#which yeah i agree
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underfeddemonboy · 2 years ago
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I have this really weird and specific feeling I don't know where else to put or express.
So for me, about a good chunk of my food fixations, anxieties and worries are centered around timing more than anything else - calories for sure as well as amount and nutritional value, but the timing of food and consistency/frequency of it is just as vital to my ED brain as those other things are. To me, just eating very little and restricting very heavily without doing anything else would be horribly anxiety inducing because that would just bust your metabolism, wouldn't it? You'd be trapped in a cycle of eating little to nothing all the time, hitting constant plateaus for a very unsustainable weight loss that keeps yo-yoing back to higher weights. Every single time I've managed to get very underweight and stay that way has been because I managed to "hack" my metabolism by eating little, and restricting overall in my day, but making it so that my intake was spread out through the day and frequent - not eating anything for more than 3 hours gives me just as much anxiety, if not more, than eating more than 300kcals in one sitting, or eating any more than a small portion of fries. I also try to sliding scale my intake so it's proportional to how much of the day I have left - big breakfast, normal lunch, modest snack and small dinner, and the earlier I can keep all of these in my day, the better (ideal schedule would start at 8/9am, and dinner would be no later than 7pm). Only time I feel ok not keeping up a consistent intake is after dinner, which since I try to keep early I think might count as an intermittent fast?
Every single time I hear fellow ED people/friends talk about only eating once a day, trying to go without food as long as possible and putting their whole day's calorie allowance into one go, it makes me just want to start screaming "that's not how you do it!!! that's how you stay fat AND miserable, no wonder you're still at a healthy weight!!!!!!!". Of course I'd never do that - all of this stays locked firmly in my head, I'd hate to trigger someone else, push my own anxieties and paranoias onto them, or give diet tips/advice and risk making them sicker.
But still, I haven't really encountered this as much in the community? There's a lot of inherent understanding of the general fear of food, of eating at all, of certain foods, but I never hear people get as anxious about not eating and specifically metabolism
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bixels · 7 months ago
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I've been seeing some discussion about Overwatch's new characters and Kiriko on Twitter following the MHA crossover event and, as someone who's not totally in the loop of OW lore anymore, what does Kiriko... do. Like, what does she contribute to the story of Overwatch and Talon and the Omnic Crisis, how is she involved. I know she trained with the Shimada brothers when she was a wee embryo, but what's her connection to... Overwatch. Girl, what are you doing here.
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meanderingstream · 5 days ago
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Eliot at peace with being Damned
One of the things that makes Eliot hard to write for in-character (but also such an interesting character to explore) is that he believes he is damned to Hell and he is at peace with that. He has a lot of guilt, oceans of guilt, but it's not so much the tortured, anguished catholic guilt à la Nate or like, Daredevil. 
He has done monstrous, unforgivable things. But, on his own, he came to a realization of what he had done, and pulled away from that world. On his own, he left the worst person he ever worked for, and stopped using guns, and stopped killing. On his own, he switched from wetwork to retrievals. This all occurs before we ever meet him, so while there are many hints and inferences, the specifics of how that happened, how he came to those decisions, are left up to the audience’s imagination. 
Eliot wants to make the world a better place, and he works everyday with the team to help people, and he genuinely enjoys helping people and the work he does on the job. But he does not believe that he can be redeemed. (Not my own personal belief about him, but it is what he thinks). When he dies, he will go to Hell for his sins, and there is nothing that can possibly be done to change that. He doesn't need to angst over it, because it’s just a fact. It is what it is. There is no point agonizing over whether his soul can be saved, because he knows it cannot. This is both a keystone of his character, and also something he doesn't spend a lot of time thinking about day-to-day, because it’s a settled matter. 
And as much as we love Eliot the character, he has a point that lives are not tradable for equivalent exchange. If he killed a specific family 25 years ago, that was snuffing out the light and potential and future of those particular parents and children. The surviving extended family lost those particular relatives. Saving a family now does not balance that ledger, because each person is a unique life and not interchangeable for another. While I may have different beliefs about Hell and redemption than Eliot, I still want to acknowledge that he has a point. That changing now doesn't necessarily help the people he hurt in the past, and unlike Harry, he can’t work down a list of making amends, because almost all of his victims are dead. There is no atonement to the dead. 
Eliot’s redemption is in seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, and helping others get to it. Particularly the team, and particularly the pair he’s going to protect until his dying day. He will stay down there in the dark forever (he believes), but getting the others out is his redemption. 
I do not believe that Eliot will actually go to Hell when he dies, but his belief that he is damned is fundamental to who he is as a character, and he is going to believe that for the rest of his life. It can be really challenging to balance that when writing his POV, particularly when delving into events that dredge this stuff up for him (which we writers love to do because it’s so delicious). Eliot doesn’t exactly have a low self-esteem. He knows he has many skills and is exceptional at them (cooking, fighting, grifting, guitar, sports, etc). He pretty much knows his teammates love him, and care about him, and want him to stay alive for them, and spend the rest of his life with them. He has professional pride, and he will argue when he wants something. He is certainly not a doormat. However, he also believes he is fundamentally and irrevocably a bad person. Balancing between him not being too self-deprecating in normal situations / about his usefulness to the team, with his inherent belief in his own moral depravity can be a thin blade to walk without falling to one side or another. But it is also one of the biggest aspects of his psyche that makes him such a fascinating and complex character to explore.
#leverage redemption#leverage#eliot spencer#leverage meta#a lot of this is based on interviews from#christian kane#and#john rogers#Like that one time a few years ago when CK said Eliot was basically a serial killer#and the fandom had a lot of discussion about how Eliot is not a serial killer for this-this-and-this reason#And I'm like yeah#I agree with your definition of that term and that I do not think Eliot fits it#but I also think it is absolutely a thought that Eliot might feasibly have about himself#so for his actor to say that just means he is really good at his job of understanding and portraying that character#I am trying to write my own leverage fics; however I am the slowest writer in the world#but I have so many ideas and i love the#leverage ot3 so much#and L:R S3 is giving me LIFE with those 3#It's just hard to not woobify eliot with insecurity while also not erasing his self-worth issues#he is settled and at peace- but he is at peace with the fact that he evil -or maybe just unforgivable#which we see in the show and hear from the creator and the actor#And don't get me wrong- I absolutely love fics where Hardison and Parker help reassure Eliot#that he is good and he is loved and he is more than his worst actions#and ones where he dreads them finding things out about his past#because he is sure they will be disgusted and kick him out and never want anything else to do with him#but they love now-Eliot for who he has become no matter what he did in the past. And they tell him it doesn't matter#whether he deserves their love because love is not about deserving or doing enough to earn the privilege of it#They love him for the person he is now and they are never letting him go
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aroaceleovaldez · 7 months ago
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What is the PR disaster in question that made Rick announce TSATS? I wasn’t active in the online fandom at that point
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Of course! This was awhile ago so it figures people don't remember it/aren't familiar:
Basically a couple years back (2020) the fandom had some posts circulate discussing the ways different characters in the Riordanverse were written poorly or offensively. There was a masterpost that went around tumblr but the two major points people were particularly focusing on were Piper and Samirah (particularly because Piper had featured prominently again in Trials of Apollo recently and the third MCGA book had further emphasized and discussed Samirah being Muslim, since it was supposed to take place during Ramadan). Basically each had multiple posts breaking down the ways they were depicted incorrectly or offensively. The entire fandom for a little bit was VERY intensely discussing this (and it's around this time the "RR crit" tag got very popularized on tumblr - it did exist before, but suddenly was being used VERY frequently - cause it was that wide-spread - though the discussion took over basically every side of Riordaverse social media on different platforms). People really wanted Rick to respond to these criticisms, so he did!
He made two blog posts, one about Piper and one about Samirah. He has since deleted both so the links are to archived versions. The short version: he essentially tried to justify his poor research and double-down that he hadn't written them offensively, actually, people were just being mean to him. The fandom, of course, reacted poorly to this.
[Further elaborated events under the cut since this got a bit lengthy]
(Fun fact, this all happened within a month or so of the time i posted an open letter on aphobic tropes in the Riordanverse that Rick replied to, and then he immediately followed with announcing that Reyna was intended to be ace-coded [which cause a LOT of fandom debate] before Rick dipped for a couple of weeks, and then came back to post the blog posts in response to Piper and Sam stuff. So I like to jokingly refer to this as "The time I imploded the fandom/drove Rick off of twitter." Twas I that set the house ablaze.)
Rick fully left social media after this and the LT Musical social media manager became Rick's social media manager for the time being.
So this all happened June/July of 2020. Tower of Nero would end up being published in October of 2020 and a few months after that Rick would state that he was done with the series and wouldn't be writing any more series installments involving Percy, and also that he wouldn't be writing a Nico quest following Tower of Nero as it "wasn't his place to" and encouraged the community to write their own versions of Nico's story.
The community continued to circulate the tumblr posts and discuss the topics of Rick's offensive character depictions, and this is also where we see the dramatic shift in how the fandom depicts Piper in fanwork (though in most cases it is admittedly not an improvement 😬) because of all this discussion. This is also around the time when the fandom brought Viria under scrutiny claiming that she was whitewashing Piper as part of the same discussions, through the justification that she was drawing Annabeth as having tan skin (which she does canonically), and if Annabeth has tanner skin then Piper then that's whitewashing Piper? Except they were using completely separate images of not fully rendered Piper art versus Annabeth in dramatic lighting, so it's all very awkward and poor logic, and did actually get kind of racist. A lot of people were calling it "Tannabeth Blackchase" (yeah, i know) or similar and a common sentiment you'd see repeated is "Don't draw Annabeth as having darker skin than Piper, because that's offensive/racist/whitewashing." (Note: it was not phrased "don't draw Piper as having lighter skin than Annabeth" - we also won't get into certain offensive depictions of Native Americans, but I digress). But yeah, the Annabeth stuff in all that did not age well at all.
Anyways, in October of 2021 however Rick would announce that he was co-writing The Sun And The Star - with a lot of heavy emphasis on how Mark Oshiro works as a sensitivity reader, and some false advertising from the official social media that Mark Oshiro was the first time a non-Riordan author would be collaborating on the series (disregarding the ghostwriters completely). One of the big criticisms in the breaking down of issues in Rick's writing was his lack of ever seeking a sensitivity reader, and fans claiming that a sensitivity reader could solve a lot of the problems. This was basically Rick's "look! I totally listened!!!!" (though it did little to actually improve things, based on the book) and in TSATS as well Piper gets a large cameo at the end where the text very directly addresses a lot of points made in criticism of Rick's writing of her.
We also then of course got the CoTG trilogy later, explicitly stated to be for advertising purposes for the show.
So basically, short version: Rick came under scrutiny for a lot of offensive writing within the span of two months, made some bad blog posts doubling down about it, left social media. TOA ends. Rick says he wasn't going to continue the series/write what would become TSATS. Community celebrates the end of of the franchise but also continues to discuss Rick's poor writing and the blog posts at length. Rick suddenly announces TSATS and Mark Oshiro's involvement. Everybody gets distracted from being mad. Show announcement stuff also happens and the discussions peter out.
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lordoflucky · 4 months ago
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Forever thinking about Evie Vigil's "Or perhaps [a relationship] between the defendant and the handsome prosecutor just there." line because it's even funnier with all the context.
Imagine, for a moment. You have been selected to be a member of the jury for an upcoming trial. It is your first time ever being on a jury, and for a murder no less- just as exciting as it is harrowing. For a day and a half you watch the proceedings, and you and your fellow jurors have come to a conclusion: The defendant is guilty. There is no other possibility that makes sense.
You are asked by the defense to explain the reason for your verdict. It is the first chance you've been given to voice your own personal insight on the case. You look at the defendant- the man you presently believe is a murderer. You look at the prosecutor- the man who has spent the past two days arguing and ultimately convincing you that the defendant is indeed a murderer. And you say:
"Are they... you know?"
AND THEN THE DEFENSE ATTORNEY GOES "Hang on you might be onto something there."
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jasperthejester · 8 months ago
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me: finally accepting theres a good chance im autistic and starting to work up the courage to ask my parents to see if i could get a diagnoses but being scared to
my mom: do you ever think you have adhd? if you want to do a screening for add next time your at the doctors you can
me:
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oceanwithouthermoon · 1 month ago
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it actually hurts my soul whenever i see people saying saikis friend group besides the psychickers don't know his real personality 💔 you guys weren't paying attention when you watched the show and i really really stand by that
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i think you guys misunderstood the whole fantasy thing in saiki k... if having silly, out of character fantasies and misunderstandings about saiki means you dont know or understand him then the psychickers dont understand him either...
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#beyond that though i also just don't agree that the way he is with the paychickers is his 'real personality' and honestly#no matter how many times it's explained to me i just don't understand where you all got that#people just act differently with their different friends and hes like kind of a dick to aiura and toritsuka because hes funny#BUT HE ISNT REALLY LIKE THAT WITH AKECHI AND AKECHI KNOWS HIM EVEN BETTER THAN THOSE TWO#hes still sassy of course because yeah thats pretty much the main missing piece that the other friend group doesnt get to see#and they do still get to see it!! just not as heavily... so it really isn't that drastic of a difference...#i'm once again begging you all to compare the saikechi horse race betting chapter and the chapter where nendo kaido kuboyasu and saiki play#video games... because it's THE SAME. ITS THE SAME.#the only real difference is that the second group didnt know he was using his powers#half of you only make these claims to try and promote your ships as better than the others too which is so funny#ive talked about this before but it's especially stupid when you think about how saiki chose to become friends with the main friend group-#and has been PLANNING to tell them about his powers for a really long time#while he became friends with the psychickers because he literally had no other choice and they already knew about his powers#not saying he doesn't also love them because he does#it just isn't a flex that they know and the others don't because saiki didn't get to make that choice#saiki k#tdlosk#the disastrous life of saiki k.#saiki kusuo#meows post
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potato-lord-but-not · 11 months ago
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Learn to draw women
YES SIR 🗣️🗣️🗣️
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basket-of-loquats · 4 months ago
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it's so interesting to me that frost says that being ridded of the joy that comes with his memory of gricko giving him hootsie's signal whistle is a relief. like you have someone who is taught (whether by the sorcerer enclave or by his own experience) that logic should supersede emotion all the time and that you cant have emotions bog you down. and then he meets gricko and gricko is his Friend, his Only friend, and he feels real true happiness for the first time in who knows how long except he's not supposed to feel that anymore. he's not supposed to feel joy like this, or affection, or whatever it is gricko makes him feel. and when he gets relieved of that emotion by surrendering the memory to be taken as the toll, it's relieving. idk it reminds me a lot of how like growing up queer and freaking out when you have a crush on someone of the same gender and then being like relieved if you lose feelings because oh thank god, i don't have to feel that conflict anymore, i can follow the "right" path, the one i'm supposed to
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Can you guys believe it's been over a year since I first drew her,,,,
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redhotarsenic · 2 years ago
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@nowfallc PICTURE!! FOR YOU!! PLEASE TAKE IT!! <3
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bagheerita · 8 months ago
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So I read A Stitch in Time and one result of that which I was certainly not expecting was that I feel so much sympathy for Enabran Tain. Garak's life is a tragedy, but Tain's is a fucking black comedy.
I mean, he's a terrible person and an absolute shitbag, but can you imagine? You have this kid. You go to all the trouble of arranging for him to be raised in a family situation where he won't be rejected from society for being your bastard. You get him into the nicest indoctrination school where he can hobnob with plenty of uppercrust kids. You get him a job in your Order and all the proper training. And he's actually, like, really good at it. But he has this fatal flaw of being completely incapable of not making stupid, short-sighted, emotional decisions.
A scene I imagine has to have happened just prior to Garak and Tain's confrontation at the end of part II:
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Like goddamn. When Tain asked "what's your plan for getting rid of her husband?" and Garak's just like "plan what plan." Dude. I'M disappointed, I can only imagine the guy who's job it is to know and plan for everything isn't at least as disappointed.
I know he didn't actually, but do you think there was ever a time when Tain wanted to be like, You know what. Just go back to Tolan and become a gardener. Join that illegal hippie cult. It's fine.
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mostofthingsmostofthetime · 9 months ago
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Calling all Dair shippers!!!!!
I want to start reading fan fiction of them, but I have no idea where to begin.
My only requirements are that it's in English (why must you be the only language my stupid brain could leadn), is an AU and that (while I don't mind if he shows up) Chuck doesn't get any kind of a redemption arc like if he's in the story I want the narative to treat him like the villain he is (the same with Louie tbh but I'm guessing he dosn't get much focus).
I would also prefer it if it took place when they're adults (but I'm willing to give fics of them getting together sooner a try).
So, if you know of any fics that fit that description, please leave your recommendations in the comments.
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front-facing-pokemon · 6 months ago
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ominous-horse-noises · 1 year ago
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not done talking ab fhjy actually so i'll just say some of you guys who go on about how you could've done better themes and narrative arcs can't even think critically about the one in front of you.
i do wish that the other bad kids had interacted with their foils more this season because it was fun seeing them trade insults, but i also dont think it would've done much for them. i mean, people forget the tbks did try to turn reuben early on (they literally saved him from grix even though it was his fault he showed up trying to kill people). adaine thought oisin was cool and tbks were onboard with thinking maybe he wasn't that bad, and then he sent his grandma to murder them and their entire school. fabian tried to get an 'in' with ivy and it nearly cost him a genuine relationship with a character who had a way better chance of helping them figure things out without the risk of being betrayed. kipperlilly had an ego-driven hateboner for riz since BEFORE the rage stars and killed her own party member in cold blood just to stick it to kristen, and you're telling me that she could've been my little ponyied into giving up her chance to squash the symbol of all her inadequacy? buddy and maryann are the only rat grinders who havent fucked them over meaningfully and guess what? they're not thrilled about having to kill them- they're actively avoiding targeting them! almost like theyre capable of distinguishing between someone not on their side and someone who's proved to be a threat!
brennan made it pretty clear that trying to befriend trgs in their rage forms was futile and actively punished it ingame. you can have your opinions of that, but it definitely had a narrative point: if you get rage starred, you cant be 'this isnt youuuu'd out of it. you think ONLY of rage, and rage can't be reasoned with. it's arguably worse than death, bc at least someone can revivify you and there's no lasting consequences. think about how hard brennan was trying to push the ihs into taking rage tokens. he knew exactly how dire he'd made the consequences and that was on purpose. the season has no stakes if you can just talk your way out of being rage starred bc tbks could save each other easily. the whole climax literally can't happen if trgs arent being evil bc porter can't be a living god of rage without followers. tbks hating trgs isnt a flaw in the story: it IS the story.
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chibishortdeath · 2 months ago
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I have bedazzled his card protector :3
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