#why can't I do anything serious???
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The Trial
#invader zim#iz#zim#the almighty tallest#tallest red#tallest purple#invader zim fanart#izmeme#invader zim fandom#why do all my posts become memes#why can't I do anything serious???#anyway this is them fr
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People who infantilize autistic coded characters are the weakest link in society's chain.
How are you gonna look at this mf
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And then tell me he's too uwu to do anything. Open your eyes, expand your brain; he thinks of the MCnasty too. Let him say fuck !!!!
#and even if he doesn't think of the mcnasty because thats also valid he is still a fucking ADULT jesus fucking christ#his trains arent the only thing he can get railed WHO SAID THAT#HE CAN CHOO CHOO IN MANY WAYS#i kinda hate that even after aaaalll this years the same stereotype prevails so bad like even when people do write him in serious things#he still gets infantilized like 'uwu he doesn't know anything too pure too saint' bitch look at me in my gay eyes and tell me he#didn't look at mello's leather covered ass when he went to pick up his photo that's why he didn't turn y'all can't see my vision#anyway rant over because i could do a ted talk about this shit but i won't because i get easily angry at how bad people see my fav character#my damn point is that if u infantilize near then i suggest u to read the manga again my man has fucking HOBBIES but aint a child#peace out🙂↔️✌🏻
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Hi guys, this is usually what a doodle page ends up looking like <3 (oh, and @ancha-aus thought you might like this! Not writing but certainly fuel to my fire lol-)
This one is New Age filled!!! (Close-ups abd Lore beneath the cut!)
1) Night and Cross!
Night is actually very clingy once he's a teen. He doesn't usually realize it, but around the castle he'll snake to be closer to his Knights so long as there's no one he needs to keep his composure infront of is nearby. Cross is the one who's not used to physical touch (when it's not Ink ofc) so Night in his personal bubble makes his heart melt but also scares tf out of him <3
2) Error and Night's Meeting!
Error was carrying his whole life on his back and trying not to get arrested for unintentional property damage at this point, so when he saw the chance to get back at his brother and prove he was strong enough? Yeah, he got that on chance instantly. And was VERY smug when Nightmare chose him. (Also, Error is wearing gloves, so less Haphephobia)
3) Dream and Blue designs!
I think these are good tentative designs! Dream probably has a more regal fit, but he likes to play up that rugged exile look- He's inspired by Archers, while Blue takes on that classic Knightly-vibe. Their equipment is mostly stolen from Night's troops or brought with them from Blue's home kingdom.
Also, Dream is approx Killer's height at this point, shorter than Cross and *much* shorter than Apple!Nightmare. (Hc that Skeletons tend to be tinier in stature thanks to weird monster beauty standards. Horror and Geno's fam are outliers.)
4) Horror and Dust designs!
Horror is naturally a very *large* monster. He's very malnourished when Nightmare meets him, but by the time he's a Knight Nightmare has made sure that's no longer the case. He actually loves comfy, simple clothes, but to play up the whole 'strong mysterious' bit he wears a more barbaric Knight's garb. He doesn't mind acting scary, it's more fun that way :]. Dust is very very small, and envies horror sometimes for his size, but his tiny stature let's him control his body and move a lot quicker. He's very much based on a rogue, and usually covers the lower part of his face w/ a black cloth, and the upper part w/ his hood or mask. Dust only removes both to bathe, eat, or relax in a safe location. (Ignore that I can't draw the stupid gaster blaster lmao-)
These last two were space-fillers, but Cross and his Borzoi (Windmill, otherwise known as Milly (Killer named her-)) and really bad first wips of Ccino! I think Ccino was a chubby, happy toddler, but lost a lot of 'weight' (bone mass? Magic?) due to stress and pressure and bad eating habits. So it isn't until a while after the Coronation that he starts to relax abd feel safe enough to eat normal meals (Nightmare used to guilt him into eating snacks together, but as his boss (and younger brother) he can encourage it more often). By the time Killer shows he's still not quite healthy, but he's better. As more weight is lifted off his shoulders, the better he is. (That 'beauty' most people saw was a more stereotypical slimness, but Killer never stopped seeing Ccino as beautiful-) I think he never looked traditionally underweight, so no one noticed, and it was only much later that Night processed it. (And maybe it's why Dream hardly recognized him later on-)
#new age au#I love showing mundane life things-#and also these designs beamed into my brain#I can't draw Ccino for anything but the others? yeag#Blue is definitely my fave. and just like every au I will draw Blue perfect the first time and draw Dust 6 billion times 😔#Horror is kinda banger too tho#makes me laugh to imagine Horror picking up Dust mid-fight out of convenience and Dust weighs nothing to him#(also this size difference is exactly why Dust and Horror fight in the non-magic training. and why Horror accidentally obliterated his#shoulder later on lmao- Dust needs to be able to dodge any enemy. Horror needs to aim for small and quick targets.)#(Meanwhile Cross is the newest and Killer the oldest and if Cross adapts to Killer then he'll adapt to the others more easily.)#oh! and Ccino w/ his arc? I think I really like the idea of a Ccino with a plump body-type. but that conflicts with my vidion of Ccino kinda#losing track of eating and being co-erced by adults to skip meals just enough to make him the 'right amount' of curvy#so when Nightmare takes over it's a habit he's so used to he hardly notices that he's doing it. but. Night picks up on it because Ccino is#almost akways with him. their relationship is very much Ccino giving his life to help Night#but it's also Night recognizing that and giving it back to Ccino along with more the moment he can#just smth smth this au is full of fit and exercized people and I think Ccino deserves some comfort and healing and positivity <3#also I am SO fond of Nightmare getting up in people's bubbles. he does it most to Killer and Ccino for obvious reasons but#god forbid a noble be talking behind his back because he *will* twist around and shove under his knight's arms or sides just to#read them the riot act or stare them down <3#and I think when he was an adult Night was... kinda like the big brother? like. not an experienced one by any means. but he wasn't *not*#affectionate then either. he was better at being serious about it and more discreet. but like#Nervous Cross escorting him in public? Night nudges his shoulder briefly with a Tendril to try and comfort him. Dust having a magic overload#? personal Training against just Night so there was no risk of harming anyone else. then snacks and tea after.#Horror is homesick? Woah look at that a scheduled trip back to visit with Crop and side-track back to Horror's village? huh?? wild...#Killer upset at all? Night will find a solution. just you wait. a cat. two cats. perhaps even a cat in a little sweater? or y'know. just a#chat or a combat?#Nightmare showed his affections but was just more distant about it.#Oh also. all four were used to tendrils lifting/tugging them subconsciously. usually during trainings to avoid them hurting eachother by#mistake in their early days. Killer misses it sometimes
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"But Odysseus' jetpack" The serious part of Epic the Musical and the one that is up for debate and criticism is the songs. Not the animations. I didn't think that needed explaining.
#epic the musical#I'm actually not sure I need to say something but that's never stopped me before#yes the creator collaborates with the animators but that doesn't mean anything to me aside from the fact that they respect his wishes#and if he wants every saga to have a boss battle video game style then I don't have to treat that seriously nor should I#if one day it is turned to an actual musical or has a serious animatics production then yes those would be up for critic#but I do wonder why people are so hellbent on not having fun nowadays#signed: a greek#because if one of y'all comes to me with how he should respect the odyssey then that could turn into a thesis#and I cannot stress enough how much I don't have the time for this at this moment lol#so yes be aware that I'd be one of the first to have an issue if there was an issue to be had#also reminder that the odyssey's genre (aside from epic) is and always will be fantasy because there are gods in the story#you can't be okay with odysseus actually holding a bag of winds and then draw the line at using them to fight poseidon the way he sees fit
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Go play pretend on your own (Patreon)
#Doodles#Helix#Dexter Favin#Coraline#The Beldam#The other side of this coin <3 Call him out but this time make it unfriendly hehe#I talked last time about the daring rescue!! I do love the daring rescue in Coraline AUs ah same thing with the Camp Camp Coraline AU haha#Burst in through the door! Those poor hinges!#It is a bit funny imagining him crawling through the tunnel in a hurry and kicking the doors open all winded haha <3#It's all very serious of course Max needs help! Stuck behind the mirror from disobeying perhaps?#I was pretty hard on him last time that he'd just Immediately give up his soul for cheap tricks but like - would he?#Yes he's reckless and foolish but he's also stubborn and prideful and hates being told what to do so there's that lol#Which does he want more! The high or his freedom to refuse? I could see it going either way#And for Dex's sake I would hope he'd refuse! As if he hasn't suffered enough eye trauma (eventually)#Ough the thought of him starting to say yes and getting one button eye in and then rescinding his yes ouch#Doomed to have one eye no matter where he goes ah 💔#Anyway - Dex!!! Watch I'll make another one with the ideas mentioned here and then talk about more ideas in those tags pft#Since agreeing with him didn't work how about shaming? ''Go away you're no better''#She really is going hard on him like ''What's your angle? You get him back and then what? Will that actually fix anything?''#Very much pulling from Dexter's meetings with Max at the Institute there hhhhhh as if I needed more feelings about it#Eco_Mono did such a beautiful job playing Dex - so much to consider hehe - but there was one question that I can't stop thinking about#''Why would you want him back?'' and Dexter didn't really have much of an answer - he was barely more than a concept at the time!#Having had the opportunity to see his character grow into himself has given me Such brainworms about that question ♥♪♫#Very want to explore it <3#In the meanwhile it's fun to pit these two against each other haha what an odd matchup ♪#I've only barely drawn the Beldam before now that I think of it! And I think only in her final metal-spidery form never in her mid form here#She's fun :D And so tall! Dexter finally feeling small for a change haha#Her having to fight adult selfishness would be quite interesting I think - something tinged with but not quite the same as loyalty#She can relate to the possessiveness at least hehe I'm sure he'd appreciate the comparison
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Would that there was a faithful, accurate adaptation of Dracula so that Jonathan Decker and Alan Seawright could discuss the nontoxic masculinity, healthy friendships, and the BEST MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP IN FICTIONAL HISTORY but nooo!
#every time they're like 'tell us your favorite movie couples in the comments' I'm just like I wish I could Jono I wish I could#*all* of the men openly cry in this novel#and despite the filter through Seward’s narration it is not actually looked down on#Seward makes comments about manhood and what not but clearly does not think any less of Arthur or Van Helsing or Harker for showing emotion#i know everyone on here is all about the poly thing#and idk how serious that is or if its just for fun or whatever#and it's tumblr so to each their own#but personally the platonic love in this book is so beautiful and refreshing!#healthy loving friendships are so rare in media and it's an important part of nontoxic masculinity too tbh#the fact that the suitor squad all love and support each other and do anything to help Lucy without ever getting jealous or entitled#and don't get me started on how wonderful and amazing Jonathan and Mina are bc I will never stop!#i love this book so much#it's 127 years old why is it better at this stuff than most modern media?#and why can't any of the adaptations get it right?#like it's one thing to be disappointing and inaccurate but it objectively dismantles the themes!#dracula#writing#cinema therapy#jonamina#suitor squad#mina harker#jonathan harker
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can i delete this game now
#are you f*cking serious#you can't be#f*ck that's kinda dumb#are you sure you know all the consequence of that bungie#are you f*cking certain bungie#you sure not are you#i have a stupid amount of his idea in my old idea pool to draw#and i just came up a comic composition about him this morning#and this#you goddamn motherf*cker#oh yeah im throwing them all out#why the hell not after you do that#f*ck this#ugh#(sigh)#it's not like bungie did a bad job you know#just#why do you do this to me#im starting to regret getting into this franchise#after you just casually f*cking kill my favorite character at the peak you know#you know what#yeah#it's been a good time#i got like 940+ hours on this game#and probably 40+ hours these days alone#i have some drafts thats kinda hilarious but now its not#it's not about him i just can't even try to extrapolate anything funny out of this franchise now#if i do finish that i will still get them out but#maybe its apex time#destiny 2
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i've called sincaraz/fedal boring & mainstream and i would like to formally apologize for that because im realizing how badly i want a boring & mainstream ship in the wta so i can write 1-2k words of nonsensical fluff bullshit without going into an existential crisis. igaryna is too charged rybalenka feels too casual to me qinwemma cant be anything except enemies to lovers and that's inherently a bit existential jessmaria is borderline too niche naomiga will always be triggering as a former repressed lesbian & with everyone else either i dont know enough about them they don't have enough of a foundation for me to be able to write fluff or they came before my time
#this is a joke (mostly)#i am being real in the sense that i realized one of the nice things about ships like those is that you can do a lot with them#you can do the deep & emotional & existential but you can also do the fun bullshit fluff and there's an audience for both#i mostly think i just have a problem where i cant write a ship or a fic unless i feel like i fully understand them#does that make sense?#if i feel like i can't get their characterization right or the dynamic#then i dont want to write it#which means if the dynamic is like...more serious or existentially inclined#then i can't write them in casual settings#but the more 'mainstream' a ship is the further removed i think it gets from the original dynamic#so its easier to play around with different scenarios & stories#with rarepairs i feel like i have to justify why im writing about them#so i *have* to write about the actual dynamic#i mean i dont *have* to do anything obviously...but i just mean when it comes to my own ability to write#but unfortunately i feel like most of the popular wta ships are still in their early phases & are not super widespread#so they're all kinda rarepair-esque#anyways. sorry if this doesnt make sense its been a weird week#as per usual
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I'm starting Mission to Zyxx Season 5 now, and I have feelings about that.
First, it generally scares me when people hype anything up at all because there is no guarantee that anyone values the exact same thing I do to the same degree. Even if I trust the creators of a thing to value something and try to do right by it, that doesn't always necessarily mean it will be successful, especially if that involves doing something wildly different than what made it good in the first place (I have been burned this way before). I guess I'm just hoping they continue the format of goofy improv shenanigans for the majority of it with something more planned and emotional in the finale if they want, like they've been doing all along. I'd think they would, and I've heard nothing bad about the ending, but I guess it still makes me nervous because I'm so close to the end and I want it so badly to stick the landing. I'm setting my expectations on the floor so I can be surprised instead of disappointed, but honestly, I don't need it to be better, I just need it to be on par with the rest.
Second, and more briefly, I'm happy it's (hopefully) ending before it has a chance to decline. I am so on board with that philosophy. But on the other hand, finishing a thing that I really, really like and knowing there's not another one out there gives me a special kind of heartache. Like, I know there will be other good media, and stuff that's good and unique in other ways, but I know for a fact that there are no other podcasts out there that have the same mix of a balance of off-the-wall improv and structured narrative, quality comedy, fantastical sci-fi setting and loveable characters, and high quality production. There are other things out there with many of those qualities, but nothing that checks every one of those boxes. It's a lightning-in-a-bottle thing that very much feels like the right people had to be in the right place at the right time to do it. Attempts to do it again would feel hollow because it had to be born out of necessity and passion and the talents of the people involved, so if you switch out the people it loses the reasons it's great, and if the same people tried to do it again it'd feel tired. That makes me so, so grateful it exists, but also so, so sad that it doesn't, and I'm 80% of the way done. When it's over, it's over.
Anyway. Now that that's all out there, I'm just gonna finish listening and have fun. Wish me luck.
#pickle pontificates#mission to zyxx#if you freaking flip on episode 1 after reading this and are like. wow. they're talking a lot about butts and ejecting people into space.#what is pickle on about#well. sue me i guess. idk#I have a lot of feelings about this as a general topic so this is moreso just the most recent thing that's touched on it for me#okay so time for essay 2 in the tags#1. I don't really talk about TAZ on here but it's something I carry with me whenever I think about this kind of thing#I think that in the same vein as MTZ it started off very goofy and directionless and then gave me more emotions than I thought it would#and it's not perfect but balance was a cultural landmark in a lot of ways#i enjoyed amnesty but it didn't have the same spark. what drew me to balance was all the goofy improvisation#and the fact that it was never serious until it was#amnesty (although i loved the setting/concept and enjoyed the characters) crossed the line into taking things more seriously#and while that's not a bad thing in and of itself the thing i enjoy about the mcelroys is when they're goofing around#that's what they're good at and it's why i like them#subsequent arcs suffered the same thing to varying degrees#i slogged through most of graduation for some reason and although ethersea was better i didn't finish it#taz dracula was the first time i've felt that same kind of fun while listening since balance#and I really think it was because they were just getting silly with it. sure yeah elizabeth the sports druid. lady godwin turns into a hors#whatever!#their dad gets to follow through on his ideas and do whatever crazy but kinda logical thing he comes up with#but i guess the point is that to me taz feels very lightning in a bottle. balance is what it's capable of being but is not the default#all the other right ingredients had to be in the soup#2. noragami. ohh noragami.#you wormed your way deep into my heart and then flopped out of it like a messy slimy dead fish#and i can't even be upset about it because the creators sounded so tired and unhappy with the way it ended#but there was so much potential. so many themes that DID hit hard throughout the story and could've knocked a man out cold#had they come back at the end#and they could have right up until so very close!!! it wasn't unsalvageable#in fact it still isn't. you'd hardly have to revise anything. you'd just have to write a different ending
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again and again i find myself lamenting that audio roleplay isn't taken more seriously by some people. like yeah, they often have a romantic element, and by nature they usually directly involve/address the listener- and i totally get that those things aren't to everyone's taste. no art or entertainment is universally appealing, and that's okay! but.. it still makes me a lil sad that the "cringe" reputation of asmr/audio rp precedes it. there's a whole lot of talent and creativity being poured into these audios by so many people that i feel goes unrecognized and/or disrespected simply due to the medium that the stories are being told through.
#this post brought to you by: me bingeing Sam & Darlin's entire storyline over the past few days and having a Lot of feelings abt it#asmr#audio roleplay#rp audio stuff#redacted audio#anyways i don't have a conclusion to this post. and i'm not Mad or Upset or anything i'm just thinkin' out loud#and i mean it's not like it doesn't get plenty of praise within its respective audience bc it does. at least for the more popular creators#but i feel it'll still always have the shadow of its cringe reputation looming over it#which makes it hard for some ppl to openly appreciate or share with others that aren't already fans of the medium#like do u know how many comments i've seen along the lines of 'this is great but i'd die if anyone knew i liked this kinda stuff' ?? :(#idk maybe i feel strongly about it bc i'm a self-insert fanfic writer. and i feel like the two have a lot in common. including a bad rep.#like. not every audio will be well-written or produced and neither will every fanfic. but that doesn't mean it's a less legitimate artform#and i'm lucky to have never (yet) received negative comments on my work. but that doesn't mean that it doesn't make me sigh when people-#-say shit like 'this reads like fanfiction' as a way of calling something bad. or other similar sentiments that make the same implication#and i wouldn't be surprised if audio creators feel the same way when they encounter certain comments or statements#like. those YT videos where ppl will 'try bf asmr for the first time' or whatever and it's just 20 mins of cringing and over-reacting? eugh#tbf i haven't watched many bc why do that to myself. so Maybe there's some that are respectful but still. imagine getting roasted like that#and yes yes i know that by posting stuff online you're inadvertently sighing up to be criticized by Anyone but still. man. i dunno#i'm going on a tangent but my point is. i'm grateful for the creators that still make their art in spite of the public's perception of it#bc some of the most impactful emotional experiences i've ever gained from fiction took place in audio rp and i'm so serious abt that.#anyways. this post almost feels like i'm 'making up a person to be mad at' but i promise it's not that serious i'm just yapping. mostly.#certainly not trying to start any kind of debate or anything either i just have a lot of fixation-induced energy and nowhere to put it#this is Eric's fault (/lh) for cooking Sam up in a lab catered exactly to my taste and making Darlin' waaaaay too painfully relatable#but it's also My fault for bingeing the Inversion /and/ the Quinn arc /and/ the Summit all within a couple days. but i can't help myself#feels like i've run an emotional marathon. triathlon. The Emotional Olympics if u will. i'm feeling Everything#who knew that beating the shit out of ur fictional abuser could feel so goddamn cathartic! it's a nice replacement when u can't do it irl#anyways i'm off on a tangent again. thanks for coming to my TED Talk i'm gonna crawl back in my hole now#actually i'm gonna go relisten to a few audios. as Research for my Sam & Darlin' playlist as well as a post i'll be making about it soon#u Know i've got it bad when i not only make a playlist but start Posting on here about the songs that remind me of them. i'm cooked guys.
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At least I'm not so preoccupied with being terrified about death. But maybe that is just a new problem
#tide of consciousness#I used to have nearly daily panic attacks about how when you die there just isn't anything like you just stop thinking#It's the most terrifying thing in the world to me. It still is I'm just really good at not having daily panic attacks about it#Good training now I can just choose to not think about bad things ever again which is only a good thing#It's funny because when I do think about it the terror still grips me to horrific levels but you see#I just dont think about it.. ever. my tried and true solution for all the things#That's why I'm making this post bc I remembered that that was even a thing that happened and went#Oh wow I went a really impressive amount of time not thinking about that#And now I'm typing all this and remembering that that... is also not very great#Really skirting the edges of serious mental issues but not enough that anyone cares but enough that it's still a huge problem#That's diminishing . Whatever. I've made barely any progress on believing that#I give up on typing that sentence I literally can't . Whatever#Okay post over
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University ever pushes you so low you have to go buy a couple of beers? /srs/neg
I'm gonna vent in the tags for a moment humor me for once /gen
#No but I'm serious this place is a nightmare /neg#Venting in the tags#humor me for a second. you go to this uni and they promise you a place that will teach you how to become an artist#on both like. morality and skill level. they feed you with bullshit for MONTHS. “oh mistakes are fine! they make you grow!”#or “oh this is a community we work all together there are no discriminations this is a safe place to learn and improve”#and we like. work on this projects - THAT WE ARE NOT PAID TO WORK FOR SO *WE* GET TO PAY FOR ALL THE MATERIALS AND SHIT FOR THEM.#to like “help the community” or whatevrr because “artists are born to inspire others and bring joy” and blah blah blah. BUT. LIKE. THE THING#THE THING IS. NONE OF THESE PROJECTS WILL END UP ON OUR CURRICULUMS. WHAT WE WORK 6-7 YEARS FOR ARE NOT SEEN AS REAL EXPERIENCES.#AS IF WE'VE DONE LITERALLY NOTHING FOR 6-7 YEARS. AND LIKE. THE PROFESSORS ARE SO RACIST AND DISCRIMINATORY AS WELL.#If they don't like you they WON'T EVEN GIVE YOU THE EXAM. BECAUSE THERE'S NO WAY TO DEMONSTRATE IF YOU WORKED OR NOT. IT'S UP TO THEM.#THEY DECIDE EVERYTHING FOR EVERYONE AS IF WE ARE SOME SORT OF FUCKING COMMUNIST KINDA BULLSHIT WORKERS.#Someone fucks up? *WE* FUCK UP AND EVERYONE PAYS. Someone succeeds? *WE* SUCCEED AND EVERYONE GETS THE CREDITS.#THIS IS ALSO WHY NONE OF THE WORKS WE DO END UP IN OUT CURRICULUM BECAUSE ITS MADE SO THAT *THE UNIVERSITY COURSE* DID IT AND NOT *US*.#IT'S FUCKING BULLSHIT AND I CAN'T EVEN GET OUT OF THERE BECAUSE IF I DO MY PARENTS WILL KICK ME OUT CUZ THEY DON'T WANT ME TO BE AN ARTIST#So I'm trying to STUDY for the exams and the “professors” are getting mad at me that I'm not staying 10 HOURS IN THAT MOTHERFUCKING ART LAB.#WORKING AT THEIR NONSENSE PROJECTS THAT WILL NOT END UP IN MY CURRICULUM.#“Oh if you're not willing to put all your efforts for the course this is not the place for you” BITCH I *AM* PUTTING ALL MY EFFORTS!#THIS EXAM IS *LITERALLY* PART OF THE COURSE!! WHAT KIND OF FUCKING BULLSHIT ARGUMENT IS THAT!!!!!#Istg I'm gonna cry I want to kms /NOT SERIOUS#I'm gonna cook dinner. chug my lemon beer. and try to study like a normal person and beg this shit will end soon#Don't worry I'm not going to become an alcoholic I just need something. anything and I'm ABSOLUTELY not gonna start smoking I hate it /srs#tw alchohol mention#alcohol mention#tw smoking mention#smoking mention#vent#tw vent#// mike speaks
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Firm believer in Hurley becoming the guardian being his bad ending
#hi I'm thinking about the Lost ending but can't make an actual post because I'm not finished with my rewatch and my sister follows me#tbh the more i think about it the more i genuinely hate the Lost ending#like it desperately wants us to see Jack as a hero for saving the world possibly but i genuinely can't see anything heroic about it because#of how before doing that he basically ruins Hurley's life#like we have all seen what Jacob is/isn't#and I'm gonna be so fr i don't think Hurley has what it takes to escape the cycle#also the biggest thing with Jack and Hurley there is that it's a consistent pattern#before they got back on the island Jack was basically psychologically torturing him to get him to come back#bear in mind Hurley had been institutionalized for 2 years at that point#fully believe this is why Hurley ended up going back#everyone keeps saying he has a choice but i straight up disagree because both Jack and Jacob are fucking w his mind so much#and in the end Hurley once again doesn't get a choice#it's either become the guardian or risk the world ending#and Jack is going in that cave to die whether he does or not#like it's rotten at the core because Jack and Hurley have a fundamental abusive power dynamic that clouds their entire relationship build on#Jack thinking he's superior because he is a doctor and Hurley is insane#i also think it sucks that a show that used to question destiny ends with Hurley having to follow it because that's what Jack wants#maybe his destiny was to be an artist or start his own restaurant or something#but no Sorry buddy Jack wants you to become god#also Fucked up that in New man in charge Hurley ends up taking Walt back to the island after everything Michael did to get him out#personal headcanon but i think at that point he's starting to change#also Kate is not Jack's fucking soulmate are you fucking serious#dude was severely abusive to her and you're telling me that they're meant to fucking be#Lost#Lost tv#Lost abc#Lost 2004#Hurley#Hugo Reyes
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#edel vents#disclaimer: really personal issues in the tags. also wishes of death upon others. this is PROBABLY too much information tbh...#so if you're not up for it scroll down fast!!!! the deluge is coming!!!#today was... eventful. bad. also very bad. grandma's birthday celebration was today#and while she... definitely has Old People Issues (racist) shes also very lonely since the death of my grandfather so i can't really not go#i'm the only one who really visits her regularly to begin with#aside from the... very serious racism issue... she's “alright”. i guess. but that's besides the point. there's family there#and among those... my parents. which i don't like to talk to#discovered they threw more of my old stuff away. typical. wanted to strangle them. as usual.#had to “talk” with my mother (read: spend approximately ten seconds reciting exactly why i *don't* talk to her anymore)#so that whole ordeal completely soured my mood.#went home tired. can't really do anything right now.#at least the food was good i guess. but i also really want to cry... which i can't. which sucks.#...i really like to think i've improved as a person. i used to be really hateful of everything and everyone#worst of all myself. still kinda do but i'm... getting better..?#i like to think i've grown past most of it but every time i see my parents i feel this gripping at my heart. as if i haven't really changed#as if instead i'm still the hateful person i “always was” deep down... bc there's this visceral joy that i feel whenever i'm mad at them.#when i looked at my mother and told her how much i despise her i felt a shiver of happiness. righteousness.#to be clear: i do NOT care for her. at all. she's the worst person on this earth#and the only person whom my philosophy of “nobody deserves to die” does NOT apply to. i'm not scared of hating her.#she genuinely deserves this. but...every time i see my parents - and thus her... i feel as if i'm slipping back into that mindset of hatred#i don't want that. not anymore. it consumed me whole. i was a horrible person back then and i've caused so much grief for so many#i can't let go of this hatred. i can't forgive them. they don't deserve my forgiveness anyway. but i'm tired of hating.#i'm tired of letting that hatred define me. i'm tired of letting that hatred direct me. i'm tired of letting it bring me to ruin.#i'm tired of being who i was. i'm no longer “that”. i'm edel now and i'm happy for people now. if i don't like something i just walk out.#i can just leave. “if it sucks hit the bricks” right?.. but i didn't. i had to say it. i had to tell them. her. and i liked it.#and... i'm scared of that. because it tells me i haven't improved.#i'm not sure what i'm expecting out of posting this i guess. maybe help. maybe i wanna be told that this is normal or something.#maybe i just want to get my thoughts in order. i don't know. i'm gonna stop writing now.#sorry for making you read all this. thanks for doing it anyway. tags were cut off on this one btw so it may look like a mess. but. yeah.
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angry at the oscars barbie nominations but in an annoyinger way (i think nominating ryan reynolds makes sense but the best picture and best supporting actress noms are ridiculous)
#sorry but the more i think about it the more i really dislike the movie#ken was funny! he was silly and campy! i really did not care for the rest of the movie!#i just think the more you examine its take on feminism the more it falls apart!#it's inherently about a product! it's inherently personifying a product and making you feel sympathy for and relate to a product!#they are generating hype and engendering sympathy for something they are trying to sell you!#regurgitating second wave feminism without nuance doesn't make it groundbreaking it makes it like. fine i guess?#verilybitchie has a great video that put a lot of my feelings about it into words#idk it did not resonate with me at all and also made me kind of annoyed with how it contributed to the ongoing trend#of gendering things that aren't gendered and focusing on a segregation of gendered perspectives#tired of i'm just a girl! tired of girl dinner! tired of men are always thinking about the roman empire!#sure there are experiences more common to and relevant to women but i get so uncomfy with those kinds of generalizations#even when they're just jokes because after they get repeated enough they stop sounding like ones#just like. when you try to examine it in terms of any kind of intersectionality it falls apart#and i know it's not that serious but like come on. they literally do not once touch on any kind of intersectionality.#you can't be like 'it's a groundbreaking feminist movie!' because they said 'women struggle with misogyny' in 2023#like i know it's barbie but i don't understand why there's this impulse to say that that's something that's never been said before#just because the president is black doesn't mean you've acknowledged like. racism at all.#just because you have two fat barbies with like four lines doesn't mean you've said anything meaningful about body image#and when you take an openly lesbian actress and give her short hair and make her strange and then have all the other characters#essentially socially exile her and still think she's weird after the resolution!!!#i would say that's like!! implicitly a pretty weird way to write gay people!#i don't want to rain on anyone's parade! it's silly! it's not that serious! i just also think it's not that good!#it's fine! it's fun! but i DO think ken is the best part of the barbie movie and for that i apologize
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i'm not gonan do it i'm not gonna do it i'm not gonna fo it i'm not gonna do it
#chatterye#i'm not gonna get into this series i cannot#i will not do it#i cannot read slice of life shoujo anymore#i cannot do it it'll ruin my life#i will not succumb to it#someone take it out of my life i cannot afford to get into this series#i'm not strong enough for this those kinds of stories kill me#it'll eat me alive#this is about that fragrant flower manga btw#that stupid delinquent who stops dying his hair because of a pretty and smart little girl#NO. i will not give in.#last time i gave in was horimiya and it DID RUIN MY LIFE#i'm incredibly bad with shoujo it stresses me out like . really bad#you think horimiya had anything to stress anyone out? WRONG but i was stressing#found family happy characters character development#it causes me so much stress for whatever reason i need there to be tragedy that isn't like a miscomm#i need someone to die a tragic death that's why i could watch and read like orange or your lie in april#also shoujo second hand embarrassment is on another level i can't do it#this is real and serious for me btw it'll wreck havoc on my life
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