#which is unfortunate but like justified I think
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Jinger’s announcement post on Instagram following the YouTube video yesterday.
#unrelated to the post but I found watching the video yesterday#that I just have a hard time believing anything is genuine coming from these two#which is unfortunate but like justified I think#like when she surprised Jeremy with the test#but anyways when she surprised him and he was in shock I was just like I don’t believe him#lol my brain just fully believes it was all rehearsed#bc normally those reactions get me right in the knees#but I was just like mmmm#tags get a little nonsense in the middle bc I erased a comment but I’m not rewriting all those tags
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#can i yap for a moment#im extremely sleepy but im feeling very upset and mad and confused#also lowkey questioning whether me feeling all that is justified or if i am overreacting#anyway#made out w a boy tonight#and he wanted to go to his place#and i was like no i wanna stay and dance with my girlies#and he gets upset??#asking why i'd kiss him if i don't wanna hook up and i said i just wanna have fun?#made me feel so stupid#that anger in me led to a little fight with another boy (who was unfortunately very cute) and i just wanted to punch him#i just hate when boys think they're so superior#so i argued with this stupid but hot man#until an ex? friend shows up and he was pretty drunk just yapping about things#anyway he basically told me he'd like to rekindle our friendship#but not in a heyy haven't talked in so long let's meet up again#it was in a heyy let's hang out again got a new big car and moved out of my parent's house 😋#which gave me the ick bc that's why we aren't friends anymore and i told him no multiple times#and got sad bc he was one of my closest friends#anyway and then we left the party#this guy pulls me aside the parking lot#and i was so embarrassed bc there were so many people and they were all looking and i could already see people gossiping about it#and i just wanted to die#and then he just CONFESSES??#gives me flowers and all which is saur saur cute#but i legit have zero feelings for him </3#and have commitment issues and have never been in a relationship and don't wanna be in one#actually grosses me out thinking about relationships </3#the confession was so random and i kinda lost another friendship? even tho i wouldn't rlly consider him a friend we just share sum classes#but yeah boys are so stupid and confusing and i dunno how and why i get myself into these situations :') m sorry just needed to rant </3
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i think it should be possible to scream without making any noise or disturbing anyone or inviting any questions . just sometimes . as a treat .
#hhhhHHHGHGHHHHHH#jay screams into the void#(deeply personal rant incoming feel free to ignore)#a friend of mine has just been undiagnosed with bpd which . lovely for them but it sure as fuck invites a Lot of questions#suddenly a great deal of previous shitty behaviour that was excused on the basis of bpd has a lot more to answer for#(obligatory I Know BPD Isn't An Excuse To Treat People Like Shit . im aware . i have bpd myself and i have v high standards re my behaviour)#(however allowances were made bc they were unmedicated & out of therapy through no fault of their own)#(and our whole group has enough experience with untreated mental illness to understand that it can make u a bitch sometimes)#but yeah no there have been a LOT of instances of b&w thinking + manipulation + unfair judgement + high emotion + snap reactions#and every situation Could be explained by untreated bpd and the bad times have never been prolonged or often enough to outweigh the good#but Hoo Boy if that wasn't bpd then what the FUCK was it#like either the new psychiatrist is wrong (possible but i seem to be the only one questioning it) or they're just Like That#and again . not enough to outweigh their numerous positive and loveable traits#but the whole group has been destabilised on a number of occasions due to their actions during a bad spell#and i'm really not sure Any Other Explanation is enough to justify that#ah well . this seems like the kind of thing that will eventually come up during a sleepover heart to heart#but rn i'm stuck in a bubble of MAJOR rsd & brainfuck abt it . which is unfortunate bc now is exactly the time i Don't need brainfuck#anyways ✨ goodnight tumblrinas i am . kind of hoping nobody read this bc i fear i sound like a bitch#i am genuinely happy for their undiagnosis it seems to have put many things into perspective for them & theyre v happy about it#i'm just . uncomfy w some aspects of it that i have only been halfway brave enough to discuss with them personally#That's One To Bring Up With My Therapist In A Few Weeks#Bit Of A Shame I'm No Longer In Therapy And Now Have Only 2 Quarterly Reviews Left Before I'm Discharged From The Service
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There's a lot about discussion of hdwr that baffles me (not all discussion to be clear, because i do think there's a lot of good discussion about hdwr. But equally so are there the ones that make you wonder if you're reading the same story) and I think one that is especially annoying is the constant infantilization of miwa as this passive eternal victim. It drives me up a wall because this is quite literally an issue she's struggled with within the text of the story! She had an arc about how she dislikes how people treat her this way like towards the beginning of the story! And like even ignoring that, this story is about like nuanced and realistic portrayals of being in relationships and learning how to navigate them and so it's like what's the point if you're going to immediately reduce the characters to "the victim" and "the victimizers?" Is that even interesting? Is that a useful lens to look at interpersonal relationships?
#how do we relationship#hdwr#this is about the poll in the subreddit but i also saw similar comments (mostly about sae) on the website i was initially reading hdwr#i dunno like i'm like miwa fan numero uno so like i get ardently defending her but in my opinion#part of what makes these characters interesting is that all of them are extremely flawed in ways that can negatively feedback on each other#miwa has also done bad things to the other characters and been bad for them as well#i do think miwa repeatedly trying to turn being fwb with sae into a second chance despite sae clearly saying no#and repeatedly breaking sae's boundaries during that time was bad and shitty of her#i do think her avoiding tamaki and trying to supress her feelings despite that not being what tamaki asked for or wanted was bad andimmature#i do think that while miwa was under no obligation to say it to her i do think miwa's inability to tell sae that she loved her#even while asking to get back together was undeniably bad for sae as someone who had insecurities about being loved#personally these things are not unfortunate irredeemable aspects of her character#nor do they justify or excuse what happens to her#but instead characterize her as being inexperienced with romance and having strong feelings she isn't always able to completely express#or understand fully. this is an aspect of her character that is relateable and understandable to me#i find it hard to say that if i was in her position i wouldn't make the same mistakes as her#and like this is just one aspect of miwa's character. she of course has more than this which is why i am miwa fan numero uno but also#the same is true for like all of the main cast#they have depth and flaws that are relateable and realistic. even if you don't like a character's actions they're internally consistent#within not only the character themselves and the context of what they've been through but also the narrative itself i feel#which is why i like this story#so it feels unfortunate to flatten that all into who hurt who more or who is innocent and who is evil or whatever#like yes i obviously do think what sae did in like volume 5 was bad i also think what she did in vol 1-4 were also various shades of bad too#yes i do think what tamaki did in 103 was obviously bad#i mean ch. 119 and ch. 120 most likely are about exploring the consequences that has had on miwa#i just don't think it's useful interesting or even correct to look at those events as 'bad people doing bad things'#also while not related to miwa i think people who treat yuria and sae's relationship this way also baffle me i cannot understand it#channel 3
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How many crafting hobbies ya got so far?
it's honestly easier to list the things I don't do (yet), which are uhhhhh metalworking or yarnmaking. what else. I have never made a shoe. Pre-COVID I used to volunteer at an art center thingy that let me take 4 free classes a year... I miss her.
I tend to cycle through which craft I'm doing the most depending on my current project, but my most active arts & crafts hobbies rn are:
Cosplay (big umbrella hobby! clay sculpting, foam stuff, painting, propmaking, sewing, wig stuff, photography/photo editing etc)
Sewing (normal clothing, mending/alterations, and also silly little guys/plush)
Bookbinding (and also typesetting)
Leatherworking (newest hobby! shoutout to the nice worker at the craft store who gave me a ton of scraps for FREE)
Doodling/drawing/painting
I have a ton of other hobbies I've done in the past but don't do rn due to lacking equipment/supplies/studio access (pottery and woodworking are the biggest, I've also dabbled in flameworking, flat glassworking, screenprinting, printmaking all of which require studio space I just don't have access to rn).
Then of course there is the purgatory graveyard of hobbies that I have lost interest in but sort of keep all the supplies around for bc maybe inspiration will strike someday or I can repurpose the supplies for something else (crochet, knitting, cross stitch, embroidery, felting, whittling, shrinky dink earrings), and also all the other random crafty things I've done once or twice but unsure if I can qualify it as an actual hobby (like papercraft and model making). Probably forgetting stuff but yeah
I am not necessarily good at all of these hobbies but doing art is sort of the same as being alive for me so that's kind of not the point. My biggest wishlist crafting hobby is shoemaking, because all the startup/materials and class costs for that are just really high. I REALLY want to make my own boots someday..... I think that would be a really fun and also hot thing for me to do.
#ask#anon#the cool thing ab crafts is like. the materials and tools and skills often carry over between projects#like i had a bunch of stuff for leather already bc i use a boxcutter and ruler and hole punch and cutting mat etc in other stuff#i just needed 1) hardware and 2) leather#both of which CAN be expensive but don't have to be see: leather scraps#i do think i have a bit of a 'buying art supplies is fun and exciting' problem but im always like#i could be spending money on other things and instead i buy art supplies. like i dont drink coffee or pay for a music streaming subscriptio#and i haven't gotten doordash in 6 weeks KNOCK ON WOOD#so. could be worse u know. we all have our vices. the ways we stay alive etc etc.#but anyway im kinda obsessed w making bootstraps now. bc they are a fun thing that can be made out of#scrap quantities of leather#unfortunately the uhhhh stylings mean i will not be able to hand these out as family holiday gifts#but maybe my fun queer friends will want to adopt a pair#kinda wish i could monetize this stuff without my brain locking up and all my artistic energy leaving my body just so i could#better offset cost and justify buying better quality materials#but alas. or yippee depending on your perspective#craft blogging
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i don't think i ever mentioned this on here but i managed to track down proper HQ 1080p rips of sunny seasons 9-16 that don't look like they've been sent through a meat grinder. i guess most people just want a smaller filesize so those are the torrents that tend to endure, but it makes it like. almost completely impossible to find anything that isn't crushed to hell. they aren't accessible through the most commonly used tracker sites like pirate bay, 1337x.to, TGx, etc (trust me. i have LOOKED. for months. i stumbled upon these), and i had to dig through. a lot of shit. for them. so i'm thinking maybe i could upload them to the internet archive (they haven't had a problem with my sunny archive yet, but who knows), because hosting 170 1-2GB episodes would be. impossible (and as we learned during s16 airing, apparently most commercial cloud servers have stupid limits lol).
also found AP bio in actual 1080p quality; honestly didn't even know it existed, and with the amount of time it took to download from the one other person who was seeding it i doubt many other people know either. might uh. photodump. because i have a lot of screenshots that are twenty times nicer than the shit i had before. and jack is pretty <3
shut up i know they're mostly tits
if you guys are interested i can see what i can do, but like, each sunny season is 11-20 gigs, so you know. i'll be your blackmarket sunny dealer if you want to see your fave ep in significantly higher quality than you normally see on Hulu (caps out at 720p) or most other torrenting sites.
cmon you know you want to see the glears (glenn tears)
#if you think 2GB per ep is bad you dont want to know how massive the uncompressed bluray rips are#anyway. this is why i went and made my own dvd rips#because people rip and then convert and/or compress the shit out of the episodes#most of the early seasons of sunny are like. available as .avi files.#or crushed down to like 35 fucking megabytes#which. i dont even want to download that shit to find out how bad it looks but i can imagine#also nobody leaves the commentary tracks intact for some fucking reason#eventually id like to rip my 6 & 8 blurays properly and maybe get 5 & 7 & sunny christmas blurays but#i cannot justify spending like 200 bucks for a bluray drive capable of doing that#i used my jailbroken ps3 for 6 but it can only do so much#8 doesn't work at all unfortunately#well. it works with the assets from the game on the bluray ???#but that's it#ada speaks
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this is the funniest thing that sits and rots in my drafts because its been four months atp and i still have not thought of a single headcanon for these two
#idk what it is in my brain that makes it so hard to engage w media that way but i really cannot do it to save my life#and it becomes harder and harder the more i care about something#i think. when i love something a lot and see it as perfect (in my eyes) as it is#it’s hard to justify changing it or adding to it at all because theres always the possibility that i am making it worse#it also (personally) feels like. a selfish pursuit to change and add onto canon#(which is an argument that falls apart entirely when you dismantle the idea of canon altogether)#BUT!!! at least FOR ME i am terrified of ruining something by making it more about me and less about the thing that it is#analysis is my way of getting around this#engaging with my own interpretation of media is so much easief than engaging with and altering the media itself#and even then#my analysis needs to be important or it’ll rot in my head (or drafts) for all of eternity#its. whatever that quote is thats like.#everything i create needs to be perfect to make up for the fact that its me#thats how i approach anything#unfortunately LOL
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Whenever I see someone being transphobic on twt in a bridget thread i reply with three pictures of my mains: ky kiske from ac+r, ky kiske from rev 2, and ky kiske from strive.
it self selects for people who actually play the game. it’s canon that he’ll fight off transphobes with the blade. and if they actually played guilty gear they’d get the underlining messages
While it can be really funny to bully these guys back, please keep in mind that nothing you can say or do to these people will hurt them or waste as much of their time as what they say will stick with you or waste your time. It might be funny to send them a bunch of Ky pictures, but what they're doing is laughing that the only response the people they hate can give them is sending a bunch of pictures of anime boys.
The only thing that works is blocking them. They've turned being an asshole into a recreational sport and getting any sort of response in return is a victory for them.
#asks#Unfortunately I was an asshole on the internet once (not a vicious transphobe just a basic internet asshole)#I know exactly how these people function because I was there once...#When you don't take the person you're arguing with seriously it's very easy to laugh at every single thing they do#Which is what these guys are doing. It doesn't matter how well thought out the counter argument is. They don't care and they won't care#All you can hope for is that they're young and they grow out of it (I did)#I feel bad for them because I think about what led to me being like that decades ago. Are they going through the same thing?#I was like that because I was in a hopeless situation and hated myself and hated everyone else#People arguing back just proved my point that everything sucked and my hate was justified#It's an awful feedback loop. People being kind to me felt disingenuous. Why should they be kind? I hated them. They had no reason to be nic#I had to get to a point where I was willing to help myself crawl out of that pit before I let anyone else even get near me emotionally#I still remember the day when I realized I was being a fucked up little shit to everyone lol#Early June 2011. It was sunny with no clouds and there was a cool breeze. I was listening to In This Moment and I realized#'What the hell am I doing? Do I want to be like this forever? Get your shit together man'#It was a slow process from there but I did get out of it. Slowly. Very slowly.#There's a lot I did that I regret and can't ever apologize for because it was so long ago and the names and faces are gone now#Apologizing at this point would be selfish and only for my benefit anyway. I can only hope that what I did didn't hurt people permanently#Anyway. I've never talked about this on here before because it's the kinda shit that gets put on callout posts out of context#So. I am laying my naked soul bare and raw for the sake of underlining my original point: Internet trolls don't care
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HI <3 polite invitation to talk about your godtier and land thoughts for your characters if you want to!! i am sitting and listening intently :3 <3
Oh my god asfdgdgifgdb you don't know what you've done,,,,,
Long post incoming!!
So quick plug of an old blog that established a lot of my HS godtier opinions early on dahniwitchoflight so you can see a lot of where my context originates (esp. the godtier aspect masterpost) but with that out the way here we go
In terms of godtier opinions, I don't believe in gendered classes. I think that, socially, there may be a bias certain genders may have to certain classes (Muse and Lord, for example). But I don't believe that's an absolute. For one, there are more genders than the binary and people don't always identify as one forever. Secondly, I think to say that, for example, Lord is always aggressive and therefore only men can be Lords is uhhhhhhh,,, very stereotypical and simply doesn't encapsulate the range of human expression. Besides, isn't it more fun for the classes to be non-gendered using gendered human words? Who's to say the game mechanics of SBURB/sgrub are in english? There's gotta be some kind of translation errors or approximations going on in lore lmao
Related to this is that a godtier is meant to be a culmination of a character arc, the end reward of the 'ideal self' a character can be. This is not referring to 'ultimate' selves (i sincerely don't want to touch that concept at all) or even 'morally correct' selves - merely the best kind of self a character would want to be. The best you that you wanna be! Whether that means embracing your flaws or overcoming them, the godtier is the symbol of your growth as a person. Hence why to 'go godtier' you have to fuse your dreamself and awake self together, finally bringing together the two separate experiences you've lived as a player before this; your 'normal' life and your SBURB life. This also follows why death is a consistent theme and in fact needed for godtier ascension. You are killing or accepting the death of your former self in order to ascend into your new self, via combining everything you've learned into everything you'll be. It's supposed to be a positive, if traumatic, experience. Like changing and growing in life already is! Just faster lol
On a brief design point, I do think godtier outfits should also therefore change to fit the wearer and what they're comfortable with. I don't necessarily think that it should be like, witch skirt for girls but trousers for boys, I think that if a godtier outfit is your ideal self it should automatically change into whatever you'd be comfortable wearing. So if someone is a Witch, but doesn't mind wearing a skirt, then they'd ascend into the default Witch outfit. If they then wanted to change it they could through a thought. But if a Witch ascends and they hate skirts or maybe just cannot imagine wearing one then maybe it changes into shorts or something lol. I've actually done some alternate designs of godtiers along this line as it happens which you'll see in this post.
I also like the Aspect counterparts, that each one has an opposite, and while in canon that doesn't have much of an effect on the godtier design beyond the kids, I actually like the accessories and shoes on godtiers taking on the colours of their opposite Aspect. I like that it symbolises that even their opposite has an affect on the Aspect in question.
Now, this is all some lovely prose but what am I going on about? So, like all great and real scientists, I'll use myself as an example first.
...
Me - Sylph of Heart
So I've gone through many, many iterations of godtier introspection (started in Hope, have moved to Heart, Sylph has stayed pretty consistent but I still have doubts) and, of course, being a real life person this is the one that's evolved and changed the most as I have evolved and changed throughout my teens and adult life. But for the sake of analysis, I'll give my 'sona' or 'self-insert' the godtier to separate myself from the analysis and come at this more honestly.
Heart as an Aspect is all about Emotion and the Soul. As the opposite counterpart to the Aspect Mind (which is concerned with the brain, reason and, y'know, the mind lol), Heart players are more impulsive and driven by personal goals. It's all about the Inner Self, the Individual, what makes You Unique as opposed to everyone else in the world. It's Passion, it's Empathy, it's Understanding - about people, mostly. It's about Knowing Yourself and what you like or dislike. Your Heart, in a lot of ways, is the emotional centre and Heart players follow it to a T - and often to the detriment of everything else. It's not inaccurate to say Heart players come across as self-obsessed b/c they are concerned with discovering themselves and their own identity. None of these things come without drawbacks of course and none of this means Heart players don't care about others. They simply assume everyone else is just as obsessed with Finding themselves as they are. I mean, at their best, Heart players are compassionate, imaginative and a steady presence in life. But, uh, at their worst they can come across as dismissive, rigid or nosy lol Personally, as someone very driven by emotion and with a tendancy for introspection, to the point of contantly overthinking my feelings and second guessing my impulses, I feel comfortable in the Heart Aspect.
So Sylphs are talkers. Chatterboxes you could say. They're also one of two 'healer' classes and the active counterpart to Maid. Which yeah I'm aware I have a tendency to ramble. Sylphs are known to love talking about their interests to an audience, whether the audience is interested or not lmao. For a Sylph of Heart, that's mostly concentrated into the subject of Love and Relationships. Sylphs are also nosy little meddlers and so one interpretation of Heart could be a cupid-like matchmaker of sorts. I don't personally see that for myself but it's a valid interpretation.
Personally, I see myself as a person obsessed with Connection and the Relationships that make these connections stable. Friendship, romantic, QPR, you name it, I'm interested in the dynamics. In fiction and in fandom, this makes me a prolific shipper yes haha but most of all I love character interactions. I love filler episodes! And beach episodes! And regency romance! And slice of life isekai anime! B/c all those things prioritise character interaction and personal character arcs over plot or action or whatever haha. I love gentle drama and harmless gossip, I love watching two people get to know each other and be forever changed for having met one another and! I!! Love!!! My!!!! Friends!!!!!!!
Also the sylph outfit is cool af actually. In this image I've actually redesigned it to be a little more gender neutral hence the billowing trousers but I love the no sleeves and the curled shoes and the ribbon-y capelet thing lol. And the bangles!!
I have some ideas for godtier powers but they're not fleshed out yet, but for Sylph of Heart I imagine they'd have to power to 'heal the soul/heart' so to speak. To keep emotions steady in the heat of battle and to help heal mental or emotional wounds. They sound like a support class, like a buffer or healer.
Oh god this got long, I have some ideas for lands but I'll be honest it's almost entirely based on this post from dahni years ago (literally 10 years ago oh gods how long have I been here) b/c i really vibe with it so I have nothing new to really add lol. Maybe there'd be like pink lakes or maybe i'd have a coastal type planet with rough seas that symbolise riding the waves of emotion or something lmao
Hope you enjoyed this brief foray! I'll probably reblog this with a breakdown of the godtiers I've assigned to 4 of my dnd characters I did for fun so you can see my opinions on the Space, Time, Mind and Heart (again) aspects as well as the Maid, Page, Mage and Knight classes too. But for now I need to cook dinner lol
#spoonspeaks#hs#my hs opinions#you sly dog you got me monologuing! <3#god i hope my non-hs friends don't see this i'm soooooo sorry lol unfortunately i've had Opinions for years and no outlet for them#might end up reblogging this to my art account b/c there's art of me in it but that's a strong might b/c oh boy#should also be said this is all for fun!!!#i didn't mention this in post but i identify as a sylph of heart primarily b/c it's fun and i like the colours and design#like yeah i have a lot of introspection to back up and justify my opinions but also just think i look cool in the outfit lol#assigning yourself a godtier should be fun like making a ponysona from mlp or saying which element you'd bend in atla it's all for fuuuuuun#it's only as deep as you want it to be xxxx#anyway ty voli for enabling me ily (platonic) <333
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itd be so cool to be able to monetize worldbuilding but i think unless you have a very specific industry job in something like roleplaying game development or something thats not rly a thing.. but if i could i would definitely spend years creating a wholly detailed fantasy world with maps, climates, countries, governments, cities, religions, magic systems, political, philosophical and artistic movements, conlangs, trade routes, flora and fauna, etc etc etc and then essentially make it available to purchase as a premade setting to use for writers or artists. unfortunately this isnt a thing afaik and i couldnt justify spending the time to do it just to TRY (and fail) to make that a thing lol
#97#if i understood how tabletop rpgs work id definitely be into that line of work i think#but it requires a lot more than just worldbuilding to make an rpg ofc..#i love love love worldbuilding and can do it essentially endlessly which does make it unfortunate that its like.#the one type of art i make that i have no avenue to monetize#its not like all art HAS to be monetized its just. if i could modestly complement my income thru endless worldbuilding thatd be awesome lol#i ofc could also release a world as a free sort of sandbox setting anyone can write in#but i dont even think THAT would be rly feasible bc i have no audience and know of no existing platforms specifically to share worldbuildin#additionally none of my CURRENT worlds are ones id want to make available either for free or not bc theyre My Little Playgrounds#so itd have to be a whole new unique world#though i do have several ideas for such worlds that i just have not yet had a project for to justify building them#though maybe one day ill try something like this w an extremely small world#eg. an isolated city which for whatever reason has no contact or knowledge of the outside world so the city can be built independently#bc worldbuilding a specific setting even if small always ends up w building an entire world for mr#since no place exists in a vacuum
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i cant describe how happy i would be if my roommates just randomly went on a trip or whatever and were gone for a few days
#i need to do something to get my rage out. im immediately so stressed when i think of them#im not going to justify not liking them anymore like u get it and it also doesnt like matter. yk. it's just weird and unfortunate given#the situation idk i feel like the one just tried so hard to make us be friends when we were meant to maybe be acquaintances at best. yk#cant force a connection. anyway this was prompted by them asking to hang out which i already complained about earlier.#so whatever. i just am stuck between i am so mad fuming stressed at work and i wont even feel relaxed about the idea of going home.#abby talks#i might just ignore the text for now. as i have been for the last two hours. i dont want to talk to them.
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had a conversation with my therapist about the fact that whether or not I have BPD matters less than the fact that the diagnosis of BPD has been held over my head and almost forced onto me at times where i didn’t resonate with any symptoms, and then taken from me as a “it’s not at that level yet” in the times where i do resonate with that disorder (now). so really BPD has intrinsically be laced with people making assertions about my mental health that aren’t the same as I see it and now it’s like. a fight to feel like I can belong in BPD communities because I will never feel like I truly have the disorder, but impossible to fit into literally ANY other mental health space because I don’t feel like those stories will ever encapsulate the experiences I have had. it’s a very impossible situation for me but thankfully my therapist (though extremely opposed to diagnosis and therefore not going to diagnose me with BPD) is very validating that i do experience the symptoms i say I am and supports me using BPD terminology and looking there for resonance because nothing else clicks. so having her has made this be a lot less of an isolating experience; she really is one of the best things to happen to my mental health.
anyway, i just thought it was interesting and have struggled to find any other stories where people feel as if a certain disorder has been used as a tool of gaslighting more than an actual diagnosis a person has.
#nightmare.personal#don't reblog#like. i think i've mentioned this but a long time ago the diagnosis of BPD was given to me by someone -#- who happened to have BPD because he was basically trying to project his own life onto me?#he ended up being abusive which obviously wasn't caused by the BPD he was just a really shitty person#but nevertheless that component of him was unfortunately really involved because like#it was one of the connecting strands that made him feel like i was his younger clone#and justified his actions#abuse tw
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david leonhardt with the new york times this morning on affirmative action
#wowie!#unfortunately i don’t think affirmative action stands a chance rn just bc its precedent only justifies it with diversity#which yes is obviously important. but#there’s a lot more that goes into it#also think students for fair admissions aka sffa is fighting the wrong fight for asian americans rn#we need to reboot the whole admissions system#just like many other things in this country!#also just to clarify i don’t like affirmative action as it is at the moment#i just simply cannot get behind the reasoning for the current scotus cases#and i hate how asian americans have finally become the forefront of a political movement. only they’re being funded by conservative white s#upremacists. my people deserve better ugh#r#politics#affirmative action#reading
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I really need to get a new job
#guess who got called a fucking slur today by their manager? the manager that thinks im a cishet woman? THIS GUY#im so fucking done#he tried to justify it too and make it seem like i was overacting and being unreasonable for telling him off for using that term#my dad noticed i was upset when i got home and asked me if something happened#which i said yes but refused to tell him what otherwise i knew hed go after my manager for it#and until i find a new one i unfortunately need this one#but he told me im always safe here (home) with him. which helped. hes not perfect about this stuff but he does love me and that helps#personal#liv talks
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Was going to do some oni file digging but got too distracted playing the actual video game. Anyways look at her <3
#rat rambles#oni posting#her icon does not do her justice she is so fucking cute#I fucking adore her#anyways ny thoughts on the new dlc are mostly positive so far although I do have some nitpicks#now to be clear to the fellow lore enjoyers in chat this is a fairly log light dlc unfortunately#which doesnt suprise me since god knows they don't like talking abt dupes too directly in the logs and this dlc is all abt the bionic dupes#which I see as a positive thing generally but I do wish there was a smidgen bit more to justify why they can be printed now#just an extra my log at the start that says woah I found some fancy robo guys in my printing database would have been nice#but other than that I do like the continuing tensions between gravitas and the vexus institute brewing#and I also like the pronoun confirmation on jackie's probably mom I'm glad we're seeing more of her#Im also glad theyve so far had jackie say jack shit abt her probably mom and her going ons I hope it mostly stays that way#I'm open to getting some of jackies words on the family drama but I want it to be shown not told#so like idk. maybe a conversation between them or smth. and keep it vague and up to interpretation#I like my jackie characterization hard to find and unpack#as for the actual gamplay stuff Im definitely enjoying the different playstyle of the bionic dupes a lot so far#I havent gotten far enough into my test run to rly know how they feel in long term colonies but they are quite fun so far#I like how they add some pretty strong early game benefits while also adding a pretty important early research racing#I also enjoy their oxygen tanks but I have noticed that they tend to chose weird and sometimes extremely inconvenient places to refill#I don't think I rly understand their logic for chosing spots yet but I thinkkkk they might be trying to chose somewhere away from general#living areas? I could be wrong though I have seen them recharge directly by cots before but maybe its based on the pod location idk#but yeah this is me screaming at ulti to stop recharging by a tiny spec of oxygen surrounded by slimelung infested polluted oxygen#so basically sending them out to germy or unbreathable environments is theoretically safe most of the time but it's not as safe as a suit#that combined with their adverse reactions to liquid and extreme temperatures does still leave need for athmosuits#which is a good thing to be clear#in theory this also means that oxygen masks can still be of use to a bionic dupe even if it isnt necessary#especially if theyre making large transit that risks them running out of oxygen and trying to refill inside an contaminated area#but yeah if I had one complaint abt the bionic dupes it would be that I wish there were a few more#I get not wanting to bloat the dupe count but you can and will see duplicates within the early game#there isn't a lot of variety with them which makes bionic dupe heavy colonies feel less appealing to me
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I think more people need to know its okay to enjoy problematic media, as long as you KNOW and ACKNOWLEDGE that it's problematic. A lot of people's response to someone trying to call out their favourite author or artist is to blindly defend them because in their head, they can only enjoy the media that person has created if that person is completely ethical and has never done anything wrong. And sure, you shouldn't actively support someone who causes harm to others or anything, but you're still allowed to like their art. Separating the art from the artist is a continually debated issue but my stance on it is if you see the flaws and recognise where it comes from, and you don't like the artist, then that has to be enough. It saves you from looking like an idiot scrambling to defend a problematic author so you feel like you're not supporting a bad person. There is a way to enjoy problematic media without you yourself being problematic.
#idk if this makes any sense#i was just thinking of someone i knew once defending their favourite author after a couple people critised them#and like they weren't having a go at the person for liking that author#but the person took it as an attack and felt like they needed to justify why they liked those author's books#i had a class in uni where we discussed analysing art in 4 different ways to truly understand it - text context subtext and...#when really i feel like it would be easier to go “oh yeah i see your point. i don’t support that but i still enjoy the author's books”#and i unfortunately have gotten obsessed with a few problematic medias#and have had to come to terms with the fact that people i looked up to aren't very nice#but idk i just feel like that happens sometimes and you shouldn't let one shitty person#even if its the creator#ruin your fandom experience#i actually feel like its actually really good to look at art from the outside perspective of who created it#helps deepen your understanding of it#i had a class in uni where we analysed art by looking at it from 4 different angles - text subtext context and intertextuality#and we chose shrek as an example which was fun#but part of that process was looking at how the movie was made and who made it and whatnot#idk exactly where i'm going with this anymore but i do think its not the end of the world when an author outs themselves as problematic#you just need to adjust how you interact with their art
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