#why am I like this Lmao

[pr3ttysick]

me excitedly running to the bmi calculator after losing one singular pound

[mischiefbuckley]

someone in that writers room is all up on ao3 tags because what do you mean we had alpha eddie, big titties buck, mpreg buck, eddie waits for buck at the hospital, injured buck/caretaker eddie, buck hands eddie lube (not in the bedroom on a call), eddie pays buck back from a bet, eddie sucks on a ring pop while staring at buck all happen in the same episode like so freaking crazy

[arwenkenobi48]

My monsterfucker ass wouldn’t last a solid hour in Orlok’s castle

[sloppysequinz]

New fantasy: Being part of a (completely illegal, unthetical, and unsupervised) medical experiment testing a drug that’s supposed to prevent intoxicants from crossing into a baby from the mother during pregnancy.

So I’m just heavily pregnant all the time and fucked up constantly on whatever the doctors are testing this time. Spending literal years being bred by “doctors” (because what’s the fun of artificial insemination) and not even realizing how much time has passed because I’m too fucking wasted on stronger and stronger substances.

(The babies are all taken for testing as soon as they’re born and they’re all fine, the drug totally works, the doctors just don’t want to stop the test because they have a stable of perfect addicts to keep permanently pregnant)

[drowningbpdbodies]

I hate when I’m upset and end up thinking of a stupid joke in the moment and end up saying it as then people think it’s not as serious

[onboardsorasora]

Obsessed with girl Daniel, definitely need to read max ruining her 😜

Hey Bestie I am SOOOOOO sorry lmao. You sent this ask from Dec 3 and I just sat on it forever. I didn't forget! I... just... took the long way round lol. But we're here!!! I should put this on ao3 lol. 2715wds

Girl!Dan | Girl!Dan Pt 2

The car ride was tense, Daniel leaned into Max’s space, their shoulders touching. Max’s large hand rested proprietarily on her thigh, fingers shifting lightly against the thin fabric covering her soft flesh.

Daniel wondered if Max could feel her heart pounding through her leg. They didn’t talk– there wasn’t much to talk about really. Nothing for their driver to overhear. 

Max leaned over as if to whisper something into Daniel’s ear, her breath stilled as she waited. 

“You really do look lovely tonight.” Max whispered, his breathy words filtering through the wall of her curls and into her ear. “I hope they’re not expecting them back.” Daniel’s tongue darted to wet her still glossy lips and she shuddered an exhale. 

“I’d joked with Kelly that I might stain them…I don’t think this is what we had in mind then.” Daniel was impressed that her mouth worked. 

“I think that will be the least of your worries.” Max pulled back just as the car stopped at the curb of their hotel. Daniel swallowed thickly, the scent of Max’s cologne clogging her throat. 

They managed to get through the lobby and into the elevator without molestation. Inside the lift was a completely different story. 

Max pressed the button for his floor and crowded Daniel against the wall immediately. He pressed his nose into the column of her beautiful neck, doing what he’d always wanted to do– for years now. His tongue dragged a wet path from her clavicle to behind her ear and Daniel shuddered beneath him.

Max’s hand slid down the exposed skin of Daniel's back to squeeze the roundness of her ass. Daniel’s clutch clattered to the floor from her lax grip.

Max grinned against her neck and kissed a cluster of beauty marks before pulling back and giving Daniel some space to breathe. He knelt to pick up her bag– dragging his hand across her hip and thigh. Daniel’s mouth felt like an arid desert. She felt like she’d never had a drink of water in her life. Looking down at Max kneeling before her she idly wondered if there was enough stretch in her pants to throw her legs over Max’s shoulders from now.

“You’re thinking naughty thoughts.” Max teased, standing to his full height with a smirk. Daniel’s eyes widened in shock before they narrowed at him. Of course she was thinking naughty thoughts– what other thoughts are there right now?

“My bad, lemme just consider the apex at Turn 7 real quick.” Daniel quipped, flushing even as Max laughed. The elevator dinged and the door opened to an empty hallway. Max grabbed Daniel’s hand and led the way.

In his room, Daniel felt like she was having an out of body experience. The air felt charged with pressure– they were really going to do this? She was really going to get this, with Max? She bit her lip and watched as he walked further into the room and threw her bag on the couch.

“What’s wrong?” Max asked, pausing midway taking off his jacket. Daniel looked at him and swooned, with his rugged beard, kissable lips and bright blue eyes– filled with concern for her.

She wanted this– so much– and if it would only be for tonight, she was going to have him. Have Max as hers. 

“Nothing.” She murmured with a small smile as the ac kicked on. She reached under the front of her shirt and peeled the pasties off her pebbling nipples. Only the shiver when the cold metal eyelets brushed her sensitive skin. Max watched her curiously, throwing his jacket carelessly to the side to keep her in his sights.

Daniel felt bolstered, felt that sexy feeling again. She was who Max wanted tonight, who he held throughout the rest of the party, whose ear he whispered jokes in. He wanted her and she wanted him– badly. Without another thought, Daniel reached behind her for the clasp of her top at the nape of her neck. With a flick of her fingers, the metal eyelets that held her modesty for the entire night slackened and fell.

Max bit his lip, mouth watering. Daniel’s caramel coloured nipples called to him and he crossed the room without thought.

Daniel was beautiful, Max thought, standing there topless and waiting for him. His hands rested on her hips and his lips descended on hers immediately. The gloss on her lips was sticky but he quickly forgot the feel the moment her tongue licked into his mouth. 

Daniel felt like Max’s hands were branding her skin. His big palms made her waist feel tinier than it was. She felt delicate, soft. Things she didn’t normally feel due to being a racer for all her life. She moaned against Max’s lips then squealed when he lifted her up carelessly. 

Max grinned and threw her on the bed and Daniel watched through the haze of her hair as he knelt on the bed to crouch over her. She’d never been more turned on in her life. 

Max’s lips felt heavenly on her tits. She arched up beneath him, clenching her fingers in his hair. Her hips moved impotently, rutting upwards to nothing, until Max pressed her into the bed with a hand.

Her hand scrambled for the side zipper of her pants, wanting the offending fabric to be gone so she could feel the heat of Max’s bare skin against hers. She felt when Max’s lips pulled into a grin against a pebbled nipple and feared he would tease her more. But thankfully he didn’t, taking in her eagerness to yank the skin tight fabric down her long legs.

Max groaned when her entire thigh tattoo was revealed to him. Like a statue being unveiled for the first time. He dove between Daniel’s legs, nestling his face near the soaked panties at the apex of her thighs, only to turn his lips to the boxer. Max licked the inked skin slowly, mouthing at his treat like it was a long awaited cheat day.

Daniel felt like she was about to implode. She was so so horny, so ready to just wrap her legs around Max’s head and force him to eat her out. He was teasing her and she was going to die. Letting the impulsive thoughts win, she clenched her thighs against his head and moaned at the press of his skin against her pussy lips. 

“Always so impatient, Daniel.” Max mouthed against the crotch of her barely there panties, and Daniel shivered.

“Want you, Maxy.” Daniel rolled her hips and her legs flopped open like a flower when Max licked her over her panties.

Max pressed the flat of his tongue along the wet lace and smiled to himself when Daniel’s legs quivered. He hooked her panties to the side and licked his lips at the treasure that greeted him. With his other hand he pressed the whorls of his fingerprint to the small tattoo in the crease of her bikini line that he hadn’t even known was there. It was a small wave, one unbroken line.

“Max!” Daniel complained and his discovery was immediately forgotten. 

Daniel moaned out one raspy sound after another while Max licked what felt like every single part of her pussy. He ate her out as if she was his last ever meal on earth and wanted to get the full nutritional value. 

Her legs fought for purchase on the sheets while he licked at her clit in quick strokes. Her hips rutted on their own, finding just the right pressure against his tongue. Daniel’s face was a show of concentration as the shocks of pleasure zinged through her body. She grasped and released the sheets rhythmically, throwing her head backwards.

Max watched her, as she took her pleasure off of his tongue. She was frantic now, thrashing and moaning as her hips stuttered their rhythm. Flattening his tongue, he increased the pressure against her swollen button, feeling the immediate reaction of her stiffening beneath him before shuddering uncontrollably.

“Fuuuuuucccck fucck aahhh.” Daniel moaned a warbled sound as her back arched off of the bed. Max continued to lick her greedily, extending the overwhelming orgasm while fingering and caressing her g spot from within.

Daniel sagged against the bed, blearily watching Max stand and shuck his pants down his thick thighs. She felt loopy, high as hell. That was the most intense orgasm she’d had in a while and fuck if she didn’t want more of them from Max.

He kicked the tangled mess of fabric to the side and Daniel scrambled to meet him at the edge of the bed, throwing her hands around his shoulders and pressing their lips together. His face was wet, evidenced by how thoroughly he’d eaten her out. She groaned against him, when his muscled arm pulled her close to his body. Every molecule of her skin was trying to devour him, to pull him into her body so they wouldn’t ever be apart again. 

He was so fucking sexy, and she couldn’t get enough of him. Did want to get enough of him. She wrapped her legs around his waist, rubbing her cut against his hard dick still hidden away in his boxers. She hadn’t really given him the opportunity to strip, and she was regretting being so impatient. Only a little.

Using her momentum and a little bit of mma training, she managed to flip him onto the bed. His breathless, scrunchy eyed laugh was her reward, the feeling settled in her chest warmly. His hands settled on her hips as he looked up at her softly and Daniel flicked her tangled hair backwards, hoping he liked what he saw. 

“Fuck you’re gorgeous.” Max murmured, as if hearing her thoughts. Daniel rolled her hips in response. She surged down to kiss him, grinding against him while they made out. She felt dizzy with want, was going to fucking burn out of her skin like a corona but she still wanted to feel everything. 

She kissed her way down his body, nipping at his puffy nipples and each of his washboard abs. His breathy groans emboldened her to go lower each time. She licked and kissed his belly button before hooking and dragging his boxers off of his dick. It slapped forward obscenely and her mouth watered. 

“Daniel!” Max panted as she licked a long stripe down the underside. She laved her tongue as if spelling her name, branding him as hers while he shivered beneath her. She sucked him off like a pro, like she wanted him to never forget her. His fingers tangling in her hair told her she could check off that box. 

She licked long stripes from his tip to his hole, swirling her tongue in his wiry hair. Max groaned beneath her, hips rutting up into the circle of her fist. 

“Fuck.” Daniel whispered, kissing back up to Max’s chest. She straddled him, making a show of hooking her thong to the side, just the way he had earlier. She lined herself up and sunk onto his dick, inch by gratifying inch. Max’s fingers clenched on her skin and he groaned when she eased herself up again. 

She felt so fucking good and Max wondered if there was any truth to the old wives tales about sex creating soul bonds because he was forever changed in this moment. 

Daniel’s thighs flexed as she rode him, finding the perfect rhythm that pulled moans from both their lips. She fell forward to kiss Max, her hair making a curtain around them as honey met cerulean. 

Max grabbed her ass cheeks and held her in place while he speared upwards into her weeping cunt. He watched as her mouth dropped open at the shock of pleasure before her eyes fluttered closed in orgasm. It was fucking lovely. 

Flipping them, she barely flopped onto the bed before he was throwing a thigh over his elbow and thrusting with a new purpose. Daniel keened beneath him when his thumb found her swollen clit. She felt full, overstimulated and she was fucking coming again. 

Max watched as her fingers stopped clenching the sheets and started opening and closing rhythmically in what looked like failed attempts at signals. He bit his lip to hold his grin, slowing down his pace just a little to take her off the brink again. She inhaled a gasping sound and his grin broke free at the absolute wrecked expression on her face. 

“You good down there?” He teased and she flipped him off before brushing her hair out of her face. “Fuck, I just want to fuck you all day.” Max rolled his lips and Daniel moaned. 

He clenched her thigh, fingers digging into the envelope, and pulled out quickly. Daniel whined and Max smirked before he flipped her onto her stomach. She scrambled onto her knees, widening her thighs invitingly. Max ran a finger down her puffy pussy lips, she shivered at the light touch to her over sensitive body.

He kissed her lower lips, smearing her wetness further, and licked into her as if it was her mouth. She was so wet for him, so delectable. 

“Max.” She whined and he pecked another kiss to her cunt before slapping her ass. He watched the redness bloom as she wiggled the pert muscle. He fucked into her, groaning at the wet tight fit on his cock. She moaned beneath him and pressed backwards at the full feeling.

Max rolled his hips before pulling out and thrusting in again, watching the muscles of her back clench and spasm as she reached for the pillows at the head of the bed. He grabbed her wide hips, fingering the thin elastic waistband of her thong and fucked into her with abandon. Daniel screamed into the sheets and Max felt the pleasure threading up his spine. 

He reached under her and stroked at her clit in steady motions, watching as she started thrashing beneath him. She was shuddering in no time and the gripping of her walls was the thing that threw him over the edge. With a groaning hiss he came, pressing into her as far as he could go before pulling out and finishing on her back. 

He pulled out slowly and Daniel slumped onto the mattress, bonelessly. Max watched his come smear on the backs of her thighs from where he’d pulled out. He flopped onto his back beside her, panting into the stillness of the room.

Daniel turned her head to look at him through her tangled hair. It was going to be a nightmare to comb but it was absolutely worth it. Max pulled her limp body closer, settling them in a cuddle that had him relaxing.

“When did you get that tattoo on your hip?” Max broke the silence.

“Mm? After Monza.” Daniel’s lips brushed against his jaw while she spoke. He shivered a little before splaying his hand across her back. “D’you like it?”

“It’s lovely.” 

“Thank you.” Daniel smiled. She felt good, well fucked and taken care of, basking in Max’s attention.

“What should we get for breakfast tomorrow?”

Daniel eased up to look at him, searching his face for answers to questions she didn’t want to voice. He looked back at her contentedly.

“You want me to stay over?” she eventually asked when it seemed like he was waiting on her reply. His eyebrows furrowed.

“Of course. You do not want to stay?” Max hadn’t considered that she would want to leave immediately. That was a bit disappointing.

“I… I want to.” Daniel admitted and Max pulled her to lay on top of him.

“Good. So what do you want for breakfast?”

“You.” Daniel heard herself say. She felt greedy but let herself have this if he was offering.

Max smirked at her and raised a brow. “And for lunch?”

“You.” She bit her lip to bite back a smile.

“Hardly the balanced diet our trainers suggest.” Max teased.

“Cheat day.” Daniel quipped which pulled a laugh from Max’s lips.

“Well in that case, what about dinner?”

“Two servings of you, please.” Daniel replied cheekily.

“Two?!” Max laughed.

“Protein!” Daniel insisted in a giggle.

“I’ll give you protein.” Max grumbled, kissing her soundly. Daniel sighed softly against his lips.

[whoreindisguise-pt3]

this is 25 ✨

[aerynwrites]

*sigh*

Does anyone wanna read my little short story about my D&D character lmao.

Write it bc I was inspired and figured I might share here 😂

[i-ate-your-dog-srry]

Eyes are so funky I love all of them idk I'm really really bored and it's late at night-

This is stupid I just really like looking at eyes they are all so different

[idontplaytrack]

why new glasses are ready for pickup but i refuse to walk to the mall to pick it up bc the subway station that i use to get to work is right next to it, and i have work tomorrow so i’d have to walk there early in the morning to commute to work. but i have an off day today so what i do is i love to avoid anything that reminds me of work otherwise i feel like i didn’t have a day off🥰

[avoskorm]

Jovus generally wears loose fitting clothing, or at the very least clothing that is easy to remove, because werewolf

But then my mind wandered:

Tearaway pants

[mischiefbuckley]

I’m so confused. Can you boop over?

[scullys-scalpel]

Thinking about Baron Afanas and his family hosting the Puppy Bowl and it's just baby hellhounds burning shit down. The Sire will be officiating the games while wearing a referee shirt of course.

[ilmostrolamb]

[does anybody else get upset over something that should not be upsetting and feel little needles stabbing them in random spots? i don’t think this is normal lol]

[nanamis-bigtie]

i was sleepy through half the day and night and now when i *can* go to sleep its suddenly 2am and i have no sleepy in me anymore :')

[seratlantisite]

Phoenix's life is already so goddamn weird, he might as well have to deal with Monkey Island nonsense amirite

[image id: a digital painting of the ace attorney court with two men at the defense bench. phoenix wright is leaning on it, staring at guybrush threepwood with frustration and disbelief. Guybrush looks rather pleased with himself, stroking his chin. phoenix is saying "you did what-" but is cut off by guybrush, saying "he should have known the risks of 'insult knife-monopoly'". end id]