#who cares about winning an argument with a stranger online

[persmo]

Let's talk about: Fakeclaimers and Internet, pt.2

So... This is a part 2 of our previous post about fakeclaimers and internet, so if you want to read the previous part you can, but you don't need it to understand this one

We already said that fakecalimers are just wild, they want to target systems and mock/troll them, that's not surprise

But something that I have seen that makes me question if the systems online really understand how internet works is because the reaction that they have with them, and it always confuse me

As I previously said, I was very angry about fakeclaimers, I was in that whole thing of why the're wrong because they target us and some sys friends in the past, and we evolved just to ignore them and get out of those spaces, and that made us realize how dumb is fakeclaiming at certain level

All the bases for the fakeclaming regarding OSDDID systems are just bullshit, that you have many alters, that you don't have enough alters, that you can talk about trauma, that you can't talk about trauma, that you know your system and alters, that you don't know your system and alters. Fakeclaimers just want to fakeclaime everything without knowing about the information about systems, they're just haters

Try to reason with one is useless, you're just gonna horribly frustrate yourself, you're not going anywhere and you're giving the fakecalimers the attention they want

You can't win in a debate or talk with a fakeclaimer cause they don't fucking care about you nor your arguments, they just wanna hate on you

So why give them what they want? Just ignore and block them

They're just a random in the internet, they don't know more about you than yourself, they're not a professional in mental health and expert in OSDDID, and if they are, they didn't studied your case close enough and with a good amount of time to know if your faking or not; they just can't know something like that by just looking through your post, videos, profile, etc.

The one who can know if you're faking is you and your psychologist/psychiatrist, not some random user on the internet, so why get mad about it? They can never know, so stop getting mad about it, if they choose to fakeclaime you is because they saw in you an easy target and it's a you thing to give them the reason or not about being an easy target

Also I think is dumb how systems online get mad or drive crazy when they get fakeclaimed in internet, it's the internet, everyone will hate and attack on everyone

When you make yourself a public system in the internet you should know and be aware that you will eventually get fakeclaimed

So yeah, it's dumb and effortless to be mad or something like that when the internet act like the internet. I'm not saying that if you feel bad for that you're a loser or dumb or something like that, just that you need to be aware that being fakeclaimed is a possibility and you should be mentally prepare for that, if you can't stand being fakeclaimed you shouldn't be a public system online

Cause yeah, even us that we did this post get mad or angry when people fakeclaimed us, but then we calm ourselves knowing that strangers have power on us only if we gave it to them, and we won't

If a fakeclaiming affected you is totally valid, you can take a rest, quit socials, bloq and react however you like, just be aware that when you decided being publicly a system you signed for the whole package, fakeclaiming including, and it's your responsibility to act and react mature enough with the topic without minimizing your emotions and feelings

Sorry if I sounded rude or something, but I needed to take this out of my body, this and the first part, if you want to comment, ask or discuss about the topic I'm completely open in comments and DM. Remember to take care, and don't pay attention to those trolls

[bylertruther]

ewww serious (and long) post incoming, but for future reference: just because this is the internet... that doesn't mean that real-world etiquette doesn't apply.

if you go up to a random stranger and assume that they're talking about you, they're unlikely to take kindly to that. they're especially unlikely to take kindly to you then accusing them of lying, waving your hands in the air to get other strangers in on this conversation, badmouthing them, and walking away before they can even get a word in.

if you wouldn't do that or accept that behavior yourself in real life, why would it suddenly be acceptable online?

wouldn't you feel confused and offended if you were the one getting accused of something you didn't do? if you were thrust into a no-win game where it doesn't matter how or if you do or don't respond, because the outcome is still going to be the same? if you were trying to mind your business and someone else decided to warp that, create a spectacle of it, and broadcast it to thousands of people? if the person accusing you of something then went on to do that very same thing in an effort to garner support as if this is a battle of some sort?

isn't that just... rude? to go up to a stranger and assume that whatever they're doing is about you? to go up to a stranger and assume that you've preoccupied their mind and time? to pick a fight that you won't see through and slander them to thousands of people?

like. yes, this is the internet. no, i don't actually feel personally hurt or anything over what happened—because i know who i am, and you can go back through my blog and a) see the fifty posts i've made on the sword debate, and b) a post from the night before where i literally predicted what ended up happening—but i do take issue with the behavior that we do and don't allow in this e-space.

i don't have to respond to someone's presumptuousness with my usual chummy, fluffy tone that i reserve for my followers and friends. i don't have to take care not to sound "defensive" when i've literally been thrust into an argument where i'm now forced to defend myself against someone that was already being defensive, hypocritical, and that doesn't actually care to hear my answer because they've already made their judgement anyway. i don't have to take someone trying to speak over me or talk someone down sweetly when they're making an attack on my character, and neither does anyone else that's ever been put in a similar position. i'm not jesus—i'm not going to turn the other cheek.

personal issues can explain why a person behaves the way they do, but they don't excuse that behavior or make it okay. none of us should ever make our personal problems someone else's problem—that's a mark of poor emotional control, and it's just not fair to anyone else.

not all of us are adults here, i know, but most of us should know better. if you want this to be a true community, then you need to behave appropriately and maturely.

there's a person behind the pixels that are on your screen, and they're every bit as real as you are. if you wouldn't do something in person, then you shouldn't do it online either.

that's just my two cents, though.

[kimbureh]

there's a lot to despise when your own tumblr posts go viral, but one of the worst things about it is probably the fact that you didn't write it for such a huge audience, you didn't write it to be taken as your complete statement on the subject, but people keep repeating at you how your argument is lacking over and over again, meanwhile you're tearing your hair out cuz you know, yes you're aware, you didn't mean to imply- it's not--

Well, that's pseudo social media working as intended. Social media websites are not actually social in the way as they connect people, no, they act like they do, but social media websites were ultimately not created for their users, and tumblr is no exception, as it is so easy to tear down people online with zero, well, social repercussions.

As long as a post creates ""engagement"", traffic, clicks, eyeballs on ads, the social media website has fulfilled its purpose. Discussion? Context? Who cares. The worse an argument is made, the more openings it offers for attacks, for misinterpretation, and for people projecting onto it whatever they want to hear.

In short, the less precise an argument is made, the more engagement it drives. And that's a win for the website- who cares about the social aspect of social media? Only those poor suckers who try to use it.

So.

I accidentally spoke to thousands of strangers on a subject I care about, and I failed to communicate my point *more* succinctly, *more* complete, *more* nuanced, as people keep repeating at me.

And I'm perhaps making another poor argument here, but isn't this expectation fascinating? People online read a post and expect it to contain the entirety of an argument within a few hundred characters.

How did we acquire such high (impossible!) standards, and what role did social media play in forming them?

[x-other-souled-x]

Syscourse on this website is so fucking stupid but I can't look away, its entertaining as much as it is frustrating.

Yall are so fucking stupid, anyone can talk shit about anyone, anyone can say whatever they want, talk shit get hit, whatever.

Its not a "boundary" for others to talk freely, if you don't want to associate with people then dont. Block them. Move on. Stop flinging hatred to others.

And anyway someone blocking you isn't you winning an argument.

If you get blocked its more likely it's because you're annoying or a pest or keep saying the same shit over and over and expecting people yo just give up and say "you were right all along, I renounce my personal expereinces to you, oh wise tumblr user who is an expert on everything life has to offer! Woe was I to ever beleive I could possibly have an opinion or life expereince different from anyone else, I had forgotten we all must suffer in exactly the same ways!"

Yall REFUSE to take your safety and health into your OWN HANDS and use the fucking block button and live comfortably in your little circle jerk bubbles and then COMPLAIN about it. Shut the fuck up whiney little kids.

One day when you grow up you're gonna realize none of this fucking matters. You'll get the care you need if you fight for it and it's not fucking endos online or even genuine fakers using up ""resources"" (guys fakers don't go to the doctor, duh, no I'm not arguing that bc even if they do they don't last long OR if they do then they have something ELSE seriously wrong they need treatment for, ppl don't just pay thousands of dollars for FUNSIES omg.)

It's not them, its the prohibitive nature of healthcare systems around the world who don't give a shit about you as far as your wallet goes.

Why don't you focus your fight on the actual target, the ableist and restrictive nature of much of healthcare around the world. What ever happened to mad pride? Why are yall fighting your siblings like this? It's stupid.

Here I'll help you out, go from here, learn a little.

Go outside make friends who aren't entrenched in online discourse and life your fucking life. Touch grass. Choose better battles and stop wasting your time making your PEERS lives miserable for no other reason than you need to feel good about yourself.

We can help each other if we dont just keep tearing each other down for no reason.

No instead yall just bitch and complain and whine and ATTACK OTHERS over stupid shit like wether or not someone can use an anime character's name if they introjected said anime character. Or the mere existence of people different than you. Fucking inane behaviour. Get a better hobby for fucking real.

I stick my head in from time to time because I think it's funny to see a bunch of kids whine about things that they can step away from at any moment. Except it makes me sad to see yall waste your time making dedicated syscourse blogs and other dumb bullshit youre wasting your time on. You're not changing minds, you're fighting for grains of rice on the dirt floor.

And yes actually you CAN step away from the internet at any moment and do something else with your life. Even if you're chronically bedridden, read a book, write a story, draw a picture, watch some movies, play with dolls, whatever, just take a fucking break.

I'm turning off reblogs and blocking anyone who screenshots this to argue**. Seriously, get a better hobby. Live your damn life. The opinion of a STRANGER ONLINE shouldn't make you shake and get so heated that you can't think of anything else. L

You WOULD feed the trolls and you do.

(**with one exception, if you want to agrue about the prohibitive costs of health care and provide resources that dont cost thousands, because it would actually help people)

[char-lotteral]

SS fandom went mad because NH got The Last movie, and just went on to attack NH fandom and act superior. Then SS calmed down with the news of the Gaiden featuring their ship. Then went mad again after the Gaiden finished because it didn't picture their ship like they wanted it to be, attacking other ships especially NH for no good reason. If you were there in 2014/2015 you would have seen how toxic SS fandom was towards others it's crazy.

O-O okay wow. I dont want to seem biased with my fandom and I also do not intend on starting ship wars but damn if im being honest, even on twitter you can tell how rabid some of their fans are. These are all my personal experiences and observations so please dont take it seriously :[] I also really wanna share this type of behavior and say that this isnt healthy AT ALL nor is it funny or whatever the fuck some fans intend it to be. No one should go through these lengths for a bunch of pixels.

Say one wrong thing about their ship, you'll most likely get death threats on your cc. A mutual of mine interacted with this big ss account (negative interaction yaddayadda), they stalked her account and got sent death threats. ALSO there was this one time trinity (bkgsbby) held this sort of narutwt confession thingy where you get to post anonymous confessions and it gets posted on her account. There were a ton of negativeity towards SS (also NH) and they were LOSING IT. This one acc fucking ATTACKED TRINITY and called her out for "being biased and only picking the bad stuff for ss boohoo" when none of those confessions were even trinity's😩 Its like youre BANNED from saying anything negative against SS or else they'll come for you. Like really come for you.

Idk but from what ive noticed, they also have this need to compare The Last and Sauce Retsuden, they downplay NH with the same argument "they only fell in love because of genjutsu! Forced ship! Shitty development!" Lol okay, talk about the pot calling the kettle black. Not gonna lie, not one single canon ship in Naruto was developed properly (maybe shikatema but you already knew that) but SS and NH fans calling each other underdeveloped ships will always be COMEDIC GOLD.

For some fucking reason it is illegal to ship sasuhina and or sasunaru over there. Not kidding. Say anything about Sasuke being gay and they'll come for your head. "Sasuke was intimate with Sakura!! Sasuke isn't gay!!!! 😡😡😡" "Sasuke never interacted with Hinata!!! How dare you ship Sasuke with another woman that isnt Sakura😡😡😡😡" Now im not saying this behavior only applies to their fandom, but it's pretty rampant over there. I dont want to seem passive aggressive.

I shit you not, my mutual and I were making these fun little headcanons of Sasuhina and they started popping out of nowhere. They were pissed lmao. "Sasuke doesnt even know Hinata's name wtf"

who CARESSSSSSSS UGHHH

No but whats WORSE, is when this sh artist on twitter was having this ship discourse sh vs ss and they just started calling her art "ugly" and "that it gave off deviantartvibes" and that sasuhina artist was untalented blahbah. Like say whatever the fuck you wanna say about the ficitional characters but attacking real people REAL PEOPLE all because they said something bad about your favorite drawing is low as fuck. Whatever fandom youre from be it ss nh ns sh sns, god knows how many fucking fandoms there are in Naruto, never NEVER attack artists for their art or talent because wtf

They also have this sort of pact with the NS stans just so they could shit on NH, the exact same people who call naruto "an ugly blond orphan" or "third wheel" for their SS ship lmao aight. They'll say anything just to downplay NH for god knows what reason. "Naruino and Narugaa had more chemistry than Naruhina!" "Naruhina had a forced marriage ahAhAha!!" "Sasuke Retsuden>>>>>>>> The Last". Trust me, no one GIVES A FUCK.

If im being honest, theyre one of the main reasons why I hate narutwt so much. They take SS to the heart, they start ganging up and attack any person on sight who shits on their ship with death threats and other harrassments. Its so unhealthy and toxic that they ruin everything for the other fans. Dont do this please. Whatever fandom you come from dont follow this type of behavior. Its perfectly fine to be passionate about something but always draw the line between an obsession and pure enjoyment. Honey, take a break from your phone for a while. Sasuke and Sakura arent real. Theyre not going to pop out of the screen and thank you.

Now i believe there are bad apples in every fandom but from what ive observed in my twt acc (biggest mistake of my life was making one in the first place) their fandom has the most noticeable negativity and toxicity on twitter. Its like when you see these two emojis together 🍅🌸 your first instinct would be to run and you'll be getting war flashbacks or something.

This is on twitter. I dont know any ss stan outside of twitter, im not generalizing the fandom

AND IF YOURE AN NH FAN WHO DOES THAT SAME SHIT, FUCK OFF. I AM NOT CONDONING YOUR BEHVIOR ALL BECAUSE WE LIKE THE SAME THING. GET OUT OF MY SIGHT SCUM *spits in your face*

[lily-mj-fae]

Today on Booktok pissing me off: “Elain is leading on Lucien and Azriel” It’s bull shit. Plays into some toxic behavior. So buckle up, cause I’m about to rant. Please bear in mind, none of this is Anti-elucien. Simply in terms of the mating bond between them. For Elain, it’s not a positive thing. And I think it’s important to keep that in mind, even in the case of shipping Elucien.

First of all, saying she’s leading them on by being nice, plays into the whole “Well I thought you liked me because you did this” thing and the only thing the girl did was be nice. It’s disgusting. So we’re shutting that argument down now.

The Other thing is because “she hasn’t rejected the bond.” Though she has. Maybe not in an “official” capacity. Certainly not to Lucien (though he also hasn’t officially asked her anything we’ve seen). But most of the inner circle was there. Including Rhys and Feyre. (Rhys who declared that mated females who rejected the bond are protected and then sits there and essentially implies that Lucien has rights over Elain). They were present as she told Graysen she doesn’t care about the bond. She doesn’t want it. And she belongs to no one. 

Now, there’s a war going on at that point. So I think we can forgive everyone for not really dealing with that in that moment. But post battle, Feyre nudges and encourages Elain towards Lucien. This is really the only moment that there’s positive reinforcement from Elain. And it’s guided. Both by the high emotions of winning the battle, and by her sister’s prompting. But all it was was an invitiation to stay in Velaris. Not even to spend time with her. And everyone else seems to forget that declaration Elain made. No one seems to inform her that she can in fact deny the bond and that she should. In fact, it seems like they don’t want her to reject it. 

From here. Elain is clearly uncomfortable in Lucien’s presence. In part, because she knows that the only reason he’s there. The only reason he makes any effort to spend time with her, is because of the bond. He wouldn’t be trying if they weren’t mates. She knows this. Which puts a lot of awkward pressure on her. She’s still got her own trauma. Trauma that is completely entangled with that bond and therefore Lucien. And not to mention, she wants nothing to do with the bond. She likely feels she made that clear. So to have someone there, giving her gifts she didn’t ask for, trying to be part of her life because of that bond, she’s going to be a little avoidant. She’s set a clear boundary. Polite Acquaintances. She’s not leading Lucien to think he’s going to get more from her than that. There’s no leading him on. Her feelings are on her sleeves. She’s not letting him think he has a chance. 

And before anyone says she still needs to address it with Lucien; think of it like online dating as a woman. You are matched with a complete stranger. They message you. You look at their profile, their message, and decide you aren’t interested. You have 2 choice, with a few ultimate outcomes. Sure. Tell them outright you’re not interested. And they might be cool. In my experience, this is the absolutely least common outcome. So, second outcome for rejection: They take it badly. You get insulted. Verbally attacked. And suddenly you’re glad it wasn’t in person because you’re wondering how they’d react. Now, do I think that would be Lucien? Absolutely not. He’s just as uncomfortable with the situation as she is. But She doesn’t know that. She doesn’t know him. And then the other option: Not saying anything. Just ignoring the message (in this case the bond). Got a few options. They too ignore it and move on. Likely never even noticing. The next is persistence. Continuing to reach out, despite the obvious ignored messages. This is Lucien. His continued solstice gifts. And trying to spend some time with her. The final outcome is the same as if you rejected them and they didn’t take it well. Often get called a bitch. Insulted, etc. Most women, would choose to not address something that isn’t an official thing (aka, Lucien not actually asking her about addressing the bond all together) and hope that the guy takes the hint. And it’s fair.

And then with Azriel, this one pisses me off more. Because she clearly has a genuine attraction to him. She’s been drawn to Az since ACOMAF. Yet people have the audacity to say she’s using him. She wanted that kiss just as much as Az. She genuinely is interested in him. There’s nothing fake there. Nothing to lead on. She wants that. She was hurt by him telling her it was a mistake. 

Look. I’m not saying she doesn’t need to address the mating bond. I want to see it addressed. I want to see what happens. I don’t particularly care who she ends up with as long as it’s healthy, and the 3 of them end up happy because i do love all three characters. But Elain isn’t leading anyone on. She isn’t giving false impressions, even if she’s not addressing the bond.

[ofstarsandfireflies]

Ahh the 90’s

God, I feel old.

Here’s a little enemies to friends to lovers movie!

They were both adults, even if they didn’t act like it most of the time.

They were both friends, even though they’d never met each other face to face.

They were both in failing relationships, and could find solace in talking to one another about them.

That’s how it started to mean more to them, like they were cheating on their partners without anything scandalous being read or sent.

Each was a secret who knew everything about them, more than anyone else would care to know.

And each liked that they kept their identities secret from the other.

Only, that wasn’t really the case.

Through their messenger, they could talk with the other about anything.

Outside of that though, it felt like Tony and Stephen were at war with one another.

They were both in the hero business and Tony’s name was synonymous with the Avengers brand, which came with a flurry of fans and reporters wherever they went.

And where they were usually found was wherever Stephen was, storming in to take over when he had things completely under control and just making the mess worse.

And the fans would get in on the rivalry too, fighting amongst themselves about who was better suited to protect this world if it came down to Iron Man or the Sorcerer Supreme, or who would win in a fight between them.

Stephen didn’t care for anyone’s opinion, and neither did Stark when he was cornered and asked the exact questions his fans wanted answered, Stephen just glaring at television screen, unable to get away from him out of work now days too.

No, instead he’d open up the messenger he had on his laptop at 7pm on the dot and would talk to his friend about his ‘worker friend’ making life difficult for him until ten.

His friend had problems of his own, being a boss of a company and having some uptight subordinate trying to make him look bad.

They had a lot in common, including relationship problems.

They didn’t like who they were with their partners, or how they had to act with them, and neither felt respected in the relationship.

Stephen’s friend said he was was dating a worker who was just doing so for his money, but was still sticking with it because that was the only reason anyone would date him.

Tony’s friend was in a relationship with a high school sweetheart, which had soured over the years because his partner wanted to ‘expand their horizons’

It was nice having someone to talk to.

Someone who understood them and liked talking with them without the knowledge of who they really were and what they really did for a living.

And while they had agreed to never give specifics about themselves or to ever meet in person, that was exactly what they were planning after Stephen and Tony’s latest argument had resulted in casualties and an extremely bad break up straight after.

They were excited to see one another, to talk and try to help out with each other’s problems.

But when Tony rocked up to the cafe they’d agreed upon to meet at and was so nervous to go inside he annoyed Rhodey to go check for him to make sure the friend he would most likely ask to marry him straight away was there, Rhodey told him Stephen Strange was reading the exact book Tony’s friend had told him would give him away.

Rhodey had to be joking.

So Tony went to check for himself.

And sure enough, Stephen Strange sat at the numbered table where his fiend had told him he would sit, reading the book he told him to look out for.

All this time he’d been talking with Stephen and hadn’t even realised it.

So, saying goodnight to Rhodey, Tony decided to leave him there.

Stephen sat and waited, checking his watch every now and then and wondering what could be keeping his friend.

Ten minutes past their agreed time, someone asked if they could borrow the seat opposite him and he stopped them from taking it.

Twenty minutes passed and his second refill had been drained.

Then, at half an hour past, Tony Stark walked through the door and stood in line for a coffee.

Having nowhere else to go and no way to hide himself, Stephen held the book up a little higher to his face in hopes Tony hadn’t seen him.

But, of course, he had.

And he came over to the table Stephen was sitting at and plonked down in the seat opposite him.

Stephen could not believe the nerve of this guy, especially after the long day he had had.

Tony didn’t really care what Stephen thought of him.

They had their differences here but online they were still friends.

It was when he tried to explain their situation and Stephen snapped at him that he truly saw how he viewed him.

So, Tony stood up from his seat and left, leaving Stephen to wait for the man who would never show.

And the next day, there was a message from his friend.

From Stephen.

Asking him why he never showed, telling him how long he has waited, and even bringing up the ‘ worker friend’ who came to the cafe, who Tony now knew to be himself.

Strangely, the way Stephen worded how guilty he felt after snapping at him, sounded like an apology.

One Tony accepted.

So, he continued their online friendship while also trying to be friends with Stephen outside of it.

It wasn’t easy, but he eventually wore him down to be on at least speaking terms with him when he found out the good doctor was sick with a cold and needed some cheering up.

Stephen told him about the online relationship he had with a stranger somewhere in New York City and how he’d fallen for them.

Tony tried telling him this guy could be anyone, literally anyone.

They could be fat.

Stephen doesn’t care about that.

They could be an Avengers fanboy.

Stephen doesn’t care about that either.

They could be Rogers.

Stephen cracks a smile and says that would be a deal breaker, anyone would be better than Rogers.

Tony innocently asks him if it would be a deal breaker if it were him.

Stephen just laughs and tells him to stop messing around.

Every day they meet up to talk about Stephen’s online friend, and every day Stephen feels more and more confused.

He’s been crushing on this online persona for months now, he still wants to meet him even after he stood him up, but whenever he thinks about him, it’s Tony’s face he sees.

He can’t help it.

Tony is funny and witty and doesn’t try to be anyone else around him but himself.

It took a lot of digging through that massive ego to bring him out, but Stephen’s glad to have met him and to call him his friend.

A friend he’d want to be more with if he hadn’t already met someone.

And the day his friend finally agrees to meet up with him, is the day Tony tries to ask him if they’d been friends earlier, would he have gone out on a date with him instead of this online guy.

Because if Stephen had’ve said yes, Tony would have been the luckiest guy in the world.

Stephen doesn’t answer.

He can’t answer.

He needs to go and meet his friend.

And Tony just nods.

And smiles.

And walks away.

It’s a bright summer afternoon and Stephen is waiting in the park, five minutes early before the time they had agreed upon in case he had been keeping him waiting.

And all Stephen can think about is the last thing Tony said to him.

He shouldn’t be thinking about Stark.

He should be thinking about...

About...

Tony.

Tony was here, right on time.

And it all finally clicked into place.

It was him.

It had been him all along and Stephen was just so happy and frustrated and relieved all at the same time he didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

Because, even after everything, he’d wanted it to be Tony.

Quotes -

I had a gut feeling you would be online now. “Hi.” I can give you advice. I’m great at advice.

If only you could help.

Is it about love? “Please say no.”

“No, how cute is that?”

Tony and Stephen talking online.

“She’s not as nice as she seems on television.”

“You met her?”

“Yeah, boy, she’s a pill!”

“Probably aint as fine as she looks on TV either.”

“Oh no, no, she’s beautiful. But. She’s a pill.”

Stephen talking to Wong about Tony

“Can you see her? Can you see her?!”

“Yeah…”

“And?”

“She’s very pretty.”

“She is! I knew she would be! She had to be! She had to be!”

“You know what? She look…I mean, she almost has the same colouring as…that Kathleen Kelly person.”

“Kathleen Kelly of the little bookstore?”

“Why not? You said you thought she was attractive.”

“Absolutely, yes, why not? Who cares about Kathleen Kelly?”

“Well, if you don’t like Kathleen Kelly…I can tell you right now…you ain’t gonna like this girl.”

“Why not?”

“Because it IS Kathleen Kelly. So what are you going to do?”

“Nothing.”

“You’re gonna let her wait there all night?”

“Yes, yes I am. That’s exactly what I’m going to do. Goodnight, Kevin. I’ll see you in the morning.”

When Tony realises who hos friend has been this entire time.

“You are nothing but a suit.”

“…That’s my cue…Goodnight.”

Stephen snapping at Tony

“Why did you stop by again? I forget.”

“I wanted to be your friend.”

“Oh.”

“I knew it wasn’t possible. What can I say, sometimes a guy just wants the impossible…can I ask you a question?”

“What?”

“What happened with the guy at the cafe.”

“Nothing.”

“But you’re crazy about him?”

“Yes, I am.”

“Why don’t you run off with him? What are you waiting for?”

“I don’t actually know him.”

Enemies becoming friends.

“You know, sometimes I wonder.”

“What?”

“Well, if I hadn’t been Fox Books and you hadn’t been The Shop around the Corner, and you and I had just…met….”

“I know.”

“Yeah. I would have asked for your number. And I wouldn’t have been able to wait 24 hours before calling you up and saying: “Hey, how about some coffee…or drinks or dinner…or a movie…for as long as we both shall live?”

“Joe…”

“And you and I would never have been at war. And the only thing we’d fight about would be which video to rent on a Saturday night.”

“Well, who fights about that?”

“Well, some people. Not us.”

“We would never.”

“If only.”

Friends becoming lovers.

Talk to Me

Tony and Stephen are having issues in their relationships and talking to each other, and falling in love with one another, anonymously via an instant messenger

January, February

I’m having difficulty with adding the links for the previous nights for some reason, no matter what I do tumblr thinks the links are broken. Hopefully I get it sorted out by tomorrow 😊

[fridgeful-o-help]

thank you if you can answer my questions, hopefully all 5 parts went through, and sorry that it ended up being kind of long and rambly. i really appreciate the way you answer people and thought you'd be able to provide some good insight which is why i wanted to hear your opinions if that's okay. thanks so much again, i really do appreciate any advice, and i hope you're doing well and having a good day or night. take care for now!

HI NONNIE! I GOT ALL YOUR ASKS AND ILL DO MY BEST TO AWNSER EVERYTHING I CAN. I DO TRY MY BEST TO BE HELPFUL, AND IM GLAD YOU THINK IM GOOD AT IT.

I HOPE THIS HELPS BUT IM VERY LONG-WINDED TODAY APPERENTLY

NOW, TO BEGIN. TYPICALLY WHEN ARGUING FOR NEOPRONOUNS AGAINST THE ARGUMENT YOU HAVE BEEN PRESENTED YOU HAVE TO GO FOR MORE... WHAT THE DIFFERENCE IS BETWEEN ASKING PEOPLE TO CALL YOU A SLUR OR WITH "BLMSELF" IS THAT THOSE THINGS CAUSE ACTUAL HARM TO OTHER PEOPLE. THERES ALSO THAT THERE ISNT ANYTHING WRONG WITH PIZZASELF, IT JUST SORT OF? SOUNDS SILLY? ITS NOT HURTING ANYONE, AND THERES NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING A LITTLE SILLY IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL HAPPY AND COMFORTABLE. A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO HATE NOUNSELF ARE GOING OFF THE BASE REACTION THAT ITS SILLY/DUMB SO ID KEEP THAT IN MIND. (FYI IF YOU GO BY PIZZASELF YOURE AWESOME. YOU DONT DESERVE ANY FLACK YOU GET FOR DOING SO AND KEEP BEING YOU BECAUSE YOURE COOL! 8}) BUT YES I AGREE, MOST IF NOT ALL PEOPLE WITH THAT ARGUMENT DO NOT USE NEOPRONOUNS THEMSELVES.

PLEASE REMEMBER THOUGH THAT IF IT WAS UNINETIONAL WHEN YOU INVALIDATE SOMEONE IT WAS AN ACCIDENT AND MISTAKE, AND YOU WILL MOST LIKELY BE FORGIVEN. WE ALL DO AT SOME POINT OR ANOTHER AND I PROMISE IT DOES NOT MAKE YOU A BAD PERSON.

COMING FROM THAT, THERE IS A VERY SIZABLE CHUNK OF NOUNSELF USERS WHO ARE LEGITAMATE AT LEAST THE LEAST, FROM MY PERSONAL OBSERVATION. A PATTERN I THINK IVE NOTICED IN (A PORTION OF) THE PEOPLE WHO I KNOW 100% ARE SINCERE IS USUALLY PEOPLE WILL SELECT NOUN PRONOUNS BASED ON HOW THEY FEEL ABOUT THEMSELVES? FOR THEM ITS DONE AS PART OF GENDER PERFORMANCE TO INVOKE A CERTAIN FEELING, LIKE SOMEONE WHO FEELS VERY CUTESY MIGHT GO FOR BUN/BUNS FOR EXAMPLE. ITS NOT ALWAYS THAT WAY THOUGH.

SORRY I GOT OFF TRACK. ANYWAYS, NOUNSELF TROLLS ARE SOMEWHAT DIFFICULT TO SPOT DUE TO IT BEING WELL. HARD TO MAKE A "PARODY" OF, REALLY. WITH NON-NOUNSELF ID JUST CHECK PRONOUNCIATIONS AND SUCH BEFORE PROCEEDING. FOR THE MOST PART THOUGH I WOULD TRY TO HANDLE YOUR FEARS AS BEST AS POSSIBLE? INSTANCES OF TROLLING LIKE THAT BLOW UP BECAUSE THEY ARE SCARY AND GENERATE CLICKS, THAT DOESNT MEAN THAT THEYRE COMMON NOR UNIVERSAL. IF IT CONTINUES TO BOTHER YOU ID SUGGEST DOING SOMETHING I LEARNED IN THERAPY CALLED A BELIEF EXPERIMENT (DOING A SMALLER, ACHIVABLE ACTION TO ATTEMPT TO PROVE OR DISPROVE WORRIED/ANXIOUS THOUGHTS. ID USUALLY DO THIS WITH A SUPPORTIVE FRIEND TO HAVE YOUR BACK OR SOMETHING OF THAT SORT)

GENERALLY IF YOU THINK YOUR FRIENDS WOULD FIND IT ODD BUT WOULD STILL BE RELITIVELY ACCEPTING ID TREAT IT LIKE A NORMAL COMING OUT OF THE CLOSET WITH A FEW EXTRA STEPS. ID USUALLY SUGGEST TELLING YOUR FRIENDS PERSONALLY BEFORE UPDATING YOUR SOCIALS, BUT THATS UP TO YOU. ID ALSO GO WITH ANY TRANS FRIENDS YOU HAVE FIRST IF THATS AN OPTION, BECAUSE USUALLY ITS EASIER TO EXPLAIN HOW YOU FEEL MORE COMFORTABLE WITH NEOS IN THAT SITUATION. IT MIGHT SUCK BUT ID SUGGEST THAT WHEN/IF THEY ARE MILDLY INSENSITIVE JUST EXPLAIN THAT IT BOTHERED YOU AND WHY, HOPEFULLY THEYLL GET IT.

TYPICALLY MY RESPONSE TO SOMEONE BEING RUDE TO ME IS NOT... IDEAL SO I DONT KNOW HOW TO ADVISE YOU ON THAT, BUT GENERALLY YOU DONT HAVE TO DEFEND THE FACT YOU EXIST IF YOURE NOT UP FOR IT. USE THE BLOCK BUTTON AS LIBERALLY AS YOU LIKE, ITS A DEFENCE IN ITS OWN RIGHT.

THATS ALL, I THINK. YOUR MESSAGES COPY-PASTED WILL BE UNDER THE CUT, FORGIVE ME IF I MISSED SOMETHING, I DO HAVE A DISORDER THAT MAKES IT SLIGHTLY DIFFICULT FOR ME TO READ. FEEL FREE TO SUBMIT ANY FURTHER QUESTIONS, COMMENTS ETC AND DO TELL ME IF I DID MISS SOMETHING YOU STILL NEED HELP WITH .

MESSAGES AS FOLLOWS, WITH SEPERATIONS REMOVED:

so i've been using neopronouns for less than a week and every day since i started, i've been getting negative reactions. the negativity comes from strangers, so it doesn't hurt me as personally as if friends were doing this (i actually haven't said anything to my friends about my neopronouns yet). anyhow, when people try to argue with me, i tell them that i don't see why they can't be respectful and call someone whatever makes them feel happy and comfortable. one reaction i got was "just because something makes someone happy doesn't make it valid" and compared it to letting someone drink poison if drinking poison is what makes them happy. then i get a lot of people who bring up stuff like "but what if the pronouns that make me feel valid contain a slur? / what if i use pizzaself? / what if i only go by BLMself pronouns? you'd be invalidating me!!!" and they try to use my own words against me since i've previously said "even if you don't understand it you should call people by what makes them feel valid." i know these people don't even use neopronouns to begin with but tbh it still does start to make me feel guilty? i'm nd and i can't always pick up social cues or sarcasm so i would feel horrible if i did unwillingly invalidate someone. but i'm also kind of paranoid because so much trolling has been going around recently like one video where someone tricked another person into using neopronouns that sounded like a slur when said out loud, recorded it, and put it online. i don't always know who is being sincere and who wants to trick people, particularly with nounself pronouns, like the pizzaself thing. finally, i wanted to go back to the topic of not telling my friends about my neopronouns yet. i feel like if i just start to put my neopronouns on profiles that my friends can view, it'll seem odd to them that i never said anything before, but i also don't know how to bring up in a personal conversation "i found out about some neopronouns i like and i've started using them" without it being awkward. i don't think my friends would make fun of me but i do think they'd find neopronouns 'weird' in general and maybe act kind of insensitive without meaning to, like not getting it. how would you react to the rude ppl? i know i could ignore them but i feel like they take that as them 'winning' or me running out of ways to defend my point of view. and how would you have your friends find out about about you wanting to use neopronouns?

[musicallisto]

very random question but i’m curious, how old were you when you started this account? (only answer if you’re comfortable!)

i’m kind of young and your blog is a safe space for me... i’m looking for advice for starting a blog or just some reassurance that i don’t need to be older and more experienced to start something... idk 🥲

hi sweetie! first of all, the idea that my blog is your safe place 🥺🥺

to answer your question, I was 15 when I created my blog, over three years ago. that’s very young compared to the majority of users, but I have a lot of mutuals under 16, so age is not at all a deal-breaker for making friends and having a great tumblr experience! You don’t need to be “more experienced” or “wiser” to blog about the things you love, interact with people, share your writings, or whatever it is you want to do on here. If you want to, go for it! I promise the vast majority will be nothing but supportive - except those who try to win an argument by bringing up your age, lol.

I just think it’s important that you curate your own space and be cautious about your online experience. I’ve been on “actual” social media since I was 13 and I have... mixed feelings about that. I didn’t have anything really negative happen to me on here, but I’ve had/known other weird situations, and this site in particular can get very draining very fast. I had to take several breaks for my mental health because I was going Thru Things(tm) and tumblr made it incredibly worse. And even as an eighteen-year-old (which is still very young, I realize that) I still make some unsavory encounters. All I’m saying is something you probably know already and are tired of hearing, but - as a teen and even a young adult on the Internet, you’re pretty vulnerable and impressionnable, even if you think you are really mature for your age. So just set your boundaries and don’t let anyone cross them. Share only what you want to share (I know it’s “common” to be on first name basis with people around here, but if you don’t want to you are absolutely not required, and I wouldn’t even advise it tbh), unfollow anyone you want to unfollow, block anyone who makes you uncomfortable. This obviously applies to everyone on tumblr, but from my own experience as a teen on here, you quickly get the feeling that your blog is your bedroom and you’re throwing a giant sleepover with your friends, and that you can (or worse, must) tell everyone everything. That’s not true. You’re still on the Internet talking to, admittedly, strangers, and posting stuff that never truly disappears.

I don’t want to give you the Stranger Danger talk - I’ve had it every day of my life for years so it’s a reflex now lol - I just want you to be careful of what you do and what you come in contact with on the Internet, especially if you’re young! The tumblr experience is marvelous and the people you meet on here are genuinely the loveliest - you’ll make tons of friends in no time, I’m sure of it! This is tumblr, after all, everyone is more or less experiencing, testing the waters. So go for it if you want to! I’d happily give you a follow. 💜

[fimflamfilosophy]

“Is DnD Still Popular?”

To some of you giant nerds, the question, “Is DnD still popular,” is probably one of the stranger things you’ll read today, but within a specific context it makes a lot of sense. Speaking of, the show “Stranger Things” presented a popular, physical look at what DnD beasties might feel like, even if it didn’t present an honest view of what DnD games really play like. Along with more online media referencing the game and sites like Roll20 making it easier to join a group, it makes sense. Is this a temporary boom or has the roleplaying community seen a lot of permanent additions to its nerdy hobby?

I wouldn’t have numbers to say, myself, but for what it’s worth, roleplaying is always a very personal experience. And for a few of us, the question isn’t, “Are people still playing DnD?” Of course they are - it’s all anyone plays! The question is, “Can you get anyone to play anything else?”

What Is DnD?

For some people, Dungeons & Dragons has become so intertwined with the concept of roleplaying that people think DnD and roleplaying are synonymous. If you roleplay, you play DnD. Originally, this had a kernel of truth. There are articles about the history of the system, and during its inception the game had a hard time taking off. Fundamentally it was asking people to play make-believe, but with a system of mathematical rules and designs. We know now that this type of thing is like catnip to massive dork-faced neckbeards, but at the time it wasn’t expected to have much appeal.

Eventually it did get off the ground, and it became the standard for the entire concept of a roleplaying game. And as with all “firsts to the market”, there have been many competitors and copycats, but it’s difficult to pry the audience away when you need everyone to use the same system. In economics they call this “network utility value” - that is, a fax machine is useless if only one person owns one. You can only send faxes to other people with fax machines, so if another company tries to invent their own offshoot of the fax machine, they’ll never get anyone to adopt it because everyone is already using the existing fax machine network. Everybody knows DnD, which means that if you go to a convention or look for games online, you know you’re going to find more players for that system than any other.

Why Does DnD Continue to Work?

In early editions of DnD, there were a lot more rules, and as a result more freedom to design your characters. When I first started roleplaying, it was during the 3rd edition of the system, where you could still allocate skill points to become better or worse at specific skills like lying, climbing, forgery, or crafting. This meant that with good planning, you could play a sub-optimal wizard and make up for it somewhat by investing a lot in your “persuasion” skills to rely on talk more than magic.

But being the system that everyone has to learn isn’t enough to stay on top forever. Other systems like GURPS have taken hold by now, and some types of popular nerd media have introduced their own completely unique systems designed to simulate their specific media universes. The owners of DnD had two choices: either make the game more open and try to eat the lunch of other companies, or make all of DnD easier to play in general to capture a broader audience.

So they released 4th edition! We don’t talk about 4th edition. And then they quickly released 5th edition (and a few mumbled apologies), which streamlined a lot of things about the game to the extent I’m not sure why they even let you control your character stats at all now. Skills became baked in with your level, and most of the game is about choosing abilities when you level up. It’s become very similar to playing an MMO, and I believe that’s the point.

One of the big things you always see in a complicated roleplaying system is players spending hours putting together a character. For your experienced player, this is a labor of love. You really care about the small details and want to make sure you get it right, or you’re a Win-At-All-Costs type who wants to make sure you’re rolling the biggest numbers. Either way you’re familiar and know what you’re doing, but it presents a hurdle to new players, and that hurdle has been largely done away with in 5th edition.

No matter how old you are, how experienced you are, how creative you are (or aren’t), or how much you know about any aspect of the game, you can play 5e DnD. I think you could play as young as seven years old and have minimal problems, because all you have to do is choose a job and virtually everything else is filled in for you, as if by a program, as if a video game. An experienced player can help a new one whip up a character within fifteen minutes, and that new guy will be rolling dice at the dragon about as well as everyone else.

DnD is the Worst System

But DnD’s accessibility is also its greatest downfall. Because everything is sort of programmed out, you find a lot of players eventually growing bored with the same-old, and they try to find ways to inject new life into the system. They invent new races, new classes, new abilities, and so on - they call this “homebrew”. yet many people are bad at creating balance and fairness for something they personally intend to play, and DnD recognizes this problem. It has a lot of supplemental books telling you all you need to know about other races and classes you might want to play, and in theory they are as fair and powerful as anything in the base system.

Yet no amount of homebrew or supplementary material will solve DnD’s core problem: it’s rigid. If you want to play, you need a battle mat, because every spell, every action, can travel or act within a certain number of squares and you always need to know exactly where you’re standing. Players are expected to be able to take a certain number of actions per turn based on their level, and do an expected amount of damage. Monster encounters are built loosely around the concept of “Challenge Rating”, which is meant to imply a group of four players will find a CR of 5 suitably challenging if they are all level five. Basically it plays like “X-Com”.

And as you lock people in these mechanical, video game-styled designs, you find people champing at the bit. Not everyone wants to choose their abilities at level up or have their skill proficiencies dictated by what level they are. Some people want to express truly outlandish concepts, or play something that isn’t specifically designed around the idea of walking room to room blasting monsters. You’ll see people in roleplaying communities often asking, “Does anyone have any good ideas to homebrew [this idea] and make it work?”

Fans of DnD argue the homebrew approach works. Yes, it’s complicated and frustrating to invent entirely new classes and races for a single game where you don’t know how long you’ll play or what level you’ll reach, but DnD’s strict rules and design philosophy is a perk to those people, not a drawback.

Yet a fact of note is that a quote from a game I run got into a popular “Out of Context DnD” blog. The quote was, “ Mecha-Jesus unleashes a barrage of flames from his palms, but the train-snake martially dodges out of the way!”

It received 337 notes, and I was a little surprised by that. The game is a post-apocalyptic Road Warrior setting where the team boss decided to kill God as revenge for one of the gang members dying. Also featured in that day’s session was a battle between two men operating bucket cranes in a duel to the death above a giant grain silo, among eight other equally implausible events based loosely on Dante’s Inferno. For me, Mecha-Jesus is not a 300 notes event - it’s literally every other Friday.

What Do You Want to Play?

In my view, DnD often poses the question, “Are you even roleplaying?” I mean really. A lot of players feel like they are because they do an accent and come up with a backstory, but if you set yourself next to another player who has the same character stats and you’re playing together in the same game, has the system really given you the tools to solve problems all that differently? And the answer is is broadly, no.

I understand the counter-argument. Every player is unique. But in their way each Paladin in “World of Warcraft” is unique too. They have different gear, different competencies of player, and may take different abilities, but fundamentally they’re expected to crash dungeons and use what they’re given to kill monsters. The only advantage DnD has is that the GM can allow his players to interact with scenery items or talk to things, and you’ll see debate on exactly how much leniency a GM should give his players to act outside DnD’s base mechanics.

That’s a mentality. Some people like the safety of the system. They like to know what all the monsters are, what the risks are, what the rewards are, and have it all neatly lined up where you can see it. They want to join an Adventuring Guild that will bureaucratically assign a dungeon for them to attack so they always have something to do and a sure reward for doing it. The GM went through the trouble of drawing that dungeon out, after all. DnD is extremely safe.

And then there’s the alternative. I actually learned to roleplay among theater nerds who were already big into the concept of improv and narrative. One of them used to joke, “If you think DnD is the best system for the game, you know it’s not character-driven,” because any time you’re fine with trying to build an actual human around a set of level-up choices, you’re probably not designing the strongest possible personality.

Going back to media making DnD more popular, the first televised introduction to DnD I can personally recall is an episode of “Dexter’s Lab” where they address exactly this conflict. In it, Dexter runs a game where he forces his friends to play by his rules, where he wins. When Dexter rolls poorly, he turns the dice over to a better number and declares his evil wizard “fried” the team of adventurers. Then his sister, Dee Dee, takes over, and with no knowledge of the game’s rules at all, embarks on an improvised session of pure roleplaying where the guys tell her what they do and she tells them what happens. The sheets are just guidelines for them, and if they say they can do something Dee Dee accepts it.

Dee Dee’s roleplaying is open. It’s a void, and for some people, when you look into the void it looks back. How do you control everyone when they can do anything? It requires a certain level of trust that some players have a difficult time not abusing, yet weirdly everyone I’ve ever known who would lie and cheat during a roleplaying game actually preferred DnD, and I think I know why.

Rules Can Be Broken, but the Suspension of Disbelief is Immutable

The grognards that break the rules in DnD do so because the rules are so strict that they ironically can be easily broken. If the system says people take a certain amount of damage when they fall, and you find a way to throw to them that elevation consistently, by gum they’ll damn well take that damage. It’s in the rules! A friend I know combats this by saying if his players exploit the rules, then the monsters will start exploiting them too, to discourage arms races of bullshit.

What I’m describing is often called “rules lawyering”. So named because it involves finding a rules passage, interpreting the rule so the wording sounds like it favors an exploit, and then leveraging that into a powerful ability players were not meant to have. Because DnD requires you to know absolutely everything about your relative locations and words like “Attack” can have important diverging meanings depending on context, it’s a system extremely vulnerable to lawyering.

But with a more open system based on narrative and characters, it becomes harder to lawyer something you shouldn’t. In an open system, you build what the game calls for without consulting a bunch of charts and level guides. If you’re super heroes, you build super heroes. Cyborgs are cyborgs, Orcs are orcs - it’s whatever, and if you try to do anything outside the believability of the game, the GM tells you no. He has more authority in a more narrative game because the GM leads the narrative.

I’m personally fond of the Hero System, which ascribes massive ranges to all forms of weapons (a gun or eye laser can reach you down a long hallway) so the only general questions that need to be asked are, “Are you close enough to punch a guy?” and “Are you bunched up close enough to all be hit by this grenade?” You don’t need battle mats and the games play a lot more intuitively. There are two books of rules in Hero and they can be specific, but most of the rules revolve around character design rather than how to play, and fiddly things like physics or bursting through walls are meant to be decided depending on the type of game, at the GM’s discretion. There are guidelines, but they’re only that.

So if someone tells you they can punch through a wall in your noir investigator game, you tell them no, because the rules are just guidelines and in this game you can’t just drive your fist through a concrete brick even if you can find figures in the book that say maybe you can, because the book also says maybe you can’t - you’re expected to play the narrative, not the game. You can punch through walls in the super hero game where that’s typical, but not in this one.

From DnD to Anything Else

Of course, the open systems also present an opportunity for players to be very different in skill sets and abilities. You could imagine DnD is like “Power Rangers”, where everyone’s a different color and has different weapons but they’re basically all pretty much on the same level. An open system will wind up more like “Avatar the Last Airbender”, where one player is going to be Toph and someone else is going to be playing Sokka. 

It’s important in DnD that everyone be the same, because a lot of the game is spent in a 20ft x 20ft room full of skeletons (or Putties) - Toph would single-handedly dominate every challenge. Whereas in a narrative-driven game the ability to crush everything with a rock doesn’t actually solve half your problems and whoever’s playing Sokka probably winds up more active than the person playing Toph.

At the end of it all, that’s why the question for me is whether you can take the players out of DnD and take DnD out of the players. Everyone plays DnD, but can you get people to play Sokka and have a good time if Toph is in the party? Personally I think it helps to start people on systems other than DnD, and then they can go into DnD if they like being in small rooms full of skeletons.

Of course, trying to start people on anything but DnD is usually defeated by the network utility! Everyone knows DnD! It’s THE system synonymous with the hobby! A few too many times I’ve seen people play a DnD game and say roleplaying just isn’t for them because it’s boring. All you do is wait for your turn and then roll dice at goblins.

But all I can say to that is, you never roleplayed, man. You joined a pen-and-paper video game. I agree, throwing dice at goblins sucks. I used to have a friend who would compulsively roll dice when he got bored waiting for turns in games like that, and when asked what he was rolling for, he’d joke, “I’m killing the dragon! I’m killing the dragon!” Him, enjoying the experience of DnD combat in between other people’s turns.

In many groups that’s all DnD is, silly accents and go-nowhere backstories aside. Acting is hard. But if you’re very lucky, and you know just the right people, it’s possible to land in a game that is pure story and character, and those things are a rare treasure and a real blast.

[animentality]

there’s two reasons why you shouldn’t bother arguing with people on the internet.

1. They could literally be anyone.

 You could be arguing with a ten year old.  Or a 40 year old basement dwelling self proclaimed Game of Thrones experteer who works at Giant and thinks he’s more knowledgeable than a licensed gynecologist because he watches hentai. 

There is no point at all in doing this just based off that fact alone. 

It is literally not worth trying to change someone’s opinion online. Who even cares? They could be anyone, and by that logic, they are nothing. 

Plus, it’s the internet. everyone lies about who they are. they make up stories and use fake anecdotal evidence.

Tumblr likes to play the oppression olympics too, so you just throw on an increasing amount of labels and microaggressions until the only way you can win an argument, if that can even be achieved, is to sob story your way into victory. 

2. Even if their identity can be confirmed, you will never force them to see your side. 

People do not learn lessons from nameless strangers making fun of them online. 

Especially not on twitter. or tumblr. 

if they’re public figures, they will not admit defeat, and they don’t have to.

all of their sycophantic followers will continue flocking to them. 

all you do is invite their vile apostles to your place of rest. 

just relax.

stop arguing. 

who cares, man?

you shouldn’t. 

[bangtan-hoe]

Masterlist

Jungkook x reader

a- angst

f- fluff

m- mature

*- favourite(s)

It Takes Two (m., f and a)

Oneshot

You don’t need to retrospect to tell that dating a coworker was a bad idea. Two months after your breakup, he seems to have move on to something new- quite happily, if his social media is to be believed. Meanwhile the only thing in your life is your roommate, Jungkook, who seems nice enough. Just nice enough to coax into your company’s annual holiday party and more handsome to show off just a little bit. Or, as it turns out, a lot.  

{This oneshot is from one of my fav author- Junghelioseok. Its soo fluff and who does not love soft koo...}

Clandestined (m., f, a and **)-ongoing

Series

Forbidden fruit tastes the sweetest.

{Ahh!! The noona romance~ I love the subtly flirt Jk in this book and especially whenever he gets jealous. This book is also from Junghelioseok. And my fav part was the one when they were in bathroom doing it and then Jimin comes. The plot is really interesting.}

True care (m.)- ongoing

Series

Your (endearingly) shy bodyguard- hired by your father- would do anything for you. even though you roll your eyes at his persistence and pretend there’s no need for him to follow you to every and any place you go, there might be many more hazards in your life than you let on. and you might end up needing him in more ways than you- or your father- would ever think.

{I never knew I would want a sub Kook before this series. The plot is amazing and there’s a Jk in tux!! And the fact that he is you bodyguard is a turn on in itself!! This story is written by Joonsgalaxy.}

Falling skies (m., f and a)

Oneshot

Jeon Jiyeon was your childhood best friend; her brother, jungkook, was something else entirely. once upon a time, she had called you her sun and him her moon; it was fitting, given the constant push-and-pull between you two. you used to consider him a friend, but then he had gone from endearingly frustrating dumb boy to card-carrying fuckboy so fast it had given you whiplash. 

you often wondered how jiyeon wasn’t bothered by his behavior. in fact, she often seemed to encourage it. what you failed to see was that she was just trying to show you how he reflected your light. jiyeon had realized he was in love with you even before he did, but of course she knew. it was a twin thing. 

so despite the fighting and teasing, you always found yourself drawn back to him. you knew he was one of two constants in your life: the jeon twins were - and had always been - your one indisputable truth. you were the sun, jungkook was the moon, and jiyeon was the sky holding you both up when she died, it ripped a black hole right through you. {This fic was.... sad. BUT it has a happy ending and a good angsty plot!! I love it when Jk calls you with a special pet name. Read to find out. This fic is written by Fortunexkookie.}

Frost Impression (m., f, a and *) 

Oneshot

Jeongguk is so disgustingly smitten with his new coworker that he ends up making a terrible first impression, and neither of them realize they’ve actually been in love with each other for the better part of a decade.

{This is the fiction!! I beg you to read it!! I love the plot and the characters!! And Jungkook... What to say about him. He is so so o funny and nervous and shy in this book that you’re gonna want to kiss him while punching him. I love the way he rambles in front of the oc. I would highly recommend to read this book. The author of this crackfic is again the amazing fortunexkookie. Do check her out!! 

Ps. She is an amazing author. you are gonna love her writings.}

Roommates (a and m)

Series

Letting your best friend’s baby brother live with you didn’t seem like a problem until well… you discovered how hot he had become.

{I HATE THE COCKY JK IN THIS SERIES!!! Oh the story is such a slowburn and the fact reader is also sooooo obvious about the signs(Jk is not that much subtle either.)But still> Do read this amazing fic by tayegi.}

Beneficial (f and m)

Oneshot

You’ve been friends for as long as you can remember. So you guess it has its perks.

{My fav cliche of Friend with Benefits. This is one sad emo plot that is gonna bring both sad and happy tears in your eyes but it is a happy ending. The way Jk feels about Y/N but never tells her and the way Y/N is onvious about Jk’s crush on her- you are gonna shout while reading this. This fic is written by Jiminables.}

Canceled (a, s and *)

Oneshot

Jungkook has a passion for camo pants, science, and debating with strangers on the internet. Usually, he wins arguments, but when you show up in the comment section of one of his his blog posts, shit goes down and he's left wanting more than a virtual conversation.

{Heh... The ‘porn with plot’. I love how the characters meet online and Jk’s charactr too. This book is all bout smut my fellas. And the ending smut- Whoosh! That was hot. This fic is written by zibermuda.}

Hot boy bummer (a, f, m and **)

Oneshot

When jungkook offers you a proposition of just sex, no strings attached, how can you possibly say no? After all, what are best friends for?

{The theme of casual talk even while sex bring tears of jpy in my eyes. I really love the fic. And this one too is Friends with Benefits au.(Ps.- I told you I am obsessed with it.) This amazing work is by Jungkxook.}

Blizzard (a,f,m and **)

Oneshot

When a blizzard hits your town, you and your shy awkward roommate are forced to spend time together, not being able to leave the house due to the strong snowstorm. To make matters worse, the power gets cut in the middle of his shower. Which also means no heating.

{OMG!!! SOFT KOO!!! This fic is soo cute and surreal. I loved it. My cheeks were hurting while reading this. The plot is sooo cute and soft and fluff and domestic. Jk was giving the ideal husband vibes. This is so cute. I AM STILL SOFT> DON’T TOUCH ME. This fic is written by the amazing Curly-bangtan.}

[cultml]

Breaking of Now

"Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities"

That’s what I should have said to my sister when she asked genuinely what my problem with wearing a mask was.  On this occasion I had gotten trapped and was pretty pissed about the whole situation. The week before one of the big retailer announced a mandate masks. Virtue signalling group think as far as I was concerned and assumed, wrongly that if i bought a little more I would have time to finally workaround them. The day the mandate took effect and the day i talked to her,  I stopped by one of the more expensive less convenient workaround places to find a mask mandate. An couple hours latter i find out my main grocery store and the others options where going to mandate as well. Online is feeding a different beast and sending someone in my place is out sourcing my acquiescence. Trapped. In the end I just told her no one knows what they are doing (the failure to still count the deaths correctly), it's ridiculous (contradictory studies and disparate rules), that i suddenly didn't have a choice and it was going to take me a few days to adjust.

What was really going through my head was about USSR.  “ It wasn’t the just the necessary lies it was the absurd little pointless ones that broke the spirit of the people” to paraphrase badly from a place I don’t remember. That is clearer statement of Voltaire and a simple explanation of why we shouldn’t lie. It’s not the childish notion that we should not because the truth is easier. Most see mask wearing a virtuous, for me it’s an affirmation of a lie, of several, of the ones closer to the roots. It’s not a herculean feat to see for me it’s just stupid hard wired reflexive contrarian angst , not hell no so much as why the hell . It leads you to question anti-vax, reduced fat, publish or die, replication crisis, Russell conjugation, virtues signalling, Overton window, attacks on moral relativism destroying gradation of sin and virtue, cognitive biases , government building as nation building, gas lighting, the church defending itself and the existence of God but not the moral order(not that it knew the difference), the irreconcilability of socialist thought and Jihadists with the west, big government as government playing god, half the people are dumper than the other, death of the common, the long list of what’s called the regressive left we focus so much on (more of a symptom than a cause),cultural relativism, common human behavior dressing up common human behavior as conspiracy, fragility of high civilization, economics standing in for moral order, monogamy, “perfect as your are” drowning the phoenix, nuclear family, woke rewrites hiding more subtle rewrites of western mythos, the prison of two ideas, deep silos of knowledge standing in for wider wisdom, and....

At some point you find yourself  outside and not in some sort of edgy artsy way, not quite smart enough to figure out why no one else is there. I am sliding back into the hope I have gone insane. You deal with the whirling nightmare as little as possible, you don’t call it out at every turn, you don’t cheer it on, you don’t help it, and YOU DO NOT FUCKING LIE ABOUT IT. 

So sitting in the parking lot,deciding if one of the innocent creatures that lives with me, approaching month four of the six the vet said she had left, gets the food she prefers at the moment...  She had other food that was better for her anyway.., not that it matters now. I have a duty of care especially now. She won’t understand the problem or the cost to my honor, for lack of a better word. She will just miss the thing she is used to. In reality avoiding the mask is likely impracticality anyway.  On the verge of throwing up, crying, punching the dashboard or screaming fuck over an over... a car pulls into the spot across from me and a woman starts unpacking a kid out or the back seat... none of the above. A few deep breaths and fuck it, the easy way it is.  Never thought about actually punching a stranger or really anyone but the assigned finger wager at the door.... “I am a virtuous little citizen and those who know better know better” and not “we aren’t all writhing around in the liquefying corps of a great civilization” On queue they where still out of or ran out of again of the food I was after.

I didn’t feel anything brake that day. Thinking about it since something is missing. Maybe things are just numb and will come back in time. As of now thinking about what may have to be done in defense of a civilization worth defending against those that can not be reconciled with it, elicits little. The little emotional triggers that made question if I could if i had to, are gone.... I am pretty weak willed and was happy to stand on the side lines. Muse at what might untangle this mess. I am not a hard man by any imagining, but you made me lie exactly in the way that end civilizations. Not that mask work. Not that I was virtuous for doing so. Not that “we are all in this together”. Not that those in charge know. Not that anyone is in charge. Not that some version of normal coming. Not that this version of the west isn’t dead. It’s the lie that there isn’t a massive upheaval coming.

The mass of rubble , ideological and real that will have to be cleared. Unfortunately a fair amount of blood that is likely to be spilled. Driving now the phrase “ the ugliness of modern architecture” rings in my ears. Affordable little canvases of our own that last only a life time is not the worst thing, but churches in strip malls? Regardless if this is just contrivance of my head or not I have been pushed a few degrees off of where i was. For now, a reprieve as there is still the innocence creatures in my care. It sadly is not open ended.

This kinda of thing might not have pushed as hard as it did if the ground wasn’t already soft. Before all that a few thing had pushed me to wrap up what i was thinking and walk from my online musings. So. Brit Hume has been one of the perennial “ this is the most important election of our lives... til the next one”  He and Thomas Sowell, calling it a point of no return have both come to the conclusion that it actually is. If Biden wins the next election wouldn't matter and any other road blocks would be gone.

Charlie Hurt calling it a make it stop election and latter Victor David Hanson questioning if a silent major exists leads one to believe that reason may have been locked out. That this is a who ever can convince enough people they can save them election. It really fell like the argument don’t matter at all. My suspicion is that if you had really solid polling and knew the outcome of a handful of thing you could easily predict this election now, nothing the candidate did would mean anything. I have kind of gotten used to the idea that thing are going to get well... bloody when the left takes power and finally nails the door shut behind its self.

I was under the illusion that there are a number people that “know” where that leads and would as a last resort raise the black flag. Someone “on the inter webs” I thought was one (for no good reason on my part) when asked opted for the benedictine option. “The monasteries survived”. The monasteries where not an existential threat to the king. Little literacy. little printing and no internet. The parallels to the Maoist and the jihadists to our current insurgents? rebels? look pretty clear. What makes anyone thing they going to be left alone by this “madness”. I got very worried. Those you think might keep Trump in power surrender to the mob.... and those who would fight might decide to hide..... A number of things start looking pretty frivolous.

Author Brooks among a legion of others, well meaning I am sure, prescribe kindness and reason and be patient. I short you don’t hug the guy with the suicide vest.... clear? For the jihadists anything said buy outsiders is meaningless, faith isn’t easily to question on the best of days. For the utopians, you can’t understands till it finally works and usually the censors and secret police help.  To our little friends if your the oppressor you have no room to speak even if you think you understand how evil you are or your so oppressed that your don’t know what your taking about. It all insulated ideology, and all of it gets people killed. They haven't officially taken power so i guess you could try it one a time, cult deprogramming. However the cult isn’t living in the middle of nowhere, we are all living in it.

Jordan Peterson comes at it from a reasoned position focused more on the broader problems of the West. “Orientate your self properly,aye”. You raise yourself up and it raises those around you. Don’t think saving the West was at the top of his list when it all started  Again a one at a time, bottom up approach. At the time I was sure it was far to slow and he never seemed to have a handle on American politics though he knows how badly societies can go wrong. He and many other I don’t think quite understood how bad intentioned the left really was, or how much the compromises made with them where always seeding ground. It seems like a great many people are still living there.

The other problem is the lack of a common. “if there is no common understanding there is no common sense” Mark Steyn if memory serves. My past understanding of the malignant “God is dead” quote was just that and it was a good thing. In part from Peterson, my understanding now is “the common belief in a common God / moral order is dead”.  A strong civil society might be able to hold things together and let people do generally what they want....... as long as the reap the consequences of their choices.  The problem comes when all choices become valid because there are no consequence . A strong moral order would have put the brakes on.

This is the general problem with the various libertarian imaginings.  Over time it will always be a problem. Any significantly democratic organization will trend left or as to hear the left tell it “the long arch of history tend toward justice”... social justice.... popular judgement..... mob rule. Entropy.  We all want to be nice and liked so we let the margins slide, leave a little wiggle room in the rules. Eventually it ticks over. Instead of allowing it’s restricting. I doesn’t matter now whatever the case. There is no way now to go any where near letting people reap their own consequences, what would the bureaucrats do with themselves.

So come at it from the other side? The moment the Enlightenment or the industrial revolution started the church was in existential peril. The less the average person need God to explain their day to day the less the ethereal wonder holds. The explosion of knowledge even if they didn’t understand all of it, become a surer path.  Defense of the moral order was what was called for. The church defended itself and eventually the existence of God. I would like one of these fill in the blank “nationalist”, common good conservatives, new theocrat types explain to me how governmental policy is going to fix it? They seem to see it as a problem caused by the left. The left is just taking advantage. If it wasn’t them now it would be something else in a generation or four. Not only are they misidentifying the problem their solution is making it harder to solve.  Setting government policy to favor what worked is not a guarantee it works going forward. There are plenty of good studies and sound arguments and some policies may work well. The problem, it introduces rigidity. It will help stave off the known worse, meanwhile  staving off the unknown both for the worse and for the better. It slows the development of better.

There is this notion that the “left and the “right” should just get a divorce. The “left” will never be satisfied with that. There is as well the notion that we are to diverse to coexist. This is another result of the lack of a common. If a civilization or a country in this case, are bound together even loosely by a civil order an a moral order diversity isn’t a fatal issue. To say it isn’t possible is to reject  the American experiment out right.

Those who have accepted a civil war is inevitable talk as if the fight will be to restore something? The war is between who? One side is usually the government. Not sure what is gained by pickling fight with Antifa et al.

I had thought after Ferguson leadership would have leaned it’s lesson.  APCs for riot control, yes. For no knock warrant, not so much. It’s become abundantly clear I assume far to many things. We went from throw a water bottle at a cop, jail and the protest is over to everything is acceptable up until your try to burn people alive in a public building. As far as I am concerned those mayors and governors who allow this signed there own resignation letters.

It is has become clear Trump or likely any president can’t fix this. Trump specifically doesn’t have the tack to talk us off this ledge. Suspend the campaign for a week and talk about the consequences, the nature of and solution for the problem.... and never mention himself? I don’t know that and president would have the resources to declare an insurrection, deploy enough federal agents and national guard (assuming the governors allow it) and hold on til the local government went back to arresting the first bottle thrower. I doesn’t look like the decades long hold the “left” has had on these city is going to be broken by this, so no major change in policy that will stop this short term is coming. Those who decide to leave are likely to bring the same ideas that lead to the policies that lead to the chaos where ever they go. It’s not going to stay contained.

It sounded like there where the start of some defensive militia and there are always community deescalation groups. This is driven by policy fuel by ideology that can not be question (though they used to act as if it could). All solutions look to be outside our normal acceptable practice. Comment by Mark Steyn about Islam are instructive. Surrender, destroy, or reform. As with Islam this is a self fulfilling ideology.  So? a form of colonization inside our country, an insurrection? Remove the mayors, city counsel and the prosecutors, none of which are doing their jobs. If the rule is that the feds don’t declare insurrections, and it is not declared as such then it is not. What about the governors?  Then what..? What policies changes the culture? What are the markers for holding the next election? It is outside our norm, not so much for history in general.

If Trump wins whatever the left does including secession will be responded to by the federal government, our little city experiment aside. That at best will just reimpose the status quo. It is very unlikely to force the “left” ideology into retreat. If Biden gets elected? Play the city experiment out writ large . The constitution almost by definition can’t survive. So... just reprint the thing and put a new start date on it?  What does that solve? Maybe I am not digging in the parts of the internet where these this are being hashed out. If they are I not sure it’s by the type of people I want running things.

A list of systemic grievances going into all this would be useful both as a guild for what comes after and as set of red lines. I am sure most libertarians could give you a library full of outrages. It is not the day to day bureaucratic nonsense that’s the problem or police outrages. It’s things like deferential impact, judicial realism, popular election of senators, and the supposed precondition in which regulation is allowed just to start. The last line may be when the left has easily won two or three elections in a row while everyone is being forced to do things they don’t want and never hear a word in the press about it.  It may be to late by then. I believed that would be the result if Hilary got elected and it looks to be a certainty if Biden gets in.

Whatever the case maybe the violence has started and to what degree it escalate who knows. The idea that violence is never the answer was always a myth, one we are coming face to face with now. The fact is violence on very rare occasions is the only answer unless you are prepared to surrender everything, to live on your knees in agony. That is why the idea that the constitution is not a suicide pact never made any sense. We seeing it now to with the virus. “we must sacrifice everything even if it save one life”. What childishness. If you won’t die or worse live in pain for your principles they only hold until someone or thing threatens you with just that. If others know it your principles don’t mean much. Further more at societal level if leadership isn’t prepared to risk the live of civilian to protect those principles they aren’t going to last long either

All that in the end still solves nothing. You have beaten back the enemy for what? If violence comes or not we have to have something to go to, to strive for as a civilization. We are a fractured mess of half thoughts and endless “problems” to solve. We have no common understanding of what the moral order or any order is or should be. As is we are done.

“We are very unlikely to come up with entirely new definition or invention. We are very unlikely to invent new Gods, very unlikely to come up with new religion, ...very unlikely to be able to go anything this good again.” Douglas Murray.

 A similar sentiment two plus years ago sent me in this direction.

“ Where the road we’re traveling takes us. Where do the above events and that one trend leave us? Not in a good place. Unless there’s a black swan somewhere down the line, we are heading inevitably towards a socialist America. “  “ I’m praying for a Black Swan. My prayers aren’t usually answered, though. That’s why I’m assuming that the American future will be totalitarian — either Marxist or Islamic — and that it might happen within my lifetime and will definitely happen within my children’s. “ - Bookworm

So what we are looking for is a Black swan, a new god, a new religion. In an ocean of ignorance with an occasional mist of wisdom let me see if I can puzzle this out a bit. First there  is no puppet master just us. Though they took full advantage ,even the “left” isn’t the problem. We began to gain knowledge abundantly, with certainty if not ease. It distracted, if not overwhelmed the the ethereal of the church and rendered the judgement of the wise mute. So what do we need? We need to temper knowledge. We need not just the facts or the working of the parts we see. We need to pursue the truth, not exactly the truth. Not the truth of the tangible world or that of the ethereal. It is the truth of the moment. Our best understanding of the working of the two combined.  And an understanding that some day it will change. And that is what we should pursue. The honest truth of what we know and a drive to find more. To try, succeed and fail, to find what is actually better. It is an extension of the road humanity was on before this diversion.

How to paint the picture? A discovered / revealed God/ devil/ saint/ mythic hero, a torch bearer along the path humanity has always been traveling. The path of our increasing understanding, the path that raised our civilization. A light that only shines on the path behind us, to illuminate the things we missed and on our figure calling us forward. One who demands that those who obscure the past repent. One who demands that those who misrepresent the path their on to get others to follow repent. One that asks us to forgive those who do and use the shape of their misdeeds  to search for our own misunderstandings and mistakes.

In practice, a secular church that is neither. A voluntary body with neither the force of law or a claim to the moral order. A nondemocratic organization because the long arc of history tending toward social justice. An organization the is trusted to ask better questions. A group of people that will put themselves in the experiments in order and be brutally honest about the results. 

So for instance the question about transmission of wisdom from one generation to the next is about how we raise children and that is about family and marriage. What is best? what do we really know?  Follow the path all the way back. Romantic marriage is new, so why not practical or arranged marriage? We see the obvious problems with polygamy, with polyamory? Maybe some combination? maybe not one big romantic marriage but three,may be four people, one marriage is practical, one arrange, and one romantic. I have no idea. We can’t just default to the wisdom of religion or assume the recklessness of the “left”. Let Go. If it works or not we are better for knowing. We will have surer footing on the path ahead at least in the understanding of this moment.

If don’t like that formulation good. You build a black swan. If there’s a flock of them maybe one survives. Maybe we avoid generations of brutality. Maybe something of what we have done survives.

All I can do now is try to find a way not to live on my knees before anyone, anything, any ideology or idea. Try. That is all I can do.

Credit to those i stole ideas from that i can no longer remember if they're mine or not. I am going to put away my crayons down, shut my mouth give my mind a rest, deal with only what i must, and hopefully find a way to wonder at the world again.

or try to

[optimisticsprinkles]

The John Boyega Controversy

I noped out after getting the gist of it right after it happened, but it’s continued to rest heavily on my heart, so here we go. Don’t read if you don’t want to think about it (which I totally understand).

------------------------------------------------------

The monstrosity that was “The Rise of Skywalker” left everyone emotional. Not just us fans but also those who made the movie. They all got a lot of hate, and some of that hate was probably racist. John (who played Finn) in particular was probably getting a ton of crap. I did not go through his twitter feed to confirm this, but I can imagine.

In the midst of this emotional time, he posted something... crass about Finn and Rey. If you didn’t see it, good. Don’t look for it.

Its crassness was disturbing enough, and felt disrespectful toward a beloved female character, but what really seemed to trigger most Reylos was the laughing/flippant tone toward Ben Solo’s death.

I cannot think of a single Reylo who wasn’t devastated by the loss of Ben Solo. Many had grief symptoms in the real world. Depression, trouble eating, trouble sleeping, etc. And no matter what someone outside of fandom thinks about grieving a character, it can and does happen.

When someone says it's just a book, movie, or game, it belittles the depth of the emotional investment you've made. It belittles your feelings. It says, "You don't have the right to care deeply about this."

(source, yes I quoted myself)

As a public figure, John probably got more negative feedback than any of us could imagine. And he was probably fed up by the time he posted his crass joke.

I forgive him.

I don’t think he understood (how could he?) how it landed in the grieving Reylo climate at that time, or how much more painful it made the grieving process.

I forgive him.

I doubt he understood what the women were going through who responded to his joke with disappointment, hurt, and anger or why it upset them. I think there were too many people coming at him, and he didn’t have the emotional energy to consider it in any depth, had he been inclined to do so. I think he’d gotten so much hate that he was just done with any kind of negativity and he couldn’t separate the hate-filled posts from the ones with legitimate concerns. So he reacted to grieving Reylo responses with taunting shrug gifs and a distinct lack of empathy.

I forgive him.

His joke hurt. It hurt me, you, us when we were already fragile.

I forgive him.

In situations like that, it’s better not to respond, but some people did. Some spoke out. I understand the urge, but that kind of thing just fans the flames, especially in a time so emotionally fraught on all sides. No one was in any state to sit down and have a calm, rational conversation, much less the world-famous celebrity who’d just been in the worst Star Wars movie to date (yes, I’m counting the Holiday Special). Everyone in that conversation was going through a lot, and it was a terrible time to have any conversation, much less one fueled by hurt.

Some of John’s defenders called the Reylo response racist, and from the (very) few I looked at, there was no merit for a racism accusation. In that context, it looked to me like racist was used a lot like Hitler is used: to have the last word and stop any meaningful discussion from taking place. To shut the other person up so the name-caller can win.

I’m sure there were legitimate racists tearing into John on social media. Again, I didn’t look for them, but he’s a black man in a Star Wars movie, so it’s pretty much guaranteed. But the (few) Reylo responses I saw were upset but otherwise fine. If there were Reylos who went there, I did not see them, but if someone linked me to something obviously racist, I’d be like, “Yeah, that one is. Fuck that person. The others are fine, tho.”

There seemed to be (and I saw this happen with a comic artist, as well) this idea that preferring Reylo over FinnRey is, itself, racism.

Fuck that noise.

I’m not going to say that there aren’t any racist Reylos. Statistically speaking, I’m sure we have a couple. I have not met them, myself, or I haven’t seen any evidence of it if I have. (It’s not like racists go around posting selfies of themselves at Klan meetings.) Racism itself is a spectrum, embedded in society, often subtle, and there is no measuring system that can accurately quantify how much of a person’s behavior is motivated by racism, sexism, or intolerance.

But I reject, wholesale, that liking one pairing that happens to be two white people over the pairing that is interracial is inherently racist. It offends me as a thinking human being to see anyone use that excuse to win arguments or fandom wars.

Maybe someone, someday, will do a study on race, attraction, and fandom ships. How all of that affects each other. Someone probably has done a study on race and physical attraction, which I think would be an interesting read, but what I don’t think is that someone should be shamed for being more attracted to a certain gender or appearance or personality or, yes, even race.

Because I believe, to the bottom of my heart, that attraction is not something we choose. Perhaps it can be influenced, but it can’t be forced. And I think attraction does play a role in ships, but attraction is a weird formula that maybe someone somewhere has figured out, but I don’t have a clue how it works. Again: perhaps it can be influenced, but it can’t be forced, and personal preferences re: attraction aren’t right or wrong. They just are.

Racism is not preferring one fictional couple to a different fictional couple. Racism (and you can correct me if my definition is far off the mark) has much more to do with how we treat each other than with what fictional couples we prefer.

I am not here to tell anyone I am not a racist. That’s not something anyone here can know for sure, as none of you know me in the real world or see my every waking moment. Racism is a subject for me, as a straight white woman, to try to understand. I say try because I know, as a straight white woman, it would be easy for me to fall into prejudicial patterns. And I hope that by not assuming I’m infallible, it can help me live in a sincere, thoughtful, and kind way.

But for accusations or arguments with strangers online who don’t know me and don’t know you and judge based on fictional pairings?

I say again: Fuck that noise.

[raayllum]

hey you. yeah you. we’re gonna do a little pop quiz on living life, alright? answer below and read carefully.

have you been a little asshole lately? by which i mean, 1) have you been treating people online like people lately? 2) have you been treating tumblr like a conversation, which it is? 3) have you been sending hate? (4. at what point does critique become bullying?) 5. have you been asking yourself that question? if you answer no to every question but 3), congratulations, you’ve been a little asshole lately.

circle your answers. are you A.) an angry gay teenager and have you B.) been sending hate to other angry gay teenagers over what they ship? do they have to disclose their age or sexuality for you to care and stop? if you circle B) then congratulations, you’re a little asshole.

personally, i don’t have much experience being a little asshole. my teen years are barely behind me, my 20s scraping by ahead, but this is my round-about way of giving some life advice, because by some weird fluke of fate, i get new followers on this blog just about every single day and i know a lot of you guys are probably younger than me, and well, i guess sometimes not being a little asshole can be hard.

(are you being needlessly cruel? are you focusing your energy on shitting on something that people love instead of what you love? is it necessary? because i can guarantee it will hurt you more in the long run.)

so take it from someone who’s been queer, in fandoms, and probably past the life stage you’re at now for some time: ask yourself what you care about and why. if you care about other people, then act like it. that includes strangers on the internet, whose personal information you are never entitled to, and you should not need to know someone’s history or personal experiences in order to not be a little asshole. no one is entitled to that information of you either, ever. and i cannot stress this enough, but making snap judgments of someone will ever only go poorly, and you should never assume someone’s history. ever.

quick crash course in university level narrative theory: fandom antis and people who say there’s only one right way to engage with anything in fandom - ship, character, headcanon, etc. - sound like samuel johnson, a 18th century idiot, and plato, who kicked poets out of his metaphorical republic and held us back in scientific discoveries for literal centuries until kepler had the sense to call bullshit. we’ve been having this argument for literally thousands of years and aristotle disagrees with you. you’re never gonna win because that’s not how art inherently works. learn to listen rather than demand. 

(do you think humans are bad and stupid? do you typically hold a negative view of others? of yourself? cut that shit out. even if you’re right about the first thing, it doesn’t do anything. there is nothing productive about pessimism. 

are you trapping yourself in an inability to change? are you trapping other people there? do you believe we are broken? do you believe we are stuck? if someone saw the worst of you on your worst days, it wouldn’t be a very pretty picture. are you taking your other - better - days into account? are you taking other people’s? even the score. forgive yourself. let go. 

you can’t carry all of that. no one has to.)

(that does not mean you have to stick around to see other people’s days, but you shouldn’t deny that they could exist. despair and tragedy is when no more chances or changes are possible, not because the ending was inevitable, but because this was the end. aristotle understood that, too.)

have you been a little asshole? it can be scary to answer yes, because by your own mindset that means you can’t change without having what you’ve done previously held against you. answer yes anyway. at least then you can change and have new (better) things to hold against you, like a heart and happiness against your chest.

the #1 rule for surviving fandom: the second you don’t enjoy it, get out. the second it causes you more frustration or misery than it does happiness, leave. you don’t want to see something? don’t look at it. you can shut your eyes. you can turn away. you don’t have to put up with bullshit and the way isn’t by controlling others, but by curating yourself.

focus on what you love. make sure one of those things is yourself. believe the stories you read if they have messages that are useful for you. keep up with your readings. it is always better to ask for help and find out that you don’t need it than not ask when you desperately do. these things are skills that build muscle memory like any other. practice.

listen to sleeping at last (or whatever music you like). learn when things aren’t actually that deep and learn when they are. learn to see what other people see even if you can never wear their glasses. study history. go outside. go to therapy. change labels. smile first. (someone always has to make the first step. it might as well be you.) you can have compassion without compromising your character. (know when to compromise.) keep waiting, even when you get angry, even when you get frustrated. things are always better in the morning. ferociously protect your boundaries. eat at least two meals a day. try to do something you like if you can’t do what you love. do what you love on the side. do what you love for you. (fuck everybody else.) 

and if you’re lonely, i promise, one day you won’t be anymore. 

(everyone has people to find. it’s the only answer that matters.)

[templeofshame]

I hope you don’t mind me discussing this here hidden behind a anon. I don’t want to add to the fire on there. I don’t like the “dan forced a gay label on himself” when Dan said he doesn’t care what’s between someone’s legs to me I see that as the “sex” as vagina/ penis is not going to stop him falling for a person. I.e a trans man could have a vagina and it wouldn’t change anything. I never saw that as dan saying one day he could fall for a bio female?? Maybe he could I don’t know I don’t think he forced himself to be anything. Dan said he’s a gay man so I will call him a gay man.

The poly topic. I’m someone who is like yeah they could be in a poly relationship who cares. It still is kinda annoying ngl. I don’t know if Dans comments are him actively trying to sleep with other people. Dan said he wants to keep his personal life/sex life private. In big and in the attitude mag. Why would he go against that to try and.. get people to want to fuck him by putting comments into one video that’s his and one has Phil’s? That’s why I see those comments as a joke. Yes I do think they could be poly but that goes literally for everyone. Anyone could be. Even if it wasn’t for Dans sexual jokes people try and say they aren’t together because Dan called Phil mate/bro so? No one can win

I agree that I a) don’t like the tone of saying Dan forced a label on himself. It’s his choice. He chose a label. He spent a lot of time and thought and effort on that choice. He embraced a label that was difficult and important for him and his growth; he didn’t force it.

b) I do think that BIG, in its title and contents, is complicated about what the boundaries of “gay” are for Dan, and it’s valid for people not to be totally clear on his definition for himself. He says fuck the literal definition, he describes some form of attraction to his ex, he uses the word “basically.” He’s not, in BIG, asserting a certainty that there is no way he could possibly be attracted to anyone who is not a man. And I think that is not uncommon and also it is completely possible to respect that  and also respect his choice of “gay” AND respect that gender is not determined by anatomy. (I think that it is easy to read the posting of a stranger, for whom I have no sense of their awareness of trans issues or their intent, as basically saying that Dan may call himself gay but he’s not really gay because he says he doesn’t care what’s between someone’s legs... which is basically insinuating either that homosexuality is inherently transphobic and defines attractions purely based on anatomy, or that the poster thinks gender is defined by anatomy and thus attraction without regard for anatomy is attraction to multiple genders. I think it is likely that this poster didn’t think it through and did not intend these insinuations, but like... we have seen evidence of internalized shit of multiple kinds.) 

c) I believe that your intentions are very much good, but we all have slips and oversights and in this post, the use of “bio female” undermines your point (I am no expert in this type of terminology but I am a Contrapoints viewer.) I’m thinking that what you meant is that we don’t see evidence that Dan is open to attraction to a cis woman. I don’t disagree. I think it may be off topic but I do think there’s an element of underlying “settledness” about Dan’s perspective in BIG, that he’s acknowledging a lack of absolutes or certainty about what the boundaries of any potential attraction are, but also feeling like it doesn’t actually matter because... the fact is that he is committed to spending his life in a commited monogamous relationship with a cis man. Obviously that’s unspoken, but I think I’ve talked about the similarity in vibes between Dan’s “basically I’m gay” approach and how Hank Green’s addressed being straight, kind of, functionally, based on his experience and commitment to his wife. Personally, as someone with a hazy understanding of my attractions but with biromanticness in there, it makes a lot of sense to me to that one might choose a label that is a bit of an oversimplification because it might not feel super necessary to express and identify with the capacity for attractions one is never going to explore actively. It also totally makes sense to me that for some people, it is super important to identify and explore a queer identity even if all of their romantic/sexual experiences are with another gender (and hey, also those of us without romantic/sexual experiences!). But ultimately... Dan has told us that he identifies with queer and gay as terms for his sexuality and I think it is disrespectful to him to reject those terms or to judge his choice of them after all he went through (and shared with us) around them.

d) I agree that even if D&P were in a polyamorous relationship, which seems unlikely to me given their insensitivity toward nonmonogamy at times, Dan’s definitely not actually trying to get randos on the internet to DM him for hookups. He’s a celebrity, that would be massively unsafe and also like... he would not have to try that hard if the actual goal was random casual sex. I do not personally understand how people take these jokes seriously. He presents them the way he presents jokes, they feel like jokes even if I don’t personally find them to be the funniest, and like... he can want to be suggestive and flirty and post photos he feels attractive in online without actually wanting sexual encounters out of it.

e) Yes, the phantis such that they are do just keep moving the bar so that it’s an unwinnable argument. It’s just so baffling to me, after having finally gotten rid of so much of that, after having the direct address of it in BIG, with every big and small piece of the puzzle, that there are still queer people who are going to somehow deny the beautiful and profound relationship set before them. I just think Dan addressed it so bravely and deeply in BIG and it does hurt me to see people look away from that like it doesn’t mean anything.