treated to a confectionery delight of punitive justice, stick-it-to-the-man justice: the Thieves find a bad guy who coincidentally has personally hurt or is actively hurting one of their members, and they take it upon themselves to make the bad guy miserable and then send him off to jail. By the end of the arc you’re meant to feel like you accomplished something heroic, that by locking someone up you’re balancing the scales of justice. In the Kamoshida arc Ann even frames this in restorative justice terms, telling him he doesn’t deserve the easy way out of ending his own life and needs to live with his mistakes and repent, but he’s still sent off to jail regardless and Ann and Shiho are left to struggle through the trauma he put them through without anyone to really support them. This repeats itself, over and over: Madarame, Kaneshiro, Okumura, Shido--expose the bad guy, bring him low, publicly shame him, and then send him away (or, in Okumura’s case, watch him die on live TV to riotous cheers from the public).

And what does this all accomplish, in the end? You get to the Depths of Mementos on Christmas Eve to find the souls of humanity locked away in apathy, surrendered willingly to the control of the state, and your targets right there with them, thanking you for helping them return to a place where they don’t have to think of other people as people any more than they did before. In prison, they can forget that they are human beings and that all of the rest of the people in the world are too. The Phantom Thieves march upstairs and defeat the Gnostic manifestation of social control, that being that masquerades itself with lies as the true Biblical god. And then you go back home and the adults tell you that everything is okay now, the system itself isn’t rotten, and you just have to sit back, stop actively participating in the world, and let them take the reins.

It’s one of Persona 5′s most ironic conceits. “Prison abolition....good?” the player asks, and Atlus swats you on the hand and says, “Silly kids, prison abolition completely unnecessary because you can trust the state to not fuck up anyone’s lives anymore ever.” All while using prison imagery to present prisons as institutions inherently divorced from what might constitute actual justice.

Prisons exist because hierarchies exist, and so long as hierarchies exist, inequality will exist and people will commit harm who otherwise likely would not. But you can’t have your cake and eat it too, Atlus. You can’t frame prisons as an inherently unjust institution used to control people because you didn’t do anything to get rid of the hierarchy. You just gave the hydra a few new heads.

restorative justice and rehabilitation

Rehabilitation is Persona 5′s favorite buzz word, and for all that it’s used the game never really clearly defines what it’s supposed to mean. Yaldabaoth uses it as a euphemism to describe the process by which he creates his ideal puppet, but Yaldabaoth bad, and by the end of the game, Yaldabaoth dead. We get barely any time with Igor after that for Igor to define rehabilitation properly on his terms, which is notable in that Igor is the one who’s supposed to be the spiritual mentor of the wild card within the Persona universe. 

We can only infer from that that it’s the player who’s meant to define what rehabilitation is by the end of the game, but because the game fails to take any concrete stance on its themes that could in any way undermine the idea that society isn’t functionally broken, it’s hard to figure out what conclusion we’re supposed to draw. As I stated above, the game immediately walks back any insinuations that it’s the institutions themselves that are rotten by having Sae and Sojiro step in and assume responsibility for making the world just by continuing to operate within the rules society itself has created. If you can’t beat them....join them?

If anything the closest we can get to coming up with a definitive understanding of what the game wants us to understand rehabilitation as is when the protagonist is in juvie. During those months we’re treated to an extended cutscene of all of your maxed out confidants taking action to get you out of jail, but because you can trigger this scene even if you haven’t maxed out all of your confidants, and because the outcome (getting out of juvie) is the same even if you haven’t maxed out any besides Sae, then we’re right back where we started.

But that cutscene still has a sliver of meaning to it despite it being largely window-dressing, because the game does push, over and over, the argument that it’s through your bonds with others, through building a community, that you’ll rehabilitate yourself and find true justice.

And that’s what restorative justice is about: community.

the truth: uncovering it vs deciding it

I can’t find enough words to convey how infuriating it is that Atlus comes so close to telling a restorative justice narrative and then completely drops the ball on displaying it at all in Goro’s character arc.

Goro’s concept of justice is fundamentally punitive, the textbook “you hurt me so I’m going to hurt you back.” In doing so he goes on to hurt a whole bunch of other people: orphaning Futaba, orphaning Haru, triggering a mental shutdown in Ohya’s partner Kayo, and also killing countless millions other instances of mental shutdowns, psychotic breakdowns, bribery, and scandal that caused people material harm and, in a handful of cases, killed them.

Yes, Shido gave him the gun, but Goro pulled the trigger. And in a restorative justice framework, you don’t bypass that fact: you actively interrogate it.

There’s been a lot of really great meta about what the circumstances of Goro’s life were like, including the Japanese foster care system, the social stigma of bastardy in Japan and the impact it has on an illegitimate child’s outcomes, and the ways in which Shido groomed and manipulated Goro into being the tool of violence he made him into. These things aren’t excuses for what Goro does, however: they’re explanations for it. They are the complex social issues that create a situation where a child feels his best choice, indeed maybe his only choice, is to take the gun being offered to him and use it on other people. If you want to prevent more kids from slipping through cracks into those kinds of situations, you need to understand the social ills that made those cracks appear in the first place and you need to fix them. Otherwise there will always be another kid, and another recruiter, and another bad choice, and another gun. Systemic problems require systemic solutions.

Even so, none of that bypasses the fact that it was Goro’s hand on that gun, that it was Goro who performed the physical action of killing Wakaba’s and Okumura’s shadows, and that, as a result of Goro’s direct actions, Wakaba and Okumura died. You can say Okumura deserved it all you like, but Haru doesn’t deserve to be an orphan. Haru deserved to repair her relationship with her father. Okumura deserved the chance to learn and make direct, material amends to the employees he hurt and the families of those who died on his watch, and they deserved to have him give them a better way to heal.

But this isn’t about the loss of Okumura making amends to his family or his victims: this is about Goro Akechi, and the fact that even in Royal his fraught relationship with Haru and Futaba is never explored, barely even addressed. There’s not even any personal, direct acknowledgement from him of the pain he put them through.

You can say he doesn’t care, and that’s fine that he doesn’t care. And it is. He’s a fictional character, this is a video game, they are anime characters.

But Persona 5 flirts with the idea of restorative justice and never fully explores it, and it’s a weaker game for that.

the thin place, the veil between worlds, the line in the sand

This is the last part, I promise, and I’ll be short and brief here, because the truth is that none of this matters, at least not in the way that you think. Persona 5 is a story. It’s a lie that we buy. It’s all zeroes and ones and electrical signals and optical images on a blank black screen.

But art can be powerful. Art is like magic, the deepest magic, the oldest kind. We human beings are creatures of art and poetry, of images and patterns, of music and words. Good art, really good art, can allow us to explore new ideas and critique our internal assumptions about how the world works.

No, fiction doesn’t affect reality, not the way that you think it does.

But if you’ve gotten this far, I just got you to read an essay on restorative justice and prison abolition in regards to a Japanese role-playing game, and that is something to think about.

How do you define rehabilitation? What kind of justice do you believe in? Is the way you conceive those things really the best way?

And how much more interesting could a story that challenges those concepts be?

[thesouthernpansy]

sacred geometry (2/?)

stanford pines/bill cipher chapter 2/? ford arrives at backupsmore university ready to put his head down and get lost in his classwork. his new roommate seems to have come prepared to haul him back out, again. that, and eat uncooked blocks of ramen. (it’s a college au, let’s crack some books!) don’t want to risk breaking the post by adding a link, but this story is also on ao3, same title, username thesouthernpansy ~

“’No more than two hours to complete’ my foot.” Ford quotes the physics manual with venom as he stalks out of the lab, doubling back briefly to shuck his gloves and slam them into the specialized waste receptacle. His lab partner follows him out, more subdued, wrangling the school-issued goggles over his glasses with some difficulty.

“'No more than two hours to complete' my foot.” Ford quotes the physics manual with venom as he stalks out of the lab, doubling back briefly to shuck his gloves and slam them into the specialized waste receptacle. His lab partner follows him out, more subdued, wrangling the school-issued goggles over his glasses with some difficulty.

“All's well that ends well, right? We got it to precipitate in the end.”

Ford takes in a sharp breath through his nose. “I suppose. Still, it shouldn't have been like pulling teeth and you know it, Fiddleford. The equipment in this place is a disgrace.”

“Can't even figure why the stock room is still holding on to all those thermometers if they all have air bubbles in the mercury,” agrees Fiddleford thoughtfully.

“Exactly! And how are we supposed to blaze a trail of scientific progress when we're working from texts that are barely a paleographic step past cuneiform tablets?”

Fiddleford shrugs a shoulder, pats Ford absently on the arm. “Good thing we're geniuses, huh?”

“Good thing,” agrees Ford, feeling the ire start to drain from him. He offers Fiddleford a small smile. “I'm fairly sure the Bunsen burner would have blown up in my face if you hadn't been here.”

“That wiring was a nightmare.” Fiddleford shakes his head, drops his labcoat into the designated bin. Ford follows suit, collecting his bag from the hook by the door as he passes it. They leave side by side in a tired, victorious silence.

Fiddleford McGucket was the first unexpected spot of good luck in Ford's otherwise disappointing college experience. They'd met weeks before the official start of classes, sitting for many of the same exemption exams that would allow them to skip the tedious introductory courses their majors otherwise required. There hadn't been time for much more than cursory introductions back then, but their test scores saw them thrown together in several of their classes after that, both of them inclined to gravitate towards a familiar face when the time came to choose partners for their inevitable labs.

And, as it turns out, Ford and Fiddleford are an exceptional compliment to one another intellectually. Ford is good with concepts, at ease with proofs and equations and long stretches of silence lost in his own mental map of even the most complicated and abstruse theories. Fiddleford excels in the tangible, mechanics and practical applications, the translation of the abstract into something he can hold in his hands.

Plus, speaking of hands. Ford is nearly certain Fiddleford had noticed his abnormality during their first meeting, but it hadn't actually come up until much later, when Ford's cursing as he struggled with a pair of latex gloves had made it obvious and unignorable. Fiddleford had looked over, frowned a little. Then he handed Ford the jar of sodium bisulfate he was struggling to open.

“How about a little help? I'd bet you dollars to donuts you could get a better grip on this than I can.”

That, Ford recalls, was the exact moment he'd started to consider Fiddleford a friend. He isn't sure he's ever truly had one, before. At least, not one that wasn't related to him, and that is a train of thought he refuses to follow any further.

Late autumn darkness has fully set across the campus by the time they step outside, chill and brittle and already heavy with the smell of coming frost. Ford digs his chin into the collar of his coat and squints up at the sky.

“Headed back to the dorms?” Fiddleford asks.

“The observatory, actually,” says Ford.

“Sure is a good night for it,” says Fiddleford amicably. “I didn't think it was still open this time of night, though.”

Ford clears his throat. “It isn't, technically. Professor Neilson loaned me the keys. I have, uh, there's a personal project I've been working on.”

The expression that jumps onto Fiddleford's face is excited and puzzlingly sly.

“You taking a girl up there?” he asks, nudging Ford with his elbow.

Ford startles, sputtering. “I am most certainly not.”

“Plenty of girls would find it real romantic,” Fiddleford tells him. He probably means it to be encouraging.

“No doubt they would find it much less romantic to be ignored for an hour while I take astronomical readings.” It comes out with more bite than intended, Ford's hands clenching into fists in his coat pockets. He can't explain why Fiddleford's assumption has thrown him so badly, but his whole body is prickling suddenly with nervous energy.

To his credit, Fiddleford doesn't seem thrown in the least.

“Maybe she'd surprise you,” he suggests. “Won't know until you try.”

“There's no girl, Fiddleford,” insists Ford.

“Okay, okay,” laughs Fiddleford. “My mistake, never mind.”

Ford expects him to elaborate, wishes he would, but nothing else comes. It gnaws at Ford, itchy and awkward in the way so many subtleties of everyday human interactions tend to do.

“Do I—have I been acting like there's someone?”

Fiddleford glances at him sideways, smirks. It's all but audible confirmation.

“There's been a little extra pep in your step. I'm not about to force you to talk about it if you don't want to.”

“I wouldn't know what to say,” says Ford honestly.

“Girls can be like that, sometimes,” sighs Fiddleford a little wistfully, and this time Ford lets the assumption slide. They're technically still having the same conversation, but Ford feels like he's holding onto his half of it by his fingernails.

The domed roof of Dithery Observatory is a welcome lifeline, cresting just above the concrete silhouette of the library. Ford peels away with a hasty farewell and a genial dismissal of his friend's 'if you ever want to talk about it'. What he wants is the silent, impassive company of a refracting telescope, the still peace of an empty space to himself, a vast spread of stars ready to spill its mysteries to the brilliant mind capable of cracking it open.

Clutching his borrowed ring of keys, Ford half-jogs the remaining distance to his destination. The metal teeth bite into his palm; it's grounding, a completed circuit between his body and his racing brain. He counts out his steps as he slows, the even cadence, no room for any extra pep, whatever that's even supposed to be.

Ford crosses the courtyard, and stops.

Even in the dim yellowy glow of the observatory's single ancient doorlight, it's clear that the door is open. Just an inch or so, like the last person in had tried to slam it shut behind themselves without knowing about the way the deadbolt sticks. Not Professor Neilson, then, not anyone Ford can think of who ought to have the authority to close the building for the night. Ford's thoughts list out the possibilities: vandals, some kind of fraternity-born prank, an illicit rendezvous like Fiddleford had been alluding to. The prospect of such misuse puts steel in Ford's spine as he goes in, making sure to shut and lock the door properly behind him.

“Hello?” he calls, rounding up the stairs. “Who's there?”

Ford finds no signs of life as he makes it to the main observation deck. At first, the same seems to hold here as well. Then something in the instruments booth catches his eye. Through the window comes a brief, muted light, like someone clicking a flashlight on and off very quickly. A shape comes into view, unexpected and familiar, ugly sunglasses and artfully swept hair.

“Bill?”

“Hiya, roomie!” Bill saunters over, waving both hands in greeting. “Here for a little late-night stargazing?”

“What are you doing here?” asks Ford.

“What are you doing here?” Bill fires back.

“I'm allowed to be here,” replies Ford, feeling stunned.

Bill's hand goes to his chest in mock-outrage. “Well I never! I see how it is. You're allowed to scope the cosmos at unreasonable hours, but I'm not? Just because you're Mr. Science? That sounds like an unfair double standard to me, and I won't stand for it!”

“No, that's not—” Ford interrupts himself with laughter. “The door was supposed to be locked.”

“Ohhh,” says Bill, rocking back on the balls of his feet. “Oh boy, is somebody in trouble?”

“Possibly. It wouldn't be you, if you were worried about that.”

"I wasn't." Bill fires Ford a shit-eating grin when he looks over. Maybe it would be irritating, under different circumstances, but as it stands Ford is too overcome by the absurd coincidence of the situation to be anything but relieved. Of everyone who could have taken advantage of the unlocked door, it was Bill, who just wanted to look at the stars. It feels significant in a way Ford can't quite put his finger on, yet.

"Good to know." Ford leaves his things in a heap by the telescope platform, bends to retrieve a notebook and his leather-bound journal. Bill doesn't move other than to cock his head to one side, his gaze a palpable thing, expecting and exacting. He's waiting for something, that part is clear enough. If he didn't seem so fundamentally like he's never required anyone's permission to do anything in his life, Ford would assume he's waiting to be asked to stay.

For all his earlier eagerness for solitude, Ford finds that he doesn't mind the idea of that at all.

He looks up. adjusting his glasses. Bill looks back.

"Would you like to stay?" asks Ford.

"Fordsy, I thought you'd never ask!" Bill swoops closer, circling Ford to hover by his elbow. He hooks his chin over Ford's shoulder, tiptoed, angling for a peek at the books in Ford's hands. "Come on, let's see this exciting secret science business you're supposed to be here doing."

"Why do you sound like you don't believe me?" asks Ford, a little defensive. Bill leans into him, radiating a lazy line of warmth that settles in the hollow of Ford's chest.

"Psh, I believe you."

Ford can feel Bill's breath against his neck when Bill talks, little puffs of heat.

"That's not the point," Bill asserts, jabbing a finger into Ford's arm for emphasis. "Aren't we all paying schmucks in this for-profit institution? Supposed to be here, not supposed to be here--what a crock! Who decides this stuff anyway?"

"The head of the astronomy department?" offers Ford.

Bill barks a laugh, slaps a hand against Ford's back hard enough to make him stumble forward.

"Got yourself friends in high places, huh?"

"I didn't mean it like that," says Ford hastily.

"No, no, you're very impressive," says Bill, leering. "I'm very impressed."

It's a strange fractal of self-awareness, Ford overly aware of Bill's hand still pressed between his shoulder blades, aware of his own awareness like an itch, like the damp cuff of a woolen sweater, just the wrong side of comfortable. The full shape of it spirals away from him, down and down, no bright thread of logic to pick out and aid his tugging it apart. Just the twist of it in his gut, the awareness, the itch.

"I'm starting to regret asking you to stay," he says, and means it--not for the right reasons, the reasons he'd like there to be, something he could note and measure and cite. No proper scientist would take a simple feeling as proof of anything, as if Ford even knew what he might posit it to prove.

Bill cackles gleefully. "Too late! It's vampire rules, now, smart guy, you can't get rid of me that easy! Now make with the science already."

"All right, all right," chuckles Ford. He takes a heavily notated scrap of paper from his journal and unfolds it. "Wait here a minute."

"Not my strong suit," says Bill. "What am I waiting for?"

Ford gestures with the paper. "I have to set the telescope's relays to the optimal optical configuration for the current atmospheric condition."

"On it!" Before Ford can fully process the words, Bill snatches the paper out of his hand and dashes for the instrument booth.

"I--Bill, wait! You know how to adjust the relays?" Professor Neilson hadn't entrusted Ford with the keys to the observatory so he could let someone else loose on the building's intricate, frankly fussy control system. Sagan forbid if Bill breaks something--

Bill spins to face him, laughing, his awayward momentum unbroken. "What, like it's hard?"

It's not the reassurance Ford hoped for. "It is if you don't know what you're doing!"

"Luckily for you, Fordsy, I always know what I'm doing." Bill fires a finger-gun in Ford's direction, and the door to the booth slams shut.

Above him, Dithery's massive telescope shudders to life, the overtaxed, undermaintained structure creaking and popping its familiar protests as it eases into position. Ford holds his breath. Slowly, in playful fits and spurts that strike Ford as far too internally consistent to be accidental, it tilts up, swings sideways, right and right, then too far right, and left again. It pauses, just briefly, dips downward and bobs back up--like a bow, and under his anxiousness ignites a giddy relief that has Ford laughing into his hand.

By the time the telescope grinds to a halt, relief is too small a word for what Ford is feeling. He's impressed. He glances at his watch, at the stars visible though the slotted dome, compares what he sees to the table penned across the center fold of his journal. He does this because he's a scientist, and a scientist always verifies his data, even when he's been there dozens of times before, looking at the same graceful angle of glass and steel aimed at the same swatch of sky and knowing through the sheer power of familiarity that Bill has positioned the telescope perfectly.

It's a little, Ford thinks, like being in the lab with Fiddleford, the rare rush of knowing that his present company can be trusted to be competent, to keep up with whatever wild strides Ford has decided must be taken. Absently, he rubs at a spot on the side of his neck. A little, but not really.

Ford is smiling as he sets to his next task; he takes a thick packet from his bag and kneels to spread it out next to the telescope platform, several separate sheets of paper taped together to form a meticulously plotted chart of the visible night sky that takes up a considerable portion of the floor. He flips his journal open to the relevant page and leaves it where he can see it as a reference.

"Wow, graph paper? Really?" Bill appears at the edge of Ford's chart, peering down. "And here I was thinking you couldn't possibly get any nerdier than the Star Trek socks."

Ford doesn't respond beyond a laugh; any implications of his nerdiness have long since stopped carrying a sting from most people, and in the meantime Bill is looking over the chart with enough keen, genuine interest to suggest maybe there hadn't been much of a sting intended to begin with.

"This must've taken you a while." Crouching closer, Bill gestures towards the thick colored lines that curve across the visible pages of Ford's journal. "What do these measure?"

Ford's heart does a strange sort of kick-flip in his chest, excitement tempered by nerves. He fumbles with his ancillary notebook, briefly forgets the page he's looking for, then nearly smacks Bill in the face with it in his eagerness to show him.

"Watch the nose, smart guy, I like this one."

"Sorry," says Ford quickly, the surge of embarrassment he feels less important than the present opportunity to share his research with an interested party. He adjusts his glasses, points to the block of complex equations he'd inadvertently used as a weapon. "You see, these are functions--"

"Duh," sighs Bill. "That's not what I asked."

"Right," says Ford, hesitating. Past experience tells him this is the part where Bill's eyes start to glaze over with disinterest or derision, where their respective senses of enthusiasm shift suddenly into perfect inverse proportions of one other. It's happened often enough before--not recently, Ford has always been a quick study in aversion--so he doesn't understand the odd nerves that shallow his lungs now, the prickling sensation that the outcome of this conversation matters somehow. He hesitates, and Bill seems to pick up on it like a hound on a scent.

"Getting shy on me, Fordsy? Is it weird? Are you abusing the confidence of an authority figure for strange and unsavory perversions of the scientific method?"

“For--? Sweet Turing, Bill, what exactly do you think I'm doing, here?”

“That scandalized act won't work on me,” Bill tsks, “I know you.”

Ford bristles at the assertion, starts to protest; this chance interaction is the longest one they've had to date beyond the boundaries of their shared room, and those have been few enough on their own. They resemble friends, perhaps, in the way that Venus resembles a star to the untrained eye, but it goes no deeper than that. Ford can't name a single class Bill is enrolled in, what books he's read, where he comes from.

And yet, he thinks, at least Bill didn't assume he'd come here to impress a girl.

“What do you know about ley lines?”

[hello-thefatlosshabit-blr]

Ego Depletion (Illustrations by Ted Slampyak)

USE THE POWER OF LANGUAGE TO REINFORCE YOUR IDENTITY

“A powerful agent is the right word. Whenever we come upon one of those intensely right words … the resulting effect is physical as well as spiritual, and electrically prompt.” Mark Twain

Have you ever told someone you can’t have a piece of cake because you were on a diet or that you can’t go to lunch because you need to go to the gym? If you have, you are probably feeling pretty good about yourself right now. What if I told you that the language used in these two examples is weak? Confused? Don’t be. I will explain how the right words will improve your willpower, bolster your self-esteem, and make overcoming temptations easier.

During my research, I made an extraordinary discovery. I discovered a simple two-word phrase that can be used as a mantra to bolster our discipline, willpower, and self-esteem. You might be guessing the phrase is ‘I AM.’ While you’ll undoubtedly hear a lot of motivational speakers extol the power of ‘I AM’, they aren’t the words I am referring to. I didn’t find any studies that substantiated their effectiveness. That is because self-affirmations that aren’t backed up by concrete actions are the beginning of self-dilution. An affirmation not backed-up by action will erode your self-esteem. People that advance the power of I Am subscribe to the power of attraction.

Critics of the power of attraction are correct when they say you cannot just wish things into your life. The power of attraction is often misunderstood by its proponents and its detractors. Its power lies in an area of our brain called the reticular activating system (RAS). Our RAS determines what we notice and what we ignore in our environment. If we didn’t ignore most of what we see, hear, and feel we would experience sensory overload.

When we set a goal, and we have strong emotional intent, we trigger the RAS. Our brain becomes incredibly acute at noticing anything in our surroundings that could help us move forward. When we stay connected to our vision, we keep ourselves on course. We don’t get caught up in the momentum of other people’s demands on us. Every day we look for ways to take another step, no matter how small, towards our goal.

Like any law, it is both positive and negative. When we focus on what we want our RAS will seek out data and resources to support it. When we focus on what we don’t want, unfortunately, our RAS will filter our view of the world and look for information and situations that support our view. “Here’s the problem. Most people are thinking about what they don’t want, and they’re wondering why it shows up over and over again.” John Assaraf

“Change the way you see things and the things you see will change.” Wayne Dyer

When we repeat a positive affirmation like, “I am strong” we are more likely to notice any proof to support this belief. The more proof we find, the stronger our belief will become. If your RAS cannot find any evidence to support your affirmation, you’ll begin to erode your self-esteem. Real self-esteem can only be gained through action. The most fulfilling rewards of success is the self-esteem you build and the person its accomplishment forces you to become, not the achievement itself. A hard-fought victory is always the most satisfying.

So, if ‘I AM’ isn’t a useful phrase for creating an empowering identity and bolstering our willpower what is? The phrase that has the power to change your life is ‘I DON’T.’ Surprised? Probably no more astonished than I was, but the science is solid. While both I AM and I DON’T are linked to our identity, only I DON’T is linked to a decision that supports that identity. When you say I AM disciplined, you aren’t providing any proof to substantiate that you are disciplined. When you say I DON’T skip workouts, you are linking it to a decision and you are providing evidence to support your assertion.

“I don’t miss a workout” is a lot more powerful than “I can’t miss a workout.” That explanation is weak. It connotes an external impediment. The phrase, “I can’t miss a workout” implies you really want to skip your workout, but someone is making you. Even if that someone is you, the phrase lacks commitment. It says to anyone that hears it that you are being forced against your will. It makes us feel like we are losing our autonomy. Even if we are the ones imposing the constraint, it makes us feel like we are less in control. It makes our Elephant feel like it is being bullied by our Rider. This will cause the Elephant to rebel when it has had enough. The Rider will be powerless to stop the two-tone Elephant when this happens. (Learn more about the Elephant and Rider Analogy)

When you say, “I don’t miss workouts,” you are saying that you are the type of person that works out consistently because that is who you are. When a salesman says, they can’t give you a discount you might ask for their manager because the salesman is saying the decision is out of his hands. He would like to provide you with a discount, but his manager or company policy is preventing him.

Contrast that language to the Rolex salesman that says, “We don’t discount our watches.” You aren’t tempted to speak to his manager, because apparently, Rolex doesn’t offer discounts. This unambiguous phrase ends the discussion. When we tell ourselves, we can’t eat that cookie in the breakroom we are inviting an internal debate that will deplete our willpower and erode our self-esteem. When we tell ourselves, we don’t eat cookies or any of the other highly processed garbage in the breakroom, we end the discussion; conserving our willpower, and build-up our self-esteem in the process.

A reformed smoker will say, “I don’t smoke. I am not a smoker.” They have shifted their identity away from being a smoker and, that is why they will never smoke again. Identity is this unseen force that shapes our decisions. We don’t like to do anything that goes against our identity. Our mind seeks harmony between our attitude and behavior. When there is disharmony, we will attempt to either change our behavior, or our opinion about that behavior.

How useful is this phrase for changing our behavior? I did say I was going to provide you some evidence. Researchers Vanessa Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt conducted two studies comparing the efficacy of the I Can’t Condition to the I Don’t Condition. In the first study participants that were told to say ‘I Can’t’ to a temptation gave in 61% of the time while participants that said ‘I Don’t’ only gave in 36% of the time.[i] I have personally used this technique to make saying no to breakfast burritos, Chick-fil-A breakfast bowls, cookies and cakes in the breakroom infinitely easier. It is amazing how much easier it has become to stay on track and avoid unplanned eating. Often it is these minor indulgences that sabotage our efforts. When it comes to weight loss, it is a battle of inches, literally, with the smallest indulgencies keeping you from achieving your fat loss goals. Give this technique a try, and I think you’ll find it makes overcoming temptation infinitely easier.

You can also use this technique to keep your workouts on track. In a second study, three groups were struggling to exercise regularly. The first group was told to say, “I can’t miss my workout.” The second group was told to say, “I don’t miss my workout.” The third group, the control group, wasn’t given a temptation avoidance phrase. After ten days, the researchers found the ‘I can’t’ group exercised once, the “I don’t” group exercised eight times, and the control group exercised three times.

Not only was the “I can’t miss a workout” temptation avoidance strategy less effective than the “I don’t miss a workout, but it was less effective than not having any temptation-avoidance phrase. When we say, “I can’t miss a workout” it causes us to rebel, to reassert our autonomy. Everyone desires to have control over their lives. When we say to ourselves, ‘I can’t’ it implies that we are going against our own desires because of an external impediment. Even when it is our conscious decision to do something, our subconscious mind feels like it is being bullied. Trying to force the Elephant to do anything it doesn’t want to do through sheer force of willpower is a losing strategy. The smaller rider cannot force the two-ton Elephant to do anything for long. He will quickly become exhausted, and the Elephant will do what he has been conditioned to do.

The reason the phrase “I don’t miss a workout” produces such dramatic results is that it speaks to our identity. Every time we say it, and then follow it up with action that supports it, we are reinforcing the identity of a fit person that exercises consistently. We aren’t just making an empty affirmation, we are backing it up with tangible action. Every action provides additional proof to substantiate that we are a fit person.

The researchers put it this way, “The refusal frame ‘I don’t’ is more persuasive than the refusal frame ‘I can’t’ because the former connotes conviction to a higher degree. . . . Perceived conviction mediates the influence of refusal frame on persuasiveness.” [ii] ‘I can’t’ lacks the clarity and conviction of ‘I don’t.’ ‘I don’t’ is a bright line. Bright lines provide an unambiguous rule or guideline. If you say, “I don’t drink alcohol during the week” there is no ambiguity. The rule is perfectly clear. When we say something vague like “I’m going to eat better” or “I am going to exercise more” it doesn’t provide any guidance to the Rider, so when the Elephant disagrees, he will follow his urges. The Rider always needs to be able to provide immediate and unambiguous direction to the Elephant if he hopes to stay on track. He cannot rely on sheer willpower to override the Elephants desires.

Willpower is an ineffective long-term strategy because it is capricious in nature, often leaving us naked to temptation when we need it most. A bright line rule is a clearly defined rule, a standard which leaves no room for varying interpretation. Bright lines provide clear guidance to the Elephant and prevent the Rider from analyzing what to do. The Rider is prone to analysis paralysis and making excuses. The clarity of bright lines prevents us from falling into these mental traps that deplete our ego, cause decision fatigue, and lead to the erosion of our willpower. Like a habit, bright lines conserve willpower because we don’t debate what to do each time we are faced with a choice. We decide once and repeat the choice each time a decision must be made.

Adopt ‘I Don’t’ as your willpower mantra, and you’ll be amazed by your results. The right words are powerful. They are electric. They can give us the smallest edge we need to tip the scales in our favor. Develop your own ‘I don’t’ mantras to overcome temptations and assert a more powerful identity, one that reflects your true character.

[i] Vanessa M. Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt, “‘I Don’t’ versus ‘I Can’t’: When Empowered Refusal Motivates Goal-Directed Behavior,” Journal of Consumer Research, 39, no. 2 (August 2012): 371–81, www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/663212?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents

[ii] Vanessa M. Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt, “‘I Don’t’ versus ‘I Can’t’: When Empowered Refusal Motivates Goal-Directed Behavior,” Journal of Consumer Research, 39, no. 2 (August 2012): 371–81, www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/663212?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents

  [i] Vanessa M. Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt, “‘I Don’t’ versus ‘I Can’t’: When Empowered Refusal Motivates Goal-Directed Behavior,” Journal of Consumer Research, 39, no. 2 (August 2012): 371–81, www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/663212?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents

[ii] Vanessa M. Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt, “‘I Don’t’ versus ‘I Can’t’: When Empowered Refusal Motivates Goal-Directed Behavior,” Journal of Consumer Research, 39, no. 2 (August 2012): 371–81, www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/663212?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents

  “A powerful agent is the right word. Whenever we come upon one of those intensely right words … the resulting effect is physical as well as spiritual, and electrically prompt.” Mark Twain Ego Depletion (Illustrations by Ted Slampyak) USE THE POWER OF LANGUAGE TO REINFORCE YOUR IDENTITY “A powerful agent is the right word.

[hello-thefatlosshabit-blr]

Ego Depletion (Illustrations by Ted Slampyak)

USE THE POWER OF LANGUAGE TO REINFORCE YOUR IDENTITY

“A powerful agent is the right word. Whenever we come upon one of those intensely right words … the resulting effect is physical as well as spiritual, and electrically prompt.” Mark Twain

Have you ever told someone you can’t have a piece of cake because you were on a diet or that you can’t go to lunch because you need to go to the gym? If you have, you are probably feeling pretty good about yourself right now. What if I told you that the language used in these two examples is weak? Confused? Don’t be. I will explain how the right words will improve your willpower, bolster your self-esteem, and make overcoming temptations easier.

During my research, I made an extraordinary discovery. I discovered a simple two-word phrase that can be used as a mantra to bolster our discipline, willpower, and self-esteem. You might be guessing the phrase is ‘I AM.’ While you’ll undoubtedly hear a lot of motivational speakers extol the power of ‘I AM’, they aren’t the words I am referring to. I didn’t find any studies that substantiated their effectiveness. That is because self-affirmations that aren’t backed up by concrete actions are the beginning of self-dilution. An affirmation not backed-up by action will erode your self-esteem. People that advance the power of I Am subscribe to the power of attraction.

Critics of the power of attraction are correct when they say you cannot just wish things into your life. The power of attraction is often misunderstood by its proponents and its detractors. Its power lies in an area of our brain called the reticular activating system (RAS). Our RAS determines what we notice and what we ignore in our environment. If we didn’t ignore most of what we see, hear, and feel we would experience sensory overload.

When we set a goal, and we have strong emotional intent, we trigger the RAS. Our brain becomes incredibly acute at noticing anything in our surroundings that could help us move forward. When we stay connected to our vision, we keep ourselves on course. We don’t get caught up in the momentum of other people’s demands on us. Every day we look for ways to take another step, no matter how small, towards our goal.

Like any law, it is both positive and negative. When we focus on what we want our RAS will seek out data and resources to support it. When we focus on what we don’t want, unfortunately, our RAS will filter our view of the world and look for information and situations that support our view. “Here’s the problem. Most people are thinking about what they don’t want, and they’re wondering why it shows up over and over again.” John Assaraf

“Change the way you see things and the things you see will change.” Wayne Dyer

When we repeat a positive affirmation like, “I am strong” we are more likely to notice any proof to support this belief. The more proof we find, the stronger our belief will become. If your RAS cannot find any evidence to support your affirmation, you’ll begin to erode your self-esteem. Real self-esteem can only be gained through action. The most fulfilling rewards of success is the self-esteem you build and the person its accomplishment forces you to become, not the achievement itself. A hard-fought victory is always the most satisfying.

So, if ‘I AM’ isn’t a useful phrase for creating an empowering identity and bolstering our willpower what is? The phrase that has the power to change your life is ‘I DON’T.’ Surprised? Probably no more astonished than I was, but the science is solid. While both I AM and I DON’T are linked to our identity, only I DON’T is linked to a decision that supports that identity. When you say I AM disciplined, you aren’t providing any proof to substantiate that you are disciplined. When you say I DON’T skip workouts, you are linking it to a decision and you are providing evidence to support your assertion.

“I don’t miss a workout” is a lot more powerful than “I can’t miss a workout.” That explanation is weak. It connotes an external impediment. The phrase, “I can’t miss a workout” implies you really want to skip your workout, but someone is making you. Even if that someone is you, the phrase lacks commitment. It says to anyone that hears it that you are being forced against your will. It makes us feel like we are losing our autonomy. Even if we are the ones imposing the constraint, it makes us feel like we are less in control. It makes our Elephant feel like it is being bullied by our Rider. This will cause the Elephant to rebel when it has had enough. The Rider will be powerless to stop the two-tone Elephant when this happens. (Learn more about the Elephant and Rider Analogy)

When you say, “I don’t miss workouts,” you are saying that you are the type of person that works out consistently because that is who you are. When a salesman says, they can’t give you a discount you might ask for their manager because the salesman is saying the decision is out of his hands. He would like to provide you with a discount, but his manager or company policy is preventing him.

Contrast that language to the Rolex salesman that says, “We don’t discount our watches.” You aren’t tempted to speak to his manager, because apparently, Rolex doesn’t offer discounts. This unambiguous phrase ends the discussion. When we tell ourselves, we can’t eat that cookie in the breakroom we are inviting an internal debate that will deplete our willpower and erode our self-esteem. When we tell ourselves, we don’t eat cookies or any of the other highly processed garbage in the breakroom, we end the discussion; conserving our willpower, and build-up our self-esteem in the process.

A reformed smoker will say, “I don’t smoke. I am not a smoker.” They have shifted their identity away from being a smoker and, that is why they will never smoke again. Identity is this unseen force that shapes our decisions. We don’t like to do anything that goes against our identity. Our mind seeks harmony between our attitude and behavior. When there is disharmony, we will attempt to either change our behavior, or our opinion about that behavior.

How useful is this phrase for changing our behavior? I did say I was going to provide you some evidence. Researchers Vanessa Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt conducted two studies comparing the efficacy of the I Can’t Condition to the I Don’t Condition. In the first study participants that were told to say ‘I Can’t’ to a temptation gave in 61% of the time while participants that said ‘I Don’t’ only gave in 36% of the time.[i] I have personally used this technique to make saying no to breakfast burritos, Chick-fil-A breakfast bowls, cookies and cakes in the breakroom infinitely easier. It is amazing how much easier it has become to stay on track and avoid unplanned eating. Often it is these minor indulgences that sabotage our efforts. When it comes to weight loss, it is a battle of inches, literally, with the smallest indulgencies keeping you from achieving your fat loss goals. Give this technique a try, and I think you’ll find it makes overcoming temptation infinitely easier.

You can also use this technique to keep your workouts on track. In a second study, three groups were struggling to exercise regularly. The first group was told to say, “I can’t miss my workout.” The second group was told to say, “I don’t miss my workout.” The third group, the control group, wasn’t given a temptation avoidance phrase. After ten days, the researchers found the ‘I can’t’ group exercised once, the “I don’t” group exercised eight times, and the control group exercised three times.

Not only was the “I can’t miss a workout” temptation avoidance strategy less effective than the “I don’t miss a workout, but it was less effective than not having any temptation-avoidance phrase. When we say, “I can’t miss a workout” it causes us to rebel, to reassert our autonomy. Everyone desires to have control over their lives. When we say to ourselves, ‘I can’t’ it implies that we are going against our own desires because of an external impediment. Even when it is our conscious decision to do something, our subconscious mind feels like it is being bullied. Trying to force the Elephant to do anything it doesn’t want to do through sheer force of willpower is a losing strategy. The smaller rider cannot force the two-ton Elephant to do anything for long. He will quickly become exhausted, and the Elephant will do what he has been conditioned to do.

The reason the phrase “I don’t miss a workout” produces such dramatic results is that it speaks to our identity. Every time we say it, and then follow it up with action that supports it, we are reinforcing the identity of a fit person that exercises consistently. We aren’t just making an empty affirmation, we are backing it up with tangible action. Every action provides additional proof to substantiate that we are a fit person.

The researchers put it this way, “The refusal frame ‘I don’t’ is more persuasive than the refusal frame ‘I can’t’ because the former connotes conviction to a higher degree. . . . Perceived conviction mediates the influence of refusal frame on persuasiveness.” [ii] ‘I can’t’ lacks the clarity and conviction of ‘I don’t.’ ‘I don’t’ is a bright line. Bright lines provide an unambiguous rule or guideline. If you say, “I don’t drink alcohol during the week” there is no ambiguity. The rule is perfectly clear. When we say something vague like “I’m going to eat better” or “I am going to exercise more” it doesn’t provide any guidance to the Rider, so when the Elephant disagrees, he will follow his urges. The Rider always needs to be able to provide immediate and unambiguous direction to the Elephant if he hopes to stay on track. He cannot rely on sheer willpower to override the Elephants desires.

Willpower is an ineffective long-term strategy because it is capricious in nature, often leaving us naked to temptation when we need it most. A bright line rule is a clearly defined rule, a standard which leaves no room for varying interpretation. Bright lines provide clear guidance to the Elephant and prevent the Rider from analyzing what to do. The Rider is prone to analysis paralysis and making excuses. The clarity of bright lines prevents us from falling into these mental traps that deplete our ego, cause decision fatigue, and lead to the erosion of our willpower. Like a habit, bright lines conserve willpower because we don’t debate what to do each time we are faced with a choice. We decide once and repeat the choice each time a decision must be made.

Adopt ‘I Don’t’ as your willpower mantra, and you’ll be amazed by your results. The right words are powerful. They are electric. They can give us the smallest edge we need to tip the scales in our favor. Develop your own ‘I don’t’ mantras to overcome temptations and assert a more powerful identity, one that reflects your true character.

[i] Vanessa M. Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt, “‘I Don’t’ versus ‘I Can’t’: When Empowered Refusal Motivates Goal-Directed Behavior,” Journal of Consumer Research, 39, no. 2 (August 2012): 371–81, www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/663212?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents

[ii] Vanessa M. Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt, “‘I Don’t’ versus ‘I Can’t’: When Empowered Refusal Motivates Goal-Directed Behavior,” Journal of Consumer Research, 39, no. 2 (August 2012): 371–81, www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/663212?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents

  [i] Vanessa M. Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt, “‘I Don’t’ versus ‘I Can’t’: When Empowered Refusal Motivates Goal-Directed Behavior,” Journal of Consumer Research, 39, no. 2 (August 2012): 371–81, www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/663212?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents

[ii] Vanessa M. Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt, “‘I Don’t’ versus ‘I Can’t’: When Empowered Refusal Motivates Goal-Directed Behavior,” Journal of Consumer Research, 39, no. 2 (August 2012): 371–81, www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/663212?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents

  “A powerful agent is the right word. Whenever we come upon one of those intensely right words … the resulting effect is physical as well as spiritual, and electrically prompt.” Mark Twain Ego Depletion (Illustrations by Ted Slampyak) USE THE POWER OF LANGUAGE TO REINFORCE YOUR IDENTITY “A powerful agent is the right word.

[hello-thefatlosshabit-blr]

Ego Depletion (Illustrations by Ted Slampyak)

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USE THE POWER OF LANGUAGE TO REINFORCE YOUR IDENTITY

“A powerful agent is the right word. Whenever we come upon one of those intensely right words … the resulting effect is physical as well as spiritual, and electrically prompt.” Mark Twain

Have you ever told someone you can’t have a piece of cake because you were on a diet or that you can’t go to lunch because you need to go to the gym? If you have, you are probably feeling pretty good about yourself right now. What if I told you that the language used in these two examples is weak? Confused? Don’t be. I will explain how the right words will improve your willpower, bolster your self-esteem, and make overcoming temptations easier.

During my research, I made an extraordinary discovery. I discovered a simple two-word phrase that can be used as a mantra to bolster our discipline, willpower, and self-esteem. You might be guessing the phrase is ‘I AM.’ While you’ll undoubtedly hear a lot of motivational speakers extol the power of ‘I AM’, they aren’t the words I am referring to. I didn’t find any studies that substantiated their effectiveness. That is because self-affirmations that aren’t backed up by concrete actions are the beginning of self-dilution. An affirmation not backed-up by action will erode your self-esteem. People that advance the power of I Am subscribe to the power of attraction.

Critics of the power of attraction are correct when they say you cannot just wish things into your life. The power of attraction is often misunderstood by its proponents and its detractors. Its power lies in an area of our brain called the reticular activating system (RAS). Our RAS determines what we notice and what we ignore in our environment. If we didn’t ignore most of what we see, hear, and feel we would experience sensory overload.

When we set a goal, and we have strong emotional intent, we trigger the RAS. Our brain becomes incredibly acute at noticing anything in our surroundings that could help us move forward. When we stay connected to our vision, we keep ourselves on course. We don’t get caught up in the momentum of other people’s demands on us. Every day we look for ways to take another step, no matter how small, towards our goal.

Like any law, it is both positive and negative. When we focus on what we want our RAS will seek out data and resources to support it. When we focus on what we don’t want, unfortunately, our RAS will filter our view of the world and look for information and situations that support our view. “Here’s the problem. Most people are thinking about what they don’t want, and they’re wondering why it shows up over and over again.” John Assaraf

“Change the way you see things and the things you see will change.” Wayne Dyer

When we repeat a positive affirmation like, “I am strong” we are more likely to notice any proof to support this belief. The more proof we find, the stronger our belief will become. If your RAS cannot find any evidence to support your affirmation, you’ll begin to erode your self-esteem. Real self-esteem can only be gained through action. The most fulfilling rewards of success is the self-esteem you build and the person its accomplishment forces you to become, not the achievement itself. A hard-fought victory is always the most satisfying.

So, if ‘I AM’ isn’t a useful phrase for creating an empowering identity and bolstering our willpower what is? The phrase that has the power to change your life is ‘I DON’T.’ Surprised? Probably no more astonished than I was, but the science is solid. While both I AM and I DON’T are linked to our identity, only I DON’T is linked to a decision that supports that identity. When you say I AM disciplined, you aren’t providing any proof to substantiate that you are disciplined. When you say I DON’T skip workouts, you are linking it to a decision and you are providing evidence to support your assertion.

“I don’t miss a workout” is a lot more powerful than “I can’t miss a workout.” That explanation is weak. It connotes an external impediment. The phrase, “I can’t miss a workout” implies you really want to skip your workout, but someone is making you. Even if that someone is you, the phrase lacks commitment. It says to anyone that hears it that you are being forced against your will. It makes us feel like we are losing our autonomy. Even if we are the ones imposing the constraint, it makes us feel like we are less in control. It makes our Elephant feel like it is being bullied by our Rider. This will cause the Elephant to rebel when it has had enough. The Rider will be powerless to stop the two-tone Elephant when this happens. (Learn more about the Elephant and Rider Analogy)

When you say, “I don’t miss workouts,” you are saying that you are the type of person that works out consistently because that is who you are. When a salesman says, they can’t give you a discount you might ask for their manager because the salesman is saying the decision is out of his hands. He would like to provide you with a discount, but his manager or company policy is preventing him.

Contrast that language to the Rolex salesman that says, “We don’t discount our watches.” You aren’t tempted to speak to his manager, because apparently, Rolex doesn’t offer discounts. This unambiguous phrase ends the discussion. When we tell ourselves, we can’t eat that cookie in the breakroom we are inviting an internal debate that will deplete our willpower and erode our self-esteem. When we tell ourselves, we don’t eat cookies or any of the other highly processed garbage in the breakroom, we end the discussion; conserving our willpower, and build-up our self-esteem in the process.

A reformed smoker will say, “I don’t smoke. I am not a smoker.” They have shifted their identity away from being a smoker and, that is why they will never smoke again. Identity is this unseen force that shapes our decisions. We don’t like to do anything that goes against our identity. Our mind seeks harmony between our attitude and behavior. When there is disharmony, we will attempt to either change our behavior, or our opinion about that behavior.

How useful is this phrase for changing our behavior? I did say I was going to provide you some evidence. Researchers Vanessa Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt conducted two studies comparing the efficacy of the I Can’t Condition to the I Don’t Condition. In the first study participants that were told to say ‘I Can’t’ to a temptation gave in 61% of the time while participants that said ‘I Don’t’ only gave in 36% of the time.[i] I have personally used this technique to make saying no to breakfast burritos, Chick-fil-A breakfast bowls, cookies and cakes in the breakroom infinitely easier. It is amazing how much easier it has become to stay on track and avoid unplanned eating. Often it is these minor indulgences that sabotage our efforts. When it comes to weight loss, it is a battle of inches, literally, with the smallest indulgencies keeping you from achieving your fat loss goals. Give this technique a try, and I think you’ll find it makes overcoming temptation infinitely easier.

You can also use this technique to keep your workouts on track. In a second study, three groups were struggling to exercise regularly. The first group was told to say, “I can’t miss my workout.” The second group was told to say, “I don’t miss my workout.” The third group, the control group, wasn’t given a temptation avoidance phrase. After ten days, the researchers found the ‘I can’t’ group exercised once, the “I don’t” group exercised eight times, and the control group exercised three times.

Not only was the “I can’t miss a workout” temptation avoidance strategy less effective than the “I don’t miss a workout, but it was less effective than not having any temptation-avoidance phrase. When we say, “I can’t miss a workout” it causes us to rebel, to reassert our autonomy. Everyone desires to have control over their lives. When we say to ourselves, ‘I can’t’ it implies that we are going against our own desires because of an external impediment. Even when it is our conscious decision to do something, our subconscious mind feels like it is being bullied. Trying to force the Elephant to do anything it doesn’t want to do through sheer force of willpower is a losing strategy. The smaller rider cannot force the two-ton Elephant to do anything for long. He will quickly become exhausted, and the Elephant will do what he has been conditioned to do.

The reason the phrase “I don’t miss a workout” produces such dramatic results is that it speaks to our identity. Every time we say it, and then follow it up with action that supports it, we are reinforcing the identity of a fit person that exercises consistently. We aren’t just making an empty affirmation, we are backing it up with tangible action. Every action provides additional proof to substantiate that we are a fit person.

The researchers put it this way, “The refusal frame ‘I don’t’ is more persuasive than the refusal frame ‘I can’t’ because the former connotes conviction to a higher degree. . . . Perceived conviction mediates the influence of refusal frame on persuasiveness.” [ii] ‘I can’t’ lacks the clarity and conviction of ‘I don’t.’ ‘I don’t’ is a bright line. Bright lines provide an unambiguous rule or guideline. If you say, “I don’t drink alcohol during the week” there is no ambiguity. The rule is perfectly clear. When we say something vague like “I’m going to eat better” or “I am going to exercise more” it doesn’t provide any guidance to the Rider, so when the Elephant disagrees, he will follow his urges. The Rider always needs to be able to provide immediate and unambiguous direction to the Elephant if he hopes to stay on track. He cannot rely on sheer willpower to override the Elephants desires.

Willpower is an ineffective long-term strategy because it is capricious in nature, often leaving us naked to temptation when we need it most. A bright line rule is a clearly defined rule, a standard which leaves no room for varying interpretation. Bright lines provide clear guidance to the Elephant and prevent the Rider from analyzing what to do. The Rider is prone to analysis paralysis and making excuses. The clarity of bright lines prevents us from falling into these mental traps that deplete our ego, cause decision fatigue, and lead to the erosion of our willpower. Like a habit, bright lines conserve willpower because we don’t debate what to do each time we are faced with a choice. We decide once and repeat the choice each time a decision must be made.

Adopt ‘I Don’t’ as your willpower mantra, and you’ll be amazed by your results. The right words are powerful. They are electric. They can give us the smallest edge we need to tip the scales in our favor. Develop your own ‘I don’t’ mantras to overcome temptations and assert a more powerful identity, one that reflects your true character.

[i] Vanessa M. Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt, “‘I Don’t’ versus ‘I Can’t’: When Empowered Refusal Motivates Goal-Directed Behavior,” Journal of Consumer Research, 39, no. 2 (August 2012): 371–81, www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/663212?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents

[ii] Vanessa M. Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt, “‘I Don’t’ versus ‘I Can’t’: When Empowered Refusal Motivates Goal-Directed Behavior,” Journal of Consumer Research, 39, no. 2 (August 2012): 371–81, www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/663212?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents

  [i] Vanessa M. Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt, “‘I Don’t’ versus ‘I Can’t’: When Empowered Refusal Motivates Goal-Directed Behavior,” Journal of Consumer Research, 39, no. 2 (August 2012): 371–81, www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/663212?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents

[ii] Vanessa M. Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt, “‘I Don’t’ versus ‘I Can’t’: When Empowered Refusal Motivates Goal-Directed Behavior,” Journal of Consumer Research, 39, no. 2 (August 2012): 371–81, www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/663212?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents

  Learn a simple mantra that is scientifically proven to improve your willpower. “A powerful agent is the right word. Whenever we come upon one of those intensely right words … the resulting effect is physical as well as spiritual, and electrically prompt.” Mark Twain Ego Depletion (Illustrations by Ted Slampyak) If you enjoy this article, please LIKE, SHARE, and follow us on…

[hello-thefatlosshabit-blr]

Ego Depletion (Illustrations by Ted Slampyak)

If you enjoy this article, please LIKE, SHARE, and follow us on Facebook.

USE THE POWER OF LANGUAGE TO REINFORCE YOUR IDENTITY

“A powerful agent is the right word. Whenever we come upon one of those intensely right words … the resulting effect is physical as well as spiritual, and electrically prompt.” Mark Twain

Have you ever told someone you can’t have a piece of cake because you were on a diet or that you can’t go to lunch because you need to go to the gym? If you have, you are probably feeling pretty good about yourself right now. What if I told you that the language used in these two examples is weak? Confused? Don’t be. I will explain how the right words will improve your willpower, bolster your self-esteem, and make overcoming temptations easier.

During my research, I made an extraordinary discovery. I discovered a simple two-word phrase that can be used as a mantra to bolster our discipline, willpower, and self-esteem. You might be guessing the phrase is ‘I AM.’ While you’ll undoubtedly hear a lot of motivational speakers extol the power of ‘I AM’, they aren’t the words I am referring to. I didn’t find any studies that substantiated their effectiveness. That is because self-affirmations that aren’t backed up by concrete actions are the beginning of self-dilution. An affirmation not backed-up by action will erode your self-esteem. People that advance the power of I Am subscribe to the power of attraction.

Critics of the power of attraction are correct when they say you cannot just wish things into your life. The power of attraction is often misunderstood by its proponents and its detractors. Its power lies in an area of our brain called the reticular activating system (RAS). Our RAS determines what we notice and what we ignore in our environment. If we didn’t ignore most of what we see, hear, and feel we would experience sensory overload.

When we set a goal, and we have strong emotional intent, we trigger the RAS. Our brain becomes incredibly acute at noticing anything in our surroundings that could help us move forward. When we stay connected to our vision, we keep ourselves on course. We don’t get caught up in the momentum of other people’s demands on us. Every day we look for ways to take another step, no matter how small, towards our goal.

Like any law, it is both positive and negative. When we focus on what we want our RAS will seek out data and resources to support it. When we focus on what we don’t want, unfortunately, our RAS will filter our view of the world and look for information and situations that support our view. “Here’s the problem. Most people are thinking about what they don’t want, and they’re wondering why it shows up over and over again.” John Assaraf

“Change the way you see things and the things you see will change.” Wayne Dyer

When we repeat a positive affirmation like, “I am strong” we are more likely to notice any proof to support this belief. The more proof we find, the stronger our belief will become. If your RAS cannot find any evidence to support your affirmation, you’ll begin to erode your self-esteem. Real self-esteem can only be gained through action. The most fulfilling rewards of success is the self-esteem you build and the person its accomplishment forces you to become, not the achievement itself. A hard-fought victory is always the most satisfying.

So, if ‘I AM’ isn’t a useful phrase for creating an empowering identity and bolstering our willpower what is? The phrase that has the power to change your life is ‘I DON’T.’ Surprised? Probably no more astonished than I was, but the science is solid. While both I AM and I DON’T are linked to our identity, only I DON’T is linked to a decision that supports that identity. When you say I AM disciplined, you aren’t providing any proof to substantiate that you are disciplined. When you say I DON’T skip workouts, you are linking it to a decision and you are providing evidence to support your assertion.

“I don’t miss a workout” is a lot more powerful than “I can’t miss a workout.” That explanation is weak. It connotes an external impediment. The phrase, “I can’t miss a workout” implies you really want to skip your workout, but someone is making you. Even if that someone is you, the phrase lacks commitment. It says to anyone that hears it that you are being forced against your will. It makes us feel like we are losing our autonomy. Even if we are the ones imposing the constraint, it makes us feel like we are less in control. It makes our Elephant feel like it is being bullied by our Rider. This will cause the Elephant to rebel when it has had enough. The Rider will be powerless to stop the two-tone Elephant when this happens. (Learn more about the Elephant and Rider Analogy)

When you say, “I don’t miss workouts,” you are saying that you are the type of person that works out consistently because that is who you are. When a salesman says, they can’t give you a discount you might ask for their manager because the salesman is saying the decision is out of his hands. He would like to provide you with a discount, but his manager or company policy is preventing him.

Contrast that language to the Rolex salesman that says, “We don’t discount our watches.” You aren’t tempted to speak to his manager, because apparently, Rolex doesn’t offer discounts. This unambiguous phrase ends the discussion. When we tell ourselves, we can’t eat that cookie in the breakroom we are inviting an internal debate that will deplete our willpower and erode our self-esteem. When we tell ourselves, we don’t eat cookies or any of the other highly processed garbage in the breakroom, we end the discussion; conserving our willpower, and build-up our self-esteem in the process.

A reformed smoker will say, “I don’t smoke. I am not a smoker.” They have shifted their identity away from being a smoker and, that is why they will never smoke again. Identity is this unseen force that shapes our decisions. We don’t like to do anything that goes against our identity. Our mind seeks harmony between our attitude and behavior. When there is disharmony, we will attempt to either change our behavior, or our opinion about that behavior.

How useful is this phrase for changing our behavior? I did say I was going to provide you some evidence. Researchers Vanessa Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt conducted two studies comparing the efficacy of the I Can’t Condition to the I Don’t Condition. In the first study participants that were told to say ‘I Can’t’ to a temptation gave in 61% of the time while participants that said ‘I Don’t’ only gave in 36% of the time.[i] I have personally used this technique to make saying no to breakfast burritos, Chick-fil-A breakfast bowls, cookies and cakes in the breakroom infinitely easier. It is amazing how much easier it has become to stay on track and avoid unplanned eating. Often it is these minor indulgences that sabotage our efforts. When it comes to weight loss, it is a battle of inches, literally, with the smallest indulgencies keeping you from achieving your fat loss goals. Give this technique a try, and I think you’ll find it makes overcoming temptation infinitely easier.

You can also use this technique to keep your workouts on track. In a second study, three groups were struggling to exercise regularly. The first group was told to say, “I can’t miss my workout.” The second group was told to say, “I don’t miss my workout.” The third group, the control group, wasn’t given a temptation avoidance phrase. After ten days, the researchers found the ‘I can’t’ group exercised once, the “I don’t” group exercised eight times, and the control group exercised three times.

Not only was the “I can’t miss a workout” temptation avoidance strategy less effective than the “I don’t miss a workout, but it was less effective than not having any temptation-avoidance phrase. When we say, “I can’t miss a workout” it causes us to rebel, to reassert our autonomy. Everyone desires to have control over their lives. When we say to ourselves, ‘I can’t’ it implies that we are going against our own desires because of an external impediment. Even when it is our conscious decision to do something, our subconscious mind feels like it is being bullied. Trying to force the Elephant to do anything it doesn’t want to do through sheer force of willpower is a losing strategy. The smaller rider cannot force the two-ton Elephant to do anything for long. He will quickly become exhausted, and the Elephant will do what he has been conditioned to do.

The reason the phrase “I don’t miss a workout” produces such dramatic results is that it speaks to our identity. Every time we say it, and then follow it up with action that supports it, we are reinforcing the identity of a fit person that exercises consistently. We aren’t just making an empty affirmation, we are backing it up with tangible action. Every action provides additional proof to substantiate that we are a fit person.

The researchers put it this way, “The refusal frame ‘I don’t’ is more persuasive than the refusal frame ‘I can’t’ because the former connotes conviction to a higher degree. . . . Perceived conviction mediates the influence of refusal frame on persuasiveness.” [ii] ‘I can’t’ lacks the clarity and conviction of ‘I don’t.’ ‘I don’t’ is a bright line. Bright lines provide an unambiguous rule or guideline. If you say, “I don’t drink alcohol during the week” there is no ambiguity. The rule is perfectly clear. When we say something vague like “I’m going to eat better” or “I am going to exercise more” it doesn’t provide any guidance to the Rider, so when the Elephant disagrees, he will follow his urges. The Rider always needs to be able to provide immediate and unambiguous direction to the Elephant if he hopes to stay on track. He cannot rely on sheer willpower to override the Elephants desires.

Willpower is an ineffective long-term strategy because it is capricious in nature, often leaving us naked to temptation when we need it most. A bright line rule is a clearly defined rule, a standard which leaves no room for varying interpretation. Bright lines provide clear guidance to the Elephant and prevent the Rider from analyzing what to do. The Rider is prone to analysis paralysis and making excuses. The clarity of bright lines prevents us from falling into these mental traps that deplete our ego, cause decision fatigue, and lead to the erosion of our willpower. Like a habit, bright lines conserve willpower because we don’t debate what to do each time we are faced with a choice. We decide once and repeat the choice each time a decision must be made.

Adopt ‘I Don’t’ as your willpower mantra, and you’ll be amazed by your results. The right words are powerful. They are electric. They can give us the smallest edge we need to tip the scales in our favor. Develop your own ‘I don’t’ mantras to overcome temptations and assert a more powerful identity, one that reflects your true character.

[i] Vanessa M. Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt, “‘I Don’t’ versus ‘I Can’t’: When Empowered Refusal Motivates Goal-Directed Behavior,” Journal of Consumer Research, 39, no. 2 (August 2012): 371–81, www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/663212?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents

[ii] Vanessa M. Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt, “‘I Don’t’ versus ‘I Can’t’: When Empowered Refusal Motivates Goal-Directed Behavior,” Journal of Consumer Research, 39, no. 2 (August 2012): 371–81, www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/663212?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents

  [i] Vanessa M. Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt, “‘I Don’t’ versus ‘I Can’t’: When Empowered Refusal Motivates Goal-Directed Behavior,” Journal of Consumer Research, 39, no. 2 (August 2012): 371–81, www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/663212?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents

[ii] Vanessa M. Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt, “‘I Don’t’ versus ‘I Can’t’: When Empowered Refusal Motivates Goal-Directed Behavior,” Journal of Consumer Research, 39, no. 2 (August 2012): 371–81, www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/663212?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents

  Learn a simple mantra that is scientifically proven to improve your willpower. “A powerful agent is the right word. Whenever we come upon one of those intensely right words … the resulting effect is physical as well as spiritual, and electrically prompt.” Mark Twain Ego Depletion (Illustrations by Ted Slampyak) If you enjoy this article, please LIKE, SHARE, and follow us on…

[hello-thefatlosshabit-blr]

Ego Depletion (Illustrations by Ted Slampyak)

If you enjoy this article, please LIKE, SHARE, and follow us on Facebook.

USE THE POWER OF LANGUAGE TO REINFORCE YOUR IDENTITY

“A powerful agent is the right word. Whenever we come upon one of those intensely right words … the resulting effect is physical as well as spiritual, and electrically prompt.” Mark Twain

Have you ever told someone you can’t have a piece of cake because you were on a diet or that you can’t go to lunch because you need to go to the gym? If you have, you are probably feeling pretty good about yourself right now. What if I told you that the language used in these two examples is weak? Confused? Don’t be. I will explain how the right words will improve your willpower, bolster your self-esteem, and make overcoming temptations easier.

During my research, I made an extraordinary discovery. I discovered a simple two-word phrase that can be used as a mantra to bolster our discipline, willpower, and self-esteem. You might be guessing the phrase is ‘I AM.’ While you’ll undoubtedly hear a lot of motivational speakers extol the power of ‘I AM’, they aren’t the words I am referring to. I didn’t find any studies that substantiated their effectiveness. That is because self-affirmations that aren’t backed up by concrete actions are the beginning of self-dilution. An affirmation not backed-up by action will erode your self-esteem. People that advance the power of I Am subscribe to the power of attraction.

Critics of the power of attraction are correct when they say you cannot just wish things into your life. The power of attraction is often misunderstood by its proponents and its detractors. Its power lies in an area of our brain called the reticular activating system (RAS). Our RAS determines what we notice and what we ignore in our environment. If we didn’t ignore most of what we see, hear, and feel we would experience sensory overload.

When we set a goal, and we have strong emotional intent, we trigger the RAS. Our brain becomes incredibly acute at noticing anything in our surroundings that could help us move forward. When we stay connected to our vision, we keep ourselves on course. We don’t get caught up in the momentum of other people’s demands on us. Every day we look for ways to take another step, no matter how small, towards our goal.

Like any law, it is both positive and negative. When we focus on what we want our RAS will seek out data and resources to support it. When we focus on what we don’t want, unfortunately, our RAS will filter our view of the world and look for information and situations that support our view. “Here’s the problem. Most people are thinking about what they don’t want, and they’re wondering why it shows up over and over again.” John Assaraf

“Change the way you see things and the things you see will change.” Wayne Dyer

When we repeat a positive affirmation like, “I am strong” we are more likely to notice any proof to support this belief. The more proof we find, the stronger our belief will become. If your RAS cannot find any evidence to support your affirmation, you’ll begin to erode your self-esteem. Real self-esteem can only be gained through action. The most fulfilling rewards of success is the self-esteem you build and the person its accomplishment forces you to become, not the achievement itself. A hard-fought victory is always the most satisfying.

So, if ‘I AM’ isn’t a useful phrase for creating an empowering identity and bolstering our willpower what is? The phrase that has the power to change your life is ‘I DON’T.’ Surprised? Probably no more astonished than I was, but the science is solid. While both I AM and I DON’T are linked to our identity, only I DON’T is linked to a decision that supports that identity. When you say I AM disciplined, you aren’t providing any proof to substantiate that you are disciplined. When you say I DON’T skip workouts, you are linking it to a decision and you are providing evidence to support your assertion.

“I don’t miss a workout” is a lot more powerful than “I can’t miss a workout.” That explanation is weak. It connotes an external impediment. The phrase, “I can’t miss a workout” implies you really want to skip your workout, but someone is making you. Even if that someone is you, the phrase lacks commitment. It says to anyone that hears it that you are being forced against your will. It makes us feel like we are losing our autonomy. Even if we are the ones imposing the constraint, it makes us feel like we are less in control. It makes our Elephant feel like it is being bullied by our Rider. This will cause the Elephant to rebel when it has had enough. The Rider will be powerless to stop the two-tone Elephant when this happens. (Learn more about the Elephant and Rider Analogy)

When you say, “I don’t miss workouts,” you are saying that you are the type of person that works out consistently because that is who you are. When a salesman says, they can’t give you a discount you might ask for their manager because the salesman is saying the decision is out of his hands. He would like to provide you with a discount, but his manager or company policy is preventing him.

Contrast that language to the Rolex salesman that says, “We don’t discount our watches.” You aren’t tempted to speak to his manager, because apparently, Rolex doesn’t offer discounts. This unambiguous phrase ends the discussion. When we tell ourselves, we can’t eat that cookie in the breakroom we are inviting an internal debate that will deplete our willpower and erode our self-esteem. When we tell ourselves, we don’t eat cookies or any of the other highly processed garbage in the breakroom, we end the discussion; conserving our willpower, and build-up our self-esteem in the process.

A reformed smoker will say, “I don’t smoke. I am not a smoker.” They have shifted their identity away from being a smoker and, that is why they will never smoke again. Identity is this unseen force that shapes our decisions. We don’t like to do anything that goes against our identity. Our mind seeks harmony between our attitude and behavior. When there is disharmony, we will attempt to either change our behavior, or our opinion about that behavior.

How useful is this phrase for changing our behavior? I did say I was going to provide you some evidence. Researchers Vanessa Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt conducted two studies comparing the efficacy of the I Can’t Condition to the I Don’t Condition. In the first study participants that were told to say ‘I Can’t’ to a temptation gave in 61% of the time while participants that said ‘I Don’t’ only gave in 36% of the time.[i] I have personally used this technique to make saying no to breakfast burritos, Chick-fil-A breakfast bowls, cookies and cakes in the breakroom infinitely easier. It is amazing how much easier it has become to stay on track and avoid unplanned eating. Often it is these minor indulgences that sabotage our efforts. When it comes to weight loss, it is a battle of inches, literally, with the smallest indulgencies keeping you from achieving your fat loss goals. Give this technique a try, and I think you’ll find it makes overcoming temptation infinitely easier.

You can also use this technique to keep your workouts on track. In a second study, three groups were struggling to exercise regularly. The first group was told to say, “I can’t miss my workout.” The second group was told to say, “I don’t miss my workout.” The third group, the control group, wasn’t given a temptation avoidance phrase. After ten days, the researchers found the ‘I can’t’ group exercised once, the “I don’t” group exercised eight times, and the control group exercised three times.

Not only was the “I can’t miss a workout” temptation avoidance strategy less effective than the “I don’t miss a workout, but it was less effective than not having any temptation-avoidance phrase. When we say, “I can’t miss a workout” it causes us to rebel, to reassert our autonomy. Everyone desires to have control over their lives. When we say to ourselves, ‘I can’t’ it implies that we are going against our own desires because of an external impediment. Even when it is our conscious decision to do something, our subconscious mind feels like it is being bullied. Trying to force the Elephant to do anything it doesn’t want to do through sheer force of willpower is a losing strategy. The smaller rider cannot force the two-ton Elephant to do anything for long. He will quickly become exhausted, and the Elephant will do what he has been conditioned to do.

The reason the phrase “I don’t miss a workout” produces such dramatic results is that it speaks to our identity. Every time we say it, and then follow it up with action that supports it, we are reinforcing the identity of a fit person that exercises consistently. We aren’t just making an empty affirmation, we are backing it up with tangible action. Every action provides additional proof to substantiate that we are a fit person.

The researchers put it this way, “The refusal frame ‘I don’t’ is more persuasive than the refusal frame ‘I can’t’ because the former connotes conviction to a higher degree. . . . Perceived conviction mediates the influence of refusal frame on persuasiveness.” [ii] ‘I can’t’ lacks the clarity and conviction of ‘I don’t.’ ‘I don’t’ is a bright line. Bright lines provide an unambiguous rule or guideline. If you say, “I don’t drink alcohol during the week” there is no ambiguity. The rule is perfectly clear. When we say something vague like “I’m going to eat better” or “I am going to exercise more” it doesn’t provide any guidance to the Rider, so when the Elephant disagrees, he will follow his urges. The Rider always needs to be able to provide immediate and unambiguous direction to the Elephant if he hopes to stay on track. He cannot rely on sheer willpower to override the Elephants desires.

Willpower is an ineffective long-term strategy because it is capricious in nature, often leaving us naked to temptation when we need it most. A bright line rule is a clearly defined rule, a standard which leaves no room for varying interpretation. Bright lines provide clear guidance to the Elephant and prevent the Rider from analyzing what to do. The Rider is prone to analysis paralysis and making excuses. The clarity of bright lines prevents us from falling into these mental traps that deplete our ego, cause decision fatigue, and lead to the erosion of our willpower. Like a habit, bright lines conserve willpower because we don’t debate what to do each time we are faced with a choice. We decide once and repeat the choice each time a decision must be made.

Adopt ‘I Don’t’ as your willpower mantra, and you’ll be amazed by your results. The right words are powerful. They are electric. They can give us the smallest edge we need to tip the scales in our favor. Develop your own ‘I don’t’ mantras to overcome temptations and assert a more powerful identity, one that reflects your true character.

[i] Vanessa M. Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt, “‘I Don’t’ versus ‘I Can’t’: When Empowered Refusal Motivates Goal-Directed Behavior,” Journal of Consumer Research, 39, no. 2 (August 2012): 371–81, www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/663212?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents

[ii] Vanessa M. Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt, “‘I Don’t’ versus ‘I Can’t’: When Empowered Refusal Motivates Goal-Directed Behavior,” Journal of Consumer Research, 39, no. 2 (August 2012): 371–81, www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/663212?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents

  [i] Vanessa M. Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt, “‘I Don’t’ versus ‘I Can’t’: When Empowered Refusal Motivates Goal-Directed Behavior,” Journal of Consumer Research, 39, no. 2 (August 2012): 371–81, www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/663212?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents

[ii] Vanessa M. Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt, “‘I Don’t’ versus ‘I Can’t’: When Empowered Refusal Motivates Goal-Directed Behavior,” Journal of Consumer Research, 39, no. 2 (August 2012): 371–81, www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/663212?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents

  Learn a simple mantra that is scientifically proven to improve your willpower. “A powerful agent is the right word. Whenever we come upon one of those intensely right words … the resulting effect is physical as well as spiritual, and electrically prompt.” Mark Twain Ego Depletion (Illustrations by Ted Slampyak) If you enjoy this article, please LIKE, SHARE, and follow us on…

[hello-thefatlosshabit-blr]

Ego Depletion (Illustrations by Ted Slampyak)

If you enjoy this article, please LIKE, SHARE, and follow us on Facebook.

USE THE POWER OF LANGUAGE TO REINFORCE YOUR IDENTITY

“A powerful agent is the right word. Whenever we come upon one of those intensely right words … the resulting effect is physical as well as spiritual, and electrically prompt.” Mark Twain

Have you ever told someone you can’t have a piece of cake because you were on a diet or that you can’t go to lunch because you need to go to the gym? If you have, you are probably feeling pretty good about yourself right now. What if I told you that the language used in these two examples is weak? Confused? Don’t be. I will explain how the right words will improve your willpower, bolster your self-esteem, and make overcoming temptations easier.

During my research, I made an extraordinary discovery. I discovered a simple two-word phrase that can be used as a mantra to bolster our discipline, willpower, and self-esteem. You might be guessing the phrase is ‘I AM.’ While you’ll undoubtedly hear a lot of motivational speakers extol the power of ‘I AM’, they aren’t the words I am referring to. I didn’t find any studies that substantiated their effectiveness. That is because self-affirmations that aren’t backed up by concrete actions are the beginning of self-dilution. An affirmation not backed-up by action will erode your self-esteem. People that advance the power of I Am subscribe to the power of attraction.

Critics of the power of attraction are correct when they say you cannot just wish things into your life. The power of attraction is often misunderstood by its proponents and its detractors. Its power lies in an area of our brain called the reticular activating system (RAS). Our RAS determines what we notice and what we ignore in our environment. If we didn’t ignore most of what we see, hear, and feel we would experience sensory overload.

When we set a goal, and we have strong emotional intent, we trigger the RAS. Our brain becomes incredibly acute at noticing anything in our surroundings that could help us move forward. When we stay connected to our vision, we keep ourselves on course. We don’t get caught up in the momentum of other people’s demands on us. Every day we look for ways to take another step, no matter how small, towards our goal.

Like any law, it is both positive and negative. When we focus on what we want our RAS will seek out data and resources to support it. When we focus on what we don’t want, unfortunately, our RAS will filter our view of the world and look for information and situations that support our view. “Here’s the problem. Most people are thinking about what they don’t want, and they’re wondering why it shows up over and over again.” John Assaraf

“Change the way you see things and the things you see will change.” Wayne Dyer

When we repeat a positive affirmation like, “I am strong” we are more likely to notice any proof to support this belief. The more proof we find, the stronger our belief will become. If your RAS cannot find any evidence to support your affirmation, you’ll begin to erode your self-esteem. Real self-esteem can only be gained through action. The most fulfilling rewards of success is the self-esteem you build and the person its accomplishment forces you to become, not the achievement itself. A hard-fought victory is always the most satisfying.

So, if ‘I AM’ isn’t a useful phrase for creating an empowering identity and bolstering our willpower what is? The phrase that has the power to change your life is ‘I DON’T.’ Surprised? Probably no more astonished than I was, but the science is solid. While both I AM and I DON’T are linked to our identity, only I DON’T is linked to a decision that supports that identity. When you say I AM disciplined, you aren’t providing any proof to substantiate that you are disciplined. When you say I DON’T skip workouts, you are linking it to a decision and you are providing evidence to support your assertion.

“I don’t miss a workout” is a lot more powerful than “I can’t miss a workout.” That explanation is weak. It connotes an external impediment. The phrase, “I can’t miss a workout” implies you really want to skip your workout, but someone is making you. Even if that someone is you, the phrase lacks commitment. It says to anyone that hears it that you are being forced against your will. It makes us feel like we are losing our autonomy. Even if we are the ones imposing the constraint, it makes us feel like we are less in control. It makes our Elephant feel like it is being bullied by our Rider. This will cause the Elephant to rebel when it has had enough. The Rider will be powerless to stop the two-tone Elephant when this happens. (Learn more about the Elephant and Rider Analogy)

When you say, “I don’t miss workouts,” you are saying that you are the type of person that works out consistently because that is who you are. When a salesman says, they can’t give you a discount you might ask for their manager because the salesman is saying the decision is out of his hands. He would like to provide you with a discount, but his manager or company policy is preventing him.

Contrast that language to the Rolex salesman that says, “We don’t discount our watches.” You aren’t tempted to speak to his manager, because apparently, Rolex doesn’t offer discounts. This unambiguous phrase ends the discussion. When we tell ourselves, we can’t eat that cookie in the breakroom we are inviting an internal debate that will deplete our willpower and erode our self-esteem. When we tell ourselves, we don’t eat cookies or any of the other highly processed garbage in the breakroom, we end the discussion; conserving our willpower, and build-up our self-esteem in the process.

A reformed smoker will say, “I don’t smoke. I am not a smoker.” They have shifted their identity away from being a smoker and, that is why they will never smoke again. Identity is this unseen force that shapes our decisions. We don’t like to do anything that goes against our identity. Our mind seeks harmony between our attitude and behavior. When there is disharmony, we will attempt to either change our behavior, or our opinion about that behavior.

How useful is this phrase for changing our behavior? I did say I was going to provide you some evidence. Researchers Vanessa Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt conducted two studies comparing the efficacy of the I Can’t Condition to the I Don’t Condition. In the first study participants that were told to say ‘I Can’t’ to a temptation gave in 61% of the time while participants that said ‘I Don’t’ only gave in 36% of the time.[i] I have personally used this technique to make saying no to breakfast burritos, Chick-fil-A breakfast bowls, cookies and cakes in the breakroom infinitely easier. It is amazing how much easier it has become to stay on track and avoid unplanned eating. Often it is these minor indulgences that sabotage our efforts. When it comes to weight loss, it is a battle of inches, literally, with the smallest indulgencies keeping you from achieving your fat loss goals. Give this technique a try, and I think you’ll find it makes overcoming temptation infinitely easier.

You can also use this technique to keep your workouts on track. In a second study, three groups were struggling to exercise regularly. The first group was told to say, “I can’t miss my workout.” The second group was told to say, “I don’t miss my workout.” The third group, the control group, wasn’t given a temptation avoidance phrase. After ten days, the researchers found the ‘I can’t’ group exercised once, the “I don’t” group exercised eight times, and the control group exercised three times.

Not only was the “I can’t miss a workout” temptation avoidance strategy less effective than the “I don’t miss a workout, but it was less effective than not having any temptation-avoidance phrase. When we say, “I can’t miss a workout” it causes us to rebel, to reassert our autonomy. Everyone desires to have control over their lives. When we say to ourselves, ‘I can’t’ it implies that we are going against our own desires because of an external impediment. Even when it is our conscious decision to do something, our subconscious mind feels like it is being bullied. Trying to force the Elephant to do anything it doesn’t want to do through sheer force of willpower is a losing strategy. The smaller rider cannot force the two-ton Elephant to do anything for long. He will quickly become exhausted, and the Elephant will do what he has been conditioned to do.

The reason the phrase “I don’t miss a workout” produces such dramatic results is that it speaks to our identity. Every time we say it, and then follow it up with action that supports it, we are reinforcing the identity of a fit person that exercises consistently. We aren’t just making an empty affirmation, we are backing it up with tangible action. Every action provides additional proof to substantiate that we are a fit person.

The researchers put it this way, “The refusal frame ‘I don’t’ is more persuasive than the refusal frame ‘I can’t’ because the former connotes conviction to a higher degree. . . . Perceived conviction mediates the influence of refusal frame on persuasiveness.” [ii] ‘I can’t’ lacks the clarity and conviction of ‘I don’t.’ ‘I don’t’ is a bright line. Bright lines provide an unambiguous rule or guideline. If you say, “I don’t drink alcohol during the week” there is no ambiguity. The rule is perfectly clear. When we say something vague like “I’m going to eat better” or “I am going to exercise more” it doesn’t provide any guidance to the Rider, so when the Elephant disagrees, he will follow his urges. The Rider always needs to be able to provide immediate and unambiguous direction to the Elephant if he hopes to stay on track. He cannot rely on sheer willpower to override the Elephants desires.

Willpower is an ineffective long-term strategy because it is capricious in nature, often leaving us naked to temptation when we need it most. A bright line rule is a clearly defined rule, a standard which leaves no room for varying interpretation. Bright lines provide clear guidance to the Elephant and prevent the Rider from analyzing what to do. The Rider is prone to analysis paralysis and making excuses. The clarity of bright lines prevents us from falling into these mental traps that deplete our ego, cause decision fatigue, and lead to the erosion of our willpower. Like a habit, bright lines conserve willpower because we don’t debate what to do each time we are faced with a choice. We decide once and repeat the choice each time a decision must be made.

Adopt ‘I Don’t’ as your willpower mantra, and you’ll be amazed by your results. The right words are powerful. They are electric. They can give us the smallest edge we need to tip the scales in our favor. Develop your own ‘I don’t’ mantras to overcome temptations and assert a more powerful identity, one that reflects your true character.

[i] Vanessa M. Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt, “‘I Don’t’ versus ‘I Can’t’: When Empowered Refusal Motivates Goal-Directed Behavior,” Journal of Consumer Research, 39, no. 2 (August 2012): 371–81, www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/663212?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents

[ii] Vanessa M. Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt, “‘I Don’t’ versus ‘I Can’t’: When Empowered Refusal Motivates Goal-Directed Behavior,” Journal of Consumer Research, 39, no. 2 (August 2012): 371–81, www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/663212?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents

  [i] Vanessa M. Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt, “‘I Don’t’ versus ‘I Can’t’: When Empowered Refusal Motivates Goal-Directed Behavior,” Journal of Consumer Research, 39, no. 2 (August 2012): 371–81, www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/663212?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents

[ii] Vanessa M. Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt, “‘I Don’t’ versus ‘I Can’t’: When Empowered Refusal Motivates Goal-Directed Behavior,” Journal of Consumer Research, 39, no. 2 (August 2012): 371–81, www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/663212?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents

  Learn a simple mantra that is scientifically proven to improve your willpower. “A powerful agent is the right word. Whenever we come upon one of those intensely right words … the resulting effect is physical as well as spiritual, and electrically prompt.” Mark Twain Ego Depletion (Illustrations by Ted Slampyak) If you enjoy this article, please LIKE, SHARE, and follow us on…

[hello-thefatlosshabit-blr]

Ego Depletion (Illustrations by Ted Slampyak)

If you enjoy this article, please LIKE, SHARE, and follow us on Facebook.

USE THE POWER OF LANGUAGE TO REINFORCE YOUR IDENTITY

“A powerful agent is the right word. Whenever we come upon one of those intensely right words … the resulting effect is physical as well as spiritual, and electrically prompt.” Mark Twain

Have you ever told someone you can’t have a piece of cake because you were on a diet or that you can’t go to lunch because you need to go to the gym? If you have, you are probably feeling pretty good about yourself right now. What if I told you that the language used in these two examples is weak? Confused? Don’t be. I will explain how the right words will improve your willpower, bolster your self-esteem, and make overcoming temptations easier.

During my research, I made an extraordinary discovery. I discovered a simple two-word phrase that can be used as a mantra to bolster our discipline, willpower, and self-esteem. You might be guessing the phrase is ‘I AM.’ While you’ll undoubtedly hear a lot of motivational speakers extol the power of ‘I AM’, they aren’t the words I am referring to. I didn’t find any studies that substantiated their effectiveness. That is because self-affirmations that aren’t backed up by concrete actions are the beginning of self-dilution. An affirmation not backed-up by action will erode your self-esteem. People that advance the power of I Am subscribe to the power of attraction.

Critics of the power of attraction are correct when they say you cannot just wish things into your life. The power of attraction is often misunderstood by its proponents and its detractors. Its power lies in an area of our brain called the reticular activating system (RAS). Our RAS determines what we notice and what we ignore in our environment. If we didn’t ignore most of what we see, hear, and feel we would experience sensory overload.

When we set a goal, and we have strong emotional intent, we trigger the RAS. Our brain becomes incredibly acute at noticing anything in our surroundings that could help us move forward. When we stay connected to our vision, we keep ourselves on course. We don’t get caught up in the momentum of other people’s demands on us. Every day we look for ways to take another step, no matter how small, towards our goal.

Like any law, it is both positive and negative. When we focus on what we want our RAS will seek out data and resources to support it. When we focus on what we don’t want, unfortunately, our RAS will filter our view of the world and look for information and situations that support our view. “Here’s the problem. Most people are thinking about what they don’t want, and they’re wondering why it shows up over and over again.” John Assaraf

“Change the way you see things and the things you see will change.” Wayne Dyer

When we repeat a positive affirmation like, “I am strong” we are more likely to notice any proof to support this belief. The more proof we find, the stronger our belief will become. If your RAS cannot find any evidence to support your affirmation, you’ll begin to erode your self-esteem. Real self-esteem can only be gained through action. The most fulfilling rewards of success is the self-esteem you build and the person its accomplishment forces you to become, not the achievement itself. A hard-fought victory is always the most satisfying.

So, if ‘I AM’ isn’t a useful phrase for creating an empowering identity and bolstering our willpower what is? The phrase that has the power to change your life is ‘I DON’T.’ Surprised? Probably no more astonished than I was, but the science is solid. While both I AM and I DON’T are linked to our identity, only I DON’T is linked to a decision that supports that identity. When you say I AM disciplined, you aren’t providing any proof to substantiate that you are disciplined. When you say I DON’T skip workouts, you are linking it to a decision and you are providing evidence to support your assertion.

“I don’t miss a workout” is a lot more powerful than “I can’t miss a workout.” That explanation is weak. It connotes an external impediment. The phrase, “I can’t miss a workout” implies you really want to skip your workout, but someone is making you. Even if that someone is you, the phrase lacks commitment. It says to anyone that hears it that you are being forced against your will. It makes us feel like we are losing our autonomy. Even if we are the ones imposing the constraint, it makes us feel like we are less in control. It makes our Elephant feel like it is being bullied by our Rider. This will cause the Elephant to rebel when it has had enough. The Rider will be powerless to stop the two-tone Elephant when this happens. (Learn more about the Elephant and Rider Analogy)

When you say, “I don’t miss workouts,” you are saying that you are the type of person that works out consistently because that is who you are. When a salesman says, they can’t give you a discount you might ask for their manager because the salesman is saying the decision is out of his hands. He would like to provide you with a discount, but his manager or company policy is preventing him.

Contrast that language to the Rolex salesman that says, “We don’t discount our watches.” You aren’t tempted to speak to his manager, because apparently, Rolex doesn’t offer discounts. This unambiguous phrase ends the discussion. When we tell ourselves, we can’t eat that cookie in the breakroom we are inviting an internal debate that will deplete our willpower and erode our self-esteem. When we tell ourselves, we don’t eat cookies or any of the other highly processed garbage in the breakroom, we end the discussion; conserving our willpower, and build-up our self-esteem in the process.

A reformed smoker will say, “I don’t smoke. I am not a smoker.” They have shifted their identity away from being a smoker and, that is why they will never smoke again. Identity is this unseen force that shapes our decisions. We don’t like to do anything that goes against our identity. Our mind seeks harmony between our attitude and behavior. When there is disharmony, we will attempt to either change our behavior, or our opinion about that behavior.

How useful is this phrase for changing our behavior? I did say I was going to provide you some evidence. Researchers Vanessa Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt conducted two studies comparing the efficacy of the I Can’t Condition to the I Don’t Condition. In the first study participants that were told to say ‘I Can’t’ to a temptation gave in 61% of the time while participants that said ‘I Don’t’ only gave in 36% of the time.[i] I have personally used this technique to make saying no to breakfast burritos, Chick-fil-A breakfast bowls, cookies and cakes in the breakroom infinitely easier. It is amazing how much easier it has become to stay on track and avoid unplanned eating. Often it is these minor indulgences that sabotage our efforts. When it comes to weight loss, it is a battle of inches, literally, with the smallest indulgencies keeping you from achieving your fat loss goals. Give this technique a try, and I think you’ll find it makes overcoming temptation infinitely easier.

You can also use this technique to keep your workouts on track. In a second study, three groups were struggling to exercise regularly. The first group was told to say, “I can’t miss my workout.” The second group was told to say, “I don’t miss my workout.” The third group, the control group, wasn’t given a temptation avoidance phrase. After ten days, the researchers found the ‘I can’t’ group exercised once, the “I don’t” group exercised eight times, and the control group exercised three times.

Not only was the “I can’t miss a workout” temptation avoidance strategy less effective than the “I don’t miss a workout, but it was less effective than not having any temptation-avoidance phrase. When we say, “I can’t miss a workout” it causes us to rebel, to reassert our autonomy. Everyone desires to have control over their lives. When we say to ourselves, ‘I can’t’ it implies that we are going against our own desires because of an external impediment. Even when it is our conscious decision to do something, our subconscious mind feels like it is being bullied. Trying to force the Elephant to do anything it doesn’t want to do through sheer force of willpower is a losing strategy. The smaller rider cannot force the two-ton Elephant to do anything for long. He will quickly become exhausted, and the Elephant will do what he has been conditioned to do.

The reason the phrase “I don’t miss a workout” produces such dramatic results is that it speaks to our identity. Every time we say it, and then follow it up with action that supports it, we are reinforcing the identity of a fit person that exercises consistently. We aren’t just making an empty affirmation, we are backing it up with tangible action. Every action provides additional proof to substantiate that we are a fit person.

The researchers put it this way, “The refusal frame ‘I don’t’ is more persuasive than the refusal frame ‘I can’t’ because the former connotes conviction to a higher degree. . . . Perceived conviction mediates the influence of refusal frame on persuasiveness.” [ii] ‘I can’t’ lacks the clarity and conviction of ‘I don’t.’ ‘I don’t’ is a bright line. Bright lines provide an unambiguous rule or guideline. If you say, “I don’t drink alcohol during the week” there is no ambiguity. The rule is perfectly clear. When we say something vague like “I’m going to eat better” or “I am going to exercise more” it doesn’t provide any guidance to the Rider, so when the Elephant disagrees, he will follow his urges. The Rider always needs to be able to provide immediate and unambiguous direction to the Elephant if he hopes to stay on track. He cannot rely on sheer willpower to override the Elephants desires.

Willpower is an ineffective long-term strategy because it is capricious in nature, often leaving us naked to temptation when we need it most. A bright line rule is a clearly defined rule, a standard which leaves no room for varying interpretation. Bright lines provide clear guidance to the Elephant and prevent the Rider from analyzing what to do. The Rider is prone to analysis paralysis and making excuses. The clarity of bright lines prevents us from falling into these mental traps that deplete our ego, cause decision fatigue, and lead to the erosion of our willpower. Like a habit, bright lines conserve willpower because we don’t debate what to do each time we are faced with a choice. We decide once and repeat the choice each time a decision must be made.

Adopt ‘I Don’t’ as your willpower mantra, and you’ll be amazed by your results. The right words are powerful. They are electric. They can give us the smallest edge we need to tip the scales in our favor. Develop your own ‘I don’t’ mantras to overcome temptations and assert a more powerful identity, one that reflects your true character.

[i] Vanessa M. Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt, “‘I Don’t’ versus ‘I Can’t’: When Empowered Refusal Motivates Goal-Directed Behavior,” Journal of Consumer Research, 39, no. 2 (August 2012): 371–81, www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/663212?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents

[ii] Vanessa M. Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt, “‘I Don’t’ versus ‘I Can’t’: When Empowered Refusal Motivates Goal-Directed Behavior,” Journal of Consumer Research, 39, no. 2 (August 2012): 371–81, www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/663212?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents

  [i] Vanessa M. Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt, “‘I Don’t’ versus ‘I Can’t’: When Empowered Refusal Motivates Goal-Directed Behavior,” Journal of Consumer Research, 39, no. 2 (August 2012): 371–81, www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/663212?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents

[ii] Vanessa M. Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt, “‘I Don’t’ versus ‘I Can’t’: When Empowered Refusal Motivates Goal-Directed Behavior,” Journal of Consumer Research, 39, no. 2 (August 2012): 371–81, www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/663212?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents

  Learn a simple mantra that is scientifically proven to improve your willpower. “A powerful agent is the right word. Whenever we come upon one of those intensely right words … the resulting effect is physical as well as spiritual, and electrically prompt.” Mark Twain Ego Depletion (Illustrations by Ted Slampyak) If you enjoy this article, please LIKE, SHARE, and follow us on…

[hello-thefatlosshabit-blr]

Ego Depletion (Illustrations by Ted Slampyak)

If you enjoy this article, please LIKE, SHARE, and follow us on Facebook.

USE THE POWER OF LANGUAGE TO REINFORCE YOUR IDENTITY

“A powerful agent is the right word. Whenever we come upon one of those intensely right words … the resulting effect is physical as well as spiritual, and electrically prompt.” Mark Twain

Have you ever told someone you can’t have a piece of cake because you were on a diet or that you can’t go to lunch because you need to go to the gym? If you have, you are probably feeling pretty good about yourself right now. What if I told you that the language used in these two examples is weak? Confused? Don’t be. I will explain how the right words will improve your willpower, bolster your self-esteem, and make overcoming temptations easier.

During my research, I made an extraordinary discovery. I discovered a simple two-word phrase that can be used as a mantra to bolster our discipline, willpower, and self-esteem. You might be guessing the phrase is ‘I AM.’ While you’ll undoubtedly hear a lot of motivational speakers extol the power of ‘I AM’, they aren’t the words I am referring to. I didn’t find any studies that substantiated their effectiveness. That is because self-affirmations that aren’t backed up by concrete actions are the beginning of self-dilution. An affirmation not backed-up by action will erode your self-esteem. People that advance the power of I Am subscribe to the power of attraction.

Critics of the power of attraction are correct when they say you cannot just wish things into your life. The power of attraction is often misunderstood by its proponents and its detractors. Its power lies in an area of our brain called the reticular activating system (RAS). Our RAS determines what we notice and what we ignore in our environment. If we didn’t ignore most of what we see, hear, and feel we would experience sensory overload.

When we set a goal, and we have strong emotional intent, we trigger the RAS. Our brain becomes incredibly acute at noticing anything in our surroundings that could help us move forward. When we stay connected to our vision, we keep ourselves on course. We don’t get caught up in the momentum of other people’s demands on us. Every day we look for ways to take another step, no matter how small, towards our goal.

Like any law, it is both positive and negative. When we focus on what we want our RAS will seek out data and resources to support it. When we focus on what we don’t want, unfortunately, our RAS will filter our view of the world and look for information and situations that support our view. “Here’s the problem. Most people are thinking about what they don’t want, and they’re wondering why it shows up over and over again.” John Assaraf

“Change the way you see things and the things you see will change.” Wayne Dyer

When we repeat a positive affirmation like, “I am strong” we are more likely to notice any proof to support this belief. The more proof we find, the stronger our belief will become. If your RAS cannot find any evidence to support your affirmation, you’ll begin to erode your self-esteem. Real self-esteem can only be gained through action. The most fulfilling rewards of success is the self-esteem you build and the person its accomplishment forces you to become, not the achievement itself. A hard-fought victory is always the most satisfying.

So, if ‘I AM’ isn’t a useful phrase for creating an empowering identity and bolstering our willpower what is? The phrase that has the power to change your life is ‘I DON’T.’ Surprised? Probably no more astonished than I was, but the science is solid. While both I AM and I DON’T are linked to our identity, only I DON’T is linked to a decision that supports that identity. When you say I AM disciplined, you aren’t providing any proof to substantiate that you are disciplined. When you say I DON’T skip workouts, you are linking it to a decision and you are providing evidence to support your assertion.

“I don’t miss a workout” is a lot more powerful than “I can’t miss a workout.” That explanation is weak. It connotes an external impediment. The phrase, “I can’t miss a workout” implies you really want to skip your workout, but someone is making you. Even if that someone is you, the phrase lacks commitment. It says to anyone that hears it that you are being forced against your will. It makes us feel like we are losing our autonomy. Even if we are the ones imposing the constraint, it makes us feel like we are less in control. It makes our Elephant feel like it is being bullied by our Rider. This will cause the Elephant to rebel when it has had enough. The Rider will be powerless to stop the two-tone Elephant when this happens. (Learn more about the Elephant and Rider Analogy)

When you say, “I don’t miss workouts,” you are saying that you are the type of person that works out consistently because that is who you are. When a salesman says, they can’t give you a discount you might ask for their manager because the salesman is saying the decision is out of his hands. He would like to provide you with a discount, but his manager or company policy is preventing him.

Contrast that language to the Rolex salesman that says, “We don’t discount our watches.” You aren’t tempted to speak to his manager, because apparently, Rolex doesn’t offer discounts. This unambiguous phrase ends the discussion. When we tell ourselves, we can’t eat that cookie in the breakroom we are inviting an internal debate that will deplete our willpower and erode our self-esteem. When we tell ourselves, we don’t eat cookies or any of the other highly processed garbage in the breakroom, we end the discussion; conserving our willpower, and build-up our self-esteem in the process.

A reformed smoker will say, “I don’t smoke. I am not a smoker.” They have shifted their identity away from being a smoker and, that is why they will never smoke again. Identity is this unseen force that shapes our decisions. We don’t like to do anything that goes against our identity. Our mind seeks harmony between our attitude and behavior. When there is disharmony, we will attempt to either change our behavior, or our opinion about that behavior.

How useful is this phrase for changing our behavior? I did say I was going to provide you some evidence. Researchers Vanessa Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt conducted two studies comparing the efficacy of the I Can’t Condition to the I Don’t Condition. In the first study participants that were told to say ‘I Can’t’ to a temptation gave in 61% of the time while participants that said ‘I Don’t’ only gave in 36% of the time.[i] I have personally used this technique to make saying no to breakfast burritos, Chick-fil-A breakfast bowls, cookies and cakes in the breakroom infinitely easier. It is amazing how much easier it has become to stay on track and avoid unplanned eating. Often it is these minor indulgences that sabotage our efforts. When it comes to weight loss, it is a battle of inches, literally, with the smallest indulgencies keeping you from achieving your fat loss goals. Give this technique a try, and I think you’ll find it makes overcoming temptation infinitely easier.

You can also use this technique to keep your workouts on track. In a second study, three groups were struggling to exercise regularly. The first group was told to say, “I can’t miss my workout.” The second group was told to say, “I don’t miss my workout.” The third group, the control group, wasn’t given a temptation avoidance phrase. After ten days, the researchers found the ‘I can’t’ group exercised once, the “I don’t” group exercised eight times, and the control group exercised three times.

Not only was the “I can’t miss a workout” temptation avoidance strategy less effective than the “I don’t miss a workout, but it was less effective than not having any temptation-avoidance phrase. When we say, “I can’t miss a workout” it causes us to rebel, to reassert our autonomy. Everyone desires to have control over their lives. When we say to ourselves, ‘I can’t’ it implies that we are going against our own desires because of an external impediment. Even when it is our conscious decision to do something, our subconscious mind feels like it is being bullied. Trying to force the Elephant to do anything it doesn’t want to do through sheer force of willpower is a losing strategy. The smaller rider cannot force the two-ton Elephant to do anything for long. He will quickly become exhausted, and the Elephant will do what he has been conditioned to do.

The reason the phrase “I don’t miss a workout” produces such dramatic results is that it speaks to our identity. Every time we say it, and then follow it up with action that supports it, we are reinforcing the identity of a fit person that exercises consistently. We aren’t just making an empty affirmation, we are backing it up with tangible action. Every action provides additional proof to substantiate that we are a fit person.

The researchers put it this way, “The refusal frame ‘I don’t’ is more persuasive than the refusal frame ‘I can’t’ because the former connotes conviction to a higher degree. . . . Perceived conviction mediates the influence of refusal frame on persuasiveness.” [ii] ‘I can’t’ lacks the clarity and conviction of ‘I don’t.’ ‘I don’t’ is a bright line. Bright lines provide an unambiguous rule or guideline. If you say, “I don’t drink alcohol during the week” there is no ambiguity. The rule is perfectly clear. When we say something vague like “I’m going to eat better” or “I am going to exercise more” it doesn’t provide any guidance to the Rider, so when the Elephant disagrees, he will follow his urges. The Rider always needs to be able to provide immediate and unambiguous direction to the Elephant if he hopes to stay on track. He cannot rely on sheer willpower to override the Elephants desires.

Willpower is an ineffective long-term strategy because it is capricious in nature, often leaving us naked to temptation when we need it most. A bright line rule is a clearly defined rule, a standard which leaves no room for varying interpretation. Bright lines provide clear guidance to the Elephant and prevent the Rider from analyzing what to do. The Rider is prone to analysis paralysis and making excuses. The clarity of bright lines prevents us from falling into these mental traps that deplete our ego, cause decision fatigue, and lead to the erosion of our willpower. Like a habit, bright lines conserve willpower because we don’t debate what to do each time we are faced with a choice. We decide once and repeat the choice each time a decision must be made.

Adopt ‘I Don’t’ as your willpower mantra, and you’ll be amazed by your results. The right words are powerful. They are electric. They can give us the smallest edge we need to tip the scales in our favor. Develop your own ‘I don’t’ mantras to overcome temptations and assert a more powerful identity, one that reflects your true character.

[i] Vanessa M. Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt, “‘I Don’t’ versus ‘I Can’t’: When Empowered Refusal Motivates Goal-Directed Behavior,” Journal of Consumer Research, 39, no. 2 (August 2012): 371–81, www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/663212?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents

[ii] Vanessa M. Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt, “‘I Don’t’ versus ‘I Can’t’: When Empowered Refusal Motivates Goal-Directed Behavior,” Journal of Consumer Research, 39, no. 2 (August 2012): 371–81, www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/663212?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents

  [i] Vanessa M. Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt, “‘I Don’t’ versus ‘I Can’t’: When Empowered Refusal Motivates Goal-Directed Behavior,” Journal of Consumer Research, 39, no. 2 (August 2012): 371–81, www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/663212?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents

[ii] Vanessa M. Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt, “‘I Don’t’ versus ‘I Can’t’: When Empowered Refusal Motivates Goal-Directed Behavior,” Journal of Consumer Research, 39, no. 2 (August 2012): 371–81, www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/663212?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents

  Learn a simple mantra that is scientifically proven to improve your willpower. “A powerful agent is the right word. Whenever we come upon one of those intensely right words … the resulting effect is physical as well as spiritual, and electrically prompt.” Mark Twain Ego Depletion (Illustrations by Ted Slampyak) If you enjoy this article, please LIKE, SHARE, and follow us on…

[hello-thefatlosshabit-blr]

Ego Depletion (Illustrations by Ted Slampyak)

If you enjoy this article, please LIKE, SHARE, and follow us on Facebook.

USE THE POWER OF LANGUAGE TO REINFORCE YOUR IDENTITY

“A powerful agent is the right word. Whenever we come upon one of those intensely right words … the resulting effect is physical as well as spiritual, and electrically prompt.” Mark Twain

Have you ever told someone you can’t have a piece of cake because you were on a diet or that you can’t go to lunch because you need to go to the gym? If you have, you are probably feeling pretty good about yourself right now. What if I told you that the language used in these two examples is weak? Confused? Don’t be. I will explain how the right words will improve your willpower, bolster your self-esteem, and make overcoming temptations easier.

During my research, I made an extraordinary discovery. I discovered a simple two-word phrase that can be used as a mantra to bolster our discipline, willpower, and self-esteem. You might be guessing the phrase is ‘I AM.’ While you’ll undoubtedly hear a lot of motivational speakers extol the power of ‘I AM’, they aren’t the words I am referring to. I didn’t find any studies that substantiated their effectiveness. That is because self-affirmations that aren’t backed up by concrete actions are the beginning of self-dilution. An affirmation not backed-up by action will erode your self-esteem. People that advance the power of I Am subscribe to the power of attraction.

Critics of the power of attraction are correct when they say you cannot just wish things into your life. The power of attraction is often misunderstood by its proponents and its detractors. Its power lies in an area of our brain called the reticular activating system (RAS). Our RAS determines what we notice and what we ignore in our environment. If we didn’t ignore most of what we see, hear, and feel we would experience sensory overload.

When we set a goal, and we have strong emotional intent, we trigger the RAS. Our brain becomes incredibly acute at noticing anything in our surroundings that could help us move forward. When we stay connected to our vision, we keep ourselves on course. We don’t get caught up in the momentum of other people’s demands on us. Every day we look for ways to take another step, no matter how small, towards our goal.

Like any law, it is both positive and negative. When we focus on what we want our RAS will seek out data and resources to support it. When we focus on what we don’t want, unfortunately, our RAS will filter our view of the world and look for information and situations that support our view. “Here’s the problem. Most people are thinking about what they don’t want, and they’re wondering why it shows up over and over again.” John Assaraf

“Change the way you see things and the things you see will change.” Wayne Dyer

When we repeat a positive affirmation like, “I am strong” we are more likely to notice any proof to support this belief. The more proof we find, the stronger our belief will become. If your RAS cannot find any evidence to support your affirmation, you’ll begin to erode your self-esteem. Real self-esteem can only be gained through action. The most fulfilling rewards of success is the self-esteem you build and the person its accomplishment forces you to become, not the achievement itself. A hard-fought victory is always the most satisfying.

So, if ‘I AM’ isn’t a useful phrase for creating an empowering identity and bolstering our willpower what is? The phrase that has the power to change your life is ‘I DON’T.’ Surprised? Probably no more astonished than I was, but the science is solid. While both I AM and I DON’T are linked to our identity, only I DON’T is linked to a decision that supports that identity. When you say I AM disciplined, you aren’t providing any proof to substantiate that you are disciplined. When you say I DON’T skip workouts, you are linking it to a decision and you are providing evidence to support your assertion.

“I don’t miss a workout” is a lot more powerful than “I can’t miss a workout.” That explanation is weak. It connotes an external impediment. The phrase, “I can’t miss a workout” implies you really want to skip your workout, but someone is making you. Even if that someone is you, the phrase lacks commitment. It says to anyone that hears it that you are being forced against your will. It makes us feel like we are losing our autonomy. Even if we are the ones imposing the constraint, it makes us feel like we are less in control. It makes our Elephant feel like it is being bullied by our Rider. This will cause the Elephant to rebel when it has had enough. The Rider will be powerless to stop the two-tone Elephant when this happens. (Learn more about the Elephant and Rider Analogy)

When you say, “I don’t miss workouts,” you are saying that you are the type of person that works out consistently because that is who you are. When a salesman says, they can’t give you a discount you might ask for their manager because the salesman is saying the decision is out of his hands. He would like to provide you with a discount, but his manager or company policy is preventing him.

Contrast that language to the Rolex salesman that says, “We don’t discount our watches.” You aren’t tempted to speak to his manager, because apparently, Rolex doesn’t offer discounts. This unambiguous phrase ends the discussion. When we tell ourselves, we can’t eat that cookie in the breakroom we are inviting an internal debate that will deplete our willpower and erode our self-esteem. When we tell ourselves, we don’t eat cookies or any of the other highly processed garbage in the breakroom, we end the discussion; conserving our willpower, and build-up our self-esteem in the process.

A reformed smoker will say, “I don’t smoke. I am not a smoker.” They have shifted their identity away from being a smoker and, that is why they will never smoke again. Identity is this unseen force that shapes our decisions. We don’t like to do anything that goes against our identity. Our mind seeks harmony between our attitude and behavior. When there is disharmony, we will attempt to either change our behavior, or our opinion about that behavior.

How useful is this phrase for changing our behavior? I did say I was going to provide you some evidence. Researchers Vanessa Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt conducted two studies comparing the efficacy of the I Can’t Condition to the I Don’t Condition. In the first study participants that were told to say ‘I Can’t’ to a temptation gave in 61% of the time while participants that said ‘I Don’t’ only gave in 36% of the time.[i] I have personally used this technique to make saying no to breakfast burritos, Chick-fil-A breakfast bowls, cookies and cakes in the breakroom infinitely easier. It is amazing how much easier it has become to stay on track and avoid unplanned eating. Often it is these minor indulgences that sabotage our efforts. When it comes to weight loss, it is a battle of inches, literally, with the smallest indulgencies keeping you from achieving your fat loss goals. Give this technique a try, and I think you’ll find it makes overcoming temptation infinitely easier.

You can also use this technique to keep your workouts on track. In a second study, three groups were struggling to exercise regularly. The first group was told to say, “I can’t miss my workout.” The second group was told to say, “I don’t miss my workout.” The third group, the control group, wasn’t given a temptation avoidance phrase. After ten days, the researchers found the ‘I can’t’ group exercised once, the “I don’t” group exercised eight times, and the control group exercised three times.

Not only was the “I can’t miss a workout” temptation avoidance strategy less effective than the “I don’t miss a workout, but it was less effective than not having any temptation-avoidance phrase. When we say, “I can’t miss a workout” it causes us to rebel, to reassert our autonomy. Everyone desires to have control over their lives. When we say to ourselves, ‘I can’t’ it implies that we are going against our own desires because of an external impediment. Even when it is our conscious decision to do something, our subconscious mind feels like it is being bullied. Trying to force the Elephant to do anything it doesn’t want to do through sheer force of willpower is a losing strategy. The smaller rider cannot force the two-ton Elephant to do anything for long. He will quickly become exhausted, and the Elephant will do what he has been conditioned to do.

The reason the phrase “I don’t miss a workout” produces such dramatic results is that it speaks to our identity. Every time we say it, and then follow it up with action that supports it, we are reinforcing the identity of a fit person that exercises consistently. We aren’t just making an empty affirmation, we are backing it up with tangible action. Every action provides additional proof to substantiate that we are a fit person.

The researchers put it this way, “The refusal frame ‘I don’t’ is more persuasive than the refusal frame ‘I can’t’ because the former connotes conviction to a higher degree. . . . Perceived conviction mediates the influence of refusal frame on persuasiveness.” [ii] ‘I can’t’ lacks the clarity and conviction of ‘I don’t.’ ‘I don’t’ is a bright line. Bright lines provide an unambiguous rule or guideline. If you say, “I don’t drink alcohol during the week” there is no ambiguity. The rule is perfectly clear. When we say something vague like “I’m going to eat better” or “I am going to exercise more” it doesn’t provide any guidance to the Rider, so when the Elephant disagrees, he will follow his urges. The Rider always needs to be able to provide immediate and unambiguous direction to the Elephant if he hopes to stay on track. He cannot rely on sheer willpower to override the Elephants desires.

Willpower is an ineffective long-term strategy because it is capricious in nature, often leaving us naked to temptation when we need it most. A bright line rule is a clearly defined rule, a standard which leaves no room for varying interpretation. Bright lines provide clear guidance to the Elephant and prevent the Rider from analyzing what to do. The Rider is prone to analysis paralysis and making excuses. The clarity of bright lines prevents us from falling into these mental traps that deplete our ego, cause decision fatigue, and lead to the erosion of our willpower. Like a habit, bright lines conserve willpower because we don’t debate what to do each time we are faced with a choice. We decide once and repeat the choice each time a decision must be made.

Adopt ‘I Don’t’ as your willpower mantra, and you’ll be amazed by your results. The right words are powerful. They are electric. They can give us the smallest edge we need to tip the scales in our favor. Develop your own ‘I don’t’ mantras to overcome temptations and assert a more powerful identity, one that reflects your true character.

[i] Vanessa M. Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt, “‘I Don’t’ versus ‘I Can’t’: When Empowered Refusal Motivates Goal-Directed Behavior,” Journal of Consumer Research, 39, no. 2 (August 2012): 371–81, www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/663212?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents

[ii] Vanessa M. Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt, “‘I Don’t’ versus ‘I Can’t’: When Empowered Refusal Motivates Goal-Directed Behavior,” Journal of Consumer Research, 39, no. 2 (August 2012): 371–81, www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/663212?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents

  [i] Vanessa M. Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt, “‘I Don’t’ versus ‘I Can’t’: When Empowered Refusal Motivates Goal-Directed Behavior,” Journal of Consumer Research, 39, no. 2 (August 2012): 371–81, www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/663212?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents

[ii] Vanessa M. Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt, “‘I Don’t’ versus ‘I Can’t’: When Empowered Refusal Motivates Goal-Directed Behavior,” Journal of Consumer Research, 39, no. 2 (August 2012): 371–81, www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/663212?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents

  Learn a simple mantra that is scientifically proven to improve your willpower. “A powerful agent is the right word. Whenever we come upon one of those intensely right words … the resulting effect is physical as well as spiritual, and electrically prompt.” Mark Twain Ego Depletion (Illustrations by Ted Slampyak) If you enjoy this article, please LIKE, SHARE, and follow us on…

[hello-thefatlosshabit-blr]

Ego Depletion (Illustrations by Ted Slampyak)

If you enjoy this article, please LIKE, SHARE, and follow us on Facebook.

USE THE POWER OF LANGUAGE TO REINFORCE YOUR IDENTITY

“A powerful agent is the right word. Whenever we come upon one of those intensely right words … the resulting effect is physical as well as spiritual, and electrically prompt.” Mark Twain

Have you ever told someone you can’t have a piece of cake because you were on a diet or that you can’t go to lunch because you need to go to the gym? If you have, you are probably feeling pretty good about yourself right now. What if I told you that the language used in these two examples is weak? Confused? Don’t be. I will explain how the right words will improve your willpower, bolster your self-esteem, and make overcoming temptations easier.

During my research, I made an extraordinary discovery. I discovered a simple two-word phrase that can be used as a mantra to bolster our discipline, willpower, and self-esteem. You might be guessing the phrase is ‘I AM.’ While you’ll undoubtedly hear a lot of motivational speakers extol the power of ‘I AM’, they aren’t the words I am referring to. I didn’t find any studies that substantiated their effectiveness. That is because self-affirmations that aren’t backed up by concrete actions are the beginning of self-dilution. An affirmation not backed-up by action will erode your self-esteem. People that advance the power of I Am subscribe to the power of attraction.

Critics of the power of attraction are correct when they say you cannot just wish things into your life. The power of attraction is often misunderstood by its proponents and its detractors. Its power lies in an area of our brain called the reticular activating system (RAS). Our RAS determines what we notice and what we ignore in our environment. If we didn’t ignore most of what we see, hear, and feel we would experience sensory overload.

When we set a goal, and we have strong emotional intent, we trigger the RAS. Our brain becomes incredibly acute at noticing anything in our surroundings that could help us move forward. When we stay connected to our vision, we keep ourselves on course. We don’t get caught up in the momentum of other people’s demands on us. Every day we look for ways to take another step, no matter how small, towards our goal.

Like any law, it is both positive and negative. When we focus on what we want our RAS will seek out data and resources to support it. When we focus on what we don’t want, unfortunately, our RAS will filter our view of the world and look for information and situations that support our view. “Here’s the problem. Most people are thinking about what they don’t want, and they’re wondering why it shows up over and over again.” John Assaraf

“Change the way you see things and the things you see will change.” Wayne Dyer

When we repeat a positive affirmation like, “I am strong” we are more likely to notice any proof to support this belief. The more proof we find, the stronger our belief will become. If your RAS cannot find any evidence to support your affirmation, you’ll begin to erode your self-esteem. Real self-esteem can only be gained through action. The most fulfilling rewards of success is the self-esteem you build and the person its accomplishment forces you to become, not the achievement itself. A hard-fought victory is always the most satisfying.

So, if ‘I AM’ isn’t a useful phrase for creating an empowering identity and bolstering our willpower what is? The phrase that has the power to change your life is ‘I DON’T.’ Surprised? Probably no more astonished than I was, but the science is solid. While both I AM and I DON’T are linked to our identity, only I DON’T is linked to a decision that supports that identity. When you say I AM disciplined, you aren’t providing any proof to substantiate that you are disciplined. When you say I DON’T skip workouts, you are linking it to a decision and you are providing evidence to support your assertion.

“I don’t miss a workout” is a lot more powerful than “I can’t miss a workout.” That explanation is weak. It connotes an external impediment. The phrase, “I can’t miss a workout” implies you really want to skip your workout, but someone is making you. Even if that someone is you, the phrase lacks commitment. It says to anyone that hears it that you are being forced against your will. It makes us feel like we are losing our autonomy. Even if we are the ones imposing the constraint, it makes us feel like we are less in control. It makes our Elephant feel like it is being bullied by our Rider. This will cause the Elephant to rebel when it has had enough. The Rider will be powerless to stop the two-tone Elephant when this happens. (Learn more about the Elephant and Rider Analogy)

When you say, “I don’t miss workouts,” you are saying that you are the type of person that works out consistently because that is who you are. When a salesman says, they can’t give you a discount you might ask for their manager because the salesman is saying the decision is out of his hands. He would like to provide you with a discount, but his manager or company policy is preventing him.

Contrast that language to the Rolex salesman that says, “We don’t discount our watches.” You aren’t tempted to speak to his manager, because apparently, Rolex doesn’t offer discounts. This unambiguous phrase ends the discussion. When we tell ourselves, we can’t eat that cookie in the breakroom we are inviting an internal debate that will deplete our willpower and erode our self-esteem. When we tell ourselves, we don’t eat cookies or any of the other highly processed garbage in the breakroom, we end the discussion; conserving our willpower, and build-up our self-esteem in the process.

A reformed smoker will say, “I don’t smoke. I am not a smoker.” They have shifted their identity away from being a smoker and, that is why they will never smoke again. Identity is this unseen force that shapes our decisions. We don’t like to do anything that goes against our identity. Our mind seeks harmony between our attitude and behavior. When there is disharmony, we will attempt to either change our behavior, or our opinion about that behavior.

How useful is this phrase for changing our behavior? I did say I was going to provide you some evidence. Researchers Vanessa Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt conducted two studies comparing the efficacy of the I Can’t Condition to the I Don’t Condition. In the first study participants that were told to say ‘I Can’t’ to a temptation gave in 61% of the time while participants that said ‘I Don’t’ only gave in 36% of the time.[i] I have personally used this technique to make saying no to breakfast burritos, Chick-fil-A breakfast bowls, cookies and cakes in the breakroom infinitely easier. It is amazing how much easier it has become to stay on track and avoid unplanned eating. Often it is these minor indulgences that sabotage our efforts. When it comes to weight loss, it is a battle of inches, literally, with the smallest indulgencies keeping you from achieving your fat loss goals. Give this technique a try, and I think you’ll find it makes overcoming temptation infinitely easier.

You can also use this technique to keep your workouts on track. In a second study, three groups were struggling to exercise regularly. The first group was told to say, “I can’t miss my workout.” The second group was told to say, “I don’t miss my workout.” The third group, the control group, wasn’t given a temptation avoidance phrase. After ten days, the researchers found the ‘I can’t’ group exercised once, the “I don’t” group exercised eight times, and the control group exercised three times.

Not only was the “I can’t miss a workout” temptation avoidance strategy less effective than the “I don’t miss a workout, but it was less effective than not having any temptation-avoidance phrase. When we say, “I can’t miss a workout” it causes us to rebel, to reassert our autonomy. Everyone desires to have control over their lives. When we say to ourselves, ‘I can’t’ it implies that we are going against our own desires because of an external impediment. Even when it is our conscious decision to do something, our subconscious mind feels like it is being bullied. Trying to force the Elephant to do anything it doesn’t want to do through sheer force of willpower is a losing strategy. The smaller rider cannot force the two-ton Elephant to do anything for long. He will quickly become exhausted, and the Elephant will do what he has been conditioned to do.

The reason the phrase “I don’t miss a workout” produces such dramatic results is that it speaks to our identity. Every time we say it, and then follow it up with action that supports it, we are reinforcing the identity of a fit person that exercises consistently. We aren’t just making an empty affirmation, we are backing it up with tangible action. Every action provides additional proof to substantiate that we are a fit person.

The researchers put it this way, “The refusal frame ‘I don’t’ is more persuasive than the refusal frame ‘I can’t’ because the former connotes conviction to a higher degree. . . . Perceived conviction mediates the influence of refusal frame on persuasiveness.” [ii] ‘I can’t’ lacks the clarity and conviction of ‘I don’t.’ ‘I don’t’ is a bright line. Bright lines provide an unambiguous rule or guideline. If you say, “I don’t drink alcohol during the week” there is no ambiguity. The rule is perfectly clear. When we say something vague like “I’m going to eat better” or “I am going to exercise more” it doesn’t provide any guidance to the Rider, so when the Elephant disagrees, he will follow his urges. The Rider always needs to be able to provide immediate and unambiguous direction to the Elephant if he hopes to stay on track. He cannot rely on sheer willpower to override the Elephants desires.

Willpower is an ineffective long-term strategy because it is capricious in nature, often leaving us naked to temptation when we need it most. A bright line rule is a clearly defined rule, a standard which leaves no room for varying interpretation. Bright lines provide clear guidance to the Elephant and prevent the Rider from analyzing what to do. The Rider is prone to analysis paralysis and making excuses. The clarity of bright lines prevents us from falling into these mental traps that deplete our ego, cause decision fatigue, and lead to the erosion of our willpower. Like a habit, bright lines conserve willpower because we don’t debate what to do each time we are faced with a choice. We decide once and repeat the choice each time a decision must be made.

Adopt ‘I Don’t’ as your willpower mantra, and you’ll be amazed by your results. The right words are powerful. They are electric. They can give us the smallest edge we need to tip the scales in our favor. Develop your own ‘I don’t’ mantras to overcome temptations and assert a more powerful identity, one that reflects your true character.

[i] Vanessa M. Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt, “‘I Don’t’ versus ‘I Can’t’: When Empowered Refusal Motivates Goal-Directed Behavior,” Journal of Consumer Research, 39, no. 2 (August 2012): 371–81, www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/663212?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents

[ii] Vanessa M. Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt, “‘I Don’t’ versus ‘I Can’t’: When Empowered Refusal Motivates Goal-Directed Behavior,” Journal of Consumer Research, 39, no. 2 (August 2012): 371–81, www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/663212?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents

  [i] Vanessa M. Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt, “‘I Don’t’ versus ‘I Can’t’: When Empowered Refusal Motivates Goal-Directed Behavior,” Journal of Consumer Research, 39, no. 2 (August 2012): 371–81, www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/663212?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents

[ii] Vanessa M. Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt, “‘I Don’t’ versus ‘I Can’t’: When Empowered Refusal Motivates Goal-Directed Behavior,” Journal of Consumer Research, 39, no. 2 (August 2012): 371–81, www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/663212?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents

  Learn a simple mantra that is scientifically proven to improve your willpower. “A powerful agent is the right word. Whenever we come upon one of those intensely right words … the resulting effect is physical as well as spiritual, and electrically prompt.” Mark Twain Ego Depletion (Illustrations by Ted Slampyak) If you enjoy this article, please LIKE, SHARE, and follow us on…

[hello-thefatlosshabit-blr]

Ego Depletion (Illustrations by Ted Slampyak)

If you enjoy this article, please LIKE, SHARE, and follow us on Facebook.

USE THE POWER OF LANGUAGE TO REINFORCE YOUR IDENTITY

“A powerful agent is the right word. Whenever we come upon one of those intensely right words … the resulting effect is physical as well as spiritual, and electrically prompt.” Mark Twain

Have you ever told someone you can’t have a piece of cake because you were on a diet or that you can’t go to lunch because you need to go to the gym? If you have, you are probably feeling pretty good about yourself right now. What if I told you that the language used in these two examples is weak? Confused? Don’t be. I will explain how the right words will improve your willpower, bolster your self-esteem, and make overcoming temptations easier.

During my research, I made an extraordinary discovery. I discovered a simple two-word phrase that can be used as a mantra to bolster our discipline, willpower, and self-esteem. You might be guessing the phrase is ‘I AM.’ While you’ll undoubtedly hear a lot of motivational speakers extol the power of ‘I AM’, they aren’t the words I am referring to. I didn’t find any studies that substantiated their effectiveness. That is because self-affirmations that aren’t backed up by concrete actions are the beginning of self-dilution. An affirmation not backed-up by action will erode your self-esteem. People that advance the power of I Am subscribe to the power of attraction.

Critics of the power of attraction are correct when they say you cannot just wish things into your life. The power of attraction is often misunderstood by its proponents and its detractors. Its power lies in an area of our brain called the reticular activating system (RAS). Our RAS determines what we notice and what we ignore in our environment. If we didn’t ignore most of what we see, hear, and feel we would experience sensory overload.

When we set a goal, and we have strong emotional intent, we trigger the RAS. Our brain becomes incredibly acute at noticing anything in our surroundings that could help us move forward. When we stay connected to our vision, we keep ourselves on course. We don’t get caught up in the momentum of other people’s demands on us. Every day we look for ways to take another step, no matter how small, towards our goal.

Like any law, it is both positive and negative. When we focus on what we want our RAS will seek out data and resources to support it. When we focus on what we don’t want, unfortunately, our RAS will filter our view of the world and look for information and situations that support our view. “Here’s the problem. Most people are thinking about what they don’t want, and they’re wondering why it shows up over and over again.” John Assaraf

“Change the way you see things and the things you see will change.” Wayne Dyer

When we repeat a positive affirmation like, “I am strong” we are more likely to notice any proof to support this belief. The more proof we find, the stronger our belief will become. If your RAS cannot find any evidence to support your affirmation, you’ll begin to erode your self-esteem. Real self-esteem can only be gained through action. The most fulfilling rewards of success is the self-esteem you build and the person its accomplishment forces you to become, not the achievement itself. A hard-fought victory is always the most satisfying.

So, if ‘I AM’ isn’t a useful phrase for creating an empowering identity and bolstering our willpower what is? The phrase that has the power to change your life is ‘I DON’T.’ Surprised? Probably no more astonished than I was, but the science is solid. While both I AM and I DON’T are linked to our identity, only I DON’T is linked to a decision that supports that identity. When you say I AM disciplined, you aren’t providing any proof to substantiate that you are disciplined. When you say I DON’T skip workouts, you are linking it to a decision and you are providing evidence to support your assertion.

“I don’t miss a workout” is a lot more powerful than “I can’t miss a workout.” That explanation is weak. It connotes an external impediment. The phrase, “I can’t miss a workout” implies you really want to skip your workout, but someone is making you. Even if that someone is you, the phrase lacks commitment. It says to anyone that hears it that you are being forced against your will. It makes us feel like we are losing our autonomy. Even if we are the ones imposing the constraint, it makes us feel like we are less in control. It makes our Elephant feel like it is being bullied by our Rider. This will cause the Elephant to rebel when it has had enough. The Rider will be powerless to stop the two-tone Elephant when this happens. (Learn more about the Elephant and Rider Analogy)

When you say, “I don’t miss workouts,” you are saying that you are the type of person that works out consistently because that is who you are. When a salesman says, they can’t give you a discount you might ask for their manager because the salesman is saying the decision is out of his hands. He would like to provide you with a discount, but his manager or company policy is preventing him.

Contrast that language to the Rolex salesman that says, “We don’t discount our watches.” You aren’t tempted to speak to his manager, because apparently, Rolex doesn’t offer discounts. This unambiguous phrase ends the discussion. When we tell ourselves, we can’t eat that cookie in the breakroom we are inviting an internal debate that will deplete our willpower and erode our self-esteem. When we tell ourselves, we don’t eat cookies or any of the other highly processed garbage in the breakroom, we end the discussion; conserving our willpower, and build-up our self-esteem in the process.

A reformed smoker will say, “I don’t smoke. I am not a smoker.” They have shifted their identity away from being a smoker and, that is why they will never smoke again. Identity is this unseen force that shapes our decisions. We don’t like to do anything that goes against our identity. Our mind seeks harmony between our attitude and behavior. When there is disharmony, we will attempt to either change our behavior, or our opinion about that behavior.

How useful is this phrase for changing our behavior? I did say I was going to provide you some evidence. Researchers Vanessa Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt conducted two studies comparing the efficacy of the I Can’t Condition to the I Don’t Condition. In the first study participants that were told to say ‘I Can’t’ to a temptation gave in 61% of the time while participants that said ‘I Don’t’ only gave in 36% of the time.[i] I have personally used this technique to make saying no to breakfast burritos, Chick-fil-A breakfast bowls, cookies and cakes in the breakroom infinitely easier. It is amazing how much easier it has become to stay on track and avoid unplanned eating. Often it is these minor indulgences that sabotage our efforts. When it comes to weight loss, it is a battle of inches, literally, with the smallest indulgencies keeping you from achieving your fat loss goals. Give this technique a try, and I think you’ll find it makes overcoming temptation infinitely easier.

You can also use this technique to keep your workouts on track. In a second study, three groups were struggling to exercise regularly. The first group was told to say, “I can’t miss my workout.” The second group was told to say, “I don’t miss my workout.” The third group, the control group, wasn’t given a temptation avoidance phrase. After ten days, the researchers found the ‘I can’t’ group exercised once, the “I don’t” group exercised eight times, and the control group exercised three times.

Not only was the “I can’t miss a workout” temptation avoidance strategy less effective than the “I don’t miss a workout, but it was less effective than not having any temptation-avoidance phrase. When we say, “I can’t miss a workout” it causes us to rebel, to reassert our autonomy. Everyone desires to have control over their lives. When we say to ourselves, ‘I can’t’ it implies that we are going against our own desires because of an external impediment. Even when it is our conscious decision to do something, our subconscious mind feels like it is being bullied. Trying to force the Elephant to do anything it doesn’t want to do through sheer force of willpower is a losing strategy. The smaller rider cannot force the two-ton Elephant to do anything for long. He will quickly become exhausted, and the Elephant will do what he has been conditioned to do.

The reason the phrase “I don’t miss a workout” produces such dramatic results is that it speaks to our identity. Every time we say it, and then follow it up with action that supports it, we are reinforcing the identity of a fit person that exercises consistently. We aren’t just making an empty affirmation, we are backing it up with tangible action. Every action provides additional proof to substantiate that we are a fit person.

The researchers put it this way, “The refusal frame ‘I don’t’ is more persuasive than the refusal frame ‘I can’t’ because the former connotes conviction to a higher degree. . . . Perceived conviction mediates the influence of refusal frame on persuasiveness.” [ii] ‘I can’t’ lacks the clarity and conviction of ‘I don’t.’ ‘I don’t’ is a bright line. Bright lines provide an unambiguous rule or guideline. If you say, “I don’t drink alcohol during the week” there is no ambiguity. The rule is perfectly clear. When we say something vague like “I’m going to eat better” or “I am going to exercise more” it doesn’t provide any guidance to the Rider, so when the Elephant disagrees, he will follow his urges. The Rider always needs to be able to provide immediate and unambiguous direction to the Elephant if he hopes to stay on track. He cannot rely on sheer willpower to override the Elephants desires.

Willpower is an ineffective long-term strategy because it is capricious in nature, often leaving us naked to temptation when we need it most. A bright line rule is a clearly defined rule, a standard which leaves no room for varying interpretation. Bright lines provide clear guidance to the Elephant and prevent the Rider from analyzing what to do. The Rider is prone to analysis paralysis and making excuses. The clarity of bright lines prevents us from falling into these mental traps that deplete our ego, cause decision fatigue, and lead to the erosion of our willpower. Like a habit, bright lines conserve willpower because we don’t debate what to do each time we are faced with a choice. We decide once and repeat the choice each time a decision must be made.

Adopt ‘I Don’t’ as your willpower mantra, and you’ll be amazed by your results. The right words are powerful. They are electric. They can give us the smallest edge we need to tip the scales in our favor. Develop your own ‘I don’t’ mantras to overcome temptations and assert a more powerful identity, one that reflects your true character.

[i] Vanessa M. Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt, “‘I Don’t’ versus ‘I Can’t’: When Empowered Refusal Motivates Goal-Directed Behavior,” Journal of Consumer Research, 39, no. 2 (August 2012): 371–81, www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/663212?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents

[ii] Vanessa M. Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt, “‘I Don’t’ versus ‘I Can’t’: When Empowered Refusal Motivates Goal-Directed Behavior,” Journal of Consumer Research, 39, no. 2 (August 2012): 371–81, www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/663212?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents

  [i] Vanessa M. Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt, “‘I Don’t’ versus ‘I Can’t’: When Empowered Refusal Motivates Goal-Directed Behavior,” Journal of Consumer Research, 39, no. 2 (August 2012): 371–81, www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/663212?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents

[ii] Vanessa M. Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt, “‘I Don’t’ versus ‘I Can’t’: When Empowered Refusal Motivates Goal-Directed Behavior,” Journal of Consumer Research, 39, no. 2 (August 2012): 371–81, www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/663212?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents

  Learn a simple mantra that is scientifically proven to improve your willpower. “A powerful agent is the right word. Whenever we come upon one of those intensely right words … the resulting effect is physical as well as spiritual, and electrically prompt.” Mark Twain Ego Depletion (Illustrations by Ted Slampyak) If you enjoy this article, please LIKE, SHARE, and follow us on…

[hello-thefatlosshabit-blr]

Ego Depletion (Illustrations by Ted Slampyak)

If you enjoy this article, please LIKE, SHARE, and follow us on Facebook.

USE THE POWER OF LANGUAGE TO REINFORCE YOUR IDENTITY

“A powerful agent is the right word. Whenever we come upon one of those intensely right words … the resulting effect is physical as well as spiritual, and electrically prompt.” Mark Twain

Have you ever told someone you can’t have a piece of cake because you were on a diet or that you can’t go to lunch because you need to go to the gym? If you have, you are probably feeling pretty good about yourself right now. What if I told you that the language used in these two examples is weak? Confused? Don’t be. I will explain how the right words will improve your willpower, bolster your self-esteem, and make overcoming temptations easier.

During my research, I made an extraordinary discovery. I discovered a simple two-word phrase that can be used as a mantra to bolster our discipline, willpower, and self-esteem. You might be guessing the phrase is ‘I AM.’ While you’ll undoubtedly hear a lot of motivational speakers extol the power of ‘I AM’, they aren’t the words I am referring to. I didn’t find any studies that substantiated their effectiveness. That is because self-affirmations that aren’t backed up by concrete actions are the beginning of self-dilution. An affirmation not backed-up by action will erode your self-esteem. People that advance the power of I Am subscribe to the power of attraction.

Critics of the power of attraction are correct when they say you cannot just wish things into your life. The power of attraction is often misunderstood by its proponents and its detractors. Its power lies in an area of our brain called the reticular activating system (RAS). Our RAS determines what we notice and what we ignore in our environment. If we didn’t ignore most of what we see, hear, and feel we would experience sensory overload.

When we set a goal, and we have strong emotional intent, we trigger the RAS. Our brain becomes incredibly acute at noticing anything in our surroundings that could help us move forward. When we stay connected to our vision, we keep ourselves on course. We don’t get caught up in the momentum of other people’s demands on us. Every day we look for ways to take another step, no matter how small, towards our goal.

Like any law, it is both positive and negative. When we focus on what we want our RAS will seek out data and resources to support it. When we focus on what we don’t want, unfortunately, our RAS will filter our view of the world and look for information and situations that support our view. “Here’s the problem. Most people are thinking about what they don’t want, and they’re wondering why it shows up over and over again.” John Assaraf

“Change the way you see things and the things you see will change.” Wayne Dyer

When we repeat a positive affirmation like, “I am strong” we are more likely to notice any proof to support this belief. The more proof we find, the stronger our belief will become. If your RAS cannot find any evidence to support your affirmation, you’ll begin to erode your self-esteem. Real self-esteem can only be gained through action. The most fulfilling rewards of success is the self-esteem you build and the person its accomplishment forces you to become, not the achievement itself. A hard-fought victory is always the most satisfying.

So, if ‘I AM’ isn’t a useful phrase for creating an empowering identity and bolstering our willpower what is? The phrase that has the power to change your life is ‘I DON’T.’ Surprised? Probably no more astonished than I was, but the science is solid. While both I AM and I DON’T are linked to our identity, only I DON’T is linked to a decision that supports that identity. When you say I AM disciplined, you aren’t providing any proof to substantiate that you are disciplined. When you say I DON’T skip workouts, you are linking it to a decision and you are providing evidence to support your assertion.

“I don’t miss a workout” is a lot more powerful than “I can’t miss a workout.” That explanation is weak. It connotes an external impediment. The phrase, “I can’t miss a workout” implies you really want to skip your workout, but someone is making you. Even if that someone is you, the phrase lacks commitment. It says to anyone that hears it that you are being forced against your will. It makes us feel like we are losing our autonomy. Even if we are the ones imposing the constraint, it makes us feel like we are less in control. It makes our Elephant feel like it is being bullied by our Rider. This will cause the Elephant to rebel when it has had enough. The Rider will be powerless to stop the two-tone Elephant when this happens. (Learn more about the Elephant and Rider Analogy)

When you say, “I don’t miss workouts,” you are saying that you are the type of person that works out consistently because that is who you are. When a salesman says, they can’t give you a discount you might ask for their manager because the salesman is saying the decision is out of his hands. He would like to provide you with a discount, but his manager or company policy is preventing him.

Contrast that language to the Rolex salesman that says, “We don’t discount our watches.” You aren’t tempted to speak to his manager, because apparently, Rolex doesn’t offer discounts. This unambiguous phrase ends the discussion. When we tell ourselves, we can’t eat that cookie in the breakroom we are inviting an internal debate that will deplete our willpower and erode our self-esteem. When we tell ourselves, we don’t eat cookies or any of the other highly processed garbage in the breakroom, we end the discussion; conserving our willpower, and build-up our self-esteem in the process.

A reformed smoker will say, “I don’t smoke. I am not a smoker.” They have shifted their identity away from being a smoker and, that is why they will never smoke again. Identity is this unseen force that shapes our decisions. We don’t like to do anything that goes against our identity. Our mind seeks harmony between our attitude and behavior. When there is disharmony, we will attempt to either change our behavior, or our opinion about that behavior.

How useful is this phrase for changing our behavior? I did say I was going to provide you some evidence. Researchers Vanessa Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt conducted two studies comparing the efficacy of the I Can’t Condition to the I Don’t Condition. In the first study participants that were told to say ‘I Can’t’ to a temptation gave in 61% of the time while participants that said ‘I Don’t’ only gave in 36% of the time.[i] I have personally used this technique to make saying no to breakfast burritos, Chick-fil-A breakfast bowls, cookies and cakes in the breakroom infinitely easier. It is amazing how much easier it has become to stay on track and avoid unplanned eating. Often it is these minor indulgences that sabotage our efforts. When it comes to weight loss, it is a battle of inches, literally, with the smallest indulgencies keeping you from achieving your fat loss goals. Give this technique a try, and I think you’ll find it makes overcoming temptation infinitely easier.

You can also use this technique to keep your workouts on track. In a second study, three groups were struggling to exercise regularly. The first group was told to say, “I can’t miss my workout.” The second group was told to say, “I don’t miss my workout.” The third group, the control group, wasn’t given a temptation avoidance phrase. After ten days, the researchers found the ‘I can’t’ group exercised once, the “I don’t” group exercised eight times, and the control group exercised three times.

Not only was the “I can’t miss a workout” temptation avoidance strategy less effective than the “I don’t miss a workout, but it was less effective than not having any temptation-avoidance phrase. When we say, “I can’t miss a workout” it causes us to rebel, to reassert our autonomy. Everyone desires to have control over their lives. When we say to ourselves, ‘I can’t’ it implies that we are going against our own desires because of an external impediment. Even when it is our conscious decision to do something, our subconscious mind feels like it is being bullied. Trying to force the Elephant to do anything it doesn’t want to do through sheer force of willpower is a losing strategy. The smaller rider cannot force the two-ton Elephant to do anything for long. He will quickly become exhausted, and the Elephant will do what he has been conditioned to do.

The reason the phrase “I don’t miss a workout” produces such dramatic results is that it speaks to our identity. Every time we say it, and then follow it up with action that supports it, we are reinforcing the identity of a fit person that exercises consistently. We aren’t just making an empty affirmation, we are backing it up with tangible action. Every action provides additional proof to substantiate that we are a fit person.

The researchers put it this way, “The refusal frame ‘I don’t’ is more persuasive than the refusal frame ‘I can’t’ because the former connotes conviction to a higher degree. . . . Perceived conviction mediates the influence of refusal frame on persuasiveness.” [ii] ‘I can’t’ lacks the clarity and conviction of ‘I don’t.’ ‘I don’t’ is a bright line. Bright lines provide an unambiguous rule or guideline. If you say, “I don’t drink alcohol during the week” there is no ambiguity. The rule is perfectly clear. When we say something vague like “I’m going to eat better” or “I am going to exercise more” it doesn’t provide any guidance to the Rider, so when the Elephant disagrees, he will follow his urges. The Rider always needs to be able to provide immediate and unambiguous direction to the Elephant if he hopes to stay on track. He cannot rely on sheer willpower to override the Elephants desires.

Willpower is an ineffective long-term strategy because it is capricious in nature, often leaving us naked to temptation when we need it most. A bright line rule is a clearly defined rule, a standard which leaves no room for varying interpretation. Bright lines provide clear guidance to the Elephant and prevent the Rider from analyzing what to do. The Rider is prone to analysis paralysis and making excuses. The clarity of bright lines prevents us from falling into these mental traps that deplete our ego, cause decision fatigue, and lead to the erosion of our willpower. Like a habit, bright lines conserve willpower because we don’t debate what to do each time we are faced with a choice. We decide once and repeat the choice each time a decision must be made.

Adopt ‘I Don’t’ as your willpower mantra, and you’ll be amazed by your results. The right words are powerful. They are electric. They can give us the smallest edge we need to tip the scales in our favor. Develop your own ‘I don’t’ mantras to overcome temptations and assert a more powerful identity, one that reflects your true character.

[i] Vanessa M. Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt, “‘I Don’t’ versus ‘I Can’t’: When Empowered Refusal Motivates Goal-Directed Behavior,” Journal of Consumer Research, 39, no. 2 (August 2012): 371–81, www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/663212?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents

[ii] Vanessa M. Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt, “‘I Don’t’ versus ‘I Can’t’: When Empowered Refusal Motivates Goal-Directed Behavior,” Journal of Consumer Research, 39, no. 2 (August 2012): 371–81, www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/663212?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents

  [i] Vanessa M. Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt, “‘I Don’t’ versus ‘I Can’t’: When Empowered Refusal Motivates Goal-Directed Behavior,” Journal of Consumer Research, 39, no. 2 (August 2012): 371–81, www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/663212?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents

[ii] Vanessa M. Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt, “‘I Don’t’ versus ‘I Can’t’: When Empowered Refusal Motivates Goal-Directed Behavior,” Journal of Consumer Research, 39, no. 2 (August 2012): 371–81, www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/663212?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents

  Learn a simple mantra that is scientifically proven to improve your willpower. “A powerful agent is the right word. Whenever we come upon one of those intensely right words … the resulting effect is physical as well as spiritual, and electrically prompt.” Mark Twain Ego Depletion (Illustrations by Ted Slampyak) If you enjoy this article, please LIKE, SHARE, and follow us on…

[hello-thefatlosshabit-blr]

Ego Depletion (Illustrations by Ted Slampyak)

If you enjoy this article, please LIKE, SHARE, and follow us on Facebook.

USE THE POWER OF LANGUAGE TO REINFORCE YOUR IDENTITY

“A powerful agent is the right word. Whenever we come upon one of those intensely right words … the resulting effect is physical as well as spiritual, and electrically prompt.” Mark Twain

Have you ever told someone you can’t have a piece of cake because you were on a diet or that you can’t go to lunch because you need to go to the gym? If you have, you are probably feeling pretty good about yourself right now. What if I told you that the language used in these two examples is weak? Confused? Don’t be. I will explain how the right words will improve your willpower, bolster your self-esteem, and make overcoming temptations easier.

During my research, I made an extraordinary discovery. I discovered a simple two-word phrase that can be used as a mantra to bolster our discipline, willpower, and self-esteem. You might be guessing the phrase is ‘I AM.’ While you’ll undoubtedly hear a lot of motivational speakers extol the power of ‘I AM’, they aren’t the words I am referring to. I didn’t find any studies that substantiated their effectiveness. That is because self-affirmations that aren’t backed up by concrete actions are the beginning of self-dilution. An affirmation not backed-up by action will erode your self-esteem. People that advance the power of I Am subscribe to the power of attraction.

Critics of the power of attraction are correct when they say you cannot just wish things into your life. The power of attraction is often misunderstood by its proponents and its detractors. Its power lies in an area of our brain called the reticular activating system (RAS). Our RAS determines what we notice and what we ignore in our environment. If we didn’t ignore most of what we see, hear, and feel we would experience sensory overload.

When we set a goal, and we have strong emotional intent, we trigger the RAS. Our brain becomes incredibly acute at noticing anything in our surroundings that could help us move forward. When we stay connected to our vision, we keep ourselves on course. We don’t get caught up in the momentum of other people’s demands on us. Every day we look for ways to take another step, no matter how small, towards our goal.

Like any law, it is both positive and negative. When we focus on what we want our RAS will seek out data and resources to support it. When we focus on what we don’t want, unfortunately, our RAS will filter our view of the world and look for information and situations that support our view. “Here’s the problem. Most people are thinking about what they don’t want, and they’re wondering why it shows up over and over again.” John Assaraf

“Change the way you see things and the things you see will change.” Wayne Dyer

When we repeat a positive affirmation like, “I am strong” we are more likely to notice any proof to support this belief. The more proof we find, the stronger our belief will become. If your RAS cannot find any evidence to support your affirmation, you’ll begin to erode your self-esteem. Real self-esteem can only be gained through action. The most fulfilling rewards of success is the self-esteem you build and the person its accomplishment forces you to become, not the achievement itself. A hard-fought victory is always the most satisfying.

So, if ‘I AM’ isn’t a useful phrase for creating an empowering identity and bolstering our willpower what is? The phrase that has the power to change your life is ‘I DON’T.’ Surprised? Probably no more astonished than I was, but the science is solid. While both I AM and I DON’T are linked to our identity, only I DON’T is linked to a decision that supports that identity. When you say I AM disciplined, you aren’t providing any proof to substantiate that you are disciplined. When you say I DON’T skip workouts, you are linking it to a decision and you are providing evidence to support your assertion.

“I don’t miss a workout” is a lot more powerful than “I can’t miss a workout.” That explanation is weak. It connotes an external impediment. The phrase, “I can’t miss a workout” implies you really want to skip your workout, but someone is making you. Even if that someone is you, the phrase lacks commitment. It says to anyone that hears it that you are being forced against your will. It makes us feel like we are losing our autonomy. Even if we are the ones imposing the constraint, it makes us feel like we are less in control. It makes our Elephant feel like it is being bullied by our Rider. This will cause the Elephant to rebel when it has had enough. The Rider will be powerless to stop the two-tone Elephant when this happens. (Learn more about the Elephant and Rider Analogy)

When you say, “I don’t miss workouts,” you are saying that you are the type of person that works out consistently because that is who you are. When a salesman says, they can’t give you a discount you might ask for their manager because the salesman is saying the decision is out of his hands. He would like to provide you with a discount, but his manager or company policy is preventing him.

Contrast that language to the Rolex salesman that says, “We don’t discount our watches.” You aren’t tempted to speak to his manager, because apparently, Rolex doesn’t offer discounts. This unambiguous phrase ends the discussion. When we tell ourselves, we can’t eat that cookie in the breakroom we are inviting an internal debate that will deplete our willpower and erode our self-esteem. When we tell ourselves, we don’t eat cookies or any of the other highly processed garbage in the breakroom, we end the discussion; conserving our willpower, and build-up our self-esteem in the process.

A reformed smoker will say, “I don’t smoke. I am not a smoker.” They have shifted their identity away from being a smoker and, that is why they will never smoke again. Identity is this unseen force that shapes our decisions. We don’t like to do anything that goes against our identity. Our mind seeks harmony between our attitude and behavior. When there is disharmony, we will attempt to either change our behavior, or our opinion about that behavior.

How useful is this phrase for changing our behavior? I did say I was going to provide you some evidence. Researchers Vanessa Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt conducted two studies comparing the efficacy of the I Can’t Condition to the I Don’t Condition. In the first study participants that were told to say ‘I Can’t’ to a temptation gave in 61% of the time while participants that said ‘I Don’t’ only gave in 36% of the time.[i] I have personally used this technique to make saying no to breakfast burritos, Chick-fil-A breakfast bowls, cookies and cakes in the breakroom infinitely easier. It is amazing how much easier it has become to stay on track and avoid unplanned eating. Often it is these minor indulgences that sabotage our efforts. When it comes to weight loss, it is a battle of inches, literally, with the smallest indulgencies keeping you from achieving your fat loss goals. Give this technique a try, and I think you’ll find it makes overcoming temptation infinitely easier.

You can also use this technique to keep your workouts on track. In a second study, three groups were struggling to exercise regularly. The first group was told to say, “I can’t miss my workout.” The second group was told to say, “I don’t miss my workout.” The third group, the control group, wasn’t given a temptation avoidance phrase. After ten days, the researchers found the ‘I can’t’ group exercised once, the “I don’t” group exercised eight times, and the control group exercised three times.

Not only was the “I can’t miss a workout” temptation avoidance strategy less effective than the “I don’t miss a workout, but it was less effective than not having any temptation-avoidance phrase. When we say, “I can’t miss a workout” it causes us to rebel, to reassert our autonomy. Everyone desires to have control over their lives. When we say to ourselves, ‘I can’t’ it implies that we are going against our own desires because of an external impediment. Even when it is our conscious decision to do something, our subconscious mind feels like it is being bullied. Trying to force the Elephant to do anything it doesn’t want to do through sheer force of willpower is a losing strategy. The smaller rider cannot force the two-ton Elephant to do anything for long. He will quickly become exhausted, and the Elephant will do what he has been conditioned to do.

The reason the phrase “I don’t miss a workout” produces such dramatic results is that it speaks to our identity. Every time we say it, and then follow it up with action that supports it, we are reinforcing the identity of a fit person that exercises consistently. We aren’t just making an empty affirmation, we are backing it up with tangible action. Every action provides additional proof to substantiate that we are a fit person.

The researchers put it this way, “The refusal frame ‘I don’t’ is more persuasive than the refusal frame ‘I can’t’ because the former connotes conviction to a higher degree. . . . Perceived conviction mediates the influence of refusal frame on persuasiveness.” [ii] ‘I can’t’ lacks the clarity and conviction of ‘I don’t.’ ‘I don’t’ is a bright line. Bright lines provide an unambiguous rule or guideline. If you say, “I don’t drink alcohol during the week” there is no ambiguity. The rule is perfectly clear. When we say something vague like “I’m going to eat better” or “I am going to exercise more” it doesn’t provide any guidance to the Rider, so when the Elephant disagrees, he will follow his urges. The Rider always needs to be able to provide immediate and unambiguous direction to the Elephant if he hopes to stay on track. He cannot rely on sheer willpower to override the Elephants desires.

Willpower is an ineffective long-term strategy because it is capricious in nature, often leaving us naked to temptation when we need it most. A bright line rule is a clearly defined rule, a standard which leaves no room for varying interpretation. Bright lines provide clear guidance to the Elephant and prevent the Rider from analyzing what to do. The Rider is prone to analysis paralysis and making excuses. The clarity of bright lines prevents us from falling into these mental traps that deplete our ego, cause decision fatigue, and lead to the erosion of our willpower. Like a habit, bright lines conserve willpower because we don’t debate what to do each time we are faced with a choice. We decide once and repeat the choice each time a decision must be made.

Adopt ‘I Don’t’ as your willpower mantra, and you’ll be amazed by your results. The right words are powerful. They are electric. They can give us the smallest edge we need to tip the scales in our favor. Develop your own ‘I don’t’ mantras to overcome temptations and assert a more powerful identity, one that reflects your true character.

[i] Vanessa M. Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt, “‘I Don’t’ versus ‘I Can’t’: When Empowered Refusal Motivates Goal-Directed Behavior,” Journal of Consumer Research, 39, no. 2 (August 2012): 371–81, www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/663212?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents

[ii] Vanessa M. Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt, “‘I Don’t’ versus ‘I Can’t’: When Empowered Refusal Motivates Goal-Directed Behavior,” Journal of Consumer Research, 39, no. 2 (August 2012): 371–81, www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/663212?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents

  [i] Vanessa M. Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt, “‘I Don’t’ versus ‘I Can’t’: When Empowered Refusal Motivates Goal-Directed Behavior,” Journal of Consumer Research, 39, no. 2 (August 2012): 371–81, www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/663212?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents

[ii] Vanessa M. Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt, “‘I Don’t’ versus ‘I Can’t’: When Empowered Refusal Motivates Goal-Directed Behavior,” Journal of Consumer Research, 39, no. 2 (August 2012): 371–81, www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/663212?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents

  Learn a simple mantra that is scientifically proven to improve your willpower. “A powerful agent is the right word. Whenever we come upon one of those intensely right words … the resulting effect is physical as well as spiritual, and electrically prompt.” Mark Twain Ego Depletion (Illustrations by Ted Slampyak) If you enjoy this article, please LIKE, SHARE, and follow us on…