#which sounds awful and horrible (the process of getting it)

[foryouthegays]

im having such a shit time recently that driving home today to keep myself from driving directly into a wall i was just chanting Become Nico Robin. I Want To Live. in my head and i think thats really normal and a healthy way to live my life

[llycaons]

something else I really love about feast and famine is how wwx isn't all 'wow lan zhan you're the best I can't believe you've been putting up with me I'm SO grateful you're literally perfect even though I'm so needy thank you so so so much' bc that sentiment arises in a lot of fics that handle his trauma or mental health and it's SO tiresome not to mention ooc. like it's not there for no reason bc wwx did express gratitude in canon and lwj IS a really good and supportive partner, but it's really refreshing to see wwx in a stable and reliable enough relationship where, except that one time he was triggered and panicking, he literally never once doubted that lwj would support and stand with him, nor did he ever feel the need to even thank lwj for being a good partner, even through the extremely heavy and difficult work of supporting him through what happened

and they DO communicate a lot, it's more that the gratitude is left unsaid because it's mutually understood to be unnecessary. and as much I'm in favor of them communicating their gratitude to each other, I feel like this dynamic for them is so much healthier and more mature and illustrates how strong their relationship is and how much they trust each other. also the idea of lwj as this...saintlike martyr who nobly supports and reassures a self-hating wwx is really tiring. he has his own struggles to be sure, but he has them away from wwx and the writing doesn't frame him as some tragic, self-sacrificing hero for it. like I love lwj but that's what it should be about, right? this was always going to be wwx's story first and foremost and I really appreciate works that let it be that

[yawnderu]

Adoration — Simon "Ghost" Riley x Reader

Content: fluff, pregnant!reader, horrible dad jokes.

Our small talk was quite big to me. You know I love you, yeah? My entire life, I always wanted the most simple things. A cup of tea, a normal family, nice food, to be loved and accepted. To find comfort in someone, for the first time ever.

"Earth to Simon." You say teasingly, a hand being waved slowly near his eyes, as if to see if he was focusing on you. He gives you a questioning look, raising a blonde eyebrow stained with eyeblack.

"Seemed a bit lost there." You give his cheek a kiss and you could swear you felt it heat up right after. He returns it, of course, giving you an overly wet kiss on the cheek that makes you recoil and scrunch up your face in mock disgust, dragging a quiet laugh out of him. The sound is beautiful, something your enamored brain can never fully process no matter how many times you hear it.

"I'm here." He replies, arms wrapping around your waist as he brings you closer to his naked body, one hand now gently holding the back of your head as your cheek touches his chest.

"I'm here." He repeats, voice quieter as he looks down at you. The image of you has always been the lens in which he can see the world with love. Reserved for you— his hand trails down, running down your skin delicately before settling on your tummy. —and the life growing inside of you.

"I've been thinking about retiring." He says it so casually you take a few seconds to process, blinking a few times before looking up at him with a mix of confusion and excitement in your face.

"Really?" He doesn't blame you for not believing it— hell, he doesn't even believe it himself. His whole life has been dedicated to putting his life on the line, what else can he do? He'll find something. Anything.

"Yeah." He confirms, planting a soft kiss on your forehead as his hand keeps gently holding your stomach, hoping he can feel the baby kicking.

"There's too much to lose now that I have my girls with me." And he doesn't wanna take the risk anymore. He wants to grow old with you, and he wants to see his girl grow. Maybe even have a couple more kids later on.

His words are met with a soft peck, your hand gently running through his short, bleached hair.

"Are you sure?" He doesn't even hesitate before nodding, bringing your naked body closer to his, wanting to feel everything he missed out on his whole life.

"Already spoke with the old man. Said he'd support me either way." He chuckled softly, thinking back on his conversation with Price. The man was barely 10 years older than him, yet in a way, he was a father figure for Simon. Someone to look up to, a mentor.

He still remembers the first time you and Simon confirmed you were together, and how Price promised to keep his lips sealed despite fraternization being frowned upon. Price knew it would happen either way, looking at the way Simon's eyes softened when you were introduced to the team. The way he was always next to you, paying special attention to you during missions despite knowing you're part of the 141 because you're a capable soldier. Price would tease him in private about his obvious crush on you and Simon would simply say he's seeing things because of dementia.

"Then I'll retire too." You confirm, and before he can open his mouth to protest, you keep talking.

"I'm not risking our girl growing up without a mother. Can't imagine forcing her to deal with your bad jokes alone." You tease and the corners of his lips tilt up, eyes glistening with... something. You know that look.

"No, don't st—" You try to get up from bed and he gently pulls you closer, the same smug smile on his lips that shows he knows he's about to do something awful.

"What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?" You groan loudly and try to escape his grasp, a smile tugging at your lips as he holds you even closer, planting a bunch of kisses all over your face while you try your best not to giggle.

"Sofishticated." He says bluntly, looking down at you to see your reaction. You simply look away, trying to have a serious expression yet... his jokes are so bad they're funny. A small giggle escapes you before you're full on laughing, trying to move him away from you so you can escape the never ending nightmare of his dad jokes, his low laugh coming from somewhere behind you while he holds you closer, thinking of more jokes he read online just to tell you. You are the shelter in which I find strength to carry on. Thank you.

[calicoheartz]

please please write a smut fic inspired by that that pic of caitlin with her hair wet 🙏🙏

Wild & Wet ; Caitlin Clark ᶻz

꣑୧ — summary | cait w wet hair makes u go absolutely feral !

wc ; 891

— warnings | NSFW under the cut! read ur own risk ! ab riding , dirty talk , scissoring, etc

my master list ㇀♡

a/n : tysm for all the love on my last cc nsfw fic ! tried to make this one a little bit more interesting for yall, enjoy !

There was something about your girlfriend with wet hair that made you go absolutely feral. You didn’t know how to even explain, there was just something about it that gave you a little problem that only she could fix.

So it wasn’t surprising that when Cait came back from a victorious win , she would hop in the shower and go about her entire self care routine, one of which involved her washing her luscious locks.

This didn’t concern you, I mean you loved the way your girlfriend smelt after a shower. It was what came after that concerned you.

She kissed your forehead gently, mumbling a “im gonna go shower and then im all yours,” you nodded at this, as the brunette turned away and headed towards your shared bathroom.

Around 30 minutes later, you heard the water shut off, and a pair of familiar footsteps headed towards your bedroom, with the door creaking slightly as it was opened.

You wished you could save this moment forever, the sight of your girlfriend standing in the doorway with a towel wrapped around her neck, her hair wet and sticking to her face slightly, as she adorned her signature black sports bra and matching sweats.

You grinned at her slightly, as she plopped onto the space beside you, immediately bringing your face to hers as she began to softly pepper your face with kisses. You took this as an opportunity to crawl into her lap, facing her directly as silence followed.

Your hands planted on her chest, palms accidentally pressed against her nipples as you try to gain more leverage. You looked at her with a loving gaze, as the brunette gives you a smirk in reply. “Someone missed me.” she chirped, causing a pink haze to form on your cheeks, as her hands made their way to your sides. Moving them up and down lovingly, earning a whimper from you.

Your head drops slightly, eyes screwed shut as you rock your hips back and forth slowly. Your arousal glistening on her skin, leaking through the grooves of her abs. The prettiest sounds fall from your mouth as she gently massages your thighs that are pressed against the sides of her torso.

“Yeah. Yeah, just like that. Yeah, keep moving your hips like that. Youre so fucking pretty-ohmyfuckinggod” the brunette mumbles out, her voice low and raspy from her own wetness pooling inside her.

Your whimpers progressively getting louder and louder as you torturously overstimulated yourself on your girlfriends abs.

Cait quickly flips you over onto your back, her tall frame towering over you as she asks, “are you going to be a good girl and let me do whatever I want to you?” you not eagerly at this, desperate for any friction against your cold, anything to solve the mess happening in your panties.

She tugs at your panties, giving her a nod of approval, she slowly slips them off you and discards them somewhere in your shared bedroom.

The brunette slowly opens your legs, and situates herself on top of you, discarding her own boxers in the process.

She begins slowly rubbing her pretty clit against yours, as she watched in awe how drunk you were from it. So so so submissive for her, being such a good girl for her as she took your tongue in her mouth, engaging in a deep but fiery kiss. “Mm…cait-” you said, pornographic moans escaping your lips as you gripped her shoulders, grinding against her.

“Hm? What is it my sweet girl?” her voice traveling through your ears, making you wetter by the way she spoke. “Feels s’good ohmygoddd” – “I know, you make me feel just as good- fuck”, your exchange cut off by how horribly sloppy the situation was, you were horribly wet. Embarrassing actually. But you couldn’t help it, she looked so good. With her hair down, a few strands sticking to her forehead as her pretty lips parted to let out the cutest and muffled sounds. She looked so good, her muscular arms flexing as she holds herself up, continuing to massage her pussy against yours.

Less than two minutes later you feel your orgasm approaching, as juices bursted out of you so quickly, you could no longer tell which belonged to you.

Caitlin licks her lips as she sees your face contorting with pleasure as she helps you ride out your high, as you throw your head back and groan.

“Good job, baby.” Caitlin says between breaths as she climbed off your shared bed, walking over to the dresser to steady yourself. You laid flat on the bed, reminiscing on the best orgasm of your life, staring at your beautiful girlfriend. The brunette gathers her breath, and turns to face you, her goddess-like build flooding your line of sight. She smirks, before walking over back to the bed as she takes your hand, kisses it gently, and smiles back at you.

“Such a good girl for me, you did so well” she soothes, as you roll over closer to her. She climbs into the bed fully and holds you in her arms, as you laid there in silence, resting your head on her chest. You lean in for a kiss, as the brunette mumbles out a tired “I love you”, you giggle in between kisses,

“I love you more.”

what it finna play?? WOAHHHH !!!! probably my favorite nsfw/suggestive fic to date. Chefs kiss ! As always , tysm for reading 💌

[seecarrun]

Eddie is a horrible, awful, absolutely despicable human being.

But in his defense, tele-therepy should be illegal for anyone as loud as Richie Tozier.

Eddie wasn’t trying to overhear Richie’s session, honest! But the laundry room is right next to Richie’s office, and when Richie wears his headphones, he has an even harder time controlling the volume of his voice than normal, allowing Eddie to hear just about everything said on Richie’s side of the conversation.

Eddie was in the process of switching over his whites from the washer to dryer when he hears him, muffled but unmistakable, in the next room.

“I mean, I can’t just tell him,” Richie says. And after a beat, totally scandalized and kind of bitchy, answers, “Uh, he could hear me?”

Eddie snorts to himself at that, tossing a pair of briefs into the dryer.

“He doesn’t,” Richie says now, matter-of-factly. “He won’t.”

Eddie tries to hurry along the process a little, beginning to feel guilty about ease-dropping, but the next thing he hears gives him pause, despite himself.

“I don’t want to ruin what we have with my stupid feelings. I just got him back, the last thing I want to do is push him away again.”

Methodically, Eddie shakes out a dress shirt, slower and quieter than usual. For….no reason.

“I’m not ‘using negative self-talk’,” Richie gasps, offended, “I’m being honest with myself, which is something you told me I need to practice in my day-to-day, Julie.”

Eddie rolls his eyes, absolutely siding with Julie on this one. Richie has the worst habit of going down doom spirals, concocting ridiculous and unfounded hypothetical scenarios to talk himself out of believing anything that could make him feel joy.

It’s infuriating, especially because Eddie knows he does the same.

“You’d understand if you met him,” Richie continues, sounding sad and almost…wistful? “There’s no way Eddie could love me back.”

Eddie immediately slams the dryer door shut and bolts from the room, not even turning the dryer on in his haste to get as far away as quickly as possible, overcome in a mixture of guilt, shock, panic, and, he flushes, excitement.

Holy shit.

[229zmi]

THE ONLY MAN EVER

PAIRING: Iwaizumi Hajime/Reader

CONTENT: reader and iwaizumi are locked in a storage closet

WORD COUNT: 1.7k

“Help. Someone, please help us. Ah, poor me, I’m stuck with— ack!”

You don’t know whose jacket it is for sure, but judging by its odour and the fact that a certain someone on the team keeps complaining about his missing jacket over the past couple of days, it must be Yahaba’s jacket that suddenly falls over your head, spurring tears in your eyes and an automatic urge to gag. Yanking it away from you, you shoot Iwaizumi a hurt look. “That was evil.”

“Are you even taking this seriously?” he asks in a nearly accusatory tone. It’s difficult to make out his face in the darkness of the storage closet, but you can assume he’s glaring at you. “It’s after school hours, hardly anyone walks down this hallway. We could be stuck here for hours before anyone notices we’re gone.”

When Coach Irihata asked for someone to move some equipment from the gym to the storage closet, Iwaizumi had volunteered first like the charitable person he was, and you were adamant on making it a two-person job — in which Iwaizumi would do all the lifting and your presence by itself would bless him with very much-needed moral support along the way.

However, the door had slid shut and locked when neither of you were paying attention, which brings you to now.

Stuck.

“Boo-hoo,” is all you feel like saying in response to his distress, your only source of entertainment now that you’re in this situation. “Why don’t you try breaking down the door or something, Mr. Hulk. Show off those big guns.”

For your own added amusement, you waggle your eyebrows at his indistinct silhouette and motion to your own biceps, pretending to flex them as if you’re a bodybuilder.

“I’m so glad I can’t see right now, whatever it is that you’re doing.” Iwaizumi sighs, running a hand down his face and along his jawline upon hearing your giggles. “Do you have your phone on you? I left mine in the clubroom, but we could call someone to get us.”

Sheepishly, you reply, “I left mine in the gym.”

There’s a silence that lasts for a whole minute as he processes your words.

“Great. Now we really are trapped.”

“Aw, it’s not so bad. You’re with me.”

“That’s exactly what makes this so horrible.” You hear some shuffling, then a hissed expletive as you feel a pair of shoes stumble over yours. The cracking noise that arises from him swivelling his head in your approximate direction, presumably toward the ground, is enough to pull another fit of giggles out of you as he chastises your shadow, “You’re actually laying down? This storage closet is already cramped as it is.”

“If we’re gonna be stuck here for hours like you say, I’m going to take a nap,” you explain your reasoning like it should be obvious.

You pat around the floor for a moment until your fingers graze something cold and metallic, wrapping around the object and shaking it. A clattering noise rings throughout the quiet ambience of the storage closet. This is a shelf, you conclude, imagining your voice to be like that of those narrators in wildlife documentaries. Covered in a thick layer of dust particles and cobwebs; a safe haven for all species of spiders.

“Shit, what’re you doing now?” Iwaizumi sounds as though he might break down from the stress. Inwardly, he prays to the universe for the door to open as soon as possible. “Stop that, I won’t be able to call 119 if something falls on your head and you get hurt.”

“Such a worrywart.”

“I’m being logical. Unlike someone else here.”

“Okay… worrywart.” As funny as you’ve been finding all of this, you decide to finally sit up straight, even going the extra mile to announce to him that you are doing so for his sake, though there’s no need to now that both of your eyes have adjusted to the darkness. One of your hands slaps against the floor, like you’re trying to beckon over a dog or a toddler, not that he’s either of those. “Come sit down next to me.”

“No thanks.”

“C’mon, pleeeeease. There’s some empty space over here. I already checked.”

“You just want to use me as a buffer from the spiders.”

“Well, duh.”

“Lucky me,” he grumbles.

“So are you sitting here or not?”

“What do you think, loser?”

He takes a couple tentative steps towards you, careful not to step on any part of you as he plops down on the ground beside you. The kind gesture is done with just the smallest amount of spite— with several elbow jabs at each other as he tells you to move over an inch. Nevertheless, after the two of you reach a stalemate (though in your opinion, you’re the one that emerged as the victor since he backed out first), you are more than content, even going as far as declaring him your knight in shining armour.

You can’t see the blush blooming on his cheeks after you say that, but you can certainly see him trying to hide it by hovering a hand over the lower half of his face.

“Don’t call me that,” he says.

“How about my guard-dog?”

Iwaizumi pokes your side, and you squirm away, laughing.

“Be serious.”

“Whatever. I’m taking a nap.“

After your laughter dies down, you nestle up to his side, sort of slanting your body so that more of your weight is on him rather than on the hard floor. The process is easier said and done, given how little room there is, but once you deem your position comfortable enough for sleeping, you rest your head against his shoulder, and it’s surprising how you do all this without any complaints from him. In fact, it isn’t until you shut your eyes that he finally speaks his truth.

“Hey,” you feel him press a warm hand against your forehead before moving it to pinch the bridge of your nose, effectively making your eyelids flutter open so you can make sure your hand doesn’t miss him when you swat at his irked face, “when the hell did I ever agree to this?”

“You didn’t need to. Isn’t it in the job description of a good friend?”

“To what? Be your pillow?” His voice rises with incredulity. “Not as far as I’m concerned.”

“Fine then. Iwaizumi Hajime, the only man ever,” you announce, “do you take me to be your lawfully wedded whatever, to live together in marriage and blah blah blah—“

“What?”

“—to make sure the critters crawl all over you instead of me at any cost, for better or for worse, in strength and in weakness, in wakefulness and in—“

“Don’t say it like that!” His hand comes up flicks your forehead before immediately brushing over the area with his thumb to sooth the pain. There’s a slight stutter in that first word that does not go unnoticed by either of you, yet you don’t point it out. He hopes you can’t hear how fast his heart is beating in your proximity to him.

He glances down at you, your head still on his shoulder. The corners of your mouth lift to reveal a shit-eating grin, and he scowls.

“I hate you.”

“Nuh-uh.” You wag your finger at him as if you’re an evil villain in a kids’ cartoon. “You love me.”

The silence that hangs after your words instead of a snarky denial is so abrupt and unexpected, you wonder if an object from one of the shelves just hit his head and knocked him out or something. However, he’s still clearly conscious when you peer up at him to check, staring at nothing in particular with his tongue poking at the inside of his cheek: a telltale sign of him thinking.

“You alive?”

“Yeah. Just— go to sleep,” he says at last. “I’ll watch out for any bugs, rats, whatever, just please stop talking.”

“Finally!” You smile, turning your head to the side to press a chaste kiss against his upper arm as a small thanks. “Good luck, and may the door also hit you in the head when we get found.”

Frowning, Iwaizumi can’t see how that’ll work when you’re the one closer to the door. Nonetheless, he doesn’t mull over it for too long or bother complaining about it, letting you fall into a peaceful slumber and possibly the best nap you’ve ever taken.

Oikawa expects a lot of things when he opens the storage closet.

He expects a couple spiders to fall on top of him (for which, in that instance, he’s prepared himself by holding a textbook over his head). He expects a rat to run out and dance around his feet (for which he’s also prepared himself with vocal warm-ups a few minutes earlier, in case he needs to scream). He even expects a shelf to suddenly collapse, a broom to fall onto him, an inflatable stick figure with Ushijima’s face to pop out at him — anything but the cliché scene that lies in front of him right now, both answering the question that has been brewing inside of him ever since he realised his two friends were gone and also raising some new ones in its wake.

Slowly, he lowers his arms, his chin at a lower position than usual as he stares, flabbergasted at the sight of you hugging Iwaizumi’s shoulder like it’s a teddy bear and Iwaizumi, who to his credit is still fully awake, making violent gestures with his free hand for Oikawa to keep his mouth shut.

Oikawa gets it, despite there being no words exchanged. To wake you up means that bad things will come his way, most likely multiple volleyballs thrown at his head and a lengthy lecture. However, there’s no way he’ll pass up an opportunity to make fun of his best friend later, when the circumstances are much safer and you are awake to keep a leash on your guard-dog. (He snickers to himself at the controversial yet fitting nickname.)

He shoves his textbook under his arm, then starts fumbling through his pockets for something. Iwaizumi realises too late what Oikawa is about to do, mouthing the word don’t just as he hears a click from the brunet’s phone.

Oh fuck, he thinks. Not only does Oikawa have a picture of you nuzzling your face against Iwaizumi’s arm but now he probably has a picture of Iwaizumi looking stupid as hell with his mouth open mid-word.

As Iwaizumi shoots invisible daggers at him with his eyes, Oikawa makes the wise decision to cancel out the other not-so-wise one; he shuts the door and books it down the hallway.

[unformula1]

sun and earth (LS2 x reader)

sun and earth (LS2 x reader)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ synopsis: you love him. he can’t love you back. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ pairing: logan sargeant x reader w/c: 1077 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ a/n: kinda poorly written but i hope it still makes you cry!! i'll edit it soon. sorry for lack of fics, i've been sick (very). masterlist(read more) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You love Logan. You definitely do.

“You’re such a dickhead.” Logan says as he punches your shoulder gently, but hard enough to cause you to stumble.

“I’ve got a very strong point there!” You regain your balance and punch him back.

“I do not… look like a cat.” He says, his smile growing as he does so.

“You’re literally doing it right now.” 

“I am not.”

“You definitely are. Look at yourself.” You shift to the side so Logan can see himself through the glass panel.

“Okay… well I don’t see it.” Logan crosses his arms, making his chest bulge in a way you would never get over.

“Well…” You stutter slightly, keeping your eye on his chest.

“Well?” He questions, causing you to snap out of your staring.

“I’ll put them side by side, then maybe you’ll see!” You quickly regain your composure.

He scoffs and ruffles your hair which sends a weird chill down your spine, you shiver slightly.

“You know, I think you’re like… the sun in my life.” Logan stuffed his hands into his pockets as he says.

“What a weird analogy.” You comment, scoffing as you do so.

“Shut up. I’m trying to compliment you.” He says, rolling his eyes and punching you on the shoulder.

“Fine. If I’m the sun,” You drag the last word, “Then you are the Earth!”

He raises an eyebrow and gives you a blank stare that screams ‘I don’t know what you just said’.

“You’re pretty, and gorgeous, or something like that.” You say, trying to sound as nonchalant as you can.

“Aw…” He drags the aw and scrunches up his face.

It’s adorable, you’ve never seen anything like it and you don’t think you will. Logan makes your heart flutter in ways you never knew could ever happen. Before him it was always you in charge, but somehow, someway, Logan changed everything.

All of a sudden you were killing to get him to look in your direction and nothing meant more than him smiling at you. You knew you liked him but did he like you back? You didn’t know and you weren’t willing to take any chances.

-----------------------------------

“Hello?” Logan’s voice comes from across the phone when he finally picks up your call.

“Hi.” You say back, loud music blasting in the background.

“What’s up?” He asks you, concern rising in his voice.

“I need… uhm… a ride back home.” You reply.

“Send me your location, I’ll be there in 10.” He says.

“Thanks Logs.” You say as you hang up and send over your live location. 

You clutch your phone tightly as you wait outside the door. The party had gotten hectic and chaotic within minutes and you don’t think you have the energy to deal with all of that.

Leaning against the wall, you wait patiently for Logan to come over. 

It takes him about 20 minutes to get here, which felt like forever, but when he pulls up, you waste no time before getting in the car and slamming the door shut. You take a huge sigh of relief as you lean back into the chair.

“Jeez, was it that bad?” He says, driving off.

“Horrible I say.” You sigh loudly as you buckle your seatbelt, “Thanks… for coming to get me.”

“No problem. Sorry I was a little late.”

“Don’t worry, you were- like the 50th person I called.” You admit, leaning back further into the comfort of the chair.

“Really?” He says with a tint of confusion.

“Yea, no one else was free.”

“Damn… glad I could help you out.”

“You’re an amazing friend. Sometimes you feel like my boyfriend.”

What.

What did you just say?

The words that escaped your mouth finally process and your eyes widen as you pray hard Logan doesn’t react too much about the words. 

“What?” He says with a chuckle.

“Nothing.”

“Boyfriend?” He teases, wiggling his eyebrows up and down.

It’s hot, unbearably so, but you push the blush that wants to surface back down. You take a deep breath and try to quickly diffuse the situation.

“Yea, because you’re- like really close and really protective and all that,” You start rambling, “Not because of- like, romantic or anything, you know?” 

“Mhm…” He says, clearly suspicious.

The next few minutes are awkward, the tension could be sliced with a knife.

“Do you… want me to be anything more than a friend?” Logan breaks the silence.

You shuffle your feet and fiddle with your seatbelt. You know your answer, and you’re pretty sure he does too.

You clear your throat.

“Right…” Logan responds, turning the corner, getting onto the street your apartment was on.

“You know…I have to make quite a lot of sacrifices to be where I am and to maintain that.” He starts.

“Yes, of course, and I don’t want to get in the way of that.” You desperately hope this doesn’t go south.

“And you know how it’s sometimes really hard to make those sacrifices.” He continues.

It’s starting to become draggy.

“Well, I hope you understand, that you and I being friends… is going to have to be one of those. Those hard sacrifices.” Logan says, his tone growing solemn.

“Right… you can’t exactly… be something with me because of… things.” You reply, shuffling your feet more.

“I love you.” Logan says as he pulls up to your apartment.

“But sometimes, I can’t love the people I want to.”

You nod, the tears fighting their way out, streaming down your cheek. You look down, hiding the tears from Logan as he stops to let you exit the car.

“I’m sorry…” Logan says. He doesn’t strike any eye contact and his face is gloomy. He hates that he has to do this and you know that.

“It’s…” You say between the sobs, “Yea no, It’s fine.” 

You don’t make any eye contact as you exit the car. The tears become real and you try your best to wipe them away as you walk into your apartment. Once you’re in the safety of your house you break down. Falling to your knees, you drop everything else and just cry.

It hurts you knowing you could never have Logan.

The Sun and the Earth. The Earth needs the sun for its life, but if it gets too close, it burns; so whether they like it or not, they’ll remain the same distance apart for their entire lives, never being too close to each other.

[bella-rose29]

Deck the Halls (and not your partner) - part 7

the mistletoe scene I have to give credit to the lovely @novelizt because of this post

this is basically just 3.5k words of fluff to make up for all the pain I put you through the last two parts

Word count: 3.5k

Warnings: swearing, making out (it's happening people, but also it's mildly in detail so for the one tiny paragraph feel free to skip if you're either not comfortable with it or not old enough), Will asks the important questions (both sensible and not), brief mentions of self-esteem issues? lockwood is a bit silly at the end, actually they both are

series master list

(why does he look like this :3 😭)

"What?" Y/n breathed. She wasn't entirely sure that she'd heard Lockwood correctly.

"I said that I think I've fallen for you."

He looked so sincere, his eyes more vulnerable than she had ever seen them before, and Y/n felt her heart constrict in her chest.

"You..."

"I know, I know." He rubbed his hand over his face, turning to lean back against the window. The mistletoe still hung at his side in his other hand.

"But you were horrible to me! From the very start!"

"I know. I was awful to you that first night and my only excuse is that I was exhausted and in desperate need of my bed, which I know isn't good enough. And then when you came in for your interview I just didn't want to be the one responsible if anything happened to you - wait, that came out wrong. You walked into the doorframe, Y/n. I was worried that you'd hurt yourself on a job, and I didn't want to get too attached to you in case that happened and you got injured or hospitalised or worse and I couldn't do anything to stop it. When I saw how easily the others took to you I knew that I was doomed," he let out a laugh, shaking his head. Y/n hoped he realised how ridiculous he sounded. "I know that doesn't excuse my actions, Y/n, but I meant what I said about that job we took in March. I really thought I wouldn't get there in time and I was terrified."

"Lockwood... you can't just... say that! I mean, you have said some genuinely horrible things to me and now you're saying that you - you what? That you-"

"I don't know!" he cried, filled with exasperation. "Alright? I don't know how else to describe it! I don't know if how I feel is love because I've never felt like this before, but I do know that I care about you far more than I should given I'm your boss, and I really don't know what would happen to me if you got seriously hurt, alright?" He was out of breath, cheeks flushed as he looked at her, and Y/n felt her own face heating up at his admission.

"Okay, okay," she said quietly, still processing everything he'd said. They stayed there for a few minutes, both leaning back against the windows as they tried to figure out what the hell they were going to do now. "I don't..." Y/n broke off with a sigh. She needed to phrase this right or they would be in even deeper shit than they were before. "I don't think I can just... forgive you, Lockwood. You have a lot - and I mean a lot - of grovelling to do to make up for how you've treated me these last few years." He nodded frantically, hope starting to shine in his eyes.

"Anything," he said. "Anything at all." She knew that he meant it.

"And I want to go on more cases if I'm staying at the company, because you can't just keep me behind because you think I'll walk into a doorframe."

"Done." He paused for a moment, looking like he wanted to say something else. "But you have-"

"Nope! No protests, thank you!" He stopped talking immediately, looking rather like a lost puppy as he gazed at her. "No more hating each other, either, although I feel like that's a given. And the first date had better be fucking incredible, alright?"

"... First... date?"

"Yeah, keep up, Schmoopie." She couldn't deny how her heart lifted at the sight of Lockwood looking so happy, and when he grinned her responding smile was involuntary.

"Wait... so do you... you know. How do you feel, about..." he waved his hands vaguely in the air, then accidentally hit himself in the face with the mistletoe. "Shit, I think that went in my eye. I forgot I was holding that," he grumbled, and Y/n didn't bother biting back her snort. He sent her a glare, but there was only amusement behind it.

"I don't really know, Lockwood."

"Anthony."

"What?"

"If we're going to start dating I'd much rather you called me Anthony." He blushed and went quiet as he looked out the window. "I like it better when you call me Anthony anyway. Sorry, I uh, I interrupted you."

"Oh, no, that's... that's alright. Uh... yeah. Like you said, I don't know how to describe it. I know that it really hurt me when you said that you wouldn't ever feel the same way, and I guess I just didn't want to admit to myself that I care about you a lot too because you were such a huge arsehole to me-"

"Yes, got it, sorry again."

"-but I do care about you, Anthony. A lot. And honestly that does annoy me because I'm pretty sure I've liked you since we met because I did think you were really gorgeous, except then you were really rude and-"

"Wait wait wait wait wait," he exclaimed, waving his hands in front of him. "You think that I'm gorgeous?"

Now it was Y/n's turn to feel her face heat up, and she swatted at his hands. "I did, yeah. Then you opened your mouth."

"Oh."

"Yeah." She waited a moment, then spoke again. "If you must know, I still think you're gorgeous," she muttered, and Anthony lit up, a smug smile landing on his face. Surprisingly she'd missed them, and while she still felt the burning flames in her body at the sight of that stupid smirk, it was no longer hatred.

He stepped forward a little (only a little, since they were back to being incredibly close to each other) and held the mistletoe in both of his hands. "Your grandma Jean gave it to me," he said. "She told me we might need it because it used to be a symbol of peace, and if people met under it they had to stop fighting." They both had been looking down at the plant, but when Anthony lifted his head so did she, and her breath caught in her throat at the look in his eyes.

"So you want to kiss me again?"

"I mean, I wouldn't be entirely opposed to that, if you're offering."

"Really? Really, Anthony?" Her tone was joking, but she felt him move back almost imperceptibly when she didn't immediately agree to it, and her heart skipped a beat when she realised he was waiting for her permission.

"Well I can't kiss you if we aren't under it, can I? So I don't know what you're so worried about, darling."

"Better try and catch me then if you want a kiss," she teased, and leapt away a second later.

"We're running now? When we've just had a huge meal?" He stepped forward anyway, and Y/n laughed with pure joy when he started chasing her around the room, attempting to catch her but just missing every time. Finally she tripped, catching her foot on the corner of the bed, and Anthony swept her into his arms to stop her from hitting the floor. Instead they hit the mattress, Y/n landing on her back and Anthony on top of her, his arms bracing his body while he still clutched the mistletoe in his left hand. They were both breathing heavily from the last five minutes of running and laughing, and now their faces were so close together that they were essentially kissing already.

Anthony held up the mistletoe over their heads the best he could while simultaneously not collapsing on Y/n, and he raised his eyebrows at her. "May I kiss you, darling?" She couldn't speak, so she nodded instead, and within a second his mouth was on hers, somehow better than it had been the first time. It was tentative and small, and he pulled back to flick his gaze between her eyes and her lips. It had left her breathless despite how short it had been, and before she could think they were crashing into each other with the same passion as they had the night before, her hands lifting to grab his hoodie and his hair in desperation. At some point Anthony dropped the mistletoe to move his hand to her waist and bring her closer to him.

There was nothing but him, nothing but the weight of his body on top of hers and his hands touching her and his tongue in her mouth, and then he was pulling back for air and she was chasing after his lips, and he was smiling down at her like she was the only thing that mattered.

For whatever reason, they started laughing, Anthony dropping his head to nestle in the crook of her neck while Y/n wrapped her arms around his torso to bring him impossibly closer.

"So... does this mean I can call you my girlfriend?" he asked, hope making him light up like the Christmas tree they had in the living room.

"Yes, Anthony, you can call me your girlfriend," she laughed, and it turned into a snort when he got up and did a celebratory dance. "You're ridiculous, you know that?"

"Oh, believe me darling, I am fully aware."

~~~

"Hey, Squeak. You alright?"

Y/n had been sitting in the library, staring out the window at the snow that had started falling while she tried to concentrate on the book in her hands. Anthony had been called into the living room by her parents, and they'd parted with a not-so-small kiss just out of view of her family. Will had apparently managed to find her, and was settling into the opposite side of the window seat that she was occupying. "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"I dunno. You seemed a bit... off. At dinner. Is everything alright with you and Lover Boy?"

"Oh," her face burned at the memory of what had happened barely twenty minutes ago. "Yeah, we're all good." She awkwardly sent him a thumbs up, her smile more of a grimace than anything else, and Will looked unconvinced.

"What's really going on, Y/n/n? Because if I need to beat him up-"

"NO! No, don't... don't beat up my boyfriend, please." It felt weird calling Anthony her boyfriend now, despite it being more real than it ever had been before. "Really, we're fine."

"Fine? You're fine? What did you two talk about upstairs? Because I'm pretty sure I heard shouting."

"We were just..." At the look on her brother's face she trailed off, and glanced at the door to make sure it was closed. "What exactly did Mum say when she got off the phone with me a few days ago?"

"What do you mean?"

"When she told people that I had a boyfriend, what did she say? How did you find out?"

"Mum went into the kitchen to take your call because we were all in here playing board games, and then we heard her shout 'You have a boyfriend?!' and Linda went to investigate, and then you turned up with Lover Boy."

"And are you sure that Mum wasn't just... making it up for some reason?"

"Why would she make it up?"

"Because I didn't have a boyfriend, Will."

"But... if you don't have a boyfriend then why the hell are you making out with your boss?"

"We are not making out!"

"Sure. But when you kissed yesterday under that mistletoe," he pointed to where it hung over the library door, "I definitely saw tongue."

"WILL!" She picked up the nearest pillow and chucked it at his head, then hid her face behind her book. "Oh my god, this is not happening."

"Ok, but that still doesn't answer my question," he said after half-heartedly throwing the pillow back at her. "If you didn't have a boyfriend, then why is your boss here saying that you're dating?"

"Because I made him. We actually can't stand each other. Or, we couldn't. We made up. Ugh, this is complicated. We have hated each other for about three years and then when Mum said very loudly that I was bringing my boyfriend to Christmas in front of Linda I didn't have much of a choice but to bring someone or face utter humiliation. Apparently nobody wanted to go to the middle of the countryside for three days with a complete stranger and pretend to be her boyfriend so I had to ask Anthony because George was already busy, and honestly I think we did a pretty good job of hiding the fact that we hated each other."

"And the shouting was you making up? Or were you angrily making out?"

"Will! Fuck's sake! Making up. I did tell him he's got a lot of grovelling to do, but now we're actually together."

"So you did make out."

"What's with the weird obsession about whether or not I'm making out with him?"

"I just like making you uncomfortable. That's my job."

"Well quit your job and get a different one." They sat in silence for a while, just staring out the window at the dark landscape. Although she knew that Will couldn't see them, she still pointed out the few ghostly figures that she saw. Her Sight wasn't nearly as good as Anthony's when she wasn't using her Touch, but she could still make out the glowing shapes in the fields.

"While we're on the topic of jobs... I'm guessing you're not leaving the company anymore," he said after a while.

"What?" she asked, startled by his words. "What do you mean?"

"I heard you at dinner, Squeak. You said you were gonna leave the company. I didn't hear anything else 'cause Nanna Jean was talking to me about her garden again for like, the eighth time today, but when I heard you say that... I dunno. You love your job, and I didn't think there was anything that would make you leave it."

"I wouldn't have stopped being an agent, I would have just moved company. He said a lot of mean things, and in fairness I said some horrible shit too, but he's not got that much power over me."

"Squeak... are you sure you wanna be dating him? If he hurt you so bad that you wanted to leave the company then I don't know if it's the best idea," Will frowned, concern in every inch of his body.

"I know. If he fucks this up then I am leaving. Properly. Because I know that it's not... ugh, I don't know. I was just tired of not being treated in the same way that he treated the others, and he's explained why he was like that, and he was weirdly similar to a puppy when he apologised - not that that convinced me to date him, by the way - and I really hurt him too, over the years."

"Just... out of interest... what exactly did you say to each other that made you start hating each other this much?"

"I was walking back from a solo case, walked into him, apologised, stepped on his shoes, and he told me that he'd just bought them in the most stuck-up voice I had ever heard and it pissed me off." Will stared at her.

"That's... it?"

"To be fair I then went for an interview at his company, didn't realise it was him, and the moment I walked in he went 'we don't want agents like you' or something, so... you know!"

"Okay... that's still not a lot though. You really started what, three years of hatred based on... on that?"

"Well, when you put it that way it sounds stupid, but-"

"No, no 'buts', missy," Will said, waggon his finger at her. "It is just plain stupid. Did you actually hurt each other or were you too busy being idiots?"

"In fairness I really struggle with keeping up to other peoples' standards, alright?! And it did hurt that nothing I did ever seemed to be enough to make him like me!"

"With the way he was talking about you, he definitely likes you. And thinks you're good enough. You have nothing to worry about there, that's for sure." Y/n flushed at Will's words, thinking back to what she'd overheard Anthony say in this same room the day before.

"So explain to me your feelings on this? Because I feel like you went through every emotion known to man just now."

"I initially thought you two were great together because you're a lot more confident in yourself when he's around, then you told me you weren't together and I was incredibly confused, then you told me that you hated each other and I was even more confused, then you told me that you are actually together now and I was happy, and then you told me that he was horrible to you and I wanted to beat him up, and then you told me that you stepped on his shoes and that's why you hate each other and I was confused again. Make sense?"

"Just about. It wasn't just me stepping on his shoes that-"

"Nope!" Will turned his head away, lifting his hand out in front of him to stop her. "I don't want to hear anymore of this silliness, thank you very much!"

"But it-"

"Nope!" Will pushed forward, grabbing the pillow that he had earlier thrown back to Y/n and whacked her around the head with it. "Nope, nope, nope!" Each 'nope' was punctuated with another hit, and Y/n barely had time to pick up the other pillow and fight back before he was swinging again.

~~~

"Hey," Y/n whispered to Anthony as she came over. He had been sat in the loveseat again (he was almost completely certain that Y/n's family were leaving it specifically for the two of them to use, since her five siblings were squished up on one of the sofas most of the time), and he put down his mug of tea to help her sit comfortably.

"Hi," he whispered back, immediately wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her back to curl into him. She brought her legs up to hook over his and was turned sideways in the seat, her head nestling into his shoulder. He picked up his tea again and was about to take a sip when Will burst into the living room, board game in hand and a slightly crazed look in his eyes.

"We're playing Yahtzee! Everybody take a sheet, you don't have a choice in this!"

"Is this the one you're terrible at?" Anthony asked, speaking quietly into Y/n's ear, and he chuckled when she slapped his arm.

"You can't be terrible at Yahtzee, Anthony, it's a fucking dice game. It's based on luck, idiot."

"Oh, right, silly me. I meant charades. That one you are truly awful at."

"Just because you get really into it and put on ridiculously large hats doesn't mean I'm awful at it," she responded indignantly. "Also, by the way, the use of props is against the rules of charades, so technically you've lost every single one you've done."

"I have not!" he jokingly started, putting on an accent and pretending to be mad. "I am the best at charades! How dare you accuse me of- mmph!" Y/n shut him up by pressing a kiss to his lips, and while he sat there for a moment with his eyes wide open and his posture incredibly tense, he quickly relaxed into it. He still wasn't used to kissing her, and he didn't think that he ever would be, and when she pulled away a few seconds later he was left to chase after her mouth while she giggled.

"Sure, whatever makes you happy, Ant." That was another thing he'd never get used to. The way she said his name. He didn't think he'd heard anything sweeter, and then she was laughing at something one of her family members had said and he realised that he would spend his whole life documenting which of all the things she did was the most heavenly.

"You're what makes me happy, darling," he mumbled, not expecting her to hear. She looked round at him, surprise on her face. He thought she might say something nice in response, but instead when she opened her mouth something else came out.

"You are so cheesy, Anthony Lockwood."

"I'm just getting started, darling. Like you said, I have a lot of grovelling to do. I hope you're ready for how cheesy I can be." Y/n wrinkled her nose in disgust, but the wide grin on her face gave her away.

"That sounded weird," she said, and he leaned forward to press a gentle kiss to her nose. He shrugged in response.

"You're just going to have to get used to it, I'm afraid."

"Good. Hopefully you'll finish all the grovelling needed by the time you're about thirty, then."

"I'm grovelling every second of every day if it means I get to keep you near me, darling," he replied, and he revelled in the flush that crept up her neck. He accepted his score sheet from Will (who was getting very serious about the game, making sure that nobody would be cheating by using loaded dice), and took a sip of tea.

Then he nearly spat it out when he fully registered what Y/n had said.

"Thirty?!"

part 8

Tag list (once more hoping that this is everyone): @ahead-fullofdreams, @aislinrayne, @anathemaloren, @anthgoldenhrry, @augustisintheair, @avdiobliss, @aysha4life, @bobbys-not-that-small, @briar-rose23, @curseofhecate, @dangelnleif, @edible-rat-vomit, @el-de-phi, @ell0ra-br3kk3r, @ettadear, @fearlessmoony, @fudosl, @idkbubs, @imaginebeingmentallystable, @informedimagining, @karensirkobabes, @lady-ashfade, @light-23, @locklyebrainrot, @locklyle1kanij, @locknco, @magicandrosewaters, @mentallyillsodapop, @mischivana, @mitskiswift99, @mrsklockwood, @mrsyixingunicorn10, @newbooksmell777, @no-morning-glories, @novelizt, @phlooper, @ran23sblog, @reggiepeterss, @simrah1012, @somethingrandomwatzit, @star-of-velaris, @superpositvecloudshipper, @t2sh0, @taygrls, @tournesol77, @whistle1whistle, @whenselenefallsinlove, @wordsarelife, @y0urm0m12

let me know if you want to be added to/removed from the tag list! <3

[spenceragnewfics]

THE INTERN | Chapter One

Spencer Agnew x Younger!Intern!Reader

TW: None

Word Count: 1.9k

Description: Y/N has been a fan of Smosh since they could remember. Now about to enter their senior year of college, they get an opportunity to be an intern at the Smosh Office and their first day has arrived.

Every new job comes with stress. You never know what is going to happen. You could have awful co-workers, creepy or mean bosses, and horrible workloads pushed onto you by lazy co-workers, the list is infinite. 

The stress comes even more when it’s something that could become your first job in the real world. Internships are a major stepping stone in any college kid’s career, it’s the start of being over with college and being a person in society.

That’s all that is racing through Y/N’s head as they look at the studio in front of them. Many people would consider them lucky with their internship. You see, Y/N is a long-time fan of Smosh, a very popular YouTube channel, and was somehow able to get an internship with the company for the summer.

They didn’t know exactly where and who they would be working with, except for knowing that their main job would be helping with social media. Looking at their phone, it shows that they still have ten minutes until they should be there but the anxiety was killing them too much to be any later.

Taking a deep breath, they grip onto the bag on their shoulder and walk to the front door. Pushing the button, they wait until a voice comes over the speaker, “Hi, how can I help you?” They lean down to be face-level with the camera. “Umm, I-I-I’m Y/N L/N. I’m the new intern.” Their voice comes out nervous, hoping they didn’t get the days confused or anything. They read the email what felt like a million times to make sure they were right.

“Yes! Alright, come on in! I’ll meet you at the door.” They hear the door unlock and push it open. Walking into the cool space, the heat from the outside slowly starts to melt from them. Looking around, the office looks much cooler in person. A lot of it is familiar but some things are new or haven’t been shown in videos.

“Hi, it’s nice to meet you!” A gentle voice says, pulling them from their daydream to look at the woman in front of them. The short Filipino woman standing in front of her is smiling kindly, “I’m Selina. Welcome to Smosh.” The woman sticks her hand out for Y/N to shake.

“I’m Y/N, which you already knew, and I know who you are. I’ve been a fan of the channel for a long time. That sounds creepy though, I’m so sorry.” They say while shaking her hand, thankfully the woman has a good sense of humor and is laughing. “It’s not creepy at all. I knew it would come with being in some videos. It’s always cool to meet fans. This must be like a dream for you.”

“Yeah, honestly, the whole process felt like a major dream. I can’t believe I’m here. I had my friends dump cold water on me when I got the email about me getting the internship. It was dumb but helped make sure it was real.” They confess as they play with their hands. Nerves still being the main thing Y/N is feeling.

“I can tell you're nervous. Don’t be. I promise, this place is very chill and the people are amazing. As long as you are willing to work, you’ll fit in well here.” Selina says, comforting the nervous mess that is in front of her. “Thank you, so where do I go?” They ask after taking a deep breath.

“Well, I will give you a tour, and then when we get done with that we will go to the conference room and you will meet some of the people you’ll be working with and some of the higher-ups. That does include Ian and Anthony.” Y/N perks up a little, their mood becoming more optimistic by the second because if everyone is like Selina, then this will be the best time ever.

They follow Selina as she takes them around the office. It’s very empty because it’s a shooting week so most of the office is helping with filming stuff. She got to see all the different pods and meet some of the office-focused staff like Emily, Josh, Peter, and Marcus. 

Once the tour is over, the two head back to the front so Y/N can go to the conference room. “And that over there is the conference room. That’s where we do most of our big meetings and important stuff. That concludes the tour, if you have any questions please don’t be afraid to ask.”

“Thank you so much, Selina. I will keep that in mind.” Y/N says, slightly laughing as the two walk to the conference room. “Now this is where I must leave you. I am very excited to be working with you.” She says, giving Y/N a comforting squeeze on the arm before walking away.

Turning to the door, they can see a few people in the conference room. All people They recognize. Tommy, Alé, and Zoe are the only ones in there so far. Taking a breath, they open the door with a kind smile, “Hello, I’m Y/N L/N. It’s nice to meet you.” They say as they walk in, catching the attention of the room.

“Oh, you scared me! I didn’t expect you already, it’s so nice to meet you. I’m Zoe.” Says the blonde woman, walking over to shake her hand. “Nice to meet you, as well.” They say as they walk to the table. “I’m Alé, welcome to Smosh. You impressed us with your interviews and work.” The CEO says and it makes their heart soar.

“That means a lot. Thank you.” Alé gives them a kind smile before they turn to Tommy. “Hello, it’s nice to meet you fellow social media person,” he says, a little hint of amusement in his voice. “It’s nice to meet you as well. I’m so excited to be here, honestly. This is a dream.”

“Okay, you don’t have to butt kiss anymore. You’re already in.” He jokes, making Y/N laugh. “It shouldn’t be too much longer until the rest are here. I think they’re finishing a shoot.” Alé says and Y/N sits down. They look around, not knowing where to sit. “I won’t bite, I swear,” Tommy says, patting the seat next to him.

They sit next to him and put their bag on the table. Pulling out their laptop and tablet, Y/N opens up the important stuff that holds their digital work, video ideas that her advisor said could come in handy, and some examples of videos she’s worked on for her classes.

A few minutes pass with the groups sharing small talk until the door opens. Looking over, Y/N feels nervous all over again as Ian and Anthony walk into the room with Erin D. walking in behind them. “So sorry, we’re late. The rest are coming in soon.” Anthony says before turning to Y/N.

Their eyes widen when he looks at them, not believing this is real again. “Well hello there, you must be Y/N. I’m Anthony.” He says, walking over with his hand stretched out. “I know, I’ve been a fan for a while. Thank you again for this, it’s a dream come true.” They say as they shake his hand. Ian chuckles while walking over, “We’re glad to have someone so talented on our team. Your work is amazing.” He says, shaking their hand as well.

“That means a lot. Y’all’s videos got me through years and years of homework and projects.” They say, laughing a bit. “Well, we’re glad to have helped,” Anthony says as the door opens again.

This time Shayne and Courtney walk in and behind them is someone who makes her heart race for a different reason. Her breath halts when Spencer walks into the room, dressed in a jean jacket, button-down, rolled jeans, and boots. His curly hair was held back by a cap on his head. 

The three sit down together, across from Y/N and Tommy. “Okay, everyone is here. Thank you all for coming. Today we are welcoming a new addition to our office for the summer. Y/N L/N is coming to us from across the country and is currently in their senior year of college. Welcome, Y/N.” Alé says and the room claps.

Tommy motions for them to stand up, “Uh, hi. I didn’t expect to say anything but I’m Y/N, if that’s not obvious. I’m a social media management and multi-media production major. I’m a little nervous being so far from home but excited to be here for the summer.” They say, a shy smile on their face as they look around the room.

Their eyes stop on Spencer who is looking at them with a soft expression. The kind he has when he’s listening to people, the same one they’ve seen in many videos. “It’s very exciting to meet you, Y/N. Welcome to the team.” Courtney says, a kind smile on their face.

“Yeah, I’m excited to see what you can bring to the games channel,” Spencer says, keeping his eyes on them as they sit down. “Yes, thank you for bringing that up Spencer. Y/N, we have looked at the stuff you’ve done and from what you’ve told us plus input from your recommendations. You’ll be mainly helping with the gaming channel.” Alé says.

“Really? That’s so cool.” Y/N says, a smile bright on their face. “Yeah, so you will work with Tommy and me mostly to get things done,” Spencer says and they nod. “Okay, I think that’s all we have. This was just a meeting for you to get to know a few people, mostly the ones you will be working under.” Zoe says.

“Okay, sounds great.” Y/N says, an optimistic smile bright on their face. Everyone stands up, those who already met Y/N leave while Shayne, Courtney, and Spencer stay behind.

“So, Y/N, what have you done at college besides your degree stuff?” Courtney asks, wanting to get to know the newbie more. “Well, I am a part of my school’s esports team. We’re still kind of new but have done pretty well. I also was on the university paper but I stopped so I could do my internship.” They explain.

“That sounds super cool, you must be a good gamer to get on an esports team.” Shayne acknowledges. “I try, it’s not something I do all the time. Mostly for fun and I kinda joined because of my ex but that’s a long story.” 

“Ah, the things we do for love.” Courtney reminisces, “I think you will fit in great here. I know Trevor will be happy to have someone close to his age.” Spencer jokes. “I’m super excited, this is honestly a dream. I’m not even sure I’m awake right now.” Y/N confesses.

“I think I know how we can break that. Since it’s your first day, you can sit back and watch how things go then we’ll throw you into the deep end tomorrow.” Spencer says, his eyes never leaving Y/N. “Ooo, that sounds scary. Fun, but scary. I like it.” They say, perking up and putting their bag on their shoulder.

Courtney laughs as they wrap their arm around them, “You are gonna be perfect here.” They say as they all walk out of the conference room.

[healingpuppys]

How to cope with a trauma anniversary!

for some slight context, today is a very awful day for us, we have many trauma anniversaries, and though they seem to never get better throughout the years we have found a way to cope with some things!

Waking up

waking up the morning of a trauma anniversary can feel jarring, and sometimes at first you don’t realize it’s a trauma day, it’s different for everyone when they may realize! sometimes you can wake up and your body feels heavier, you may feel fuzzy, and gross; although these feelings are awful it’s very important to ground yourself, it’s ok to let yourself feel those feelings but don’t let it overcome you and cause you to spiral. A few grounding tips we have are:

find a comfort item, it can be anything! just something that brings you joy and comfort.

play a song or video that helps you calm down, focus on the beat and try to tap your fingers along with it

wrap yourself in a big blanket, for us personally it gives us a sense of safety when we most need it and it can be you’re safe space

these are just a few and of course there are plenty more you can use!

Flashbacks

Flashbacks are again a horrible and very painful experience. We also have things called ptsd induced hallucinations, where sometimes a flashback can trigger hallucinations and make life in the moment so much worse. if you experience these as well we have a few tips! even if you don’t experience these you can still use the tips!

reality check your self but not in a negative way, say things like “nothing can hurt me in this moment” “i am safe” etc.

distractions!! I know some people say “distractions won’t help you process through things” no, and a lot of people on a day like this don’t want or need to process anything, we are put in the mindset of trauma responses and are simply trying to survive the day, it’s important to have things that can ease our mind in those moments

comfort food, comfort food or drinks can always help and bring you away from a certain memory into another

calming or nice smells, candles or anything that has a nice sent can help distract the mind and sometimes put you in a different mind set

Eating

eating or getting hungry can be a struggle, for some they feel nauseous or sick at times during the day, which is completely normal! It is important to try to eat, and again if you can’t that’s completely ok there’s no need to feel shame in it just remember to hydrate and eat when you feel better! some tips to help one feel hungry or eat

Comfort food again!! comfort food can bring one out of a memory sometimes and into a happier or calmer one! and who doesn’t love comfort food!!

watching people cooking! it can sometimes be helpful for someone to regain hunger by watching others cook and plate some delicious looking food

Sleeping

sleeping can be hard on these days, for us we don’t get much sleep the night of our trauma date, but trust me it’ll make you feel much better.

Water/rain/forrest/wind sounds, they can be very calming and helpful to sleep, for us the forrest is one of our favorite places to be so we can sleep very soundly with noises of the forrest

youtube videos, something calming or funny as background noise can help someone’s mind relax enough to fall asleep

melatonin/prescribed sleeping meds, for some simple distractions won’t be enough so if you’re able we recommend taking something that can help you sleep

breathing/meditation! meditating is known to relax your body and mind also helping you clear tension built up in your body, we highly recommend this strategy!

though some of these things may not be helpful for some we hope to give people ideas and what personally helps us! remember lovely’s you’re valid, you’re strong, and you are all amazing! please remember to stay safe!!

[lowkeyrobin]

Can I request Nihachu x reader where she helps dye the readers hair and vice versa? Just cute hair antics :3

awe yes of course!! this is adorable ; thank you for requesting and I hope you enjoy!!

NIHACHU ; hair dye

summary ; dyeing each other's hair on a random Thursday night

warnings ; language, mention of waterboarding

word count ; 573

masterlist

"Doing this on stream was such a horrible idea. Look at you!" You giggle, glifting up some of the aluminum foils in Niki's hair to reveal her forehead, some of the dye staining her hairline and forehead.

She giggles in response, reading some of the comments in chat. "Well, thanks to you, I'm gonna look amazing after this"

"True" You shrug, taking another foil to her scalp, putting it under a new section.

She holds the plastic bowl of dye in her hands for you so as not to spill it everywhere, letting you dip the brush with ease and paint her hair with it. You paint the hair strand, then use the rat tail comb to fold the foil and secure it so it can process. Niki continues to talk to chat while you focus on painting her bangs bright red, needing all the concentration you could get because you didn't want to fuck anything up.

You move over to the other side, having finished the left side. You work bottom to top, your pace quick yet precise.

A shiver shakes her in the barstool, and you quickly notice.

"You okay?"

"It's cold!" She lightly laughs.

"I'm almost done, don't worry"

You continue, reaching the top once more.

"Okay, let that develop for 40 minutes, and in the meantime you can do me" You smile, setting the materials back down on the countertop.

You trade places with her on the stool, watching her clean out the red dye bowl and mix up a new color. The foil brushes together to create a familiar sound, which Niki tries to stop desperately because she didn't want the foils slipping off of her hair.

"Y/n/n, keep your head still!" She laughs, having to move your head around with her free hand for the millionth time.

"I'm trying! You're dragging the shit out of my scalp!" You speak dramatically, trying not to move your head down while you cut up some more foils for her.

Niki is able to get the foils on your head and the dye to process now. By the time she was done, her color was done processing as well.

She moves the camera to face the sink, where you were going to waterboard rinse out the color from her hair. She gets to work on carefully removing the foils from her hair while you run to the bathroom to get her shampoo and conditioner to make everything easier in the end.

She leans over the sink, protecting her eyes with her hands as you wash out the color from her hair and remove the foils she didn't get herself. The trashcan stands beside you on the floor, where you discard the aluminum after rinsing them to make sure you wouldn't stain a countertop or the floor.

"Temperature good?" You ask, watching as the water spills from her hair a bright red color.

"Mhm" She replies, wiping some stray water drops back from her forehead.

Once you're done, you hand her a towel to get the access water out of her hair, and look back down in the sink.

"Holy shit the sink is bright red"

"Huh?-" She looks back, seeing your statement was true. "Oh my God" She giggles.

"Dude, we're renters" You remind her, a nervous, playful smile on your face as you chuckle. "We're fucked"

"Well, we have a red stained sink, if anyone wants one, chat"

[mintytealfox]

Goodness GRACIOUS orz

Alice's Deduction version of Alice in Wonderland, in 1949,...felt like my brain was actively melting awaaayy orz

This claymation style is anything BUT fun to look at for my eyeballs. Like even the caterpillar on the cover here fills me with an uncanny amount of dread and visceral ANGER PPFFFFF

But I watched it, and made it to the end -falls down the stairs- uhg orz

Dunno if there is a point to do a read more cause I am keeping it SHORT but just in case~

So in this version, instead of a book being read to Alice as she falls asleep, it is actually her friend who is an author that uses the alias Lewis Carroll LOL YOOOO that is telling this story he is making up for her and her sisters.

To note: Her friend says something interesting in the beginning, when referring to this place that Alice and her family live 'Oxford', saying "nothing in this place ever changes" This made me think of Orpheus and his purposeful plans to make the mansion look exactly like it did before, and the other obvious part, that he is also an author.

ANYWAYS

Alice falls asleep as he starts telling this story and we get to experience these horrible AWFUL TERRIFYING CLAYMATIONS AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH for WAY too long -WHEEZE- I don't even wanna TALK ABOUT IT

LOOK AT IT

THIS IS WHEN THEY START SPRINTING and RUSHING TOWARDS HER TO GET HER!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME WHAT IS THIS HORROR FEST

There was this part where all the animals are YELLING at ONCE about the 'FLOOD' from Alice's tears and I WAS ABOUT TO RIP MY HAIR OUT

and don't get me STARTED on that BELL RINGINNNGGGGG RAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I AM GETTING OFF TOPIC LOL

ANYWAYSSSSSSSSS

The long and short of it, we all know the story, but this is definitely the right Alice movie PFF

-Its an absolute MIND MELT and is a story completely curated by her friend who is an author 👀 -She drinks every bottle of 'poison' she sees and eats every sweet she finds PFF -She is significantly curious and wonders about all the things. I particularly liked how she wondered about things and her thought process as she fell at the beginning~

Alice: "either this well is very deep or I am falling very slowly. Well, after such a fall as this, I shall think nothing of falling downstairs. How brave they will all think me at home. Why I wouldn't say anything about it even if I fell off the top of the house. I wonder how many miles I have fallen by this time. I wonder what latitude or longitude I've got to. I must be getting somewhere near the center of the earth. Curiouser and Curiouser"

-She is being chased friggin ALWAYS -And I did appreciate how she kept stopping and looking back when she heard the doorknob turning sounds when she is in the first room. ("don't look back" heh)

-This is a tripped out and confusing experience like idv Alice's life when she was being experimented on, All that chaos and memories all over the place ;; -Her wit staying intact regardless and still having a smile on her face and kept on trying. (boi she kept on keepin on with the drink me bottles and eat me snacks my gosh LOL)

This is the most off putting Alice in wonderland movie I have seen, to date, which is on brand for our IDV Alice cause it really puts to paper how chaotic, off putting, and confusing her life has been.

----

I will add this random side note, that there was a part I did appreciate, I appreciated the king character, his delivery with his lines were hysterical PFFF

like, "before we are entirely depopulated my dear, might we find out who actually did it" cause the queen was wiggin for heads to roll again PFF

Alice: "I'm not a mile high!" The King: "you are" -matter of fact dry response I CAN'T HAHHA-

and then the BEST delivery was the:

White Rabbit: "where shall I begin?" -with reading- The King: "Begin at the beginning, then go on til you are at the end, then stop"

-WHEEEEEEEEEEZZZZZZEEEEEEEE- just the most DRY of deliveries got me HOLLERIN, (the court scene ended up being so funny to me PFFF) but it also could have been because I was literally LOOSING MY MIND by the time the end was rolling around AH

----

This got a checkmark from me PFF even just the way I felt after watching this dang thing was enough for me to be like "yea......" but the fact that there is more is "YUP this is our idv Alice for sure"

[chemical-killjoy]

OK, so here's the thing. I just watched the Fortnight video and listened to Who's Afraid of Little Old Me for the first time... I'm having thoughts.

First of all, while I DON'T like Taylor (as will become evident in this post) I can appreciate WAOLOM, because it do be a bop, and the lyrics in Fortnight are (while cringy) also pretty good. Just cause I don't like her doesn't mean she sucks at what she does, just like how some of her songs are good doesn't mean all are or that it's all because of her with no help in penning them.

Next. Fortnight. So first of all, it's incredibly fucked up to be talking about alcoholism from someone who hasn't struggled (and if she has, I retract that statement... but since she hasn't spoken about it, I think it's another one of her metaphors), and the psychward-chic?? What the actual FUCK??? Look, as someone who has been in psych wards multiple times... you cannot be making that shit glamorous. You don't get to show med times, you don't get to show ECT, without some kind of disclaimer, knowledge, understanding or experience. It's not all ballgowns and doctor saving you. It's horrible.

So she's glamourising mental illness. Fucking, fine. Everyone on TikTok seems to be, so fine. But going further with ECT?? For those who don't know, ECT stands for electroconvulsive therapy, and if you're thinking that sounds like electroshock therapy... it is. It's the same thing, rebranded and "tamed". And it's NOT A THING OF THE PAST. I know someone who got ECT done. And while it seems to have helped her, it's fucking horrendous. I'm not going into the side effects or the process, but it's a last resort. Even medically, it's a last resort, it's horrendous. I mean for fuck's sake, I know where people get it done, and I've been there (not to have it done, but for talk therapy). It's not fucking nice! It's not chic, it's not fun times, you don't get black and white film and lipstick. I can't even try to understand why you'd glamourise something so fucked up just for public attention. There's a difference between making things creepy, pushing boundaries in artistic senses, and making some of the worst times of people's lives into a break up song. What the actual fuck is wrong with her?? Also, to reiterate, I wouldn't call it ableism, as much as just fucking horrendous.

Then there's WAOLOM (I can't be bothered to keep typing it lol). Ngl, it's a banger, it's a vibe, and it's kinda relatable through both the trauma and female rage lense that I think she's going for. So, well done with that I guess. But the thing I have a problem with in this... Look man, if that's genuinely how she feels? I hope she gets help. Being caged is awful, and being twisted into a monster, also not fun. I know there was the whole snake fiasco that definitely would've been traumatic, and I hope she's OK and can heal from that. But in the song... it's so fucking self absorbed. Like no. Not everything is about you, as much as you try to make it that way (and unfortunately swifties are making that so). Ngl, the asylum where they raised me part, I mean her dad doesn't sound fun to grow up with if you think about it, but there's more psych ward imagery which pisses me off from someone who hasn't suffered that much!! Like sure, what she's been through is shit, I relate to some of it and so understand, but you can't go around like your pain is the worst in the world. It fucking isn't. At least you can afford the therapy for it Taylor, some of us can't. And the "I'll sue you" part? She literally has sued people for small shit!!

TL;DR: Fortnight video is FUCKING WRONG AND FUCKED UP and I wanna punch her for it and ECT is not a thing of the past, and Who's Afraid Of Little Old Me is a banger, but she's incredibly self-centred and if she actually feels what she wrote in that song I hope she gets the help she needs (/gen)

[maxwell-grant]

Thoughts on Lupin: Part 3

Covered my thoughts on seasons 1 and 2 already and I just finished season 3 so I'm gonna write about it here. Bottom line: HahahahaHA this show rules so much man.

Everything that was strong about the prior seasons is still there if not better, and they patched up several things I otherwise disliked about it. Also god I missed the mark big time by watching the prior seasons with the English dub for some reason, no wonder I didn't like most of the characters when they all sounded like they were sleepwalking. Just, watch with the French audio, don't be an idiot like me.

I actually like Assane's family now? Maybe that's because of the dub thing letting me see the actual performances, but there seemed to be a lot more effort this season to make us care about Claire and Raoul's own struggles and the really bad things they have to deal with because of Assane and how they deal with them. There's an extent to which these characters exist because otherwise Assane would suffer no consequences and no caveats to just doing whatever he wants, a.k.a the cool Lupin stuff we signed up for but can't be too over-indulged in, and that made them feel more like roadblocks than people, but to me this time they actually feel more like people, and people who can have their own things going on or even get involved in the good stuff without compromising their importance, and those consequences thus actually matter more.

God I can't believe how great the disguises were this season and how many there were. Again, definitely feels like they had to refine the process in the first two seasons so we can have this one with Assane actually going the nine yards with multiple overlapping fake personas and disguises per episode. Omar is masterful in all of them and the show seems so confident that it even lets Ben, Guedira and Claire dip their toes in the action a bit. I was actually really impressed by Coach Alex, even though he does look a bit uncanny and a little A.I-ish. I could still buy that as a real person.

It's doing this thing I really like that The Shadow does, where the character has a lot of different methods by which he achieves his disguises ranging from high-tech/borderline fantasy to very simple DIY tools, but the process featured is obscured enough that you can never fully tell which is being used, and so the character can have this borderline superpower still grounded enough to not look like one.

I actually didn't mind the villain this time around. There's a nice progression of putting Assane against an invisible and seemingly invincible shadowy gang forcing him to do their bidding (which lets them do the heist-of-the-week format without compromising the larger plot), that turns out to be just one horrible man from his past armed with henchmen and a grudge, which means he gets to be developed and taken out within the season without much delay and without Assane having to make stupid out-of-character blunders to let him escape to menace another day (which was a problem I had with Pelligrini). I like that Keller gets to be legitimately scary as a threat to Assane's loved ones, but is also undone by being a stupid piece of shit who only knows how to abuse and manipulate children until they all turn on him, and once he and Assane are on even ground he goes out like a chump.

Putting Pellegrini completely out of sight and saving him for the final twist where he's been pulling a Kingpin in prison with god knows what consequences even warmed me up to him as a villain, if nothing else because, okay, a Lupin worth his name needs a Cagliostro menace, and the ending twist isn't even about him so much as it's about the betrayal of someone Assane confided in.

And unfortunately that ending twist is good enough that it would be awful if any of those three turned out to be the backstabbers and there's equal arguments for being any of them (I don't think it's going to be Pellegrini's daughter precisely because she's the most predictable, I don't think they'd do the Countess of Cagliostro that 1-to-1)

(Art is from the cover of Lupin: Échec à la reine, which is a prequel novel focused on Benjamin. I don't think it's been translated to English but it got published in Brazil.)

Look, it's good drama, yes, we need stakes to keep this going, yes, but BEN NOOOOO, GODDAMNIT ASSANE

Unfortunately I can't fault Assane that much despite the fact that he barely knew his mom. There was no good option there, Ben would have fumbled it if he was even a little on the plan, and I'm not sure if he later realized why Assane did it or if he didn't realize at all, I mean the ending twist sets him up as one of the potential backstabbers and it's gonna be really fucking heartbreaking if so, but...man, I don't fault the way everyone reacted to that episode, but I can't get that mad at Assane for what he did.

The heist he did with his mom at the prime minister's mansion complete with jetski escape added another 10 years to our lifespan. Utterly delightful. I love this show so much.

I was a bit iffy on how the prior seasons approached the existence of Arsene Lupin books in-text and I'm still a little mixed on it. However, the sheer reverence and omnipresent popularity of Arsene Lupin the character actually isn't even that unrealistic to the character's real life popularity in France or elsewhere, or how much the show has done to refuel said popularity. I mean, hell, I and others got to see it firsthand Lupin being the talk of the town non-stop. It still takes me a little out of the show, but it's far from a dealbreaker.

Major major leg that this thing has above so many other contemporary reboots/adaptations is that this is FUN, Lupin in general should always get to be fun and more than a little stupid sometimes, and this gets it. This thing delights in carrying us through every step of the process by which the main character does his impressive things, laying out all the components in plain sight and putting them together and even letting you feel smart for realizing how it's coming together and still being surprised when it does.

This is the show that Sherlock wishes it was, because of course Lupin can't make a comeback without putting one over his good old rival Sholmes.

The show was always strong, I think, but every season so far's just been refining things and making all of it's strengths better. It's so so good and I hope it keeps going, this thing does crazy numbers every season, I just never see it talked about much in English circles. I'm glad it's been going strong the way it has. Assane has become one of my favorite protagonists in anything and I might even watch the show again soon.

Still unbelievably good and has only gotten better from what was already a very strong start.

[icey--stars]

Stories To Be Told: PART 22

Series Index

A shadowsinger, a warrior, an Illyrian, that's what she was. Trained by one of the most formidable female warriors. Escaped the Illyrian camps and her clipping when she was barely sixteen and is now the holder of 6 siphons. What happens when she tries to sneak into the City of Starlight? And starts down a whole new road of chaos?

a/n: ya’ll. let's just admit we need an azriel. because i certainly do. also we’re going to pretend fae have modern things like tampons and shit.

WARNING: mentions of a woman's menstrual cycle. (blood, and everything else that comes with a period)

↢ 『 ☾ 』 ↣

When I awoke the next morning… I honestly didn’t know what was worse. The pain in my abdomen or the blood that was seeping into my undergarments, and making me feel disgusting. My cycle was usually like this, coming on with absolutely no warning. And then terrible for the entire time. Absolutely just miserable.

“Fuck,” I groaned, curling up a little more to a position that ever so slightly alleviated the pain I was in.

A few more long minutes went by and I tried to stop dying-

“Y/N?” Azriel asked from behind my door.

I rolled my eyes. “What?!” I called back, cringing painfully as another wave of cramps took over. Why didn’t I count the months?! Why did I forget about this stupid biannual cycle bullshit?

“I was wondering if you were coming to training. It’s been an hour since you usually wake up,” he explained.

An hour?! Maybe those long minutes were more than just minutes. Or I just woke up later because of this stupid dumb natural cycle.

“I’m not,” I replied. “Not in a million years with this stupid pain-“ I added with a whisper to myself.

“Are you alright?” Azriel asked, sounding more concerned now.

“Perfectly fine,” I answered, probably failing horribly at keeping my voice even. “Just go on without me!”

“Can I open the door?” He asked.

I glanced back at the rest of the bed. No blood stains just yet, so… “Fine.”

I tried to move into a position that extenuated exhaustion instead of pain. But something on my face must’ve given it away. Azriel opened the door and saw me laying there, and then immediately rushed over to the bedside, hands raising above me, but not touching.

“What’s wrong? You look like you’re in pain.”

I rolled my eyes. “That’s because I am. I’m skipping training today, I might see you later.”

His brows furrowed, confusion evident on his face. “What’s wrong?” He asked, kneeling down to meet my gaze easier. “Can I help?”

I groaned, both hands reaching under my stomach in a useless attempt to alleviate the pain. “No, you can’t help,” I said, turning my face back into the pillows. “Nobody can, now go off and do your thing-”

“Can you at least tell me what it is? Should I get Madja?”

“I’m fine-” I cut myself off with a groan, wings curling up over my back as every muscle in my body seemed to tense at once. Like fuck- couldn’t they have made this process pleasant!?

Azriel’s hands went to rest on the bed, inching closer. “Angel? You alright?”

“No,” I answered honestly. “It’s my cycle- completely normal, just fucking awful-”

I turned my head to see his reaction, His eyes were flickering with immediate recognition. He winced visibly as well, as if feeling the sympathy pain. Which honestly? With this odd bond? He might just be able to feel it. Which in that case, he’s leaving me right here and getting out of range as quick as fucking possible. I might wish I didn’t have this, and sometimes wished males also had some occurrence as well, but I wouldn’t wish this upon Azriel, who, in most senses, had been quite kind to me.

“Oh,” he hummed. He sniffed the air experimentally, snapping his attention back to my gaze. “I should’ve smelled that. Sorry angel. How can I help you?” His voice was so soft and comforting. Fuck, it just rolled off his tongue so easily and settled across me like a fuzzy little ball of happiness. There was no other way to describe it.

“I’m fine,” I lied, lifting the blanket off of my back using my wings. It was starting to get just slightly too sweaty under it. “Just need to get some things from town once the cramps die down slightly. Go to training.”

“You need–they’re called tampons right?” He questioned, staring at me. I nodded, confirming his statement. “Right, how about I go get them for you then?”

I lifted a brow. “I think everyone would stare at you weird.”

“Like I care. I’ll be right back, alright angel?” Azriel said, standing quickly.

I opened my mouth to protest that I could do it myself, but Azriel had already walked out the door, closing it so it was left only cracked.

I sighed, rolling my eyes at his antics. Really, I would’ve been able to get it myself. It just might’ve taken a while until I had the will to battle against the pain stemming from my abdomen, thighs and lower back.

Azriel returned not too long after, holding a box of tampons in his left hand, which he set down on my bedside table before kneeling down to be eye level with me. “How are you holding up? How long do these last again?”

I cringed as another wave rolled over me. I crushed my hands to my stomach, clenching my jaw tight to stop a groan from escaping. “I’m fine,” I lied. “And about a week, at least for me. Some get longer and some get shorter.”

“Your lying skills might need to be brushed up on,” he chuckled. “Do you want me to talk to Madja about some sort of tonic for the pain?”

“First tell me if you can feel it,” I ordered. “Because if you can, yes and then you’re leaving.”

“It’s very weak, but a little,” he admitted. “But not anything compared to what I imagine you’re feeling.”

“You do not deserve any sort of pain when I’m the one supposed to be dealing with it, leave and go to training,” I ordered, closing my eyes as another wave came over some sort of wall that was the threshold of pain.

“I already told Cass I wasn’t going,” Az chuckled. “Now, how can I help? Would the tonic help?”

I groaned in both frustration and pain. “Fine, go get the stupid tonic.”

Azriel smirked, clearly proud of the fact I’d given in. “Be right back sweetheart.” And then he left before I could question him on the next new little name he’d given me. How many do I have now? Angel, baby and then sweetheart?! Fucking hell.

My trail of thinking was cut off again as the pain came to overwhelm my senses again. Gods, I really just needed to find a good book to dive into. Maybe a distraction would work? Right? If I managed to get the damn energy to do anything. A bath, a book and then suffering. I didn’t have the patience for any of those right now.

Azriel returned after gods know how long, holding a small bottle of amber liquid that looked suspiciously like alcohol.

“Is that whiskey?” I asked, eyebrows scrunching up as I looked at the bottle.

Az scoffed. “No, Madja claims it's something to help with pain.”

I rolled my eyes, pushing myself to sit with my back against the pillows and wings splayed out on either side of me. I held out a hand and Azriel dropped it into my palm. I gave another look at the liquid inside before popping the cork off and swallowing it down. Bitter as fuck.

I opened my mouth as soon as the liquid was down, face scrunching up against the bitter taste. “Fucking hell,” I swore. “Madja needs a damn warning on that thing. I’ve never tasted something worse.”

Az wordlessly took the bottle back, putting it beside the tampons on my bedside table. “Do you need to…” he hesitated, gesturing towards the box with his scarred hands.

I sighed, still holding a hand to my stomach. “Look away, spymaster,” I ordered. “Don’t need you scandalized with the blood.”

“I’ve seen much worse than blood,” he replied. “But very well; I will turn away.” He shifted on his feet, body facing towards the door now.

With a silent wince, I pulled myself out of the bed, and quickly grabbed a second set of undergarments, night pants and then the box of tampons before running into the bathroom.

After dealing with that, I almost just laid down on the cool tile floor. I felt nauseous as hell, black spots entering my vision as I washed my hands and attempted to walk straight toward the bathroom door. All I had to do was make it to the bed and then I could pass the fuck out again, and pray to every higher being out there that when I woke up, it wasn’t worse. It probably still would be, to be honest.

Azriel had turned back to face the bathroom door, eyes narrowing as I stumbled out of it and toward the bed. I felt my foot trip over the other just as my vision went almost completely black. I spread my wings, hands flying out automatically, but I never hit the ground.

I groaned, and Azriel slowly lowered me to the ground, knees bending so I was sitting on my calves instead.

“Y/N?” Azriel asked. “What’s wrong?”

I held a hand to my forehead, feeling the sweat coming off of it.

“Can you hear me?” He asked again, sounding more urgent with each passing second.

“I’m fine,” I growled, looking around the room. It was spinning less with my lack of walking. My wings had slumped to the ground, one of my claws at the apex was laying on Azriel’s knee. I could distantly feel the fabric of his pants, but I could barely see straight, much less try and think about that.

“Y/N,” Azriel stated, a warning tone entering his voice. “You are not fine. You almost just blacked out.”

“I am fine,” I insisted. “This is normal.”

“You normally pass out while walking on your cycle? Are you sure?”

“No,” I answered. “I don’t normally pass out. I just trip a bit when I’m dizzy is all.”

“That amount of dizziness isn’t normal,” he insisted. “You should be able to at least walk straight.”

“Whatever,” I dismissed.

He sighed, head dipping down. I noticed now, that his hands were still grappling onto each of my upper arms, still holding tightly as if he was afraid I was about to faint and fall over or something. Which I wasn’t. I would be fine. I had dealt with these before. This one might be one of the worst ones in a while, but that didn’t mean shit.

“Let me help you onto the bed,” he murmured, moving his arms to support me as I stood. He looked at the distance to the bed once I was standing before literally sweeping my feet off, and settling me down on the sheets again. I was damned lucky they hadn’t gotten stained. Must’ve been the way I’d been laying that saved them.

I curled up with my knees to my chest against the pillows, looking at Azriel with a lifted brow. “I could’ve walked.”

“And I wanted to carry you,” he chuckled. “Now, tell me, how can I help?”

Well, he was certainly determined.

“And don’t claim you’re fine,” he said quickly as my mouth opened to deliver the same lie as before. “You almost just fainted.”

I rolled my eyes. “I don’t think there is anything you can do to help,” I replied instead. “This is kinda a thing that happens and is dealt with alone.”

“Well,” he hummed. “You keep putting your hands to your abdomen, so I’m assuming that at least gives the illusion of helping. You’re shaking like you're cold, and sweating like you're hot, so something to help even out that temperature might help.”

My brows furrowed, concerned on how the hell he’d gleaned so much information just from being here for such a short period of time.

“So, angel, how would you like me to help?”

I rolled my eyes, sighing. He wasn’t going to give in, and I was in too much pain to fight on this for very long. I didn’t want to get some weird emotional response or something. The other symptoms that followed this bullshit. “What do you feel like doing?” I asked. “Like- suggest something. You’re being too open ended for me to answer.”

Azriel smiled softly at that. “How about…” he hummed. “You move over slightly on the bed, and I sit next to you, or lay behind you and lay my hand on your abdomen, and keep you at a normal temperature at the same time?”

I swallowed, but internally, my heart swooned. He truly did care. My mate cared. And that just made me swoon even more, heart aching pleasantly at the thought.

“Okay,” I coughed out finally. “Yeah.” I shuffled my wings at the same time as moving my body down the bed so that my head was on the pillows and farther over on the bed. I didn’t really want to face him, because the emotions I was feeling were likely already playing out on the bond for him. So if I saw his reactions, likely it wouldn’t end well.

“You okay with me brushing against your wings, angel?” He asked, the bed pitching downwards as he crawled onto it.

I nodded. “Just don’t-” I cut myself off, unable to form the proper words to describe what I was forbidding him from doing.

Luckily, he seemed to understand well enough. He pressed against my back and wings, but didn’t let his hands linger anywhere, or move too drastically to cause some reaction from the touch. It was gentle, and caring. Careful, but also freeing. He looped an arm over my middle, laying his palm against my abdomen.

“Where’s it hurt?” He asked, his other arm coming up under the pillow my head was on. I simply lifted my head so he could move it under my neck for a more comfortable position. Cuddling was a foreign concept, but I knew enough from books.

I reached down to position Azriel’s hand gently with mine. “Mostly right there,” I answered, setting my hand back against the bed. Another wave washed over and I winced, jaw tightening as my eyes closed of their own accord.

Azriel’s hand began to gently rub over the fabric of my shirt. It gave the illusion of help, and also felt… immensely comforting actually. My mate pressed up against me. The male who I apparently had grown to love, caring for me oh so gently. Azriel, the idiot, cuddling up close to me. This wasn’t a sexually enticing position in the slightest. It was just comfort.

“Is this helping?” He asked, breath brushing against my neck.

I wordlessly nodded, pushing my head down more before settling where I was. I yawned, unable to contain the sound. Fuck, these things really just made my entire sleep schedule, emotions, and body just… wacky.

“You tired?”

“A little,” I admitted. “I should get up and do something.”

“No,” he chuckled. “You shouldn’t. Rest sweetheart.”

“Should I call that a new name unlocked?” I joked, eyes still closed, but my mouth curved into a big smile.

He scoffed, but I could almost feel his grin from here. “I can call you many more things, add to the list if you’d like.”

I rolled my eyes beneath my lids, but that smile only grew.

“Rest darling,” he commanded. “I won’t leave you.”

I grinned a little before taking a deep heaving breath of air, and letting relaxation fill me.

As sleep came to claim me, I started to wonder about what would happen if I did accept the bond, and decided to fall in love with Azriel. What would the future be like? I could imagine Azriel just like he was now, cuddling up close to his lover and assuring them that he loved them every moment he could. With a short flare of heat, I also wondered what Azriel would be like… in bed. Would he be rough? Gentle? Kinky as fuck? Sleep claimed me before I could continue that trail of thoughts completely.

Azriel continued to refuse to leave me alone. He did go back to his own bed during the night, but only for the beginning. By the third day he was staying the night because we’d passed out so early in the evening. Waking up felt surreal the next morning.

I started to tease him that if he didn’t train, he was going to lose all that handsome muscle. Of course, I accidently said it exactly like that, and he had smirked so fucking big it looked like it hurt.

Now, the entire thing was entirely too unpleasant to deal with. Back pain, abdomen pain, muscle soreness, headaches, nausea and dizziness, emotional instability… all of it. It was worse being around actual people too. People who could get hurt by some impulsive words of mine, or I could hurt them by accidently getting too emotional—

“Stop thinking,” Azriel ordered, hand running through my hair. “Just relax.”

I felt better than usual today, so I would probably try to go to training tomorrow. Even if it would be miserable. I didn’t train this week. 2 times a year, I didn’t train once. Because I’d always have trouble recognizing those limits, and it’d only make me feel more like shit when I realize I can’t do something because of the pain, or I’m weak, or something.

“Baby…” Azriel complains. “I can see your little upset face from here. Stop it.”

A smile curved onto my face.

Azriel had been so, so soft during this. Cuddling, so unlike the deadly spymaster I’d heard stories of, and gentle reassurances and check-ups so different from the figure I’d heard could kill so easily with just a flick of his wrist. It was both unnerving and reassuring. Azriel was softening up. I distantly wanted to know how long he’d felt the damn bond. How long had he’d been holding himself back from these soft little intimate moments? He’d argued with me enough that I didn’t have a damn clue.

But I enjoyed it. The softness. It felt like something I’d been craving for so long, finally given to me. It felt like another home, within a home. And Azriel knew me better than anyone alive right now. He knew my story, knew my tendencies. He even knew the face I made when I was upset. He knew. And I knew him as well. It was companionship at its best level. It was friendship at its closest. It was… it was a mate who cared oh so much. And one I cared for in return. These soft moments hadn’t just been for me. I’d attempted to scratch his head too, even if he waved me off. I’d tried a bit more innocent touching. A hug, leaning into his scratches, letting him near me in a way nobody had ever been.

Maybe I didn’t need as much time to think as I thought.

“Sleep,” Azriel complained. “If you want to go to training tomorrow, you’re going to sleep.”

I scoffed. “Bossy spymaster,” I admonished with a grin.

“Stubborn rogue,” he replied cheekily.

I rolled my eyes, but they fell shut momentarily as I settled into the soft embrace of love.

↢ 『 ☾ 』 ↣

TAGLIST (see post for getting added)

@mis-lil-red, @bunnymallowo, @judig92, @biblophilefox82, @azzydaddy, @thegirlintheshadows101, @whatupmydudes01, @feyres-fireheart, @elizarikaallen, @xenlynn, @panzees-bizarre-adventures, @starswholistenanddreamsanswered, @baebeepeach, @nyctophiliiiiaaa, @brekkershadowsinger, @officiallyunofficialperson, @bookslut420, @margssstuff, @bluephoenix908, @goldentournesol, @rebloggiest-reblogger, @inpraizeof, @ladylokilaufeyson5,

[worstvideogamesong-poll]

Worst Video Game Song Tournament - Round 2 Match 5

Know What I Mean? - Mario Party 2

VERSUS

The Yoshi Clan - Yoshi's New Island

FIGHT!

I would recommend listening to as much as you can of each song before voting, but how you choose is up to you! Remember to be civil in the tags and replies!

Propaganda under cut:

Know What I Mean?:

"#i'm going with the mario party #it's SO off-tune and off-beat constantly #which i think is intentional but #i hate it"

(in reference to its previous match) "#this literally isn't even a fight. coughing baby vs nuclear bomb level matchup. what the fuck was that mario song. who thought that was a #good idea. i want to have words with them."

"#kwim is overstimulation in its purest form #it's the musical equivalent of getting nonstop discord notifications while looking for something i dropped while someone is talking to me"

"#know what i mean absolutely ROCKS. horrible. rocks so hard. they did the same thing that yoshi clan did. im guffawing"

The Yoshi Clan:

"the ass band will play a song of farts to celebrate your failure"

"#FUCK YOU YOSHI"

"#yoshi sounds like suck"

"#YOOOOOOOOSHI CLAAAAN!!!!!!!! #ok im gonna complete my santa review before getting to my ten page essay on why i love yoshi clan. yea that shit bad #i accidentally started it playing in two tabs at different points of the video which was honestly really fun. i recommend tryin that esp wi #bad songs really adds smthn to the exprience. it was awesoeme #it also just sounds the exact type of awful that that video image implies which is cool. its so perfect. it sounds ass #but. what it can not beat. is my favorite of all time. my darling love. it is time to begin my sermon #ok so yoshi clan is just so beautifully terrible. and truly the whole soundtrack is an orchestra of bad design. and its so fun to look at #that really nice professional looking art for the game and get BLASTED with kazoo #and like. i understand the thought process. kazoo does seem silly goofy yoshi. and it also sounds like a chorus of pain #now this song specifically has some really great awkward pauses. at 0:16 theres like a full 3 seconds of silence. which is SO cool #then the hot cross bun bit that ends at 0:27 gets so sad and deflated at the end of it. like it starts off in time but then clearly the #soloist got kinda embarrassed alone and so rushed and got really quiet. and its just so sad and lonely. its so cool #also some of these pauses have a couple lone far away kazoo squeaks for no reason before the 'melody' comes back in? awesome #but what i really really love about this. what really draws my eye. is the ending. because we go through this entire rigamarole with the #worst secondhand embarrassment of my life. then. 0:43. the kazoos move out. and in. the most genuinely awesome groovy drum beat in the worl #like its SO good. and those last few seconds are like you're in a different world. like you just survived horrors and you are brought to an #angelic chorus. and it lasts what 5 seconds? 5 seconds of beauty after a full 40 seconds of purgatory. in what world do horrors live foreve #while an angel can last for only a flash #its cruelty. its injustice. its completely ingenious. incredible music making. i am in such awe. #anyways thats my manifesto. please feel free to put any of this in the propaganda section op. im passioante"

Feel free to add more propaganda in the tags and replies, or send it to me in the ask box and I'll try to share it as soon as I can!