#who only begin to heal when they learn the love is worth so much more than the hatred

[hazelcallahan]

Hating you... I've hated myself. I just don't have the energy for it any longer.

[boopshoops]

What your favorite TWST character says about you :)

As a note before I begin: I saw one of these that shamed malleus and randomly even chenya enjoyers- (claimed that they were pick mes or something? 😭) so i wanted to make one that was more positive out of spite <3 make it more about the writing and why people appreciate the characters. Take each of these with a grain of salt i spose- also a lot of them share similar themes <3

(Aka fans who have different views or even blatantly incorrect views of characters will always exist everywhere, but insulting the entirety of a group solely for enjoying a character, many for different reasons, is probably not a great idea!

I get that sometimes people suck and thats understandable, but quit generalizing ok? Ok.

From a malleus enjoyer who just thinks hes a silly little guy and im tired of feeling like i have to defend myself bc he's my blorbo 😵‍💫)

Final note: i love unapologetically taking frustration and turning it into something that can make people smile 💕 also i blindly wrote this from 11pm-midnight :))) dividers by @/cafekitsune!

Heartslabyul:

Riddle: you enjoy and/or relate to the idea of healing from the past. Working hard to improve oneself for the ones around you and yourself: creating a healthier environment where you can be happy

Trey: there is immense complexity in things that are seemingly mundane. Digging deeper and deeper to find something truly sweet and heart warming is your joy.

Cater: maybe you relate, or maybe you used to, or maybe parts of the connections made in the past/presence/future dont feel as deep as you truly want them to be. There is something beautiful about a desire for genuine human connection, but also peace in being alone. There is a safe space for you yet, just be patient. 💕

Deuce: you love drive and determination. An endless stubbornness that keeps one going against all odds. Against every person who tells someone they cant. You watch them get proven wrong, and its pure bliss.

Ace: you find the connection between people beyond words heartwarming: even the seemingly simple ones. The ability to have a connection with someone who can get up to some mischief, tease back and forth, yet be there when you need them to be one of the most valuable things.

Savanaclaw:

Leona: Adversity over a lack of belief in oneself is a very difficult thing to overcome- yet it is very possible with the right crowd, the right amount of time, healing, and effort. You think someone's worth lies more than just within their title/job/appearance, but within the fact that they are able to stand back up and keep moving onward despite the odds. The hope for that change, and the ability to get out of bed in the morning on its own is strength.

Ruggie: Despite being through so much trauma at such a young age, recovery happens anyway. Its not perfect, at times the lessons learned are even rough. The survival tactics that once helped are now hard to ditch when theyre not needed anymore, but the ability to smile and joke and keep pushing onwards is something you value in life.

Jack: Self discipline can be both extremely useful as well as harmful in different ways. You find the way people can constantly strive to better themselves at what they love and/or morally to be highly admirable.

Octavinelle:

Azul: People can be cruel. And sometimes that cruelty inspires cruelty. Sometimes its simply used as a way to move on and survive insecurities created from it. Its hard, its a fight, but those insecurities are part of what make people beautiful. They are nothing to be ashamed of, and even the many tactics and smart ways of learning to overcome cruelness can be beautiful too.

Jade: The mind is extremely powerful. Intelligence and knowledge are not the only important things, no. Using that intel to find entertainment in the surrounding world can be exhilarating. Finding and discovering new unknowns: learning their ins and outs until they're a part of you is something you can relate to.

Floyd: speaking of fun- you love what is essentially the written version of a roller coaster. Ups and downs, ins and outs. Every single twist and turn is exhilarating and new. Every different perspective provides new insight into a multitude of different things. You are along for the ride, and you are having a lovely time.

Scarabia:

Jamil: self discovery can be very difficult after purposefully suppressing parts of one's self for a long time. Yet, the healing happens anyway (once again aha <3). People discover new parts of themselves, slowly becoming more comfortable not only with their environment, but how they react to it. The discovery is freedom, and freedom is bliss to you. New traits about oneself bloom like a flower: if not in the soil, then stubbornly in the cracks of cement. You gently take that bloom from the concrete and pot it, placing it gingerly in a beam of sunlight.

Kalim: Happiness isnt only sunshine to the one smiling, but to everyone else around them. It is delightfully infectious. However, happiness isnt a constant. You think emotions all emotions should be experienced rather than suppressed, because holding back sadness for the sake of others is a disservice to one's self. Discovering your own emotions, any range of them, is what makes people uniquely human. If anyone is holding those emotions back- hell, any part of them back, they need to be let out of the cage.

Pomefiore:

Vil: "Beauty is on the inside" is a saying thats been around for a long time, but beauty comes in so many forms. It can come from the stubborn desire to improve one's self: to be kinder, to help those around you, to be good. However it is impossible to be perfect. At times, for some, this can be crushing. People are hurt unintentionally, natural frustration can brew, the wrong actions can be taken: and thats okay. You believe whats important is to pick yourself up and keep going. To err is to be human, and that is beautiful too.

Rook: Error is beautiful. Symmetry is beautiful. Asymmetry is beautiful. A crack in the side walk is beautiful. Small things are beautiful, big things are beautiful. The nurturing of something through endless care is beautiful. The undeniable traits and hobbies of every individual that make them unique are beautiful. You find the endless optimism in finding beauty to be, in itself, beautiful.

Epel: Sometimes people will view others in ways that they wish not to be perceived as. This isnt in our control, as much as we sometimes want it to be. All you can do i be unapologetically yourself. To be you to the utmost degree. To prove those who thought otherwise to be foolish. You find this strength to find value in yourself despite others opinions admirable.

Ignihyde:

Idia: you have depression /j

Ok for real-

Life can be such a cunt. It can beat a person down, down, down and leave them vulnerable enough to fear it. To fear that beating, whenever it may next come. The anxiety of never knowing what or who will come next, or what one could lose. At times it feels more comforting to find a routine in solitude. But you know that the small things that give joy will wiggle their way in with time. The broken will meet people who love and care and find comfort in the companionship of healing, even from the little things: like a new story to read or game to play.

Ortho: You value unconditional support. Support through everything: the good, the bad, the just kind of okay. Knowing that someone can have ones back for every little thing- to be there solely because they care and wish the best for others- is something you look up to and maybe even wish to be for another.

Diasomnia:

Malleus: god damn people can be so hard to read and understand. They are so complicated: they are books you have to pay attention to from start to finish. But once you reach the end, you have a deep seated appreciation for them, and for the ones who stuck around to read your book too. Even if it was just for a fleeting moment: it is a happy moment. As painful as temporary things can be, it is also what you think can make the relationships we love and have loved so valuable.

Lilia: there can be suffering everywhere. There is war. There is famine. But there are also endless new sights to see. New discoveries to be made to help those still going through famine and war. New ways to love and understand people you never thought you'd understand. The development and positive parts of humanity, even though at times it can look bleak, are ever present to you. You love the discovery: of places and of people.

Silver: you believe that there is solace in being your own individual, regardless of who you are bound by blood to. Being shaped my experiences, friends, hardships, and new places are what make a person who they are. You value finding roots in and making your own home.

Sebek: Dedication can be a hard thing to come by, but when it does it can grab someone by the reigns. Using every waking moment to cherish that thing, learn more about it, become better at something, and strive to better ones self can be very admirable to you. But, on the other hand, it also calls for the occasional rest.

OTHER (just for ones I know well enough, sorry!)

Neige: You love kindness despite hardship. One can go through horrible things and still choose to be kind. The world could begin to end, and one could still choose to be kind, because it means everything.

Chenya: Curiosity fuels exploration. It fuels art. It fuels everything. It fuels excitement. It fuels friendships. It fuels medicine. It fuels life. Curiosity is endlessly fun, and you think that is very whimsical

Meleanor: Sacrifice for others can be tragic. Knowing what another person has given up for someone else, maybe even everything, is gut wrenching but undeniably a selfless love to you.

Crewel: There can be kindness in strictness. In teachings, there can be a parental guide. There can be someone who cares for you and undeniably wants you to succeed. They know that you can, so they push you towards it. You want this support.

Trein: Love surpasses time. When the ones we love are gone, the memories of them are still held close, with the love once given to them, we can show to others through advice and guidance that comes with time. You find comfort in that.

Crowley: People are flawed. We all know this, yet despite a persons flaws... however many there may be, there is still something hopeful and human about it. About having those flaws and persisting regardless. You may even like those flaws, and the unashamed desire to press on even with them on display.

Fellow/Ernesto: Live for yourself. This is what you desire. People are often caught up in material or monetary things. After all, we live in a world that required it to survive and even be respected. To throw away those views and simply live as you see fit: regardless as to whether you earn those things or not, is something you admire.

Rollo: Sometimes the attachment we have to those we lost can be painful. Regardless, that pain is proof that there was care and love. The things done for others, whether alive or dead, are done selflessly. Grief can fuel hatred, but it can also be caused by love. To unlearn hatred and learn to love again after the fear of loss is a natural human experience. It is a process you understand and admire those who take the time and strength needed to properly love again.

Thank you for reading <3

Tags <3

@lowcallyfruity @skriblee-ksk @justm3di0cr3 @cecilebutcher @kitwasnothere

@techno-danger @thehollowwriter @distant-velleity @the-trinket-witch @scint1llat3

@beneathsakurashade @qsoap @twsted-canvas @prince-kallisto @kathxrat-01

@sillyslipperybananapeel @jadelover69 @tixdixl @twstinginthewind

[hsvh-hp]

Erised 2024 Fic Rec List!

I wanted to put this forward before @hd-erised reveals to maximize the blindness of my recs for this year’s fest!

These were my favourites among those up for offer, in order of posting (note, this is fic only - every single piece of art was gorgeous and is worth looking at it): 

✨ Runaway Train (18k)

This is a cool fic. I can’t think of a better word to describe it. Right from the get-go, the reader is strapped in alongside Harry and we are on a journey. The title fits the feeling of that perfectly. I was not expecting the end result of the mystery, and I mean that in a way that left me with a sense of wonder. It’s so incredibly original. 

I also love a Draco who isn’t afraid post-war of appreciating old magic. There’s nuance in his separation between that which is bad and good! Also, I’m a sucker for when the conflict or tension in a Drarry fic is Harry and Draco versus something else, not them against each other. They make such a great team when allowed! 

✨ At Night All Birds are Black (51k)

This fic put a lump in my throat at the end. The first thing I think about when I consider this fic is the resolution because it brought everything together so beautifully. 

I don’t want to spoil since this is a case fic, but it was just so captivating! The lore and worldbuilding were just incredible. 

✨ Body and Soul (22k)

I find myself rather fussy about both soul mark and creature fics. This one explored the comorbidity of two such things in such interesting fashion that it hit the notes for me! There was also just enough angst to hurt, and the happy ending made it very worth the pain. Bonus points for magical/Healing theory and using framing as a narrative device!

✨ The Pain From an Old Wound (30k)

When it comes to magical theory and case fics, this one continued the trend of me being fed this Erised season. The nature of inheritances and wizarding culture are more tropes that I am very picky about, although this fic did it in a way I enjoy. 

It delved into other tropes that I thoroughly enjoy but don’t see very often in fic, like including things about Malfoy Manor, a bigger role for Narcissa, and (because I don’t want to spoil) THAT SOLUTION to how Draco solves the blood curse placed on Harry. Also, I must mention that I very much enjoyed Ron as a socialite! 

✨ A Soft Place to Fall (142k)

Although the word count on this one was initially daunting, I became very quickly glad that it would take me multiple days to savour and enjoy this fic. It hit so many notes for me that I don’t even really know where to begin. 

The magical theory (again, fed) was incredible, and how it tied in with trauma and healing for Harry. I found it subversive in the sense that it touched upon trauma post-war that I don’t usually see, focusing more on his childhood than the war itself (although of course that is not forgotten). 

It also features a Professors-but-not-Professors AU, with Healer Draco and Harry teaching physical ed. I always enjoy Healer Draco anyway, but I loved seeing the non-explicit ways that he has changed his life since the war. He’s great with the students who end up in the hospital wing. He had a hand in physical ed being offered at Hogwarts, as well as the fact that Muggle sports were incorporated. When he realizes that something is off about Harry (following an incident), he puts aside their initial tension in order to fulfill his Oath. It’s completely organic that he truly begins to care. That is never brought into question for the reader (Harry takes some convincing, but what do you do lol). 

Other things I loved: ZACHARIAS SMITH (it’s possible!), the students (they are so cute), and Harry’s relationship to his trauma and how he learns to love himself. And, of course, it goes without saying, how Harry and Draco grow together. This will be a go-to comfort fic for me, in future. 

✨ Seven-and-sixpence (35k)

There are some tropes that are very difficult for me, infidelity (although it is NOT between Draco and Harry here) and open endings among them. HOWEVER, sometimes a fic will come along with those tropes on offer and I will be pleasantly surprised! 

This fic was that for me. There was something about Harry having such a deep need that going to Draco regardless of his current relationship that really spoke to me. And as for Draco, this is pretty much the only way I like him portrayed when he doesn’t feel worthy of Harry. He’ll still take him, and he’ll build him up, and then his sense of inadequacy only increases because if he didn’t deserve him to start, he certainly doesn’t now. I really enjoyed the complexity of that. 

✨ Prescription (2k)

In contrast to the previous one, very sweet! Also a perfect bite size. Draco is Harry’s favourite Healer, and they go from there. ❤️

✨ Old love don’t rust (20k)

A case fic, although the case (however interesting!) is merely the backdrop. I thoroughly enjoyed the non-linear narrative, and how Harry and Draco’s history was gradually built while they’re dealing with coming back together in a tense, high-stakes sort of way.

I struggle generally with ‘getting back together’ fics, since I have a hard time seeing them letting go of each other once they have a hold, although to me it’s very understandable that life gets in the way, especially when you’re young and just getting started. This was handled in a satisfying way to me. 

✨ Equipoise (88k)

More magical theory! And another case fic! I love case fics when magic itself has something to do with the solution, as well as magical creatures being included. The way magic itself as a quantity is handled in this fic had me spinning up theories and hitting Next Chapter through to the end. The secondary plot, based on a creative play with Unbreakable Vows, was also a nail biter. Poor Harry, but thank god Draco was willing to help him out. 

✨ Victory Lap (4k)

There’s a lot of story here for under 5000 words! The Wizengamot case that Draco was sequestered for is HELLA interesting, and seeing as I’m always a hungry sucker for Established Drarry, Draco and Harry’s reunion was a lovely (and hot) read. 

✨ As Luck Would Have It (12k)

I am very weak for canon divergence Drarry, especially in 6th year. Do you want Half-Blood Prince, but Draco and Harry are weird and unable to stay away from each other? Do you like it when the canon plot is changed in interesting and creative ways, and comes up to an exciting conclusion? Well, I do, so I loved this fic, and if you do, you’ll love it too. 

✨ Storm’s Eye (12k)

The chemistry is on point here, the lore/theory intriguing, and the race against time palpable. I’m a sucker for Draco being protective of Harry, and of calling him ‘love’ and ‘darling’ so naturally. I melted every time (and so did Harry lol). Extremely satisfying. 

✨ Kiss Me, Fuck Me, Love Me (5k)

Yay, more non-linear narrative! This is another thing I am being fed on this year. 

The fic balances being sweet, hot, and funny perfectly and creates an explosion as Harry and Draco ride out the last night of their mutual pining and the first night of their relationship on New Year’s Eve! I realized while reading this that my favourite kind of Drarry mutual pining is when it’s their friends who are suffering, not so much them, lol. Pansy and Ron’s individual theatrics about Harry and Draco was hilarious. 

So those were my favourites! I'm very excited for reveals to find out who the authors are! ❤️💚

[dragonlands]

There's so much negativity around Izzy's death so I wanted to address some of the points I keep seeing thrown around.

"Izzy's death was pointless"

No, he just had his big speech about how basically they can kill him but they cannot kill the movement. That is a clear paraller to a lot of real life protestors of unjustice. He died protecting the community, he died so the community could go on.

"Izzy's death made his healing pointless"

No it didn't. Healing is always good, feeling happiness and belonging are ALWAYS worth it. We never know how long we've got, doesn't mean we gotta stop trying to be better or happier. His healing was still real. It still mattered.

"Izzy's character arc was left unfinished, it's bad writing"

Oh my god. If you open any writing guide about how to write impactful deaths, and the first thing that comes up is to leave some part of their arc unfinished. And his arc did go through quite a beautiful line, sure there could've been more but his story didn't end like, mid arc. As a writer, of course you want to make the audience sad when a character dies. It's good storytelling. Good stories are supposed to make us feel.

"Izzy died on the arms of his abuser"

Where the hell did this idea come from? Ed and Izzy have been in a toxic codependent relationship way before this show started. You could argue that Izzy was Ed's abuser, but that is not the argument I want to make here. Yes, we saw Ed driven to madness shoot Izzy on screen, but we know Izzy's the one that forced him to be Blackbeart when he didn't want it anymore. There's turmoil all around them. But the final moment is them finally meeting as people, not as components of Blackbeard.

"Izzy's death was unnecessarily awful"

His death was sad, yes, but it was quite beautiful as far as deaths go. He was surrounded by family who cared for him. He was loved, and accepted as he is. He knew his legacy will be carried on.

"They killed off the only character that showed us healing is never too late"

Did we watch the same show? That begins with then unhappy 40+ year old Stede deciding it's finally time to reach for his dreams? Where we see Blackbeard slowly gaining back his humanity? Where Black Pete starts off as toxically masculine dude but ends up in a soft gay marriage? Where most of the crew wanted to mutiny but then they realized being soft is good, actually. Jim's whole purpose in life being revenge but them learning to let that go and instead concentrate on love and fun and family. And so on. Izzy's arc is beautiful, but he's not the only person healing who thought it was too late already.

"Izzy's death was bury your gays trope"

No, what, no. In a pirate show where everyobody is queer some queer people will die. Bury your gays is about only having one or few queer characters and killing them off while the straights get their happily ever afters. This is so far from that.

Also, I want people to be aware of the phenomenon, where creators of diverse shows are subjected to more critism than those of non diverse shows. If this intrests you, Sarah Z on Youtube made a great video on it called Double standards and diverse media. Our flag means death has given us so much, queer love story with a happily ever after, finding community, nonbinary character. And the creators have always been so kind to fans, so let's show them tht kindness back. Because critizicing this one aspect can easily turn to seeming like the whole story is just unwanted. That stories like Ed and Stede's aren't worth telling. And I'm so aftraid that will happen, when just now for the first time in years we are finally getting queer stories.

Also, I understand people are sad. I am sad too - Izzy was an amazing character and his death was sad but that's just. Good writing. You can grieve, but trying to turn it into a moral or dramaturgy issue is just not a good look. And attacking the creators of this wonderful show is just horrible.

Remember - this fandom is a safe space ship 🏴‍☠️🏳️‍🌈

[yourlocaltreesimp]

A Hero’s guide on how to heal pt. 2

pushing my chubby sky propaganda again. @biblicallyinaccuratespoons come get your food. This is a part 2, but you do not need to read part 1 to understand what is going on.

CW: Senstitive topics, proceeded with caution

Part 1 is non x reader

Part 2 (you are here) is an x reader because i’m a simp

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★

Truly, Sky was proud of how far he’d come. He was content to not be in what the people thought as ‘his prime’ anymore, especially since he knew what it really entailed. The life of a hero is appealing until you become familiar with being so hungry you can feel the emptiness carving at your sternum, and so tired you hallucinate.

Being a hero sounds glamorous until that’s all you ever get to be.

It’s all you let yourself be — perfection. And nothing else.

Truely, he never much cared for the term anyway.

That sentiment only becomes truer once he looks past the beginning of his journey.

When he was allowed to simply just be himself.

He was scrawny and awkward. He fumbled his way through life and confrontations, doing whatever he felt was right. He slept through his classes and would sneak into the kitchen at night to steal food.

He didn’t need top marks like Zelda, or a group of yes men like Groose.

He only cared to be content with himself.

Of course, this all fell apart come the time when he’d attach his self worth to his performance as hero.

Once his thoughts began to shift, thinking that not only did he have to save Skyloft and kill demise, but that he needed to live up to this tall tale of what he was supposed to be. That this heroism, ingrained in his very soul, was the marker of his being. This is why he lived.

So he began to build his life around it.

His schedule did not revolve around fulfilling his own life as much as it did saving others.

Perhaps, then, it’s no surprise the people in Hyrules following make him out to be something he isn’t. A vague, shifting figure amidst a surprisingly rigid history. In the act of changing and melding himself to every point of view, every requirement and request, he tucked the truth of himself further away from the eyes of history.

Truthfully, and perhaps slightly shamefully, Sky admits that he would’ve done anything to live up to those expectations. More than he already had.

If someone had told him, at his most vulnerable, that he had to die a martyr, he wouldn’t have even dug a grave.

That thought was a comfort back then. That maybe he’d be asked to just give up. That he’d be relieved of his service. That he’d be perfect in the eyes of history. That despite the fact he was hungry, and tired, and sick, and aching, he’d done what he needed to do.

If death cleansed his soul and finally made him good enough, life was no longer worth living.

Now, he wishes he could go back.

To tell that younger version of himself that it’s ok.

That he’s not perfect and never will be. But it feels so much better when you’re loved for who you are rather than who you wish you’d be.

Admittedly, though, he couldn’t have learned that on his own. All of Skyloft knew him from before and would love him regardless of how much he’d seek to harm himself.

He would’ve never fixed himself if he stayed stagnant.

He needed change.

He needed the change to crack and to break him before he could be remolded and refused.

In the end, he didn’t save himself. Even if he was The Hero.

It was the chain, their brotherhood and support that showed him there were people that understood. People who actually wish for you to be better (as in actually wanting you to be healthy rather than stronger or faster). People who’ve been through the same struggles and problems. People who know what he needs and how to support him.

All at once, he wasn’t alone anyone.

There was so much of himself in each of them. It was impossible to be alone.

Beyond that was you. His lover. That showed him constantly how love should make you giddy and proud of what you are instead of hungering to be more, even if it was ‘to your advantage’ (but you never did care about how he benefited you, did you? he was always more to you than his abilities). You didn’t care for some hero and their acts of service to the goddesses.

You cared about an awkward dork who couldn’t even think about you without his lovesick heart fluttering.

But perhaps most ironically of all; he achieves more now than he did back when he thought suffering meant efficiency.

He can strategize for more enemies and more complex group dynamics when he’s fully slept. He can work his muscles for longer and at higher intensity than when he was skin and bone. He doesn’t feel that aching sense of emptiness, the nausea of hunger looming over him.

He’s comfortable, the chill no longer nipping at his bones when there’s layers of healthy fat to insulate him.

He’s comfortable, You’re able to curl up onto his chest without crushing him.

He’s comfortable. He finally feels right in his skin. That this is where he’s supposed to be, and exactly who he’s supposed to be. Regardless of what people expect of him, regardless of what people judge of him.

[theambitiouswoman]

I am someone with a desire to socialize/build relationships/network who has always had to deal with unprovoked envy, hidden animosity, general unprovoked mistreatment which has therefore made me withdraw and suppress a lot of my skills. I’ve experienced these things in social interactions and even interpersonal and familial relationships. while I can be self-assured, assertive and confident, I have a history of people-pleasing and I notice that this makes me more susceptible to the things I mentioned above. I have reflected on this and determined that most people have been intimidated by me/my talents but that the manner in which I go out of my way to appease people or just be graceful, kind, and soft-hearted in general or makes them feel comfortable enough to project that intimidation by disrespecting and attempting to belittle me.

I have dealt with people’s responses to me by embodying my masculine energy in order to self-protect (lots of anger). Do you have any advice or ideas for a consistent routine to help me truly begin assert boundaries, prioritize myself and not allow others to take me out of my true element (powerful, creative, self-confident) while also still dealing with said people? I have tried in the past but particularly in interpersonal relationship I fail, due to the way I carry extreme guilt for prioritizing myself and due to fear of abandonment.

I love this question, i've been dying to talk about this so thank you!!!

In my humble opinion, it seems like you are at a point where you have done work on yourself, are trying to improve and have learned how to become more aware of your surroundings. This is actually really great! My take away when I read it is that you are stuck in somewhat of what I like to call a limbo position.

And this is something that I didn't understand myself when I went through a lot of the same pain points you brought up.

Some of the main reasons you may be in this cycle is because, for one, you may be continuing in the same environment or meeting the same people in new bodies. Or you are handling the situations with new people the same way you did before. I think thats the point you were trying to make.

I just want to first say that you are not an intimidating woman. Get that out of your head because it sets a negative thought pattern and will subconsciously keep you in a loop where you are repeating cycles. You are only intimidating to the wrong people. You may be settling for less or selling yourself short in regards to your expectations with yourself or your self worth. I say this with love, obviously. It's probably not even something that you realize cause you really do seem to have amazing attributes. If you didn't, you wouldn't feel the way you do now.

However, I really suggest you stop trying to water yourself down to make others feel comfortable. Because that is really what its coming down to. You cant make a shoe thats a size smaller than you fit. Time to change your shoes because its obvious you have outgrown these environments and have not realized that you are capable of so much more. You are letting the guilt from this make you limit yourself and thats totally not fair for you.

Which leads me to your next paragraph.

The issue here seems to be the lack of emotional control. It is not what you say, but how you say it. And that occurs because we are not fully healed from whatever wounds, or not confident in ourselves. Either or, or both. You should be able to and can get to a place with yourself where you can assert yourself with a calm, straight forward tone and get the message across.

If fear of abandonment is your thing, you may be tying yourself worth to others. Maybe as a child, you experienced neglect, inconsistent care, or emotional disconnection that planted the seeds of your fear of abandonment. So you should maybe start by challenging the negative beliefs that stem from these experiences, such as “I’m not enough” or “People always leave me,” and replace them with affirmations like “I am worthy of love and connection.” Focus on self validation by meeting your own emotional needs, learning to comfort yourself during moments of insecurity. Express your needs and trust that doing so strengthens relationships rather than pushes people away. Change your perspective in the same way i referenced about you being intimidating, to abandonment as a natural part of life’s flow, so you recognize that it doesn’t reflect your worth. Work on your emotional independence by pursuing personal goals, doing activities you love and self love habits. This will help you build more confidence and resilience with interpersonal relationships so that when someone tries you, hurts you etc, you feel confident enough to be like, "yeah, you don't need to be in my life." vs being overwhelmed by emotion out of the fear of losing someone who is not treating you how you should be treated.

Hope this helped.

<3

[galene-gothic]

𝖶𝗁𝗈 𝖺𝗋𝖾 𝗒𝗈𝗎, 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝗅𝗅𝗒?

୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧₊ I hope this reading found you in good health, every reblog is appreciated and thank you for everything :) ˖♡ ˎˊ˗ ꒰ 🐇 ꒱

˗ˏˋ༻ʚ♡︎ɞ༺ˎˊ˗             PAID SERVICES

⸼ ۫ ︎︎⊹ ! 🪡︎ Pile 1 ꒱

꒰ Who do you think you are ? ꒱

This seems to be touching more on what you're experiencing right now or have experienced in the past. You think that you're heartbroken, it's coming through quite strongly here. You think that your emotions run deep which results in you feeling hurt very deeply too. You think that you're lonely and kinda alienated from others. Some of you might have gotten deeply betrayed by people who you really trusted which has left you wondering if it's even worth it at all. I think that we both know that you're not in the best place right now. However, you're starting to have realisations that are really helping you at this time. As much as you're heartbroken, you don't want to and will not lose your compassionate self. You're seperating yourself from things and people that hurt you but I'm getting that you're the kind of person who desires closures so things feel incomplete to you on a subconscious level but you have a deep understanding that you've outgrown those situations and even if it's heartbreaking, you're moving away, even if it's uncomfortable, you're starting to choose peace and happiness. You think that you're someone who learns lessons from every experience especially heartwrenching ones.

You think that right now you're kind of purging, the universe/god/whatever you believe in seems to be clearing away the crap from your life, be it people, situations or your own unhealthy habits. I'm getting that this purging is very uncomfortable for you. You think that you've got atleast alright social skills. You think that you're open to loving people and want to express positive emotions (affection) to others in a deep and touching manner. You think that you are a person who helps others heal even if it triggers them, you see yourself as someone who has tried to heal really vile people in the past. I'm getting that you're starting to take more pride in having been a good friend/partner/daughter to people, if you don't then you should. You think that you're really careful with people's emotions and pretty good at understanding patterns especially emotional ones. You seem to be going through a new beginning, emotionally. You see yourself as peace loving. When you love someone you start looking at things from their perspective, you're very sensitive towards their needs and even if you have gotten into situations that were abusive or toxic, you've always tried to maintain the other person's or the relationship's peace. You think that people find it easier to open up to you regarding things than with others.

꒰ Who are you, really ? ꒱

You're someone who wants to leave behind a legacy. You wish to be abundant in every sense, you want the money, the love, the life that others can only dream of having. You care about your family deeply, for some of you, you might have family issues but even so, you sacrifice a lot for them. When you love someone, you consider them to be family and they become the center of your world. You are wealthy, if not financially (yet), you're wealthy when it comes to experiences. You might have experienced significant losses in your life which has always managed to get you closer to yourself. You like to make others feel like they belong because you've felt like you don't fit in for majority of your life, for some of you, it's still difficult to find people who you truly vibe with. The people who make you feel like you belong are very important to you, you grow affection towards such people very easily. You're a harmonious person, you care about reputation, material resources and money a lot but you hold just as much value to emotions, relationships (both platonic and romantic) and growing internally.

Compared to other people, you're pretty self aware in regards to your negative traits and know how to live with integrity which provides you with a sense of fulfillment. The thing about you guys is that you cannot be labelled because of how complex your personality is and also because of how balanced you are. While, for some people they could choose between love and money if they had to, it's difficult for you to do so because of how much importance you hold to both of them. I'm getting that you guys want a stable environment, a home to call your own but also cannot exactly be tied down, you likely know that you cannot do a 9-5 but a part of you likes the structure and routine that a 9-5 provides. There's a part of you that wants to settle down and there's another part of you that wants to fly really high. You're integrating a different version of yourself in your current self and it has not been easy for you but you're resilient and you're completing a cycle. You're strong enough to face any challenge, you've always overcome the hardest battles and you'll continue doing so in the future if it comes to it. I'm so proud of you.

⸼ ۫ ︎︎⊹ ! 🪡︎ Pile 2 ꒱

꒰ Who do you think you are ? ꒱

You guys probably know that you're pretty. You think that you're a mature person who's emotionally intelligent. You think that you're kind, loving and sensitive. You think that you get hurt pretty easily. You think that one of your positive and negative traits is your ability to daydream. You think that you're a loyal and forgiving person who loves people at all costs. You think that you hope for the best for people. You think you've got many deep insights on life and that your presence is healing. You think that you're understanding and forgiving. However, you also think that you end up burdening yourself by taking responsibility for other people's emotions. You see yourself as someone who's kind of burnt out as of lately. You think that you're often taken for granted and tend to struggle a lot :(. Most of you haven't had an easy life but you keep on pushing yourself. Your ability to never give up is really admirable and I think that you respect yourself for that. You might have gone through humbling experiences recently which is causing you to focus on your duties and confidence. You think that you're a hardworking person who doesn't really mind carrying the relationship, I think that is starting to change. You think that you have the tendency to be obsessive at times.

In the past, you might have made a lot of sacrifices for others but now you're starting to realise that that's not how it's supposed to be. Now, you're starting to make sacrifices for the life you wish to live is what I'm getting. You think that you tend to take more than you can handle but still manage to get it done, however, you're starting to realize that biting more than you can chew is not good for you. You think that you're really ambitious but you might have been lazy in the past, you're starting to stay disciplined now and I think that's one of the best things that you've been doing. You think that you tend to get really stressed out because of how seriously you take everything. You think that you've lost yourself but you're trying to take this opportunity to build yourself as a better person. I'm getting that you've tried to protect people by handling their responsibilities, helping them work through their trauma, even taking blame for their mistakes, etc. Which didn't leave you well. You might have felt like you destroyed yourself but you're starting to build compassion towards yourself again because you realise that it's not your fault that you care about people, it's not your fault that they couldn't have been kinder to you, it's on them, it's their loss. You tend to struggle with loneliness.

꒰ Who are you, really ? ꒱

You're actually who you think that you are. You're an emotionally intelligent person and love people deeply. You're sensitive, loyal, forgiving and never give up on love. You have a lot of empathy towards others. I think that you don't know some things about yourself though or even though you know it, you tap into those parts very unconsciously. First of all, you care about money and material possessions, you are also pretty thrifty with money. You are a pretty practical person and like to weigh out risks and potential outcomes before investing. Your ability to grow is beyond astounding, you're always growing, you're always becoming better but you haven't tapped into your potential entirely. You like to set goals and follow through with achieving them. Even though you have the tendency to daydream, you're much more grounded than other people your age. You have so much potential that you're not even aware of. Right now, some of you here are like "I know that I have a lot of potential" but you have even more potential than you think.

You especially have a lot of potential when it comes to money, you know how to be realistic when things come to it. I'm not sure how to say it but your relationship with earth or the material realm is much stronger than your relationship with spirit. You can ground anything you want to into reality unless you're choosing to be lazy 💀. Some of you might be artists here, while some of you have the soul of an artist but haven't been able to harbour your skills to the point where you could call yourself an artist? I'm getting that whenever you see this, you should focus on money and improving your skills when it comes to any artform that you feel called to. For you, healing is very important. You really care about your own and other people's emotions. I get the vibe that people not considering your emotions can make you really upset at times even though usually you choose to understand where they're coming from. You're a really loving person too. You're a really romantic person who has deep insights on life. You might sometimes feel like no one deserves you because of how loving you are.

⸼ ۫ ︎︎⊹ ! 🪡︎ Pile 3 ꒱

꒰ Who do you think you are ? ꒱

Right now, you're probably transitioning and you're aware of it. You think that you're someone who overcomes any hardship that comes upon you. You think that you're in a healing period right now. I'm also getting that you might have helped or tried to save a lot of people in the past when they were down but when you're down, you're having to go through everything all by yourself. You seem to be running away from something. I'm getting that it's not anything bad, like you're not ghosting people, you're just choosing to get away from bad energy. You think that things are finally starting to be calmer for you and that you're moving into a positive direction. You're making a lot of progress in your everyday life. You think that you're someone who learns from your regrets. You think that you've mentally left situations even if you're unable to leave them physically due to whatever reason. You think that you have a lot of courage and are an independent thinker. You think that you're releasing your past pains and starting to take more responsibility over your own happiness. You're likely exhausted and taking a rest right now.

You're trying your best to regain control over your life again and to balance things out. You feel supported by the universe or whatever you believe in right now, you feel like the universe sends in someone to help redirect you everytime you are about to go astray. You think that you're moving towards creating a more stable and comfortable life for yourself. You're either on the verge of leaving someone or something in the past or you already have. This is talking more about things that you're going through and the energy you're in right now. Let's move towards what you think about yourself, you think that you're a prideful person. I'm getting that it's very important for you to be proud of yourself, proud of your partner, proud of your friends, etc. You think that you naturally attract attention. You think that you're a confident person who possesses a lot of inner strength. You're starting to realise that achievements mean a lot to you. You want to be successful and some of you have a feeling that you are destined to be in the public eye in some way. You think that you're constantly working on improving yourself as being and feeling confident is very important to you.

꒰ Who are you, really ? ꒱

One thing I can clearly pick up on is that you feel completely drained out. I'm actually surprised that you still have the energy to try and make your life better. Your attempt at trying to stay positive is quite admirable too. You have a lot of setbacks in your life right now. It's as if nothing is working out. It seems to be really worrisome to be honest, you might be on the verge of not being able to continue your education or job anymore, some of you might be on the verge of losing your home, etc. You're still choosing to be courageous and not lose your mind though. You're persistent on making things better for yourself. You've learnt lessons from your past failures and mistakes and you're choosing to practically apply those lessons into your life. You also seem to be really guarded, with your time, energy, money, information about your life, etc. Regardless of how bad things might be going for you and how many setbacks seem to be placed on your path, you're choosing to push forward. You're tired of everything, you just want to be stable at this point. You also seem to be really wounded from all your past experiences. You're actually going through a really hard time right now, you know that but you don't feel like it because you are doing your best, I'm so proud of you. You're a resilient person who's choosing to have faith in how things play out while still trying your best to get your desired outcome/outcomes. It's like, you know that things can't possibly get any worse so you might as well choose to have a positive attitude towards things, that's what you think subconsciously.

I think again, we ended up picking up more of your energy than on you, so moving on to who you really are. You were meant to give out and receive love. Socializing is like second nature to you. Maybe, not anymore but most of you were very good at socializing as a child. You hold pure intentions towards other people and choose to deal with emotions in a balanced way. You're someone who doesn't really try to make your feelings towards someone stop growing unless they do you dirty. You also really seem to enjoy the early stages of relationships and crushes. You're an emotionally open person even though you're really guarded and choose to love people freely. However, you might have a fear of commitment and might purposely like people who are commitment phobic too or you know you won't last with. You like forming new connections and tend to go with the flow while still wondering how to control situations. You don't seem to have a balance, you either go with the flow to the point you almost don't care or you become really controlling. You're actually very peaceful and peace loving. I'm trying to figure out how and why your life is so chaotic. You know how to maintain your emotional well-being while not losing your ability to love. You're actually pretty satisfied and fulfilled with yourself and that's why you seem to keep going despite everything. You know how to make others happy :'). I'm so proud of you, keep loving, take care.

[musette22]

I wonder if Steve has a significant amount of imposter syndrome, especially when he came out of the ice. People had solidified this idea of him and expected him to excel and be that, hell even his teammates were just like oh I know all about you. (Expect maybe Thor, who I think was one of Steve’s closest friends in the beginning)

He can’t escape these expectations and if he goes against it, he’s berated for it. It’s made even worse with the serum, but at least with that he had the howling commandos to ground him and encouraged him. In the 21st Century there was no one to bounce of and the fact it would have been made worse by his survivors guilt.

Idk Steve is a character that has so many layers but gets over looked because he isnt allowed to fall into a vulnerable headspace. I kinda wished we saw more of that in his character, not in like a reflective sort of way but a kinda overwhelmed by everything portrayal. I’m sorry if this doesn’t make any sense.

Oh absolutely, yes! I think you're completely right. I also think Steve struggles hugely with the expectations people have of him, the dichotomy between the persona & legend of Cap versus the real Steve Rogers. He had to get used to a whole new body first, and then on top of that, he also had to learn to deal with all those expectations and the idea(l) people have of him which he doesn't even recognise himself in, half the time. He doesn't feel worthy of all the attention and hero worship, constantly thinking that if only people knew the real him, they'd be sorely disappointed. At the same time though, I think he feels like the whole celebrity aspect of being Cap is empty and meaningless anyway, most of the time (except for when he can use his fame to do something good, of course, which he tries to do as much as he can because otherwise, what's the point?), so in a way I think he doesn't even want to live up to people's expectations of him. He is also known for his stubbornness and righteousness, after all 😉

And yeah, in the 21st century, there isn't anyone left who knows the real him, who can grab his shoulders and shake them and tell him that it's the real Steve Rogers, that little guy from Brooklyn who was too dumb to run away from a fight, who makes Cap great, that he is worth knowing and loving. That his ideas may be reckless and harebrained more often than not, but that he does what he does for the right reasons, because he is a good man first and foremost, even if others can only see a perfect soldier. He must've felt so enormously alienated and lost, those first few years 😔

While I love the idea that (most of) the Avengers would've ultimately come to understand and appreciate Steve for Steve too, the way things stood at the beginning of TWS, they definitely weren't there yet (thank god for Sam, who at least tried). Which is why I adore the kind of fics in which Bucky, after he comes back, is not only cared for and helped to get back to himself by Steve, but in which he also gets to care for and help Steve to get back to himself in return ❤️ Mutual healing, that's my jam 💫

And yes, Steve Rogers is actually a huuuugely layered and complex and interesting and underrated character, and I will die on that hill!!! The MCU unfortunately did not explore any of this nearly enough (in fact, they cut some of the scenes that would've been the most telling when it came to the state of mind he was in) and they massively oversimplified his character development for the sake of action/tony/heteronormativity/etc. I'll always wish we'd have gotten to see more of Steve's motivations and character in the movies, but I'll also always be grateful that fanfiction has given us what the MCU didn't dare, and a thousand times over too! ❤️

[rhiannonsknife]

kind of projecting here but mmm rhiannon with someone who’s in a similar situation to her. feeling invisible, like nobody sees them blah blah blah. one day she sees them and she can physically feel the loneliness and makes it her mission to make them feel seen and loved. like she just gets it because she’s going through the exact same thing

idk lol just kinda been having a hard time lately and the only thing that makes me feel better is knowing that rhiannon lewis feels the exact same way 😭😭

- 🦔

i received this request and immediately got to work!! i hope you’re doing okay 🦔 anon <3

i think rhiannon generally has a tendency to notice the rather quiet people, feeling safer and drawn to those around her who are in a similar situation.

she is no stranger to being overlooked, and that’s exactly why she notices you. it’s in the way you linger at the edge of conversations, the quiet sighs you think no one hears, and the tired smile you wear when you think you’re unseen.

and because she’s made it her mission to protect people from bullies, she decides she might as well try and make you feel seen.

her first approach is subtle. rhiannon starts with small gestures: asking how your day is going, sharing a joke when no one else is paying attention. the little cracks in her aloof persona are intentional, her way of showing that she’s listening. that there is someone who cares to hear your thoughts in a conversation or wants to know how you’ve been doing lately.

this could also be the beginning of her obsession with you…she’s always finding excuses to be around you: rhiannon always seems to be where you are, but never in an overbearing way. she’ll linger near your desk, offer to grab you coffee, or just happen to “run into you” when you look like you need a break. the second she sees someone dismiss you or talk over you, she’s stepping in with a sharp quip and a fiery glare. “funny how they always seem to forget the smartest person in the room,” she says, casually sliding into the seat next to you.

her goal to make sure you never feel invisible again leads to rhiannon genuinely giving this her all. she makes a point of complimenting the things others always overlook. the way you word an email, your handwriting, or even the way your voice softens when you’re passionate about something. it doesn’t take long until she’s no longer purposefully doing it. it’s not like any of it is untrue, but in the beginning she has to try and point them out whereas, over time, it becomes a natural instinct. a habit. you walk in a room and rhiannon notices a hundred different things she would want to compliment.

it’s not often that she feels comfortable enough to connect with somebody, but it comes just as natural as the compliments with you.

rhiannon’s not the best with words, so she shows her care through actions too!! leaving a note on your desk that says, “saw this and thought of you” with a small trinket or snack attached. or remembering an offhand comment about your favorite book and showing up with a fully annotated version one day.

she’s not overly touchy either. while she craves physical touch more than anything, rhiannon obviously doesn’t want to overstep. still, the way she brushes her hand against yours or playfully nudges you feels deliberate. the first time she hugs you, rhiannon is tentative and cautious, scared to do anything wrong. that is, until you hug her back. then, rhiannon never wants to let you go again. you, on the other hand, learn that she gives her best hugs ever.

rhiannon really is the only one who makes your days bearable. whenever you doubt yourself, she’s the first to remind you of your worth. “i see you,” she says softly, her voice carrying a conviction that makes your chest ache. “you’re brilliant, and anyone who doesn’t notice that is an idiot!”

in seeing you, rhiannon gets to heal a part of herself too!! <3 the care she shows you helps her realize how much she’s been craving that same attention and affection. and slowly, the two of you become each other’s biggest supporter!! whether it’s coffee breaks, late-night drives when she offers to take you home, or even sitting in comfortable silence, it all becomes a reminder that you’re never alone anymore, that you’ve got rhiannon’s support no matter what! when you let your guard down about your struggles, she’s the one who listens like her life depends on it. she’ll shyly take your hand and give it a gentle squeeze. “i’m here,” she says softly. “i’ll always be here.”

[maoam]

How do you feel about Yutamaki?

Well despite being a het ship it's not bad.

They are written to have a rather similar desire, which is wanting to prove it's okay for them to live in this world. But they go about it in opposite ways. Yuta fights for others and expects them to provide him a reason, while Maki fights for herself, trying to prove she has worth despite her family telling her otherwise. Naturally, their weaknesses are also opposites. Yuta relies on others too much, while Maki pushes others away (this culminates in her relationship with Mai). What Yuta needs is to learn to trust himself and his decisions, and what Maki needs is to learn to be vulnerable. This is something Toji needed as well. He started to heal thanks to Mamagumi, but her death made him spiral again, and he turned his back on his son despite we know he clearly did love him. Because his coping mechanism was the absolute independence, strength and lack of vulnerability, to prove himself to those who rejected him. Which is Maki's coping mechanism as well. Just like Toji turned his back on his son, the person that was his last thought both times he died, the one he named "Blessing", Maki turned her back on Mai, the person she considers her heart. Hopefully Maki is able to overcome this coping mechanism. She has better chance thankfully thanks to the support of so many people. Hopefully, Yuta and Maki can continue learning from each others strengths to balance their own weaknesses.

As for their dynamic. Maki softened up to Yuta because he can be humble and sweet, something her family certainly wasn't, but also dedicated to his work as a sorcerer.

Going from this

To this. In just one volume. At the beginning she really couldn't stand him and was really harsh on him. But he proved himself to her. Their development when it came to respecting and liking each other felt believable and genuine. I mean they had more development when it came to a dynamic in 4 chapters than SS/NH had in 700 chapters of Naruto lol.

And Yuta does give Maki that validation and acknowledgement she's been deprived of. She has had to work really hard her whole life, with everyone around her telling her she's not good enough. So I'm not surprised she'd soften for someone like Yuta who is not afraid to admire her and look up to her, and is also so genuine about it.

And it's not like the admiration doesn't go both ways. According to Gege Maki now considers Yuta an awesome bean sprout (lol). Maki is also the one who makes Yuta confront his issues and gives him the motivation to conquer them in volume 0.

There was also Panda's comment on how Maki is softer when Yuta is around that feels like ship tease to me. So it's very possible she likes Yuta.

Generally they really seem to enjoy each others company and they really admire and respect each other. So the ship does have solid basis. Something a ship like Gojo/hime could only dream of having. There is also the hope Yuta can continue to help Maki coping with life in a healthier way, despite the fact Maki has so many regrets.

[dangermousie]

Best kdrama you have probably never heard of - Someday (2006)

"I can't breathe because my heart is filled with thoughts of you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you."

Answering the ask about my perfect kdramas made me think of and want to make a pusher post for the most underrated drama on that list Someday, starring Bae Doona, Lee Jin Wook, Kim Min Joon and Oh Yoon Ah.

When she was 17, Hana (Bae Doona), a Korean brought up in Japan by her grandmother, won a prestigious award and was launched on a career as a popular manga artist in Japan. The same day Hana was launched on her path to popularity and fame, Seokman (Lee Jin Wook) was having the worst day of his life -- he and his family were involved in a car crash, leaving him the only survivor. Fast forward three years or so and the paths of Hana, now a well-known mangaka who is facing a creative drought, and Seokman, now a sort of a missing-persons detective, are about to collide.

This is both an old drama (2006) and also one released on OCN back when it was just starting, so even back when I originally watched it 15 years ago, it was not well known. It's such a pity - this one is on my Top 10 kdramas list of all time for a reason. There are so many reasons as to why this deserves to be better known - it has a delicious off-beat vibe and in some ways it reminds me on an old school jdrama with its realistic feel and its meditation on life; but it retains old school kdrama strengths of romance and suffering and gorgeous cinematography. Its love story, which made me cry and cry and then grin like a lunatic and hug my pillows - it's so unexpected and sneaks up on you and then grabs and refuses to let go. Its stories of alienation and connections and families lost and found and made. Its laid-back charm which lures you in until you, all relaxed, are whacked with the darkness at the core, and are left gasping for breath (full disclosure - this drama made me cry more than once.)

It is also a chance for you to see some wonderful performances. The always sublime Bae Doona is well...sublime, as the quirky Hana who has locked her capacity for warmth and caring far away due to childhood loss - when the story starts she is almost an alien dropped among those weird humans - curious, exploratory, and oh-so-different. One of the biggest pleasures of the drama is to watch her learn to become fully human - to feel compassion, to feel love. Lee Jin Wook is one of my huge kdrama crushes and he doesn't disappoint, playing his character with so much sweetness that you get lulled into a false sense of security and don't realize just how much damage and despair Seokman has inside, until you are confronted with it, and then go "of course - it all makes sense now." His chemistry with Bae Doona is just so pitch-perfect - their whole relationship is so full of discovery and hope and tentativeness for both of them. You can't help but root for these two very damaged people to work it out and heal each other. She has no emotions but he has no hope or self-worth - and the biggest pleasure for me was to watch both of them recover what they lack. The drama Someday reminds me of most is my favorite twdrama, Mars - the two horribly damaged protagonists with vastly different coping mechanisms make each other better. It goes dark sometimes, terribly dark, but ultimately it's the story of new beginnings and of hope.

Kim Min Joon and Oh Yoon Ah are not secondary characters in this - every member of the quartet (and they are not really a love quartet in the usual sense) is equally important. If Hana and Seokman are horribly wounded children, both KMJ and OYA play grown-ups. If you are expecting a typical older kdrama evil secondary girl, you are in for a disappointment. OYA's Hae Young is the sanest, best person in the quartet, and the one most in touch with her feelings, which include her unrequited love for her best friend Jin Pyo (KMJ). And speaking of Kim Min Joon - he plays perhaps the most controversial character in this - a psychiatrist who gloms onto Hana as a representation of his fanboy fantasies, not a real woman (he does not get to know the real Hana the way Seokman does) and who is the one most in control and delights in manipulation. But I ended up liking him nonetheless - in a way, he was caught in a bubble as much as Hana was, only this bubble was of his own willful making.

My favorite scene? Because I am a sadist, it's the sequence leading to Seokman's suicide attempt (it's either that or he gets done in, due to the debts) - his counting how many minutes he has left and getting his math wrong, his visiting the hospital and tying up all the loose ends, his scene on the river bank with Hana, his suicide attempt itself, when he walks off limping and muttering "stupid stupid stupid" not able to think of anything but that he failed.

This drama is SO GOOD and SO UNDERRATED and really should be watched.

[whispersofthepurplevalley]

31 lessons learnt in 31 years

1. It's always words combined with actions. Mere words without any expression cannot keep a delicate thread of a relationship lasting forever.

2. As long as you know what your intentions are, you do not owe anyone any explanation about it. The sceptical ones will always judge, the right ones will always get.

3. Healing begins with telling your inner child that he or she deserves more than they are forced to believe. It begins by befriending the lost child within you.

4. Not even the grief of death lasts forever. Every pain comes with an expiry date.

5. Success has nothing to do with where you stand in the social hierarchy.

6. It takes more than just information and books to learn and memorize the true nature of life.

7. The purpose of life is to die without any regrets.

8. Freedom is not moral degradation. Freedom is being able to set boundaries going against cheap temptations.

9. Hustle culture is the biggest enemy of a meaningful society. It teaches you to forget the innate calmness you are born with. It makes you believe you are not enough and you have to be at a certain place to be worth happiness.

10. Read. Read a lot. Not to copy ideas. But to recognise what your true beliefs are.

11. Flow with the fleetingness of it all. You only have control over the way you dance on the boat, not over the places the current takes you to.

12. Respect is earned. It's a precious gift. Don't give it to anyone just because you are told to. Have your own scale to measure who is worth it.

13. Pause often. Listen to yourself with the same patience you show around your loved ones.

14. Pick a cause that stirs your soul, and give your life to it. Remain consistent. It's how you give your life the substance.

15. Make friends with the knowledge that they will leave when their reason for crossing your fate is met. Make forever out of little moments. Permanence is a lie.

16. Let go. You are only so much space. For something new to come, something unworthy has to go.

17. Do everything to stop the virus of arrogance, inequality, indifference and objectification from passing onto the next generation. Be the change you couldn't enjoy.

18. You don't lose anything in life. You only return what was given to you to take care for a while.

19. The ones who cannot face the truth mock the truth.

20. Connect with the real world. Reclaim the natural. The digital world is a myth the moment you shut off the screen.

21. Take time to think of pretty things. You become what you frequently think about.

22. Only fools live on the extremes. The wise ones understand that humans are vulnerable to change. They are always flexible and ready to learn and adapt.

23. Forgive and forget. You are a sinner too.

24. Every bad event comes with a lesson. Make sure to pick it the first time. Misery repeats until you learn.

25. Be careful with the intake of information. Every information is life changing. Not every change is for the good.

26. Sleep on time. And sleep well. The peace you search for everywhere is in self-discipline.

27. Laugh a lot. When you really see, you will always have more things to be grateful for compared to what is lost.

28. Meditate. Pray. Hear the unheard. Silence speaks only to the true seekers.

29. Allow yourself to feel everything without judging the feelings. Be reasonable instead. Keep what makes your heart beat in a beautiful rhythm. Discard what disturbs the healthy pace.

30. Take care of your body if you want your mind to take care of your soul. Be the bridge that connects your mind, body and soul to empower your existence.

31. When you are caged nowhere, you are free to reside everywhere.

© Sabina Yesmin

[jaysbraindump]

Dead Boy Detectives characters as Sleeping At Last songs: a very long post

Edwin – Nine

Who am I to say what any of this means I have been sleepwalking Since I was fourteen Now as I write my song I retrace my steps Honestly, it’s easier To let myself forget Still, I check my vital signs Choked up, I realize I’ve been less than half myself For more than half my life

Wake up Fall in love again Wage war on gravity There’s so much worth fighting for you’ll see Another domino falls Either way It looks like empathy To understand all sides But I’m just trying to find myself Through someone else’s eyes So show me what to do To restart this heart of mine How do I forgive myself For losing so much time?

Charles – Eight

I wanna break these bones 'til they're better I wanna break them right and feel alive You were wrong, you were wrong, you were wrong My healing needed more than time When I see fragile things, helpless things, broken things I see the familiar I was little, I was weak, I was perfect too Now I'm a broken mirror But I can't let you see all that I have to lose All I've lost in the fight to protect it I can't let you in, I swore never again I can't afford to let myself be blindsided I'm standing guard, I'm falling apart And all I want is to trust you Show me how to lay my sword down For long enough to let you through

Here I am, pry me open What do you wanna know? I'm just a kid who grew up scared enough to hold the door shut And bury my innocence But here's a map, here's a shovel Here's my Achilles' heel I'm all in, palms out, I'm at your mercy now and I'm ready to begin I am strong, I am strong, I am strong enough To let you in

Crystal – Smell

Is this the part where the brain scan shows where memories reside? Some ambiguous shape in me, suddenly producing light Triggered like a trip wire every time I breathe it in Isn't it strange that a lilac tree is what unlocks where I've been? Like a time machine rebuilds the past My memories return Like remembering the ashes before they burn It is the friction that lights a match Desperate attempts that make it last So I hold my breath for as long as I can But before long, the wind swells in I started a fight I could never win But I will hold on as long as I can

Niko – Some Kind of Heaven

I'm having trouble sleeping Keep thinking my phone's ringing I wake in a panic, what's wrong now? Nervous system's acting up I'm worried it's forever messed up Now being awake feels unsafe Please, help me remember The voice of my mother Reminding me everything's okay

She deeply believed it

Just a little longer Everything will make sensе Broken things will be remadе But what about the meantime? How do I ignore the signs That one day, everything I love will fade?

Monty – Wave After Wave

Wave after wave, I'm more afraid It's been a hard year, it's been a high tide I can make it make sense, but my body decides I keep telling myself again and again It's been a hard year, healing takes time Routine test results, I'm probably fine I know better I know better But it doesn't really matter My body decides One part at a time I am the sail, the plank The mast that breaks and gets replaced I am remade, repaired, reshaped But somehow still the same Even after every cell in my body changed I know my name

Jenny – Homesick

You spend your whole life Just to remember the sound When the world was brighter Before we learned to dim it down Call it survival Call it the freedom of wills; Where breath is borrowed Our compass needle stands still Our resignation only comes on beaten paths

When the world was flat We dreamt of its edges… If love’s elastic, then were we born to test its reach? Is it buried treasure Or just a single puzzle piece

The Cat King – To Be Enchanted

I see longing in its eyes I can't quite put my finger on it There's just something about its face That makes me sad It's as much afraid as it's haunted I've never related more To anything or anyone before I can't explain it Politely, I asked, "Are you real?" It said, "Here, let me prove it" It placed its hand in my hand And neither one of us could feel it "Don't kill the messenger", it begged "You're alive, quit acting like you're dead" Like a mirror, it spoke so clear "Don't you recognize the reason why you're here?"

[eliteseven]

What are your thoughts on Shadowheart in terms of her character? Her feelings towards Tav and her self-esteem?

Shadowheart: Self Esteem & Feelings towards Tav:

Short(er) version:

Shadowheart is complex and so interesting. She can be caustic, witty, dry and seemingly detached- or she can be the most loving person you've ever known. She's confident- we now know much of that was born of her Sharran upbringing, but she's willful because of her parents. She's defiant, playful around those she trusts, and has a great capacity for love. She's a healer at heart- though honed as a weapon, there is no greater joy for her than being able to mend wounds, to take away pain, even though it's all she's known for so long. She's broken, at times, but healing beautifully now.

Her relationship with Tav is founded upon trust (and a LOT of physical attraction, to boot). Tav is the only person who managed to breach her walls while she was still serving Shar. Tav has laid her own life on the line for Shadowheart (and her parents) countless times. Shadowheart plays coy and flirtatious, but there is a deep internal voice that tells her she's lucky Tav considers her worthy of her love. Romantically, Shadowheart is absolutely enamored with Tav. The more she learns about Tav's upbringing, the more protective she becomes. I think she's keenly aware of the fact that she and her parents are Tav's only true family, aside from her mother all the way in Cormyr.

Long (writer's) version lol:

I think Shadowheart is a layered, complex character! We have “Jenevelle”, if you will, at her core. Traits she picked up from her parents, even if she doesn’t inherently remember everything: her kindness, her proclivity to caring for animals and the weak, even her sense of humor (finger guns after the night orchid joke lol). I feel like life in the cloister had her suppressing these traits to an almost painful extent. Her memory may have been wiped, but her instincts do not change so easily. She’s witty, she’s even fun-loving, she’s outspoken. She’s willful, stubborn, and often sees the best in people.

And then we have “Shadowheart”- or the traits she developed as a result of life in the cloister. Some are actually beneficial, some not so much. Life in the cloister makes her cynical, sly, defensive, secretive, even if also incredibly adept at defending herself. It gives her “bite” to her personality, as well as a sense of arrogance.

In the first Acts, we see more of Shadowheart, but Jenevelle bleeds through. It’s clear by Act 2 that she’s developed enough of a rapport/trust with Tav that her true nature begins to show.

I think when she was a practicing Sharran, she lived under the guise of false self-esteem. She ascribed worth to herself based on how well she could heed the Dark Lady’s orders. Now that she’s free, she struggles with reconciling deeds she’s committed in the past. Though it isn’t her fault explicitly, I think she carries much guilt for what she became. Now, living her life in service to her parents, to all their animals, and to her beloved Tav- I think she sees her life as simple, bucolic, but worth so much more. She can be proud of this life, without shame. She can reconcile Jenevelle and Shadowheart, and be the best of both of them.

Her Feelings towards Tav:

Tav is a vital piece to Shadowheart’s overall growth. Initially, she’s attracted to Tav and thinks little of her or that fact- beyond staring when she thinks Tav isn’t looking. Just another pretty girl who's surprisingly good with a blade, in her eyes. In the early weeks, they argue. A lot. Shadowheart is particularly vicious when she gets wind that Tav came from nobility. And then something strange happens- Shadowheart finds herself looking forward to arguing with Tav, just to spend more time with her. She watches Tav give her own food and water to Tiefling refugees- She rolls her eyes at the “weakness” displayed and then goes to hide her smile in her tent and repent in prayer.

Tav is the most selfless person Shadowheart knows. Tav cares more about Emmeline and Arnell than Shadowheart can fathom. She’s constantly looking for ways to make up for lost time, constantly looking for ways to help Shadowheart’s memory. She doesn’t sleep if Shar’s mark is causing Shadowheart pain. Shadowheart has never been the love of anyone’s life-until now.

Shadowheart is madly in love. Tav’s her best friend, her partner. Tav helped speak sense into her, helped her see reason, light, love in the midst of Shar’s scheme for her. Tav saw through her, saw Jenevelle and Shadowheart, and gave herself completely to both of them.

[lola-andheruniverse]

Caryl Fanfiction Recs - Celebrating single-fic authors (part 1)

Happy Sunday, dear fellow carylers! Today I bring you the first part of a list that I have been preparing for some time.

Every fandom has its big stars: incredible gifmakers who everyone recognizes their work from a distance; amazing artists who draw fanart and edit fanvideos that deserve to be in a museum; and talented and prolific fanfic authors who are better storytellers than the actual canonical writers/creators. All of them deserve all the praise and love in the world, but, in reality, even the most popular ones don't get the feedback they truly deserve. Now, what about those fans who only create one thing for the fandom? Just one art, one video, one analysis, one fic? Where are the compliments for them?

So this list it's a way to rectify that for single-fic caryl authors. I hope a little bit of love reaches them wherever they are. Thank you for contributing to our fandom!

1. Wait by acaryler [ 9Lives ]

Summary: A new day only begins when the darkness goes away.

Rated: G

Word count: 814

Published: February 22, 2017 (one-shot, contains character death)

2. This is Who We Are by CarylLover [ 9Lives | AO3 | FF.net ]

Summary: Aaron is badly injured and, after the attack of The Wolves, the group at ASZ is left vulnerable. Daryl needs to go out to find more people, but he can't go alone. He chooses Carol to go with him. This time together will revive some painful memories for Carol and confessions will be made. But will they only come from Carol? Does Daryl have a dark secret too?

Rated: M

Word count: 10.490 (05 chapters)

Published: May 31, 2015 (complete)

3. Weeping Statue by Evilangel [ 9Lives ]

Summary: She watched silently from the shadows.

Rated: T

Word count: 151

Published: January 22, 2016 (one-shot)

4. Contently Broken by FloraDora [ 9Lives ]

Summary: Following the deaths of Beth and Tyreese, Carol's concern for Daryl grows as he continues to distance himself from the group, clearly struggling with his grief. Carol attempts to reach out to him which results in a very emotional encounter.

Rated: T

Word count: 1.410

Published: March 17, 2015 (one-shot)

5. We belong by Ithil [ 9Lives ]

Summary: Daryl helps Carol to start healing after the events of 5.16. Inspired by Ryan Adams' song I love you but I don't know what to say.

Rated: T

Word count: 1.622

Published: June 24, 2015 (one-shot)

6. Doors by @jtsbar [ 9Lives | AO3 ]

Summary: Daryl before he opens the door.

Rated: T

Word count: 513

Published: August 16, 2014 (one-shot)

7. Felicity by Lesoni [ 9Lives ]

Summary: He hoped that she would understand him like she always seemed to do. That she was his woman-his Carol. The woman that he'd learned to love more than he loved anyone else-especially himself-because it had been her that had shown him how much he was actually worth. He was trying to give her that back. He damn near worshipped her, and she needed to know that.

Rated: E

Word count: 2.787

Published: April 23, 2016 (one-shot)

8. New Habits by LouWho88 [ 9Lives ]

Summary: Daryl and Carol have stuck with their usual habits while becoming roomates in Alexandria even as their relationship has been growing. However, on this particular morning it seems as though Daryl has developed a new habit and Carol hope it sticks. 

Rated: T

Word count: 1.238

Published: May 02, 2016 (one-shot)

[glitterguts13]

Do you have any favourite of hcs (any kind) of aventurine?

Oh, I have so much to say about Aventurine it's not even funny, so here comes a jumbled mix of thoughts.

TW: topics of slavery, self-harm, sexual abuse, and suicidal ideation. Please read with caution!

Aventurine struggles with genuine physical and emotional intimacy. Having been used, abused, and tortured all this life, mentally, sexually, and physically, he's grown to learn that people are to be kept at arm's length the whole time.

Because of this, Aventurine became very hyper-sexual to deal with the trauma. To him, if he starts it and stays in control, he can't be hurt. This isn't true at all, but it's the only way he knows how to handle people who start getting touchy with him because saying 'no' never worked in the past.

If someone does manage to break down his walls and form a genuine emotional bond with him...he really doesn't know what to do. He showers his partners with gifts and money, is extremely sex driven, and doesn't have any consideration for his own well-being. He's so worried about losing them, that he gives too much.

Aventurine doesn't know how to ask for things he wants. In the sense, he doesn't know how to say "Please, just hold my hand." or "Will you brush my hair?" These simple little acts of love that he desperately craves, but can't ask for because he's worried he's being needy.

For fucks sake just hold this man and remind him that his worth isn't tied to his wealth or his body.

The hand that trembles, hold it tightly and press it to your lips. He'll fall to pieces.

Aventurine is torn between desperately wanting a family and being terrified of having one. He wants a partner, children, and a home to come back to that's filled with love, warmth, and laughter...but he knows how quickly he could lose it, and just how big a target is painted on his back. It keeps him up at night, debating back and forth on if he should pursue his desire or leave it to rot like the rest of his dreams.

Topaz is the closest thing to a 'friend' he has inside of the IPC. While they're hardly besties, she's at least someone he can relax around and share a few drinks with. She's not given him any reason to distrust her, but I don't think he would ever fully rely on her either.

Has played his fair share of Russian Roulette, and leaves disappointed each time he wins.

Also, are we all just going to ignore that little tidbit where they mention he was strapped to an electric chair?? I can't even begin to imagine how that fucked him up both mentally and physically.

That being said, Aventurine has a lot of self-harm and pain-seeking tendencies. I won't go into details, but when he gets low, his mind begins to spiral and he has to find something to snap him out of it or else it just gets worse and worse until he's ready to make sure that gun is fully loaded.

He's grown better about it over the years, but he will never fully be able to heal and recover. Especially not as long as he's in the hands of the IPC. Ratio is the only one who catches wind of Aventurine's self-harming tendencies, but he doesn't have a clue on how to help him, so he keeps quiet.

The brand on his neck is a source of contention. He has the money to have it removed and covered up. He hates to see it, but in the same breath, he's almost afraid to lose it. If he does, will he lose sight of his past? Where he came from? He isn't ashamed of his past, but he also doesn't like the very clear reminder of it either. Jade makes passion comments on it often, and it makes his stomach twist everytime.

Donates obscene amounts of money to children in need. He will never let a child suffer, and while he clearly can't dismantle the entire fucked up system set in place, he's bought the contracts of many child slaves and freed them anonymously. He wants to save them all, but it just isn't possible, and it's one more thing that keeps him awake at night.