#which. is why i'm rereading but you know
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everyone always gets so mad at apollo when he's lester and can't remember stuff and he just doesn't defend himself but im like dude. just tell them that you don't have all of your memories because you're in your mortal form. your brain is smaller it's very reasonable they will understand
#jo and emmie STAY being mad at him for not remembering stuff#he's not got all his godly memories give him a break#trials of apollo#toa#the trials of apollo#lester papadopoulos#lester apollo#i'm rereading the second book right now and my god i cannot remember any detail from this series at all#which. is why i'm rereading but you know
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Hi GT,
Forgive me if this is a stupid question, but I absolutely love the recs you've given (you've introduced me to tomione, and I love it!) and I was wondering if it's possible to give you some recs in return? There are some books and fics that definitely have dramione / got vibes, and I was wondering if I could share them with you!
So glad you've enjoyed them! Feel free to rec me anything you want. I've read most of the classic recs in terms of fic and adjacent content (Cruel Prince et al), but I'll try anything that's well-written. My tastes run towards weird and/or audaciously creative stuff, and I can forgive a lot of weaknesses in plot on the grounds of (1) ambition or (2) character work. My turnoffs are instalove, protagonists who can't fail, and most Y/A (I'm not a hater, I swear, I just need characters who can say "fuck" when their leg gets chopped off.)
I'm also a fan of weird and fucked-up dynamics.(Wuthering Heights was my favorite book for a while, and as a teenager I wrote an AU in which the book ends on a long sex scene where Heathcliff fucks Cathy's ghost and then immediately gets murdered by Catherine 2.) Obviously, I am very normal.
#greenteacup asks#my beef with Y/A is mostly expressed in a dissonance between tone and content#LOVE the content. dystopia fantasy horror sex and blood — awesome. but question. why are they all saying 'darn'?#like in the vampire diaries where they'll watch people get eaten and then 2 episodes later be like 'omg SCHOOL DANCE'#(EDIT: actually in fairness. on the vampire diaries. it was mostly just caroline that did that. unfair example my apologies)#& i distinguish this critique from a common bitch-and-moan complaint about tv shows being interested in 'girly' things#like relationships and social standing. that is not my complaint. that shit is delicious. i will chomp that shit for days#my issue is that when the stakes oscillate wildly from episode to episode and i can't tell what the main thing is#like sorry. a story with murder in it is always going to be about murder. you can't make it not about murder#unfortunately! many have tried.#and in general i have difficulty reading about teenagers bc—#(she says having written 600k words about them OKAY I KNOW. i contain multitudes.)#because they're either mini-adults (preferred flavor. jude in the cruel prince nails this) or like leetol babies to me#and unless it's something like the hunger games where the Leetol Baby thing is part of the story#i'm like. hang on. you're 12 what are you doing here#percy jackson was hard for me to re-read as an adult for this reason#which is why they're enjoyable for teenagers! because as a teenager you DO feel like an adult#and you like reading books that treat you like one! nothing wrong with that! healthy even!#only then you get past the teenage years (mashallah) and you get stuff like twilight#where of COURSE bella doesn't think twice about 117 year old man falling in love with her#because he looks like a rich mysterious 17-year-old hottie#but you reread it later and it's like um well. that. could be explored a little more maybe.#i'm not even necessarily opposed to it. candidly. still team edward. i just think the dynamic should be more fucked up and juicy.#which Y/A authors are often reluctant to do. like. COWARDS! face the nasty consequences of your narrative decisions!#anyhow. you didn't ask for any of this. please give me your recs lovely person you seem very nice.
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does anyone else find it fucked up that moon's friends protect themselves from her with the skyfire at the end of moon rising?
#wings of fire#moonwatcher#look okay i've been slowly rereading the series on and off again bc one of my friends is getting into the series#so correct me where i'm wrong in asking why kinkajou feels entitled for moon to disclaim she's a telepath and seer upon first meeting her#when the news that nightwings don't have powers anymore and that they manipulated the entire sandwing succession war conflict#for their own gain went PUBLIC so nightwings are a hated tribe#nevermind the fact that moon feels like an outcast among her tribe because she hatched off of the volcano and never had to suffer#though it's sweet that her mother cares for her and worries about her she still calls moon her 'weird little diamond'#and impresses upon her 'secret hidden safe' which is basically wof's conceal don't feel#when was moon supposed to feel safe enough in disclosing her power she's hated FOR having and hated for NOT having#do you (general) think she's in ANY position to advertise she's the tribe's ONLY true seer and telepath in generations safely?#'i get what kinkajou means but it feels almost like having to disclaim your trans or disabled. Is a bit fucked' is what my friend said#it's the same fucking thing as 'i'm losing the person i once knew' but perhaps not in those words and not nearly as harshly#i know kinkajou comes around to moon eventually and they remain friends. but there's something REALLY fucked about it imo#same friend pointed out there's a queerness to this which i will 100% agree on like it stings on a personal level#like. look i still like the series but man reading it critically and interacting with it in a more adult lens#is definitely an action i am doing right now.#i think i'm still correct in saying darkstalker was a child. evil is not created in a vacuum. hatred is taught not inherent.#it does not excuse him from the evil he did commit. but he was a child. he was a FUCKING ABUSED CHILD. augh. (quietly losing my mind)#rex rambles
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.
#(huge relieved sigh)#I'm emotional over the little community that I get to participate in here#been on Tumblr over 10 years#been in multiple fandoms that I've made content for#and this is the first time I've experienced this level of interaction and community#first time I've had mutuals and had that actually mean something#I'm still terrified of unknowingly doing something rude or wrong or annoying (which is why I struggle so much to tag people) but#idk I'm starting to feel braver#I'm actually getting emotional thinking about it#sorry I'm just#maybe rereading symphony and noticing how lonely Violist-chan is has got me focused on how lonely I am too#and yeah it's not like I'm anyone's actual friend on here but just being able to interact and participate and be welcomed is...#idk#there's this gnawing ache in my chest all the time but this little community brings me sparks of joy that I haven't felt in a long time#sorry ignore me I'm just#i don't know#I'm trying to express my gratitude but I'm not doing a very good job#if anyone actually reads this just know I'm trying to say thank you for being nice and for letting me be feral over turtles with you#and i hope you're all having a good day
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Today is Day 185: What This Line Means for El's Letter to Mike at the Start of Season 4
I know a lot of fans are convinced that the Duffers are careless since they 'forgot' Will's birthday. But I assure you… they’re not.
There's zero doubt in my mind that the writers have a calendar which they refer to religiously, especially when making decisions about the timeline for the story.
Literally every season starts with a date to establish the setting. Do we think they just settle on a date, without referring to any sort of notes?
There’s a basic responsibility there, at the very least, to be aware of what the characters would be doing at that moment in time, based on what generally happens during that time of year. This would require research beyond just picking a date and slapping it on the first episode of the season.
Is it Spring, Summer, Fall or Winter? What events are likely to take place during that time of year and how do they plan the expectations of the setting around the characters and the story itself? That's all intentional and well thought out. There’s a reason every season is surrounding some sort of holiday/event at some point, and it’s because time is very very important in the world of Stranger Things.
Think about the various times they’ve had characters literally countdown events?
Mike with El in s2? El with Mike in s4? Suzie when referring to Dustin’s birthday in s4? They wouldn’t throw out lines like that if they didn’t do the math at least once themselves.
The ‘353 days’ line is one perfect example of the Duffer’s proving to us that they have access to calendars, calculators or even simply, google.
Look at that! It appears when Mike used the walkie to call El on Halloween of 1984 (October 31st) in s2, it had indeed been 353 days!
What makes this detail so so so so so fucking important, is that this might hold the answer to the murkiness of the s3 ending going into s4.
Because as of now, we don't really know when s3 ended exactly.
But the similarities of s3's ending to previous seasons, might help us figure out that answer...
Every season ends with a vague timestamp for the literal ending; the epilogue. They only offer up the date at the start of the season, but when it comes to the ending, they never do. It's always months or days if we're lucky.
For s1-2 we got a vague 'one month later', for s3 we got an even more vague 'three months later' and for s4 we surprisingly got something more specific, with 'two days later'.
I think the reasoning for this seems complicated, but it's fairly simple.
While it is quite commonplace to give exact dates at the start of stories, to set the scene and everything, there's this agreed upon understanding in film and even books arguably, that also providing an exact date for the epilogue feels a little cheap? Or maybe a bit too 'handholdy' is a better word? I could see that being something an amateur would do without realizing it looks tacky.
I also think it allows the writers to be more vague in what exactly the date is for the end, according to the audience at least. Because they 100% know what the date is on their end, but that doesn't mean they have to reveal it to us.
We don't know when s3 ends exactly. We know that the battle at Starcourt ended on July 4th-5th (respectively). Though we also know that based on s1's timeline, Mike's countdown considered El's death to be the morning of November 13th, and so we can presume perhaps that s3 technically ended on July 5th.
And so the s3 epilogue being 'three months later' would bring us to October 5th, 1985 right?
Well, not exactly.
You see, when the Duffers give us their vague epilogue scenes, they're not saying that it's exactly one month or three months later, to the exact day. They're being intentionally vague.
Season 1 ending says one month later, but it's actually been 25 days.
Season 2 ending says one month later, but it's actually been 40 days.
Season 3 ending says three months later, but it's actually been... well we don't fucking know!!!
BUT I don't think it really matters, because if the Duffer's made an effort to do the math correctly for their 353 days line in s2, then it's probably safe to assume they'd do math for their 185 days line in s4 as well? And to also give us the answer to that question somewhere in the show already, as opposed to throwing out some random date seasons later?
Otherwise why have countdowns like that at all? It literally makes no sense for them to give us an exact number, like 353 or 185, without checking that the days match up with the exact countdown they're giving us.
I'm just one fan, and it only took me maybe 3 google searches to figure this out in a matter of seconds. They are however literal experts in their profession, and for that reason I do feel comfortable giving them some credit here.
So now, let's try to apply this logic then to s3.
Perhaps it's safe to assume that El's countdown didn't start when the Byers moved to Cali in the s3 epilogue, just like Mike's countdown didn't start at the end of the s1 epilogue either.
It's believed that the Byers, but El specifically, had to go into hiding after the battle at Starcourt. And so, could this mean that El's countdown started on July 5th?
The day that Hopper died? The day she lost her powers? The day she had to go into hiding and probably couldn't properly communicate with Mike for about three months?
Honestly, I think it would make a lot more sense to have their countdown's (Mike's 353 vs. El's 185) parallel in how they started.
And it would be weird to restart that countdown simply because they reunited for one afternoon to move, again because there was obviously so much significance to everything that happened on July 5th, that it does make sense to me that El's countdown would have started there.
Also, I want to be thorough by mentioning that, the main reason we can easily rule out the Byers move date being the start of El's countdown, is that it doesn't add up whatsoever.
El saying it has been 185 days since the Byers moved, would mean she was writing the letter on April 7th, 1986, which is impossible. (Also Mike's birthday, which is hilariously ironic).
Even if we spread out that three month window, we still have to take into account that if it was closer to two months or four months, they would've just said that instead. So either the Byers moved on October 4th, or sometime between September 5th at the earliest and November 5th at the latest.
And so where do we go from here?
Basically, from what we understand in canon on the show, there isn’t much to go off of besides that. And I think that’s the intention.
Over the seasons, the obscurity of the time jump between the epilogues has allowed for them to say obscure comments between seasons, such as, Yeah for like a month (Jonathan in s2) and It’s been a year, Mike (Will in s4) and so they obviously like this appeal of the audience not knowing for certain. But that doesn’t mean they don’t know for certain.
I would argue they have to know for certain, and have very likely done the math at least once or twice or ten times, especially because as I mentioned, there would be no reason to have characters countdown to the exact day, on multiple occasions, if the creators/writers or literally anyone involved with the show wasn't checking to make sure those numbers added up correctly.
And so, based on all of that, I think that El started counting down from the day they separated, just like the previous season, which would’ve been July 4th-5th (respectfully).
And so 185 days after July 4th-5th, 1985, would be January 5th-6th, 1986.
Just work with me here. Because while there are several things that could work against this theory, I think those things could have intentionally been there to trick the audience into thinking this letter was written very close to spring break, even though the math for that doesn't add up. And so lets look at some of the details that might be telling us this letter isn't as recent as we're being lead to believe.
The main detail I want to mention, is that major projects like the one El describes in her letter, requiring a visual aid, is more likely to be assigned at the start of the trimester.
If you don’t live in the United States, or are unfamiliar, basically how it tends to work for most high schools is the school year get’s split into 3 trimesters. The 1st trimester goes from September-December, the second goes from January-March, and the third goes from March-June. It varies depending on the city/county/state. Though it may not seem very equal, it goes like this to accommodate the major holidays with extensive breaks. The first trimester has Thanksgiving then a brief return to school, followed by Christmas/New years. The 2nd trimester starts right after New Years, and ends with Spring break. Then once you return afterward Spring break, that’s the start of the 3rd trimester. It evens out to each trimester being about 3 months.
I think El would've mentioned this assignment to Mike closer to when it was assigned and not right before she was turning it in. And the reasoning for this is kind of obvious but understandably overlooked.
While most kids would probably not think about working on a project like this until the last minute, because most of us are expert procrastinators after almost a decade in school, El however is completely new to this experience. And so I imagine the moment she heard about this assignment, she was just like 'best get to it!!'! We even see her still working on it after the project was already graded because the significance of it was clearly important to her. And so if her and Mike were writing somewhat consistently as it appears, then this would have been mentioned a lot sooner than her most recent letter to him.
And when it comes to the rest of the letter, there are several clues that could also support this theory that it wasn't written as close to spring break as we're being lead to assume.
Like the mention of Joyce's new telemarketer job. It wouldn't really make sense for her job to have been like super new, within the last week from March 22nd, especially if it's intended to be this sort of deterrent for Mike getting ahold of Will on the Byers phone presumably since the move.
Also Jonathan's car, is looked like it had been deserted there for a long time, not a matter of days or weeks, but possibly months (since early winter)... And so Argyle driving them to school wasn't something that happened within the last week worth mentioning to Mike right before their reunion in her most recent letter, but most likely another detail she mentioned as an update, since Jonathan's car is being referred to as still broken.
Even separate from the letter, I wondered if there was evidence somewhere else that they could sneakily be trying to hint to us that this is actually being written early in the Winter trimester and not the very end. Then it hit me.
The lyrics in the background...
Although, there are some things that contradict this theory, again I think those details were put there for the sake of tricking us.
Like just think about it, if this was El's most recent letter, wouldn't it make more sense for her to mention both the countdown for when they last saw each other, and how many days until they'd be seeing each other if it was really that close? Unless of course that number of days until their reunion was still too high at the time for her to hype it up, assuming she was writing this letter, perhaps 1-2 months out?...
I also do think that it's likely Mike and El are quite active in their writing back and forth. After all, Will said El had like a book of letters from Mike, so they want us to think that they wrote a decent amount.
I'm guessing the conversation was casual and broad for this letter specifically, because El is still new at writing/reading obviously and because this letter was also being used to update the audience about the characters whereabouts since we last saw them.
This might not seem that groundbreaking, but what this theory boils down to, is that s4 opened with an old letter, not a recent one. It means Mike was reading a letter, possibly from as early as January, 2 months previous to present. This would mean Mike presumably had other, more recent letters available to him to look at, with countdowns like 20 days and 10 days or 5 days, with El gushing even more intensely over the fact that they're closer and closer to finally reuniting.
And yet Mike was fixating on this letter specifically the morning before their reunion, AN OLD LETTER!!
But why?
Let's again look at the vibe of El's letter. If you look really close, it comes off like a response to a questionnaire.
I've always said that although El's lied a lot in her entire letter to Mike, there's a reason they never let us see a letter from Mike to El, and it's because he probably wouldn't have faired much better.
I don't even think it's actually that Mike would've lied necessarily, as much as I think it was mostly a lie of omission situation.
He showed up in Cali as his inauthentic self, and so it wouldn't make sense for him to have given El updates on Hellfire in his letters, which was pretty much all he focused on back in Hawkins from what it looked like.
And so I think the letter he wrote, which El was responding to in that specific letter, was Mike focusing on asking her questions about how she was doing and how the Byers were doing. It's also probably the last time he asked about the others because of one specific detail he got that time, which he's been fixating on ever since... (you know the one...)
Regardless, Mike was reading an old letter, which makes the implications of this (and this)... astounding.
#stranger things#stranger things theory#stranger things meta#byler#timeline shenanigans#there's specific details that contradict this theory#i don't want to list them out because then i feel like ppl wont open their minds to this theory at all#but if you do want to discuss them in reblogs i would be happy to because i do think there are contradictions there#but i also think that all it would take is some context to explain it#or again the reasoning that they wanted to confuse us in the first place which is why certain spring elements are there to trick us#but all in all yes i think mike is rereading an old letter#bc like why couldn't he instead read a letter that says see you in 2 weeks or 1 week or 4-5 days?#but instead we get#it's been 185 days!#and that's it...#and so mike's probably choosing this letter specifically because of the will mention i'm guessing...#it's likely after getting a revelation like this mike refrained from mentioning will ever again in a letter to el#we know that he didn't even ask will about the girl when they reunited ever at any point#which means he probably fears knowing anything more because it will make it all more real#there's basically a shit ton of implications that come with mike reading an old letter and us not being clued in on that until later#what makes this theory even more funny is finn choosing#This Is The Day#for the song he would add to his 80s mixtape#the cast was asked this question during the puppy interview segment during s4 press#and that song.... is so early s4 mike wheeler coded#like finn is known for his knack for music and it's widely speculated he takes hinting at his character with music seriously...#and so yes i hate finn for that because he is a fucking icon#still just a theory! don't come at me!
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okay the website of my local church w the pride flags out front actually really slaps they have like 5000000 choirs and a page on their specific beliefs that is pretty slay actually, unfortunately for the part of my brain that thinks choosing to do this is insane for me
#like to be honest it seems very tailored to the things i would like to get out of going to church if i were to actually follow through on#this#particularly their attitude toward doubt and sin#doubt is welcome and even an expression of faith? intriguing!#sin is a part of what makes us human? thats what i think!#i however relish in sin and this may make me incompatible with ANY church#perhaps their response would be that what i was taught was sin is not actually sin and we will see if that sticks to me or not#i dont really like the concept of sin regardless of whether god is forgiving about it or not but i guess that would lead me to the last tag#like if we can agree that certain things are bad then sure i guess theoretically i can get on board with the concept of sin#there are some reads of the bible that lean more leftist or queer that intrigue me but which i don't know much about#if anywhere's gonna be open to that it'd probably be this church#they've got a food pantry as well which is nice. like as a church you SHOULD be doing mutual aid i think but you know#i think i would always relish in being a little blasphemous though. thats the spice of life thats why im alive#im rereading this. who the fuck says relish#thank god for the industriously cautious part of my brain though because i'm doing so much fucking research before even daring to step foot#in there#on the sect and on the church itself#i think this would be very much a me reading the bible to shape it to my life and beliefs thing rather than the opposite#maybe the real reason i want to go to church is so i can dom god#karinyo.txt
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Special Counseling (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Damned#ZEX#DAX#These are especially funny to me because I remember when I first looked through the gallery and was Deeply Distressed at ZEX like this#I didn't know the context yet so the betrayal was uncomfortable! As intended but unexpected haha ♪#I love ZEX! Why would he do such a thing! Now I know <3 <3 And now I'm doing the same thing! Lol#The thought of ZEX never getting his own body again even for just a night even on the Institute's side ah it hurts#At least he'd finally have visual proof that it's Possible he never even saw Tanaka so for all he knows it was just another ''vision''#But of DAX <3 Of him getting his body back but turning on ZEX about it ough ♥ And the fallout!! Agh!!!#The setups the payoffs <3 <3 <3#I wrote a bit more for both scenarios actually - of DAX actually pointing a laser pistol at ZEX and threatening to kill him#Thus why ZEX is questioning him the next day - was that brainwashing or would you really do that??#ZEX of course wouldn't have flinched at the time - and DAX's motivation either way that this is a fate unbefitting of his Admiral#''He lowered his head feelers in a sympathetic way. 'I can hardly stand to watch you waste away in that form. If you would ask it of me...''#Weh ;;#Can you tell it's a bit inspired by We Do What is Necessary hehe <3#Which btw you've read right it's so good everyone needs to read it <3#Remind me to make a separate post about that one actually I had the oddest reread experience :3c Fascinating ✨#Anyhow lol#I actually like how I've written their next-day meetup after DAX returns to his senses more than I've drawn it hm :P#I think it's a specific line that sticks out to me - VUX communication through human bodies my beloved ;;♥#''He ran a hand down DAX's arm - a poor approximation of the gesture he was trying to emulate but he was sure DAX would understand.#They'd exchanged it enough times before.'' Hhhhhh ❤️💕💖💞💗 ;;/♥ I love them <3 <3#Also forehead touches and holding face and hands and jfdsalkfd the tenderness and loyalty aghhahgah <3#I really like the idea of VUX lacing fingers with each other as a kind of twining/head tendrils holding replacement ♥#The most intense one-eyed eye contact hehe <3
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what are your thoughts on jasico (jason x nico)? love your blog its so much fun!!!
hope you guys don't mind if I redirect you over to my main blog for questions like this! I'm happy to provide my input on this blog regarding things like the PJO fandom, the poll results, and the books themselves, but for my personal opinions on characters/ships, I think it's best they're reserved for my own blog. I'm so happy that you enjoy the polls, though!! - demigodpolls
#demigodsooc#if this is related to the fanfic collection I just want you guys to know that I'm a multishipper through and through#I have my fave pairings but I'm just not allegiant to anything#so don't worry about whether or not I might dislike the ships you submit fanfics about#I don't actively dislike anything unless it has an uncomfortable age gap#notwithstanding works where writers explicitly make age gaps more appropriate in their fanfics than they are in canon#but since I'm already blabbering in these tags I'll just answer your question here#I'm neutral about jason ships in particular because I just don't think someone with amnesia about their entire life should be dating at all#I just think that's a uniquely vulnerable situation and a new romance is not the answer especially as a teenager#which is not to say that an amnesiac should never date anyone ever but I feel like if a person wakes up in a hospital with total amnesia#it's dangerous to be getting into intense relationships mere weeks/months after the fact like I really think more recovery time is needed#or at least way more than jason was allotted in the books#however! I haaaaaaaaaate how rick went about breaking up jiper and I say that as someone who was never very interested in it to begin with#in fact I would put it on a top 5 Worst Writing Decisions Rick Ever Made In PJO list#but that's just my opinion#but anyways if I were to rank jason ships (again I neither like nor dislike any of them in a canon context)#jasico might be number two on the list c:#divider by @cafekitsune#jasico#sorry for talking about jiper way more than jasico lol I don't have too many thoughts on it? I see why people like it#honestly I'm just in a “I pretend I do not see it” relationship with the cupid chapters#I reread hoo yearly but I almost always skip those scenes because oof queer teen getting outed by a person who has power over them#just a wee bit triggering
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Song of the Day: February 23
“Inkpot Gods” by The Amazing Devil
#song of the day#'if I don't make it back from where I've gone / just know I loved you all along'#I'm setting up my queue for a more proper recommendation tomorrow but I've been rereading 'shoulder the sky' by Night_Fury#the whole series draws from various Amazing Devil lines for titles and such#'back then I was dauntless' is my favorite reworking of the Melidaan arc I've ever seen absolutely anywhere#and the title is a line from my favorite Amazing Devil song 'The Calling' but 'Inkpot Gods' is used to stunning effect in-story#and the beautiful refrain from the end of the song is playing in my head now as I keep going into the series#today was a deeply unpleasant day: the inevitable finally happened and Duncan cut himself doing his mudlarking#we'd been trying to schedule a preventative tetanus shot but several times we've gone in for the properly scheduled shot#and found out that they didn't actually have one in stock. unspeakably frustrating#and today we ran out of time for a preventative one. I woke up#(actually I woke up for work as he was going out for his walk but I got a migraine halfway through my morning meeting--no good--#and took the rest of the day off--turns out to have been a very good thing--and went back to sleep. so I woke up the second time)#to Duncan coming back from his walk with a sliced finger and the grody plastic-and-tin swan that had done the slicing#(picture of said swan under the cut because why not. it does look neat. can't see the sharp edge in the pic though it's underneath)#and so then we called the pharmacy and got the same automated 'of course you can have a tetanus shot' as ever so we made an appointment#and we got there and they did actually have a shot in stock this time! except that they weren't able to administer it#because now he's post-exposure that's a different shot and they aren't allowed. so we had to go to the urgent care instead#all told we spent about four hours out of the house on this mission but Duncan did get his shot and some bonus antibiotic goo for the cut#and it was worth it but also bleeeeeeegh it was miserable. which is where my recommendations do come in#when I tell y'all that I spent today reading Night_Fury's fics and also looking at valiants' CoD art and it saved me#whooo I mean it. being simultaneously stressed + bored is the nightmare state for me and instead I had wonderful things in my phone
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kp fandom is so funny tho. i’m of course not speaking for the entirety of the fandom, i’m not even fully speaking for myself here, cause i am interested in timetay dynamic, because unfortunately i love angst and suffering, but still. still even with this time is indeed my least favorite non-antagonistic character in kp, and def ranks lower than some antagonists as well
so again, kp fandom is very funny. cause in a story where kinn and vegas are the love interests provided, kp fandom looks at time and goes, no, this one is the one who truly sucks. its like the meme “i can excuse manipulating, lying, threatening, torturing, harassing, almost getting your so killed multiple times, but i draw the line at cheating”
and i don’t even DISAGREE, but it just struck me recently, and i was like, hey, shouldn’t he actually be considered the least terrible person here? cause as far as we know he just kinda chills. but no huh
(ps obviously torturing and threatening is sexy so jot that down)
#and then there is probably an element of#kinn and vegas actually regret their actions#where time doesn't seem to?#but also like idk#maybe his problem is that he doesn't kill people? maybe he should#i guess i've just being thinking#you know the usual intellectual thought processes#what makes a babygirl what makes a poor little meow meow#and why time isn't really one in the fandom#which also means that i'm in a dangerous territory called ''if you start thinking about a character - you start liking a character''#god why am i rereading this post afraid that i might have phrased something poorly and it can be misconstructed#and i need to overexplain everything#this is a website where we piss on the poor i'm fine#watching kp
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maybe i should just prep like 3 or 4 games recreationally. pretending that it’s in case i ever acquire a ‘group’ and wish to pitch them options. when in fact. i don’t enjoy optimism such as this
#box opener#tatterbox#maybe i'll write up a young wizards game too#i know i should try running it in fate accelerated in the sense that that's the classic kids doing hijinks and fighting evil setup#and i should be braver about leaving the d20-pbta bubble#but i just .... dislike the vibes. i dont want them#it feels. wibbly. and overly cute#especially since young wizards is sort of playing a group of fundamentally identical people who are specialized#rather than. uh. I'm the Prince of the Caravans and I have to Rescue My Brother which seems to be. the fate energy?#and you dont really do. duels.#i should stop doing pbtas but theyre easy and fun to customize and make sense in my brain with the units that action should be in#anyway. idk why i have to archive my pitiability here but i suppose someday i will be rereading my blog––#as you do––#and go 'oh hey. i had half a young wizards game that i could briefly regard.'#and that's its own reward.
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I read a book I really enjoyed (a new TSG retelling, no less!) in a few eager golollops whenever I had time today. It was refreshing not to be disappointed, and I love it when the reading experience is not just mildly pleasant but gripping.
One more workday and I get our one (1) spring break day. So ready for this.
#random personal stuff#and then tonight I was rereading a comic for screenshot purposes#realized an issue was the second of a two-parter and decided to track down the first#which was from a book I'm not familiar with#and lo and behold more infuriating 90s double standards#and now I want to yell but I'll spare you all that rant#anyway at this university students and faculty get a week off for spring break and staff get one (1) day#and I've never understood why#what are we open for if no one much is here#tomorrow will be more of a down day#my boss is ordering pizza and we're going to play games#which will be nice#goodness knows we could use something chill#(as long as the reference librarian doesn't make a big deal again about my 'always' winning games#- I don't know why it so deeply bothers this grown man that I win games sometimes but apparently it does *shrug*#and he feels the need to give me grief about it)#...sorry - that's all dull#good night I'm off to immerse myself in hot water after all the crouching by shelves today
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I wait for you
;Alex G
#alex’s diary#I knew there would be a day where we wouldn't be together anymore.. I just didn't think it would be that soon.#I'll never understand the ending of us. I'll never understand how it came to be. I'll never understand any of it#I wish they'd understand why I'm upset at them. The ending of us left me confused and lost. Wondering why did you go quiet on me#quiet on me without saying anything before closing the door?#I reread our text messages and I don't understand. How can I ever understand when you said these certain things to me?#To make me feel so loved and cared for and understood only for you to leave in a way.#While I'm trying to trick myself into believing that you still love me - I know you don't. not anymore.#You said you'd always love me.. but oh what a sweet lie that was you gave to me. I was stupid enough to fall for it.#I foolishly still hope that some small part of you still loves and misses me.#But incase you find yourself wanting to come back.. know I'll still be here.. waiting for you.#I meant it that day when I said I'll wait for you.#There will be a day where I've moved on.. but I'll still love you nonetheless.. I'll still find bits and pieces of me missing you#How can I move on after the things we've been through? I mean.. I know I will one day but today is not that day#I'm still lost and confused and upset.#I know I wasn't the best for the last few months we talked... but all I needed was help.. not from you obviously.. I just needed a therapis#Which I have found and she's helping me. but I wish you didn't have to walk away. I wish you didn't have to call me draining.#I'm sorry I was.. I wish I wasn't like that. Maybe if I was someone different you'd still be here.#I want to stop loving you so bad but I can't. it feels impossible to stop loving you. I hate it. Do you want the same but can't get it?#I know you once loved me so that should be enough.#I wish it was just me and you again. I wish it was just us. I miss when it was.#I hope wherever you go you find happiness and love. I hope you forever chase your dreams and that you catch them one day#I thank you for everything that you have given me.#I'm sorry we ended the way we did. I wish we didn't have to come to end.#But sometimes things must end for the world to become bigger. For us to follow a new path. For us to grow and blossom bigger than before#Just know. even though I'm upset and confused. I'll always love and miss you. and I'll wait for you.. I'll wait for you till we meet again#no matter how long it takes. I'll wait for you.#im sorry for everything.#I think I'll always miss you forever like the stars miss the sun in the morning sky
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oh it's so hard not to cringe at your own writing
#i think with old art i rarely have a cringe feeling towards it bcause i'm used to it and#i think some of my old stuff are actually better than my newer ones#but with writing i don't know what the hell i'm doing and rereading them makes me insecure as hell lmaoo#i guess because less practice=less confidence#but also these are stuff i've posted at one point which makes it more distressing. 'why did you ever think this was a good idea'#aafsfshsmfs
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my toxic trait is before i start a writing session i go and reread this one fic that is the most jaw-dropping piece of art ever written but is also for a ship that literally makes me gag
#not f1 related#for context i used to ship this ship and then i came to my senses but the writing and the style is jaw-droppingly good and i'm mad#i'm writing lestappen stick season fic and i know i want it to have a similar voice to this fic which is why i'm rereading it but it's pain#you all get one clue and it's 'Chelsea Hodson once said that suffering feels religious if you do it right'
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889 pages after the waterloo digression and he gives you this look:
Qu'on nous permette de recourir, pour la clarté du récit, au moyen simple déjà employé par nous pour Waterloo. (t. II, IV, 12, I, p. 438)
uh-oh. don't do it vicky! we just had 26 pages on the historical day 5 june 1832, we don't need another waterloo (70-page play-by-play commentary on a historical event in which our characters barely feature) on top of that!
Les personnes qui voudront se représenter d'une manière assez exacte les pâtés de maisons qui se dressaient à cette époque près la pointe Saint-Eustache, à l'angle nord-est des halles de Paris, où est aujourd'hui l'embouchure de la rue Rambuteau, n'ont qu'à se figurer, touchant la rue Saint-Denis par le sommet et par la base les halles, une N dont les deux jambages verticaux seraient la rue de la Grande-Truanderie et la rue de la Chanvrerie et dont la rue de la Petite-Truanderie ferait le jambage transversal. (ibid., pp. 438-439)
oh, so it was just a reference to his method of describing the relative locations of a bunch of streets by comparing them to a capital letter of the alphabet.
saying this, she casually threw a large cobblestone at la garde municipale.
#actually the last time he did this was when he was describing the streets around the convent. which was after waterloo#he loves using this device which is great for me because it actually helps!!! usually when i read written descriptions of relative#locations in space it does nothing for me. but apparently taking a bird's-eye view and tracing a giant letter over the top is#the secret sauce#the battlefield of waterloo was an A and the streets around the convent were a Y and now the streets around this barricade are an N#interesting that this time it's an N since usually in this book when he talks about the letter N he's talking about napoleon#maybe that's why he's specifically referencing his description of waterloo rather than his description of petit-picpus#les mis#lm 4.12.1#my posts#f#unfortunately while i do think i understand the location of these three streets and possibly how they relate to la rue Saint-Denis#i don't really understand where les halles are in all of this. and then he brings la rue du Cygne and la rue des Prêcheurs into it#and i'm like stop stop that's too many streets!!!#like i thought saint-denis was at the top of the N running perpendicular and les halles were doing the same thing at the bottom?#but then sometimes it sounds like les halles are on la rue saint-denis?#no wait i just reread that part and i think he's saying if you leave la rue saint-denis via la rue de la Chanvrerie eventually you will get#to les halles. so yeah they're on opposite sides of the N. still don't know what's up with la rue du cygne and la rue des prêcheurs though
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