#particularly their attitude toward doubt and sin

[karinyosa]

okay the website of my local church w the pride flags out front actually really slaps they have like 5000000 choirs and a page on their specific beliefs that is pretty slay actually, unfortunately for the part of my brain that thinks choosing to do this is insane for me

[allastoredeer]

I just had a hilarious thought I needed to share. After thinking about it, of all the Sins we've met so far, I'd be willing to bet that Alastor would hate Beelzebub the most! For multiple reasons!

First, she's a canid demon, already enough of a reason for Alastor to dislike her.

Second, Alastor has been described by Viv as a food snob, he doesn't like greasy processed food or sweets. And Bee is all about junk food! She sings a whole song about it! She and Alastor would surely bump heads in the kitchen.

Third, Alastor is all about hiding his emotions and being a mystery. A rather difficult task to accomplish when there's someone who can smell/taste emotions around! Alastor wouldn't be able to hide his true feelings about things from Bee! What's worse, Bee has little to no filter. So not only could she sniff out his true emotions, she could just as easily blab about what he's feeling to everyone! Which Alastor certainly wouldn't appreciate.

Forth, of all the Sins we've been introduced to so far, Bee seems the one least willing to take any shit. When Alastor and Lucifer started butting heads, the result was a musical dick measuring contest. When Millie bashed Fizz over the head with a guitar, all Ozzie did was kick her and Moxxie out of his club. When Blitzø roasted Mammon in front of a crowd of his fans, all Mam did was insult him and tell him to shut up.

When Loona started mouthing off to Beelzebub however, Bee went full beast-mode and was ready to throw down! Now, if Alastor (shit-talker extraordinaire with a nasty habit of biting off more than he can chew) were to try and pull the same shit with Bee that he pulled with Lucifer, she absolutely would not hesitate teaching him the definition of "fuck around and find out".

And finally, to add a dash of radioapple into the mix (bc ofc😏🤭) you just know that Beelzebub, aka Miss "Satan's like a brother to me, but I could totally still hit that", would be at least a little flirty towards all her fellow Sins. Including Lucifer. Imagine Bee's visiting Lucifer at the hotel, maybe for a Deadly Sin reunion or maybe she's just visiting by herself. And the whole time she's there, she's just being so affectionate towards Lucifer, picking him up and spinning him around, holding his face in her hands, nuzzling him cheek to cheek or nose to nose, giving him quick pecks on the cheek or forehead, running her hands through his hair, calling him cute nicknames and telling him how adorable he is. Just giving him so much verbal and physical affection that toes the line between flirty and platonic. And Lucifer, knowing that that's just how Bee is, thinks nothing of it. He just laughs it off, no big deal.

Meanwhile, Alastor is off to the side witnessing all this and is just seething.

Imagine she's doing it on purpose too! Like Alastor has already made an ass of himself and she's getting back at him by flirting with his "totally not" crush!

Without a doubt, Alastor would absolutely despise Bee!

Hm, I don't know if Bee's was necessarily about junk-food. Like, yes, she references a lot of junk-food, but I think it really was just a song about indulgence as a whole using sweets as a metaphor. I mean, food--especially junk food--is usually the first thing that comes to mind when someone thinks of gluttony. What I got from her song was just giving in to your desires, going all out, no inhibition.

Although, she does favor cotton-candy as the food she hands out, and Alastor definitely wouldn't eat that XD I love that he's a food snob and a rotten deer carcass counts as a high quality dish to him.

I would LOVE for Bee and Al to meet so she could pick up on his emotions, particularly his negative emotions regarding his deal. I want her to look at his smiling face, his care-free attitude, but sense massive amounts of stress from him. Just a big ball of negative emotions, especially surrounding the deal he's trapped in and how cornered and helpless he feels.

I don't think she would say something in front of everyone. (Making this radioapple ;] ) Like Bee did with Blitz, I think she would go to Lucifer about it, maybe because she knows him the most. She wouldn't go into too much detail, because that's Alastor's business, but she mention that she's sensing a lot of negative emotions from him and to check on him because he is definitely not doing well (I love how caring and sincere Bee is, shes one of my favorite Sins).

And I think if Alastor knows that Bee can sense emotions like that, he would try to avoid her at all costs.

But also, I know you said Bee doesn't put up with shit, but I think Bee would see Alastor's shit-talking as a challenge, also like she did with Blitz, and knowing Alastor, I know he would step up to that challenge (if its a drinking contest--not with Beezle-juice because that's WAY to potent for Sinners), he'll lose, but considering Alastor "drinks like a sailor" he lasts longer than she expects).

I don't know if Alastor would despise her, but I think he'd be intimidated by her ability to pick up on peoples real emotions, and considering how guarded he is about himself, I can see him doing everything in his power to avoid meeting her face to face.

[leavingthepcg]

Lifton's Eight Criteria helps to identify high control groups, or cults. The eight criteria include:

Milieu Control Perhaps the most important aspect of what makes a "high-demand group" is information and communication control. Members are often isolated from "outsiders", including outside sources not approved by leaders within the group, and family or friends that are not part of the group. Members are often made to "cut off" family and friends that are considered hostile toward the group.

Mystical Manipulation High-demand groups, particularly religious ones, will often use or manipulate events in order to further their message and bolster their doctrine. Examples of this are making prophecies or predictions that get repeatedly altered or forgotten about, or pointing to past predictions as being confirmed by a current event.

Demand for Purity Humans are flawed, and high demand groups exploit this fact by demanding perfection of their members. Sometimes, groups will even acknowledge that perfection is unachievable, but that individuals are perpetually at fault for being the only reason they cannot achieve it. This enhances feelings of guilt and shame, leading the member to feel as if the only way to improve themselves is to seek help from the group.

Confession High control groups exploit their members emotionally by having them "confess" supposed wrongdoings to another member or members. This makes the member vulnerable and constantly alert to their own and others' "sins". It is the promotion of hyper-policing of self and peers.

Sacred Science The group's ideology is held as the ultimate, capital-T "Truth"; it is the one standard by which all aspects of life must be measured. This often leads to science-denial, conspiracy-minded thinking, and isolating oneself based on the belief that others are unenlightened.

Loaded Language Members of cults will often reveal that they are a member of an in-group in the use of language. The group creates unique vocabulary, or changes/enhances the use of a term in order to create a doctrine of thought. This tactic helps to reform the member's thought process by embedding concepts into their minds that can be easily repeated and recognized through the repeated use of a simple phrase or word.

Doctrine Over Person Group belief is held as the ultimate "truth", trumping personal experience, beliefs, values, or reasoning. If the member feels or believes that something about the group is "off" or "untrue", they are taught to dismiss those thoughts and to internalize guilt about having "doubts".

Dispensing of Existence This describes the portion of thought control that creates an "us vs. them" attitude in the member. The member may be convinced that those outside the group are "sinful", "damned", "unenlightened", "ignorant", etc.

[abiezer-coppe]

I find it so interesting how although religion is entwined in politics today, in medieval and early modern europe religion *was* politics. I've been looking at Christian heretics recently, and how the different sects had ideas about God that challenged the way society was ordered and the power of the elites. The True Leveller's (AKA Diggers) founded in 1649 believed that they should be able to farm on common land (and did so while being chased from country to country by the authorities!), they believed in communal ownership rather than private ownership, and the interconnection between human's and nature. They were evicted constantly, imprisoned, attacked by Lords and the clergy who used their power to prevent local people helping them, and even rallied these people to destroy and attack the Diggers and their communes.

The Ranter's were another early modern Christian movement, although to call them a 'movement' might be a bit of an exagerration. Calling someone a Ranter seems to be the equivalent of calling someone a 'wokeist' today, derogatory and vague, but meaning someone who is radical, leftist and loud about it. Quakers and Baptists were particularly afraid of being called Ranters, and would attempt to distance themselves from how term by accusing others of ranterism, which seemed to only make it all the more sensationalist. There is a great essay called The Ranters by Ariel Hessayon I will link here which goes through how historian's through time have understood the Ranters. The section on J.C Davis' book is particularly interesting as he refers to the derogatory name 'Ranter' as less of the name of a sect or movement that can be defined, but ‘witness to some sort of social struggle rather than functioning as precise cognitive signifiers or markers’.

I will quote from Ariel Hessayon's essay, because I think he creates a very apt description of Ranter's beliefs:

"The term Ranter should therefore be used cautiously to indicate hostile yet shifting contemporary attitudes towards individuals who normally knew each other (usually through conventicles, Baptist congregations or as members of spiritual communities); believed themselves to have been liberated from, or passed beyond, the outward observance of gospel ordinances; maintained that all things sprang from God and that God was in all living things; espoused similar theological notions that were regarded as blasphemous, especially that sin was imaginary and that to the pure all things are pure; justified transgressive sexual behaviour, drunkenness and cursing through scriptural precedents and interpretations; demanded that Christians fulfil their charitable obligations by giving to the poor, sick and hungry; and enacted shocking gestures as prophetic warnings of the impending Day of Judgement.  While none of this was exclusive to the Ranters, and while there was no Ranter archetype that conformed precisely to all aspects of this characterisation, collectively it embodies the central features of their perceived ideas, outward conduct and self-fashioned identities."

I doubt the clergy or kings were happy with that. There were some figureheads who were known as 'Ranters', Laurence Clarkson, Abiezer Coppe (who I have named this blog after!), and Jacob Bothumley. I would write about them as I find them fascinating but I'm much too tired to do that right now, besides I am not a historian, only a person who enjoys history and wants ti share what I find interesting. Maybe some other time, then I will write about the medieval Christian mystics who I believe relate to this.

[that-starlit-wanderer]

Finished my currently reading!

The goal of this book was to examine political attitudes and orientations within late Byzantine society (from c. 1370 to the end of the empire) towards the Latins (i.e. Roman Catholics, and mostly Italians in this period) on the one hand and the Ottoman Turks on the other. The book examined the three remaining geographic areas still under Byzantine rule at the start of this period - Constantinople itself, Thessalonike, and the Despotate of the Morea located in the Peloponnese.

(Note that although all three of these places were ostensibly under the emperor's jurisdiction, I noted earlier that it seemed to me like Thessalonike and the Morea often seemed to be acting somewhat independently, whether out of necessity or otherwise. Different emperors also undertook lengthy journeys through western Europe in the 15th century trying to round up Latin support for the empire, without success, and this book didn't really explain who was running the empire during that period. It was certainly not a narrative history.)

The author's conclusion seems to be that, particularly in Constantinople and Thessalonike, the urban aristocracy and merchant classes all had strong ties to the Italian republics, which are well-documented in surviving primary sources, and that this led them to adopt a strongly pro-Latin orientation. Rural landowners tended to be more pragmatic, responding favorably in some cases to conciliatory Ottoman policies to those who were willing to work with the Turks and mostly interested in avoiding conflict that could ruin them financially. Ultimately this group of mostly seemed mostly concerned with their own financial well-being, which is not really that surprising.

The poorer people of the big cities, on the other hand, seemed to be much more in favor of surrendering to the Turks, openly clamoring for Thessalonike to surrender on several occasions. Again, this seems to have been partially motivated by Ottoman policies that were generally lenient and conciliatory to those who surrendered. There also seems to have been a strong element of anti-Catholic and/or anti-Italian sentiment among some parts of the poorer population that led them to abhor close ties with the Latins.

Finally, the only group that consistently took a stance which was both anti-Latin and anti-Ottoman were the Orthodox clerical and monastic establishment, who were just as opposed to making peace with the "infidel" as they were with the Catholic heretics. Their stance seemed to boil down to "God is punishing us for our sins and if we want to save the empire we need to pray really hard and everything will be fine." Fortunately no one in power seems to have listened to them much.

As for who was right, I think my initial belief that by 1370 it was already too little too late proved fairly accurate. The pro-Latin camp were asking for a miracle that no western European monarchs were interested in providing, and even if they were the history of crusades for the last 250 years suggests that they wouldn't have been able to help even if they'd wanted to. The pro-Ottoman camp was more realistic, but it's hard to believe that the Ottomans would have tolerated an independent Byzantine Empire any longer than they had to, no matter how enthusiastically they licked the sultan's boots.

So this was an interesting book that spent a lot of time with the surviving primary sources. I enjoyed it, I doubt casual history readers would. At some point I think I would definitely benefit from a more narrative history of the later (post-1204) Byzantines, and the century from ~1270-1370 in particular is kind of a blank for me tbh.

[goddesswritings]

Sins of Lovers - Colby Brock | Part One

Title: Sins of Lovers – Part One

Pairing: Colby Brock x Reader

Summary: Y/n has had a crush on Colby since middle school and now it’s ten years later when he comes back into her life. He’s back in the most unexpected way and the most unexpected of things happens between the two of them.

Word Count: 4.8 k

Warnings: Cheating parents, divorce, bullying, horrible parenting, moody Colby. 

This is an old fic that I think fits Colby. Enjoy.

MASTERLIST

********

Colby Brock. A guy that had been your crush since eighth grade, when he’d moved to town. There was something about him that called you back to him time and time again. He was a kind soul with a passion for life. He was someone you felt you could get along with.

But his whole attitude changed when the two of you started high school. He quickly became cold and rude. Quickly climbing the social ladder to join ranks with the most popular students in the school. These were the same people who bullied you and your friends.

It should have ended your crush on him, but it didn’t. The crush only seemed to grow as you watched him from afar. You would catch glimpses of the old him from time to time, which gave you hope that he was still in there.

Sophomore year, his attitude worsened, and he grew meaner to the people around him. News got around that his parents had divorced because his dad had been having an affair behind his mother’s back. It was also known she left town and now he was stuck with his father. He began to join in on the bullying, proving his new standing in school. During this time, you still watched him and searched for glimpses of the old Colby. They were becoming far and few.

Junior year, he started dating Paige Marcus, the IT girl of the school. All the boys wanted her and most of the girls wanted to be her. She was your personal tormentor and she had been for years. She’d taken a dislike to you in fourth grade, when you got the lead in the class play that year. That girl hated you more than anyone thought was possible.

It was a real heartbreak the first time you’d seen Colby and Paige walking hand in hand down the hallway. Your smile had faded, and you wanted to just cry. All over a boy who had never taken a notice to you. Especially because you were just some nerdy girl and he was now popular.

One day, you had been late to school, so you had to rush to get to class. As you ran through the hallway to get to class in time. You ran into Colby, literally. You collided hard with his built form, falling onto your ass.

Colby just simply looked down at you and laughed. “You should watch where you’re going, nerd.” He growled when anger flashed through his eyes.

Paige was hanging on his arm and glaring at you, as per usual. “Yeah loser, you really should watch where you’re going. My boyfriend didn’t need to be inconvenienced by you.” What was she? Colby’s parrot?

Paige laughed and kicked my books across the hallway. Colby laughed along with her, and pain flashed through my chest. “There better not be a next time.” He grumbled before stepping over you and walking away with Paige beside him.

Tears welled up in your eyes, misting up your glasses. You had been so embarrassed that day. You’d hoped it would end your crush on him, but it didn’t.

Senior year, Paige set out to personally destroy you at every chance she got. Colby was by her side each time, laughing along with her. That year was absolute hell for you. There was no escape from Paige’s wrath.

The worst day nearly broke you.

It was the middle of January and it had just snowed, making the town a frosty wasteland. There was a fire drill shortly after third period began and everyone was ushered out to the cold.

You stood with your class minding your own business when Paige approached you, dragging you from the other students. You’d struggled against her, not knowing why she had pulled you away.

“What do you want?” You asked while her nails dug into your arm.

“Just teaching you a lesson.” She said as you stopped next to a huge frozen snow bank.

“Why do you have to do this to me, Paige?” You questioned when she stole your glasses from your face. “No, give those back.” You attempted to reach for them, but the blurriness had taken over. As you were about to grab them, she threw them to her friend, Cassie. So you moved to get them from her, but she was keeping you from being able to retrieve them.

“Give me my glasses!” Your voice was loud because you were angry the snickering bitches had stolen them from you.

Suddenly, Cassie dropped them to the ground and stepped on them. A crunch could be heard as she ruined your chance for clear vision.

“Oops, my bad.” Cassie spoke while she continued to wreck your glasses.

“Stop! Why are you doing this?” Tears had begun to gather in your already blurry eyes.

“Oh look, we have a cry baby on our hands.” Paige taunted before pushing you towards the ground.

Your left hand went out to catch you, making contact with the frozen ground before your body weight came crashing down onto it. A sharp pain shot through your wrist, making you cry out as the pain hit. Paige and Cassie were just cracking up the whole time.

The world was blurry around you as you lifted your hand from the ground. Pain radiated through your arm, starting from your wrist.

“What are you guys doing?” A familiar voice cut through the two girls’ laughter. It was Colby and you were afraid he was here to join in on the torture.

“Oh baby, we were just teaching Y/n a lesson.” Paige answered in a supposedly sweet voice, but anyone could hear the venom hidden in her words.

“By breaking her glasses and hurting her?” He suddenly sounded mad.

“It’s just a joke.” Paige tried to sound like it wasn’t as big problem.

“Hurting people isn’t a joke, Paige!” He was yelling now. Then he was beside you, bending down to your level. “Are you okay, Y/n?” You couldn’t really see him all that clearly, but you could tell he was looking at the wrist you were clutching to your chest.

“No, it hurts a lot.” You whimpered as the pain continued to shoot through your arm.

“Okay, let’s get you to the nurse.” He was gentle as he helped you up from the ground.

“Why are you helping her?” Paige was now frustrated.

“She needs help.” He stated as he bent down to pick up your broken glasses from the ground.

“She’s not one of us, Colby, just leave her alone.”

“No, get out of the way.” He pushed by her and Cassie while leading you towards the school. The fire drill was over at this point.

It was quiet between the two of you as he led you through the hallway full of students who were headed back to class.

“Thank you for helping me.” You said to Colby, in a soft voice.

“Don’t mention it. Paige is a bitch a she needs to be put in her place.” He spoke as you walked into the nurses office. Once again, you had seen a glimpse of the old Colby which only proved to you that he was still in there.

You ended up having to go to the hospital, much to your mothers dismay. It was a serious inconvenience for her to leave work to take you to the hospital. She practically yelled the whole drive there. Your broken glasses were another yelling point for her. At the hospital, it was determined your wrist had been broken, which only angered her further. Not that any of it had been your fault, but she claimed you’d been the one to evoke the girls in the first place. Your mother and you weren’t particularly close.

After that incident, Paige and Colby had called it quits and Paige blamed you, of course. The rest of your senior year was pure hell for you, thanks to Paige and her friends.

You were more than happy to get away from there, luckily. You had received a scholarship to a college three hours away and your father’s house was twenty minutes from it, so you stayed with him. College was lonely for you, though. Because you weren’t all that great at making new friends and your father was always away for work, or on vacation with his new wife. A wife who didn’t like you much either.

Throughout it all, your crush on Colby never once faded. You didn’t know if it ever would.

****

10 years from the time you first began to like Colby, you were returning back to your mother’s house. You’d graduated from college and found a job close to her place, and thankfully she was letting you come back. You promised yourself you wouldn’t be there long before you found a place for yourself. You couldn’t help but to feel nervous about being back at her home. It would bring back memories of high school and Colby, but you highly doubted that he still lived in town.

You pulled into your mother’s driveway, staring at the sage green house in front of you. You’d grown up in this house. Your father had once lived in this house with you. The house held so many memories for you. Good and bad.

Sighing, you finally got out of the car and grabbed your bags from the back. You slowly made your way to the front door and let yourself into the house. Immediately, the aroma of cooking food filled your nostrils. Odd. Your mother hated to cook. You put your bags by the stairs and went to the kitchen. You found your mother standing in front of the stove wearing a blue dress. She never wore dresses.

“Hi mom.” You said getting her attention.

She turned around with a huge smile. “Hello honey. How was the drive back?” She had abandoned the stove to pull you into a hug.

“The drive was fine. What are you dressed up for?”

“Oh honey, I’m so excited. I’ve been seeing this man for a few months now and I’ve invited him and his son to dinner to welcome you home.”

This surprised you. Your mother had never successfully dated since your father left her.

“Yes okay, wow. Congrats mom. I look forward to meeting them.” You honestly were.

“I think you will like him, and his son is about your age and just a sweet young man.”

“Well I’m happy for you.”

“Thank you baby. You should go get settled in. They will be here in about an hour.” She then sent you off towards the stairs. The person you were just talking to was definitely not the person she was before you left for college. You purposely didn’t come home to visit all that often because you were afraid of who you would come home to.

After a quick shower, you sat at your counter to do your makeup. You were happy that you no longer had to wear glasses, because two years ago, your dad had gifted you laser surgery as a sorry for never being around. He still wasn’t around after that though, but you learned to expect that from him. After he left, you weren’t really much of a thought in his head.

You decided on a nice purple dress of yours and a pair of flat black booties for your feet and left your room. When you were halfway down the stairs, the doorbell went off.

“Y/n, could you get that?” Your mother asked from the kitchen.

“Yes.” You said, stopping in front of the door.

You flung open the door, instantly panicking as you saw who was on the other side. Colby Brock beside an older man, that must be his father. Your mom was dating his dad.

“Hello, come on in.” You moved out of the way so they could enter the house. Colby’s eyes were glued to you, which sent chills through your body. Oh god, tonight was going to be hell.

Your mother exited the kitchen and pulled Colby’s dad into a kiss. You grimaced and turned away from the scene. “Y/n sweetie, I want you to meet John Brock and his son Colby.” She introduced the men to you.

“I went to high school with Colby.” Colby was way hotter than you remember him being. He was sexy, tall, and muscular. He had this really sexy dyed blue hair upon his head. The man was perfect.

“Oh really? Do you remember her being so clumsy in high school? Her senior year, she broke both her glasses and wrist all in one day.” Your mother’s words made you blush in pure embarrassment.

“If I remember correctly, Y/n had her glasses stolen before she was pushed into a snowbank. So it wasn’t her fault.” Colby defended you, shocking you.

“Oh, looks like you had a friend in high school, Y/n.” You face grew red now.

“I think dinner is done. I’m going to go set the table.” You quickly dismissed yourself and ran off to the kitchen to grab the plates and silverware. You desperately hoped your mom wasn’t going to keep embarrassing you throughout dinner.

You were setting up the plates when your mother entered the room, followed by Colby and his father. You idly wondered if Colby had a girlfriend.  He had to have a girlfriend with how sexy he was.

“Thank you, Y/n. Can you grab the food for us?” She questioned while already being seated next to John.

“I’ll help you.” Colby said while following you into the kitchen. “How are you doing, Y/n?” He questioned.

You pulled the food from the oven and set it on the stove. “I’m alright. Not too thrilled to be back at my moms, but it’s okay.”

“I know what you mean. Living with my dad is hard. But I haven’t seen him much since he’s been seeing your mom.”

You began to put the other food into bowls for the two of you to carry. “How long have they been dating?” Your mother never said a length of time, only that she was dating someone.

“I’m not too sure, but I know it’s been over six months.”

“She kept it a secret from me.” You concluded. To be honest, it hurt that she kept something that big from you.

“My dad is the same, but he’s been that way all my life. I found out about his affair from someone at school. So that should tell you everything you need to know.”

That was rough. “I’m sorry, Colby.”

He just shrugged. “I’m over it now.” But you didn’t know if he was, but you weren’t going to push him.

The both of you carried the food into the dining room, where your mom and his dad were deep in conversation. The two of them looked up when you entered the room. You placed the food onto the table and took your seats, which happened to be right next to each other. Your mom and his dad were on one side and you and Colby were on the other.

You were still in shock that your crush was right here in front of you. You were double shocked that your mom was dating his dad. How in the world did that happen?

“It’s good to have you home, Y/n.” Your mom said as you started to plate the food.

“Thanks mom. It’s good to be home.” You didn’t know how truthful she was being though because the two of you haven’t gotten along for all of your life. She’s blamed you for your dad leaving and treated you like crap for it.

Dinner went on like that, with idle conversation and moments of silence. Truth be told, it was awkward as hell. You kept stealing glances at Colby, to find him pushing his food around before he would glance your way as well. You would always look away while a light blush appeared on your face.

“Alright kids, now that we have finished dinner, we wanted to talk to you about something.” John said once all the plates had been cleared.

“Sure.” Colby said, while you just nodded.

“We wanted to take a family vacation, so we can get to know each other’s family. So we booked a vacation to Boca Raton for a week.” Your mom said catching the two of you off guard.

“Oh, okay. But you know I have a job to start, right?” You stated.

“Yes sweetie, I know your job doesn’t start until next month and we leave in two days.”

“Great.” Colby’s voice was void of emotions. Like you, he wasn’t thrilled about your parents attempts to mesh the families together.

“You don’t sound too thrilled about this, Colby.” John noticed.

“I’m not. I’m being forced to get to know your new girlfriend and her daughter when I would rather not be involved. It’s not going to go anywhere, just liked the rest of them. You will probably cheat again.”

His words were harsh, but you could definitely see where he was coming from. But you couldn’t help but feel he had a dislike for you simply because your mom was dating his dad.

“That’s where you are wrong. I love Susanne and we are going to make this work whether you like it or not.” John was defensive against his moody son.

“Whatever you say. Are we finished here? I have somewhere to be.” He pushed his chair from the table and got up.

“I’m sorry, Sue, I don’t know where he got the attitude from. I promise he will be better on the trip.” You just rolled my eyes and stood up and started gathering the empty plates. Your mother followed John and Colby out while you started to clean up.

You were washing the dishes, when your mother entered the kitchen behind you.

“So Y/n, did you like John?” She questioned while you glanced over at her.

“I don’t know him enough to know whether I do or not.” You said truthfully.

“Well you should like him. He makes me happy and I’m in love with him.”

A sick feeling formed in your stomach.

“How long have you two been dating?” You needed to know how long she kept it a secret from you.

“Ten months.”

“You kept it a secret from me for 10 months!” You raised your voice as the anger took over. You put the sponge down and turned to face her.

“Yes, we didn’t talk much, and I didn’t think it was that big of a thing to keep from you. Besides, you were busy with college and whatever else you were doing at your fathers, I didn’t want to bother you.”

Her excuse was pure bullshit to you. “Save the shitty excuse and admit you didn’t think about telling me.” You growled turning away from her.

“What? No honey, why would you think that. You’re my daughter and you mean a lot to me.”

Once again you faced her, “I mean a lot to you? That’s a fucking lie. You blamed me all my life for my father leaving you, but you didn’t stop to think about that fact that he left me too. You made my life hell because you weren’t happy with yours. What kind of mother does that?”

She just laughed it off. “You’re overexaggerating it. Now finish the dishes, I’m going to relax.” Before you could say another word, she was out the door.

****

Two days later, you were sitting in an airport, with Colby beside you and both your parents in some seats across from you. Both of you were equally unhappy to be here, while both parents acted like lovebirds. It was honestly gross to watch.

“Holy fuck, do they ever stop.” You groaned, taking your eyes away from them.

“Nope, they are constantly all over each other.” Colby stated looking down at his phone. “You seem angry.” He noticed.

“I am.” You grumbled, thinking about the conversation you had with your mother the other day. Like always, she managed to make you feel like shit instead of acknowledging her wrong doings.

“What did she do?” His focus was now strictly on you.

“She didn’t think telling me about her new boyfriend was important. She practically admitted to forgetting I existed once I was out of the house. Growing up with her as my mother was hell and she has never once apologized for the shit she did to me. For years, she blamed me for her and my fathers divorce. I was 4 when they divorced.” You said making sure your voice was low, so she wouldn’t hear it.

Colby was silent for a little while. “That’s horrible. What kind of mother blames their child for a divorce?”

“Mine apparently. Now she wants to suddenly act like it didn’t happen.”

“Well I think that’s bullshit. I can see right through them, you know. They are just using each other for company. My father has never been able to be faithful, every woman he has dated were all just an excuse to have some fun. He also resents my mom for moving on from him and marrying someone whose better to her.”

“That’s fucked.”

“You’re telling me. My father is immune to commitment.”

“We have some fucked up parents.” He nodded and sent a glare to both your parents who were giggling to themselves.

The flight was called shortly after that, so the two of you followed your parents onto the plane. Colby and you were going to be sitting next to complete strangers, while your parents snuggled up together. It was not fun. Your flight was annoying, because the middle-aged man beside you kept checking you out and trying to talk to you, despite you politely telling him you weren’t interested in conversing. It was complete hell.

Arriving in Boca Raton was a godsend because you couldn’t stand being next to this guy anymore. The last half hour of the flight, he spent it trying to guess your name and persuade your number out of you. You were seconds away from punching him, but luckily the plane landed, and you were able to get out of there quickly. Colby sent you a look as you exited the plane, you just grumbled under your breath.

“Well that flight was wonderful, wasn’t it kids?” Your mother asked as John waited for the luggage to come around.

“Fuck no. That was the worst flight I have ever taken.” You said, holding your anger back.

“Oh sweetie, lighten up. We’re on vacation.” Her words sparked even more anger.

“The old guy next to me kept hitting on me and wouldn’t shut the fuck up the whole flight.”

“Watch your language.” Was all she said before she strolled up to stand beside John.

Colby just chuckled from beside you. You sent him a glare and walked away from the group. You didn’t want to be here with them. You didn’t want to spend a whole week with your mom and her boyfriend that you knew nothing about. You didn’t want to spend the whole week pining over Colby when you knew he would never like you the way you liked him. He and you were still in completely different circles and he liked his women blonde and gorgeous. You were anything but that. Okay maybe you’re pretty, but you still thought of yourself as the nerd from high school and you didn’t doubt he did as well.

John and your mother ushered all of you to a rental car, and you were off to the hotel. Colby and you were in the back, silently sitting beside each other. He was on his phone, probably talking to a girlfriend or something.

“Oh, I almost forgot. John upgraded his and I’s room to a suite, but you and Colby will be sharing a regular room.” Your mother said with a huge smile on her face.

“That’s great.” Colby grumbled from beside you, voicing your thoughts out loud.

“Don’t sound so sad. It will be good for you to get to know each other.” John stated sternly, showing authority over Colby.

“Sure, whatever.” Colby said under his breath. you hid your smirk from his words. He nudged your side when he saw that.

You were nervous as hell now. You would be sharing a room with Colby. The man you’ve had a crush on for nearly 10 years. This was going to be one hell of an experience; you were sure of it.

The car pulled up to the hotel, which was this huge building that looked like it had been here for a while. It was beautiful and right on the beach as well. It was surely a resort and perhaps it wouldn’t be a horrible place to stay. But your nerves were still on edge about this whole vacation. Your moms attachment to Colby’s dad scared you.

Colby and you were given the keycards to the room before your parents left both of you alone to fend for yourselves. Honestly, their behavior was disgusting to you.

“Let’s get to our room I guess.” Colby grumbled, picking up his suitcase and heading towards the elevators in the opposite direction of where our parents had gone. You quickly grabbed yours and followed after him.

The two of you stepped into a gold-plated elevator and he hit the eighth floor, where your room was located. You felt like he was resenting you, because he would have to spend the whole week with you.

“I’m sorry that you have to stay with me.” You mumbled as the elevator moved up floor by floor.

The angry scowl left his face as he glanced towards you. “No, I don’t mind staying with you. I’m mad at our parents for just springing all of this onto us last minute.”

You let out a sigh of relief when he said this. You really thought he hated you or something.

“Oh, I thought you hated me.” You admitted while looking towards the carpeted floor of the elevator.

“I don’t hate you, Y/n. I haven’t ever really hated you, even when I was dating Paige.” His words surprised you.

“Really? Then why was I treated like crap when you dated her?” There was no way he didn’t hate you then.

“Because Paige was always a huge bitch and blackmailed me into treating you that way.”

“Oh, well it’s okay then.”

He shook his head. “It’s not okay at all really. I should have never done some of the things I have done. But I was horrible in high school after my parents’ divorce.”

“Well it’s good to know you didn’t and don’t hate me. Also, don’t blame yourself for the way you acted as a result of the divorce. It was traumatic to you and you only did what helped you feel better.”

“I guess so. I wish I could take so much back.”

“That’s impossible, but you can continue to be a better person from now into the future.” It wasn’t good that he was beating himself up over the past.

He sent you a kind smile. “You’re right. Thank you for that, Y/n.”

You sent him a smile as well. “No problem. Now, should we get this vacation started?” You questioned as the two of you stopped in front of the door to the room.

Colby opened the door and the two of you entered the room. It was a surprisingly nice room for it being a regular room. There was two queen sized beds, covered in crème sheets and comfy looking pillows. There was a decently sized sitting area with a nice flat screen TV. The bathroom was gorgeous, with a huge, jetted tub and a beautiful walk-in shower. The best part was the private balcony we had that overlooked the beautiful blue ocean. Staying here wasn’t going to be so bad.

“This is way nicer than I expected.” He spoke your thoughts.

“Yes, I agree. But this is an upscale hotel.” You stated as you set your bags down on one of the two beds. The beds looked so comfy, you wanted to just take a nap at the moment.

“True.” He answered when his phone went off. He was silent as he checked it. “Our parents want us to meet up in the Lobby at 7 for dinner.” His voice was flat when he mentioned the parents.

“Oh great. Well, that means there’s time for a nap.” You moved your bags from the bed and pulled your shoes off. You pulled back the covers and got into the comfy bed. Your body was in bliss the minute you laid down on the bed. It was absolutely perfect. Your eyes grew heavy as soon as your head hit the pillow. The nap was much needed.

PART TWO >>

[dreamkidddream]

I really enjoyed your writing on the ADA members with a younger sibling like partner <33 I was wondering if you could write the same scenario but with Chuuya and Fyodor? Except the younger partner in question has a rough past and cheery/joking personality similar to Dazai(?) I'm super excited to see more of your writing!! c:

Hi anon! Thank you for the compliment and for reading (here’s the scenario for those that want to read it)! The only difference is that instead of this reader being pure, they’re going to be like a mini Dazai (or at least similar to him). One change that I did make was that Reader isn’t as suicidal as Dazai (ie. constantly trying to find a way to end their life), but Reader is ready to go whenever and wherever, whether it’s on their terms or not. Reader is gender neutral and hope you enjoy!

Also ayyyeeee my first time writing for Fyodor! Hope I did him justice cause his part took a while lol

TW: Mentions of suicide, dark moments (Reader is a bit sadistic, but nothing graphic is mentioned) small spoilers for Dark Era arc and Season 3

Acting as a Younger Sibling with a Rough Past and Personality Similar to Dazai with: Chuuya and Fyodor

Chuuya

Well he was extremely disturbed to say the least. Okay extremely may be over exaggerating, but the way you acted got underneath his skin bad

You reminded him too much of Dazai, minus the suicide attempts and the animosity towards him. Although that didn’t stop the morbid jokes from happening

“Hey Chu-Chu, what did the librarian say to the guy that wanted to check out a book on how to commit suicide?”

“How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that!-“

“Go away, you’re not going to bring it back. HA! A knee slapper, am I right?”

He wondered if Dazai got to you first like he did Akutagawa, and if he did, that was just another reason to strangle him

You were his partner, and you were young. So seeing the way you interacted with everyone and everything with such a pessimistic attitude while still being cheery was alarming

Not to mention how easy it is for you to just readily accept death at every turn. You’re the literal embodiment of “guess I’ll die” and it drives Chuuya up the wall every time

He remembers the one time an enemy held you hostage how you were so cheerful to finally be rid of this joke you called a life, and that you told the guy who was holding a gun to your head to “put it between the eyes, it looks 10x better that way.” And “don’t be afraid to blow my brains out either! But you do you, but I think it’s a rather stylistic choice if I do say so myself.”

The man thought you were trying to distract him at first, but when he figured out that you were serious he honestly got so nervous he was ready to just let you go and suggest therapy lmao

After he handled the situation, he took you directly under his wing. Sure, you were already his partner, but he was really going to look out for you including outside of work. If it meant that he had to “babysit” you, then oh well

Plus he didn’t want to face Mori if he just let you die while under his care

You realized what he was trying to do when you two would go off to “collect information” and would be doing the complete opposite. “Hey, I’m kinda hungry, let’s take a break and grab a bite to eat.”

“I thought we had to get this info back to Mori ASAP. Not that I care if he’s mad, he’s been holding out on me and this is the perfect way to take revenge.”

“Holding out how?”

“I told him that since he’s a doctor he would be the perfect teacher to show me some new techniques.”

“...on?”

“Torturing, duh! My methods are getting kinda stale, and I do want to perfect my craft after all. I want to be good at something before I kick the bucket, Chu.”

Poor man is honestly in so much distress because of you please help him

And the way you interacted with the other members was both entertaining and horrifying to watch at times. Majority of the time, you were this happy go lucky kid with a dark sense of humor (you still made people smile, although sometimes it was tense or apprehensive, but whatever a smile is still a smile). But when you were having a bad day or a mission was going wrong, everyone knew to steer clear of you.

A new recruit tried to cheer you up one day, telling you that “it could always be worse”. You then got pulled into the office with a very angry Chuuya and a mildly disappointed Mori.

Chuuya finally had enough after months of this occurred. It was like a never ending cycle: except your behavior was getting increasingly more reckless and dangerous. It was driving him crazy trying to figure out why you were this way and if it was any way to snap you out of it

He wasn’t a stranger to death, he’s seen it with his own two eyes, end even killed people with his bare hands. But the huge difference between you two is that he didn’t particularly enjoy killing, if it had to be done then he had no problems doing so; it comes with the job y’know? But with you, you took actual pleasure in killing. It filled you with a sick sense of glee, and it even made his stomach turn

The bond between you two grew from just a typical work relationship (as far as working in the mafia goes). He knew that from underneath your rather concerning persona, you were just troubled. Someone or something made you this way, and while he had his own troubles growing up, he was able to deal with it and overcome his issues. It just seemed like you just...gave in to yours. And it made him feel pity for you.

You didn’t mind Chuuya at all. You actually liked being his partner! He was pretty much the only person that you didn’t feel a need to harm or kill. And he was fun to be around, when he wasn’t being such a party pooper (I mean what’s the point of being in the mafia when you can’t purposely spill some blood every now and then for fun?). The only thing you didn’t like was how he would try and get you to talk about your past. You honestly didn’t see a point in it, it’s called the past for a reason, why didn’t he understand that?!

But no matter how many times you would shut down or try to change the subject, he would always try again, and again, and again. It was very annoying. And you didn’t like to talk about it. Why didn’t Chuuya understand that?!

Eventually, his pestering worked. One day after a rough mission when he had to patch you up, you opened up to him. You didn’t immediately tell him everything, but you gave him small insights to what happened, to what lead you to be this way

You could tell that he was grateful that he was finally getting somewhere with you. And you yourself was surprised that your dynamic didn’t change. He didn’t look at you with sympathy in his eyes, he didn’t baby you, he wasn’t disgusted by you, everything was normal. The only difference is that Chuuya told you that it was okay to talk to him, and that you shouldn’t be scared to approach him (psh you scared, yeah okay)

Chuuya felt like a weight lifted off his shoulders once you opened up. You were still a bit sadistic (but you did tone it back after the recruit incident, and after you saw how repulsed he looked, so you just did everything behind closed doors now) and had your cheery persona on, but it felt a little bit more real now. It felt genuine. It gave him a good feeling to see some spark in your eyes instead of the full he felt himself getting used to. And he would never say it to you, but it also gave him a warm feeling with him being your role model (you knew but didn’t want to burst his bubble yet)

Your change wasn’t very noticeable at first, but that’s okay. No one needed to know, it was fine with just you and Chuuya. You still felt the desire to just be done with life, but it wasn’t your focus whenever you were with him. You hadn’t made peace with your past yet, but you felt you could one day with him by your side. He was someone that you didn’t knew you needed (or wanted to admit to), but it worked out in the end. You had doubts that you could or would ever change, but if you did, growing to be someone like Chuuya would’nt be the worst possible outcome

Plus, whenever he did run into Dazai with his new sidekick, he is 10000% bragging about how much better and cooler you are, with him being the superior between them both. He can’t WAIT till you guys can whoop their ass

Fyodor

Well weren’t you such an interesting character

To see someone as young as you ready to just leave this world in an abrupt way was intriguing, and he realized that he could use this to his advantage. Maybe even give you something to gain in exchange

He found you hiding inside a disgusting abandoned building (a fitting place for a rat if he would say so himself), drenched in blood. Fyodor didn’t necessarily care why, but he was curious about one thing: why were you smiling? Your eyes were so lifeless, yet here you were smiling so bright, as if you weren’t covered in someone’s blood

Fyodor found himself smiling down at you. Did you think he was prey, that he was going to be your next target? He wanted you to try, he wanted to see what you were really capable of

“Tell me, what is going to be your next move? Do you wish to attack me?”

“If you do something that I don’t like, then yes, that’s the plan. Why are you here Mister? You wanna have some fun too?”, your smile turned into a smirk, twirling your very sharp knife in your hand. “You’re not even from here, so why are you trying to bother such an innocent kid like me?”

He matched your smirk, “You are from innocent, child, even a blind man can see that. To see just how full of sin you are. This wasn’t your first atrocity that you committed nor would it be your last. Which is a shame, it might be too late for me to cleanse you of your filth.”

Oh, he was going to be very amusing to mess with. But you weren’t stupid. Something wasn’t right with this man. No one would walk up to someone with copious amounts of blood on them, holding a weapon that caused said blood, while berating them about being “full of sin”. What was his ability? Did he have people with him? Was the building surrounded or booby trapped? These questions swirled around your head, all while he just kept smirking at you. He was pissing you off, who the hell did he think he was?

But you kept your anger at bay, plastering a cheerful smile on your face. “Sin? Cleanse me of my filth? I guess I do kinda stink but who exactly do you think you are, some type of God?”

“That’s exactly what I am. I’m here to free this world from this wretched curse that has been brought upon.”

...huh? Did-did he escape from the asylum or something? Did he seriously believe himself to be a God (not even a prophet but an actual God)? Seeing your confusion, he continued on, “The curse of ability users. They plague this Earth, and they need to be eliminated.”

“Why is that? What’s wrong with having abilities? Hellooooo, some people’s abilities are actually pretty cool! If you just have a terrible ability, it’s your problem, not the world-“

“Why not let me show you why it’s indeed a curse?”

“And how would you do that? You must be crazy if you think I’m going anywhere with you. I may be dangerous but I’m not dumb!”

“You poor, misguided soul.”, he tutted at you. “Look at where you have ended up at. These people with these so called “cool abilities” have failed you, have they not? Yet you still idolize them, not believing that they are the reason for your misfortunes. If they were truly your idols, they wouldn’t have left you to fend for yourself, to live among the rats. They left you to rot, do you not see that?”

He was hitting too close to home, he was getting too personal, too close. He didn’t know you at all, you’re a complete stranger to him, but why did his words hold some truth to them?

“Come with me, and I will prove to you first hand why this has to be done.”, he was now physically close to you, staring you deep into your eyes. “It would be such a waste for you to die without knowing the truth, wouldn’t you agree?”

You didn’t have much, he wasn’t wrong. But if he could take you somewhere with real food and not scraps you had to fight to find, and to have real shelter, then fine. You agreed. And if you felt that something was up, you’ll just kill him, run away, or both

After he took you away, he kept to his word. It seemed like he was really was telling the truth, you getting first-hand experience like he promised. It was scary that he was right, but you were also indebted to him. He not only allowed you to live in luxury (at least it was luxury to you considering what you had before), but he opened your eyes to what the true problem is. He gave your life a new purpose. If you two were able to successfully complete his goal, then your problems would be gone forever right? You would finally be able to feel a sense of peace, and you can’t wait till that could happen

You and Fyodor, after he opened your eyes, bonded easier than in the beginning. You were smart enough to not fully trust him after leaving with him, but after just a couple of pulled strings to cause certain things to happen, you slowly melted and molded into the way that he planned. You would be an excellent pawn in his grand plan, and you would do well in keeping him entertained at the same time

You were a joyful child, even when carrying out his dirty work, you did so gleefully. After joining the Rats in the House of the Dead, you tried to spread that joy among the other members. They didn’t find it very amusing, but you didn’t care and neither did Fyodor. You were far too important to let go of now

You were always by him, it seemed. Always in the same space, whether he was planning his next move, and playing the cello, you were always there with this look of awe directed at him. Every time he would catch you staring, he would simply chuckle and softly reprimand you about, “how rude it is to stare, but you simply can’t help it.”

He even taught you how to play the cello!

You sounded terrible but practice makes perfect

As time went on and the end goal seeming to be closing in, he came to see you as more than just an expendable tool. He found out about your past, but simply proved to you once again why you two had to make sure the curse was ridden as soon as possible. No one wanted a repeat of what happened to you to happen to anyone else, so the mission had to be success. Failure was not an option

Fyodor didn’t see himself as a cruel man towards you. He just didn’t mince his words and he made sure that you were dealing with the truth, and not some lie that was attempted to be twisted as reality. If anything, that was the way that he showed that he held some compassion for you, he wasn’t willing to let you be lead astray from the truth again, not while he was here. You had somehow wiggled your way into his mind, where he had been accepting of your close bond, and he took that into consideration

Once his goal is achieved and he has truly made his place known as a God, he’ll make sure that you gain your rightful place among him as well. You were worthy in Fyodor’s eyes, and as long as nothing came in between your bond and the end goal, then everything will work out. He will make sure of that.

[wisdomrays]

QUESTIONS & ANSWERS: Why is Atheism So Widespread?

Atheism means denying God's existence, which of course involves rejecting His commandments, as well as religious reflection and seriousness, and believing in the possibility of total self-independence apart from God. As such beliefs negate the concept of sin, people imagine that they can live as they please. Therein lies in the corruption of people's hearts and minds. Atheism spreads because education is misused, young people are neglected, and schools actually defend and foster it.

Ignorance about the essentials of faith and religion is the primary reason why atheism starts to grow and develop. People whose minds, hearts, and souls have not been directed to the truth inevitably become vulnerable. Only God's help and grace can save them. If a community does not confront this trend decisively and successfully, its members' hearts and minds become open to other influences that lead to deviation.

Atheism first manifests itself as a lack of interest in the principles of faith. People with this attitude often claim that it is positive, for it represents a desire for the mind's independence and freedom of thought. As the demands of faith are strenuous, indifference turns toward what is easier. It seeks any pretext to excuse it from honest and serious reflection, and so falls easily into neglect, then heedlessness, atheism, and even contempt for religion.

In fact, atheism is neither grounded on sound reasoning nor supported by human intuition or experience. Still less is it based upon "scientific" truth. It is no more than a mood, typically lazy but sometimes active and militant, of not caring and of rebellion.

The countless manifestations of God within and outside ourselves testify that there is only One Creator and Governor who administers, directs, and sustains this universe. We may think of each manifestation as a letter or book from God to us, reflecting His Divine Attributes in a way that we can understand. These Attributes can be traced everywhere in creation, which is no more than a vast area for testing and teaching humanity. However, some people with incorrect concepts have erred greatly in their understanding and observation of these signs. As a result, they have presented nature, as well as it principles and relationships, it such a way that many people (especially the young) have abandoned true faith.

Much has been said and written about the natural world's delicate balance and innumerable subtle harmonies. Such an order can be attributed only to the All-Mighty. Planets and stars move within an interrelated complexity of drifts and orbits that are infinitely more precise than anything we could ever design or make. If what we make is accepted as evidence of intelligent design, why is the far more vast and complicated universe considered an exception to this rule?

Nature resembles a huge factory of enormous (actual and potential) generative power. Its working principles are astonishingly subtle and supple, yet firmly established in reassuring patterns and rhythms. From where does nature get these operating rules? Some say that nature is self-created, but how can that persuade anybody? Of course one of the operating rules is a measure of self-organizing power. But we want to know the origin of this rule.

Principles are non-essential attributes of a thing or being and, as such, are secondary and dependent on substance and essence. Attributes cannot exist before or independently of the compound or organism of which they are attributes. Thus, if a plant demonstrates a measure of self-organizing power by seeking light, moisture, and nutrients for its growth, it means that a measure of self-organizing power has been embedded in its seed. Similarly, the principle of attraction in physics operates in and through existent masses, distances, and forces. To claim that such principles are the origin or source of existent things or beings is untenable.

Just as untenable is the confidence with which such claims are asserted. To claim that this extraordinarily subtle and ordered universe is the outcome of haphazard coincidences is absurd, contradictory, and quite unscientific, for all the evidence points to the exact opposite.

As the result of long experiments and reflection, Muller declared that reason could not explain the origin of life. He established, on the behalf of science and scientists, the absurdity of "coincidence" as a possible explanation. Similarly, after a 22-year series of studies, the Soviet Institute of Chemistry, under the chairmanship of Oparin, proved that the laws of chemistry and chemical reactions shed no light on the origin of life, and that science still has no answer to this question.

When these scientists acknowledged the limitations to human inquiry, they did so on behalf of all science and scientists. Yet such work has not undone the damage done by earlier, less careful scientists, who offered only guesses as reliable scientific theory. Unfortunately, general attitudes and values continue to be shaped by such guesses and not by the realities established by better scientists.

For example, many textbooks and encyclopedias continue to present humanity's evolution from apes to human beings as fact instead of theory. In reality, a growing number of scientists, most particularly evolutionists, argue that Darwin's theory of evolution is not a truly scientific theory at all. Many critics of the highest intellectual caliber admit that we still have no idea of how this "evolution" took place. While there is a great deal of divergent opinion among the experts about probable causes and the actual process, the general public and less-informed scientists continue to believe in it.

Various research projects and published studies cast doubt on evolution and seek to give a truer picture of nature as creation and our place in it. Works like Why Do We Believe in God? help those who considered non-believers in evolution as rather odd people reconsider their opinion and reflect more wisely on the matter.

Given the fact that a sound, reliable understanding of the natural world leads to belief in a single, universal Creator, atheism has more to do with obstinacy, prejudice, and a refusal to give up illusions than with the mind's independence or freedom of thought. Young people remain vulnerable, for their understanding of their behavior's nature and consequences is incomplete, their awareness of their spiritual being and their resulting deep-seated spiritual needs is limited, and their grasp of the balance between material and non-material values that characterizes a total human existence is deficient. Thus they are easily deceived by outdated concepts presented as "scientific" truths, although scientists know (and have said) that they are no more than theories. This is why teaching and learning about the truth are more important today than other duties and obligations.

If this vital task is not taken up, we may be unable to rectify the worsening situation in the future. Some of those evil consequences are with us already. This may be the major reason for our suffering over the years. We are the unlucky generation that was deprived of good teachers—teachers who had attained inward unity and harmony of mind and heart, truly knew themselves in their deepest thoughts and feelings, desired to teach others, and were willing to suffer to promote others' happiness and welfare. We hope such noble-minded teachers will arise among us and undertake this truly humane mission to rescue people from them current moral and spiritual suffering.

If this can be done, present and future generations will acquire the necessary stability in their thinking and reasoning about life's great questions. They will be able to resist the lure of false beliefs and illusions, and thereby be saved from the anxiety of constantly doubting the nature and purpose of their lives. They will be immunized, at least partially, against atheism and its attendant self-centered and neurotic behaviors. Atheism is caused by a lack of knowledge and learning, an inability to synthesize one's inner and outer life, and is the result of an undernourished heart and soul. People cling to what they know, and resist what they do not know—or at least try to remain uninterested and unconcerned.

The mass media continually presents ideas, lifestyles, and character types that encourage self-indulgence and self-abandonment. Thus it is no surprise that many young people try to become hippies or punks or whatever the latest craze is; seek immediate gratification and pleasure; and do not bother to cultivate their minds or their tastes, but prefer triviality and banality, loudness and vulgarity.

People quickly adopt ways considered exciting and attractive. What they do not know becomes even more strange and alien, and eventually a matter of total indifference. Thus we have to find effective ways to introduce young people to the deeper ways of religious life, ways that lead away from anxiety and toward tranquillity, away from darkness and toward light.

Young people are excitable and susceptible. They crave limitless freedom and have an abundance of unsatisfied appetites and desires. Their overly generous hearts and minds cause imbalance and disharmony, which can lead them toward atheism. They prefer immediate pleasure, however slight or brief, to the misery and distress that come in the wake of indulgence. They jump at the pleasures and enjoyments that Satan displays to them, and so prepare their own calamity. They fly to the fire of atheism just as moths are drawn to light.

While ignorance and unfed hearts and souls increase, materialism and carnality gradually subvert the desire for truth and annul any nobility of purpose. This is what happened with Faust. This man, who desired extraordinary powers to do whatever he wished for a limited period, sold his soul for a very cheap price to Mephistopheles, Satan's agent. But when he received these powers, his noble aims of serving humanity left him and he wasted his years of power by pursuing trivial pleasures.

When the soul is dead, the heart dies, compassion disappears, and the mind and reason become so bewildered and confused that people become helpless victims of their own passing whims or the worst fads. Anyone who becomes obsessed with carnal passion and sensuality will suffer crises and change direction continually, applaud every new fashion in thought as if it were the truth, and swing from one ideology to another—from confusion to doubt and back again. They will find no attraction in faith, in a steady sense of duty, or in a patient, enduring heart.

Nor will they find any merit in moral education, self-discipline, contemplation, the soul's improvement, or in strengthening their morals and manners. Wholly addicted to triviality and self-indulgence, they will deny any achievement to our ancestors and remain willfully ignorant of what real culture and civilization can make possible: a balance between spirituality and sanity, between virtue and happiness.

Not everyone can be saved. Therefore, we should direct our efforts toward educating those young people in whom the worst habits have not become firmly established. They must be taught the fundamental principles of the system on which we depend and to which our existence belongs. They must be led to a systematic, straight, and honest way of thinking. Those who fail in this effort will see their community or nation continue to sink into moral and spiritual corruption until it can no longer be rescued.

An additional cause of atheism is the deliberate rejection of all constraints and prohibitions. Such undesirable and unrestrained indulgence has entered Muslim societies from western Europe via a degenerate form of existentialism (mainly French) that rejected traditional values and formal religious education in favor of absolute individual freedom. The theory was that the individual would (and could) mature and develop into a noble, moral being through personal experience.

This theory, regardless of where it has been applied, has never produced sane, caring, and compassionate human beings. Rather, it has intensified misery and selfishness by isolating individuals from their families, traditions, and even from themselves. Its adherents do not cultivate their morals or tastes, but rather live shallow, private lives and make no effort to find the truth. In short, they simply survive from moment to moment in the illusory hope that they may yet find happiness.

These few reflections do not cover the whole subject. Yet I hope that future guides, teachers, and leaders with discernment and foresight will consider them when trying to stop the spread of deviation and atheism. I have presented a brief insight into the problem, with the prayer that some people may be alerted to the truth, conquer the self, and regain the means to do what is good.

[jackambrosemodeling]

Task: Character Playlist Deep Dive

Playlist: Jack Ambrose’s Character Playlist

Number of Songs: 16 (as of August 2021)

Length: 59:28 (as of August 2021)

Triggers: Religious trauma, homophobia, homelessness, drugs, alcoholism 

Track 1: Holy- PVRIS (religious trauma tw)

After her conversion to Seventh Day Adventism, Jack’s mom took on a “holier-than-thou” mentality. From a young age, Jack questioned her attitude, as well as the attitudes of other members of the church. The Bible encourages loving others despite their differences, yet the Church was always trying to change those who had differing opinions. This song is meant to express Jack’s frustration with being surrounded by hypocrisy. 

Track 2: Run Away With Me- Carly Rae Jepsen (homophobia tw)

Despite the upbeat tune of the song, the situation Jack was in as a teenager was anything but cheery. When Jack came out as gay, they were given an ultimatum: go to conversion therapy or leave. Jack chose the latter. Jack and their boyfriend at the time made plans to run off to California. Even though they both grew up being told that their love was sinful, they were willing to risk it all to start a life together. They were young and in love, and felt they’d be okay as long as they had each other.

Track 3: California- Petey (homelessness tw)

Jack left their home in Wilmington, North Carolina, for the hustle and bustle of Los Angeles, California, shortly after their 18th birthday. However, life didn’t become easier when they set foot on the west coast. Jack and their ex-boyfriend lived in a homeless shelter for two years before getting on their feet. Despite struggling mentally, financially, and romantically, the two chose to stay where they were. Struggling in California was better than being completely miserable in North Carolina.

Track 4: Unholy- Miley Cyrus

As Jack entered their 20′s, they were presented with the opportunity for a career in modeling. Their modeling gigs introduced them to the L.A. party scene, and they were hooked from the start. Now that they were single and working as a model, Jack took the opportunity to hook up with anyone and everyone. With these escapades also came drinking and recreational drug use. They didn’t care that it was “sinful” or “unholy,” because everyone else around them was doing the same exact thing. 

Track 5: Fluids- Michael Medrano (drugs tw)

As Jack started experimenting more with drugs and alcohol, they also started experimenting sexually. They initially identified as a gay man, but after numerous encounters with people all across the gender spectrum, they started to question this. They knew they weren’t straight, but they weren’t fully gay either. At first, they thought it was the alcohol, but eventually they came to terms with the fact that they’re sexually fluid all the time; the alcohol just gave them the courage to act on it. 

Track 6: successful- Ariana Grande

By the age of 23, Jack was able to pursue modeling as a full-time career. While they aren’t the biggest name in the game, they’ve found a lot of success, especially in queer circles. This song is a celebration of their success, as well as the success of people around them. Jack has taken pride in being able to travel all around the world and live lavishly. They also want to share this success with their loved ones and uplift them in any way possible. 

Track 7: Lowkey As Hell- Waterparks

On the flip side of enjoying their youth and success, being famous can be stressful. Jack is a materialistic person and wants to have nice things, but at the same time, they still struggle emotionally like everyone else. They know that things could be much worse, but that doesn’t make their struggles feel any less real. This song is an expression of feeling depressed and disconnected, despite constantly working and having material success.

Track 8: Androgyny- Garbage

Jack currently uses the term “genderfluid” to describe their gender, but it wasn’t until their mid-20′s that they started to experiment with their gender presentation. Up until then, they had only ever worn men’s clothes because they were taught from a young age that “cross-dressing” was unacceptable. Once they got past their fears and internal biases, they realized that it didn’t matter who wore what. Fabric was fabric no matter who was wearing it. Meeting gender non-conforming models and experimenting with their own style helped them come to terms with their femininity, masculinity, and androgyny. 

Track 9: Bad Romance- Lady Gaga

Jack had a turbulent relationship with their ex-fiancé, Sage, from the very beginning. Jack and Sage met through work and started off as friends, but things heated up quickly between the two. Despite being on-and-off for five years, Jack always went back for more, even though they knew on some level that it wasn’t good for their mental health. The couple wanted to be right for one another, but never were. 

Track 10: Best Part of Me- Ed Sheeran & Yebba

After getting back together for the third time, Jack proposed to Sage. Despite Jack’s flaws and self-doubt, Sage said yes to getting married. Even though their relationship was open sexually, they felt romantically bound to one another. Jack was fully committed to spending the rest of their life with Sage and thought that they were the best part of their life. Little did they know that their own actions would lead to the demise of the relationship. 

Track 11: Talia- King Princess (alcoholism tw) 

Sage and Jack’s relationship ended after a drunken fight in October 2020. After Sage quit drinking, they started to see that Jack had a drinking problem. They begged Jack to get help, but they refused to acknowledge their problem. After a particularly bad fight, Sage left the apartment and left their engagement ring on the nightstand. The next morning, they texted Jack and said they could no longer be together. Sage had walked out before, but this time was permanent. Before beginning on their journey towards sobriety, Jack had a week-long period of binge drinking where they wallowed in self-pity and imagined that Sage was still by their side.

Track 12: decide to be happy- MisterWives

With the encouragement of their manager, Jack quit drinking and started attending therapy, not as a way to win Sage back, but as a means of self-care. Jack had been struggling with depression for years, but they used alcohol to hide it. As much as the breakup hurt, Jack needed this pain in order to grow as a person and take steps towards finding true happiness. Being happy doesn’t always come easy, but now, they wake up every morning and decide to continue on the path of self-growth.

Track 13: Sober- Kelly Clarkson (alcoholism tw)

This song is a reflection of living life without alcohol and without their ex-fiancé. They hit a low point in January 2021 and flip-flopped between contemplating relapse and contemplating begging their ex for forgiveness. However, they toughed through this rough patch and continued flourishing. They made it this far, and they didn’t want all of that progress to go to waste. They started to reevaluate their friendships, weeding out the negative influences from L.A. and nurturing the new friendships they were making in Santa Monica, thus picking all their weeds but keeping the flowers.

Track 14: Sober- P!nk (alcoholism tw)

Upon a lot of self-reflection, Jack realized just how many issues alcohol created in their life. They received a reputation from the paparazzi as a wild party animal and attention seeker. Many friends and acquaintances didn’t know who Jack was sober. This isn’t who Jack wanted to be any more. They’re relearning themself and learning how to properly enjoy life without the vices that dragged them down. However, this doesn’t mean that the cravings have stopped.  

Track 15: Sleeping With A Friend- Neon Trees

Jack slept with their now-girlfriend, Vivian, for the first time in February 2021 at Santa Monica’s first Masquerade Ball. The two met each other when Jack moved into the apartment next to Vivian’s in December 2020. The attraction was there from the start, but the two didn’t want to risk messing up the budding friendship they had. This night changed all of that. They gave into temptation and took the risk, despite the possible consequences. Little did they know that they would both soon catch feelings for one another. 

Track 16: Official- Charli XCX

After Jack returned from Fashion Week in March, they started seeing Vivian much more often. They began having overnight hangouts multiple times per week. It was at La Playa Music Festival that they confessed their feelings for one another. It wasn’t any grandiose gesture that made Jack develop feelings for Vivian, but rather a combination of all of the little things they had been doing together, like pizza dates on her couch, kissing in the kitchen, and sharing their fears and emotions at all hours of the night. 

[that-there-is-a-wierd0]

Hi! I was thinkin’ about aewvs and though about a reverse curse AU, in which the curse affects students rather than educators. As such I wrote a little mini fanfic prologue thing :o.

This is technically my first fanfic, although small, but hopefully you like the writing. Thanks and take care!

!!/Depictions of Violence, general violence

The teachers at Infinity School suck.

Angellica huffed to herself as she navigated the restroom wing of the math floor. Tightly holding on to her blue notebook, she mutes the general hum of the students flowing around her, uninterested in their muddled conversation. She instead focuses on the general attitudes from her educators to the students.

The teachers at Infinity School are stupid.

Not that they were bad educators. Many were competent in their respective subject areas, failing to make mistakes. But what she did not like was how the teachers can be complete and utter assholes.

Viktor was the first to come in Angellica’s mind. He is a calm and collected person, and she supposed an interesting one as well. His math problems were somewhat simple and he always urged students to take their time if they got a problem wrong. But when students get more than one problem wrong, he beings to lose his patience rather quickly, calling his students very rude things. She remembers the time that Viktor called her a ‘bitch’ when talking to Laura, not knowing she was around the corner due to forgetting a notebook in a classroom.

Angellica grit her teeth, her notebook close to wrinkling from her tightening grip. She increases her pace and walks through the restroom wing, through the restroom itself, and makes it through Corpus A. From there, she finds herself in nearing the very first classroom from the greeting room, Classroom 0011. While the school day has ended, Angellica unfortunately landed herself in detention after breaking a rule about lock picking her own locker. She had simply forgotten the code, and despite trying to explain this to Laura, she was still tossed into afterschool detention, which lasts an entire hour.

Welcomed by the mechanical shift of the metal door, she drops in her designated seat, her mood ever the worse. Tossing her bag to the seat next to her, she slams her blue notebook on the table and opens it. She stares at the neatly written math problems with scrutiny.

I hate them all.

A moment passes, and Angellica recognizes the sound of the mechanical door opening. She turns her head around, and sees Viktor walking in, pre-occupied with a notebook of his own.

“Oh. It’s you. Of all students I expected to see here, I didn’t expect to see you, Angell.”

Angellica only scrunched her face, making it clear to Viktor that she was not in a talking mood.

“Hm, someone’s particularly angry today.”

Angellica only looks down, appearing to focus on her notebook, but was more dazed than anything. Unconsciously, she is mildly afraid of where this rage came from. But what doubts she has about her own emotions were snubbed by her increasing anger.

Seeing that there was nothing to do in the class, Viktor places his notebook on the teacher’s desk and walks over to Angellica, his strides confident as usual.

Stupid fucker and that piss colored coat.

Angellica refused to look at Viktor, despite him hovering over her notebook.

“I recognize these problems. I gave these to you last week as an in-class assignment. And yet, despite their simplicity, you still haven’t finished them?”

Viktor chuckled lowly, a sarcastic undertone that grates against Angellica’s ears like shattered glass on a chalkboard. He then smiled menacingly, and said with an equally redundant tone:

“Maybe these are the hardest examples you’ve ever seen, bitch.”

Something broke inside on Angellica. A soft slip of patience, and her world came crashing down in a million pieces as her anger consumed her body.

Angellica grabs a lemon berry soda from her bag.

And bashed it against Viktor’s face.

Without him being able to react, it fully clashed with the left side of his mask full force. Viktor falls over to his right, caught ungracefully by the wall. His only response is to blink as he looked at Angellica, unable to generate a response in his shock. Shakily, he gets up and faces Angellica to yell at her.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!?”

He then makes a move towards the door, but Angell suddenly jumps on top of him from the desk. Angellica is now on Viktor’s back with her legs wrapped around his torso, her fist bashing on his mask from where the soda hit at any chance given.

“ANGELLICA! GET THE HELL OFF OF ME!”

Viktor tried to pry off the kid off his back, but for some reason he could not. Despite their height and weight differences, Angellica was managing to keep her place on Viktor, and actually do damage to him. Viktor shrieks in pain and confusion as he struggles to reach for his back to get Angellica off. He moves straight forward as best he could, and suddenly moves backwards with some momentum to bash her back against the classroom wall. Angellica hisses with the newfound pain, but this only allows her to climb higher, now fully clawing against his face. However, Viktor is now fully able to grab Angellica’s forearms, finally prying her off of his body like sticky glue, and toss her across from where we were standing, that being towards the door.

Viktor is now a disheveled mess, his hair and jacked ruined, his breath ragged and eyes panicked. But now, he only cares about his mask. Panting, he slowly brings an unsteady hand to the left side of his face.

Oh god.

Oh god please no. Not my face, please, please not my face.

Viktor’s mask cracked. It was actually broken. His life source, his only defense, his only was to survive…

Was cracked down the left side of his face.

Albeit, Viktor was glad that he was alive, and this was not entirely fatal on its own…but…Viktor looks at the student responsible, who was just recovering from being tossed harshly. Angellica gets up on fours, her dirty blonde hair covering her face.

“Do you mind explaining what that was, you little bitch!? Just wait until the headteacher hears of this. You might as well stay in detention forever with the little stunt you pulled, you-”

Viktor cut himself off as Angellica raised her head, eyes visible.

Red.

Viktor chokes on the air in his throat. That was not any normal shade of red. That red, such unhinged anger, a bloodlust mixed with a vengeful vermillion. The sin of wrath as it tears the flesh of the unfortunate, the poisonous vines of invasive ivy slowly paralyzing, slowly killing all in its path.

That cursed red…

Before Viktor could finish his terrified thought, Angellica launches herself like a rabid animal towards Viktor, intent to kill him. Viktor, for his own survival, successfully dodges and causes Angellica to bash her head against the chalkboard, resulting in a mild stun. Seizing the opportunity, Viktor makes a break for the mechanical door, it opening much slower than he would have liked. He runs out of the room and jumps to his right, turning and making a break for Corpus B, where Laura’s office can be found.

Angellica had recovered from her head injury long ago, but simply decided to let Viktor escape. After all, where’s the fun in tearing apart your prey so easily? It’s more fun when your victims are scared!

With that, Angellica lets a guttural, disturbed, and perverted laugh from a body that was no longer her own.

This will be very fun, won’t it?

[arcticdementor]

There’s no nice way to say this: a certain subset of (mostly) white people have lost their minds online. These people wake up to a vast insurrection crossing all racial and national boundaries – and contrive to make this all about themselves. Their affects, their unconsciouses, their moral worthiness. How can I be Not Complicit? How can I be a Better Ally? How do I stop benefiting from white supremacy in my daily life? How do I rid myself of all the bad affects and attitudes? Can I purify my soul in the smelter of a burning police precinct? Occasional ratissages out into mainstream culture (we’re decolonising the Bon Appétit test kitchen!), but mostly what this uprising calls for is an extended bout of navel-gazing. Really get in there, get deep in that clammy lint-filled hole, push one finger into the wound of your separation from the primordial world, and never stop wriggling. Maybe there’s a switch, buried just below the knot, and if you trip it your body will open up like a David Cronenberg nightmare to reveal all its greasy secrets to your eyes. Interrogate yourself! Always yourself, swim deep in the filth of yourself. The world is on fire – but are my hands clean? People are dying – but how can I scrub this ghastly whiteness off my skin?

You could set aside the psychosexual madness of this stuff, maybe, if it actually worked. It does not work. It achieves nothing and helps nobody. Karen and Barbara Fields: ‘Racism is not an emotion or state of mind, such as intolerance, bigotry, hatred, or malevolence. If it were that, it would easily be overwhelmed; most people mean well, most of the time, and in any case are usually busy pursuing other purposes. Racism is first and foremost a social practice.’ Social practices must be confronted on the level of the social. But for people who don’t want to change anything on the level of the social, there’s the Implicit Associations Test. This is the great technological triumph of what passes for anti-racist ideology: sit in front of your computer for a few minutes, click on some buttons, and you can get a number value on exactly how racist you are. Educators and politicians love this thing. Wheel it into offices. Listen up, guys, your boss just wants to take a quick peek into your unconscious mind, just to see how racist you are. How could anyone object to something like that?

…

See, for instance, the form letters: How To Talk To Your Black Friends Right Now. Because I refuse to be told I can’t ever empathise with a black person, I try to imagine what it would be like to receive one of these. Say there’s been a synagogue shooting, or a bunch of swastikas spraypainted in Willesden Jewish Cemetery. Say someone set off a bomb inside Panzer’s in St John’s Wood – and then one of my goy friends sends me something like this:

Hey Sam – I can never understand how you feel right now, but I’m committed to doing the work both personally and in my community to make this world safer for you and for Jewish people everywhere. From the Babylonian Captivity to the Holocaust to today, my people have done reprehensible things to yours – and while my privilege will never let me share your experience, I want you to know that you’re supported right now. I see you. I hear you. I stand with the Jewish community, because you matter. Please give me your PayPal so I can buy you a bagel or some schamltz herring, or some of those little twisty pastries you people like.

How would I respond? I think I would never want to see or hear from this person again. If I saw them in the street, I would spit in their face, covid be damned. I would curse their descendants with an ancient cackling Yiddish curse. These days, I try to choose my actual friends wisely. Most of them tend to engage me with a constant low level of jocular antisemitic micoaggressions, because these things are funny and not particularly serious. But if one of my friends genuinely couldn’t see me past the Jew, and couldn’t see our friendship past the Jewish Question, I would be mortified. Of course, it’s possible that the comparison doesn’t hold. Maybe there are millions of black people I don’t know who love being essentialised and condescended to, who are thrilled by the thought of being nothing more than a shuddering expendable rack for holding up their own skin. But I doubt it. Unless you want me to believe that black people inherently have less dignity than I do, this is an insult.

…

If you want to find the real secret of this stuff, look for the rules, the dos and don’ts, the Guides To Being A Better Ally that blob up everywhere like mushrooms on a rotting bough. You’ve seen them. And you’ve noticed, even if you don’t want to admit it, that these things are always contradictory:

DO the important work of interrogating your own biases and prejudices. DON’T obsess over your white guilt – this isn’t about you! DO use your white privilege as a shield by standing between black folx and the police. DON’T stand at the front of marches – it’s time for you to take a back seat. DO speak out against racism – never expect activists of colour to always perform the emotional labour. DON’T crowd the conversation with your voice – shut up, stay in your lane, and stick to signal boosting melanated voices. DO educate your white community by providing an example of white allyship. DON’T post selfies from a protest – our struggle isn’t a photo-op for riot tourists.

Žižek points out that the language of proverbial wisdom has no content. ‘If one says, “Forget about the afterlife, about the Elsewhere, seize the day, enjoy life fully here and now, it’s the only life you’ve got!” it sounds deep. If one says exactly the opposite (“Do not get trapped in the illusory and vain pleasures of earthly life; money, power, and passions are all destined to vanish into thin air – think about eternity!”), it also sounds deep.’ The same goes here. Whatever you say, it can still sound woke. Why?

…

This stuff is masochism, pleasure-seeking, full of erotic charge – and as Freud saw, the masochist’s desire is always primary and prior; it’s always the submissive partner who’s in charge of any relationship. Masochism is a technology of power. Setting the limits, defining the punishments they’d like to receive, dehumanising and instrumentalising the sadistic partner throughout. The sadist works to humiliate and degrade their partner, to make them feel something – everything for the other! And meanwhile, the masochist luxuriates in their own degradation – everything for myself! You’re just the robotic hand that hits me. When non-white people get involved in these discourses, they’re always at the mercy of their white audiences, the ones for whom they perform, the ones they titillate and entertain. A system for subjecting liberation movements to the fickle desires of the white bourgeoisie. Call it what it is. This is white supremacy; these scolding lists are white supremacist screeds.

But systems of white supremacy have never been in the interests of most whites (‘Labour cannot emancipate itself in the white skin when in the black it is branded’), and they have never really fostered any solidarity between whites. Look at the stories. I had a run-in with the police, you announce, and a black person might have died, but I’m fine, because I’m white. No – you’re fine because you’re white and rich. You’re fine because you look like someone who reviews cartoons for a dying online publication called The Daily Muffin, which is exactly what you are. Bald and covered in cat hair. Frameless glasses cutting a red wedge into the bridge of your nose. The white people who get gunned down by police don’t look like you. Their class position is stamped visibly on their face, and so is yours. And you’ve trained yourself to see any suffering they experience as nothing more than ugly Trump voters getting what they deserve.

Why aren’t there protests when a white person is murdered by police? Answer 1: because, as John Berger points out, ‘demonstrations are essentially urban in character.’ Native Americans are killed by cops at an even higher rate than black people, but this too tends to happen very far away from the cities and the cameras; it becomes invisible. Answer 2: because nobody cares about them. Not the right wing, who only pretend to care as a discursive gotcha when there’s a BLM protest. And definitely not you. Sectors of the white intelligentsia have spent the last decade trying to train you out of fellow-feeling. Cooley et al., 2019: learning about white privilege has no positive effect on empathy towards black people, but it is ‘associated with greater punishment/blame and fewer external attributions for a poor white person’s plight.’ A machine for turning nice socially-conscious liberals into callous free-market conservatives.

The rhetoric of privilege is a weapon, but it’s not pointed at actually (ie, financially) privileged white people. We get off lightly. All we have to do is reflect on our privilege, chase our dreamy reflections through an endlessly mirrored habitus – and that was already our favourite game. You might as well decide that the only cure for white privilege is ice cream. Working-class whites get no such luxuries. But as always, the real brunt falls on non-white people. What happens when you present inequality in terms of privileges bestowed on white people, rather than rights and dignity denied to non-white people? The situation of the oppressed becomes a natural base-state. You end up thinking some very strange things. A few years ago, I was once told that I could only think that the film Black Panther isn’t very good because of my white privilege. Apparently, black people are incapable of aesthetic discernment or critical thought. (Do I need to mention that the person who told me this was white as sin?) This framing is as racist as anything in Carlyle. It could only have been invented by a rich white person.

Give them their due; rich white people are great at inventing terrible new concepts. Look at what’s happening right now: they’re telling each other to read White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard For White People To Talk About Racism by Robin DiAngelo. You should never tell people to read White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard For White People To Talk About Racism by Robin DiAngelo – but we live in an evil world, and it’s stormed to the top of the Amazon bestsellers list. You maniacs, you psychopaths, look what you’ve done. I’m not saying people shouldn’t read the book – I read it, and I don’t get any special dispensations – but you should read it like Dianetics, like the doctrine of a strange and stupid cult.

…

The book is a thrill-ride along a well-paved highway – ‘powerful institutions are controlled by white people;’ true, accurate, well-observed – that quickly takes a dive off the nearest cliff – ‘therefore white people as a whole are in control of powerful institutions.’ Speak for yourself, lady! All a are b, DiAngelo brightly informs us, therefore all b must also be a. She doesn’t advocate for her understanding of the world, she simply assumes it. So it’s not a surprise that the real takeaway from White Fragility is that Robin DiAngelo is not very good at her job.

…

Imagine a devoted cultist of Tengrism, who sometimes gets invited by company bosses to harangue the workforce on how the universe is created by a pure snow-white goose flying over an endless ocean, and how if you don’t make the appropriate ritual honks to this cosmic goose you’re failing in your moral duty. But every time she gives this spiel, she always gets the same questions. Exactly how big is this goose? Surely the goose must have to land sometimes? Geese hatch in litters – what happened to the other goslings? Something must be wrong with these people. Why don’t they just accept the doctrine? Why do they hate the goose? We need a name for their sickness. Call it Goose Reluctance, and next time someone doesn’t jump to attention whenever you speak, you’ll know why. Of course, the comparison is unfair; ideas about eternal geese are beautiful, and DiAngelo’s are not. But the structure is the same. Could it be that Robin DiAngelo is a poor communicator selling a heap of worthless abstractions? No, it’s the workers who are wrong.

(By the way, how did you feel about that phrase, racial humility? I didn’t like it, but her book is full of similar formulations – she also wants us to ‘build our racial stamina’ and ‘attain racial knowledge.’ Now, maybe I’m an oversensitive kike, but I can’t encounter phrases like these and not hear others in the background. Racial spirit. Racial consciousness. Racial hygiene. And somewhere, not close but coming closer, the sound of goosestepping feet.)

I didn’t seek out any of the material I talk about here. It came to me. And it’s making me feel insane. The only social media I use these days is Instagram – because if I’m going to be hand-shaping orecchiette all night, and serving it with salsiccia, rapini, and my own home-pickled fennel, it’s not for my own pleasure, and I demand to receive a decent 12 to 15 likes for my efforts. (I will not be accepting your follow request.) A week ago, on the 2nd of June, my feed was suddenly swarming with white people posting blank black squares. People I’d never known to be remotely political, people whose introduction to politics was clearly coming through the deranged machine of social media. Apparently, that was ‘Blackout Tuesday.’ I don’t know whose clever idea this was, and I don’t want to know, but it came with a threat. If all your friends are posting the square, and you’re not, does it mean you simply don’t care enough about black lives? Around the same time, I was helpfully made aware of a viral Instagram album titled Why The Refusal To Post Online Is Often Inherently Racist. I honestly can’t imagine how terrifying it must be to live like this – always on edge, always trying to be Good, always trying to have your Goodness recognised by other people, in a game where the scores are tracked by what you post on the internet, and the rules are always changing.

[apptowonder]

“Scribbling in the Sand” -- CCM and Liturgical Catechesis Pt. IV: Steve Taylor

Go to Pt. III  Go to Pt. V

From the 1980s to the early 1990s, Roland Stephen “Steve” Taylor emerged in the CCM scene as a unique, prophetic and rare satirical voice. Dubbed the “Clown Prince of Christian Rock”, Taylor’s work is known for its topical themes, emulation of various musical styles, and biting but insightful critique of...pretty much every meaningful target for a Christian musician to comment on. Without going into too much detail, Taylor’s work particularly towards the end of the 90s fell victim to what is known as “the satire paradox”, in which satirical media is often only properly recognized as such by people who are already aligned with the message or ideology of the satire. Many conservative Christian media curators were put off by his work, particularly when he tackled such topics as abortion. This eventually led to his disillusionment with the Christian music scene (though he remains a devout Christian and has in recent years returned to CCM as a collaboration partner). He formed the secular band “Chagall Guevara” in the 90s and eventually returned to writing Christian music when he produced songs for the Newsboys, as well as a couple of solo projects with Peter Furler once the latter left the band.

Taylor is an interesting example to talk about, because his music is very decidedly non-liturgical for the most part. He doesn’t write “worship music”, and while his world-focused commentary is in some ways similar to Petra, he is much more topical and specific. In this respect, he does actually embody I would argue one aspect of liturgy: the lifting up of the needs of the world to God and for the community to see. In a way, his music resembles an irreverent litany.

A sample of his titles should give a sense of the tone of much of his work: “Steeplechase,” “Whatever Happened to Sin,” “I Blew Up the Clinic Real Good” (his critique of militant pro-life activists), “Since I Gave Up Hope I Feel A Lot Better”.

The song I want to examine, however, is atypical of Taylor’s satirical work but falls more in line with the later work he would do producing for the Newsboys and co-writing songs with their frontman, Peter Furler. The song is a haunting, poignant piece entitled, “Harder to Believe Than Not To”.

The song opens with an achingly beautiful sample of a choral piece by Rachmaninoff. The title and concept of the song itself are taken from a letter by Flannery O’Connor in which she responds to critics who were surprised that she was a woman of faith, critics who referred to faith as a “crutch”. O’Connor responded in her letter that it was “harder to believe than not to believe.” One beauty of this song is the way it weaves in other works of art and culture in an organic way that contributes to the song’s message. In this way, Taylor offers a blueprint for building upon a kind of Holy Tradition, something that more contemporary Christian artists could stand to emulate. We all exist in a context, whether we know it or not, and Taylor draws on the talent and thought patterns of faithful Christian artists while making the song his own.

“ Nothing is colder than the winds of change/Where the chill numbs the dreamer till a shadow remains/Among the ruins lies your tortured soul/Was it lost there Or did your will surrender control?”

The song then moves to the plaintive chorus:

“ Shivering with doubts that were left unattended So you toss away the cloak that you should have mended Don't you know by now why the chosen are few? It's harder to believe than not to”.

This song is both a critique and an exhortation. We are encouraged to consider that the life of faith will be costly, and that discipleship is not easy. But we are also encouraged to carry on boldly and bravely, understanding that enduring and persevering through trials (without inviting them) is a sign of faithfulness, not failure (as secular society and some prosperity gospel preachers claim).

Taylor also subtly but insightfully names the forces both inside and outside the church that seek to keep us from Christ our goal:

“ Some stay paralyzed until they succumb Others do what they feel, but their senses are numb Some get trampled by the pious throng Still they limp along “

Before flowing into the final chorus, Taylor offers a sly but gentle jab at those who think faith is for the weak:

“Are you sturdy enough to move to the front? Is it nods of approval or the truth that you want? And if they call it a crutch, then you walk with pride Your accusers have always been afraid to go outside”

This is a laugh at the expense of the darkness, and the words of a faithful person who knows that though the battle against evil and suffering rages on, God has already won the war. It is indicative of the “upside-down Kingdom”* of God’s economy, where weakness is strength.

In this piece, Taylor offers a liturgical prayer infused with kenosis, the emptying of the self in order to receive fullness from God. Brilliantly, the song not only provides a compelling formative model for self-emptying, but also frames such kenosis as, in its own way, revolutionary. Many CCM songs talk about humbling oneself before God, but it is sadly (particularly in American evangelicalism) done in a way that equates to self-loathing. Here is a perfectly poised counterbalance to that attitude, a song which rejoices in the foolishness of the Way of Jesus in the eyes of the world while simultaneously framing faithfulness as a source of spiritual strength. Contemporary churches would do well not to shy away from the prophetic, kenotic elements in their liturgy, and to employ gifted artists and musicians who have this kind of “iconographic vision”, a vision that sees all human endeavor not in worldly terms of power, prosperity and influence, but in Kingdom terms of weakness, humility and love.

*to borrow a phrase from Donald Kraybill, Anabaptist author and theologian.

[mybeautifulchristianjourney]

He Gave Himself For Our Sins

by Martin Luther

Paul sticks to his theme. He never loses sight of the purpose of his epistle. He does not say, "Who received our works," but "who gave." Gave what? Not gold, or silver, or paschal lambs, or an angel, but Himself. What for? Not for a crown, or a kingdom, or our goodness, but for our sins. These words are like so many thunderclaps of protest from heaven against every kind and type of self-merit. Underscore these words, for they are full of comfort for sore consciences.

How may we obtain remission of our sins? Paul answers: "The man who is named Jesus Christ and the Son of God gave himself for our sins." The heavy artillery of these words explodes papacy, works, merits, superstitions. For if our sins could be removed by our own efforts, what need was there for the Son of God to be given for them? Since Christ was given for our sins it stands to reason that they cannot be put away by our own efforts.

This sentence also defines our sins as great, so great, in fact, that the whole world could not make amends for a single sin. The greatness of the ransom, Christ, the Son of God, indicates this. The vicious character of sin is brought out by the words "who gave himself for our sins." So vicious is sin that only the sacrifice of Christ could atone for sin. When we reflect that the one little word "sin" embraces the whole kingdom of Satan, and that it includes everything that is horrible, we have reason to tremble. But we are careless. We make light of sin. We think that by some little work or merit we can dismiss sin.

This passage, then, bears out the fact that all men are sold under sin. Sin is an exacting despot who can be vanquished by no created power, but by the sovereign power of Jesus Christ alone.

All this is of wonderful comfort to a conscience troubled by the enormity of sin. Sin cannot harm those who believe in Christ, because He has overcome sin by His death. Armed with this conviction, we are enlightened and may pass judgment upon the papists, monks, nuns, priests, Mohammedans, Anabaptists, and all who trust in their own merits, as wicked and destructive sects that rob God and Christ of the honor that belongs to them alone.

Note especially the pronoun "our" and its significance. You will readily grant that Christ gave Himself for the sins of Peter, Paul, and others who were worthy of such grace. But feeling low, you find it hard to believe that Christ gave Himself for your sins. Our feelings shy at a personal application of the pronoun "our," and we refuse to have anything to do with God until we have made ourselves worthy by good deeds.

This attitude springs from a false conception of sin, the conception that sin is a small matter, easily taken care of by good works; that we must present ourselves unto 18God with a good conscience; that we must feel no sin before we may feel that Christ was given for our sins.

This attitude is universal and particularly developed in those who consider themselves better than others. Such readily confess that they are frequent sinners, but they regard their sins as of no such importance that they cannot easily be dissolved by some good action, or that they may not appear before the tribunal of Christ and demand the reward of eternal life for their righteousness. Meantime they pretend great humility and acknowledge a certain degree of sinfulness for which they soulfully join in the publican's prayer, "God be merciful to me a sinner." But the real significance and comfort of the words "for our sins" is lost upon them.

The genius of Christianity takes the words of Paul "who gave himself for our sins" as true and efficacious. We are not to look upon our sins as insignificant trifles. On the other hand, we are not to regard them as so terrible that we must despair. Learn to believe that Christ was given, not for picayune and imaginary transgressions, but for mountainous sins; not for one or two, but for all; not for sins that can be discarded, but for sins that are stubbornly ingrained.

Practice this knowledge and fortify yourself against despair, particularly in the last hour, when the memory of past sins assails the conscience. Say with confidence: "Christ, the Son of God, was given not for the righteous, but for sinners. If I had no sin I should not need Christ. No, Satan, you cannot delude me into thinking I am holy. The truth is, I am all sin. My sins are not imaginary transgressions, but sins against the first table, unbelief, doubt, despair, contempt, hatred, ignorance of God, ingratitude towards Him, misuse of His name, neglect of His Word, etc.; and sins against the second table, dishonor of parents, disobedience of government, coveting of another's possessions, etc. Granted that I have not committed murder, adultery, theft, and similar sins in deed, nevertheless 19I have committed them in the heart, and therefore I am a transgressor of all the commandments of God.

"Because my transgressions are multiplied and my own efforts at self-justification rather a hindrance than a furtherance, therefore Christ the Son of God gave Himself into death for my sins." To believe this is to have eternal life.

Let us equip ourselves against the accusations of Satan with this and similar passages of Holy Scripture. If he says, "Thou shalt be damned", you tell him: "No, for I fly to Christ who gave Himself for my sins. In accusing me of being a damnable sinner, you are cutting your own throat, Satan. You are reminding me of God's fatherly goodness toward me, that He so loved the world that He gave His only-begotten Son that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life. In calling me a sinner, Satan, you really comfort me above measure." With such heavenly cunning we are to meet the devil's craft and put from us the memory of sin.

St. Paul also presents a true picture of Christ as the virgin-born Son of God, delivered into death for our sins. To entertain a true conception of Christ is important, for the devil describes Christ as an exacting and cruel judge who condemns and punishes men. Tell him that his definition of Christ is wrong, that Christ has given Himself for our sins, that by His sacrifice He has taken away the sins of the whole world.

Make ample use of this pronoun "our." Be assured that Christ has canceled the sins, not of certain persons only, but your sins. Do not permit yourself to be robbed of this lovely conception of Christ. Christ is no Moses, no law-giver, no tyrant, but the Mediator for sins, the Giver of grace and life.

We know this. Yet in the actual conflict with the devil, when he scares us with the Law, when he frightens us with the very person of the Mediator, when he misquotes the words of Christ, and distorts for us our Savior, we so easily lose sight of our sweet High-Priest.

For this reason I am so anxious for you to gain a true picture of Christ out of the words of Paul "who gave himself for our sins." Obviously, Christ is no judge to condemn us, for He gave Himself for our sins. He does not trample the fallen but raises them. He comforts the broken-hearted. Otherwise Paul should lie when he writes "who gave himself for our sins."

I do not bother my head with speculations about the nature of God. I simply attach myself to the human Christ, and I find joy and peace, and the wisdom of God in Him. These are not new truths. I am repeating what the apostles and all teachers of God have taught long ago. Would to God we could impregnate our hearts with these truths.

[care-devil]

Do you believe there’s a parallel when Matt said to Maggie that he doesn't think it's possible that someone can change for the better, particularly because of a woman, and then later on Matt changes his outlook and attitude for the better partially because of Karen opening up to him and pleading for him to not kill?

See, that one’s definitely complex. When I first watched this season, I definitely thought it was a parallel. But I think it’s even more complicated than that.

Now, I feel like we have to break this down before commenting on it. Buckle up, it’s gonna take a while haha

So, I think you’re referring to 3x03, and more precisely to these bits:

39'32 

Matt: "Do you believe people can change?" 

 Maggie: "I'm still holding out hope." 

Matt: "I don't think we can. Not really. I think we come into this world who we are. And maybe we get a little nicer. Or a little angrier. But we can't change our fundamental nature." 

Maggie: “Well, you’d actually have to try to know.”

Matt: “I was talking about Wilson Fisk.”

 [...] 

41'07 

Maggie: "And according to you, people can't change." 

Matt: "'Cause he's claiming to have changed over a woman." 

Maggie: "I see. Well, if there's anything that can redeem a lost soul, love would have to top the list." 

Matt: "Oh, come on. Even a monster like Fisk?" 

Maggie: "You're talking to a nun, kiddo. Love and redemption are pretty much our sales pitch." 

Matt: "Yeah. Well, I'm not buying."

Here, Matt just came back from his little trip to Fisk’s hotel. And what is really, really interesting, is that right before this scene, we got to see Karen arguing with Ellison about whether or not she should be the one to write something about Fisk getting out of jail. 

“What I give a shit about, is Fisk getting out of prison. We have to do something, I have to do something about this. So don’t tell me to back off, because I won’t.” (Karen, 38′36).

Why is that interesting? Because in the very same episode, in the very scene you mentioned, Matt says he finds it odd that he should regain his hearing just in time to hear that Fisk got out of prison. So that’s a definitely a parallel. And I would go as far as to say that the whole episode is paralleling Matt and Karen. 

1) Karen and Matt: toward the same goal

Here, Karen is hellbent on writing about Fisk because a) she thinks it’s the right thing to do and b) I think she wants to do this for Matt. She might think he’s still alive, she doesn’t know it for sure, and there must be this little voice in her that tells her he’s not coming back, and that the least she can do is carrying out his legacy and corner Fisk. They’re connected. And it’s not a coincidence if the writers decided to have these two scenes follow each other.

Another parallel is, of course, when Matt’s incognito and passes by Karen in front of Fisk’s hotel:

“You’ll never keep Karen safe.”

She can feel his presence, just like he literally felt hers. I know we’ve already talked about this scene, but I think it’s so important. Fisk is Matt’s conscience, he crystallizes Matt’s inner demons, his deepest fears. One of them is losing Karen, or worse: not being able to save her. Get her killed, somehow. He is the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen. He’s got the devil in him. He who’s doubting his purpose, his faith. He’s afraid of tainting her soul, and lose her to another real-life demon, namely Fisk.

This might seem off-topic, but I think it’s important to pay attention to the context (the context being the whole episode), especially because the episode’s title is “No Good Deed.” Now, this might be the English major in me, but “no good deed” can be read a standalone phrase OR as a phrase which needs other words to form a sentence. It’s like something’s missing. Which makes sense, because it’s reminiscent of the well-known phrase “No good deed goes unpunished.” And this echoes such concepts as karma, or redemption. If you think people can’t change... then you don’t believe in redemption. And knowing that Matt’s going though a faith crisis, this is a logical interpretation.

2) Redemption

Redemption is one of the key themes of season 3. Matt’s fighting his demons, but so is Karen, who’s haunted by her past. So is Maggie, so is Father Lantom, so is Dex... Everyone has a past. “The past is never dead. It’s not even past,” William Faulkner said. Well, here, it shows. For all these characters, past = sins, and the only thing that differentiates them is how they choose to deal with that. They ALL embrace their sins and accept the fact that they are sinners who can’t be redeemed (which is part of the Catholic doctrine, all humans are born sinners). But when some think doing more harm won’t change anything (Dex), others try to do some good (Karen, Maggie, Father Lantom) and Matt is trapped between these two options, as he plans to cross the line and kill Fisk but still has morally good intentions. All but the villains are looking for redemption, which is, I think, a way to tell the bad guys from the good guys (even though the lines are very blurry in Daredevil, which is why it’s such a great show). 

But what is redemption, exactly? Well, first know I’m treading carefully here because I’m not a believer and I’ve never been to Sunday school or anything, all I know is from what I’ve read online and in books. But basically, all humans are born sinners because of Adam’s sin, and have to be reborn to have access to God’s kingdom: 

“Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God.” (John 3:3)

Knowing this season was heavily inspired by the Born Again arc by Frank Miller, I think that redemption is definitely one of the season’s key motifs. And for most of the season, Matt doesn’t believe he’s worthy of being saved, and neither does Karen, who says “there’s no atoning for what [she] did” (3x11).

So, in 3x03, Matt basically states he thinks nothing can redeem Fisk and, by extension, nothing can redeem him. He makes clear to Maggie he’s talking about Fisk, because she thought he was talking about him... And I think he is, even though he denies it. Take a look at the way the scene was shot:

The focus is clearly on Matt, and even when she’s speaking, Maggie remains blurry in the background. This creates a sense of intimacy, the viewer’s in Matt’s mind. The focus is on Matt’s words, Matt’s face, Matt’s inner stuggle. It wouldn’t be the first time Matt and Fisk are paralleled.

In the second bit, Matt says that one of the reasons why he thinks Fisk can’t change is because the origin of that change sounds ridiculous to him:

"'Cause he's claiming to have changed over a woman."  - Matt

Notice the smirk. Matt doesn’t buy it. It’s already hard enough to believe that such a monster would be capable of love, so changing because of the woman he loves? 

3) The power of love

Love is not powerful enough to change who you are. Love will make you happier, or angrier, but it won’t change you fundamental nature.

See how it works when you include love in that quote?

In my opinion, Matt thinks that way because he considers his own experience. His love life has been a disaster. 

Karen couldn’t change who he was. He told her, in The Defenders, that he didn’t want to change (after lying to her about it): 

Karen: "God. I don’t understand. After everything you’ve worked for? You were finally rebuilding your life."

Matt: "Karen this is my life. I have to go.” (1x07)

With El*ktra, he didn’t have to change who he was, and this is partly why it felt so good to be around her. But if you look at their relationship through the prism of change... She couldn’t change him either. She couldn’t get him to kill Sweeney, for instance. She even tells him she’s glad she couldn’t in 2x08: “There’s a light inside you. I tried to snuff it out in college. I’m so lucky I failed.” So, you see, it goes both ways. And Matt couldn’t get El*ktra to change, despite all his efforts. The one thing that never changed in her is her love for him. But they almost fought until the bitter end. The only thing they could agree on was that they loved each other (and even though I don’t ship them, I can’t deny there’s something truly beautiful and tragic in their relationship, and their last moments together killed me). However... love wasn’t enough to make her change, and it wasn’t enough to make him change. Which why he can’t believe Fisk changed for Vanessa. Which is why he believes love is not THAT powerful.

4) People can’t change... but they can be forgiven.

So maybe Matt is right. Maybe people can’t change their fundamental nature. But one of the teachings of season 3 is that our mistakes don’t have to define us:  “Yeah. You’re right. His mistakes don’t need to define him. Neither do yours.” (Matt to Karen, 3x12). 

That’s a huge change in Matt’s philosophy. I can’t even begin to imagine all the effort it took him to say that. Because he’s made a lot of mistakes. And for him to say that... It must mean that, somehow, he believes this could apply to him as well. 

To conclude, I would say that people can’t change, but they can be redeemed. If not by God, then by people. And that is called forgiveness. 

Here’s the other bit you referred to, from 3x13:

Karen: “That was nice, what you said.”

Matt: “Yeah, it wasn’t just him, you know. It was you, too. You helped me see the truth about myself.”

Karen: “Ouch.That had to hurt.“

Matt: “Well, maybe one of these days, I’ll forgive you, too.”

Karen: “Before my funeral, I hope.”

Matt: “I’m glad you told me, Karen. About Wesley and your brother.”

Karen: “Yeah. Well, uh I couldn’t live with that lie forever.”

Matt: “We’re all just trying to do more good than harm. And I’d say you’re ahead on that score.”

Matt saying that she helped him see the truth about himself echoes this blessed scene from the eulogy:

“For me, personally, he spent many years trying to get me to face my own fears. To understand how they enslaved me, how they divided me from the people that I love. He counseled me to transcend my fears, to be brave enough to forgive... and see the possibilities of being a man without fear.” (Matt, 3x13)

Catholicism is about sins... but it’s also about forgiveness. It’s about darkness, but it’s also about light. So I think that, indeed, seeing that Karen, whom he always put on a pedestal, is also guilty, has even done the thing he swore he’d never do... Must have changed his mind. More than that, I think it has changed him. She shook his beliefs. And, after all, it’s her own love for justice, truth, and people in general, that redeem her. Karen has never been bad at core. She’s made mistakes. Terrible, painful mistakes. Mistakes that cost people their lives. But still, mistakes. Sins have become mistakes, in a way. And mistakes can be forgiven.

In a nutshell, I think that, indeed, this is a parallel. Karen has an impact on Matt, just like Matt has an impact on her. I truly think they make each other better persons. Which is why I love them so much: they are so alike, and yet, have such a hard time understanding each other. 

Thank you soooo much for this question, anon. I hope I answered it! :) 

[creepingtowardstheedge]

Dawn Hayes | Deputy

The Basics:

Full name: Dawn Hayes Meaning: ‘Awakening’ in Old English Nicknames: Day (Aiden), D (Aiden), Miss Know-It-All (Pratt), Birth date: January 30, 1989 Age: 29 years old Height: 5’6” inch | 173 cm Gender: Female Zodiac: Aquarius Sexuality: Heterosexual MBTI: ENTJ Alignment: Lawful Good Temperament: Melancholic Phobia(s): Deep waters Guilty pleasures: Drinking juice straight from the carton, junk food, cigarettes Language(s) spoken: English, German, Spanish and French Hobbies: Running, hiking, cycling, reading, playing the piano, cooking Side: Resistance John’s tattoos: Pride (chest), Envy (right upper arm)

Background:

Hometown: Hope County, Montana Current location: Joseph’s Island, Hope County Nationality: American Ethnicity: American, as far as she knows. Family: Cynthia Hayes (adoptive mother) Pet(s): Daisy (her dog) Education: Degree in Modern Languages Occupation: Hope County’s Deputy Past job(s): She worked for a few summers as a babysitter for the children of her mother’s friend. Brief story: Being abandoned when she was a child, she grew up in an orphanage. She had no memories of her parents, but was told that the caretaker of the orphanage found her on the doorstep of the building and no-one ever reclaimed her. When she was 10, she was placed in a foster home and moved from one home to another until she turned 14, then was taken by a widow who later she became very attached to, and who treated her like a daughter. When she came of age, she started looking for her parents, seeking for answers, determined to know the truth. She found out that her father left her mother when she was pregnant and her mother started drinking and died after a few years. She never looked for her father, realizing that she didn’t want to have a relationship with him, since he abandoned her and her mother. After school she enrolled in the police academy and graduated successfully after a few years.

Skills and Abilities:

Physical strength: 6/10 Offense: 7/10 Defense: 8/10 Agility: 8/10 Speed: 9/10 Intelligence: 9/10 Stealth: 8/10 Precision: 7/10 Stamina: 7/10 Teamwork: 9/10

Talents: 

Languages: She studied modern languages in university, so she can speak English, Spanish, German and French.

Diplomacy: At the station she was in charge of talking to the victims’ relatives, trying to talk some sense into them and to prevent the situation from going bad.

Teamwork: Always tries to resolve conflicts between people in a group.

Photographic memory and remembering details.

Shortcomings: 

Big heart: Could have never been in charge of interviews and talking to suspects, she would have bought whatever they said.

Trust issues: Though she’s kind to everyone and tries to help whoever she can, she doesn’t open easily to others and tends to push people away in an attempt to prevent herself from getting hurt.

Physical appearance and characteristics:

Face claim: Emmy Rossum Eye color: Brown Hair color: Brown Glasses/Contacts: Contacts for work, glasses at home Dominant hand: Left hand Build: Slim Skin tone: Fair Tattoos: An orchid on her right calf and a dream catcher on her ribs. Piercings: None Marks/scars: When she was a child she accidentally poured boiling water on herself and since then she has a nasty burn on her shoulder. Notable features: None Clothing style: She doesn’t really care about what she’s wearing, everything is fine as long as she’s wearing something. Allergies: Pollen

Relationships:

Earl Whitehorse: It’s like the dad she never had. She loves how grumpy he always is, and she mocks him sometimes, telling him that he’s getting old and should retire. She admires him, and would always try to take a leaf out of his choices.

Joey Hudson: At first they just didn’t get along, the both of them being stubborn and proud, but eventually learned to coexist and would sometimes join forces against Staci and Freya.

Staci Pratt: Staci is like a big brother to her. Sometimes they quarrel, but they always find a way to make peace. She looks up at him and sometimes asks him for some career and personal advice, because she knows she can count on him.

Faith Seed: She knows that the young lady has gone through some difficult times is her life, and sometimes would feel sorry for her, but, despite everything, she doesn’t sympathize too much with Faith, as she chose to be on Joseph’s side.

John Seed: According to her, John’s the most dangerous one of the Seed brothers, being so obsessed with sin, guilt and atonement. What scares her the most is that he would do anything for the Project, including sacrificing his own people without even blinking. He’s ruthless and sadistic, and she has a feeling he doesn’t care about any of his people, so she tends to be very careful around him, not knowing what he could do next.

Jacob Seed: She thinks he’s the most pragmatic and practical one of all the Seed brothers, but she tries to stay as far away as possible from him, because she knows that when he wants something he will sure as hell get it, so she tries not to underestimate him or any of his soldiers.

Joseph Seed: She doesn’t know what to think of him. His chilled and calm attitude scares her much more than the aggressive mask of the Baptist, and she thinks he could be capable of everything. He’s manipulative and charismatic, and she would sometimes have doubts whether he would be lying or telling the truth about the Collapse. She knows he’s a dangerous man, but sometimes she tends to forget how dangerous he can be.

Freya Williams: They get along pretty well, even though it’s not always easy to be around Freya. Dawn always tried to be kind and polite, but never passive, since she doesn’t let anyone push her around, and between the two girls started developing a sort of mutual respect and trust.

Aiden Lewis: Her best friend, her partner in crime. Aiden is like a brother to her, Dawn always having dinner at his house when they were younger. His family always treated her like a daughter,  they immediately bonded when they first met and since then they’ve become really close. He’s always able to cheer her up, telling jokes and making her laugh, but he also knows when to stop making fun of his friends and Dawn is grateful for that.

Riley Denvers: Dawn and Riley have a somewhat mother-daughter relationship. They sometimes fight, but always re-conciliate - mostly thanks to Hannah’s help - because they are not capable of being mad at each other for more than 10 minutes. They’ve known each other for a very long time and know they can always count on each other, no matter how angry or mad they can be.

Hannah Thompson: Dawn was the first person to stand up for Hannah in school, and since then they became really good friends, taking care of each other and always being there in times of need. Hannah always knows what’s the right thing to say, so Dawn knows that she can tell her anything and never be judged for it.

Hunter Davis: She likes to talk about serious things with Hunter, since he’s very smart and cultured. She admires her friend, he had to grow up fast and never relied on anyone else, and even though he’s not very good at socializing, he’s a good listener and knows when to be there for his friends.

Sasha Maxwell: They met a few times, when Dawn went to John’s bunker for the Confession or when Joseph visited his brother, and Sasha was always kind to her, treating her tattoos when John marked her, but Dawn couldn’t believe she was there by choice and not as a prisoner and always tried to convince her that she was on the wrong side of the war and that Joseph wasn’t as holy as he wanted others to believe.

Jake and Sean Denvers: soon

Judith Denvers: soon

Scarlett Reed: soon

Tyler Reed: soon

Other information:

At the police station, she’s the diplomatic one. She always tries to talk things through, trying to avoid the fight as much as she can, but wouldn’t hesitate to use her gun if needed.

She always tried to stood up for those who couldn’t do it for themselves, even in high school, helping Hannah when no-one did.

She went through some difficult times in her childhood. She never forgave her parents for leaving her, and she still feels so much anger towards them. Most of all she felt abandoned, and during her time in foster homes she felt as if no-one cared about her.

After having found her real parents, she found out that her real surname was Monroe, but never even thought about taking it. She adopted Cynthia’s surname instead,

She was kind of a troublemaker in high school, always being in detention with Aiden for skipping classes.

She loves her Border Collie Daisy more than everything. She’s a dog person in general, though she also likes cats, but she never had one because Daisy tends to be very possessive and would never let a cat go near Dawn.

Her favorite drink is hot chocolate, she would drink it all day, possibly on the couch, listening to the cracking of fire and watching the snow falling outside her window.

When she was younger she wanted to be a social worker, as she wanted to help children who were not lucky enough to have a decent family, but eventually acknowledged the fact that she was too emotionally involved to do her job properly. She would have probably just punched all terrible parents in the face.

She’s not good at trusting people, so she tends to push people away because she doesn’t want to get hurt or to hurt others. For that reason, she never had long relationships. She’d really like to settle down, but due to her trusting issues she never allowed herself to be happy and to find that person she wants to spend her life with.

Dawn is a fan of post-apocalyptic and dystopian movies and books. She particularly loves The Walking Dead, Mad Max: Fury Road, and I Am Legend, and her favorite book is Lord of The Flies.

[ferryboatpeak]

i would love to hear your thoughts on lwymmd and t swift’s lawsuit 👀

Thank you for asking! Mythoughts are many and rambling, and centered around the thesis that if thingshad not gone Taylor’s way in court, we would not have gotten Look What You MadeMe Do as a single, or at least we would not have gotten it at the time that wedid.

I don’t even remember whypeople on my dash were mad at Taylor around the time that single came out. [*cough*misogyny] I only know that itirritated me. I don’t ask that the celebrities who are of interest to me beperfect – I ask only that they be interesting. And Taylor Swift is profoundlyinteresting to me. I think she’s an exceptionally talented songwriter, a deadlybusinesswoman, and pretty goddamned good at running her shit. All of thatreally appeals to me. So, to be clear, I’m not saying that Taylor Swift isperfect, only that I like her.

As I understand it, TaylorSwift has committed real or perceived sins against those who are widelyaccepted to be less privileged than her by virtue of their skin color. I am notdisputing this. (Although please note that Taylor’s and Kanye’s relative privilegelooks a little different now in light of subsequent developments, as detailed in thatlink I reblogged.) However, I hope we can all agree that at the current stage ofsocietal evolution, no woman is going to be at the top of the privilege pyramid.One sharp reminder of this is that no amount of money or power or success orfame was enough to insulate Taylor Swift from a humiliating and enragingexperience shared by a whole lot of the planet’s women: the experience of some entitledjerk grabbing her ass.

When the entitled jerk hadthe nerve to blame the consequences of his actions on her (an experience that,again, is not unfamiliar to many of us), she fucking countersued him. This isimportant to bear in mind: she didn’t do anything until he sued her first. LookWhat You Made Me Do.

It is absolutely accurate tosay that Taylor Swift has financial resources that made that a much easier pathfor her. She was able to fight for principle because she had the money to doit. But to me, that does not diminish the value of her actions. I want toemphasize that having money doesn’t make it easy to be involved in a lawsuit. It’sfucking hard, no matter what. You have to share information you would prefer tokeep private, you have to revisit events you would prefer not to revisit, youhave to subject yourself to the humiliating experience of deposition andcross-examination. And most importantly, even if you’re in the right, even ifyou have the money, when you are in litigation you are living with thepossibility that things will not go your way. This possibility is particularlystressful when you are a woman and you put your case in the hands of adecisionmaker whose thought processes are inevitably conditioned by society’s attitudestoward women.

So I’m grateful she tookthat risk and lived with the inconvenience and frustration and stress that itno doubt caused her. And I fucking lovethat on the heels of her complete and total triumph in court, she released anover-the-top victory howl of a single about how she has FOILED THE PERFECT CRIMEand she will HAVE HER REVENGE. Nothing about that song would have worked if she’dlost her case.

In closing, I would like to notethat Look What You Made Me Do is an interesting twist on the fairy tale imageryshe regularly relies on in her songwriting. Crowns, elevated commoners, ballgowns, darkwoods, monsters that turn out to be just trees… fanciful stuff. In this song it’sstill fairy tale tropes, but they’re darker: locked kingdom gates, supplicantsexcluded from the feast. This time the monsters weren’t just trees. Sometimesthey’re actually fucking monsters, and she rose up from the dead anyway, likeit was nothing. Backwards and in heels, as the saying goes, just like everyother woman has to.