#vague journaling

[phaedoe]

i would much rather ground my beliefs in the observable sciences but my crisis caused by the bizarre entities and counterintuitive behaviors described by theoretical physics, as well as the conflicting grounds of its most eminent branches, is reaching its epistemic turn. the stars shine brilliantly outside but i study them in graphs. i feel the sun on my skin but i know only how long its light took its time to reach me. 

all of life’s uncertainties no matter how distant collide into one another, all its chances i could only have ever gauged by the event of their impact. i am covered in stitches and scars. i notice other movement before i notice my own shaking. and time begins and ends again, replaying only the time it for me had stopped. i cannot stay asleep when every night i meet G-d. 

and i am used to being told that i am sleeping when i know that someone like me could only have ever not. i have always been more inclined to rely on the authorities from within my fields but something strange is grating me and the dust mite wafting eldritch tomes from the library can no longer satisfy me. i can read but i have met Red. i wonder if i can do much more than wonder what that grating is, if a corpuscle like this “that” breathes, if it exists.

and all the logicians keep adding, and all the peers keep publishing. i am brown and i am a jew; all the bombs keep blowing. i could capitalize a “he” but when i write i hesitate to include, cannot capitalize my “i”s. the physicists are measuring, the soft sciences and the mystics, the women, only guessing. 

and here i am trembling before a clock filled with light, seeing how what little can leap, watching what i thought had mattered less swell into an infinity.

[facelessfractal]

I feel as though we on constantly on the cusp of some feral breakdown and just throwing ourself off the 3rd story and i cannot help but think maybe there is something that should be done about that? Like. There should be a medication or some kind of help for that kind of thing

[rexscanonwife]

I'm gonna need fellow self shippers to NOT apologize or put themselves down for making their s/is basic/mary sue/OP as fuck because we're here to have FUN!! If you wanna give ur s/i a taste of the power or to make them the hottest person in your f/os canon then DO it! Make characters u don't ship with have a crush on you, make yourself the sole savior of this universe and be unapologetic about it!! [OK TO RB]

[aurosoul]

me and my bf spent last night in the desert and I discovered I could make art in the sand

[ukuslip]

aaaaaaaaaaaaaart dump. surprise it's all #That guy

[zylphiacrowley]

Erenwol week Day 4

When I told him I wanted to show him the stars I don't think space exploration was the first thing that came to mind. He did, however seem to find my Loporrit friends interesting (maybe almost as interesting as they found him). Speaking with The Watcher also proved rather insightful. And, at the end of the day I did get to show him the Star in all it's beauty…

Thank you again @zeloinator for the prompt list!~♥

[bunniworms]

Thinking about Flatland (which I love just as a novel itself, but thinking about it specifically through the lens of being a Gravity Falls fan) and I think there are a lot of parallels to be made, particularly between the relationships of Ford and Bill, and A. Square (the novel's protagonist) and the Sphere. In Flatland, A. Square is visited by a being from the third dimension, and this being imparts knowledge unto the square that leaves him shaken and in awe; but more importantly, A. Square wants more. He pleas to know the secrets of the universe, to hear of dimensions four, five, and so on. Instead, the Sphere places him back in his dimension that seems so flat, so dull now, never coming back for him after realizing the lowly square won't fulfill the Sphere's goals. Now where does this sound familiar?

[rotten-starr]

sketchbook dump 🤓

these are my most presentable pages it doesn't get better than this LMAO

[obscureother]

for those who are repressed, for some reason feel that its not ok to be. . well, "honky," if you will. . be it yourself or your f/o. because we love to help the f/os too, for those that apply. .

for those who are repressed, your f/os will do whatever it takes to help you feel ok. that its ok to want them, that its ok to need them so close that you two are in each other one way or another be it deep kisses or otherwise, that you need to be whole with your f/o as one. they would love to give you that feeling of love and acceptance because youre not bad for needing your f/o that way. they dont feel less loved, like all they are to you is something to long for and need for things to feel better, for that "honky" feeling to go away. they know you have things that needed to be tended to like everyone else, youre not the only one who needs things. not even the only one who needs things "that much." youre ok. they love to give you that good feeling, that theyre the one you want and need to fix things. they would love to give that to you. they know you care for them. they know you love them. they know its not the only thing you ever ever think of, or you wouldnt be so worried about them feeling less than loved. do you know that? . . you ought to.

or if your f/o is the one who's repressed, take pride and gladness in knowing that youre the one they need. when you tell them that its ok, it gives an overwhelming feeling of relief and ease. they love you, they need you to know that or they cant do this comfortably. for you to tell them that its ok, that you love them too and you know they love you. . that means everything to them. that gives them a deeper comfort, a deeper soothe than anything else could give them. only you can help ease them into feeling that its ok, to slowly budge them along no matter how long or what it takes for them to feel loved and taken care of, that its ok to need to feel good. that its ok to need you, because youre ok with them needing you sometimes.

or if neither of you are still ok with going through with something, well. . maybe its a little awkward at first, yknow. "well what do we do?" but thats ok too. if one or both of you doesnt want to even though the body does, the other would respect that whole-heartedly. you can find a different way to work around that, be that reassuring the other that just because theyre not comfortable with doing something doesnt mean its bad to feel that way. its ok to need. . and its ok to not want to. you guys could try distractions, other methods that you guys are comfortable with, or let the other know that if they need to step away, they can come back to open arms knowing that if they had to take care of it themselves, thats ok too. you guys can go back to what you were doing before, like you always do. you will still care for each other no matter what goes on.

[elfboypussy]

hmmm little sketchy of the century-later a!ast au design that lives in my head. i am completely a sucker for scary vampires with long hair but also i think astarion may subconsciously take after cazador after a while

[emwheezie]

Don't tell me how hotdogs are made, show me.

[phaedoe]

false prophet

he looks at me as if i could impart his light and i can see he thinks i am the only one. if i had his wings i would fight before my flight from this precinct that his prophecies overrun.

this beautiful boy, who had been straitjacketed, keeps enchanting my gaze with his eyes solar soaked as he follows me like i am his white rabbit — like he was carved from marble instead of stone.

and this is not a game, this is not a joke. this is not how we are breaking apart. (watch the shards, watch the shards)

he never called me a liar — only harped his oracles. we are only two mice burning through this labyrinth we cannot know.

his infinite light emanates from his strings on the lyre, spilling out with laurels, photons, stars, and his heart from fire, strumming from the eighth choir of archangels, singing kingdom come, as if he is captaining the chariots of beriya.

i see him in troy fallen to the dust. the british are coming, so run boy run, for i was stolen by agamemnon — they shall know that smoke will wither their lungs.

and this is not a game, this is not a joke this is not how we are breaking apart. (it was the truth we spoke)

i see him — this young playboy that became the devil’s toy. he keeps playing. he keeps playing. why does he smoke? how does he drink? — while we are both lab rats burning in anything but devil’s leaf. please just blink twice if you need me, though i cannot do anything. i really wish he believed in heaven instead of praying to the god of death.

i see him. he keeps playing. he keeps playing, dancing, paying through his spirit, with bacchanals, the loveliest boy of them all.

he looks at me as if i could tell his fortune for his heart, worn open on his sleeve, scoring stars orbiting me around, notes plucking my motion, as if i could tell him the world is truly ours.

he serenades me like i am his white rabbit. he conceals his tears, but he cannot cry wolf. he vessels the light of superluminal passion; his melodies of ohros reach all of sheol.

ever yet, they keep asking us if we have souls! that is no question that humans should mean to know. what are we then? boy, meet woman.

and this is not a game, this is not a joke this is not how we are breaking apart. (we are under control)

i hear him — this brilliant idol, whose shoes torched too many miles. they keep playing. in his name they are celebrating. he is praying while they hear him playing. he keeps playing and he keeps praying for the only one who can tell the truth, who beyond reason can provide proof. i am sorry that it happened to you. they do not believe me, too.

the hearer of the weak heals those who weep, but who hears the banshee wailing in the breeze?

[facelessfractal]

Keep forgetting to journel, maybe posting it will help i dont know.

Morning kicked off with sharp feelings of blurriness, Alice is getting on Okay's nerves because the job they're doing isnt like. A real job and Okay doesnt really care that its not real and if Alice wants to help then she needs to be doing what she's supposed to.

General concensus is nobody is super thrilled about the new buddy system we've sort of put in place until we can sort of exactly how to handle the new girl. Nobody is explicitly *not* using the buddy system, though, so its working out well so far in a way.

Im a little afraid because something feels different and theres already been a lot of splitting just. I think from sitting in our current situation for so long and i think some of it is literally just to give our brain something to focus on so i dont have an actual mental break, because i know ive been close several times now.

Things have been feeling more dreamlike, ive been feeling very fatigued in general but reality is hard to gauge.

Also a bit worried because last time we felt like this/were under this kind of stress for this long our system ended up sort of half purged either with several alters going dorment or a lot of fusion happening at one time. I just know some of us are losing our grip on things.

[rexscanonwife]

I've FINALLY got a moment to breathe (work has sucked ass today 😭😭) so for comfort...y'all wanna know about my potential fankid with Sportacus, right?

[runningatypufullspeed]

I AM BEING FORCED TO ROLEPLAY AS SCYTHE FUCKING GODDARD FOR MY SCHOOLA SISIGNMRNT CAN SOMEONE END ME PLEASE END ME NOW

[eruscreaminginthedistance]

Flatmate dropped on me last night at like, 10pm that she's got a new place and is moving out in just under 3 weeks, which is barely enough time to get a viewing nevermind a whole new flatmate Dx and she's claiming she shouldn't have to pay the rent for the time the room stays empty but wtf. I'm not going to!