#which. SUCKS MAJOR SHIT
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#i am having SUCH a horrible flare up rn jfc#i am in so much pain i would genuinely like to die pls#im maxed out on all pain meds and other options (cbd etc) so now i just get to lie here crying and suffering#the joys#i mean. listen. i Knew this would happen#i went to a 4 hour long rally for rafah that was nonstop marching and screaming etc#i knew this would happen and was 100% prepared for it bc obvi its worth it#but it happened to line up with 2 days of constant thunder & rain storms#plus some hormonal changes bc there was a delay in refilling my T prescription so i threw off my weekly schedule#anyway all that means i am in hell atm and cannot move from bed#which isnt new no#but uh. folks? friends? fae? i am. currently trying not to sob from pain bc it will only make it worse#i feel like im being electrocuted and stabbed with nails at the same time#Everywhere#fuck#FUCK#this is so so bad and the worst part is that i know The Only Way Out Is Through#which. SUCKS MAJOR SHIT#ughshsh#this is Excruciating#chronic pain#chronic illness
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An almost Valentine
#gordon freeman#barney calhoun#freehoun#half life#half life 2#ponderingradioactivedecay#idoindeeddraw#damn near missed valentines day#i fuckign didnt realize it was today until the day was more than half way over smhhhhh#had to rush this shit out man lmao#i missed a whoel ass event for today as well so i gotta make it tmr and post it late which mega sucks..#so damn bad at remembering dates bruh major skill issue on my part
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Since you're asking for requests... Maybe Ran from Case Closed?
YEAHHHH if no one else got me i know my one follower who likes the same bad japanese detective show as me got me ‼️
#IMPECCABLE timing too since i literally started rereading the manga like a month ago. im on chapter 398#which sounds like a lot but this shit is basically one piece in terms of length and plot insanity so#the amount of plot that i did not remember AT ALL is crazy to me but i KNOW i got further than this last time because there are still like#major characters missing from the story. which on chapter FOUR HUNDRED is insane but yk. theres 30 years worth of plot ig#anyway. wish me luck god willing im going to actually catch up this time#my little conan phone strap watching me draw this with that smug ass look on his face. im mentally ill#this show sucks btw don't watch it i just love detective shows
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Arlecchino's whole deal is unbelievable
Arlecchino: Huh I wonder what's causing my weird powers? I can't really worry about that right now tho, I've gotta become King and then kill my "Mother".
*Kills Clervie and "Mother"*
Arlecchino: Huh I wonder why I was able to defeat a Fatui Harbinger when I'm like 17 or so? I can't really worry about that right now tho, I've gotta be in jail and become a Harbinger.
*Is in jail for a while and becomes a Harbinger*
Arlecchino: Huh I wonder why I am-
Pierro: Hey what's up hello, anyways you're descended from the Crimson Moon Dynasty of Khaenri'ah. I'm sure that this is a lot for you to take in so-
Arlecchino: Ok.
Pierro: ...You're just cool with that?
Arlecchino: IDK maybe? I can't really worry about that at the moment, I'm a father now. This orphanage full of children I love (who also are child soldiers and are not allowed to leave or else I'll execute them except maybe now I'm just gonna wipe their memories IDK I'm morally complex) isn't gonna run itself.
*Runs the orphanage/spy recruitment initiative*
Me, the fucking player: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU ARE KHAENRI'AN? WHY WASN'T THIS BROUGHT UP IN YOUR FUCKING QUEST?? OR ANYTHING ELSE????
Arlecchino, talking to me through my phone: I honestly don't know why you care, I'm too busy to give a shit. Anyways, I'm gonna go fight fate itself I guess. I'm sure that I don't share any thematic parallels with any other Khaenri'an characters (particularly as it relates to acting and family angst) and that I haven't made the idea of 'curses' on Khaenri'ans and what they entail even more complicated than they already were. See ya.
#arlecchino#genshin impact#pierro#WHY IS THE GAME FUCKING GLOSSING OVER THE FACT THAT SHE IS KHAENRI'AN?!#Not only that but she is the first Khaenri'an we've met (that we know of) who's from the Crimson Moon Dynasty#I'm so fucking confused#Did Celestia place a DIFFERENT curse on members of the Crimson Moon Dynasty?? Or is this stuff all of them can do???#HELP#She also seems almost...uninterested in the fact that she's descended from Khaenri'ah. Which honestly I think is interesting.#I don't know if I like it yet but when every other Khaenri'ah character has one of their major traits being that they super fucking#care that they are Khaenri'an (whether that be Kaeya with his paranoia/destiny/duty or Dain with his guilt over his failure/desire to#prevent our sibling from fucking with anything too much or whatever the fuck is going on with Pierro)#having a character who is Khaenri'an but doesn't seem to particularly be invested in that part of themself is different#she cares more about the curse and its effects on her then she ever really cares about the Crimson Moon Dynasty or the cataclysm#IDK I think it's neat from a character writing angle. or at least it has the potential to be if the writers do a good job.#But from a 'I like maybe 3 things in this game and one of them is Khaenri'ah' perspective it SUCKSSSSS#That part of the plot is already suffering from chronic live-service storytelling disease where people just straight up don't tell you#shit that they logically SHOULD BE TELLING YOU because the game needs to save plot points to build hype around#so for one of like 4-ish (depending on how much we count Albedo) Khaenri'an major characters to give us literally 1 and 1/2 voicelines#kinda sucks ngl. but again it's also interesting and realistic for Arlecchino and from that angle I like it#she doesn't care about what fate says her place in the world is. she's gonna carve her own and being Khaenri'an isn't relevant to#the life and identity she has built for herself. she isn't the type to look for answers she doesn't need. she's practical and efficient.#at the very least it's better than when Albedo 'I want to find all the world's truths' Kreideprinz doesn't let the audience in on his stuff
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really fucking grinds my gears how my dad knows just how to make me feel fucking guilty for putting up boundaries and saying no
#not even for a major thing!#barely setting a boundary even! just saying i don’t want to do smth!#asking me if i want to go for dinner one evening when he knows i work late most days and have said this for years - in fact said this exact#thing to him last week - so when i say no bc i finish late he just pushes and pushes#until im like this doesn’t work for me AND i hate eating out i dont want to go. just go with my brother that’s fine. and he’s suddenly#blunt as fuck in his messages leaving me on read or guilting me about the hours i work….. like get a fucking grip your over 50 bro#i try to be polite with it but he just gets in a fucking mood like please you are a Loser#i see you weekly (smth HE chose when i was a bairn) like im not making my job and life harder just bc you feel bad that you don’t see me#more often now#also i only hate eating out with him!! because it’s awkward!! i like to be in and out when i eat with friends and we’re all the same about#it bc we’re all very autistic lmaooo but with him he likes to chat and chat and chat which is fine but i don’t.. and he asks more personal#questions than when we’re just at his as if im gonna open up just bc we’re eating thai food 🙄🙄🙄🙄#like you Don’t get to know if im seeing anyone or if im queer or even if ive got fucking plans to go away with friends tbh#like deadbeat dads that try to emotionally manipulate their kids get minimal information actually !! 🤓☝️#stelle yaps#fuck sake#i knew he’d start doing this when my brother was back - he’s always played us off each other and he always gravitates towards whichever is#the ‘easiest’ child at the time which is my brother ever since i became an adult lmao#i just don’t tolerate his shit and i let him know it whereas e will play along#me and my dad are too similar in that we both know how to really cut deep in the other :/#it just all sucks#please please feel free to ignore#i just need to vent like hell bc he winds me up a treat so bad
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I've been looking for this one au where Len basically becomes a mad scientist and turns his friends into robots one by one for a while now, and I'm beginning to realize that I just read through your blog while half asleep a few months back and mixed together my memories of your flower hivemind and composite au
this is very funny to me. i'm absolutely honored this blog's posts were enough to evil-farming-game an entire vocaloid au into your memories 😂
i can give you this doodle; it's composite au but i'm sure it'd fit very well with this theoretical mad scientist len au lololl
#ask#anonymous#this is ALSO funny to me bc of 'mad scientist' and 'flower hivemind au' in the same paragraph. it reminds me of an old scrapped idea#i had about where tf the flowers even came from in the first place but i ended up never doing anything w/ it#i've been thinking abt composite au though uag i want to do more w/ it... rip the unfinished refs and one google doc thing i have#shaking myself like ITS OKAY IF THE STORY KINDA SUCKS AT FIRST!! YOU NEED TO START SOMEWHERE#cus i mean i wouldve never gotten anywhere w/ Certain Things had i not started with the og shitty versions. which were SHIT#but its wild to think ~7 years later i transmogrified them into the things they are now. wack. makes me wonder what will happen#to stuff im making now later down the line if i go and revisit it. SO CONCLUSION YES BITCH GET OVER YOUR FUCKING ANXIETY#i think my other problem is i'd loveee to reveal it slowly with like art pieces comics etc but i dont got time for that 😔😔#CURSE WITH LITERALLY EVERYTHING I MAKE TBH not just fandom shit but original shit too. i need to get over myself#cause i do know respectfully not everyone has the skill/time/desire to pick apart things for symbolism so a clearer explanation#would prob be more accessible. and easier for ME TOO TO HAVE SHIT IN ONE FUCKING PLACE MAN. actually how i've been taking notes lately#sorry these are some longass fucking tags im talking to myself. just went into a new academic year w a lot of stress#so thinking abt my own crazy stories keeps me sane and makes me feel like i have control over at least SOME aspect of my life#anyways circling back mad scientist len sounds incredible lowkey though lmao. its always the stem lens 😔💔✌️#JK?? but i do joke abt composite au len partly going insane bc he's a biochem major essentially so yeah bitch i fucking get it 😭 no wonder
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kieran seems to unfortunately be joining my collection of faves that get treated real fuckin weird by parts of their fandoms for being ppl who exhibit their struggles with mental illness in less than appealing ways.
#the other big faves that fall into this category are bernadetta von varley from fe3h and shane from sdv#they're both fairly popular but i also see ppl say the wildest shit regarding them#like i've seen ppl say they wanted to see shane suffer more which is ????#yeah he's an asshole but that's a wild response to have to someone being rude to you i'm sorry#one of the major reasons why i haven't been frequenting kieran's tags is bc i keep seeing takes that make me side eye the poster#like why are some ppl wording their posts like kieran's a horrid person i am begging ya'll to chill#kinda sucks to see characters you relate to bc of how they exhibit their mental illness be shat on bc of it idk#sorry i just needed to ramble about this for a sec#mj.txt
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clawed my way through (some of) the epilogues and hs^2 again for dirkjake crumbs and i think there is a Genuine place for ultimate jake to fit into canon (or at the very least, lord jake english) since meat timeline jake never actually shows up visually in hs^2 and his final appearance in that timeline (minus a phone call or something w/ roxy? or was it kanaya fuck) is giving ult. dirk his spaceship and then proclaiming his undying love while desperately trying to get dirk to let him join him, to which dirk responds that he’ll “never let [jake] break [his] heart again” (ch39). agony.
two interesting things about the end of his arc in meat actually: for one thing, it’s kinda implied that along with giving dirk a spaceship, he also gave dave/karkat/roxy/kanaya/etc a spaceship to chase after him, so he’s at least taken some action to try to stop him. again though, we never see him after that point so like. the idea that he could just hope himself into becoming an ultimate self in the background is actually kind of a possibility?? like while the others try to chase dirk down, jake is figuring out how to brute force himself into ascension as a backup plan. second thing, dirk is very snarky in the narration about the fact that this dramatic goodbye he’s giving jake is the last time he’ll ever get to see him (jake see dirk, i mean) but ult. dirk also seems to lack power against alt. calliope when they fight over the narrative so jake ascending would actually pose a serious threat and might be able to override that, assuming dirk’s power over the narrative extends that far in the first place (thinking about that post talking about how narration is also a reflection of characters’ thoughts…)
candy timeline jake is also pretty interesting since he very notably starts being advised by BGD to be a kind of spy on the inside against jane’s. whole thing in that timeline. i actually completely cannot remember what jane does in the meat timeline, i think also some presidency bullshit, right?? that’s what the davekat thing was about??? but anyway BGD sounds pretty normal in all his dialogue, or normal for BGD at least, and is aware of both the game over timeline and ult. dirk’s bullshit enough to make fun of it so. idk maybe i’m just misunderstanding how ultimate selves work, but the fact that BGD wasn’t really “integrated” into ult. dirk feels significant to me, especially considering the fact that we can see caliborn/LE’s influence on ult. dirk so much (his narration in ch39 gives AR too, frankly, like the epilogues are obvs way more openly horny than hs proper but AR was always kinda like that too, especially about jake). hs^2 also ends super abruptly with some lore shit i skimmed half heartedly between calliope, roxy, and john again talking about his initial decision between candy and meat. that whole conversation pretty deliberately frames the decision between meat and candy as being parallel to terezi’s coin flip about whether or not to kill vriska, and roxycallie even tell john straight up that he needs to get vriska again to fix the story, perhaps assuming that’ll work again since it did when he was retconning the timeline? but imo, though maybe i’m biased cause i didn’t really review what vriska does post-canon again, it seems more fitting to me that jake would be the one to fix the bullshit timelines, considering 1. dirk is the one going bananas out of his fucking mind w/ control of the narrative, 2. thematically, pumpkins are the most logical, healthy alternative to meat and candy, fitting since caliborn explicitly aligns dirk and jake’s color scheme with them in the smut-drawing conversation and since (in the same breath) he establishes that he hates them and prefers meat/candy. but that’s getting into sherlock secret final episode levels of conspiracy, and i’m not sure i’m ready for that one
#hs#astronaut rambles#i really hate the concept of an ultimate self actually have i mentioned that before#it kind of just feels Bad like#ok weird parallel but you know how it kind of sucks major ass that all of those *other* sons of dio are introduced in jojo pt 6?#cause it takes away from giorno’s significant kinda#it’s like that this idea of an “ultimate” self just kinda#implies that the true version we’ve been following isn’t actually the truly authentic one#which idk i just dislike that#like it works for davepeta (ish) but. for dirk?#when his whole thing is that the true dirk is different from his splinters?#how’s that joke go again?#‘oh shit it sucks that we have all this organizations. we need to make one to unite them all!’ total organizations: +1#how tf did i write actual quotes in the tags earlier jesus#okay 3 am i need to sleep now nobody read this ok promise kisses#dirkjake
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#oh wow...#i just had an oh shit fuck moment#wow#i usually complain about the one therapist i had in my entire life and how she wouldn't just listen to what i was saying#if it didn't fit her textbook definition of whatever she was thinking at the time#and how i talked to her about my anxiety and how that made me feel and she would only focus on how i acted#so the example i gave her was the one time i went into a shop to buy something by myself#because my mom didn't want to go in for me and arguing with my mom in front of the shop in public and then inevitably have to#go in myself either way was way worse to me#because of the embarrassement of arguing in public. the fact that my mom was gonna spend the entire walk home telling me how i have to#''just suck it up and learn and just overcome my anxiety because i don't have a problem'' or whatever#and then having to go into the shop where the lady had been watching me from inside the entire time how i clearly didn't want to go in#and possibly be even more awkward with teary eyes because of the anxiety and awkwardness i already bring to the table any day...#all of those things that were going inside my head were trumped by the fact that i did go in and did buy what i needed#although my heart was coming out of my chest the entire time... all that didn't matter to my therapist because in her words:#''if you had anxiety. you simply wouldn't have gone in''#which is ridiculous#but anyways... i just had an epiphany... that was masking wasn't it?#forcing myself to do something that brings me major discomfort to make my mother and the shop lady not judge me?#pretend i'm a normal human being just doing normal things instead of someone who's about to have a heart attack buying embroidery thread?#panicking the entire time because i wasn't prepeared and hadn't scripted the entire transaction in my head?#yet still going in and putting on my ''normal person'' mask to try to seem like i wasn't just dying seconds ago (and still was)?#isn't that literally what masking is?!#and the ''autism specialist'' ass therapist was like ''if you did it then you don't have a problem''#when i'm literally telling her how much of a problem it actually WAS?!#you know what's the best part about all this#that when i told my mom after i left that therapist that she didn't listen to me because [insert everything above]#my mom's response was ''well sometimes therapist will say things that you don't want to hear but you have to accept them''....#same woman who's always saying how much she hates therapists because they ''will say whatever and pretend they know shit''#ok so it's only The Truth when I tell you it isn't...
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I wish all jujutsu kaisen fans a very media literacy and manga reread
#Shut up shut up the ending makes sense just take ur time to read and ponder it doesn't have to be explicitly held held explained to u#I won't insist that my every interpretation is 100% correct but thr beauty of story is it can mean what it needs to for readers as individua#I'm so content with the way that it ended bc yeah I have read and spun theories and reread it until it made sense#I didn't understand much the first time it always takes several reads and translations notes help a lot too#But there IS a lot of information there if you're open to finding it#Gege is rly thr best it's so unfortunate#Jujutsu kaisen fans can't read#Like are we even fans if we talk shit on the author?? I don't think you are but why read just to hate it??#Jjk ending#Jjk manga#Gege did nothing wrong#Rant#Vent#jujutsu kaisen#jjk fandom#There are things I'd never understand on my own but lovely readers do research and share what they learn about historical culture language#Context etc and idk I also get that it's hard to sort through. The majority of takes are easily debunked. But if you just. If you just read#The manga several times.... It gets better and more intense and sensical and emotional every time...#Sigh#Sorry I'm sleep deprived and sick of all the gege hate on my fyp!#It never ends I never interact I hide those posts but they still show#Which means I follow a closet hater or the algorithm sucks ass#Probably#Gege akutami#I owe u my life#This last year has been rly hard and idk how I would've survived without your work#I hope u have a good rest and recreational period for as long as u want to
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Film students who ask unrelated questions or ones that are indicating a lack of nuance as an excuse to talk to the professor or more often just to hear themselves talk should be an oppressed class
#this is a joke but go they fucking suck#i paid a lot of money to listen to the professor talk not you#im aware this is a liberal arts student thing in general#which is why when tumblr hates on stem and business majors they are wrong#because at least they dont annoy shit out of me in class#alli rambles chaotically with flowers
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ough
#family problems#yuppppppp#*family drama and yelling* well it really is beginning to look a lot like Christmas-#guh#its great#idk#and it is so fucked cus part of my brain loves it probably cus its what i grew up on#like unironically its signaling to me “Oh Its The Holidays!”#which is also fucked#and part of me finds it like oddly comforting#WHICH. AGAIN: Also Fucked#idk man#i want to know what a non yelling non problem filled non extremely stress inducing holiday would be like#like doing anything without intense fear of yelling and problems#and then it turns out that all of my stress was for nothing cus there was#always going to be problems#goofy jelly thoughts#this is one thousand percent why i was sucked into that Shifting stuff in 2020#like- do i wanna date Damon Salvatore?#absolutely.#but mostly i was scripting in shit like “we get along really well.” and [insert description of a major holiday going well]#like dawg i just want Not This#nothing i do is good enough
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There are people in the YT comments of Axl vods who are starting to like, ACTUALLY see the fucking problem (unable to force reliable risk/reward, unable to consistently convert, no pressure reset no routing). I've even seen people start lamenting the fact that games are just not as interesting anymore like YES! THANK YOU! The game was already very simple and watered down; this wasn't necessarily a flaw, but further streamlining characters that are ALREADY streamlined just further exacerbates the lack of depth that people have been complaining about since day 1 of Strive because this game isn't xrd (which I disagree with but I also understand the complaint). Furthermore, you "increased defense across the board" and then BUFFED THE MOVES OF CHARACTERS WHO HAVE BEEN DOING WAY TOO MUCH DAMAGE FOR 3 YEARS!! MAKING LOWER DAMAGE CHARACTERS HAVE TO WIN MORE INTERACTIONS AND TAKE MORE RISKS TO WIN GAMES! WHICH IS THEIR WHOLE ISSUE AND WHY THEY WEREN'T GOOD! AND YOU ALSO TOOK TOOLS AWAY FROM THEM! ARE YOU STUPID? YOU'VE ESSENTIALLY DONE NOTHING! Ugh.
#sairambles#sorry your pal sai made the mistake of watching new patch vods again and just finally feels a little vindicated#since people are starting to wake up#*hair frazzled eyes bloodshot red* I KNEW FROM THE START! YOU ALL CALLED ME CRAZY BUT I WAS RIGHT!!!#Which is fine. It's fine. People come to the conclusion at different rates and like to play for a while before making a final judgment. Fine#I'm just upset they fucking shot my bottom tier boy for NO reason and buffed the shit out of Johnny and HC like what the FUCK#sorry. I know this is annoying but I cared about Strive A LOT and was finally satisfied enough with the direction it was headed#and then they just. Did this.#REALLY hard for me to chill and just let it go#I appreciate the other Axl players on here liking my bitchy posts btw you guys are so nicies to me LOL#like a little pat on the back like “yeah I feel you buddy it does suck ass”#anyway. I will probably do this again#but I will TRY to relax and get over it until the next major balance adjustment
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#these past two weeks have been so intense that ive just.. not spoken about it once i got home from work#blocked it all out#my beloved colleague whose desk is next to mine has cancer#breast and uterus. she needs two major surgeries#they just diagnosed her two weeks ago#so we've been trying to deal with that as colleagues and friends#because we love and miss her and i am so deeply sad as well#but i feel like i couldn't process that at all bc two days after the news of her diagnosis i was asked to take on half of her work#on top of my fulltime#which i agreed to do bc i like her tasks and i want to help her and i also know i can do it#but it does feel very off bc i know i don't earn enough money for this workload to be long term and it is def like this#for the coming four months at least#so i did tell my manager that i would like a raise and. that bitch told me to BUY MORE SECOND HAND SHIT.#i seriously thought i saw my life flash before my eyes#then the day after she asked one of my colleagues who's been with the firm for over 30 years whether she was looking for another job maybe?#which caused that colleague to instantly go home in tears and be home from basically a nervous breakdown the past 1.5 week#which is her full right and i support her with all my heart but bc my management sucks it meant that we had to also carry her tasks ofc#i felt soooo spread thin and super super angry actually but i didn't even realise how angry i was until last thursday my colleague w cancer#came by the office. and talked about all of it. and i suddenly realised how sad i was but then also how angry#but i was just blocking it all out trying to stay afloat#bc we told her about what the manager had said and she said “i hope that i get the chance to really tell her how it is someday.”#“because the stress she causes with people can actually kill you. just look at me.”#and the rest of the day i felt so ready to be done with everything actually#but seeing her anger made me see my own anger#and released me of my own pent up emotions bc i had actual leg pains this week and it was purely psychosomatic#i then managed to tell some friends yesterday about what was going on and their outrage spurred me on even more#so today i emailed hr. demanding a raise#doing this amount of work while constantly feeling like the house is on fire while also struggling financially seriously makes me suicidal#and i am not joking#so.. if nothing comes of that im leaving that job and not looking back
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I do find it so funny that I will graduate college days away from my birthday. Like my birthday is literally in between the end of the semester ("graduation") and commencement
It really will be like a joint graduation & birthday party for me lmao
#speculation nation#i dont really do birthday parties anymore. havent in a long time. mostly just go out and do smth fun around my bday. ya kno#also have cake but like not in a party way. just like. here's cake lol#but im probably only gonna graduate from college once. which means i might as well live it up and all.#invite all sorts of extended family and people who have known me. etc etc.#actually it just kinda sunk in that i am. Computer and Information Technology (Systems Analysis and Design focus) w a minor in Communication#like those are words. it's a lot of words but actually it really is pretty accurate?? like that's indeed what ive been studying.#now how much i *remember* is another question. considering how long ive taken to get thru school lol#but that's what people will see on my degree. that's my Thing. graduated in Computer Systems and Talking.#idk it's just weird to have spent so much of my life on this and like That's the culmination. it took so much work.#even beyond a normal 4 years. i switched my major *twice*. switched my minor too.#first year engineering to undecided liberal arts (as a temp major trying to switch to computer science bc i couldnt stay in FYE)#but then computer science sucked so i switched to trying to get into computer & info tech. which is different. and better.#and ive been in it long enough now that ive kinda forgotten but it did take some fuckin work to switch into it.#like i had to take certain classes first & i couldnt take them during the semesters that in-major students would take them#and i had to have my gpa up to a certain level etc etc. so many hoops to jump thru. i think it took me at least a year. or more. idr#but i made it in and thats my major. thats my thing. computers and information systems and communication.#doesnt FEEL like im an almost-graduate. but then i think about all the things ive taken and learned.#and maybe i dont remember a lot of the more specific things from these classes. but i took core lessons away from each one.#wont be able to recite the theories but i can live them. and thats the point of an education i guess.#anyways im gonna have to start job searching before too long and eughhbb. need to get my license first tho probably.#which i will... i will.... i have so many things to deal with... my life will be So Different in a year...#it will require me to put in the work now. but i can do it. and then a year from now. i'll hopefully be in a better spot.#living somewhere else. graduated from college. with a license and a car. maybe even an IT job of some kind.#kind of scared of trying to find a Big Boy Job. aka a job that requires a degree and networking and all that shit.#rather than just showing up and being like Hi i can do this job. i am not a total drain of a person. hire me please 👍#hfkahfks so many things to think about. and through it all i am still dealing with DEADLINES...!!!!#but yeah this is why my writing has largely been put on hold. idk i have a lot of things im dealing with rn.
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they wont let me drop this fucking painting class. im going to do some happy gilmore shit
#IM ACTUALLY SO HEATED. LET ME OUT.#we spend so long on 'warm ups' BECAUSE THE TEACHER DOESN'T TRUST US TO ACTUALLY PAINT#the majority of the people in the class have been painting for 2 years in high school alone#he said he was going to 'ease into' painting actual subjects. ????????#and becsuse he just fucking yaps the whole class im going to have to take my work home#EVEN MORE THAN USUAL. WHICH IS LIKE 8 HOURS PER PROJECT AT LEAST#I DONT HAVE TIME FOR THIS SHIT ESPECIALLY BC ITS MY ONLY NON HONORS/AP CLASS. FUCK OFF#yeah i brought my own gpa down to take the shitty class that sucks. yayyyy
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