#I thank you for everything that you have given me.

[oyasumihikari]

(Here's a bunch of familial drama for you people. Get your popcorn. Also, I'm going to leave a lot of details of specific conversations out.

The TL;DR is that my dad was about to leave Mom and me to move in with a scam artist who stole a bunch of his money in one of those BS crypto investment schemes and I've never mentally recovered from the betrayal because I refuse to seek therapy even though I probably desperately need it.)

Shortly after my mom told my dad she wanted a divorce, my dad started talking to this random woman from Facebook Dating.

Long story short, he fell for one of those crypto schemes, and was fully willing to move in with said scam artist before it sunk in that he was being scammed.

Before it sunk in though, he was all gung-ho about moving away. He was going to move halfway across the country to Atlanta, Georgia. He would have left Mom and I with virtually nothing if I didn't bring up the possibility of one of my buddies becoming our roommate and him, me, and Dad splitting the bills.

He was going to abandon me for someone who couldn't have given any less of a shit about him. I played it off like I didn't care -- because, truth be told, as much as I hate the guy now, I do still want him to be happy, and I was excited he was finally going to leave -- but once shit hit the fan and he realized his mistake, I felt the anger finally hit me.

This fucker spent the past decade treating my mom like shit (possibly treating her like shit for all 21 years of their marriage), started treating her even worse after she got sick with long COVID, showed his true manipulative, narcissistic colors when he almost got me on his side, was about to leave us for some woman he'd never properly met before (my parents still haven't started the divorce proceedings, they're still legally married), and got all pouty and "oh poor me" after he realized he pissed away his money.

I have never thanked God more for not taking away my anger issues than during this process. There was one day during the earlier days of this whole ordeal when I had a verbal outburst at Mom while she was smoking on the porch. I let 'er have it with all of the (extremely wrong) information my father told me -- how she was the narcissist, how she wasn't in her right mind, etc. -- and showered. However, after my shower, she very calmly (way more calmly than I deserved) explained her side of the story. Everything clicked almost immediately, and I broke down into tears when I realized just how wrong I had been.

If I never had that outburst, I probably never would have given my mother the time of day to explain her side of the situation.

— Franz Kafka; January 25, 1922

[webslingingslasher]

Hey, j! an u do nerdy!Peter and Angel being scared she's using him?

*a/n: nerdy!peter has finally been released from his cage. he missed you all very much.

'and what do you do for him?'

you've been thinking about it for days. peter's softly snoring on your left but you can't sleep, tossing and turning, looking down every so often at your ring finger and feeling the same gut punch you have for the past seventy two hours.

your friend's cousin just moved to new york to follow her dreams, she's nineteen and full of life. she also very innocently asked a question that sent you tumbling down a whirlpool. you all met up for brunch, you even went the extra mile and snuck her a mimosa to show how friendly the city would be to her- but then she had to ask about your ring.

it's a new addition, you just got used to the weight and sparkle but anytime someone asks, you're shoving it in their face and bragging.

'that's a big ass diamond!'

'i know! i couldn't believe it when he asked me... i kept asking him if he was sure.'

of course you had to spill all the proposal details, your friend's cousin awwing at the right moments before doubling down with a congratulations. it was a nice moment that led into other conversations, somehow falling back on rent prices.

'it's fucking crazy out here, i don't know how you guys do it. how much do you pay in rent?' your friend shared her monthly rent, you stayed quiet, her cousin was looking at you for an answer.

'ew. you think i pay rent?' you flashed your ring again, giggles fell around the table, the topic moved on. someone mentioned a restaurant, you chimed in to say it was amazing, that your fiance took you there for your last anniversary.

'god damn, the cheapest thing on the menu is two hundred bucks! i looked it up and a glass of wine was like eighty dollars, that's crazy!'

'hmm... peter splurged on a bottle.' there was a chorus, the girls loved hearing that. you shrugged at your humble brag. when you have a good man, you want everyone to know. little comments got brushed under the table, nothing major until the bill came.

you offered to pay, the two girls with you excited with your generosity. 'ah, don't thank me, it's on peter.' you slid the credit card to the end of the table, your friend's cousin put the final nail in the coffin.

'okay, okay, you gotta tell me. so, he buys for your friends, he pays the rent, he buys you super expensive dinner, you have a rock on your finger... and what do you do for him?' she laughed, your friend laughed, you laughed. it was funny. until you couldn't come up with anything you give him back.

now it's been three days and you're watching peter sleep, feeling more and more guilt creep in by the minute. you don't deserve the things he's given you. you're not sure if curling up to him makes you feel better or not but he's warm and your eyes are finally feeling heavy.

---

'good morning, angel.' peter made you breakfast and while your heart fills with adoration, you have to fight the urge to frown. he does everything for you and you can't even make him breakfast?

'good morning.' you're still tired, you weren't able to sleep in either. rest hasn't come easily to you, peter's been noticing it too. 'i felt you moving around last night.'

'i couldn't sleep. i finally dropped off around three.' you sit at the kitchen counter and rest your head on your hand, peter kisses your forehead, the oven timer goes off. he made cinnamon rolls.

'was anything keeping you up? you've been a little quiet since you had lunch with your friends.' he knows something's off, he's just not prying it out of you yet. 'i don't know, i couldn't get my mind to turn off i guess.'

you're staring at your ring again, peter serves you the middle roll. it's the best one. he splurged on the ring, he pays for the rent, he pays for every date, he buys for your friends, he gives you the middle cinnamon roll and you... and you...

'i know i don't have to tell you this, angel, but just in case... you can tell me anything. even if it's something you don't think i want to hear.' peter's thinking it's something about your friend or work, something that doesn't really pertain to him but if it's weighing on you, it should weigh on him too.

'i know.' you reach for your breakfast, the shine of your diamond stops you. 'how much did you spend on my ring?' peter's looking at your ring too, a sly smile crosses over his face.

'that's for me to know and you to never find out.' he's not saying it because it was cheap, you know it wasn't. you wouldn't care if it was, the fact he got down on one knee and asked you to be his forever was enough to say yes, even if he did it with a ring pop. but you've been scrolling and trying to do your own investigative work and what you've found makes you feel like you don't deserve it.

'how much money do you make every month?' you have an idea but you don't have a specific number and you need a dollar amount. peter looks at you funny, probably because your question came from left field. 'why do you want to know?'

'because i'm going to marry you and i want to know your finances.' it's a cheap shot around the truth, peter knows it too. 'alright, well, we'll talk about that when we get there. we haven't even talked about the wedding yet.' you told peter you wanted a couple months to bask in the fiance glow and you'd start planning when you got bored of it, he had no problems with it.

'i think money is a great starting point, how else am i supposed to know our budget?'

'tell me how much you want to spend and i'll let you know if it's possible.' you don't want a numbers game but you'll play. 'ten thousand?'

'yes.'

'twenty?'

'yes.'

he has to draw the line somewhere, you're going to find it. 'fifty?' he laughs through a bite of icing, you feel like you still haven't scraped the barrel. 'if you can find a way to blow fifty grand on a wedding, sure.'

you're not pushing it any further, you have a feeling that no matter what you said, peter would tell you it's doable. it's frustrating and the only thing that eases you is the sweet, sticky pastry in front of you. 'you'd tell me if you were broke, right?'

'hey,' peter puts his cinnamon roll next to yours. 'you've never had to worry about money before, you don't need to now, either. is that what you're worried about? our wedding budget?' it's not but you'll take the bait, you're tired of talking in circles.

you take too much and he'll never admit it.

'yeah.' you're looking at your ring again, you're not hungry anymore.

'don't worry about it, angel.' peter kisses your temple. 'i'll take care of you.' you know he will. that's why you feel so bad.

---

you might not be able to do much but you can pay for dinner.

'i want to go out for dinner.'

peter's on board. 'ooh, date night. whatcha thinking?' you blurt his favorite place, he's extra excited now. 'double yes, six or seven?'

'six thirty?' you think his eyes have stars in them. 'i love when you meet me in the middle. six thirty it is, i'll reserve a table right now.' you grin, your plan is already rolling into motion.

his favorite dinner and when he leasts expects it, you're going to put your card down instead. it'll be your treat tonight. even if it's minor, it'll make you feel better.

at least you thought. dinner was excellent, the conversation was even better- you felt more connected to him tonight than you had in the past week. the second the bill came, you scrambled for it.

'oh, do you want to guess the total?' it's a small game you've both come up with, you each take a guess at the number to see who memorized the prices best. 'nope, i'm paying for this one.'

'cute. pass it over, angel.' he thinks you're playing, you refuse to hand the check back to him. 

'it's on me tonight.'

'then pay with my card.' you shake your head, 'i'm using mine. dinner's on me, i mean it.' peter's uncomfortable but he's playing nice in public. 'no. give me the check, please.'

you hold it with a vice grip, he would have to pry it from you. 'i'm paying, peter.'

'no you're not. you don't pay for me, that's my job.' you grit your teeth in frustration before easing into a smile. 'not tonight, petey. let me take over.'

'not happening. give me the check.'

'no. i'm paying.' you won't let him win this one. you need this, you need to feel useful for something. 'angel, seriously, hand it over.'

'no.'

'i always pay, let me see it.' that's more than enough reason to keep it from him. 'exactly, let me get this one this time.' peter looks at you dead on, he's not budging. 'no.'

'you're not paying for this no matter what, peter. i wanted to treat you to dinner and i am.' he sighs, you know he's about to gentle parent you into giving him what he wants but you're prepared for it and you won't give in.

'go ahead and pay for it, i'm just going to send you the money for it.' your mouth parts, you didn't expect that curveball. 'if you do, i'm sending it back. double.'

'i'll block you from sending it back, don't test me.' you buffer in the silence, peter tries to grab the checkbook from your hands, you slide it underneath the table. 'i'm paying and you're not reimbursing me. got it?'

you have your card ready, the second you see the waiter you'll hand it over before peter can think about reaching for his wallet. 'you're not paying and that's final.'

'no, i'm paying and that's-'

'are we ready with the check or do we need some more time?' you grin at the waiter, he came right on time. you hand over the bill and your card, peter's card is outstretched with yours. the waiter looks between the two with an awkward smile, you push yours further out- peter opens his big mouth.

'don't take her card. use mine.'

'i'm capable of buying you a dinner!' your waiter's caught in the middle and on everything in you, you swear he went with peter because he's a man. 'use mine.' your waiter takes peter's card and swiftly leaves the table.

you're defeated. you slump back in your seat with crossed arms.

'i told you i was paying.' he's happy about it. the one thing you thought you could give him, he just took from you. you don't know if you're more mad at him or yourself. you blankly stare at the wall across from you. you stare at it when peter's card is returned, you stare at it as he signs the receipt, you stare at it while he asks if you're ready.

you move in silence. you have nothing positive and nothing negative to say. you feel beat down. 'and what do you do for him?' nothing. not even pay for a god damn dinner. peter swings his arm over your shoulder, you shrug it off a block down.

'wanna get some ice cream?' you shake your head. you don't want to force another expense on him. 'oh c'mon, you love something sweet after dinner. how about that chocolatier place next to the apartment?'

you think he can sense you're upset. 'i'll let you pay. how about that?' he knows you're mad about it and offering you to pay for a cupcake instead of a full blown dinner sounds like he's giving you peanuts.

'can you go to may's?' he looks confused. 'why? what's at may's?'

'hopefully you. unfortunately we live together and i don't want to be around you right now.' you can shut him out of the bedroom but it sucks knowing he's right there... probably doing something for you that he won't let you return the favor on.

'you're kicking me out because i didn't let you pay for dinner? that's a little extreme.' your guilt comes out as anger, it's not his fault but it is. 'no, peter, you're the extreme one. i'm supposed to marry you and you can't even let me buy you dinner? i'm going home, don't follow me.'

of course he's following you. 'this is a really stupid thing to argue over.'

'yeah, it is. so why are you?' if he thinks it's so stupid why wouldn't he just let you pay? couldn't he tell how much you needed it? 'i'm not fighting with you, angel. i just don't know why after five years buying me dinner is a hill you want to die on.'

'because! you, you- ugh! go to may's, i'm done with you.'

peter's been with you long enough he knows when to back off. 'fine. you win. i'll hang with may for a couple hours but i'm not sleeping there.' if he thinks that means anything to you, he has another thing coming. 'i'm locking the bedroom door, you can sleep on the couch.'

'are you-'

'serious? deathly. thanks for dinner, peter.' you made sure to end the argument on how it started, just in case he needed to ask himself how he got in his position. you take off into a small crowd and arrive home by yourself.

the small adrenaline rush you had settled, all you can think about is your fiance. he bought you dinner and you yelled at him. he paid for a meal and you kicked him out of the home he pays rent for. even when you're trying to do the right thing you failed.

you stare at your ring, think of peter's confused face and start crying. once you start, you can't stop. every negative thought and feeling you've harbored comes pouring out- you're nasty and you don't deserve peter.

and you damn well don't deserve his ring. not an expensive one. you're not worthy of it, you've given him nothing in return. turning the hall for your bedroom, you fall on your shared bed and feel worse thinking about how peter bought the new mattress.

he's tailored the last four- basically five years of his life to you and your wants and needs and you can't think of a damn thing you've given in return. you sob, your tears are salty and you're happy peter isn't there, if he was, holding you would make everything worse.

this was a private breakdown, the kind where you feel like you're about to throw up from crying too hard. you gasp for air, the ring on your finger feels choking. you rip it off your finger and slam it down on the nightstand, you can finally breathe. tears are still racing down your cheeks but you can think clear, everything screams that you need to tell your fiance.

you need to tell peter that you're not okay because now you're treating him like he isn't okay. and it's all because of the ring. you can try and cope with everything else but a two carat diamond on your hand was too far. you have the ring but no wifely duties, you just watch peter tend to your every need and feel more and more useless.

it feels good to cry about it. you feel less like a monster. you sniffle and catch yourself tearing up about it over and over, you squeeze your eyes shut- you think you fall asleep crying.

---

the tv is on when you wake up. the bedroom is dark but you can see a peek of light under the door, a soft candance of sound follows with it. peter's home and even though you didn't lock the door, he's respecting your space.

your ring is still on the nightstand. you have to give it back. and apologize to the person you love most. you hesitantly grip the gem in the palm of your hand, it feels heavier than normal, you're not sure if you're doing the right thing.

but you see that peter's still awake and folding the laundry you left in the dryer. you've never felt more sure. you don't deserve the ring. you don't deserve him.

'i thought you were down for the night.' you check the microwave for the time, it's a little after eleven. you're not sure how to tell him, seeing him fold your socks sends a pang to your heart. you hold out your hand, he does it back, your engagement ring falls into his palm.

'i don't want it.'

panic. instant, fucking, panic. 'what do you mean you don't want it? the ring? me? engagement? are you breaking up with me?' peter's chest rises and falls rapidly, all of a sudden your panic is matching his and you're crying again.

'angel, you really need to talk to me right now. why is your ring not on your finger? what does 'i don't want it' mean?' you shake your head, peter's trying to be the calm one but he's failing.

'why the fuck did you give me your ring back?'

you whimper, it sounds like you just got shot. you did the wrong thing. you keep messing up. 'i'm sorry! i'm sorry, i'll just-' you try to take it back, peter's hand closes around it. 'no. you don't give me your ring and tell me you don't want it just to take it back.'

'i didn't mean it, i swear i didn't mean it. i want it back!'

'you meant it enough to give it back! what the hell is happening?' you went too far, you're not sure how to take it all back. 'give me my ring back, peter!' you're fighting with him for it, it's a lost cause but you're not giving up.

'you can't walk up to me after a fight, tell me you don't want the ring and start crying and beg for it back when i question you. no, you're not getting it back.' you're trying to pry his fingers off it, struggling more and more with each passing second.

'you've been weird for the past week. are you getting cold feet? do you want to call off the engagement? i'm at such a loss right now, why the hell would you give me your ring back?' you're in a panic, everything is crumbling at your fingertips.

'because i don't like it!' peter stops fighting as hard, you gasp for air the second it's back on your finger. it feels like a bandaid on the situation but it's better than nothing when you're preparing for war.

'you don't like the ring?' he sounds sad. really, really sad. 'that's okay, angel. i wish you would've said something sooner but we can pick something else out.' you can't let him be this kind when he's sad. the truth has to come out.

you sit next to him on the couch and lay your head on his shoulder, sometimes hard things are easier to say if you're not looking at him.

'i love the ring, peter. i really do. i just don't deserve it.'

even if you missed wearing it for a few minutes, you feel ashamed looking at it. 'why wouldn't you deserve it?' you chew on the inside of your cheek, you don't know how to explain it without him brushing it off. you have real, valid concerns about the future you have with him.

'you're gonna think it's stupid.' you're soft spoken.

peter matches it. 'maybe. but tell me anyway.' you take a deep breath and close your eyes, the story spills out. it starts last week at brunch, you give him the side comments that fell into your internal crisis.

'-and when she asked 'what do you do for him' i couldn't think of one thing. so i kept thinking about it and i don't have anything. i use you, peter. you pay for the rent, you buy me anything i want, you make dinner all the time, you clean the dishes, and you gave me a big ass diamond i don't deserve. i don't deserve you.'

peter leans his head back against the couch, a deep breath follows. 'and when i refused to let you buy me dinner, it was the final straw.' it was a very small, fine straw but he didn't know the load you were carrying- of course it all fell apart right there.

'i want to spend the rest of my life with you. i just don't want you to wake up one day and regret it when you realize i don't do enough in return.' that's the biggest fear you have. the unspoken one that kept haunting you, that one day ten years from now, you'd wake up to an empty house with a pack of divorce papers.

'you're right, angel. i think it's stupid.' you restrain from telling him off, you're glad you did. 'but it doesn't sound stupid to you, so, as the person who asked you to marry them, do you want to hear why i think you deserve it?'

you nod against his shoulder. 'please.'

'because it's you. that's why you deserve it. you have had my back every day for the past five years, like, you're solidly in my corner. and i've never had that from another person before. if i have to cancel something for spider-man, you tell me not to say sorry for it. when i forgot my cheat sheet for my third year midterm, you ditched your class to bring me it. when i was sick a couple months ago, you called out of work to take care of me. when i helped may move in her new furniture, you were there before i was. you pack me lunch every day, with a note and every day when i come home i get greeted with an 'i missed you' and a kiss.'

you hope if you stay quiet he'll keep going. he does.

'that's something i can't repay you for. but i can take care of you and make your life easier, and that makes me feel better about it. you give me a reason to get out of bed in the morning, if anything you deserve a bigger ring.'

peter bragging about you made you feel a lot better. he thinks you give him more than enough, it's just in a different way. 'if we're being honest, the money stuff makes me a little uncomfortable, i feel like you're spending too much on me.'

it was never about the wedding or the ring, it was about how much you think you're really worth. 'that's where all the questions came from?' you nod, peter shifts around, you end up curled in even closer to his side.

'i just don't want you spending more money than you have to just because you think it's your job to provide for me.'

'if we're being honest, i have something to tell you.' your fears are true, you put peter into crippling debt. 'i wasn't sure how to tell you and you were going to find out eventually but... remember that trust fund my parents left for me that i got when i turned twenty one?' it's worse than you thought. he never got one, did he?

'yeah?'

'i don't know why i lied but i got a lot more than i actually told you.' you slowly raised your head up to look at him, he's nervous for your reaction. you're still processing what was said.

'peter, are we rich?' you watch his hand teeter back and forth, your jaw drops open. 'i was stressed out for an entire week about you paying rent and now you're telling me we have money?!'

you gasp, would you be able to accomplish every new yorker's dream? 'do we have house money?' peter corrects you quickly. 'okay, woah, calm down, we're not millionaires... but yes, we do have a down payment on a house money.'

you've been bamboozled. 'then where's the house?'

'wedding first, house second. whatever's leftover from the wedding we can put down on a house.' that made your decision real quick. 'courthouse. i want a three bedroom.'

'we can have a wedding and a three bedroom, i promise. once we get married it becomes our money and we can spend it however we want. but until then it's my money and i'm gonna make sure you get a wedding out of it.' you'll accept it but it still doesn't feel even.

'i just feel bad that you do everything and i barely do anything to repay you.' now that you noticed it you're not sure if you'll be able to notice it. 'what does do everything mean to you?'

'you pay the rent, you pay the bills, you pay for all our dates, you clean the dishes and cook dinner five night out of the week-' you point to the mess in front of you- 'you fold our laundry.'

'we already talked about rent and bills, that conversation is over. i pay for our dates because you buy the groceries, in case you forgot.' you might've. 'if you pay for it when we eat at home, i should pay for it when we go out. the other stuff is household chores, i live here, i should do those things. i make dinner because we have to eat, i clean dishes because they need to get washed, i fold the laundry because half of it is mine. do i really need to tell you how you do way more than me around here?'

it doesn't feel like you do so... 'yes.'

'you wash our sheets once a week and remake the bed, you make the bed every morning, every sunday you plan out our dinners and go shopping. i've never touched our vacuum, actually, i don't think i've ever adjusted a pillow on this couch either. you decorated for christmas and halloween, you're definitely the only one who's ever cleaned the shower and don't think i haven't noticed how since you've moved in i've never, not even once, run out of deodorant or toothpaste. i help with some stuff but you're the one that makes this a home, angel.'

you do all those things. and support peter with everything in you.

you do deserve the ring.

'so i really earned the wifey title?'

'more than earned. you were made for that role... in a non misogynistic way, of course.' you grin, you can't wait to marry him. 'i can't believe i didn't think i did enough. i'm kind of awesome around here, aren't i?'

'you're the reason we're able to run the routine so smoothly, all i do is keep the lights on.' you raise your eyebrows, 'maybe you're the one that doesn't deserve me.'

'you're probably right. that's why i gotta use the free rent ruse to trick you into staying with me.' you play gasp and show off the best piece of jewelry you'll ever be gifted. 'and you trapped me with a diamond.'

'if i keep you focused on the sparkle you won't notice my con man ways.' he must see you lost in the little rainbows. 'well, it's working.'

'good. let me know when it starts to wear off, i'll get you a bigger one.' you know he's joking but you don't want a bigger diamond, you like this one. it's perfect because it's the one he picked out for you.

'you know, sometimes bigger isn't better.' 

[eand47]

Chapter VIII | The Beach

Summary: You moved to one of the biggest cities in the world - Grand Line to pursue filmmaking career. Soon enough your path will cross with the vocalist of upcoming band called “The Neighbourhood”. At first you decided to be just friends - because it would be easier, but sadly as everything in life sometimes by taking the easy path we regret a lot of things.

Main characters: Portgas D Ace x Reader (female)

Supporting characters: Nami, Usopp, Luffy, Zoro, Sanji, Law, Deuce, Shanks, Buggy, Sabo, Eustass Kid, Koala, Robin, Dave (OC)

Description: Modern AU | Musician Ace

WARNINGS: explicit language, mentions of alcohol, mentions of cigarettes/nicotine, mentions of childhood trauma, mentions of loneliness, aggressive content, graphic description of violence, heavy angst, family trauma, mentions of blood, mentions of stabbing wound, mentions of broken bones, slapping across the face, heavy angst, mentions of death, slight hints of depression

Word Count: 20,2K

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NOTE: First I want to thank you all for the patience ♡ I now that it has been a month since I last posted a chapter, but I had a little writers block (and two more fics) and I wasn't exactly sure how I want to structure this chapter and what should I left for the next one, but the chapter turned out pretty long anyway, so at least next one will be out faster as I already know what I want to write about in it ♡ Just to add something quick for those of you who have watched the show 'Shameless' the house and the neighborhood where the ASL trio grew up is the exact same vibe. Also please note when you read the last part of the chapter that I have purposely referred to Reader as 'you' and not as 'her' as this is the first time where you have an interaction between her/you and Ace from mostly Ace POV, so it's not a writing mistake. I have some more things to say, but I will keep them for the end note as I don't want to spoil anything for you, so enjoy ♡

Twenty years ago

Walking into the house and kicking his shoes off the little kid with bloody nose grumbled as he heard his aunt talking loudly to someone, probably on the phone. Rolling his eyes the child tried to sneak in quietly through the hallway to go to his room, but his attempts were unsuccessful.

“Ace.” Dadan’s loud voice filled the house, causing Ace to roll his eyes. “Don’t try to sneak in, brat. I saw you coming from the window.”

Rolling his eyes again, the six years old child made his way to the kitchen. Walking in, his eyes landed on the tall overweight woman, who had a cigarette between her lips as always. Her curly long ginger hair was falling freely on her broad shoulders and her brown eyes were now fixated on Ace.

“Did you get in a fight, again?” She eyed him up and down carefully, waiting for the child to start speaking.

“What do you think Dadan?” Ace angrily scrunched his whole face as he looks at Dadan. Taking a long puff from her cigarette, Dadan just shook her head as she turned her attention back to the boiling pot on the stove.

“Go get clean.” She told Ace, who stormed out from the kitchen and made his way upstairs to his room. “Ah, Rogue. How could you leave me this son of yours, who is good for nothing.” She mumbled to herself. “This kid will end up like his dad one day.”

Going to the bathroom, Ace grabbed the little step ladder there and climbed on it to open the cabinet where first emergency kit was. Dadan had stopped cleaning his bloody nose long time ago as she got tired of him getting into fights every other day with the older kids in the street. That was why Ace had to learn how to clean his own bloody nose alone, along with the bruises on his body.

For only a six years old child he was quite independent mostly due to the fact that Dadan couldn’t manage with his behaviour and has given up on trying to discipline him. For his age Ace was a menace – too angry and grumpy for a kid. He got kicked out from kindergarten for bad behaviour and terrorising the rest of the children, for which Dadan was now stuck to stay home most of the time because leaving him alone would be against the law. Not like she did spend time with him, but in case someone calls the child services she must be around. It had happened once, they came to look at their home because someone’s mother from the kindergarten had called on the family, if you could call it one. Thankfully Dadan had connections with one of the heads of the social works and he saved her and Ace from being separated, but for this she must return him a big number of favours.

Sometimes Dadan wondered if it was worth it - yes, Ace was her beloved little sister’s child, but he had taken none of her kindness, the kid was a walking disaster and a copy of his father, the only thing he had from her sister were the freckles. That was why sometimes she was questioning if Ace would have been better off in some foster family or adopted by somebody else, but Dadan had promised Rouge that she would take care of him no matter what because it was her death wish. If Rouge was alive, Dadan was sure she would have taken better care of the boy, as Dadan herself was lacking all the mother instincts, something her sister always had and wanted.

Ace was a wanted child by both of his parents, but he would never know about this or even if he did, he wouldn’t believe it. He knew some things regarding who his mother was and how she looked, but when it came to his father, he knew nothing about him but that he was a well known and wanted criminal who died before Ace was born and from whom he has taken everything bad. As Dadan once screamed at him ‘You are good for nothing, brat. Just like the father of yours.’ These words have echoed in his ears since then.

Cleaning the blood off his nose, Ace stepped down from the small ladder and put it back to the side. Exiting the bathroom with a kick of the door, Ace went straight to his room. Opening and closing the door to it, he quickly locked it in case Dadan decided to come and bothered him.

The room was pretty small – with only a single bed and a small nightstand on the side and not so big wardrobe. Ace didn’t have many toys or books to begin with so the room wasn’t full of the typical things that other children might have in their rooms. Getting on his knees next to the bed, Ace reached with his hands for the little shoe box he has hidden under it. Inside the box was filled with things he had stolen from other children – Hot Wheels, which Dadan would never buy him until he would learn to behave and because of it Ace took it in his own hands to find a way to have them, some Lego pieces and his most recent and treasured of them all – an iPod with a pair of headphones.

Ace stole the iPod two day ago, from some teenage girl at the nearby park. He saw how she and her friends weren’t paying attention to their surroundings so the moment he spotted the iPod in the side pocket of her bag he was determined to have it. Walking closer to them he tripped on purpose and started to “cry” to which the girls immediately jumped to help him as who wouldn’t help a little adorable kid like him. While the girls were trying to cheer him up, he used the time to ask them for an ice cream and all four of them were quick to jump and run to buy him one, leaving all their belongings on the side. By the time they were back, Ace had left with the iPod and the headphones. The girl, from whom he has stolen the iPod, didn’t realise that it was missing until she was on her way home, but even then, it didn’t cross her mind that it was Ace who had stolen it, and it was probably her who dropped it somewhere.

The only problem that Ace had now was that the iPod was almost out of battery, and he didn’t have any charger for it, nor he was sure of how to charge it. Asking Dadan would lead to a fight with her, and she wasn’t very good with electronics so he must find a solution on his own. Placing the headphones on his head Ace started going through the songs on the iPod, luckily for him, the girl from who he stole it had a lot of songs on it, but not all of them matched his taste.

Music has always calmed him, and it also made him feel connected to his mom. He had seen many pictures of her holding a guitar while singing, once on a very old video tape he even heard her singing. His mother had a beautiful and melodic voice, one he could listen to for hours. Sometimes while listening to music Ace would catch himself singing along or humming the song he was currently listening to, which was very comforting for him. Not only he found something to connect with his mother, but also something that gave him the peace of mind.

Laying down on the bed with the headphones on his ears and some song he has never heard before, Ace closed his eyes, a deep exhale coming out of his chest into the air. The song was very old compared to the other ones on the iPod, which were more modern and with more fasten rhythm, but this one was slow and sensual.

Say my name Sun shines through the rain Do you understand? Do you feel the same? Am I only dreaming? Is this burning an eternal flame?

Listening closely to the lyrics, Ace was tapping with his finger on the bed following the rhythm of the song. He wasn’t a fan of love songs at all, let alone a love ballad, but there was something catchy about this one.

A whole life so lonely And then come and ease the pain I don't wanna lose this feelin', oh

Ace never knew what affection or love was. Dadan was never gentle with him nor affectionate, she was there for him to provide what he needed the most which was a roof over his head and a meal on the table. She had said it to him – “Don’t mistake me for a mother, I ain’t one.” And this has stuck with him since then. He has never ever even received a hug from her, not even on his birthday. Until he was four years old, Ace didn’t even know when his birthday was. One day he just woke up and was met with a cake in the kitchen and a ‘Happy Birthday, brat’ from Dadan and that was it, since that day he knew when his birthday was, but it was never something special, it was never something worth celebrating in their household.

Close your eyes, give me your hand, darling

A single tear ran down his round cheek and he was quick to wipe it away with the back of his hand. Ace never cries. He couldn’t and shouldn’t – ‘big strong men don’t cry’, that was what he was told. And he was one - a big strong man, in the body of a six years old child who craved nothing but some affection. A child which needed someone to wrap their arms around his tiny form and tell him that everything would be alright.

The song was at its final chorus when Ace heard a loud banging on the door. He sat straight in the bed immediately as he heard Dadan voice.

“What are you doing locked there, brat? Open the door immediately.” Her loud and raspy voice from all the cigarettes she has smoked echoed through the house. Removing the headphones from his head, Ace hid them and the iPod under his pillow. Jumping out of bed quickly he went and unlocked the door, opening it with one swift move.

“What do you want Dadan?” The little boy asked with an angry voice and frown brows.

“Dinner’s ready. Come downstairs – Dogra and Magra are home now, and we have something important to speak about.” She said and left without waiting for response from the child. Closing the door once again, Ace made sure to put back the iPod in the box under his bed.

Going downstairs into the kitchen, Dogara – a short skinny bald man with a clean shaved face and Magra – a tall very muscular man with a long mustache and bright red hair shaved on both sides. leaving only some hair in the middle, were sitting on the round table. They were living with him and Dadan, since Ace could remember, so they were practically a family. Ace took his usual sit next to Dogara and waited for Dadan to place the food on the table.

Placing the pot of stew in the middle of the table, Dadan filled her and Ace’s plate and Dogara and Magara did the same. Ace tried reaching with his hand for some bread and Dogara saw his struggle to reached it, so he handed it to him easily.

“There you go, Ace.” He said with a smile as Ace snatched the loaf from his hands.

“Say thanks, brat.” Dadan was quick to scoff the little boy as he was lacking all kind of manners. He only rolled his eyes to her and took a big bite of the bread not carrying about what he was being told.

The adults on the table were having a conversation while Ace was just focused on his food not paying attention to whatever they were walking about.

“Listen, Ace.” Dadan’s voice interrupted his thoughts. Moving his eyes from his plate to her, Ace fixed his gaze on Dadan. “From next month you are going to pre-school and this time you will behave, okay! You heard me clearly, brat?” She gave him a stern look which was met with Ace’s unbothered eyes. “Also, Garp came by two days ago. We are going to foster a kid your age from next week, which means you both are going to pre-school, and you are also going to share your room with him.”

Hearing this Ace whole face scrunched with anger. Why should he share? Why was Dadan fostering another kid when she was barely paying any attention to Ace? Why wasn’t he enough?

“I’m not sharing my room.” He yelled angrily at her as he dropped his spoon in the plate splashing some of the food around the table and on the floor.

“You have no saying in this, brat. Dogara and Magra are going to buy and build a bunk bed tomorrow in your room so make sure to clean around the shit you have.” Dadan had no choice but to raise her voice at him a bit, as he was stubborn as aways, never making things easy for her.

The chair on which Ace sat made a loud quacking noise on the floor as Ace pulled it away from the table and jumped off it, storming out from the kitchen. ‘Stupid Dadan, stupid house and stupid kid’ He was murmuring to himself as he was running up the stairs and going straight to his room. Closing the door shut after himself and locking it, he ran to the bed and pulled out the box under it, taking the iPod off it. Placing the headphones over his head and laying on the bed, he played the old ballad love song. Ace closed his eyes and turned around burring his face in the pillow, biting on it he tried his best not to let the tears fall from his eyes as his little fists were clenching the bedsheets. Soon the room was filled with the sound on his quiet sobs. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair for him to have to share when he barely had anything to begin with. It wasn’t fair for another kid to come and live with them when Dadan didn’t even want Ace in a first place or did she only feel this way about Ace? Did she only not want Ace? Why didn’t she want him in a fist place? They shared the same blood after all. He was her sister’s child, she was his aunt – why was she never nice and loving towards him? Ace knew that he was very bad behaving child, and he didn’t like this, but at the same time he couldn’t help it, because it was only then when Dadan would pay him any attention. It was only then when he could get any attention from her. Ace didn’t want much, he only wished to feel wanted by someone, anyone. Yet, this wish seemed to be impossible.

‘You are good for nothing.’ The words echoed through the child’s mind again. Was this true? Was he never going to be good at something? Was he going to cause trouble all his life? Was he never going to find someone to love and accept him with all his flaws – not even a friend? Would he ever find a friend in this world? Why was he cursed to be all by himself and lonely?

A year later

Laughter filled the house when the two young boys burst in it after their first day in school. Kicking their shoes on the side and ready to run upstairs they were interrupted by Dadan’s voice calling them from the living room. With a groan the two kids followed the voice and walked in the room only to see her sitting on the very old and worn-out couch, but to their surprise next to her on it was sitting a little boy no older than three years old, with a runny nose and eyes filled with tears. Both Ace and Sabo looked at each other with confusion written all over their faces.

“This is Luffy, and he will be part of the family from now on, come on Luffy introduce yourself.” Hearing her voice being almost tender Ace was taken aback by the fact that Dadan could be this gentle towards a child. Not only the softness in her voice but also the way she was caressing the child’s back so gently made his eyes widen. She has never been this tender with him nor he could remember if she has. He has seen some of her calmer side with Sabo, but never this gentle, never this carrying. “It’s okay, Luffy. They will be nice towards you.” She encouraged the little child to look up and speak to the two older children. With a trembling lip he finally gained the courage to look up at them and as he was parting his lips to introduce himself, Luffy got interrupted.

“What the hell, Dadan?” Ace angry voice filled up the room.

“Watch your tongue, brat.” Dadan yelled at him with a warning tone.

“Why are you fostering another kid?” Ace’s little fists squeezed and his brows frowned as his eyes were moving between Dadan and the cry baby next to her. He might have been only seven, but Ace knew how much they were struggling financially and that they were barely making the ends, with this kid around the house this was only going to worsen things even more.

 “None of your concern, brat.” She cut him off and turned again to Luffy. “Come on now, don’t mind those two, especially the brat one.” Dadan side-eyed Ace with a warn in her eyes to behave.

“I-I’m Luffy a-and I-I’m three years old.” Said the little boy with hair as black and messy as Ace’s. Even his eyes were a similar colour to his, if they were to stand next to each other, someone might mistake them for brothers. Dadan clapped with her hands and congratulated Luffy for being brave by introducing himself.

“Now you two.” Her tone completely changed for Ace and Sabo.

“Hey Luffy, my name is Sabo, and this here is Ace.” Sabo, the blonde boy who Dadan took in her home a year ago, smiled at Luffy and pointed with his thumb towards Ace who just scowled at Luffy. “We are both seven years old and we just started elementary school.”

If Ace was a grumpy menace, then Sabo was almost the same – he was just smart enough to hid it from Dadan and other adults around, in front of them he was just a sweet polite child, which even in their household was barely receiving a “no”.

To everyone’s surprise it didn’t take long for Ace and Sabo to get along, in fact they were the same when in came to mischiefs, but it was mostly Ace who was taking the blame for it. Sabo usually would get a scold while Ace would get scold and yelled at the same time. But Ace was telling himself that this was okay, after all he was carrying the cross of the black sheep in the family on his back.

“Luffy is going to sleep in your room. We al-”

“What? There isn’t any space left, you old hag.” Ace yelled and got closer to Dadan and Luffy.

“Who are you calling an old hag, you brat.” Dadan yelled back at him and got up from the couch. Her tall form casting a shadow over Ace, but he didn’t even flinch, this encounter between them was something typical.

“This cry baby is not allowed in my room.” His eyes moved to Luffy who was looking at him with widen tearily eyes and then back to the angry woman in front of him. Turning around angrily, Ace stormed out of the room.

“This is not your room only, brat.” Dadan yelled after him. “Sabo, take Luffy with you and show him the room.” She turned then to Sabo as she grabbed Luffy’s small hand and made him stand up from the couch. Sabo just nodded and took the little kid’s hand in his and lead him upstairs to their room.

Entering the room both Sabo and Luffy’s eyes widen from the sight in front of them – the bedsheets and the pillow on the bed, which was placed next to the window and prepared for Luffy, were torn apart and threw on the ground. Kicking the pillow right in Luffy’s face Ace stepped closer to him, his eyes full of rage.

 “You are not welcomed here little shit, keep this in mind.”

Nine years later

It was a nice warm autumn day and music was blasting from the garage and could be heard from any corner of the streets. The two sixteen years old boys were playing music in there – Sabo, now grown up, his face slowly changing into more mature one but still very boyish, covered with some acne spots on his chin and cheeks, something typical for this age, was hitting the drums, while his brother Ace, who like Sabo has grown so much in the past almost ten years, now taller, but with face a little bit more boyish than Sabo’s, attitude still the same but now a little bit under control, was playing the guitar.

“Hey, hey Ace.” Sabo yelled at his brother who continue playing some melody on his guitar. Hearing his yelling Ace stopped and focused his attention on him. “When is Law coming? Wasn’t he supposed to be here like an hour ago?”

Law was Ace’s classmate and best friend who also taught him how to play the guitar, which lead to them three playing together in the garage almost everyday now. Ace’s brows knitted as he looked at his watch, it was true, his friend was supposed to be here by now.

“Ye, I’ll text him.” Pulling the broken screen phone from his pocket, Ace started typing with one hand while with the other he was holding his guitar. “He said he is on his w-” He couldn’t finish his sentence as he saw his little brother Luffy running in full speed towards the house and storming in, while holding his left cheek like he was hurt. Looking over his shoulder at Sabo to make sure that he saw the same thing as him, the two brothers exchanged confused looks as Luffy aways comes to them first thing first when he comes back home from school or anywhere in general.

“Should we check?” They both said at the same time. With just a nod Ace removed the guitar from his shoulders and Sabo dropped the drumsticks and they ran inside the house.

“Luffy.” Ace screamed as they entered their shared room, but their little brother was no where to be seen.

“Maybe he is in the bathroom.” Sabo placed his hand on Ace’s shoulder and pointed with his head towards the end of the hallway. The two boys made their way to the bathroom door and heard the water running. “Hey, Luffy. Everything okay?” Knocking on the door, Sabo waited for his response, but nothing came.

“Luffy, come on. Say something, we know you are here.” Ace leaned on the wall next to the doorcase as he crossed his arms over his chest, waiting for his brother’s response.

“G-go away. Both of you.” A trembling voice yelled from the other side of the door. The two older brothers rolled back their shoulders and straighten their postures as they heard the voice filled with pain.

“Yo, yo Luffy. What the fuck is going on?” Ace raised his voice as he wasn’t the most patient person to exist. Sabo hit him on the chest with the back of his hand as his blue eyes shoot at his brother’s deep brown ones with a warning look telling him without words to calm down.

“Come on, Lu. Did you get beaten up at school again?” Sabo softly chuckled. Sometimes some of the older kids in his school bullied him in school, for which Sabo and Ace made fun of him from time to time, but they were also ready to back him up if he just said so. “Open the door, we won’t make fun of you.”

“Much.” Ace added with a smirk which caused Sabo to snort, but he was quick to compose himself.

“No, Luffy don’t listen to Ace.”

“Ye, Lu. I was messing with you.” Ace’s voice became a little softer now as he tried to assure his brother to come out and speak with them.

“Go away.” Luffy screamed again, but this time the sob that escaped his lips was heard by his brothers.

“Luffy, if you don’t open this door I will.” Ace warned him as his patience was wearing thin.

“And so, will I.” Sabo added.

One of the doors in the hallway opened and from it came out Dogara – still short and bald, he looked at the guys in disbelief.

“What are you three yelling about this time?” He screamed at the two boys who were ignoring him. “I’m talking to you two.” He screamed again as he walked closer to them.

“Shut up.” The two brothers, now so much taller than Dogara, screamed in unison causing the short man to flinch.

“I’m telling Dadan.” He murmured going back to his room determined to call their foster-mother.

“Luffy this is the last warning, open the door or we will.” This time it was Sabo who warned the youngest of them three.

“I’m fine. P-please, go away.” Tears were falling down from Luffy’s eyes mixing with the blood coming from under his left eye. The twelve years old kid was trying to find something to stich himself from the first aid kit they had in the bathroom, but luck wasn’t on his side so the only things left in the kit were some bandages and plasters, none of which would help ease the pain or stich the knife cut under his eye.

Luffy didn’t want his older brothers to see this, because he knew they would go and do something crazy and bad to the person who did this to him, especially Ace. Ace was always the one who jumped head first when it came to protecting his younger brothers, even if he was only a few months older than Sabo, Ace was considered by them as their big brother as he was always the one to jump and protect them no matter the situation or if they were in fact the one who did wrong, he was always there for them. He was always there for the people he loved and cared for, even if he wasn’t the best in expressing his love and affection with words, he aways made sure to prove it by actions.

The two brothers on the other side of the door exchange a quick look with a nodded and with one kick at the door, which has received many kicks since the three of them have been living in here, opened wide. Luffy immediately tried to hide his face, but it was too late. His older brothers’ eyes widen from the side. The whole sink was covered in blood and so was the towel which Luffy was pressing on his face.

“Luffy are you okay?” Sabo was first to come to his senses and immediately stood on his knees next to his younger brother. Taking the towel from his hands he removed it from his face to see what was causing so much bleeding, which cause him to slightly gag at the sight of the stab under his eyes.

“Luffy... who did this?” Ace’s voice was cold, almost emotionless. He was standing leaned on the door facing away from his brothers. The only thing they could see was his clenched jaw and fists. Luffy didn’t know to whom to response first – one was extremely worried, the other extremely furious.

“Answer Luffy!” Both screamed at the same time. Luffy bit on his trembling lower lip as he focused his eyes on Ace. Both of his brothers were way taller than him as puberty has hit them already two years ago which caused Luffy to feel even smaller as he was towered by them now, more specifically by Ace.

“Ace, please.” Luffy cried out. “It was an accident. They didn’t mean it to get this far.”

“Did it happen at school? Was it the older kids?” Sabo was quick to ask, as much as he was worried, he was also enraged as Ace, but still he had to keep his cool for now and think rationality because before they go and take care of whoever did this to their little brother, they must take care of the wound first.

Luffy’s eyes were moving between Ace and Sabo, not sure and scared of how they would react and what would come next. After all they had grown up in the worst aera of Grand Line city. They were ghetto boys, who didn’t grow up with much they grew up almost with nothing, but they always had each other. Their childhood wasn’t easy, but the moment they became brothers, life started to have some meaning, some colour. Life stopped being so lonely, especially for Ace.

“Ye, Lu. Come on, tell us.” Ace finally turned to his little brother and faced him, which scared Luffy because across his older brother’s face was placed a gentle smile. Ace never smiles like this. Ace has never been this calm out of nowhere. But Luffy was just a kid, and so were his brothers, but they have made a vow that Luffy will have a childhood unlike them. They have made a promise that no matter what Luffy wouldn’t bare the pain of loneliness or sadness the same way they did, and Ace had made a promise to himself that no matter what he would try to do the same for Sabo.

“I-It was... it wasn’t kids from m-my school.” Luffy hiccupped. “It... it... it was Teach... from your school Ace.”

Hearing this Ace just looked one last time at Luffy and then Sabo and before any of them had the time to react, Ace has run off to find Teach. He was two years older than Ace and since day one, he had tired to picked on Ace, but it was no successes as every time they would get in a fight, Marshall D Teach would get his ass beaten at the end. Ace and Sabo didn’t attend the same high school, because Ace was kicked out for bad behaviour from it and that was how he ended up in a different one, but thanks to this he had met Law.

Sabo screamed after Ace, and so did Luffy but it was pointless. Holding the bloody towel to Luffy’s face, Sabo grabbed his phone from his pocket and dialled his best friend Koala. He quickly explained to her that he needed her help and that she must take his little brother to the hospital as soon as possible. Koala told him that she would come with one of her father’s drivers to pick Luffy up and get him to the hospital, and with this the conversation ended.

“Okay, Luffy now listen to me.” He grabbed his little brother by the shoulders and made sure he focused on him. “Koala will be here soon, meanwhile you will keep pressing the towel to your face and wait for her on the porch.” Sabo held Luffy’s hand to his face where the wound was and made him press as blood continued to come out of it. “I must go after Ace before he does something crazy, so please come with me downstairs now and don’t come after me, wait for Koala, am I clear?” Sabo’s blue eyes were filled with worry for both of his brothers – one hurt and the other one crazy. “Luffy promise me that this time you will listen to me and do what I’ve told you.” He pleaded as he stood up and grabbed Luffy by his hand, running with him downstairs.

Sitting Luffy on the stairs at the front porch, Sabo was ready to run after Ace when Luffy grabbed his hand and stopped him.

“Is Ace going to be in a big trouble because of me?” His brown eyes were filled with worry and guilt.

“Luffy, you are not the one to blame, okay?” Sabo was fast to reassure his little brother that this wasn't his fault even if he still didn't know what cause the stabbing, he knew that picking on twelve years old in such way is unforgivable. Especially if the twelve years old happened to be his little brother. “Ace is doing what every big brother would do in this situation and so do I, we won’t get in trouble, I promise you.” He gave a small smile to his kid brother and ruffled his messy black hair before he ran off.

Ace knew where to find Teach, so he wasted no time running to one of the old outdoor basketball courts close to their neighbourhood. Teach could pick on him as much as he wanted, but not Luffy. Especially in such way, he could have taken his eye off or worst kill him, and for what? Only to angered Ace?

By the time Ace reached the court he was all covered in sweat. Seeing some of Teach’s friends there he yelled his name. The moment his friends heard Ace’s furious scream, they started to run but Ace was fast to catch one of them by the collar of his shirt.

“You better tell me where your piece of shit friend is or you gonna get all the beating for him.” Ace hissed in his face.

“He... he ran a-away s-somewhere m-man. W-we haven’t seen h-him since.” The guy’s voice trembled with fear, but Ace wasn’t buying it, so he just punched the guy’s stomach making him writhed in pain.

“Think again. Where is Teach?” Ace pushed the boy’s body on the ground and was ready to kick him when the guy put his hands out to stop Ace from colliding his foot with his stomach.

“I-I swear m-man. H-he ran off. H-he probably is ether at home or y-you know his uncles g-garage spot?” The guy waited for Ace’s response. Ace thought for a second before nodding, he knew where the place was. “H-he must be there, a-as y-you know h-his uncle i-is into s-shady things so he must have gone there to hide.”

Crouching next to the guy on the ground, Ace grabbed his hair in a fist and pulled it.

“Listen carefully now.” He started with a low warning tone. “If I go there, and he isn’t there as you’ve said, I’ll come back and you will need to pick up every single tooth you have off the ground, am I clear?”

“I swear, Ace he is either there or at home.” The guy cried out.

Ace let go of him and stood up. All he could see and hear was red. Marchall D Teach was going to pay for almost blinding his little brother. He could mess up with Ace as much as wanted but today he crossed all lines, and he was going to learn his lesson for that.

Despite his appearance, Ace was quite strong for his age. His skinny and tall body was durable to fights, but he could say that it was thanks to the fact that he grew up on the streets, after all the area where the brothers came from was know as the worst possible place to live in Grand Line.

Leaving the basketball court, he heard a well familiar voice calling out his name. Not turning back as he knew that Sabo would catch up to him, Ace continued walking. He felt Sabo’s hand on his shoulder as he held him back for a second, while he tried to catch his breath.

“Ace, wait.” Sabo said in between breaths. “We must come with a plan or something or even better just call the police.” He wanted and tried to reason his brother.

“The plan is we find him, I kill ‘im, and then we continue with our lives.” Ace jerked his shoulder from Sabo’s hand and continued walking.

“Ace be rational for just a second.” Sabo screamed at his brother as he pulled his blond locks. “I’m as mad as you are, but this will lead only to more problems.” Ace continued to ignore him, which only fuelled Sabo’s irritation with his own brother. “Listen to me when I talk to you, you bullhead.” Sabo stood in front of him and placed his hands on Ace’s chest to stop him from taking any step further. “Let’s call the police, for this he can even go to prison as he is of legal age.”

“He hurt Luffy.” Ace screamed in his brother’s face. “And he is going to pay for it. Now you either move away or I’m going to beat your ass as well.” He pushed Sabo away, hard enough to almost making him trip.

“I’m trying to safe your ass from making a big mistake.” Sabo screamed after Ace.

“I’m doing what is right.” Ace spatted without even turning to look at him, all he could wanted was a revenge. With a sigh, Sabo ran after him one more time. If Ace was going to get in trouble he wasn’t going to do it alone. He understood his brother’s reasons, and even if he didn’t agree with them and how he wanted to handle it, Sabo wasn’t going to let him do it alone, after all Luffy wasn’t only Ace’s little brother, he was his as well and as such they must revenge the harm that was caused upon Luffy. Mess with them, but not with their little brother.

“Are you sure he is here?” Sabo turned to Ace as they were now standing in front of the old garage where Teach’s uncle clamed to repair cars in it, but it was well known that this was a lie and he was hiding some shady business behind the whole ‘car repairing’ thing.  

“Should be.” Ace replied as he nodded his head towards the garage, indicating to Sabo to follow him.

“So again, you have any other plan than beating him?”

“Ye, beating him to death.”

“Your heart is too pure for this Ace.” Sabo knew his brother very well, no matter how much Ace wanted to be seen and perceived as the ‘bad boy’, the ‘nonchalant’, ‘not giving a single fuck’ guy he was neither of these things. His brother was too good for this world, but the world wasn’t so nice to him. Ace has carried the most of their family’s burden and Sabo didn’t want him to add another one to the list.

Ignoring Sabo’s words Ace was the first one to approach the big old garage which was wide opened and inside were some older men in their late forties. Teach’s uncle was the first one to notice the approaching boys.

 “Dadan’s boys, what brings me the privilege to be honoured by your visit?” The nasty smile on his fat and oily face bloomed on his lips as he eyed the two young boys. It was clear from where his nephew was coping the nasty manners.

“Where is Teach?” Ace wasted no time but getting to the point.

“I don’t know.” His uncle brazenly laughed causing the other three men to do the same. “Why you need him, Gol’s boy?” It was a well-known fact around this area whose Ace’s biological father was and how much he denied him as such.

“I’m Portgas.” The young boy corrected him as his dark brown eyes pierced the arrogant man’s ones.

“Ha, you heard that boys? The brat is Portgas.” His loud and nasty laughter filled up the space around as everyone started to laugh at the boy’s statement. “You know, your mother Rouge used to be one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen... it’s sad she died so young.” The man sarcastically clicked with his tongue.

This was the name you should never mention in front of Ace with such dishonour, especially if you were a nasty disgusting man like Teach’s uncle. Just before Ace could say anything, Sabo interrupted.

“We really need to speak with Teach.” He held on his brother’s shoulder and tried to keep his behaviour unsuspicious.

“I don’t know where he is blondie, probably home or somewhere out in the streets, I don’t care much where the brat goes, so now take your bastard brother and get the fuck out of my shop.” The man spatted at the brothers as he wasn’t a fan of their family nor them.

“Who are you calling bastard, you ugly pig.” Ace yelled at him, but Sabo was fast to hold on him and stop the fight that was about to erupt.

“Ace, come on.” Sabo called out his brother. “This sad fuck isn’t worth it, let’s go find Teach.” He literally needed to drag Ace out as the uncle continued to pour oil into the fire.

“Mention my mother’s name one more time and I will kill you.” Ace screamed after him only to be met with another round of brazenly laughter. Taking him into one of the alleys near by Sabo tired to calm his brother. “Let me go Sabo, I will kill this pig and his nephew as well.” Ace tried to fight his brother’s strong hold, but the blonde boy held him in one place with all his power.

“Ace, I understand your rage, but this sad low life isn’t worth it, now let’s go back to search for Teach, just calm down.” Sabo tried to reason him for a thousand time today.

Buring his fingers in his dark locks, Ace pulled his hair by the roots and screamed with frustration.

“Fine, fine.” He yelled in Sabo’s face. “Let me go before I lose it completely.” Sabo took a step back, while Ace tried to calm himself a bit. “I’m sure he is there.” Ace said after a few deep breaths.

“Should we wait a bit here?” Sabo had a similar feeling to Ace’s, the uncle had to knew at least that his nephew was hiding from them. Ace just nodded in response.

A few hours passed by and the sun started to settle, the twilight has taken over the sky and if it wasn’t for what had happened earlier today, maybe it would have caught the brothers’ attention and they would have admired it, but not today. Sabo had received a message from his friend Koala that she has taken care of Luffy and that the wound was stitched, and their little brother would be okay. Hearing the news about it, Ace only nodded not moving his eyes from the garage. He was a hundred percent sure that Teach was there hiding and won’t leave until it was dark.

And he wasn’t wrong. Soon Teach’s uncle left with his friends, but he didn’t close the garage, everything inside was still lit on and the door wasn’t closed. Which meant only one thing – there was someone inside.

“Let’s check out who is left in the garage.” Ace said to his brother and they both quietly and cautiously made their way to it.

Walking inside they started to look around carefully. They reached the end of it when they heard some bucket falling at the entrance. Turning their heads towards the direction where the sound came from, they saw the person who they were looking for trying to escape.

“Oh, you are dead.” Ace murmured to himself and started running after Teach, closely followed by his brother.

Both boys were in advantage catching up Teach as his clumsy and fat body couldn’t outrun the two brothers. Caging him in the same alley they waited until now, Teach had nowhere to run as it was a dead end one.

“Care to explain why my little brother came with a stab wound under his eye today?” With slow steady steps Ace was getting closer and closer to Teach’s trembling from fear body. He was aware that today he fucked up a lot by stabbing the kid, but it was an accident, he just wanted to scare him off, but the brat moved while he had him on a chokehold and in his attempted to calm him down, he accidently pressed the knife in his face too hard. He shouldn’t have even held up a knife to a twelve years old but he did it for the jokes of it and now he is about to pay the price for it.

“Now, now Ace it was just for the joke of it.” He said with a chuckle which only fuelled Ace’s anger.

“For the joke? You could have killed him!” Sabo yelled at him as he got face to face with him and grabbed him by his white shirt collar. “You fucking pig.” He screamed in his face and punched it.

Ace was fast to get in between his brother and Teach as he didn’t want him to get in trouble and this was something that was between him and the low life who was now on the ground.

“Let me punch him one more time Ace.” It was funny and strange who fast their rolls change as now it was Ace who tried to calm Sabo not the other way around.

“Fuck you, Sabo.” Teach spatted as he tried to stand up, but he has no luck as Ace was fast to kick him in the face. Blood started to run from Teach’s mouth as Ace’s foot collied with his chin. Without wasting time, the two brothers jumped on him. They knew that it wasn’t a fair fight, two against one, but Teach wasn’t playing fair as well earlier as he pulled a knife on a child and now he was going to pay.

Sabo was the first one to pull away, while Ace was lost, he couldn’t see or hear anything, all he could think about was his little brother’s face covered in blood, and for what – for a joke? Well, here was the joke now, the biggest joke of them all laying under him almost unconscious. Coming to his senses Sabo tried to pull Ace away.

“Ace. Ace, come on this is enough.” He yelled at his brother as he tried to pull him away. Teach’s whole face was covered in blood and swollen from the brothers’ fists as he was choking on his own blood. With all his power Sabo pulled Ace away from Teach’s body but the moment Ace was back on his feet he decided to do one more thing before they leave. With all his power Ace stepped on Teach’s right knee which cause it to break. An agonizing scream left Teach’s mouth as his whole body twitched from pain. Sabo’s eyes widen from the scene in front of him. “What the fuck Ace?” Sabo screamed at his brother as he jerked Ace by the hand to look at him. “Ace what the fuck man? You know how much trouble we will get in for this now?” But Sabo’s screams were worthless as his brother didn’t care and as of right now, he couldn’t think straight.

Without saying anything Ace just pulled his arm away from Sabo’s and started walking away. Not knowing what to do and now scared for Teach’s life, Sabo called an ambulance for him, only giving Teach’s location and lying that he found him on the street by chance. After he made sure that the asshole was going to get help and not die, he ran after Ace.

“Ace you idiot. Now we are going to be in a big trouble.” Sabo pushed his brother on the back once he caught up with him, making Ace almost trip. Turning to him Ace pushed Sabo back.

“I will get in trouble, okay. You will be fine.” Ace said as he turned once again and continued making his way home.

“Did you really need to go that far?” Sabo asked, his heartbeat increased as he tried to calm himself down, but it was pointless, they were going to be sent to juvenilefor this.

“Luffy is going to have a scar on his face for the rest of his life, it was only fair for me to give this fat fuck one as well.” Ace responded calmly as in his mind this was a fair exchange.

“Ace we can get sued for this or worst send to juvenile.”

“I can get sued or sent to juvenile not you, so calm the fuck down before I smash your face, too.” Ace’s tone was stern and warning, he would take all the blame for it if Teach decided to speak to the police. “Also, we don’t know if he will speak to the police.” He shrugged.

“He will, Ace. He will and then we will be in trouble.”

“For fuck’s sake, how many times I need to say that I’ll take the blame and you and your perfect record will be fine.” Ace turned around and screamed in Sabo’s face.

“That is the problem, why you should take all the blame?” Sabo screamed back.

“Because I’m the shitty one of all of us three, okay? So, if one of us must go down it would be me, not you, not Luffy – it will be me.” Ace was screaming on top of his lungs with anger and frustration as this was something his brother would never get. Ace was the cursed one, not they. His whole face has gotten redden from all the screaming and frustration build up in him and Sabo was only adding more fuel to it.

“Why Ace? Why?” Sabo’s voice broke mid sentence. It has always pained him how his brother viewed himself as some monster as some low life who didn’t deserve to be alive in a first place let alone to deserve good things in life. “Why it has to be always you taking the blame for us?” He didn’t receive any answer to his question.

“Let’s just go home.” Was all that Ace said.

Entering the house and stepping into the hallway they heard voices filling up the living room and Luffy’s voice calling their names. Looking down on their bloody knuckles both guys made their way upstairs to clean their hands. It took some time for the blood to wash away but it did eventually. Sabo was the first one to go downstairs while Ace closed the door behind him and locked himself in the bathroom. He set his palms down on the sink with his head hanged low. There was still some blood from earlier on the floor and all of this for what... a joke?

The realisation of what had happened today and what Ace has done hit him like a truck. Taking deep breaths and trying to calm himself down he started to curse under his breath. He was going to be in serious trouble, one where he wasn’t sure how he would be able to come out of.

“Good for nothing as aways.” He murmured to himself before he left the bathroom.

Walking into the living room Ace was faced with everyone – Dogara and Magra sitting together on one of the old armchairs they had which was quite big and on the couch were siting Dadan, Luffy and Koala, Sabo’s best friend and big crush, which he hasn’t confessed yet. Seeing Ace, Luffy jumped from the couch and ran to him, locking his arms around him in a hug.

“Are you better now, Lu?” Ace softly asked his brother as he ruffled his hair. Looking at Sabo and then to Dadan, Ace could tell that she already knew what they have done, and his gut was telling him that she didn’t know from Sabo, she knew from somewhere else. Getting up from the couch Dadan nodded with her head for him and Sabo to follow her in the kitchen to speak in private. Pulling away from Luffy, Ace promised him that he would be back in a second but first he must speak with their foster mother for a second, so he sent his little brother back to Koala on the couch.

Walking into the kitchen where Dadan and Sabo were already, Ace stood next to his blonde brother. Dadan’s eyes were in a tin line as she had crossed her arms across her chest, in her eyes could be read a lot of emotions – from anger, to sadness, to disappointment.

“You two realise what you have done, right?” She finally spoke up. “Why didn’t you call me immediately or the police?” None of the boys said anything at first. “Answer me!” She screamed at them.

“Because what he did needed to be revenged.” Ace hissed at her, his eyes filled with anger once again. “And don’t scream at Sabo, it was all my fa-” What happened next has never happened before in this house. Dadan was many things, but she has never raised her hand to her children, until today. The smack across Ace’s cheek echoed in the kitchen as his head even turned to the side from the impact of her hand.

“You foolish boy. You never listen, you never think before you do something.” Her voice was filled with anger and pain. Her eyes, something that none of the brothers have seen before were filled with tears. “You really are your father’s son. Aways searching for fights and problems, you took nothing from her, nothing. My sister died for nothing. You killed her for nothing.” These words cut like a knife Ace’s heart. Looking up at Dadan and meeting her eyes, same colour as his mother’s made him swallow hard the words he heard and the pain they caused him. “You wanna know how your mother died exactly? She died screaming and begging the doctors to save you over her and till this day I swear that was her biggest mistake.” Tears stared to run down on her tired face as she spoke the words with bitterness and pain over the memory of her dead sister. Ace took a step back as he realised how much he had messed up today and how much this would affect their so-called family.

“Dadan, stop talking to him like this!” Sabo couldn’t stand and listen to such nonsense. He could see that their foster mother was pissed, and she was right that they had fucked up badly, but Ace didn’t deserve this treatment, after all it wasn’t only him who fucked up.

“Shut up Sabo!” She screamed without even looking at him. “Having that piece of shit’s uncle calling me and telling me that we will be sued for money we don’t have because you two decided to beat the shit out of his nephew was my final straw with you, and especially you Ace.” She pointed her finger at him, her whole hand trembling from the frustration. “Why couldn’t you call the police? It was going to be his nephew to be taken away not mine good for nothing one. But no, you had to play it bad boy don’t you, brat?” She yelled once again in his face, but Ace didn’t say a word.

His eyes were fixed on the floor, mind clouded with thoughts. ‘She died for nothing. You killed her for nothing.’ The words were on repeat like a broken tape recorder. He didn’t kill his mom, he would never. He didn’t even ask to be born, why it was his fault that two people sixteen years ago decided to make a child together and it just happened to be him.

“Look at me and listen carefully when I’m talking to you, Ace!” Dadan grabbed his shoulders and shook him. With a clenched jaw and redden eyes Ace locked his focus on hers. “The moment the police come, you will go out now and turn yourself in and you won’t mentioned that Sabo was there with you, am I clear?” She took a step closer to him and Ace only nodded. Hearing this Sabo tried to fight Dadan over it, but she called for Dogora and Magra to take Sabo away as she wanted to be left alone with only Ace. Sabo’s attempts to fight Magra, who was extremely strong, were pointless as he easily lifted the boy and took him upstairs, locking him in his room.  Once they were left alone Dadan turned to Ace again. “Why Ace? Tell me, why are you the way you are?” Instead of answering Ace just asked her a very simple question.

“Why you hate me so much?” His voice was quiet. Ace was tired. He was tired of screaming, tired of fighting. He just wanted to know, why the only blood related person he knew and had in his life hated him so much.

“I don’t hate you Ace.” Dadan took a step back as she turned around walking to the dining table and pulling one of the chairs to sit on it. She placed her elbow on the table and started massaging her temple with her fingers. “I don’t hate you, but you are so hard to love. I pity the woman who will end up with you one day. Poor girl, with a man like you she will probably end up the same way my sister did, six feet under the ground.” She looked at the boy standing in front of her in the middle of the kitchen and her heart broke. She knew she has failed to raise him properly and mostly it was her fault, but blood couldn’t turn into water – at the end of the day he had one of the most wanted criminals’ blood running in his veins, the kid was doomed from the start. Looking at Ace all she could see was Roger, even if he has taken after his mother’s beauty and freckle skin, there was only range and madness in his soul, something that Rouge never possessed, this was all Roger or she wanted to believe that it was all him as she never really got to meet or know him. Her sister aways kept her away from her personal life, but still Dadan loved her regardless. “If you ever fall in love Ace, make sure she doesn’t fall in love with you, too. Try to push her away or something, as much as it pains me to say this... your father’s blood line must end up with you. Whoever ends up with you will suffer.”

Since that night these words never left his mind, they were tattooed, engraved in his brain. What Dadan has said to him was cruel and she regrated it the moment she saw her nephew being taken away by the police. This child who has full of love and life, and she could see it that he had so much of it in himself but never learned how to express it because Dadan herself never showed him how to, would now forever lock himself from the outside world. Because of that night and those words Ace sat his mind on one thing – he would never fall in love and if he did, he would do anything in his power to make the girl who would steal his heart hate him, hate him so much that she would never want to be near him or even hear his name would make her feel disgust. Maybe after all he was meant to be lonely in this world. Because who would love a cursed boy like him?

Seeing (Y/N) jumping out of the car the moment he stopped it in front of her building made his heart ache. He didn’t want to hurt her, let alone make her cry. It took him all his willpower to not run after her and just wrap her in his arms and kiss her. But he couldn’t do this. The moment she put her hand on the back of his neck and ran her fingers in his messy locks while Big Jet Plaine was playing on the background felt like he was hit with thousands of kilowatts of electricity. It was like the Earth stopped spinning and that he was levitating for a moment – all of this by a simple touch by her. And because of it the words which his aunt has told him almost ten years ago echoed in his mind “Whoever ends up with you will suffer and end up like you mom, six feet under.” Ace didn’t want her to suffer because of him, but he couldn’t bring himself to explain to her why they were better of like friends, even if this was becoming such a cliche.

Speeding through the empty streets at this late hour of the night it didn’t take him long to get back to his place. Ace was mad. Mad at himself and the world, but not at (Y/N). Walking to his apartment and locking the door behind himself he threw the keys on the side not even paying attention that they dropped on the floor. Kicking his shoes on the side he made his way to the living room and sat down on the couch. Inhaling and exhaling deep he laid down and looked at the ceiling. His mind was running wild once again. He messed up big time with her this tonight like never before. He made her cry which pained him the most of it all.

“Fuck.” He cursed under his nose as he ran his hands through his hair and pulled it. “How you’re fixing this now deep shit?” Hitting his jawline with his fist Ace cursed once again. He wasn’t sure if he should even try to fix it. She has a date tomorrow, maybe it was for the best that tonight turned out this way.

After all what could Ace offer her? Love? He has never experienced it himself, he didn’t even grow up loved so how could he love another person if he was never taught how it worked. But this wasn’t love, this has to be just lust and nothing else. He couldn’t be in love with her, she couldn’t be in love with him. It has to be a mutual lust, he was aware of how much she wanted to be kissed by him tonight and not only tonight, but he couldn’t allow this. There was this part of him that was afraid that if he crossed this line with her there wouldn’t be a turning back from then on. Trying to gather his thoughts he got up and went to his desk. Before he sat down, he opened one of the big windows in the room to get some cold air in, hoping that it would make him cool off a bit. Pulling his pack of cigarettes out he lit up one and dragged a long smoke from it.

It was like she had engraved herself in his mind as of recently she was always in his thoughts. And it was always the small details about her – they way she would scrunch her nose before she disagrees with something, the way she bit on her lower lip all the time or when she played with her fingers every time, she was nervous. The way that she was always shy the first few minutes when he was around her, only to relax after a few and act like they have been knowing each other for a lifetime when in fact it has been what – three, almost four months now. But the thing that was amusing him the most was the fact that she happened to understand and get him all the time, sometimes even without words, it was like she could see past his bullshits but chose to ignore it instead. But why? Did she feel something more than lust towards him?

This thought made Ace’s blood run cold. She couldn’t. She shouldn’t. She could do so much better than him, after all he was good for nothing, and she... she was everything. She had this uniqueness, this mixture of a pure heart and beautiful mind, there was something way to innocent about her that Ace was afraid if he touched it, he might destroy it. That was why he was calling her – doll, because she was perfect in any sense – perfectly craft from the outside and so beautiful from the inside. There was even a moment where Ace was afraid of developing some Madonna Whore complex for her, but with the unholy thoughts he had in mind and all of them involving her, this fear was out of the window as fast as it came.

Finishing his cigarette and putting it out in the ashtray he had on the desk, he knew that he needed something stronger than cigarettes right now. Going into the kitchen and opening one of the top drawers he picked a bottle of whiskey which was half empty. He usually didn’t have hard alcohol at home, but this one was from the last time when Luffy and Zoro had come over to play games and drink booze. Grabbing the bottle he didn’t bother with taking a glass and drank straight from it. Going back to the living room and taking a sit on the chair in front of his desk he put the bottle to the side.

He needed to cool off, to distract himself but even now, with a pen in hand and a note in front of him all he could think about was her. His eyes were reddened, but not from sadness, it was because of fatigue and despair. Massaging his temple with the tips of his finger, he reached with his left hand for the bottle again. The bitter taste of the alcohol burning down his throat, but he didn’t mind it. Putting it down, he started writing on the note.

I've been callin' you "friend," I might need to give it up

He really needed to give it up. He must give up on whatever it was between him and her before its too late. The ache in his heart came back and his whole face grimaced with pain.

“Fool... how could you let yourself fall...” He whispered to himself as he buried his head on his forearms, his body hunched over the desk. Ace didn’t want to fall in love. No, he mustn’t fall in love. ‘If you ever fall in love Ace, make sure she doesn’t fall in love with you, too.’ These words by his aunt had become very vivid in his memory in the past few weeks, and especially now.

Now I need your help with everything that I do I don't want to lie, I've been relying on you

He couldn’t allow himself to tell her how he felt, but he could always write her a song, or two, or hundred. Ace didn’t want to admit it to himself until now, but she had become his muse, his medicine in a way, but that was where he would draw the line.

Waking up today felt like the hardest task someone could possibly make me done. I was exhausted. From the moment I left the car till probably three or four in the morning I couldn’t stop crying. Lifting my head from the pillow, I sighed when I saw that the whole pillowcase was stained with makeup.

“I doubt this will come off.” I whispered to myself.

Reaching for my phone on the nightstand to see what time it was I saw I had some messages. None of them were from him. They were all from Dave and one from Shanks. I didn’t even manage to unlock my phone when it died as I didn’t put it to charge last night. Sitting up in the bed I looked for my charger and when I saw it, I plugged the phone and let it charge.

My whole body felt tired, no I felt tired, even thought I slept for almost ten hours. Getting up from the bed I slowly made my way to the bathroom. Seeing the state of my face in the reflection of the mirror wasn’t a big surprise for me – puffy eyes and face covered in smudged makeup and hair all over the place. A tired sighed once again left my lips. Taking off whatever was left of the makeup, brushing my teeth and cleaning my face didn’t took away the puffiness and so I decided to take a quick shower.

Stripping down from the clothes I still had on from last night I got into the shower. My body was trembling, and I wasn’t sure if it was because I was an emotional mess or because today was surprisingly cold in my apartment. Adjusting the water and making it almost boiling hot I tried to relax my body. Closing my eyes and letting the water run down my body I wrapped my arms around myself. Everything from last night played vividly in my mind, from the moment he picked me up to the moment he dropped me off. I bit on my lips as I felt a new wave of tears falling from my closed eyes as I tried to stop the sob which was threatening to leave my lips. Why was he doing this to me? Was this some kind of a sick mind play? One second, he was all nice and carrying, and the next he switched to a cold uncaring person, and it was like this every time, and I had enough of this. Opening my eyes I took a deep breath in and decided to focus on something else and try my best to think of everything else but him.

Getting out of the shower and changing into more comfortable clothes I laid in my bed again. Seeing that my phone had charged a bit I unplugged it and checked all the messages I had. The one from Shanks was him asking me if I want to take some shifts at the beginning of the year to which I responded with yes and it also hit me that New Years is in two days. Then I moved to the messages from Dave. The last one of the many he had sent was ‘If you don’t want to go let me know :)’.

I felt so bad. Dave was such a nice person, especially to me, and he didn’t deserve such behaviour from me, for which I typed a quick message: ‘Sorry for the late response, I wasn’t feeling good yesterday, so I felt asleep super early and just woke up. Ofc, we are up for it. Send me the address and what time I should be there ^^’. Even though I wanted to spend the whole day buried in my bed away from everyone and everything, I had made a promise and I was going to keep it.

He responded almost immediately, and we agreed on meeting at six pm as the screening starts at seven. I couldn’t stop myself but thinking of last night and what certain someone told me – ‘Go on the date. Give the guy a chance.’ and maybe I should do this, but this wouldn’t be fair for Dave. Unlike the person who had engraved himself in my mind and hear, I could not lead someone on, not someone who I actually consider a friend and mostly someone I cared for.

Dave greeted me with a hug as aways and I tried my best to fake my smile, not because I didn’t want to see him, but because my mind was elsewhere. Seeing Dave didn’t bring any type of excitement in me even thought I wish it did. He was a very good-looking guy, and he was so nice on top of it, he was the full package, but the spark wasn’t there. But as the guy who had not just caused a spark in my heart but had caused fires in it said – give the guy a chance, so I was determined that tonight I would try to look at Dave in a different light, even if it would be the hardest thing to do due to the fact that certain someone shattered my heart not even twenty-four hours ago, despite this I would try.

“How have you been? You look tired.” Dave said as we pulled away from the hug.

“Oh, yes. I’m just pretty tired, I’m helping my uncle with his bar and yes long shift.” I took a deep breath in and then out as I chuckled. “How are you? Haven’t seen you in a long time.”

“Good, spending most of my time with family and friends.” He replied with a big smile on his face. “Um, should we get inside? We can grab something to drink before the movie starts.” He pointed with his thumb towards the cinema entrance, and I nodded. Lifting his arm slightly to me I got the hint and wrapped mine with his and we made our way inside.

We grabbed some drinks and snacks as and sat in the cinema bar chitchatting about everything and anything. It was very easy to be relaxed and calm around Dave, he was a pure sunshine, but he had to call me out all the time because I just kept zooming out.

“Dave, I’m so sorry, I promise you I listen.” I apologetically smiled at him.

“It’s okay, it’s not like I can be mad at you.” He said and his fingers gently brushed mine. But there was nothing - no sparkle, no electricity, no excitement.

“Of course you can.” I protested. “I have been a very bad friend to you in the past few weeks and yet you are always so nice to me.” I meant every word that I said and knowing that he had feelings, and I didn’t was killing me from the inside. I couldn’t fake something that wasn’t there in a first place. I couldn’t fake a feeling.

“Um, yes actually there is something I want to speak with you about or well more like something I have to tell you.” He gave me one of his charming smiles as his tawney skin got a slightly heated. Running a hand through his curls he was struggling with finding the right words. Panic took over me as I knew what was coming and I wasn’t ready for it and because of it I interrupted him.

“My God, look at the time, we should go. I love watching the trailers before the movie starts.” I jumped from the chair and grabbed the popcorns Dave bought. He was a little surprised by my sudden outburst but laughed it off and followed me with the rest of the things. I had three hours to gather my mind and find the best way to tell Dave that out feelings weren’t mutual, and I was praying to whatever power was out there that he was just having crush on me which hasn’t developed into something more and deep, because I didn’t want to shatter his heart the same way mine was.

“Sh, it’s okay.” Dave had his arms wrapped around me as we were still siting in our seats ten minutes after the movie finished as I was crying my eyes out. I was always a crying mess after watching ‘Interstellar’ but today was probably the hardest I have cried on this movie, but it was clear to me that the reason to cry this much wasn’t only the film. Lifting my head from his chest he cupped my face and wiped my tears away. “Come on let’s get going before they kick us out.” He laughed and I agreed with him.

It was dark and even colder outside than when we came. Dave was holding me close to him as he noticed how I was trembling from the cold.

“Please, you declined my offer to pick you up at least let me drive you back home.”

“Are you sure? You live five minutes away and I live like thirty.” I didn’t want him to waste him time with dropping me off and then getting back home. “I can get the metro.”

“No, please (Y/N), I insist.” He squeezed my shoulders like he was silently begging me to let him drive me home.

“You won’t take ‘no’ as an answer, will you?” I chuckled and he shook his head, making us both laughed in unison. Playfully rolling my eyes I nodded with my head and made him lead the way to his car.

On the way to my place, we were talking for the movie mostly but then we switched to more personal subjects like I never knew that he had a little sister and a big brother, for which I joked with him that as a middle child it did explain why he took on becoming a filmmaker and we laughed about it. Then I told him a bit about my family, and this made me realise that until now, all we have ever talked about was movies or school things which were again related to films and filmmaking. We never got to know each other on a personal level until now. Which made me sad in a way that maybe if I have had the opportunity to get to know him before I met a certain dark raven-haired man, maybe just then these feelings Dave had for me would have been mutual.

“Dave.” I said his name and took a deep breath. He was stopping the car in front of my building, and I wanted to speak up first, because in my mind it was better if I tell him that I see him as a friend only before he tells me whatever he has in mind.

“Please, before you say anything I need to tell you something.” He took my hand in his and ran his thumb over my knuckles.

“Dave, no.” I pulled my hand back and cursed myself as I knew what was coming. “Look, I... I didn’t know that you view this as a date until... until last night honestly.” I was struggling to find the right words after I saw how his whole face and mood changed. “And I didn’t want to believe what I have been told that you have crush on me, and I do hope that it’s only a crush because I swear Dave you are the last person I want to hurt.” My voice cracked at the end from seeing the way sadness took over his features. “I... I just don’t see you in this way Dave and I’m so, so sorry. If I leaded you on somehow, I’m... I’m sorry Dave, but it wasn’t on purpose, I swear.” Tears started falling from my face again. I wasn’t sure if it was because of how guilty I was feeling to not share the same feelings as his or because I knew how much it hurt to be rejected by someone you like.

Dave took a deep breath in and turned to look at me. He gave me a small smile that didn’t reach the corner of his eyes at all. Then he reached with his hand and wiped away my tears.

“I understand.” He quietly said as he took away his hand from my cheek. “It’s partly my fault, I could see it that your mind was, and I suppose is still somewhere else and... well...” He clicked with his tongue as the bitterness of the rejection was filling his heart and mind. Silence took over as neither of use dared to say something or move. “With risk to overstep my boundaries with you... is there something I could do to change your mind?”

I tilted my head on the side a bit confused by his question, but before I could response he reached with his hand once again and pulled my head closer to him. His lips gently crashed on mine... but there was nothing - no sparkle, no electricity, no excitement. My skin didn’t get any goosebumps, my heart wasn’t set on fire, my mind was somewhere else... my mind was on somebody else. I tried to return the kiss, but it was pointless, and Dave felt it too. Breaking the kiss, he just gently caressed my cheek and then let go of it.

“You didn’t feel anything, did you?” His voice was quiet, and I could sense the pain behind it.

“I’m sorry, Dave.” I whispered.

“And so am I.” He whispered back and then cleared his throat. “But hey, cheer up. I still want to be your friend, and I will be if you want me to.” He gave me a sincere smile one that reached the corner of his eyes as usual.

“Oh, Dave.” I said as I wrapped my arms around him in a very tight hug. “I want to and I love having you around, but I know how much it would hurt you and I don’t want this for you.” My head was buried in the crook of his neck. “I don’t want to see you hurt.”

The past two days have exhausted me so much emotionally – first Ace, then Dave. It was like my life has turned into some soap opera, the kind of series I hated the most and on top of it I was the main character. At the same time there was something ironic and comedic in the whole situation – while I was rejected by a certain someone in a very unspoken way, I kind of did the same thing to somebody else, for which I guess was my own karma.

Since I woke up in the morning today my head was killing me as I haven’t stopped crying. Everything in the past two days was too much for me to take. The worst part was that I was left in the dark. Since last night so many questions have arisen in me – did Ace really didn’t feel anything for me? Did he only saw me as a friend? And if he did – why the pet names? Why the small gestures? Why have we had so many intimate moments which all of them almost ended with a kiss? I might be very bad with getting hints, but I doubt that ‘regular’ friends or even ‘best’ friends have had such shared moments.

The questions were too many and yet the answers couldn’t be found. I was mad at him. I was hurt by him. I wanted to confront him so bad, yet knowing myself, I knew that I would crack the moment I face his deep brown eyes that I have fallen in love with. I knew that the moment I see him again and he calls me doll or whatever he comes up with, no matter how much pain and distress he has caused me I would be willing to forgive him. Which led me in this situation in a first place. He had turned himself into a soft spot for me which led to all of this happening, because he knew, he was fully aware that I was ready to forgive him easily the moment he sweettalked me again. But not this time.

“Fuck.” I cursed. This wasn’t the first time I have had promised myself this, I was like a broken record, repeating the same thing and then do the exact same thing over and over again. I was like a broken record. “Fucking Ace.” I cried into my pillow.

As I was lost in thoughts my phone vibrates, indicating that I have received a message. I grabbed the phone and saw that it was a message from Luffy - ‘Wanna go for a walk later?’. That took me by surprise. I haven’t seen him since the beginning of the month when we went to the club together. But it didn’t matter, I wasn’t in a mood to go out today at all. I needed a day by myself – isolated from anyone and anything. I quickly responded to him that I wasn’t feeling very well so we should leave it for some other day, but he wasn’t having it. He started spamming me with messages until I agreed, but I told him that it would be after seven pm as I didn’t want to go out now while it was still some sunlight outside. ‘YES, see u around 8pm then – I’ll wait for u outside ur place :D’ was the last message he sent me.

It was almost eight pm when I got up from bed and dressed myself in some leggings and a hoodie, I didn’t bother putting a makeup or fixing my hair, even though I looked like a mess with puffy eyes and dark cercles under them, after all we were going to just take a walk in the park near by. I put my jacket and boots on and went out as I received a message from Luffy that he was downstairs.

“Wow, you look like shit.” Was the first thing he said to me when he saw me exciting the building. “No, sorry (Y/N), I meant it like – are you okay?” He came closer to me and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me in a tight hug. I swallowed hard before I replied that I was fine.

“Come on you blew my phone off to go for a walk, let’s get going.” I tried to fake a smile when we pulled apart.

We slowly made our way to the park. Luffy was babbling for anything and everything and I tried to focus on the conversation, but it was very hard. My mind was nowhere and everywhere at the same time. I wanted to be present here and now, but it was an impossible task.

The park was almost empty as it was quite chill outside, the only passing by people were the one who had their dogs out for a walk or the one who were doing their evening jogging. Despite that it was dark already and something in the night air felt super heavy. I wasn’t sure if it was from the headache I had from all the crying in the past few days, but it felt like I had a bad lucid dream. Everything was like in a slow mode and my mind was just not present.

“(Y/N), hey (Y/N).” Luffy waved with his hand in front of my face. I shook my head as I realised, he had been calling my name and looked at him.

“I’m sorry Luffy. What were you saying?”

“Wanna sit for a moment. You don’t look good, have you eaten today?” He nodded with his head towards one of the benches in the park and wrapped his arm around my shoulder leading me there to sit.

“Yes, I did.” I lied. “I’m fine Luffy, just tired that is all.” I gave him a small sincere smile as we sat down on the bench. Luffy took a deep breath in and exhaled as he propped his elbows on his legs and looked at me from over his shoulder.

“You are not fine, you don’t need to lie to me.” He looked me in the eyes and shook his head. “And I’m sure this has something to do with my brother.”

“Wha-... why are you... like no, it has nothing to do with your brother.” I tried to brush it off, but Luffy just clicked with his tongue.

“I might be not as bright or smart like them and I know that I’m usually super goofy and even childish at times, but I’m not stupid, (Y/N).” He winked at me as he straitened his posture and chuckled. “Ace made me check up on you.” My eyes shoot wide open when he said this.

“What?” I wasn’t sure that I heard him right.

“Ace texted me today to check up on you but didn’t give me any explanation why for but judging by the state you are right now...” Luffy took a deep breath before continuing. “Look, I know that something is obviously going on between you two and knowing my brother... he is fucking it up big time.” He took my cold hand in his and gave it a squeeze. “But he does care about you a lot, otherwise he wouldn’t have made me check up on you.” Hearing this I couldn’t help but laughed out loud.

“If he cared so much about me, he would have come himself not sent you.” I could feel the tears treating to fall from my eyes again.

“I guess you are right, but Ace... well, Ace is Ace, and he does care believe it or not, but I know my brother and h-” I didn’t let Luffy finish his sentence as I interrupted.

“Luffy.” I took a deep breath before I continue because I was on the verge of a break down. “You know your brother as your brother and not as... as... God I can’t even find the words to describe what your brother is to me.” I pulled my hand from Luffy’s and buried my fingers in my hair pulling it a bit as I was losing my mind.

 “(Y/N) please calm down.” Luffy’s deep brown eyes so similar to the ones I fell in love with and filled up with worry. “God, I shouldn’t have told you this at all. Ace is going to kill me.”

“Oh, so I wasn’t supposed to know that he sent you?” I snorted out a bitter laugher. This whole situation was getting ridiculous. Before Luffy had the chance to answer I got up from the bench and started walking fast towards the metro station. Luffy immediately got up and followed me, calling me to stop.

“Please (Y/N) wait.” Luffy caught up to me and made me stop by grabbing my arm. “Calm down first and where are you going? Your place is in the other direction.” He gave me a confused look.

“To your brother’s place.” I replied and jerked my arm from his as I started walking fast again.

“You don’t even know if he is home or not.” Luffy screamed after me which made me turned around and look at him.

“Is you brother home Luffy?” My patience was wearing thin.

“I actually don’t know.” He wasn’t lying I could see that he didn’t.

“Well then I plan to find this out.”

I'm sick, and I'm tired too I can admit, I am not fireproof

Ace was hunched over his desk with his head propped on his palms. The headache he has had in the past two day was killing him, but he didn’t plan to do anything to fix it. The floor around him was covered with crumpled or torn apart paper. He couldn’t get her out of his mind, not like she has left it ever since they cross paths for a first time but in the two past days it was different.

Fallin' again I need a pick-me-up

His last two days were like hell – all he did was stay at home and smoke away his brain. His bandmates had blown his phone with messages and calls, but he only bothered to text Deuce back and let him know that he wasn’t going to rehearse with them this week. Which caused another wave of messages from mostly his brother Sabo, but Ace just ignored him. Still, he had opened the message app so many times as he has typed so many messages to only one person, just to delete them before pressing send. Ace knew that he fucked up badly with her and he was torn apart between trying to fix things or just let it be. His mind was telling him to just let go and not bother her ever again, but his heart... his heart wanted nothing else but her.

Guilty was eating him alive. What was he thinking when he took her out? Why did he take her out in a first place? Even though he didn’t want to admit it to himself, Ace did it because he was jealous. Hearing that this guy, David or Dave whatever his name was, was planning to take her out and confess his feelings for her struck a never in him, that was why he acted spontaneously the moment he saw his friend Yamato’s story on Instagram. Which now he realised it was a big mistake. He shouldn’t have done this. Ace didn’t think it through back then but by any means that “hang out” two nights ago was a date by all definitions. And now he was suffering and made her suffer the consequences of his jealousy and indecision. Indecision because he couldn’t let himself have her but also the thought of another guy having her was killing him. How was he supposed to let her go and move on with his life when she had him on such chokehold?

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” Ace cursed loudly as he hit his jawline with his fist. Hitting himself wasn’t enough of a punishment for making her cry, for hurting her.

Earlier today he had texted his younger brother to check on her as he couldn’t bring himself to do so. He was aware that she was mad and probably hurt by him, but he wanted at least to know if she was okay and taking care of herself, but he was also curious – did she go to the date with that guy? And if she did, did she enjoy it? Did she enjoy it more than any of the times she had spent with Ace? All these questions were circulating in his mind, and he hoped that Luffy won’t fuck it up and get them out of her, but he wasn’t aware of the date so the only thing Ace would find out was if she was still sad or not.

I feel it burning me, I feel it burning you I hope I don't murder me, I hope I don't burden you

Luffy had texted him an hour ago that he was waiting for her outside her apartment building to go for a walk and apparently it took him a long time to convince her in a first place to even go out.

“You better not fuck this up Luffy.” Ace murmured as he knew how bad his brother was with keeping his mouth shut sometimes but he was his only option right now. For a first time ever in his life Ace felt like a coward. He didn’t have the courage to face (Y/N), because what was he going to tell her – “hey I’m kind of in love with you, but also can’t be with you for your own good, so we still can be friends, right?” Friend? Even he couldn’t buy this lie anymore. They were never friends to begin with, but calling each other such was the only option, which now was out of the window.

It has started to rain outside and the streets were dark and foggy. Ace was standing next to the window as he was smoking probably his fifteenth cigarette if the day. The cold air coming from outside was blazing his skin as he had only a pair of grey sweatpants hanged on his hips. The circles under his eyes were dark, even as a person with narcolepsy he had barely slept these days. He was impatiently waiting for a text from his brother to know how their walk went and most importantly how was (Y/N). Closing his eyes shut he leaned his head on his arm which was propped on the window as he took one last drag of his cigarette before he threw it out. Just as he threw the cigarette his phone buzzed, it was a message from Luffy – ‘Don’t kill me, but I fucked up…’

Swim with me I think I can see the beach I know what's underneath I need you here with me but we're out in the open

Ace was about to throw his phone angrily across the room when he heard his doorbell ring followed with a loud bang on it and froze on the spot. This better not be who he thought it might be. Another determined knock and ring followed which made him shake his head and head to the door. Opening the door he didn’t have time to react or say anything as he was met with a slap across his face. ‘I deserve this.’ He thought to himself as he could recognise the softness of these fingers without even looking at the person in front of him.

“You fucking asshole.” You yelled in his face. He was standing by the door with his head a bit to the side as you have slapped it. Slapping him across the face was something you didn’t want to do but the moment he stood up in front of you just couldn’t control yourself. He just opened the door wilder and pulled you in before closing it. Then he finally dared to look at you.

There you were. Standing in front of him, soaking wet from the rain with your hair messed up from it and eyes red and puffy. Your whole body was trembling from the cold, but also from all the emotions bubbling inside of you. You looked like a mess.

“What are you doing here, doll?” His voice was quite and very raspy as he hasn’t spoken in days, in fact he hasn’t, the only words that have left his lips was when he was cursing himself out.

“Don’t you dare calling me this ever again.” Your voice was full of rage and pain, and it hurt him to hear it like this. It was always like a sweet melody to listen to it, but now hearing you for a first time ever like this, it made his heart aches mostly because he was the reason why you were in such state. Instead of saying something Ace just turned his back at you and walked away as he couldn’t bring himself to face you. “Don’t walk away you coward.” You called after him as you followed not even bothering to take your boots off as you entered his living room.

If I meet you in the middle, maybe we could agree You make me feel little how you're looking at me

He was a coward and you had all the rights to call him such. Standing in the middle of the living room with his back facing you he couldn’t bring himself to turn around, not when you were looking at him like this. You had never looked at him with so much rage and mostly disappointment. But he deserved it.

“Look at me, Ace.” You said to him as he was just adding to your rage when he was refusing to face at you. “Stop ignoring me and look at me when I’m talking to you.” Your heart was tearing apart, even now when you were standing in front of him, you had to beg for his attention which was only adding to his disrespect towards you. You grabbed his hand trying to make him turn around only for him to yanked it away from you. “You will not make a joke out of me again.”

Feeling your fingers on the bare skin on his hand made his whole-body burn, but hearing your words was like a stab in his heart which made him turn around immediately and finally face you.

His eyes were as tired as yours. Now when he was finally facing you, you were able to take better look at him. You have never seen Ace in such state, he looked defeated and lost at the same time, there was no trace left of the usual cocky playfully and confident man you knew, this… this wasn’t the Ace you were used to see and this caught you by surprise.

If I told you that I loved you Tell me, what would you say?

“I have never ever made a joke out of you nor disrespected you, doll.” A little spark of anger crossed his eyes as he slowly said this with a very stern tone. How could you say this? How could you even think of such thing? Him disrespecting you? Making fun out if you? He would never do such thing to you, not you of all people.

“Oh, you have never done such thing?” You laughed in his face as you took a step back as you needed some space from him to breathe. “You, of all people, have done the biggest fool out of me by your actions Ace.” Your voice was raised loudly again. “Sending your brother to check up on me? Are you fucking kidding me? And, and you- ” you pointed out your finger at him. “You dared to send him, to check on me because you are so, so worried about me that you don’t fucking bother to be man enough and do it yourself?” You have never screamed at a person before, but there was aways a first time.

Ace was just standing in front of you. You were right, he wasn’t a man enough to check up on you and not only this he wasn’t a man enough to even tell you why he couldn’t. He wasn’t man enough to just say fuck it and grab you in his arms and tell you to calm down and just kiss your pain away. Maybe after all he wasn’t as grown up as he thought he was. Maybe after all he was still a lost child who had no idea how to deal with love, let alone how to show or voice it. Instead, he just stood there frozen if front of you while his mind and heart were going crazy. His heart was screaming, no it was begging him to just pour out itself to you, yet his mind was telling him that the best thing he should do was to break whatever you two had between each other and move on. But how could he do this? Which was the right thing to do?

“Say something you fucking coward.” You cried out. Tears started running down your cheeks. You couldn’t hold them anymore, it was too much and with him just standing there not saying anything, felt like someone was burning you alive.

Hearing your cry, Ace finally looked you in the eyes. It took all his willpower to not reached with his hand to wipe away the tears falling from your them. The tears that he caused. Because he knew that if he did this, he would break his act, and he couldn’t afford to do this. Swallowing hard he finally opened his mouth to speak.

“Look, doll I-”

“Don’t call me that.” You hissed at him.

“(Y/N).” He took a breath in as he ran his hands through his hair. “I’m sorry, okay? I’m fucking sorry if I made you feel this way, but do-” Ace stopped himself as he was about to call you ‘doll’ again. But that was the thing – you were his doll, because in his eyes there were no flaws in you just like porcelain dolls, which were so perfectly crafted, yet one rough touch and they might break, for which he was afraid that he would break you if he dared to bare his soul and heart for you because his hands weren’t clean and he wouldn’t dare to destroy something so perfect as you, so he must admire you from afar. “(Y/N), I’m sorry if I messed up our friendship and mostly if I made you feel this was, but I swear, I would never ever even think of doing such thing to you.”

“What friendship, Ace?” You bitterly chuckled. “Were we ever truly friends?”

He didn’t know how to respond to this question – no, he didn’t want to respond to this question, not that he didn’t know the answer to it.

“I don’t have any other ‘friend’ or should I specify a male friend that calls me ‘doll’ or even ‘baby’ from time to time. I don’t have friends who takes me out for…” You were afraid to say it out loud, but you had nothing to lose anymore tonight, you were determined - tonight was the night where all cards from your side were coming to the table. “Fuck this I’m calling it what it was, this ‘hang out’ two nights ago was a fucking date, wasn’t it?”

The moment you called it a date he looked away. It was hard enough for him when he had to admit it to himself but admitting it to you was something he wasn’t ready to do. He didn’t do dates, he didn’t go to dates until you. Actually, he haven’t done even one bit of the things he had done for you for another girl ever, but he wasn’t going to admit this to you.

“Fucking coward, you can’t even admit this.” You laughed through tears as you clicked with your tongue. “I’m done pretending, Ace.” Lifting your hands in the air and dropping them down defeatedly you took a deep breath before continuing. “I don’t want to be your friend anymore… no, I… I can’t be your friend. God, I never wanted to be your friend, but I tried to, I swear I tried but… but…” Tears were blurring your vision as you knew that from what you were about to say there was no coming back. “The only reason why I can’t be your friend is not because I don’t want to, but because I’m in love with you.”

If I told you that I hated you Would you go away?

These words cut though his heart like a knife. Usually when you hear that the person who you also happened to have feelings for shares them you were supposed to be happy, to be on cloud nine, weren’t you? But Ace wasn’t like most people, he was he and this alone was his biggest punishment. With what he said next, he knew that not only your, but his heart would break as well.

“Look, doll.” He started not daring to look at you. Ace had his eyes locked on the wall where the big sideboard with pictures. “I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong signals or made you think that there would be something more happening between us, but…” He could feel his heart breaking, he didn’t mean any of these words, but he had decided – he was going to listen to his mind and not his heart, which meant only one thing – breaking yours. “But it’s not mutual, okay?”

Tears had stopped falling from your face as you were carefully listening and observing him. His jawline was clenched and so were his fists, his whole body was tensed and you could see and clearly hear that he was struggling with his words, and most importantly… he didn’t dare to look at you while saying this.

“Then why have you done so many gestures towards me? Hell Ace, let’s not act like we haven’t almost kissed so many times.” You were going to dig deep into this. Tonight you were going to get your answers.

“Have you seen yourself, doll?” Ace chuckled sarcastically, shaking his head in disbelief as he heard your question. “I’m a guy and you are an extremely attractive girl, of course I want to fuck you, are you crazy?” He laughed out loud as he tried to hide the pain behind his words. It wasn’t like they weren’t true, but he would have never said it in such vulgar way if he didn’t try to push you away.

“You could have done it many times.” You answered with bitterness as you have never heard him speak so vulgarly with you about you, but you were honest with him. If all he ever wanted from you was a quick fuck he could have done it already and move on with his life not play friends with you.

“Could’ve, should’ve but I never did, thanks Luffy and his friends as if you haven’t been their friend I would have used you already and forget about you.” He turned away from you when he said this. He didn’t mean it and he wanted to kill himself for saying this to you. But he had to let you go.

“Use me?” You whispered in disbelief. This couldn’t be, he couldn’t have done such thing – no, the Ace that you knew wouldn’t dare to say such thing to you, he might have been an asshole, but this… this was crossing all the lines. “Is that why you were calling me doll all the time? Because you saw me as nothing more but a girl with whom you can play your twisted mind games?” You didn’t get any response as he was still facing away from you. “I don’t buy this bullshit, Ace.” Taking a few steps towards him you moved to stand in front of him and didn’t let him face you away. He was lying. He must be lying. “Say it to my face.” You were looking at him, eyes focused on his, yet for a thousand time tonight he refused to meet them.

He couldn’t bring himself to do such thing. It was hard enough to say it without looking at you, but to look at you and say such words, he could never. He just hoped that you would break up any second now and leave his place and him for good.

“I don’t believe you, Ace.” You repeated yourself. “I don’t believe that all you wanted from me was a quick fuck, especially when you had the opportunity many times.” Placing your right hand on his face you had to use a little bit of a force to make him look at you, but he finally did. You were so close to each other once again. His deep brown eyes were pierced in yours and in that moment an idea and the courage to say it out loud came to you. “Let’s make a deal, shall we?” You asked, eyes not moving from his. He didn’t reply as he was waiting for you to voice your ‘deal’. “Kiss me.” Was all you said which made him push away your hand and take a step back as he looked at you as you were out of your mind.

“What the fuck? Didn’t you just hear what I’ve told you?” He couldn’t believe that you really asked him this, off all things, everything else but this.

“Yes, I did.” You took a step closer to him again.

“Why should I kiss you? Where is the deal in this?” A puff of air left his lips in a makeshift laughter. Where were you going with this?

Rolling your shoulders back and straightening you posture you swallowed hard before you speak up again.

“It��s super simple.” You said. “You kiss me and if you feel nothing, not even the slightest but of a spark then… then I’m gone and we pretend that this has never happened… that this whole ‘friendship’ or whatever it is, was, has never happened and.. and…” You bit on your lips hard as you needed a moment before you could finish your sentence. “And we become strangers.” Saying this you looked away from him as you were afraid of what was to happen next.

Both of you stood frozen in the middle of his living room. None of you dared to move or looked at the other. Ace couldn’t bring himself to kiss you as he knew if he just tasted your lips once he wouldn’t be able to stop and he would be craving more and more of you. He licked his lower lip as he glanced at you – you looked so broken and defeated, and he was the one who had done this to you. His heart ached like never before. He had never felt such pain, but there was a first time for everything. A deep sigh left his lips as he shook his head.

“Just go home, we are done here.”

“No, Ace we are no d-”

“Yes, we are done. I don’t want you, okay. This shit is not mutual get it your pretty head.” He was grateful that you didn’t dare to look at him when he screamed at you as you had your head facing the floor. Ace didn’t want to startle nor scream at you, but he had no choice, because he could feel it in himself that if you stood a minute longer here he would break and not only kiss you but just take you in his arms and carry you to his bedroom and show you how much you mean to him.

He had never yelled or acted like this towards you which took you by surprise. It wasn’t like you weren’t aware that Ace had a dark side, but he had never showed it to you. Maybe you didn’t know him that well after all and maybe you were wrong – he might not be lying after all. Maybe he did not feel anything towards you and all you were to him was exactly a doll – something he was having fun with whenever he felt like it.

“Now fucking leave (Y/N).”

Hearing your name leaving his lips meant that he didn’t need to tell you twice. With a trembling lip and eyes full of tears once again you ran away. You opened and closed the front door of his apartment, but the loud sob that threatened to leave your lips escaped before you were able to close the door behind you. You called for the elevator and thankfully it took a few seconds to come. You couldn’t believe it. That was it. That was going to be the last time you and Ace see each other, because after tonight you couldn’t bring yourself to see him ever again. If two nights ago he shattered your heart, then tonight he just ripped it out of your chest and broke it into a million peace. Entering the elevator, you leaned on the wall of it and pressed the palm of your hand to your lips as the moment the door closed another agonised sob had left your lips.

You ran pass him without looking at him, but he did look at you and he could feel his breath leaving his lungs from the sight of your pained face. The sob that left your lips a second before you shut the front door close didn’t slip his ears. Ace could feel his own heart breaking from the pain he had caused you. This was for best. You were going to hate him now but be thankful later in life that he didn’t let you fall further. Right?

But if he was so sure that he had made the right decision then why did he found himself running down the stairs trying to make it in time to the first floor before the elevator hits it. Why did he run out of his apartment so fast and was running down the staris, skipping more than one step at times only to make sure to reach you in time. If he was so sure that he had made the right decision not even a minute ago, why was he standing in front of the elevator’s door waiting for them to open in less than a second from now?

Swim with me I think I can see the beach Just don't look underneath us I need you here with me but we're out in the open

The elevator’s door open and your breath got caught up in your lungs. What was he doing here? Didn’t he hurt you enough? Both of his hands were propped on each side of the elevator as he was trying to catch up his breath, his chest raising and falling fast with each breath while his head was hanged low. The elevator door started to close but Ace put his hand and stopped it and finally looked at you.

It was like his body was working against his will and mind, like his heart has taken control over it and he couldn’t control himself anymore. Before you could say anything as you part your lips with a questionable look written all over your face, he cut the distance between you two and you were in his arms. Pinning you against the elevator’s mirrored wall with his whole body pressed on your, he had one hand on your waist and the other one on the back of your head. You didn’t have a time to react or protest when his lips crashed into yours. At first you were frozen on the spot, shocked from this sudden turn of events, but your hands quickly found their way to his dark messy locks and you buried your fingers in them. His lips felt soft and warm on yours making you melt under his touch. The kiss was burning with passion, the way his lips had captured yours, so aggressively and desperate, yet softly and needy. With your lips parted slightly it allowed his tongue to slip inside causing a little gasp to escape them. He pulled you even closer to his body as if it was possible to get any closer than this and deepened the kiss.

He couldn’t stop. Your lips were like a drug, and he just tasted them for a first time, yet he was already addicted. All his sense everything in him screamed and begged him to pull away from you, even his lungs as they were out of air, but he couldn’t. It was so wrong, yet so right. You in his arms with your lips pressed together while your tongues were met in a burning desire of bottled-up feelings. He could taste the salty taste of your tears on your lips caused by him. You were too good for him, and he didn’t deserve you.

‘Whoever ends up with you will be cursed.’ His aunt words echoed in his mind again. This alone made him pull away and break the kiss apart. Ace opend his eyes and found you with your eyes still closed as you were left breathless with your now puffy lips. He didn’t want to let go of you. Not now, not ever. Not when he has finally done what he was dreaming of doing since that day you two had met. With one hand holding you still steady and close to him on the back of your waist like if you decide to run away, he would not let you go, he moved the one from the back of your neck to your cheek caressing it gently. The skin of your face was so soft and even in your worst state you were still flawless and breathtaking for him. He ran his thumb over your lips – tracing the shape of them and feeling the softness of them, making sure that he would remember it good as the moment you opened your eyes, he let go of you and took a step back.

“A deal is a deal.” He said as he leaned with his hands on the mirror caging you between him and the wall, but his eyes weren’t on you. Ace was looking at himself as he could speak with hatred only at himself. Swallowing hard he spoke up again. “I felt nothing, doll.” His voice was quite and raspy.

He might have not been looking at you, but you were looking at him. Why was he doing this to you? To himself? To you both? You weren’t stupid and he was obviously lying. Because his body and face didn’t match his words. He was in pain, and you could read it all over him, you didn’t need to look in his eyes to know this. But what gave away was the way he kissed you. You didn’t kiss someone with such passion, such need and desire if you didn’t feel anything for them – and Ace kissed you with all this and more. His kiss was burning with desire, not lust – desire. So why was he lying? Why was he hurting you both?

“Liar.”

END NOTE: Damn... what a roller coaster of feelings, hu? I hope you don't hate me much ♡ But this scene and this turn of events have been in my mind for a long, long time so you must understand I had to make it this way, but now as you have read about Ace's past I'm sure that you understand why he is and acts the way he does, because all he needs and wants is love, yet he is been told all his life that he isn't worthy of it... ALSO I GOT MY ELEVATOR, which I just added one sentence in chapter 5 where it says that it was out of service that first time Reader went to his place. Anyway I really do hope that despite the pain these two went through in this chapter you enjoyed reading it and as aways feel free to like, comment, reblog and message me regardless what you thought of it ♡ Thank you for reading my works once again ♡

writing, format & dividers © eand47 fanart @a_phu14 on IG ©eand47, do not copy or plagiarise my work.

[deliciousangelfestival]

Change of Heart - 4 | Bucky

Character: Bucky x Female! Reader

Theme: Angst, tragedy, romance.

Summary: The interviewer asked her a provocative question:

“If you were offered a million dollars, would you leave your partner?”

Without hesitation, she replied with a smirk, “Give me one dollar, and I’ll leave him this second.”

True to her word, she walked away, leaving the man stunned and searching for answers. Now, he’s desperately trying to find her, grappling with the haunting question—why would she leave him so easily?

And is there more to her departure than a single dollar could ever explain?

Part 1 , Part 2 , Part 3 , Part 4 , -

Main Masterlist || If you enjoy my work, please consider buying me a coffee on Ko-fi 🙏🏻

By the way, I publish my book Arrogant Ex-Husband and Dad, I Can't Let You Go by Alina C. Bing on Kindle.

Thank you to everyone who has read this chapter. Leave a comment and Reblog, please. I'd love to hear your thoughts. ❤️

You floated on the open sea, arms stretched out, weightless against the gentle pull of the waves. The sky above was endless, painted in hues of soft blue and white, the sun warm against your skin. Closing your eyes, you whispered, “I’ve wasted my life.”

Swimming in the open sea, you let the water seep into the emptiness inside you, hoping it could fill the void that nothing else could.

The vastness of the ocean mirrored the hollowness in your chest—a space once filled with ambition, competition, and the relentless pursuit of approval. Now, there was nothing. No goal. No purpose. Just a lingering ache, stretching endlessly like the horizon. You wondered if this was what it felt like to surrender—to stop fighting, to stop wanting, to simply exist.

Maybe that was why you swam so far from the shore. Because, for the first time, you weren’t chasing anything. You weren’t proving anything. You weren’t running toward or away.

You were just here.

Anyone seeing you like this would call you insane—adrift in the middle of nowhere, surrendering to the ocean as if it held all the answers. If it were the old you, you would have been furious at the thought. The old you would have fought back, defended yourself, proved them wrong. But now? Now, you were fine with it.

You felt reborn as if shedding the weight of everything you once thought mattered.

This marriage contract was supposed to be a shortcut—a way to secure wealth without the hassle of love, without emotional complications. That was the plan.

But love was a thirst that couldn’t be easily quenched. And the cruelest part? The person you loved didn’t even believe in it.

Sometimes, the hardest thing to do is let go. Love is messy. Love is unpredictable. And love doesn’t always work.

On paper, becoming Bucky Barnes’ wife had been enough. It had given you everything you wanted. Prestige. Power. Validation. More importantly, it had given you the one thing you had chased your whole life—your father’s approval.

You could still see it so clearly—the way his expression shifted the moment you told him you had married Bucky, heir to the Lena Group. His disbelief, the way his pride cracked just slightly before morphing into something else. Something like admiration. And when Bucky officially became CEO? That was the first time you had ever seen pride on your father’s face, directed at you.

It was intoxicating.

That was when you realized—you had finally beaten him. For the first time in your life, you had surpassed him.

Growing up with a father like yours meant winning was everything. He had shaped you into a competitor, someone who measured success not by personal happiness but by how high you could climb compared to others—especially compared to him.

It was never enough to be good. You had to be the best.

Even when you excelled, even when you got into the top university, it wasn’t impressive enough. He had done it before you. He had already conquered that path. “Been there, done that,” he had said, dismissing your achievements as if they were insignificant.

That was the moment you realized academic success would never be enough for him. So, you changed the game.

If you couldn’t impress him by following in his footsteps, you would surpass him in a way he never expected. You would rise higher than him, take something he could never take back.

And you did.

Bucky Barnes was your golden trophy, the proof of your victory. The contract marriage had been your ultimate power move. Even if love was off the table, even if you wrestled with the dangerous feelings creeping in, it didn’t matter—because you had won.

But then love took root, slowly and silently. And before you knew it, your greatest triumph had become your deepest weakness.

Falling in love with Bucky was never part of the plan. You admitted it to yourself—it was your mistake. You should have never allowed feelings to grow, not when you knew exactly how he felt about love, about romance, about anything remotely affectionate.

But even the coldest mountain can melt. And the walls you built around your heart? They didn’t come crashing down all at once. No, they eroded slowly, day by day, worn away by the time you spent with him.

You had everything you thought you wanted—money, connections, status. Everything you once craved was finally within your grasp, all because of him.

And that was the most dangerous part.

Because once something is fulfilled, the hunger for more only intensifies.

At first, it was manageable. Just fleeting thoughts, stolen glances that you convinced yourself meant nothing. But the more time you spent with him, the stronger the desire became—wanting something you could never have. Scarcity breeds obsession, and Bucky, without even realizing it, had become the one thing you couldn’t stop longing for.

His presence didn’t help. He was considerate but distant, dominant yet effortless in his role. He played the part so perfectly that sometimes, you forgot it was all an illusion. And that made it worse. Because even though you knew the rules, your heart refused to listen.

You had spent your entire life getting what you wanted. But now, there was one thing you couldn’t have.

Your own husband.

By the second year, you weren’t pretending anymore. The way you looked at him, the way you touched him, the way your chest ached at his smallest gestures—it was all real.

It became unbearable.

Then, just two days before the contract was set to end, something happened. A shift so profound that it shattered something deep inside you.

Your father went bankrupt.

And just like that, the man who had spent his entire life building an empire, who had made you believe that life was a relentless competition, who had pushed you beyond your limits to ensure that you would never come second—walked away.

Without a fight. Without resistance. Without regret.

And the worst part?

He looked… content.

"You tried so hard to impress me," he said, his voice almost gentle. "I’m sorry. This time, live the life you want to."

His words should have freed you. Instead, they hollowed you out.

"What the hell was that?"

The man who had built you into a warrior had surrendered without a battle. The man who made you believe that winning was everything—had stopped playing the game. And now, he expected you to do the same?

For so long, your life had a singular purpose: beat him. Surpass him. Make him acknowledge you, respect you, fear you.

But now, he was gone.

And what was left of you without him?

Nothing.

The fight was gone. The battlefield was empty. The war was over. And yet, instead of victory, all you felt was loss.

Because when your entire existence is built around a single goal, what happens when that goal disappears?

Aimless. Directionless. Floating.

You wandered through each day like a ghost. Because if you weren’t trying to win, then what were you supposed to do? Who were you supposed to be?

You had always defined yourself by the pursuit.

Now, without it, you weren’t sure you existed at all.

You felt eternally useless. Adrift. Like a ship lost at sea with no compass, no anchor, no destination. But at least, for now, you still had something to hold on to—the contract marriage.

Even if it was slipping through your fingers.

Even if the one thing keeping you grounded was also the very thing pulling you under.

Because no matter how much you tried to ignore it, the truth was suffocating: you had fallen in love with Bucky.

And it was a love that would never be returned.

You had asked him once, on a quiet night when the walls between you felt thinner than usual. After nearly two years together, after countless stolen moments that made you question everything, you let the words slip out.

"What do you think about love?"

Bucky clicked his tongue, barely sparing you a glance before answering.

"If I could use all my money, I would erase romance from this earth."

You had heard many things from him before. Cold things. But this? This still caught you off guard.

Because the way he treated you—his attention, his protectiveness, the way he seemed to make you the center of his world—would have fooled anyone. It had fooled you.

And yet, his view of love remained unshaken.

It was in that moment you knew.

This was never going anywhere.

You just needed a sign. Something to push you over the edge, to force you to let go before you drowned completely.

Then, one day, it came.

A street interview. Some random internet guy shoving a microphone into strangers’ faces, asking them, "Would you leave your partner for a million dollars?"

It was supposed to be a joke. A meaningless question. But when you heard it, something inside you snapped.

It felt like time stopped. Like the entire weight of your past two years came crashing down in that one ridiculous, absurd moment.

You had millions in your bank account. More than you could ever need. But what was the point of it all when your heart was empty?

Your lips parted before you could stop yourself.

"If you gave me a billion, I’d consider it."

The interviewer, a college kid chasing internet fame, blinked at you, clearly caught off guard. You knew he didn’t have a billion dollars. He probably had student loans drowning him.

So, out of pity—or maybe out of desperation—you sighed.

"Give me a dollar."

He hesitated. Then, amused, he pulled out a single crumpled bill and placed it in your palm.

And somehow, that was enough.

That one dollar.

That was all it took to change everything.

That one dollar carried more weight than the millions sitting untouched in your bank account.

That one dollar made you walk into the agency and tell the CEO you weren’t renewing the contract.

That one dollar gave you the strength to face Bucky, even though leaving him felt like ripping your heart straight out of your chest.

That one dollar made you drop the sleeping pills into Bucky’s tea, ensuring he wouldn’t wake up before you were gone.

That one dollar gave you the courage to pack your bags and leave before you lost the nerve.

Leaving suddenly felt childish. Reckless.

But it was better this way. Better to vanish before you changed your mind.

Better to make Bucky hate you.

Because making him hate you was easy.

Hating him? That was impossible.

Because he had no flaws—at least, none that made him unlovable. If he were cruel, if he were indifferent, if he had betrayed you even once, then maybe, just maybe, you could hate him enough to walk away without regret.

But he wasn’t.

He was the perfect storm—brilliant, sharp, magnetic. The kind of man who could make you believe in things he didn’t even believe in himself.

And that was the cruelest part of all.

So you ran.

Not because you were weak.

But because staying would have destroyed you.

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Author Note:

Sorry for the sudden lack of updates. I just ran my first 5K marathon two days ago, and it was so much fun! I made great memories with my friends and even met new people.

But the aftermath—OMG! My thighs and knees were screaming for help. Lol.

[psychemochanight]

So... Dick Grayson's Headcanons :D (this gonna be a long post-)

Some mine and some from the fandom!

Obviously not all of them (I don't have all of them in mind right now), but as you know, we will continue to post them here anyway🤙

And I already mentioned some of them before, but I'll mention some of them again anyway.

First I remind you that these are just HC and/or things that I like to project onto the character, you don't have to agree or share them with me, if you don't like one, just skip it please, you don't need to come here to discuss because of a HC of a fictional character.

I also advise that, although I always try to ensure that the HCs do not interfere with the canon, some may contradict it (mostly because I forget certain details of the canon- lmao).

Disclaimer made (?), let's go to it ✨

Dick has the body of a person who does calisthenics, an acrobat's body, indeed, more than that of an Olympic male gymnast.

(Ignoring canon on the first one, lmao). But yes, I like to think that Dick doesn't have as much muscle as Bruce, that way he can keep his flexibility intact, because, no matter how flexible you are, if you have too much muscle, you lose mobility, so, yeah. Still, he have more muscle than the average acrobat, but not as much as a gymnast... Kinda sleeper build.

Many heroes thought Dick was a meta.

Mainly due to his flexibility, others for more silly things like being able to understand Flash when he speaks.

Dick has a very messy eating schedule, He often forgets to eat and sometimes eats twice as much, not because he is hungry, but because he has forgotten whether he has eaten or not.

He doesn't eat much junk food, although he is constantly on a sugar rush. Anyway, thanks to Bitewing he has a better schedule now, since he doesn't forget to feed her, and he takes advantage of the opportunity to eat something too. He still doesn't sleep enough tho.

Although he seems to be the most relaxed in his family, he is the second most paranoid after Bruce.

Paranoia + anxiety, more specifically. He takes it as best he can.

Ironically, despite his paranoia, he is the one who trusts the others the most in his entire family; but he always has a plan in his head in case he is betrayed.

He doesn't have anger issues, not all the time at least... The poor guy is just overstimulated.

Except when he is underestimated for being a "pretty boy", then the anger is real.

He is quick to learn to play instruments given his high muscle memory and keen ear.

Canonically he knows how to play guitar and also some piano.

Although Bruce knows more languages, Dick is the most fluent in them.

Bruce knows the languages, but he makes the typical mistake of thinking in his native language and then translating. Dick does have the ability to think directly in other languages.

When he gets angry, Dick talks very fast and starts mixing up languages, so even though Bruce knows all the languages Dick is speaking, can't keep up because he needs to translate everything.

Continuing with languages, I like YJ's idea of Dick butchering the English language... So, yeah, he actually does that.

But he doesn't do it because English is not his first language (even if he has Romani ancestry, his first language will probably be English, since it was the common language in the circus), but because he has spoken too many languages since he was little, then they get mixed up in his mind and when a word doesn't come to mind in English, he just makes up another one. Sometimes he just says the word in another language.

Another one about languages: even if he canonically only speaks 10-12 languages, for me he actually speaks/understands many more, he's just not fluent in them so he doesn't count them.

He is an AUDHD person, without diagnosis, but on more than one occasion his friends said it to him.

Barbara especially, has been telling him this since they were younger.

As an added bonus: AUDHD is harder to diagnose than ADHD or autism alone, since it is known that the characteristics of each one can diminish or even cancel the characteristics of the other; at the same time, it can increase other traits, but these may be wrongly attributed to other conditions.

I say this as someone from the field of psychology, please don't think I'm making this up.

So, Most of the "weird" things they noticed about Dick they attributed to his growing up environment and subsequent PTSD... Which is partly true, but not entirely true.

He knows too many random facts that no one knows where he learned them from, not even him.

He's on the asexual spectrum, probably demisexual, and biromantic.

This doesn't mean that he can't "enjoy" it, but he definitely doesn't feel the same as he doesn't feel a real attraction due to the lack of connection.

He liked the rain.

It's not exactly a trigger, but he doesn't like it like he used to.

If you understand, you understand.

He doesn't like compliments about his physical appearance, but he responds egocentrically to compliments about his other qualities, although this is to hide his shame, he does not know how to take compliments.

He prefers to act to hide his embarrassment, otherwise he ends up as a bundle of nerves.

He definitely did the thing more than once where he went to Metropolis and jumped off a building to get Clark's attention instead of visiting him like a normal person.

He loves it when his friends are the ones who initiate the hugs, especially since most of them lift him off the ground when they hug him. He'll never say it, but he loves this.

Although he acts like an older brother to everyone, the moment someone older is with him, he becomes an annoying younger brother.

He only does it with people he trusts, tho, since it requires him to let his guard down a little.

This is a very normal trait in older siblings, actually, and most of the time it is unconscious, and it is even more common if they were only children for a long time.

He likes to act dumb so the bad guys will underestimate him.

The bad thing is that sometimes even his family forgets that he is also considered a genius.

Here we ignore what DC did with Dick by making him more focused on leadership, he was always a child prodigy and always will be.

Alfred taught him to clean in specific ways because Dick complained a lot about the texture that certain objects had if they were not cleaned properly.

He also taught him cooking tricks, because otherwise Dick would starve because he doesn't like to eat many things.

He only likes chips... And also football.

It's pretty good in all kinds of art, He may not be a artist like Damian, or a dancer like Cass, but he holds his own in those disciplines as well.

He mainly uses drawing to draw structures or spoken portraits rather than for artistic and recreational purposes.

He only dances at events to which he is invited or any type of mission that requires it.

Tbf, canonically, he does know how to draw and dance, it is the reasons why he does them that is a HC.

He also knows how to do things like sewing and so on, his mother taught him to fix his own clothes.

He doesn't have a favorite color, but he tells people it's blue because it just makes sense to everyone.

He likes to wear superhero merch.

He can't stay in an office for the sake of his sanity, prefers dynamic jobs.

He also changes jobs very often even though he is good most of them, he gets bored.

He took too many online courses, he just never claims certification so it looks like he didn't study any degree.

Sometimes he just sits quietly with Damian watching animal documentaries without a narrator.

He often complains that Bruce never let him have a pet.

He knows perfectly well why he couldn't, he never had time to take care of one, he just likes to complain about it.

He is the one who scares his siblings the most, but none of them admit it.

He is the most stealthy (with Cass), a consequence of his bright yellow coat when he was a kid. Jason is the next stealthiest, but Dick is the one with the "light feet."

He definitely understands synesthesia.

He discussed many times with people about what color Monday is and what number is orange.

Summer is too hot and winter is too cold, he is team temperate, thank you very much.

He listens to music very often, he also sings to himself whenever he is not listening to music.

He knows lullabies in several languages, even those he doesn't actively speak.

He helps comfort frightened small children, and entertains older children with juggling and magic tricks.

His resistance to pain is terrifying, but when he is in serious pain, his childhood accent becomes thick.

He camouflages his childhood accent as an adult, adopting the Gotham accent, but can still use his real accent or imitate any other.

He often imitates the voices of the people he is talking to when they are being hypocritical, or simply to annoy them.

Although he mostly makes bad jokes, he is actually more than capable of making genuinely very funny jokes and pranks, he simply made bad jokes part of his personality since they were the ones that made Bruce laugh the most.

Although he grew up in the circus and knows more swear words than he should, he's not really a person who casually swears. He grew up being around people, especially children, so he knows how to control himself pretty well in that regard.

However, he knows how to destroy someone with words in a much more damaging way than with simple insults, even more than insulting them in every language there is and will be.

He looks pretty all the time, this annoys his friends and especially his brothers a lot.

Cass doesn't care about it, she finds it interesting and kind of funny.

He likes to braid Donna's hair. <3

And this is all that comes to my mind right now, but I will add more in reposts if I remember others, because I know I have more- especially since I didn't actually add HC of him as Robin or Nightwing-

And if you notice any mistakes, sorry, writing too much actually messes with my brain... and my English-

[timmydraker]

Tim Drake who has a half-Chinese mother named Dai Lu Feng who travelled to study history in various countries and eventually met Jack Drake, an American archeologist who instantly fell in love with the assertive and intelligent woman.

When she eventually agrees to move to America, she had an argument with her parents that makes her cut them off, one she says is due to money when ever asked but is actually because of Drake.

Obviously they don’t have a problem with him being a white man, it’s more that he’s a white white man. He’s entitled, rude, and disrespectful to anyone he deems below him. He’s not obvious about it, but it’s clear he doesn’t really approve of Dai Lu’s family due to their middle class status but she can’t seem to see that, too enchanted by the fact that he listens to her talk about ancient history.

He seems to think class is all that matters, but most odd is how he treats his partners heritage.

When Jack tells her she will need an English name, she isn’t upset or surprised as that’s very normal and her father had already given her one, that being his own mother, Janet.

When Jack tells her to be cautious with who she speaks to incase they pick up her rather well hidden accent, she assumes it’s because Americans can often be cruel to Chinese due to all the propaganda and stereotypes.

When he tells her that she doesn’t need to keep her traditional clothes with her all the time, that they can stay safe in China, she isn’t as sure but at that point thought she would be returning frequently.

When she gets pregnant and excitedly tells him, she hears him over the phone with his ‘Gentleman’ friends saying, ‘Yeah, but she’s only half Chinese, so it’s not really interracial, is it?’ And then ‘Nah, the kid will look more like me, male genes are stronger and anyway, he won’t be learning Chinese so who cares!’

Dai Lu has the until thought to correct him ironically, the thought of defending her language which is Mandarin, thank you, stronger than it’s been in a long while. She’s so used to him not wanting her to talk her home tongue she’s stopped questioning it, stopped feeling that slight guilt of absorbing her culture and home.

Maybe it’s because she used to be bullied for it, that she always thought she would one day have to choose between being a Chinese woman like her mother or a professor in England like her father had been.

And Dai Lu is a smart woman, but she’s also just a human being. She gets scared, especially when it comes to the few people whose opinion she cares about.

What if she tries to go home to her family, to her parents and her sister, only to be shamed for running away from her husband just as she gets pregnant! What if they are mad at her for leaving? What if they judged her? What if she went back to China and everyone knew she abandoned her husband?

She didn’t need his money but damn it if she didn’t want his love.

Timothy Jackson Drake is born with his father choosing his names, his mother looking at him with a smile and heavy sadness is her eyes.

She knows he will be questioned on his heritage, that he will be called vile things, and she will teach him how to handle and respond to such things.

Janet will need to, because Tim looks so much like her and his father will blame him for it.

When Tim receives his mother’s inheritance and everything else she left him in her will, he finds a book he used to read with her as a kid.

Within The Velveteen Rabbit is a letter that reads as follows,

“My dear sweet boy,

I know I wasn’t the best mother to you, I know I should have done more. Been braver.

Alas, all I have to offer you to show my remorse and my love is the name I wished for you to be called, that you would have been given if I had been brave enough to return to my mother.

I love you, Shoi-Ming Feng, now and forever.”

Tim smiles for the first time after loosing her.

They weren’t as close as they could have been, but they lived each other.

He would always remember her teaching him of his culture in whispered voices while Jack was out of the house, of the small jade ring she kept hidden in her make up bag, and of the way she taught him the language she was to never speak in front of her husband as best she could.

Tim calls Bruce and asks him if he could be brought into the man’s care permanently, on the condition is last name be Feng-Wayne.

Bruce agrees without a second of hesitation.

[short-honey-badger]

Hello!!! This is my first time sending an ask, but have you thought of doing servant!Reader x Shamrock? (He is literally all over my head )

Oooo Yus! I had a lot of fun with this one! Thank you for the amazing ask! I hope I did it justice! ❤️❤️ p.s. I characterized Sham a bit differently here than in my other works, but I hope you enjoyed!

Unwind

Pairings! Figarland Shamrock x Female Reader

Warnings! Cunnilingus, hand jobs, illusions to cock warming

Shamrock Masterlist-> HERE

You were nothing but a lowly servant to the household, but to Shamrock, you were everything. You were the one to tend to his rooms, to his laundry, even his daily meals, all of it done by you and you alone. He wouldn't have any other. Today, he had caught you in his study, duster in hand as you cleaned away the nonexistent buildup along his bookshelves. You froze when he opened the door, back tensing as you kept your face angled to the floor in respect to your master.

Shamrock was frustrated, brow furrowed in a nasty scowl as he sat in his chair, spinning around so that he could watch you carefully begin your duties again. Slowly, the tension in his body began to deflate, your presence alone a balm to his raging emotions. His father had berated him today, telling him that he wasn't doing enough to advance their plans. He had given his entire life to his father, but still, that just wasn't enough for Saint Figarland.

He needed to unwind, to get the rest of the tension out of his body before he had to confront his father again, and you were the perfect outlet. Shamrock pushes up from his chair, silently treading across the room until he stands behind you. He reaches out, one gloved hand curling around your hip, and he feels you freeze under his hand, back tense and head dropping to expose the back of your neck.

“Don't be afraid, darling. I could never hurt you,” Shamrock murmurs. He wished for you to believe him, for while he was a harsh man, he wanted to be kind to you. For the woman who made his life just a tiny bit easier, even if it was your duty.

“How- how can I help you, Sir?” Your voice trembles. You knew that Shamrock preferred you to the other servant girls, but you weren't sure what made you special in his eyes. All you did was keep your head down and try your best to be good under their care.

Shamrock pulls you by the hip, spinning you around so that you can face him. His face was stoic like usual, but you could still see his frustration in the way his brow stayed furrowed. You want to reach out and smooth it away with your thumb, but you doubt your touch would be well received even if the holy knight liked you.

“You do so much for me, don't you, girl? Going out of your way for me. I've seen it. I've been watching you for a long time,” He murmurs and one hand comes up to rest along your jaw, a gloved thumb sweeping back and forth, “So I'd like for you to do something else for me. Think you can do that, darling?”

He feels you shiver at his touch, a pink tongue darting out to wet your lips before you daringly raise your head and meet his eyes. You look nervous, but there is a gleam of interest he can see shining dully, “I would like nothing more than to help you with anything you may need, Sir.”

Shamrock hums before he drops his hands from your body and steps away, walking back to his desk and sitting in his chair. He has a delightful idea, and the more he thinks about it, the more his cock hardens in his pants, straining at the seams to be let out. You turn and watch him, and Shamrock makes a show of shifting in his seat, hand smoothing down to trail his fingers over the obvious bulge tenting his slacks. You watch him, face turning hot, and you have an inkling of that he wants from you.

“Come here, darling. I think you deserve a reward for how well you take care of me, don't you think so?” He murmurs and drops his other hand, fingers making easy works of his belt, and then his zipper. A soft sigh leaves him when he works his cock out of his underwear, hand wrapping around the base and stroking upwards, thumb circling the head twice before he drops back down.

You walk forward automatically, eyes wide and mouth salivating at the sight before you. Figarland Shamrock is a beautiful being, and you feel honored to be one of the few to witness this side of him. You come and stand between his legs, desperately wanting to reach out and touch for yourself, but feeling too nervous to do so.

As if he can hear your thoughts, Shamrock snags your hand and pulls you forward, guiding your own hand down and wrapping your hand around his length, keeping your hand trapped with his own. He leads you in the way that he likes, a tight grip but a slow pace. Your hand is infinitely softer than his own, fingers uncalloused, and you are a quick learner, easily picking up what he enjoys. The redhead lets go of your hand, allowing you to take over.

You watch in fascination as precum bubbles up at the tip and stroke your hand up, thumb smoothing over his slit and gathering the sticky liquid. Shamrock watches you lift your hand and wrap your lips around your finger, tongue curling around and sucking it off with a hum. Arousal shoots down his spine at the sight, and Shamrock meets your wide eyes. However, as much as he would love for you to suck his cock, he still has something else in mind for you.

“Get on my desk,” He orders, voice and low husk, and you scramble to comply, carefully moving away any important looking documents before you hop up on his desk, legs clenched tight in anticipation. Shamrock rolls his chair forward, settling between your legs and shoving your skirts out of the way. He hooks his finger in your waistband and, with a little force, snaps the thin fabric with ease. Your panties get stuffed into a drawer on his desk, and then he focuses back on his prize.

Your cunt is a work of art. Pretty and pink, and already he can see your folds glistening with your arousal. With a burning need, Shamrock leans in and buries his face between your legs, hands gripping your hips when you gasp and bow off the desk, eyes going wide and hands landing in his long hair. Your fingers tangled and pulled, but Shamrock didn't mind.

He licks a stripe up your cunt, tongue wiggling through your folds and lips smacking and sucking. Sweet cream pools along his tongue, and he groans at the delightful taste, pushing forward and lifting your hips so that he could angle himself to plunge his tongue into you, seeking that unique taste that only came from you.

Shamrock works you until you quiver under him, fingers tightening in his hair as you come against his face, eyes squeezed shut as you breathe his name with a low whine. He doesn't stop until he is satisfied, pulling away to stare up at your flushed face, your eyes wide in wonder when you meet his own.

You watch him sit back in his seat, hand wrapping around his cock and stroking it twice before holding still. His head cocks to the side, and he beckons you closer with a crook of a gloved finger. You slide off the desk, legs feeling like jelly, and step closer. His free hand turns you so that you are facing away from him, and then you are being lifted like you weigh nothing. Shamrock sits you down on his lap, groaning when your cunt slides along his cock. It takes some adjusting, but soon he has your skirts gathered and holds you still, cockhead nudging against your folds before it catches and you begin to slowly sink down.

You grip his forearms, nails digging into the fabric of his shirt, brow furrowing as you try not to pull away. Despite coming from his tongue, Shamrock was thick, and the stretch wasn't pleasant. It feels like eons have passed before you are fully seated, pussy stuffed full as you shake and quiver in his lap. One arm curls around your hips, pulling you back to rest against his chest so that he can hook his chin over your shoulder.

“I'm going to keep you like this, darling. Stuffed full with my cock until I'm ready to come. You're going to stay right here while I get some work done.”

You drop your head back against his shoulder, lips brushing against his jaw, “Yes, sir. As long as you need.”

[marshmallowpeeps]

So I bookmarked this ages ago - I really wanted to watch it but didn't get around to it. But with season 2 starting, I wanted to do a rewatch of s1 and this seemed like an interesting way to do it. Here are some very brief thoughts. (Btw thank you OP for making these instructions super clear, and for being very transparent with the files and making me confident about trying it!)

Watched the Outie Cut first, which was... really bleak. There's none of the novelty of the Innie experience, which, while also bleak, is so strange and darkly funny that it kinda balances things out. The Outie experience is just mundane and fully steeped in Mark's depression. The banality of it does make the mystery seem that much more unsettling in some ways, and things like the incident at the school are quite shocking.

Because so much context is in the Innie world, it can be very confusing. I watched this with some friends who hadn't rewatched s1 and we had to keep pausing to try to remember what had happened in order make sense of things.

I noticed that Mark is almost never in the center of the frame - he's usually off to the side, which emphasizes the emptiness around him, or maybe his lack of focus/purpose in his life. This made me wonder if the Innie Cut had him more centered, since the elevator shots were so centered.

And yeah - in the Innie Cut, almost everything is centered. It emphasizes the rigid artificiality of Lumon but also makes Mark and everyone else feel more vital. I also noticed that in the beginning, Mark actually seems kinda ok with it. Like, it's not a great life, but it is oddly satisfying - think about the sequence of him setting up the office.

Watching only the Innie stuff is relentlessly weird, and does kinda give some sense of what it might be like to wake up there again and again, the endlessness of that experience. It feels like the crisis builds rather quickly, but given that it's everyone's entire existence, it also doesn't seem that unlikely.

I do wonder what it would feel like to watch the Innie Cut without knowing about the Outie Cut, or vice versa. Obviously they work best together, but it's still pretty interesting to think about.

At any rate: definitely a fun way to do a rewatch, though I probably wouldn't recommend this if you have a poor memory for s1. And this would be really rough if you had never seen s1 at all, haha.

Thank you @allonsybadwolf for putting this together and going through the trouble of sharing it too! By the time I remembered this, I was worried that it would no longer be available, but you still had it going! Really appreciate the kindness :)

!!SPOILERS FOR THE SEASON ONE FINALE OF SEVERANCE IN THIS VIDEO!! No spoilers below:

VIDEO: Severance Outie Cut, Season 1 Episode 9

Okay ya’ll, I believe I have done everything I need to do to make the Innie and Outie Supercuts that I made of Severance available. I looked into a lot of different free storage options out there and unfortunately none of them had enough space (the cuts together are ~35GB), so I landed on creating a torrent file to share it, which just means I’m sending it directly from my computer to your computer without the middleman of cloud storage

This is the first time I’ve ever created a torrent to share, so I had to follow a tutorial. I believe everything worked correctly. Please let me know if there’s any problems (or if you know more about torrents than I do and see any immediate glaring issues.)

Here’s what you’ll need to do:

1. Download a bittorrent client (I recommend qbittorrent.) 2. Grab the .torrent file from the google drive I created: here 3. Side note, I created the file in qbittorrent but I believe you can use it in any client. Someone correct me if that’s wrong. 4. In your bittorrent client, look for an option that says something like “add torrent file” and use that to select the file 5. Choose where to download the file and click “okay” 6. You’re done! Wait for it to download and you’re good to go!

You don’t need to go to any sketchy torrent sites, you can check the file contents in the bittorrent client when you add it to make sure it is what I say it is (it will contain two video files, and two image files for those of you who use something like plex and want title cards), and yeah I think that’s it

Please let me know what you think of it if/when you watch it! I put a lot of hours into it and I really enjoyed watching it, so I hope you guys do as well.

OH ALSO. If you know anyone who is willing to sacrifice their first Severance watch through and watch these cuts first as an experiment, I am extremely curious to hear about how the experience differs when you watch it as intended vs. watching it from each perspective individually.

I have it ordered as Outie Cut first, then Innie Cut second. You’re welcome to watch in whatever order you like, though, obviously.

My thought process here is that the Outie perspective is more interesting as a mystery where you don’t know what is happening at Lumon. You’re discovering things along with oMark, you don’t have any more information than he does.

And I think the Innie perspective could be interesting either way, but I think most of the interest just comes from discovering the world of Lumon here. It definitely could be interesting to see the Innie perspective with no knowledge of the outside world, though. Let me know what you think about the watch order!

[shieldedreams]

in the silence, my heart beats the loudest (m.m.)

summary ⇾ minho thinks he's pretty good at keeping his feelings at bay, but sometimes, the silence tends to challenge him details ⇾ 1,273 words / minho moon (xo, kitty) x gn!reader / 🌸 a bunch of soft feels / a sprinkle of curse words / the au where minho's absolutely (silently) whipped for someone (and kitty and q are somehow big shippers) notes ⇾ not me coming back just to write this but hey, i gave xo, kitty a shot and not surprisingly adoring minho ; w ;

a regular occurrence that no one no longer bats their eyes at is the way at any given point, minho could be found by your side despite the claim of i don't have any issues studying alone, as a matter of fact? sit on the other side, you're blocking the light. yet, somehow, minho's willing to give up the window seat he eyes when it's your bag and belongings that claims the seat.

today was no different.

minho finds himself well-acquainted with the seat next to you; almost too comfortably nudging your things aside to make room for himself. it makes you scoff–not out of annoyance–in amusement as you turn the cheek to raise your brow at him.

"well, hello to you too, then," minho jabs, quietly (because this is a library) but the sass in his tone is ever-present.

"there are plenty of seats available, mr. moon," you huff, placing a hand on one of your books to prevent him from putting his things down next to you just yet. he grabs the chair and leans down, squinting his eyes at you, "i don't believe i'm asking if i can sit here," he juts his chin towards the book you have captive, "i am sitting here."

minho hates–hates–how you lean closer towards him that it almost makes him lean back despite appreciating how close you are to him. it was your turn to narrow your eyes at him with the slight purse of your lips and how fucking adorable.

if there's anything that you can attribute minho to, it would be he doesn't back down without a fight. he challenges you by blowing the baby hairs on your forehead due to the close proximity, earning himself a chuckle from you.

"it'll be my treat when we get a snack break later, so please for the love of god, just move your shit."

and if there's anything–more than the many things–minho adores about you (but won't ever tell you just yet), it's the way you mirror his passion in a way that makes his heart swell.

"i get to choose the convenience store?" you're smiling so hard, it spills over in your words as you blink up to him.

minho sighs, "to your heart's desire, my love."

that earns him a gummy grin from you as your arm quite literally shoves everything aside to create the vast amount of space for him to settle in. "welcome in, mr. handsome."

even though minho rolls his eyes, he's trying to mask the smile that threatens to form on his lips when you giddily put your things away properly, scooting to the side a little to accommodate more space for him. he dislikes that you seem to be further away but when he actually sits down and feels you bumping shoulders with him, he's thankful that you give him space or it'll definitely feel like it's too hot in here.

he swallows thickly and settles in, shaking his nerves as he leans back in the seat, eyes carefully drifting over to you to see that you're taking the assignment pretty seriously. he begins to unload his bag, fishing out his laptop and a notebook. it's like you've read his mind (or memorised his patterns) when you mindlessly nudge your pencil case towards his direction despite having your eyes glued onto your book with a highlighter. a smile quirks onto his face as he murmurs a soft thanks, then grabbing a pen to fiddle with as he attempts to take a crack at the work he's assigned with.

the hands of time ticks away, the students begin to file out of the library as it nears the time for the next round of classes (except it doesn't concern either you or minho), which is why he hasn't bothered you from your little "break". quite the contrary, he lets you use his folded blazer as a place for you to rest your head to pillow between the table.

he normally doesn't condone this, but when he knows you've had a late night the night before, it was almost too easy for him to make the decision to pull his folded blazer out for you to–well, goodnight, y/n. he smiles to himself when he sees how accustomed you are to closing your eyes and drifting away in slumber... with one of his hands held captive.

he has this fear... that some way, through the pulse of his fingertips you have in yours, that you can feel how hard his heart is pounding in his chest. how you can render him to feel the whole damn zoo bubbling from within without saying anything at all. he bites down on his tongue to offer himself a sort of relief, even when he knows it's useless. all he does is sigh as he rests his chin in his palm, pretending like it's no big deal as he continues to stare at his laptop... when in fact, everything turns into a blur as his eyes trail down to the keyboard, occasionally glancing over to you with the smile he continuously tries to hide.

he fears that one day, his fear would surface as a weakness instead. that it'll take you away from him. break from this little reverie of happiness he has.

but for now... with the soft glow of the sunlight casted over your features as you peacefully take intakes of air, cheek pressed to his blazer, hand gently holding onto his (because now he had duties as your human alarm clock)... minho allowed himself to have this little piece of heaven.

((minho regrets looking up when he hears his name being whispered in the quiet of the library. he meets with two familiar pair of eyes that makes him scowl. did y/n come here to nap? q mouths, followed by kitty's half-whisper, half-squeal as she whips out her phone, trying to hide the biggest grin on her face as she captures the moment. and are you here to accompany them? q mouths again, only to get nothing in response from minho apart from his glare. "woah, tough crowd," kitty grabs q by the arm, dragging the both of them out of the situation. it's only a couple of beats before kitty half-yells, "check your phone later, minho!" before minho can respond, he's more worried about you waking up that he turns to look at you. he sighs as you remain resting peacefully, keeping one of his hands captive with a small smile to your face. (unknowingly, it makes the boy smile, too) // the vibration against minho's thigh makes him pull out his phone with his free hand. he gulps before he taps on the unread message from kitty. upon clicking on [download] to view the image, minho has to suck the insides of his cheek to stop himself from smiling when he sees it's the view from q and kitty a couple of steps away from where he's sat with you. his hand in yours, your head resting on his blazer, the sunlight glow casting the outline on both of your silhouette and... the softness in his own eyes as they're locked onto you. he tries not to indulge too much, tapping out of the photo to text: you better keep this to yourself, covey [3:32pm] (read) my lips (and hands) are sealed 🤐 [3:33pm] minho is about to text a thank you, but finds himself cursing under his breath when the next text from kitty makes him– for now, at least ;) [3:33pm] but when you're squeezing his hand, unconscious and sitting next to him... he'll ignore it and pretend like everything is okay. for now, everything is at ease and peaceful and sometimes, he'd rather keep things this way if it meant security in having you beside him.))

[asktheritochampion]

Soo... What's your true opinion on Teba, Tulin, and Saki? :)

Why are you so intent on ruining every half decent relation I have and obliterating my dignity in the process?

Tulin is the only Rito in the past hundred years who has been able to harness the winds as I can. Not only I am unbelievably proud of the kid, but this ability we - and only we - share, connects us. I wish to train him everything I know. I feel immensely protective of him and would give my very life to protect him – not that I wouldn’t for most people I suppose. I had a brother once by blood; Tulin is more of a brother to me than he ever was.

The wind connects our souls, and we are both her children.

Teba is the most phenomenal Rito Warrior I have ever met, past or present.

The intensity of his training is admirable, even to me. While he may never have mastered the skies, his archery skills are so advanced that I believe that if he didn’t hold back, he would defeat even me in a contest of skill – and that is not an assumption I would award lightly.

Not only is he an unmatched warrior but a wise and confident leader to our people, and an incredible father to his son. He is the Rito all men should aspire to be. I admire him so much that it’s embarrassing. I feel pathetically desperate to make him proud and I don’t even know why.

He told me once that he would be proud to call me a son and I’ve been in an emotional war with myself ever since; both wanting to cling onto my title as his worshipped hero from the past, but also crumbling beneath the childish desire to feel wanted and loved. The notion should be terribly patronising shouldn't it?! I’m the Rito Champion and an adult grown man - I do not need a father or a parent of any kind. So why am I incapable of thinking of him without calling him dad in my mind? Why is it that all I want is for him to tell me he's proud of me all the time?! Why do I need that?! What is wrong with me?!

Then there’s Saki.

Ever since I awoke from my passing, I feel as if I’ve been broken. Consumed with grief and regret, remorse and guilt and devastation. I lost everyone I ever knew, I never even got to apologise for failing them, it has been tearing me apart from the inside out. At first she took me into her home as a kindness, as most anyone would do when a Rito turns up without a roof over their head – but even during my very worst days, in moments where I’ve wished I could have remained dead, where I’ve been unable to eat or even rise from my hammock like a useless, pathetic fool, she’s been nothing but patient and kind to me.

From day one, she’s been treating me as if I were a beloved family member - even when at my lowest moments I’ve been nothing but rude or disruptive or downright pitiful. Nobody has ever given me that kind of endless, unconditional care, not even as a chick. I pretend to myself and to any who pry that my family died in some heroic battle, but I’m not dense, I know they left me behind because I was unwanted – that perhaps I was simply too much effort for too little gain. I’m constantly afraid that one day I’ll awaken and be asked to leave because I am simply too inconvenient - too rude and unpleasant, that I’m too intense to put up with – that somehow, despite being the best, that I’m still not good enough.

I could move out at any time really, it wouldn’t take long to build my own nest. But she...she smells and sounds like the vaguest memories of my own mother and being close to her makes me feel safe in a way I’ve never felt before and I just...I don’t know how to handle going back to not feeling like that anymore.

Everything is terrible and I just... want my mom.

…And thanks to you, the lot of them will likely never speak to me again after this mortifying admission.

Now if you don't mind, I need to go and hide under a rock and never show my face in the Village again.

[6/10 🧪✨]

[accio-victuuri]

xiao zhan describing guo jing ( china news network ):

XZ: friends of china news network. hello everyone i'm xiao zhan.

🎤: "chivalry" is from the inside to the outside.

XZ: "chivalry" is from the inside to the outside. "chivalry" not only requires you to have a skill. the stronger your ability then the greater the responsibility on your shoulder.

🎤: "how he makes a choice?"

XZ: guo jing has a powerful presence. he grew up in a such complex environment. how will he make a choice between a national identity and righteousness will weigh up this role. his faith and persistence unconsciously has given me a lot of support and beliefs.

🎤: "becoming" guo jing.

XZ: from the early stage to the end of last shot. i have been striving to get closer to this role. throughout this process i'd go to the character training class for more than two months, and martial arts training will design different moves according to roles. my most common move is slay the dragon's eighteen palms. and the most important thing in my opinion is that the exploration of mongolian's language, because this indeed a new language for me. i needed to quickly master it in a short period of time. i want to perform it in guo jing's language so all i can do is to keep communicating with my mongolian's teacher. it’s just like learning english when you were a child, my teacher said. so i would put on my headphones then i would follow it and recite every sentence first, grasp the intonation and the speed of the language. regarding the script again, it’s in mandarin then i'd go perform it once, then make some note out of it and mark it. for example, at this moment i should be more intense in my emotions, convert to mongolian's again. it's quite complex so it's actually a very fulfilling process.

🎤: "understanding" guo jing.

XZ: understanding of heroes is that they are highly skilled in martial arts and have a strong sense of justice. but after i finished filming loch, i actually have a new understanding of heroes. i think a hero only requires you to possess a set of skills, the stronger your ability, the greater the responsibility on your shoulders. so i think heroism is coming from inside out. guo jing has a very powerful existence. whether it's his martial arts skills or his spiritual core and he is a very intelligent person. he knows what things he doesn't want, when learning a skill he will devote himself wholeheartedly to it. there are no distractions around. so i think this is the highest level of intelligence instead of playing some clever tricks.

🎤: "hero" guo jing and actor xiao zhan.

XZ: i think every character actually leaves something on me or take something away. of course the role of guo jing — his steadfastness and persistence, the subtle movements behind it gave me a lot of support and belief. i think the similarity between me and guo jing lies in our seriousness towards things, i often want to do everything well, and then focus on the present moment like guo jing.

🎤: xiao zhan still has something to say.

XZ: hello everyone, i'm xiao zhan who played guo jing in loch: the gallants. i hope everyone can also come to the cinema on the first day of the chinese new year to support our movie. thank you once again everyone. i wish you all a happy new year, all smooth and healthy!

[wonderlanddreamer]

Lily, I have to comment this on the main masterlist. I am still blown away by your dedication to this series and the amount of effort that went into it! 🤍

From the very start, I was completely captivated by how beautifully you've followed the main series. It feels like such a seamless extension of the original story, and I love how you've incorporated the existing characters while adding your own unique twist.

Lucy is an absolute treasure! I found her so easy to adore and relate to. You’ve given her such depth and personality, making her feel like a real and integral part of the Peaky Blinders universe. I loved watching her interactions with Tommy. They felt authentic and charged with emotion. The chemistry between them is electric, and it's clear you've put a lot of thought into their dynamic.

Your writing quality is simply amazing! The vivid descriptions and emotional depth you bring to each scene drew me in completely. I could visualize everything so clearly, and I often felt like I was right there with the characters. You have a real talent for storytelling, and it shines through in every chapter of this series.

Thank you for sharing this incredible story with us. It's a joy to read, and I can't wait to see how it unfolds! Keep up the amazing work, and know that your efforts are truly appreciated. I'm eagerly looking forward to seeing how you incorporate Lucy into the movie, and reading whatever adventures come next!

Series Masterlist

Summary: They call him the Devil. They tell her to stay clear of him. They warn her that he'll steal her soul. But Lucy Winters came to Small Health fleeing monsters and unspeakable trauma. And her soul seems but a small price to pay in exchange for the things that Tommy Shelby has to offer her.

Word Count: 789,886

Warnings: Canon typical violence, smut, references to past sexual assault, suicidal thoughts and behaviors, canonical major character deaths, and polyamory including threesomes. Please heed the warning sections at the beginning of every fic or chapter for more details.

Notes: While all fics can be read as standalone pieces, those listed here are interconnected and can also be read as one long series. This series follows the canonical events of the show.

Part 1: These Devilish Intentions

Part 2: Does the Devil Have a Heart

Part 3: Teach Me How

Part 4: Barren

Part 5: Not Afraid of a Little Blood

Part 6: The Shovels Against the Wall

Part 7: Stitched into Skin

Part 8: Thunder

Part 9: Bound in Blood

Part 10: Red Right Hand

Part 11: Don’t Look Back

Part 12: Bloodied & Broken

Part 13: Dance of Darkness

Part 14: Everything

Part 15: Accepted

Part 16: Lady of the Various Sorrows

Part 17: Not Yours

Part 18: Moth

Part 19: In the Bleak Midwinter

Part 20: Smoky Kisses

Part 21: The Shadow of the Abattoir

Part 22: This Misery We've Made

Part 23: No More

Part 24: Dirty Little Secret

Part 25: My Darling One

Part 26: Do You Love Me

Part 27: Fuss

Part 28: Still Here

Part 29: Back From Under the Ground

Thank you for reading! Please consider leaving a comment, reblog, or like. I always appreciate feedback and love getting the opportunity to interact with you and hear your thoughts!

[livelaughlou]

I need a snippet for all pls 🤣❤️

💅📚 and shenanigans

lol, of course, my darling Cia. Previous snippets can be found under 'bookstore AU' and 'nail painting fic' and the shenanigans fic will be, well, 'shenanigans fic' lol.

nail painting fic--which I think I'm tentatively titling 'Life in Color' after the OneRepublic song

"You...like to paint your nails?" Buck asks.

Tommy nods, still looking uncertain. "It's sort of an anxiety thing. When I was younger, I had a terrible habit of biting my fingernails down until they bled. A friend of mine suggested I paint them and...well, it worked. I don't do it too often and obviously, I have to take it off for work. But when my anxiety is really bad and I can, I do."

"When we were together the first time...you never needed to do it then?"

Tommy considers this and then says, "Before that disastrous night, Evan, you were the easiest thing in my life. You made everything better. I just didn't feel the need to. When we broke up, I started doing it again."

Bookstore AU

Tommy smiles and Buck can feel something like butterflies in his stomach.

"Thanks," he says. "What's up with Howie anyway? Usually, he comes by himself."

"He's got a date tonight," Buck says with a little laugh. "With my sister actually, but he didn't want the hold window to be up, so he asked me to come get it."

Tommy looks confused. "That's weird."

Buck frowns. "What is?"

"Oh, it's just...my hold limits are a week. This just became ready yesterday."

Maddie, Tommy and Karen Shenanigans--Kay

This one is a fic for @herrmannhalsteadproduction, for a prompt game we did a little while ago. The prompt Kay sent me actually went really well with an idea that was already floating around in my head. Here's a little snippet.

When he looks back on it, he really does think it all started with that damn letter.

But he now supposes that doesn't matter when Evan is staring at him through the bars, flanked by Hen, Howie, and Athena. Evan looks confused and amused in equal measure, both emotions are warring on his face. Tommy does love his inability to hide what he's feeling at any given time.

"Can someone please explain," Evan says slowly. "Why my husband, friend, and sister are in jail right now?"

[himluv]

The Incident, pt. 1

Here is Chapter 29 of Say My Name (Say it Twice)! Read it below or over on AO3!

SPOILER ALERT!!! This chapter contains spoilers for Veilguard's endgame! PLEASE do not read it if you haven't finished the game! (I do NOT want to be the reason [REDACTED] is spoiled for someone)

Now, then. Back to the fic.

*runs*

Lucanis had just hung up his dish towel to dry when Bellara entered the dining hall. He turned to face her, and was surprised to see her sheepish expression. 

“Hey, Lucanis?” She asked. She stood with her hands behind her back, and one toe of her boot drew tiny circles on the floor. She was nervous. 

“Bellara,” he said. “Is everything all right?”

“Yeah,” she said, unconvincingly. “I mean, mostly.”

He sighed. This woman and her ‘mostly’. “What is it?”

“Well,” she said. “I need to go to Arlathan today, but Rook and Davrin already left, and Neve is in Dock Town. I have no idea where Taash and Harding went–”

“–Probably for the best,” he said.

She smiled. “Right?”

“So, you want company to Arlathan?” 

She winced. “If you wouldn’t mind?”

He shrugged. He could use the distraction of an outing. He’d cleaned the whole kitchen from top to bottom, and he was still thinking about the feel of Rook’s lips on his cheek. “Give me a moment to change,” he said. 

Bellara beamed at him. “Thank you, Lucanis,” she said. “I’ll meet you in the eluvian room?”

He nodded, then headed for the pantry to change into his leathers. He hadn’t planned to leave the Lighthouse today, and his knives could use honing before another battle, but an outing with Bellara shouldn’t be too dangerous. In fact, whatever artifact she was hunting was probably more dangerous than any enemies they might encounter. 

He counted and checked each knife as he sheathed them. The smallest slid into the sheath across his chest, above the vials of poison Viago had given him. His emergency knife, in case a target got far too close. The next smallest went in the sheath at the small of his back, hidden by his cape. His backup emergency knife, the one a foe wouldn’t see coming. Then his boot knife – for throwing – followed by two large daggers, one at the front of each hip. These were kept within easy reach in case he was somehow disarmed. Only then did he sheath his main weapons, a dagger and rapier, respectively. 

There. He was ready. 

He triple checked his blades – all seven firmly in place – as he stepped through into the eluvian room. 

“Oh, good!,” Bellara said. “Are you ready?”

“Ready,” he said, and gestured for her to lead the way. He followed her through the eluvian and into the Crossroads. They made it all the way to the Caretaker’s boat before she said anything.

“Don’t you want to know where we’re going?” She asked as she climbed into the boat.

He sat across from her and shrugged. “To Arlathan.”

She rolled her eyes. “I mean, yeah. But don’t you want to know why?”

“I assumed to investigate some magical artifact or another.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “I’m just here to make sure you come back in one piece.”

“Oh!” She blushed. “Well, then, you’ve got a pretty good grasp on things already.”

He smirked at her, but she said nothing more for the rest of the boat ride. By the time they reached Elvhenan’s Haven, he could practically hear Bellara vibrating with questions. 

“What is it, Bellara?” He asked as he climbed out of the boat after her. 

“Oh, I just…” she blushed. “Wondered how things are going? With Rook.”

Lucanis frowned. “If you’re worried I’ll hurt her–”

“What?! No!” She said, turning to stand in front of him, making him stop. “That’s not it at all!”

He glanced around, confused. “Then, what?”

Bellara shrugged. “I don’t know. I just thought you might want to talk about it.”

He stared at her, wondering what could possibly have given her that impression. “Bellara. When have I ever wanted to talk about… this?”

“Ugh!” She said and crossed her arms. “Fine! Maybe I want to talk about it!”

Lucanis nodded at that and couldn’t help the tiny smile that flickered across his lips. “That sounds about right.”

She pouted at him, her eyes big and shining in the bright Fade-light. Lucanis sighed. 

“Fine,” he said. “Ask your questions.”

Her mouth fell open in shock. “Wait. Really?”

He smirked as he stepped around her. “I might even answer some of them.”

“Okay!” She said, hurrying after him. “So, she liked the torte?”

Lucanis rolled his eyes. “Everyone liked the torte. It’s a great recipe.”

She scowled at him as they climbed the stairs toward the eluvian they would take to the Veil Jumper camp. “Did you guys…?” She blushed. “You know…?”

He glared at her. “Next question.”

She raised her hands to ward off his anger. “Right. Too personal. Got it.” She followed him up the slope to the eluvian. “Did you at least kiss?”

Lucanis sighed and stopped, turning to face her. “No.”

“What? Why not?”

He looked away from her, suddenly embarrassed to be having this conversation. “We’re taking things slow.”

Bellara’s nose crinkled and her brow furrowed. “Why?!”

He glared at her again. “Because I asked to.”

She shook her head, still looking confused, and then she gasped. “No. Way!”

“Mierda,” he muttered and turned away from her. He marched up the slope, Bellara chasing after him. 

“Wait, wait, wait,” she said. “Lucanis! Does that mean Rook is your firs–”

He whirled on her, teeth bared. “Have you forgotten I am the best magekiller in Thedas?”

She pulled up short, blinking at him. Then she snorted. “You’re not going to kill me.”

Of course he wasn’t. “I am seriously considering it,” he grumbled. 

“This is amazing,” she continued as they approached the eluvian. “It’s so romantic!”

“It really isn’t,” he said. “This is my life, Bellara, not some romance novel.”

“Ugh!” She said. “Why does everyone always say that as if you can’t have both?”

He raised an eyebrow at her, then shook his head and stepped through the eluvian. She followed after him, and for a moment he thought she might continue pestering him about his love life as they walked into the Veil Jumper camp. Luckily, Irelin called to her, and she turned to look at the other mage. 

“I’ll just be a minute,” she said as she ran off. 

Which left him alone with Strife. They glared at one another, each with their arms crossed and chins high. Spite circled the elf, sniffing and growling, which only added to Lucanis’s sense of animosity. 

He did not like this man.

Strife sighed. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you.”

Lucanis kept his face impassive. “Then talk.”

Strife snorted. “You and Rook,” he said. “It’s not a good idea.”

He hated that those same words had once left his lips. Had she heard the echo of his voice behind Strife’s the other day? Had she questioned if both of the men in her life might be right after all? Maker, he hoped not. 

Strife interpreted his silence as permission to continue. “Rook is… emotional. She wears her heart on her sleeve.” Strife gave him a hard look. “She’s been lucky, but it’s going to get her hurt one of these days.”

“Not by me,” Lucanis said. 

Not us, Spite said. We would. Never hurt. Rook!

Strife tilted his head, conceding the point. “Maybe not on purpose. But, do you really think she won’t be hurt if something happens to you?”

“And if something happens to you?” He asked. He hadn’t meant it as a threat, but his voice carried one all the same. The man flinched, just barely. “Won’t Emmrich be just as wounded?”

He shook his head. “Emmrich isn’t the one with that damn dagger.” Strife looked down at his feet. “I never should have sent her away.”

That made Lucanis blink, his own defensive anger fading. “You blame yourself,” he said. 

“If I hadn’t sent her with Varric, she wouldn’t be caught up in this mess,” he said. “And maybe he’d still be here.”

Lucanis doubted that. From what he’d heard, Varric had been determined to talk Solas down, and he couldn’t imagine that working out, even if Rook hadn’t been there. 

“I know you don’t like me,” Strife continued. “But, I care about Rook. It’s why I hassle her as much as I do.”

Lucanis frowned, but his voice was softer when he said, “have you considered that hassling her is a terrible way to show you care?” 

He knew all about tough love, and it had never done him any favors. Lucanis had survived despite Caterina’s harsh brand of love. He’d learned his lessons, become the best assassin, the best Dellamorte he could. He’d learned his role well, and because of that, he had never truly thrived. Only now, with Rook, was he beginning to see the difference. 

Strife’s expression was pained, but he nodded. “I’ll… consider that,” he said. “And,” he added. “Emmrich mentioned that the knife was your idea, so–” he shrugged “–thanks, for that.”

Lucanis gave him the barest flicker of a smile, though he knew it still had a hint of sharpness to it. “I’ll give him the name of my blacksmith. She’s expensive,” he warned. “But also, the best. Tell her I sent you and she might cut you a deal.”

Strife nodded. “Appreciated.”

For a long moment, there was painful silence. Lucanis was about to turn away and find some corner to lurk in, when Bellara reappeared. 

“Hey,” she said, breathless. “Sorry about that.” She glanced between him and Strife, no doubt noticing the charge in the air. “Ready to go?”

“Ready,” he said. 

“Bellara?” A voice shouted over the sound of fires crackling and people talking all around them. 

They both turned to see Rook, Davrin, and Assan walk into the camp. Rook looked excited to see Bellara. Too excited. Then she laid eyes on Lucanis and gasped. 

“Lucanis?!” She sprinted toward him, as if she hadn’t just spent hours with him that morning. Immediately he knew something was wrong. Her gait was loose, almost unsteady, like her knees wanted to give out from under her. 

“Shit,” Davrin muttered. Assan let out a nervous squawk, glancing at his guardian and bobbing his head.

Rook barreled into Lucanis, wrapping her arms tight around his neck. He caught her with a grunt, surprise keeping him from returning the hug for the span of a heartbeat. When he did pull her close, she sighed and melted against him. 

Mierda, she was soft in all the right places. And warm. She was always so warm. 

“Embria?” He murmured at her ear. He shot a glare at Davrin, who spoke in a low, urgent voice to Bellara. 

“What are you doing here?” She pulled back just a little to peer up at him. Her pupils were huge, barely any of the violet edge of her irises visible. She grinned at him. “Did you know Assan can talk?!”

“What?”

“He only says ‘worms’ and yet, he’s surprisingly insightful.”

Lucanis pushed her away gently, holding her at arm’s length to peer into her eyes. She held his gaze as best she could, but she seemed unable to keep her focus on him. Her smile was slow and dreamy, and utterly wrong. 

Spite sniffed at her and growled. Rook is sick. POISONED?!

Lucanis glared at Davrin over Rook’s shoulder. “What did you do?”

Davrin sighed. “It was an accident,” he said.

“An accident?!” He and Spite shouted at once. 

“I’m okay,” Rook said. “Please don’t fight.”

He flicked his gaze over to her, saw her chin quiver, and immediately reined in his fury. “Tell me what happened,” he growled at Davrin.

The Warden rubbed at the back of his neck. “Emmrich found this old recipe for gingerwort truffle tea.”

Lucanis grimaced. That sounded terrible, and he said so. “That sounds terrible.”

Rook shook her head. “It wasn’t great,” she said. “I’ve never had worms, but once Assan said that’s what it tasted like, I knew he was right.” She laughed and shook her head. “Worms.”

Assan squawked and she laughed again. She looked at Lucanis with tears in her eyes. “He’s so funny!”

Lucanis stared at her for a moment, dumbstruck, while Strife chuckled. 

“I thought we could try it,” Davrin said and looked at Assan. “See what all the fuss was about. Emmrich said there were some very rare potential side effects. Something about latent magic or… something.” He shrugged and gestured at Rook. “I’m fine, but she’s, uh, flying as high as a griffon right about now.”

Lucanis snarled at him, prepared to use the strongest language available to him to tell Davrin to fuck off, when Rook’s hand cupped his cheek. He blinked and looked down at her. 

“It’s okay,” she whispered. “I’m okay. Just… take me home?”

He covered her hand with his and nodded. “Of course,” he said. He glanced up at Bellara, an apology on his lips.

“Go,” she said. “Davrin and Asssan will come with me.” Even she glared at Davrin, who had the decency to look ashamed. 

“It should wear off in a few hours,” he said. “Maybe check in with Emmrich if it doesn’t seem to get better?” 

Lucanis growled again, and Bellara winced. She tugged on Davrin’s cape, then headed off toward the path to the lake. 

“And Lucanis?” Davrin called once he was a little further away from them. “I’d say this makes us even, don’t you think?”

No, he did not think this made them even. In fact, he thought this meant Davrin owed him, that he ought to get at least one free punch, maybe two. But Rook was clinging to him and giggling, as if she might tip over at any moment. 

“Let it be,” Strife said, more than a little humor in voice. “Get her home before she gets sick.”

Rook snorted. “I never get sick.”

“Uh-huh,” Strife said. “Wherever you post her up? Have a bucket handy.”

Lucanis grimaced, but nodded. “Come on,” he said to Rook. He slipped his arm through her elbow, and she held on as if she might float away if she let go. 

“Wow,” she breathed as she reached the eluvian. “It’s so pretty!” She reached out to touch the rippling glass, and giggled when her hand went through. “I am… so fucked up.”

Lucanis laughed at that, even though he hated seeing her so impaired. 

She turned too-wide, too-dark eyes on him. “Are you seeing this?”

“I see an eluvian,” he said. “I have no idea what you’re seeing.”

She marveled at the mirror. “It’s like I can see every spark of magic running through it, in so many colors? I didn’t know there were so many colors?”

Mierda, this was going to be a long trip back to the Lighthouse. He tugged gently on her arm. “Let’s go, Embria.”

She nodded and then wordlessly followed him through the mirror. 

[marauders-bs]

kevin day is the sirius black of the aftg fandom but i fear some of you aren't ready for that conversation *essay incoming*

let me explain. sirius, at age fifteen, left his fourteen year old brother in a (likely physically and not just mentally) abusive household. he put himself above his brother, because he wouldn't have survived (mentally *or* physically) another year or even month in that place. in doing that, he left regulus and condemned him to life there. regulus likely grew to believe that he deserved it.

now, kevin. kevin left a 17 year old jean moreau at edgar allen, which was (and is) physically, mentally, physiologically, emotionally and sexually abusive. kevin put himself over someone who had newly entered adulthood because if he had stayed, he would have died. in doing it, he condemned jean to life in that place. jean grew to believe that he deserved everything he was given.

this goes especially hard if you believe that kevin gave jean the chance to go with him. kevin was not at fault for leaving jean- he did what he had to do to survive, just like renee, andrew, aaron, and neil (and probably jeremy). jean is doing his best and healing.

this entire essay is to introduce you to the belief that the *only* difference between jean yves moreau and regulus arcturus black is that one found a good friend group full of people intent on helping him heal (jeremy, cat, laila) and one found people who understood him (barty, evan, narcissa). both lost biological siblings (sirius, elodie) and both lost *siblings* (pandora, kevin).

kevin and sirius are intense parallels as well. on one hand, you have someone who managed to save their person, and one who didn't. both found *questionable* friend groups (marlene, james, peter, remus) (aaron, nicky, neil, andrew, robin) and both found parental figures after years with bad ones (wymack & abby, effie & monty).

also, if kevin is going to try and mend his relationship with jean while jean is trying not to get violent flashback from being in the same room as him, tgr is going to kill me from black brothers parallels alone.

thank you for coming to my ted talk. please ask me questions about this.

[swankyorange]

thanks for the tags @joelmillerisapunk & @almostempty ily

ROUND ONE

MARRY - javi g - i'm going to be courageous and brave and say mr. gutierrez might be my favourite p-boy because i'm a sensitive little soul that needs to be treasured and i know he'd treat me right

SMASH - dave york - even sensitive souls deserve to have their brains fucked out by a hitman, OKAY?

TERMINATE - pero tovar - listen, friend, you seem lovely. sorry about your luck

ROUND TWO

MARRY - marcus m - perhaps this is a controversial pick but hear me out! i'm a mom, he's a dad. we could raise our powerless children together while he uses his powers of metal or whatever (already forget everything about this movie) to get me a seltzer from the fridge. perhaps we can swing with steve murphy miracle guy? there's something there, friends

SMASH - oberyn - i mean, this is the dream for any bisexual

TERMINATE - ezra - this was hard because i love ezra very much but i feel he'd yap my ear off in a way that would drive me nuts after a while

ROUND THREE

MARRY - din djarin - i tell my son that grogu is his brother so din might as well make an honest woman out of me

SMASH - agent whiskey - the line halle berry says about jack not satisfying ladies is not canon to me!

TERMINATE - tim rockford - you won't catch me at the farm rolling around with a pig!!!! forget i said that when we get to javi p

ROUND FOUR

MARRY - dieter bravo - does he have a drug problem? sure. but i could fix him! we'd have a beautiful home in sherman oaks with 2 kids and a pomeranian

SMASH - javi p - i mean... look at the material

TERMINATE - lucien - this is strictly because i haven't seen the uninvited and for no other reason! please let me see the uninvited!

ROUND FIVE - fucking impossible, this one specifically was torture

MARRY - joel miller - we would have the most lovely blended family. sarah would babysit so we could go on date nights. he'd renovate the bathroom so i have more space for my makeup. sarah and i would give each other manicures and we'd eventually pressure him into getting one and he'd begrudgingly admit to enjoying it and then we'd all go on a spa day together. idk i haven't given it much thought

SMASH - frankie morales - i know the pek title is a fandom thing but i would be willing to find out if it's true 🫡

TERMINATE - marcus acacius - this pains me on a very deep level but he's very happy with his wife and i couldn't come between that unless i am reading fiction then all bets are off baby, sorry lucy

tagging: my delusions oh wait there all very clearly displayed here

Comment who you’d choose from each round 👀🥵