#which sounds like a lot but this shit is basically one piece in terms of length and plot insanity so

[blueskittlesart]

Since you're asking for requests... Maybe Ran from Case Closed?

YEAHHHH if no one else got me i know my one follower who likes the same bad japanese detective show as me got me ‼️

[metanarrates]

Hello. Sorry if this a stupid question u can ignore if u want.

How can someone get better at media analysis? Besides obviously reading a lot.

Im asking this bc im in a point where im aware of my own lack of tools to analyze stories, but i don't know where to get them or how to get better in general. How did you learn to analyze media? There's any specific book, essay, author, etc that you recommend? Somewhere to start?

I'm asking you because you are genuinely the person who has the best takes on this site. Thank you for you work!

it sounds like a cop-out answer but it's always felt like a skill I acquired mostly thru reading a ton, and by paying a lot of attention in high school literature classes. because of that I can't promise that I'm necessarily equipped to be a good teacher or that i know good resources. HOWEVER! let me run some potential advice to you based on the shit i get a lot of mileage out of

first off, a lot of literary analysis is about pattern recognition! not just pattern recognition in-text, but out-of-text as well. how does this work relate to its genre? real-world history? does it have parallels between real-life situations? that kind of thing.

which is a big concept to just describe off the bat, so let me break it down further!

in literature, there is the concept of something called literary devices - they are some of the basic building blocks in how a story is delivered mechanically and via subtext. have you ever heard of a motif? that is a literary device. it's a pattern established in the text in order to further the storytelling! and here is a list of a ton of common literary devices - I'd recommend reading the article. it breaks down a lot of commonly used ones in prose and poetry and explains their usage.

personally, I don't find all the literary devices I've learned about in school to be the most useful to my analytical hobbies online. motifs, themes, and metaphors are useful and dissecting them can bring a lot to the table, but a lot of other devices are mostly like fun bonus trivia for me to notice when reading. however, memorizing those terms and trying to notice them in the things you read does have a distinct benefit - it encourages you to start noticing patterns, and to start thinking of the mechanical way a story is built. sure, thinking about how the prose is constructed might not help you understand the story much more, but it does make you start thinking about how things like prose contribute to the greater feeling of a piece, or how the formatting of a piece contributes to its overall narrative. you'll start developing this habit of picking out little things about a text, which is useful.

other forms of in-text pattern recognition can be about things like characterization! how does a character react to a certain situation? is it consistent with how they usually behave? what might that tell you about how they think? do they have tells that show when they're not being trustworthy? does their viewpoint always match what is happening on screen? what ideas do they have about how the world works? how are they influenced by other people in their lives? by social contexts that might exist? by situations that have affected them? (on that note, how do situations affect other situations?)

another one is just straight-up noticing themes in a work. is there a certain idea that keeps getting brought up? what is the work trying to say about that idea? if it's being brought up often, it's probably worth paying attention to!

that goes for any pattern, actually. if you notice something, it's worth thinking about why it might be there. try considering things like potential subtext, or what a technique might be trying to convey to a reader. even if you can't explain why every element of a text is there, you'll often gain something by trying to think about why something exists in a story.

^ sometimes the answer to that question is not always "because it's intentional" or even "because it was a good choice for the storytelling." authors frequently make choices that suck shit (I am a known complainer about choices that suck shit.) that's also worth thinking about. english classes won't encourage this line of thinking, because they're trying to get you to approach texts with intentional thought instead of writing them off. I appreciate that goal, genuinely, but I do think it hampers people's enthusiasm for analysis if they're not also being encouraged to analyze why they think something doesn't work well in a story. sometimes something sucks and it makes new students mad if they're not allowed to talk about it sucking! I'll get into that later - knowing how and why something doesn't work is also a valuable skill. being an informed and analytical hater will get you far in life.

so that's in-work literary analysis. id also recommend annotating your pages/pdfs or keeping a notebook if you want to close-read a work. keeping track of your thoughts while reading even if they're not "clever" or whatever encourages you to pay attention to a text and to draw patterns. it's very useful!

now, for out-of-work literary analysis! it's worth synthesizing something within its context. what social settings did this work come from? was it commenting on something in real life? is it responding to some aspects of history or current events? how does it relate to its genre? does it deviate from genre trends, commentate on them, or overall conform to its genre? where did the literary techniques it's using come from - does it have any big stylistic influences? is it referencing any other texts?

and if you don't know the answer to a bunch of these questions and want to know, RESEARCH IS YOUR FRIEND! look up historical events and social movements if you're reading a work from a place or time you're not familiar with. if you don't know much about a genre, look into what are considered common genre elements! see if you can find anyone talking about artistic movements, or read the texts that a work might be referencing! all of these things will give you a far more holistic view of a work.

as for your own personal reaction to & understanding of a work... so I've given the advice before that it's good to think about your own personal reactions to a story, and what you enjoy or dislike about it. while this is true that a lot of this is a baseline jumping-off point on how I personally conduct analysis, it's incomplete advice. you should not just be thinking about what you enjoy or dislike - you should also be thinking about why it works or doesn't work for you. if you've gotten a better grasp on story mechanics by practicing the types of pattern recognition i recognized above, you can start digging into how those storytelling techniques have affected you. did you enjoy this part of a story? what made it work well? what techniques built tension, or delivered well on conflict? what about if you thought it sucked? what aspects of storytelling might have failed?

sometimes the answer to this is highly subjective and personal. I'm slightly romance-averse because I am aromantic, so a lot of romance plots will simply bore me or actively annoy me. I try not to let that personal taste factor too much into serious critiques, though of course I will talk about why I find something boring and lament it wasn't done better lol. we're only human. just be aware of those personal taste quirks and factor them into analysis because it will help you be a bit more objective lol

but if it's not fully influenced by personal taste, you should get in the habit of building little theses about why a story affected you in a certain way. for example, "I felt bored and tired at this point in a plot, which may be due to poor pacing & handling of conflict." or "I felt excited at this point in the plot, because established tensions continued to get more complex and captured my interest." or "I liked this plot point because it iterated on an established theme in a way that brought interesting angles to how the story handled the theme." again, it's just a good way to think about how and why storytelling functions.

uh let's see what else. analysis is a collaborative activity! you can learn a lot from seeing how other people analyze! if you enjoy something a lot, try looking into scholarly articles on it, or youtube videos, or essays online! develop opinions also about how THOSE articles and essays etc conduct analysis, and why you might think those analyses are correct or incorrect! sometimes analyses suck shit and developing a counterargument will help you think harder about the topic in question! think about audience reactions and how those are created by the text! talk to friends! send asks to meta blogs you really like maybe sometimes

find angles of analysis that interest and excite you! if you're interested in feminist lenses on a work, or racial lenses, or philosophical lenses, look into how people conduct those sort of analyses on other works. (eg. search feminist analysis of hamlet, or something similar so you can learn how that style of analysis generally functions) and then try applying those lenses to the story you're looking at. a lot of analysts have a toolkit of lenses they tend to cycle through when approaching a new text - it might not be a bad idea to acquire a few favored lenses of your own.

also, most of my advice is literary advice, since you can broadly apply many skills you learn in literary analysis to any other form of storytelling, but if you're looking at another medium, like a game or cartoon, maybe look up some stuff about things like ludonarrative storytelling or visual storytelling! familiarizing yourself with the specific techniques common to a certain medium will only help you get better at understanding what you're seeing.

above all else, approach everything with intellectual curiosity and sincerity. even if you're sincerely curious about why something sucks, letting yourself gain information and potentially learning something new or being humbled in the process will help you grow. it's okay to not have all the answers, or to just be flat-out wrong sometimes. continuing to practice is a valuable intellectual pursuit even if it can mean feeling a tad stupid sometimes. don't be scared to ask questions. get comfortable sometimes with the fact that the answer you'll arrive at after a lot of thought and effort will be "I don't fully know." sometimes you don't know and that can be valuable in its own right!

thank you for the ask, and I hope you find this helpful!

[noxxuniverse]

Don't drag me into shit.

I was debating on making this post because honestly like nothing is happening but I'm seriously pissed off and I just want to get it off my chest, idgaf if I get a response or not and idgaf if I get backlash for this, because you dragged me into this, ima give my opinion no matter who is lying and who isn't.

Before I get into this, I want to quickly say, this isn't like my usual posts, this is going to be rather serious and probably really long so please bare with me. If you'd rather see my other posts, then ignore this one and just enjoy the content I put on here.

I never expected to be pulled into some random ass drama. I didn't want to give it attention but I can't just like sit back and watch this shit happen anymore because I'm seriousslyyy pissed off with all of this drama and how people have been reacting to it. I have every right to say my piece seeing as I've been pulled into it for no reason whatsoever.

So, I randomly decided to come online and I noticed I had been tagged in a post by @/voidmysteries and naturally, I was confused and curious so I clicked it. It was a post basically saying that someone (@/fairykittz8) was claiming to know @/luvmanifesting and that they were trying to... Harm their reputation? Now, before I go into anything. I find it unbelievably funny how so many people immediately jump onto a person who has had void success stories and claimed they're lying, which is what I've seen happen to @/fairykittz8. It's honestly disrespectful, no one owes you proof they've manifested things in the void, or in any way for that matter.

I'm not on anyone's side here, even if I may sound biased. The reason why, is because neither side has proof. I can't say "this person is lying about their post" because how tf should I know? However, I'm going based on half of the shit that's gone on tumblr and shit that's been said and done.

I went on @/voidmysteries' account and I saw the post they reposted before they made their original post, and saw how originally people were claiming that Kaylee (@/fairykittz8) was actually @/luvmanifesting. Do you know how disrespectful it is to basically say both of these people are lying with 0 proof + saying they're the same person, just because you want to actually see fucking proof of a manifestation for your own validation and because you don't want to believe that people are fucking limitless. I get people can be skeptical, but fucking hell, mind your own damn business? Like I said, no one owes you anything. Yes, people lie, unfortunately it comes with any community, but it isn't your job, to dig into it. If you believe someone is lying, and you ACTUALLY have proof, then sure. Go ahead, call them out in a respectful and mature way. But just because two people may have had the same name, or the same similar desires, does NOT mean they are the same fucking person. Grow up.

On the post that was reposted, Kaylee did respond and both creators left it on some what "good" terms, basically just saying no one was going for anyone, which is completely fair. However, @/voidmysteries, then made their post. I was rather confused because they were saying Kaylee has done this before and has ruined multiple creators reputations by claiming that they know them? I don't get how someone lying and claiming to know someone can harm another's reputation but obviously I haven't seen anything like that. Therefore, despite my opinion on it, I can't say much. A lot of this shit that is going on has little to no proof. They also claimed to be a big creator who was a victim of something like this with Kaylee, however decided to keep themselves anonymous due to the fact they de-activated their account. The thing I find rather convenient is that all of these bloggers who have allegedly had their reputation destroyed by Kaylee, have deleted their accounts?? Surely if there are so many harmed by this person, you'd remember at least one of them.

Secondly, they said how Kaylee is doing this for fame? If you go on their account, they barely have any notes whatsoever apart from their void success story. No, they did not get their fame from saying they know @/luvmanifesting. They got their fame most likely from their void success story. You have to understand, most people don't actually really care about who is mutuals with who on here, it's all about "how did you get into the void?" And shit like that. So, immediately claiming Kaylee has done this for fame is just a little off in my opinion.

This is where I come in. @/voidmysteries basically @'d my account and said that I, along with some other rather popular and more relevant accounts as of recently, are at risk of Kaylee if we choose to leave? Why are we specifically the accounts that are at risk? It's a little weird that we've randomly been chosen like we've been put in a fucking sorting hat like how do you know WE are the ones at risk? Also, at risk of what? Like what, we go off our accounts and then someone claims to know us, what the fuck is that going to actually do to us? It doesn't change the advice and shit we've put on here.

If Kaylee is lying about knowing @/luvmanifesting and other creators, then they're lying. Simple. There's not really much to it. Yet at the end of the day, it's all he said she said. You have no proof that Kaylee is lying, Kaylee has no proof that she actually knows Ayami. You say that they're trying to ruin people's reputation but what's to say you aren't doing the same thing?

All of this was incredibly random. I also don't get why people keep making these god damn burner blogs for shitty drama like this. You can always tell too because they never change their profile picture from the original tumblr pic. They keep it the same way, post things for like 2 days and then leave as if nothing happened.

Something that swung me the wrong way for everyone in this situation is that everyone's comments are off. I get why Kaylee might have done it due to the harassment that has come her way (which I'll speak about in a moment) but for @/voidmysteries and the person I'm about to speak about, it makes little to no sense. I just found that rather weird on all of their sides so I wanted to mention that.

Finally, I went on Kaylee's blog and I noticed someone was literally harrassing her aka @/therealphynx. It is so fucking disgusting, no matter what the fuck someone has done, to make insults like they did is fucking horrific. Even if Kaylee was lying, it does NOT justify your actions at all. Making fun of r*pe victims and disabled people is completely out of line and genuinely disgusting. Even after she blocked you, you still went on and on, being desperate for her to unblock you so you could continue to harrass her. Are you fucking serious? You don't need to believe in what other people have manifested, but harrassing them in such a way like this is a new fucking low and I hope to god you fucking read this part of the post. You are disgusting and need serious help. All of that just because you didn't get proof of what someone else manifested? Get a fucking grip.

I seriously hope this community can actually fucking grow from this shit because I'm getting so sick and tired of all of this he said she said bullshit. I know a lot of people have lied, but even with the posts they've lied in, people have still gotten motivation to go and manifest the shit they want. So doing all of this, with no proof, is pathetic. + I know I have no proof Kaylee is telling the truth and I ain't backing Kaylee in any way shape or form whether they're lying or not. Once again, I have no proof for either side here, but why don't you lot just handle shit maturely rather than creating posts to get fame off of and portraying them as "awareness."

The last thing I'm going to say, is leave me out of shit like this unless I'm genuinely going to be affected by something or someone has said some fake bullshit about me and my account. I don't give a fuck if someone lies about knowing me if I leave. It doesn't affect me in any way at all.

[darnell-la]

Hey! So I got a sad one. So basically you went to the beach with Jj and you were on the sand and these group of girls came up to you saying stuff abt you body and calling you fat. So y/n went home. With out telling jj. When she got home she started crying a lot but Jj went to check on her. And comfort her.

Hey!! We're sorry if this story wasn't exactly what you were looking for. If you're disappointed, please send another request and explain in detail? Other than that, thank you for your request, Luv <3

word count: 2.2k

paring: JJ Maybank x Chubby!Reader

--------------------------------------------------------

Y/n's pov

"You'll be fine, y/n, okay? It's just a party with a bunch of drunk teenagers. Nothings gonna happen. Besides, Topper and Rafe aren't here," JJ said as he and I walked on the property of this girl who invited him.

"I know, it's just, they didn't invite me and I know how these people get. Especially the Kook girls to Pogue girls," I said as he stopped in front of me.

"As long as I'm around you, I won't let them say shit to you, okay? We're best friends. I wouldn't let that slide," he said, placing a smile on my face.

"Okay, fine. But only for a couple of hours," I said as he rolled his eyes with a sigh. "No, no, we have to stay longer," he said. "Please," he kept repeating until I finally gave in. "Fine! Fine! Goddamnit," I said making him jump.

"Let's go!" He celebrated as he pulled me towards the front of the house. This place is packed and we're only outside. I can already see a few people eying us because we're probably the only Pogues here. JJ's use to ignoring people but I'm still not.

As I and JJ walked through the crowded house, I could hear people talking about us. They probably wouldn't have noticed me if I came alone but because JJ's so known, making us easy to spot.

"Hey! JJ, right?" A girl asked as she made her way towards us. "Yeah! Hey, Claire," JJ said, trying to put on his flirting voice. I came here to back him up, just in case he feels some way if she drops him last second. And he also wanted me to come and get out of my house for once.

"And you are?" The girl asked me. I could tell she wasn't happy with me being here, by the slight change in her tone and facial expression.

"Scotlyn," I said. "My best friend," JJ added as he pulled me into his side by my waist. I wish he would feel a spark when he touches me like this.

"Mhm, well, is it fine if I steal him from you real quick?" Claire asked as she pulled JJ away from me and wrapped her arm around his. Now they're locked and he has a smile on his face. At least he can be happy.

“No, no, it’s fine,” and quickly after, Claire pulled JJ away from me before he could say something. Tonight’s gonna be a long night. I should at least make it fun.

After being at this party for about an hour, playing drinking games, and watching sports on the TV with some random dudes in the middle of the living room, I decided to take a walk on the beach which isn’t far from the house. It’s basically their backyard. 

I stopped at a beach chair and placed my bag that I always carry with me, before looking around to make sure I’m the only one out here. 

I sighed and began to take off my clothes. I put my bikini on before I left, hoping JJ would want to show me some tricks in the waves like usual but he was occupied. 

After getting my last piece of clothing off, I began to touch my body. This is my first time in a bikini in public. It feels different. 

“We’ll look at Scotlyn. Coming out of her comfort zone I see. What made you buy that Bikini? Cause I know it’s not for my best friend’s man. Or is it?” A girl I do not know asked. 

“Who’s man? Who even are you?” I asked her. “We’re Claire’s friend and she sent us here to make sure you weren’t setting up some picnic after she got into JJ’s pants,” she said, making my eyes widen. 

JJ Maybank is no stranger to the sex life but he also doesn’t like being used and by the way that sentence sounds, getting in his pants is a term he wouldn’t like. 

“Where is he?” I asked as I went to pass them but one of the girls pushed me back. “Probably doing what Claire wants. Why does it matter? You like him or something?” The first girl asked as she laughed and pushed me to the sandy ground. 

“No! He’s- He’s just my best friend and your tramp bestie isn’t going to ruin him!” I yelled as I got up. I went to run past them but another one grabbed my hair and pushed me to the sandy ground again. 

“Oh, save that shit. He’d rather be broken than see that walk in on him,” one of them said, reminding me that I was in my bikini. I know I’m a bit thick but I have a good shape. Well, that’s what JJ says. 

“By the time you get up, you wouldn’t have the energy to run to him, yet walk,” another one said, causing my eyes to tear up. “Don’t cry, we’re just telling you the truth. Not being mean or anything,” the first one laughed. 

I quickly got up and took off, leaving everything behind. Even JJ. He’ll be fine. He’s probably having more fun than he’s ever had with me and I don’t want to ruin it for him. I need to move on…

JJ Maybank’s pov

“Claire, I’m not really in the mood tonight,” I lied as she tried rubbing all over my body. She’s been giving me the ick ever since she came up to me and y/n earlier. 

I thought that maybe if I hung out with her for a little bit, she’d be different or I’d understand her more but it actually has gotten worse and all I want to be around is y/n. 

Maybe I should just ask her out since she’s the only girl I ever feel comfortable and happy around. Everyone else is off. Way off and I never feel that feeling when I’m with y/n. Ever. 

“What are you talking about,” Claire asked in a tone I haven’t heard tonight. “I just really need to get back to y/n and-“ I tried apologizing but she cut me off. 

“Are you serious!? With that fat bitch!?” She angrily said, causing me to push her off of me and stand up from her bed. “Woah, don’t say that shit about her,” I got defensive. 

“Why? It’s true! Why would you choose her over me? That makes no sense at all,” she said, making me shake my head with a disgusting look on my face. These’s Kooks are all the same. 

“Delete my number,” I said then walked out of her room. She yelled a last “Already done!” before I slammed her room door, hoping her handle or anything would break. 

I searched the whole party to find y/n but she’s not here. I quickly ran out to the backyard and down the beach, but she was not there either. 

I ran across a beach chair with a bag on it and clothes. They belong to y/n. Shit. I yelled as I made my way into the water with all my clothes and shoes on. 

What if she went for a swim and drowned or got taken out by the waves. I know for a fact that she can’t swim in waves. She’s not experienced enough. Fuck!!

I swam around for a while until I got tired and cried my way out of the beach. My tears began streaming down my face as I yelled her name. Why did I leave her? 

“Chill out. She ran home,” some girl said. I looked up to see a girl and a few of her friends behind her. They look familiar. “How was the time with Claire?” One asked. They’re her friends. 

“Where did she run?” I asked, ignoring her question. “I don’t know. Home,” one laughed. “Why would she run home?” I asked, confused as they laughed. 

“We explained and told her the truth about you now wanting her. Maybe if she lost a bit of, you know, fat, she’d maybe have a chance,” a girl said. 

That’s when my eyes widen, knowing they bullied her into running away. They used my name, to make it seem like she’s not my best friend and that I care about that shit. I don’t. I’m in love with her and the way she looks. 

I quickly ran to y/n’s bag and threw her close into her bag before talking off towards my car so I can run to her house and tell her that all of this was a big miss understanding and that I don’t care about how she looked. She looks beautiful to me. 

“Y/n!” I yelled through y/n’s small house, hoping she’d be here. I can’t leave her alone in times like this. I’ve never seen her emotional but if she ran all the way home, she’s definitely feeling some type of way about those girls comments. 

“Y/n, where are you? Just talk to me,” I said and finally opened her guest room to find her curled up on the bed. “Y/n…” I said as I walked through the door frame slowly. 

That’s when she shot her head up quickly, allowing me to see her red and glossy eyes. She tried covering herself up as she asked what I was doing here at her house. 

“Your bag,” I said as I placed her bag on the floor and made my way over to the side of the bed. “Oh, okay. Well, uh, thank you. See you tomorrow,” she tried covering her face by turning to the side but I softly grabbed her wrist and turned her back towards me. 

“What did they say to you, y/n?” I asked. “Who?” She asked, knowing exactly who. “You know who, y/n. Tell me everything they said and I’ll handle it. You know I will,” I said, making her shake her head. 

“Oh, the girls? Oh, yeah, they didn’t say anything. Yeah, they just- I just forgot my bag, that’s all,” she lied to me as she sniffed and wiped some tears but they keep coming back. 

“Y/n, don’t lie to me! I’m not fucking around. What did they say!?” I asked with a louder tone, getting angry at anything they could have said to her. I know how people treat her and it’s not nice at all. She doesn’t deserve that. 

Y/n looked me in my eyes then turned back around and began to cry after curling up. Fuck, I didn’t mean to make her cry. 

“No, no, no, y/n, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound so rude, I just- Baby, I just wanted to know,” I said but she kept crying. I ran my hands through my hair, stressed. 

“Shit,” I said as quickly took my clothes off, as well as my boots, and ran to her drawer. I keep spare clothes heard since I’m always over. Day and night. 

I change into the clothes then crawled onto her bed and pulled her into my chest. She let me in by pulling me into her and crying into my chest as I rest my head on her forehead and whispered to her. 

“It’s okay, baby. I’m here. Don’t let whatever they said, get to you. It’s not true. No matter what they said, it’s not true,” I tried talking her down. 

“A-Am I’m pretty to you?” She stuttered as she tried to control her crying. “What? Yes! Yes, of course, you are. I swear I’m not saying that because you’re my best friend,” I said hoping she’s believing. 

“But I’m your friend, so, of course, I’m pretty to you,” she cried again. “Y/n, even passed friendship, you’re beyond pretty to me. You’re beautiful. Gorgeous. You’re just so much,” I said. 

“I’ve had the biggest crush on you. Shit, I still do, it’s just, we’re best friends and I can’t ruin that, you know?” I said, nothing about what I just confessed to. Shit. 

“Y-You have a crush on me?” She asked. “No, nah! Well- Fuck, yes, I do. I really do,” I said, not able to control myself. I had to get it out. I can’t keep things like this in anymore. I can’t hide it. It’s so hard. 

“Oh, I didn’t know that,” she said as she looked up at me. “Yeah, I tried keeping it a secret but- Y/n, you’re so fucking perfect. I can’t keep shit like that from you. You need to know this stuff. You need to know how beautiful you are,” I said, making her eyes brighten up. I can see her blushing. 

“Okay,” she giggled low as she buried her face into my chest again but this time, she’s not crying. “Yeah, I love you,” I awkwardly said with a slight laugh. 

“I love you too,” she said back, making me smile hard. It’s not hard to see that she does. I should have said this earlier in life, but at least she knows now. 

At least she’ll know how much I adore her when I talk to her about us tomorrow because there’s no way I’m leaving this house without me being able to call her mine. 

[yousaydisco]

Artist!Harry AU

Another fanfic that I planned out MANY MONTHS AGO and I'm 90% sure I'm never going to fully write

(content warning for depictions of violence)

AU where Harry, at the urging from Dora, quits being a gym teacher and attempts to join the RCM but for whatever reason - maybe he was already struggling with addiction at this point, or maybe he didn't want to join the RCM and deliberately made himself seem unfit for duty, and is rejected from joining the ranks. As a result of the rejection, Dora leaves him at this point and it breaks Harry, either causing him to go further into his addictions or develop them now.

After falling down that hole he attempts to pick himself back up by making art.

After making art for years (a mixture of mediums - paint on canvas, graffito, the rare photographs, making statues out of bottles, etc) and developing a cult following but not a reliable income, he has FINALLY secured a spot in a gallery to showcase his best work. Something that really showcases Revacholian Pride. Unfortunately, in the week of the gallery opening, there is a murder.

Kim, a lieutenant still at the 57th, is sent to investigate the crime and Harry, who is INCREDIBLY eager to get it solved so he can showcase his work and also has the inability to keep his nose out of other people's business, worms his way into helping him. Or he tries, at least, since Kim very much doesn't want to let a 1) a civilian and 2) an active suspect, be a participate in the solving of the crime.

They don't really hit it off at first and not JUST because Harry is trying to do Kim's job - Harry is abrasive, and kind of unsettling, and Kim doesn't care for off-the-wall art like that, but Harry very early on proves himself useful by getting information out of witnesses that Kim knows he couldn't have. Plus Harry knows the area and people very well AND he does end up having an alibi for the night of the murder so Kim, rather reluctantly at first, lets Harry help him. Initially it's just with talking to witnesses but he continues to be impressive so Kim just. Keeps working with him.

Unofficially, of course. It's all under the record.

THE CASE: A woman was found in the back alley that connects to the exit of the art gallery. The cause of death was blunt force trauma to the head, but the weird thing was that her hands were severed from the body post-mortem. She was an active artist in the area and had a lot of connections to basically everyone there, including Harry, who she once rejected his proposal to collab on a piece together.

Her specialty was photography and she was going to have a few pieces in the same exhibition that Harry was. She made a photography collage of the hands of various working class people of the area, black and white but she hand painted select colors back onto the cells (specifically red/pinks whenever they show up, like bloody knuckles or capillaries).

The reason that Harry wanted to work with her is because she got an offer to be in the exhibit WAY before he did, and she refused to give him a reason for why she didn't want to collaborate, which is how he was initially a prime suspect.

Harry's alibi is that he was working that night at a local bar which serves as his "real job" (though he doesn't like the term). But he was there all night, multiple co-workers and customers saw him, so: solid alibi.

Harry is like. A natural at a lot of the police work. So much of it comes easy for him. He cites his love of Dick Mullen novels and often during the case he needs to "get into character" and "go method" which Kim finds kind of annoying but holy shit the results cannot be ignored.

Scene: Harry tells Kim that he needs to investigate the apartment of a rival artist, one he doesn't get along with at all, and he doesn't really explain why since his Skills told him they need to. Kim gives a noncommittal answer, because it just sounds like Harry wants to make his enemy a suspect, and he ends up not having the time to check it out anyway. The next day Harry calls him on Kim's personal number - something that Kim rarely gives out for investigations - and continues to press the importance of it. He implies/outright says he will break in himself if Kim doesn't do it the legal way and Kim just. Sighs and agrees to prevent another crime from happening.

When Kim gets there the door is open and no one is there, and when he enters he sees blood all over the carpet but no body, murder weapon, or hands.

Harry gets taken in for questioning, of course, but he's more pleased than angry. Pleased that his gut was correct and he knew what he was talking about. They hold him for the maximum time they can but since they don't actually believe he did anything or have evidence don't arrest him, and all Harry really says is how he doesn't think the rival artist is the murderer and he firmly believes something else is afoot. Very strange, since if the rival artist DID do it, everything is better for Harry.

(This is also where I imagine putting Jean in the story and I think he questioned Harry. They don't know each other but Jean is like, being an asshole to push Harry to confessing something and Harry kind of takes it in stride, but then Jean targets his substance abuse issues and then they start arguing. Harry has enough composure to not punch him, which disappoints Jean since he was trying to like. Force a way to arrest Harry. Doesn't succeed.)

Kim is intrigued by Harry's assurance that the rival artist didn't do it so he investigates this angle right away. Sure enough, the rival artist hasn't been in the country for a week and he came back in with TECHNICALLY enough time to have committed the murder, but it would be incredibly difficult to do so. Kim agrees with Harry that he was likely being framed here.

(Later Harry calls Kim and is like 'WOW I KNEW HE DIDN'T DO IT!' and Kim is like how did you find that out? And Harry just says something cryptic and weird. Probably like "the wind told me." And Kim rolls his eyes and mutters artists.)

After this point Kim tells Harry that he is hiring him onto the case officially as a civilian consultant. Something he has no real authority to do, but Harry is ecstatic anyway.

During the case Harry digs through the dumpster that belongs to the entire apartment complex that she lived in and finds a positive pregnancy test, uncollected and untagged, and he says with certainty that it belonged to the victim. Kim then informs him that the victim was indeed 4 weeks pregnant.

They dig through the gallery archives together and discover that the murdered woman has only ever worked with ONE artist before: Stan Ickloski (a pen name that doesn't help them find the real man). She was a model for his photographs and he has a dedicated cult following with select artists but isn't well known or well received. Even Harry doesn't know who he is.

Also: Harry gets distracted and discovers a new color. Almost everyone who sees it comments that it's rather ugly, except Kim, who initially doesn't comment on it at all and then later will say it's warming up on him. Harry decides to call the color Ambrosius.

The case culminates when they are having a quiet moment talking about art back at the gallery. It's touching - Harry shares information about himself, his struggles, and how he tries to stay strong and Kim cracks himself open and shares some stuff about his childhood and says something sweet like "maybe all this modern art isn't so bad." Eventually Kim steps away to have his cigarette and Harry wants to look at the murdered woman's photographs some more, convinced that they will "say something to him" (Kim thinks its metaphorical but Harry is being very literal)

While Harry is alone looking at the photographs hung in the gallery (at this point the showcase is the next day, hasn't been cancelled, and her photographs are hung with 'in memoriam' under them) and a man stands next to Harry. They start talking, and it turns into the man ranting, and Harry and the audience quickly figure out that this is Stan Ickloski.

Big dramatic conversation where Harry tries to get him to keep talking and explain his whole thing but he fumbles a check and Stan gets really pissed and stabs Harry. But hey! This finally causes Kim to arrive on the scene and arrest him! Harry isn't even pissed about being stabbed he's like "I survived and also caught a killer! All by myself! This cop shit isn't so hard after all!"

(While he was confessing Stan admits that he he was in love with her, she didn't love him but instead was secretly in a relationship with the rival artist and he was the father, and he took her hands as a final fuck you to her. Harry nods his head and just says to Kim "this guy is majorly fucked up, Kim.")

Even though Harry doesn't care about being stabbed Kim cares VERY MUCH and this is where he will realize that like. Hey he might love this crazy weird artist man. Probably shouldn't do anything about it though!

They have the exhibit and Kim stays for him, something he never would have done ever in his life, and he blatantly only cares about Harry's art, but even he admits that he had a good time. And then they separate. Kim goes back home and rests, waiting for the next case, and Harry stays.

It's a very, extremely, horribly lonely One Day before Harry calls Kim on his personal cell phone and is like. Do you believe in fate? Because I think we were meant to meet each other. They have one phone call, admittedly it was rather short and kind of just them promising to stay in each other's lives, and then when they hang up Kim almost immeditedly goes.

Fuck it.

And drives back to where Harry lives. Except he doesn't know Harry's address! It never came up! Anytime he made sure to see Harry off during the case, Harry just wanted to go to his studio for the night. So Kim checks there and Harry is painting something on a huge canvas.

Painting the portrait of a bespeckled man surrounded by orange and engulfed by a halo.

They smooch. THE END

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for saying I don't give a fuck about Red, White and Royal Blue?

Firstly, absolutely no hate to the show. I know that sounds contradictory to the title, but bear with me. I think the show is great in terms of concept and the fact that its an insanely popular mainstream piece of queer media.

However.

It bored me to tears and by the third episode I knew it wasn't for me. That's fine, it happens, I just stopped watching it and started another show instead.

Now here on Tumblr I run a pretty popular multi-fandom blog where I post ship content, meta, GIFs, fanfiction, fanart, ect. I have a lot of fandoms I create content for. I didn't want to make it seem like I was shitting all over the show, nor did I think anyone would notice/care that I wasn't engaging with it, so I didn't bother to make any sort of personal post to say I'd tried it but it wouldn't be part of my blog.

Wonder of wonders, I received an anon, one of my followers, asking if I'd watched it yet and when I'd be making 'stuff' for it. Presumably fanart or GIFs. I answered it and just cheerfully/politely said I'd given it a go but I was more interested in other stuff as of now.

Anon shot back with 'so you didn't like it?? Watch it again. Its really good. You need to stick with it, you'll like it.'

I just reiterated that, no, actually I'm pretty confident I won't, but I gave them a list of blogs I follow who've started posting about it so they could the content they want. They're just not getting it from me.

They were still pretty insistent, and after two more anons basically demanding I watch the show and insisting I'll love it and kind of vagueing that I'll be a steaming turd of a person if I don't, I snapped a little and said;

I've tried to be polite about it, but to be quite honest I don't give a single fuck about RWRB. Its not my thing. I tried it, I didn't like it. I will absolutely not be making any content for it and I've got the tags blocked so I don't see it on my dash. I will not be watching it or making content for it and that's final.

Apparently I'm now a raging homophobe and either they alone or they and some friends are now sending me a smattering of anons calling me homophobic and trashing me for 'shitting all over strong gay media.' Which is laughable because all the ship content on my blog is queer. But.

I do actually feel bad for losing my rag and because the post was reblogged a handful of times by people who are into RWRB with a few comments about it being awkward and saying its cool I don't like it, but I don't have to say it publicly and I don't have to trash the show.

So AITA for that? I did lose my rag admittedly and I know I should've been politer, but my god, I simply do not care about the show.

What are these acronyms?

[rachelsshowerthoughts]

Sent a response regarding the Aware AU stuff, I hope it was interesting, also had other Kwami thoughts.

Cos like, I love the substitute angle but I doubt that'd it sustainable long term once more Kwami start coming out.

Kagami is likely on lock for an early Kwami due to Marinette, meanwhile Chloe may need to get one by 'accident'.

I do love Queen Bee, though Benom is so low key over powered it can make fights vexing, but I also love Snake!Chloe & Tiger!Chloe.

The latter also fits given how similar but distinct one can make the Tiger Miraculous, especially if they get creative with it, or so I feel.

Roaar: Well now, you aren't who I was supposed to be with, & I'm not where I was supposed to be >:3c Chloe: I get the sense that isn't a problem for you. Roaar: No way, I'm Roaar, let's cause havoc!

Cue Chloe & Adrien showing up with supremely destructive Kwami and the tagline from that art piece, "Supreme Feline Violence!" as their new catchphrase.

so, first of all, I read that last line as "Sublime Feline Violence!" which . . . sounded odd until I reread it, but anyway!

So, one thing I meant before, about my problems with the Kwami, is I see a lot of problems with them as . . . well, kind of being the Order's fault? Like. The implication I keep getting, is that the Order BOUND the Kwami to their will, basically, which is why they have to do whatever their "owners" say. Like, just. I don’t know how to describe it properly, just.

Ok. Let's try this. The Kwami don’t read as "partners". They read closer to indentured servants. They aren’t allowed to do anything without asking their "owners" for permission. Gabriel can literally take Nooroo's speech capability away. Yes, maybe it’s convenient that the Kwami have NO IDEA about the power ups and stuff, as it means Gabe doesn’t know about it, but the implications . . . the Kwami aren’t allowed to know about magic that affects them, that CHANGES how they work (imagine this as a medical procedure you are REQUIRED TO HAVE, but aren’t allowed to know what someone will be doing to you). And the reason why is that they HAVE to answer their "masters". They CAN'T say no. Seriously, imagine the series with the only change being that the Kwami don't HAVE to answer questions. They can keep their own secrets and thoughts. How much shit gets solved if that happens?

Just . . . I don’t think I can explain properly how UNCOMFORTABLE the Kwami's situation makes me. Like, it feels like the only difference between Gabriel and the Order? Their goals. #FreeTheKwami

(Moving on, I'm not sure how coherent this is . . . )

I think the substitute angle would still be in play, but after the Big Conversation (not sure if you saw my take on that?), I feel like Marinette starts pushing a little more, and in my head, I see a compromise that looks odd from canon-view. Part of Fu's argument would, weirdly, be that the doubles are in danger, because the Miraculous are still primarily Adrien's and Marinette's. Like, Yes Chloé and Adrien spend maybe equal amount of time as Chat Noir, but the split is probably closer to 60-40 in Adrien's favour, with Chloé taking over the 40% he CAN'T get away without risking consequences with his dad. And Marinette, once she gets the go ahead, would split that even less, still primarily being Ladybug, with Kagami only taking over in the case of illness, or if Marinette REALLY can't leave without hurting someone (babysitting or similar comes to mind). So the rest of the time, Chloé and Kagami would be defenceless against Hawk Moth, should he figure them out or target them.

Marinette, of course, agrees. She does often have an easier time seeing things from Fu's point of view, especially because despite his hang ups, it isn’t like he's outright WRONG. The doubles ARE in danger without a way to protect themselves. Her solution? Hand the doubles a Miraculous of their own!

Yeah, this is where it gets loud.

Fu is STRIDENTLY against this. Oh no, no way, no how, absolutely NOT, Marinette, I expected better from you-! But Marinette stands her ground. She argues right back, and I think a combination of Fu seeing her more favourably, and Marinette making some very good points might sway him.

Having more Miraculous out is dangerous? Having the ones ALREADY out is dangerous, how much more danger are we talking here?

Fu doesn’t know who the doubles are? Well, Ladybug and Chat Noir don’t know who each other is, and that’s seen as a layer of security.

The doubles are defenceless? They don’t have to be!

Just this intense back and forth (Chloé and Adrien are watching this like a tennis match) before Marinette plays her trump card. Fu says he trusts her judgement. Well, Marinette trusts the Chats Noir, and her friend, Ladybird (Kagami's Ladybug handle? Not a major fan, i see it more as a combo name for Ladybug/Peacock, but I don’t currently have other ideas). More than that, the fights are clearly getting harder. They NEED back up. SHE needs back up. Back up she can TRUST.

eventually, Fu caves.

As to which Miraculous they get, I too love Queen Bee, but hear me out. Kagami gets the Bee (maybe can extend the trompo-top stinger into a fencing sabre?), and Chloé gets the Turtle. Yep, Fu gives up Wayzz. Why?

So Wayzz can SPY on this unknown Chat. Because while Fu trusts Ladybug, he still is wary of the second Chat Noir, this one he still doesn’t know. He knows who Adrien is, so he KNOWS he's an only child. The closest "sibling" he can see is Felix, who lives in London, no way he can get to Paris that fast. He also doesn’t suspect Chloé, because he's been taken in by her outward persona. But if Duchess Noire has Wayzz, then Fu can maybe figure her out. He knows the limitations of the Miraculous - if Duchess tells Wayzz "don’t tell anyone who I am", he won’t be able to tell Fu who she is. But he'll still have insight into how she works, what her morals are, if they can REALLY trust her. Plus, Fu knows Wayzz, they've been partners for CENTURIES. Fu knows not just how to fight with the Turtle, but how to fight against the Turtle. If this second Cat turns out to be bad news, the Turtle is the Miraculous Fu has the best chance against.

(Also, random sidenote: I discussed this with @princess-of-the-corner, cause she always makes the Tiger's thing Invisibility, and I was saying I'd sort of like it if the Tiger had both that AND Clout, so I think what we ended up with was the Tiger's thing is related to Confidence. High confidence, you get Clout, low confidence, you get Stealth. You CAN figure out how to access both, but it can take awhile. Cause, also, you know, a Tiger's whole THING is that it's camouflaged, invisible in its environment, until suddenly you get slammed with several pounds of muscle, teeth and claws.

Also, if you feel that Venom is too OP, I’d institute a time limit. Like, the five minutes you have until you detransform, that's how long Venom lasts? Something like that.

also-also, I see your Snake!Chloé, and raise you Snake!Nino. )

[cherrygorilla]

Ethan's Basic Info

Name: Ethan Dombrowski

Ok, I both did and didn't struggle with coming up with potential faceclaims for Ethan. I had no idea where to even start with looking for faceclaims for him for specific decades - I just don't think that I have that broad of a knowledge of actors lol. So, instead, I've split it into actors who I think capture more of how I imagine his physical appearance to be (Heath Ledger & Johnny Depp - both mostly for the hair, let's be real haha), and actors who I think could really capture the lovably chaotic vibe he brings to the table (Matthew Lillard & Milo Manheim). Unconventional - but then again, so is he, so I think it works lmao.

Nicknames: As much as he loves to dish nicknames out to other people, he's never really been given one himself. I mean, his parents didn't even think to give him a middle name - expecting them to be creative enough to come up with a nickname was a bit of a stretch. He would get called his surname in school quite a bit (mostly if he was getting in trouble), but other than that he usually just gets 'Ethan'. If anything, I think his abundance of nicknames for others is just making up for the lack of his own. I like to think he's just waiting for the right person to come along and drop one on him though hehe.

Age: 20

Date of Birth: 4th of April (which is very helpful for him, because 4.4.44 is a ridiculously easy birthday for his pea-sized brain to remember)

Zodiac: Aries

Birthstone: Diamond

Nationality: American and Polish

Sexuality: He doesn't care about labels - he'll sleep with anyone that breathes in his direction...within reason lmao

Birthplace: A rusty trailer home in Tallahassee, Florida

Current Residence: A slightly less rusty trailer home in St Petersburg, Florida

Occupation: Production Assistant and Sound Engineer in the TV & film industry, and the entertainment coordinator for a local bar. He's also (according to Mick) a professional idiot.

Talents/Skills: Playing the guitar, flipping beer mats, putting together flat-pack furniture (because he's the monkey they apparently wrote the instructions for - Miles' words, not mine), doing god-awful impressions, giving inanimate objects personalities, and, despite his deep-rooted clumsiness, he's pretty good on a skateboard.

Birth Order: Youngest of two

Siblings: His older sister, Billie (27)

Parents: Dominik Alfred Dombrowski (deceased) & Nadia Ruth Dombrowski

New Family: Hendrix, his rescue dog, and the closest thing he thinks he'll ever get to a stable family unit. He says he's a black lab for ease, but he only looks like a black lab if you squint and tilt your head; in reality, he's a mutt that the rescue shelter couldn't even pin down to any particular breed - that's part of what made Ethan so drawn to him though: they're both as misunderstood in the world as each other. In terms of human family though, his aunt (Janis) and uncle (Ford) took him in after everything went to shit with his parents - and although he doesn't see much of them anymore, it's comforting to know that he does have some sort of a real support system to count on if he were to need it.

Signature:

Height: 5' 7'' (so many of the actors I picked as his faceclaims are tall, so I tried to make it work for a while, but I just couldn't - he's just got such chaotic little-shit/confident short-king energy in my mind lmao)

Eye Colour: Brown

Hair Colour: Brown

Glasses or contact lenses: He probably needs glasses, but he doesn't care enough to go get an eye test

Distinguishing features: Dimples, a burn scar on his right thumb from messing around with a lighter, a scar on his left wrist he usually hides with a bunch of bracelets/wrist bands, and a lot of really dumb tattoos.

Mannerisms: He's always fidgeting - like always. It doesn't matter if it's with a paper straw wrapper, the end of one of his many wristbands, or the piece of skin next to his nail - he'll even bounce his leg if it comes down to it; he just always needs to be moving in some capacity. He's pretty intense with holding eye contact in conversations too (despite them being half-closed 90% of the time) - and the concept of personal space is totally lost on him.

Health: Mild insomnia and depression. His drug habits also aren't the healthiest, but it's not like he's gonna go to get himself checked out; what he doesn't know can't hurt him.

Hobbies: Playing the guitar (what he spends the majority of his free time doing), walking Hendrix, making terrible decisions, dragging Miles into those terrible decisions (either to join in, or get him out of trouble), napping anywhere and everywhere, collecting cool lighters, smoking weed, getting spontaneous tattoos, thrifting bizarre items of clothing, eating Mexican food, and losing himself in an album for 45 minutes. and annoying the shit out of Mick

Greatest flaw (in their opinion): Probably his lack of drive. Whilst how laidback and carefree he is about life can be a great thing most of the time, it does make him feel kind of empty sometimes not having a goal to reach, or some kind of direction he wants to take his life in. Yeah, it makes life a lot less stressful just living it day to day - not having any responsibilities, or commitments to obsess over - but without any sense of ambition it can start to feel a little…pointless, I guess. 

Best quality (in their opinion): His ability to find the fun in any situation. He was dealt a pretty shitty hand in life, but he's never let it get him down. Sure, he may not always cope with it in the healthiest way, but he is coping - thriving, in fact. He floats through life without a care in the world, and will happily toss a pool noodle to anyone that needs one so they can join him. He's optimistic, and authentic, and downright stupid sometimes, but it's those qualities that help people see the bright side in hopeless situations; he draws the fun to the surface, and helps you focus on the simple joys life has to offer, without letting the weight of your troubles drag you down.

Biggest fear: Clowns are his big one - and always the answer if anyone asks. But if he's being totally honest (which is almost never when it comes to serious stuff like this), then it's ending up like his parents. He has a handful of fond memories of his family growing up - his older sister probably has more since she was around for more of the good years - but his unplanned arrival stretched the family's already tight budget razor thin, and it didn't take long for things to go to shit as a result. His dad never had a particularly strong resolve (something he's paranoid about having inherited), and so when things got hard, his already established relationship with drugs became less casual, and more heavily reliant. When the tamer stuff didn't cut it anymore, he turned to the harder stuff, and when the harder stuff stopped helping him feel better - he stopped feeling anything at all. Ethan's mom took her husband's accidental overdose hard, but she found being a single mother even harder. And whilst Ethan knew she was struggling, he's still struggling to forgive her for shutting down on her kids in the way she did. Yeah, fine, lose your job and sleep on the couch all day, ignore your children for days on end - whatever you needed to do to get by - but go out to get your latest fix and go down for 15 years for manslaughter? …That's asking a lot. Like it was mentioned earlier, with his parents out of the picture, his aunt and uncle took him and his sister in, and whilst they might not be the greatest role models themselves in terms of addictive vices, they at least showed him how to open his mind in a safe, supervised environment. Yes, numbing his brain to keep out the bad thoughts is an unhealthy coping mechanism, but it's also beautifully freeing - and there's a lot of fun to be had if you know what's safe and what kind of high you're looking for (which, thanks to his aunt's guidance, he always does). He has a great set of friends keeping him on the straight and narrow now, and his lawyer sister clearly turned her equally shitty hand in life around, but that nagging paranoia about screwing his life up like his old folks did still haunts his thoughts in the wee hours of the morning when he can't get his brain to fall asleep… But that's way too deep and depressing, so he'll stick with clowns - or Miles telling him he's found a new best friend 😢

Hogwarts House: Gryffindor (it was between that or Hufflepuff, but I think he's too recklesss and overbearing to be a Hufflepuff haha)

Favourite Ice Cream Flavour: Cookies 'n Cream

Favourite Colour: Green - but he can be very easily swayed; he thinks they're all fun

Favourite Number: 420 babyyyyy 😎🍃🔥💨🤪💯

Favourite Movie: Wayne's World or the live action Scooby Doo - but his Wet Side Story universe pick would be A Bucket of Blood

Favourite Songs: Ok, this is a really tough category for him, because he has a very deep appreciation for a very broad spectrum of music genres. But, a (slightly) narrowed down list would probably look something like: Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen, Creep by Radiohead, Enter Sandman by Metallica, Hotel California by the Eagles, Vienna by Billy Joel, Does Your Mother Know by ABBA, Happy Together by The Turtles, Life Is A Highway by Rascal Flatts, Fight For Your Right by the Beastie Boys, The Muppet Show theme song & Hurricane by Bridgit Mendler

A place they want to visit: Niagara Falls - purely because he wants a souvenir t-shirt

[red-dyed-sarumane]

marshall maximizer is a series song right. i think thats the only one ive listened to (yet), un:c did a good cover of it ...... what are ur thoughts on it whats it about . kicking my legs in the air

YES YES MARSHALL MAXIMIZER IS A SERIES SONG. theres so much going on in it u have no idea yes the song fucks verily but holy shit is it so important to the story.

okay so i think i need to give like. a quick reminder of the story here right. so u have "a certain world" & basically these people onset the destruction of said world such that it basically crumbles to pieces & then disappears. tragic. okay. but theres a catch. they get more than one chance to try. when one iteration of the world ends instead of really dying they kind of just. wake up in a new version. the world's still going to end in the day, but they get another chance to try and save it. the only real thing about it is any given person still has to have sight of their own goals or they aren't allowed to wake up next time & they disappear as well. this is, in the original song and afterwords referred as as being a "person" and having "one's self" or not having your self & being a "thing".

marshall maximizer is the explanation of this phenomenon (the later song laboratory being the demonstration of this concept btw to build off what this song says) among other things.

ill get to the lyrics in a second but the thing that always gets me about this song is the text in the middle of the video that's a conversation between two people. idk how to even go about this i just want to quote the whole thing at u. the beginning of its the narrator (perhaps not the same one as the lyrics but i cant prove or disprove this) trying to figure out the whole thing and the person working with them- referred to as "doctor"- basically says choosing who u are is an impossibility and if u cant prove ur alive of ur own volition then u arent even truly "alive" & won't have a place in heaven or hell. the narrator then asks the doctor to prove if he's alive for himself to which he doesnt answer and the narrator goes "Doctor, you have the appearance of a human. But, what of the possibility you're a 'thing' someone created?" to which the doctor answers "and if im not a 'person'?" and the narrator continues "Just as an example. Doctor, you said 'I chose this job in order to go to heaven.' And the reason you stay here is because 'if i can go to heaven, then it's fine to die,' right?" after this the doctor still cant give a solid answer and when the narrator looks for him again, he's disappeared entirely. which is nearly one to one with what the girls in the songs are going through. the doctor wasnt really doing it for himself he was doing it simply to achieve an end, with no real strong desire or goal along the way, which essentially turns him into a mere tool or 'thing' to achieve that end. much like the girls in the songs; they have to have something in it for themselves or they're a mere "thing" to be used, and at that point they'll disappear entirely.

theres also flashing text of 2 kanji words at the end that are a lot less profound but do give some insight on the series. the terms are broken up a series of three question marks & im willing to bet its describing the timelines in the story. the first 5 words regarding observing the failures of the past, the next 11 dealing more with what sounds like the more modern songs & all the confusion & rash decisions bringing them to their end, and then the last 15 words possibly being from the sort of future or at the very least whatever point in time the first song takes place in as it seems to lineup the most with shoushitsu itself. but its not like its as important to this song's understanding as the mini novel in the middle is.

so whats up with the lyrics then. as u can guess its not as fun as the song sounds. theres a lot of mentions of experiments in this song & ive seen people say its like the demon core thing irl, but i need u to understand the while series been talking about science experiments the whole time. like. all of aru sekai shoushitsu is talking about it, kyuuyaku is talking about it, shuuen touhikou is to some extent talking about it, oumen is, apoptosis is, etc etc this is just par for the course okay, but it does show maximizer in particular does have direct influence on experiments being performed or at least attempted. she is pretty casual about how she talks about it btw the character in this song gives me a very easy going type of vibe with how she talks which is probably why the song itself is the way it is and not like something that fills u with dread the entire time. though i would argue parts of the instrumental do sound like theres a bit of weight in them and its not ALL party time vibes.

one thing i do want to point out in regards to both the lyrics and the people vs thing topic, are the lines "ki ga kuruu HITO no furi wo shiteiru KIMI wo miteiru" (observing You pretending to be a Person gone mad) and "ki ga kuruu HITO no mane wo shiteiru KIMI e" (to You who's imitating a person gone mad) where both the words for person and you are in katakana drawing emphasis to it as well as mirroring how the "people' vs "thing" is written in both the background texts & previous songs. which is to say the narrator here is very aware of this other person not actually being a person. the implications here that since its "pretending to be a person" the "you" is a…. perhaps less direct way of calling out that its a "thing" or in completely transparent terms, is a person not acting on their own will and doomed to disappear. similar to this is the most recognizable lyrics in this song the "tabete sugu nete ushi ni naru/ okite mata nete hito de nashi?"(eating, falling right asleep, becoming a cow/ waking up, sleeping again, is that so inhuman?) is also calling on that "person" aspect, although not as strongly as hito uses the kanji this time rather than katakana. in any case she's still making the claim that despite all the horrors going on she's still acting as she pleases so she should still count as a person……right?(spoilers she does)(this isnt really spoilers because its told to u by the fact the nami no ne no motif is in the song) but it DOES show she's a little worried about it. not enough to full out panic but she sees other people no longer counting as people it makes sense she's going to worry about herself.

likewise the lines in the chorus "nante koto da! shindeshimau!"(what the hell is this! we'll die!" is much more likely referring to the fact if they arent "people" they disappear and are REALLY dead & is kind of worrying over that. like the line later what the hell is this! we'll live! is not really rejoicing at a percieved break in the case so much as realizing she DOES have her own goals in it and she's not about to disappear just yet.

and then of course i cannot overlook that this is also Sunk Cost Fallacy:The Song. the whole "sunk coster, sunk costess! 'i want to return to the isotope we had at the end!' 'we're falling to the worst of hell! falling!' but a dazzling unbalance diverged farway!" like on top of all of this she's still going to run the experiments that are risking her literal self to whatever extent that she invests herself in them. she cant give up yet. they've put so much into trying to correct this disaster, lost so many people, endured so much trauma, even when continuing is a sin, there's no other option but to continue at this point. even when they know it's pointless, even when they can see (to take imagery from kanon) the scales have been upset & the outcome will never be good, theres no other option.

theres a bit more to it but that requires getting sources from other songs & its not overly huge details its probably fine to leave them out for now this is long enough as is. one thing i do want to mention is its one of the side songs(songs that are not directly linked to aru sekai shoushitsu itself/not one of the kanji songs that links to certain lyrics in it) that has alliteration in the title (ma ma) as a way of keeping with the "repeating fractals" theme in the series. which to me implies this situation is not particularly unique to this character as some other songs are (oumen especially, touhikou, ashura, etc)(apoptosis i have an argument to make about but thats another topic entirely) and while maybe not 1:1 it can also be applied to other chara's experiences, or maybe implies its happened at other parts of the timeline as well. which makes sense since its common knowledge among the charas that some people are not "people" anymore so yeah i can imagine them keeping watch on coworkers they think are losing or have lost their selves. that doesnt make maximizer a general song though this is still VERY MUCH a subjective song from a particular chara's perspective & leaves things out & emphasizes others accordingly.

anyway my opinion on this song is that its VERY good and VERY important to get a good look at the story. the instrumental behind the tabete sugu nete ushi ni naru parts scratches my brain & the inclusion of the series "this chara lives" motif drives me insane.10000/10 everyone should like this song.

[rhaaclaws]

How I go about making [Original] character playlists

someone in a server asked for some help on making OC playlists and I made a think piece basically on how I do it and realized this could help people outside the server so 👍

This is a long post, 1.6k words so it's under a read more.

for character playlists, I make a Venn diagram of like

“Would this character listen to this song vs does this character Actually listen to this genre vs what story is this song telling”

If a song is important to a character/influenced a lot in their making absolutely add it in

that's very obvious but ummm let me use an example song

ok this one. I'm gonna be relating it to Nikki's playlist since it's on there

Would this character listen to this song? Nikki has a darker aesthetic with a lot of gothic influences, both in how they act, dress, and decorate their own house. in this case, Nikki Would listen to this song because it has that general 'dark' theme 

Does this character actually listen to this genre? while Nikki has been around for 500ish years, they do listen to modern music and also prefer longer pieces. Nikki does listen to gothic music as they frequent lots of clubs that would play stuff like this. Also, she's canonically a type o negative fan

What story is this song telling? obvs this depends on your interpretation of the song and how this could relate to the character since lalala whole analysis thing I'm not gonna get into. but its generally about a (vampire) woman on Halloween/eve and just how she is. also the whole "loving you was like loving the dead'' thing that relates to another character I'm not gonna mention

The last part that I forgot to talk about but kinda goes into the last one: could you relate this song to that character and have it make sense? both in how it sounds and in lyrics. bc I've found songs that lyrically fit someone Perfectly but then it sounds like shit or it just doesn't fit the character

like ex: Disturbia by Rhianna with Chimera

sound wise it's not like the rest of its playlist but I do have my reason for putting it on there: lyrics that they relate to and because her best friend listens to pop music and would show her this sort of stuff.

I try to have a general Sound for a playlist but obvs there are some outliers 👍

Unfortunately, some songs fit a character really well but they wouldn't exactly listen to it/does nottt fit the general theme of their playlist

example: ayumu's playlist. it has a lot of just Glam music and it features mostly van halen, judas priest, kiss, etc just stuff like that 

there's one song, somewhat damaged by Nine Inch Nails, that fits him exceptionally well in terms of lyrics that relate to his backstory and how it's a slow progression with a climax at the very end. but I don’t have it on there because sound wise it would stick out like a sore thumb

Of course, not everyone is gonna have One Set Genre and Sound

and some characters I focus more on different categories

Ex1: Dani's playlist is fully made up of what he listens to and I did that on purpose because she's a character who is veryyyy focused on music [specifically metal] and also one who Makes music in canon. so I focused more on the sound aspect and what he actually listens to but still tried to vaguely match the lyrics to her backstory [and unsurprisingly, a lot of them are about anger in one way or another. while Dani isn't an angry person anymore, she still goes back to it since its an outlet] 

Ex2: going back to Nikki's playlist, it's made up of 3 parts. 

In the first part, the thing I focused on the most was How people perceive her/how she wants to be perceived. so I tried to go for more 'seductive' songs and also tried to keep a general darker sound. 

The second part is stuff that relates to her past/highly personal aspects, which is why its more hidden within, and probably wouldn't notice it if you quickly scrolled; in this one, I stuck to lyrics [and it mostly lined up to what Nikki listens to since their top modern band is Depeche Mode all the way through and for good reason]. 

The third part is made up of instrumentals, mostly classical music bc well this is what Nikki listened to for most of her life, so I wanted to reflect on it a bit. so here my biggest focus was Sound and trying to fit her theme

Ex3: Andros' playlist

while I of course tried to have a general sound, I purely focused on lore. the order of each song on here is purposeful because it's meant to tell his entire life story within a playlist. kinda hard to talk about it minimally because the only other way is literally sending that director's cut document I have explaining each song and why it's on there in that placement

this was the hardest route imo for a character playlist since its Hard to find stuff that relates to specific experiences, but it's very worth it if you have a character you have a full-on story for 👍

now for actually finding music

One of the first things I figure out when making a character is "If they had a character theme what would it sound like" and/or what bands/genre do they listen to

When I have a theme I usually go off on what I already know and try to see "ok what artist comes up the most for this" and then go to their discography or similar bands [ill send my fav resource for it in a sec]

if you already have a stand name/namesake though, try to stick to that [you don’t have to but its a base you can use]

Here’s my thought process using all that to make a playlist, with our playlist of choice being Jing’s.

Their stand is called I Talk To The Wind, which is a song made by king crimson. so my first thoughts were "ok I’m gonna go through their songs and see what's similar/what I could put on this" and I really only felt like putting Moonchild up next. 

next, I was like “ok what's the theme of this character”. The first thing I came up about them was being able to see ghosts so "ok I’m gonna find songs that relate to death, ghosts, and just that general theme" So now I got came back haunted, ghosting, La Mer, I'm looking forward to joining you finally, Bela Lugosi's dead, Otherside, and (don't fear) the reaper. for sounds, I also went on this Halloween ambient noise playlist and added Laila pt1, black venom, and scary spirits

ok, what would they listen to? well, I know that their fav bands are King Crimson, but i also want to add in New Order and someee Bauhaus. so I put in ceremony, procession, burn, etc

and now lore stuff. how do these lyrics relate to their character/what would it mean to them? this usually requires some general lore in hand but you can just listen to songs and be like. hm. it'd be interesting to make this relate to a character so then you go off that. on this category I added: new feeling, macro, introspectre, i get wild/ wild gravity, and who is she ?

obvs your thought process depends on your character and the music you already know

I am insane because I am constantly playing music or otherwise I’d die so I have a lottttttt of music in my mind catalog basically so I usually go off on that

if you want to know more songs and such or know a character would listen to this genre that you're nottt super familiar with here's what i do

try searching for general terms so you pull up playlists on spotify

if you have a song already you can put that bad boy in something like spotalike or any alternative you like

thissss beautiful website https://everynoise.com/

every noise at once lets you scroll through basically every single genre ever and if you click on it you get bands that are part of that genre

something you can also do is use the find artist search engine and see what genres they belong to so you can find similar stuff

obvs theyre not exact butttttt

say i wanna look in the industrial rock genre. if i double-click on it i get to this page

you can use the scan button at the top to get a general sense of the artist [since you egt a sample] and you can go in deep into an artist's discography

i used that website a lotttttttt for tyhis one playlist that is purely sound based/what this character would listen to 100%

but yeah this is my general process on making a character playlist 👍 I’m veryyyy thorough with it and you can literally ask me about any song on any character playlist and i can tell you exactly why i put it on there

is it a little excessive? sure but this is my way of doing it

[crazylittlejester]

DAILY BRAINROT

My brain has started associating daily brainrot with getting ready to do homework, so now you're officially a part of my getting ready to do homework routine.

Going to try out color-coding the different topics, because I have a lot of ideas and my ADHD is acting up. (I promise I took my meds, it's just One of Those Days.)

I started working on a oneshot that's basically "what if I dumped a bunch of magical, spooky cryptid stuff in here" in response to a prompt from a writing group meeting. I don't really have any plot for it, but I do have a bit of worldbuilding stuff and a very long description of a house.

So it's another Hyrule-centric story featuring fae!Hyrule, except they're all kind of fae/cryptids. Supernatural, I suppose, is a more accurate description. I don't really have a good idea of what everyone will be, but there's going to be shape-shifters and ghosts and lots of creepy vibes because I'm shooting for the unsettling feeling that you get when you're afraid that the red eyes you see in the cornfield belong to something much more horrifying than a barn cat.

I think the term I'm looking for is gothic Midwest horror. Here's a link to the aesthetics wiki's entry on the topic in case you're curious.

Changing topics, I have what is probably too many ideas in my "LU Fanfiction Ideas" file in my notes app, so I'm thinking that maybe, once I've gotten some of my WIPs cleaned up and posted I could try doing some kind of ask game or tag game with them sort of like the WIP ask game that's still sort of circulating. I'd just make a list of the ideas and either write onshots/minifics for asks or have one of the tagged people pick what I work on. I'm not sure yet, mostly because I don't know if people would be interested and which one they'd prefer because I'm a bit too shy to just... toss it out into the fandom tag like that.

Time is still fighting me. It's taking longer than expected because every time I feel like I'm making progress something gets in the way. I really want to get his piece done because it establishes his plotline in the Emotional Support Loftwing series, and is supposed to be the accompaniment to a second piece that's probably from Warriors' point of view.

As a side note to that, I'm very excited to actually get around to that accompaniment because I get to write a whole bit about Sky's house on the Surface. (The town is called New Town and I love it.)

COLOR CODING. I FUCKING LOVE YOU. It makes it so easy to read oh my god (I keep forgetting to take my ADHD meds… it’s been weeks- whoops-)

THAT SOUNDS AWESOME, and don’t worry I’m very familiar with midwest horror shit. I come from the cornfields I’m one of the beasts that roam them at 4 am /hj

ooooooh that’d be cool!! I’m super interested, i can’t wait to see whichever one you decide on :)

I totally feel the ‘every time i feel like im making progress something gets in the way’ thing, I’m going through that rn with a fic. ALSO I LOVE THE TOWN.

(losing my mind over the color coding shit its so good for my little brain)

THANK YOU FOR THE BRAINROT :3

[unrivalling]

LRB - One of the most helpful English classes I ever had, which was a community college class I took as a high school student, taught about rhetoric and used Marc Antony’s speech from Will Shakes’ Julius Caesar to do it.

With the right lens and rhetoric/spin, it’s possible to make almost anything sound good or bad.

I feel like we’ve all seen this play out in real time with the Tumblr discourse cycle where a piece of media is thought of as progressive one day and then considered irredeemably conservative the next, or even the reverse. From what I have noticed, this is rarely about the political motivations of the text itself at the time it was written, but the lens just changes.

We also looked at news articles from different organizations and focused on the terms they used (this was well before the current widespread backlash against mass media’s use of passive language for cops and war crimes, too).

But also a lot of the shit you see in fandom, a lot of the wank, is basically pure rhetoric, and I think it’s important to be able to spot the way information can be flavored or spun regardless of your beliefs about what fandom, art, or writing should be.

It’s also not inherently bad!! I think we all do it to a certain extent, and along with being able to spot it, I think rhetorical skills are necessary for almost any kind of persuasion. Its presence also doesn’t necessarily mean the content is incorrect or the conclusion is wrong.

Anyway whenever I see an argument that feels Very smartly spun in one direction or another (particularly about something as subjective as fiction), I think about that Marc Antony speech.

[msm-tsotmw]

/ooc (but special this time)

I AM GOING TO FUCKING INFODUMP ABOUT THE CREW!!! YEAAAAAAH!!!!

(me spouting shit under cut, also user @paidexp come get yo food 😎)

Sprigg does not consider themselves a nerd, despite fitting under literally everything that makes one a nerd. They were also probably bullied in high school. Poor nerd intellectual being.

Toorie is not only the tallest in her friend group, but also the second-strongest. She can carry Mondo over her shoulder like a fucking potato sack.

Mondo is… actually fairly strong for Mammott standards. They’re able to lift things like couches and all of his laundry, but he isn’t really that strong compared to their sister.

Mauna is not only fluent in translating cryptic Monster World messages, but can speak many Human World languages as well! That means she doesn’t fall for any “keys cow in Tagalog” jokes. (I won’t fall for those either.)

Flitz is terrible at keeping secrets. Expect that to play a part in whenever Mondo and Toorie become a thing.

Jeeo has been mistaken for a Jeeode multiple times in the past. You can’t blame his parents for naming him “Awdajeeo,” which is supposed to sound like the musical term “adagio.”

Sprigg, as I’ve probably said a few posts ago, is aroace. They DO secretly read romance novels when nobody else is around, though. honestly same, I brainrot over ships and make shit up about them while being an aroace myself-

Toorie is not only bi, but also trans! Her friends and family have been very supportive of it ever since she came out.

Mondo is also bi and trans! Many of his friends don’t really know that, though, because he Became Boy before they met Toorie and Sprigg.

Mauna is a lesbian, as evident by her relationship with Moperetta! Everyone she knows is super supportive of this.

Jeeo is gay! He hasn’t had any relationships in his entire life, though. damn nobody want him fr 😭😭😭

Flitz is pan! She’s had crushes on MANY Monsters before, but has eventually gotten over them. She might get another one sooner or later though hehe!!

Sprigg probably had a My Little Pony phase. I have no idea what the TSotMW equivalent to My Little Pony would be, though-

Mauna is allergic to tree sap. Good thing that amber is made of tree resin, which is actually different from sap!

Flitz can hit notes higher than Ariana Grande or Mariah Carey. She once accidentally broke every single piece of glass on Air Island while singing what Monsters call the “Human World Yay Song.” You probably know what they’re talking about… iiiiiii don’t want a lOt-

Jeeo isn’t scared of any bug or arachnid; he sees all of them as friends! He’d get fatally stung by a fucking scorpion and go “ah, friends have their arguments!” and then heal in like 5 seconds. He’s literally Scaratar and Loodvigg’s son, of course he’s slightly overpowered.

Sprigg is a MASTER roaster, actually. If there’s a Monster that they aren’t really fond of… well, fuck. Prepare to get microwaved for about 6,000,000,000 minutes, if that’s even possible-

Mondo can snowboard very well! He’s also decent at skateboarding, but doesn’t get to do it much since Cold Island’s paths are slippery and someone could get hurt while skateboarding on one.

Mauna and Toorie are the only ones who know how—and are allowed to—to cook. Sprigg would spend too long measuring all the ingredients, Mondo is banned from the kitchen, Flitz is terrified of the stove, and Jeeo would probably poison some of the ingredients by accident.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

aaaaaand that’s basically it!! I’ll probably come up w/ some new stuff another time, but I hope you liked reading me being silly about these fuckheads :>

-Mod Jimmy 🗣️

[donnerpartyofone]

Due to my various disorders I often feel like I am living the same day over and over and over again. This effect is created by any combination of A) my inability to learn something, B) my inability to form new habits, C) my lack of awareness/memory of something I did, and D) my failure to execute on something I keep meaning to do--along with my basic inability to just fucking pick my battles and let some shit go--but lately the Groundhog Day experience has been dialed up to 11 and this exacerbation is definitely compounded by problems of enshitification.

Like a few times a week for the last several weeks, I remembered something--a fact, a piece of media, an excerpt from a book, something I personally wrote, etc--that I wanted to reference or revisit. In most instances Item X is something that I gave a lot of thought to, and perhaps something that I actively researched or workshopped; it's almost never just something that I passively absorbed then half-forgot. I may remember everything about it, and everything about the time when I was working on it, and I just need the citation...and now there is no evidence of it at all, anywhere. I look for traces of Item X everywhere I can think of: I'm sure I talked to Person Y about it, I'm sure I took a screencap and sent it to Person Z, I posted about it. My phone won't find it, it's not in my email; am I using the wrong search term? Or misspelling something? Or did I delete it by accident? Or is the actual search function I'm using just finicky? Or did I send the screencap without verbalizing what it was and just saying like "Dude check this out!"? Even though I know what's going to happen, I search for Item X on my Tumblr. What usually happens is that Tumblr gives me like 3-5 results it has deigned to index that are NOT the one I want; you'd think that this is a "numbers game" and that eventually the thing I want would be in the indexed set just by coincidence, but it NEVER IS. Like how am I so strangely lucky to have this perfect consistency? It seems impossible! Then I try using the syntax I learned to search my blog via Google, and this also never works. It doesn't work on Duck Duck Go either, although it's interesting to me that each search engines gives me different undesirable output. I search my computer and my external drives, but Windows 11 makes it very hard for my dumb ass to distinguish between searches of my local machinery and searches of OneDrive which is incomplete and which I prefer to never use because I hate the feeling that I'm renting my own files from somebody else and I just like to know where the fuck my shit is--I don't even like to use the coat rack in an office, I want all my shit where I can see it--so when my computer says "No Results" I have absolutely no confidence that I'm getting a full account of the facts.

........................................so now I'm back at square one, repeating the same agonizing detective work I slogged through the last time I referenced Item X, only now it's worse, because Tumblr is worse, and Google is worse, and possibly I have been subconsciously sabotaging myself between last time and this time to make all my own systems and tools worse. And I HATE that I'm wasting this amount of time and energy--two things I don't have a lot of!--but if I don't do it my broken mind is going to torture me more and more with each passing second of inaction, so I am FORCED to do this by reason of insanity.

The thing I'm trying to look up now, PLEASE TELL ME IF THIS SOUNDS FAMILIAR, is what I THINK is an excerpt from a piece by Rainer Maria Rilke in which he says SOMETHING LIKE:

"Jesus is pointing to God, but like dogs, we look only at the finger."

I remember what a hard time I had finding this before. After a long drawn-out process of testing different search terms, I found it in a Google Books preview of a page from I THOUGHT BUT APPARENTLY AM WRONG?! Letters to a Young Poet. Now I'm trying that again and finding No Results for "jesus" or "finger". So maybe like, Letters was the last thing I looked up before I found the correct volume OR the correct author, and that's the last thing my brain recorded on this topic. Or maybe I'm looking at the wrong edition with incomplete previews on Google Books. I don't fucking know. But the reason I want so badly to cite this now is that it has relevance to the Aaron Bushnell conversation.

I'm feeling really bad about the fact that Aaron Bushnell's desire to underline the Palestinian genocide has had the almost exclusive result of underlining the actions of Aaron Bushnell. And before you get excited to talk to me about that, I must be very clear that this is exactly what I don't want to talk about. I understand the discourse. I have my own strong opinions about his suicide and what it means, and what are the right and wrong ways to talk about it. Whatever aspect of this you are itching to bring up, including the buried reports of previous self-immolations, I promise I am aware of them. I'm not saying that these conversations don't matter. I am just deeply concerned that energy that was once fully devoted to protest is now being shoaled into this ideological cul-de-sac about Aaron Bushnell specifically. This happens on the left all the fucking time and it's exhausting and disheartening. The right seems to stay congealed in a big blob of generalized solidarity, furthering its broad-strokes agendas persistently, while the left gets mired in theory and semantics and purity testing and academics and all this stuff that, while it is very stimulating, has no measurable effect on our rights, our safety, or our efficacy. Or rather, if it does have an effect, it's to drain our resources and destroy our focus and, at worst, "help the enemy".

So while it may be easier and more immediately satisfying to bicker with each other about Aaron Bushnell than it is to wrap one's mind around the enormity of genocide and the incredible imbalance of power that perpetuates it, I really don't think this particular bit of discourse is actually helping anyone. If you're one of the people who is trying to think of this in terms of "what Aaron Bushnell would have wanted", I think it's a good bet that he didn't want people to stop talking about Palestine and start talking about him alone. Don't look at the finger, look where it's pointing.

And for God's sake if you recognize the approximate quote I'm struggling to fully recall PLEASE DM ME.

[kylejsugarman]

hi syd! you mentioned that you’ve won several writing contests (as if that isn’t already obvious from your fics) and i was wondering if you have any tips? finding a good contest, meeting the deadline, catering your submission to the contest and judges, etc? i’m a young writer hoping to win some contests, for scholarship money, college apps, and just. yknow for fun. but i also have adhd, and i have a really hard time finishing projects and meeting deadlines and i guess i was wondering if you have advice for that as another writer with adhd

hey!! so in terms of finding contests, even just researching "writing contests for high schoolers" (im guessing ur in high school based on u saying "college apps", i do not mean high schooler in like a derogatory sense) can usually take u to some helpful directories!! there are a lot of sites these days that will compile contests and applications that u can navigate by deadline/rules. looking to see if institutions in ur city, county, or state offer writing contests is also super helpful: a lot of colleges, professional schools, hospitals, organizations, etc. have these contests and it always looks good if u engage with institutions that are (somewhat) local!! im a really bad source of advice for reaching deadlines because writing is actually the one thing that i dont have trouble meeting deadlines for, but only because when i write something, i write it all at once. this usually means i only write that first draft (which isn't my Advice dfghdfgh), but it also means getting the Hard part over. ur going to feel compelled to like line-by-line write something perfect that everyone will love, but its important to write down Something as soon as possible because there is always time to go back and change things. dont write it with the judges in mind, don't think about like someone hyper-analyzing every word when ur writing things down.

speaking of judges, u do not have to cater ur writing specifically to them, but there are key things to drop in that can improve ur chances. if u are writing for a contest sponsored by a specific entity or associated with a specific institution, u need to do some research and weft some acknowledgement and appreciation into ur writing even if u do not give a fuck about it. try to flip ur prompt on its head. question the prompt in the first line. get meta about it. write about u contemplating the prompt, contemplating ur essay. writing from a different perspective, questioning the prompt, drawing from ur experiences and being vulnerable (people LOVE when u say shit like "i learned that i did not have all the answers. my strength came from asking others for help") will catch their attention and make u stand out. don't be afraid to put a personal flourish in it just because u might not sound Super Professional And Academic. ur trying to make urself stand out and u need to show that through self reflection, dissection of what ur being asked, interrogating ur own experience and bringing that to the table.

so this is kind of vague and basic but my main pieces of advice are find competitions that relate back to ur identity or location or future aspirations, literally just write down whatever comes to mind and do not worry about it being judged when ur working on it, and put urself in ur writing. i know this isnt super helpful, so if u ever want to come off anon and dm me for more help, editing, etc., please dont hesitate!! writing is a really powerful tool and a REALLY good skill to have

[zjpg]

idk if this is trauma-dumping. it might be so this is your warning ig lol. (mentions of weight (a lot), death, being left out, mean friends? idk it’s a lot i’m just ranting.)

EDIT. THIS IS ACTUALLY A LOT OF TRAUMA DUMPING AND TURNED OUT TO BE LONGER THAN EXPECTED I NEEDED TO LET SOME SHIT OUT.

idk why but i kinda realized that my personality is solely based off of my friends. like. idk. and i don’t necessarily enjoy my personality. i feel like i’m mean, annoying etc. and i think i realized this when i stayed away from my friends for a while. i went and loved with my grandparents for a while and i have like a completely different personality.

i just try to match my friend’s personality, or maybe it whoever i’m talking to or hanging out with. cause i’m hanging out with different friends today and tm and i feel different.

i love my friends. but sometimes i just want to be treated and perceived differently. idk i think it’s why i’ve been trying to shift and why i write fanfic. i kinda always dreamed of this main character persona ig. because idk if anyone knows this but i am overweight. i think on the bmi scale i’m borderline obese (which tbf the bmi scale is a piece of shit tbh - coming from someone who to a medical class for the last two years)

but yeah i’ve never been the skinny pretty friend. if you’ve ever heard the song “fat funny friend” that was basically me throughout my school years tbh. and in elem and middle school i had some friends that definitely gave me trauma because of how they treated me.

now my current friends are just kinda mean, maybe it’s more of one specific friend who i’ve had trouble with in the past. idk around her i can never just feel good about myself. and it’s clear that since i’ve last seen her, her values have changed. and idk it’s kinda hard to come to terms with that because we’ve been best friends for so long. i spent the entire pandemic with her (we literally lived together tbh. like if she wasn’t at my house i was at her and we couldn’t survive 24 hours without each other)

again it’s just sad to feel like i’m less than. esp having like, she struggles with her body image too. which i feel like most people do and that’s okay, and she is skinnier and i feel like if most people would see her they would compliment her for her body. nonetheless it’s very normal and acceptable for her to dislike her body. sadly it’s normal at least (because of unrealistic beauty standards) however. whenever she’s around me and our other friend (who’s smaller than me but still considered plus-mid-size? which we have talked about together many times because can understand each others struggles) anyway the first friend will always make comments like “i feel/look morbidly obese” “i look fat” etc. and again it’s valid to feel that way but at the same time when i (again borderline obese) look at myself and then her and she says that. i literally wanna crawl in a whole and never show myself to the human eye again

idk if that makes me sound like a bitch or selfish. but she knows i’m bigger, we’ve talked about it before. and when our other who (who has been working out and trying to better herself and her health) sent results of her past few months of working out, proud of herself. friend 1 came in sending a body pic of herself in workout clothes says she looks fat and i got so she has to go work out (or something like that) and that’s upsetting to us but especially friend 2 because she is just trying to be happy about her body but then friend 1 comes in and says that her body isn’t enough and she has to work out even tho her body compared to mine and friend 2 is amazing

and i don’t wanna sound like she can’t have insecurities or she can’t talk to us about her insecurities. she can. we always do (friend 2 and i) but i hate the way she (friend 1) talks about weight. and like. another thing. whenever someone annoys her or makes her mad she calls them fat. usually along the lines of “fat bitch” “fat ugly bitch” and she makes fun of their bodies. even if they have the most perfect body. and ofc with years of friendship, we’ve had times where we didn’t get along and when we were pissed at each other. so it makes me wonder what she has said about my body behind my back.

there was a time kinda recently where i got drunk and friend 2’s party and because of some event with friend 1 that happened in the earlier evening. i said some shit. i was black out drunk tbh, i don’t remember anything. but i remember some stuff. and i feel horrible for saying it. but when friend 1 and i talked about she was like. kinda being mean. which i completely understand. but she wasn’t letting me get my point across. she wasn’t hearing what i had to say. and she wasn’t validating any of my feelings that i clearly have been having for a long time (i never act like that when i’m drunk) and maybe i sound really bad here because i obviously did make a huge mistake that like still keeps me up at night even now (it’s literally 2 am). and i say there and i listened to what she said and i validated every fucking feeling she had just like i always do. but she didn’t care to listen to how i felt that night.

there’s so many instances that has happened to this one friend where she just talks and makes up excuses and demands that you validate how she feels without doing the same back. (because she’s not an angel either) there was a time where we were a group of 4 before we had a falling out with friend 3. and friend 1sts a whole group chat named “besties without lucie(me)” when all 4 of us had a gc called “besties”. and i didn’t know for months until friend 2 called me and told me everything. how they made plans without me had the gc without me. and anytime friend 2 would bring up my name friend 1 would make excuses as to why i “couldn’t come along”. i couldn’t be in their secret gc because i was “too sensitive” and her reasoning for not coming to outings was usually because i “said i was busy” (i was never asked if i wanted to hangout. i found out through snap and life 360 that they were out without me). she even used my aunts passing as an excuse as to why i couldn’t go. even tho when her grandma passed she came over to my house unannounced and me and my mom had to take care of her for days because she was so depressed.

i cried myself to sleep during those times. and because it was around christmas my mom let and my brother open gifts early in order to cheer me up and she would go out and hang out without me. and now i have such bad trust issues with not only that friend group but everyone around me. i hate being left out. i’ve always been left out like my whole life.

idk i just. i want nice people around me. i want people who validate me and my feelings and i want to be included for once in my life.