#which makes me stay up more
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i have formally and officially entered the loop. sigh.
#im so so so tired but ive been putting off going to bed for hours#even tho im like straight up getting nauseous and dizzy spells#mostly bc my dreams last night and the last couple nights fucked with me#but when i stay up like this my dreams just get worse#which makes me stay up more#etc#the loop#im so tired awughh#once reached a point of sleep deprivation where i had a mental breakdown repeated false awakening nightmare followed by spider hallucinatio#so many spiders on the wall when i woke up#it took hours to actually believe i was awake LOL#i used to have this issue over the course of years where i had the same nightmare every time i fell asleep#didnt matter if it was 1am or 1pm if i slept for 45 minutes or 4-5 hours etc#same nightmare every single time. so i lost A LOT of sleep avoiding it like the plague#i went full whacko mode man. i was off my shit. hallucinating daily type sleep deprivation#dont be like me kids#stay in bed
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free will is drawing ur two favorite characters together and making them gay
#akekita content in this economy? it's more likely than you think#this is like for the three ppl that ship them (me tumblr user haliai and atlus)#also which boyliker at atlus designed yusuke's phantom outfit like WHY is he dressed like a gay hooker 💀💀💀💀#the skintight spandex bodysuit designed to show off the slutty waist?? the exposed cleavage?? the cunty little fox tail?? bro 😭#my hand was shaking while i was drawing the second img it felt so IMMODEST 😭😭😭😭😭#i wish atlus confirmed which highschool akechi went to bc i love the hc that he attends kosei#his tie matches hifumi's ribbon so i think they're trying to tell us smt (im delusional)#ANYWAY akechi and yusuke would match each other's freak lowkey like they're both hardcore yappers that weird everyone else tf out#akechi would find solidarity in the fact that yusuke doesn't shut up abt whatever he's interested in#also also the fact that akechi is a mirror version of him bc they're victims of the same situation#both being exploited and utilized as tools after their mothers death#by the man they called father in exchange for validation or a false sense of place#but ultimately yusuke was saved by phantom thieves while akechi refused any pity and slowly succumbed to fate of his own making#really makes you look at atlus and think whats going on in their buttery smooth brains for not including other character interactions#aside from the social links with joker. the wasted dynamic potential between some of the characters is insane 😭#persona 5#p5#yusuke kitagawa#kitagawa yusuke#goro akechi#akechi goro#akekita#bro me when i stay up until three am drawing persona instead of finishing my lab (i’m beyond cooked 💀💀)#i think i need to switch college majors i can’t keep doing this#lotus draws
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"Stillborn? No, still born" Danyal au -- VLAD MASTERS THE BITCH HIMSELF
*Points at Vlad* THIS MFER GOT SOME TEEFS TO HIM. !! Okay okay, Vlad Masters in the stillborn au is different compared to most of my other aus in the fact that I am far more heavily leaning into his original ambitions of wanting a family and being desperately lonely. Because you know what wanting a family implies? Wanting to be a parent.
Fucked up father figure that could've been Vlad. Complicated love-hate relationship between the only two halfas in existence.
Danny hates Vlad, but he hates even more that he's genuinely considered his offers of mentorship. Vlad is the only halfa around, and they both have fire cores. Danny has these powers he doesn't understand, can barely comprehend some days, and can't control. But Vlad does. Vlad can. And Vlad wants to help him. He's the only other person who can get close whenever Danny runs too hot. Whenever his igneous hair cracks, splits, and spits back out into magma and his friends can't get close, Vlad can.
His hair is made of magma, which runs so hot that people need specialized suits in order to get near it. He physically cannot get close to the living as a ghost unless he's calm enough for his hair to cool into igneous rock. Which isn't as often as he would like. And sometimes he's too hot for other ghosts to get near unless they have fire cores -- which Vlad has.
There have been many times when Danny's having a meltdown (literally) and gone somewhere to be alone, to let his anger and hurt and loneliness overflow and spill out, that when he's come back to, Vlad's right there with him as an anchor. It's desperately frustrating, it's the only time they can get along. They don't say anything, Danny just turns and clings onto the only person he can touch as a ghost.
Its not fair. Vlad wants to kill his foster dad, and Danny can't let him do that. But he wants to be trained by the man, he wants his help and wants what he can offer. But Vlad can't step away from his revenge long enough to let him. It's just not fair. He thinks for a moment that maybe it could work, and then Vlad does something to remind him that no, it can't.
Vlad Masters sees too much of himself in Daniel Brown -- from the way he holds himself, to the defenses he puts up, his quiet anger that builds and builds and builds until it explodes. That simmers beneath his skin. All the way down to the fact that they have matching cores. This boy is cut from the same cloth as him, and by god does he want to help him. He's always wanted to be a father, and Daniel Brown is too much like him for him to ignore. He genuinely, truly cares about Danny and his wellbeing.
He wants to help him, child just let him help you. Let him kill your foster dad so he can adopt you himself and help with these powers that terrify and intrigue you -- he knows what that's like to have something that you can't control, to have a heat that you can't cool down from. "We're in the same boat you and I, let him help you please."
But his methods are all wrong, and Danny is too much like him -- stubbornness and all -- for him to agree when they oppose each other so greatly. But again, Danny is much like him -- which means that Vlad is equally stubborn, and in every single one of their fights he's parental. He's annoyingly parental. He drops his interest in Maddie to focus his efforts in trying to coax Danny onto his side. It's like trying to get a traumatized cat to trust you, and on some levels it works. It's like he makes some progress, and then moves too quickly and the cat immediately runs off and you have to start back from square one.
TL:DR; Vlad and Danny both want to find family in each other but they're too different to get along and ultimately they are doomed by the narrative to be at constant odds with one another unless one of them is changes, and it doesn't matter who.
#dpxdc#dp x dc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dpxdc crossover#dp x dc crossover#vlad masters#danny fenton#vlad masters the father figure that could've been#its TOXIC your honor#stillborn? no still born au#stillborn danny au#danyal al ghul au#parental vlad masters#*points at Vlad and Danny's canon relationship* I CAN MAKE IT MORE COMPLICATED#vlad also has magma hair but he's managed to figure out a way to keep it cool enough to stay as igneous rock. which danny wants to figure#out how to do. Vlad's happy to teach him but Danny is just. too angry all the time and his core too young for it to work. He's too angry.#This also means Dani just straight up won't exist in this au or if she does her reason for being needs to change because Vlad making Dani i#a sign that he's given up on trying to convert Danny to his side. which THIS Vlad will not be doing.#if she exists in this au Vlad made her in order to give Danny a blood sibling for him to bond with and hopefully help convince onto his sid#which means Dani probably doesn't betray Vlad because Vlad does genuinely care about her too. Their dynamic is even MORE complicated#tldr: Vlad: LET ME ADOPT YOU | Danny: STOP TRYING TO KILL JACK AND I'LL CONSIDER IT#Vlad: HE ICED ME OUT OF STARTING A FAMILY AND HIS INCOMPETENCE RESULTED IN THE DEATH OF A CHILD. NO. | Danny: THEN FUCK OFF#Starry looks at Vlad's original ambitions and goals (wanting a family + revenge) and extrapolates on that. he was far more interesting#before DP made him standard power hungry and evil imo#Danny calls vlad 'dad' once while concussed and delirious and vlad never forgot it. he rode that high for a MONTH.#FUCKED UP PARENTAL FIGURE VLAD Bruce has competition and doesn't even know it.#hey. mister wayne. bruce. a supervillain is trying to adopt your firstborn. omg he can't hear me. he has the WayneTech Beats in. mISTER WAY
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What if Luxu and Player encounter each other with each of the player’s reincarnation
Luxu who is stealing bodies vs the kid that keeps coming back to life
#its giving immortal and reincarnated hero#if the player is sora thats would just make funnier in my head#luxu wont be able to catch a break#(me personally i prefer the theory that yozora is the player so player wont have canon face)#luxu: gotta go though the pain of getting used to new body again#player: wussup everyone i just came back to life again!#i wonder if luxu will have personal beef with the player cause of that#or will he actually relate to the player for having to struggle in life again#even tho the player choose to reincarnat.. sure they didn’t choose to have the memories#idk its just crack theory i like#what if there is player 3 that luxu will find to help subject x with her memories#i like to give the player more trauma with them having more reincarnations#cause why would they be able to control it..#they could have life before khux#or if they reincarnated and woke up with their memories which was hard to carry and ended that life cycle#so their next round was amnesia so they will get more used to life again#i love tragic player ideas 😔#staying alive vs reincarnation two types of time travel i guess#kingdom hearts missing link#kingdom hearts#player#kh luxu#kh player#khux#khml#kh#crack theory#kingdom hearts union x#luxu
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You guys ever read the most beautiful, jaw dropping, feet kicking, leaves you with a feeling of yearning fic that it possesses you? yea that was me anyways here’s vampire Kyle and his annoying assigned bodyguard who’s also a witch
(ALSO IF YOU WANT TO READ SAID FANFIC ITS A KYLE X READER FIC CALLED ITS FALLING FOR THE IDEA BY FEDOSAURUSREX ON AO3 THAT INSPIRED ME TO WHIP THIS WHOLE AU UP)
#shroomer's archives: south park#shroomer's archives: sp anh#I also really love their one shot x readers#genuinely one of my favorite fic writers now#IM SO SAD THOUGH THEY HAVENT UPDATED ANY OF THEIR WORKS IN NEARLY A YEAR…….#sitting by the windowsill like a military wife waiting for their husband to come back from the war#but yea their fic whipped me up into some kind of frenzy I felt like I was being possessed#I felt compelled by the forces of nature to make a monster au#anyways uh ok lore dump basically anh is his assigned bodyguard and has to help him stay safe#from what? Ghouls and gals and gal pals and werewolves and garlic and stakes and whatnot!!#though she’s kind of. a scatterbrain#which does not mix well when you have arcane magic under your arsenal#and for a thousand year old vampire he does not have that much patience#and if anyone wants to know more feel free to ask cough cough#what who said that#I didn’t say that#teehee the sillies!!#I’m crazy for them#OK ONTO THE ACTUAL TAGS NOW#south park#south park oc#kyle broflovski#south park fanart#oc x canon#shroomer's art !
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this one's for all the yuri enjoyers out there — nsft under cut
meronia event prompt(s): scar
#death note#mello#near#meronia#meroniaevent#fem mello#fem near#i had fun w this one!! i love drawing yuri even though i dont do it nearly as much as i want lol#also i love drawing bush thumbs up emoji#i let the lines be messier bc my hands have been a little sore and i am not in the mood for linework#and in honor of yuri day i should get to do whatever i want forever peace and love on planet yuri#anyway i didnt know what to do w near's hair but decided to keep it short bc i didnt want to cover her back for composition reasons#sorry for posting so late i woke up at like 10am which is late for me as of late and had school shit to do boooo#also im in the mood to talk so i made a pot pie today (no meat im vegetarian) and i followed no recipes and used my heart to make#it and i did so well it fucks so hard my heart always leads me to greatness and recipes do nothing for me bc im a culinary genius#<-blatantly untrue but we stay silly#oh!!! and also i got a thing in the mail the thing being a weevil plushie i ordered a bit back that i bought on a whim that i should not#have bought bc im saving my money but actually he makes my life a million bajillion times better and i love him dearly#anyway meronia event is making my life so much better i feel 100% better than i did 2 days ago and hopefully the joy this brings#me will stay w me for long enough to get through the rest of my summer classes bc they are killing me lol. my current ones are ending#in like a week or smth but i have 2 more in july *sobs* all this just to graduate a semester early#k anyway enjoy the yuri ...or dont. im not the boss of u. ig
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Hanichi but Ichimatsu has a partner who vibes are 'Eats like a broke college student' And drinks 2 liter soda straight from the bottle.
#smoredraws#osmt#ichimatsu#oc honno#hanichi#i was saving this in the hanichi doodle page but I REALLY WANTED TO SHARE IT cuz i think its funny#cause Honno never went to college....yet they eat like a broke college student and Ichimatsu is like has to make sure they eat healthy#which is funny cuz idk Honno...doesn't have much of a healthy diet....yet still somehow functions normal#since also Honno lives alone they just been used to just drinking soda from the bottle like the liter sodas cause like#'I'm home alone and not like anyone else is gonna be drinking this but me' + bought it with my money type shit#but when they start dating Ichimatsu and when he stays overs/sleepover first time he goes 'USE A CUP!!' after seeing them drink 2 liter sod#Honno name jumpscare cracks me up#wanna draw moree but gotta sleeppp so gnnnn
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what if..... what if eddie offers to go down the well again in the next episode. and what if buck reminds him how hard he had to fight to get back to his kid last time it happened. and what if eddie just casually responds to that by saying something along the lines of "i have nothing to fight for right now" cause chris isnt home rn and he's all alone. and what if we as the audience can visibly see how much those words actually hurt buck just by looking at his face. cause... he's right there? like chris isnt there but he is?? and what if that's what will bring us buck's feeling realisation... what then?
#LIKE. sorry but i need to watch buck blow up at eddie so bad. sooooo bad guys#i need the “you think youre explandable. youre wrong” scene but from BUCKS pov. i need BUCK to sit eddie down and tell him just how much he#means to him. and actually scratch the “sit eddie down” part of the tags cause i kinda dont want it to be a sweet and relaxed and calm scen#i need to watch a scene in which buck just keeps gradually getting more and more mad at eddie for not valuing his own life and for not#taking it seriously and like he tries to stay quiet and not say anything to eddie until he fucking BLOWS UP and just keeps shouting things#if you couldnt tell. the promo for the next ep is making me go crazy#911 abc#alice talks
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I was inspired by something again
#this week hasn't been so great(some good some~ bad)but my brain always makes time for doods. dunno if ill get to make more this month tho#my traditional inking is still pretty rusty which is a shame cause I admire that skill strongly in other people so I hope I can#pick it back up#here though I did shade and kinda edit in digital cause I don't trust myself so much yet and don't wanna ruin it#at this point idk what's better for me. practice drawing bigger so I can get more detail in or stay small and manage the shading better#I'll... try something. eventually#gonna get a lil busy tho#kuroshitsuji#black butler#kuroshitsuji fanart#fanart#traditional art#inking#digital art#ciel phantomhive#elizabeth midford#edward midford#o!ciel#cheslock(mentioned)#oh I guess this is ship art. well would ya look at that#modern!au
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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alright everybody can we please stop tagging me/talking about me in the notes of pro keefe/sokeefe posts. i know strieefe has made it so that it's really funny to talk about how much i love him and how much i'm in denial when i say negative things about him under those posts (and that's all in good fun and not the problem), but we have to think about the fact that the ops are just trying to make a positive post and probably don't want a keefe hater in their notes /srs
#i'm not mad or anything like that. promise. it's just a phenomenon i've noticed that has slowly started becoming a trend#it just becomes increasingly difficult to respond in a way that stays true to my opinions while ALSO trying not to offend op#so i usually end up ignoring those mentions or reblogging with like “no comment” or something. which isn't fun for anybody#i've had this happen more than once by more than one person. this is a pro keefe/sokeefe post why are we talking about me of all people#i don't want to offend op with my inevitable anti keefe opinions. talking about keefe haters on a pro keefe post is . . . a choice#i make an effort to try to stay out of pro keefe/sokeefe spaces. trust me when i say i have seen whatever post you're tagging me in#i'm a kotlc tag stalker to the core. i have SEEN these posts don't worry. i just don't interact with them. that's all#when i see them i am definitely tempted to go on a rant about how wrong op is about sophie and keefe's dynamic and how it actually SUCKS#or how much keefe is a shitty character with a poorly written arc and atrocious six-year-old humor. i have written about this AT LENGTH#but guys. the notes of a pro keefe post is NOT the place to be summoning me of all people. what do you even want me to say#i've been @ed on posts like “i love sokeefe” “keefe sencen. you agree. reblog” “people that don't understand sokeefe just don't get it”#<- all fake examples btw. but close enough to real posts i've been summoned to#and it's like. i mean yes i COULD go on a rant about how much i thoroughly disagree. but like. it's just not polite. so i won't#atp how am i even supposed to respond to your mention? i don't even know#on top of that if i reblog a pro keefe post with an anti keefe response for all my probably mostly anti keefe followers to see----#----then they'll agree with me. that version will get reblogged and soon there might be more people on op's post that disagree with them#okay this got way more incoherent than originally intended. hopefully it got the point across. and so on#just things to think about! nothing wrong with @ing me on keefe posts just think about how you want me to respond before @ing me----#----or if i will even be able to respond in any real capacity at all#not cawtulk#<- not really#just fandom stuff#keepblr
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OMORITOBER DAY 14: LIBRARY
i like to imagine spirit mari tossing down her favorite memories for omori to read while peeking around to see omori's reaction :3
i was thinkin of drawing her too, but honestly i wasnt very sure what pose to do and i was a bit tired !!
thanks to @/ntrogensolar for the omoritober prompt list!
extra rant in the tags ab why this isnt a full piece!
#artists on tumblr#omori#omori fanart#omoritober#inktober#ez_draws#ez_rants#so heres the deal#i get very tired easily with the whole onyl certain amount of 'spoons' per day thing#i spend most of my time doing my homework#and after that i feel like ive gotta finish the drawing for the day#this means i subconsiously sacrifice time doing things that i truly wanna do including spending time with my friends and doing other things#if i prioritize doing the things that i want to do a little more than this challenge#it ends with me kiiinnddaaa staying up pretty late trying to finish the art#and also lower quality art in general!#however i dont wanna quit the challenge just yet; we'll see how things go but for now i was thinking just doing a sketch! it allows me to-#still do a daily drawing which is great for someone who sometimes goes months without drawing and still not burning myself out on the dail#for example - this drawing took about an hour even though i took my time! and i was also able to spend time with friends and family and-#still be productive! i know i dont have to explain myself; its my art after all but yk i like to explain stuff especially when in relation#to my art! i wanna make sure the art i make is something i truly enjoy and not a plaguing responsibility- so i'll be adapting this-#challenge to my own needs! anyway thats all- sorry for the long rant! and congrats to the people who have enough time and motivation to do#the full challenge!!!#ok byebyeee! and i might be posting more silly sketches in my free time!#rant over <3
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The Hunger Games succeeds (and more so achieves sort of mythic effect) because it approaches dystopia through the timeless-- it (and Ballad) brings these universal ideas to a very personal lens and asks questions like "how do we begin to excuse evil in our lives" or "how do you hold on to goodness in the midst of oppression". And because it is so invested in the transcendent it lends itself to very powerful symbols, which give it that mythic feel.
Orwell's books (Animal Farm and 1984) both succeed through a very different approach to dystopia (Animal Farm isn't really a dystopia in the traditional sense but it has a lot of the elements). Orwell succeeds through real perceptive insight into the inner mechanisms of the subjects of his critiques. Orwell has vision that can cut deep into the way that things like propaganda or 'controlling the narrative' work and then, having dissected them, hold those tactics up for all to see.
And I think a lot of dystopias fall short because they get tangled up in the Idea of their story. The "what if" they've created. Either focused too much on the Issue-- too narrowly to be universal, too broadly to be revealing-- or too disconnected from anything genuine. And because they get stuck at that particular point they don't have much more to offer than "wouldn't this be bad?" And if you get a pretty good writer they can make that feel insightful but really it doesn't have much more to offer than whatever absurd YA book comes to mind first when you hear "bad dystopian novel".
#wouldn't this be bad' books (in terms of concept) really hinges on how valid the concept is#as a reflection of actual problems#because like with divergent (divergent I love you. they could never make me hate you.) the probably is really that the concept is#A. ill-defined and B. pretty far divorced from any real problem#(even granting that in dystopias in general we're dealing with hyperbole)#So if you compare it to something like Uglies#as far as how good they are as a dystopia uglies is more effective because there is a much clearer more real critique present#(though I think overall divergent is at the very least a more enjoyable book.)#but anyway actually the core of this post is not about which ya dystopias work and which don't#actually this post is about why I think handmaid's tale doesn't work for me and actually has very little of value to offer#because deep down I think that all it has to say is 'wouldn't it be bad if we made all women sex slaves?#the hunger games#1984#animal farm#and the quality of the and. yeah dude. that would be bad#and none of this is to hold either hunger games or the orwell books up as like perfect books#i love hunger games but its flawed#and as a STORY I don't think 1984 is particularly effective#but as dystopias I think they are exemplary#and there's a reason they have the staying power that they do
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man i love open endings. the fact that thanks to yuuji there might indeed be the next time sukuna talks about in case some idiot decides to eat a finger again. and we need fics where yuuji is that idiot
#hiding this in the tags but i think jjk and mha kinda conveyed the same concept#i haven’t mentioned it because sukuita always steals 100% of my attention but gojo’s moment was great too! as i said i think gege stayed#true to his characters till the end and i’ve always thought gojo coming back to life was absolute bs not because i didn’t want him back but#because it would completely ruin what was trying to be told through his story. he carried out the destiny he was doomed to carry out and#gege even specified this for us and /why/ it’s going to be different for yuuji#it can also be found in the way gojo and sukuna fought vs yuuji and sukuna#and it’s rly similar to horikoshi’s concept of the new generation reaching out to the villains and trying to understand them & /that/ is#what ‘the greatest hero’ truly means#ok now i’m digressing because gojo was more about himself and the title he was stuck with but it’s all so similar you know#which brings me to my point (finally)#the fact that the villains always ‘loses’ in the end. and i’m thinking that letting them live would be such a risky direction to take bc#it’s so easy to make it either corny or unrealistic. if the whole thing is about succeeding in reaching out then it’s going to happen at the#very last. and realistically it’s going to be too late. they’re going to be too far gone and it sucks but that’s how it is#shoto can discuss soba with touya but he’s still slowly dying. you know#so the best we can hope for is that the battle the villain fought at least leaves a mark and they sure did#something something the bad guy changing the good guy as much as he changed him#so yeah um maybe i am making sense maybe i am not but i woke up this morning and kinda went insane because it dawned on me that yuuji gave#sukuna another chance to life taking himself out of the equation#UGH. CIGARETTE EMOJI#speaking of which i’ve been (im)patiently waiting for olasketches and cruyuu’s reactions#my fave people on tumblr are genuinely the first people i think about after something good happens#my post
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#some thoughts incoming idk if i should share but i need to put them somewhere#it's hard being in the yr fandom since the finale when you don't share the same vision and opinion as the rest#and people make future wilmon posts or write post s3 fics (which many exist now) they just don't align with your idea at all#and they're not exciting to me at all and the whole concept just makes me upset#i don't wanna imagine Wille as a 'normal' person (not that that's ever possible anyway which the show loves to ignore)#like I'm sorry but i didn't come to the show to watch an ordinary love story and have them lead an ordinary life#the idea of Wille being a future king and them navigating that royal life together is so much more interesting#i hate that that isn't canon anymore and when ppl make posts about them it's not about that or that would only be seen as a negative thing#i don't wanna imagine a life where they are 'normal' that isn't appealing to me at all and it sucks seeing everyone embrace it#and it's like you're not allowed to want something else or think differently bc that makes you the bad person and you're just wrong#i can't be excited about their future (also bc i don't really see them going strong in the future with how they messed them up in s3)#(i also didn't want to know what could possibly happen in the future i wanted that to stay open and just be in the present)#and seeing everyone else excited and happy about it makes you feel horrible and very alone and disconnected in the fandom#i don't wanna take it away from them but i also would love to see other takes but that's basically impossible now#am i the only person who feels this way or are there any other who can relate? pls let me know#i already feel like ppl are gonna attack me for this but it's been hard especially now with Simon's month and seeing so many interpretation#navigating ao3 has also become difficult now#it's hard finding fics to read where wille stays crown prince and you don't have to be scared for that to change#i just can't read any canon compliant fics anymore and i hate it bc i hate to disagree with canon#i normally don't do that bc canon is important to me and i don't want to reject it and create my own fantasy#and that's what's upsetting#anyway sorry i had to write this#personal
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I need someone to tell me that im not stuck here and things are going to get better. Also they have to know what they're talking about
#I need to be making more money than this#it always seems to start with that#but I feel like I wouldn't be as depressed if I felt like I was on the way to something else#if i could get out of here in about a year#if I was saving up for some achievable goal in a meaningful way#then the things that I hate about my current living situation would grate a lot less#And I wouldn't mind as much being so helpless to stop people defacing things and making things worse#but as it stands i feel like im being pushed down into a corner#which is exactly what i came here to get away from#its just that im not allowed to improve anything around me#To stay away from this noxious shit i guess im expected to never to outside and always huddle down with my fan on#because im not disabled enough to complain abt it#am I???#beggars cant be choosers#cant live in poverty housing and expect the neighborhood to be polite#ig#but how do i get out of it
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