#who even care. yea? right.
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life could be a dream!!! [throws myself into the sun]
#just me hi#IF I COULD. DO THIS THING#[SHADOO BA DOO BA. SHADOO BA DOO BA DAY]#//i need things done like yesterday so that means i refuse to actually read these paragraphs until i've scanned over them like 20 times#get the information -> realize it doesn't have very detailed step-by-step instructions with screenshots -> take a 5 minute break because#Anxiety Is Weird -> go back over the instructions Meticulously like 15 times -> attempt to integrate the info into Actual Actions -> it's#working!!! :DD -> let me just try to fix this thing that it didn't explain how to fix -> yea ctrl-Z that right there.... -> wait wrong tab#-> WRONG TAB. OH NNNAO -> another hour of trying to figure out what i fudged -> oh whatever. [goes to bed] -> next day. who care#who even care. yea? right.#/anyway that's how the website editing has been goin lol :)#i have no brainn ouhhhhhhhh#seriously i had 2 neocities tabs open cuz i just Do That but i got them mixed up so fvshfbvhajfbvhdbvjfhvjvr#man. these things happen tho ykno? yea#yeaa life goes on wouhh#also i haven't been able to work on literally anything else somebody help me hfvbhafjbvhafj#like i wanted to take a Break and i couldn't focus on anything else i just kept thinking about the fricken webbed site hfvafh#and also had a dream about it last night so like. it's bad Lllllol#//anyway getting back to it rn tho cuz. well. i'm physically incapable of doing anything else until i can get the closest thing to what i#want to exist. so ttooooodles :>>
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Mu Qing ascending is objectively so funny considering Feng Xin and Xie Lian also do. Out of the people in your kingdom who accomplished immortality there’s this guy who used to be your servant but is now on equal rank to you and he‘s super rude now and also thinks you hate him because he remembers when you were 18 and lacked socioeconomic-interpersonal awareness
#he doesn’t even hold the ignorance against you. you hold it against him though#list of people who ascended from Xianle: the crown prince and his noble bodyguard. also the prince’s attendent who came from poverty#like mu qing only got to cultivate because of a very specific set of circumstances but like he did it very successfully#it’s hilarious#by all rights he worked harder than them both but he sure got there#also you see him as super rude and mean now while the people of his region keep insisting he’s kind gentle and refined etc.#Feng Xin looks at Mu Qing as if they were in the same boat and Xie Lian looks at Mu Qing like they were in the same boat#and Mu Qing is there doing their chores on top of studying and training and caring for his mother looking at their idealistic nonsense#with many question marks#Xie Lian and Feng Xin: our past friend Mu Qing#Mu Qing: ah yes. my employer. who I would like to befriend but unfortunately I have dignity.#tgcf#like sorry not everyone has the awareness or priorities or ideas another who grew up poor might smh#also he has like a ridiculously impeccable memory so like. yea he DOES remember when you were 18. in vivid detail.#he used to prepare your clothes so has your whole cultural fashion line embedded into his head forever. including the jewelry#imagine being 800 years old and the guy that used to steam your clothes every morning and fold them every night lives next door#isn't that so embarrassing#that guy remembers EVERYTHING too#you don't remember that stuff but HE DOES?????
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there’s probably something deeply wrong with me because every time i see someone react to the pok gukgak interrogation scene it’s like “oh no oh my god is riz’s dad a bad guy?” when the first time i saw that scene my only thought was “oh my god is riz’s dad HOT??”
#i mean admittedly my instinct was that he was lying about what he was saying & he was a good guy (which i was right about) but#it truly was like pok: i don’t give a shit about my wife & kid i only care about this job / me: pok gukgak save me… save me pok gukgak#fantasy high#dimension 20#pok gukgak#riz gukgak#in my defense i really love spies so watching someone convincingly act indifferent about the most important part of their life… CRAZYYY#but i still feel like i’m setting back feminism so many years but also. he got acid splashed on his face & didn’t even flinch… that’s hot#guy who would literally go through hell & back bc it’s for the greater good but would also if he had to do it for the people he loves#but like. the greater good always came before the people he loves. that was the job. he loved them so much but he also missed so much#how much WAS he willing to sacrifice for the sake of the job? work is a great form of love but it can’t be the only form#especially for a young kid. but yea idk i have complicated feelings#pok gukgak u r so fascinating to me#pok sklonda riz & work as a form of love or whatever#truly would not work as a campaign & would be better as a book but young pok young kalina young sklonda… i need to know EVERYTHINGGG#the shameful thirst post -> character rumination journey of these tags is truly Something but also par for the course w/ my brain
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hmm thinking about the idea of love songs. i think the idea of what a love song is that we have in our culture is inherently a little bit flawed because we have the idea that any song written about romantic feelings is a love song and im thinking thats not exactly true because there is a difference between "romance" and "love". what i'm saying is not that love is a broader category and applies to things that are not romantic in nature. this is in fact true, but it's not what makes the important distinction here. the true distinction between "romance" and "love" is that romance is a societally defined type of interest in another person, whereas love is, essentially, a promise that you make when you build a relationship.
as such, what i call "love" here might be better defined as "care", as that implies more time and effort, but that's a different suitcase to unpack and largely unimportant to my point here, which is more about the societal conventions of what we call love songs. the point is, relationships can be built with other people, yes, but also animals, places, organizations, ideas, so on and so on, whereas romance requires another person, hence the difference between the ideas of "romance" and "love".
with that in mind, there are two types of songs we in western, english speaking, society call "love songs":
1) songs that are about a person's romantic interest in someone that is either definitively known to be unrequited (existing monogamous relationship, sexuality that doesn't align, etc) or simply not requited (aka romantic interest being unknown); and
2) songs about an existing relationship (keeping in mind my points about relationships not just being with people, but also places, things, etcetera) as is.
(some examples of the latter category: mountaintop by relient k, which defines the relationship in question as non-romantic; or i miss my mum by cavetown, which is - as the title implies - a song about the singer missing their mother.)
now, the thing that makes distinguishing these two difficult is the fact that songs about an existing relationship CAN be about wanting certain aspects of that relationship to change. in these cases, determining that a song is one or the other will hinge either on a) authorial intent or b) whether the song is more about what the singer wants (thereby implying #1) or the lack thereof in that relationship (which would imply #2).
to get back to the subject at hand: the term "love song", as we think of it, is an umbrella term that include both of these two categories, and i think that perhaps it is reductive to do so. with that in mind, i think perhaps it would be more appropriate for "love song" to mean only the latter, whereas the former is a category of its own. WHICH is not to say that the two can't overlap — just that if a song is about a person with whom the singer has no relationship, it cannot be considered a love song due to the fact that it is a song about infatuation, not love.
(another interesting wrinkle this provides is the fact that a song might start out in the first category and, as the writer develops a relationship with a person, might move into the second category as they write more.)
#anyway. just some of my thoughts on this as an aromantic songwriter#ari opinion hour#this goes a good deal to reconcile my constant writing of love songs with the fact that none of them are romantic#which im fine with as long as im keeping them to myself but it DOES feel dishonest when i hide that theyre love songs.#however this did also go some way to convince me that maybe care songs is an alternative that i SHOULD use because it is more applicable to#me than the concept of love which MOST people do not have the same perspective on as i do and having different definitions of the same word#is an important barrier to consider in communication#i will admit i do think im clinging to my care songs being love songs due to my relationship with an organization to which love is very#important as i dont want to go back on my promises to that organization as it IS very important to me#anyway. can you tell ive been reading house of leaves by the fact that this appeared fully fledged in my head in fully academic language#but for real like thinking about it now and even my old love songs like most would probably think to see them that they would go in the#first category and they just. DO NOT. at least not the ones that were written after i was like Yeah im aro again#its interesting the ones i wrote in the brief period where i thought i WASNT aro in like mid hs those i WOULD put in the first category#even though like i do NOT think i was right about it being romantic#but the ones after i was like Yea im aro again are like. Thats definitely the latter#part of it is i did find a voice that was like genuinely Mine and wasnt just writing sort of generic love songs#love songs in the typical usage i mean so they were really more infatuation songs#but like i was still with the last person irl who i wrote these about divorced from like... my aroness because of how much i liked him#and i would still put those in the second category#so part of it is awareness as well#so. yeah. its interesting#i probably should just suck it up and start calling them care songs. even if people dont know what i mean to say that
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i dont think my brain can conceptualize love. or at least from the information i gather
#inspired by me experiencing another failed family event and also talking to a 16 year old#whos in a relationship right now#and i know teenage love yea#but its still a form of love#and i realized. that is always what i yearned for#and i never got it. shes living what i will never have. and never will tbh#because i dont think im able to feel love. even familial love is shakey. to me#i love you because youre my mom and you are part of me and you have took care of me and i find your presence comforting as i have always#known it. is that love? or do i feel like im obligated to love you because otherwise im ungrateful of what ive been given and i hurt someone#who has given me her life for mine in a sense. is that love?#because you also hurt me. i also feel at my worst around you. so it cant be right?#and i love you because youre my dad and im concerned for your health and i know how much you have given up for me#and id give anything to get a fraction of that for you back. is that love?#or is it an obligation. is it guilt. because i cant share my deepest secrets with you#i cant share what i enjoy or listen to. because you dont really care. you only really care about whats yours#and thats fine. but i dont know if thats “love”. or im tethered to you like guilt#and i love you because youre my brother and you were my first friend and first guide in life#but i dont know. how much of that is guilt#because of what resentment you feel towards our parents that i have to take your side lest you cast me aside too#i feel like i am loved on conditions. or did i set these myself? i dont know how much it has been pushed on me nd how much it is#self inflicted#i feel like i also love on a condition. and i dont like it#i want to feel unconditional love towards a person. i dont think i can#when love feels so much like a chore and an expectation#i cant love you i cant miss you i cant think about you#is that my fault? am i broken? is it me whos evil? is it me whos cold?#or have i just been left on my own to figure out how to be loved and how to love back#without feeling
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part of me: yeah i mean it's mayyybe for the better that amity didn't get a hooked nose *in canon*, considering that feature is stereotypically associated with jewish people, and amity was initially introduced as an antagonist with a wealthy and powerful family, and that fact could have played into some bad stereotypes before her and her family got more fleshed out
also me: but also i am ethnically jewish and have a prominent nose and i just really wish there were more female major characters w features like that who aren't treated as ugly by the narrative and i like her i think it would be neat if she had a hooked nose like her dad
#sidenote:#i am very relieved that her parent w the button nose is the money-hungry one working for the evil government#while her parent w the hooked nose wants no part of any of that and joins the protagonists and puts doing the right thing over money#instead of the other way around#also i think there's been similar said about the fact that she's white#amd how it's a mix of wishing she wasn't white bc it would be do nice to get more representation through the protag's love interest#but also the fact that if the wroters weren't careful they could've played into stereotypes w her and/or her family#abt being aggressive or obsessed w academics or overly strict or greedy etc#(tho it'd prolly be doable esp w her redemption and how if they had made her latina or black or east asian it would be offset#by the fact that this show has main characters of those ethnicities who DON'T adhere to any of those stereotypes)#and how the blight family represents unfair privilege so giving them white privilege (even if it doesn't exist in-universe) makes sense#tho i myself am white so i don't think i quite have anything to add to THAT particular discussion#but yea#eliot posts#toh#the owl house#amity blight#anyway i at least FULLY love when she's given her dad's nose in FANON
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Hey, stargazers and flowerbeds <3
I know I've been tagged in things (never stop doing that, I love it and it makes me smile!), and I know it's been a while since I last posted a fic. This is a lil 'this is why I'm mainly doing reblogs' kind of post.
First was the holiday season, so of course I was busy during that. Then, some pretty low mental health moments. And of course, me now being sick and shit.
It's a been a few minor-ish things just piling up. I'll be okay, don't worry. Mainly just sick rn. Hoping it'll go away in a few days, so I can prep for Logince Week. So, if there's only reblogs or even radio silence days, that's why. I am simply under the weather rn.
So yeah. Energy very low. It's a lot just doing this post and trying to catch up on things I get tagged in.
I'll be okay :D
Anyway: stay safe and take care <3
#oat is talking#yea just a bit sicky rn#low energy#i'll be fine tho#love y'all (/p) <3#to my moots: pls keep tagging me it makes me feel the good feels even if i don't do them right away or may never get around to them->#(sorry if I miss anything)#i know at least a few of my moots are gonna be like “yea take care and rest it's okay” (they're so sweet like that <3 )#but just wanted to tell those who follow me cause idk#i guess i like to be a bit transparent and alleviate some confusion on why I'm not posting much#excited for Logince Week either way#will try to do something for it cause i am HYPED#all my love to y'all /p
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spectragus dont get enough credit for being a sun and moon ship but like. destructive sun and moon ship. sun and moon ship but they're the forces of nature the sun and moon actually are. the sun is harsh and relentless and unpredictable in its evil but also it's kindness, the moon is sharp and cold and cruel, a harsh light that doesn't allow you peace, but can also guide you, a light in the darkness. even on nights with a new moon, with no light in the sky, the moon is always reflecting the sun, and it'll be that way until they come to their end.
#spectragus give me a dopamine high that any sort of drug couldn't even come close to giving me#its the loyalty. its the seeing each other at their worst and still staying.#its the being the only person still around who knows and understands what youve been through#its the being so important to each other's characters that u cant mention one without recognising the impact the other has on them#i dont rlly do shipping unless its funny but also im a huge gus fan so like. yea. plus my view on romance is a bit all over the place anyway#something something my skrunkles deserve complicated relationships that are more than romantic but something else#its the trust thats the most important thing to me. trust and loyalty and devotion and#im sorry but i would have exploded if i like. didn't write down these thoughts#anyways fucked up gay people who are a package deal and that is a threat thats them#ik the majority of my posts are hee hee funnie and i usually dont take things too seriously#but these two have taken up part of my brain permanently since i was 8. like. they just live there. rent free.#i am like rabid rn. i am feral and i am insane and i am crazy and there are so many things wrong with me#i cant even write down all my fuckin thoughts there's so many my brain is going to Explode pray for me#idk if u understand how important it is to me the times they show kindness even while at their worst#they're not good people but they have people they care about and they care abt each other and that matters SO much#i take 0 criticism on my posts i only take cash. however there is no possible criticism to be made bc i am RIGHT#also this all kinda sparked from me getting obsessed with a certain kh character who has a connection to the moon#who is also one of my favourite characters ever#and if u know who it is and u also like him ur very cool#im not tagging this w character tags. im like. very shy. but#i love gus i love spectra i love spectragus#anyways see u next time where i should hopefully have art maybe potentially#i found the brushes i used to use back when i did lineless art so i am rlly happy
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btw
i might end up getting a job soon :3
theres one place that hires people my age thats within walking distance of my house (which is really important since i cant drive and dont trust myself enough to learn how (and also we only have two working cars and not enough money to buy another or fix the van) so i either have to be able to walk there, rely on my mom to drive me to and from work, or ride my scooter)
i havent applied yet bcus I Dont Know How, but my mom really wants me to, plus theres decent pay and benefits
#“if yall have two cars then you can use the other one right!” the other one belongs to my stepdad#and he is the only one who currently has a job (my mom cant work since she has to take care of both my sisters and my grandma)#“what about your moms car” she needs it to drive my sister to gymnastics#my grandma to doctors and hospitals#and all of us to stores and food banks and shit#so yea. not gonna be able to use any of them. even if i could drive.#the van is my grandmas but she cant drive anymore due to health conditions plus its completely fucked
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my brother and me, looking at a map of our city marking all 19 cemeteries, trying to figure out which one's the one our father is buried at cause we have to get the headstone cause his rental contract has expired like
#would be easier if our mother was talking to us but alas#who knew after being dead for some 20 years they would just go bye bye but that's the chr*stian church to y'all#on the other hand my great grandfather has been buried at the same cemetery since 1973 so maybe it's just that one#orrr it's cause he's buried in a small town and maybe his last name still weights something to the people there#I mean nearly the whole town came to his funeral - tho still it has been 50 years that can't be it right right right#maybe I should ask me grandmother but I haven't talked to her since our grandfather died like 5 years ago or smth lol I don't even know#they never cared for him anyway so#who wants to visit 19 cemeteries with me to find the right one could be a fun date idea#actually does anyone know what happens to the ashes? like do they just throw his remains in the trash or#I have so many thoughts about this I actually think we need to get it this month but I'm not sure cause NO ONE TOLD ME#until my brother was like 'oh yea we actually needa go get the headstone if we don't want them to throw it away'#like guys this was money#fluff whining again
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I'm marking this as mature because I went on a rant in the tags about Ron DeSantis and how he's a shitty person, whos practically Satan's incarnate.
So, if you're concerned about it being rated as Mature that's why. I felt like I needed to give some kind of warning before, someone stumbled into the tags and was triggered, upset, or it just set them off.
I know that we all have days where, we're just done and over with the world that we just want to see something positive.
Florida's Anti Gender Affirming Care law has been partially struck down
#Rare W for Florida recently#Hell yea#even if its partially stuck down its still a step in the right direction#Fuck Ron DeSantis and his shitty non-inclusive mindset.#and his mindset of “i don't like ___ and even tho it dosent effect me and they're doing nothing wrong#im gonna ban it. Like dude if you auctually “cared about the kids”#if he really cared about kids he wouldn't be trying to pass a bill where you can open carry a gun without needing registration#if the bitch cared at all about kids he wouldn't be making the state living hell for anyone whos not a cis white man.#I am so sorry for going on this rant but like the bitch dosent care about kids or anyone whos a minor.#hes literally using it to try and seem like hes a “good guy” when in reality he's practically Satan's incarnate.
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surely it's not just me who finds those fucking "be nice, I'm in charge of the pills" pins you sometimes see doctors and nurses wearing in pretty bad taste right? like the *point* is a stand against being mistreated by patients but like...yea you are in charge of the pills and can arbitrarily deny care to people, not really sure why that's something to gloat about? like the number of stories especially of black women being totally denied painkillers in hospital and stuff because the nurses were assholes it's like....maybe you can have your snarky pins when you're not in the position to medically torture someone? idk
like you get people rushing to defend it like "you don't know what it's like working in a hospital" but like...i do sure as hell know what it's like being mistreated by medical professionals. I'm not even getting paid to be here. it's kinda fucking evil when you think about it for more than a second.
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Not the attempted assassination of Slovakia prime minister....history is trying so hard to repeat itself.
#while people are distracted the evil approaches and the rights are taken away#yesterday i watched the menu and all the time I was asking why aren't they really fighting back why are they so scared to even be rude#and then i watched the news and I was like yea it make perfect sense#we didn't even gave 2 shits when this happened in japan or with russian opposers whatever right who cares#but people who know better saw this coming and probably worse they call u a debbie downer and a conspiracy theorist
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so. um. 👉👈
hi guysies.
Ig I should just say like. Hi
I haven't been posting here as much cause. Idk. Might be depression? I keep thinking its cause I've been so busy, which also wouldn't be not untrue, but these past, like, 3 weeks I think so far? I've had some free time but I haven't cause. I dunno, then again, I haven't been doing too much in general? I gues, besides very mandatory things, hell I've even been lacking in my regular skyrim hours of playing.
That, and as said, I get super melancholic when I remember just how sad and bittersweet it is that t0h is. Actually legit over. The show and experience, that is.
Oh all that and also becuz my headphones broke! Fuck! That's like number 2 in my bare necessities for when I post, do almost anything really! It's seriously been painful this past month going without headphones holy shit. Dude I've been scratching at the bit for some relief for headphones, I NEED music legitimately. Even right now, as I'm typing this on my phone, my music is on low levels.
But yerp. Its been. Rough. Really rough. I really do appreciate yall, everyone of yall. Have a sweet week everyone, ✌️!
#the butts chronicles#ogh but yea. been rough.#as said I have no idea if we'll keep this house cause man shits been fucked#uhhhh. lets see. recently my sister got into a fairly nasty argument with her husband since they were both drunk and hes a bit of a. hm#quick to being mad guy? I spose? but yea they made up and he actually apologized to me and my family for that so. its okay?#OH YEA FUCK LOL a few weeks ago fuckin tecksas got hit nasty with a hurricane and GUYS. I FREAKED OUT SO BAD LOL#cuz there was hail with the rain but since. I dont think we even ever experienced hail here I was scared that my ceiling roof broke again#and that it was the rain leaking to my room ceiling and was about to burst my ceiling so I legit started hyperventilating and panicking#with like. short and heavy breathing and almost crying badly until I went to look outside and saw hail and only slightly calmed down#oh but yea it was nasty lol. then the next day almost the entire block lost power and apparently sparks were happening cause fallen trees#uhhh. lets see. hmmm. OH OH RIGHT DAMN I FORGOT WE GOT A PUPPY LOL#we've gotten a lil pup all the way back from dec? iirc and she is now older and a shit lol shes in her teething phase and whatnot#still p cute tho and very puppyish. oh yea also during dec our power went out and ogh man dec was so freezing literally.#almost as bad as the one from. uhhh I cant remember the exact year but I remember it being within these past 4 years at least cause I read#a t0h fic during it lol. oh yea speaking of. we also changed our light company and damn. its been not bad so far! we had to pay up to 300#in our old company and now we dont even get to 200 so far! hope Im not jinxing it! hmm oh did I already say before that I had to get a new#phone? cause I did and I did not enjoy it lol. had it for a while and now and its arguably worse cause no damn headphone plug-in#I think I did mention this but in case. I did finish counseling. well more accurately they required payments again since things and whatnot.#I think? I mentioned the stuff I got for my bday and chmisas. I got mostly neat stuff. I guess. one of them has still yet to arrive lol#uhhhh. hrm. I did get Mr. Martinet's autograph as a present! hrmmm#my other sister got another surgery a while back and its been relatively the same since. hmm. my only other living grandparent passed away#me and my ex got into a. not great argument cause mistakes and whatnot. raccoons in the attic thats hopefully taken care of for now#aaaaand the plushes I ordered a damn near year ago have been technically canceled cause of unfortunate circumstances for the creator#who just kinda. posts things now lol ig.#but yea. lots. holy shit guys. lots has happened. fuck man. I think Ive been way more tired than I thought.#not to mention the past weeks of just. reflecting. man#uhhh#long post#LOL i gues#but yerp.
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Actually turning off anons cause like most of the time i get anons they dont provide context for asking questions and i dont understand whats going on. Im neurodivergent and if i dont have a whole thing of context i dont get whats going on sarrey. And if i dont get whats going on i take it as an attack even though i suppose its not always intended, im too stupid i cant tell the difference sarrey.
#lodia sayings#i have stupid bitch disorder terminal and it makes me uninteractable tbh.#socially is the main way i feel disabled bc i feel like i never get whats going on or what ppl are talking to me about (or if they do i don#care a lot of the time. when its like small talk at work or something but whatever.) so anyway i never know how to interact.#i read something online the other day that said that a way autism displays in children is if they dont know if they should say hi or hello#they get stuck and dont interact at all.#and you know what real and still relevant at almost 28 yrs old.#like.#today years old i still get anxiety from having to greet ppl bc idk if im gonna time it right etc. or if its appropriate. sometimes ppl#glare at me and i feel like i shouldnt even be speaking to them.n#those are interactions at my WORKPLACE.#hell world tbh i wish i didnt have to be self depending so i could quit social interactions at work#i was watching videos from this person whos autistic and they cant work bc their quality of life is too bad when they do and i was like yea#well theyre disabled for real meanwhile me no bc i can hold a job.#but i realized they had the 'choice' in a way bc they can depend on their partner which i cant. meanwhile if i quit work i just starve.#nevermind that i dont know how long i can do it and my quality of life is atrocious n have a breakdown about it everyweekend etc. so i gues#yea thats where im at rn idk what to do etc. this person cant even get disability aid what chance would i also have like lol#long tags#sarrey..#btw i welcome asks interactions etc from my mutuals are they are beloved and interact w me in a way i understand n i feel ok asking for#clarification if not.
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does anyone else feel like they’ve never been not stressed out??
like idk…I’ve been chronically stressed since I became conscious. I grew up in an incredibly stressful environment. ever since I moved out I’ve been stressed about school or work or housing or just finding food . There is always something. I’ve never had a break from stress that lasted longer than a day or two. does anyone else relate? what am I supposed to do about this
#not to trauma dump [voice of a guy who’s abt to trauma dump in the tags] but#growing up under incredible stress has probably fucked me up forever so idk what to do anymore#constant screaming/fighting and like not a lot but sometimes domestic violence#also like. being incredibly poor. and living in a hoarder house#animal hoarding#being incredibly medically and emotionally and otherwiseneglected#alongside neglected animals. dealing with unresolved flea infestations#forcibly enrolled into advanced academic stuff and unable to drop out even when my mental health could not take it#like it literally took an emergency room visit to convince my mom to let me drop out and even then I had to spend months playing catch up b#something they don’t tell you about trying to kys and going to a ward is most of your teachers won’t excuse ur missing work or care at all#also got outed to my mom by the mental hospital#sorry to trauma dump I just idk. my life sucks lol and no therapist I’ve ever gone to has actually cared or listened to everything I’ve bee#thruough#oh and I got groomed. awesomesauce#then graduated hs during 2020 right at the beginning of the pandemic 💔#a couple years go by bc I’m too busy with my coworkers raging psychological warfare on me lol and my ex roommate trying to kick us out#then just starting college while working thank god I was able to move out and my mom moved back to Kentucky#but now I am just starving and I no longer have food stamps and idk I just 💔 working and going to college is so hard and I’m not even full#time if either rn#but I also fell out with literally my only close friend recently so yea.#life just feels like one big test that I keep failing over and over again#like idk how am I supposed to be normal or live a normal life after all I’ve been through. I’ve seen enough!!#the world just has always and continues to look so bleak and cruel to me#idk. idk.#maybe I’m just doomed by the narrative#trauma dumping#vent#.txt#typing it all out and reading it like this makes me idk. it doesn’t look so bad when I reread it like I think I’m just being dramatic idk#ripping out mt hair I just want to be normal
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