#whoops ive been looking at all this drama

[bellafragolina]

nghafahag hi im new in your blog and i love it ive read all of your submas stuff in 3 days just jsbskshHNHGJ

ANYWAY feel free to ignore of course, but what do you think of a scenario with ingo and emmet (together or separate) with challenger who starts coming back to thw battle subway every day, always making it to their cart, and while they get better and more creative at battling each day and get closer to winning, they keep losing for now, and instead of feeling sad, they're having the time of their life. it becomes a comfy routine and they start to get to know the twin(s) better and generally start bonding after the fights, eventually they start stauinh in the cart for some time after tjeir battle to watch the twins battle, "to learn better strategies to beat them, of course"

one day, they actually almost win. but at the very last moment, make a seemingly rookie mistake and lose, and after the loss bashfully smile "whoops silly me", except its kinda obvious that they made that mistake in purpose

if the twins don't ask, they just return the next day and similar thing happens. if questioned, they look away in shame and say that they've realized they really like the twin(s) and want to keep challenging them not just for battles, but also just to hang out, and they panicked that if they win, the twin(s) would get annoyed with them for coming back so often. which is stupid, but they seem to think so anyway

thank you!! sorry if its too specific ^^"

Aww reader it’ll be okay!!!

🍓🍓🍓

Ingo:

You are the highlight of Ingo’s day. He looks forward to you being on his line, it’s everything to him. You’re the best trainer he’s ever battled, and everyday you have a new twist to throw at him, to get his mind racing for counter attacks. He loves it, especially when you stay after

Ingo gets bored, alone in his cart waiting for challengers to make it to him. But you, not only do you always make it, but you’ve started to stay with him, after your losses. You claim it’s to get to know his own strategy better, to know how to defeat him, but Ingo sees through it. You want company, and so does he. So he sits with you and you both talk and talk and talk and it’s so lovely. The best part of his day.

His feelings grow as quickly as your skills. You grow closer and closer to actually beating him, and Ingo grows closer and closer to shouting out his affections for you, for the world to hear. Ingo promises to do it the day you win, like a reward. But that day doesn’t come.

Every time you’re close, so close to beating him, you waver. A silly mistake is made, or your reaction time slows, and Ingo wins. And he stands in his victory feeling hollow, especially with your sheepishness afterwards. So he confronts you. And you buckle under the pressure of his sad stare

And when Ingo hears your fears, hears how you’re afraid he’ll grow annoyed and tired of you (of you!), he crumbles. He announces his love to you, rambling his adoration of you and your company and how he’s been waiting for you to win so he can tell you all of this. He runs out of breath from talking so much, but he can’t get any air, because you kiss the rest from his lungs

Emmet:

In all honesty, Emmet is a little bit spoiled by you. Every day you come and every day you give him a run for his money as a Subway Boss. Your quick and creative, throwing things at him he’s never seen before. He loves the stimulation the strategy part of his brain gets whenever you come in, thus leading him to get a bit addicted to your everyday visits. If you don’t show up, he’s immediate put into a sour mood, almost wanting to track you down and demand his battle

As time progresses and you start to stay with Emmet after your battles, his addiction grows. You’re. . . easy to talk to, and Emmet doesn’t have to worry too much about being blunt when it’s you, since by now you understand his way of speaking. It makes the days you don’t show up to battle him even more agonizing, because now any and all drama and gossip he wanted to vent and rant with you about is wasted! He sometimes does track you down on these days, or at least calls you so you can chat about things

Thusly, it’s easy for Emmet to fall. He doesn’t have a lot of people in his life like you, both good at battling and good at making him feel whole and safe. He falls hard and fast, and eagerly awaits you everyday. As blunt as he is, he’s unsure of how to communicate his feelings to you, so he stammers and gets off track. It feels. . . mean to confess after you lose (and you always lose despite your talent), so he instead waits for when you finally beat him! It’ll happen soon

But it doesn’t happen. Emmet notices immediately when you throw the battle. He notices and gets a little mad, thinking you’re taking it easy on him, like he can’t hold his own? He’s beaten you a million times before now, and you haven’t won once! He almost says something cruel in his hurt, but you cut him off, mumbling about how you don’t want him to grow annoyed with you if you start winning. He loves winning more than anything, after all

“I love you more.” Emmet tells you, blunt as ever. You gawk, but he’s assured now. And he kisses your cheek, holds your hand, and drags you off the train. He wants a rematch, and then he’s going to buy you both ice cream, because he loves you. And when you win, finally, you kiss him in your happiness, so it takes the sting away, just a little

🍓🍓🍓

Ta-da! Hope you enjoy, lovely!

~Renee

[dalleyan]

Elfwine Chronicles (new LoTR stories, New Life posted, 2-8-23)

Lothiriel discovers a heartbreaking secret of Danwen and Amrothos.  (Family, Drama, Angst, Comfort)

 New Life  -  (Jul, 9 IV)

To Lothiriel’s surprise, upon their arrival at Minas Tirith, they were greeted not only by the King and Queen of Gondor, but by her sister-in-law, Danwen.

As the two women embraced, Lothiriel gave her a curious look and commented, “We were not expecting to see you here.  Is Amrothos with you?”

Danwen nodded.  “When we learned you would be coming to Minas Tirith, but not have time to travel farther south, we decided to come see you and greet our new niece.”

Lothiriel laughed and held forth Theodwyn, only eight months old.  “So, it is the babe you wish to see, rather than me!  Here she is!”

Eagerly Danwen reached for the infant, and cuddled her close while Lothiriel moved on to make the rest of her greetings.  The baby laughed and cooed at Danwen, and her delight was evident.  She was jolted out of her study of her niece by Lothiriel’s hand on her elbow.  “Come, we are going to our rooms.”

While the women walked together, following behind Eomer, Elessar and Arwen, Lothiriel could not help noting the longing in Danwen’s touch as she held the baby.  It seemed curious that someone so fond of babies and children did not have any of her own.  Surely she and Amrothos had been attempting it during all their years of marriage, and she was quite certain her brother was not averse to the idea.  Perhaps there was a problem....

Over the years, Lothiriel had grown more reconciled to her beloved brother’s choice of bride.  She had begun to truly believe the woman had been acting under the duress of her father when she had attempted to separate Lothiriel from Eomer and secure him for herself.  Still, she did not think that the two of them would ever be extremely close.  She did like Danwen and thought well of her, but they had little in common and did not see each other often, so it was difficult to grow her feelings beyond that point.

Danwen stayed with her and tended the baby, while Lothiriel got hers and Eomer’s belongings situated in their room, and got Elfwine settled in the chamber next to them.  By the time she was almost finished, Theodwyn was fussing to be fed and Danwen reluctantly returned the child to her mother.  Even as she nursed the baby, Lothiriel could not miss the looks of yearning on Danwen’s face.

While Lothiriel fed Theodwyn, Danwen caught her up on the news from Dol Amroth and assured her Amrothos was on an errand in the city, but would return soon to greet them.  Eomer had gone off with Elessar, and Danwen made herself useful keeping Elfwine occupied until his mother was free.

The nursing done, the two women and children made for the family quarters to locate Eldarion for Elfwine to play with.  A servant directed them to the library where Eldarion had been having a lesson, and just as they reached it, the door opened and the boy burst out, eager to find his friend from Rohan.  At that same moment, Amrothos put in appearance in the hallway and with a whoop of delight scooped his nephew up to greet him.

Chuckling together at Amrothos’ antics, Lothiriel and Danwen stood on the lower few steps watching the scene before them.  Then quietly Danwen commented, “The one thing he most desires and I cannot give it to him.”

Lothiriel turned to look questioningly at her and, blushing with embarrassment, Danwen explained, “He gives me everything, and brings me more happiness than I have ever known in my entire life, but the child, the heir he would wish for, I am powerless to give him.”  A tear slid down her cheek and she pressed her fingers to her eyes in an effort to stem the flow of tears.

“You are unable to have children?” Lothiriel asked, clarifying her meaning.

Danwen shook her head.  “We do not know what the problem is.  Neither the Healers nor the midwives can find anything wrong with either of us, but neither do any of their suggestions on how to conceive have effect.  We have tried everything, and still I remain childless.”

Lothiriel put an arm around her.  “You must not blame yourself.  If the Healers find nothing wrong with you, then you cannot take the responsibility for this difficulty.  I am sure Amrothos understands and does not find fault with you.”

Danwen’s eyes filled again and she fought to control the quaver in her voice.  “He would never condemn me...for anything!  He is too good.  But this was the one thing I had thought to be able to do for him in return for all he has done for me, and it is not possible.”  Her voice choked off and she murmured, “Forgive me.”  With that, she scurried back up the stairs before Lothiriel could say anything more.

A few moments later, Amrothos came to greet his sister and meet his niece.  After chatting briefly, he looked around and asked, “Where did Danwen go?”

Suspecting the other woman did not wish to burden her husband with her distress, she merely told him, “She had something to attend to.  She will rejoin us shortly.”  Taking his arm, she distracted him by asking about the family and they moved into the vacated library to find seats.

Over the next few days, Lothiriel found her mind returning to the matter regularly.  Every time Danwen was with children, of any age, the hunger in her eyes was unmistakable.  Clearly, she was good with children, and all seemed to adore her, but it was equally evident that it wrenched at her heart when she had to release them back to their parents at the end of the day.

 continue reading on AO3:

              https://archiveofourown.org/works/44616109/chapters/112237711

[eagesoldartblog]

I know I would be interested!

Would anyone be interested in a post about writeblr servers? Like, servers specifically made for writeblrs or writers on tumblr or whatever?

Not a crusty one, but one with advice from someone who’s run a couple successfully and what to avoid as both a member and an admin?

I admittedly have very little experience in this area, but I think with the fall of VV and the fact that I know many writeblrs probably want to join a server but don’t know if they should, I think I could give some useful advice, at least?

[mothandpidgeon]

Helter Skelter (cult leader!Ezra x f!reader) - Chapter 6 [the end]

MASTERLIST - TAG LIST

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 

Pairing: cult leader!Ezra x f reader, dark!Ezra x f reader

Series summary: When you meet a mysterious thinker named Ezra, you join up with his followers and become a part of their family. Your new life is full of psychedelics, sex, and mind bending experiences. But there’s something dark lurking in Ezra’s philosophy. Will you discover it before it’s too late?

Words: ~3.7k

Rating: E 18+!

Warnings: SPOILERS dark!Ezra, elements of dubcon (this is a cult so there is psychological manipulation), cults (obviously), pregnancy, p in v sex, oral sex, pregnancy loss, violence, blood (feel free to let me know anbout anything ive missed)

a/n: This is the end of the story. I hope you’ve enjoyed the ride. I can’t believe that it took me this long to get this fic completed. I remember messaging @wordsandwhiskey​ about an acid trip to the Green and it feels like ages ago. My personal life has been a journey. I’m working on publishing a fucking book. But I’ve wanted to come back and finish this out. I pretty much never get into drama or get personal but here’s some tea. Before I even posted the first chapter of this fic, there was a lot of negative shit being said about its content. I was blocked by people who I’d never interacted with. I saw conversations about me bleed over to twitter. I got nasty asks (not even on anon) that I simply deleted because I knew replying would just get them off. I actually considered not posting this fic at all and when my amazing friends convinced me that was silly, I still felt so much anxiety about the asks I might get. I remember posting the first chapter not because I was excited to share a story but as evidence, to prove that whatever had been assumed about what I wrote wasn’t true. Anyway, to get to the point, I know this isn’t one of the more popular things that I’ve written but thank you for reading it. Thank you for reblogging it. Thanks for just giving it a chance. I actually love this fic for all of the reasons other people hate it. I love hearing that I’ve given readers goosebumps and that they feel the pull of Ezra’s charm despite knowing how dangerous he is. I’m really proud of this. All of that being said, I warned you from the very beginning, there is no happy ending. This story gets darker still if you can believe it. I hope it thrills you.

That night there was a bonfire. Everyone was giddy, especially Cee who’d laid her hand gently on your belly, her eyes as big as saucers. She threw her arms around your neck and your tears had come even harder.

You sat in the grass by the fire soaking in its warmth, your body deliciously exhausted from emotion. Your face hurt from smiling. Ezra was behind you, his knees outside of your own, fingers tracing the skin of your bicep. On the opposite side, Clo and Rieve had already started making out. Tracy situated herself beside Ezra but you hardly noticed. When she tried passing a joint to Ezra he waved her away.

“You’re not going to leave now, are you?” Cee asked. She perched in front of you with her knees folded under. Her cheeks glowed in the warm light of the flames.

You cupped her face in your palm.

“Of course not, birdie” Ezra’s voice came as he wrapped his arm around your middle and rocked you side to side. 

You laughed and Cee let out a whoop as she stood and started spinning around. She looked beautiful and delicate like a magical woodland creature. Her silhouette was dark against the thin fabric of her dress, illuminated by orange. You could feel Tracy watching you until Cee pulled her to her feet with a bubble of laughter.

Ezra pinned you in closer to his chest, pressing a lump in the denim of his jeans at the small of your back. “I want you so desperately,” he purred against your ear. A shiver of pleasure spread over your skin. His eyes looked black as they slid across you, deep enough to fall into.

He got up and took you by the hand, leading you back to the house. It was dark inside, everything covered in shadow but you could find your way up to the bedroom blind. The bon fire shone through the bedroom windows and you could hear the far away sounds of the others singing.

Ezra laid you out on the big bed. It wasn’t Muriel’s bed anymore. This place was yours now. They’d claimed this house, your family, made a place for you, for this. You slid out of the dress, your dress, and you could barely breathe as you felt Ezra’s glinting eyes drinking you in.

“My beautiful starlight queen,” he rasped. He cupped your breast and found your nipple, sucking furiously. You moaned deeply and he made a noise of approval that set you on fire.

When he was finished, his lips were glistening and he kissed you. The sour taste from retching earlier still lingered in your mouth but Ezra didn’t seem to care. His tongue burrowed against yours eagerly as if he wanted to devour you from the inside out. He wanted all of you, even the vile parts. And you would take him the same way. Whatever had revolted you, whatever you’d feared, none of it compared to the feeling of Ezra wanting you, needing you. He’d become a part of you, one that you couldn’t cut out. 

You grasped his standing cock and tugged. Ezra let out a throaty groan but his hand encircled your wrist.

“Patience, Star,” he whispered, guiding your touch away. “My most precious jewel.”

Ezra put his lips to your fingertips and then slunk down your body, his nose trailing a heated path across your belly. His hand slid up your leg towards your center and you gasped. He knelt between your legs and inhaled deeply. The feeling of his stubble against the sensitive skin of your thigh lit up your entire body.

“I want to taste you. You’re already sweet as honey,” he said as he parted your thighs. “Soon you’ll be ripe as a peach.” His mouth surrounded you, tongue coaxing more release from you. He growled into you, vibrating up your spine and making your back arch away from the mattress. “Delicious.”

His palm splayed out on your belly as his tongue swirled over you, drinking you in. Ezra continued on noisily, drowning out the sounds of the celebrations outside. Your eyes screwed shut, overwhelmed by the mounting sensation, dizzy and glorious. He edged you closer and closer with his long strokes. A tingle burned up from Ezra’s mouth to your throat and it burst out in a feral grunt through gritted teeth.

“That’s right,” he cooed as you came down from your high. He crawled up beside you, held your chin in his big hand and put his slick lips to yours.

You were still reeling, pulsing at your core, and breathless as Ezra rolled you over him. His eyes darted over your body, greedily trying to take all of you in at once. You felt needy, desperate for more of him so you rocked up on your knees and slid down onto him. The long, straining sound he made was delicious.

You threw your head back, rolling your hips over him. Ezra’s hand found places to touch and grab– the curve of your hip, the muscles in your calf. It felt like you were floating, like you could take him up to the Green with your ecstasy alone.

Ezra’s hips stuttered against you, brows twisted, lost in pleasure. You pressed your chest against his, skin sticky with perspiration. He buried his face in your hair, snarling, and you felt his nose against the sweat on your temple. 

“Let me defile you once again,” he said. 

His ragged voice made you come apart and, just as you crested, your body quivering and plummeting like you were sliding downhill, you felt him leave you. You clenched around nothing, a cry escaping you as you panted. Ezra put your limp body onto your back and you opened your eyes to see him up on his knees, pulling at himself. Soon he was marking your stomach with his hot release, swearing and grunting.

Ezra was still sleeping when you slid out of bed. He’d pulled you into his chest before he dozed off, a heavy arm draped across your middle. 

“It’ll be a girl,” he told you. “We’ll call her Ruby.” He brushed his lips against your shoulder, the stubble on his face rough and wet. “Stay with me.”

You wouldn’t dream of being separated from him now.

Dawn was breaking, painting the room in a dull purple glow. The house was quiet and you assumed the others had gone to sleep just a few hours earlier. There was a full length mirror on the door to the armoire in the corner. You crept over and studied the reflection of your naked body.

How had you missed it? You spent so much time in your own skin and yet you hadn’t paid any attention to the swell that was growing. It wasn’t a dramatic change, a little fullness in the belly like you’d feasted on a Thanksgiving dinner. You realized now that your breasts had swollen like a balloon threatening to pop. No wonder Ezra had spent all night clutching them in his sleep.

You smoothed your open hand across your stomach. What would she look like? You hoped she had Ezra’s eyes, his thick, dark hair. A smile bloomed on your lips as you pictured him with a soft little child in the crook of his arm. You had to bite down on your bottom lip to keep from letting out a laugh. 

Ezra wouldn’t let you out of bed once the mid-morning came. When you told him it was your turn to make coffee, he chuckled. “Cee can attend to that,” he said and began kissing your neck again. 

You arched your back, wiggling closer to him. It could always be like this and, still, it would never be enough of him. 

When you sighed you heard his deep purr in your ear. “Mhmm.”

His fingers had just began to tease between your legs when you heard the door squeak open. Tracy appeared with her hands behind her back and Ezra unwrapped himself, sitting up against the wooden headboard.

“Harmony,” Ezra said. 

Irritation prickled at you as she sat herself down on the corner of the bed. You rested your head on Ezra’s shoulder, tangled your fingers into his.

“I can’t believe I didn’t realize,” Tracy said. “Star, you’re like, totally glowing.”

“She is,” Ezra agreed. “Yet Star has always been incandescent.” 

“What’s it feel like?” she tried.

She looked at Ezra skittishly trying to see if he was listening. You noticed it, though she hid it well. For a moment, you felt bad for her.

“I don’t know,” you told her. “It’s special.”

“Far out,” she responded. “I’ve never held a baby before.”

The image that popped into your head made you feel nauseated again. You had the urge to snatch away a child that wasn’t there. Suddenly, you grasped at your stomach and whined, curling into yourself. Ezra was immediately attentive, concern cutting his brow. You breathed in a hiss of air and buried your face into him. 

“Star,” he said.

“Hurts,” you replied.

“I’ll get her some water,” Tracy said and rushed out. 

Ezra rubbed your back gently, murmuring reassurances. After a moment you sighed and wiped sweat off of your brow. 

“What’s troubling you?” Ezra asked. 

“It’s nothing,” you told him. Your voice sounded weak. “I feel better.”

“It appears to be a wealth of something,” he said. 

You sighed. “I don’t know. I just felt this…vibration.”

You could see Ezra’s eyes harden just slightly. Tracy was in the room again. 

“Drink this, Star,” she said. 

You winced when she handed you the glass and when she put her palm on your shoulder you shivered. 

“Harmony, allow her to rest,” Ezra said. 

Tracy flushed and nodded, quickly retreating from the room. Ezra got up and slid into his jeans. He tilted your chin up for a kiss.

“Sleep,” he whispered and then he left, closing the door softly behind him.  

You never saw Tracy again. 

You didn’t know what Ezra said to her but she was gone the next morning. There was a part of you, the part that had wondered about old Muriel, that questioned whether she’d actually left of her own free will. But you’d been able to ignore that voice before so just enjoyed the fact that she was gone and you were here with Ezra and the family and Ruby. 

You were happier than you could ever remember. Every morning you woke up with your legs tangled around Ezra’s– hot, naked skin cooled by the breeze from the open window. Occasionally Cee would sleep next to you but Ezra, he was all yours. He didn’t want anyone else, never spent the night in another bed, would leave you breathless and spent over and over again. During the day, he touched you carefully and watched you with an intense desire that made you feel dizzy. Ezra whispered in your ear about how exceptional you were, how beautiful you’d become, how he couldn’t keep his hands off of you. 

The others took extra care of you, never asking you to volunteer for chores. Cee would pick flowers for you and write poems with words that rhymed with ‘Ruby.’ Even Clo was sweet to you and brought a pint of ice cream back when she and Rieve drove into town. 

It was the best week of your life. If only you’d known how quickly it would all change. 

You were on the porch that afternoon. The sky was the most perfect shade of blue, warm sun bathing the yard. It was autumn and the only leaves that still held onto the trees were red and purple. Cee braided Clo’s hair on the front steps. Rieve had just finished chopping wood. He laid against the painted floor of the porch, occasionally plucking a string on his guitar.

Ezra was happy that day. He had you in his lap, moving lazily in the rocking chair as his fingers slid your skirt up inch by inch with excruciating patience. Usually he’d be rambling on with one of his stories but he hadn’t spoken in a long time. Instead, he hummed a tune that was only loud enough for the two of you to hear.

“What song is that?” you asked him in a whisper.

He looked up at you with shining eyes and a mischievous smile. Your skirt wandered further up your thigh. Ezra opened his mouth to answer but he was distracted by the sound of crunching gravel. You turned to see a car pulling up the driveway.

“Who could that be, Birdie?” Ezra asked.

In the corner of your eye you saw Cee go rigid. Rieve sat up on his elbows.

The station wagon pulled to a stop close to the house. Its plates said Wisconsin or Washington, you never could quite remember. A woman in the passenger seat got out like a spring. She was somewhere in her 50s or 60s and the sour look on her face did little to make her look youthful. Her strawberry blonde perm was covered by a plastic kerchief and a little handbag bounced off of her arm.

Ezra slid you off of his lap and stood, stretching like a cat that had just woken up from a nap in the sun. “Afternoon,” he said. 

The woman ignored him. Her little eyes looked over the property and you noticed how thickly she’d coated her lashes in mascara. “Harold, look at this place,” she said in disgust. 

Harold unfolded himself out of the driver’s seat and had just managed to put his hat on as she berated him. He was balding and looked tired. 

“How can I be of service to you?” Ezra inquired.

“Now, what’s going on here?” Harold asked. 

“Where’s Muriel?” the woman demanded.

You swallowed. Ezra had dispatched with the old ladies easily but this woman was raring to fight.

Ezra looked between them he answered, “I’m afraid she isn’t at home.”

“Oh, don’t give us that malarkey,” Harold groaned.

Clo giggled quietly and you shot her a look. Cee’s body seemed to shrink on the other end of the steps.

“Aunt Muriel!” the woman began to call, craning her neck towards the windows on the second floor. “Aunt Muriel! It’s me, Rita!”

“Rita,” Ezra said, his voice as steady as ever. “You’ll have to forgive me but I have some tragic news.”

“I’ve heard all about it,” Rita snapped. She thrust a hand into her purse and pulled out a folded page. “A letter of condolence from her Rotary Club.”

Rieve started to gnaw at the corner of his fingernail.

“That’s right,” Ezra told her.

“And who the hell are you people?” Her face was blotchy with righteous anger as she peered at the letter. “Her granddaughter?” she scoffed. “She never had any children.”

“We live here,” you said. You weren’t sure how the words had come out so easily, so defiantly but you were standing tall with your arms crossed. 

“Why in God’s name would a bunch of hooligans be living in my aunt’s house?” she snarled. “Where is she? What have you done with her?”

“She is deceased,” Ezra said, some of the cold irritation edging into his voice.

“What is this?” she went on. “You’ve turned the place into some kind of whorehouse?” 

You could see Ezra’s shoulders rising and falling as he tried to keep his breath steady. Your jaw clenched so tightly you thought your teeth might shatter.

“Harold, get back in the car. We’re going to the police!” Rita said. 

Just as you’d spoken so easily, everything that happened next came like an avalanche. Your vision tunneled. Rita turned towards the station wagon. You grabbed up the axe that had been left resting by the steps. Its wooden handle was still warm from Rieve’s grip. 

THWACK. 

It was kind of funny. The noise of blunt side of the axe connecting with Rita’s head was a lot quieter than you would have expected. And she didn’t immediately crash to the ground either. Instead, she reeled around, stepped towards you on wobbly feet, all while making a guttural groan. 

Harold cried out and lunged for you and Clo tackled him to the ground. You hardly noticed, still incensed, smashing the axe into Rita’s skull again until she’d finally gone down.

All the while, your mind flashed hot. You weren’t going to lose Ezra because of this cunt. You hadn’t let anything come between you. You weren’t going to give up this life, not when you were finally happy, not when Ruby was on the way. You weren’t going to see your family threatened. Not by this bitch who hadn’t even noticed her aunt was six feet under. Fuck her. Fuck anybody that would keep you from what was yours. 

Harold was screaming his head off, begging and scraping his fingers at the dirt. Somehow he managed to wriggle away and scramble onto his feet. You were so caught up in your fury that you didn’t see him approach, didn’t brace yourself when he leapt at you, circling you around the middle and pulling you to the ground. You landed hard on your side and you heard Cee call out your name but you didn’t feel anything at all even as the wind was knocked out of your lungs. Reive pulled Harold off you easily and Clo started kicking him in the stomach. 

When Rita was finally down in the dirt, she flopped around twitching like a fish out of water until she stopped moving altogether. There was so much blood. A pool of between her matted hair and the clear plastic kerchief, smeared up the handle of the axe, staining your dress all up your belly. There was blood on your legs, too hot and sticky on your thighs. 

You were breathing hard and you struggled to stand, the axe suddenly so heavy. You felt your heart beating fast in your chest, too fast. No, it was beating lower. Two heartbeats out of rhythm. You were shaking and you turned back to the porch, an eerie silence taking hold as Harold stopped whimpering. The axe handle slid from your grip and it fell with a thud against the earth. Cee was staring, a look of terror over her features. It made you laugh. There was nothing to worry about now. You’d done what you had to do but you were all safe now. 

Your vision was going blurry. 

Ezra was on the steps, motionless, his dark eyes on you, brows raised, lips parted. His expression was hard to read but he looked so handsome like that. He was a yard away but somehow he caught you before you fell to your knees. Everything was getting dark and you were so dizzy. Now there was yet another heartbeat pounding in your ears. You felt Ezra’s palm on your belly and the last thing you heard before you passed out was his voice saying your name.

“Star.”

You sit in the hard metal chair. How many times has he said your name?

“Where are they?” one of the doctors asks. 

You begin to shake, your whole body shivering, tears budding in your eyes. The beige cinderblocks of the room seem to radiate cold, all the walls bare except for a clock. On the other side of the white table are three men, one with glasses, another taking notes. 

“Where are the others?” the doctor asks. 

You take a shuddering breath.

“On the Green,” you say, plastering a smile on your face but your lips twitch and quiver.

You know that’s not true. But you want it to be, desperately. You close your eyes every night before you fall asleep on the thin mattress and you see Ezra there, waiting for you. He has to be waiting for you.

“Come on, Star,” one of them says. His voice is tender but the words are cruel. “They left you there, didn’t they? They took you to the hospital but they didn’t stick around. They got out of dodge.”

Your head begins to shake back and forth uncontrollably and the tears fall down onto your cheeks. Your chest is so tight it burns.

“Ezra abandoned you.”

You nearly double over. This doctor doesn’t know anything. He’s lying to you. Ezra loves you. You and Ruby. But Ruby’s just an ache in the pit of your stomach, a punch in the fucking gut. You cry and tremble. 

“Stop fooling yourself. They left you behind. Don’t you think you deserve better than that?” he asks and has the audacity to sound concerned. 

You want to tell him to fuck off. He doesn’t know shit about it. But you just close your eyes. 

“We’re trying to help you, Star.”

The words to one of Cee’s poems come to mind and you recite it silently over and over until you can’t hear what anyone’s telling you. 

“I think we’ve put her through enough today,” someone says. 

Once you settle down and stop hearing your pulse in your ears, after instructions to take deep breaths, they secure the cold cuffs around your wrists before escorting you back down the hall. You can’t be sure how long it’s been since you came here. And where here is, you’re not certain of either. They give you medicine that dulls your memories, makes you sluggish and puts the edges of things out of focus. Sometimes you wonder if this isn’t just a bad trip, a wrong turn on the way to the Green. If that’s the case it’ll end, that’s what you tell yourself. 

They take you back to your room. Or is it a cell? You wait. 

You close your eyes and remember the feeling of Ezra’s touch, the softness of Cee’s lips. It’s lonely here but they’re still with you.

Tonight, when you fall asleep on the threadbare cot, wrapped in the itchy smock you always seem to be wearing, you wake up again on the Green. 

It’s dark and there's a chill in the air and you can hear the bugs chirping. You’re not wearing your suit but the air smells clean and moist. You make your way through the tall ferns, foliage tickling your shins, the ground plush beneath your bare feet. A glow outlines the rust colored trunks— a lantern hung outside of a tent. And you know what’s waiting inside. 

THE END

[consultingsister-aa]

five times kissed / bash ( any verse )

this meme for: @theasteriae​ verse: happy verse

I. 

Celia has never seriously dated before. There were boys but they had little to no interest in getting to know her. They just wanted to fuck her. People were always saying she was too pretty for her own good and she was starting to think that was true. 

Only Basher Moran didn’t seem that bothered about how pretty she was. Although she assumed, that was what drew him to her in the first place. It was silly and unrealistic to say otherwise and she certainly fancied him from the moment she saw him. It had nothing to do with her laugh and everything to do with his jawline. It wasn’t true anymore now. 

It had been one of the best summers of her life. She could hardly believe she had been tempted to turn Alex down, to return to Surrey, alone and melancholy. Sherlock has said he would come up but would have likely cancelled last minute. Cee has never spent so much time with people apart from at school and it took a while to get used to all the sibling and cousin dynamics. It was like something from one of her books; The Chronicles of Narnia or The Famous Five. They all had inside jokes and pet names and moved around each other like a choreographed dance. She knew her bothers well enough but she rarely had to deal with a cramped kitchen and sharing bedrooms. They knew each other differently than the Morans. 

It had been a fantasy of hers to live like this. When she was young and it was just her alone in that big house, she would daydream about having lots of brother’s and sister’s and cousins to play with. Adventures at the beach; caves and pirate treasure. She imagined herself into their childhood and al of a sudden, felt a lump in her throat. It was more than jealousy; it was something like grief. Greif for that lonely little girl who would always aways be alone. 

“What’s up?” Bash interrupted her thoughts. Clearly, her state of mind has shown on her face. 

“Nothing. I’m just a little sad to go back to school after all this.” 

Bash sighed knowingly, turning back to look out over the water. Even though she had come with Alex, Celia was spending more and more time on the beach with Bash. They sat in the dunes, a blanket around their shoulders, watching the sun fall into the freezing water. Even in the height of summer, the water was freezing. “Yeah, I’ll miss the beach,” he agrees. 

She turns to look at his profile, shoulder bumping into his. “I’ll miss you.” She didn’t quite mean you individually, she meant you as a family, but she was glad he took it that way. 

He turned to look at her and then leant in to kiss her for the first time, both their heads moving in the opposite way so they didn’t bump noses, as if it has been rehearsed. Cee had never been kissed like that before but it was almost exactly how the songs and books and poems described it. It was like seeing fireworks. But perhaps more wonderfully, when he kissed her like that, she didn’t feel so alone. 

II.

It had felt like a long time since that first kiss, although it has only been seven years. In the prospect of a lifetime together, that was short. But she couldn’t help but think about that moment, as she stood at the waters edge, champagne glass in hand, breathing deeply in the cool evening air. Behind her, her specially built carnival glows, reflecting in the dark waters. 

She’s changed from her wedding dress into a short ballet style tutu skirt, which stopped a little north of where her father, new husband and aunt-in-law might have liked. Long legs end in bare feet and she lets the water lap up against her ankles. 

“Hey, Mrs Moran-- there about twenty million people wanting to see you back there.” 

She turns back with a smile, just in time to see Bash - messy hair, jacket long gone, shirt sleeved rolled up - before he wraps his arms around her from behind, pressing a kiss into the side of her face. “There are not twenty million people, you’re such a drama queen.” 

He laughs. She does too. Then they relax into silence and both watch the waves. After a moment, Cee begins to cry. 

“Hey, hey,” Bash moves to turn her round, concern on his face. “What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing-- I’m just-- I’m just so--” 

“What? Oh god, you’re regretting it already. I said, if you weren’t ready, that we could--”

“Happy!” Cee interupsts him with laugh, “Bash, I’m happy. I am so happy.” 

He looks so relived, it only makes Cee laugh again; more happy tears spilling onto her cheeks. He pulls her close, a deep kiss, just them. Maybe the big party was too much. She was danced out; talked out; laughed out. She just wanted this. And the best bit was, she had it, and she had it forever. 

III. 

“Twins!?” 

“Are you fucking serious?” 

Cee can tell the nurse wasn’t expecintg that reaction from her, but she couldn’t care less. One more baby was enough of a shock, but two more? She looks over at Bash, who’s grinning and offers a look as if to say ‘what are you smiling about, you bastard’. 

“I am very serious Mrs Moran. You can see one heart beat here,” the nurse points to a black mass on the monitor, “and the second,” another black mass, “here.” Cee will just have to take her word for it. She got very upset when she couldn’t see what the nurse was talking about with Beua but she’s over it this time. She’s already over being pregnant this time and now it’s just going to be two times worse? Well, it was always two times worse but now she knows about it. “I’ll leave this up and give you a minute,” the nurse smiles at the parents and leaves the room, closing the door behind her. Cee’s face is full of panic. 

“What?” Bash moves into the side of the hospital bed, taking Cee’s hand in his. 

“What do you mean, what? Bash-- I can’t handle three kids. You’re away all the time. I didn’t even know if I could do two but three babies? I’m out of my depth here.” 

“So what are you saying? You want to-- not--” 

“No, no, I’m just-- it’s a lot, Bash. Twins. That’s twice the baby!” 

“And you,” now he moves his hands to her face. Eye contact is key with Cecelia, pyshical contact and looking her in the eye. “Are twice the woman. You can do this. You can do anything.” 

Cee takes a calming breath and nods. “I love you,” she manages and leans forward to kiss him softly, just in time for the door to reopen. They never get a moments peace anymore. 

IV. 

Celia closes the bedroom door very gentle behind her. It feels like having babies again; a house full she doesn’t want to wake up. Bash just smiles up at her, taking off his glasses. He’s only been in the job four hours and he’s already bringing work to bed. 

“Do they love their new rooms?” 

Celia pulls an apoletic look, pulling off her dressing gown. “Immy says she wants to go home.” 

“To Suffolk?” 

“Yeah.”

“She’s knows she’s now living in Downing Street, right?” 

“You know that a ten year old could not care less, right?” 

Bash just laughs, laying his arm out over her pillows so she can snuggle in next to him. For a moment, they just sit there, head leant back against the headboard, drinking it all in. They had been working towards this for over ten years and now? The real work was just beginning. She can already feel her eyes getting heavy. “You’re happy here though, right?”

“Mm,” she hums. She’s not sure yet. Suffolk is her home, more than she ever though it would be. It was where the boys all grew up, their childhood rooms even though they were all grown up and out the house now. It was where Immy was born, where they played capture the flag and five aside football when the rest of the family came over. 

Downing Street might be a symbol of how far they had come, but it wasn’t home and she doubted, no matter how long they were here, it would ever feel like one. She already had plans to nip back to Suffolk the first weekend they could. “Yeah, this is what we’ve wanted for so long. We just need to settle into it.” Cee looks up to Bash, smiling at the fine lines already marking his face. But his eyes look the same as they did when he kissed her for that very first time on the beach. He’s so good to her, always. 

She kisses him, the sort of kiss they haven’t had in a while. Five kids, two demanding careers and a whole country wanting his attention tends to lead to pecks of affection and quickies whenever they can get it. But they have a moment now. “I’m so proud of you,” she whispers, lips still touching his. “I’m so proud of us. For everything, not just this job. I love you.” 

V. 

They had been in rooms like this so many times over the years. The bad lighting, the round tables, the stage. Only, rarely for her. She had, happily, she wanted to add, taken a back seat for most of her life. Her skillset was better suited to a life of support and planning; organising and committing herself to the task at hand. Whether they was her husband’s career, or her children’s lives. How could she call them children now though? Immy sat next to her, one arm lazily draped across her own baby bump, the other reached out to hold her mother’s hand. 

All heads had turned to the stage as a larger man in a ill-fitting suit took to the podium. His welcome speech was short and sweet, something Cee appreciated. She had told anyone who she could that she wasn’t bothered; even to be nominated was an honour but she was bothered. Her stomach swam with anxiety in a way it hadn’t done in years. 

“And the winner, of the twenty-forty-eight Booker Prize goes to... Cecelia Holmes.”

The table around her, well dressed and well mannered, rose with celebration; clapping together hands together and whooping. Immy kissed her cheek, Beua was quick to follow but she wouldn't get around them all. Although, she couldn’t forget one of them. 

Bash had sat across from her for most of the night. Although it was her night, it was also the first time in months all the family had been together in one place. Well, not all the family. You could fill the whole room with all the family. They were on stand-by, waiting for the news. They could have a party anyway, Immy had said, but they’d take down the banners if she didn’t win, though she suspected they wouldn’t have to. That had made Cee laugh. All the family tonight mean the six kids. Beua, Cass, Edmund, Perc, Immy and Hugo, ranging in ages from early forties, to twenty-two. Her children. Fuck the books, these wonderful, clever, funny, thoughtful kids were the best thing she had ever done with her life. And it was all thanks to Bash. They had caught each others eyes all night and it had made her feel young again. Like when they used to catch each other eyes over the dinner table at Nettle Cottage. 

She was aware there was a room full of people waiting for her but she was hungry for the kiss. Her hands reached for his face and she wasn’t that surprised to see a tear in his eye. “I’m so proud of you,” Bash managed, although years of shouting in Westminster had left his voice a little hoarse. She kissed him again, although she could feel the ever secible and dependable Beua trying to take her arm towards the stage. 

“Of us,” Cee corrected him, before allowing her oldest son to resort her to the edge of the stage. She hadn’t prepared a speech but she thought she might mention that first kiss, under a tartan blanket, on a beach in Suffolk that inspired a lifetime of literary work. 

[queenmylovely]

Wedding Party I

Summary: Ben hardy x fem!reader. Lucy and Rami’s wedding is coming up and you and Ben are both part of the wedding party, with one catch. 

Word Count: 4.6k

Warnings: cussing, fluff, some roasting of reader 

A/N: This is the third and final part of my 500 follower celebration!! Though you might be able to guess that this will have more than one part, so stay tuned! Thank you so much again to everyone who follows me, including the people that have since I hit 500, cause it’s been a minute, whoops. I’m hoping to post updates to this weekly until it’s done. (Side note, obviously not shaming reader and neither are any of her friends, including Lucy, she just doesn’t want any drama.) Any feedback is super appreciated but especially replies, messages, and asks are super helpful for my writing ‘cause I get to hear what you think!

Part II, Part III, Part IV, Mini i, Mini ii, Masterlist

(hot hot hot gif by @mrbenhardys​)

💖💖💖

Over the past couple years, you had found yourself attending no fewer than three weddings a year, and last year broke the record with six. It was always a bit of a to do but you enjoyed it nonetheless, happy to see your friends happy and to go to a party. You hadn’t always been so happy to go; originally you were a little cynical and bitter about being single while all of your school and university friends got married. But then, at the second wedding you had been to, you hooked up with the best man and your opinion had been changed. It was easy to be happy for the happy couple when you were having hot sex with friends of friends with no chance for strings or feelings.

As such, you had grown a bit of a reputation among your friends that had borne witness to this behavior. A few teased you about it, a couple were silent, and a few more cheered you on, but none tried to stop you. This was mainly because none of them had seen how it would negatively impact them. And it wasn’t like it was terrible, but on more than one occasion you and some other guest had been walked in on, sometimes only a heated making out, but sometimes in the act. You had apologized and even tried to make it till after the reception, but it was hard sometimes with all the free booze and romantic songs and pretty lights making you hornier than ever.

Maybe there had been some awkward happenings when it was a destination wedding and the wedding party had events the next day. While you were happy with the one and done, some of the men you had hooked up with would be miffed when you kicked them out after the deed and didn’t seem so interested the next morning. After a couple uncomfortable brunches where everyone could feel the tension in the air (and not the good kind), you had decided to stick with the guys that were just a bit douchey and wouldn’t be so pained at a one night stand. Not that they didn’t sometimes get butthurt when you dropped ‘em too.

But to you, that was the beauty of the thing: hot sex for one night and one night only. You and whoever else you were with would exist in a made-up wedding world for the ceremony, reception, a couple hours of fucking, and then it would all be over and you could go back to your real world without any consequences. Okay, so only a couple consequences.

You thought that you would be able to keep this up indefinitely; you had a ton of friends in relationships who would have plenty of eligible bachelors at their weddings. That is, until your best friend, Lucy, got engaged to Rami. When she had invited you over for brunch just the two of you and had told you the news, you were enthralled for her. Rami was an amazing guy and you had never seen Lucy as happy as when she was with him. And then you were enthralled for yourself when you thought about all Rami’s actor friends that would undoubtedly be there. You had already met a couple, Joe and Gwilym, and if they were any sign of what level of men would be there, you couldn’t wait.

Your daydreams all came crashing down around you when Lucy abruptly said, “You’re not allowed to fuck anyone at my wedding.”

The two of you had just separated from your happy hug so she put her hands on your shoulders to make sure you looked at her and were paying attention.

“I-I-- What?” you stumbled out, brought from your reverie that was running through a list of A-list celebrity names that might be at the wedding. You tried to look innocent but the fiery look in Lucy’s eyes stopped you. So instead you whined, “Why?”

Lucy just rolled her eyes, though fondly, and replied, “Sit down.”

The two of you sat down at the wonderful brunch she (probably with help from Rami who was quite the home cook) had made and plated a couple items, poured mimosas, and you took your first bite before she continued.

“Obviously, Rami and I are very private people. We don’t like our relationship broadcasted to the public, and Rami feels that way about most of his life in general. So we’ve decided to have a really small wedding. We want it to be intimate and to share our love with each person that attends. We don’t feel like we have to prove anything or live up to any crazy standard and invite hundreds of people, half of whom we’ve never even spoken to,” Lucy explained, and throughout her little speech you felt yourself get a little emotional because you could tell how truly and deeply she and Rami loved each other. Lucy’s voice cracked a little and you reached your hand over to hers to give it a gentle squeeze.

Lucy took a sip of her drink and then said with a more pointed tone, “So because we are close friends or family with every single person that will be there, we don’t want anybody… fraternizing with anybody else and causing… awkward circumstances for us or any of the guests.”

“‘We,’ Lucy? Rami told you he didn’t want me fucking anyone?” you asked sarcastically.

“Well, when I say we I mean me, mainly. But Rami does want a drama-free wedding, as do I,” Lucy conceded. As she finished her sentence, Rami walked in having returned from what looked like the gym.

“What about me? Hi Y/N, hi sweet,” Rami said, dropping a kiss to your cheek briefly and then giving Lucy a more substantial one on the lips.

“Oh we were just talking about the wedding, you know,” Lucy said and Rami grinned.

“Did you ask her?” he inquired.

“Ask me what?”

“Well you know that Emma and I have had a pact to have each other as our maids of honour since we were like two and three,” she started and you nodded, knowing the story because she and her sister had relayed it many times over the years you had known them. “But will you do me the honour of being one of my bridesmaids?” A big smile took over your face and you jumped up to hug her, practically yelling “yes!” into her ear. Then you brought Rami into the hug as well, all of you laughing and smiling.

When that was done, you all sat back down, Rami pulling up a chair and grabbing a plate. Then you turned to him and said, “So Rami, Luce was just about to tell me about all of your friends that are going to be there.”

You were just teasing, but as you saw Lucy’s miffed face, you couldn’t help yourself. “You know, I really liked meeting Joe and Gwilym, it’d be nice to see them again. And can’t forget about that Ben who you all talk so much about. ‘Haven’t met him yet, but I’m sure the wedding will fix that.”

So that Lucy couldn’t see, you winked at Rami to make sure he knew you were joking, mostly.

Before you could say another word, Lucy burst out, “No, do not fuck anyone. Okay? Do. Not. Fuck. Anyone. Especially Ben.”

Your ears perked up at that, “Ben? Why especially Ben?”

“Uhhhhhhh,” Lucy hesitated for a second, a look of panic taking over her face.

“Because you guys will be walking together and you’ll spend the most time together,” Rami saved her.

“Yeah, it would mess up the whole party’s dynamic. Just don’t okay?” Lucy asked with a pleading look in her eyes to make you feel guilty.

“Okay, geez, I won’t. You guys act like I’m some floozy who can’t keep it in her pants,” you half-pouted for a second, but then they both gave you a look. “Whatever, I won’t, I won’t!”

_

Unbeknownst to you, the reason they were so hell-bent on keeping your attention off Ben specifically was not because he was the groomsman to your bridesmaid (although that would’ve been reason enough). It was actually because Ben had the exact same reputation amongst his friends as you did yours.

After he had gotten out of a more serious relationship a couple years ago, he hadn’t settled down again. With plenty of friends getting married, his was the same fruitful situation as yours, and he used it to his benefit. The wedding scene was a lot more reliable than just hitting up any old bar or pub.

Ben had also gotten the no fucking speech, but from Rami when he asked him to be a groomsman. He had agreed to the rule with a begrudging nod. Ben was easier to convince since he was mutual friends with a lot of Lucy and Rami’s friends and would know most everyone at the wedding.

While you and Lucy had been best friends for years, you weren’t an actress and didn’t already know most of her actor friends. Because of Lucy’s filming schedules and locations, you relied on a lot of facetime to keep up with each other. You had only met Joe because you had tagged along on a Venice trip with Lucy and Rami. Gwilym you had got to know a bit more because whenever Lucy and Rami were in town for more than a week they liked to have dinner parties or game nights and both of you were frequently in attendance. Ben’s filming schedule or other priorities had always prevented him from joining in, at least for times you had gone.

Of course you had seen pictures of Ben on everyone’s instagram, and maybe had done some stalking of your own. Not to mention you watched Bohemian Rhapsody, obviously, and had caught a couple of other things he had been in just by happenstance. He seemed like a pretty good actor and a pretty great guy from what you could tell. Plus, you trusted the judgement of your friends about his character.

_____

Lucy and Rami weren’t ones to do the more extravagant things that some engaged couples did. Instead of a big engagement party, they decided to have a dinner party with just their families and the wedding party.

The party started at 6:30pm, so you got there… at 6:50pm. You hadn’t meant to be late but you couldn’t decide between two dresses, worrying that the one you wanted to wear would be too dressy. You ended up going for it anyway, it was black with an opaque sweetheart neckline and a mesh and lace section that made it sleeveless and so it wasn’t actually strapless. It wasn’t bodycon but it hugged your curves nicely and had gold shimmery thread as part of the lace that caught the light. You had also done your makeup and hair quickly but thought that the overall effect was nice.

As you arrived at their door, you tried the handle, hoping it was open so you could slip in quietly, but no dice. So you knocked twice and stepped back to wait. No answer came so you knocked again louder and waited again. Just as you were about to raise your hand again, the door swung open and you saw Joe there.

He smiled when he recognized you; the two of you had become quick friends during those couple days in Venice.

But before he could say anything, you glanced past him and asked, “Dinner hasn’t started, right? I’m not that late?”

Joe laughed and shook his head, “No, everyone’s still getting drinks and stuff. You’re only like five minutes behind the last person to arrive. Nice to see you by the way.”

You laughed sheepishly and leaned in for the hug he offered, “Nice to see you too, Joe. How’s everything?”

The two of you headed further into the apartment as he told you, “Pretty good. I'm actually starting filming just outside London so I’ll be over here basically until right after the wedding. No trips back and forth for me.”

“That’s great! And that means you’ll be ‘round for game nights. I’ll have to warn you that Gwilym and I make a great team.”

Joe scoffed at that, “Gwil and I are a great team, thank you very much.”

“Funny, he hasn’t mentioned anything to me about your skills,” you shot back with a smirk.

“Guess we’ll just have to ask him.”

“Guess we will.”

Gwilym ended up being the first person the two of you saw as you entered the living room. He saw you walk in and headed over quickly with a big smile on his face.

“Ah Y/N, glad you made it!” he said, leaning down for a peck on the cheek and a quick hug.

“Yep, and only 20 fashionable minutes late,” you replied and the three of you laughed.

“Alright, alright, introductions are over. We have something to settle with you Gwil,” Joe said seriously.

“Oh?” Gwil asked, a little confused.

“That’s right. Joe and I wanted to know which one of us is the best game night partner,” you asked, pointing an accusatory finger as Joe squinted his eyes at him.

Gwil broke out in laughter, which only seemed slightly nervous. “Well you see… It’s like comparing apples and oranges. Y/N you’re better at trivia but Joe you’re really good at charades.”

Joe and you looked at each other and then back to Gwil.

“Seems like a bit of a cop-out to me,” Joe pointed out.

“Yeah, why don’t you just give us a real--”

“Y/N! There you are!” you heard Lucy calling out to you and you turned to see your best friend excusing herself from some of her family members. She half ran over to you and pulled you in for a tight hug.

“Hey you look nice,” you told her when you pulled back and could see her outfit. She was in a flowy cream colored dress with ruffles and gold ribbon sewn in.

“Thank you,” she replied. Then a cheeky smile took over her face and she told you, “You look a bit like a young widow attending her 80-year-old husband’s funeral after killing him in his sleep. All you’re missing is the black veil.”

“Shut up!”

“Don’t listen to her, Y/N, you look lovely,” Rami told you as he walked up.

As he kissed your cheek and you leaned in for a hug you told him while looking at Lucy, “Thank you, Rami, you truly are such a good friend.”

“I’m just telling it like it is,” Lucy shrugged to everyone’s amusement.

Everyone got to chatting and catching up, but when you were in the middle of a conversation with Gwil, Lucy pulled you away.

“Where did he get to?” Lucy wondered, looking around the room. “Who--?”

“Ah there he is,” Lucy told herself more than you and started pulling you over to the other side of the room.

You had no idea where she was leading you to until you noticed a man with blonde hair facing the other direction and talking to a couple you didn’t know. Realizing it must be Ben, your stomach dropped but whether it was out of anticipation, excitement, or anxiousness you couldn’t tell. Ben had been hyped up so much both by your friends and by the idea of him you had in your mind. Now it was even worse after that speech Lucy had given you a couple weeks ago. Even though she hadn’t meant to, she was putting all of your attention on Ben with the thought of sex in mind. Now you were just trying to stave it off so you didn’t make a fool of yourself upon meeting him.

Taking a deep breath in as Lucy tapped on his shoulder, you tried to ready yourself for anything that might happen. Ben looked quickly and saw that it was Lucy and politely excused himself from the conversation.

Even just hearing him say that made your eyes widen slightly; he had such a deep, rich voice that in any other case your mouth would practically be watering at the thought of what it would sound like in bed. Now, you had that thought but had to drop it quickly from your mind because it would lead places that weren’t allowed.

Ben finally turned around, smiling at Lucy and then his expression turned to interest when he saw you.

“Ben, I’d like you to meet my best friend, Y/N. Y/N, this is Ben,” Lucy said and the two of you shook hands, smiling and exchanging pleasantries. “Okay so you both already know that you’ll be walking together so… get to know each other! Become, acquainted, better yet become friends!”

Both of you laughed lightly at Lucy’s words and then waved her off when someone started calling for her.

“So you’re the infamous Ben,” you said jokingly, looking him up and down as if you were studying him and not as if he was just incredibly good to look at.

“Infamous? Do I have that bad of a reputation?” Ben said back good-naturedly, though he was a little worried you had heard about his penchant for sleeping with people at weddings, especially with Rami confronting him about it.

“Well, maybe not bad, more I’ve just heard about you so much without meeting you that if it weren’t for your movies I wouldn’t have thought you really existed,” you amended with a smile.

“Oh my movies, huh? You’ve seen more than one?” Ben asked cheekily and your cheeks flushed for a moment.

“Well I’ve obviously seen borhap, as you would call it, and I saw X-Men before all that to keep up with the series, and my family’s very into action movies, so I caught 6 Underground with them,” you explained.

“Seems like you’re pretty familiar with my filmography,” he pointed out with a smile.

“If that’s what you wanna think…”

“I think that you’ve been here for about ten minutes and no one’s gotten you a drink. Can I fix that?” Ben asked, gesturing to your empty hands.

“Lead the way,” you replied, and he guided you over to where a little bar was set up. On the way, you had to remind yourself again of the rules and that though a handsome man was making you a drink, that was all that was happening.

“Alright, they’ve got the works so what would you like?” Ben said with an easy smile.

“Oh, um, I like Moscow mules,” you told him.

“Good choice, good choice,” Ben replied as he looked around at the different bottles. “A Moscow mule…”

“Do you know how to make a Moscow mule?” you asked because he had missed the ginger beer bottle about three times.

“What? Of course I… don’t,” he admitted sheepishly.

“It’s okay, I can just make it,” you suggested but Ben shook his head.

“No, I said I was going to get you a drink, and I’ll make it. If you could just tell me how?” he said with a small smile.

You laughed and nodded, “Okay, so just squeeze a lime wedge into the glass and go ahead and drop it in. Then a couple ice cubes, that’s good. And now two oz. of vodka, actually why don’t you do one and a half, I don’t need two right now. Now you just fill the rest with ginger beer and give it a stir!”

Ben stirred the drink and then garnished it with another lime wedge, “Ta-da, my first ever Moscow mule and all for you!”

Taking it from him, you waited until he grabbed his own drink again and then held yours up for a cheers. After taking a sip you said, “Mmm, very good, just like a real bartender. Do you want to try?”

“Sure,” he replied with a smile and you carefully exchanged drinks so he didn’t have to hold both while he did. Your hands brushed against each other a couple times and you had to keep your breath from catching at how warm his hands were and the way he looked at you when it happened. “Oh wow, yeah that’s very good. Maybe I’ll have to have these from now on.”

“And hey, if the acting thing ever stops working out, you could always fall back on being a bartender,” you joked, unable to stop your laughter.

Ben shook his head but laughed too, saying, “That’s cold, that’s cold.”

Then he took another gulp of your drink and you reached forward to get it from him, “Hey, that’s mine, make your own if you’re so good at it.”

“Just a repayment for you being so mean. There, have it back,” he said with a smirk, handing it back to you and grabbing his own drink from your hand.

“Hmph,” you held your drink close to you to keep him from getting it again and Ben laughed at your actions, about to say something else when Rami was heard over the chatter saying that dinner was ready.

_

For dinner you were sat in between Lucy and Joe with Ben across from you and Gwilym and Rami next to him. Talk and laughter interrupted the actual eating of the meal, but it was hard to mind because everyone was having so much fun. Lucy and Rami’s families were on the other side of them, so everyone got to hear funny stories about their childhood as well.

After dinner, you and Emma had volunteered to get the dessert ready after some others had helped put away the dishes. You took it as an opportunity to catch up a little.

“So, you and that Ben seem to be hitting it off,” Emma said in a teasing tone as she started grabbing little plates from a cupboard.

“Please, you’re not doing recon for Lucy are you?” you asked with a roll of your eyes and taking the cleaned forks from the dish rack.

Emma looked at you confusedly, “What do you mean?”

“She didn’t tell you what she told me?” you asked and she shook her head. You sighed, taking the cover off the homemade sheet cake as you told her, “She told me that I wasn’t allowed to fuck anyone. And especially Ben because we’re walking together.”

Emma broke out in laughter at the words you said and the dejected way in which you said them, accidentally dropping the cake server onto the counter with a clatter, “Oh my gosh, honestly I can’t blame her, you do kinda wreak havoc on weddings.”

“That’s not fair! There’s only been like two outright verbal fights because of me,” you defended, taking the cake server yourself and starting to cut squares of cake.

“Hey, don’t take your anger out on the cake,” she pointed to your first haphazard piece of cake. “Anyway, how many passive aggressive altercations have there been because of you?”

“I dunno,” you said with a shrug of your shoulders but Emma’s look made you add, “Fine, a lot.”

“Exactly, now Ben’s hot I’ll give you that,  but I think you can survive these next weeks without jumping his bones. It’s not like you’ll be seeing him all the time,” Emma told you.

“Yes, yes, I’ll be an adult, whatever. Lucy and Rami already covered this, you know,” you said with a bit of annoyance.

“Okay I’ll shut up. Let’s get this cake out there before there’s a riot,” she joked and you smiled, following her back into the living room with the pan of cake as she took the forks and plates.

_

Emma’s speech (you swore next it’ll be their mom telling you not to fuck Ben) did give you new resolve not to get too friendly with Ben, thinking it was better to interact with him in groups from now on.

That plan went well for most of the rest of the night as Joe, Gwilym, and Emma proved effective buffers. But then Gwilym had to leave because he had call time in the morning and Joe went with because he was staying with him. Then Emma went off to compare notes with Sami, Rami’s brother, about their respective maid of honor and best man responsibilities. You looked around and realized that because it was getting later and the families had gone home and Lucy and Rami were off doing who knows what in the kitchen, you were completely alone with Ben.

Not only that, but you were sitting right next to him on the couch and your knees were definitely touching. You tapped your fingers on your cup as you listened to Ben. He was telling you about shooting in Italy, which you had asked about because after going to Venice, you wanted to see more, but it was hard to pay attention. Your focus was being brought to his hands that he used to gesture as he talked. To his hair that he would absent-mindedly run his fingers through whenever a strand fell down onto his forehead. To his lips, oh fuck his full lips, that he licked whenever he smiled or laughed.

You could feel yourself leaning closer to him and if you weren’t wrong, his words were slowing down and he was getting closer to you too.

“So, yeah, I loved Florence, but um, Siena was something-- something special. It’s, it’s really-- really gorgeous,” Ben finished.

You looked up at him but found that he was looking at your lips and had tugged his own between his teeth. With the second drink in your system and the way you could feel Ben’s body heat radiating towards you and pulling you in, you were a second away from saying fuck it iand just kissing him.

“Are you done with your drink? Do you need another or?” Lucy’s voice asking you brought both of you out of whatever state you were in and you moved apart from each other, not so subtly.

You looked to Lucy and didn’t miss the pointed look she was giving you. “No, I should probably actually head out. I’ve got something in the morning, thanks though.”

Ben stood up when you did and you said goodbye with a strictly friendly hug. Then you said goodbye to Lucy, telling her quietly that she didn’t have to say anything. You found Rami with Emma and Sami and said goodbye to all of them.

As you were headed to the front door to let yourself out, Ben walked up behind you.

“Hold on a second,” he said and you turned around to him with a pleasant smile. “I, um, wanted to give you my number in case there’s ever anything that we need to discuss or whatever since we’re, you know, walking together.”

Ben was a little awkward getting that out, so you handed your phone to him with a bright, “Sure!” to reassure him.

He typed in his phone number and you were ready to walk away with a quick goodbye but Ben got a look in his eye. For a second you thought he was going to kiss you and your breath caught, and then he leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to your cheek. Although not the kiss you were expecting, it still had an effect on you. It was different to the ones you had gotten from say Gwilym or Rami. Though it was probably just as quick, it felt a lot longer and just that simple act made your whole body feel warm.

“Looking forward to seeing you soon,” Ben said softly, hardly waiting for your quiet, “you too” before walking back to the living room.

You reached your hand up to the spot on your cheek he had kissed and walked out the door. That warm feeling didn’t go away all night.

💖💖💖

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[calenheniel]

Queen of the Ashes, a frozen fanfic | Part IV

Frozen | Alternate Universe | Hans x Elsa | Romance, Drama | T+

They met as children, each with a secret. Plagued by tragedy, their paths meet again many years later, and their secrets are unraveled.

Part I | Part II | Part III | Updates: #QueenoftheAshesFrozen

Author’s Note: This fic is probably going to end up being 7-8 parts in total in draft form. I may then go back and re-edit to have it published in 4-5 longer chapters. Anyway, I don’t want to say anything else. Happy quarantine reading!

»»————-　❈　————-««

IV.

She awoke the next morning to a vicious headache, groaning at the sunlight streaming through her window.

Every scene from the night before came into clear focus, and she swore at herself for refusing to drink, wishing that she could forget certain conversations.

I wouldn’t joke about something like this.

She rolled over, stuffing her face in her pillows, trying to block out the sound of his voice.

I wanted to be honest with you, Elsa.

She raised herself up on her hands in a huff, marching over to her closet and throwing the doors open with a burst of wintry wind. She regretted it as soon as she saw her clothes covered in a dusting of snow, and brushed it off while muttering to herself, the headache unabating.

Just as she finished changing, a knock on the door made her jump, and her newly-made crown nearly fell from her hands.

“Your Majesty? It’s Gerda,” said the voice of a servant on the other side. “Breakfast is ready for you. The princess is already at the table.”

The queen almost dropped the crown again, blinking. “Anna is… at breakfast? Already?”

The older woman creaked the door open a little to smile at her queen. “Yes, Your Majesty. With one of your guests, I believe.”

She turned red from her face down to her hands, still uncovered, and her mouth dropped open, then shut again, before she could manage to reply. “I see. Thank you for telling me,” she said, and quickly slid on her gloves. With trembling hands, she secured her crown atop her head. “I’ll be down shortly.”

“I’ll let them know,” the servant said, curtsying and closing the door.

The queen leaned against her bedpost, shaking her head. A frown spread across her features and remained there even as she left the room, taking long and angry – but still outwardly composed – strides through the hall and down the staircase.

She stopped just before the entryway to the private dining room, and took a deep breath, knowing what waited for her if she turned the corner.

I can promise you that it’s not Anna I’m after.

She shifted her frown into a neutral expression with some effort, swallowing, and stepped forward.

Her headache was gone.

»» —— ««

“Elsa! We’ve been here for a while. I thought maybe you decided to sleep in, for once.”

Her sister’s exclamation forced the queen to present a smile, though her nose wrinkled as she did. “Yes,” she replied dryly. She ignored the other person in the room even as he rose and bowed to acknowledge her entrance. “How the tables have turned.”

Her sister laughed at the remark until she snorted, and the prince sat down again. “She’s saying that because I’m never up this early,” the princess explained to their guest, grinning. “Elsa’s always back at work by the time I make it downstairs.”

Her smile dipped a little at this last comment, though the prince was quick to reply: “Is she?” He looked up at the young queen, who was taking her seat at the head of the table when their eyes finally met. “I can see that.”

She stared daggers back at him until he turned away. “I feel very fortunate to have been invited to a private breakfast with you two,” he continued, bowing his head. “It’s been a long time since I shared a meal with family,” he said, smiling sadly, “or something like family.”

Her lip twitched at the comment, and she could barely restrain a scowl as her sister pressed a sympathetic hand to his. “Well you have us, now,” the princess assured him, “and you can join us for breakfast or for any other meal whenever you like.”

Irritation crackled through the queen’s spine. “Anna…” she said, “I don’t think—”

“Don’t worry, Elsa,” her sister interrupted. “I already told Hans he’s welcome to stay with us in the castle as long as he likes, so he doesn’t have to go back home so soon.”

Her mouth went limp. “As long as he likes,” she repeated, oblivious to the servants placing her meal down in front of her.

“Yep,” her sister said, smiling. “Won’t it be great to have him around? Up until yesterday, we haven’t had anyone else here in the longest time,” she said, adding in a gentler way: “I know it’ll be a change from what we’re used to, but… isn’t change good, sometimes, too?”

She gripped her silverware hard enough to feel them start to ice over, and then she exhaled, compelling herself to nod politely in agreement. “It can be,” she forced the words out, and then looked at the prince, her gaze hollow. “And has our guest agreed to stay?”

He matched the princess’s smile. “Yes, at least for the next two weeks of festivities,” he replied, standing to bow. “Or as long as you’ll both have me.”

She gestured for him to sit again, and turned to her sister. “We should talk about this later,” she said. “Anyway, please keep eating, or the food will get cold.”

The princess pouted but went back to buttering her toast, eyeing her sister with caution in the silence.

The queen refused to meet the look, finding her gaze torn between her breakfast – which she had no appetite for – and the prince, who ate his meal with patient precision, his utensils hardly making noise as they touched the plate.

At length, she cleared her throat to get his attention. “So,” she began, tapping her nails against her glass of water, “what were you two talking about, before I arrived?”

“I was just—”

“We were mostly just talking about that time he visited when we were kids,” her sister interjected, looking relieved to be speaking again. “He was reminding me about a lot that I had forgotten.”

She swallowed, her stomach turning just as it had the night before. “Did he?” she asked. “And what did you remind her of, Hans?”

“Just the games we used to play together—or rather,” he corrected himself, “of the games I used to watch the two of you play, while I skulked off to the corner.” He chuckled. “I was really so unfriendly back then. It’s a wonder you two were still so kind to me in spite of it.”

Suspicion laced her stare as her sister giggled at the memory. “Yeah, you were a little on the antisocial side. But you did help us with those puzzle sets that I hated, and I almost got to dress you up in one of Elsa’s gowns that one time, before you ran away.”

As they laughed, the queen watched their exchange between small bites of her meal. Observing how her sister’s sunny, bright disposition was unflinching throughout, she wondered if her deeper fears were unfounded.

“But you told us that really good story that one time, about a kid who could… make fire? Or something like that.” The princess shook her head with a smile. “You had a good imagination for such a sourpuss.”

He looked embarrassed at the comment. “Oh, that? I’m surprised you remember it,” he replied. “I just made it up on the spot, actually. It wasn’t from a book, or anything like that.”

“I knew it!” the princess proclaimed, clapping her hands together. “Even as a kid. I mean, I don’t really remember it that well, but…” She trailed off, tapping her chin thoughtfully. “I think I was upset because you didn’t give us a good ending, or something like that.”

His smile flinched for a second. “No, I didn’t.” He sat up taller. “But enough about me. What about you two? Are you still getting into any trouble, these days?”

“Us? Trouble?” the princess replied. “No. Not really.” She forked a morsel of smoked salmon over to the side of her plate. “Not in a while.”

The two sisters exchanged a long look at this, and the elder coughed to break it. “Not for a long time,” she agreed, and took another sip of water. She shot the prince a dark look. “We can’t afford to get into trouble.”

“Well, Elsa can’t, anyway, now that she’s queen. Me, on the other hand? I do all sorts of crazy stuff,” her sister said in a conspiratorial way, smirking. She added in just above a whisper: “I just do it behind the scenes, you know? So it’s not obvious.”

“Right,” said her older sister, her blonde brow rising. “It’s not obvious at all when you’re riding a bicycle in the hallway, whooping as you go.”

“Okay, well, a little obvious.”

The two shared a genuine laugh at this, which lasted until the queen remembered the presence of a third party at the table. She cleaned her lips self-consciously with a delicate dab from her napkin, and when she looked up, she noticed him staring at her.

Her face flushed. “I should be going now,” she said suddenly, “as I have some work to attend to.” She forced her head to turn towards her sister. “And I believe you have a meeting with the French ambassador and his party starting in a few minutes, don’t you?”

The princess slid down in her chair with a groan. “I forgot about that,” she sighed. “Can’t we take the day off? Your coronation was only yesterday, and—”

“No, Anna, we can’t,” she cut in with a stern tone, though her skin was still tinged red, feeling his eyes on her. “And besides,” she continued, “it’ll be an opportunity to put your French lessons to good use. Isn’t that what you’ve always wanted?”

“I guess,” her sister muttered, crossing her arms and sliding down the chair further. “If I have to.”

The queen held in a chuckle, her attention finally returning to the prince. “And you…” she paused, uneasy.

He glanced down at the napkin on the table next to her plate, and then back up at her. “I’ll find some way to occupy myself, I’m sure,” he offered, smiling in the same, unnerving way he had all morning. “Should you deign to have me at another meal, I would be honored to join.”

“The library,” she said suddenly, wearing a thin smile. “We have an extensive collection; I think you might like it in there.” After a beat, she explained: “If I recall, you were quite the bookworm when we were children.”

He nodded, a little taken aback. “Yes, and still am,” he said. “I’ll go there, then. Thank you, Your Majesty.”

She did not like his manners –the overtness of his looks, the presumption of another invitation to dinner, the use of her formal title – but, for her sister’s sake, she smiled and nodded as she rose from the table. The prince and princess followed, curtsying and bowing to her as she left.

As she reached and then ascended the staircase, her heart pounded so loudly in her ribcage that she could hear little else.

»» —— ««

The presence of the dignitaries at court meant that the queen could not avoid in-person meetings as before, and her morning was soon occupied by one foreign sycophant after the other. Each was more eager than the last to make an impression on the mysterious young queen, with more than one unsubtle mention of marriage prospects and suitable candidates.

Forced to endure their suggestions, she was at pains to smile through the conversations, and often tried to change topics to trade, politics, architecture, or really anything else. She snuck a curious glance in the direction of the library whenever she got a chance, and her nose would wrinkle a little each time she did, remembering who was inside.

When the last meeting with the Spanish ambassador had drawn to a close – she ended it early after the words “Prince Diego, a fine young man” had left his lips – she took a small lunch in her bedroom and walked directly to her guest’s place of temporary exile, finding that her feet were leading her there before her head could protest.

She was unsurprised to find her sister with the prince, sitting at a table with a large book of maps open between them. He pointed at locations while the princess commented between bites of her sandwich; his handkerchief being empty, the queen surmised that he had eaten his already.

“Ahem,” she said to announce her entrance, and the prince leapt up from his seat, bowing.

Her sister merely waved, gesturing for her to come over with a mouth full of food. “Elsa! Come and look at this. Hans has been showing me where he’s traveled with the Navy.”

She frowned a little as she approached them. “You know you’re not supposed to eat in here,” she scolded.

“Sorry,” the princess apologized, grinning sheepishly, and stuffed the remainder of the sandwich in her face.

This earned her an eye-roll from the queen, who nonetheless took a seat next to her, staring at the prince with feigned interest. “So you’ve traveled,” she said.

“Yes,” he replied, smiling as he took his seat. He smoothed his bare hands out over the pages, pointing at the North Sea. “I was just telling the princess about my last trip to Scotland on duty, some years ago. We were out on a naval exercise and got caught in a bad storm with crazy winds. I was lucky to—”

He paused when he noticed that both sisters looked uncomfortable at his tale, their gazes turned down. Realizing his faux pas, he sat back with an embarrassed look. “I’m so sorry,” he said, “I didn’t think—”

“It’s fine,” the queen snapped, eyeing her sister with some worry. When the princess nodded back, she repeated in a calmer way: “It’s fine. You were saying?”

He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter,” he said, “it wasn’t a good story, anyway.”

A silence settled upon the group until the princess broke it, remarking: “But his other trips sounded wonderful! He mentioned one to France, where he stayed out so late he missed his cleaning duties the next morning on the ship.”

She giggled, and he chuckled in return. “It wasn’t funny at the time, when I was sure I’d be whipped,” he commented, “but I was able to squeeze out of that scrape, fortunately.”

The queen smiled. “It’s good to be a prince, isn’t it?” she remarked, a hint of smugness in her tone. At his furrowed brow, she peeked at the grandfather clock in the corner of the room behind him. Seeing the time, her eyes lifted. “Oh, Anna,” she said to her sister, “isn’t it time for your music lesson?”

The princess blinked, following the queen’s eyes to the clock, and then sighed. “Yeah, it is,” she admitted, dragging herself up from the table with a frown. She patted down her dress, and looked at her older sister with pleading eyes. “Can this be the last of it today? I told Hans we could have tea together later.”

She inhaled, and then relented. “Fine,” she agreed, then added more gently: “You’ve been very helpful these last few weeks, Anna. Thank you.”

The princess beamed at this praise, nodding. “Of course, Elsa. I just want to help where I can.”

The two sisters curtsied to one another, and just before the younger one left the room, she grinned at their guest. “I’ll see you later, Hans. But don’t you dare eat any of the chocolate eclairs without me!”

He smiled back at her. “I’ll try not to, Your Highness.”

She flashed him a suspicious look before finally exiting, and he laughed a little when the door closed after her, eyeing the queen with a curious stare. “Does she really have a lesson,” he asked, “or was that just an excuse to get her out of the room?”

She frowned. “She always has music lessons on Mondays at one. Not everyone has ulterior motives like you, Hans.” Her gaze narrowed at him before turning to the table, and she brushed off the remaining crumbs from her sister’s sandwich into her palm with a sigh. “She brought you lunch, I presume?”

He folded the handkerchief, calmly following her lead. “I thought I’d made my motives quite clear last night,” he replied, “and yes. She was kind enough to bring it to me.” After they had both finished cleaning the table, he shut the book and placed it under his arm, meeting her eyes with one raised eyebrow. “I’m surprised you haven’t sent me away yet.”

She gestured for him to lead them as he walked to the original location of the book, following him with a straight and stiff posture. “I wanted to, when I heard you were at breakfast with her, but…” She swallowed. “Then I saw how you two were getting along this morning, plus just now, and I—well, I couldn’t just throw you out of the castle in front of her.” Her frown returned. “But you knew that would happen, didn’t you?”

He paused in their travels to turn around and look at her, his smile cautious enough to invite suspicion, but not confirm it. “You really don’t trust me at all, do you?” he asked. “I can’t say I blame you; I haven’t really earned it yet.” He didn’t aver his eyes from hers. “I was prepared to leave this morning, but Anna insisted I join her. And, remembering that you wanted to tell her yourself that I was leaving, well…” He shrugged and turned back around, continuing his walk between the library’s endless, tall shelves. “I didn’t want to disobey your orders, Elsa.”

She stood stunned for a moment, and then stomped after him, her arms crossed. “How convenient for you,” she hissed as she caught up to him, and then added with a crinkled brow: “And where did you find that book? I haven’t seen it before.”

He stifled a laugh. “The stacks at the end,” he informed her. “Reminds me of the library at home.” He continued after a beat: “I spent a lot of time in there, growing up.”

In spite of her reservations, the queen replied: “I did too, in here.”

He peeked at her over his shoulder, tapping the volume under his arm. “Then I’m surprised you didn’t recognize this.”

She glared at him. “I haven’t read every book in here—just most of them,” she retorted. “Nautical maps weren’t exactly my favorite.”

They arrived at their destination a moment later, and he smiled at her as he slipped the book back into place. “Then what is it that the Queen of Arendelle likes to read?”

She reddened. “History of architecture, mostly,” she mumbled, her arms relaxing a little, “and fiction, from time to time. Everything else I read out of boredom, or because—”

“You were told to?” he finished, and she frowned. “Yes, I’m familiar with that kind of reading, too.”

Their gazes met in the pause that followed, and her cheeks grew redder upon realizing how closely they were standing to each other. “Anyway,” she began, stepping back from him, “I… I’m not going to ask you to leave. Not yet.”

He blinked. “Oh?”

She pursed her lips. “Not because I want you to stay, of course,” she continued. “It’s for Anna. She hasn’t had anyone to talk to in a long time outside of me, and I’m not exactly the most thrilling company.” The redness in her features had not abated, though her face softened as she admitted: “I haven’t seen her this happy in a while, and I don’t want to take that away from her.”

Before he could chime in, she continued: “She does seem taken with you, to be sure, but… knowing Anna, if she liked you in that way, she’d have told me so already, and probably in dramatic fashion.” Something in-between a smile and a cringe touched her expression. “Thankfully, that hasn’t happened yet, so I’m inclined to believe that the connection you two share is… innocent, for lack of a better word.” Her gaze was penetrating as she added: “And it must remain so.”

He bowed his head. “I wouldn’t have it any other way,” he assured her. “I’m just grateful to know that you’re starting to believe me when I say as much.”

Reminded of what he had told her the night prior, she sucked in a breath, her stare still wary. “Right,” she rejoined. “Because your designs are on me, not Anna.”

“‘Designs’ makes it sound so… villainous,” he remarked, sighing.

“Is that so?” she scoffed. “Then which term, exactly, would you prefer me to use?”

“Just…” he started, and then leaned his elbow against the shelf, his hand brushing against a divider. His gaze grew more focused on her. “Interest.”

“Interest,” she repeated. She glanced at his hand dangling a few feet away from her, his bare skin unnerving her again. “The kind of interest that leads you to sit on the throne, I presume.”

“It’s not about that,” he replied so quickly as to catch her off-guard. “You said it yourself last night: if I really wanted a crown and nothing else, I could’ve had that already.”

“Then what is it, Hans?” she asked. “What makes your ‘interest’ in me so different from all of that?”

He looked down at her crossed arms, and she followed his stare; when she realized the meaning in it, her skin flushed anew, and she aligned her hands to her sides.

“You know, I thought it was strange, at first,” he began, cocking his head to the side, “how Anna never mentioned anything, in all our conversations over the last two days. I would’ve thought that she’d speak of nothing else, remembering how enthusiastic she was about it when we were children.” He stared at her in a thoughtful way. “Not to mention that shock of white hair she has now, which I can’t recall her having before.”

At her silence, he resumed his speech. “But then I remembered the news of how the castle in Arendelle had suddenly been closed off, and how, for years afterwards, no one had seen either of you in person. I thought at the time that it might’ve been related to what I saw here, as a boy, but I couldn’t be sure, and I…” He shifted in his stance. “Well, I had my own problems to deal with back then, and couldn’t spend as much time theorizing about it as I would’ve liked to.” He paused. “Talking to Anna, and then seeing you again, all those old ideas came back to me. I tried to bring it up with her in a roundabout way last night when we were in the gallery, after almost an hour of discussing our favorite kinds of sandwiches and chocolates, but she just gave me an odd look.”

She swallowed. “What did you ask her, exactly?”

“If you two were still building snowmen in there,” he answered, and her shoulders rose nearly to her ears. “She said, ‘how could we build them indoors?’ So I didn’t pry further.” He studied her red face and trembling hands. “I thought perhaps she was protecting you, but… given how chatty she is about everything else, I guessed that wasn’t it, either.”

His tone was calm but directed as he continued: “Then, I saw it at breakfast – when you were gripping your fork and knife – and when she didn’t even notice it, that confirmed for me that whatever is going on, I wasn’t going to find out from her.”

She bit her lip to keep it from quivering, but did not reply, staring at the ground.

“So I’ve been wondering, Elsa: what happened?”

She watched him take one step closer, and sucked in a breath, her head snapping up. Tears stung at her eyes. “I—” she started to say, but her reply was cut short by her own, erratic breathing. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

His gaze softened. “It’s all right. You can tell me.”

She shook her head. “You wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me,” he offered. “I might understand it better than you think.”

“How could you?” she shot back at him, a deep frown etching itself onto her lips. “You don’t know what it was like to be alone for all these years, to have to lie to your only sister, to not even be able to hug your own mother and father before they—”

She cut off her speech before she could finish, placing her face in her hands.

“Elsa.”

A familiar voice and a warm hand on her shoulder roused her from her misery, and she looked up, half-expecting to see her father again.

Instead, she was greeted by a pale-faced prince who held her steady with his hands on her arms, and when she had gathered her senses about her, she stepped back out of his grasp, faintly aware of the traces of snowflakes still stuck to her dress.

She passed a gloved hand over her face. “I hurt her, Hans,” she said in a small, quiet voice. “I hurt her.”

“How?”

Her hand dropped to her side, though she still would not look at him. “It happened a couple years after you visited,” she murmured. “I struck her in the head by accident while we were playing, and… everything changed, after that.” Her jaw tensed. “By some strange creature’s magic, she was made to forget what happened—not just on that night, but on all the other nights before. Anything related to my—”

She could not bring herself to say it, her voice coming out as a croak when she next spoke. “She thinks she was born with that streak of white hair.” She touched the spines of some of the books on the shelf next to them with shaking fingers. “She doesn’t know, because she doesn’t remember. But I do.”

He was quiet for a long while, venturing to speak only when the temperature had become more bearable. “It’s not just your powers that she doesn’t remember, Elsa.”

At his comment, she finally looked at him, bemused. “What do you mean?”

He brushed a snowflake from his shoulder, and watched it melt in the air before looking back at her.

“If she was made to forget who you were,” he replied, “then how can she know who you are, now?”

[wincore]

AHHHH ive been working all weekend at my part time job and reading ur wips/ideas literally got me thru it!!

WHEN U CATCH UP ON HAIKYUU U GOTTA LET ME KNOWWW omg who was ur favorite character from what u watched?? mine is kuroo & atsumu (s4)!! if u have any anime or drama reccs id gladly take them 🤲🏻🤲🏻

when do you hear back abt grad school btw!! :o like what’s the timeline for applying & hearing back?

OFC I LIKE THEM?? I LIKE ALL UR IDEAS!!!

DISOBEYING FATE??? does this mean 2 ppl who are nonsoulmates are pretending to be together/are together 👀👀 IS THIS GONNA BE ANGSTY!! u know i live for the tension... and u know i love the way u write it!!!! a more flirty and annoying yn sounds so fun to read omg

“this fashion designer fic is dedicated to you tata 💝” IM HONORED TO CONTRIBUTE TO TAEYONG’S DUNGEON ESCAPE HWHSHJSJ will there be runway character cameos 😳😳

“AFTER TWILIGHT” HELP MEEEEE i cant tell who in nomin is edward and who’s jacob.... jeno edward?? LOL

EVERY ROMANCE PLOT SUITS JAEMIN OMGGG SO TRUE WAIT THAT REMINDS ME pls tell me the tropes/plots that u associate with the members!! or which tropes u think suit them well, any pairings that rlly stand out to u. obviously we are both pro e2l & doyoung HSJWJJS but who/what else!!! i am a person fan of yukhei with the f2l/campus crush/heartthrob bestie trope.

ALSO i kinda went off the grid around the time u did that poll about people’s favorite fanfic tropes/plots so i didn’t see any updates on it!! did u find anything interesting from that survey?? :o

I HOPE UR HAVING A GOOD WEEK MOONIE 💛

- tata 💖

THAT MAKES ME SO HAPPY AHHH omg i hope your part time offers enough wage for all that work!!! i would be so mad if i had to work over the weekend (but.. then again.. i’m aiming for ..corporate jobs..)

OMG omg okay this is going to get REALLY longer now tata!!!! i think this is where i should include a keep reading 😭

LET ME TELL YOU I HAD THIS MASSIVE CRUSH ON OIKAWA like his character just got to me!! i think i even wrote a character analysis for him back then LOL when i tell you 15 year old me was absolutely enamored with a 2d man. i loved kuroo too omg and the whole nekoma team he was just so chill i wanted to be him 🤩 and i’ve seen pictures of atsumu from my friends!!! who keep spamming me bc they too are in love with 2d men and he looks like someone who would cause problems on purpose but that could just be me sdkdhsj 

and ooh, i have so many dramas/animes i’ve been meaning to watch but recently in kdramas, i watched run on which was super cute and i love the female lead; extracurricular oh BOY i love this. i love thrillers and crime fiction. like SO much. it’s a shame i can’t make my own 😔; and now i’m currently watching vincenzo which is a dark comedy about a korean-italian mafia man and it’s rlly funny at times and also i like the theme of evil fights evil bc i am tired of main characters with moral compasses 🙄🙄 it’s ongoing though!! my friends recommended true beauty and love alarm to me but the way they are sobbing over it i am very afraid. i was also planning to watch perfect crime (jdrama) bc my friend is obsessed with sakurada dori. <3

my all time fav animes are still one piece (which i still havent caught up with bc i am so slow) and demon slayer!! i havent watched much anime recently but i watched the ancient animagus’ bride (?? i think that’s the name?) it’s got SUPER pretty visuals and i was in awe of the animation most of the time.

i also watched this japanese movie fairly recently called shoplifters and it’s also crime technically but discusses more of japanese poverty and my feelings throughout the movie were like 📈📉📈📉 and it’s so well directed!!! i think it’s the same director as for after the storm!! idk if you’ve watched that but it was really good too!

i apply to grad school next year!! i’ll be joining in the fall semester so i have to get stuff ready by april and that’s when most of the applications start!! the scholarship im aiming for begins earlier though and like. ma’am slow down i don’t even get my degree that early i’ll have to use a provisional certificate now😭

YES about the soulmates omg hhh the official synopsis is this: 

if finding your soulmate is the same as a damn game of russian roulette, you are determined to not pull the trigger at all. except, you know who your soulmate is and he doesn’t—and given a choice to pretend, you find that jaehyun is the lesser of the two burdens to bear.

like jaehyun is not the soulmate but yn doesn’t want her soulmate bc a) he’s in a relationship and doesn’t rlly care about the soulmate system which hurt bc she’s even lonelier now 😔 and b) she thinks money > love but that’s just a coping mechanism for being a lonely (and romantically repressed) person as is her being annoying and nosy LOL. i will end the analysis of my own character here jshgdksh

YES TO RUNWAY CHARACTER CAMEOS and yes you are literally the reason taeyong is escaping the dungeon

PLS neither jeno or nomin can be blue screen filtered brooding men i would be so uncomfortable 😭😭 IMD YING DGKSHDK if jeno plays edward i need him to that apple scene like taemin did ♥

okay so i have nct dream categorized in this way (i feel like it’s kind of biased towards bff2l whoops):

bff2l - mark, jeno, jaemin, jisung

e2l - haechan, renjun

either - chenle

but adding to that, lucas is definitely the campus crush bff you’re secretly in love with but you just can’t tell him!!! he’s too hot and popular for his own good!!!! but a series of romcom-esque events will help you probably LOL (bonus points if it’s fake dating)

if it isn’t e2l with doyoung i will respectfully not accept it as valid ❤

i also associate xiaojun with bff2l likee they’re always together on campus to the point that people think they’re dating also xiaojun majors in music and gets complimented on his lyricism often but like every song’s about you lol and one day he’s like wait is it copyright infringement if he’s using your existence in his songs bc boy are you a work of art ;)

i think sicheng would do REALLY well in royalty aus like hello??? he already has the looks and the poise. also chaebol aus might also work bc what are corporate businesses but modern day kingdoms </3 bonus points if it’s e2l but idk how you beefing with sicheng would work like . i don’t think he can fight like ever y/n will bench press him.

jaehyun is another person who seems to go with any vibe/plot like mans really said i will not give you any onscreen idol personality to work with ❤ 

i think most of them would pair well with bff2l?? they are all so silly and seem like they’d be great friends LOL except they’re too good looking.

and oh!!! i don’t think i posted the results OOPS let me add them real quick.

the readability is low on this bc google sacrificed that for uniformity 🙄

but the ones i had as options were (in the same order):

i hope you have a great wekk too tata!!!!!! answering this ask boosted my energy for the week 🥰🌼

[sargentr]

my fave drarry fics of all time, part one

so, after discovering i’ve officially been reading drarry fanfic for 4 years now, i decided to show my (quite big) list of favorite drarry fics. there are 46 in total, but i’ve listed 10 down below. the first three are my absolute favorites but the rest are equally as good

most of my notes are fresh from when i wrote them post-reading. i’ve changed some, seeming less like a crazy unstable bitch, but fuck these were all emotional as fuck. enjoy

ps: i dont really know how to tag people i dont follow. i cant try and tag the authors later. soz!!

pps: most of these i read when i was really into a bottom!draco phase, so most of them contain that, some are switch tho (as it should be, yikes past me)

1. Everything That Happen is From Now On / ~43K 

After surviving a brutal assault, Draco tries to navigate the tumultuous waters of his mind, and embrace a bit of love and trust in his life. After all, the smallest steps forward can begin to heal the most fractured of souls

okay so before i get in to how beautiful this story is, i wanna say that it does touch on rape quite explicitly. i cried like an idiot reading the entire thing, because draco’s pain is navigated in the most beautiful and realistic way. it touches on a subject very risky for me, very personal, and i still can’t think of a better drarry story. draco’s very draco about it all, and harry is very harry about it all. it’s just perfect, and messy, and tender, and sad. i’ve reread it more than any other fic, and it doesn’t disappoint. 

2. Pocket Full of Starlight / ~46K

When Scorpius Malfoy and Jamie Potter meet at Quidditch camp, they take an instant dislike to each other. Then they discover their lives are more connected than they could possibly imagine.

ah yes. the magic of kid fics. the TASTE

parent trap au. i read this one recently, like 3 months back, and absolutely fell in love with everything about it, partially because the parent trap is legit one of my top 10 favorite movies of all time. its just. the essence, the IDEA, is soooo mf beautiful. i cant get enough of reading when harry or draco finally meet the other twin, or how they cant stop loving each other even after 11 years. my heart clenched throughout the whole thing. 

3. Temptations on the Warfront / ~180K

Draco Malfoy is forced into hiding with the Golden Trio and dragged into their search for horcruxes. What ensues is a journey of redemption, unexpected friendships and an unwanted, turbulent romance with Harry Potter. Warnings for swearing, sexual content, and dark themes. 

this was the first drarry fic ive ever read, and before this mf i HATEDDD this pairing. so you can imagine how much it took to convince me otherwise, bc i was 100% scorbus before this.

to be fair, horcrux hunting with draco involved is, possibly, my favorite trope ever. its unique. theres tension, both sexual and life threatening. in some ways it romanticizes the war, but fuck it it aint a real war. 

slowest of burns. amazing. life changing. long as hell. nothing else to be said except read it right now i demand it.

4. Clouding the Senses / ~58K

As everyone returns to Hogwarts for a final eighth year, some people are coping better with the aftermath of the war than others. After encountering a very drunk Draco Malfoy one night, Harry realises that maybe those that lost loved ones aren’t the only ones trying to escape the war. Blaise Zabini seems to think Harry can help Malfoy, that the Slytherin might actually listen to him. Harry is not so sure. Dependence is a tricky thing, and one addiction can quickly shift to another.

everyone that reads drarry loves 8th year fics, but this ones just kinda different from all those normal (yet entertaining) ones. draco’s an alcoholic in this, and one night harry tries to help him and whoops, one thing leads to the other and they start having casual sex. its really, really amazing how both draco and harry navigate the addiction, i really cant say it has any flaws. 

i know the author got a lot of hate on their fics and thats why they took them down, but they’re truly one of the best drarry authors out there. i’ve reread this a couple of times, and the tenderness, the love and confusion is all very on character. a+

5. Restraint / ~153K

Someone casts the Imperius curse on Draco Malfoy, and whatever the instructions may be, Harry finds himself an unwilling target. The encounter leaves him torn between pleasure and revulsion. As they fight in the aftermath, a tense game begins. Harry fights to convince Malfoy, and himself, that he was not affected by that initial encounter, or any of those following it.

Faced with a series of escalating encounters, Harry must come to terms with desiring things he never thought he could, things he wishes he didn’t respond to. They each use signs of arousal as weapons against each other in a mad struggle to finally shame the other into backing down for good. 

But it’s only after the game is over that Harry starts to understand.

this is by the same author of clouding the senses, and i read this just this week. at first, it’s shocking, because it plays around with consent in a very unsettling way. when communication comes in, and its starts getting healthier, you can really understand where the author found the idea of playing with consent. it is, in my opinion, 100% characteristic of how they would behave post-war, with that grief and confusion. it’s also dom/sub in some parts, and that’s mf hot. 

it also has my favorite tropes in it, but it’s a spoiler to say which one. i’ll probably mention the trope in the list along with a bunch others, but when u finish reading you’ll know which one ;)

6. Humbug / ~30K

Draco has been taking his casual relationship with Harry for granted. Visits from four key ghosts the night before Christmas just might shake up his priorities in life.

(felt like it was valid to just paste what i wrote in my notes app after reading this)

(FUCKKKKKK HOW TO EVEN START?!!!?? just a fucking bonus, draco is THE best bottom o ever exist i love my bottom son so much. this story isnt only amazing it’s excruciatingly painful to read, harry and draco have been sleeping together but harry is completely in love with him. draco doesnt see how much harry cares for him or how much hes hurting harry by treating their fling like its just that, a FLING. with that, draco is haunted by three ghosts. one of the past, the present and the future, AND THEY SET THAT IDIOT STRAIGHTTTT 1800000/10. the gays DO KEEP MF WINNING!!!

7. in your arms, rests my world / ~24K

Harry presses his mouth to Malfoy's forehead; he wants to tell him that he’ll never leave, that he wouldn’t dream of it.

“You make me feel safe, Potter” Malfoy whispers. “You keep me safe.”

the friends with benefits trope doesnt ever disappoint, top 5 tropes fr, especially if its also 8th year. harry and draco get into their little thing, but of course nothing ever is simple between them. by the preview, you can clearly see how much draco likes harry (also another 10/10 trope, the ‘i’ve been in love with harry potter since i was 11′ one). my only tiny issue with this is that harry fucks it up just a tad, but it of course adds up to the drama of it all, which i absolutely love.

noting it also touches on non-con/rape and, and all in all, is extremely angsty. one i was tense from beginning to end. but i am gonna say it ends amazingly and v happily.

8. Playing the Hero / ~29K

Nobody kissed me like Harry did. He kissed like he flew; he kissed like he duelled - with his whole being, not caring about anything else. I had never felt as vulnerable as I did when he kissed me, seizing all and any control I had over myself. But when Harry kissed me, I felt free...

so the thing about angst is that it ignites that mf feeling side u that even tho it hurts you cannot get enough of. this fic was EVERYTHINGGG. it made cry and laugh and smile. also another trope i absolutely adore is them breaking up and not being 100% ok with that, bc ding ding!! YALL STILL LOVE EACH OTHER!! 

i cant describe how i felt, honestly. i would just paste my notes (i wont bc spoilers) but it looks like i went thru sum shit. deadass

9. fine i’ll hold my breath / till i forget it’s complicated  / ~ 15K with the two parts

Harry and Draco become friends with benefits, and Harry thinks it's more complicated than it actually is.

u know, fluff is a drug. i dont know if its beucase 90% of drarry fics are about angsty get-togethers, but i had butterflies in my stomach when i read this. its adorable. draco is so clearly in love, he jusT SMILES A LOT I CANTTT. 

its cute. i love it to death. have some fluff before starting your day.

10. Un Noël très parisien / ~14K

When Draco crossed paths with Auror Potter at a political function in Paris, he was not expecting their former animosity to change into something rather more intriguing. But he could be certain their casual flirtation would not last more than the night, couldn't he?

look. i know i named a lot of my favorite tropes here, but i cant end this without mentioning how much single dad draco affects me. i love scorpius and how much he changes draco in every fic he appears. i love parent draco and i shant be silent about it (especially when scorpius is legit just a year old in this. i died)

as it states, harry and draco have a one night stand but draco thinks thats it, that it was all he was ever gonna have. he’s wrong of course, and the path it takes, with both scorpius and harry there, just melted my mf heart.

well kids that’s all i have for now. imma work on a part two with 10 other fics i really love!1

[losingmymindtonight]

Trope: Sleepy

There were a lot of perks that came with being a billionaire, but the ones Tony Stark ended up appreciating the most were nearly always the things other people wouldn’t even consider.

Sure, he liked being able to leave large tips on small checks. He liked being able to buy clothes without checking the price tag. He liked knowing that no matter what college Peter chose, the tuition wouldn’t be an issue.

But the thing that he was grateful for now was the fact that since the MedBay was his, and because he employed everyone in it, he got a lot more leeway that he would’ve in a general hospital.

For one, he’d been able to hire the best pediatric dental surgeon in the country to do Peter’s wisdom teeth surgery. He’d also been able to demand that Helen Cho worked beside him. She was partly there to advise him on Peter’s enhancements, and partly there because there were very few people Tony trusted with Peter’s safety, and she was one of them.

He was also allowed to stay right beside Peter as they prepped him for the surgery, and had Helen’s distinct promise that she’d fetch him the second they were done. He could’ve stayed for the whole procedure, even, but Peter had scrunched up his face at the suggestion, murmured a lazy ew, and made Helen promise to kick Tony out before they started.

Now, though, as Cho and the anesthesiologist bustled around his hospital bed, Tony could see that the kid was shamelessly grateful for his steady presence at his side.

“Are you even sure I need the IV?” Peter asked, eyes darting between the elastic tourniquet the anesthesiologist was fastening around his bicep and the needle on the tray beside her. “Can’t you just, I don’t know, wack me over the head?”

Tony snorted. “You’ve got a thick head, kid. Wouldn’t work.”

Cho joined in his amusement, patting Peter’s other arm gently. “It’ll be alright, Peter. I even brought out the numbing cream we usually use with little kids. You don’t feel a thing.”

Peter cringed away when he saw the anesthesiologist prep the needle, and Tony gently tipped his chin up and away, forcing the kid’s gaze onto his face rather than the imminent poke to the back of his hand.

“Why is it,” Peter murmured, “that the older we get, the more pain people think we’re cool to tolerate? Like, shouldn’t everyone get the numbing cream? Is suffering, like, a right of passage or something? I don’t get it.”

“Hm.” Tony entertained the rambling partly because he adored the kid, and partly because it was a fantastic distraction. “You make a solid argument, squirt. Maybe you should grow up and be a doctor like Cho, here.”

“Technically, Tony, I’m a geneticist.”

“You’re also a doctor.”

“In my spare time.”

Peter gave her a lopsided smile, Tony’s hand still pressed against the side of his face. “Well, I think you’re a great doctor.”

Cho smiled back. “That’s just because I stitch you back together again after you’ve done doing something foolhardy.”

“Isn’t that a valid reason?”

“All done!” The anesthesiologist declared, taping down the kid’s cannula. “Everyone ready to get started?”

Peter started twitching nervously. Even when Tony let go of his chin, his eyes stayed locked on his face. “I, uh, this is gonna suck, right?”

“No,” he reassured, keeping his voice calm despite his own nervousness. “You heal quickly, and I made opioids that work on you for a reason. You’ll be fine.”

“It’s a very easy procedure, son.” Tony bristled at the way the dental surgeon (Doctor Rhine, maybe? He hadn’t really been paying much attention during the introductions) addressed the kid, despite knowing that it was all done in kindness. “And you won’t remember a bit of it.”

Tony shifted a little, trying to relieve some of the stress on his back from perching awkwardly on the edge of the kid’s bed. Peter’s IV-free hand shot out and latched around his wrist.

“Wait, don’t go,” he was blushing, but didn’t let go, “not, uh, not yet. Please?”

“Easy, I’m not leaving until you’re too drugged to notice.” He patted the kid’s shoulder gently. “We talked about this, remember?”

Slowly, Peter’s grip eased. “Sorry,” he muttered.

“Hey, no apologies. Just relax.”

“Alright,” Cho gave the anesthesiologist a quick nod, “you ready, Tony?”

“Mhm.” He cupped the side of Peter’s neck, firm and steadying. Part of him wanted to crack a joke about filming the kid and uploading it to YouTube later, but he held back. He knew the kid was nervous about the whole thing, and he doubted it’d help. Instead, he just swiped a thumb over his cheek and smiled encouragingly. “Hey, what’d you do on patrol last night?”

“Um, I stopped a robbery on 77th. Then I helped out with a fender bender a few blocks down. On 150th, I think? ‘N then I went to, uh, to, uh... to Delmar’s.” Peter blinked rapidly. “Whoa.”

“Strong, isn’t it?” Cho touched the small of Tony’s back, out of view of Peter. A barely-there reassurance.

“Yeah. Whoa.” The kid’s eyes wandered up to meet his. “Mis’er Stark?”

“Hey, buddy. You’re alright, just let the drugs to their thing.”

He brushed his fingers through the kid’s bangs softly as he dozed off, heart warming at the fact that he never once looked away from Tony’s face, even as his gaze got glassy and unfocused.

“You can go now, Tony.” Cho patted his arm. “He won’t remember any of this.”

“Yeah, of course.” He made sure Peter’s head wouldn’t roll uncomfortably when he relinquished his hold on his face, then rubbed his cheek to catch his admittedly drowsy attention. “Hey, kid. I’m gonna let them do their thing. You alright if I go for a bit? I’ll be right back as soon as they’re done. You won’t even notice I left.”

Peter just let his eyelids droop shut. “M’kay.”

“Good boy.” He didn’t know why the kid’s easy acceptance of him leaving made him feel just the tiniest hint of rejection. After all, the whole point of the drugs were to chill him out. Tony had helped design them with that in mind. But... still. A part of him wanted the kid to ask him to stay. “I’ll see you in a bit, alright?”

He didn’t get a response. Peter's eyes were closed, breaths deep and slow.

“He’ll probably just nap now.” Cho pulled him away and pushed him towards the door. “Go on, Tony. The sooner we can start, the sooner you can help him wake up.”

Back in the waiting room, he found himself envying the kid the drugs. He’d have given just about anything to get to check out during the hour and a bit he spent loitering in the halls. He drank three cups of coffee, ate a bagel, counted every ceiling and floor tile in sight. All the while, he had to force himself to studiously ignore the fact that just a few rooms away, someone was pulling his kid’s teeth out of his skull.

And, okay, logically he knew he was being a drama queen. Peter was fine. Wisdom teeth extractions were, like, the most mundane procedure of all time. Nearly everyone had it. Hell, he had had it, far enough back that Jarvis, the human Jarvis, had been the one taking care of him in the aftermath. He knew that his parents must’ve been alive, but they hadn’t been there. He remembered that, even through the haze of painkillers.

Peter wouldn’t experience that, at least. He’d come back to himself with Tony at his side, and it would only be a few hours before May arrived. Peter had adamantly declared that he’d rather have her see him once he was fully conscious and recovered, and nobody had argued with him.

Tony felt a little touched that the kid had been fine with him seeing him drugged off his ass. Then again, they’d been through this kind of thing before, with countless broken bones and gushing lacerations, courtesy of reckless patrols.

The doors to Peter’s room opened, and Cho and the dental surgeon walked out. Cho was already giving him a thumbs up before she’d fully emerged, aware of his tendency to work himself up during waits.

Bless her.

“All good, Tony.” She smiled, coming to a stop in front of him. “Textbook surgery, not a single complication. Two of them were impacted, which we already knew, but they weren’t difficult to remove once we got in there. He was perfect, too. A real trooper.”

“So he’s alright?” He felt a little ridiculous for needing the extra reassurance, but not ridiculous enough to avoid asking. “You’re sure?”

Doctor Rhine (Tony decided he was sticking with it) glanced at Cho briefly before nodding. “As Doctor Cho said before, Mister Stark, he’s perfectly alright. A little out of it, but nothing you wouldn’t expect after a wisdom tooth extraction.”

“He slept through most of it, which is what I was hoping for,” Cho added. “He woke up a little near the end, when we were inserting the gauze.” She grinned. “He asked for you.”

His heart clenched. “Was he upset I left?”

“No, no. He wasn’t distressed. He just asked where you went, and then said he wanted you to come back.” She nodded behind her, in the general direction of the kid’s room. “And on that note: you’re welcome to go grant him his wish. Just because we’re not sure how his system is going to react to the painkillers you synthesized, I’d like to keep him in there for his first dose. As long as he doesn’t have a reaction to that, we’ll just wait until he’s awake enough to head up to the penthouse. There’s a nurse in with him now, but you’re welcome to take over.”

The idea of Peter asking for him soothed the piece of him that was still chafing over the kid’s easy acceptance of him leaving earlier.

“Yeah, right.” He made a beeline for Peter’s door, barely pausing to turn back. “Thanks, Helen. Thanks, Rhine.”

He hoped he got the man’s name right.

If not, whoops.

The kid was exactly where he’d left him, although someone had removed most of the monitors and other equipment. The IV was still in the back of his hand, probably for easy administration of pain meds later, but nothing was attached to it. He looked asleep, face peaceful and eyelashes brushing his cheeks. A curly-haired nurse was standing at the kid’s shoulder, talking to him gently. She looked up when Tony stepped in, smiling.

“Hey, sweetheart, look. Dad’s here. See? I told you he was on his way.”

He thought about correcting her, then didn’t bother. He kept most of the details about Peter confidential, even from the medical staff, but he knew that they extrapolated, made assumptions. He didn’t even blame them. It was just human nature.

It would take to long to explain the truth at this point. And right now, he just wanted his kid.

“Hey, Pete.” He kept his voice hushed, setting his palm over the kid’s forehead in greeting. “How’re you feeling?”

Peter’s head lolled slightly in his direct, lazy smile forming around the cotton in his mouth even as his eyes stayed shut. “Mis’er S’rk.”

“That’s me.” He glanced up to the nurse, who was watching him with a knowing smile. “How’s he doing?”

“Perfectly.” She matched his quiet volume, and he made a mental note to give her a raise. “He’s been waking up a little these past few minutes. He tried to sit up a few times, which went about as well as you can imagine. He should settle down now that you’re here, though. Most kids do once their parents are in the room.”

Peter opened and closed his mouth around the gauze lazily, eyes cracking open just a sliver. “Di’ you leave me?”

Tony forced himself not to flinch. Man, this kid really knew his soft spot.

“Just for a bit, squirt.” He used his sleeve to wipe a bit of drool off of Peter’s chin, careful not to jostle his jaw. “They had to do the surgery. I was right outside, though.”

Peter’s face scrunched up in thought. “I… I don’ remember that.”

“Good.” It was good, too. He’d been having nightmares about the kid remembering the surgery for weeks. Sure, it wasn’t the same as having a metal reactor screwed into your chest, but Tony’s brain didn’t make the distinction. “You’re not supposed to.”

“W’s I sleepin’?”

“Kinda, yeah.”

Peter hummed in response, turning his face into the palm Tony pressed against his cheek.

The nurse nudged his arm to catch his attention. Man, he’d forgotten she was even there.

“I’ll step out, now. Doctor Cho’ll be back in a bit to check on him and see if he’s ready for some pain relief. Don’t be concerned if he falls back asleep, that’s very normal. Most kids are happy to nap once they realize that they’re with someone they trust.” She paused. “If you need to leave to do anything else, just hit the call button and I can sit with him for you.”

“No, I’ll stay. But thank you.”

“Of course.”

Once they were alone, he hopped up onto the bed, tapping Peter’s ear until he recognized the change of positions and started a series of clumsy attempts at octopusing his way into Tony’s arms. He helped him along, eventually settling the kid against his chest. He rubbed soothing circles over Peter’s back as he grew loose and heavy against him.

He was glad that the bed had already been raised into a semi-reclining position, because he wouldn’t have been able to fumble with the controls and also keep cradling his armful of limp teenager. After a little shifting, he found himself decently comfortable, and settled in for the long haul.

Cho came in about a half an hour later, took one look at his position, and started laughing quietly into her sleeve.

“Yeah, yeah,” he massaged the back of Peter’s neck as an apology for the noise, although the kid slept on, oblivious, “we’re very cute. Just take the picture for blackmail and move on.”

“I would never.” To be fair, he believed her. “Has he been sleeping since you came in?”

“He was awake at first, but then he conked right out on me. Nurse said that was normal.”

“It is. He’s still got the sedation in his system, and his body is probably trying to heal.” She moved to their bedside, checked Peter’s pulse on his wrist. “Do you think you could get him to wake up for me? I want to see how coherent he is, and ask if he’s in any pain.”

“Yeah, sure.” He shook Peter’s shoulder. “Hey, Pete. Wake up, buddy.”

“Hm.” The kid’s brow furrowed in displeasure. “Don’ wanna.”

He laughed. “Yeah, I know. Just for a bit though, squirt. Cho wants to talk to you.”

“Hey there, Peter.” Cho bent to look at his face. “How are you feeling?”

The kid dragged his eyelids open, blinking rapidly to try to orient himself. “Tired.”

“Are you in any pain?”

“Hm. Yeah. Ow.” Peter fumbled up a hand to poke at his cheek, but Tony caught it before he could. “Ow. M’ face hurts.”

Tony’s gaze snapped to Cho, and she was waving off his concern before he could even voice it. “Relax, Tony. The sedation is pretty limited in the analgesic department, and I guessed he’d go through the lidocaine quickly.” She held up a syringe. “I came prepared.”

He let out a genuine sigh of relief. There was nothing he hated more than Peter in pain. “Thank you.”

“Of course.” She injected the painkillers into Peter’s IV port. “The pain should be better in a second, Peter. You just keep cuddling with Tony.”

“Oi,” he glared, “we’re not cuddling.”

“Looks like cuddling to me.”

“Well, it isn’t.”

“What is it, then?”

“It’s... physical reassurance.”

“It’s cuddling.”

“Shut up.”

She laughed, turning her attention back to the kid. “Do you feel better now, Peter?”

“Mhm. Does Mis’er Stark have t’ leave now?”

“No, buddy,” Tony rubbed his back, “Mister Stark’s staying right here.”

“F’r the surgery?”

“You already had the surgery, kiddie. You’re all done.”

“Oh. Di’ I do good?”

“So good. A model patient, I hear.”

Cho walked towards the door with a smile on her lips, waving goodbye before slipping out silently.

“Mis’er Stark?” 

Peter blinked up at him heavily, little grin on his face. Some of the gauze had come loose, and Tony pushed it back into place carefully. Once he was done, he smoothed a few curls away from the kid’s forehead, soft grin coming unbidden. “Yes, Mister Parker?”

“D’you... D’you know h’w much I love you?”

His heart stilled. No, seriously, he swore he could feel it falter.

“No, bud.” The words felt numb in his mouth. “I... I guess I don’t.”

Do you love me? He thought. Do you really? Do I even deserve that?

“I... I love you... uh...” He watched Peter struggle for a unit that made sense, and some of his shock was swept away by the wildfire of his own love raging through every inch of his chest. “I love you ‘s far ‘s I c���n reach.”

There were times when Tony was struck by how young Peter was, how much the kid was still very much immersed in childhood, even if he liked to play at being an adult. This was one of those times, and it hit him out of nowhere with the full force of a speeding train.

He hugged him closer, voice rough. “I’m taller than you, kid. I can reach higher.”

“‘S not a... a compe-competi-comp’tition.”

Tony physically held back the laugh that rose at Peter’s absolute butchering of competition. “Of course it’s not,” he soothed.

Peter seemed to ignore his own declaration, trying at another clumsy metaphor before Tony could even finish. “I-I love you ‘s high ‘s Spider-Man c’n climb, Mis’er Stark. ‘S... ‘S really high, y’know.”

Peter’s head slipped forward a little as he spoke, so Tony gently repositioned him so it was resting on his collarbone and brushed the bangs out of the kid’s face. “The suit can go to space, kiddo. Got you there again.”

If he was being honest, he’d expected the kid to have lost his train of thought long before now, but he was determined, it seemed. “I love you to... to...” He blinked slowly. “Love you to... Antarctica. ‘N the North Pole.”

“The South Pole’s in Antarctica, kid.” The whole conversation was ridiculous, and it was making him feel gushy and gross, but in a way that was actually kind of nice. “Santa’s on the other side of the world.”

“‘S... ‘S not.”

He smirked at the kid’s drowsy stubbornness. “Australia’s farther than Antarctica. So I win once again.”

Peter twisted himself so he could slide further down Tony’s chest and gaze up at his face. He rushed to support him.

The kid shot him a dopey grin. “‘M gonna win. I got one.”

Tony ran a finger over his temple, right along the hairline. “Oh?”

“Mhm.” Peter’s eyes closed, then opened. His stubborn determination to finish their little game seemed to be just about the only thing keeping him conscious. “I love you t’ the Kuiper Belt ‘n back.”

If this went on for any longer, Tony was going to end up crying.

“Well,” he swallowed back a wave of emotion, “that is a really long way, huh?”

“Mhm. I win. D’... D’d I win?”

Tony dropped his voice to a whisper, smiled softly. Screw his reputation. It’s not like anyone could see this, anyway. “Yeah, buddy. You won.”

Peter seemed contented by the words, and Tony waited for the kid to relax against him before dropping his forehead against the crown of his head and letting the final layers of his armor shed, leaving him exposed and vulnerable and frighteningly adoring.

“You know, kiddo,” he breathed slowly, fully aware that this was the cheesiest thing he’d ever done and not caring in the slightest, “I love you to the edge of the universe and back. And just for reference, there is no end of the universe.” He shifted his precious bundle closer to his chest. “I love you more than I’ve ever loved anybody.”

Peter stretched, fingers tangling in the hem of his shirt and voice barely audible. “Mm. M’kay. You win.”

He’d expected to be more horrified that the kid had heard him. Instead, he felt a deep sense of satisfaction, like he’d just fulfilled an innate need without even recognizing it. 

“You know,” he whispered, “I hope you remember this.”

“‘Course I will,” Peter mumbled back, “‘M... ‘M Spider-Man. Spider-Man ‘members important stuff.”

He chuckled. “Yeah? Well, good. ‘Cause this is very important.”

And so are you, he thought, smiling like the world was in his arms.

(And, in a way, it was.)

[lnarizakis]

— sam’s match-ups masterlist

hi! if you sent in a match-up ask, you can find ‘em all here! if you sent off anon, i have just tagged you and added the link to the post. if you sent as anon/anon with identifying emoji, i included your description along with the link. this post will be constantly updated as i continue to post my match-ups! thank you and i hope you all enjoy your match-ups!!

— @hqprotectionsquad . . .

— anon . . . ❝ could i get a matchup🥺 with 2 boys~ i'm 4'9, i'm really tiny and i've been told i have really nice hair hehe personality wise i've been told i'm really gentle and calming, i had a teacher that said my voice is "serene" and "soothing" >__< i'm the mom friend of the group🥰 i'm quite the introvert, i enjoy just staying home with some takeout, studying quietly or playing acnh underneath all my blankets.. i'm quite fond of hugs and cuddling and forehead kisses too though😚😚💞💞💞 ❞

— anon . . . ❝ could i request for a matchup?🥺 i'm about 5'3, my friends always say i'm the perfect height to hug 🤗 i have long hair till my waist that i dyed a rose-gold colour, i like wearing green or grey contacts because i like the way they make my eyes look. i have a resting b!tch face though...i'm not very approachable because of it😭 i've been playing netball for about 6 years now and i'm quiet irl i guess, but off the court and when i'm comfy, i'm quite the goodball🤙🏻🤙🏻 ❞

— anon . . . ❝ grats for 500! I'd like to request a matchup w 3 ppl pls! Im female, 5'2, i LOVE volleyball! i play wing spiker but i used to play setter, i loved setting for my besties in hs after training. I like to work out, read books & study. i clean my room every morning cos i like neat things, my closet's organized. i have dark brown eyes and thick thighs, proud of em! i also dance, im flexible, and im taking journalism. i wanna play pro vb in the future but tbh 158.5cm's too short, but im not giving up! ❞

— ⭐️ 🌸 anon . . . ❝ Hey hey! If ur still doing the matchup event i would love one!! Im a short gal with wavy dark hair and green eyes. I wear makeup p often esp red eyeshadow and black winged eyeliner (bc im an egirl until i DIE). Speaking of egirl i dress in black and with a chain most of the time but i also randomly flip into floral soft girl hours?? As for personality im really energetic once im comfortable and i love people who can match that energy, esp bc i get anxious rlly easily so i need someone . . . who will help keep me calm and happy when my drive for success gets a lil out if hand lmao. I’m also v combative towards ppl who i think are disrespectful! I love classic novels and watching foreign movies, but I also LOVE sports and get rlly hype abt them. I also LOVE music esp metal but i can and WILL vibe to literally anything esp if its during a workout (bc i live at the gym and someone spotting my squats is so romantic 2 me 🥺). A match w/ 2 boys would be sick, tysm in advance! ❞

— anon . . . ❝ Im medium height with long brown hair and sharp features. I like drawing, reading, cooking. I’m rather chill and level-headed, i’m usually the one to fix objects and solve problems, I avoid drama. I’m compassionate and caring but sometimes indifferent. I like mountains, art galleries, concerts, cello and graphic design. I’m adaptable and open to learning new things but I don’t like changing my routine too much. + 1 male character. ty for this and congrats on 500 followers!!! you deserve it ❞

—anon . . . ❝ hihi!!!! congrats on 500!! i lov ur content sm.. akfjag im asking for a two chara match up!!! im 5'3 and i have pink hair,, i switch between so many hobbies LOL i play volleyball and softball,, and i love singing and painting!! i have a really cottagecore aesthetic and i love baking things for people!!!!! im really energetic and v bratty over text but i get flustered so easily in person,, i hope youre having a good day//night !!!!!! ty for ur fics ❞

— 🐧 anon . . . ❝ match up please!!🥺 2 characters n no gender preference!! im a tall (around 184cm) kinda chubby girl w/ shoulder length brown hair, hazel eyes, pale skin w/ a lot of moles n i wear glasses! im p shy n it takes me a while to open up. but when i do i am a completely dif person,, making friends is hard but the ones i do have i love more than anything! when im w/ them im cheerful, talk a lot n goof around. otherwise i look p intimidating n serious cause i have a rbf n barely talk,, . . . im the mom friend, an optimist, a dreamer n a procrastinator. im p hard to piss off but when im angry i can get scary 😳 im sensitive n cry a lot, currently im working on being more confident! i love animals n flowers!! cause im not the best with words i use lil gifts n touches to express my love! my hobby is drawing! ive been doing it my whole life n im rlly proud of it!! congrats on 500 followers love❤ ❞

— @raevaioli . . .

— 🦆 anon . . . ❝ Happy 500 bubs! You def deserve it :)! I was wondering if I could get a #1 male matchup? Looks: 5’1 petite fem w/ small chest/tiny waist. Thick/medium brown hair and eyes. I’m a cancer with ENTP type! I’m a very affectionate person to my loved ones. I’m very stubborn, sensitive (but I try to hide it), ambitious, witty and very talkative! I like to tease my friends, watch Netflix and try new baking things! Although I show my love through actions, I’m fine with getting love back in any way . . . Also I like baths! (It’s random but why not 😌) I wish you a good day! ❞

— anon . . . ❝ Hey! Can I get a matchup? (#1)I’m a Leo and a ISFJ chick! I have medium brown hair and big eyes w/ glasses. I have a petite body with a small waist and chest. I’m really nice to people but very awkward (I’ll laugh at the floor) and when annoyed. I’m much more open to others like my best friend,I feel at home with her :,) .My hobbies include watching greys anatomy, shopping for clothes, and calling my friends. I would want my partner to be a lil more extroverted than me. Happy 500 😊 ❞

— anon . . . ❝ hi! Can I get a matchup? I’m 5’2 straight girl w/ long brown wavy hair and big brown eyes. I’m thick in all the right places🥴 plus I have a curvy body. My star sign is Pisces and I’m a ISFP. I’m more introverted than extroverted. I dress like Hobo type of way, but i always wear AF1s and I NEVER crease them. In my spare time I draw,listen to raps (mostly by Tupac) and oldies, learn raps, and hang out wit friends. I also have a bunch of piercings on my ears and one on my nose. ty CONGRATS ON 500+ ❞

— anon . . . ❝ CONGRATULATIONS ON 500 WHOOP WHOOP❣️🥺, can i please have a matchup doe! so happy to celebrate this with you❤️ i’m a female, straight, 5’4 and a half, dark skin with medium black curly hair, chubby cheeks and always smiling, i love being outside just experiencing life or trying new drinks at restaurants!! i also enjoy staying home to watch tons of anime & movies or dates to the museum or theme park, spring is my favorite season and orange is my favorite color, i’m so hyper and loving, thank you! ❞

— 🐾 anon . . . ❝ Twice the charm I suppose :) I’m a 5’1 girl with long wavy brown hair. I have a lot of piercings and I tend to wear a lot of jewelry. I wear two knee braces due to a connective tissue disorder. I’m bisexual, so either way works for me owo. I’m an INFJ and a type 4. I’m told that I’m pretty easygoing but I get angry real quick when someone I love is threatened. I’m very empathetic and I’m the mom friend of the group 🐾 . . . Fun fact, don’t leave me alone in public for more than two seconds or else random strangers come up to me asking for advice. This has happened way too many times now don’t ask me why lmaooo. I��ve been playing soccer for eleven years now. I was the captain of a coed college-age division team for two years. I play left defense and goalkeeper. 🐾 . . . I go hiking a lot, I love cliff diving, and I’m an archer. I am also a painter and a writer. My dream job is to become a book editor, but I want to eventually live off my books. I tend to be pretty clingy when it comes to people. I randomly need a lot of attention and force my friends to cuddle. They like rejecting me 😔. Sorry that this was so long aha. Ily and have a good day 💕🐾 ❞

thanks for sending in an ask ! didn’t see yours? please let me know !

[savnofilter]

okay so im just gonna my tingz and whatever since people can believe what theyd like.

whoop its more drama. 😅

so if you hadnt already seen it, great if you havent great. ahh im literally shaking oops but this is serious so i'll only what i have to say, and she blocked and deleted all my apologies and explanations.

i wasnt going to post anything because i replied and had said my words and left it at, if you dont want to like me thats fine, i'll live.

i one, would like to say that she even removed it so like rip me. uhhh i would make a video really to talk it because im bad at words and me typing it makes it worse ahahah.

essentially it was just a bunch of screenshots of me being mean so yeah that was it. er um wooph this is too much for me, the only account i can properly say was that i can say i was harsh was that christmas thing with someone who i havent spoken with in months and its that i said i hate people who celebrate it mad early. and yeah i can harsh because ive already explained that sometimes im blunt about it and when im in a bad mood i dont care.

on the other accounts let me say which i dont remember cause she had all the screenshots and i deleted all the chats because it was turning my already sour mood, even more sour.

so she said i didnt greet her properly which i even talked to you once before so idek what she was trying to get at there. 😅 ahh i asked who she was because i had been having on and off issues with a writer and that was already in the server. she suddenly added her to the discord after it being open for many months so naturally that added suspicion and i also have a great deal of knowing when something was up so yuh... call my instincts right cause it was in the messages that were sent to me. 😅

ahhh (ignore my many ah's when i get anxious it just happens ahahah) but those were taken out of context and like were set up to make me look bad. and even just in the whole post, the whole reason why they talked to me was to venge for something to bring me down LMAO.

just like before ive cooled down tremendously so im done from my mental breakdown to properly say this:

1) i didnt know it was even a slur. i just thought it meant dumb and it was only yesterday i had found out that it was bad.

now i'll say this again because people like being on this sav hate train to even read my words LMAO, im sorry for the words i said.

literally the person that i used it on doesnt even fucking like me so the fact thatd they were rude to me and then get shocked that im rude. i even said that day i had not been fine, i was not well. and if you got your secret santa friend you could also get screenshots saying that i said at the point in time i did not care what i said to people because i was planning on killing myself so i didnt care what i was going to say because you know id be dead.

2) may i say again, i had suspicions of other party friend talking about me because she even messaged me on many times and even brought up one situation that i took piss poor shit in handling. 😂

and may i mention she (christmas person) left because she didnt speak up about other issues that couldve been talked out with and decided to leave.

not only that i thought we were talking about our opinions on celebrating christmas so stop trying to feed word into me mouth m8.

AND ALSO, YOU KEEP SAYING THAT I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH CELEBRATING CHRISTMAS LIKE THAT WASNT EVEN THE THING. 😂

and also the conversation had lack of communication so everything was jumbled up, and i didnt even know she was actually leaving the server i thought she was going "tata" for a bit and i was going to talk to her, i eventually did but we do not speak anymore.

3) the main reason why she spoke to me was to basically catch me red handed LMAO. and she got what she wanted. 👏🏽i literally had people message me, asking why she was even asking for peoples ages.

one how do you even know i was referencing you?! i... but anyways... again you want to make me out to be a bad person lmao. i have bad moments just like everybody else. but because i like to be nice and uplift people i cant make mistakes? like what flawed logic is that?

how am i supposed to grow if i dont make mistakes and learn from them. it woudve been a whole different story if i used it multiple times and didnt give a fuck. and no, its not every day that im a "dumb fucking cunt" to people.

4) you legit deleted my responses and apologies. 😂 and people are just jumping on this and dont even

know me.

ever talked to me.

not even in the server.

so now the "brought to tumblr" again i was just sharing my damn sadness dude. your call-out post makes no sense. trying to make it sound like im out here trying to ruin peoples days is not even close to the truth... i myself hate making people feel bad about themselves.

im not some sociopath, and youre mad because i was bummed i realized that someone that i thought was amazing doesnt like me??? like youre telling me that you snapping at me everytime we talked im just supposed to take it? i just...

and ive said it on my blog, im not in the best place. youre gonna get me off on my off days. i even said that me even interacting is not even a good idea but i choose to make the conscious decision to even talk to people just makes me feel even worse because someone was mean to me first.

you cant take me being my worst and saying its my fucking whole. you dont care about me wanting to "fIx My WaYs" you just want to fucking embarrass me and have people hate me.

if youre trying to show character, youre doing a terrible job at it.

i tried adding you as a friend to even talk to you but you had even BLOCKED ME on discord. you dont care. at all. stop pretending youre some knight, if all i was even trying to talk it out to you and youre response is "youre mean you suck" like what the fuck...

you and your friends and your followers my "followers" who havent asked for my side just show how much you guys really want to pUrIfY this erotica for anime community,,

and also you were a massive prick to my friend because she was sharing her own thoughts so i dont even know why youre trying to act like youre an angel. unless you can tell me that you have never been wrong, i will just crucify myself on the cross and apologize to jesus for being such a sinner.

the more i type, the more i get spiteful so i will stop myself here. have a wonderful night/day/whenever you see it dude or never see it cause you blocked me lol.

EDIT: also i never even hinted that it was you so it just confirms this was only for malicious purposes... and i now just feel like you made it because you feel like i shouldnt have feelings either.

~

apologies if its all over the place, i wrote this in a state of panic to a slow burn of being mellowing out.

[fyrapartnersearch]

Partner search!

Hello all! I’m looking for a skilled, experienced 1x1 partner or two for a Discord roleplay. I have a few particular plots, though please feel free to come with your own ideas. Please read to the end as there is a password I won't answer messages without.

•General/Writing Style•

I usually prefer sticking at around 4 paragraphs and up, but quality over quantity for the most part. If you usually write 3 paragraphs or less, it'll be hard for me to stay interested, however. I would prefer you write in 3rd person, past tense. Please have decent grammar and spelling, varied vocabulary and sentence structure, as well as decent syntax. Please provide me something of substance to respond to in your responses. Please also be somewhat experienced.

•Age•

18+ only, but 21+ preferred (I'm 23)

•Timezone•

Mine is EST. I do not mind what timezone you're in.

•Response Frequency•

I'd prefer if you could respond at least once a week. I'm a pretty busy student can't definitely commit to much more than that, so I won't ask that of you. Please try to communicate when you will be gone or significantly less active for several weeks or more. I will try to do the same.I'm a bit less lenient with this when we're still doing introductions, so if we've barely said hello but a few days pass and I hear nothing, I'll assume you're no longer interested or never were in the first place and close our discussion. You are free to assume the same of me.

•Genre•

I'm a sucker for Romantic Slice-of-life with a healthy dose of drama and angst, but I do like to weave other genres in there too such as Supernatural, Mystery, Action, and Adventure. I'm really open to most things if the plot interests me.

•Gender and Romantic Preference•

I strongly prefer playing a female main outside of MxM. Beyond that, I am open to MxF, FxF, and MxM . Currently, I'm mostly in the mood for an MxF or possibly F//. My apologies, but please note I do not play male in MxF unless we have roleplayed other pairings together before and have highly compatible writing styles. I rarely double up.I do not engage in dichotomy personality dynamics(ie- dom/sub, ABO, top/bottom) and like pairings to be close to even as possible in contributions to the relationship. If a scene gets intimate, I'd prefer we fade to black.

•Plots/Creativity•

The plots I’m looking to do atm are listed below. Despite this, you're more than welcome to share plots of your own. I'd prefer it if you are open to brainstorming plot points and bouncing ideas off each other too- let's keep this interesting for both of us so it stays alive.

•OCs•

I would prefer not to roleplay with OCs that are excessively shy, Mary-Sues, or OP. Additionally, please ensure your own OC does not monopolize the plot with their own issues and background. Let's share the spotlight.I tend to play multiple characters and would prefer if you did too.Please do not control my main OC or any named side characters I introduce. It can really mess with my plans with them if you suddenly auto-kill out of nowhere or something... If necessary, I may permit you to control a side character of mine, but please run it by me first. Communication is key.

•Platform•

Discord is strongly preferred. I can potentially be convinced to use kik, tumblr, or line.

•Fandoms•

I am willing to roleplay within the universe of several fandoms, but please note I do not roleplay as canon characters and would prefer not to roleplay with canon characters either. Please recall that I am more than happy to do original plots too if you aren't into any of these.-Corpse Party**-Black Mirror-Death Note-Avatar The Last Airbender*-Downton Abbey-Call The Midwife*-Dragon Quest(IV-IX)***-Miraculous Ladybug****(I'd love to delve into the more subtle, darker elements like the consequences of a broken miraculous and time travel)-Fruits Basket**-Soul Eater*-The Hunger Games-Harry Potter(The number of * indicates craving)

•Original Plots•

(Muse I would like to play is bolded. If neither are bolded, I can do either. All of these are open to brainstorming and tweaking!)

Muse A was born into a society where ‘falling in love’ is not a thing. Sure, it’s written in about fairy tales and even history texts, but most Readers laugh it off as a silly, archaic concept. All couples are formed by reading Cerebral wavelengths, stats that are unique to every individual. Every person has a single match and are paired with that person permanently when they come of age. No trades, no take-backs. Muse B, though born into the regular world, doesn’t believe in love either. Perhaps it was the plight of their parents, or that one nasty breakup. Perhaps it was the sight of all the couples around who’d be lovey-dovey one week, but strangers the next. Whatever it is, they don’t buy it. That suits Muse A just fine- their Cerebral wavelengths not only don’t match, they bang together in a cacophony. Why is it then that these two begin experiencing an undeniable pull to each other?

One night, Muse A is taking their usual jog through the park when they trip right over Muse B tying their shoe. Cliche start is cliche, I know, but stay with me here. After some initial awkwardness, the two hit it off quite well. Flash forward a week or so and the pair are starting school in the same class, Muse A as one of the typical debutants, and Muse B a lucky upstart on a basketball scholarship. Muse B had high hopes for where things’ll go…only to find out Muse A has a boyfriend, who happens to be Muse B’s nemesis on the courts. Whoops. But something’s really off with the couple. As in the boy is downright awful, and it isn’t just the rivalry talking. Yet Muse A refuses to leave him…why is that?

(This is an older one of mine, but I’ve recently kinda been in the mood to start it up again.) Marianoh’s Culinary Institute is the most renowned school for culinary arts in the country. Any who truly wish to be a master chef would be foolish not to attend. Unless they don’t have the means- the tuition is insanely high. Muse A is part of the lucky few of humble beginnings that has been selected to attend via scholarship. They couldn’t be more excited. Muse B, on the other hand, comes from a family of celebrity chefs. Their spot at Marianoh’s was confirmed before birth. Yet, somehow, they don’t share Muse A’s joy. Far from it, actually. What happens when the two are partnered up for the year?

(A brand new one definitely open to suggestions) St. Cornelius’ Academy(or University) is an academic institution reserved only for those of royal or noble background as well as their future servants, attendants, and body guards. Students of the academy hail from kingdoms where individuals are born gifted with control over the 8 elements- light, wind, flame, flora, lightening(tech), water, earth, and darkness. Students are divided based on status into ‘Golds,’ ‘Greys,’ and ‘ The ‘Gold’ category includes all royalty and nobility aside from viscounts and barons of low birth. The ‘Gray’ category includes future ladies and men in waiting, other servants, attendants, and body guards. Students are instructed in all areas in order to best prepare them for their future roles from political science to etiquette to combat. Given the wealth of a portion of the student body, the campus is a vivacious display of luxury, featuring lavish gardens, seemingly endless grounds, state-of-the-art learning facilities, and even an expansive kitchen headed by a world renowned 31 star chef. Currently, I have three potential pairings in mind for this set-up.

-Muse A is a new lady in waiting assigned to a spoilt, catty Duchess of Aquaria(Water Kingdom). Catering to the every whim of the young princess-to-be is exhausting, but her goal of reaching far greater heights than her questionable background merits keeps her going. What faster way to do that than catching the eye of Muse B, the princess’ bethrothed and crown Prince of Aquaria using abilities bequeathed to her by her merpeople ancestry? The lines between acting and reality are prone to blurring, however and actual feelings soon begin to muddle her plans. Muse B isn’t as unaware as he first seems either..

-Muse A is the somewhat naive prince of Angion(Flora), unsure of his future. He’s distant from his fiancée, Muse B a cold, proud Marchioness of the same kingdom, and his closest confident is one of his newest body guards, Muse C. Little does he know, that Muse C has quite the secret- she’s truly a girl whose taken on her brothers identity to serve. What will happen when all comes into the open?

5. Muse A has always been at the top of their class since early elementary and thrived on it. They come from a family of high achievers where failure is neither seen nor accepted. Proud and arrogant over their achievements, their grades make them, them. All that changed when Muse B showed up, smashing the entrance exams with marks unheard of. Of course Muse A wouldn’t take that lying down, thus, the classic rivalry begins. What happens when the two find they have more in common than they thought? Life on Muse B’s side is not all it seems as well.

Contact Instructions: Please message me here on tumblr  (https://lisanimelis.tumblr.com/) with your favorite color and a writing sample. If all goes well there, we'll move to discord. 

[jcmorgenstern]

fake killing off Clary just to have the Clave pardon her was stupid. I wanted her and Jon to be on the run while the Clave collectively shits their pants over Valentine's children being loose in the world. They'd swing by the NY Institute to pick up Jace like "get in loser we're doing crime" and Jace could do his undercover thing and no one would have to suffer :( except the randos that Clary and Jon murder :( :(

ok i was LITERALLY just thinking about this when i remembered someone sent me this ask like 200,000 years ago (back before the dinosaurs roamed the earth) so ummm better late than never eh?

Honestly I really didn’t like the decision to pardon Clary “posthumously” because there….was no reason to do so? Look, Jia is apparently so cartoonishly insane she wants to raise Valentine from the dead just to have a wee chat with him, there’s no way she’d backtrack on her EXECUTION order after Clary was dead. There’s no need–she’s already dead, right?–and it just makes look Jia look weak, something the Consul would never allow. Also, I’m just annoyed in general that the show has COMPLETELY forgotten that tons of high-ranking Clave members are secretly Circle (ie MALACHI, hello) and probably want Clary dead for a) killing valentine and b) being a danger to any plans to idk, toast the downworld or have a coup to make the circle powerful again or whatever.

Also it’s narrative unsatisfying because no one actually worked to get that pardon. The whole risk was that in saying “fuck you” to the Clave to save Jace, Clary would face real consequences, but those consequences appear and then…dissappear as inexplicably as they came? the whole leadup of 3a (which imo was very effective) is that Clary and Jace are lying about the wish….and then in 3b it’s totally dropped in the most unimaginative way possible. like maybe alec pulls strings, blackmails someone—even jace!! he is, after all, a herondale (even if he did sort of kill imogen whOOPS). Also who even IS inquisitor right now??? I legit thought it would be Victor since he appeared to be Imogen’s only underling, but he shows up in a completely different department with a years-long nefarious plan to commit genocide???? um??? ok???

anyway back to the point before this becomes an aldertree stan rant. Honestly i would have enjoyed the early team evil a lot more if Clary was like “ok listen here you fake ginger asshole, we DO need each other because the clave wants both of us dead but here are the ground rules. you fuck off if i say so and if not i stab you again. i don’t care if it hurts. fuck you” and then there’s the uneasy “partnership” where you’re never quite sure who’s betraying who and also drama!! and the sword!! and Jonathan going behind Clary’s back communicating with Meliorn and Clary going behind his back with Jace….IM JUST SAYING. also exactly as anon says undercover jace could have been introduced way earlier….like maybe the pardon for clary is contingent on him proving she’s innocent and with jonathan under duress, but the rune thing is happening and clary and jonathan are becoming more and more alike and jace is like….um shit lol i wasn’t prepared for that…and jonathan is like no way, the pardon is a trap, they’re just going to kill you!! and jace is like when has this idiot ever been right about anything in his life!! and clary is like wow you know it’s kind of hot when you two argue keep doing it…ANYWAY.

and then maybe jonathan goes off on his plan to kill lilith and jace arranges with the Gang to trap both of them and jonathan is McPissed and thinks clary betrayed him and it seems like the bond is broken (or is it?) and there’s clace happy times UNTIL the bond is threatened and clary is like…umm :))) maybe not :))) and rescues jonathan and everyone is like JACE WTF and jace is like “nothing about this is my fault :))” and they forge glorious etc etc

ALSO they could have tied all this in by making the heavenly fire investigation thing a real deal (personally i would have made it malachi’s pet project that jia hasn’t been consul long enough to know about….or Has She :)) and then draw in the magnus and alec storyline by emphasizing the war between asmodeus and lilith more, like kick that off earlier and weave it into magnus mourning the loss of his magic. so malec are off grave robbing and shit and trying to find the morgenstern sword to threaten asmodeus with (maybe they don’t know only a morgenstern can weild it, or assume jace and clary will get back SOMETIME lol) and maybe alec is dealing with political intrigue from jia and maybe even INQUISITOR aldertree or whatnot and magnus is like omg please ive been dealing with this petty infighting for centuries and teaches alec how to school some fools. and maybe raphael is izzy’s informant BUT simon gets arrested unfairly so they can study his downworlder blood so raphael and izzy have to team up to rescue him and there’s ~poly vibes~ ALSO team evil totally breaks luke out of prison you can’t change my mind.

anyway im just saying this season was organized by a 4th grader and it makes me  kind of mad? Like i did genuinely think this was the storyline we were gonna get (or at least something like it) and i felt they wasted a lot of time noodling around with separate plots that went nowhere instead of trying to find one unified thing that could make the season move forward (ie the war between lilith and asmodeus, and uprising with the seelie queen and maybe lorenzo teaming up with heidi and maia’s like UM hello not on my watch) like idk man i just felt the arc plot was so badly thought through and im pretty sure you pointed this out like….during 3x11 and 12 so lke…..it was pretty obvious from the get-go that there’s a better way to do it

ANYWAY sorry that was a ramble but ummm those are my thoughts and sorry anon for being so Late ily

[ramblingshit]

Jane Eyre - 1997 - 4/5

Rochester: Drama Baby Version.

dude he's so obvious with his love and intent for her to be his bride but because he's indirect and she can't imagine that he could possibly mean her she's like well fuck off then mate leave me to my broken heart and he's all wtf ooooooh damn i can work with this ey welcome to jealousy miss eyre, omg his every look and word is literally an 'i love you' he's so confused ahahaha grumpy affff when janes off to see reed. he's so mad 'can you explain the 28 day week to me', all sulking on a wall and surprising her as she enters the grounds like what a drama queen, so sulkily angry as he's convinced she hasn't even thought or worried of him while she's been away; first time she admits she'll miss him even though its his plan to tear the truth of whether she loves him he is so momentarily stunned and affected by it before he gathers himself and moves on with yet again another round the fence declaration; all that fuckin talk of being direct and honest and now she's yelling at him and these mutherfuckers are gonna have some wild sex goddamn they're so passionate in anger and outrage and love and excitement - she's like o no let go of me you don't love me and he just goes in for the fkn kiss like bitch YOU THOUGHT, shes gonna eat his hair goddamn the sex is gonna be next level. throwing himself head-first into his love for her, loving and spoiling and being as intimate as appropriately possible, literally tells her blanche was a tool to make jane jealous and she's fkn overjoyed to hear he didn't like the pretty intelligent lady, arguing about her veil and he keeps trying to override her askance for plain and simple 'i'll get married in this if you continue' she snaps fucking eyyyyyyy take him by the balls m8, they're disgustingly sentimental for each other omg seriously its sickening they're fucking each other with their eyes, they fkn adore each other the chemistry is reaaaaaal, dramatic reaction shots the wedding band falls to the ground omg he's ALREAD Y MARRIED AHHHHH Mason nooo oh all the servants are here on this one whoops, dramatic NOOOOOOOOOOOO from rochester this is amazing WIFE?????? The DRAMA he STEPPED On the RING on the way to the house so awkward Mrs Fairfax was right to be nervous - he's ripping Jane's arm off dragging her along everyone is out of breath and confused - damn its actually a really cool set up, her room giant pillows nailed to the wall; all gypsy like, she's got hella tits damn bertha she mad as fuck, Jane's standing there in a veil as long as she is tall, all white and perfect and Mrs Fairfax beautiful lady she is is holding Jane while Rochester rages and rants and breaks this is such drama my dude exposition is strong with this movie - BIGAMYYYYY - for the first time they stand together and you can SEE the wall between them, he kissed Bertha on the head and holds her as he glares at everyone, then he just storms out without even looking at Jane, Fairfax is distraught for Jane damn son who needs a mum when you got a housekeeper. he's sitting outside she's got bags like bye doesn't even look at him what a powerplay he's storming after her tryna get a reaction acting like a little boy having a tantrum scared and angry HE just pitched her bag down the stairs yelling in her face she didn't love him she just wanted to be mrs rochester to have thornfield the raaaaage and she's ice cold man like fire and ice this is fkn great you thought he was loud before just wait my dude he just keeps insulting her like that's gonna work calling her a spoiled child lolol look in a mirror my dude, she won't even look at him - he is a fucking drama queen. and now he getting mad lolol. selfish prick the drama. he's so heartbroken and angry - OH MR ROCHESTER IS IT. he used to be able to yell over her but no more she just keeps talking and it overrides him.  I COULD NEVER TRUST YOU AGAIN OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO JANE FAM. omg the chemistry 'you have a wife you belong to another' 'I BELONG TO YOU AND YOU BELONG TO ME WE ARE ONE SOUL' holy fuck how many romances can hit this hard 'help me to be strong' 'i need you... say you want me!' she's so moral and conscientious 'i am worth more than that.' ohhhhhhhhhh he just told her to GOO fuuuuuuuuuckkk she's gonna die - now he's regretting it and angryyyyyy. damn. DAMN. now she's suicidal and just sleeping on the ground sniffing the floor poor and homeless whoops and freezing. silly bish. shoulda stayed at ol mate's house. whoops she flopped over. this stjohn is like grecian and perfect but that look is 100% not attractive to me and he's creeping on her as she sleeps and rests he's looking at her too intimately. fuck jumping in time here months at a time its all a bit awkward - 'ive watched you carefully these last months' well that's fucking creepy. literally zero chemistry i love it. ciarans been off screen for like 5 minutes and im immediately bored and missing him. where is my drama baby. WIFE?? outrage and anger her eyes are fire and as he proposed she like stopped listening and started hearing edward's declarations instead.  'i am confused. my heart won't speak to me' 'then i will speak for it!' starts hallucinating rochester's voice calling for her lmao so dramatic 'Edward I am coming!!' Stjohn is like wtffff bye crazy. she all desperate running through teh fields dramatically but OH no the house is like non-existent. she's panting horrified can't even cope as she heard the story - she's not been anywhere near this passionately dishevelled and distressed the entire movie. I love Mrs Fairfax she's such an anxious mother. the dramaaaaa she promises to take care of him and he's like NAH FUCK THAT I WANNA FUCK he thinks she's pitying him he's so mad and embarrassed and upset 'SO YOU DIDN'T FIND A HUSBAND THEN'  'i found someone who wanted to marry me' he looks like he wants to shit a brick and set fire to the house and push the nuke button while flinging himself off a cliff - now she's laying on the jealousy he put on her with ingram. the drama he's tryna send her off because he's so embarrassed. she's passionate and certain - i will never leave your side again. nawwwww his tearsssssssss 'You are not your wounds!' 'you are everything that matters in teh world to me, edward.' he's sobbing i'm sobbing everyone's crying omgggggg this is so beautiful i love ciaran hinds she looks like she's having an orgasm just hugging him fuckin damn. nawwww happy families, she's lively and pretty and they have two kids and he's got sight in one eye and they LOVE EACH OTHER HAPPILY EVER AFTER MUTHAFUCKER YEEESSSSSSSS literally amazing I love this version.

...

Rochester:

commanding, calculating, loud, highly observant, fluent in many languages, very forward, playful, wants to always know what everyone's doing or thinking, self-deprecating, direct, like to sit in the drawing room and drink after dinner, asks by way of command - do this and its done, domineering, likes people to answer his queries directly and honestly and gets irritated immediately when they do not, enthusiastic and animated and passionate, not into secrets - will share his deepest and saddest and darkest tales with anyone remotely intimate with him, brutally honest but completely without intention to harm or offend, heavy sleeper, loves her pretty much by their first conversation, eyes light up his face make him look younger and brighter, lays it on too thick too fast, love is all-encompassing, the moment she pulls away he's off to lay on the jealousy and envy from Jane upon him and his lady friends who he doesn't give a shit about, deeply sarcastic, proud, superior, moody, sulky and childish bastard i love him its so pathetic and cute she's got so much power over him that he pretends she doesn't have, happy to lie by omission, won't let her storm off angrily - they'll keep talking until things calm between them and then they'll part, talks in riddles then gets frustrated when people don't understand him, selfish, jealous of anyone getting her attention but him, likes to torment her when he's angry, the law unto himself, jubilant in love with her, they dance together without music, entirely emotionally dependent on her love and affection - unhealthy relationship eyyy

hears a noise behind a door and as she leans to look the door opens and she silently moves with it, hiding behind it back against the wall as the entity enters and then leaves without seeing her - the door closes and she is frozen behind it and against the wall for a long few moments before bursting into action.

watch the sunrise together - so distracted by an argument that they miss it

"lets not argue then, lets shake hands and be friends'

woman in long white lace veil twitching out in front of the moonlit window, just a fkn creepy ass silhouette

[intp-fluffy-robot]

my stuffs (entry #3)

It's half an hour until the end of The Feel Good Hang(TM) ENFP started, and honestly, it's actually been a pretty good day. At this point INFP (and oh yeah, the other INFP was invited too) had just gone home and we're just walking around the mall.

“Can we go to the bookstore? I want to see if this book I wanna buy is there,” he says.

“Yeah, sure.”

We start heading towards there.

“Hm, personally I–” I bring up, “I don't know why– okay, I get that I do give off those, 'reads a lot' vibes but–”

“You actually don't read?”

“Actually, I do! I love reading! It's just, I don't read a lot of the books people know? And like, there are a lot of times when it gets kinda boring and I just get, another book that doesn't have a story in it, you know.”

“Ah.”

We switch to talking about some drama in the social circles for a while until we find it and enter, heading straight towards the sci-fi section. He goes looking through the spines of all the books. I kind of look for a trilogy that I've also been reading. I pick up the last book.

“Ugh. Please. Tell me how it ends.” I dramatically ask as I longingly look at the back of the cover. He looks at me and I scoff a little. “And I just said I don't read a lot yet here I am, whoops!” He wildly gestures to the Percy Jackson series on the opposite like one of those lowkey dying inside women on gameshows.

“And you haven't read THIS????” I smile apologetically.

“Nope. Haha sorry.” He makes a face of disbelieving confusion. The rest of the conversation passes like a blur of walking around, exchanging thoughts and experiences (“Isn't that like the plot of like, every anime ever, too?” “Yeah, that's why I stopped watching”) (“Do you have a favorite author?” “No, not really. I remember themes and writing styles and I can like them, but I don't really think of the names.”) unseeingly perusing random book titles wherever, and name-dropping a few works.

“In my defense,” I stand in front of him and say at some point, “Have you read the DSM-IV-TR? Or the DSM-V-TR?”

“The what?”

“Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders”

“No?”

“Okay, well, to be fair I haven't either.” He laughs and it's a little contagious. “But I have read related works and stuff based on it.”

“Oh? That's cool...”

We leave shortly – I smile awkwardly at the staff as I walk out. And oh, memories here. I remember when INFP and I came here all those times. Ah well, how things go. A part of me also wonders if ENFP's always liked reading or if it's because of his ex. I mean, she has a heck ton of books, I know. How nice. They're like worlds frozen in place, encapsulations of the motion of life, and always there and always guaranteed to eventually go obsolete, all at once. It's always been challenging, for me at least, to understand what and why we find the appeal in certain things.

I look at him and think about the things he's said about the social drama stuff and a few literary works and I wonder a little, the things he's learned about the costs of attraction and investing your time. Or the value of it. I'm almost a little averse to the concept in contrast, judging by my relatively sparse social life and all the books I've never fully read.