#<tagging mostly in case anyone has him blocked bc i get it.

[bagheerita]

So I read A Stitch in Time and one result of that which I was certainly not expecting was that I feel so much sympathy for Enabran Tain. Garak's life is a tragedy, but Tain's is a fucking black comedy.

I mean, he's a terrible person and an absolute shitbag, but can you imagine? You have this kid. You go to all the trouble of arranging for him to be raised in a family situation where he won't be rejected from society for being your bastard. You get him into the nicest indoctrination school where he can hobnob with plenty of uppercrust kids. You get him a job in your Order and all the proper training. And he's actually, like, really good at it. But he has this fatal flaw of being completely incapable of not making stupid, short-sighted, emotional decisions.

A scene I imagine has to have happened just prior to Garak and Tain's confrontation at the end of part II:

Like goddamn. When Tain asked "what's your plan for getting rid of her husband?" and Garak's just like "plan what plan." Dude. I'M disappointed, I can only imagine the guy who's job it is to know and plan for everything isn't at least as disappointed.

I know he didn't actually, but do you think there was ever a time when Tain wanted to be like, You know what. Just go back to Tolan and become a gardener. Join that illegal hippie cult. It's fine.

[doberbutts]

ok but the major term transmascs have to describe the specific oppression we face was coined by a violently antiblack, anti-indigenous, lesbophobe who has a fetishistic kink related to correctively raping lesbians and gaslighting them into thinking they’re men so like. maybe use another word that isn’t associated with that. bc the majority of the transmascs who use it are associated with him and harassed if they speak against him. and also with the harassment of black transmascs like voc.

Give me proof that he is anti-black and anti-indigenous, specifically. Because the "proof" I see is that he got into a dispute over the usage of the acronym ABO during a discussion about Omegaverse theory and how a lot of trans guys are uncomfortable with the way it's treated in fanfic. An Aboriginal blogger objected to the acronym being used in this way because it is also a slur used against Aboriginal people. He initially protested this because words, in fact, often have more than one meaning and many people who have it trigger-tagged use specifically that variant and he was very clearly not talking about Aboriginal people, but eventually relented and agreed to only use the acronym with the slashes A/B/O or call it Omegaverse instead.

That was apparently not good enough. He was then labelled anti-black after a short vent regarding Biden's Juneteeth declaration, calling it too little too late, a sentiment shared by many black people (including myself!) and said he wanted more from this country's leadership in terms of reparations. This was deemed... talking over black people? Because he thought our historically racist leadership was doing too little to make up for slavery?

He *then* was labelled harassing two bloggers who have honestly been doing a lot of petty shit-flinging and launching personal harassment campaigns when one of his followers eventually decided to call them to the carpet for 8 months of abuse and block-dodging and call-out-posting- and... let's not forget that these bloggers also outright deny black people who disagree with them their blackness by calling them white-aligned and coons and monkeys the second any black blogger comments on their bad behavior.

In other words, the 'proof' I've seen is a stupid petty personal dispute that got way out of hand and should have ended when all parties blocked each other.

As for his kink blog- again I say that digging through someone's private (PASSWORD PROTECTED) consensual sex life for dirt is like... old hat homophobia and transphobia. But even ignoring that, yes he was engaging in some borderline SSC kinks consensually with a trans woman partner and some of that was indeed deliberate misgendering, forced masculinization, and consensual non-consent. And eventually he realized he was not comfortable continuing and stopped, and the screenshots were taken well after the fact. He has said this more than once on his blog. You don't need to like what someone does in the privacy of their own bedroom (or in this case on a blog you shouldn't have had access to), but understand that not only was it consensual but that his partner enjoyed it and wanted it. You are calling him a predator because he engaged in consensual sex that was asked of him.

(also it's really fucking weird that y'all are so hung up on that but the trans masc and trans man and ftm tags are constantly filled with trans fems looking for trans mascs to practice forced fem/misgendering/cnc kinks on and y'all do literally nothing about it- idgaf what people are into as long as it's SSC but at least be consistent)

What's mind-boggling to me is that he's mostly just been doing his own thing on his own blog, getting top surgery, fixing his homelessness, and being isolated because anyone who dares actually research anything in regards to this is immediately put to the axe. That blocklist is because he was initially resistant to changing an acronym that people use to avoid a specific trigger that has nothing to do with the racist slur the acronyn shares letters with. Literally. This has snowballed out of proportion from that.

Meanwhile two trans fems so far have been called fakers or outright called men as a result of this block list. Several bloggers have recieved death threats, rape threats, transphobic garbage, ableist garbage, and worse. Who is harassing who, here? Because these bloggers were mainly talking among themselves (or in some cases, just talking TO themselves as there are vent blogs with only a small handful of followers on that list) and not going out of their way to bother anyone. When multiple trans fems spoke up saying hey, this isn't cool, I believe the same thing as these trans mascs and intersex people, put me on the list too... it was denied because the list is "only" for trans mascs. How does that make sense? If people who believe in something are all dangerous, why is it only some people being punished for it?

[toziers]

can you explain what's going on right now? i keep seeing big IT blogs talking about some discourse or something but i have no idea what they're talking about other than it involves you lol

alright i like. i truly do not like having diScOurSE out in public because i’m not one to air out my dirty laundry 24/7 but seeing as how it was brought into public against my will i feel like the least i can do is clear up the situation for those who’ve been seeing the posts. 

i’m putting this under the cut bc it’s long. tws for some biphobia, brief mention of transphobia and, at the end, a rape mention. 

so if you don’t know: hi, i’m migz, i’m an it fandom blogger. its okay, i know, its really cool. part of my shtick here is that i like to turn normal thirst tags into works of art for the sake of comedy. perhaps you’ve seen some of my highlights from my “fhg” tag - perhaps your brain has been spared. either way, it became kind of “my thing” around the third or fourth week (mid nov) of me having this blog. at first, i tagged just about every ask i got mentioning the thirst tags with “bill hader” - they had to do with him, so why not tag him? it would draw more like minded people! about two days into that i got a message asking me to tag my nsfw. i am a big dumb idiot, and apologize for not initially doing it. i havent had a following bigger than like 10 in several years and completely spaced on basic etiquette. so by the end of november i was tagging everything applicable  with “notsfw” and “bill hader”. 

now you’re caught up.

on december 1st i got this message from user billhaderanti:

now i want to start by saying i absolutely was in the wrong here. i didn’t even think about how many people were being subjected to the asks i was getting - especially ones who had no idea they were all jokes. i don’t track the bill hader tag, so it just didn’t even occur to me - that’s ignorance on my part, and to anyone who was subjected to the terrors of me before my tagging system: i am genuinely sorry. i relay the same sentiment in my response, though you can tell i’m on edge.

and they replied:

clearly they Were offended by it but thats.. not the point. at this point, im feeling Really weird about the whole interaction, but still understanding, because again - i GET it. i know my posts are gross - that’s the point. it doesn’t make it excusable, though, which is why i understand why people are offended. so i responded with the only solution i Knew would keep us both safe and happy posting on our own blogs. 

so i thought this would be the end of things! i’d been pretty anxious lately already since i’d started to receive anons telling me i was gross and whore-ish for thirst posting in this way (i delete all of those, so if ur thinking about sending one, i guess no one’s stopping you but it won’t be seeing the light of the dashboard). i’m unsure if it was immediately or a few hours later, seeing as how i have a bad concept of time and the post-dates are right on the edge between nov 30 and dec 1, but i went to their blog - because anyone who has been on the internet knows the opportunity to vague post is near irresistible. and...what do ya know

fair! it’s their blog. however i am an emotionally fragile egg girl and immediately got freaked out. the odds that they were the only one who thought this were low. and, again, i’ve been very open on my blog about how important it is to respect boundaries; my posts are absolutely prone to breaking those boundaries people have created for themselves. 

so i made my own, semi-vague post, letting my following know (and i’m pretty sure i’d answered asks about it before, but this is going to be long enough w/o me searching those up too) that i understood if they wanted to block me or unfollow or whatever - people need to create their own safe spaces. the tension is pretty clear in the tags, i’m not trying to hide that. i felt that the way this woman slid into my dm’s was pretty abrasive (just my opinion/how it made me personally feel) and i let myself be a lil emotional about it in the tags of my post.

alright! maybe this is the end. maybe we both go our separate ways and post happily on our own blogs... except it’s not the end. later in the day (some of this was happening like 1/2am, so now its Day day, i believe - again, not good w time passage lol)

clearly, i’m upset. my groupchat double checked that i didn’t get too emotional in my response - did i mention im anxious about discourse lol - and apparently.. it did the trick. she didn’t message me again. great. it was over. 

at this point, i decided i needed to make an even bigger change. so a few days after i’d calmed down i created an entirely new tag for my thirst posts so if people hadn’t already hidden the notsfw posts or just blocked me outright, they’d have a third option to escape the madness. at this point, id had my blog about 6? weeks, but there were still 2k posts for me to sift through - some of them were completely untagged. i also had to do it post by post, because one of xkits features - the mass re-tagger - was getting blogs deleted for some reason, and i wasn’t going to do that. so i spent a few days going through all 2k+ posts, adding the “fhg” tag. 

YEEHAW! a brand new tagging system, no more hopping into the bill hader tag (minus one or two really funny, not super explicit asks, like the bill hader farquaad meme), and, tbf, i’d completely put this woman out of my mind. i don’t seek out drama and do my best to stay in my lane. yesterday, i checked my activity for the first time in awhile since id put out a couple new original posts that had started to get traction and i Love reading tags. i noticed a mutual had @’d me, and realized i havent checked my @’s in...ever, maybe. i see a post from my good pal billhaderanti. 

since i dont follow them and never check my @’s, i’d completely missed it. however, once i did see it, i was horrified. id gone through all that fucking work to keep my blog My Blog and also respect everyone’s boundaries and it still hadn’t been enough. i’d been awake for almost 24 hours and went. a little crazy. and i didn’t reply immediately because i just had no words. i sent it to my friends because i... i just wasn’t going to be able to figure it out myself. 

there’s a lot to unpack in this post alone, but whatever, i’m gonna put my own grievances with the immaturity of 1. making a callout post to begin with when i’d been nothing but civil 2. making a callout post about something as (in the grand scheme of Life) minor as some tags where i refer to a someone’s genitals as a “whack pack” and 3. making a callout post in such a rude way - aside. at the end, she calls me (and whoever else!) a demonic mlw (man loving woman, we assumed, and then later confirmed with a post further back on her blog). 

which - yeah, we started scrolling. at first we were looking for more vague blogs, and then we just...started finding things. billhaderanti is a self proclaimed lesbian separatist, which... fine. but it’s already pretty clear that this woman hates me on some level simply because i am a bi woman (demonic mlw, remember!) which is just. damn man i can’t believe we are still fighting the biphobic fight lol. so the more we scrolled, the more we uncovered - and not just the biphobic / vaguely mtf transphobic things they posted (or put in tags), but we also found that they had their OWN thirst tags. certainly not as hyperbolically comedic as mine, but they were there, talking about his body and his person the same (and, frankly, a bit creepier for other reasons) as mine. 

there’s one post in particular that snatched my wig in it’s creepiness - and i say creepiness in the sense that it feels personal. like this woman feels like she knows bill to some degree where she can say these things. my tags have always had a sense of distance, as they’re written for humor. and maybe this particular post was written for comedic purposes, but it doesn’t read that way, and if it WAS, then she has no right to call ME out for MY comic tags and posts. 

i’ll let it speak for itself, mostly because i don’t want to read it again. 

i also won’t be going through her blog again to find the posts with biphobic and other Interesting:tm: tags because there are plenty and i just really! want to be done with the whole ordeal! her blog is public and i’m sure you can all find it and look to your heart’s content. 

feeling a bit feral and a bit pissed off now that we knew the depth of how rotten this woman’s vibes were, a couple of my pals made a post or two similar to what my tag’s are like except turned up to eleven (if possible) - and tagged them with “bill hader” (and notsfw!!). yes, a bit childish, but at this point, the entire situation was childish, and making jokes was truly the only way we were going to get through it. another vague post went up on her blog soon after.

talking down to us, calling us children, and then for whatever reason calling us virgins... whatever, weird post. around this time most of us (est) went to bed, because it was nearing 3 or 4 in the morning. 

and then today happened. i woke up fresh and ready for the day after a wonderful 4 hours of sleep and found that jane had made an incredibly intelligent post in response to the situation. i won’t ss it, but i’ll LINK in case you missed it. attached there in the reblog is my own response. i think they can speak for themselves. 

after that, things were kind of jumbled, since i wasn’t online a lot and when i was i was Not checking my activity simply because i was afraid of what i’d see. for the most part, it ended up just being support (which i am very grateful to all of you for - it means a lot that you all enjoy my content to any degree). 

there was some more vague posting from both “““““sides”””””” of the “““““argument”””””” - mostly just people restating the fact that this is a public space and we should All be aware of how we effect others. i still hadn’t heard directly from billhaderanti, so i assumed we’d all be dropping and disengaging and moving on. i still wasn’t blocked, though, so who really knew what would happen. 

eventually, it culminated in this last post. tw for mentions of rape

i’m going to start by saying that 

1. there are nearly no teenagers that were involved in this. im turning 23 in january and most of my friends are 20+. maybe one or two are 19. 

2. none of us sent any sexually violent asks - most of us didn’t send asks at all. i believe one or two of my friends admitted to sending asks however they assured me their nature wasn’t bad; as far as i know, everyone remained civil in whatever went on (again, unclear to me as to what was being sent; no one was actively posting or talking about it. if billhaderanti wishes to elaborate, they can, but i don’t have anything to put in). 

3. before i finish this, i would like to apologize to billhaderanti. as a comedian - not just my stupid tags, i mean in real life, too - i know that humor can hurt. it’s not always funny, it’s not just stupid hahas. sometimes things that are supposed to be jokes just hit people differently and cause bad things. i recognize that. i never meant to trigger you (if you’re reading this) or cause you any severe mental/emotional harm. i apologize for my humor bringing up your trauma, and i never meant for that. regardless of my own thoughts and opinions about the nature of my posts/the thirst tags themselves, they hurt you, and i’m sorry. 

anyway, i’m going to wrap this up (i’m bad at endings, what can i say! steven king and i took the same writer’s class!). if you read all this... sorry. i probably won’t be taking any asks about it, because i find the whole “drama” of this to be stupid and rooted in some seriously biphobic issues this fully grown woman has. 

tldr; i attempted to contain my blog so this woman could exist and function safely on her blog, but it wasn’t enough for her, so she called me out, and then some of the fandom called Her out for being biphobic and mean and overall just immature about the situation. as of now, she’s yet to block me, though her and her wife have blocked a few of my friends. her wife continues to clown on my friends. this post was made for clarity’s sake. the end, i’m getting a drink. 

[patrickbrewerisgay]

re: rpf drama again!!! 🤮

(tw for mention of suicide in regards to an anon message)

i was not going to post about this again because i said exactly what i wanted to say & got it all off my chest & felt much better about it after. actually i haven’t even THOUGHT about the whole thing since my little “rant” that i guess everyone loved (save one or two bad takes that i deleted, bc i was mad & then realized they were unproductive). i blocked everyone involved right away so i could be Done & move on & get back to the show & fandom that i really do love. but i’ve gotten a couple messages about things i didnt know about & i was just looking at wildxwired’s blog for the first time since the whole thing & i feel the need to comment on some stuff to clear things up.

(hopefully these cut things still function on this hellsite, though i don’t think they do anything on mobile)

1. i’ve never sent any “anon hate.” i feel like i’ve made it pretty clear that i am not a person who’s afraid of attaching my name to what i want to say. all i see on wxw’s blog is 2 messages (including the original that prompted her disgusting response, which i also DID NOT SEND) & then like a billion messages of “support” about the “hate,” so idk if there was more that she deleted. but i would NEVER tell someone to kill themselves?? i just want people to stop being gross, not die. also as a person who suffers from mental illness & has been suicidal in the past, & has also been on tumblr for a billion years & Seen Some Shit, i just. wouldn’t say that. you know only what people are posting about (which in this case is a very specific thing), you don’t know what else is going on in their lives & to prey on their mental health or deliberately try to trigger them is straight up vile & against every moral i hold. also in regards to anons, i am in constant contact with my group of friends who run other blogs on here & NONE of that is coming from us, or else i would know. we’ve moved on from you guys.

2. i don’t like rpf, but if you’re gonna do it, wildxwired actually did it the right way. she put it in a separate tag. she didn’t include any significant others. she even mentioned it was a sort of au. still don’t like it, but if you HAVE to do that, that’s a good example of how to help people avoid it, & also follows the compromise others & i suggested of keeping it out of the main tag. i also don’t care about your silly weird tentacle fics lol which i’ve already said don’t bug me bc they’re clearly ridiculous & in jest.

3. what i was specifically objecting to was wxw’s response to that anon, as well as those 4 drinkingstarsfic fics involving clare that everyone is supportive of, even if they didn’t write them. my main issue has ALWAYS been the involvement of real life significant others. i think it crosses a major boundary & i will continue to stand by that. idc as much about the other stuff, i obvs dont like it but it doesn’t horrify me in the same way. i still maintain that it’s non-consensual sexual content, even if it’s “only” written & even if the subject doesn’t know about it (even more non-consensual). how’d you like that stuff written about your sister, or even you? it’s violating. that’s MY stance that i stick by.

4. this has always applied to a very very small & specific group of people in this fandom that i can’t roll with. the vast majority of people i’ve met through sc have been AMAZING & honestly changed my life. i love this fandom so much & i (mostly) feel really safe here. i am getting everything i want out of my sc fandom experience & more.

5. y’all are like..... really misusing dan’s philosophy on love lol. he’s never meant “let anyone get away with anything & don’t speak out against things that you believe are wrong.” or else he wouldn’t have called out the reviewer who called him fey. or else he would just include homophobes in the show & show everyone loving them. he clearly has moral boundaries that he doesn’t believe people should cross, & he is vocal on speaking out against them. i admire that in him so much. also like he’s not a messiah, he’s not the boss of me & i’m not gonna follow all his personal philosophies like some kind of religious law lol.

6. censorship doesn’t mean telling someone on the internet your opinion about what they’re doing & how you BELIEVE they should take it down. censorship is FORCED. i’m not the government. i don’t even know HOW to report things on ao3 or if you even can. i don’t know their rules.

7. that one reply that was like “imagine being against rpf but loving your favorite actors so much that you know their anniversary” was so funny bc noah LITERALLY made an insta post about it yesterday. imagine loving your favorite actors so much that you follow them on social media.

8. for a bunch of women in their 30s, i’m like. appalled at how immaturely you all behave. get a life. stop deliberately goading people. stop harassing actual children on the internet. spend some time making a tangible difference in the world.

9. all the opinions i’ve expressed are mine & mine alone, & i do not claim to speak for anyone else, nor have i ever. so don’t take this out on others. if you have problems with me, address those problems directly to me. or get a proxy if you’re blocked. let’s behave like adults & communicate. OR let’s behave like adults & stop communicating when we can’t come to an agreement & it no longer is productive.

peace out losers ✌️

[icharchivist]

I’m starting back classes in 2 days and i admit i’m probably starting to freak out a little a h ah a h and that makes me self reflect again (i’ll find out how to get back to a therapist once the school year will be officially rolling bc i’ll sure need it a ha ha but in the meantime onto the readmores of the depth of my blog)

and it just... guh I’ve stopped going to any classes about 3 years ago exactly? Like, gave up completely, and that followed mostly that when i had a breakdown about 3 years ago i was having panic attacks all the time at the uni and ended up having hard case of... at least i’ll say “zoning out” bc i was panicking, except i was zoning out in the middle of the road and that’s STRAIGHT UP not a good time when you’re realizing you’ve almost been hit 3 times in 10 mins by a car bc of that man ✌

Like begining 2015 there was so much issues with my father back then, that’s when i cut ties, but i had that major breakdown i didn’t recover properly from, that had me eventually stop my studies back then and one of the reasoning was specifically “i cannot handle the stress of class on top of stress of my personal life” (which included the fact my family at home was always super toxic and honestly the more time i spend away from my ex-step-dad the most i realize how much unhealthy coping mechanisms i took just to try to survive with him at home while it drained all of my energy)

Like one of the things was that i would get yelled at if i didn’t do the dishes/wasn’t doing the grocery shopping or all sort of things and it just that i came back from school too exhausted + with my father stuff I legit couldn’t handle those stuff, so i threw out school so at least I could do the stuff at home i would get yelled at if i didn’t do, so at least i wouldn’t be stressed on that angle.

And that’s pretty fucked up to think it was one of my motivations back then ah ah ha h but survival y’all ✌

The thing is that then i stopped going to classes for 6 months so, then i started my art school bc i couldn’t stay without classes, problem is that my health got far worse back then with multiple sicknesses due to stress adding up and getting worse with the stress of school and of my dad and of the fact it was still bad at home, and the fact i straight up didn’t like the people i was in class with?? I mean they were fine and i was social with them, it was a peaceful environment but i was more kinda tolerating this and just.. trying not to bound much with people. And hey that worked out i have absolutly no idea who any of the people i’ve spent a full year with are doing ✌

The thing is that after that i tried the history uni and it’s when i started to have the panic attacks and zoning out and after one week i was just... too terrified to be around people. Like straight up terrified, i couldn’t talk to anyone, i was trembling when I was near my classrooms, I was on the verge of crying everytime someone addressed to me somehow, it was so so so so bad.

Anyway i dropped out that course after a week so y EAH and then i didn’t go to school the years that followed, bc there was administrations problems with the courses i wanted to take and i was asking help from my parents bc i was petrified at the idea of dealing with them and my parents didn’t help at all.

And tbh it would have been the same this year too over the fact it still completely petrifies me, except that this time my best friends helped me out organize, so i actually got through with the problems, and they’re fantastic and i love them-

But yeah now i’m thinking about the fact that it’s very likely the toxicness of my family made me close in and i started to be terrified of hanging around people i didn’t know well, that there is this sort of emotional effort to make that at least on top of the work i had to do with my family was too much. 

And now i’ve left my family, i still have to deal with the nastiness of my dad and god i’m so tired, i ended up blocking him the other day but it’s getting so bad and i’m so tired we can just say it’s ANOTHER trial because OF COURSE it is JUST ANOTHER ONE, because we’re a NORMAL FAMILY and *bangs head on table* guh not the point of that post, but that had been heavy on me lately there is so much annoying stuff happening familywise. 

And yeah I mean i’ve left but i’m far from healed from anything either and i just...

I know i’m good at talking with people sometimes, creating non threatening environment and all, being friendly, but i’m just panicked being around people. 

I live in a student room and the kitchen is common to the whole stair and i’ve been avoiding it for about a month. A. month. Granted also bc i don’t know how to make part of it works and i’m too stressed up to ask for help, but that’s... that’s part of the problem. I went there a couple of times but if i can avoid it, i do.

Anytime i needed to get cooking i came back at my mom’s place when she was away bc i’m terrified to just... spend time around people i don’t know. 

and i don’t know exactly where it’s from, bc like i mean i’ve been bullied all my way until high school but highschool were the most fantastic years i had socially speaking and i really opened up much more and managed to be far more social during that time, but then... then I guess just having dropped everything to spend all my time handling my family’s temper tantrum and be always hyperaware of their emotions in order to adjust to how i was supposed to work around that just ended up making me project that on everyone i didn’t know originally. 

And it suuucks and i’m going back to school in 3 days and i’m just starting to be stressed out over the fact i’ll sit in class around people and i don’t want to be around people and that a h ah ah ah a h 

and the worst is that i think i actually projected this attitude of mine online those past few years?! 

I’ve always been more social online, more ready to talk and all, hell especially this  blog, but while i have absolutly no problem with people coming to me, or even sometimes talking to people i’ve already grown used to see, then i’ve also grown terrified of like /posting in the tags/, of being seen by people outside of my comfort zone. 

And it... really wasn’t the case before but it is now and i wonder if that’s an extension of the fact i just... tightened my comfort zone with the year to the point of being absolutly panicked about coming out of it.

Like.. i guess it’s already good that I ended up moving away in a place with a lot of people, and man i feel so strong when i actually do manage to go to the kitchen and don’t completely freak out when there are people there.

But YEAH school back in 3 days that will be fun i hadn’t been around people in 3 years and last time i’ve been around huge group of people i had massive panic attacks, that’ll be fun that’ll be fun that’ll be fun. 

So that’s fun, that’s new, that’s something i’ll need to end up dealing with bc this is Not Reassuring but yeah i’ve kinda completely ignored that I had this social problem going on bc i had a hundred of others things to deal with and i’m just now realizing that huh yeah i’ve acted weirdly socially lately i probably need to get that checked and dig in to try to figure out what caused it and eventually try to stop being petrified for no rational reasons other than just... living in the same space as people terrifies me for some reasons.

That’s cool that’s cool that’s cool ✌ ✌ ✌ 

I mean that was to be expected that now that i’m getting out of the toxic situation that shaped my life i have to figure out where that left me and recover from it but i’m straight up not having a good time right now  ✌

anyway meanwhile i’ll just, keep staying in comfort zone with that blog as it is, no need to try to “force myself out of it”, bad plan, not healthy enough for that and i need to do that irl before doing it online, so that’s fun that’s fun, gotta need to find an appointment with a therapist asap, this is gonna be fun wee  ✌

[archiveofolives]

fanfic memetiems!!!

@slipsthrufingers tagged me on this thing, ty!! which is to say, technically she didn’t but i saw ur note on introversion kt so i’m claiming it!!!

putting it under a cut bc i got wordy af lol

OK HERE WE GO

At what age did you start writing fanfiction?

i'm gonna say around 10. maybe latter part of my single digits to early part of my teens. i won't say what my first fanfic was bc i have at least one mutual who's going to block me if i say it (and they have no reason to know anyway lmao) BUT i'm gonna reveal that @slipsthrufingers the demon unearthed it from the depths of the internet once and read it :p

Who is your favorite author?

HERE'S THE THING if ure my friend, i love ur writing. see, i think writing and storytelling are both such human traits that i just want to encourage it out of everyone even when they have a tendency to repeat a sentence 7 times in 2 paragraphs. and i mean, who cares? this isn't a school contest and between capitalism and fascism, i doubt anyone even still cares these days

(altho this much i will say: i'm glad this question isn't about who was my favorite writer back in the rp days. i will, otherwise, go on forever bc the list doesn't stop at u duckie lol)

Favorite type of scene to write?

i am such a trash for dialogues. like, i could be writing my book, space dads or space vikings and i always notice that my banters, my jokes, just anything traded between two people at the least take a life of their own! sometimes it's convenient, a lot of times it's not. i've lost track of my scenes and my plots a lot of times because of this. about the only times i was able to control myself lmao was when i was rping bc...i literally can't control the other character i'm writing with

What is your favorite fanfic?

i don't have one favorite fanfic, i have several i love for several kinds of reasons. but most of them are space dads.

What tags do you avoid like the plague?

incest, pwp and other similar stuff mostly. i'm fine with them existing, i mean part of the reason the tagging system was created was so we could filter out whatever we don't like but i just don't go there, y'know?

What AU do you wish to write but feel like you won’t manage?

OH YOU MEAN THE IDEAS I HAVE IN MY HEAD BUT CAN'T AND WON'T GET TO UNTIL I FINISH MY ODINSONS FIC U MEAN AHAHAHAHAHA

ummm here's the thing: i like to think i have quite the talent for aus. @safarikalamari knows this, i have written her fics of such a nature and described others to her. the trick really is just to find two canons with some workable similarities between the roles and the setting so you won't have to shoehorn everything. if u need help with ur au, ping me, i'll be happy to be of service lmao

OOH BUT i will share this much: once upon a time, i tried to write a fic where atty. phoenix wright, a hogwarts alumni belonging to gryffindor BC COME ON IT'S IN THE NAME, took on the case of sirius black against a prosecutor with a perfect no-lose record, miles edgeworth. whose house i forgot, i think it was ravenclaw. BUT MAN, I HAD IT ALL WORKED OUT, gumshoe was there! and so was ema who's science > magic and maya! maya was gonna try to summon peter pettigrew's spirit so they could question him but obviously she couldn't do it bc he's still alive lmao so she feels like she's a failure and gets heartbroken and runs to the shrieking shack to hide from the world and nick finds her and they investigate the place but it's remus' party night so all that werewolf howling scares the living hell out of them and they run out the forest and come the next morning, they find out on accident thanks to ema's sciency stuff that a lock of hair they picked up along the way belongs to a wolf-like thing. it becomes an important piece of evidence to prove remus' innocence, yes.

Do you outline or write as you go?

if we're talking about fics, i've always written as i go. i got the scenes plotted out in my head and i keep an eye on them from there but the farthest i went with outlining is listing the dialogues i've already come up with (see, again with the dialogues) and then just filling in the deets later, often adding more dialogues to make the flow smoother

What has been your favorite story to write so far?

right now, i have the softest spot for this au i wrote for mari bc after that, my creativity just got sapped out lmao. but i remember that that was really fun to write and reread, i was practically unstoppable.

Do you prefer to write one-shots or multi-chapters? Why?

both. the difference is that the one-shot is the expectation but the multi-chapter becomes the reality >.>;; but i think, I THINK this odinsons fic is going to be a one-shot ❤

What is your favorite kind of comment?

i have a special place for the ones who tell me how much they agree with the fic and my characterization and how it made them feel. and particularly for thor and loki, i love the ones who thank me for writing an odinsons fic that is not incest but very brotherly. :3

Why did you start writing fanfiction? Why are you still writing it?

i started writing fanfic bc my sister started it first. SERIOUSLY a lot of things i do now is bc she did it first and i thought i had to do it to if i wanted to become a full-fledged human being! I'M NOT KIDDING, THAT'S HOW MY MIND WORKED. it's like if you're gonna evolve your starter pokemon, you need a few exps? I THOUGHT FAN-FICTION WAS MY EXP TO EVOLUTION. and then i kept doing it bc you know, it's become a habit for me? but i stopped for a LONG time when i started seriously rping (i remember having like 12 active characters in 6 separate games at one time, it's crazy) and then when rp fizzed out and slowly died, i started churning out like...one, two every couple of months or so? and then i got into the rogue one fandom and literally EVERYONE I KNEW was writing fics, then?? so i got on board and now i'm doing it for thor and loki and HOPEFULLY, hopefully, i get to do it for final fantasy, too. ❤ and maybe get back on the space dads, too, bc i have yet to write my neighbors au lololol

i'm gonna end this post with two things: 1. i'm gonna tag @egregiousderp, @ironmanwlw, @safarikalamari and @whatufish4

2. i'm gonna cite the deep magic on u, kates: we should write together again :p

[hunkkeiths-blog]

So I just scrolled 20000 years back on your blog like the creep I am and I saw you mention schizophrenic Keith headcanons but never actually saw schizo Keith headcanons and I'm 👀👀👀

once again thank you so much for sending this! i really really love this au but i never talk about it bc i feel like no one cares and this makes me sooo happy!

also sorry again for answering late i just wanted to be able to type everything relatively quickly and use a readmore

(i added links that lead to wiki pages to explain what certain stuff is, you don’t need to click them or anything)

ok so here goes

[Food mentions and slight emeto for this part]

Keith has a lot of trouble with food, both bc of sensory issues and paranoia

when its sensory, its mostly if the texture is too different to whats hes used to, or if theres too much taste and theres anything else (a sound, some lights flashing, whatever) hell get overwhelmed really easily. so he tries to stick to relatively tasteless stuff

Keith also gets a lot of persecutory delusions and some of the most recurring ones is that his food has been poisoned, having relatively tasteless food helps with not being as convinced of that

On good days (well as good a day as you can have when you think your food has been poisoned anyway), he can sort of just power through it and eat enough to not be starving.

On bad days, he either doesn’t eat at all, or if he only realises it after having eaten he becomes sick/makes himself sick.

Back on Earth, especially during his year alone, he had 3-4 “trusted foods/brands” and he almost exclusively only ate those

Once on the ship, things get very complicated, because from the start, he doesn’t trust the altean food goo (he still doesn’t if he’s entirely honest, but they’ve all been eating it and none of them are dead yet so if it is poisoned its slow acting enough) so he mostly only eats when hes absolutely starving for the first month or so before he slowly starts to eat more of the altean meals

He does however trust what Hunk cooks partly because he trusts Hunk, partly because Hunk eats it too, and (taste+texture of the food goo aside) hes always more comfortable when Hunk cooks.

[Warning ended]

While developing and after when he had it (which was 2 or 3 years before he entered the Garrison), Keith ended up almost entirely isolated from people, in part because he would willingly withdraw from others, in part because the people who took care of him after his father left/died (foster families i guess? i dont really know how the system works and i cant imagine how much worse it must be for a schizophrenic kid so) didn’t really know what to do with him because he had really bad emotional blunting

Because he was mostly left alone, he started focusing alot on the delusions he had at the time, the main one of which was that he just wasnt human (which yes turned out to be somewhat true, but it’s still a delusion). that led him to thinking of going to space because of a feeling that something would happen there. which led him to the garrison which is how he ended up there.

At the Garrison, he was amazing at flying and mediocre at best in all his other classes.

This is partly because outside of doing stuff that could actually directly get him to space, he wasnt able to get any motivation to do anything else. (even if he gets kicked out, he can just steal a rocket or something right?)

he also didnt really have any friends because he didnt approach anyone and more or less actively avoided anyone trying to get close to him.

the way he just was; never showing any emotion, barely speaking, the weird things he sometimes did, etc; sort of drove ppl away on its own

(this is also sort of the reason he didnt remember him and lances “rivalry” in s1ep1. he never actually noticed lance thought of him as a rival, he just thought lance was sort of loud)

Shiro ended up like being a mentor or something to Keith, and Keith wasnt able to really avoid him

They start off sort of rocky, because Keith hates interacting with other people, due to paranoid thoughts (”he can read my mind”, “he wants to hurt me”, and so on) that, while they werent nearly as bad as off meds, were still present even with medication.

Slowly though, Keith warms up to Shiro and starts trusting him (though shiro is never really sure because Keith doesnt show it at all)

Keith starts doing better in all his classes, because he’s interpreted that shiro will be extremely disappointed in him if he ends up getting kicked out because of poor grades, and hes terrified of disappointing literally the only person in the world he trusts

It also leads to Keith putting a minimum of effort into becoming at least somewhat expressive 

When the kerberos mission fails, keith is destroyed. all his grades almost instantly drop and he barely shows up to class because losing the only person he trusts essentially makes him totally apathetic, and go back to having alot of paranoid thoughts/delusions (mostly surrounding the garrison staging the entire thing, sort of fake moon landing style but with actual murder to make people back off on exploring space because of Something), and feeling like he’s being stalked by people (not entirely untrue tbh), and deal with anhedonia. and thats how he gets kicked out/how he drops out 

Living entirely alone (as in without any supervision) was hell for Keith.

Moving to the shack after dropping out messed with his entire routine, and without a relatively strict routine, he ends up forgetting his meds

Off medication, he had really really really horrible episodes that almost always ended with him getting hurt in some way

Off-meds, he starts his garrison/shiro conspiracy wall

He also found the blue lions cave during an episode

After a while (keith never tries to find out how much time he spent without his meds because he forgot about them), he ends up taking his antipsychotics again, and almost destroys the wall, except theres a feeling he still has that he rememebers he had during an episode.

He ends up going to the cave again, and “Holy shit that was real??” so he restarts his wall while being a bit more down to Earth.

The day shiro crashes on earth is one of the best days of his life bc, well, shiro, but also because he was actually right for once.

Overall, Keith’s pretty good at organising his thoughts and not speaking incoherently, but if hes at all stressed, hell go through a lot of thought blocking

It’s really annoying because Keith hates not being understood and not finishing his points, but often, even if the person hes talking to reminds him what he was talking about, he cant remember what he was going to say after

He also used to think that the thought blocking was aliens and/or the government stealing away all his thoughts to study humans (or, before the garrison: not entirely human entities)

His thoughts are alot more disorganised than his speech shows (under normal circumstances, there are occasions where he does get mostly incoherent). He’s learned to think of what hes going to say step by step before saying it

What he says often still comes off as not entirely thought out, rude, etc because thinking about what order words are going to come out of his mouth doesnt fix not understanding how to interact with others

And here’s a bunch of stuff i couldn’t really make long enough to warrant a separate section:

Keith stims mostly when hes nervous or bored, and he stims by scratching his nails against things, because he likes the sounds it makes.

[self harm (sort of)] at some point, the team notices that when theres nothing for him to scratch (like a wall or something), hell scratch at his own skin, because scratching fabric feels/sounds horrible, often until he scratches part of it off. so they make him these little squares of material to scratch at

Keith does a lot of magical thinking (i cant find an easy link for this but in this case its like seeing signs in things that are seemingly unrelated if that makes sense) where he’ll see a ‘sign’ and feel like he has to do something (what something is varies from something very specific to just “something”)

since he obviously cant always do what hes supposed to do after seeing the signs, hes started writing down everything so he can do it later (lance’s idea). it helps a lot.

Keith hates places with background noises that arent constant (like they stop and start, stop and start), even if they arent particularly loud, because he loses his entire train of thought whenever it stops or starts

Ok! that’s all I can think of right now, I hope this answered what you were looking for! 

I lost my entire train of thought at least 5 times while typing this so I’ll probably add more things in my tag later on when I think of them again!

I’m also writing an actual story with this, it should come out around the end of June if you’re interested!