#this is just sort of a vague observation but it was making me sad to think about so I felt it was worth posting

[bunniworms]

Thinking about Flatland (which I love just as a novel itself, but thinking about it specifically through the lens of being a Gravity Falls fan) and I think there are a lot of parallels to be made, particularly between the relationships of Ford and Bill, and A. Square (the novel's protagonist) and the Sphere. In Flatland, A. Square is visited by a being from the third dimension, and this being imparts knowledge unto the square that leaves him shaken and in awe; but more importantly, A. Square wants more. He pleas to know the secrets of the universe, to hear of dimensions four, five, and so on. Instead, the Sphere places him back in his dimension that seems so flat, so dull now, never coming back for him after realizing the lowly square won't fulfill the Sphere's goals. Now where does this sound familiar?

[owlstro]

Thank you for the great stuff you been posting so far.

2. tw astro x gn reader? We couldn't escape in time and now we gotta deal with the guy, fluff or angst I am alr with either :b.

3. I think you forgot to tag the shrimpo one?

TWISTED ASTRO X GN READER , fluff

note: 1. UR WELCOME!! im glad thst people have been enjoying my works!! havent seen alot of dw x reader soo i decided to take matters into my own hands!

2. i decided fluff since im better at writing it!! Altho the entire thing isn't very long so my bad lolsies..

3. OOPS!! i was pretty tired when i made that one, ill be sure to fix it, thank you for letting me know!

art: @ samwichtheunforgettable on Pinterest

Well this is a doozy, despite all the adrenaline you felt you couldn't get close enough to make it into the elevator. You were understandably freaking out and panicking.

Once you sorta calm down to actually think logically, you decide to hide. You don't know what to do, all you can do is just hide and hope no Twisted finds you.

Well, technically those hopes DID work, all of the Twisteds wandered the area like zombies, except one. Of course, you were gonna die eventually.

Although after some chasing and hiding, the Twisted kept following you, even almost slowing down when you ran out of stamina.

You were quite confused about why they didn't hurt you when you slipped and fell over.

Till you noticed who was chasing you, or well.. more accurately, following you. It was Astro, Twisted Astro.

You didn't know what he wanted, but it definitely wasn't something malicious. He looked lonely, sad even.

You stared at him, he stared at you. It was awkward for the two of you to say the least.

You suppose, if you're gonna find out how to communicate with him.. It would preferably be somewhere safe than a random hallway.

You lead him to the hiding spot he first found you in. Still feeling uneasy about a literal Twisted following you and the fact you haven't died yet is a miracle.

Astro looked at you curiously, wondering what you'll do next. You were just observing his body language. His arms and legs twitched quite often, most likely due to an absurd amount of Ichor he had to.. consume?

You tried communicating with him with words, while he could vaguely understand, it wasn't all too helpful.

You tried conveying your thoughts and MANY questions, on why he isn't attacking you like the others are, through body language but it seemed it confused him more. Man, being a Twisted sucks.

You tried all sorts of things, all of them ending up him confused or the both of you confused by what you were doing.

You just sighed and sat down, never-mind all of this.. How are you gonna return to the group? This is a mess.

Your eyes hovered over every small or big object you could see in your sight, not really making a single coherent thought.

You knew Astro was still there with you, probably staring but you didn't pay too much attention. You DID appreciate his presence, because Astro always gave off that calming aura of his.

But you didn't know how to feel about his corrupted.. or well, 'Twisted' version of him.

You could hear him shuffle a little closer to you as your thoughts spiraled into madness.

Then, his nightcap (that weirdly acted like it had a mind of its own.) wrapped around your torso.

Oh, well this brought you out of... whatever your brain was on.

You heard him mutter something or at least you saw him try to say something, due to all of the Ichor he consumes.

"It's fine, you don't need to speak." You eventually say, not wanting to make his throat hoarse. Seriously it must hurt drinking the Ichor.

Twisted Astro weakly nods, seemingly figuring out whether or not to lean on you or wait for you to lean on him.

You answer his thoughts by leaning on Astro. Your head on his shoulders.

"These circumstances aren't ideal, no far from it, but at least you're here." You say, almost feeling sleepy but your anxiety about the other Twisteds forced you to wake up.

final note: SORRY IF THIS IS MESSY. i couldnt think of many headcanons for him MY BAD GANGG. i might edit this but yea.. sorry this took so long! school had me swamped, HOPE U STILL ENNJOYED UR REQUEST!!!!!!

[misc-obeyme]

not sure if this one has been done before but i'd like to request a set of headcanons for the dateables who assumed mc (male or gender neutral, up to you!) had feelings for someone else, and had already given up, right up until they confessed that they were in love with them.

also, can solomon's be set during nightbringer? i don't mind when the others are set!

thank you! i love your writing!!

Hi there, anon!

This may have been done, but it hasn't been done by me, so you're good lol! Oh man this one was fun. They all start out angsty and then end with the confession and I love it. I have to write angst more often, apparently I enjoy making characters feel pain. Which is weird considering I made myself sad writing these. I kind of feel like this might just be the universal writer experience, though.

Also I feel I should mention that Diavolo believes MC is in love with Lucifer because I honestly feel like that's the only scenario in which he would completely give up lol. Everybody else's is vague, but they all think it's one of the brothers.

Thank you for the request!

the dateables think GN!MC is in love with someone else and give up on them, but then MC confesses

Warnings: angst as all the characters believe that MC is in love with someone else, but ends with fluff

Diavolo

He can tell that there's someone you care about. It's in the way you sometimes get a private sort of look, like you're thinking about something very specific, and then you smile softly. Seeing that smile makes his heart ache. He's so happy that there's someone who makes you feel that way, someone who makes you smile like that, but he's fairly certain it isn't him. The pain of knowing that you'll never be his is deep. It keeps him up at night, but he tries to act like there's nothing wrong.

He thinks you're in love with Lucifer. He can't deny that there's something special between the two of you. And he's convinced that Lucifer is the only one that you could be in love with. Lucifer is protective, competent, and always looking out for you. You rely on him, but he relies on you, too, more than he would admit. And Diavolo simply doesn't have that closeness with you.

He thinks he's being very realistic about the situation. There's no point in pursuing you when your heart clearly belongs to someone else. Convinces himself that he's happy enough just to be near you, to be in your presence. Sometimes lets himself feel jealousy over it, but works hard to suppress that feeling. Actively tries to move on because he has responsibilities he needs to focus on.

So when you confess to him, he's in shock. Actually speechless for several minutes. And then he grabs your hands. MC, are you sure? Are you sure you're in love… with him? You won't have to reassure him more than once. As soon as you tell him you're sure, he's accepted what you've told him. Gets teary eyed about it because the feeling in his chest is so overwhelming. He never thought this could happen, but here you are, telling him that you're in love with him. All he wants to do now is kiss you. You've made him so happy he can't think straight.

Barbatos

He knows right away that you've fallen for someone. He's observant, so it isn't hard for him to pick up on it. It's obvious in the way you get a little preoccupied sometimes. You become a little forgetful and scatterbrained, like your mind is somewhere else. But you also seem a little happier, quicker to smile and laugh. What an odd feeling for him. Seeing you like this fills him with a special contentment. And yet…

Barbatos doesn't necessarily know who it is you have feelings for. At least, there's nobody he suspects is your special person. He just knows it isn't him. He's convinced that he would be able to tell if it was. Sometimes thinks about who it might be and has certain others that he thinks would be a good fit for you, but he doesn't dwell on this too much. Busies himself with his work so he doesn't have to think about that little sting he feels whenever he thinks about it.

A master at compartmentalizing his mind and feelings so that he doesn't have to deal with them. Simply tucks all that away into a corner of his soul where he can ignore it entirely. Let it stay there and fester for a bit. He has more important things to deal with than his own silly feelings. And so nobody would be able to tell - not you, not Diavolo, no one. He has a lot of practice at keeping secrets, after all.

But all of that is going to come bursting out of its restraint when you tell him how you feel. Blushes instantly. Overcome, overwhelmed, flooded with the emotions he'd been keeping locked up tight. You can see the chaos in his eyes. But he takes control of all of this pretty quickly. Pulls you close to him, wraps you in his arms. Truly you may never know the extent of his happiness, MC. Please always stay by his side.

Simeon

It isn't so much that he doesn't notice as he just assumes he's wrong. There's definitely something different about you lately, but he's not going to guess at what it is. Probably asks you directly if there's anything on your mind. Considering you're likely not ready to tell him how you feel, you can pretty much say anything about what's going on in your life and he'll accept it. Moves on without too much questioning, but keeps an eye on you.

Eventually, he won't be able to deny it. He's going to have a specific demon brother in mind, too. He watches you with that brother, whichever one you're closest to, and thinks he's figured it out. Even though you didn't tell him you were in love when he asked and he knows it's not a good thing to assume, he still can't help but notice it. The way you smile when that brother speaks to you. The way you seem to drift near him whenever you can.

And if Simeon takes the time to consider this for very long at all, he'll realize that the feeling that bubbles up in him first is jealousy. He's not happy about that. He doesn't like the way it makes him feel. And just underneath it, he senses a deep pain that he doesn't want to explore. So he attempts to shut it all down. He's very good at maintaining his composure when he's with you. But when he's alone, he lets himself feel everything. Might even let himself cry if he's certain no one will hear him.

Definitely cries when you tell him how you really feel. Just lets that relief wash over him and his love for you is something he can't contain. Please hold him, MC. He just wants to be near you forever. Never let him go. He might ramble for a little bit about how he thought you were in love with someone else. He might even tell you all about how it made him feel and how he wasn't dealing with it very well. But in the end, he's going to smile at you through his tears. Really make his heart burst by kissing them away.

Solomon

He's always known that you belong to the seven demon brothers. He knows him having a chance with you is just wishful thinking. It doesn't matter that you live with him now. That he's the only one who knows that you're really from the future. It doesn't matter how fast his heart beats whenever he sees your smile. That when he's with you all he can think about is putting his arms around you. Solomon knows you aren't his. You will always choose the brothers.

He's aware right away that you've got feelings for someone. He has his guesses. Perhaps two or three different demon brothers come to his mind. Starts paying attention to how you act around them to see if he can figure it out. He will question the brothers he suspects, just to see how they feel about you. If they give him less than satisfactory answers, he might try to steer you away from them. Not because he thinks that makes you more likely to choose him, but because he doesn't want to see you get hurt.

Ignores the way your softened expression makes his gut twinge. Sometimes stares at you for too long because he's trying so hard not to say something to you about it. He doesn't ask you because he knows he can't handle the answer. Starts throwing himself into his work. Forcing himself to think about anything else. But how can he think of anything other than you?

Your confession nearly takes him out. He's so surprised, so overcome with emotions, he falls to his knees at your feet. Grasps your hands like he's drowning and you're the only thing that will save him. He was holding so much tension inside and he didn't even realize it. Now it's all draining away. You can either pull him to his feet or join him on the floor. Either way, he needs you to hold him. MC, please tell him he isn't dreaming. Please tell him this is real. Reassure him with a kiss and he'll pull you into a fierce embrace, like he's scared you'll vanish if he doesn't hold you tight enough.

masterlist | Thank you for reading!

[zekidork]

I'm a Zeki, and I haven't given up on this story either. Glad to hear from another Zeki who feels the same way. There aren't many Zekis left who are actively participating, only really toxic and persistent Yumes hoping for a different outcome. I doubt Yuuki will return, that would completely undermine Hino's story, which, yes, is inconsistent at times, but not to that extent. Zeki had such significant development throughout the story that there's very little left to explore.

Hey! Glad to hear that we're not all gone, lol. Yeah, it's sad that our zeki fandom has gone quiet. Sometimes I feel like I should be more active on the platform, but I just decided to look instead of participating much. I'm sure other zekis do the same.

I remember a time when zeki fans were still very active, roughly during the vol.2 to vol.4 chapter days, and there was a lot of excitement and disappointment about zeki's development as a couple (like not getting a sex scene, or not getting any clear cut communication from Yuuki, etc). And things shifted at one point. There was a huge discourse over ch.13 (I think), when Zero bit Yuuki all over, and a lot of drama and meta-analysis ensued. But Hino didn't really address any of the fans concerns (not even Yuuki's seed of desire mentioned in vol.1), and I think by the time Ren was born, and when the incestuous relationship between the girls started showing up--I think zekis sort of got discouraged and "gave up". Obviously I can't speak for anyone, but that's kinda what I observed throughout the years--hopefully I'm wrong, and it's just that people forgot or something, haha.

Hino's style of writing is often questionable--definitely not the best out there, but I've come to accept it and try to enjoy it for how it is. She just writes in a way that's very vague, and I completely understand how that gets frustrating for both zeki and yume fans. Heck, I got frustrated for years and also became less active because of it (and because of life in general). But like I said, once I started to read the series with acceptance towards Hino's style, things became much simpler (though I still hold some gripes with the writing, as most of us do).

Honestly though, in the spirit of appreciating what we did get, volume 10 gave zeki a whole lot, and I'm so grateful for that. Even if it's not exactly what we hoped for, I think Hino really took the time to show how far zeki has come as a couple in her own way; with Zero's final chapter really tying everything in their relationship together relatively well. She essentially dedicated a whole volume to him, and zeki's relationship in general, giving us a proper farewell and perfect tie-in to his death scene from vol.1.

As for yume fans; while, some can definitely be toxic (just like some of us have been too), I'm honestly not gonna be mad at them for being excited about Kaname's return to main character status. Like, that's literally what they've been waiting for since the start of the series--for years! I'm hoping Hino uses each chapter to its fullest to give Kaname a proper ending, just like she did for Zero. Whether or not Yuuki's coming back in his life is, well, hard to say at the moment (which is something unique to Hino's writing honestly). But as you said, the chances are low, and I agree. And if she does come back, then the only thing I can do from there is hope that it at least makes sense and ties everything together (actually I hope whatever ending will do this). For now, I guess the best that we can do is enjoy as much as we can while the story still lasts and hope for the best.

Thank you for messaging me! Sorry for the long response, but I guess you gave me the opportunity to reflect on the story and our fandom's evolution (or devolution).

To anyone reading this, have a lovely day!

[halfagonyandhope]

when the skies catch fire │ch. 48

first chapter (x); previous chapter (x)

Ventress’ song surrounds him like a breeze, and he immediately feels the Force flow through him.

Obi-Wan opens his eyes to find Qui-Gon standing before him, glowing just as he had when he’d first presented himself. “Well done, my young padawan,” says Qui-Gon, and Ventress is immediately on her feet, crouched as though ready to attack.

Obi-Wan feels his connection to the Force slip, as though he’s somehow sung off-key or out of tune. But then he breathes in deeply, forcing himself to let go of his nerves, and he thinks of the lullaby he’d sung to Léa recently.

In his mind, he hums the song, and his connection to the Force does not shake again.

“Kenobi,” hisses Ventress, eyes narrowed, one hand reaching for her saber. “Care to explain?”

Qui-Gon, in contrast, watches them both with an amused expression as Obi-Wan reaches over to move Ventress’ hand away from her weapon. “This is my master, Qui-Gon Jinn,” he says softly.

Ventress’ discerning gaze sweeps over Qui-Gon, and she straightens, though the terseness of her shoulders remains. 

“I apologize, Ventress,” says Obi-Wan. “I would have warned you if I’d known Qui-Gon would appear. I haven’t been able to see him without the assistance of the Darksaber crystal before today.”

Ventress folds her arms over her chest, clearly far less amused than is Qui-Gon. “There’s a lot to unpack there, Kenobi, but we’re going to start with why your dead master is glowing.”

Qui-Gon chuckles. “I learned how to preserve my consciousness in the Force before I died,” he begins. “I taught Yoda, and I will teach Obi-Wan. I can teach you as well, if you’d like.”

Ventress lifts a brow, but she sits next to Obi-Wan. “You’re part of the cosmic Force?”

Qui-Gon nods and sits across from them so that they form a triangle of sorts. “Your master joined me in the cosmic Force a decade or so after my death,” he says gently. “It was a surprise to me, not finding him there when I originally left my material life. Ky eventually told me all that had happened, and he told me about you.”

“You’ve spoken with my master?” asks Ventress. 

Her tone is softer than Obi-Wan has ever heard it, and he rests a hand on her knee. He’s surprised when she doesn’t immediately brush it off.

“Yes,” confirms Qui-Gon. “He is proud of you. He wants you to know he is sorry for not telling you the truth about the circumstances surrounding him taking you as an apprentice.”

Ventress sighs. “Can I not speak with him?”

Qui-Gon’s sad smile is all the answer she needs, apparently.

“The Force doesn’t work like that, hmm? Convenient for Master Ky.” She breathes in deeply. “I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about my master,” she admits. “Forgiveness isn’t in my nature. But I’m beginning to learn that understanding is.” She holds Qui-Gon’s gaze. “Can you tell him that for me?”

“Of course,” says Qui-Gon. “And it is a pleasure to meet you, Asajj. I’d shake your hand, but…” he trails off, gesturing vaguely.

“Was that a ghost joke?” asks Obi-Wan, and he swears he sees the corner of Ventress’ mouth twitch up.

Qui-Gon laughs again, and his eyes sparkle as he observes his padawan. “I sense another question in you, Obi-Wan. Please ask it.”

Obi-Wan feels his strength waning despite his attempts to focus on the song in his mind, so he wastes no time. “Satine helped me examine my family history. Many generations ago, my ancestors included Avar Kriss and Elzar Mann.”

Qui-Gon’s expression tells Obi-Wan that this piece of information is also news to him. “Well,” says Qui-Gon, all amusement again, “that certainly explains…much.”

Obi-Wan purses his lips, but he feels himself smiling, too. “I understand that I can’t talk to Avar the way I can talk to you,” he begins. “But can you find her somehow? I don’t know how communication works between you all…”

He trails off, almost hoping that Qui-Gon will fill him in on this, but Qui-Gon makes no move to.

So Obi-Wan continues. “Could you ask her for advice? I’m able to feel the Force, to hear it, as a song. That’s how she connected with the Force. I want to learn, well, as much as she can tell me.”

Qui-Gon nods solemnly. “I will ask her, Obi-Wan.”

“Thank you, Master,” Obi-Wan immediately responds, but by the time the words float in the air, Qui-Gon has already disappeared.

Obi-Wan breaths heavily, beads of sweat falling down the curve of his back. He stares straight ahead, near where his master had appeared before him, and for the second time that day, Ventress surprises him: she rests her hand upon his own. “Well, that was unexpected,” she says, and Obi-Wan suspects she’s talking about both their physical proximity as well as Qui-Gon’s appearance.

“You alright?” asks Obi-Wan.

“No,” says Ventress smoothly. “I don’t think I ever will be regarding anything concerning my master. I’ve accepted this.” She glances at him. “So this is how you got the information to help us break out Quinlan.”

Obi-Wan nods. “Dooku was Qui-Gon’s master. Qui-Gon knew him well.”

“Does that make me your aunt?” She says this without missing a beat, keeping her expression decidedly neutral.

“From a certain point of view,” says Obi-Wan, and they both snicker.

Ventress stands, pulling Obi-Wan up with her and then letting go of his hand.

But Obi-Wan reaches out to her, grabbing her hand again. “It’s not like that changes your opinion of me, though, now does it?” he says, smirking. “We’d been enemies so long that we felt like family years ago.”

Ventress considers this. “You’re not wrong,” she says eventually, and they head out of the training room, Obi-Wan reaching for the cane he’d set by the door on their way out. They turn a corner, and then another, and suddenly the hallways are more alive, with rebels running past them, brushing against their shoulders. 

Obi-Wan shoots Ventress a look.

“Come on,” she says, and they speed up, at least to the extent that Obi-Wan’s body will allow them to, until they run into Quinlan, who skids to a halt in front of them. “What’s happened?” asks Ventress.

Quinlan doesn’t wait for a response; he picks Obi-Wan up and hoists him onto his back, and even without the Force he’s still physically so strong that the motion appears easier than when Obi-Wan lifts Léa.

Obi-Wan rolls his eyes but doesn’t protest as Quinlan and Ventress move more quickly now, Ventress grabbing Obi-Wan’s cane before it falls to the floor.

“Satine sent me to get you,” says Quinlan over his shoulder. “Says a surprise is incoming. We've got recruits.”

They take a few corners, and Obi-Wan realizes they are headed toward the hangar bay. As they enter the large hangar, the massive doors have begun to open, the Ghost touching down just as Quinlan sets Obi-Wan gently on the floor as well. Satine is immediately at Obi-Wan’s shoulder, and he sends her an inquisitive glance.

“You'll see,” she says, unable to contain her grin, one hand gently pushing against his cheek to turn his head forward.

The Ghost’s landing platform descends, and when the smoke clears, Obi-Wan nearly trips in his eagerness to move forward. Quinlan keeps him upright, and Obi-Wan continues on as if he hadn’t stumbled.

“Bant!”

[ordinaryschmuck]

Full Family AU Part 42

Camila paced in her living room, phone in hand as she tried to talk as calmly as she could.

"Yes, I know I don't have any paid time off saved up, but--I know, I know." She sighed. "It'll hurt my performance, but--Listen, so much crazy things happened today and I can't--Please! This is...This whole week has been one nightmare after the next and I just can't--"

Camila pulled the phone away, trying her best to choke back a sob as she looked like the stress was overwhelming her. After two short breaths, she put the phone back to her ear again.

"I just can't come into work today..." Camila said, her voice breaking. "I'm sorry, but I can't. I'll go in tomorrow. I'll even go in on what was supposed to be my day off. Just...not today. Please."

She waited for a response. And as Camila did so, Eda sat on the couch, watching the whole thing and feeling awkward about being this outside observer to this woman's calamity.

Not to mention being a direct cause of it.

"...Thank you," Camila said alongside with a breath of relief. "Thank you so much. I promise to make it up to you. Just...some family stuff came up and it needs to be taken care of...I know. Thank you so much again. Goodbye."

She hung up and turned to Eda with a...not happy look. Not angry, not really sad, but definitely not happy.

"For the record," Eda said, "It's not really my fault that I kind of crashed into yer life. You can blame the universe and whatever cosmic nonsense that plopped me onto your doorstep."

"I think I'm just going to blame you," Camila told her. "But whatever. I don't...care anymore. Because you can now prove yourself to be useful. The problem is...it involves doing something illegal."

"Okay?"

"And I hate that." Camila started to pace again. "I hate that I'm tempted to go through with this. It's likely the easiest option available to make Vee a part of this family, but it's also something that could hurt this family if the wrong person decides to do some digging. Like, what if one of us accidentally breaks a bigger law? Or what if Luz or Vee run for president and their opponent doesn't want to lose? Or--"

Camila's freakout was then interrupted by a whistle from Eda. She stopped her pacing to then look at the witch, who seemed more concerned than curious.

"Instead of telling me what could go wrong," Eda said, "how about you tell me what ya want me to do? Because you were pretty vague last night. All you did was ask if I could make a permanent illusion, and said jack all when I asked what ya meant. Just an, 'I'll explain more in the morning.' Well...It's morning. Now, what do you want?"

"...Something illegal."

"I get that, but what--"

"Can you fake a birth certificate?!" Camila spat out, eyes shut tight and fists firmly gripped at her sides. It looked like she had to force herself to ask this question, and doing so hurt her a bit. Like ripping off a band aid.

Even waiting for an answer seemed to be killing her.

"...Is that it?" Eda ask, the bafflement in her voice making Camila peek an eye open.

"What?"

"Is that really all you need?"

"Uh...Yes." Camila's body started loosening up a bit. "That is all I need. To adopt Vee, I need some form of formal identification, and a birth certificate could go a long way. Except that she's some sort of lab experiment from another world and--"

"That type of thing wouldn't really exist. Got it." Eda nodded and stood up from the couch. She grinned enthusiastically and placed her hands on her hips. "Well, that shouldn't be too big of a deal."

"It's...basically lying to the government," Camila flatly said, her brow furrowed.

"Yeah, but what have they done for you lately?"

"But-But the digging! People could dig into our family and find--"

"I'm gonna stop ya right there," Eda said with a raised hand. "There's no way ya can 'accidentally' break a law. You'd have to be an extra kind of stupid to do something like that. Also, sweet of you to have high aspirations for yer kids, but come on? President? You can aim a little lower."

"Excuse me for wishing the best for my children!"

"Okay, okay. Still, with how anxious you were acting, I was half-expecting you ta ask if ya want to rob a bank. Forging an official document? Pfft! I can do that in my sleep...And have, once. Fun story, remind me to tell you it sometime."

"You...really have no problem with this?" Camila asked.

"Can I still crash on yer couch?"

"I guess?"

"Then I'm fine!" Eda threw an arm over Camila's shoulders. "Now, show me what a human birth certificate looks like. I can forge that thing up real quick!"

"Oh...joy..."

[irusuzume]

So here's a thought:

Ashton is sort of established to have anxiety, yeah? Like, they had a panic attack before when they were on their way to getting a new outfit, so they are at least sorta anxious or something, maybe.

Now I have been having a bit of a time with my anxiety and trying to explain it to someone sort of made it worse this time and was really hard to explain in a way that didn't sound really vague and feel kind of useless, and then here comes the thought -- it reminded me of Ashton's explanation for his actions and how some internet voices regarded those and their apologies (no disagreement or argument, just an observation). In addition sometimes anxiety comes out as anger, yeah? because of the fight or flight thing, and if barbarians in general need some sort of primal or emotional impetus for their strength and rages, and nothing is more primal brain-wise than the amygdala (i think) where that fight or flight comes from, then could that mean that at least partially, Ashton is a barbarian because of that anxiety and how it manifests? If so then that would mean he's like almost always terrified? If that's true, then that makes me so sad... I sorta hope I'm proven wrong...

Anyway as compensation for the rant here is a piece that I've been working on since the episode before last Thursday's (I can't remember the number right now) It's not super complete but I think it's as good as it's gonna get for now.

I promise I draw more than just Ashton or Taliesin Jaffe characters, it's just what I ever really complete (relatively) fully recently.

[idontwanttospoiltheparty]

"I actually still have more to say lmao but don’t know If I Should " Please go off. It's so refreshing to see someone exercise a healthy dose of caution and scepticism in considering The 'evidence'. Also, wanted to say, I completely get your annoyance about every single song John or Paul has written made to somehow be about the other. I know people are just here to have fun and all but it's such a myopic way of analysing their great body of work.

Like… Here's The Thing:

If John and Paul had sex, it wouldn't be like… that hard for them to hide this fact lol. So the fact we don't have hard proof of it isn't in of itself evidence that it never happened (a thing Mark Lewisohn doesn't seem to quite understand). But finding proof for it outside of Paul himself coming forward and admitting to it (or the executor of his estate, or Sean, or some insanely petty person with an axe to grind who's been… waiting for Paul to die for decades?) is like trying to find a needle in a haystack.

Honestly, it kind of reads as copium to me when people who are highly invested in Being Right About McLennon cling to these unverifiable sources that vehemently insist "everyone in the industry knows!" It's as if they need to affirm to themselves that they're ~not crazy~. (for the record: I don't think believing John and Paul were in love/had sex in of itself is crazy) It's just concerning when nobody is asking themselves why these sources who have all this "industry knowledge" are apparently never sharing that knowledge with the people who are actually publishing Beatles books; not even with the authors of the super trashy books; not even as a "source who asked not to be named". No, they only appear to be talking to random frequenters of various internet forums. Like. It just makes me go HMMMMM yknow?

And the other thing is like………… Are we forgetting why we here on tumblr generally agree that John was bi?

The idea that everyone knew about John and Paul being a couple, but they didn't tattle about this to the press because That Would Be Rude! ––– but also they felt going off about John's sexuality in general was actually totally fair game???? How does that make any sense?? It's also like, even if a lot of people still look the other way with regard to John's sexuality (though, less and less, in my observation), that doesn't mean the information hasn't been freely accessible for decades. It begs the question why this isn't a thing for all the McLennon Proof That Totally Exists This One Guy Told Me!!! And authors like Albert Goldman prove that disrupting the Lennon Estate's narrative, the macho image of John, is a lucrative business, specifically talking about his sexuality sells. (sort of off-topic: NGL, I'm always a bit mystified when people on this site seem to… Forget that John/Brian is a MUCH more substantiated theory than John/Paul.)

And this can't possibly all be down to John being dead while Paul is alive. As I said: it's also not like Paul hasn't caught an insane amount of shit over the decades. Guys like Giuliano wrote about him as well.

It's almost like, if Paul is bi, probably very few people know this fact for certain! Wow!

Also re: the song thing. It's just that……… I really like music? For it's own sake y'know. I get sad when 90% of the posts I see about the songs are trying to prove a theory that's much better substantiated by like… quotes than (for the most part, pretty vague) lyrics anyways. And I wouldn't mind all the fun tinhatting (some of which I engage in too!) if there was just more unabashed song loving.

[ihazyourkitty]

Person: oh you shouldn’t visit X animal facility they’re terrible!

Me: Why do you say that?

Person: well you see, I’m just such an empath, and … *proceeds to just talk about vibes rather than give specific examples*

Sigh.

This sort of conversation has actually happened to me multiple times over the past year when talking to people (usually on the bus, at work, or in line for something in public). So I’m just gonna say it:

Does being an empath automatically make someone qualified to be a psychologist? No? Then why the heck does it make someone qualified to speak on matters of animal welfare and behavior!? Let alone on the whole broader, incredibly complicated topic of which facilities are good and which are bad? It doesn’t. It simply doesn’t!

I’ve found it helpful to ask these people to give specific examples of what they’ve seen or heard. 9 times out of 10, they can’t, and it’s not necessarily out of malice. More often than not, it’s because they just don’t have the tools to properly analyze or understand what it is they are seeing, and so instead they go off of vibes, which is then sometimes combined with rumors they hear that serve as confirmation bias. Now look, whether you’re an empath or not, basing animal welfare assessments off of vibes is incredibly subjective at best.

The most specific any of these individuals were for me was when they mentioned something that sounded like it could have been a husbandry/veterinary procedure that wasn’t going well and the staff involved seemed frustrated. Which…. Yeah I’m sure that looked bad, but the details provided were still vague, so there’s no way for me to judge if that was because that facility’s general husbandry practices were poor, or if it was just something that was stressful because it didn’t go as planned or whatever.

Furthermore, just like people animals can have off days, sick days, scary days… so even if I were to assume that the vibes these empaths claimed to pick up on were accurate, it would not be fair to project vibes from that singular observation onto their entire state of being, anymore than it would be to do so for a person. Welfare assessments require more data than isolated observations.

Being concerned for zoo animals’ wellbeing is great, but I wish people would stop making snap judgements like this.

Lastly, and let me say it louder for the people in the back: NO THAT ANIMAL IS NOT SAD BECAUSE IT “LOOKS SO SAD” TO YOU!!!! STOP IT WITH THE HARMFUL ANTHROPOMORPHISM!!!!

[girderednerve]

rewatched 1x02 of the vampire show

continuing my theory about there being a background line that establishes the episode thesis relatively early on: there isn't a line that stands out to me, so maybe that was a dumb idea! but i think the boring, awkward little anecdote the salesman tells is interesting; the broken-down horse, the shiny new tractor; the shining golden frontier palomino, the creep of capital-intensive farming that turned the prairie into a dust bowl. i'm not insisting that the show writers were like 'and then everyone will vaguely recall that one chapter about tractors from the grapes of wrath, which they read in the ninth grade,' i'm just saying that's what i thought about: this guy's daughter & his job & his weak sales pitch, replacing something beautiful & fragile with something powerful & new & unalive

i like when they're coming back from the cemetery & louis is wearing lestat's caped greatcoat. when we first see lestat from behind in 1x01, he's standing under a streetlight in his old-fashioned overcoat, serving dracula; now louis is transformed, & he's wearing it. nice detail

lestat has a much more compelling sales pitch. 'you alone beneath the rising moon can strike like the hand of god' okay man you can just say you want him to top. well, i guess he kind of did. but it is an articulation of what vampirism is to lestat, & i think it's interesting! lestat is saying, 'death is beautiful, our purpose is to witness it,' and louis is like 'that is murder you are insane,' because that is not his particular brand of unhinged protagonism. anyway thinking about the idea of beauty for beauty's sake, nina auerbach's observation that the referent for dracula was oscar wilde in the dock

i love watching louis eat the lawyer. i mean murder is wrong. i love watching louis eat the lawyer. i love his cream suit. i love his angry little hiss. i love jacob anderson's shoulders. i love how he says "subject verb agreement sir." i love watching louis eat the lawyer

i remain a little skeptical of louis' narration, perhaps unjustly. in 1x01 he says 'i was being hunted, and i had absolutely no idea,' but he must've had some idea that lestat pursued him? if lestat was following him around all the time & staring at him like that & having wild powers & so on? is there not some model here where louis liked being the object of lestat's desire, even though he clearly did not want or consent to all parts of that desire? i don't think this diminishes the harm lestat did to louis, obviously, & it makes me sad to imagine that louis might

cf. louis & the theater: in 1x01, he tells his family he fell asleep, but lestat says otherwise; in 1x02, lestat invites him to the opera, he rolls his eyes, and then looks enraptured once he's there. 'he had a way about him,' but louis is just faking it with the tenor; okay, but i don't believe you, louis! you are staring intently at the tenor with a look of wonder on your face! i think he saw the appeal & rejected it, which is more interesting anyway but is worse if you believe in Thought Crimes (are catholic)

off-topic but i read part of a fic where louis is reading paradise lost, which the author seemed to believe is a catholic text? which is sufficiently incorrect to be comical. but please consider how much fun one could have with st. augustine's confessions: not only does it have that very famous part about stealing for the sake of stealing, which i think is very much how louis thinks of lestat, it is also sort of an origin point for western memoir. does louis imagine his interview as a sort of confession? he has to, right? at what point do we think daniel figures out that louis has called him here to shrive his soul lmao

[randomfandomblabdom]

@carleyjayden

Everything you said was 100% on point. I'm curious about your thoughts of their interaction after the game is over where Cal asks her where do they go from here and she says things can't be like they were before. I took that to meaning things can't be like they were on Jedha before everything went to crap and it made me feel a bit sad.

That conversation has unfortunately been confusing people since the game released and I can't completely blame those who interpreted it as a sort of break up, "we can still be friends" moment because it is kind of a clunky and vague conversation that almost feels like it was slapped on at the last minute. I'm pretty positive it's supposed to mean that neither of them can go back to being just friends now that they've given in to their romantic attraction and they're going to figure it out together, at least that's how I interpreted it. Almost as if they shared that night on Jedha but didn't quite get to that conversation regarding where they stood as a pair cause everything was still so new and exciting and weren't able to get to that conversation since all hell broke lose the next morning.

I think backtracking on that relationship not only after the game is over but also in that mundane of a way would be really stupid, especially because it would make the entire arc and all of its development useless going forward. I genuinely hope the developers and writers would've made it abundantly clear if they were randomly deciding to throw all of that out and have Cal and Merrin go their separate ways again. I don't think that's what the conversation means at all, especially considering many after-game interactions make a lot of references to family and fatherhood, including Kata being observant of the fact that Merrin obviously likes him. I just think the dialogue of that conversation could've been worded a bit better but we'll have to wait and see where they are with each other in the next game. If they do actually backtrack, it's an understatement that I will be seriously pissed. I think many people would be because again, that would not make any sense from a writing and character perspective.

Again, I don't think the conversation was meant to be a break up at all but I can't blame people for interpreting it that way.

[kptssecretsanta]

Merry Christmas, @monochrome-crisis!

Dear @monochrome-crisis, I have really enjoyed writing this for you, and I hope you like it. Your prompts were delightful and it was a lot fun playing around with these two. Happy Holidays if you observe, and happy fic-gift-day to you if you don’t! Best, your anon gifter. 

TAGS: established relationship, secret relationship, arranged marriage, road trip, sort of, running away, 

SUMMARY: Chay stands quite still and watches him for several seconds, but it doesn’t help to make the jumble of nonsense words rearrange themselves into useful sentences in his head. 

“I’m sorry,” he says slowly. “An inauspicious start to what, precisely?”

“Why, to your marriage, of course!”

*****

can’t let this wait one more day

It’s Tankhun who accidentally breaks the news to Chay, on a rainy October afternoon when he’d expected to face nothing more challenging than a couple of hours playing the new Spider-Man game. A problem with his XBox has him venturing down to Arm’s office-cum-armoury-cum-tech lab, where he finds Tankhun sitting cross-legged on the floor, cutting pictures of floral arrangements and men in alarmingly colourful suits out of a vertiginously tall stack of bridal magazines. He snips some of them out with painstaking precision, and scratches the scissors angrily across others, his choices made according to some arcane and unknowable criteria. The images that survive his process are passed to Arm, who dutifully and efficiently pastes them down into a pastel pink, faux-fur-covered scrapbook.

“Khun? Is everything… Are you ok?”

“Auhhh! My favourite brother-in-law!” Tankhun cries at a volume that isn’t quite ear-piercing, but is certainly louder than required given the three of them are alone in an echo-y room, and Chay’s ears are less than thirty centimetres away from his mouth. “Everything is so much more than fine! It’s all wonderful! Practically perfect, in fact! Only do say you’ll let me dress you, nong, it would kill me to see you walk down the aisle in someone else’s shoes! And you wouldn’t break my heart like that, hmm, not on your wedding day? It would be a harbinger of so, so much bad luck! Such an inauspicious start, no?!”

Chay stands quite still and watches him for several seconds, but it doesn’t help to make the jumble of nonsense words rearrange themselves into useful sentences in his head. 

“I’m sorry,” he says slowly. “An inauspicious start to what, precisely?”

“Why, to your marriage, of course!”

***

“Nothing is set in stone,” Arm promises him, trying to calm him down while Tankhun flaps off to find Porsche. “It’s just an idea, at this stage, that’s all. Just something that was suggested - really, it’s more like it was vaguely alluded to - at the last family meeting. It doesn’t mean you have to marry anyone you don’t want to.”

The atmosphere in Arm’s little misery-bunker has always been a bit sad, but it’s never felt quite as overwhelmingly damp and awful as this moment in time. 

“I know you mean well, but ‘we might not marry you off against your will’ isn’t actually as reassuring as you seem to think it is,” Chay points out. He’s just pleased he can still form coherent words; that must mean the worst of the panic attack is subsiding.

“Yeah, that’s fair,” Arm says, and Chay tries very hard to find the deeply sympathetic look on his face comforting instead of terrifying. 

***

Chay: hey 

Chay: u busy?

Chay: i need to see u its urgent

Chay: ive run away im at the boba place 

Chay: the one with the cute plants inside where you kissed me that time 

Chay: pls don’t take long they’re cutting me off

not my secret bf: be there in ten

***

Macau picks Chay up in his older brother’s convertible, stolen for the occasion, and drives off without any questions. The extent to which he’s ride-or-die is, in Chay’s opinion, one of his absolute top-ten best traits. At Chay’s request, he heads out of the city, no particular destination in mind. He doesn’t say anything until they’re far enough out they’re relying on headlights, and the sound of rain on the windscreen is louder than the traffic. 

“Whatever happened, it’s ok, babe. I promise.”

“You won’t say that when you know!” Chay cries. “Hia wants me to get married, Cau, it’s really serious!” 

“What?”

“That’s what Arm said. And Khun! I’m sorry, babe, I know he’s your cousin, but also. What the fuck? How could he know something like that and not tell me!” Chay’s voice rises frantically, reaching a fever pitch as he vents his frustration at once again being the last one to find out important information about his life. “Oh my god, what if it’s to some disgusting greasy old man who wants a good little wifey, that Kinn needs to sign some business deal with?” Chay says suddenly, face awash with horror. 

“Ok, first of all,” Macau says, glancing over at Chay from the driver’s seat of with a grin of a distinctly gremlin-y variety creeping across his face, “if Kinn needed someone to sign a contract that badly, he’d just break their fingers until they signed it.”

“That’s not reassuring, Cau.”

“And second of all,” Macau presses on, ignoring Chay’s point completely, “I’m not gonna let you marry anyone else, so it doesn’t matter anyway, hmm?”

“You really think they’ll listen to you?”

Macau frowns, impish grin fading as quickly as it had appeared, and clicks his fingernails on the wheel, the way Vegas really hates. “I dunno. Maybe? And if they don’t, we could just… leave, I guess.”

“I’m not - listen, babe, I love you, but your uncle kept my mum locked away in an attic for eighteen years because she married the wrong guy, so like. I don’t have that much faith in Kinn or Korn or Vegas to be super chill about someone trying to leave the family.” 

Macau shoots him a quick glance, eyes slicking sideways before snapping back to the road. “Well, if you put it like that…”

“Look, you don’t have to come with me,” Chay says, voice laced with grim determination. “I know you – all your family are here, your whole life is here. But I think I have to leave.”

“Ok, ok. But you don’t have to go now,” Macau says. “We can come up with a real plan, take a little time.”

“I can’t go back. I can’t walk back in there. I can’t spend another second there.”

Macau swerves suddenly and pulls up on the side of the road, switching the engine off but leaving the headlights on, so the curtains of thick rain ahead of them are illuminated in their glow. Turning to face Chay, he reaches over and takes his hand, linking their fingers together and squeezing gently. 

“Hey,” Macau says softly, which catches Chay’s attention more than any amount of screaming would have. “I’m sorry my family is such a fucking nightmare. I’m not - of course I’m not gonna make you go back. If you wanna leave tonight and never come back, we can do that.”

“But?” Chay asks nervously. Macau lifts a questioning eyebrow. “It sounded like there was a ‘but’ coming next.”

“Nope,” Macau says easily, shaking his head and letting Chay see the truth shining bright in his eyes. “No ‘but.’ I’d follow you anywhere, Porchay.”

“Cau…�� Chay says, releasing the name like an invocation into the night air. 

Macau stares at him, gaze far too intense to bear for long, and then he turns to look out at the road spilling away into the darkness ahead of them. “Chay, you know, we could - if you want - they can’t make you marry anyone if you’re already married.”

“Fuck.” Chay lets out a breath, a long, deep exhalation that carries away half the tension in his whole frame. “How are you so perfect when your family is so…”

“Shit, no idea.” Macau laughs and it’s not pleasant. “This is why I didn’t want to tell them about us. They ruin everything they touch, and I wanted to try and keep you whole as long as possible. So I’d get it, you know, if you don’t want - augh!”

Macau shrieks a little, very bravely, as Chay throws himself across the centre console and clambers eagerly if awkwardly into his lap, winding long slender brown arms around his neck and kissing him fiercely until one of them accidentally jams a knee into the horn. 

***

The hotel is not quite clean enough to be boring, and just a little too rundown to be charming. It’s the last place anyone would ever think to look for them, which means it’s Macau’s new favourite spot. He pays for one room, daring the older man behind the desk to say something about the way he has his arm wrapped around Chay’s waist, fingers tapping out a gentle rhythm on his hips. Chay’s arm is draped over his shoulder in turn, so he can lean easily into his side, soaking up his warmth. 

There’s a horrible pause where the guy hangs on to the key a little too long, and then Macau tips his chin up defiantly. His hand closes around the key and whisks it away from him. 

“We can find it ourselves,” he says. It’s not until they’re halfway down the hallway to their room that he realises the guy had absolutely no intention of helping them with their bags. 

Not that they have bags, per se. Chay has his old school backpack with him, which he’d hurriedly stuffed with a couple of pairs of underwear and some clean socks, a spare power bank for his phone and laptop, and more snacks than Macau’s seen in one place outside of a child’s birthday party. 

Macau, on the other hand, has his phone, battery currently hovering around 19%, and his wallet. 

“I thought,” Chay says defensively, when he catches Macau eyeing his stash, “that I might have to get the bus somewhere.”

Macau shrugs out of his bomber jacket and tosses it haphazardly across the room. “You shut your mouth. My fiancé doesn’t take the fucking bus.” 

“Fiancé,” Chay murmurs to himself, rolling the word around his mouth. “Shit, Cau. Are you sure?”

“I am if you are.” Macau swallows and ignores the too-fast beat of his heart. Chay’s hand wraps around his wrist, fingertips pressing gently against his pulse point. Macau loves his touch so much; he hates why they’re here, but he’d be lying if he said he hates getting this much attention from Chay all at once, after months of existing from one stolen moment to the next.

Macau’s vague idea of showering and then planning the rest of his life is quickly shelved. He’s too busy letting Chay tumble them into bed, rolling over so Chay can pin his wrists and grind his hips down. Chay licks into his mouth and then laughs at the dramatic whine he lets out when he pulls away again too soon. It’s just for show; they both know Chay would never leave him so unsatisfied. 

They make love on scratchy sheets in a cheap hotel on the outskirts of the city, because neither of them could bear to drive any further, because they both need to get their hands on each other, because Chay doesn’t mind being Macau’s dirty little secret but he’s damned if he’ll be anyone else’s husband, and because Macau has had a lifetime of watching his family destroy every good thing that wanders into its path, and he’ll be damned if he lets Chay be their next target. 

As they fall asleep curled into each other, all warm skin and slow breathing, soft lips and steady heartbeats, Chay gives Macau the other reason he couldn’t marry anyone his hia chose for him. “I want to wake up next to you. Tomorrow. All my tomorrows.”

***

Arm wakes Chay gently, shaking his shoulder and stepping back discreetly as his eyes flutter open. Years of practice avoiding the flailing arms of a recently-roused Tankhun, Chay assumes. 

“Shit. How did you find us?” he mumbles, pulling the sheets over his head. 

“I don’t know where to start. You and Khun Macau have about twelve trackers between you, not counting your phones and his credit card.” Arm tugs the sheet away and turns his tablet around; it’s a mass of blinking dots concentrated in a small cluster. 

“Where’s Macau? What have you done to him?” Chay cries when he realises he’s alone in bed. 

“It’s ok, Khun Chay, he’s just getting coffee,” Arm says. He sounds calm, but Chay’s seen him like this before and knows it doesn’t mean he’s not alert.  

“If you try and keep us apart, I’ll scream so loudly that everyone in the hotel’s gonna think you’re murdering me,” Chay says. “I’m a singer, I can do it, phi. My lungs can do things you wouldn’t believe!” He’s aware that he doesn’t look all that threatening, probably, sleep-dopey and with his hair all mussed up, but it’s worth a try. His hia raised Chay very carefully, though, and the second most important lesson he ever taught Chay was not to back down from a fight he believed in.

(The first lesson was not to start fights you can’t win, but Chay is deliberately choosing to ignore that.)

“Ah, no, it’s ok, nong,” Arm says quickly. “Look, here’s Khun Porsche, I’m sure he can explain it all better than I can.”

As the door opens, Chay snorts the snort of a man who has a deep fraternal understanding of Porsche’s ability to explain anything at all. 

“Hia!” Chay leaps off the bed and strides angrily across the room, shoving at Porsche’s shoulder before the door has even swung closed behind him. “You son-of-a-bitch! You couldn’t even tell me to my face, what the fuck!” 

“Chay – ” 

“No! NO!” Chay pushes him again, hot tears of frustration welling in his eyes and making his brother’s face mercifully blurry. “How dare you? I had to find out from Tankhun, of all people?! And it’s not until I leave that you suddenly give a damn what happens to me? Get out of my way, I’m going to find Cau and if you try to stop me, I’ll, I’ll, I’ll. I’ll fucking bite you, I don’t know!” He’s properly crying now, beating his fists uselessly against Porsche’s chest. 

“Chay,” Porsche says again, far more gently this time, and he catches Chay’s wrists before pulling him into a tight hug. “Chay, it’s ok, it’s all ok, I promise.”

“Hia!” Chay squeezes out between loud sobs. “Hia, please.”

“Arm,” Porsche says, craning to speak over Chay’s head. “Arm, I think you need to go fetch Macau now.”

***

“The thing is, Khun Chay, that while the relationship between the major and minor families is much closer these days – ”

“You mean because hia and Khun Kinn can’t keep their hands off each other,” Chay asks. He knows that’s not really why, but it’s funny to see Arm trying to work out how to answer the question in front of Porsche. He’s currently sitting on Macau’s lap, arms wound around his neck, and while he hasn’t actually growled or snapped his teeth at anyone who comes near them, his demeanour is carefully cultivated to suggest that he might.

“Uh, yeah. Yes. That’s not how I’d – but yes, I suppose Khun Kinn and Khun Porsche do have quite a noticeable physical connection,” Arm admits reluctantly. “And it’s good that they’re married. That’s great! But obviously there’s the deposed remnants of the former minor family to consider – oh. Umm. Sorry for your loss, Khun Macau – but the point is that now we all have some distance from the attempted coup, Khuns Kinn and Porsche thought that, uh.”

“They thought it would be convenient to get me married off, I know.”

“No, hang on, it wasn’t - it was just a silly thing Khun suggested, and Kinn said it - ok, yeah, he said it would be convenient, yeah, but we weren’t going to actually do anything about it!” Porsche throws his hands up in exasperation, nearly knocking the tablet out of Arm’s hands. “You didn’t have to run away on a whim, Chay!”

“Hang on, what does this have to do with Vegas and I?” Macau asks, at the same time as Chay mutters ‘It wasn’t a whim!’

“What do you mean?” Porsche asks him, leaning forward with genuine confusion on his face. (Chay recognises it from the days when he used to ask Porsche for help with his algebra homework.) “It was – the plan was – well, no, it wasn’t a plan, but Khun’s idea was that you two should marry each other.”

“Oh shit,” Macau says, squeezing Chay’s waist tightly. “Oh, shit, babe! Do you know what this means?!”

Chay wriggles around in his lap to face him, disbelief and hope warring on his face. “Is he saying what I think he’s saying?”

“I think he’s saying that they’re not gonna stop us being together, actually,” Macau says. He reaches up to stroke Chay’s face gently, running the back of his knuckles reverently along his cheekbones. 

“Hang on,” Porsche says. “Hang on, are you two – is that why you shared a room?!” He turns to stare at Arm accusingly; Arm quickly buries his head in his tablet and starts tapping away furiously. Porsche tuts and turns back to the disgraced runaways. “Macau! Did you fuck my brother last night?”

“Of course not!” Macau says quickly, and then his little gremlin grin returns. “Fun fact, phi, your baby brother is a very talented top.”

“Gah, shut up, shut the fuck up,” Porsche shouts, then covers his ears and starts humming when Macau opens his mouth to elaborate. 

“Stop antagonising him, and I’ll stop Tankhun from dressing you in cerise on our wedding day,” Chay murmurs to Macau, slapping a hand over his open mouth. Macau licks his palm, mostly out of habit, but nods his agreement. 

“It’s ok, hia, you can listen again,” Chay says. Arm leans over without looking up from his tablet and taps him on the shoulder. “I said, it’s ok. We’ve decided to take a rain check on the eloping plan today.”

“Oh, Khun Nu will be so relieved,” Arm says. “He was so worried.”

“Aww,” Chay says, willing to be far more lenient now things are going his way. “He was worried about Cau and I? That’s so sweet.”

“Oh, yes.” Arm pauses briefly. “Well. That, and he was worried he’d ordered a custom Armani for nothing.”

[twinkle-art]

im curious since Andromeda has terminal haunted by mom thoughts behavior and a weirdoes connection to Emet selch, what's her thoughts/relationship to hydaelyn/venat? cuz she kind of comes out the gate swinging and just straight up calls the player character her child in early visions. I suppose its equally likely hydaelyn was just too vague for a while for her to have very concrete feelings about it, and perhaps a more traditionally maternal style doesnt resonate enough to be very affecting, but im curious as to how she felt about All That

ohhhh this question is so fun i’m so tickled to know you’ve been paying attention like that 

so the short version is a little of column A, a little of column B– the truly overwhelming aura of maternal love that hydaelyn exudes unsurprisingly hit her like a goddamn truck, but perhaps not how you might expect. 

circa. ARR, when she was first given the title of Hydaelyn’s Little Superstar, she was very lost in the sauce of an uncomplicated Narrative of Heroism. as she does not come from a place where hydaelyn is even recognized as god, she was mostly caught up in the excitement of being chosen by a divine entity that she wasn’t even fully convinced was real, like, a week earlier. like, i think she would’ve thought of being referred to as Her child as something closer to set dressing, the sort of thing an all-powerful goddess is supposed to say, rather than something hydaelyn genuinely means and feels, let alone something she can actually internalize.

(a brief aside, thinking about this made me suddenly realize that in the absence of hydaelyn as an uncontested presence in the god-rejecting society she grew up in, the closest cultural equivalent would then be……. solus zos galvus. i will be unpacking the profoundly deranged implications of this parallel another time.)

however, you’re completely correct to hone in on the fact that hydaelyn’s maternal love being, like, what maternal love is actually supposed to be would throw andromeda, who’s never really had that modeled for her, for a loop. the slow, dawning realization that that’s how it’s supposed to feel would creep up slowly, without fanfare, only really crescendoing during endwalker

her time with venat was odd for her, in that it left her feeling deeply, deeply sad for reasons she struggled to articulate. perhaps this is a very revealing comparison to make, but i can really only liken it to the feeling of observing a closely-knit and happy family that you aren’t a part of and feeling an odd sense of loss that you didn’t get to have what they do. as a person, rather than a distant, inhuman entity, it was suddenly undeniable how genuine venat’s unfathomably deep love for the world, and her by extension, was, and i think it would probably make her heart ache to know that such a thing could exist, or that maternal love could come without the baggage she knows it to, and that she had had such a thing all along and not known it until right before she had to let it go

because everything is a part of my grand scheme (<- lie) i do love how this ties in very nicely with her relationships to both her real mom (lucretia) and her fake evil not-mom (emet), in that going into endwalker’s climax where she needs to finally see herself for who she truly is rather than simply The Hero, a huge part of her growing up is also seeing her parent as a full person with interiority as well. stripping the veneer of straightforwardness from how she understands and interacts with all three of these characters at more or less concurrent points in her arc simply feels right <3

[goremet-chef]

dumb little (very long actually) character analysis for dod n co, just my little guys. im good at compartmentalizing my troubles so thats mainly what they are, very good outlet. theyre really personal so it gets kinda heavy but i dont mind sharing em cuz seeing them as characters rather than states of mind soothes it a bit

some world exposition also, demons and angels live in vague harmony. its not a matter of sinful evil creature vs divine pure creature, its just 2 different cogs in the same machine, working together to keep things running. some angels and demons can hold those sorts of prejudice though, but for the most part its even

(slight nsfw warning with repentance also)

DO-OR-DIE ...

hes a demon, specifically a dream walker. dream walking demons are observers, they usually arent able to be perceived by humans or whoever. they spend most of their time wandering and watching over people to see what theyre doing, sometimes living through them. standard stuff.

his problem is that over time hes developed a corruption. corruptions cause the demon to be fundamentally flawed in some way that harms the demons wellbeing and affects its ability to live. in these instances, they are granted an angel to help them recover. usually it only takes one depending on the severity and the demons willingness to listen. dod has 3.

sometimes angels are unsuccessful, which is a problem because corrupted demons can become large threats. beings motivated by anguish alone are dangerous. thats another reason they send angels to save them.

he used to be rather odd and charming as any demon would be, but his corruption has made him awkward and unsocialized. sometimes he remembers himself before this, but its distant and blurry.

he represents me at a base level. he thinks too much and his corruption has lead to a massive hole forming in his center. he feels empty, so he fills the empty space with anger and fear and love. his design mainly encompasses the split in emotions i feel a lot. mindless joy or unmanageable sadness

CHASM ...

chasm is benevolent and thoughtful angel, and he sees the truth. he delivers honesty and rational advice. he wants the best for dod, but his approach is what complicates things. hes blunt, theres no point in sugar coating reality. his delivery brings more harm than good to dod, despite his good intentions.

in his attempts to calm dod, he'll tell him that no one cares enough about him to be angry with him, which is backhanded reassurance and it often fails. despite this, he has the highest chance of helping dod recover. dod is incapable of listening and taking it to heart because chasms words hurt.

chasm cares for dod, but hes here on assignment and his care manifests through trying to get him recovered. no matter how avoidant and arrogant dod is, chasm is always patient with him. recovery takes time.

the relationship that is formed through the recovery process with the demon and their angels can range from strictly business and a farewell once its over to lifelong companions. thats how chasm sees dod, hes a naturally empathetic angel and feels for him quite a bit. a shoulder to lean on, if dod ever has the sense to lean on anyone other than himself

thought process consists of a lot of spiraling and hysteria, and then running straight into that wall. "they dont care enough to be annoyed or mad at you, its not a big deal" but thats kind of a big deal to me. its helpful, but its too painful to bear. i didnt make chasms original design but i did change it quite a bit. gave him a mouth on his stomach as well as? what COULD be top scars but also look like closed, tired eyes. he was a shapeshifting type of guy before but now he mainly keeps insect features or casual angel features like bird wings and a halo

HILO ...

after observing that chasms help wasnt working, they sent dod another angel. hilo is optimistic and eccentric, and he sees the truth. if reality is bringing you down, why not just leave? he can take dod anywhere he wants to go, he can allow him to be anyone he wants past his usual observation, and it almost works.

unfortunately, this method is flawed. it feels good, but it doesnt tackle the root of his issue, instead opting to ignore it. time goes on and hes getting more and more corrupted, and despite how often he indulges in hilo's help, he knows its not what he needs.

hilo doesnt see it that way. even if his idea of recovery is inaccurate, hes got dods best interest in mind, similar to chasm. he assumes if he can take dod away from the pain thats corrupting him, he'll be saved. he wants him to smile, wants him to be creative, wants to nourish the small glimmer of joy and let dod grow it out on his own, but when the source of the corruption is unaddressed, it halts that completely

hilo and chasm often clash. the eternal battle between reality and fantasy, between fact and fiction. they dont see eye to eye, because their methods recovery are complete opposites. hilo is lighthearted, and treats dod as a friend. his unserious nature is avoidant in itself

daydreaming and dissociation are household names in the home of ominic, which i mean. yeah. im part of a system thats like our whole thing 💀 i spend MOST of my days completely absent from reality, just stuck in place pretending to be someone else until i have to get up for food or some shit. feels great, but no progress. again, i didnt make his original design, but i did redesign him so one thing i added in his redesign specifically is that underneath the long sleeves of his sweater, his skin is gross like dead almost. blackened and dried which basically just represents the bad part about dissociating so much. it seems great at surface level but if you peel back some layers its clearly not good for you

REPENTANCE ...

surely if he had 3 angels, they could work together and finally save him right..? wrong! repentance is high strung and strict, and he sees the truth. dod is a creature of sin, and he should be regarded as such. he thinks the only way for dod to truly repent and recover is to beg god for mercy, but until that happens he has no problem spitting insults and making sure he knows how disgusting he is

repentance views himself as the guideline for how any angel should be and thinks hes the best to help dod recover. in his own words, hes "keeping him humble".

thats where him and chasm tend to clash, much more intensely than chasm does with hilo (and more than hilo and repentance. repentance honestly just ignores hilo at this point, hilo thinks hes dumb). dod is stuck in a cycle of "everyone hates you, you dont deserve anything" and "no one cares enough to hate you" which. theyre actively working against eachother and bringing more confusion into his life.

repentance isnt as pure as he thinks he is, though. at some point he develops a sexual relationship with dod, which leads to some heavy denial. if it was anyone else he would consider it an affront to god, but hes good and holy... so of course hes only doing his best to help dod recover from his corruption. its a blessing, surely. ends up developing some complex feelings towards dod. still just as rude as always but his needs are completely selfish. hes not helping dod, hes helping himself, he just refuses to see it that way

i think my bpd is more violent to me than anyone else, sometimes i do split and get really angry but more often than not that anger is directed towards myself. thats basically what repentance is. bitter voice of a viper. also an outlet for my hypersexuality cuz thats really overbearing honestly. his design has some deeper meanings as well. the wings on his 'head' are upright because he views himself as being flawless and always correct, but the wings on his hips are upside down which. can symbolize a few different things in the context of him 💀 he represents my personal grievances with religion as well

RED HERRING ...

having 3 opposing angels is a lot of chaos, and chaos has formed a subdemon. red herring is quiet, and simple. he rarely ever speaks and is often hard to read. he stays out of the way and lingers around dod most of the time. his form is unstable and shifts a lot.

he is simple, but he has feelings, and his expression is that of guilt and deception. lots of mixed feelings have made dod feel like hes not who he says he is, like hes tricking those around him. if hes in a position where hes under stress and has to confront those feelings dod holds, he becomes active.

active subdemons play a part, and his part is feeling like he doesnt belong. like his true colors need to be shown so everyone will be too scared to touch him. he doesnt know if hes guilty or not of deceiving everyone, but he'll show it anyways as a last act of honor.

as his name implies, hes like a misleading piece of information. whether or not thats based in truth doesnt matter, its just how dod feels. feels like he doesnt deserve anything due to how loud repentance is. ultimately all 3 of them have caused dod some kind of pain and each subdemon represents that individual pain like some kind of complex spider web. i made him randomly when i was doing really bad so his design is simple but sometimes you need a simple character to vent yr feelings with

PLAYING HOOKY ...

another subdemon. hes silly and lighthearted, very similar to hilo. his expression is also similar. instead of just ditching reality, why not ditch everything? leave leave leave! run away from responsibility, run away from friends, run away from life. fool proof.

hes actually fun, a refreshing mix of wittiness and joy with a dash of edginess. its a completely disastrous mixture for dod because it makes it incredibly easy for him to relate to hooky and follow his lead. he can talk him into anything

his design reflects that. even though his nature is avoidance, his skin is sticky like tar, and he can hook others into place (he also grapples around with his hooks but thats not important i just think its cool)

sticky goopy little guy but hes like hilo in a worse way. mainly just more hiding but on the basis of fear instead of dissociation. him, dod, and red herring are prone to having their chest split open. represents different things, from feeling vulnerable and having yr guts on display to the gaping void thats slowly killing dod himself

I AM MY OWN ACTIONS ...

or i am for short. the final subdemon. he mirrors chasms message and is by far the most different subdemon from dod. his expression is taking the blame fully, even if its not all on you. there is an element of moving forward as well, but how can you come to terms with something you dont even know is true? its all hearsay, angels spitting back and forth between eachother, how can you know for certain?

thats the part that gets dod stuck and its why i am is so vastly different. he seems unreachable almost. dod is stubborn. even if hes certain hes the root of all his problems and hes just this horrible awful person, he cant say for certain. all the angels are certain of different things, whats he supposed to believe?

i try to keep it open ended with this whole thing. maybe he is a horrible person. who knows. we literally dont SKJFS

i am is quiet but does speak unlike red herring. his voice is soft like chasms, and he prefers lurking in the shadows. hes this presence that dod can feel, lingering in the background. he can accept it whenever, but he wont.

i think i laid out everything with this guy but i gave him a mixture of chasms buggy aspects as well as the tail of a coelacanth because to me coelacanths symbolize resilience. stick it out a bit longer, dont let them drive you to your grave. also yes he does climb on walls like a bug

okay im done now. this is kinda.. i mean its a bit embarrassing laying out my brain like this but i really like them as characters so i dont mind sharing it. i love all the different dynamics

[2n2n]

Do you think Amane’s fate was to die a t4 but Tsukasa changed it, or Tsukasa’s sacrifice was his fate too ? Like I don’t get which event is written in Tsuchigomori’s books and which isn’t

I really have only vague ideas... the thing about Tsuchigomori's bookstacks is, they CAN be vague ... ? Nene-chan knows she will have a date amongst the market stalls, but there is no mention of who with....

She stops reading quickly, but ... I don't know if it says more or not ... ?

however, Tsuchigomori says only Amane's fate was changed. He was meant to grow up... that was in the Bookstacks. so, that means that it is always Tsukasa's fate to die. Tsukasa's fate has not changed.... Amane's living was not 'changed fate', Amane's dying was 'changed fate'. To me, this distinction, coming from Tsuchigomori means: Tsukasa, in no timeline, in no situation, was going to survive. He died; this is no surprise/impact, so: Tsukasa's fate is always to die. It is fixed and unchanged. Amane could only choose to follow him, somehow...

'Once'. Only Amane; not Tsukasa.

if both the Yugi's fates were altered, I think Tsuchigomori would care to note that ... ? I do think Tsukasa's sacrifices are always 'canon'. If Amane was alive in that book ... then the initial red house well sacrifice that saves Amane has to be what the book is factoring in (as it is the circumstance which leads to both Yugi going to the school at all; it wouldn't be in the book, the heart condition stuff, BUT we can extrapolate that 'twins alive = well swap happened = scrundled Tsukasa)....

how specific was Amane's book? Did it actually name who was harming him, or was it as vague as the date Nene-chan reads? Was the harm happening IN the school, and thus known thoroughly? If he says he "knew what was happening", that kindof points to the school being involved. How detailed were the descriptions of what was happening? Was it simple, like ... that some sort of familial harm was transpiring? Does the bookstacks know why Tsukasa might be 'off'? Does it understand Tsukasa is not completely 'human'? How much rationalizing can it do, if circumstances are observed to be weird within the school? Does it only think Tsukasa is a normal kid, but unwell? I have no idea. It knows both Yugi go to the school. I do not know if it can observe/know their physical status... I do not know if it can scan Tsukasa or observe abnormality. I also do not know, if the Mysteries power is tied to the Well-God, if somehow that is tangled into it describing Tsukasa or assessing him. Magical

Tsuchigomori makes no mention of Tsukasa .. out of respect for Amane's privacy? I dunno.... does he really know it was specifically Tsukasa doing things ??? Was it not important, because Tsukasa was meant to simply die, and free Amane from all of that? Maybe from Tsuchigomori's perspective, IF HE EVEN KNOWS OR UNDERSTANDS THIS ASPECT ON ANY LEVEL (again: I don't know what kind of intel the book can get vis-a-vis knowing someone is a kaii, knowing someone within the school is already an altered soul, etc) his twin sacrificing his humanity to give Amane life, is something inevitable to bite back some day (kaii things ... can't just live as a human permanently if you are not human), so Tsukasa becoming wayward, and then dying, is the 'natural' circumstance (just relieving it ends, I guess... nothing doing for Tsukasa)... maybe to Tsuchigomori, it isn't that 'sad' in that way ... ? Not overwhelmingly so. Having a year or so of strange turmoil, with this addled sibling, which simply inevitably must end, because Tsukasa's life is on a timer... he doesn't have much time to wait, or watch his students suffer. Fine. Blink of an eye in kaii time...

I'll reiterate here in this edit, that I have no idea how the bookstacks would regard Tsukasa, or what they would know about him ... if it is obvious ? to the magical books ? that something is up with Tsukasa ? or if he is a normal boy ? whatever the case, ig it would just know he's to die. In my mind, it feels weird that Tsukasa could be ... Tsukasa-ing all around, and the bookstacks would say "a normal boy" .... its always a mystery what anyone/anything knows about Tsukasa

I really don't know what events Tsuchigomori knows ... exactly (did he know about the entire conversation Amane was going to subject him to about the moon, or is THAT also a completely new circumstance and conviction? It shocked him enough to be the yorishiro memory, so it might already be the divergence??? Does he know NENE-CHAN is now time traveling all about, meeting Amane multiple times, or does NENE-CHAN cause the divergence???) ...

...but I get a sense of helplessness when I think about Tsukasa's situation, and, it makes me understand why Amane might have been so incredibly determined to do anything, stop time, control time, and finally, refuse to leave Tsukasa's side ... maybe everything was simply, "ah, it is how it is", for Tsukasa's death, as much as it is now, for Nene-chan. Maybe "ah, it is how it is" for himself meaning "you will live" was incredibly frustrating, if he got to know of it ... (fighting to save Tsukasa, or find a way around that fate, but in the end, understanding the only way to be together is to die too ... ? Kinda a repeat of what he's doing with Nene-chan?)

it's very hard to imagine a circumstance in which Amane doesn't die with Tsukasa, though....? We seem to be, as it is, creating the written circumstances ... but ah, I dunno ... maybe he will learn ?? something about Tsukasa ?? due to Nene-chan invasions ?? which will ?? make him resolute about not letting Tsukasa go ???

I have some vague thoughts/theories on how it may have originally been written to go ? but they are definitely far-flung extrapolations, not really grounded in canon....

uhh this is long enough, I'll reblog myself and append a readmore for like vague thinking on that, it might not be so interesting....

[caffeinated-moogle]

Aeryn doesn't know her age—doesn't even have a nameday, as far as she knows. She "arrived" in Eorzea as a "young adult" with no memories beyond a vague guess at a name, and so she has no determinable age. An astute observer might peg her somewhere in her mid-20s, and that is roughly where I place her on the age chart.

Her other self died in her late teens, at which point she was promptly locked in stasis by Hydaelyn (to prevent the physical manifestation of a dying star from entering the lifestream). She didn't age in stasis, not until the most recent calamity on the Source claimed the life of her reflection there. The rejoining cracked her stasis, causing her to age again, so she would essentially have aged five years from the time of her death to the time she is "reborn" on the Source.

All that to simply repeat: Aeryn doesn't know. I assume she shrugs and stays quiet when questions of her age arise and might jot down arbitrary numbers whenever required to on paper. (This would lead to vast discrepancies about her age within Eorzea's Warrior of Light rumor mill.)

As for outliving her loved ones… yes, she likely will. Which of course makes me very extremely sad. (⁠╥⁠﹏⁠╥⁠) Many fictional character life-death emotions behind the cut:

The fusion with her star drastically impacted both Aeryn's lifespan and aging process, so she'll live a good deal longer than the average hyur. I'm sort of hooked on this poetic notion of her burning out like a star, and her aging would mimic this: she would seem unnaturally ageless for many, many years; then have sudden, milder bursts of growth/change over the span of a few months. (Those who see her regularly would find the signs of aging still too gradual to note from day to day. Anyone who did notice she seemed older than when they last met would shrug it off, because she still looks darn good for a hyur of her age, all things considered.)

She's not immortal and is actively dying like most folks. The time she has is just prolonged. If I had to put a number to it, I'd say her star magic extends her life by roughly 75%, allowing her to live 60-75 extra years and placing her general life expectancy somewhere in the range of 120-175 years, total. As such, even assuming the scions (et al.) get to live full lives and don't have the typical "Eorzea is dangerous, so most people die before 50" endgame… Aeryn's probably still outliving the majority of her non-viera friends.

Lately I've toyed with the notion of her living even longer: becoming a nomad after all her immediate acquaintances pass on and doing as [redacted for spoilers] challenged, ensuring she sees everything of the world she can possibly find. If so, she would eventually stop and/or return to discover a full generation has come and gone, and that few even knew her anymore outside myth/history/legend.

Though I find that particular bit painful to think about, I very much enjoy the idea of Aeryn's story being circular this way. She both begins and ends her journey on the Source "alone," but she is content in her solitude at the end because of the journey she's taken and the way she's grown to love and accept her circumstances... and herself. She burns out, not lamenting a life (a past) she never found, but satisfied with the life she allowed herself to live.

What age is your WoL, if they know it? Will they outlive their loved ones?