#is bad for me consistent would be a good neutral word to use instead

[underfeddemonboy]

I have this really weird and specific feeling I don't know where else to put or express.

So for me, about a good chunk of my food fixations, anxieties and worries are centered around timing more than anything else - calories for sure as well as amount and nutritional value, but the timing of food and consistency/frequency of it is just as vital to my ED brain as those other things are. To me, just eating very little and restricting very heavily without doing anything else would be horribly anxiety inducing because that would just bust your metabolism, wouldn't it? You'd be trapped in a cycle of eating little to nothing all the time, hitting constant plateaus for a very unsustainable weight loss that keeps yo-yoing back to higher weights. Every single time I've managed to get very underweight and stay that way has been because I managed to "hack" my metabolism by eating little, and restricting overall in my day, but making it so that my intake was spread out through the day and frequent - not eating anything for more than 3 hours gives me just as much anxiety, if not more, than eating more than 300kcals in one sitting, or eating any more than a small portion of fries. I also try to sliding scale my intake so it's proportional to how much of the day I have left - big breakfast, normal lunch, modest snack and small dinner, and the earlier I can keep all of these in my day, the better (ideal schedule would start at 8/9am, and dinner would be no later than 7pm). Only time I feel ok not keeping up a consistent intake is after dinner, which since I try to keep early I think might count as an intermittent fast?

Every single time I hear fellow ED people/friends talk about only eating once a day, trying to go without food as long as possible and putting their whole day's calorie allowance into one go, it makes me just want to start screaming "that's not how you do it!!! that's how you stay fat AND miserable, no wonder you're still at a healthy weight!!!!!!!". Of course I'd never do that - all of this stays locked firmly in my head, I'd hate to trigger someone else, push my own anxieties and paranoias onto them, or give diet tips/advice and risk making them sicker.

But still, I haven't really encountered this as much in the community? There's a lot of inherent understanding of the general fear of food, of eating at all, of certain foods, but I never hear people get as anxious about not eating and specifically metabolism

[iustitians]

ooc; worldbuilding - the state of Fontaine shortly before & after the Cataclysm (spoiler: it was bad)

Some of y’all know that I’ve already started kinda thinking and rambling about what Fontaine may have been like shortly before and after Neuvillette arrived and accepted the position of Iudex. I’ve already established a timeline of events in a previous headcanon post of mine: the Cataclysm happens ~500 years ago and Egeria dies, Focalors becomes Archon and comes up with her plan to combat the prophecy, Neuvillette becomes Iudex, not long after that the whole Narzissenkreuz Ordo shebang takes place, this indirectly results in the creation of Melusines, and some 20 years later he both brings the Melusines to Fontaine AND introduces his “series of institutional reforms,” as he calls it. We've got that, right? Good.

The rest under the cut because it's kinda long and rambly.

So here’s the thing. While some of those reforms may have concerned the Melusines - in between securing rights for them and making it possible for them to be employed in the Marechaussee Phantom - not all of them did. In fact, I believe most did not, and the same applies to the pushback and resistance that resulted. Yes, some of that was towards the Melusines and it was a serious issue, what with people literally throwing rocks at them, but from my understanding, the reforms Neuvillette introduced were on a fundamental level, possibly changing a lot about Fontaine’s political system. After all, simply bringing in some cute little half-dog-half-slug creechers wouldn’t badly damage the interests of multiple Fontainian factions.

Then again we’re talking about the nation that used to be ruled by its Archon, only for her to be lost in the Cataclysm. It then got Furina, who was just playing the role of the Archon and awaiting the grandest of trials, while the real successor made the Oratrice and locked herself up inside as she constructed a giant blade for her own head. Changes to the system would be necessary.

But. Something that made me wonder is that, even though some years did pass in that period, we’re still talking here about Neuvillette in his first century among humans, which means two important things. Firstly: if he still doesn’t feel like he has a solid grasp on both them and himself, he definitely did not have one back then. Secondly: he admitted that he was not particularly interested in humans in the beginning. It’s not like he didn’t care at all, but he could have just sat in his comfy chair and chilled, instead of creating more problems and stress for himself.

It’s worth noting here that, even though Neuvillette could easily become a dictator if he so desired - especially right now - he clearly has no intention of doing so. He views what he does as his duty, plain and simple, and is not that interested in consolidating power for himself. So the reforms had nothing to do with him being power-hungry. He briefly mentions that there were few people he could trust during that time, and I can imagine that he would have liked to change that if possible, but other than that…

I’m inclined to believe that he began to interfere because things were, plain and simple, bad.

Firstly, the old system that ends up uprooted as a result of Neuvillette’s reforms (and Vautrin’s revenge murder spree) is consistently referred to as a regime in his character quest. While the word does not have to have a negative meaning and connotation, it usually does while referring to a form of government, often standing next to words such as authoritarian and totalitarian. They could have used a simpler and more neutral word, such as system, and I’m choosing to believe that the decision to not do so was deliberate. This automatically paints it in a negative light when compared to the system set up later by Neuvillette. And it’s important to note that predominantly other characters use the term, not him - so this isn’t his attempt to color our opinion.

And secondly… While we don’t know every detail of Fontaine’s history, we do know of a few events that happened shortly before the Cataclysm, such as the Purge of Fleuve Cendre and the Siege of Poisson. Those names don’t sound like ones that would belong to pleasant events, do they? That’s because they don’t.

So now, for a quick history lesson: Fleuve Cendre used to be a basically lawless area, way worse than it is today. It was eventually taken over by one Eduardo Baker, who picked up a bronze pipe (aka the Ferryman) to “beat back the crocodiles, and then to protect the merchants from being extorted, harassed, and blackmailed by the gangs, resolving the disputes between Fleuve Cendre "compatriots," and blessing the newly wedded.” Of course, above ground it was decided that this situation could not last, and eventually the Maison Gardiennage raided the Fleuve Cendre and arrested many people there, including Eduardo and his entourage. This event became known as the Purge.

They were exiled to the desert - and no, I don’t know why they weren’t sent to the Fortress, but rather to freakin’ Sumeru, or what this says about international agreements between Fontaine and Sumeru regarding the former throwing its exiled criminals at the latter, but whatever - but they were rescued by Eduardo’s henchmen, seized the escorting Gardes as hostages, came back and occupied Poisson, from where they made a series of undisclosed “unreasonable demands”. This eventually culminated in the Siege of Poisson… which was basically a burning and a massacre. As a result of the intervention of the Marechaussee Hunters, the town was razed, many inhabitants were burned to death or killed in other ways, and Poisson never truly regained the glory it had back then.

Oh and by the way? Eduardo was the father of Jakob Ingold while the then-mayor of Poisson was the father of Rene de Petrichor, and after their fathers’ deaths, the two were sent to the Narzissenkreuz Institute. In other words, this whole shebang indirectly led to the entire Narzissenkreuz Ordo situation. And speaking of the Institute, can I just comment really quickly on how, at some point, someone decided that an affectionate but rather unintelligent Oceanid (Lyris didn’t understand causality and couldn’t count) and a retired Admiral of the Fontaine Navy were perfect candidates to run an orphanage for the children of disaster victims and criminals? Like dude, we all know that Fontaine’s child welfare services are a Big Yikes to this day, but apparently this situation has a history. Whew.

ANYWAY. What I wanted to say here is that both of those situations strike me as raids carried out by the authorities with little to no regard for the safety of civilians, especially the Siege of Poisson, considering its disastrous consequences. And these are just the two instances that we know about. This in combination with the use of the term regime paints an image of Fontaine as a rather… harsh and unforgiving place. The land of endless trials and unflinching justice, thrown into disarray after the calamitous Cataclysm and mourning its late Archon.

This is what Neuvillette would have encountered upon coming to Fontaine, and after allowing some years to pass and realizing that whatever authorities were in place at the time either couldn’t fix things, didn’t intend to, or just made them worse, he… basically decided, “damn. Even I don’t think you guys deserve this” and instigated his reforms.

I mean hell, according to his character stories, there was at least one point where he had to publicly clarify that he was not some kinda monster or demon sent to judge and punish all of Fontaine, only to instantly get accused of unending and dangerous ambitions - which does tell us a little about people’s attitude and mindset. I do personally headcanon that the aforementioned situation took place sometime around that period - late enough that the Fontainians realized he wasn’t a normal human due to the fact he wasn’t aging in spite of the passing of decades, early enough that there were still some tensions and stress in the society.

I do wonder and it is possible that part of it may have been due to his position actually being threatened, but I’m unsure on that. There are several mentions that the hardliners wanted him to give up more of his power, and I do believe that he, from the start, saw his position as the Iudex to be a task entrusted to him, and as such, losing it would have meant failure as far as he was concerned. So if the risk was of his power reduced to where he could no longer perform his duties, he would have reacted. He wasn’t interested in having more power, but he would refuse to have less of it. That said, the mentions of trying to force him to yield said power are all placed in time after the reforms were started by him, so I kinda see that more as a reaction to than the cause of everything. I am more inclined to believe that the reforms were a genuine attempt by Neuvillette to make things better, because they were not good. At all. And those who cared more about their cushy lives than anything else would have stirred up unrest in response, until first Carole the Melusine, and then the hardliners themselves paid for it with their lives.

So yeah! It was wack.

In short, if you think Fontaine has issues today, I think it used to be even worse.

[tsukiyadori]

Translation Quality of Fukou-kun wa Kiss suru shika nai Episode 1 on Viki

Since I saw somebody asking about the translation quality of Fukou-kun wa Kiss suru shika nai - I took a little look.

(Just the Viki episode 1 though, since I don't have a subscription and that's the only free episode right now. No Idea about Gagaolala's since I also don't have a subscription there either. Couldn't find what fansubs were referenced on quick look, so also no idea about that one. If somebody wants to provide sub-files I can take a look at the lines, too.)

My brain also blanked out with the OP and the ED has been skipped. (Spare me that bland canned Jpop please...) So no idea about the lyrics.

TL;DR first: Viki's for that episode is… passable. I have seen no hair pulling super major botches that are just utterly wrong and plot/context/characterization breaking. That being said, definitely don't expect brilliancy, either.

Some things that picked my attention in order of appearance:

In the prologue when Kouta talks about his type he uses 子 (ko). That implies a girl. After he drops the act, he's using 人間 (ningen) which means human. This was quaint, because usually you would opt to 人 (hito, person) for something more neutral. No idea what this is supposed to imply or if at all. Translations are fine there, just a lost nuance.

I'm sure I'll meet some great friends -> I'm sure there will be wonderful new meetings/encounters 出会い (deai) is used, which is meeting/encounter. This can mean all sorts of things in that vein, but expressly also means you might have your fated mate meeting (運命の出会い, unmei no deai). So it's definitely implied he's hoping for a bit more. (But the context also supplies this information already, so nothing really lost.)

This introduction was all lies! -> By the way, this prologue just now was COMPLETELY all lies!

That got shortened and also looses out on the typography of the sign. There is this playfulness JP typography that never seems to translate well outside.

Dropping the sweet act, here's my actual introduction This one is actually a good localization. In the fake prologue he uses boku for I (usually more innocently boyish) which then is switched to ore (more rude, manly).

And I've finally come to this conclusion: I'm just meant to be unlucky -> I've arrived at the truth, I have an unlucky condition This is maybe a bit nitpicking. But it's less a conclusion but more like he found the root cause (the truth) and the way he describes his condition is using (体質, taishitsu), which is a physical condition. So basically he takes it in like an identified chronic illness he has no means to get rid of, and that's a mood that reflects across everything he says (to himself), which is full of bitter salty anger, envy or resignation. He also gets pretty venomous nasty often enough, with much ruder, colloquial speech (extension to the switch to ore) which I don't quite think the English captures with as much of a contrast to what he says out loud all that much. The actor's voice does tho, so it still has that vibe from there.

Kirari is a sound effect onomatopoeic word describing a twinkle. Which is why this is a bit of a wild nickname to have as an adult (and a guy).

Typo Izakoi instead of Izayoi once, so QC is probably not the tightest, but also not the worst since there was only one.

Shinomiya gets translated to Naoya, which means this one abides by Western name referencing of first names rather than keeping the Japanese one of referencing last names and its registers of intimacy it denotes. This is jarring by default if you hear Shinomiya, but read Naoya, but it's pretty standard a thing to happen with Japanese translations. What definitely is bad tho is that there is no consistency, because Kouta's acquaintances call him Fukuhara, which is his last name. (If this show ever starts making Kouta switch from Shinomiya to Naoya, and they make a big blushy drama out of it, which the Japanese love to do, probably expect this to make no sense in the translation.)

What a formidable guy -> What a dreadful/frightening guy

lady killer This is obviously a bit awkward with it being in a BL coming from a guy describing the effects on himself, but that one kind of has no short English word. Japanese uses 無自覚天然たらし (mujigaku tennen tarashi). mujigaku means unaware, tennen is a natural airhead (the one that breaks hearts like breathing and never notices) and tarashi means very (in a bit of a condescending manner) and amplifies this once more. (If there is a good Engilish expression, I'm all ears!)

I was hoping we could stay together always - let's stay together That is super awkward, but the translator probably tried their best to retain some levels of ambiguity for the misunderstanding. The word used is 付き合い (tsukiai), which can mean accompany but very much also means dating. The way Kouta asks it is literally how you'd ask somebody out for dating, and he does this even in a very typical girly shy manner (completely in contrast with his thoughts in more guyish informal register).

Other than that, the translation definitely doesn't feel like natural English, but also not like that Engrish you'd get from a Japanese native person usually. (My guess is it's intermediate-advanced proficiency, one of the typical pit traps in that stage is still to be too literal and have Japanese sentence structures invade your translation.) Refreshing for one doesn't sound like anything a native English speaker would say to describe a person. What is meant here is a person who is kind of upbeat and agreeable to their surroundings, or somebody who's good at smoothing things out with their way of talking. (But also not suave or so.) Maybe affable, amiable, pleasant? (But then I don't think Westerners ever mumble so fascinated about a person after they're gone, bar in a more sexually/romantically/idolizing coded fawning sense to begin with…?)

[delurkr]

This was going to be a reblog of @dennisseyebrows 's post and related to @tatjana-fantasy 's comment but their post doesn't deserve to have whatever this is dumped onto it so I decided to make it separate lol

So maybe it's just because I'm all about ✨complexity✨ in characters but I mainly like to see the doubles as facets of the same people instead of Anthony's corrective imagination. Basically like Amy, Anne, and Angela are all separate people but they're also all Amy, all Anne, and all Angela to fill in the gaps of what we aren't shown. About Joseph and Amy, they're happily married indeed but maybe their consistently ideal interactions are more representative of moments James and Anne had/have instead of how they used to always be. This is going into headcanon territory, but with Tanya saying "they've been arguing since we were in diapers" and just with the two of them having such strong personalities my guess is that conflict alternating with kiss-and-make-up is normal for them and, while it's not great for the kids, doesn't necessarily mean anything serious until it does.

And I feel like it's a deliberate point of the game that we get 30 minutes of people being more or less terrible to each other so that we're quick to pick sides and condemn them and assume this is actually how they are since it's our only exposure to them after all (so we think) and we go wow why don't some of them just part ways already, and then we spend the rest of the game learning more about them and their circumstances and seeing how their doubles can act the same while having more to them than that because in reality, there is always more to people (which is neutral btw; I'm not saying it to downplay the bad or the good). Also I'll say here that because of the current day cast's variability and having more than a few minutes with them I'd guess they are really the most comprehensive picture of each Clarke (their personalities and attitudes, not specifics like Taylor and Daniel dating or Angela being divorced and such). We have as good as they get in the 1600s era, as bad as they get in the 1970s, and the determinate present day to establish which side of each character wins out. Learning to look at what happened differently is very clearly the point of Megan's story and I mean why wouldn't it apply to the rest of the family too.

Also it's relevant that I think the underlying story is purgatory since there's hints to it, and if so, everyone's fates can't depend on the ways Anthony characterizes them; it would depend on the actual people making their own choices. But even interpreting it as all his imagination, it still remains that Anthony and the player are learning to make sense of his family being complicated and to see them apart from the last image he has of them that was (almost literally) burned into his memory. And part of the tragedy is that this family in no way "had it coming" (and I've seen players use those words) but they ended so unexpectedly at a genuine low point, like not only in life in general but also in a get-past-tonight-and-deal-with-it-in-the-morning sort of way, basically the kind of regrettable times that most of us have but usually have the chance to make up for later. Of course they didn't and the present day timeline is helping or hindering Anthony piecing together a more accurate understanding of Megan especially but also everything else that was going on with the family.

Anyway if you made it this far, congratulations, my lack of articulacy is annoying me and I don't how to end this but yeah I have these 6 people under the microscope every day and most of the time I like to look at the sets of doubles as 6 big beautiful layer cakes instead of more like how Anthony wished it was, but please know that none of this is me telling people how to enjoy the story of course, this is just how I get the most meaning out of it personally.

[stanknotstark]

Commanding Loki (just kind of happens)

Summary: You’re not really sure how it happens but you begin commanding Loki, the God of Mischief, around. To everyone’s shock, he happily obliges to your commands. 

The first time you do it in front of the Avengers they all kind of stop in shock.

"Loki, get me a soda before you sit down." You told rather than asked the God.

You were too busy looking at a tablet Tony had lent you to see him stop in his tracks. He glared at the Avengers looking at him, ready to attack him as if he was thinking about attacking you for giving him an order. They weren't wrong but only because you did it in front of everyone. Probably.

He got you a soda and sits next to you, rolling his eyes at your nonchalant thanks. 

The next time it happened was kind of a life or death situation.

"Loki, leave the room right now and calm yourself," You checked Thor's pulse through the gushing blood which made him slippery as an eel, "You either calm yourself and I’ll let you back in or you can sit out there like a petulant child. Go."

Natasha looked at you as if you were crazy, her hands pressing a t-shirt to Thor’s wound tightly. Loki heeded her no mind though and did as you told him.

He was welcomed back within 15 minutes.

Next, you do it more to push boundaries because Natasha had a conversation with you after Thor's fiasco. She's finds it quite funny that he obeys you like it's second nature but if anyone else dared do it he wouldn't hesitate to threaten their life. Trust me, Tony had wanted to test his boundaries and tried to do it too. Needless to say, Tony wouldn't be doing it again any time soon, he was still pissy some very expensive pieces of furniture got destroyed.

So one day while you and Loki are hanging out with Natasha, like you all consistently do because you three enjoy silence but companionship at the same time. You look across at Nat and grin, making sure Loki doesn't see it and commence your plan.

"Loki," Loki looks up from his book on midguardian foods newly introduced from 1996 to 2010, a questioning frown on his face, "Pass me the remote."

It's simple enough, nothing too strenuous. Yet.

"You have two perfectly functioning arms." Loki mutters but grabs the remote and gives it to you. You give him a genuine smile and you can see he has gone soft in the eyes before he looks at his book again. 

You glance at Nat with raised brows, she looks away with a smirk as you turn on the TV. Flicking through channels you finally settle on reruns of Stranger Things. Natasha gets interested and you kind of watch but mostly you're thinking about commanding Loki to do something else but what? Loki keeps looking at his book but you see him glancing up often to watch the show too.

"Hey, Cowboy," Loki growls at the name, it had come up when Thor told you he used to call him a cow for his horns, "Don’t sit like that you'll get scoliosis....if a God can get that." Loki who had slouched forwards blinked at you and sat up straight in shock from the bad posture. When you see him glower at the TV you smile, he's probably cursing midguardians for ruining his good posture.

"Thanks." You whisper.

Loki hums carelessly and puts his book down to instead watch the show. Natasha coughs into her hand (a hidden laugh, you knew Nat too well), Loki eyes her suspiciously, looks at you, then focuses back on the TV. You force yourself, with great resolve might you add, to not laugh. You let things settle again before you try the ultimate command.

"Ugh." You start, rolling your right shoulder around and poking at it as if it hurts. You're literally about to tell Loki to massage it for you but you’re struck by paralyzing shock. Loki had noticed your 'discomfort' and moved closer to you. Lifting his hands towards your shoulder he stopped and looked at you with a tilted brow, asking consent. 

Aww how sweet.

You nodded and shifted so he had better access to your back. One hand landed between your shoulders on your back and the other pinching the area where your shoulder met your arm and began massaging.

Shocked you let him staring at the TV but not knowing what is going on on the show. Loki and you had touched before so it's not so out in the left field that you're concerned but he was massaging you in front of Natasha. Your thoughts turned to mush as he pushes and pulls your body so he could access all of your back and starts massaging your entire back. You couldn't help the little whimpers and soft moans of delight. Not only was this man a God but he was literally gifted God like hands, unfair!

After letting out another whimper Loki stopped. You felt him shift back to his original spot and so you did too. Glancing at him you saw a hint of flushed cheeks as he stared at the TV distantly. Natasha was outright staring at him with both eyebrows raised to her hairline, it looked like.

Loki cleared his throat and left with an offhand excuse.

Once Loki left the area Natasha's eyes fell onto you. She smirked lecherously but said nothing about what had just happened. Turning her attention back to the show when you shrugged your shoulders, completely flustered. 

She asks, "So like, I don’t doubt Will is going to be found but does Barbara make it?"

You smile and settle into the couch, "You'll find out in a few episodes."

Natasha groans and you laugh. You know she hates not knowing but if she's truly desperate she can look it up on Google or ask Jarvis.

The next time you command him it's another crisis. 

In short, Thor and Loki are arguing, both clearly in a ferocious rage in the kitchen. All the team is there to experience it this time too.

"No, Thor, I cannot simply understand why you would defend those inept idiots you call friends. If you think they're in the right you’re more brainless than I thought!" Loki yells at Thor who now looks like a kicked puppy and your motherly instincts kick in.

"Hey!" Loki looks at you shocked, this is the highest he's ever heard your voice, and probably the angriest too because you just don’t get mad. You have the patience of a Buddha God, Tony likes to say. 

"You apologize to him right now, then you will listen to what your brother has say, and if you interrupt him I will show you just how minuscule a God can be to a non believer."

The entire kitchen is silent. Tony looks like he wants to flee the area, he's been on your angry side once before. Steve is practically engraving the table with his eyes. Natasha shrugs and continues eating her meal, the utensils clipping the plate the only noise in the room.

Loki looks at Thor and raises a brow. Thor, still looking at you, swallows and begins to talk, focusing on his brother again. 

"Im trying to learn but I don’t know how to stay neutral between your feelings and my friend's-"

Loki opens his mouth but slams it shut when you snap your fingers.

"-i do not want to offend anyone but every choice i make I offend you and I’m sorry brother, I truly am. What can I do to amend things between us?"

Loki glances at you to see if he may talk now. At your nod he says, "Start by supporting your brother sometimes. I don't ask that you stand behind every argument between your friends and I but you never fail to support them, it seems. You can't please everybody Thor, and you can't stay neutral forever, at some point you have to realize that you have to pick a side and who's side."

Thor has lost to kicked puppy look but he now frowns and nods, staring at the floor with guilt. Loki's hand comes up, hesitates, then he places it on Thor's arm for a second and swiftly leaves.

When no one moves for a few seconds you clear your throat and they all go back to whatever they were doing before the argument escalated out of proportion, you included.

You realize you may have tiptoed the line of being fair with that last command so you let it rest for awhile, give Loki some space. He of course notices your avoidance because Tony had asked you what was up between you both, stating that the God had asked him if anything was bothering you. Usually Loki came to you with his concerns, not being the type of person to talk behind someone’s back. 

You sigh and tell Tony you’re fine, that you’ll talk to him. So you head out from Tony’s lab and search for Loki. He isn’t in the living room, kitchen, or even his own bedroom. You remember him once stating that he likes read on the roof sometimes, Tony had build Loki a garden up on the roof at one point since Loki clearly missed the garden from home, Asgard. A small gesture but a true turning point for both Tony and Loki’s relationship you think. 

Walking out on the roof you don’t see Loki in the garden so you murmur a few expletives and make your way back to the door when a voice calls out your name. You follow the sound and find Loki hidden on a corner of the roof, sitting on the edge of the building. 

Walking up behind him you ask, “Can we talk?”

“You’ve never asked before, don’t see why you’d start now.” Loki says, no contempt in his voice though, it’s just very...neutral. 

You force out a small laugh, hearing your own tenseness in it, “Ya, about that..”

You sit next to Loki letting your legs dangle over the ledge like Loki does now. His legs kick every once in awhile giving him an almost childlike appearance. 

“First off, I’m sorry.”

“For what?” Loki looks at you.

“I was out of line the other day with you and Thor. Not just then I’ve been, well, commanding you to do things for me and that’s...it’s not...right?” You finish lamely, your face a big grimace but you look Loki in the eyes when you apologize.

“That’s why you’ve been avoiding me?” Loki says with mirth lingering in his words. 

“Well, ya, is there some other reason I should have?” You squint at him suspiciously.

“No.”

Loki looks at you with an innocent look on his face, which you know is pure bullshit, but you let it slide. Shaking your head with a smile you then look out across the open skyline below you. 

“Apology accepted.” Loki says after some time has past. Your shoulders, which had tensed involuntarily, now relax. 

You don’t react, well more like force yourself not to, when you feel Loki’s hand come to rest atop yours which had been supporting you on the ledge. Loki lets his hand rest there before he gets more confident and intertwines both of your fingers. You smile, finally looking at Loki who is already staring at you brazenly. 

“Kiss me.” 

“What?”

“Did I fucking stutter?”

Loki smirks then leans in, his left hand coming to cradle your head at your jaw and kisses you. At first softly, as if testing the waters, then begins to put more passion behind it as you lean into him. His tongue gently swipes across your bottom lip and you open your mouth to let him explore. 

If you thought this man had God like hands....

When you’re both breathless you part but keep your faces close together. Your eyes roam over his face, noting how young he looks right now, how vulnerable, and bite your lip. Loki’s eyes drop to your lips and uses a thumb to pull your lip from your teeth lest you bruise them more. “Don’t bite them, it is my job to bruise them.” Loki says breathlessly. 

Much later, when it’s dark out, you both come back into the tower and make your way to the living room. The first person you see is Natasha who, legit, smiles at the look of you two. Tony who notices Nat smiling looks where she’s looking and whistles at the two of you who decide to share a love seat. 

“Shut up.” You command the two of them. 

You were sure the both of you made a pretty funny picture. Your hair was most likely tousled, too much so to just be from the wind, and Loki’s lips were nearly purple with bruising so no doubt yours were any less. Not to mention the both of you were too incredibly happy, which ya you being happy is normal but it was almost an alarming amount of giddiness and Loki doesn’t normally show his emotions so openly like this. 

Tony smirks, raises a brow and points the remote at the TV. “Stranger Things?” 

You, very much flustered, clear your throat and say yes. 

[imaginarydesires]

Pedro Pascal

Character Preferences

How They React to Being Your First ♡

Warnings: 18+, sexual content, loss of virginity

Notes: gender-neutral-ish - there are no pronouns so it could be considered a female reader or male bottom.

❥ Dave York

He loves the idea of taking your innocence from you almost as much as he loves the idea of you willingly giving it to him. He’ll never forget the way you looked at him with those doe-eyes and told him you wanted him for your first. The idea of being the first to ever be inside of you was intoxicating. Partly due to his excitement, he’s not gentle, at least not as gentle as you would have liked. He’s slower than he usually is with lovers, but he still hurts as he takes you, and he doesn’t slow down. Your moans consisting of a mixture of pain and pleasure are all the motivation he needs to quicken his pace and fill you.

❥ Din Djarin

“Are you sure you want me, cyar’ika?” His mind races with negative thoughts of himself. He believes you deserve someone better to deflower you. He believes you deserve to look into the eyes of someone as they take you, not looking into the reflection of a black shield. You’re reassuring him more than he’s reassuring you at first. But then he takes you, and he’s gentle, making sure you’re comfortable and constantly asking if you are okay. He’d never been so careful with someone before, so concerned with whether they were enjoying it as much as he was.

❥ Ezra Prospect

He’s not as concerned with being gentle as he is with being passionate. He wants your first to be a memorable one, with someone who genuinely pines for you, and he knows he’s that man. He’s poetic, whispering into your ear a combination of lovely words to relax you into him. “Your body is emphatically heavenly, my exquisite little angel.”

❥ Frankie “Catfish” Morales

He’s nervous to be your first, maybe even more nervous than you. He wanted everything to be just right. You deserved everything to be perfect. He laid flowers around the bed and lit candles that scattered the room. He played soft music from a playlist he knew you liked. He did anything and everything he could to calm you and make you happy. He was sweet and gentle, constantly asking if you were okay, reassuring you that you are beautiful and that he loves you.

❥ Jack "Whiskey" Daniel

He's watched you and wanted you for so long, but he never imagined you had not been deflowered. He doesn't have to remind himself to take it slow. He was planning on it even before he learned of your innocence. He wanted to savor you, remember how you taste and feel underneath him. The sweet words he whispers in your ear calm you and reassure you that you picked the perfect man for your first time - he would not disappoint you and he would not let you forget this moment.

❥ Javier Peña

When you told him you were a virgin, he was shocked and, quite frankly, scared. He had mostly been with whores. Hell, he could barely remember the last time he was with someone who wasn’t a whore - or at least could have been one. He asked you at least a million times if you were sure you wanted it to be him, and at least a million times you assured him you would choose no one else. He was gentle, more gentle than he had every been with anyone, but once he got started, he couldn’t stop. Everything about you intoxicated him.

❥ Marcus Moreno

He's honored that you would choose him to be your first. If he hasn't already told you he loves you, he will now. He wants you to know you are giving away yourself to someone who will love you for the rest of your life. He recognizes this is not a decision to be made lightly, and he reassures you adamantly. When he finally takes you, he's slow. He takes his time, knowing you deserve it to be perfect.

❥ Max Phillips

He’s so excited, he can barely contain himself. He never knew someone being a virgin was a turn-on for him until you were under him. He didn’t ask if you were sure, didn’t reassure you that he would take care of you. He just fucked you, obsessed with how tight you were. He moaned into your ear and told you how good you were for him. He used you and, once the pain subsided, you loved every second of it.

❥ Maxwell Lord

When you told him you were a virgin, you were all he could think about. He wanted to take your virginity so bad, it overpowered his daily thoughts. Every time he saw you, he wanted you there and then. One night after he took you to dinner, you finally said you wanted him. He had to force himself to not bury himself into you immediately. He was surprisingly gentle, at least at first, but that changed as you adjusted to him. “Can I go faster?” He asked, and when you nodded in approval, that was all he needed to fuck you into the mattress until you were crying out his name.

❥ Oberyn Martell

Choosing one of the most well versed men in all of the Seven Kingdoms to take your virginity was both a blessing and a curse. He was delighted to be your first. He imagined devouring you so none of your future lovers could ever compare to him. He wanted you to think of him every time another man touched you. He went painfully slow, taking his time going down on you, making sure you finished a few times before he even began to fuck you. But his fingers had gotten to know you so well that when he did take you it wasn’t nearly as painful as you anticipated. Which he fully planned for because he knew he wouldn’t be able to take it slow with you once he felt how tight you were. He wanted to hear you moan his name as you came on him again and again.

❥ Pero Tovar

This man does not know how to be gentle. He's never necessarily made love - he's always been the man in the brothels fucking the whores until they were screaming. So, when you tell him you're a virgin, he is undeniably panicked. "Hermosa, are you sure you want a rough man like me?" You guarantee him you desire no one else. He is as easy on you as he knows how to be - always asking if what he is doing is okay and making sure his movements are fluid instead of his usual sharp thrusts. He wants to make it good for you, something special that you will remember even long after he's gone.

[fenristheorem]

it´s me again u.u! how about lance + begging nsfw please?

You again!? Well goodness, you just can’t get enough of Lance it seems, haha. Don’t worry, I can’t get enough either.

Writing this as a scenario because it’s specific enough to do so 😏

There is begging but it comes in a bit later, there’s a lot of build up to it lol.

*Note: This is an nsfw ask so it will include detailed sex scenes and - considering it includes begging - very kinky sex. Don’t read if you feel you won’t be comfortable with this subject. Minor swearing. Also, this starts off immediately in the thick of it, so don’t start reading until you’re comfortable (and alone) lol.

I usually write with the term Guardienne due to the neutrality of it, but it seems a bit... weird? for Lance to be saying that instead of an actual name in this case (since Guardienne isn’t an ‘actual name’), so I’ll substitute with the name Erika to give more flow(?) to the situation.

~Under the cut~

Lance + begging nsfw (+ bondage as discussed, and blindfolding because it’s wonderful - and let’s face it, Lance wouldn’t beg if he can do something about it so the man would need to be helpless):

Aged ropes - worn well from years of use elsewhere - creaked dangerously as Lance flexed his arms and tensed his body. His back arced and hips lifted slightly off the bed as he snapped his eyes shut and panted. He wasn’t entirely sure how he ended up in this situation - his thoughts were cloudy and wouldn’t allow him to think that far back and in detail, especially with the slick, velvety pair of lips that sucked delicately at the skin between his thigh and ball sac. His hardened cock twitched and he groaned lowly as her tongue lapped his skin for a moment before she pulled away.

Released now from the rippling pleasure, he breathed out and relaxed, nearly ashamed at how sensitive he had become. Sure, he was prone to succumbing to sensual physical touch quite easily, but he rarely displayed this much sensitivity at this intensity. It seems like she must have caught him on a good night.

The female pulled away to gaze at the man underneath her - lacking all articles of clothing and looking more gorgeous than ever as a thin layer of sweat slowly manifested on his skin. Powerful, scarred arms reached up towards the headboard, wrists bound tightly in musty old rope that seemed to be just barely withstanding his strength. It was faintly frayed in a few areas, and hopes that it would last the night passed through her mind. Lance broke the last one they used; it was thinner and was braided differently than the one they were using now, but newer than this old rope. However, the vendor at the market selling rope was closed today, and her their patience couldn’t last through the night, so they had to make due with the dubious old rope she found way deep in the guard’s stores until tomorrow came, where she could buy another stronger rope. Fortunately this one seemed to be holding for now, but it was completely unknown on if that would remain.

Her eyes trailed over Lance’s wrists - not rope-burned thankfully, but definitely unable to escape unless the rope broke. His circulation looked fine based on his skin tone, and as her gaze trailed back down again she couldn’t help but admire the thick veins that wound down his forearms. She threw a glance at his burning icy eyes - narrowed in a glare of pleasure and irritation - as she climbed over him, straddling his abdomen before flicking her gaze to his parted lips and then back to his eyes.

“What do you want?” Her voice was a low, husky murmur as she stared enticingly into the dragon’s eyes, shifting to rest her hands on his broad chest and accentuate her naked breasts.

His gaze twitched as she did so, but he didn’t leave her eyes as he narrowed his further and growled deep within his chest, almost so that she could feel the reverberation underneath her palms. The dragon’s answer was clear.

“What do you want me to do?” She asked again, her head tilting slightly and hair spilling over her shoulder.

Lance’s nostrils flared slightly under a heaving a breath when she adjusted her hips, resting her weight on his abdomen and shifting in a continuous rotating motion, just a mere few inches away from where he’d like to feel her slickness instead. Every movement downward allowed the tip of his cock to brush against her rear, just enough to create some sort of tempting friction that sparked another wave of feral impulses to flow through him and buck his hips. The woman above him quickly lifted her weight off of him at this, narrowing her eyes slightly and giving a faint coy smile.

“Erika.” He growled her name, impatience rising within him.

She had been continuing her teasing ministrations for nearly an hour based on his internal clock, starting from foreplay, then pinning him down - at his will - and tying him up.

That’s how she got him like this.

He remembered clearly now when she brought him down on the bed and gently traced along his arms, bringing them over his head to hold his wrists together as she dug around in a bedside drawer. Lance humored her by submitting and laying obediently as she began tying his wrists with the rope, and then tying that to the headboard - only to realize too late that she could tie quicker and stronger than he thought when preoccupied with teasing her neck, and he found himself genuinely bound without easy escape. He had glared at her as he struggled against the restraints for a minute while she backed away, reminding him of their consistently unused safe-words as she reached under his knees to wrap her arms around and grasp at the top of his thighs before pulling. Once leaning up and struggling faintly with the knot, he found himself completely against the bed sheets with his arms gently taught above his head, and Erika made sure to keep him like that by placing her hands on his waist immediately and resting her weight on him to keep him from pulling himself back up. She made quick work of his pants from there, and the rest is history. 

Now, leaning teasingly above him, Erika’s skin crawled with anticipation as she recalled her victory. Rarely could she get Lance bound without his true obedience to the matter, so having this powerful man underneath her truly by her own accord made him seem that much more feral and dangerous - which made her feel that much more powerful. Technically he could use their safe words to get out of this - their first rule is to always obey the safe words, it overrules all other rules - but she knew he wouldn’t. He would make his resistance interesting by actually using his wits to escape, not taking the low road and using the safe words just because he feels taken down a notch by being so easily bound while being completely aware of her game.

However, he didn’t seem to want to play her game. That would make sense; he’s not one to beg, but Erika set her ambitions on hearing him plead, so by the oracle that’s what’s going to happen.

She smiled at his low growl before taking her weight off of the hands on his chest, turning back to the drawer she pulled the rope from - she still had a few other techniques to disarm him further...

“Not in the mood to ask, huh? I’m sure that’ll change.”

Lance’s gaze flicked over to the dark, thin cloth she held in her hand, and then to her playful grin as she looked back at him. He could do nothing to resist her as she used both hands to place the cloth meticulously over his eyes and around his head, tucking the loose ends behind him to keep it in place.

“Not too tight?”

Erika gently tested the tightness of the blindfold by slipping a finger between the cloth and his skin, finding it loose enough to provide comfort but tight enough to keep him effectively blind.

Lance openly bared his teeth and snarled at her from deep in his throat - not the first time he’s done that, usually when he’s angered or irritated in ways he doesn’t know how to express, but occasionally to humor her. It was a mix of both irritation and humor that drove him to snarl this time.

“Oh dear! I suppose I should beg for you not to hurt me?” Her voice was a coy, amused teasing that drew a mean but genuine smile from Lance as they both shared a hushed laugh.

“Only if you don’t want me to hurt you.” He purred.

Erika hummed in response as her weight shifted above him.

“I don’t think there’s a lot you could do right now anyways.” Her voice was silky and light as she teased him, and the only warning Lance had was her weight settling between his legs again before she licked a path up the middle of his sac until the base of his cock. He gasped a quick moan, the smile dropping from his face before he clamped his mouth shut and bit his lower lip. 

This woman would be the death of him.

Erika held his shaft with two fingertips of one hand as she brushed her lips up his length, stopping just before his head before ghosting her way back down. She moved to the soft, sensitive skin between his thigh and sac again - this time on the other side than she was before - and gently sucked a small portion of the skin into her mouth, licking and attentively sucking to assure she wasn’t being too rough to the point of pain. The hand that wasn’t holding his twitching cock rested on the inner of his thigh as she moved again, pressing a firm, wet kiss to the curve of his sac. The muscles under her hand tensed as she did so before she pulled back slightly.

“I can keep at this for a good, long time you know. Are you sure you want to be that stubborn? I could relieve you, all you need to do is ask nicely.” Erika drew the words out tauntingly, watching the dragon’s facial expressions as she spoke and hoping he would give some hint that he would crack and yield to begging.

However, Lance refused to give in so soon. He knew he was in a bad position; he couldn’t move, couldn’t see, and now he feared opening his mouth for any reason lest he somehow ended up pleading instead, but he refused to go down without a fight. Instead, he took a steady breath and willed himself to relax as much as possible again, mentally steeling himself to avoid any possible temptation of pleading for her from entering his mind.

All of his mental preparation, however, fled from him when he felt her fingertips brushing his inner thigh, before warm, silken lips took one of his balls into her mouth as her tongue gently lapped at his skin. 

Fire rolled underneath his skin as he tensed again, impulsively flexing his arms and pulling down before they came to an abrupt halt as the rope reached it’s limit. A shaky, rumbling breath made it’s way from his throat as electricity surged through his veins and settled at the base of his cock, sparked from the persistent restraint that rendered him helpless. In this moment he never wanted to break a restraint so badly, so he resolved to pulling further against the ropes, encouraged by the faint creak of either bed or rope, until he couldn’t find it within himself to apply more pressure while under such states of intense desire. 

Erika glanced up as she swirled her tongue around the tender skin, her own skin shivering momentarily as she watched Lance’s display of strength against his restraints. She sucked harder at him - testing the limits - as the thrill encouraged her, wondering how long this could continue for before the ropes broke under the might of the ice dragon. Did it even occur to him to perhaps use his ice to freeze the rope and snap it? Was he fully aware, but wished to prove that he could escape without the use of his dragon ability? Erika watched with anticipation as she teased him, awaiting his next move. How wonderful it was, doing something so lewd to such a powerful man as he fought for control under the weight of his own rules.

She adjusted herself again, gently releasing his skin from her mouth before teasing her lips around his other ball, only to back away again a few short moments later.

Lance huffed a shaky breath as he relaxed slightly, the ropes binding him loosening just a bit when he did so.

“What do you want me to do, hmm? What do you want me to do next?” Erika watched Lance closely again as she spoke, once again attempting to assess where his level of self-control was.

Lance parted his lips, unknown but desperate words lingering at the tip of his tongue, before he resorted to shaky breathing. He knew she could keep at this game for a while, keeping him at the edge of pleasure and infuriating him just enough so he would eventually buckle and give her what she wanted, but he still wasn’t ready - he had a bit of composure left.

However, the one small gesture told Erika exactly what she needed to know. She kissed along his lower abdomen, nipping lightly once in a while, before dipping back down to his ball sac, taking the first ball gently into her mouth to tease again before letting go and taking the one she neglected into her mouth. Lance’s back arched slightly in response and he bucked his hips when she began tracing her tongue over the sensitive skin. Her hand caressed his cock, thumb rising to pass over his slit where precum was dripping, and stroked once as he bit his lip and tensed against his restraints again.

Erika released him from her mouth and moved to lean over his cock, running the tip of her tongue from his sac, up his throbbing shaft, until she felt the ridge of his head before backing away again.

“I need you to beg for me, Lance. Tell me what you want me to do.”

She spoke knowing he was probably drowning in relentless waves of pleasure from her bold actions, hoping it would weaken his resolve further. For assurance that her tactic would work, she immediately leaned back down after speaking and ran the flat of her tongue over his cock head, tasting the salty tang of precum as she passed over his slit.

Lance grunted, a minor desperate note in the sound, and rolled his hips, gasping faintly when he felt her lips brush his head momentarily. However, Erika quickly pulled back, taking both hands off of him and refusing to initiate skin contact.

“Lance,” she started, her voice a lewd murmur. She knew exactly how far to push him now. “If you want that you need to beg. Beg to feel my lips sucking you off.”

Erika traced a finger over his cock head before leaning back down and running her tongue underneath the ridge, brushing her lips over his head in a soft kiss as she laid her hand on his abdomen and dragged her palm lower, towards his sac.

Lance bit his lip and groaned again as Erika gently took his sac in hand and squeezed softly, before she pulled away and held his cock in her palm instead. She teased one of his balls into her mouth again, adjusting properly as Lance’s hips rolled when she stroked his cock, and swirled her tongue around it before sucking lightly and pulling gently back.

“Fuck, Erika, please!”

The words escaped Lance before he had a chance to argue against himself, caught agonizingly in the desperation of wanting to feel her lips around him again. Tight coils settled in his lower abdomen as his cock throbbed in her palm, and the precum that was slowly slickening her touch on him only encouraged his desire to feel her lips sucking him off.

“Please what?”

Erika pulled gently away from him to speak, brushing her lips over his skin still and flicking her tongue out to lap at his cock when she could.

“I...” The dragon hesitated, not knowing how to find his words.

Erika leaned back down momentarily and sucked the flesh of his sac into her mouth, purposely excluding his balls, before releasing again and dragging her tongue from his sac, between his balls, up to his head. Lance jerked momentarily against his restraints and released a faint growl as he bucked his hips, and Erika humored him by complying to his wishes and wrapped her lips around the head of his cock, swirling her tongue and lightly sucking as she pulled steadily back to release him again. Lance’s hips rose off the bed to keep his cock in contact with her lips as she pulled away.

“Fuck, alright! I need you to suck me off! I need to feel you!”

His hips rested against the bed as Erika pushed him back down, bobbing her head once to take him further into her mouth. Her tongue ran along the underside of his shaft as his cock throbbed, precum seeping out of his slit to mix with her saliva and help slicken him. Lance moaned as he rolled his hips, enjoying the warm wetness of her mouth before she pulled away again.

“If you beg more I’ll swallow.”

“Only if I can watch.”

She smiled as she leaned up and grasped the blindfold, and with a flick of her wrist the blindfold drifted off the bed and towards the ground. Her eyes met with Lance’s piercing blue eyes - weighed heavy with lust - for only a moment before she leaned back down and took his cock in her mouth again.

Lance’s gaze followed her as she bobbed her head, gently sucking and swirling her tongue around his head when she came back up. One of her hands came to the base of his shaft, encircling her thumb and forefinger around his base and squeezing. He groaned and slightly rolled his hips, embracing another wave of warm electricity that came cascading through his veins as he tilted his head back and closed his eyes.

Erika pulled back for a moment, tilting her head to the side to lick along the dry skin further down on his shaft before taking his head in her mouth again. She eased herself further down, slowing as she felt his head press against the back of her mouth, but persisted and relaxed herself so she could take more of his cock.

Lance gasped quietly as Erika swallowed him, pulling against his restraints before releasing a loud groan.

“Fuck yes. Let me cum in your mouth, please let me cum in your throat.”

Lance’s voice was low - laced with the rumblings of a growl - as his abdomen tensed and breathing increased to a light pant. He rolled his hips as gently as possible, asking for more without making her too uncomfortable to the point of pulling away.

Erika released his base and took the rest of his shaft into her palm, slowly backing off to allow herself a moment to relax as her hand followed the direction of her head movement. She swirled her tongue around his head and stroked his shaft, pulling away momentarily to drag her tongue up the middle of his sac and take one of his balls into her mouth again. The pad of her thumb swiped across his slit, spreading more precum as he groaned, before she gently pulled her mouth away with a gentle tug and took his head into her mouth again.

Her hand stroked his cock at the same pace that she bobbed her head, continuously going deeper every time, and licking the sensitive underside of the ridge below his head when she came back up, until his head was pressing against her throat again. She gently squeezed his shaft once as she relaxed herself and took him further into her throat again, giving herself a moment to adjust before moving slightly.

Lance groaned as she took him into her throat again, abdomen tightening and hips rolling like earlier. He panted, casting a glance at her to make sure she wasn’t displaying signs of distress, before gently bucking his hips. Erika held steady, meeting his gentle movements with further advancements of her own as she stroked with her hand what she could. Lance squinted his eyes shut again, a small shiver rippling through him as he felt his oncoming release.

“Let me... please! Yes, like that!”

He panted his words and arched his back as Erika tightened her throat around him, applying more pressure to the underside of his shaft with her tongue and pulling back slightly for a moment before swallowing him again.

Lance struggled against the restraints again - tensing and pulling so hard he was sure that he’d break something - before the impending wave of fire rolled through him. He bucked his hips a last time, a shout escaping him as he released himself. 

Erika held still as Lance’s cock throbbed in her throat, a strong, salty taste making itself apparent a few moments later as the dragon panted and slowly relaxed. She gently pulled back after a few heartbeats - keeping in mind that he would likely be sensitive now - before glancing up and locking her gaze with a sated blue gaze. Without a moment’s hesitation, she swallowed and licked her lips, as promised, and Lance narrowed his eyes slightly.

Her gaze broke from his and she leaned off the side of the bed, taking his discarded shirt from earlier.

“You can clean yourself up, right? I need to wash myself off quickly, I’ll be back in a minute.”

She tossed the shirt casually onto Lance’s chest and rose tediously from the bed, testing to make sure she could stand after so long in an odd position.

“Uh... wait!? I can’t...”

Minor alarm laced Lance’s voice - a rare thing to hear from him - so Erika immediately stopped all she was doing and looked towards him, remembering now that he couldn’t, in fact, clean himself up. He was still restrained.

“Wait, you really can’t break out of that!?”

Sure he was restrained, but the last rope he broke was much stronger than the current one, and not as frayed as this old one. Apparently the little old rope could stand to a dragon’s strength.

He merely gave her a look;  a raised eyebrow combined with a half amused glare.

“Your ice-”

“Hey, I can answer that question while you unite me.”

Lance watched her stubbornly, a twitch at the corner of his mouth signaling the beginning of a small smile.

Erika rolled her eyes.

“Your ice can’t freeze it then shatter it or something?”

She was sure he had that ability, so why didn’t he just do that? Regardless, she went to untying him, gently loosening the ropes around him and affectionately brushing her hands along his arms to soothe any pains the rope could have caused from his fighting, until he was completely free.

And then she was grabbed by the waist and pinned on the bed.

“What-”

“You really think you can tie me up, blindfold me, and then ask me to beg for you without there being consequences? I think it’s only fair that you know what that feels like now.”

Lance already had both her wrists pinned under his large hand and was setting to work with the rope, and Erika couldn’t help but fight the anticipating grin that slowly overcame her as she realized what that would entail for her.

She hoped for a moment that the rope would break, and then decided against it. If begging for Lance came along with his tantalizing teasing, she certainly couldn’t complain.

~I hope you like this! I don’t entirely know how to talk teasingly so the dialogue might not be the best, but otherwise I think I wrote pretty well. 😂

Thank you for asking, darling! ❤️

Have a request? Ask them here!

But first, please read the rules list for asks!

[minghaocouture]

Title: Crazy in Love Pairing: Xu Minghao (SVT) x Gender Neutral Reader Genre: Fluff, Single Parent AU Warnings: Mild Language WC: 8k+ Collab: Love is: on the Radio - hosted by @haechanblr and @secndlife​

A/N: So...I know this is an x reader but when writing this I definitely focused more on Minghao’s relationship with the reader’s daughter, and I’m not sorry. I absolutely loved this prompt and got a bit carried away with it lol. Also I did use the term ‘Nini’ as a gender neutral parent term for the reader! Also, ALSO am I dropping this after almost 3 months of inactivity...yes, did I write this back in like...December? Also yes.

Tag List: @woozisnoots @kpop-in-new-albion @tleeee @uglychildd @samemagicpoint @rjsmochii @svtjuniverse @karmacqre @dwcljh @taeyeon-got-shmoney @seungsanhun @haotheheckk​ @karrotkarrotkarrot​ @skylions-den​ @sehunnies-hunnie96​ @coppertrashi​

“That’s a wrap for today. Great job everyone, remember to practice at home during the week okay?” 

A small chorus of affirmation echoed through the small dance hall. Minghao couldn’t stop himself from smiling as he watched his class pack up their belongings so that they could join their parents out in the waiting room. It was always a bittersweet feeling, sure he liked teaching his adult classes but the lessons with the children were always much more entertaining. Always dancing just for the fun of it all, rather than for some end goal. A part of him missed being that carefree, which is probably why his 6-10 class was his favorite.

“Mr. Haohao.” He was pulled from his thoughts by the small voice of one of his students, Sofie. She was rather short for a 7 year old, but she made up for her height with her fiery temper. He’d even seen her hit one of the older boys once when he had been insulting one of their classmates (which he had let slide, chastising her slightly but also getting onto the boy she had punched for being rude.). Currently though, that fiery temper was replaced with a small almost pitiful pout. 

“Uncle Jiji isn’t here…” She muttered, her tiny fists clenched the straps of her backpack as she stared up at him. It wasn’t the first time this had happened, and honestly Hao felt bad for the young girl. She was usually dropped off an hour or so earlier than the rest of the class, so she was forced to sit with her back against the wall as Minghao taught his ages 11-15 class, and she would always be the last to be picked up. He had never met her parents before, only this ‘Uncle’ of hers named Jihoon, who was almost consistently late when it came to picking her up.

Minghao knelt down and gave her a small smile, gesturing his head towards his office to the left. Such a simple action had a small grin start to spread over the child’s face.

“Well, you can head to my office. You know where the snacks are so help yourself.” Just like that, her sour mood was turned on its head and she let out a cheer before dashing towards his open office door. He pushed himself back up, and followed after her, preparing to get some paperwork done before his next class which thankfully wasn’t for another hour and a half. He watched as she climbed into his desk chair and pulled open the top drawer of his work desk. He had started stashing snacks in there after the first few times she had been left here after hours, as people tend to get hungry after dancing and Sofie was no exception. 

As soon as the pepero box was in her hand, she jumped off of the chair and dashed over to one of the plush armchairs that he kept on the other side of his desks for when he had meetings. Minghao couldn’t help but laugh a bit as she tore open the lid of the box, grumbling at the foil bagging on the inside and how it always seemed to give her trouble when she tried to open it. Minghao took his seat, letting her fumble with the item for a moment as he got a few of his papers in order. He knew better than to offer help too early, she would get upset if he did, so he always waited. 

As if on cue, she sat up on her knees in the chair and leaned over his desk with the box stretched out towards him.

“Open please!” He did just that, ripping the thin foil with ease before passing the box back to the child. She quickly began munching away on the chocolate sticks and Minghao began working. It was sort of a routine that the two had developed since she started talking lessons with him.

“Sofie, why doesn’t your parents ever come pick you up?” The question left his lips before he could stop it. Despite the girl’s unusual situation, he tried not to pry into the lives of his students so he had never asked. He just let her leave with Jihoon, who had also signed her up for the class, and then went through the same routine the next week.

He watched as the young girl pulled another stick out of the box, shoving it into her mouth at lightning fast speeds. Watching her, it reminded him of a chipmunk the way she was furiously munching at the snack as if it would disappear if she took too long.

“Nini works a lot! So they ask Uncle Jiji for help sometimes.” She began, munching loudly on her pepero as she swung her tiny legs out to lightly kick his desk. He had asked her once why she did that, and she just said she liked the noise it made, so he didn’t bother telling her to stop. “But Nini always comes home after work and we play tea party and superheroes together before bedtime!”

It wasn’t a lot of information but at least Minghao had a small grasp on the situation. At least it seemed like Sofie was coping well? Or at least from what he could tell, obviously he wasn’t around all the time. Despite that, he had come to care for the young girl after all the time the two had spent together. 

As he went to ask another question he heard the sound of the door to his dance studio swinging open, followed by the heavy sound of footsteps. His head snapped towards the door to his office, but from the angle he was at he couldn’t see whoever had entered.

“Sofie??” An unfamiliar voice echoed through the empty space. This person was obviously looking for the little girl sitting across from Minghao, but it wasn’t the familiar voice of her Uncle this time. Before Minghao could look back over at the child to question her, she had already bolted out of room and towards the mysterious voice. So, Minghao did what any sane person would do and followed her.

“Nini!” The child screamed, rushing over to the ‘stranger’ and jumping into your open arms as you knelt down. The person, whom Hao was now assuming was in fact Sofie’s parent, pulled the girl close and held her tightly. “Nini, I thought you had to be a vampire hunter tonight??”

You laughed, pulling away from the girl just enough to squeeze her cheeks between your palms. Sofie laughed as her you  shook her head from side to side, making a no motion.

“Well, they didn’t need me anymore. Turns out I’d fought most of those silly vampires! So I came to pick you up,” Your smile softened, and just from that Hao watched your smile drop for a fraction of a second as you explained yourself. He could only assume that you had been fired from...vampire hunting? He was definitely going to ask about that, he was a bit too curious not to. 

Sofie let out a cheer and threw her arms up into the air, knowing that you would now be able to spend more time with her. Almost as if she just realized where she was, Sofie pulled away from you, and turned back to look at Minghao. 

“Mr. Haohao! This is my Nini! They came to get me instead of Uncle Jiji!” She exclaimed, her hand wrapped tightly around your much larger one as she introduced the two of them. He couldn’t help but laugh a bit as Sofie bounced on the balls of her feet, obviously excited to introduce the two of you. You stood and flashed him a small nervous smile and gave a small wave with your free hand. It was such a simple action but Minghao had to admit that your smile was cute, even as small as it was now.

Seeing you also brought a bit of comfort to the male. He had been a bit concerned about Sofie’s home life, but he could tell how much you cared for your daughter. It was a relief to know that she was loved so much.

“Sorry for being late, there was some really bad traffic and I had to make sure Jihoon didn’t try and come pick her up too. That would have been awkward, ya know I get here and she’s already gone.” You rambled, which Minghao thought was fair, it was your first time meeting and first meetings with teachers were always awkward. So Minghao shook his head, as if to tell you that it wasn’t a big deal.

“Sofie’s a good kid, Jihoon’s usually late to come pick her up so we’re used to hanging out until her ride gets here. Isn’t that right Sofie?” At his question, the girl rapidly nodded to confirm. She quickly held up her basically empty box of pepero, shoving it as high towards your face as she could. 

“Mr. Haohao gives me snacks when I wait, so you can keep coming late.” Her words brought a laugh to the two of you. It was a tender moment, one that Hao was surprisingly content with being a part of.

“Why don’t you go grab your bag so we can head home, Uncle Gyu is coming over to make dinner tonight for us while Nini looks for a new job.” You instructed, patting your daughter on the back before watching her run back to the office you had seen her come out of. With Sofie gone, you looked back over at Minghao and the look on his face made your heart catch in your throat. He was watching after Sofie, as if she had hung the stars just for him as she dashed through his studio. The moment was soon over and he turned his attention towards you. 

“So, vampire hunting?” 

“I work...worked at an Italian restaurant, and Sofie says that I’m hunting vampires because of the garlic in the food. I figured I’d let her think that for now, didn’t want to crush her imagination and all.” Hao nodded, chuckling a bit to himself and thinking about how many little stories Sofie would tell him during their times waiting for her ride. It made sense now if her parent was encouraging her.

“Again, sorry for being late. I just...coming to get her was pretty last minute. I wasn’t supposed to be off until after 10.” Once more Hao gestured for you to stop, with a small soft smile of his face.

“Like I said, it’s fine. Sofie’s a good kid, and my next class doesn’t start for another hour. So it’s no problem for me. Honestly, it’d probably be a bit weird for me if she just suddenly was getting picked up on time.” He confessed, it was strange that he was admitting this to you. Usually he was a bit more closed off towards the adults, but you just seemed like someone he could be honest with. Like he could literally just say things and you could listen. 

He felt a strange happiness well in his chest as you let out a laugh, as if he had just told you the funniest joke ever.

“Noted, I’ll make sure to be at least ten minutes late from now on. But if you ever want her out of here earlier just let me know.”

“How would I do that without your number?” Minghao thought himself pretty smooth with that one. He wasn’t...technically flirting, but he wouldn’t mind talking to you more often. He met so many parents that either seemed to be filled with disdain for their kids or had only signed them up for his classes so that they could force their old dreams onto them. You didn’t seem like that, and he was grateful. 

“Shit, I totally didn’t have Jihoon give it to you when he signed her up did I? Here.” With a groan you pulled out your phone, tapping on the device for a moment before passing it over for Hao to put his number in. Wasn’t the exact reaction Hao was hoping for but it was so endearing that he didn’t mind. 

As soon as the phone was handed to him, Sofie came rushing out of the office with chocolate smeared around her lips and instead of her box of pepero she now had a small bar of the chocolate clutched in her tiny fist. He heard another small laugh escape your lips as you knelt back down in front of the young girl.

“And what do we say to Mr. Minghao?” The leading question had Sofie pause, her eyes widening as she wracked her little brain for the correct answer. When it seemed she had figured it out, she turned to face her teacher once more. 

“Thank you Mr.Haohao for the snacks!”

“And…?”

“And….for…”

“Watching me while I wait for Nini.” You whispered the answer to the young girl who parroted it back to Minghao. The male passed your phone back over to you as you returned to full height, contact info saved into the small device. Soon goodbyes were being said and the two of you were exiting the building.

Needless to say, he was a bit hopeful to see you again.

Which was exactly what happened, now every Tuesday after class he and Sofie would wait about 15 minutes and you would arrive. You would have some small chats while Sofie showed off to you what she learned that day. It was nice, and Minghao was growing just as fond of you as he was Sofie.

These casual chats led to more messages between the two of you as well. You would see some funny meme and send it his way, sometimes you would even send videos of Sofie practicing her choreography at home in a room he could only assume was hers. The plethora of toys shoved into the corner as she practiced was kind of a give away. In return he would send you images of things he’d made for dinner, or if he saw a cat on his way to work he would snap a picture for you. He could almost say that they two of you had become actual friends, despite not seeing each other outside of that designated time frame on Tuesday nights.

Today though, wasn’t a day he would be seeing you. It being a Friday, and one of the only days where he doesn’t schedule classes, he was getting errands done. Though for some reason he had decided to bring Soonyoung and Junhui, his roommate, grocery shopping with him. Something that he already knew was a bad idea, the two were like children and after the fourth time that one of them tried to sneak in a non essential item into their cart, Minghao felt regret filling him. 

Never again.

“Sooo, the Valentines dance recital thing is coming up soon right?” Junhui questioned, his eyes drifting over to Soonyoung who was once again trying to put some popsicles into the basket without Minghao noticing. Unfortunately for him, he was about as silent as the tiger he claimed to be.

Minghao grabbed the box from his hands without looking and returned it to the freezer where it belonged before grabbing the handle of the cart and continuing down the aisle. 

“Yeah, my kids class and my adults class seem to be prepared but my teens are struggling.” He confessed, turning left and entering the next aisle. His eyes scanned the shelfs for the items that they needed at home, hoping he didn’t forget anything. He had previously had a list but Junhui had distracted him on the way out and so it was left sitting uselessly on their kitchen counter. 

Soonyoung, still pouting, was gripping the edge of the cart like a child making the metal basket swerve like a drunk person was driving it before he spoke. 

“I’m sure they’ll be fine. You’re a good teacher so just keep doing what you’re doing and they’ll be ready.

As Hao was about to agree with the elder male, a loud shriek came from behind the trio. This was followed by the sound of footsteps running against the tile floor of the supermarket, and the weight of something slamming into the back of Minghao’s legs, which nudged both him and the cart forward.

“Mr. Haohao!!” Only now did he realize just where the scream came from. Doing his best to twist his head around to see the small girl who was currently clinging to his legs, he grinned. 

“Nice to see you too Sofie.” He greeted as the girl pulled away, bouncing on the balls of her feet as she stared up at him with wonder in her eyes.

“What you doing here?” She questioned, her hands moving up to fiddle with the zipper of her jacket. “I thought you would asplode (explode) if you left the dance place!” 

He heard a series of laughs coming from his roommates, and he rolled his eyes at them before kneeling down in front of the child. 

“Nope, I gotta leave there sometimes too, kiddo. My roommates would get lonely if I didn’t come back.” He reached out lightly pinched one of her cheeks, which brought a small bubble of laughter from her as she shoved his hand away. He did also leave out that his roommates would probably burn their apartment complex to the ground if he wasn’t at home at least...some of the time. Sofie didn’t need to know about his dysfunctional found family. 

Speaking of family, he glanced up looking to see if he could fine either you or Jihoon somewhere in the aisle, but no such luck.

“Where’s your Nini?” He questioned, his eyes returning to Sofie as she continued to bounce around happily. The young girl shrugged in response.

“I wanted to play hide and seek! So I hid!” Just as she spoke, the crackle of the loud speaker went off above the group, causing all three men to look up in surprise. A male worker’s voice began the announcement, letting the store know that a ‘Sofie’ was in fact missing, before describing what she would be wearing and finishing off the broadcast by asking for her to be brought to customer service if she was located. 

The trio’s eyes landed on the young girl, who didn’t seem to be phased at all by the announcement. Minghao couldn’t help but laugh as he stood back up. 

“Well, we better help you find Nini then.”

“I wanna ride in the buggy!” She exclaimed, her arms stretching out in the universal sign that she wanted to be lifted up. So Minghao did as she requested, lifting the girl and situating her in the children’s seat of the cart.  

The duo next to the cart quickly began chatting with Sofie, asking her all sorts of questions about the princess dress she was wearing, what her favorite game was, literally anything. It was pretty funny, and she was 100% willing to give them whatever answers they asked for. 

“It’s nice to finally meet the famous Sofie.” Soonyoung eventually said, grinning at the tiny girl as the group traversed through the store towards the front where customer service was. “Your Mr.Haohao has told us all about you, he even says you’re the best in his class!”

“Soonyoung…”

“He’s right,” Sofie agreed almost instantly, nodding rapidly in response. “ ‘Cause I listen, I don’t talk in class! Like Ria or Jinjin! They talk all the time, and Mr. Haohao has to give them tally marks!” She continued to ramble on about her classmates, as they continued their trek.

It gave Minghao a small sense of...domestic life. He wondered if this was what his kid would be like if he ever had one. He had never been able to imagine himself as a father, he was far too busy for that. Yet in that moment, he hoped that if he did ever have kids, that they would be at least half as charming as little Sofie.

As they pulled into view of the customer service area, Hao could see you standing nervously at the front. Gently chewing on the nail of your thumbs and tapping your foot as your anxiety grew. So before they reached the area, Hao stopped the cart and looked down at you.

“Sofie, you should apologize to your Nini.”

“Why?” Her tiny head tilted to the side in confusion, not understanding the need for an apology when in her mind she had done nothing wrong. She had just wanted to play and it wasn’t her fault that Nini wasn’t good at hide and seek.  

“Because you scared Nini, and that’s not nice. You don’t want to be mean, do you?” His words had the young girl gasping in shock, she of course hadn’t thought of it like that. Before Minghao could say anymore, her tiny eyes welled up with tears. Hao’s heart dropped at the sight, he had never seen the young girl cry and to his shock it made him feel terrible. She didn’t say a word though, simply shaking her head as she sniffled, silent tears beginning to streak down her cheeks. 

“Good job Hao, you made her cry.” Soonyoung quipped causing Junhui to snort slightly as the group began walking again. Once close enough, Hao called out your name, causing you to turn and look at them. When you eyes landed on your daughter’s back you let out a large sigh of relief. 

Hao carefully picked up the small girl once more, setting her feet on the ground just as you rushed up and knelt down in front of her. As soon as you were within her sight, she let out a soft sob. Which was a bit surprising to Minghao, he had expected wailing like with most children but Sofie was different...he already knew that though.

“Nini, I’m sorry!! Mr. Haohao said I scareded you!” She exclaimed, wrapping her short arms around your neck as she cried. Without hesitation, you wrapped your arms around your daughter, resting her weight on your hip as you let her cry into your shoulder. A few comforting words leaving your lips as you tried to calm her down, confirming that you were scared but only because you didn’t want her to get hurt. After a moment her tiny sobs became non-existant, and she turned her head in the crook of your shoulder so that she could watch as you began speaking to Minghao and his roommates.

“Thanks Minghao, I’m honestly so grateful you’re the one who found her. I was so worried some creep had just run off with her.” You confessed, stroking Sofie’s back as you spoke. Before Minghao could respond to you, Junhui came up to his side and rested his elbow on the shorter male’s shoulder.

“Just call him Hao the Hero! That’s what we do!”

“You do not!” Minghao retorted, lightly shoving Junhui away from him and rolling his eyes. That was enough to get Sofie’s attention again.

“Mr. Haohao is a superhero?! I knew it!” She exclaimed, dried tears and snot still one her face, but the former emotions seemed to be all gone as she was now excited at the possibility of her teacher being a superhero. You couldn’t help but laugh at your daughters antics once again.

“I really owe you guys one, I don’t know what I would have done if anything happened to her.” 

Once again, Minghao found himself stunned silent by the smile plastered on your face. It was like a scene in some romcom film, where he was the love struck protagonist that was struggling to find the words to speak.

Wait...love? His heart was pounding in his chest at this realization. Sure the two of you messaged each other more casually now but...love? He never thought he would be someone who could fall in love, figuring he’d be alone forever, maybe buy a cat or two for company if Junhui and Soonyoung ever moved out. But love had always seemed like such a far reaching concept for him. 

“You could make it up to us and come have dinner at our place tonight!” Soonyoung exclaimed, almost as if he could see the gears in Hao’s head as they turned. Minghao felt his heart leap into his throat as his head snapped over to Soonyoung, who continued. “Hao’s making dinner tonight, and we love having guests!”

As if your situation was mimicking Minghao’s own, you were cut off and unable to answer when your daughter spoke.

“I wanna go! I wanna!” She exclaimed, bouncing as you held her causing your frame to shake a bit from the little one’s excitement. With a chuckle, you nodded firmly.

“Well, if Fi wants to go then I guess I can’t say no.”

“Yeah! You said is rude to say no to inva-invamatations” Sofie declared with a firm nod. With a small correction to her sentence, you looked back over at Hao with a small smile.

“I...better finish up my shopping. Just, text me when it’s good for us to head over. Sofie’s bedtime is at 9 though so…”

“I usually make dinner around 6 so you should be able to get her home in time for bed.”

The smile that spread across your face was enough to send Minghao’s heart into overdrive.

“I’ll see you then.”

Once again, Minghao watched the two of you walk off to go finish your shopping. This time he could hear Sofie explaining that she made friends with Soonyoung and Junhui too and that she was going to draw everyone in a picture before dinner tonight. Minghao was snapped out of his longing stare when Junhui lightly elbowed him in the gut.

“You’ve got it bad, Mr. ‘I-make-dinner-at-6.’. I don’t think you’ve cooked dinner before 10pm in all the years we’ve known each other.” Minghao felt the tips of his ears heat up at the accusation. He refused to make eye contact with his roommates who were casually throwing out teasing comments in his direction. 

If Minghao thought that the teasing would stop once they arrived home and he started meal prep for the night, then he was a fool. In fact it only got worse. It eventually came down to Minghao threatening to kick the two older men out of the house until dinner was over. Despite some whining, the two agreed to calm down their teasing. For now at least.

“So...you really like them don’t you?” Junhui questioned. The tall man had climbed up onto the free space of the counter, sitting cross legged as he watched Minghao cook. He didn’t seem to be teasing this time, his curiosity genuine.

Minghao paused for a moment, staring at the dish he was cooking as if the food would give him the answer he desired. Unsurprisingly, it did no such thing. So he didn’t respond, which prompted Jun to continue.

“I mean, you get along well with their kid so...it wouldn’t be weird if the two of you got together.”

“Look, I know you mean well but I don’t want to pressure them. I also don’t want to lose Sofie. If I tell them about these feelings I’ve caught, they might be uncomfortable and take Sofie out of my class.” Minghao confessed, it was weird saying these things out loud. Things he had only thought about in passing before today, since he had just now realized how much he had grown to care for you.

“I don’t think they’d do that,” Jun retorted, his eyes staring up at the ceiling as a small mischievous grin slithered onto his face. “They were looking at you with the exact same heart eyes that you had.”

“Shut up, and get out.” Hao groaned, trying to return his focus on the meal so that he didn’t ruin anything. 

Which he didn’t, the dinner was a success with both you and Sofie loving the food. There was a soft, almost domestic aura surrounding the table that the five of you sat at, even with Soonyoung and Junhui there. Sofie seemed overjoyed to be there, looking around every few minutes and asking questions like ‘why don’t you live at the dance studio?’ among other things. It was something Minghao could grow accustomed to. 

As the night began to wind down, Soonyoung and Junhui offered to take Sofie out to play in the backyard. Something you were okay with, saying it would help tire her out before bed time. Minghao knew their motives though, they wanted to get you two alone and it made his heart flutter with anxiety. Hoping he wouldn’t say something dumb. 

He distracted himself by picking up the plates left behind by the goofball trio, as he had now dubbed them, and transporting them to the kitchen so that he could clean up. To his surprise, you followed behind him, picking up what dishes he couldn’t grab on his first trip.

“Here, let me help.” You offered, your eyes scanning for a scrub brush near the sink so that you could clean off some of the dishes. Minghao quickly shook his head, taking the dishes from your hands after setting down his own. 

“No way, you’re the guest.”

“And you made dinner, it’s only fair I help.” Right then was when Minghao realized just who Sofie got her puppy dog eyes from, for you were giving him basically the exact same look. He felt his heart seize up and he quickly averted his gaze before you could see the flush growing on his face. 

“Fine, I’ll wash them and you can dry.”

The task went by rather quickly with the both of you working. He would scrub and rinse before passing them off for you to try the excess water off and set them in the drying rack. It was silent as the two of you filed things away, but it wasn’t an awkward silence. In fact Minghao would have found it quite comforting if not for his worry that you could somehow hear how fast his heart was beating. 

“Sofie’s really fond of you.” You said, setting the last dish into the rack before turning your gaze to the young dance teacher. “She’s always talking about you when we’re at home. I think by this point most of the art she’s put on our fridge also has you in it too. I guess what I want to say is...thank you for being so kind to her.”

Minghao couldn’t stop himself from smiling as he met your gaze.

“You don’t have to thank me, I enjoy getting to spend time with her. She’s definitely better company than my nosy roommates.” His words brought a bright laugh from you, covering your mouth as you did so. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from you, feeling his heart swell with this newly realized feeling. He liked that he could make you laugh or smile.

The silence returned, the two of you locking eyes once more. From your body language, he could tell that you were struggling to speak, words lingering just beyond the surface that you didn’t know how to get out. So he decided to say fuck it.

“Are you doing anything on Valentine’s day?” As soon as the words left his lips it was as if time had frozen. Was that too presumptuous? Should he have not mentioned the holiday? Sure he knew you weren’t seeing someone at the moment, you had told him yourself, but that didn’t calm his nerves.

“Yeah, my uh...one of my jobs was asking for people who didn’t have plans if they could work that day so...I said yes.” You replied sheepishly. He felt his heart sink a bit, he knew you worked a lot. Being a single parent was expensive so you had taken two jobs to support your family, which was why your best friend Jihoon, who worked from home, usually babysat Sofie when you were busy. 

“Ah. That makes sense.” He couldn’t stop the light disappointment from seeping into his words. His eyes flickering to the floor, embarrassed. Only for them to snap back up to you as you spoke once more.

“But...I might be free sometime the week after.” You confessed, causing a small bit of hope to return to the male. “I know the Valentine’s recital is on the 15th, and that was my only real day off that week.”

“How would Friday the 20th sound? I don’t have any classes that day?” He jumped in, his heart thumping loudly in his chest as he watched your face twist into one of deep thought. Another moment of silence passed between the two of you before you broke out in a grin.

“I’m pretty sure I can get that night off. So...it’s a date?”

***

Time seemed to pass almost too quickly, the next week was Valentine’s day and the dance recital. The day of recitals was probably the most stressful day of his career, he was always running around and making sure everything was set up and that no problems would arise. Much to his relief, everything went fine, of course there were some minor mess ups, but other than that all of his classes were spectacular.

As things began to wind down, students said their goodbyes and Minghao began the arduous task of cleaning up. 

“Told you everything was gonna go great!” Soonyoung exclaimed. The elder male began unplugging the lights that had been set up for the show, as he and Junhui had stayed after to help Minghao clean up. The teacher laughed softly and nodded, while his roommates might be a little...wild, they were the kind of optimism that he needed in his life and Minghao was constantly grateful for them. Even if he rarely said the words out loud.

Grabbing his phone, which he had been using for the night’s music, he began deconstructing the speakers so that he could carry them back to the equipment room. 

“Sure, sure, you were right. I supposed a blue moon does happen every once in a while.”

“Hey!” Soonyoung exclaimed, pouting a bit as Junhui and Minghao laughed at his expense. It was times like these where he knew who his people were, times where he didn’t need anything else. Or at least they used to be, a small part of him felt like something was missing. As he thought this, a loud familiar call of his name echoed off the walls.

“Mr. Haohao!” Sofie’s familiar voice called, her footsteps thudding against the flooring as she ran towards him. She was, of course, still all dressed up from the recital. Soft pinks and whites covered her fluffy dress, the skirt bounced excitedly with every step she took. Without thinking of it, Minghao set down the speaker and knelt down as Sofie rushed up and jumped into his arms.

“Did I do good Mr. Haohao?” She questioned, hugging him tightly as she did so. He couldn’t help but laugh at her question before giving a small affirmation. 

“We both know you did great, Sofie. You’re a very talented dancer.” He reassured, causing a small noise of joy to escape the young girl.  “I really hope your Nini decides to sign you up for the next set of classes.”

“Oh, don’t you worry about that. I think Sofie would have my head if I didn’t sign her up again.” He had been so distracted talking to Sofie that he hadn’t even heard you approaching until you spoke. As his eyes strayed from the young girl in his arms, he was blown away. You had really outdone yourself tonight, all dressed up to look presentable for the recital. Not that you weren’t stunning beforehand, but he was still blown away nonetheless. For a moment he was just sitting there, staring at you, before he heard Junhui clear his throat behind him. 

He stood as Sofie let him go, returning to your side and taking your hand in her own. 

“We were...planning on going to get ice cream to celebrate the recital going well. Sofie wanted to invite you.” You began, Sofie nodding rapidly as she beamed up at him. It was definitely heart warming, but he knew he couldn’t. There was still so much work left to do and he couldn’t just leave it all for Junhui and Soonyoung. He opened his mouth to reply, but was cut off before any sound could escape him.

“Sure! He would love to go!” Junhui’s familiar cheerful voice cut through, causing Minghao to pause and turn back to look at his friend in shock. The male in question grinned, winking at Minghao. “We can finish up here, we’ve been around long enough that we know where everything goes.”

“But-”

Before Minghao could protest, Soonyoung had practically leapt over to the male and pulled him into a tight hug. His lips brushing up against Minghao’s ear as he squeezed him.

“I know you have a ‘date’ next week with them but you better go get ice cream tonight or so help me. You’ll be pouting about it all night.” It was very unlike Soonyoung to take control during situations like this, but Minghao knew that he was right. So he returned the hug, getting one last big squeeze from Soonyoung as he said goodbye. 

Sofie’s face lit up with the brightest smile he had ever seen when he confirmed that he would join the two of you for your daughter’s favorite after-dance dessert. Shoving his hands in his pockets, Minghao walked beside the two of you towards the entrance of the studio. As you neared the doors, Minghao felt a small tugging on his pants leg. He glanced down and saw Sofie’s hand extended up towards him, making small grabbing motions as she walked.

Taking the hint, he pulled his hand out of the pocket and it was soon firmly held in Sofie’s grip. In that moment, everything seemed to fit into place. He had thought about it before but he hadn’t really realized how much he wanted this until it was right in his hands.

Instead of taking a car, Sofie insisted that the three of you walk together. Chatting along as Sofie walked in between the two of you, swinging your arms excitedly as she talked about the recital. It was a nice little walk, the air thankfully was not too cold and the ice cream parlor was thankfully close by. It seemed like everything was moving so quickly and before Minghao knew it, it was over and Sofie was begging for him to go to their home so he could tuck her into bed.

So there he was, 8 at night and waiting awkwardly on your sofa as you get Sofie ready to go to sleep. He could hear the two of you chatting and heard something that caused his heart to practically stop.

“Nini, can Mr. Haohao be my new Papa?” The innocent question had him in shock, his hands sweating as he wrung them together. He couldn’t really hear your response but he heard the loud noise of affirmation from Sofie after, which was followed by the sound of footsteps rushing into the living room.

“Mr.Haohao! It’s sleep time!” Sofie exclaimed, clumsily leaping over the arm of the couch so she could fall onto his lap. A symphony of giggles coming from her lips as Minghao seemed to snap back to reality, lifting the girl up and standing from the couch. 

“Well then we better get you to bed, Princess.” He glanced back down the hallway where you were watching, and flashed you a small smile. You returned the gesture before turning on your heel to lead him down the hallway towards Sofie’s room. He had seen glimpses of the room before in the videos that you had sent to him, and it was definitely a room that fit the young girl. 

He made his way over to the small bed, noticing the Princess bed sheets and he could only assume that this was Merida. He wasn’t too well versed in Princesses, but Sofie had rambled to him about her favorite Princess so many times that it would be surprising if it were anyone else. He plopped her down gently on the mattress and watched as she wormed her way under the covers. 

“Mr. Haohao, can you come play with me tomorrow?” She questioned, stifling a yawn as she stared up at him. He chuckled softly, pulling the comforter up to her shoulders and patting her head softly. 

“I’ll ask your Nini and see what they say, but for now it’s time for sleep. Okay Fi?”

She nodded softly, rolling over to her side and squeezing her eyes shut. As if going to sleep quicker would enhance the chances of her seeing her favorite teacher tomorrow. 

Minghao stood from Sofie’s bedside and turned back to face you, the look on your face caused his heart to practically skip a beat. You hadn’t seen someone get Sofie to sleep that fast since Jihoon made her that sleepy time playlist. It definitely made your heart flutter to see him be so kind to your daughter, you could see how much he cared. It made you wish that he could care about you just as much.

***

A week later, Minghao was practically beside himself with anxiety. He knew he was extremely fashionable but every outfit he seemed to try and put together for his date with you just didn’t seem to cut it. Despite that concern he had still pulled together a nice comfortable outfit that fit with the small mom and pop diner’s feel.

The two of you had decided it would be best to meet at the restaurant rather than drive up there together. Though, waiting in this booth had to be the most stressful thing that had ever happened to him. He had honestly never been this nervous about a date before, but he really liked you and he...really liked having Sofie around, so he didn’t want to screw this up.

The sound of the door chime rang in his ears, followed by the sound of footsteps against the linoleum flooring. 

“Minghao, I’m so sorry I’m late! Sofie kept trying to come along and started crying when I was about to leave so it took me a bit longer to leave.” You explained, sliding into the booth with an apologetic smile on your face. You were a bit out of breath and your clothes a bit disheveled but Minghao had never seen anyone more breathtaking. You were about to continue your apology, worried that he would be upset that he had to wait, but before you could speak you found one of your hands being taken into his own.

“I’d have waited all night if it meant getting to have dinner with you.” All anxiety seemed to be gone now, and back was the calm and collected Minghao. If the night could have lasted forever, then Minghao would have liked it to. 

It wasn’t anything fancy, the two of you wanted to keep it more of a down low date. Though Minghao did wish that there was at least some wine, but that was just his personal preference. The two of you chatted through the dinner about everything, life, your jobs, anything and everything. Until finally the topic strayed towards Sofie.

“Her...other parent, they didn’t really want anything to do with her.” You explained, your eyes straying from Minghao and landing on the table. You hadn’t really spoken to anyone about this, everyone who needed to know had been around when things had gone down. So breaching this subject had been one you had been dreading. 

“It’s just been Sofie and me since she was born, I haven’t really tried...dating since then? I never wanted her to get attached to someone only for them to walk out on us. You know?” Minghao nodded in understanding, it was something he had suspected in all honesty.

“We’re a package deal, and I just...before we decide to try anything, I just need to know that you understand that.” 

“At this point, I would do anything for Sofie...and for you.” Minghao confessed. “I’m honestly crazy about the both of you, and I don’t think that is going to change anytime soon.”

***

“Fi, come on get up. You’re gonna be late for school.” Minghao called out as he threw open her bedroom door and flipped the light switch on just to prove his point.. The teen in question groaned, rolling over and hiding her head under the covers. 

The sight had Hao rolling his eyes before sauntering into the room, making sure to step over the clothing and books that had been left on her floor so that he could give her frame a small shake. It had been a good 7 years since he had started dating you and 5 years since he had moved in with Sofie and you. It wasn’t the life that he had expected to have, but he wouldn’t change it for the world. 

“Come on kiddo, don’t make me sick Uncle Jun on you. You know he’ll come over right now and tackle you.” That seemed to have her moving, throwing back her blanket with a groan as she looked over to glare lightly at Minghao. 

“You’re such a jerk, Papa. Uncle Jun is the worst alarm clock.” She complained, throwing her legs out from under the covers and off of the bed. She stood and sluggishly trekked over to her closet to pull out her school uniform. “At least Uncle Gyu just wakes me up with food.” 

“Well, I tried to tell you when breakfast was ready, but someone didn’t want to get up yet.”

“That’s cause you make breakfast at like...6” she complained. Minghao couldn’t help but laugh as she gestured for him to leave the room, which he did. Returning to the kitchen where you stood sipping on your breakfast drink of choice, about ready to head out for work. 

“She finally get up?” You questioned, eyes following Minghao as he made his way over to press a soft kiss to your lips. Which you returned without any problem, your heart swelling with happiness even after all this time of being with him. 

“I did have to threaten her with Jun, but she at least won’t be late now.” He explained, his arms wrapping around your waist as he rested his forehead against your own. “Speaking of late, if you don’t hurry that’s what you’re going to be.” 

It was normal for him to distract you with affection right before you left for work, it was honestly something he looked forward to. At this point it was practically routine, even after all these years. He was still crazy in love with you and he doubted that would ever change. You and Sofie were his past, present, and future, and he decided that was all he needed in life, and so he wanted to show you that every day from now on. He never wanted you to have to doubt if his feelings were genuine.

“Then give me one last kiss you goof.” You instructed, pressing your lips against his own, just as Sofie walked into the kitchen.

“Oh my god you two, gross!” She jeered, sitting down at the table where her rapidly cooling breakfast was sitting. You and Hao pulled away from each other with one last small peck, making your way over to press a kiss to your daughter’s forehead. 

“Have a good day at school sweetie. Jihoon’s gonna take you to the studio so you can work on that project today, make sure to meet him at the front doors when you’re let out. Okay?” You instructed, speaking to the girl as you grabbed your keys so that you could finally leave for work. 

“I know Nini, I’ll see you for dinner tonight.” 

It was a simple domestic life, but watching the two of you, his partner and his daughter, it was better than any film could have described it. He had found his family, and it was here.

[drabbles-mc]

“Get It Out!”

Angel Reyes x Reader (Guest appearance from EZ)

Warnings: language, mentions of blood/injuries

Word Count: 1.7k

A/N: We love a little Injured!Angel having to get taken care of by his girl and his brother. This was technically a Whumptober prompt but I have fallen behind on posting those in order so here’s a little one-shot. 😁 Feel free to make requests!

When you had told Angel that you wanted him to be more honest with you, to let you in on what was going on with the club, this is not the direction that you saw it going in. You just wanted to know why he was gone for days at a time and couldn’t communicate with you. You did not expect to have him turning up on your doorstep, half-draped onto his brother, bleeding.

“What the fuck,” you opened the door all the way and helped EZ pull him inside.

“He got stabbed,” EZ didn’t really know how much he should elaborate—he didn’t know how much you knew.

You scoffed, “Yea I can fucking see that, Ezekiel, the blade is still stuck in his leg.”

The two of you carefully lowered Angel onto the floor. You had so many questions but from the look on EZ’s face you weren’t confident that either of them were going to give you many answers. Blood was trickling down Angel’s leg and it was almost too distracting. It was hard to think about what to do when all you could think about was the fact that your boyfriend was one wrong decision away from bleeding out on your floor.

“What do you want me to do?” you finally managed to ask.

“I don’t know,” EZ replied honestly, “He insisted that we come here because you would know what to do.”

You huffed, “Fucking hell. Alright, um, go grab some towels out of the closet. I’m gonna grab some gauze and other stuff. I’ll see if I can get him patched up enough to take him to a real doctor.”

“No doctor,” it was the first time Angel had spoken.

“Angel,” your voice was firm, “this isn’t a debate. I’m gonna get rid of the evidence of whatever crime was involved here,” you gestured broadly to his whole body, “and then I’m gonna come up with a fake story and get you to an emergency room.”

“But—”

“It wasn’t a question,” you cut him off before he could argue.

You flew up the stairs, heading to the bedroom that you and Angel shared. You looked through his drawers, finally finding an old belt that would do exactly what you needed. You gripped it tight in your hand as you also dug around for an old pair of shorts and a clean shirt for him to wear instead of his now-bloody jeans and his kutte.

Once you found everything that you needed in the bedroom, you made your way to the bathroom. You called out to EZ to put the towels underneath Angel’s leg so he wouldn’t bleed all over the floor. You could hear Angel’s voice but it was muffled and you couldn’t make out what he was saying. Surely is was some sort of sarcastic remark. It was probably better that you didn’t hear it.

You rooted through the cabinet in the bathroom until you found some peroxide and gauze. You also grabbed a wash cloth before making your way back downstairs. You dropped all of your treasures on the couch before proceeding to the kitchen. You grabbed a pot and filled it with warm water. You also got your fabric scissors out of the junk drawer, chuckling to yourself that your random crafting phase a few years ago was paying off in the strangest ways now. You brought them out to the living room and set it on the ground next to where EZ had positioned Angel.

You looked over at EZ, handing him the scissors, “Help him get his pants off while I get all of this set up.”

Angel groaned, “C’mon, Y/N, we don’t gotta do all this.”

“You came to me for help, Angel.”

“Just get it out,” he gestured to the blade jutting out of his leg, “Get it out and slap a band-aid on that shit, Querida. I’ll be fine.”

“I say this with all the love in the world, Angel: shut the fuck up,” you gave a pointed look to EZ, “Scissors, jeans, now.”

Angel might be up for arguing with you but EZ knew better. He had yet to piss you off and today certainly wasn’t going to be the day that he changed that trend. He pulled off his brother’s shoes and set about carefully cutting the fabric above and below the blade that was in Angel’s leg, peeling off the piece that was below. The cut off his leg with no issues.

“What do you want me to do with the fabric that’s cut by the knife?”

“Leave it for now,” you were getting the gauze ready, “that’ll be the last piece we take care of.

EZ helped brace Angel off the ground just enough so that he could push the waistband of his jeans down off his hips. It felt foreign to him to try and get his pants off when there was only full leg left of them. EZ carefully maneuvered the cut piece around the blade without touching it too much, but it still made Angel wince and curse under his breath as he wriggled his other leg out of the fabric.

Once his jeans were off and tossed to the side, you started telling EZ your plan. It wasn’t an elegant plan, and honestly if the blade had gotten one of Angel’s arteries there wasn’t going to be all that much you could do for him anyway. So this was your best shot, you just had to pray that it would work as well as you hoped.

“I’m gonna pull the blade out,” your breath shook just saying it, “Then you’re gonna press the gauze hard against the wound to try and slow the bleeding. Then I’m gonna use this,” you held up the belt, ���to wrap around it to try and get some good, consistent pressure on it. Hopefully that’ll all work and then we can get fresh clothes on him and get him to the hospital.”

“What about me?” Angel piped up, “What do I do?”

You looked down at him. His face was pretty neutral given the circumstances, but you could see the fear in his eyes. You placed your hand gently on his cheek, “Try to sit as still as possible. It’s gonna hurt like a bitch.”

You looked over at EZ again to make sure that he was ready. He gave you a small nod and you gently wrapped your fingers around the handle of the knife. It wasn’t your typical little pocket-knife, and you were glad they someone had had the foresight to not just yank it out right away. You let out as steady of a breath as you could manage.

“Just get it out, Y/N,” Angel’s voice was harsh but you couldn’t blame him.

“Sorry,” your voice was soft as you pulled it out in one smooth motion.

“Fuck!” Angel screamed and clenched his fists, fighting the urge to squirm from the pain.

You pulled the last small piece of fabric down away from the cut and EZ immediately placed the gauze onto the wound, stifling the bleeding slightly. You took a breath and tried to reassess for your next step. You were going to have to clean out the cut—god only knows where that knife had been before it got jammed into Angel’s leg.

“This is gonna sting, Angel, I’m sorry,” you couldn’t meet his eyes. You lifted EZ’s hands and poured the peroxide onto the cut, immediately pushing EZ’s hands back down again.

Angel’s eyes were shut tight, fighting the urge to let out another scream. He had the towel balled up in his fists, knuckles white. You tried not to think about that as you grabbed the belt, propping his leg up just enough so that you would be able to loop the belt underneath it. He didn’t have scrawny thighs, so it didn’t loop around as many times as you had originally thought it might, but it seemed like so far your plan was working about as well as could be expected. There was no blood spraying everywhere, and it seemed like you would be able to clean him up a little bit and get him to the hospital without him passing out from blood loss. All of those things were huge wins in your book.

You took a deep breath and looked over to Angel, who was a little paler than usual. You gently ran your thumb across his cheekbone before setting about to clean off his leg. You soaked the wash cloth in the warm water and wiped down his entire leg, trying your best to get as much of the dried blood off as possible.

“EZ,” you looked over at him with pleading eyes, “Can you help him stand up so I can pull on his shorts?”

“I can pull on my own shorts. I’m injured, not unconscious,” he sounded bitter.

“You shouldn’t be bending that leg, Angel, that’s all. I know you’re capable of dressing yourself. Don’t start being a baby about all of this now.”

EZ stifled a laugh as he helped his brother to his feet. Angel leaned more of his weight onto EZ than necessary just to make him pay for finding any humor in this situation. Angel did as he was told, though, and allowed you to pull his shorts up. Changing his shirt went much smoother and soon enough he was ready to be taken to the hospital.

They helped him hobble out of the house. EZ was about to guide him back to the pickup but you steered them towards your car. “Back seat is bigger,” you stated matter-of-factly. You and EZ helped ease Angel into the back seat. You hopped in the driver’s seat and EZ sat shotgun.

“What’re you even gonna tell the doctors?” Angel piped up from the back seat.

You looked at him through the rearview mirror, “You work at a scrapyard, can’t you just tell them it was a workplace accident?”

“I mean,” he huffed, “I guess.”

You chuckled, shaking your head and returning your eyes to the road. EZ looked over at you with a smirk, “Not bad for not a doctor, Y/N.”

“You boys and your praise. It’s a wonder I can stay so humble.”

[klvbxlove]

quietness (investigation team x gn! reader)

a/n: honestly, this drabble was not planned at all. but for the past days, i had been feeling really down, so i figured the best and easiest way to somehow vent (?) my feelings was making this drabble. also, i know it might not sound like this is actually an investigation team x reader, but i put that there just because. 

(damn, this is a really large GIF. but this is the only one i can find with all the investigation team members 😅)

reader type: gender neutral

reader specification(s): reader is an introvert

genre(s): angst

trigger warning(s): mentions of self-doubting thoughts, mentions of unworthiness

summary: a week ago, you left inaba for osaka without telling your friends, the investigation team. but before that you wrote them a letter talking about everything you’ve been feeling prior to moving.

word count: 1.3k words

♡ ♡ ♡ (ꈍᴗꈍ)ε｀*) ♡ ♡ ♡

key:

(f/n) = friend’s name (y/n) = your name

♡ ♡ ♡ (ꈍᴗꈍ)ε｀*) ♡ ♡ ♡

   To any one of you who reads this, 

   I will have to be completely honest. I didn’t want to tell you guys about what’s going on. But I felt like I just had to, but not over text. That’s why I will write this as a letter instead. 

   Just in case (F/N) hasn’t told you guys, I gave this letter to them the day I seemed to have vanished and asked them to keep it secret for a while. They would only be able to show it to one of you ONLY if you began wondering where I’ve gone. 

   So now that you’ve begun reading this, you’re probably curious. Where have I been? Why did I suddenly disappear without a trace?

   First and foremost, I’m not in danger. I’m perfectly safe, and so is my family. It’s just that I’m no longer living in Inaba anymore. A few weeks ago, one of my guardians got a new job near Osaka, and we had to move so they could be closer to the workplace. 

   But enough about that. I didn’t write this letter only to tell you where I’ve gone. I figured I could vent out my feelings to you guys and explain how I’ve been feeling lately for the past few months.

   See, when I had moved to Inaba a few months ago, I thought it would be a nice place to settle, especially since I’m an introvert. I mean, think about it. City life might sound a bit draining for someone like me, right? And I know many people here regard Inaba as a quiet place in the middle of nowhere, but I mean, I liked it! I did not hate living in the city or anything (It was nice at times, to be honest.), but I thought that living in a quieter area would also be good for me. 

   I had those thoughts just a few weeks after settling down here. And it took me less time to fully get comfortable. I mean, sure, it was a bit unusual to not hear many sounds in the town compared to the city, but I didn’t mind. It was nice! 

   But that’s where things took a not-so-great turn for me. For the next few months, I had been crying to sleep almost every night. Making sure to be as quiet as possible, I would sob non-stop in my pillow. And it would go up to the point where I just exhausted myself. At first, I thought that maybe it was just my emotions messing with me. It happens on a few occasions. I figured, if I just settle down with myself, I would feel better. That was just it, right? That I would be alright in a few days?

   Yeah, no. 

   My usual routine of crying every night became consistent. I’m not sure if anyone was able to tell, though. I mean, I did hide the fact that I was feeling down. Around people, I didn’t act overly happy, but I didn’t act depressed either. To put it simply, I was just fine. 

   Right then and there, that was when I realized that maybe Inaba is not the place for me. I appreciated the quiet this town has to offer (and of course, I would never hold a grudge against this rural area). However, I just hated the silence. I guess it was making me feel more alone than I used to be for some odd reason. And usually, I’m not that bothered about being alone. Yet lately, I just hated it. I hated being in my room in all this silence. 

   And I know I could have told you guys about my struggles. I am NOT trying to indicate that any of you would try to ignore me (or anyone else in our friend group, really) if I was crying out for help; I know you guys would never. There was just the fear of being a burden. I know you guys have days where you’re either busy or need to deal with other personal things. I would feel bad if I ever added more to your plate. And it was also why I was so quiet whenever we hung out. I had a gut feeling that whatever I said didn’t matter.

   Honestly, hearing about the fact that I was moving to Osaka, arguably one of the largest cities in Japan, did excite me a little bit. Maybe I was more accustomed to living in a city rather than a rural town. 

   Now that I got to say all of that, I wanted to say I’m sorry. 

   I know it seemed like I had no trust in you. 

   I know I wasn’t comfortable ranting or venting about anything to you. 

   I know I’ve been distant from you for the past weeks. 

   And I know I must have worried you when you thought I went missing.

   For everything I’ve mentioned here, I’m very, very sorry.   

   But then again, I feel like it wouldn’t make anything much better. I know you guys probably feel like I treated you as fake friends and that I was pushing myself away from you. Hell, I bet everyone is probably mad at me. You probably have no plans on forgiving me anytime soon. I understand.

   However, I also just wanted to thank you guys for being one of the best friend groups ever. I’m honestly a bit picky about the people I open up with, but you guys managed to break that wall. And for that, I am grateful. Maybe one day, I’ll talk to you guys again. And maybe, we can all hang out just like we used to. Only if you want me to, that is.

   But until then, goodbye.

   (Y/N). 

-

   It had officially been a week since you wrote that letter and gave it to (F/N). You had no idea if any of the Investigation Team members ever wondered where you went or if they cared at all. But chances are, they probably did not. After all, you were arguably one of the quietest members ever, so how were they supposed to know what you have been through before you moved?

   Sighing, you closed the book you were reading and walked over towards the window. While your new house was still a bit farther from the city, you could still see the tall buildings from afar. Night had settled down in Japan, and the sky was pitch black while illuminated by the stars. 

   If there was one thing you had missed about living in the city, it was the sounds that you heard during the night. Was it loud? No. But was it dead silent? Of course not! You could almost describe it as the Goldilocks zone. Osaka was not too loud nor too silent.

   After a small smile grew on your lips, you suddenly let out a yawn. It was time to sleep. You had a long day ahead of you tomorrow. So you closed the curtains of the window, walked over towards your bed, and crawled into it. From what you have noticed, you have not been crying every night as often as you used to back in Inaba. Sure, a few tears trickled here and there. But it was not up to the point where the only way you could fall asleep was by sobbing. 

   Osaka seemed to be the perfect place for you to live. You could only hope that your emotions will begin to improve now that you are in a city again. It was clear it was not going to happen overnight. That was for sure, but you would be patient. 

   Of course, you were sad that you were miles away from the Investigation Team. However, you hoped that they were doing well, wherever they were. 

   And you could not forget to mention that you stood by what you last said in your letter to them. Maybe one day you would have the courage to talk to them more often and hang out just like you used to.

[scottymcgeesterwrites]

A Guide to the Best Editions and Translations of Some Classic Literature

TWENTY THOUSAND LEAGUES UNDER THE SEA BY JULES VERNE

IMPORTANT: Whatever you do, DO NOT BUY the edition translated by Lewis Mercier. In fact, NEVER buy any translation of ANYTHING by Lewis Mercier. Mercier’s translation is unfortunately the most “standard” and popular translation. This translation is said to have removed about 20-25% of the original novel, and also removes a lot of Verne’s original meaning. In short, it was a botched translation that somehow became very popular and accessible up until the 1970′s, but always still check for before buying. Barnes and Noble still has his translation lying around for sale.

If the name of the translator isn’t on the cover or back cover of the book, you can check the first few pages where they write the publication history. It might be in fine print.  Frankly, any translation that is NOT by Lewis Mercier is good. The pictures I have attached here are of the edition I bought published by The Franklin Library. It was translated by Mendor T. Brunetti. It also includes the original illustrations, which is cool.

THE HOLY BIBLE

Oof. This one can get really dicey. But I’ll explain it the best I can.  There have been dozens of translations of the Bible, if not hundreds. Not everyone uses the same one, especially evangelical groups like Pentecostals and Jehovah’s Witnesses. These more radical groups have willingly altered the Bible to further their views. So, a Bible that a Jehovah’s Witness holds is not the same Bible that a Roman Catholic priest holds.  The King James Bible (KJV, or King James Version) has often been considered the most popular version of The Bible throughout modern history. Many of the Bible’s most memorable quotes are directly taken from the King James Bible. It’s considered dignified, poetic, and beautiful. It’s also wrong. So very, very wrong. It’s quite possibly the worst translation of the Bible ever made. I grew up in Catholic school and even there we never once touched the King James Bible. The problems with the King James Bible include certain “theological biases” (i.e. implying Jesus appeared somewhere when he didn’t) and all-around bad translations (i.e. it says there were unicorns but the real meaning is supposed to say “horned beasts”) (see ReligionForBreakfast). The other annoying thing about the King James Bible is that quotation marks are not used. This can be very confusing for readers as it becomes unclear who is speaking.  If you’re curious to see how an exact literal translation of the Bible into English goes, check out the Interlinear Bible. It has the original Hebrew and Greek text with the English words underneath (or besides). You will quickly realize just how complicated translating the Bible is, as Hebrew does not have many words. The English prose in the Interlinear Bible therefore can read like gibberish.

If you want to read the Bible with as close to the original intent and meaning as possible while also being readable, then go for the New American Standard Bible. It can still be a bit difficult to read though. The current popular edition is the New Revised Standard Version. This newer edition from 1989 is considered the most neutral of all translations, as it does not hold any denominational bias. The translators even placed gender-neutral words, such as “people” instead of “mankind”. 

FRANKENSTEIN BY MARY SHELLEY

The original 1818 text by Mary Shelley has been given more spotlight as of late. The text that we are most commonly familiar with from 1831 had the story toned down because of course it would be scandalous for a woman to write about such things at the time. Mary Shelley had suffered critical outrage and pressure for editorial changes from her husband Percy for her original vision. For the 1831 edition, she was forced to edit the novel so that Dr. Frankenstein would be a more moral character, whereas the original Dr. Frankenstein in the 1818 text did not go through much moralizing. 

Penguin Books recently released an affordable edition of the 1818 text.

THE THREE MUSKETEERS BY ALEXANDRE DUMAS

There are numerous translations but I want to highlight the one I read by Richard Pevear. This made the story very readable while also remaining faithful to the story. Pevear didn’t censor Dumas’s original meanings at all like previous translations did for their time. I thoroughly enjoyed his translation and was lucky enough to get the hardcover of his first edition back in the day. My mom completely surprised me by buying that book for me, and it ended up happening to be the best translation. The best thing about Pevear’s edition is that it includes footnotes for archaic terms. The original hardcover of Pevear’s edition is difficult to find by now, but his translation has been re-released by other publishers. As of a few years ago, a new translation by Lawrence Ellsworth has been released. I have not read that one but have heard good things. The publishers of the Ellsworth translation have also been republishing ALL of the Musketeer stories to provide a series of consistent editions, which has always been rare for the Musketeer saga. 

HOMER’S ODYSSEY, ILIAD, and VIRGIL’S AENEID

First off, read these epics in verse form. I cannot believe there are editions out that written in prose form. I’m sorry but that should be illegal. I grew up reading Robert Fagles’ translation, which is pretty damn good and is the standard in schools. However, also look for Richmond Lattimore’s translation. Lattimore translated The Odyssey and The Iliad in the original rhythm that Homer intended. Fagles wrote in freeform for the sake of being easier to read. Both translations retain the original meaning, so it’s up to you really what you prefer. As for The Aeneid (Lattimore only translated Greek classics), go with Fagles.

DON QUIXOTE BY MIGUEL DE CERVANTES

Read the translation by Edith Grossman. That’s all I can say. I devoured that book in days. Grossman did to Don Quixote what Pevear did to The Three Musketeers. It’s just that good and readable. Ormsby is the second-best, being the most scholarly of all translations. The translation is the most accurate but the humor can be dry and doesn’t pack the same punch as Cervantes probably intended. The translations to avoid like the plague are by Motteux, Smollett, and John Phillips. SHERLOCK HOLMES BY SIR ARTHUR CONAN DOYLE

Surely, most people reading this have a copy of the Sherlock Holmes tales in one form or another. But which is the best?  Every text out there is the same no matter the publication, but I prefer to read the way it was originally formatted with all the illustrations. The automatic assumption people might have is that all the original Sherlock Holmes stories were published in The Strand Magazine. This wasn’t the case. There were several stories published in other magazines at the time, such as A Study in Scarlet and The Sign of Four, to name a few. Therefore, if you find an edition boasting to have “all The Strand illustrations” it probably only has the stories that were published in The Strand Magazine. More confusing yet, some editions do say “All the Strand illustrations” but also include A Study in Scarlet and The Sign of Four.  Keep in mind this magical number: 60 Sir Arthur Conan Doyle wrote a total of 56 short stories and 4 novels with Sherlock Holmes. If the copy you are holding does not add up to 60 stories, don’t bother. You might get a copy that comes in two or three volumes. 

[masterthespianduchovny]

At the beginning of age of avengers, someone assumes that Tony is the leader and he corrects them and say that it’s Steve.

And that surprised me because I assumed that Steve and Tony were co-leaders, but no, Steve was CHOSEN as the leader of the avengers. I was about to say that Tony was second in command, but I’m assuming that’s Nat.

But, as surprised as I was about this revelation (I literally hadn’t seen the movie in 8 years until 3 days ago), it instantly made sense.

As much as the anti Steve crowd hates on Steve, on several occasions we’ve seen Steve not only inspire people, but also get them to follow him. After someone commits to following Steve, they’re typically loyal to him.

We do not see this with Tony.

The issue with Tony isn’t that he’s flawed and has trauma, it’s how he treats others and how he processes trauma. When you lash out at others, ignore them, insult them (for your own amusement); don’t consider anyone else, etc, you more times than not will alienate people who are ok your side or, at least, want to be. A person having trauma doesn’t excuse how they treat others. And there is only so long most will people up with that behavior before leaving, which is their right.

I believe the only person who stayed by Tony’s side no matter what was Happy. Tony and Rhodey commonly fought and Rhodey even sided against Tony as well. Pepper had to take a break from Tony due to his own actions.

People can forgive flaws, but often struggle to forgive habitual poor behavior and various transgressions that comes with it.

We cannot except people to respect Tony or want to follow when he makes a joke about the PTSD (Capsickle), their traditional clothes (Thor), job endangerment (Rhodey; Tony made a transphobic joke about an event that didn’t happen), as well as sexual remarks (Natasha). And that’s not all that he did. This goes beyond being flaws, especially when you’re supposed to work with these people and they’re allegedly your friends.

He also doesn’t tell anyone about his trauma and OFTEN deflects, which may include insults or cracking inappropriate jokes. No one should have to deal with that all because someone is traumatized, especially as ALL OF THEM are dealing with their own and equally valid trauma.

Comparatively, Steve does not do that.

The people who work with Steve and are friends with him take him seriously. They support him and he supports them.

We see this going back to the 1940s. Peggy believed in Steve based off of his resilience and faith of convictions. She challenges him when he accepts his current circumstances.

After Steve saves literally over 400 men by himself, he earns the respect of not only colonel Phillips, but the men he saved as well. When he says he wants to pick his own team, in addition to the wish being respected, the chosen men flat out say that they’d follow Cap anywhere.

This must be stressed: these men were held prisoner and knew they’d encounter the most dangerous weapon and men in the entire war and readily agreed because Captain America asked.

In winter soldier, Steve is declared a criminal and is on the run. When he breaks into the shield headquarters, he gives his speech and EVERYONE minus hydra agents refuse to launch the coded because Captain America explain to them that some dangerous shit was going down. They believed his word because his actions and his character is THAT respected.

See the trend here: people listening and following Steve because they believe he’s genuine and wants to do what’s right.

In age of ultron, we hear a reference that he was chosen as leader. The events in this movie proves why Steve was chosen and Tony wasn’t.

Whether or not you believe Tony was right to crested ultron, he still should’ve told his team what Wanda made him see AND explained why he wanted to create this tech/weapon. Instead, he deliberately kept it a secret and pressured Bruce into helping him. Ironically, despite the claims that Steve feels like he knows that’s best, this is exactly what Tony assumes.

Let’s be clear: not only are Steve, nat, Bruce, hawk eye, and Thor adults, they are also avengers as well. They don’t need Tony to protect them and they all of the capabilities of deciding if they want to do something dangerous and risk their lives. And it’s ego centric as hell for him to actually believe that Steve, of all people, would guilt him by saying he should’ve saved them. Steve wouldn’t have done such a thing both saying that or even making Tony feel bad if he did all he could do.

Despite creating his murder bot due to not consulting his team because he knew they’d say no, Tony did it AGAIN.

Again, where’s the leadership? Where’s the accountability? Where’s the understanding that he may not like the answer, but he does owe it to his team to talk to them? And, again, he thinks he knows what’s best.

What does Steve do in this same movie? The twins start fighting besides him, which he doesn’t interfere with because ultron is the bigger threat. But, rather than fight them like his instinct tells them, he stop and listens to what they have to say.

I want to note that people like to say (and some are thinking), it’s good that Tony built what eventually became ultron, well, it’s good that Steve extended a hand to the twins. They also played a huge role in why the world didn’t lose half its popular, which was a consequence of Steve’s decision making.

Once Steve heard them out and was willing to let them into the fold, he defended them when other avengers tried to attack them. He didn’t leave them out to dry.

Then, when the actual fight happens Tony reveals a few minutes in that they have no other options but to abandon civilians and let them die.

Steve flat out refuses that as an option and makes the PERSONAL decision to stay until every civilian is safe. Not one person will be left to die.

I don’t know about anyone else, but Steve comes off as the clear leader and Tony doesn’t.

What happens next is that literally every current avenger and the twins stay to help. Nat literally tells Steve that this would be a beautiful place to die and explicitly says she’s fighting alongside him.

Whether or not Steve spoke to people, he inspired them to follow him by his actions.

Who is inspired to follow Tony?

Tony flirts with retirement, which no criticism against that.

But, alongside nat, Steve personally trains Sam, Rhodey, and Wanda for team avengers. After accepting Wanda into the fold, he treats her life everyone else.

In civil war, Steve was hands on with wandas training so she could control her power and made sure was protected. He accepted responsibility for not accounting for unforeseen threats, such as the explosives and explained to Wanda the realities of their job. He was realistic with her, but used that as motivation as to why they should strive to be better. Steve was outraged when he found out that she was locked up and freed her from Tony’s unlawful imprisonment.

Even if someone argues she should be locked up, Tony did not talk to her. Wanda didn’t consent to being confined to the house. This is another example of believing he knew what was best for people rather than talking to them and seeing how they feel. He isn’t giving others the right to make informed decisions for themselves and in general.

Steve, on the other hand, consistently considers what people feel because he TALKS to people. He has meaningful conversations with people, such as nat and Sam. Steve formed connections to people, which made them feel close to him.

But, let’s circle back to Tony, he takes a MINOR without the explicit consent of his guardian. Not only does he take Peter without May’s permission, he takes Peter OVERSEAS and to fight at that.

To make matters worse, Peter doesn’t know WHY he’s fighting or what for.

Where’s the oversight or accountability in any of that?

During the fight, someone flat out asks how old Peter is. Tony follows up after the fight, during homecoming, with almost inviting Peter to stay at the avengers compound. As a reminder, Peter was still a literal teenager and Tony still DID NOT ask peter’s guardian if this was okay.

Where as Steve explicitly tells people what they are getting into. He lays out what to expect and that you have a choice in it. Steve never pressures people into helping him and they usually volunteer. And, whatever happens afterwards, he’s there for them.

How was Tony’s mentorship with Peter?

He’s not actively involved with Peter after taking him in as a mentee, pawns him off in Happy, thinks at status reports are sufficient, and ignored Peter’s concerns. Peter was a minor who just had the most surreal experience of his life and Tony doesn’t think this kid would be amped and itching to do more?

Tony doesn’t think Peter might need some hands on mentorship? Tony thought he could mentor from afar with updates and camera footage, but it actually engage.

Them damned accords!

Tony signed the document due to guilt and tried to get others to sign it despite him being mostly responsible for why the accord even exist or, at least, did a lot of shit that is now being penalized. I’m not sure if he actually read it OR if someone summarized the point.

Whereas Steve DID read the accords and his stance wasn’t one of guilt, but concern and ethical issues with what’s in the accords. Steve was prepared to retire because his beliefs didn’t align with what was being asked of him and others. He didn’t ask anyone to back or follow him.

But, people do eventually back him and follow his lead. They know exactly what they’re getting into. And, despite knowing the risks and eventually getting arrested, they stick to their convictions.

When Tony finds out that Bucky killed his parents, despite knowing that Bucky was brainwashed for LITERALLY decades, he tries to kill him. When cap realizes this, he constantly tries to neutralize Tony.

Let’s go back. Steve knowing that Bucky needs to be arrested, decides to save Bucky both for Bucky’s protection AND so those trying to bring him in doesn’t get hurt/killed. Once Bucky is safely arrested, Steve lets the situation go.

Oh, before I really get into infinity wars, there is no mention of Wanda harming other people even accidentally. :)

Tony, as usual, ignores what others wanted, like strange, and think he knows what’s best. He plans to fight thanos henchman by himself as well as thanos completely ignoring the concept of teamwork. (He also jumps to insulting others for his own shits and giggles—keep in mind, these are people he doesn’t know).

What does Steve do?

He was successfully on the run with nat and Sam and they worked together as a TEAM to save vision. They then meet up with rhodey and formulate a plan as to how to stop thanos. Steve coordinates with various people to have the battle in Wakanda. He doesn’t assume he can fight thanos by himself or should.

Steve refuses to trade lives because every life is valuable.

When the Snap happens, Tony fucks up into his cabin in the woods and lives his life.

And what does Steve do?

Run a support group to keep hope alive for people who are trying to see the best in a shitty situation.

He stays an avenger and does whatever needs to be done because he’s there to serve the people regardless of the despair he feels.

Don’t get it twisted, Steve is not perfect, but he constantly led by example, put the wants and needs of others before himself, was a hands on mentor, listened and supported others, and refused to leave anyone behind and/or die. He was always willing to be the only man fighting the battle and even to die for his beliefs.

And this man is called selfish by some.

Where as Tony consistently believed he knew what was best for others, was willing to let people die, was a shit mentor, mocked and ridiculed others, put his own feelings first, etc.

And this is seen as a leader???

Let’s not forget that dangerous tech he left to a MINOR after he died. Peter was so overwhelmed by the responsibility, he gave it to the first person who listened to him and who he believed to be responsible. This isn’t a condemnation of people. Again, his a literal minor—15 or 16. Who is overwhelmed about the shit stark left on his shoulders.

When old cap spoke to Sam, he gave AN ADULT, his shield. One with loved experiences and who knew how to handle complicated feelings. He knew what Sam was willing to handle and could handle.

And another thing: the fact that people were willing to go on the run with Steve says a lot. This is the second time Steve has been on the run and people, Sam and nat, were willing to follow him and assist (both times).

Tony couldn’t even get people to stay faithful to the legal accords. Rhodey said peace out as soon as cap returned. Nat abandoned Tony to join Steve. Vision questioned his life choices, and then went black to be with Wanda. And Peter didn’t know what the fuck was going on.

And Tony stans think he should’ve been leader based off of using his money for the avengers and giving them a place to crash.

LOL!

People want Wanda to apologize to Tony for invading his mind when he should apologize for her parents dying. If you’re a weapons manufacturer, there’s no such thing as believing only the “good guys” will use your weapons. You know your weapons could and will get into the wrong hands. And you also know that without war, you’d be out of a job. But, also the “good guys” are usually imperialist who fuck over other countries as they undermined these government structures to steal resources from them and other shit.

Just because starks stopped manufacturing weapons doesn’t mean he can escape accountability for what his weapons did to others.

Tony also ratted out that Clint had a family and was fine with them being jailed because they took the “wrong” side. Did he apologize to any of these people? The ones he had jailed and the ones who were forced to go on the run for a bill he supported, and then admitted was fucked up? (The same law he later broke twice.)

But, he’s a leader???

[m3kuroshirt]

Gay Thoughts; Head Full

A short GrimmIchi coffee-shop au based on prompt number 11: bookmark, from the September Prompt list by @creativepromptsforwriting

Word count: 1427

Warnings: mild language

He’d seen him a hundred times, and every time was different; the orange-haired man with brown eyes as warm as the embers of a dying fire. He had a gentle look to him, hair cut short and a tiredness in his gaze that only came from experiences better left unsaid. Grimmjow would know; he’d seen that same tiredness in his own eyes. But that was before. He was in a better place now.

Despite seeing the man so often (he came to the little coffee shop every Tuesday to read), Grimmjow couldn’t help but stare at him each time, sneaking glances in between filling orders. The man always ordered the same thing; a cup of Earl Grey and a chocolate muffin. Everyone behind the counter was aware of his infatuation at this point, and they all seemed to conveniently ‘disappear’ when the orange-haired customer was due to arrive, leaving Grimmjow to be the one to serve him. As a result, he’d memorized the man’s order quickly, and would start to make it without even thinking the minute he came up to the counter. The first time it happened, the man had been surprised. But then, then… then he gave the sweetest smile. It was like watching the sun rise or a flower bloom; slow, gentle, beautiful. Grimmjow almost dropped dead then and there. But he held it together. Barely.

Seeing the man come in so often, Grimmjow knew a handful of constants. The man always looked a little worn and tired, as if he’d had a really long day and needed to rest. Why he would choose a coffee shop to read in for that purpose baffled Grimmjow. The place was a mess of noisy, whiny customers, overly-pretentious teens, grumpy middle-aged women, men telling jokes much too loudly, and elderly couples shouting at each other across the table as their hearing was so bad they could barely hear themselves let alone the other person.

The next thing Grimmjow noticed was his outfits. The man always wore some sort of neutral-coloured long-sleeved t-shirt with a pair of jeans. He looked down-right cozy. With his book, sitting at the table, cup of tea in front of him, he was the picture-perfect poster-boy for cafés everywhere.

The third thing Grimmjow noticed was actually an inconsistent consistency. The man always had a book with him. But it was never the same one two weeks in a row. Various titles and covers passed before Grimmjow’s eyes, some he could read, others clearly in a different language. Some bright and vibrant, others darker. Some clearly brand new, some clearly well-used.

The final thing Grimmjow noted about the handsome customer was the bookmark. Regardless the book, it was always the same one. It was thick, clearly made of leather and painted a vibrant red. Detailing on the bookmark was painted in gold. The edges of the bookmark were worn, clearly it was not new, and it was definitely well-used. The man would hold it as he read, twiddling it with his fingers when he concentrated, tapping it against the table when he was at a particularly interesting part, eyes wide and focused. Sometimes, when he looked as though he was reading a really though-provoking chapter, he would brush it against his lips absentmindedly. Grimmjow’s eyes always followed the bookmark when he did this, and always lingered on his lips. Most days, they looked soft, gentle, kissable. Sometimes they were chapped, and once swollen, as if he’d been…kissed…Grimmjow couldn’t describe the weird feeling that had settled in his chest that day. He’d been relieved the man hadn’t come in looking like that again.

Grimmjow didn’t realize he’d been zoned out until a voice called to him. “Um, excuse me?” it was a pleasant voice, deep and rich, with a gentle politeness.

“Hmm?” Grimmjow blinked and focused back on reality. Only to find the orange-haired stranger standing right in front of him. The stranger looked…worried.

“Are you alright?” he asked. Grimmjow blinked again.

“Uhh,” he uttered so intelligently.

The stranger’s cheeks went pink. Grimmjow found that was a rather nice colour on him. “I just…well, initially I came over because I thought you were staring at me…but then you didn’t move at all and I got worried,” he admitted, eyes fixed firmly on the countertop. “I thought maybe you were unwell.”

Grimmjow didn’t have a filter in the best of times. And now was not the best of times. “I was.”

The stranger looked up sharply. “You’re unwell?” Concern tainted his tone and Grimmjow winced. He couldn’t think, so caught up in assuaging the worries of the man before him.

“No. I was staring at you.” Ah. Yes. Good job me. He won’t think that’s fucking weird at all.

The stranger narrowed his eyes. “Staring at me. Why?” he asked abruptly. Ok, maybe it’s not abrupt of him if I was the one to say I was staring in the first place, Grimmjow amended inwardly. The intensity of the stranger’s discerning stare wasn’t something he was used to having directed at him. His eyes weren’t warm now, but sharp, calculating, shining with a brightness that should have scared Grimmjow, but instead thrilled him.

Realizing the stranger was waiting for an answer, and that he had once again been caught staring, Grimmjow did what he did best in these situations. And that was to be the worst at communication and tact. “Because you’re really handsome.”

There was a pause after the words left his mouth.

“What?”

“What?” Grimmjow couldn’t help but echo the man’s own question. The stranger in front of him met his gaze with wide eyes, cheeks turning redder by the second. And Grimmjow could feel his own face on fire. “Uh. Have to go. Break time. Bye.” And he turned around and strode as quickly as possible to the staff room.

Grimmjow slammed the door to the staff room shut behind him, startling Nel and Ulquiorra. Nel opened her mouth, but Grimmjow cut her off with a wave of his hand. “Don’t. Do not. Ok? I am a fucking idiot. Let me mope.” He sat at the table and put his head in his hands. “Fuuuuuck. I’m so stupid.” An awkward silence descended on the table. He heard the rustle of pages as Ulquiorra returned to his book. Somehow, reading was less attractive when his gloomy co-worker did it. He could hear Nel fidget, could sense her knee bouncing up and down, as it often did when she was trying not to speak but really wanted to. He did his best to ignore her.

The door burst open again, but Grimmjow didn’t look up. “Grimmjow.” He recognized that low melodic voice, smooth and sweet.

“Go away, Hallibel,” he muttered.

“Get up, it’s not your break time yet,” she replied. Grimmjow found himself bristling. She may be his manager, but he was so not in the mood to be bossed around.

“Can’t you just leave me alone and let me suffer?” he muttered, dragging himself up from the table with a glare. Hallibel rolled her eyes. She held out a white napkin to him.

“Here, take this and put it away before you go back out,” she ordered. Grimmjow glared at the napkin.

“I don’t want your trash.”

Hallibel sighed in exasperation and grabbed his hand. She shoved the napkin in it. “Just look at it.”

Grimmjow rolled his eyes, but he did look at it. The napkin had writing on it. A set of numbers. Specifically, a set of numbers that look suspiciously like a phone number. With a name underneath. Ichigo. He frowned. “This is…”

“Mr. Book-nerd gave it to me. Said to tell you he ‘thinks the same about you’. Then he rushed out the door like the place was on fire,” Hallibel explained briefly. Grimmjow’s eyes widened. He looked up at Hallibel. Out of the corner of his eyes, he could see Nel perk up and Ulquiorra doing a not-so-good job at pretending to read. He ignored them.

“He said…he really said that?”

“Yeah.” Hallibel folded her arms. “Now, put that somewhere safe and get back out there. It’s not your break time yet.” Grimmjow grinned.

“Fuck yeah!” he shouted as he turned to stuff the phone number in his bag.

“Language,” Hallibel reprimanded him.

“Aw, leave me alone Hal, this is the best day ever! Let me live a little,” Grimmjow replied with a smug grin as he brushed past her to leave the staff room. Hallibel sighed and fondly shook her head as she watched him exit the room.

[wisteria-lodge]

snake primary (lion model?) + snake secondary (rapid fire bird model)

I am pretty sure I am a snake/snake sorting, with my primary (burned snake) as a rock solid certainty. I am not doing so well on figuring out how models work, and if I have them. It makes me doubt my secondary sometimes. Let me give you a few examples:

Last autumn, I was making a lot of soup from scratch. I started with recipes, but pretty soon I was just throwing things together.

Definitely sounds like an improvisational secondary.

(I'm a Badger secondary, and my baker friends make fun of me, because I treat recipes like spells I follow them so exactly. I only recently learned that the reason you put put in salt in water is to make it boil faster. I'd been doing it, but I might as well have been putting it in there to banish the bad spirits.)

But I always made sure I had some kind of home-made broth to hand, and some kind of soup magic stuff (heavy cream, milk, cream cheese, etc.)

This could be rapid-fire bird (or a rapid-fire bird model.) You feel comfortable improvising, but only because you already know a lot about soup.

I only went back to recipes when I wanted something new or specific. Then I went and posted a kind of improv instruction for soup making (take some meat, any meat, sear it and and pair with some veggies, any veggies, etc.).

So far, I'm agreeing with you. Improvisational secondary, maybe some kind of bird model to give extra structure and support.

I train new colleagues. When I start with a new group, I like to have all the prep-work done so I can concentrate on the social aspects and not get bogged down finding the right worksheets, or shit like that. I plan my first few words, and if there is no better opening, I use them and go from there. I have a general structure of what I want to teach them, what methods to use and in what order. It is adapted from experience, and the more rigid guidelines we are given by our client. I am constantly tweaking it when I'm not training. If I feel my group needs something different, I will abandon the plan, let them guide me on a detour, and bring them back when it feels right. Somehow, it still works out 95% of the time, especially now that I have found my confidence and know it works^^

This sounds exactly like how I teach. And for me, what is going on is the bird model prepwork making me comfortable enough to just vanish into my Courtier Badger. I've only recently been learning that I can... relax on the prep, a little. That sometimes too much prep gets me in my head, and sabotages me a little. Like I can just trust myself in the moment, and things work out just fine.

I have found the shc system a week ago, and I have been obsessed ever since. I got curious because a friend mentioned it. They were really into it, and I like sorting people if the system makes sense. I dug in, got hooked, and finally found words to describe everything I had figured out so painfully about myself in the last few years. Especially my snake primary was such a surprise and relief, let me tell you.

It's a good system. And it's... uniquely able to talk about certain kinds of things.

I am thinking there is at least some sort of bird model here, giving my improv some structure?

Took the words out of my mouth.

I was flirting with rapid fire bird as a secondary, but now I have put it into words, not a chance. I like my (contained) chaos too much^^

So far, I don't have too much to add. It's all very well laid out, and well understood. I do like the dramatic structure that happens when someone writes in convinced their a Lion and I start going into why they're actually a Snake but hey. This is nice. This is mellow.

Let's talk about badger secondary model instead. Just to get the elephant out of the room: I hate hard work, it feels slow, dull, and like there should be a better method somewhere. But I know that sometimes, you just have to do it if you want to build a reputation, or you know you need to rely on the goodwill of your community in the future.

This is so like... Rapid-fire bird processing Badger. Just the grudging respect of SURE badger secondary can be a useful tool I GUESS.

I feel awkward keeping shallow contact with my colleagues, I forget if they have kids, and I have been experimenting with discreetly taking notes on what they value.

This is so Bird.

It's not very successful because I can never remember them when it's necessary, so I nod and figure it out by asking "knowing seeming" questions, anyway.

This is so Snake.

What does resonate with me is the part of "becoming what they need" making myself into the tool I need, making myself seem reliable by being relatable. I mostly start a one-on-one conversation by mirroring the other person's mood.

Courtier Badger and Snake secondary can look very, very similar - especially from the outside. This right here could be a description of either.

It is only recently, and only with people I know well, that I have found the seductive power of railroading them instead. I can now cut short a friends whining by summarising what they're saying in a blunt and charming manner, and make them smile instead. Not always, but now I know it works, I use it more and more often.

... but this could only be Snake. Doing this sort of thing consciously and on purpose is so huge and so key. Courtier Badgers do have to believe it, and so they have a way of vanishing that Snake secondaries don't.

And I think I am exaggerating my "go and figure shc out, and be loud and open about it on tumblr" part, because it's what feels right at the moment, but also because the friend who got me into it is a burned lion secondary. They like me charging in, taking it for myself, and they admire anyone who can be honest and vulnerable in public.

Very Double Snake. Using a specific approach, specifically for your friend. Also you say your primary is burned... but I'm not getting burned primary from you. But you're also not really writing about your primary, so.

I guess I am making myself appealing, not just relatable like before.

What a perfect way of describing the difference between Snake and Badger secondaries.

Huh. Fading badger performance as snake gets confident? With another badger performance for work that I do grudgingly.

Performance is right. Just a shallow thing you wear over the top, that barely seems there anymore. You work like Bird, not a Badger.

Now lion. Well, lion is... difficult and easy at the same time? I have to take charge, be the boss, and make split-second, straightforward right-and-wrong decisions when I am leading my group: Call out anyone who doesn't play by the rules (though I usually don't care much if it is not annoying). Decide on, and hand out, the appropriate punishment for someone being late, again. Deal with brewing conflict in a head-on manner. But that is something I am still learning, and I am not very good at it.

Some of this is primary stuff - WHAT you do "be the boss, hand out punishments" versus HOW you do it. It's sounds to me like you're building a Lion primary model over your Snake primary, which is normal. Snakes with safe people almost always model something else. (And I already know you've got a friend that's a Lion primary... Snakes do like to match their People.)

It's possible that you're also building a Lion secondary model, or that one of your Snake secondary masks looks a little like a typical lion secondary, but my take is that most of this is coming from a primary model.

I tend to let conflicts slide, trusting they will work it out among themselves.

I feel that this speaks to the water-like nature of the Snake secondary, and a desire to always go around the problem.

or at least be professional about it and not bring it into the training. Definitely a lion performance here, and one I get frustrated with fast because I am not very good at it.

I have my lion moments, like I described with my way of being open and vulnerable about shc here on tumblr. But I wouldn't do it if it didn't feel right, or more specifically like something I need to heal and get better. I know I need to be vulnerable to heal, and it's relatively safe here, in the anonymity of my internet persona.

Hmm. Interesting. I'm not getting Lion from you... if this is a healing exercise, maybe you're practicing existing in your Neutral state?

I have to write it all out, and some of it just happen to come out as advice for other people's asks. It would be nice if I get some recognition for it in the community, and I love the fact that my friends reads it and tells me they like it.

My take on that sort of thing is going to be annoyingly Badger, so I apologize in advance. For me it's all about consistency. Lay a foundation and then build, one brick at a time.

Now that I have written it all out, I think it's probably the most snake way of arguing myself out of any secondary model I could come up with^^ I guess I don't have one, or if I do, I am dismantling it because I need things to be simple for a while. I am tempted to post this on my own blog, but I know it will get a bigger audience with you.

Yeah, no Lion secondary here.

and maybe help someone in a similar situation. So I will be patient, and I thank you for inviting us all to use you as a sounding board for our own shc issues. I have to stop going through your likes, I'm ruining my obsessive fangirl/shc vibes tumblr with beautiful rl-things and creative human interactions^^

I do what I can. I hope I help. :)

Thankyou, @sevilemar for the submission.

[softrozene]

Falling in Love for the First Time

Just a cute idea I had and how I think these three characters would react to falling in love for the first time. I’m soft af right now. :’)

Summary: These characters (Crocodile, Doflamingo, Mihawk) have a moment of realization when they realize they are in love for the first time with Reader.

Crocodile, Donquixote Doflamingo, Dracule Mihawk x Reader (Gender Neutral/Non-Binary)

Warnings: Crocodile and Doflamingo are very creepy tbh so borderline unhealthy possessive thoughts, besides that fluff, grammar errors I’m exhausted and it’s like past midnight for me.

Words: 2004

Crocodile-

Crocodile eyes are growing heavy as he stares down at some pointless paperwork for the Underworld on his ship. It is the price to pay when he must climb back up to the top again doing meaningless work until he can find an opportunity like Alabasta. Though, his anger is slowly increasing from how long he has been up. The urge to just shred the paper with his hook is strong until the doors to office open.

Now the anger is about to be directed to whoever is disturbing him. That is until his eyes land on you. The anger is slowly replaced with a bit of irritation from the relief he feels from seeing you. It makes him feel odd and curious as to why he has been feeling like that whenever he sees you.

You have been a good employee and just someone who listens to all his commands without fail. Much like Mr. 1, Daz Bones. The difference being you have emotion. Daz listens to him like a loyal robot. He is grateful for the mutual respect that drives the relationship but the need for human emotions from others has been piling up, so he has been more grateful for you, the one who openly shows how you are feeling.

He stares at you as you bring in a cup of something warm for him. Your smile is also showing fatigue. You look exhausted and it makes him upset. You and Daz have been working non-stop to try and help him return to a higher position in the Underworld, to show to others that he still has a chance at being an amazing pirate.

“Sorry for disturbing you Crocodile. I noticed you are still up and made you some herbal tea. It should help ease any stress you are feeling,” You say making your way to his desk.

Crocodile hums as his thanks and takes the mug from you. He looks at the contents and the aroma it gives off makes him even more tired, but the tension does leave him for a brief moment. You look like you are about to leave and he is quick to demand otherwise.

“Take a seat. Help me take a quick break,” Crocodile orders.

The smile on your face widens as you sit in a chair in front of his desk. The tiredness on your face slowly goes away as you eagerly fill him in on your day, what you are doing to help him, what you and Daz have come up with, and how you are handling the more rowdier and shadier bigger pirates here in the New World.

Your voice is so soothing to his ears and the tea helps him relax. However, now his fingers itch as he gets the odd urge to touch you. Your hair just looks so soft to him. The way you stare at him as if you truly do care for him too? His heart nearly stops as he realizes what this is.

A dark feeling manifests in him as he takes pride in knowing what is wrong with him. He has fallen in love with you. He laughs interrupting your story and you grow concerned. It makes him laugh more. It makes sense to him now. You were his to begin with ever since you gave your life to his organization and now freely to him.

Words will not do. He will not say or admit. Instead, he will just keep you close as you always have been.  No one but him will be able to have these moments with you. His heart eases at the idea and he apologizes.

“Sorry for startling you (Name). I just had an epiphany. Please do continue. Your voice is so soothing to listen to.”

You do without question, your own expression soft and he smiles at the why. You were his from the beginning and only now has he realized it.

Donquixote Doflamingo-

The anger he feels is too much for him. He does not know how he can handle it. His whole body is fighting off the urge to tear off that person’s head he saw with one of his precious family members. One of the newest members who joined prior to him taking over Dressrosa. So, he has known them for a long time but as of now he has no idea why his anger is possessing his entire being.

His harem, consisting of gorgeous men, women, and people are not pleasing to the eye right now. He is currently with them and they cannot help ease his anger. They are walking on eggshells and he can tell how cautious these beautiful people are in his harem are being and he despises it. It is one of the rare moments for him where he would love to be showered with affection but he fucking hates that idea right now.

He does not want any of their love, their fake love. The vein on his forehead appears to get larger and his harem grows uneasy by the second as he remembers what he had witnessed just earlier. Who were you with and what did he see? He hates remembering it as it plays through his head.

It was a simple scene to most, but he is not most. He knows the person you were with has bad intentions. He took a lovely visit through the island and happen to see you at a restaurant. This would not have bothered him, but he saw you with someone else. You were hugging them. What gives them a right to hug you?

What gives them the right to touch his precious person?

His… Precious person?

Doflamingo’s harem freezes as Doflamingo seems to have gone from a bad mood to one unfathomable. They could not tell what he was feeling but the mood they did felt before gave them all a big concern. They have the right to be as soon as Doflamingo smirks. Then laughs. He is laughing like a maniac.

“Leave me. I realize I need to talk to someone important. Pass a message around the castle and have (Name) brought to me. Tell them it is an emergency,” Doflamingo orders.

Without any hesitation whatsoever, all the people in his harem leave. They do not have any second thoughts but only slight pity if (Name) is being called during one of Doflamingo’s crazed episodes. The sweet person does not deserve the anger they felt earlier.

When they find you and relay the message that it is an emergency you drop everything to go to his room. The worried expression on your face made their hearts melt and they felt bad once again.

“You don’t think he’ll hurt them, do you?” One of the harem members ask.

The others do not know what to think. Usually Doffy-sama is good with the family members and treats them as royalty too but there are times when they question him as if they do not trust him. They only wish that it will not happen to (Name).

As soon as you enter the room Doflamingo feels his anger being soothed. It makes him smile as you approach him, ask what is wrong and what is the emergency. He can’t stop his smile from growing. The look of concern just for him? It’s just as it should be.

“Doffy-sama?” You question.

He snaps out of his thoughts and states, “The emergency is I am not feeling quite like myself today. Your presence is already doing wonders. Say tell me about your day, perhaps about the café you visited with that sketchy person.”

It is no surprise he hops straight to his intention, especially since you are in the family. Jora and his elite officers have taught you well to never disobey him and always trust him. However, the expression on your face is one of slight guilt before complete embarrassment.

“You saw me? I guess that means the surprise is ruined. That was the party planner Jora sent me to talk to. It was my idea, but she knew the person. I wanted to throw a party for you. I thought you deserve a break and all.”

You were throwing a party for him? So sweet. You really are something special. It makes his heart burst as he demands for you to sit by him.

-

Needless to say, the harem is surprised when they find out that their presence in the castle is no longer required.

Dracule Mihawk-

Mihawk’s stare is cold and hard as he tries to stare into the soul of the person challenging him. Of course, this never works. He should be used to it but something about your infuriating presence makes him want to slice you in half but also keep you around. It’s worse than when he has to deal with Shanks.

You are all smiles as if you know you are getting on his last nerve.

“What’s up, Mihawk?”

Yeah… You definitely are. He doesn’t say a word as he starts to walk back to his castle. You follow closely behind him and he ignores the close proximity. He feels the irritation grow when you start to whistle.

“Why are you here?” He finally asks.

Your response surprises him a little bit. “To see you of course. It’s been a while and I heard that Shanks was going to try and meet you so I had to beat him so I can see my favorite person of course.”

He wants to curse at the faster pace his heart decides to take. It makes him uneasy since he has no idea why he is suddenly feeling a bit more anxious with you around. You then bring up challenging him to which he snorts at this.

“I am not challenging you. Our previous challenges have proved that I will remain victorious. It appears you wasted your time. You could’ve showed up with Shanks,” Mihawk states his eyes glancing at you and once again trying to pierce through your soul.

It has no affect as that smile remains on your face and almost makes him smile as well. His lips twitch before settling into the frown that they always are. He’s thinking of ways to entertain you since you had to make it a race between you and Shanks so he doesn’t want you to grow bored here.

As he goes to ask you a question he takes note that you stop walking. He glances at you again and notices that a worried expression is on your face.

“I just realized what a douchey move I made. I’ve been trying to be considerate of others lately but it’s difficult. If I am intruding on you I will leave. I just don’t want you to hate me y’know? I meant it when I said you’re my favorite person,” You say.

He hums as he watches you with that serious gaze. With a sigh, he goes to make a point. “You honestly believe that you are intruding on me? I much prefer your company over Shanks and even then, I still enjoy that fool’s company.”

He waits for a response but when he receives just an unsure look he hesitates. His heart feels like it is going faster as he offers his hand out to you. When you accept it, he finally smiles.

“Come. I’ll open up a bottle of one of my best wines,” He states.

Your eyes widen and you ask, “Really? This is a first.”

He pauses. He quickly recalls every memory and you are correct. This is a first he has ever offered wine not just to you but to anyone. It makes his body warm up even more and a tender feeling to overcome it. If this is what he thinks it is then he will make sure to offer you wine plenty of time in the future.

He’ll be much more nicer to you but only because he believes he may be falling for you.

[omegawolverine]

Plesse tell me about queerness in the get down!!

okay okay queerness in the get down let's fuckn goooo

disclaimer: I havent watched this show in full for like 5 months at least, probably gonna get something wrong and/or forget some more important bits. also this wasnt proof read I just word vomited

tws: period typical homophobia, abuse mention, f slur use, bury your gays trope, overdose mention, mention of a creepy possible age gap (the age gap hasnt been confirmed so that's why its possible), cops

going from least to most prominent queer characters, let's start with mylene cruz!

so, from the beginning of this show she has an established romantic relationship with ezekiel (although the status of their actual relationship changes frequently throughout the show) and though this was a relationship she was hesitant to pursue, it is clear that she does have romantic feelings for him and if not for them both having growing careers in very different music genres (zeke specifically working in a genre that she repeatedly labels as bad because she thinks they're ruining records + that it isnt real music because they're using someone elses piece and rapping over it, that's not really important here tho lol) they probably wouldve had a much healthier, smooth sailing romance. that being said theres a few things that happen in the show that, while not explicitly clear, or even really good coding at that—to the point where you wont catch if you really arent looking for it (and trust me, I always look for coding, hers was just so little that it flew over my head until I saw someone else mention it)—are still cool to think about!

so, for starters, I wanna mention the toy box performance, which was performed by mylene and regina, who are best friends. that's all cool and shit, and you dont really think much about it...until you hear about the fact that the show runners purposely colored a lot of the scenes in that performance with the bi colors. like. the writers after the show ended basically said "oh yeah there was plans to make her coding more explicit, but our shit got cancelled soooo" and then dropped the fact that she was gonna be bi (or at least implies bi) in the series, which puts a new twist on a few things.

now, besides the bi coloring in the background of the toy box performance (which was mostly on scenes with her and regina, which involved a lot of uh,, lowkey lewd dancing. with each other. in very revealing outfits. wooooo), there's her music! I dont tend to read too much into this one bc, like I said before, her coding is fucking light and the writers themselves said they didnt really get to do much with it, but I think some stuff with her music is interesting. specifically how her, yolanda and regina's song set me free blew up because dizzee, resident (lowkey enby coded) bicon, got their song played in a queer club. also that the song was majorly important to dizzee and started playing literally right as he kissed a boy for the first time and realized "oh shit I like boys that's bonkers". also that the song can be taken in a gay way since literally the entire thing is about becoming your true self, fully and unapologetically, which is what both dizzee and mylene's entire character arcs are about. dizzee (and a lot of other queer people, apparently), heard this song about being set free and it resonated with them so much that they got that shit most of its popularity.

speaking of dizzee and mylene, they parallel each other a lot in the way that their arcs are about them realizing who they are, coming into themselves and no longer just letting people treat them like shit in a sense (dizzee starting to tell people essentially that they can call him weird all they want, they can make fun of how he acts, what he likes, how he dresses, etc. but he likes how he is and quite literally saying "it's okay to be an alien" as he has consistently compared himself to one throughout the show vs mylene learning that if she wants to be a disco singer she needs to put her foot down, not let anyone, not even the love of her life, not even her abusive father, stop her from achieving her dreams, etc. and continuing to pursue her career with or without their support). one more little parallel that I think is interesting is during I think s2 towards the end of the show is when dizzee and thor are shown together having fun with each other, painting all over the building and each other and are basically just being happy and in love together and then they have these clips of them being interspersed with clips of mylene at a party where she is starting to realize that if she wants to get anywhere she needs to be her own main priority and that she needs to put her career and her dream, which is what makes her the happiest, above all else if she wants to succeed. idk I just think how the show made these two into a weird parallel, accidental or not, is neat. maybe not an explicitly queer parallel, but I think at least how her music and whatnot helped dizzee, the main queer character in this show, blossom, is important.

moving on we got shaolin fantastic also known as "oh no your internalized homophobia is showing-"

so, heres a quick list of...interesting shao facts:

Consistently referred to as fag/faggot (shaolin fanfaggot is my personal favorite); he gets really defensive about this despite nobody actually thinking he's queer, it's just people being assholes to be assholes, and he is the only character consistently referred to using a slur, especially a homophobic one, especially for a "straight" character. dizzee, a canonically queer character, is called a fag less than shaolin is even though dizzee actively goes to gay clubs, has a not so secret dude he "hangs out with" and wont let anyone properly meet, paints his nails, wears less than straight clothes even by the 70s standards and is just all around the definition of fucking queer (and I mean like in the weird way, not the gay way). in fact theres only like once I can remember him being called a fag and it had nothing to do with him actually being gay it was literally just like thrown out there the same way you would call someone a bitch.

Has only shown sexual interest in women, yet refuses to have deeper relationships with women in general (possibly because of trauma but who knows) but takes his relationships with his "brothers", specifically zeke, very seriously

Tells zeke and zeke ONLY his real name when zeke was planning to stop being his friend bc shao more or less got boo boo, a like 14 year old black kid, arrested for selling hard drugs; he was clearly scared and trying to do anything to keep zeke around, literally chasing him down the street and hounding him until he got zeke to stop and argue with him

Kept threatening to beat up zeke in the end but couldn't actually bring himself to do so, instead saying that zeke is "fucking lucky" before walking away

Let's zeke get away with things that nobody else can, in general just has a weird soft spot for ezekiel that he shows with nobody else

when shao found dizzee with thor in a vaguely compromising situation (like they were just shirtless covered in paint sleeping next to each other but shao had also seen everything they painted on the walls ((which some of it was sus)), it was clear they had painted on each others bodies and dizzee had been routinely disappearing with this guy for weeks now yet not producing nearly as much art, at least, as far as we audience members know) he didnt judge him but instead, waited for him to get cleaned up and then told him something along the lines of "theres a reason why im so secretive blah blah blah [not everyone needs to know everything about me]", which, in context, kinda implies that he might be a lil. a lil homiesexual. jus a lil.

whenever even the possibility of zeke leaving him comes up he absolutely loses it. he has literally cost ezekiel life changing opportunities because he thought zeke would just up and leave him for them. this could be abandonment issues bc he's a severely traumatized character, and that probably does contribute to it, but it also is just not a reaction he has to any of their other friends just randomly dipping in and out of his life soooooo

generally speaking, this mfer has got either bisexual with a big hard on for zeke coding or homosexual with terrible internalized homophobia and still a hard on for zeke coding. either fucking way, that nigga gay. he gay as hell. gay as fuck man. there wasn't really much to analyze here tbh bc the coding is just so fucking obvious if you look for it or you are/have been a gay person who's dealt with at least a little bit of internalized homophobia.

also, just a sidenote, idk how fucking old shao, but I'm praying hes like at max 19 bc I'm pretty sure zeke is a minor in this show and shao definetly is not so the whole him being heavily implied to have a crush on ezekiel thing is kinda. oof. not oof if zeke is like 17 but any younger than that? OOF.

edit: apparently the characters are only supposed to be a year apart in age but i had no clue about that before writing this post and since shaos age was never actually stated in the show i naturally assumed he was an adult since his actor Looks Like An Adult. this is definetly on me to a certain extent, but i also never saw anything about this when trying to find our their ages so 🤷‍♀️ maybe i just didnt look deep enough, sorry!

now moving on to the main event...marcus dizzee kipling :]

so, first things first, let's talk enby coding bc him being bisexual was already confirmed!

um, to start off, I just wanna say I dont think this enby coding was intentional or even really coding, it's just moreso me being a dizzee kin on main and knowing as a transmasc enby he has very transmasc enby vibes. for example:

cool, gender neutral nickname that everyone calls him

paints nails various different colors

the whole wardrobe is just a transmasc enby heaven...fishnet shirts, jean overalls, jackets and cuffed pants galore, the big colorful pins, etc

gender neutral hairstyle (when I had my fro it was very sexy and made it easy to transition between hyper masc and vaguely fem, which is pog)

comparing himself to/representing himself consistently with an alien character (though this is meant to represent his sexuality, it could also double as a gender thing too, not neccesarily bc of the whole nonbinary alien trope but bc an enby who likes aliens might heavily identify or compare themselves to whatever their idea of an alien is, whether that just be a genderless entity or a motherfucker with fly style and no need to be perceived as anything other Wacky As Hell)

moving on from there, let's talk about how his queerness is presented to us and how, while it may be a really good piece of representation, especially coming from netflix, it still lacks in A Lot of places.

so, let's start with good things!

i personally really like the get down's queer rep with dizzee bc it's (for the most part) nonsexualized and very very soft, about dizzee figuring himself out and realizing there is a place where he fits in, and about two teenagers in the 70s falling in love over their shared passion for street art. it also features an interracial couple where both boys challenge stereotypes both about queer men and men of color, which is epic poggers and very sexy. this piece of rep specifically is very important to me bc I am a queer black person and even tho interracial relationships are mostly normalized now, I've still had people give me shit for primarily dating white people in a town that is...primarily white lol

mm anyways, I can also appreciate how in the get down, dizzee being represented by rumi the alien is not a thing specifically related to gender (as it often is) and instead is about his sexuality and just in general weirdness and how it has led to him being alienated amongst his peers, poc or otherwise. him seeing himself as an alien is not about just his queerness, which is important, it is about him being a queer black man who talks different, acts different, dresses different and is "soft"—he isnt a walking black male stereotype and he wouldnt have been seen as masculine back in the 70s by any stretch of the imagination. this can be relatable to a wide spectrum of queer poc, from queer black men currently who still have to deal with this shit or to people like myself who are afab neurodivergent mixed race enbies that have always been signaled out as weird and alienated for it. dizzee is god rep bc while he has a small part in this show, his parts are very impactful, hard hitting and show queer poc of all ages that they arent alone and that it's okay to "weird", you just need to embrace it because somebody will love you for you, as thor did for dizzee.

that being said theres um. some minor problemas here,,,

namely:

dizzee and thors first kiss

the lack of development this pairing got

the way dizzee was confirmed bisexual off screen, he never said the words himself, just showed interest in both genders

the way dizzee and thor were never even confirmed boyfriends or just fwb so most of the fandom just calls them boyfriends bc Why Not

dizzee was implied fucking DEAD??? AT THE END OF THE SERIES?????? AND THOR WAS IMPLIED ARRESTED?????????????

now, these might have been things that wouldve been fine had the show been given it's full run but it wasnt which is why we are now left with probelms.

so, from the top, let's go over these: dizzee and thor's first (and only "on screen") kiss was one that was shown in a montage of other queer people making over and doing other vaguely romantic/sexual things, one of those things being a whole ass naked titty being mouthed at, but the actual kiss...was just not shown? like they really did just say "yes they kissed <3 you know this from the context clues of it being in a montage with kissing, hickey giving and titty sucking <3 but no we will not show it <3" LIKE HELLO? I SAW A NAKED BOOBIE BUT NOT TWO MEN KISS??? HUH????????

also, dizzee and thor were both fucking high as hell during this bit like this isnt a terrible thing but it's also like sometimes you do shit when you're high that you wouldnt do sober and they just never kissed again on screen so like?? like idk that's not that bad but it does kinda irk me since they deadass got no other on screen intimacy after that unless you including painting on eacher other or sleeping next to each other on a shitty mattress but not touching at all during it bc they were both at opposite ends of the mattress like half way off it

so yeah, that was trash. then we got lack of development, which kinda goes with the "dizzee being a bisexual but he never says it in canon" thing cause like...okay dizzee was already sort of a side character from the get go like he wasnt the mc by any means, but he became way more of a background character as things continued until we basically only saw him for performances or when he was with thor, yet they got no fucking development as a pairing other than "dizzee realize he gay, he like thor, he and thor spend time together and ig probably do some gay stuff but we dont really know bc we only ever see them do graffiti together now" like?? tf am I supposed to do with that shit. answer. quickly. and then theres dizzee not being confirmed bisexual, which is just a running problem with shows literally doing everything to say a character is bi except for having the character just...say they're bi? which would be so easy? like a good way dizzee and thor couldve had some development is by thor teaching dizzee things about the queer community that he didnt even know existed, thor couldve helped him understand what being bi meant and helped him label himself and whatnot but instead we got an off screen confirmation that the writers had bisexual in mind when writing him. which is garbagé.

the whole thor and dizzee never having a confirmed relationship status is also a development problem cause like literally nobody knows if they were just friends who made out, maybe fucked, who knows, or if they were dating bc dizzee does give a love confession but a love confession doesn't mean there is a relationship, especially since thor didn't say he was in love either (as far as I remember, I could be wrong, plus whether or not that really happened or was apart of dizzee literally overdosing during a performance is unclear so 🤪)

and now for the biggest issue...bury your gays trope.

during the season 2 finale, dizzee and thor are chased by cops after they are found doing graffiti, one of the cops is able to catch thor while the other chases dizzee into a train tunnel and there is a train seen headed straight for him before the show cuts to black on a train horn. the show writers claim that if they had gotten another season, dizzee wouldve been alive but since they didnt and since that's essentially super fan trivia knowledge, most people dont fucking know that and instead had to watch a black queer teenager chose death over being fucking arrested by a white cop. on top of that, thor didnt see any of that shit because he was caught and the cop started hauling him off while dizzee was still being chased so thor literally has no clue where his friend/possible boyfriend fucking is or that he's likely dead in a goddamn tunnel all alone, unless you count the fucking pig that chased him in there who wouldve died too. this shows rep was so fucking good as far as most shows go on not having major fucking problems, on not being toxic and over sexualized, etc, etc. and then they just. killed a black queer teenager for no fucking reason. like it was literally the last episode ever, it would add nothing to the plot, it would just devastate fans and devastate it fucking did. I dont cry easy but seeing a character I identified with, who I had hyperfixated on, die because he'd rather that than be arrested is terrible. it fucking sucked.

so yeah. that's my all too extensive thoughts/analysis on the get down's queerness. theres definitely stuff I missed, or misinterpreted, or looked too much into, etc, etc., but this was a fun thing to spend time writing sooo yeah!! thanks for the ask anon, sorry this was just a big rambley info dump, but hopefully you get some enjoyment out of it since it took like 3 hours at least 😭😭 feel free to ask clarifying questions lol