#which is to say know your worth but be able to handle being lashed out at

[doublemegative]

tori spring unhinged character bingo

the x on they just like me is smaller bc i am not even 30% as brave as her

[exilethegame]

For pure angst and evil purposes, how easy would it be to make ROs cry?

Alright, here's them rated hardest to make cry to easiest-- and keep note, this is specifically in the context of someone trying to hurt their feelings (and them knowing). Because the order would change in so many ways for so many different things (who cries most under stress, who cries most if someone they care for is hurt, etc, etc)

Hardest to easiest: Sabir, Jost, Nikke + Syfyn, Amilia, Vethna

Freedom (is their own thing)

Sabir: Sabir, in general, is a vulnerable person. He likes being honest when he's not in "politician mode", likes sharing his feelings, feels comfort in openly showing his emotions which includes crying. But if for whatever reason someone starts really trying to hurt his feelings, that man can just... shut them off. I mean really turn off his emotions. It's honestly unsettling, and probably very disturbing. You won't be able to make him cry. Like... you just won't.

That being said, there are some people I don't think Sabir could ever muster the strength to do that to. It's not that he's not capable of it, it's that he'd rather be open and allow himself to be hurt by the person he loves than ever shut them out. (Looks at evil MCs nervously...)

Jost: Jost is pretty similar to Sabir, except she's always on the emotional defensive. She doesn't let people in ever, and because of that, it's hard to get a sad reaction from her. That being said, Jost is like... hilariously easy to piss off but that can go from being funny to being really upsetting to witness real quick. Because of that, I think it's possible, if you keep pressing hard enough, to make Jost cry from anger and rage. But you'd have to keep her cornered, cause she'd try to make a run for it before that could happen.

Nikke + Syfyn: They're tied! They both have pretty strong brave faces, but at their core, they're both such loyal and dedicated people that their strong face would crack, inevitably. Seeing someone they care for lash out at them, use their weaknesses against them, would be enough to make them start breaking down. But it wouldn't be soft crying. It'd be angry, defensive, confused. And they'd both probably storm off at the end and retreat into themselves. The only difference is Syfyn is terrible at holding a grudge and keeping a cold shoulder (MC snapping is a *cough* exception), and Nikke is a little too good at it.

Amilia: Amilia, honestly, is probably equal to Nikke + Syfyn in terms of how much you'd have to throw at her to make her actually start crying, but she's a lot more vulnerable. She won't hide the fact she's becoming upset, she'll beg for the other person to just stop, and when they don't... she'd just start crying. Not ugly crying, not breaking down, but she'd make no attempt to hide her tears as she sniffles. I think Amilia is comfortable in that sadness in a way the others aren't, and she has no problem being blunt in that sadness-- asking the other person if they're happy they made her hurt (and genuinely asking, not just saying it to spite them). It's hard to explain... maybe I'll get the chance to write it... in game... (*looks at camera dramatically*)

Vethna: Don't. Please don't. If someone close to Vethna, at this point, just straight up turned on them and started throwing shit at their face in a fight to purposely hurt them and was just outwardly downright malicious, Vethna wouldn't even put up a fight. They'd probably try to look indignant, nonchalant, and unfazed, throwing a witty, sharp retort your way... but that would probably last a total of ten seconds before they just start crying. I get this image in my head of Vethna almost seeming child-like when they cry-- pouted lips, huffing breaths, avoiding the other person's gaze. I think Vethna has too many "sore spots" in their self-worth and confidence to be able to handle something like that with any sort of grace. But the worst part is I think that leaves them very susceptible to manipulation. Vethna craves approval from the people around them, so it would be easy to use their vulnerability against them.

Freedom: Okay, Freedom is just hovering all around because emotions are so wonderfully bizarre and strange to/for them. I don't think you could make Freedom cry if you were just like... "I'm gonna be a dick because I'm annoyed or angry" and started insulting them. They'd just look at you with a raised brow and vaguely amused expression. But if someone was close to them, and genuinely upset by something Freedom did, and that person was hurt and fighting back tears and lashing out as a response... then I believe that would make Freedom cry. MC + Freedom are very innately connected, and I think feeling the weight of those emotions on them if they're close would be enough to make Freedom start crying... and then become incredibly confused by it. They're definitely a pretty crier though-- like, their face is all stone-still and then their tears run down all dramatically...

[mothwingwritings]

Y&B for taiju shiba I love you❤️

I love yooou and thank you for sending an ask for the LOML bless you <3

Warnings: Abuse, getting the shit beat out of you, brutality, mentions of murder (hashtag just Taiju Shiba things)

Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

Taiju actually has the capacity to wait a rather long time before he snaps. Not necessarily because of patience, but more so because deep down he wants YOU to be the one to come running to him. He fantasizes endlessly about how you’re gonna fall into his arms, confessing to him how much you love and need him, crying over how hard it’s been living without him in your life. He’s had countless daydreams of you initiating the relationship, consumed with the thought of you whole heartedly reciprocating his affections just as strongly (if not more so) than he does.

He KNOWS you love him. He’s seen it in the way you look at him, how you get all blushy and bashful whenever he comes near, unable to even speak without stumbling over your words because of how excitable his presence makes you. When you flinch away from his touches and affections, or go out of your way to avoid him, he knows it’s only because you can’t handle the rampant feelings surging through you. It’s cute as hell, and only makes him want you that much more.

So though it’s nearly unbearable, he’ll wait for you. He knows the moment you finally give in and concede to him it will be the sweetest moment in his entire life, worth the wait and then some. Knowing the prize that is awaiting him at the end is the only thing that gets him through the excruciating waiting period. (Well, that and fucking his fist to thoughts of you, excitement coursing through him when he muses on all the ways he will be able to ravage you in the near future).

That being said, there are certain triggers that will make him IMMEDIATELY drop all pretenses and assert his authority right away, mainly if someone else makes a move on you. It doesn’t even matter how small that advance is, if someone so much as bats an eye at you in a way that can be mistaken as flirtatious it’s over. You’re his from that point on, whether you are ready for the relationship or not. He’ll be damned if he’s gonna let some asshole try and stake a claim on his darling-the mere thought of it makes him sick with rage.

If it’s the other way around and you happen to have someone else that you have your eye on, then it would be in both you and your crush’s best interest to nip that in the bud ASAP. The moment Taiju gets an inkling of it you won’t come out of it unscathed. Regardless of the fact that he never got your express consent to be in a relationship, your loyalty is something he expects unconditionally, and should it falter at any point he has no qualms over correcting your behavior. But while you may be holed up in bed for a few days healing from a brutal lashing, the person you are smitten with will get it 100x worse if they are even allowed to keep living. Needless to say, you will neither see nor hear from them again after that.

You belong with nobody else but Taiju, nowhere else than at his side. He’s not afraid to beat that into you. You’re lucky he’s forgiving, and that he loves you so much, otherwise you would be MUCH worse off for the shit you pulled. He’ll even tend your wounds once your properly apologize for what a harlot you’ve been.

Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

Extremely. There really is no limit. He will destroy everything and anything around you to keep you at his side. He isn’t stupid about it either, which makes him that much scarier. He has the connections, the money, the power, and the brute strength to make just about anything happen for his benefit. Anyone trying to prevent you from being his, whether they are friend or foe, he will take care of them. The disposal can range from paying them off or heavily threatening them, too far worse things. He would destroy someone’s entire livelihood in the blink of an eye for you, and if he could get away with it strangle a person to death with his bare hands if they terrorized you.

Whatever is necessary, whatever is needed, he will do it without hesitation. He loves you. You are his family, his heart, his EVERYTHING. This man would rip God himself asunder to keep you in his life, so you’d do best to never question his devotion to you.

[youarejustintime]

Before playing Before the Storm, I honestly didn’t think I would have so many feelings about Rachel Amber but oh boy, here we are.

I just want to start off by saying that I am a Rachel defender through and through. I will die on this hill. Call me Chloe Price because I am president of the Rachel Amber fan club. 

The belief that Rachel had no care or compassion for Chloe and was only using her is insane to me. We are talking about a 15 year old girl who feels like she has to be everything for everyone all the time while still maintaining perfect grades and a perfect reputation. She has a broken family with a father who is a master manipulator so of COURSE Rachel knows how to manipulate, it’s all she’s ever learned and she thinks that’s how you have to move through life. Chloe is the first person she’s ever met that she could maybe be real with and she doesn’t know how to handle that emotionally. She does love Chloe, she just doesn’t know how to show it very well because it’s never been demonstrated to her.

When talking about Rachel, I think we need to remember that she is a victim, right up until she was buried, and even during her burial, she was victimized. Even her body could not get the peace it deserved. 

Firstly, she was 100% a victim of her family. The mother who was sick and couldn’t recover for her until it was too late, the mother who lived a lie Rachel’s entire life and didn’t have the heart to say anything, the father who demonized a hurt woman and refused to get her help, who kept a part of his daughter away from herself, and who would rather hire a hitman to kill her real mother than actually allow them to meet. Say what you want about him doing what he believed was best, he was still wrong.

She was a victim of Frank. I have a lot of mixed feelings regarding Frank in general, however I do believe that this is another case of Rachel being victimized. I’ve seen a lot of “Why would she cheat on Chloe with Frank?” online and it’s baffling. Are we forgetting that Frank is a fully grown adult who is 13 years her senior? Regardless if they started dating after she turned 18 (which we do not know for sure is the case), he still met AND liked her when she was 15 years old (considering in BtS, if you tell Frank over the phone that you’re helping a friend, he asks if it was your friend from the other night at the mill, and agrees to help only because of her). In the diner during the storm, he does acknowledge that she was too young for him, but that he did genuinely care about her, which I don’t doubt, but the relationship is inappropriate regardless. The relationship also likely started because she was a user and running drugs for him as a means to make money to leave town with Chloe, who he believed was “trying to take her away from him,” a sentiment that is common within grooming.

She was a victim of Jefferson, having been coerced into whatever their relationship was, her feelings for him being self-described as “obsessed”. She never truly loved him, only being manipulated into it because she was young and desperately needed a father figure-esque man to make her feel worth something. All he really was was an adult who wanted to do disgusting things to a child.

And lastly, she was a victim of Nathan, who she gave years of friendship to, but he was so broken and so blinded by pleasing his so-called mentor that he allowed her to die and left her in a junkyard like she was garbage.

Rachel was a just baby who was crying for help ever since she moved to Arcadia Bay, and the only one who could hear her was Chloe. Unfortunately, despite doing everything she could, Chloe was also a child who was dealing with her own trauma. She couldn’t always be at Rachel’s side to protect her, and Rachel was scared to tell her the truth in fear of losing her. No one was able to step in to give Rachel what she needed, and she continued to escalate, lash out, and put herself in more and more danger until it led to her death.

[ewanmitchellcrumbs]

Billy Washington SFW Alphabet

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Billy is clingy. His favourite thing to do is wrap his arms around his partner's waist from behind and hug them to him. If he's sat on the sofa with them then he'll either have his arms around them or their feet in his lap. This boy has got to be touching.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Billy is a fun friend to have. Likely met in the pub and bonded over a pint. He's not the type of friend to call someone up and make plans, it's more of "if we run into each other in the pub then we'll have a drink together."

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Billy is all about the cuddles. He's a clingy bean. He loves wrapping his arms around his partner's torso and resting his head on their chest while they lay together.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Billy loves the idea of settling down, but is terrified of not being able to provide for his partner. He doesn't want to feel like he's failed them. The only thing Billy can make is a cup of tea and he's messyyyyyy.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Billy can't face the thought of breaking up in person, it's too overwhelming for him, he'd do it over the phone.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Deep down Billy wants to get married, but he wants to feel like he's the breadwinner for the household and he's unemployed, so he'd put off any major commitments until he feels his life is in a stable enough place to handle it.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Billy is insecure, he's a big softie but prone to lashing out when he feels overwhelmed, which can lead to hurt feelings. Physically he's super gentle.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Billy loves hugs. He will always want to be hugging his partner. "Your space? No, comrade, our space."

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

He'll say it really quickly and be super drunk the first time it happens. This becomes a repeating pattern, he'll get drunk, tell his partner he loves them and they'll tell him to say it again when he's sober. He doesn't. Until a month in, he wakes up with a sore head one morning and says "I mean it, you know...I do love you."

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Billy's insecurities mean he is prone to jealous. He will square up to anyone he thinks is giving his partner the eye and harsh boundaries have to be set regarding not snooping through his partner's phone. It will take a while for him to really believe he's enough.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Clumsy and eager, but filled with passion. Billy will always go for the lips, but melts when his partner kisses the little dip in his throat above his clavicle.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Billy is indifferent to children. In his mind's eye he doesn't really envision himself having kids - he can barely support himself, let alone a child.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Billy likes to sleep in for as long as possible. He'll bring his partner a cup of tea in bed if he wakes up before they do.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

In the pub or cuddled up on the sofa in front of the TV.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Billy is an open book, but will likely be guarded about his insecurities regarding his sister's success and his struggles with self worth because of his employment situation.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Billy has an explosive temper and will shout in the heat of the moment. He is quick to apologise though and will cry if he think he's seriously hurt his partner's feelings.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Billy doesn't remember what their favourite colour is and will forget birthdays and anniversaries, but he remembers things like how they like their tea, how full they like their bath to be and what time their favourite TV show comes on - the every day, little things he never forgets.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

The first morning that he woke up next to them. The feeling of not being able to believe it was real, watching them sleep and just marvelling at how lucky he was in that moment.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Billy is extremely protective, he doesn't want anyone to hurt the person he loves. He'd put himself between his partner and any potential threat. He doesn't want the same treatment - he'd find it emasculating.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Billy doesn't have the means to splash the cash on special occasions. He will try to cook for his anniversary and end up burning everything. They'll end up with beans on toast in their lap in front the TV, but Billy can't think of anything better, because he's with the person he loves.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Self deprecation. Billy gets inside his own head and never feels like he's good enough.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Not at all. He looks like Shaggy from Scooby Doo.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Yes, Billy takes huge comfort in his partner, he needs them to be around him.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Billy puts used tea bags on the side by the kettle instead of in the bin and it's absolutely maddening.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Billy likely wouldn't cope with a partner that's hugely successful in their career. He struggles enough with inadequacy when it comes to his sister, he'd hate to feel the same way with his spouse.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

Billy goes to bed late and wakes up late. He's a heavy sleeper and he drools.

[sporefound]

marigold :   is your muse prone to jealousy ?  how might they handle envious feelings ?  

if you ask amanita if she is a jealous person, she will say no! she will not know that she's lying. she operates with the sentiment that she has nothing to be jealous of, that there is nothing the people around her can provide that she does not. which fills her with a sense of importance, that leaves her feeling some sort of entitled to their time & attention. it's not something she would recognize on her own, she'd need someone to point it out for her in order to acknowledge it at all & it would be a grueling process for anyone involved.

i think part of this comes from her growing up in an environment where total devotion is the norm. people around her devoted themselves to a cause, a person, to lolth & it leads her to have this very high expectation surrounding how she should treat people & how she should treat others.

it can be overbearing when she becomes attached to someone if they don't know how to set boundaries & she will lash out if she feels like she's not getting that same level of attention she feels like she needs to give.

she's intensely uncomfortable with the idea of others seeing her in her truth so when she starts feeling bits of it seep through her, she starts to sort of feel that way. when there is someone she cares for, she feels like she has to protect them & protect herself at the same time, which leads her to walking a tightrope without having very good balance.

she falls constantly & has to pick herself up about it. she feels uncomfortable taking any offers for help, any extended hands for support. but when she takes that hand, she is not gonna let go if that makes sense? but she feels like that is normal & so she doesn't think it's a problem.

i think it's worth noting, also, that amanita likes her space until she needs to be in yours. like a cat. she wants that devotion & attention, but only when she wants it. so there is like this duality of her needing to hold on so tight the people she cares about cannot breathe & needing about 5ft in any direction for her to be able to catch a breath.

there's a lot of hypocrisy in her jealousy & it makes her very unpalatable to a lot of people, she can be a very difficult pill to swallow. but if you ask her, she thinks she's an absolute delight!

so long explanation short: she gets very jealous, she would never admit to being jealous & it can be suffocating. it's something she wont recognize on her own, but would work on with a firm hand to guide her. it can be explosive & without that prompting to engage in bettering herself / truth pointed out by anyone else, it can & will get so much worse! she deals with it on her own with denial but her eyes can be pried open pretty easily.

[lovemesomesurveys]

Do you own anything from Victoria's Secret "Pink" line? Do you really think the clothes are worth the price? Nope and no.

What does your last incoming text say, who was it from, and how do you feel about that person? It was my from my brother earlier letting me know he was going to pick up our lunch. He’s my lil bro, I love him. We’re super close. 

Did you have a New Year's kiss? Nope. I’ve never had one. 

Are there any words that you cannot pronounce or that you pronounce incorrectly? Probably, but I can’t think of one at the moment.

After a long day at work or of doing something physical what tends to hurt more? Your back or your feet? For me it’s my back because I don’t have feeling in my feet but also I have a fucked up back that causes chronic pain.

Do you have a smart phone? If so, what's your favorite app? Yes. I think all phones now are unless you get like one of those Cricket phones. Anyway, I use Kindle, TikTok, Facebook, and Spotify the most.

Who would you say is the overall best person you know, and why? Both my mom and my brother. I couldn’t do this thing called life without them, they are what keep me going. 

If you had to choose between being a Nurse or an English teacher which would you choose and why? I used to want to be a teacher when I was a kid and English was always my favorite subject, so out of the two I’d say an English teacher. I definitely could not be a nurse, I wouldn’t be able to handle it.

Do you have a specific gas station you usually go to? Or do you stop wherever? I don't drive.

How much older than you was the oldest person you have dated/had a relationship with? The guys I had a thing with were each a year younger than me.

Is anything stressing you out at the moment? Of course. 

What is your opinion on dating someone who already had a child/children from a previous relationship? I honestly don’t want that, but at almost 34 years old I feel like if I went into the dating world it’d be hard to find a guy who doesn’t have children. 

Have you ever actually found a mascara that makes a huge difference for your lashes? Yes.

Would you rather have one or two great facial features that stand out, or have just an overall pretty face but have no special features? I’d love to have nice eyes and a beautiful, pearly white smile. 

Do you have any plans for Valentine's Day? Did you do anything last Valentine's Day? No, I didn’t do anything. I never do. I’ve never even had a Valentine, soo. 

Do you check your horoscope daily? If so, did you relate to your horoscope at all today? I don’t check my horoscope or believe in that. 

When you need to remember something, how do you usually go about doing so? I use the calendar, reminder, and notes apps a lot.

Do you think you're a confident person? In your opinion what makes someone "confident" anyways? No, definitely not. I have no confidence in myself. 

How would you describe someone that is your type of guy/girl? It’s wild like I haven’t liked/had feelings for someone in like 7 years. :O I don’t remember what that feels like anymore or what I like anymore. I’m in a very different place than I was 7 years ago. A lot has changed about me.

Do you read books often? What is your all time favorite book and author? I used to, but I haven’t been reading very much these past few months and I don’t like it I need to change that. I really do love to read. I couldn’t possibly choose a favorite book or author, but I can tell you the few authors I’ve been obsessed with the past several years and have read several of their books and counting: AJ Rivers, Willow Rose, Mary Stone, and Elle Grey. 

Have you recently accomplished anything that you are proud of yourself for? No. :/ I feel like I haven’t accomplished anything in a very long time. If ever? I suppose getting my BA in psych was an accomplishment, but that degree has sat collecting dust since 2015 and I still have no idea what I want to to do in life. I don’t want to pursue psychology anymore, so that’s great. I don’t feel like I’m cut out for anything. I don’t have anything I’m passionate about either. So yeah, even that I feel like is ultimately a failure. 

Are you still friends with any of your exes? Do you still communicate with any of them at all? No.

What is your opinion on people that shop at Sephora for makeup as opposed to buying makeup from the drugstore? I really don’t care. 

When you enter a store like Target or Walmart where is the first section you go? Usually at Target I just love strolling around the whole store and usually start In the clothes section. As for Walmart, I tend to head for the side with the soaps, shampoos, hair stuff, makeup, etc and then work my way to the grocery section.

Are you the type of person to fight for someone or walk away? I’ve ended up ruining a lot of good things cause I fucked up and didn’t try hard enough.

Is marijuana legal for "recreational use" where you live? Also what is your opinion on the recent legalization of marijuana in certain states? Yes it is and I’m in full support of it. 

Do you live on your own or with your parents/a roommate? Do you think you'd like to live alone? I live with my parents and brother. I do not want to ever live alone.

How often would you say you use Microsoft Word? I couldn’t even tell you the last time I used that because when I was in college I was using Google Docs. 

What is the last online purchase you made? I’m blanking, but I have a few things in various carts right now I want to get.

Do you usually have bad symptoms around "that time of the month"? I don’t have a “time of the month” anymore, but yeah I had the worst pms/pmdd. It was awful.

Is there anyone you have to see on a daily/weekly basis that you really dislike? No, thankfully.

Is your hair thick or thin? Would you say it's easy to manage? It’s really thin.

Have you ever had to deal with any type of long distance relationship, whether it be a romantic relationship or a friendship? I’ve had online friendships with people from other states and countries.

Are you procrastinating doing anything right now? No.

How do you feel about being called sweetie/dear/honey/etc.? I don’t mind. I don’t like babe or baby, though. I think having unique little nicknames for each other is cuter. 

Have you ever had a thing for/relationship with a coworker? How did it end? No, I’ve never had a job, so therefore I never had coworkers. 

What type of deodorant do you use? Do you notice any difference between powders and gels? I use Secret in the powder fresh scent. I’ve never used gels, so I don’t know.

What would you say is your worst habit? Picking: nails, lips, scabs, pimple, just anything. 

Do you have a place you go to a lot that you may be considered "a regular" at? Yeah, but I’m not the one who’s actually going to get it. Like, I would be a regular at Taco Bell if I was the one went and got it cause I have it like 5 times a week. I guess I’m still a regular though since I get it... regularly? I’m a regular, they just don’t know it’s me lol.

Do you ever read the articles posted on the home page of Xanga? Has there ever been one that has really stood out to you? I don’t think I read those, but who knows the days of Xanga are a lifetime ago. 

What is the weather currently like where you live? Um, hot as hell. Literally.

Is there anyone that you text on a regular basis that you do not have saved in your phone? If so, why don't you have their number saved? No.

Do you have any plans for Mardi Gras? I don’t celebrate it.

[weabooweedwitch]

Have you considered the possibility you might have petulant-subtype BPD or covert/thin-skinned NPD? Self-loathing, needing to feel extremely desired (which you said is why you write yandere and noncon), anger issues, being sensitive to ways you might be a victim in life or got a worse deal than others, wanting to lash out at people for perceived slights, extremely fluctuating self-esteem, substance abuse, exaggerating issues, fantasizing a lot about extreme and ideal love, preoccupation with things like appearance, age and failure, perfectionism and not being able to let things go are all traits of those disorders I've noticed in you. I don't know though. I think a lot of people with MI and neurodiversity are like that at a younger age but usually they grow out of it by age 25 at the latest? Which suggests it might be a personality disorder in your case. Maybe it might be worth pursuing some type of advanced psychodynamic therapy for diagnostic clarification? Because it sounds like you've just had diagnosis after diagnosis thrown at you, and of course therapy won't do anything if you don't have the right one. Unfortunately psychiatrists are dogshit at diagnosing complex disorders in young women

Lmaoooo literally have a little voice in the back of my head right now "PETULANT subtype? Oh so I'm Medically Diagnosed As Whiny? 😤😤😤" Lll

I think that definitely sounds like a possibility though 🥺 (especially since I feel like I hate myself too much to have any form of NPD lol). As you've said, those are definitely a lot of traits I have and a lot of these traits I've had as far back as I can remember :( or, maybe it formed as a result of childhood stress and abuse or something since my mom used to say I was a much happier cheerier, more assertive child in the past

That actually reminds me of how I did in fact have like, some sort of social worker suggest I have more indepth psychological testing for a missed diagnosis and it just never really happened, like I was supposed to receive a phonecall or something eventually but, never did

Gosh I was talking to my mom just recently about seeing a psychiatrist again (the downside is i probably have to see a therapist first for a referral), more so to check for ADHD, because I've read ADHD and OCD cause certain emotional regulation issues, and when I was seeing a therapist last, she eventually brought up "hey I've noticed you kind of fly off the handle and become almost manic sometimes because you are so upset, does this happen a lot" and, she was thinking maybe it was exacerbated by my smoking habits, but, really thinking on it, I've always had these sorts of issues, especially in school. They would almost have to warn me/my mom in advance whenever there was going to be a substitute teacher because, something about a new authority figure or the change or I don't even remember, I would HATE those bitches, to the point every single time there was a sub, I was having issues and butting heads and I actually had a period of time as a child where I was, not exactly VIOLENT but I would get into physical fights and arguments with other kids.

Like literally as far back as I can remember, any sort of criticism or rejection of any kind basically creates this.... visceral reaction in me? Like it almost sends me onto fight or flight in a way, the way it can completely tank my moods, make me instantly on edge, almost feeling attacked. And obviously it's a huge problem when I'm supposed to be adulting and I'm at a job and a manager or authority figure says something that irks me and suddenly there's that voice, "ok you know what fuck you, fuck you I'm going then"

Like lmao she may know what I'm talking about but a while back I was talking to a mutual I've known for a few years and she's kind of like "hey XYZ was actually a really uncool to say" and this was a person I've known you know secondhand for YEARS and my brain, instantly instantly said "ok you know what fuck you too then" and I had to like, reign my emotions in and just say I couldn't have that conversation while I wasn't in the right mental state during that time. Like it's that strong.

My mom has always commented on me "flying off the handle" but I've seen literally so many therapists and psychiatrists at this point that like it's a LIST of people who missed me potentially have a PD, but a lot of mental health symptoms overlap and intersect with each other, so...

This is actually super super helpful and something I definitely need to look into, thank you 🥺❤️

[campbluelake]

WE’LL BE ABLE TO FLY | MM Inves Start (4/4)

Maybe this development is expected, or maybe it isn’t, given the discussion that was going on just before this. Even if you’re not surprised, to see one of your number now twice returned from the dead (or three times, given his own admission?) and a demon to boot is undoubtedly a lot to take in. Whether you liked or disliked Niko– an easy stance to hold, given his harsh personality, which perhaps now makes a bit more sense– who would have expected this from a man so weak and unassuming that he was the first killed here?

Seeming uncomfortable with giving people time to scrutinize him or voice any thoughts, Niko plows on. 

“…Surprise. If you hadn’t figured it out by now, I’m the one you’ve all been calling the Interloper. I didn’t come up with the title, for what it’s worth. I’m just a reaper, not that I assume the one who gave me that fancy name was aware of that. And I’ve been holding onto your souls. Stopping them from passing on for– well.”

He sighs, tail lashing once. 

“It looks like you assholes got into my office, so you probably know some things– without any context, I’m guessing, just my luck. I don’t know how much I can actually explain, is the thing–” A grimace crosses his face. “…I have to be careful about what I say. This is someone else’s realm, if you hadn’t guessed from the, uh… goop. The power here has my throat burning if I even try. I’d probably spontaneously combust if I went too far. But–”

After a brief grimace, apparently remembering the last time he’d tried to speak about what was going on here, Niko runs his hand through his hair and glances around the group. 

“That’s fine! You all don’t have the same limitations, and I’ve been doing what I can so you can stop this. That is, uh…”

If anything, looking at him… you might think he’s a bit embarrassed.

“…Well, since Max laid down his ultimatum, I started, uh– trying to manipulate some things in this place, just a bit, in minor ways. To get you the information you need. But, uh. It made me pretty tired to do it without being detected, and I, err. I think I tripped over something? And fell? A lot? …And then you guys thought I fucking died?!”

So it seems that the theories that the “murder” the dead had been trying to solve was nothing but a comical accident were right. Go figure. 

“I just woke up to someone fucking yelling at me…”

…A suspicious gaze is turned onto Max for a moment.

“…I’m not sure what happened with the cabins either, actually. I don’t have the power to make changes that extreme, so, uh… huh. Well, maybe there’s something for you there, too. I’ll keep an eye out in case it’s dangerous, don’t worry. And Max can watch out for you guys, too, since he doesn’t have the same kind of restrictions I do.”

He hefts the scythe he’s holding, twirling it to rest on his shoulder, and gestures his free hand towards the group. You all!

“That’s right– like I said, because of a bunch of bullshit regulations and shit on top of the fact that I don’t have much power to begin with, I can’t really do anything but be a pain in the ass– my specialty! But you all can do more. Everyone underestimates humans, y’know. There’s no regulations in place stopping you from doing shit. They’re using all their power to keep reins on me and Max, but that leaves the door open for you. They’re so focused on stopping this realm from collapsing that they can’t stop you. We’ll keep you safe until you catch them.

And after you find them, we’ll get rid of them. You’ll stop them. And then–”

His hand clenches around the handle of the scythe, and it dissolves into shadowy mist. Niko’s gaze, having ranged between bored and irritated, suddenly fills with determination. Several times he’s claimed to be annoyingly stubborn, and this shows through now. 

“Everyone is going to escape this hellhole. Living and dead. You’ll–” There’s a brief, stuttering pause. “We’ll all escape. …I can’t say more until this is over, or they might try to change things to stop me. But… we will.”

He takes a deep breath, slightly shaky, and then sweeps his hand out again at the group, living and dead. 

“You all have to do this. Aren’t you mad? Aren’t you fucking pissed about what you’ve been through here? Then put an end to it with your own hands! You have the most power here, now– more than any of our magical bullshit. Put it to good use, and take control over your fates now that you finally can.”

[vizthedatum]

Gaslighting and understanding how to heal through awareness

A great primer on gaslighting and why (as Dr. Ramani says) we urge you to listen when we say things aren't what they may seem. *they say before ensuing on a very pointed, personal rant*

My ex showed (and I imagine, still shows) a very specific and charitable face in public. They donate money, say/do the right things, give advice, are polite, etc. (please note that they tried to financially devastate me... so if I haven't unfriended you yet and you're getting money from them, then know that... that they're withholding funds from me that I am arguably beholden to AND if you must, bleed them dry. Play to their shame, they can't help it. They surf gofundmes just to feel something. I'm not joking. Fuck them.)

They could not emotionally regulate at home, so they lashed out at me in weird and escalating ways. The psychological torture was worse than the physical. I know this because I am now realizing that due to my past physical trauma and chronic conditions, I can handle the physical. The psychological affects everything though - it eats away at you, it damages your brain, it confuses you, and it also affects you physically.

It's all bad, no matter the degree.

Be aware.

It's really terrifying.

My parents were even more terrifying. As I've said before - in high school, I was extremely burnt out and operating on only a fraction of myself. Why was I sick all the time? Why did I miss more than half the school days in my senior year of high school? Why was I terrified and sad and upset and emotional and anxious? Everyone, including my school, thought I was just an ungrateful spoiled child when: NO, none of that was true. My father called the cops on me multiple times for being in pain and not being able to move. We barely had any money sometimes - and some of you will never know what that is truly like. Both my parents are dysfunctional nightmares, no matter how lovable they are. No matter how worthy they are of being loved. They took it all out on me. Do you understand? None of you saw the physical bruises, because they kept them hidden. It wasn't just "normal" non-white corporal punishment or whatever the fuck. I have listened to people growing up - this wasn't just a slap. It was all torture. None of you heard the things they would say behind closed doors. None of you even heard the contradictory "factual" statements they would say to thwart my academic success even though I was told that my academic success was everything.

The mental gymnastics I had to go through - and then go to fucking Cornell and simply survive - and then just... idk survive?! Through academia for fuck's sake? Just hoping to find meaning (and I did. I love being public health). But also, just hoping for love and support from a partner... and just being let down over and over again because my brain didn't know any better. No matter how many degrees or knowledge or beautiful, wonderful friends I had... I just could not help it. I saw love the only way I knew how, and I chose *that* love. And then, I couldn't get out... until I did.

Every single day, I think to myself, "Why did I leave Jon, the love of my life and the person I wanted to marry and did marry?! THEY WERE MY BEST FRIEND. They were supposed to have my back. Why? Why did I ruin my life?"

And then every day I have to remind myself, "Because you're actually happier now. This is what happy is. THIS IS WHAT HAPPY IS. You are healthier. You are physically and mentally stronger. You are able to access your memories. You can trust yourself again. You can see things for what they are. You can appreciate nature like no other time before. You are healing your mind, body, soul, spirit, and everyone around you. It is hard but you know that it is worth it. You are healing the future - stopping the trauma that affects us down to the building blocks of the smallest molecules that reside in you which propagate throughout humanity for generations to come."

[ghstdoll]

flirting isn't new to salem, often times flirting is how she got the things she wanted just by flashing a charming smile and batting her eye lashes, even despite the fact she had never been truly interested in those she caught in her web. this was different and almost unexplainable because the tension in the air between them made it harder to breathe, her chest pounding in place of where her alleged heart was. often salem treated flirting like a game but with leo it all felt so serious and intense, she saw heaven in his eyes and it was a place she wanted to go and for once feel a way shes never felt before. she can tell his eyes are on her too, looking at her cleavage as if he had the right to do so. salem was never an insecure person when it came to the way she looked, some might say she was even a little cocky which to some people is a bit of a turn off but why deny what she is just to make others more comfortable with their lack of self worth? she liked the way she looked and even more so she liked the way leo was looking at her, sure it was his job to flirt but it wasn't his job to stare at her with such a look in his eyes that told her she could make him hers.

there's a soft chuckle leaving her at his teasing, right brow arching at his confidence as arms fold over her chest for a moment. "and what is your place exactly?" she teases back, curious to know what he might say but before that she giggles again but this time has to capture it by biting down on her lower lip and looking up at him for a moment. it's wrong really, she's here to celebrate the coming of marriage or whatever the fuck was the point of these parties which seemed a little ridiculous now that she thinks about it, it always seemed like an excuse to put your relationship to the test this way and honestly salem really had no interest in staying loyal to her precious fiancé, in fact she'd much rather see theo dead on the ground and as for the red haired beauty in front of her....she wouldn't mind seeing what was under that piece of fabric, having him spread out on her kuromi bedset and seeing what kind of faces he makes when she goes down on him. "are you trying to make me feel special pretty boy?" she purrs, hand coming up to trace her finger against his chest, he did say she could touch him after all...as eyes flicker down to the bulge in his pants for a moment. "careful leo, your not-so little girlfriend might get jealous of me playing with you." referring to crepy tammy she chuckles a little, stepping back so she can make eye contact with him again.

"you really shouldn't say stuff like that...how do I know you'd be able to handle 'anything I'd like?' hmm? when I get what I want I tend to be a little bit persistent to put it nicely. " truth be told she can already feel the obsession coming on, it's kind of disorienting, like taking a drug...he was dangerous which made her dangerous because she didn't like to share and she also didn't like the idea of this only being a one time thing. she's a bit scared of herself knowing if she gives into her urges she might not be able to let them go as easily, the desire to kill a woman he didn't even want was bad enough but what would she do with the rest of the people here who might look at him and decide they wanted him too? "who said I wanted you only one time? like I said you're too pretty not to be worshiped."

she smiles however when he confirms she's the only one he's ever been this attracted to, bluntly telling her that he's even hard inside his thongs just by looking at her. "so what you're saying is you're all mine?" she says teasingly. "because you just might be the most special boy I've ever laid eyes on."

no one has ever had this kind of effect on her, she's never been shy before or blushed at something someone said, the feeling is so strange on her cheeks because of how excited she was just from the thought of being alone with him. it's worse then he's whispering in her ear. "that's a shame, I think we could make really pretty videos together..." she teases back, humming softly with a smile. "and are you going to give me everything I want?" was this club flirting or was he serious? for a second she's actually not sure because what if she told him she wanted him? what would he do?

it's for that moment that she even forgets why she's here and that theo even exists until leo speaks up again, taking her hand which fits perfectly in hers as her fingers interlock with his and guiding her away from the rest of her party. she only glances back for a moment to check on her friends, making eye contact with pansy who is already looking back at her with a smirk as if she's very much aware of what's about to happen, silently cheering salem on. they walk through the crowd, lights almost blinding as shadows of bodies move and loud music makes it hard to hear the chatter, all to cover up what a shit hole the place probably really was. he takes her to one of the private rooms and closes the door behind them, it's a little quieter in here and she finally has him away from the rest of the world, just the way things should be because she hates sharing.

she sets her bag on the table before following to where he gestures her and she takes a seat on the big sofa before the taller figure is straddling over her. there's a moment she loses herself, every thought in her mind disappears as the smell of his cologne fills her space making her shiver a bit, his body is perfect, skin pale and not a flaw on it just a few pretty tattoos, he cages her in with his arms and starts to mvoe his body in a manner one could only begin to describe as pure art, making that heat between her legs feel all the more hot. it's certainly no wonder tammy wanted him so badly, which for a moment makes salem think about driving a knife through her skull but it's hard to focus on that for long because she can't pull her eyes away from the male in front of her, fingers brushing up against his chest exploring his beautiful body silently as if to drink it all in as his already hard cock brushes up against her bare stomach, it's just for a moment before he's telling her she can touch it and salem only smirks in response, lifting her face up and tilting her head back just enough that her face is just inches away from his. "darling, I don't give a shit about my fiancé...the only thing I deserve is figuring out how to make you mine." fingers glide down his skin until it's over the fabric of his tongue, coming down to brush against his tight bulge. "nobody else deserves this."

He likes listening to her talk and seeing the smile on her pretty lips, quickly realizing he wants more. She has a nice voice and she’s smart in a way he appreciates, already fun to talk to, unlike most of his clients. She’s fun to look at too, his gaze moving across her body again, staring at her cleavage and then her smooth stomach, all the way down to her curving hips. She’s a work of art; the most beautiful figure he’s ever seen, making him almost nervous. Most of his patrons weren’t hot, just older or unable to get dates. On the rare occasion he would get bachelorette parties, and sometimes those girls were a step up from what he was used to, but none of them looked as sexy as Salem did. “If it makes you feel better, I won’t forget my place,” he teases softly. “I’m here to be your whore– I’ll do anything you want. Normally my rules are my clients can touch anywhere but my cock, but for you… You can touch anywhere, or take my clothes off.” He says it in a purr, his gaze still heavy on her, especially when he notices her looking at his cock, which is becoming erect against the thin fabric. He likes that she’s staring at it and enjoying what she sees, getting satisfaction out of knowing it must turn her on. She doesn’t bother to look away, which only makes him harder, especially as she steps into his space.

It’s flattering, how she says he should be worshipped and she doesn’t think of him as her cheap whore even if he would be happy to be just that. He’s sure he would never see a woman as beautiful as she is ever again, and he could dream of more, but he knows she’s engaged. Still, maybe he’ll get lucky and she’ll fuck him him during their session. It’s not something he does for clients, but for her, he would. “Anything you’d like, pretty girl,” he agrees softly, glancing down at her. “I could worship you, or we could worship each other… I’m sure I could make you feel good one last time, before your big day.” He’s satisfied with himself that she thinks he’s pretty too and it’s not a one-sided crush.

She seems concerned that he sees other girls this beautiful, so he quickly assures her otherwise. “No… I’ve never gotten hard before on the job, and it’s just from looking at you.” He shrugs, because maybe it’s forward, but it’s not like he can hide it since the scrap of fabric covering him is stretching to show it now. “So you’re the most special girl to walk through these doors.” It makes him blush a little, that she’s already possessive of him, as if she doesn’t want any of her friends to have him. 

It’s cute how she quickly agrees to his offer, then stopping herself as if realizing as much. It makes him smirk a little, trying to read her expression. “I think we could have a lot of fun, for your big night… Our private rooms don’t have cameras,” he leans in, murmuring it against her ear before pulling back to look at her again. “And you deserve to be spoiled… Get everything you’ve ever wanted.” For some reason it seems like he means that on a deeper level, and maybe he does. He already really likes her, which only makes it sting that she’s getting married. He tries not to think about it, pushing it down to be professional.

She doesn’t seem to like the mention of her fiance, frowning as she takes a sip of her drink. She admits he doesn’t deserve her, which makes Regulus frown too. “Well, let me show you what you do deserve,” he says gently, reaching down to take her hand after she places her glass down. Who knows what that loser does to be undeserving of her and part of him doesn’t want to know, because it might make him angry when he’s trying to show her a good time. Why would anyone have her and not cherish her? 

Tugging her gently, he leads her through the crowd, the strobe lights flashing and making it difficult to see for anyone who hasn’t worked here long enough to know their way around. He leads her to his own private room without difficulty, closing the door behind them. There’s a soft red couch that’s big enough to double as a bed, and a table for any client’s belongings. He nods to the furniture, letting go of her hand. When she goes to sit down, he straddles her legs, sitting up so he’s towering above her. He moves his hips, gyrating them a little as his hands come to rest on each side of her head on the back of the couch. His erection brushes her stomach through the fabric but he keeps moving, looking down at her with heavy green eyes. “You can touch my cock, if you want… since you’re my special girl tonight. He doesn't deserve your loyalty, anyway."

[measlyfurball13]

Speaking of “I love cutesy fun things but please allow these characters to have depth” how about Ghost being more than just Baby? Don’t get me wrong I love them being loved on by their sibs, being a dork, and taking a break, but the uwuification of them and Hollow really aren’t fitting nor do their stories justice.

Just like Hollow they are 1) an adult with a full range of personality and emotions and 2) traumatized. We don’t know what they went through in the Wastes but at the very least they’ve dealt with the trauma of amnesia. The trauma of being attacked with intent to kill/killed multiple times. Faced an angry sun god and won because of their stubbornness and spite.

They literally went and found a kingdom of undead zombies and went “anyone gonna kill and loot these bodies?” And didn’t wait for an answer. Yes they are sweet and noble, delivering flowers and helping people. But they are also ruthless and without mercy when they want to be.

Honestly, compared to some other fandoms, the uwuification of both their characters isn't too bad. At the very least, posts in this fandom are very well sorted into "clearly joking" fanon and "clearly serious" fanon, which I appreciate.

But you're right- I've never understood people who see Ghost as a toddler. Nonverbal? Yep. A Genuine Bastard On Purpose Sometimes? Oh absolutely. I always imagine Ghost dealing with their trauma by being purposely spiteful and lashing out, which is a foil for how Hollow handles it, which is by internalizing it.

Actually, most of my takes for Ghost are surrounding them being a character foil for Hollow. Here goes:

I actually think that babying Ghost would be the quickest way to get on their bad side.

Unfortunately, they often misconstrue people's attempts to care for them as "babying" due to their fiercely independent nature.

(All three of the siblings have this to some degree- Hornet is also picky about being cooed over for much the same reason, contrasted with Hollow, who simply doesn't think they're worth the effort.)

Ghost is self-sabotaging in the sense that if someone doesn't allow them to do something, even and especially if it's "for their own safety", it makes them only more determined to do the thing.

Ghost is Not Nice. They are kind, sure, but They are Not Nice. There's a very big difference there, mostly informed by the fact that Ghost's first instinct upon meeting someone new is to swing their nail in that direction and see how the other person reacts.

Hollow trusts too easily. Ghost doesn't trust at all. The most reliable person in their goddamn life is Cornifer, for christ's sake. Everyone else attacks them, betrays them, or dies.

Did anyone say "klepto"? I'm gonna say "klepto".

All three siblings are particularly clingy with their weapons, but Ghost is the only one who'll see murder as an appropriate retaliation to someone touching their nail.

They never inform others as to what they're doing, either through actual communication or any sort of body language. They don't feel the need to justify themselves to anyone, so why bother? They'll do whatever it is they feel like doing and everyone else will just have to figure it out, in their eyes.

(This bothers the HELL out of Hollow, who's whole schtick is being practiced, precise, and reliant on predictable social rituals and people saying what they mean. Fundamental autistic-to-autistic miscommunication.)

Ghost is fundamentally a super empathetic person (evident in the good ending, where you spend the bulk of your time putting the memories of people to rest,) but the one thing they'll never be able to reconcile is Hollow's love for the Pale King.

Scathing hot take that's probably obvious this far down, but I really do think that Hollow and Ghost wouldn't get along as well as is often assumed in fanon. They love each other very much, but there's also a lot of mutual guilt and other baggage between them that I'd love to see explored more.

[luimagines]

Could I pwetty pweashe have a scenario for each of the boys where reader is loopy with fever or from poison and the whole time they are just laying the compliments on real thick and going on and on abt how much they love their boys 🙏🙏🙏

Masterlist

Yeeesssss!!! Will do!

Here we go. Boys under the cut! Immediate Reader!

***

You were trying to go and find some food for dinner at Wild's request and found some interesting looking berries. They looked like blueberries from your world but there was purple thorns on the bush instead, with yellow trimmed leaves.

You grabbed a few and retraced and marked your steps to find your way back to the bushes. You thought that maybe one of the boys would be able to identify the berries and know if they were actually edible or not.

You stashed them away and grinned to yourself. It was a possibility that they were good but if they weren't- there was other ways to use the berries.

You still needed to find food that your group actually is able to eat if the berries aren't worth anything.

You hear your name being called and it startles you enough to take a step back and look behind you.

You trip on a root and crash against the forest floor- falling onto a separate patch of the same berries. Pollen and dew shoot up from the impact and you're forced to inhale it all in.

There's instant discomfort in your lungs and in your head, and you can already feel the multiple places where the thorns have pierced your skin and ripped your clothes.

You take a while to pry yourself out of the bushes, pain littered in all places you didn't even know you could hurt.

You cough and inhale more of the pollen that hasn't settled yet.

A massive headache begins pounding against your temples and back of your head.

You hear your name being called once more but this time in concern and blink away what you can. You groan and try your best to stand, falling to one knee in a coughing fit with pain and discomfort all throughout your joints and muscles.

You look up and smile despite it, a slight giggle of hysteria on your lips. "Hi Link! Guess what I found!"

Warrior "Oh sweet name of the three, what happened to you?" You see Warrior walk up to you and reach out his hand.

You giggle again and reach out to him. He grabs you and tries to lift you back onto your feet but your legs gives out from beneath you and you fall again.

"Hello~!" You lift out your hand and show him the berries. "You know if theses are good or not?"

"Nope." Warrior smacks them out of your hand with a backhanded swing. "Those are known for being highly toxic in.... depressant... components... Don't tell me you ate them?"

You grin and shake your head. "Nope! I didn't know if they were good or not...but I fell~!"

Warrior's face does that thing where he looks concerned but is only marginally capable of hiding it. "On the plant?"

"Link, you're so smart!" You get to your feet and fall nearly on top of him. Warrior is quick to catch you and hold you with his hands on your waist and you grin up at him, adoration pooled in your eyes. "That's what I did~! Man, you're so strong. You're stronger than I thought you were. Your arms are so toned too. I didn't think you had this much muscle."

"Ok. Let's get you to Sky." Warrior rolls his eyes and begins to more or less drag you away from the plants and back to where you think the group is. "Or maybe Four, this is his Hyrule anyway. Maybe he'll know how to get you fixed up."

"See, this is why I like you so much. You're always so fast to come up with a plan and you're so caring. You're so smart. You're so great." You giggle and try to follow his footsteps but find it really hard to put one foot in front of the other.

After what felt like a few seconds, (but was really ten minutes of Warrior fighting you and gravity (not successfully) to keep you upright), Warrior gives up on your non cooperative limbs and picks you up bridal style and begins to carry you away from the infested area.

"Link, I love you."

"I love you too." Warrior waves you off with a playful roll of his eyes.

"No.. but I really love you!" You insist, getting loud for no reason and place your hands on his face. You give him a squish and lean into his space. "You have to understand this. I would do anything to you."

"I know you would." He laughs. "I'd do anything for you too."

He shakes his head out of your hands and grins at you. "I think you're a little drunk from the plants toxins."

"Nuh-uh." You pout. "I'm too strong for that. I'm completely........ ok."

"I believe you." Warrior bites his lip trying to keep his cool before he absolutely looses it. He's both touched by your words and concerned for your well being. He supposes you're more or less drunk and loopey. It's not the most desirable circumstance but he's sure that those cuts on your skin and tears on your clothes can be handled more easily than the up coming hangover.

You fall silent after a second and look up at him. You poke his cheek and his nose and grin, hugging him close and snuggling into his chest and neck. "Has anyone ever told you that you're very handsome?"

"I think that's the more common compliment." He admits.

"And your eyes are very pretty and very blue and you have very long eye lashes and it's all very pretty. And you have a strong jaw."

"Do I?"

"So strong and sharp- it could cut glass." You say seriously. "And your hair always looks very soft and shiny and silky and I want to play with it but I don't want to make things weird. And you're so cool! You're so smart. You're so nice. And you're great with kids and people and everyone likes you so much, so quickly and it's so cool to watch you work and fight and-"

"You're going to keep going forever unless I stop you, aren't you?" Warrior swallows and tries to fight his upcoming blush. He had thought that you were joking for a moment but the more you talk the more it hits that you're being genuine.

You furrow your brows and hit him with the most innocent doe eyes you don't know that you have. "Do you want me to stop?"

Warrior almost trips at that way his heart skips a beat and he chuckles awkwardly. "Actually... No. It's ok. I don't mind."

"You deserve the world, Link." You say finally and go back to resting with your head in the crook of his neck. "I just wish that you could see that, you stubborn man."

"I'll... try my best."

"Good."

Time "Oh no." Time sighs and makes his way over to you. "What happened? Are you hurt?"

"My head hurts." You admit and drop the berries from your palm to cradle your temple. "I was trying to look for food... I think I found it but I also... don't."

Time kneels in front of you and places the back of his hand on your forehead. He hisses at the temperature and places his hand under your chin. "Why do you keep finding yourself in situations like this?"

"You boys keeping putting me situations like this." You mutter and try to stand. Your legs fail you and Time lurches in front of you in order to catch you.

"Do you see me as a boy?" Time raises an eyebrow.

"NOT that I'm complaining." You ignore his question and pat his face. "I love you guys, so much but like...This is what happens when I care about people. I end up in stupid situations."

"Maybe Four will have somethin to help out this." Time admits and picks you up without any further thought. "Let get you some help."

"Link, you're so great." You sigh and press your forehead against the crook of his head. His heartbeat is strong and he's cooler than you thought so you sigh in contentment.

"You're so calm and I always feel safe around you and you give the best hugs." You grin against his ear and Time has to stifle the upcoming chuckles from his chest.

"Do I?"

"The best hugs." You reiterate and snuggle closer. "You can ask Wind, he'll agree."

"I'm sure he will." Time let's a snort pass and he nods to Four as he passes. "They fell in a berry bush."

"Blue berries! With pretty leaves and thorns!" You cry out with an arm outstretched to the sky. "Not good for food, no no no, but good."

"Well... I'll start the antidote." Four sighs and walks away to his pack, immediately digging through it for the ingredients that will help you out.

"Four!" You sing and turn your head back into Time's neck. "Isn't Time the best? He's so strong and gentle and nice and he's so great."

Time lets more laughter fall from his lips as he places you on the ground next to his supplies. He says your name with a slight whine and begins to beg. "Please."

"Beeeeeesst hugs." You ignore him.

Four snickers from the other side of the camp and pulls out a bottle.

"I adore you Old Man. I don't think you get told that enough." You continue. "Like, you always try so hard to be a good person. You've gone through so much and you had no reason to start your adventure or to keep helping people and doing stuff but you care so much so you're here still and I think-"

Oh no, Time thinks, you're crying.

"Ok, ok, it's ok." time kneels next to you and puts your hair behind your ear. "No need to be upset. I'm here and everything's ok."

"But you've been hurt so much!" You pout, tears pooling in your eyes. "And yet you're still here and no one thanks you and you try so hard to watch over all of us and even then-"

"That's enough." Time frowns slightly and shakes his head. "I'm just doing what I'm supposed to."

"No one is making you." You pout and lay down on the ground. "You're not listening to me."

"Believe me, I am."

"Here." Four comes up to you and hands you a little bottle filled with viscous green liquid. "Drink this."

"I don't wanna." You pout. "I don't feel good."

"It'll make you feel better." Four tries again, before Time takes the bottle from his hands and uncorks it.

"Drink it." He says, in a tone which means there no room for argument.

"You're such a dad." You complain and grab it from his hand, placing it to your lips and begin sipping it slowly.

Time shakes his head and runs a hand through his hair. "What are we going to do with you?

Wild "Oh boy, I don't think these are good for eating." He says with a slight grimace. "We should probably not get near these. Let's go clean you up, yeah?"

"WIILLDD!!" You grin and reach your grabby hands in his direction. "Beautiful boy, how are you today~?"

Wild coughs a little and tries to hide his discomfort by avoiding eye contact. "I'm... fine... How are you?"

"Everything hurts~" You admit and look up at him with pleading eyes. "Carry me?"

"Oh boy, sure, why not?" He sighs and wraps around your shoulders and hooks the other under your knees, carrying you effortlessly through the thicket.

"How did this even happen?" He asks out of curiosity.

"I heard you call my name and fell."

"Fell where?"

"In the bush." You mumble with a pout and cross your arms. "It's all pokey and my clothes are ripped and I think I'm bleeding."

Wild bite his lip and hisses. "Sorry."

" 's not you're fault." You look up at him and pat his face. "You're too nice. I just wanted to help and got hurt like stupid me tends to do."

"You're not stupid." Wild scolds you gently. "You are incredibly smart."

"You're the smart one."

"Think so? I think some of the other will disagree."

"Well they can eat my shoes."

Wild coughs out a laugh again in a vain attempt to hide how uncharacteristically serious that was for you and how the unexpectedness of it made him lose it on the inside. "I don't think those would taste good."

"No.... But I need them so maybe they eat my hat instead." You nod to yourself in full serious before gasping slightly. "They should eat Legend's hat instead, then they'll really be sorry."

"Oh my god." Wild snorts and goes to cover his face before remembering that he's holding you.

He jostles' you in the process and the movement cause your headache to flare up. You whine and put a hand to your temple. "It hurts."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

Wild frowns and puts the information away for later. "We'll get you back to camp and figure something out ok, maybe you should take it easy for a little bit."

"Link, you're so good to me. I don't deserve it."

"I think you do- I say you do and I'm going to tell Time to keep you down until you feel better."

"Noooo."

"Yeeesss."

"But you're always doing something for someone else, who's going to help you with dinner?" You complain and flop your arms around- regrettably because your head ache flares up once more. "Oh, ouch, ouchies..."

"I think I'll be fine." Wild rolls his eyes. "I've done it before I can do it again."

You hum sadly and shimmy your way into his arm to get more comfortable. "You're a good person. You're so smart. I love hanging out with you. You know that? You're so fun to be around and talk to and you're always so.... good."

Wild looks down on you momentarily before returning to the the forest ahead of him. "Thank you."

"I wish..." You start and cut yourself off. "I wish there was more I could do help you. You help so many people- I think there's someone in every stable in your Hyrule that you've helped... not to mention all of Hateno Village and like- you built Terry Town... It's so good-you're good. I wish more people were good."

"Are people not good?" Wild asks you as he walks through the green.

"I like to think that some are. I don't get to meet a lot of them." You admit and settle your head against his shoulder. "My home's not as nice as here."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"I'm going to miss you guys."

"We're going to miss you too." Wild replies automatically.

"I think I'll miss you most." You hum and close your eyes. "Good people should get good things and you didn't get a lot of good things... Someone should fix that. I want to fix that."

Wild doesn't respond.

Twilight

“Oh!” Twilight winces. “I should have warned you about those. Four told me they’d be in the area and that we’d have to avoid them. You ok?”

“I fell... in the bush.” You pout and begin to sag your shoulders. Guess they weren’t edible after all.

Seems like they’re quite bad actually.

“I’m sorry.” You sniffle and try ignore the tears beginning to pool in your eyes. “I didn’t mean too. I’m in trouble, aren’t I?”

“Well no, not exactly.” Twilight rushes to your side at the side and brushes off whatever leaves and twigs he can see from your clothes. “Does anything hurt?”

“A lot of things hurt Twi.” 

“Can you be a little more specific?” He tries, with a small tilt to his head.

“My head... and I think there’s a lot of tiny cuts on my arms and back.” You try to stand again and Twilight is quick to help you with a stabilizing hand on the small of your back. “There’s more thorns in the bushes than I thought there’d be.”

“Ok, we’ll get those looked at ok. Four should have something to help you in the mean time.” Twilight takes a few steps with you, wrapping an arm over your shoulder when he realizes you’re more intoxicated than he thought.

You put your full weight against him without realizing it and place your head on his shoulder. “Twilight?”

“Yes?”

“I appreciate you so much.” You take a breath and sigh. “You’ve been the first person there to help me out with whatever this adventure seem to throw at me. You’re always taking care of others... like Wild and Wind and Legend and I know you look up to Time but so many of us are looking up to you too and I guess I want to say thank you. There’s a lot of good in your heart and I’m glad I get to see it.”

“I appreciate you too.” He says in reply.

“But I don’t do anything.”

“I’d beg to differ.”

“You’re too dignified to beg. I don’t think you’d ever have it in you.” You grin. “I admire the way you hold yourself and don’t let anyone talk down to you- like that guy in that old Castle Town- or where ever we were. And like, you can throw a good punch too. I thought you broke that guys jaw!”

“Admittedly... Not one of my greater moments.” Twilight hisses at the memory. Time gave him a nasty look for that one and he’s still working off the penalty for it.

“It was super cool though.” You cock your head to the side, looking at his profile as you stumble through the forest growth. “He totally deserved it, don’t let Time let you think otherwise. I was tempted to punch him too or get get Wild and let him go crazy against the guy.”

“Wild probably would have set him on fire.”

“It would have been funny.”

“No it wouldn’t have.”

“Not to the guy, maybe.” You giggle. “But see, you’re always thinking about others and how’d they react and how to go about things that makes you so smart and you’re so cool.”

“Thank you.” Twilight stops the two of you for a moment and readjusts his grip on you. “Are you feeling any better?”

“No. My head hurts.”

“Well, we’re almost there and then we can get started on fixing this ok?” 

“Ok.” You mumble and go back to mostly resting against the country boy. 

“You’re really great with animals too.” You say randomly. “I’ve never a horse that close with its rider or how all the cats just gravitate towards you.”

“The cat thing I’ll admit is special to me, but are you trying to tell me that the horses of your world aren’t treated right? Because they bond really well with humans and dogs alike.”

“Why dogs?”

“Uh-”

“Well everybody likes dogs, I guess that’s a given. It's not even a question really. I don't know why I asked.” You shrug.

“Yup. That’s what I meant.”

“And no, well I don’t know... I don’t see a lot of horses in my home world so maybe you’re right and I just have bad examples.”

“Of course I’m right.” Twilight says with a grin. “Horses are great!”

“You’re great Link.” You try to hide your laughter at how genuine and boyish he sounded. “I’d take you over a horse any day.”

“Well I’d hope so.”

Wind

"What is it?" Wind tilts his head and steps into your direction, trying to piece together what happened to you with what little information he has. "You look like you got in a fight... and lost."

"I fell the bush of these berries! Look!" You grin beyond the pain in your head and hold your hand out.

Wind walks up to you and picks one up between his fingers, twisting it around before looking back at you. "Are these safe to eat?"

"I have no idea." You answer honestly. "I was going to as Wild if he knew but then I fell in this bush and got hurt so I gotta go get myself checked out."

"Well that explains why your clothes are torn." Wind snorts a little and holds his hand out. "Do you need help?"

You hum and try to examine yourself from the inside. Your head is killing you but you feel loopey and uncentered.

Maybe some help would be nice.

"Yes, please." You take his hand and let him pull you up. "Thank you Link."

"No problem." He grins. "Can you get back to the camp on your own?"

You hum again and try to take a step forward. But your knee buckles from beneath you and you fall the ground again. "Ow."

"Ok, guess not." Wind is by your side within seconds and helps you back to your feet. "That's ok! I'll just help you get to the others and maybe someone will know how to fix you."

"Yay." You giggle and lean on the boy. "Have I ever told you how great you are?"

"No." Wind grins and starts to lead the way. "I don't think you have."

"That's a shame. Shame on me. Because you are one of the best kids I think I've ever met. Don't let anyone change you, ok? You are.... so fun to be around and I'm so glad I met you and I'm going to miss you when this is all over and I think I'm going to try-"

"You think you're going to cry?" Wind looks up at you.

"No no... maybe." You tilts your head and close your eyes, putting your full trust and weight on Wind's shoulders. "I just... you're so good. And you're so happy and excited to see all these new things and I wish I was like that when I was your age, you know?"

"Uh-"

"And I hope that you get to do and see so many amazing things, Link. You're going to change your world, I know it and I'm sad that I won't get to see it."

"Hey-"

"You can't let anyone bully you, ok? There's a lot of people that would want to break your spirit and your joy and there's a lot of things that we want to do to keep you the way you are but there's only so much we can shield you from. I know you don't like it. I know you think you can't take it. But you shouldn't have to. You should have never had to. You should have had a chance like all the other boys and girls to be young and have a childhood and just be a kid but I'm so proud of you." You say and stop the two of you for a moment, pulling Wind in what you try to be a crushing hug.

"You're incredible, you know that?" You lean back and put your hands on his shoulders. "Link, listen, no matter what any else will ever tell you, we adore you. I think you're everyone's favorite, ok? There's so many things I want to show you myself if the Captain would let me.... I doubt he will because there not exactly things kids your age should know. Like throwing knives and hand to hand combat... But I think we both agree that it's all waaaay past that point. So anything goes!"

"Will you really teach me?" Wind lights up at the thought and be jumps a little on his toes in excitement.

"If you're up for it.. I'm sure that others will try to fight me though."

"I'll fight them."

"I don't doubt that pirate."

"What are you two talking about?" Warrior steps up and places his hands on his hips. "We heard you talking but missed it. What is.... what happened to you?"

"I'm just telling Wind how amazing he is and how much I love him and adore him and how cool he is for a thirteen year old and how I couldn't even come close to that when I was his age so I'm a bit jealous-"

"They fell in some freaky looking berry bush and I think they're poisoned." Wind explains over you. "They're acting a little loopey."

"I am. ONE HUNDRED PERCENT OK." You shout and push yourself away from Wind, staggering on your feet and eventually falling on your butt onto the forest floor.

The sudden movement flares up your headache and your neck muscles stiffen around your shoulders, making it hard to move your head. "Oh, ow.... My head... That was a mistake. Mistakes were made."

Warrior hisses and sigh after watching you suffer for a hot second. "Alright, I'll go wrangle up some supplies. Can you take them back to camp on your own, Sailor?"

"I was already doing that." Wind raises an eyebrow.

"Alright then, then go back to doing that." Warrior smirks a little. "I'll be back."

He then nods a bit and walks away from your duo as Wind makes his way over to where you fell, pulling you back to your feet and wrapping your arm over his shoulders. "Did you mean what you said?"

"What did I say?" You try to twist your head around to loosen up your muscle and it only slightly works.

"Well... everything you said about me. Did you mean it?"

"I don't remember." You frown and furrow your eyebrows. "Probably... If it's all good things, then yes. Because you are good. And you deserve good things. And you might be the little brother I never had... but I wish you were my brother. You're cool. You're great. I love hanging out with you man."

Wind smiles softly and sits you down on a free spot once you reach camp again. "I can be your brother, it's ok."

"Awesome!"

Sky

"And what exactly did you find?" Sky raises an eyebrow when he sees you. He recognizes the plant but can't remember what it does or why he's seen it before.

"Hm... I don't think that's good." He sighs and walks over to you, picking you up with a sturdy hands on your elbows. "Are you ok?"

"A lot of things hurt right now." You admit. "Are the berries not good?"

"Let's assume they aren't." Sky smiles a bit and wraps arm around your waist to keep you from falling. "I think you should get someone to look at you."

"You have really long eye lashes." You blurt out and gently bring your hand to cup his face. "And I've never noticed how blue your eyes are."

"Ok, those berries defiantly aren't good." Sky snorts and picks your hand off of his face. "Let's get you back to camp, ok?"

"You're like... one of the nicest people here, you know that?"

"Well I certainly try to be."

"And you're always thinking of others and you're so good." You lean against him, putting your full weight onto his side. "I'm so sorry that you have to be here instead of your home. You're so important to so many people Link."

"You think so?"

"I know so." You pat his head with what little arm you reach. "You're at the start of this whole thing... You are... the whole reason Hyrule, as everyone knows it, exists to begin with. It all starts with you. Not everyone has that kind of legacy you know."

"Is that really my legacy?" Sky looks over to you and you grin brightly in his direction.

"Well aside from the stories of the hero I've always heard so much about growing up there's also like the hero lineage as well. Not to mention you also father... the whole Hyrule Royal Family Line. So I'd say you're pretty important. and your legacy is pretty big."

Sky stops abruptly and the suddenness of it sends you right onto the ground. "I'm the start of the line?"

"OOOWWW!!! SKY!" You whine and cradle your head with both of your hands. "That hurt! Why did you do that?"

"Sorry sorry sorry." Sky bends down and helps you back up, readjusting his grip on you a few times to make sure that even if he loses his grip again, he won't be sent careening onto the floor. "That was an accident. I did not mean to do that."

"That was mean."

"It wasn't on purpose I swear."

"Promise?" You rolled your head over and rest it on his shoulder.

"Promise." Sky bite his lip to hold in his laughter. "I'd never do that to you on purpose, not like this."

"Ok. I believe you." You nod. "I think if you really wanted to hurt me, you would have sent your army of birds against me or something."

"I do not have an army of birds."

"But you're building one."

"No, I'm not."

"You are though. Maybe not on purpose... Maybe you don't realize it. You do know that birds flock to you right?" You blinks your eyes up at him. "It's a crazy thing to witness. I think you could easily rule to world with nothing but cuccos by your side."

"What is it with you guys and the cuccos? What did they ever do to you?"

"I can't speak for the others but I say with full certainty that my Zelda has a wicked streak sometime and she was mercilessly attacked by them one day."

"Oh my goodness"

"I told her to leave them alone but noooo, she had to keep hittin' the poor thing and look where it got her. Those little things are ruthless and should be feared. She won't touch them with a ten foot pole now." You nod your head to your story as if you were telling Sky some age old wisdom.

"Does that mean the others-?"

"Most likely." You snort. "Serves them right."

"That would explain that."

"Sky, I'm really glad I know you... as a person and as a friend. I think you're really talented and great and good and I'm so happy you're here."

"I'm glad I met you too." Sky grins and waves over someone from the camp to come help him.

"You're my favorite ok, don't tell the others." You wink in his direction and let yourself be taken away from his side.

"Oh jeeze, thanks." Twilight snorts and picks you up bridal style, taking you further into the camp and laying you down by the small fire they've started.

"I'll take that secret to my grave." Sky smirks.

Twilight huffs a little and stands to leave. "You can take care of them then."

"That was the plan."

"Sky is a brave boy." You mumble from where you've been placed and reach out to him. "He deserves better than watching over a sick sack of potatoes. He's good at helping people. Someone has to make sure that he doesn't push himself too hard. He'll over work himself and then there would no more Sky and the world will be to dark to recover. There's no way we can lose Sky. He's too good."

"Have they been like the whole time?"

"Pretty much." Sky shrugs.

"I think I'm going to throw up." You mumble and try to push yourself upright.

The boys then scramble to try and manage the approaching problem.

It's going to be a long night.

Legend

"Oh for the love of- you look like you took a swim through the underbrush. What did you do?" Legend groans and comes to stand in front of you.

"I went for a swim?" You blink up at him, confused and a little disoriented still. "Is that what happened? I'm not wet... Am I?"

"You're joking." Legend raises an eyebrow and and places the back of his hand against your forehead. "Ok, maybe not."

"I can not believe the legend himself has graced me with his presence." You giggle and try to stand- not very successfully. "What a joyous day indeed."

"What on earth are you talking about?" Legend kneels next to you and takes one of your arms, lifting it up and wrapping it around his shoulders. "You're acting weird... weirder than usual anyway."

"But I love you Legend!" You cry and wrap your other arm around him. It's a clumsy hug and Legend almost throws you off. But considering you can barely stand on your own feet with his support, he supposes some more wouldn't hurt.

If he likes it then he doesn't say anything.

"I think you love the idea of me." He grumbles. "I'm not that great."

"See, you say that but it's not true!" You grin and nuzzle your head against his. "You put on this big tough attitude and your defensive but you love us and we love you and I know you sometimes slip more food onto Wind's pate when he's still hungry but he won't go for seconds. Or how you sneak potions and healing items into our bags when we're not looking and I know you gave Hyrule some of those magic rings of yours to protect him. Or how you banter with Warrior because you try to keep his stress levels low because he gets flashback of the war and we all know he feels responsible for us even if he has no reason to be. You're quick to point out any puzzles that Four misses... magic eyes and all that."

"Have you been watching me?" He snaps and tries to make his embarrassment with anger.

"Yes, because I find you interesting and I've been wanting to get to know you better but you're one prickly pear." You poke his nose and try to keep walking. "You don't let me."

It's difficult.

"I know you've been watching what weapons Wild goes through and keep track of what he's been using the most, what he's most comfortable with... I think you want to get him something..."

"I'm an apprentice blacksmith... I want to see if there's something that will survive that wild rat." He grumbles.

"Ooohh!! Even better! you want to make him something!"

"I hope your fever erases this from your memory... Make it into one big fever dream."

You laugh and try to hide the grimace from your pounding head. "I know you've helped Twilight with something- he seems a little lighter but I don't know what. And I know you've been watching how much sleep the Old Man gets and I know you've been helping him with it. I know you're watching how much Sky has been fighting and how much he travels and you're quick watch his health and his breathing problems."

"Should I be concerned that you've been watching me this much? Because if it were any other person I'd be fighting you and getting a restraining order. It's weird." Legend huffs and hoists you up a little more, trying to keep you from falling.

"You help so many people." You hiccup and groan, the pain in your head becoming a little more than you can hide. "You're always watching everybody else's back. You don't watch your own."

"Who says that?"

"You take care of everyone else but yourself." You whine and hide your face against his shoulder. "But I've been watching your back. It's ok. I know you wouldn't like it but I care about you too much to let you hurt yourself. Someone has to take care of you if you won't do it yourself."

"I can take care of myself!"

"But you don't."

"Hey!"

"MMmm... Don't yell please." You wince and grip his tunic tighter.

Legend stops for a moment and finally looks at your face. It's flushed completely red and you're beginning to have sweat roll down the side of your head. Legend bites his lip and hides the pause behind the pretend need to adjust his grip.

He can't tell if you've gotten better or worse but he's going to bet worse.

"I'll go get Time. Maybe we can figure how to fix this, ok?" Legend gulps a little and returns to dragging you across the forest.

"Ok."

"The things I do for you people."

"You're a good person."

"Hm."

"Link?"

"What?"

"Thank you." You mumble, right into his ear. "We don't say it often but thank you."

Legend feel the tips of his ears go a little pink and he scoffs. "Don't thank me for anything. I didn't do anything."

"You're a good person."

"I'll chock this up to the fever talking."

Hyrule

Hyrule hisses sharply and can already feel the ominous foreshadowing of the hours to come. "Did you get in a fight? Are you hurt? You're bleeding, that's a dumb question, don't answer that."

"Rule!" You reach your hand out. "Best booooy!!! Hello sweet heart, how are you?"

"What happened to you?" He kneels down beside you and begins to heal the miniscule cuts around your arms and your back. He can feel the magic go down your legs and heal what was torn there and come back up to work on the worst of it.

It's a little more damage that he'd like to admit out loud and he's a little worried that there's monsters nearby that would have caught the scent of your blood.

"I fell in the bush... trying to get berries to eat... I was supposed to find food for Wild to cook but I don't think I can do that any more. It's not good that there's not much to forage." You mumble, relaxed by the suddenness of your pain being relieved and the cuts you've sustained leaving your body.

Hyrule frowns and stops his spell. It's a shame he can't do anything about your clothes.

"I feel funny." You say and lean backwards, over judging the distance and force and nearly send yourself back into the bush behind you.

Hyrule snatches your tunic before you can do that and pulls you toward him. "Be careful... Did the bush do this?"

"I dunno." You shrug and frown as you feel the pain begin to come back. "Are you here to bring me back?"

"I might have to regardless. I think you've been poisoned by the plants."

"I feel funny, not dead."

"Well, let's hope that it doesn't come to that." Hyrule rolls his eyes and wraps your arm around his shoulders. "Come on. We need to get you checked out and see if there's anyway to help you."

He's trying to stay calm... but he hopes that it's mostly you being loopey and not actually in any danger. He doesn't recognize the plant- but he supposes that's a given since it's not his Hyrule and he doesn't know the scale of the dangers around here.

"I have a headache again." You groan and don't even try to help Hyrule in lifting you up.

"I... can't really do anything about that. Sorry." Hyrule sighs and readjusts his grip to lift you higher.

This time you do put a little more effort in standing up and slowly, you begin to make your way back to the camp.

"I'm sorry you have to deal with me right now." You mumble and lean against him. "There's so many others things you could be doing right now."

"I don't mind. I'd rather you be ok than do anything else."

"You're a good person." You roll your head back and look at his side profile. "I hope you get every good thing the universe has to offer Link. May your life be filled with peace and happiness and all sorts of good things."

"Like what?" Hyrule finds himself asking. It stuns him and for a moment and he wonders if he's asking because he doubts he'll have it or if it's merely to get you to elaborate more.

"Like many friends and family and holidays and puppies and kitties and candy and good food and good company and cupcakes and lemonade-" You begin to list off.

Hyrule looks back on his life and the people he's met and everything that's happened to him up until this very moment. Enough so that he ignores the rest of your list and only tunes back in when you've past onto a slightly different topic.

"There's so many little things to enjoy in life, you know. I know you're humble and underestimate yourself and I'm trying to change that because you're absolutely amazing and there's a lot you should be proud and show off a little more because you deserve it but I wish you'd let us show you that. " You roll your head around again and try to match your footsteps to his despite the fog in your brain.

You keep talking.

"It might be presumptuous to say this but I think this group may have been the best thing to have happened to you. And that makes me a little sad."

Hyrule stumbles a little and you follow suit. "Sorry, sorry."

"It's ok. You'd never hurt anyone unless they deserved it." You mumble and try to fight against the now pounding sensation in your head.

"Hurting?"

"Yeah... My headache got worse."

"I'm sorry."

"You apologize too much." You groan. "I can't wait to see the day where you do something completely outrageous and just own it, just unapologetically decide that this is the hill you're going to die on and fight every one else about it."

"That sounds like a lot of effort." Hyrule snorts and raises an eyebrow.

"I can't to see what is the stick that takes you there."

"I don't think that's how the saying goes."

"It is now. I said so."

"Of course. Naturally." Hyrule snorts.

"Link, we're friends right?"

Hyrule nearly stumbles again but catches himself this time. "Of course we are! Whatever made you think otherwise?"

"Nothing." You admit. "But I'd to be the kind of person that's on the list of good things your life. Like that list I was talking about earlier."

"I say you are." Hyrule nods to himself and sees the camp in the distance. Relief flows over him and he nearly sags from it. A smiles graces his face as he turns to you and lets you lean on him a little more. "And I'd die on that hill."

Four

"Oh no no no no no, not good, not good at all!" Four hisses and runs to your side. "Did you eat any? Please tell me you didn't."

"Are they not good?" You tilts your head and try to keep your vision on Four but it's kind of hard to focus on just one of him. You don't remember there being so many Fours.

"No! You're not supposed to eat them! They're highly toxic!" Four grips your shoulders and begins to look over your face and check your eyes.

"Did you eat any?" He asks again, stressing the question more than you think is necessary.

You shake your head.

"Oh thank Hylia."

"I feel in the bush though."

Four groans enough that it sound more like a subdued scream. "Why?"

"I tripped." You giggle and try to stand up. "I heard my name AND FELL~! Hehehehe.."

"Ok. This..." Four sighs and looks around your surroundings for a second. He doesn't find what he's looking for. "...is not ideal."

" 'm sorry." You say and feel your lip start to wobble a little bit. "I didn't mean too."

"No. It's my Hyrule. I should have warned you guys. This is my fault." Four scoots in your direction and wraps his arms under your knees and behind your back.

He effortlessly lifts you up bridal style and doesn't hesitate to begin carrying you back to camp. "Time is going to have my head for this."

"No, he likes you too much." You blinks away what you can and try to think beyond the simple thoughts in front of you. "Everyone likes you. you're a likable person."

"Well thank you, but believe me. There are people who don't me." Four says with a snicker.

"Who are they? I'll fight them. Just say their names."

"You don't know them." Four furrows his eyebrows and chuckles disbelievingly.

"I can find them. And then I'll fight them. How dare they not like you!" You shout to the sky and wave your arm around like it's nobody's business. "You're one of the coolest people I know! That I've ever met! And I've met a lot of people! I've met this group! And you're still the coolest! Tell me their names, Link. I won't stand for this."

"It's not a big deal."

"I'm about to make it one."

"I won't tell you their names." Four shakes his head. Mostly because they're gone already so who cares.

"Then point your fingers Smithy because I'll find them and you won't have to worry about them any more." You say with so much resolution in your voice that Four has to stop himself from laughing out loud.

"Believe me, I don't worry about them."

"Oh so someone else got to them then. Good good."

He loses and laughs anyway. "No, not like that."

"There should be only people who love Link! Link haters are not allowed or welcome! Begone with those thoughts!" You cling to him weakly and Four has to grip you tighter to compensate for your flailing.

"Hold still, you're making this harder than it needs to be." Four snorts and shakes his head. "I deserve this. I deserve this and everything that's about to come. I know it. This is completely my fault."

"It's not your fault my head's hurting." You argue and frown. Because it's true. Your head ache tat you've been sporting since the start of your conversation has grown and it's beginning to be impossible to ignore.

"It kind of is, considering that it's a byproduct of the brumble bush." Four sighs. "Luckily, the antidote is pretty easy to make. The down side is that I'm not sure if I have all the ingredients and we're a little too far away from town to get more. I wonder if Hyrule can do something with his magic to help out... or at least lessen the effects so that it wears off."

"Will it last long?" You mumble and cradle your head in your hand. "I don't like this, Link."

"I don't like this either." He says. "If you didn't eat any of it than you should be fine in a few hours and it'll wear off on it's own but I don't think you want to be like this any longer than you have to be."

"Man, Link you're so smart. You know so much." You sigh and rest what you canon his shoulder. "I'm so glad I'm your friend... that we're friends and I want to keep being your friend. Can we keep being friends? Is it possible to be friends throughout different lifetimes?"

"I don't know but we can certainly try." Four grins and makes it back to camp a little easier now that you're so riled up. "I'm glad we're friends too."

"Yay!" You giggle and lay on the ground with little fan fair and with little convincing. "There's no much we have to do still... as friends and as a group. I love you guys!"

"And we love you!" Four snorts. "Get some sleep- it'll go faster. I'll wake you up when I have the antidote."

"Ok Smithy." You let your head hit the ground and close your eyes.

Four looked over his shoulder to where you are and smiles a little wistfully.

Until Time make his way to camp and eyes your torn and slightly bloody clothes before turning to Four with a raised eyebrow.

Four hisses again and raises his hand. "I can explain."

"You better."

[redphlox]

Dabi's fear of feelings and connections

Dabi is a walking contradiction; he says he doesn't care about anyone, but his flames, which are linked to his emotions, demonstrate otherwise when Twice is killed. Dabi brushes off the news that Natsuo could have died because of him but still refers to him affectionately as Natsu-kun. Touya went around calling Endeavor out for neglecting his children but still trained to regain his approval and attention anyway. He lashed out at baby Shouto, admitted Shouto had done nothing wrong, and then attacked him again years later. He cries blood while thinking about his family but doesn't go home to them or change his actions which hurt them even more. Dabi wants to destroy hero society for a better future but it's obvious he doesn't plan to live long enough to see that future.

The gaps between his actions and his words are a result of dissociation and repression. It's not that Dabi is emotionless. Actually, he feels too much and he's afraid of his feelings because they've done nothing but hurt him emotionally and physically. He literally almost burned to death the one time he had a burst of emotion on Sekoto Peak and in order to prevent a repeat of that, he operates under the flawed notion that safety lies in repressing his feelings and pushing people away. He lies to himself and others and therefore cannot reconcile with his true self and can’t trust others.

In this meta I'll discuss how Dabi deals with his unprocessed feelings of betrayal and neglect by denying himself connections with both his inner wounded child and those around him. I'll also address a few misconceptions surrounding Dabi because dismantling them is key to understanding him. Contrary to popular belief, he does not want to kill his father, he never wanted to be a hero for his own sake, and he doesn't hate Shouto or his family. At its core, Touya's hurt stems from discovering that his relationship with his father wasn't based on unconditional love. This realization destroyed his sense of self so much it caused him to start fearing his own feelings and being close to others because of the link between his emotions and his self-destructive quirk.

To understand Dabi we have to understand Touya. In 291 we see through Endeavor's flashback that Touya was eager to train under him and carry his legacy. It's implied by the fact they’re working on ultimate moves that not only is Touya a willing, eager participant but that the two have been training together for quite some time. In 301 we learn that after Touya's quirk started hurting him Endeavor not only abandoned the training regime but also abandoned Touya both emotionally and physically. Instead of using the time he spent training Touya to help Touya find a new hobby or purpose in life, or just hanging out with his kid, Endeavor chooses to remove himself from Touya’s life. When Touya confronts him about the change of routine, Endeavor is seen putting on his jacket and leaving the home, his body turned away from his son.

Maybe Endeavor had errands to run, but my point is that he was in Touya’s life one minute and then gone the next. Touya says so himself: why did Endeavor change his mind all of a sudden? The abrupt change in attitude was jarring for a 4-5 year old to handle. To Touya, training = love, so he felt compelled to keep training and demonstrate his worthiness despite the fact that his quirk was hurting him. To Touya, the pain was worth it if it meant hanging out with his dad again.

But why? Well, Touya was Endeavor's #1 fan, genuinely so. His admiration and fondness for his father was genuine, and he didn't question the triumphant look on Endeavor's face when Touya said he wanted to learn the ultimate move. Before his quirk started burning him, Touya had no idea he was born for his father's ulterior motives. He had no reason to question his father's attention. Touya lived under the impression his bond with his dad was genuine and special, and he probably felt lucky that his father was willing to share something so important to him (heroism). Even after the training stops and Endeavor stops paying attention to Touya, Touya still wears his merch and vies for his attention. Most kids see their parents as larger than life and Touya was no exception. Keigo Takami admired Endeavor the hero, and Touya Todoroki admired his father who just so happened to be the hero Endeavor. Since being a hero was such a big deal for Endeavor, it was a big deal for Touya.

But that's where Touya's story becomes tragic. His father is a flawed, flawed man with many insecurities and fallacies that he pushes onto his family. I’ll get to those in a moment, but as intelligent and observant Touya is to catch on that Endeavor never set out to marry to become a father, he is too young to separate himself from his father’s expectations. Touya realizes he was born for a purpose and Touya will be damned if he doesn't fulfill that purpose even if he knows it's wrong. His father's ‘love’ meant that much to him. For Touya, it's not about becoming a hero for the glory. It was about his relationship with his father because, as I mentioned earlier, Touya was his #1 fan in the sense that he loved Enji just for being his dad. There were no conditions tied to that. “You are my dad, and I love you.”

But that wasn’t a sentiment that Touya felt in return, and that hurt Touya. He internalized he wasn't good enough, that something about him was inherently wrong. But more than that, his world came tumbling down - he felt betrayed and lied to: his father didn't love him like Touya needed him to, and this truth destroyed him. Their relationship was a lie, a farce, and it hurt so much Touya became obsessed with not hurting anymore because he couldn’t get away from it.

Touya’s motivation to become a hero didn't rise from being inspired by All Might like Shouto. Touya’s thought process wasn’t "I want to be a hero to help others or be like All Might" like Deku. No, Touya only wanted to be a hero because he wanted his father to be proud of him for surpassing All Might. Notice that Touya's obsession with beating All Might slowly diminishes from “I can surpass All Might” to “I can surpass All Might like Shouto, too” to just “look at me, Endeavor.” It was never about being a hero per say, but about his relationship with his father. Touya realized that Endeavor isn't his father first, but a hero, and he understands that he has to be a hero too to fit into his father's world. Even upon realizing that his father was using him, Touya still wanted to be part of his life, still wanted that bond. Touya, in his desperation to be loved and accepted again, could look past his father's selfishness as long as he regained that approval. Touya could pretend the relationship was real as long as he stopped feeling so unlovable.

This is unhealthy thinking, of course. Even if Touya somehow managed to regain Endeavor's approval, the relationship would still be one-sided and dissatisfying because he wouldn't be able to ignore the truth. But, this is how he rationalized his insistence to keep training in his 4-5 year old mind and this line of thought stuck with him as he grew up just as those feelings of inadequacy never left him.

This is precisely why Natsuo's drowsy "can't you go talk to our sister?" hurt so much. Touya was already emotionally fragile, and hearing that felt like being rejected all over again when it was actually Natsuo just trying to sleep. Touya was hypersensitive to any words or actions that could be interpreted as dismissive. His trauma wouldn't listen to logic that Natsuo was 8 and too young to understand, that he was tired - no, Touya's brain said, you're being rejected again! This is also why he also stormed away crying from Fuyumi after she expressed her concern for him.

In Touya’s mind, why couldn't anyone just agree with him that he was good enough? He heard "your dad's right and you're not good enough so why try" not "I care about you, your father is wrong, and I don't want you to keep getting hurt" whenever Rei tried to get him to stop training because that's the message he got from his father, too. Nevermind that it infuriated Touya that his mother could stand there and preach to him when, from his perspective, she couldn’t take her own advice. All Endeavor ever did was teach him to turn up the heat, so why should it matter that doing just so hurts him? Touya didn't understand NOT training his quirk because he had been taught that raising his firepower was ideal in all situations. Those two statements didn't make sense to a 4-5 year old, a 13 year old, and it still doesn’t make sense as a 24 year old.

To take Endeavor's lack of self awareness a step further, because it's important to understand Endeavor to fully understand Dabi, Endeavor has yet to realize his own inherent worth. He doesn't have to prove anything to his family, especially his kids. They love him unconditionally, without special reason aside from the fact that he's theirs and he's himself. However, Endeavor is so obsessed with proving himself that he doesn't realize he never had to, and he projects this onto his children. They must prove themselves by winning the genetic lottery, by being useful to his plans, by surpassing All Might.

The irony that to be a great father he doesn't have to be a hero at all is ugly because Endeavor has no identity outside of being a hero. Endeavor has said before he wants to be a good hero and father to make Shouto proud, but he fails to realize he already had this in Touya all those years ago and it still left him unsatisfied. The issue isn’t his role as a hero, it’s his inner self. In 301 Endeavor literally reaches out to Touya to talk him out of training and hurting himself, and Touya allows his father to touch his shoulders because he wants a bond with his father - any bond. Shouto, on the other hand, wouldn't allow Endeavor to touch him in 167 and slaps his hand away because he doesn’t want Endeavor’s approval. Endeavor doesn't realize Natsuo carries deep abandonment and neglect issues because he wanted to be accepted by his father too (light novel #5) but was ignored. Endeavor doesn't realize he was always good enough by default and that by projecting onto his kids and trying to be the top hero he’s doing the opposite of what he wants. He just keeps pushing away his family.

It’s important to point out Endeavor’s illogical thinking because Touya learned some of these same ideas. Touya repeatedly tries to prove himself without realizing that he was always good enough by default. The problem wasn’t his quirk or his body, but his father’s flawed thinking and self-worth issues. Now as an adult, Dabi is selfish because he's Endeavor's son and emobidies his most negative characteristics. Dabi thinks of his flames as Endeavor's, and he thinks of himself as an extension of Endeavor because that's how Endeavor set him up for life. Touya has no identity to fall back on after his father casts him aside. He was supposed to be Endeavor 2.0, but now that title is Shouto’s. Dabi doesn’t hate Shouto as a person, but he has tricked himself into believing Shouto is their father’s puppet. Shouto is a doll being used by their father with no self agency, and Dabi is going to break all of Endeavor’s toys. It’s nothing personal against Shouto, it’s just Shouto’s bad luck that he happens to be Endeavor’s masterpiece. This is why Dabi doesn’t hurt Shouto when they first meet at the training camp, and why Dabi stops attacking Shouto after Endeavor passes out - it’s not about Shouto. It’s about Endeavor, and breaking Endeavor. Touya is still there trying to be part of his father’s world, only this time not as a hero but as a villain who will end his own suffering. He doesn't want Endeavor to die, he just wants him to suffer, to ruin his dreams. Dabi thinks of it as justice.

But because Touya is still there, there is still that goodness in him, too. His connection to Fuyumi and Natsuo is still there, repressed and compartmentalized. It’s why he calls them affectionately as Fuyumi-chan and Natsu-kun. Touya’s pain is so great he has decided he’d rather end it than to carry on and look elsewhere. He's stuck, rightfully so. He recognizes his mother is a flawed person and ultimately doesn’t blame her for being a victim - she could have done more for her son, but he still sees her and his other siblings, even Shouto, as people who fell victim to Endeavor’s abuse who don't challenge their situation. Dabi sees himself as someone who does stand up to the abuse but doesn’t realize he still wants his father’s attention. He's always wanted it. That's why he went around at 13 condemning his father's treatment of his children but still trained to prove himself. This is part of the reason he became a villain.

Not to mention that Dabi literally can't cry. He has no way to release those emotions, so instead of trying to let them out, he pushes them down. But that doesn't work and is detrimental in the long run. In 290-294 we saw Dabi's flames burn so hot during his confrontation with Endeavor and revealing himself as Touya that his burns have spread. Dabi is afraid of his feelings because of their connection to his flames, but he also uses his feelings to his advantage. He wants to go out in an inferno along with Shouto just to hurt Endeavor and put an end to his own suffering and Endeavor's career. This is why Dabi doesn't bother calming himself down or denying that he never forgot how he was treated when he lived at home. Dabi became emotional in that battlefield, smiling maniacally instead of crying because he physically can't cry. In his mind, if his feelings are going to destroy him, he might as well use them to prove a point. After all, he has experience being used. It's why he was born.

I'm not saying any of these actions or thoughts are healthy or correct or condoned, by the way. Trauma responses don't make logical sense and usually aren't healthy. Knowing how the mind responds to trauma, it's understandable that Touya still wanted his father's attention even if it was abusive. In fact, this is how children often respond to abuse. Their caretaker/parent is all they know and they cling to these figures. Often times when authorities try to remove a child from their abusive parents, the child doesn't want to go because this parent is all they know and they do feel like they love their parent/caretaker. I’m not saying the authorities got involved in this case, because obviously they didn’t, but this same mentality of abused children can be applied to Touya. Touya, in his four year old mind, probably convinced himself that if he was good enough everything would go back to how it used to be.

So, to sum up Dabi’s character, of course he doesn't make any sense. He’s still that hurt 4-5 year old who is trying to protect himself from ever getting hurt like that again while still wanting his father’s validation. Of course he doesn’t want to get close to anyone, not even the League. He doesn't want to be vulnerable or let people in or form connections because the last time that happened he was let down, forsaken, and it hurt so much it literally made him lose control of his quirk to the point he almost died. When Twice is killed, Dabi consoles himself by saying he didn't care anyway, all to prevent another emotional fire. Dabi is a master of compartmentalizing and boxing away his feelings - this is probably why, 310 chapters into BNHA, we have yet to have a few chapters in his POV or his backstory. He's disconnected from himself. He knows his plot to get justice will hurt his siblings and mother and to live with himself and move forward he represses those feelings.

Because of his father not showing up on Sekoto peak, Dabi has to live with physical disabilities due to his scars and memories of burning alive. He doesn't want to go through that again so he lies to himself that he doesn't care about anyone or anything. He denies that he's still in pain while simultaneously seeking validation of his pain. He acts like he doesn't care about his family but still calls them affectionate names. He acts like he hates Endeavor and calls him by his name but still wants his attention. He decided long ago that he would die destroying Endeavor's career because that was the thing Endeavor cares about most of all in this life. It's a "you hurt me so I'll hurt you" mentality. He has tricked himself into thinking this is justice, failing to realize this won't make him feel better if he doesn't die by his own hand along the way.

Dabi is full of resentment and spite, both of which take root from feelings of abandonment, betrayal, and the loss of a purpose and the realization that he wasn't born to be loved for who he was but as a tool for his father. The first betrayal he suffered was in the form of realizing his father didn't love him genuinely, and this was identity-breaking for him. He never recovered from it. The second betrayal, the reinforcer, was his father not showing up to Sekoto Peak. Since then, Dabi is reliving his trauma over and over again the more he uses his quirk and the more he faces Endeavor. To be saved, Dabi needs to accept that he is loved unconditionally and needs to be validated that he was right to feel thrown aside and used.

[casurlaub]

As I already said, I agree 100% about Remus. He has to win by a mile. That shouldn't even be up for debate.

As for the others... I do find it interesting to discuss who would end up second...

James most certainly didn't hound Lily for years (and she didn't hate him). He's surprised by her turning him down in SWM. He wouldn't be surprised had he been pestering her for years already (and Snape wouldn't have felt the need to point out to Lily that James likes her if it had been super obvious). More importantly though, he doesn't take her rejection well. He proceeds to escalate with 'Who wants to see me take off Snivelly's pants?' Yes, a lot of criticism just bounced off of him, but I think there were some things he really cared about and - depending on who delivered the criticism and how they did it - he didn't handle it well in those cases. But we don't really know how he was as an adult, so...

Sirius... I think there are very few people whose opinions he genuinely cared about and who possessed the ability to truly affect him. First and foremost James and Harry, of course, then Remus ('you made us feel ashamed of ourselves sometimes'). And maybe to some extent Dumbledore, although I think he can rationalize that better. But apart from them, I think adult Sirius can take anything from anyone with one exception:

His self-worth is rooted in being different than the rest of his family, in being good, which - for him - means doing good. Other than Remus he doesn't need validation from others; he validates himself through his actions. By being helpful, by... doing good. He needs to be needed. But in OotP that's taken away from him, and then the one point of criticism that really gets to him (some variation of 'You are useless'/'Nobody needs you'/'People are better off without you') is brought up again and again, if in different forms and shapes.

He gets a lot of criticism in OotP, doesn't he? It's Molly, Snape, Dumbledore, Fred/George, and Harry - all sort of going after him and some of the things that are said to him are real low-blows.

It doesn't bounce off of him and in some situations he really doesn't react well - to put it generously ('You're less like your father than I thought'). But on the whole and taking into consideration his situation (he's obviously struggling immensely mentally - developing some kind of drinking problem, the hair growing again, etc.), I think he handles it remarkably well. He has himself under control when Fred and George 'attack' him, and honestly, I think he takes a lot in that discussion with Molly before he's on the verge of losing it. And although he's usually seen as so headstrong and impulsive, he backs down more than once (in PoA and in OotP repeatedly) when Remus tells him to. He doesn't lash out, he listens. And then complies. That makes me think that as an adult he was usually able to handle criticism. Because in OotP we see him at his worst and he has to take it again and again. And it's not some calm, fact-based criticism he is confronted with, he gets attacked personally at least by Molly, Snape and Fred/George. And he still has himself under control most of the time. And he also reflects on his teenage years and calls himself an Idiot and arrogant little berk, cutting Remus off when he still makes excuses for him and James. So yeah, on the whole I don't think he was too sensitive.

Peter - no idea about him, but I think in some way he must have been able to take criticism, in the sense that he probably didn't sulk when he got criticized. Because he probably had to take a lot of teasing from James and Sirius. And neither Voldemort nor the other Death Eaters were very pleasant to him. But then again, I do think he took it all to heart and 'held grudges' (?); he just didn't have the guts to address it. Which isn't very healthy, either and also doesn't mean he was unaffected. Actually, I think Peter was a little like Remus - he desperately needed validation of others. As Sirius says, he kept sneaking around more powerful people than he was. He just acted different about it than Remus, but I do think that deep down he didn't handle criticism well.

So I'm going with:

Remus (a given)

Peter

James (because we don't really know how he was as an adult)

Sirius

[juletheghoul]

Oblivius Chapter 6

So I'm thinking next chapter will be... a big one.

You cannot know how happy I am to see all your comments and reblogs and messages and general kind words about how this story is making you feel. Love y'all. Keep asking! Keep messaging! I want to talk about this all day lmao.

Likes & reblogs are appreciated

Frankie Morales x F!Reader

Pairing: Frankie x F!Reader

Word Count: 2.1K

Warnings: Angst, slow-burn, yearning, 18+ language (Please let me know if I forget anything)

Masterlist Series Masterlist Prev Part Next Part Playlist

--------------

Age: 20

“Why did you even ask me out Frankie? Do you even like me?” She was embarrassed, walking towards the door.

“Yes of course, I wouldn’t have asked you if I didn’t.” He tried to walk it back but she was incensed, her cheeks burning bright with anger. She rounded on him when she got to the door, making him step back slightly from her onslaught.

“When you invited me over to meet your friends I didn’t expect to be ignored so you could flirt with her. Get your shit together Frankie, I’m not gonna go out with someone who’s too busy pining over someone else to notice me.” Her eyes were bright with un-shed tears, if she expected some sort of answer or explanation - he had none.

He watched her go.

“Everything okay Francis?” Spills had come looking for him.

“Yes, everything’s good. She had to go.” He had a big smile for her when he turned around.

“Will she be back?” Thankfully she hadn’t heard them.

“I doubt it.” He couldn’t be too sad about it though, not when she looked up at him like that.

——————

**Present Day**

He could still feel her wrapped around him as he walked to the shore. Could feel her moulded to his back, her legs on his waist. He had meant every word he’d said to her, he would gladly stay there with her forever.

“How was the water babe?” Claudia kissed him when he lay on the towel next to her to dry off, wrinkling her nose slightly at the water that trickled from his hair onto her face.

“Beautiful.” His eyes were on Spills, floating in the water. “You should take a dip.”

“No thanks, I’m perfectly happy here. Can you get my back babe?” She smiled up at him but he wasn’t looking at her, his eyes were trained on the water. “Francisco?” She had to tap him to get his attention. He tore his gaze away to face her.

“Sorry babe, yes of course.”

You can’t keep doing this Francisco. Get your fucking shit together and focus.

“You okay fish?” Pope's voice startled him slightly and when he turned to look at him his expression was serious. “You seem a little… distracted.” His eyes quickly flashed towards Spills floating in the water.

I never should have told him.

“I’m fine.” His voice was clipped, he really didn’t need this right now and he hoped his tone was warning enough. Pope didn’t say anything but he had a feeling he’d hear about this later.

“I wanna ask her out.” Benny had sat down beside Frankie and was staring out at Spills.

“You should! You guys would look cute together, wouldn’t they babe? We could double date or something.” Claudia was happy at the prospect but Frankie's stomach dropped. He felt the anger crawling in his gut, tensing his muscles at the prospect of Benny with her.

This isn’t normal, I shouldn’t feel like this.

“I think you should, Benny.” Pope clapped him on the back. “Fish - I think you should put in a good word for our boy.” It was hard for Frankie not to lash out but why would he? He was engaged and Spills was free. What reason could he possibly have to not want this to happen?

There’s only one reason why, and I can’t fucking help it.

“Yeah of course. I’ll talk to her.” It took everything in him to keep his voice neutral.

“Only ask her out if you’re serious, don’t bother if you’re going to fuck around because that’s his friend, she’s not a random.” Will chimed in, ever the voice of reason and Frankie was thankful.

“I know that.” Benny smiled, and Frankie had to keep quiet.

----

Everything was quiet. Your ears were submerged as you floated peacefully in the water, eyes closed. The ocean always managed to make you feel safe despite its size. Maybe that was what appealed to you, it was so vast and unknowable, you could get lost in it.

You saw the shadow obscure the light despite having your eyes closed. Pope was in the water with you and you smiled at him. Of all the army friends Frankie had introduced you to, Pope was the most mysterious. He guarded his words and you had the sense that he knew way more than he let on.

“Did you have anything planned for the bachelor party yet?” His question dropped a boulder into your stomach.

Fuck, I forgot about that.

“Nope - hadn't even remembered until you said it. I have no idea how the hell to plan one.” Your eyes widened at the thought of it and he laughed, not unkindly.

“I figured, I can help you out. He’s a simple guy - but I'm guessing you already know that. I’m guessing you know much more about him than we do in a lot of respects.” He was smiling at you but there was something underneath his words, a tone you couldn’t discern.

“Probably - known him a long time.” It felt like you were under the microscope.

“Years worth of stuff that Claudia doesn’t even know.” His eyes were burning into you and if you didn’t know any better, you’d think he was gauging your reaction.

“In all likelihood, but she’ll learn eventually I imagine.” Your voice sounded a lot calmer than you felt.

“Obviously no strip clubs, that’s not his thing. Just get all his friends together and get him drunk.” He was watching you closely but your eyes were focused on Frankie, he was laughing and happy - talking animatedly with Will about something and you couldn’t help but smile.

“I can see how much you love him.” Your eyes flashed towards him. “Like a brother, right?” He raised his eyebrows at you and you felt the colour drain from your face.

Am I that fucking obvious?

“Yeah… like a brother.” You were lying, even when you were younger you knew you’d always loved him, but it never felt brotherly. He knew. “See ya.” As much as you wanted to be in the water, you couldn't handle the scrutiny anymore and you made your way back to shore.

---

The rest of the day was spent mostly in your head, you tried to focus on the conversations you had. You tried to focus on the water and the sunshine but it seemed like Pope’s words and his implications followed you.

“You okay Spills? You’ve been distracted all day.” You’d been on the road for almost half an hour and you’d barely said anything.

“Yeah - sorry, just tired. Need a shower.” You smiled at him weakly.

“You sure? Seems like you have something else on your mind.” He glanced over to you and your heart swelled. His curls were defined from the salt water, his face was a little pink from the sun and he looked so warm and soft. You ran your fingers through his hair seemingly without thought. It was so soft and you had to fight the urge to keep touching it.

“I’m okay Francis - gotta plan your bachelor party.” You couldn’t keep the sadness out of your voice, hoping it came across as tired. You were both silent the whole ride home.

--------

You never would have thought it, but you were glad to be back at work. It was the one place that had no memory of Francis. You could come in, completely focus your energy and forget everything for most of the day. In all the time you worked there - you’d never been this productive but with the wedding slowly approaching, the anxiety was slowly creeping in.

Nowhere was safe now.

[unknown contact]: hey Spills! It’s Claudia - I got your number from Frankie. I was hoping you’d be able to come with me tomorrow to the bridal store. We have to make sure you match everyone on the big day!

Really fucking wish you wouldn’t call me that.

[you:] hey Claudia! Uh yeah sure what time?

[claudia😒]: great! Appointment is for 10am - I’ll send you the address, see you then! 🙂

[you]: sounds great - see you then!

Well that’s just great.

It had been a week since the beach trip and the peace couldn’t last.

—-

There was something about Claudia that got under your skin.

She’s marrying the love of your life, obviously she gets under your skin.

She was friendly enough, and she loved Francis - you could see that in her excitement; but there was something underneath. You got a sense that she was trying to pull a fast one on him.

“Spills, if Frankie and I move, would you come visit us? I think you’re holding him back a little bit.” She was standing as they made adjustments on the dress which thankfully had made it in time to be altered.

“What? What do you mean?” Where was this question coming from?

“Well, he wants to stay here. He wants to live close to his mom and you, but I’m trying to convince him to live back home with me. Maybe if you told him it would be okay and that you’d visit he’d give in.” Your blood was boiling. Give in? His wants and needs had to mean more to her than that?

I have to calm down, I’m overreacting.

“He already told you he doesn’t want to leave? Maybe you guys should compromise? Middle-ground?” You had to put your diplomatic hat on, couldn’t just tear into this girl. The logical part of your brain told you that this was normal - couples disagree about things all the time and it made sense that she’d want to be close to her family and her home.

“Yes he’s set in his ways. It’s frustrating.” She laughed lightly. “I just think that if you gave him your blessing he’d be more open to leaving with me.”

But you don’t have my blessing, I’m the wrong person to come to with this.

“I really think you should talk to him about this - he’s never been the kind of guy to be swayed. Won’t matter what I say.” You were being honest as well as telling her it wasn’t your problem in a roundabout way. She didn’t say anything else and you could tell she wasn’t happy with your answer. You left it alone.

---

You couldn’t put it off any more, as much as you were dreading this wedding you still had responsibilities as his best-person. You had to get everything together and throw this stupid fucking bachelor party.

You messaged all of the friends you knew he kept in touch with, telling them about the outing. They had things planned the whole week up until the wedding so it had to be the Friday before the wedding. Which means you had little less than a week to get it together.

[you]: Hey Francis - can you give me Popes number? Trying to plan your party!

[Francis]: Sure - sending it now. Hopefully it’s nothing too crazy?

[you]: Shit… you mean you don’t want your own parade? Should I cancel the army of exotic dancers?

[Francis]: You’re hilarious, honestly.

[you]: just taking you to a bar you fool, just want to coordinate with him because I don’t have everyone's contact info.

[Francis]: Sounds good, thanks for this - I never got a chance to ask but how did it go at the bridal store?

[you]: Went well

You thought about everything Claudia had said and debated on telling him. Would he want you to? Would she want you to? Somehow you didn’t think she’d be too happy unless you were on her side. Which you decidedly weren’t.

[you]: Think you should talk to her, she’s not happy with you wanting to stay here, after the wedding I mean. I support you whatever you decide but she seemed to think that you needed my blessing in order to leave with her. I told her she needed to talk to you - and I’m telling you the same thing.

Being honest and supportive was the best course of action and you hoped that neither of them (him more so than her) would be upset with how you went about it.

It worried you though when he didn’t answer and you had to trust that they would both understand that you didn’t actually want to influence anyones decision.

Liar, I want him to stay. Even if it’s not with me. I want him to stay.

You pushed the thought away and messaged Pope, the both of you came together and planned a dinner for everyone on the Friday before the wedding, which would turn into the bachelor party after. In five days, he’d be married and if Claudia got her way - far far away from you.

------

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