#which is the hard part :l
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dkettchen Ā· 1 year ago
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Today I not so much learned that, as figured out which, one of my uni course mates worked on Nimona as a modeller xā€™D
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puppyeared Ā· 1 year ago
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its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously
#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to#im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i canā€™t do literally anything else until thats done. but#because I donā€™t want to do it Iā€™m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of#exec dysfunction.. Iā€™ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something#and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh#and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing#because BOY id love to know too. Iā€™d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant#even my period canā€™t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still#its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damnā€¦.#if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally wonā€™t die. itā€™ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about#I know this but Iā€™m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts arenā€™t really connecting to my body. weird#maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I donā€™t really feel#a strong attachment to it I guess? itā€™s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just donā€™t#I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but itā€™s not very fun when it feels like Iā€™m going to#be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol#idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week#had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting#yapping#does this count as vent#vent#Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly
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deus-ex-mona Ā· 4 months ago
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how long will chapter 5 even be my g o s h
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i-am-thevoid Ā· 1 month ago
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shout out to my coworker for triggering my 30 minute SL-1 Accident cutscene, and to all the crew chiefs that looked ABSOLUTELY HORRIFIED the whole time lmao
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m--bloop Ā· 4 months ago
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#my sister keeps getting mad at me#and today it culminated with her basically listing all the ways Iā€™m making her life shit#and the things she listed I know Iā€™m a fuck up like not being able to drive#being stuck in a part time job not having many friends crying when in a confrontation#and not paying rent on time to her#but she was so mad and I was mad and crying#but she wasnā€™t saying it cause she cared she was like you are making my life bad and itā€™s unfair#Iā€™m sorry itā€™s unfair Iā€™m trying but I know itā€™s not enough#and I couldnā€™t articulate myself#actually I know sheā€™s right that Iā€™m not trying enough#l just got upset which ofc doesnā€™t help anything#and now I ruined her day#i canā€™t even move out cause then sheā€™ll get mad at me for that too#I agree with her that Iā€™m a fuck up and donā€™t have my shit together and itā€™s a terrible quality I have#of having trouble catching up on everything I just feel overwhelmed all the time#and thinking about the future makes me so depressed I feel like thereā€™s no point to anything#and even when I try to do something I fuck it up and donā€™t do it right#I tried getting my driving license before but now itā€™s expired and Iā€™m back at square one#and my job rn I donā€™t think theyā€™ll ever give me a full time gig#I canā€™t even explain myself now it doesnā€™t make sense why Iā€™m so fucked#and itā€™s so hard to make friends all my old friends have moved#and behind and shit at everything#and now I know Iā€™m dragging everyone else with me#she was like the one person Iā€™m closest to and could trust but now I know Iā€™m just a burden to her#the thing is i know she's right about everything#I fucking hate myself so much#update: she apologized I think weā€™re ok now#but Iā€™m just wondering if it is
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cyberfunsupporter Ā· 4 months ago
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s/oljiwan is like o/ngsasun if they were good and had good development and a good ending and šŸ˜ø literally anything good actually
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inniave Ā· 6 months ago
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posting music is scary but i'm going to keep at it because otherwise i don't think i'll ever release anything at all and at some point i *do* want to actually put together a project For Realsies so i gotta get over my fear but damn this fears got hands šŸ˜­
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yellobb Ā· 1 year ago
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URL Tag Game
Havenā€™t done one of these for a while and I have the energy today, so why not! Thank you for the tags @bazzybelle @facewithoutheart @frjsti ā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø
Rules: spell your url with song titles and tag as many people as the letters!
Y - You Know It by Colony House
E - everything sucks by vaultboy
L - Loving Is Easy by Rex Orange County
L - Lost The Breakup by Maisie Peters
O - On My Way by Alex Lahey
B - Bad Things (That Make You Feel Good) by Mini Mansions
B - Bitter Water by The Oh Hellos
Tagging @shrekgogurt @onepintobean @johnwgrey @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @asocialpessimist @hushed-chorus @ghostofapineapple
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byanyan Ā· 7 months ago
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...staring at my drafts and realizing i should perhaps consider pausing on answering ask prompts to start getting caught back up on those instead bc the number is back in the 40s & i just found a starter i completely forgot about bc it got lost on the second page :x
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smallblueandloud Ā· 1 year ago
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we watched "war crimes" tonight and the cliff calley storyline was so heartbreaking that i thought "ooh, the only thing that would make this better would be sense8 au schenanigans" and so now i have a draft about that??
it's technically complete, but it needs severe editing for the pacing. which is interesting to me, because recently i haven't been feeling like my fics need pacing editing? whereas in the past, pacing was the MAJOR thing i had to edit. so i was excited about potentially having Figured Out Pacing!
i think the secret is that i've been writing an extremely stripped-back narration style recently. my issues with pacing have always been with pov introspection -- i tend to write too much, or put it in the wrong place. so the stripped-back style feels much better and snappier to me. it's also just plain easier, since i have fewer tools that i can use to mess with the pacing (basically just dialogue tags and physical action). it's harder to mess up.
but writing josh's pov had me instinctively go back into the introspection -- and i don't think that's bad! i prefer introspection for something like this. the stripped-back lets me imply stuff, but sometimes a character is just someone who says things outright to themself, or maybe i think it's more effective to just say something outright. so i'm happy to get the chance to cultivate the skill again, it's just interesting, being faced with how much easier i find the newer style.
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quicktimeeventfull Ā· 2 years ago
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also i WILL say that vacuum sealing your analysis and consumption of media off from its wider context is not a neutral thing to do ā€” like there are genuinely valid reasons to do it but it often (intentionally or otherwise) ends up reinforcing existing systems of oppression & erasure.
this also doesnā€™t mean you have to be Serious and Critical all the time, but rather that itā€™s worth just generally being open to the fact that all media exists within the world and canā€™t be separated from it. you donā€™t have to be actively deconstructing or problematizing things or explicitly acknowledging them to be participating in them. in fact, i think itā€™s a huge problem that Being Aware Of Existing Systems Of Oppression is so often equated with being critical and serious. you can also be fun and silly and shallow. it doesnā€™t have to be a big deal. most of the time itā€™s not.
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icewindandboringhorror Ā· 2 years ago
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*screenshots the highlights of my youtube to mp3 downloads folder as if it were some fancy aesthetic spotify wrapped image or whatever*Ā 
#I don't know how spotify works I'm not sure how the images people share are actually generatedĀ  but you know what I mean lol#Though I do wish the native windows music player thing kept track of like.. how many times you listened to a song or something#merely because I think it would be really funny for me since I'm very much a like 'listen to the same 3 songs on rotation for literally#4 months at a time. then eventually rotate in another few songs to replace those. never revisit any of them again' type person#And like most media I have a lot of trouble connecting with music or ascribing it the same deep meaning that most other people seem to get o#ut of it like. I think maybe it has something to do with my emotional range in general being very shallow (I am neutral 90% of the#time and even when I'm not I just don't feel things very strongly. when I do feel antyhing it's weak fleeting emotions usuually that#I don't even remember a few days from then. You know how babies don't have object permanence? It's like I don't have emotional permanence lo#l. Which is probably standard for like. severe childhood neglect situations where nobody was around for you to mirror their#emotions in early childhood or whatever usually happens when people are being raised. Like if nobody was there to encourage the development#of emotions and show what those look like then maybe your brain just doesn't develop them properly or etc. etc. ANYWAY gjhjhb)#I think maybe that has somehting to do with why it's just really hard for me to care about media of all kinds - and even when I do it's not#very deep. Also probably why I've never really been in a fandom or gone to a concert or been really into anything like that. Because people#form deep emotional connections and memories and attachments to their favorite media and I just like... don't#I can still like things!! But it's always in a more like.. intellectual kind of cognitive way if that makes sense? Like if I liked a TV show#it would never be becaise I find the message heartwarming or the characters relatable or because it made me FEEL something. It would be bec#ause the lore is cool and I like to analyze it. Or I think there's an interesting social dynamic going on which is fun to kind of pick#at the innerworkings of. And if I like a song like.. it's not because This Music Got Me Through A Hard time In My Life or because#I relate deeply to the lyrics or it makes me feel a certain way - it's usually because the overlapping of instruments or thetones that are#used interests me or there's something intruguing or cool about it to hear. Part of why I like classical or choir music is that there's oft#en so many instruments playing over each other it's like a little puzzle to try and hear each part seperately or etc. etc.#Which isn't to say that I can NEVER relate to or feel some sort of attachement or idea related to a piece of media. but just that it's not#ever very strong. like not powerful enough to be some significant motivator or pivotal aspect of my personality or etc.#BUT ANYWAY. I still can like things to a degree probably not just the same exact way as others lol.#So I rarely even listen to music that often (maybe once a week or so? I'll listen to like one song or two. but I'm not like a 'have music on#in the background playing in the house all the time' or 'listen to music while I get ready' type) but when I do it's very repetitive. I do#think it would be interesting to see the statistics then lol. I thought windows media player used to track statistics so I wonder why the#'updated' version of that on windows 10 doesnt??? Maybe bc they assume everyone is using streaming services instead? stinky#I don;t think the built in music player on my phone tracks anything either. It's more of just a file accessor or something. hmmgbb#That alone will never convince me to actually use some service to get music though lol. I don't need the statistics. yttmp3 for life babey
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pepprs Ā· 2 years ago
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god my throat is raw from yelling / panicking. And part of me is wary wondering if itā€™ll happen again. omgggg
#purrs#i think i knew it was a false alarm it just didnā€™t feel real. but what fucked me up is that i couldnā€™t t honk of what to bring. i knew we#weā€™re close to an exit so we would be fine and i know youā€™re not supposed to delay getting out and that the stuff is just stuff. but my#journals and diaries.. like i brought them all here for some new years reflections and i couldnā€™t bring myself to bring any of them. or my#sketchbook. or my switch or ds with my animal crossing town. idk. i guess smth flashed through my head like so much of what matters to me#is digital now but thatā€™s not fucking true at all. why did i have a hard time deciding and brought nothing when my sketchbook is the most#important thing i have i think bc itā€™s my scrapbook / diary. it just fucked me ip so bad. now im staring at the ceiling and my throat hurts#and im going to be so tired tomorrow. that was so scary#we didnā€™t even make it outside bc the alarm stopped before we left the room bc we were scrambling to find coats and masks (lol) and them my#mom called the front desk and they said it was a false alarm. so idk. for those 45 seconds it couldā€™ve been life or death and thatā€™s so much#to think about. everything important went out the window it was just like wtf is even happening rn and my dad said it was a fire and i was l#like how do you know. ugh. that was so scary#like what fucked me up was. all the pieces of me are spread so thin in so many journals and shit that idk which one to bring. i would have t#to take the complete collection. and i canā€™t do that so i have to leave all of them. thatā€™s the choice i made in that primal moment. it#QUITE LITERALLY does not matter and is not the most important part of this to be worried abt / fucked up over but that really shook me
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l-wilbourn Ā· 1 year ago
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If Light was gay, L would know.
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read him like a book
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facelessfractal Ā· 4 months ago
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I feel as though we on constantly on the cusp of some feral breakdown and just throwing ourself off the 3rd story and i cannot help but think maybe there is something that should be done about that? Like. There should be a medication or some kind of help for that kind of thing
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mechanichuntsman Ā· 5 months ago
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manananggal x witch maybe maybeee
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