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roosterforme · 3 months ago

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Yours Truly, Bradley Bradshaw Part 18 | Rooster x Reader

Summary: Short notice before the start of a deployment was bad enough, but Bradley was left worrying about so much more. And if he didn't figure it out quickly, he thought he might lose you. How would you and he make it through the worst kind of time apart?

Warnings: Fluff, oral sex, smut, angst, adult banter, desperate Bradley, 18+

Length: 4100 words

Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x Female teacher!Reader

Check out my masterlist for more! Yours Truly, Bradley Bradshaw masterlist

Your boyfriend was acting strange, and now you had the distinct feeling he was lying to you. You sat on your bed after work on Friday with tears in your eyes as you tried to process the fact that you barely heard from him after you sent the topless picture the day before. Usually that kind of thing got him going in a good way, and he kept telling you he was fine, but it didn't seem that way. You just couldn't figure out what happened.

A few minutes ago, you texted him about the plan for the weekend. You really wanted to talk to him about your upcoming winter break, too. You were supposed to be heading to his house right now, but you were having second thoughts as you read the latest message from him again.

I know we were supposed to go to Salvatore's tonight, but I think we need to talk instead.

This sounded so bad to you. It didn't sound like he simply had a long day and just wanted to relax on the couch with you. This was something that built up over the past two days, and now you felt tears in your eyes as you scooped up your overnight bag and headed out.

"Just get it over with," you told yourself as you drove. You tried to focus on your playlist, but your mind was wandering to the plethora of reasons why I think we need to talk spelled disaster.

After you fought your way through rush hour traffic and pulled up to park in front of Bradley's house which you were supposed to move into next month, you noticed he was sitting on the porch step, waiting for you. And he didn't look very happy.

"Hi," he greeted with a poor attempt at a smile as he slowly stood and made his way over to you. He looked tall, broad and handsome in his uniform, but he didn't call you Gorgeous.

"What's wrong?" you asked, not even bothering to get your bag out of your car before you met him halfway up his walkway.

He pulled you in for a hug, and you could feel his lips on your ear as he lied to you again. "Nothing's wrong."

"Bradley," you said, trying to pull out of his grasp. He let you go, but now he wasn't even pretending to smile. You swallowed and whispered, "You've been acting strange since yesterday. I thought maybe work was getting to you, or that you just needed a day of quiet to yourself. But clearly this has to do with me, so just tell me what's wrong."

"It's not you," he replied instantly, taking a step closer with a pained look on his face. "God, it's absolutely not you."

When you looked at him more closely, it was obvious he was exhausted. Like maybe he hadn't even slept last night. He had dark circles under his eyes, and his shoulders were sagging forward just enough that he looked almost defeated.

"Bradley."

He looked down at the sidewalk before meeting your eyes again. "I found out yesterday... I'm being deployed."

The wave of emotion didn't hit you as hard as it could have, because you'd given this a lot of thought, but you were still rendered speechless. You'd mentally planned for this. Deployments were a way of life for him. But the tears were back as you asked, "When?"

"Day after Christmas," he murmured miserably. "But that's not all."

Your voice wouldn't work as you looked up at him, vision blurring his handsome features into something that was almost frightening. "What?"

He paused while you swiped at your eyes, and just when you thought you were going to have to force it out of him, he said, "It's with the Atlantic Fleet. Out of Norfolk, Virginia. They... they said they want me permanently."

"No," you sobbed, realizing that your tears were starting to roll down your cheeks. Now it made perfect sense. You knew why he'd been acting so odd. "You want to break up before you leave."

"What?" Bradley replied, his voice sharp as he reached for you again. "No. No, Gorgeous. I don't."

You felt ridiculous, crying in his arms in his front yard, but all you could say was, "Then why didn't you just tell me yesterday that you're going back to Virginia?"

"Fuck," he grunted, tucking you tighter against him. "Does this mean you don't want to dump me?"

You inhaled the smell of his deodorant and jet fuel as you cried. "Why on earth would you think I'd want to dump you? I'm in love with you."

He started to back toward the front door, his hold on you never relenting as he murmured, "Now that I know you're not going to leave, let's go inside where we can talk and snuggle on the couch."

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Bradley had been waiting on his porch step for almost an hour for you to arrive, thinking there was a real chance that you'd drive off again. He was tired and hungry, and he'd spent the last day and a half trying to figure out what was going on with his job. But more than anything, he was afraid you hadn't changed your stance on falling for a guy who lived on the opposite side of the country.

Shit. He made you cry. You were still crying as he led you over to the couch where you ended up sitting on his lap. He was trying to wipe your tears away as you just shook your head. "I'm sorry, Baby," he whispered. "I didn't mean to upset you like this."

You sucked in a few breaths before you managed to say, "Let me make sure I have this straight. You're leaving for Virginia. And you don't know when you're coming back, if at all?"

"Yeah," he whispered. There was no point in beating around the bush about it. "The deployment out of Norfolk is a done deal. Leaving on the twenty-sixth is a done deal. I'm trying my hardest to fight the rest of it."

"You can do that?" you asked, letting your forehead rest against his.

Bradley kissed you softly. He couldn't stop himself with you this close. "I'm trying. I don't want to leave San Diego. Virginia used to feel like home, but it hasn't for a long time. Especially not since I met you. So a permanent change of station is something I will fight until they force it on me."

You kissed him this time, and he knew nowhere would feel like home without you. But he couldn't retire yet, and he didn't want to have to ask you to uproot your life for him. He just made himself dizzy, chasing his thoughts around in circles.

"Is there anything I can do?" you asked.

He wanted to beg you to stay with him no matter what, but he couldn't do that either. "Remember when I was deployed last time and you told me you were afraid I was stationed somewhere far away from you? And how you would have to brace yourself to say goodbye instead of pursuing something?" You nodded against him, arms around his neck as he whispered, "I thought about that all night last night. About how this could be the end for us."

"Stop it," you said before pressing your lips to his. "I don't feel that way anymore at all. It wasn't even a deal breaker when I said it months ago, and I hadn't even met you in person yet. I'm not going anywhere, Bradley. We'll figure it out."

He eased himself down along the couch, keeping you firmly on top of him as he sighed in relief. Suddenly fighting for his job with the Pacific Fleet didn't seem as daunting. He had to figure it out though, because he wanted to stay here and get married. "Say my name again?" he asked, knowing exactly how much you could calm him down when he let you in.

"Bradley," you whispered, settling against his chest as he closed his eyes.

"I love you, Gorgeous."

He didn't realize exactly how tired and stressed he was until he woke up close to midnight, alone on the couch with a blanket draped over him, still wearing his uniform and boots. As soon as he opened his eyes, his head was pounding from the events of the week, but he could smell something cooking.

Bradley rolled off the couch while his stomach growled, and he made his way into the kitchen where you were wearing his sweatshirt and making a grilled cheese sandwich while you looked at your phone. "Hey," he murmured, wrapping his arms around you from behind. You quickly swiped out of the photo album and tossed your phone aside.

"I was going to wake you up soon. You have almost no food here, but you need to eat," you told him, turning to face him. He had no food, because he originally planned to take you out tonight, and now there was no point in going grocery shopping since he was leaving. Your expression was unreadable, and he didn't like that.

"What I need is to spend as much time with you as I can between now and Norfolk." Your lips curved up into a small smile. "I should have told you what was going on as soon as I found out."

You nodded. "I know we haven't been together long, but I'm taking this pretty fucking seriously, Bradley."

"Me, too," he promised. "And it's really hot when you swear." When you laughed, he felt so much better. "Listen, you're absolutely stuck with me now, okay? I'll figure this shit out, but you're stuck with me, and we're going to get married someday."

"Sounds good," you replied easily, still smiling. "But right now you need to eat."

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You felt better with Bradley's arm around you than you had all day. You couldn't believe he'd been hanging onto your words from his last deployment. You were surprised he could still possibly think that distance would mean anything to you. Both of you agreed not to get ahead of yourselves. Uprooting your life and your career would leave you devastated, but you'd start over again for him.

"Were you just looking at the dirty picture you sent me?" Bradley asked as he bit into half of the sandwich while another one cooked.

"Yes," you whispered before nibbling on your own sandwich half.

"Shit," he mumbled, dropping his food back onto the plate where he stood in the kitchen. "I never even told you how much I loved it."

"No. You didn't."

He wiped his hands on his uniform shirt. "God, I keep fucking up. I got so sidetracked by the orders from Norfolk that I couldn't even think. I loved that photo."

You turned away to flip the second grilled cheese sandwich in the pan. "I thought you got tired of me sending them." Bradley's hand moved faster than his brain as he flicked the knob on the stove, turning it off. "Hey," you protested, turning to look at him again, but he pulled the spatula out of your hand and tossed it into the sink. "Bradley!"

He mashed his lips against yours, silencing you as his hands grabbed the backs of your thighs, pulling you closer until you were pressed tight to the front of his body. Then he let his hands slide along your bare skin from your legs, over your perfect ass, up until they were on your lower back. "I'll do better," he promised. "And right now, I want to show you how not fucking tired of you I am."

A minute later, you were on your back on the edge of his bed, legs thrown over his shoulders while he ate your pussy. Your fingers were tangled up in his hair as he knelt on the floor, and his sweatshirt was bunched up above your tits. "I will never get tired of you," he swore before licking a long stripe up to your clit. If you thought for a second that he would want to throw in the towel over long distance, he needed to make sure you understood he never would.

"Bradley," you moaned as he sucked on your clit. His insignia pins were digging into the back of your thigh, as was his name tag. He would figure this out. He would figure everything out. Leaving in a handful of days was not ideal, but as long as you still wanted him, he was all in.

"Oh my god," you whined, back arching as Bradley realized he was being a bit rougher with you than usual. But he couldn't stop. His fingers were digging into your hips, holding you in place as you tried to rock against him.

His mouth was demanding as he sucked on and plucked at your clit, but you just kept getting louder for him. Your legs were shaking, heels digging into his shoulder blades, but he didn't stop until you came. With his tongue still swirling your clit as you yanked on his hair, Bradley quickly unzipped his khaki pants and pulled himself free. He positioned himself at your entrance as you tugged until his mouth was on yours.

"You liked it rough," he grunted between kisses slick with your arousal.

"I did," you answered, rolling your hips to take the tip of him. As your fingers trailed down to his pins, you asked, "Are you going to fuck me, Lieutenant Bradshaw?" He watched you gasp, mouth agape as he filled you with one deep thrust, and then your head tipped back as you moaned, "I'll take that as a yes."

His lips found that sweet spot next to your ear that he loved to kiss. "I just want to ensure that you'll miss me as much as I miss you while we're apart."

Your voice was softer as you said, "You don't have to worry about that."

Bradley kissed along your neck and told you how much he loved you before absolutely pounding you into the mattress.

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You and Bradley slept in so late on Saturday morning, you heard him wander out to the living room when Natasha arrived to go for a run to tell her he'd workout on Sunday instead. When he tried to slip back into bed, you rolled over toward him.

"Sorry. It was just Nat. I forgot I told her days ago that we could run." He gathered you against his chest and kissed your forehead.

You grinned and said, "I heard you tell her that the love of your life was more appealing today than working out."

"I sure did," he grunted and ran his big, heavy hand down your back. "You're always more appealing than anything else, Gorgeous. But if I don't run, I'll gain so much weight. You know how much I eat."

A smile found your lips as you thought about the rough sex followed by another round of grilled cheese sandwiches at two in the morning. "Can we skip Salvatore's again tonight? I'd rather stay here and feed you. We can go to Salvatore's when your deployment ends and you return to San Diego."

Bradley sighed. "And if I get told my new station is in Norfolk?"

You pressed your fingertip to his lips. "We're not humoring that thought yet. Instead, we're going to snuggle and fuck and maybe watch a Christmas movie. Okay?"

"Nothing has ever sounded better."

After that, Sunday was spent with the two of you trying to use up as much of his food as you could. You even managed to bake some cookies that he ate a dozen of in one sitting, and then you found a strand of twinkle lights in his hallway closet where you discreetly squished a spider without telling him. You helped him hang the lights on his porch railing as he laughed and said, "I don't usually celebrate holidays anymore."

"You do now," you informed him, making a mental note to have your students make some cards for him this week before he left. Bradley would be very busy over the next few days, and you didn't want to stress him out about the holiday. But just when you were about to ask him if there was a chance he'd want to spend Christmas Day with you before he flew to Norfolk, he said, "Maybe we can get Thai food on Christmas, and you can help me finish packing?"

You nodded and tried to keep the tears at bay, afraid to admit to him that the future you were so sure of was scaring you a bit. Being without him for a deployment was manageable, but the last thing you wanted to do was move across the country. At least you'd have your regular pen pal back while he was on the aircraft carrier; having Bradley in your email inbox on a regular basis again was better than nothing.

"That sounds perfect," you told him, knowing you'd do whatever it took to make this work.

----------------------------

When Bradley was called in to talk to Cyclone, he was exhausted for a different reason. Although the weekend started out laced with uncertainty between you and him, it bloomed into something sweet. On Sunday evening, you held his hand and walked along the windswept beach until it got too chilly, and then you helped him start packing. You'd had some tears in your eyes that he brushed away as you folded his clothes into tiny rectangles and stuck by his side.

Now the only uncertainty he felt came from the U.S. fucking Navy. With a deep breath and squared shoulders, he opened Cyclone's office door after he knocked. It wasn't surprising that Mav and Warlock were there, too, but he couldn't tell if that was a good sign or a bad one regarding a change of station. He raised his hand into the proper salute.

"Admirals. Captain."

The three men returned the courtesy before Cyclone sank into his office chair. "Have a seat, Lieutenant." His voice sounded gruff and perhaps even more annoyed than usual as Bradley slowly sat down opposite him. "Captain Mitchell," he barked at Maverick who procured a folder from behind his back and handed it to Bradley. Then he turned toward Bradley again and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Lieutenant Bradshaw, you'll report to the USS Gerald R. Ford in a matter of days to rendezvous with the air strike team."

Bradley nodded and skimmed the paperwork inside the folder regarding the sensitive nature of the mission, but he didn't much care about what they wanted him to do when he got there. "Sir, can you tell me where I'll be stationed once this mission is completed?"

Cyclone leaned back in his seat, brow puckered, arms crossed over his chest. "Naval Station Norfolk has, as you know, requested you specifically to round out their Super Hornet team permanently."

"Yes, Sir," Bradley replied, practically choking on the words. He would have never thought the promise of Virginia would feel like a threat to his happiness, but here he was. "I would really prefer to stay in San Diego," he added, trying to keep the pleading tone out of his voice.

Cyclone leaned forward in his seat with a weary sigh. "Admiral Simpson, Captain Mitchell and myself all agree that the Pacific Fleet is very well balanced at the moment. Losing a reliable pilot to the Atlantic at this point would not be ideal." The tension in Bradley's body eased up momentarily before Cyclone said, "But I can only do so much to keep the status quo when there is a clear need across the board."

Bradley wanted to ask why nobody else was even in consideration when Warlock cleared his throat and said, "There's a price to pay when you're the best of the best."

There was a beat of silent agreement amongst the four of them before Cyclone heaved a deep breath. "I'll do what I can," he said simply. "In the meantime, prepare for your flight to Norfolk. The information is in the folder. And prepare to be out of communication with any and all civilians for the duration."

Bradley's heart stopped. He opened the folder again, but his eyes couldn't seem to focus on the words in front of him as the pages all blurred together. His fingers scrambled as he swallowed hard, and finally he looked up at the older man seated behind the desk. "No communication at all. For the duration?"

Cyclone nodded once. "You are dismissed, Lieutenant."

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It was just something silly, but when you saw it while you were out shopping, you bought Bradley another Christmas present. You wrapped it up in red and gold paper along with the Mira Mesa Elementary School sweatshirt you got in his size. Then you threw the gifts along with the collection of cards from your students in your overnight bag and tried to keep yourself calm as you drove down to Coronado.

You would have a few days with your boyfriend at the beginning of your winter break before you took him to the airport and sent him off to Norfolk. There would be plenty of things to keep you busy while he was away, including packing up your apartment before your lease ended. But now you'd be moving into his house without him there.

All of the twinkle lights and decorated trees gave you a bittersweet feeling in the pit of your stomach as you drove down his street, but at least this time when you parked, he jumped up from his porch step and met you at your car.

"Gorgeous," he breathed, wrapping his arms around you. His old sweatshirt was currently keeping you warm, and you really wanted him to have his new one for his deployment. You kissed him hard, noting the look of apprehension on his face, but chalking it up to the stress of the unknown.

You kissed him again and kept your arms around his neck as he picked up your bag. "I was going to say we should wait until Christmas morning, but I want you to open your presents now."

His voice was deep and raspy and right next to your ear as he led you inside. "You did not have to get me anything." He kissed your cheek and added, "I need to tell you something important."

"After you open these," you agreed, reaching into the bag and pulling out both gifts before he set it down.

Bradley studied your face before running his thumb along your cheek. "Sure. After I open these."

He took the wrapped packages as you tugged him toward the couch with your hands on his bicep, and you ended up halfway on his lap as he carefully tore at the paper like he didn't want to harm it too much.

"Just rip it," you said with a soft laugh, but he shook his head and looked up at you.

"It's too pretty," he replied. "And nobody gets me gifts, ever. Unless you count coupons for steak dinners from Natasha."

You laughed a little louder as you imagined the laundry list of weird gifts his best friend must have given him over the years. When he finally had his hands on the sweatshirt, he sat frozen with a smile on his face. "I love this. I kind of feel like an honorary faculty member at your school."

"You're a legend in my classroom, Bradley," you promised, snuggling a little closer as he set the shirt aside and carefully unwrapped the second item. This one would mean more to you while he was away, and you hoped he understood just how much you were going to miss his voice and his touch. But you'd still have something from your pen pal.

"Oh," Bradley said softly as he held the navy blue stationery set on his lap. It included note cards, luxuriously thick paper and a gold pen. You could already picture his handwriting on the pages.

"We can go back to being pen pals for a bit," you whispered. "I'll be refreshing my email inbox and waiting not so patiently for my mail to arrive. It'll be great. That's how I fell in love with you in the first place."

"Gorgeous," he groaned, setting the stationery down on his coffee table before burying his face in his hands. "That's not gonna happen."

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Atlantic Fleet, here we come. But for how long? No pen pals. No email. No letters. This deployment already hurts. Thanks @beyondthesefourwalls

PART 19

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712 notes · View notes

nutflory · 3 months ago

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Okay, but why isn't anyone saying that Bill Cipher does seem to demonstrate several symptoms of schizophrenia, and also because of the medication he was taking? And that he also shows certain behaviors similar to borderline, such as his impulsive behavior, whenever he shows any emotion, it's always in a kind of "explosive" and impulsive way, and also the various symptoms, such as emotional instability, feeling of uselessness, insecurity, impulsiveness and impaired social relationships. and it seems like he always has a certain fear of abandonment in his relationships, which never end well, and he also has this strange obsession with pain, I don't know if it's for some more complex reason, but we know that he does it for pure pleasure, so I think he could probably self-mutilate if he had a human body... this is pretty sad if you stop to think about it, because he displays certain rather depressing behaviors, and his fear of dying alone and sometimes I think he has a wrong view of love, a distorted view, which would be with manipulation and even a bit of masochism, maybe because he never really felt true love? and when he really felt it was with Stanford, he repressed some of his feelings and just tried to show his love for him in the worst possible way, which clearly went very wrong, and of course, I don't support any of Bill's actions, never romanticize what REALLY is Billford. It is clear that it is an abusive relationship, both mentally and violently, because both are unstable in relationships, especially Bill. Sometimes I strongly disagree with the theory that Bill Cipher has psychopathy or sociopathy, even though he has disgusting behaviors, he still feels remorse, which is clear in some pages in Bill's book and in the call he makes to his "mother" when he is having a PTSD episode, and also because he demonstrates his emotions very well and even manages to show affection, so I don't think it makes sense for him to be a psychopath, just being an unstable person psychologically and even physically, because it is clear that he does not want to heal. He does not want anyone to help him. But these are just my theories and my headcanons, because I am very hyperfocused on Gravity Falls.

#gravity falls #the book of bill #bill cipher #billford #gravity falls bill cipher #bill cipher gravity falls #gravity falls fandom #gravity falls spoilers #tbob spoilers #tbob #gravity falls headcanons

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mitsuyeaah · 1 year ago

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TRAIL OF BROKEN HEARTS

TŌRU OIKAWA x f! reader

“cause i’ve made some real big mistakes but you made the worst one look fine. i should’ve known it was strange.”

cw: college au, older brother’s best friend!oikawa (older brother is iwaizumi ofc), mutual pining (but oikawa is dumb and doesn’t know how to handle his feelings), nsfw (mdni), slight angst, smut, drunk sex, creampie, mentions of alcohol use (brief), pet names (baby, pretty girl)

word count: 5.9k

a/n: for my pookie tōru!!! hehe of course i’m posting something for him, i’ve been having severe tōru brainrot and i just HAD to write. © divider: animatedglittergraphics-n-more

“Say it..” Oikawa panted, umber eyes staring intently at your own, clouded with lust.

Loud music that penetrated the thin walls of the frat house slowly turned mellow—the sharp beats, and bass that had vibrations coursing through your veins were drowned out as every minute passed. Occasional cheers of many intoxicated college students that littered the house were watered down into a muffled mess as your ears rang from the sheer tension slowly building inside the walls of this very room you were in. That’s right, it was only the two of you—you and Oikawa, all alone with the door locked behind him.

Your cheeks warmed under his intense stare, moonlight that seeped from the window casting a faint glow on the side of his handsome face, accentuating his features and bringing out its sharpness that you’ve grown to love—pools of endless hazel glimmering from the silvery light. You swallowed thickly, his hot breath fanning over your face as he waited for your response. Your skin burned under Oikawa’s touch, his hand rested on your hip, and the other planted on the pillow, just beside your head to brace his torso.

He needed you to say that you wanted him—all of him—before doing anything further with you. Yes, his head spun from the mix of lust and alcohol but he was still in the right mind to ask you whether you wanted this or not because after all, you were his best friend’s younger sister. God, there were so many things wrong with this but neither of you cared; not when you’ve already exchanged a passionate kiss before entering the room, moaning his name into his mouth as his lips desperately collided against your own.

Fuck, Oikawa had been waiting, waiting, and waiting for this. There wasn’t a day where his mind didn’t wander to you, sometimes wandering a bit too deep for his liking which usually ended up with his hand wrapped around his hard cock, desperately fisting it as your name escapes his parted lips. He’s been waiting long enough, and tonight was the night he decided to do something about whatever he felt deep inside. Oikawa knew he’d be dead if he ever told Hajime about any of this, which is why he kept it all to himself but it didn’t help how his fantasies drove him up the wall—his body yearning for you to the extent where he swore it was almost painful.

Everything that led up to this moment was a blur, kind of. All you knew was that Oikawa was all over you as soon as you stepped foot in the house. His hand wrapped loosely around your waist, him pulling you onto his lap, his lingering stares; normally, you wouldn’t even bat an eye at him since he effortlessly made you nervous in his presence but you blamed the alcohol in your system. Oikawa mentally cursed himself for being so mean by slightly rejoicing at the fact that his best friend—your brother—couldn’t make it to tonight’s party due to being rostered for a shift.

This was all new to you because Oikawa had never given you this much attention for the entirety that you’ve known him—the two of you weren’t even close. Your older brother, Hajime, being the middle ground for both you and Oikawa. There were small exchanges of formalities here and there but that was just about it but tonight was different, he followed you everywhere and you let him—like two celestial bodies locked in an endless orbit around each other, bound by gravity. But what exactly was this gravity for both of you?

There was this voice at the back of your mind that told you this was wrong. That this would end it a messy disaster, given his reputation—not only loved and adored by many women but also surrounded. A ladies’ man, if you must, all thanks to his popular history with volleyball. You’ve always known deep down that Oikawa would never reciprocate your feelings because he merely saw you as Hajime’s younger sister, and acted like nothing but an older brother to you. But up until now, everything you believed didn’t seem so believable anymore; not when Oikawa had you underneath him, eyes blown with pure lust.

Maybe this time, this time you’ll shut out that pesky little voice in your head because you wanted nothing more than him—the man that’s got you trapped between his body and the mattress in a stranger’s bedroom, your brother’s best friend. Whatever comes after this, you’ll face head on but you trusted Oikawa to handle your heart gently despite the trails of broken hearts he’s left behind—something in you knew he wasn’t going to let you down. Nonetheless, you prayed to the stars above that you were right about this. About him.

Pleasure now, consequences later.

“I want you..” You breathed out, chest heaving up and down as your breaths became shallower with every passing minute.

Oikawa cursed under his breath before dipping his head down to kiss you. This time, his kisses weren’t as eager as earlier, they were slow and sensual; cherishing every second the way your pillowy lips moved against his own, and how it felt. The desperation behind Oikawa’s kisses were long gone, like he was rest assured that you weren’t going anywhere else, that you chose to be here with him. You reached your hands out, shakily grabbing the collar of his shirt as he shoved his tongue past your lips.

He placed a knee between your legs, situating it under your skirt, right at the apex where you needed him the most but he didn’t dare move it; it drove you absolutely crazy, the pressure on your cunt was there but it wasn’t enough to elicit some kind of pleasure—it also didn’t help how there was no friction at all. Whining into his mouth, you moved your hips up and down, grinding your clothed cunt against his knee. Oikawa pulled away from the heated kiss, the corners of his lips tugging into a smirk as he watched you desperately rut your hips into his knee. “How eager..” His tone was saccharine, sweeter than what he usually uses around other women.

If Oikawa was being honest right now, he was completely shitting himself. Not because it was his first time, no, but because it was you. You weren’t some other woman who would fall to his feet from mere flirtatious expressions which were often not genuine—hell, he’s pretty sure you never even saw him as a man but instead just another older brother figure. Oikawa knows this was wrong, completely wrong; he won’t blame you if you were confused out of your mind right now, given how he’s been acting neutral towards you for the past years you’ve known each other, and now suddenly he was all over you.

It was like he was put in a trance as his eyes wandered across your features. Fuck, you looked so pretty and it was all for him. Oikawa hastily grabbed the hem of your blouse and yanked it above your head, exposing the white lacy bra you donned underneath—his eyes traced your front, from the valley of your breasts down to your stomach. You were only half naked and yet you already left him speechless.

Oikawa didn’t hesitate to strip down to his underwear, he also didn’t give your eyes enough time to wander down his torso by flipping your skirt up and parting your legs further. At this point, the alcohol coursing through his body made him hornier and more impatient. He planted your feet on the bed, bringing your knees up before peppering your inner thighs with sloppy, wet kisses that earned small whimpers from you—Oikawa held your gaze as he kissed your clothed cunt.

You sucked in a sharp breath as you stared at his lustful gaze, your hands gripping the hem of your skirt at his lewdness. It wasn’t your first time having sex with someone but Oikawa was just so different from the ones you’ve slept with—so lewd, so dirty, and not as adventurous as the other’s you’ve had. “O-Oikawa.. Haah..” A moan slipped past your lips as he licked the wet spot on your underwear, the tip of his tongue stiffening to apply pressure at your sopping entrance.

“Hmm? So wet f’me already..” You threw your head back at the friction from his fingers that were rubbing up and down your clothed cunt. Oikawa’s smug smile widened as the wet spot on your panties grew from his ministrations, earning another moan from you as you clenched around nothing. “Oikawa, please. I want you in me..” You whined, the warmth from your cheeks spreading to your ears as you held his gaze. You didn’t miss the way his hazel eyes glimmered at your pathetic plea.

He tilted his head to the side, fingers still rubbing at your clothed cunt, “Oh? It looks like you don’t want me at all, baby. Your begging sounds pathetic.” The drunken words he slurred earned a slight whimper from you. You felt defeated that he was making you beg more for him when you were already as impatient as you could get. “Mhm.. Please, Tōru..? Fuck. I want your cock inside me.”

Oikawa would’ve asked you to beg for him more if you didn’t use his first name. Fuck, something about the way his name rolled off your tongue made his cock twitch. He used to fantasise about you moaning his name underneath him, and now that it’s right in front of him, he won’t let it go any time soon.

“Let’s get these off first, hm? Show me yourself, pretty girl.” Oikawa skilfully snaked his hands behind your back to unclasp the lacy restriction on your chest. Before you could even compose yourself, he eagerly pulled your bra from your chest—goosebumps immediately forming from the cool night air. “Oikawa, h-hold on..!” Your arms defensively crossed over your chest, hiding your breasts from his view. “Mmm, there’s no reason to hide from me is there? After all, I’m going to be fucking that sweet cunt soon.” Oikawa circled his hands around your wrists, gently tugging them out of the way and pinning them on either side of your head to expose your breasts.

He bit his lip at the view. Fuck, it was just like how he imagined when he fisted his cock to the thought of you. Your heart pounded against your chest, getting extremely shy from the way Oikawa was eyeing your breasts a little too long for your liking. He let out a breathless laugh, not missing the way you turned your head to the side from embarrassment. He slowly let go of your wrists to cup at each mound, his large palms perfectly covering the entirety of each breast.

Your lips parted to let out a soft moan, face contorting in pleasure as Oikawa massaged your breasts—he switched between squeezing the supple skin and lightly pinching at your hardened buds, earning a small yelp from you. “Baby, as much as I’d love to spend more time playing with your tits, I’m sure we both have one thing in mind.” He gave you a saccharine smile before placing a chaste kiss on the valley of your breasts.

Oikawa pulled back to remove the last article of clothing he had on, your keen eyes watched as he slowly pulled down the fabric, his hard cock slapping against his abdomen as he fully exposed himself. You bit your lip at his cock, your gaze tracing every ridge along his shaft. Not only was it pretty but fuck, was it long. Pride swelled upon Oikawa’s chest as he saw the way you keenly eyed his cock. You watched as he wrapped a hand around the shaft and languidly stroked it, throwing his head back in pleasure.

As if on instinct, you sat up from the mattress with your hands jutted, wanting to grab his pretty cock—your head spun a bit from the swift movement. “Ah, ah, ah. There’s another time for that, my pretty. I want to be inside you right now.” Oikawa grabbed your shoulder and gently pushed your torso back down on the mattress before climbing over your body once again.

Another time? Was that a sincere promise or an empty one? You couldn’t help but think.

With your skirt flipped up, he pushed aside your soaked panties to tease his tip at your wet entrance. You threw your head back at the raw skin contact, allowing Oikawa to dip his head down to pepper your collarbone with open-mouthed kisses.

“Fuck.. P-Please just put it in, ‘Kawa..” “Mhm, that’s Tōru for you.”

Oikawa breathlessly chuckled against your skin, and before you could retort, he pushed the blunt tip of his cock past your wet folds, earning a whine from both of you. Your hands flew to wrap around his torso, nails gently scratching at his back as he pushed his cock in inch by inch—tracing every dip and curve of his back muscles. Oikawa’s eyes rolled back at the sensation of your nails running down his back, sending a shiver up his spine as the pleasure within him grew.

“S-shit..! You’re so fucking tight, huh? This pussy is taking me so well—aah!” He let out a heated gasp as you clenched around him, his arms trembling and almost giving up from it. “Ngh! Just put it all in, Tōru.. I can take you.” Oikawa almost moaned out loud, not only did you use his first name again but you also reassured him that you could take his length just fine. That there was no need to hold back with you. His arms wobbled as he pushed the rest of his length in.

With his cock fully sheathed inside you, he buried his face in the crook of your neck, letting out a long loud whine. Oikawa stayed that way for a while, heavy pants leaving his lips as he pulled himself together. Fuck, you were squeezing him so good. His nails dug deep into his palms as you scratched his back once again from the way the blunt tip of his cock kissed your cervix, he was about to lose his mind and he hadn't even started thrusting yet. “What? Best pussy you’ve had?” You panted, one hand snaking up to play with his chestnut strands.

Normally, Oikawa would’ve retorted with something cockier but what you said was true. He’d been fantasising long enough about your sweet cunt but he didn’t know it was going to be this good. Too good. “Of course.. And it’s all mine, yeah? Fuck, this pussy is all mine and no one else’s.” He lifted his head from your neck to meet your gaze—his cheeks were now a shade of crimson, lids heavy from lust.

“Yes, Tōru. All yours. I’m all yours.”

You didn’t miss the way Oikawa sucked in a sharp breath as he held your gaze. Both of you knew there was weight to your words—it had meaning behind them, and not spurred like a drunken, meaningless confession at the heat of the moment. But that was reserved for the morning, at least.

He pulled his hips back and started thrusting while giving you a passionate kiss, earning a loud muffled moan from you. Oikawa couldn’t believe this was actually happening and fuck, it was definitely much better than having a hand around his cock while imagining it was your cunt. The sound of skin slapping, squelching, and heated moans bounced around the thin walls of the room as he picked up his pace. Fortunately, these erotic sounds coming from the two of you were enough to be drowned out by the loud music originating from the living room.

Normally, Oikawa would’ve had you in a ‘face down, ass up’ position just like with the other girls he’s had—mainly because it was his favourite position but something about being in missionary with you was different, despite how boring he thought the position to be; Oikawa wanted to see the entirety of you, how you reacted to the pleasure he gave you, your breasts bouncing with every sharp thrust of his hips, your eyes rolling to the back of your head. All of it. Not to mention how intimate the position was, being able to look into your pretty eyes as he pounded into you, and whisper sweet praises that only you can hear.

“F-fuck..! So tight for me—ngh! Just like how I ima—aah! ..How I imagined.” Oikawa rested his forehead against your own, his hot breath fanning over your face as he angled his hips to drive his cock deeper. You let out a broken moan at the feeling of his heavy balls slapping your ass over and over again which each thrust; the slapping was so harsh that it felt like your skin was burning but fuck it burned so good. “Ha—aah! Tōru..! So so good—ngh!” Oikawa breathlessly chuckled at your broken moans before grabbing your leg to prop over his shoulder, driving his cock deeper into you.

You arched your back at the new angle, a heated gasp leaving your lips in the form of his name as your eyes rolled to the back of your head. Oikawa held onto the headboard with one arm, the other one planted beside your head before moving his hips harder and faster, causing the bed to squeak loudly. His lips were parted, endless desperate whines escaping as his pretty face contorted in pure bliss—his sounds definitely did not disappoint, they were breathy and higher in pitch, so desperate and needy. His moans and whines went straight to your cunt, making you wetter with each erotic sound that came from the man above you.

“Mhm—aah! Yeah? Better than any dick you’ve had, right? Haah! Of course it is..” You clenched around him, earning a loud heated gasp, and his head bowing in pleasure. “So perfect f’me, my pretty girl..” Oikawa whined, bringing his lips closer to yours—he had a hard time chasing them due to your body jolting from his quick, rough thrusts; his own lips were parted, sloppily kissing you with desperation.

Your moans increased in pitch as the familiar knot in your stomach was slowly starting to thin, and ready to snap any time soon. “Ah..! Haah..! T-Tōru—ngh! I’m cu—ah! I’m cumming!” You tugged at his hazel strands, back arching off the mattress as your limbs started to tingle with pleasure. Oikawa moaned against your sweaty skin at the feeling of his hair being pulled, he had his face buried on your neck, his whines and whimpers loud against your ear. “Y-Yeah? Mhm—ah! Fuck! That’s right, cum for me, my pretty.” He trailed wet kisses along the side of your neck and up your jaw, leading to your lips.

“Look at me. Look at me when you fucking cum so you know who’s cock is making you feel this good—haah!” He pulled away from the heated kiss, grabbing your chin to keep his gaze on him by using the hand that was previously on the headboard, while the other rubbed tight circles on your clit. You looked up at Oikawa, his umber hair stuck to his sweaty forehead, no longer swept in a neat hairstyle. His lips were red, and swollen, parted to let out heavy pants while staring into your eyes. Fuck, he was beautiful. You couldn’t help but think that all the other women he’s had have seen this view before as well.

Oikawa looked down at you, eyelids threatening to close from immense pleasure but he didn’t dare give in, he wanted to see your face while you came around his cock—the face he’d been fantasising about since the day he realised he had feelings for you. Your face contorted in pleasure as the knot deep in your stomach finally snapped, mouth forming an ‘o’ as you screamed in silence, orgasm washing over your entire body as you came around him. Oikawa cupped your cheek, thumb stroking your face while breathlessly whispering sweet nothings as you two locked gazes. Your body trembled with a cry of his name, pleasure shooting up your spine, “Tōru..!” “F-Fuck! I’m here, baby.. Ngh!—So so good for me..” He whined desperately as you clenched around his cock, his hips stuttering.

“I—aah! Inside..” You moaned, head lolling to the side as you came down from your high. Oikawa didn’t know if he heard that right or he was just drunk, “Wha— Huh..?” Your words definitely sobered him up a bit but it made his head spin. “Cum inside me. Please, Tōru.. I want all of you.” He cursed under his breath, giving you a few more hard thrusts before letting go. Oikawa sheathed his cock deep inside you and held your torso against him, his arms securely wrapped around your trembling body as he lifted your back off the mattress.

With your chests pressed against each other, he gave you quick shallow thrusts as he came, fucking his cum deeper into you while moaning you name close to your ear. The leg that was propped on his shoulder burned from the stretch but you didn’t care, not when he was fucking you this good. “A-aah! Fuck..! That’s it—ngh! God, I love you so much.” Oikawa whined as he pressed his fingers against your back, the last bit of his hot cum spurting inside you. The two of you plopped down on the mattress with a soft thud, his head buried in the junction of your neck, letting out heavy pants as he tried collecting himself.

The two of you stayed like that for a while, your hands gently playing with his messy hair as you stared up at the ceiling, realisation slowly washing over you as you sobered up more than ever. Instead of catching your breath, it turned into panicked ones, realising that you’ve had sex with your older brother’s best friend. Oikawa noticed this and looked up at you, holding your panicked gaze as you were already looking down at him.

Shit. Shit. Shit. I love you? Did he really mean that or was it just from the heat of the moment? You definitely heard him say it, so you knew you weren’t just making it up, not when his lips were that close to your ear.

How foolish, you thought. What happens now? Worry settled in as you remembered the trail of broken hearts he had behind him. You knew it was wrong to judge a person this way but everyone—your brother included—was aware of the relationships Oikawa had. Yes, no one is perfect but yet most—if not all—his past relationships weren’t ideal, and some didn’t even last more than a month long while some clearly were just a one night stand. Was that where you stood with him? Just a one night stand? You let out a shaky exhale, “Tōru—” Oikawa cut you off with a sensual kiss, his lips eagerly moving against your own as if he had an idea of what was about to come next.

This didn’t make you feel better. You didn’t know why but there was something in your mind telling you that he wasn’t going to leave you hanging like this; your mind suddenly went back to earlier tonight, where Oikawa basically gravitated towards you, following you wherever you went. You felt something back there, like he wasn’t holding himself back anymore—not selling himself short like what he’s been doing for all the years you’ve known each other. Like he wore his heart on his sleeve.

He broke away from the kiss, umber eyes tracing your features as his thumb gently swiped your bottom lip. “D-did you really mean that..?” You stared into his eyes but he didn’t return your gaze nor answered the question, “Shhh.. Let’s just stay like this for a while.” Oikawa rolled over to the side, wrapping his arm around you from behind and resting his chin atop your head. You stared at the wall in front of you, unmoving and mind racing with unwanted thoughts. No matter how much his hand massaged your hip, it didn’t put you at ease because now you didn’t know where you stood with Oikawa after sleeping with him. Fuck, how were you even going to face your brother? What would he think of you?

Shit. You wouldn’t even know how to face Oikawa the next time you see him after this, that is, if you do see him. Not only did unwanted thoughts plague your mind but you also felt disgusting. For doing something like this with your brother’s best friend; yes, you’ve had feelings for him for as long as you could remember but did he even reciprocate them? Or did Oikawa just stick beside you tonight because you both had alcohol and he wanted to get in your pants? No. He asked you earlier if you really wanted this with him and you said yes.

Maybe you weren’t so foolish after all. Or so you thought.

It had been a few days since that night and you were fucking restless. Every single time your phone chimed from a notification, you’d be quick to grab it, hoping it's from the man you’ve been wanting to hear about but disappointment washes over you when his name doesn’t pop up. Panic builds up as the days pass without hearing anything from Oikawa. You didn’t even know why you were waiting, it wasn’t like he owed you anything but you just thought that maybe it would be different for you. It also wasn’t like he was obligated to contact you, maybe you really were just a one night stand for him, and that attraction you felt was one sided. Were you just really imagining it all? Were you just waiting for something that wasn’t going to happen?

“Iwa-chan!” You were pulled back from your trance as you heard a familiar voice coming from the living room, where Hajime was. Closing your notebook, you stood up from your desk and took a few steps before peeking through the slight crack of your door to see Oikawa happily chatting with your older brother. Your heart skipped a beat upon seeing his face, legs tingling with eagerness to go to him but what would you even say? It’s not like he promised you a relationship that night nor did he confess his feelings. You couldn’t help but remember those three words he told you but at this point, it looked like it was just from the heat of the moment. Those three words probably didn’t have any weight to it like it did when you stated that you were all his.

You stiffened as your brother called out your name, instinctively ducking down as if he caught you peeking. Making your way out of your room, you tried to act as normal as possible. “We’re going to head out for a bit. Do you want anything?” “Mmm, any food is fine. Thanks..” You replied before shifting your gaze to Oikawa who stared off to the side, not even acknowledging your presence. Normally, he would smile at you whenever he came over or even give you a pat on the head while he greets you. Hajime nodded before ushering his best friend out the door, Oikawa didn’t even look back. Not even once.

The door slammed shut, the sound reverberating through the whole apartment, and you were left with your mess of feelings. Ah, so he’s ignoring me, you thought. You didn’t even know why you were feeling this way. Was it because you hoped for something more given the feelings you’ve held for Oikawa for the past years? You sat on the couch, not knowing what to do—your mind kept replaying the words he said to you that night. How he told you he loved you; how he said he’s been imagining you in ways you didn’t even know. What was the meaning of that? You knew better than to believe these words given how his personality is but you couldn’t help hoping that there was at least some kind of feeling behind them.

You buried your face in your palms, letting out a deep sigh. You couldn’t even get angry at Oikawa because he never led you on in any way. For him, what happened that night was just plain sex but for you, you thought he was finally seeing you in a different light and not just his best friend's younger sister. And now you’re left with nothing but confusion. Another statistic to the trail of broken hearts that he wore like a cape, dragging behind him. You were frustrated at yourself for letting your feelings completely overtake your common sense.

A few days turned into a week but nothing changed for you. Oikawa was still on your mind but he never reached out to you—not that he was obligated to but you figured it was necessary, given his deep-rooted friendship with Hajime. At least a little discussion about that night would’ve helped you with your thoughts a bit but no, your mind was still a swirling mess. You cursed yourself every time you remembered your foolish mistake, you knew what you were getting yourself into and yet you bit onto the bait without thinking about the dire consequences to not only your feelings but also your relationship with Oikawa.

Maybe after all, you were just imagining it. That was the easiest fact there was—being delusional because you had feelings for him, so you instantly misread what he told you that night. You looked into words that never had a meaning behind them. Baseless sentences that held no feelings.

Deciding to study at a nearby café on a whim, you enter the cosy shop, the distinct aroma of roasted coffee beans and warm atmosphere of the café immediately putting your mind at ease. The café was filled with the soft chatter of customers, and the sounds of the coffee machine. Before taking a few steps to the counter where the cashier stood behind, you noticed a familiar brown-haired man sitting at one of the tables, and he wasn’t alone. Your heart skipped a beat as Oikawa already had his hazel gaze on you, his expression somewhere between surprised and panicked. He noticed your gaze drift to the person who sat in front of him—a woman—who happily talked about something you couldn’t exactly hear.

Seeing Oikawa with other women wasn’t new to you. After all, you’ve known him long enough for you to become accustomed to this sight despite your heart breaking a little. Throughout the years, you’ve managed to patch up the little cracks in your heart whenever you saw him with someone else—whether it be the flavour of the week or a relationship that lasts for a month but today, seeing him with a woman after being intimate with him was enough to break your heart into pieces. What you did next was purely out of instinct, your feet moved on their own, hasty steps out of the café just to get away from Oikawa; you didn’t know where you were going but you wanted him out of sight.

You knew you were being a complete idiot for acting this way. Hell, why were you even running away from him? Stupid. Foolish. Why am I acting like this?! You thought. You let out a shaky sigh, your nails digging into your palms as you swiftly walked down the footpath, trying to forget the way Oikawa’s face looked when he saw you.

The sound of shoes loudly hitting the concrete footpath behind you suddenly filled your ears, you stopped in your tracks as he called out your name—you didn’t have to turn around to know who it was. Oikawa knew exactly why he chased after you, it was almost like a reflex for him given how fast he stood up from his seat to run to you. He’s aware he’s been ignoring you for the past week, and he also knows it’s probably shitty of him to suddenly chase after you like this but Oikawa’s got a sinking feeling that if he didn’t chase after you, you’d slip away from his grasp. Forever.

Turning around, you crossed your arms over your chest as if to shield your naked heart. “What do you want, Oikawa?” He winced not only at your tone—sharp, and cold—but as well as the use of his last name. He didn’t know what to say if he was being honest; you watched as he opened his mouth but no words came out, gears turning in his head to find the right thing to say to you. “I meant it.” Oikawa held your gaze, brows knitted together. You knew what he meant by that, it was the answer to the question you asked him that night. You sucked in a sharp breath, heart pounding against your chest as if it was ready to leap out and jump straight into his hands like it belonged there—to be cherished, and loved.

As much as you wanted to jump with joy that he did, in fact reciprocate your feelings, it was anticlimactic. The overwhelming hurt and confusion you’ve felt for the past week was just consuming you. “I-I don’t..” You trailed off, not knowing what to say to him, especially when his umber eyes stared at you with such desperation. You’ve never seen Oikawa like this; he was usually a man of many expressions—mostly full of cunning, and ingenuine smiles but this one you haven’t seen.

“Look. I know I fucked up. I really do love you. I don’t know why I ran away—no I do know. I was scared because I’ve never been so serious about a woman, let alone my best friend’s younger sister.” He scratched his nape, taking a step closer to you. You watched him in silence, a wordless invitation for him to keep going.

Oikawa let out a shaky sigh. “I know saying sorry and this half assed explanation isn’t enough but.. these feelings I’ve had for you.. they’ve been here for as long as I could remember, and it fucking sucks that you had to find out through this mess. That night.. I don’t regret anything but I did wish it could have happened without any of these consequences. I know I’m asking for a lot but.. can we start again?” It was your turn to sigh, “It’s not that easy, Tōru.. but it really isn’t your fault as well.” Oikawa’s face softened at the use of his first name. “I mean, I knew what I was getting myself into. I admit that maybe I was just being a bit dramatic about this whole thing because I had feelings for you but looking back at it, there’s really no reason for you to be apologising..”

You took a step closer before wrapping your arms around him and burying your face in his chest. Oikawa blinked, taken aback by your sudden action, nonetheless, he wrapped his arms around you—still trying to process the fact that you actually like him back. “T-That woman back there, we were meeting up for a project..” You chuckled at his reply before looking up at him to meet his hazel gaze, “There’s no need to explain to me, you know?”

Before he could reply, you smiled at him,

“I want to start again, Tōru. This time, no running away from our feelings?” “No running away.”

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tia-shay · 8 months ago

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Solar Return Observations 1.0

Hello, I'm so excited to write this post! Today I will provide an overview of my most recent solar return chart and how the year manifested for me.

For extra background, this was my 12th house profection year (ruled by Jupiter) and it was just as messy as the astro girlies predicted. 0/10 would recommend. Due to this being my 12th house protection year, I assumed it would be pretty low-key. But, my Leo ascendant had other plans. Note: these observations were made using Tropical astrology and Placidus house system!

Leo Ascendant at 24 degrees: talk about being in the spotlight. To an uncomfortable degree, the focus really was on me this year. What I could do, what my talents are, and undivided attention. For an introvert like myself, this was superrr uncomfy!! Idk how y'all do it. But this was a year where my creativity was able to shine. I spent a lot of time with kids and nurturing my own inner child.

Taurus Sun in 9th house (conjunct mercury, NN and MC): I started and stopped college this year. Apparently I needed to go back to be reminded of how much I despise it. Much to my dismay, I did little to no traveling this year. But these planets are all in Taurus so perhaps that can make them stationary? Sun conjunct NN made it to where my entire being was exactly what I needed to be. I just needed to stand tall and confident (Leo ASC) in who God created me to be.

Speaking of God, with this being my 12th house protection year, I started going back to church, volunteering my time and resources, and standing stronger in my spirituality. I would have NEVER made it through this year without this!

Aquarius Pluto in 6th house square Taurus Sun: I thought I was gonna d*e like a thousand times when I seen this aspect/placement. Y'all I was scurred, but still I rise! This year was certainly strange. At times it felt as if I was my own worst enemy. Battling inner battles every moment of the day. I joked that each week I was a new person, but honestly, this was the truth. Pluto doesn't let you stay the same. My routine changed a lot this year and I ended up working in a career I have never even considered! I also started posting on social media a lot more and even made a YouTube channel!

Cancer Moon conjunct Cancer Mars in 11th house: this also frightened me. I'm a natal Cap moon so to give me a Cancer moon?! Baby, idk what to do with this...but we made it work! My energy levels were very much dependent on my mood and emotions so that was icky. My relationship with my mother pretty much carried me through this year. In whole signs, this moon is placed in the 12th house which I found very interesting as my mother suffered some mental health issues and had to go away for a bit. I did partake in more social gatherings this year, although I won't say I necessarily gained more friends. Friendly gatherings felt more purposeful and I felt much less anxiety compared to what I would typically feel.

Scorpio IC: a majority of my transformations took place at home. I would go to sleep and energetically wake up a completely different person.

Taurus Mercury square Leo Ascendant: the way I articulated myself was in direct contrast with the way I presented myself. My appearance was very bold and hard to ignore, but my voice was very soft-spoken, yet straight to the point. I also noticed that people expected me to be one way, but when I opened my mouth and was a straight shooter, it took people aback, Like yeah, you weren't expecting me to be a bad*ss were you? Also Sun conjunct Mercury and Mercury conjunct Uranus so I stood on business!

Aries Chiron at a Leo degree: You know what's worse than being projected into the spotlight? Being in the spotlight, but cringing the entire time because you don't want people to see who you truly are. Flaws and all. This was how this placement manifested for me. I've always struggled with self-acceptance but the universe really said it's time to tackle this head on! Not an easy feat...

7th house Pisces Saturn at a Leo degree: Dang, Leo energy was on me bad this year! Well, I experienced my first committed romantic relationship with a Pisces Rising! It only lasted a few months, but the levels of delusion were insane. Definitely someone I shouldn't have been with to begin with, but you don't know unless you try, right? Saturn sextile my NN and Sun, so it was for character development hahaha.

10th house Gemini Venus at Leo degree: I've had this placement in plenty of my Solar Returns and each time I thank God it's only for a year. But it's a cute lil placement for the time being. With Venus in the 10th house, I found it very easy to charm people and get on their good side. Especially after just one conversation. I didn't have any love triangles cause I don't play that, but I did have quite a few people tryna be my boo...Venus square Neptune added to the delusion I had going and Sextile Chiron helped me to heal relationship issues and my relationships with women! Ooh, Gemini rules the hands and I created a lot of beauty this past year! Especially on the internet. I was also incredibly loved at work. People bringing me gifts and buying me food regularly. I could get used to this lol.

10th house Taurus Uranus conjunct MC: drastic and unexpected changes in my career and reputation. One minute no one knew me and next minute I'm Ms. Popular?? Okay, popular for ME lol. I was nervous in my career because I was doing stuff I had never done before. My job seemed fairly stable and chill. I appreciated this vibe greatly.

These are some of the placements/aspects that stood out to me this last year. Feel free to shed some light on your personal experiences with these placements either natal or solar return. :)

Please do not under any circumstances copy, rewrite, reword, or repost my work without crediting me.

#astrology #astroblr #astro observations #astro notes #solar return #solar return chart

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anxiety-elemental-kay · 1 year ago

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Vash and Alcoholism

I’m still chipping away at essays for volume 5 and might write stuff for 6 but I need to stop and talk about this panel.

Warning for discussion of alcoholism and self-harm.

[ID: Crop of two panels from Trigun Maximum Volume 6 chapter 5. The first panel we see Vash looking down at the alcohol he spilled on his coat and prosthetic arm. The speech bubbles say “Ha... he he...” The second, much larger panel is a close up of his face. Most of his face is in shadow, except for the bridge of his nose and one eye, which is closed and crinkled like he’s smiling. He’s holding his damp hand to his mouth, accompanied by a word bubble that says “slurp”. End ID.]

Something about this is genuinely so disturbing. He’s been caught day drinking during a shootout, laughs weakly, then drinks the spilled alcohol on his hand. The way his eye is drawn makes me think he’s supposed to be smiling, but the rest of his face is in stark shadow and I just. If I’m remembering right up until this point Vash has been seen drinking but as a joke or as part of a larger celebration (see the celebration for the message from Earth. He had the goofy tie around his head and everything). This is the first time we see Vash as alcoholic, seeing it as the unhealthy and inadequate coping mechanism it is.

He looks strange for the rest of the fight too, looking both exhausted but also frightening and uncanny, like:

[ID: Crop of a two page spread from Trigun Maximum Volume 6 chapter 5. Vash is holding his gun but is standing in a strange pose, his torso bent over, neck bent further, with an unsettling and blank expression on his face. End ID.]

God. He looks so. I’m not even sure how to describe it. He’s still doing his usual Vash routine, refusing to kill, but he seems detached or absent from his own head.

Maybe it’s because I have a family history of alcoholism and I’m desperately afraid of developing a dependency myself (with my mental health history it feels likely) but seeing Vash like this is so upsetting. Combined with shooting at the target in the first chapter until he bled (which read as self-harm to me) we’re seeing Vash become more overtly self-destructive.

And from what I remember of future chapters it’s only going to get worse.

Update: Well this post blew up. Everyone’s additions are so good! Glad we all agree that alcoholism is scary and dangerous and that Vash is slowly destroying himself in the worst way. Glad to share TrigunBookClub with a bunch of smart, very sad people <3

#trigun #trigunbookclub #alcoholism #self-harm #he's having a bad time #once more i ask for someone to get him some space anti-depressants #i'm begging #kay writes things

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escapingrealtiylovinginsanity · 8 months ago

Text

Nick Torres: I Told You Not To

My first NCIS attempt. I just started watching season 14 and I LOVE Nick Torres. This is set before he joins the team. Let me know how I did in catching Nick’s character. I’m still learning his personality.

You didn’t know it was possible to be this on edge while simultaneously feeling so fatigued. The fatigue was soul-deep and not something that would be fixed with even the best night's sleep. You felt completely wrung out. It made the hypervigilance that you couldn’t turn off much more unsettling. You have been running for almost two months now. There was the constant fear of being found and killed, or worse. You didn’t have the skill set to be on the run. You didn’t know how to dodge and redirect the dangerous people trying to find you. You didn’t know how to shoot a gun or protect yourself. You were a humanitarian. You came to Argentina to volunteer at an orphanage that doubled as a battered women's shelter.

You were well aware that you did not have the skill set necessary to protect yourself in the situation and it had never occurred to you that you might need to. Helping people without using the correct channels had never come back to bite you in the ass this hard though. Granted it had always been in America where you had the home advantage. When the woman had come and asked you for help escaping her abusive husband with her young son in tow, how were you supposed to know that everyone else had turned her away in fear of the repercussions of a powerful man. A man who ran an underground child sex trafficking ring.

The only thing that stood between you and him was an undercover NCIS agent, Nick Torres. He had saved you after his cover had been blown and had been dragging you around since. The man was paranoid, or so you had thought in the beginning, and on constant vigilance. He was sure of a mole in NCIS and didn’t trust anyone. It left the two of you in this constant state of motion. At first, the ordeal had been frightening, a constant rush of adrenaline. It had now turned into a constant uncomfortable prickle of anxiety and suspicion of everyone and everything. It was chronic mental exhaustion. If it made you feel as bad as you did, you could only wonder how bad it was for Nick.

He was the one who could keep you both alive. You had watched his strange humor which had the desired effect of lightening the mood in difficult and often uncomfortable situations turn into a stoic silence for the last week, maybe two. You weren’t sleeping much but it was nothing compared to him.

You had scoffed when he told you “I don’t sleep” but had soon found it near close to the truth. He barely slept over the last two months, the last few weeks being the worst. When he did drift off it was light and fitful. Every noise or movement woke him, and it would only be after a complete recheck of the area that he would try to sleep again if he chose to even try. Most of the time he would shake himself more awake and persist wherever he was leading you to next.

Nick was a handsome man, but he looked rough, sitting next to you on the commercial bus. His body language read exhaustion as did the dark circles underneath his eyes. They showed prominent even over his dark skin which was starting to take a more yellow jaundice undertone. Not that you were judging. You were sure that you looked like a hot mess express. You had been living in Nick’s oversized clothes and showers weren’t a frequent thing. Your hair had been in a braid for almost a week because you couldn’t stand how greasy it had gotten. Most of it was covered by Nick’s plain black baseball hat that he had forced on your head, bill pulled down low to cover most of your face. He liked you as hidden as possible saying you looked out a ghost in the land of the living. A pale white girl who couldn’t hold a conversation in Spanish in a sea of fast-speaking Latinos. It was rude but you couldn’t disagree.

The bus had just taken off, and Nick was slumped in his seat when a chill went up your spine. You had the eerie feeling of being watched. You knew the drill, no quick movements, you had to make checking your surroundings look natural, causal.

It was easy to spot him the man. He was a few seats behind you and openly staring. It seems too blatant to be one of the men that you have been running from, but your body tenses and you feel the blood start to pump faster through your veins. “Nick,” Your voice is low and tense. It catches his attention, and you can feel him become more alert and sit up straighter next to you. “Do you see that guy a few seats behind us? He is watching us.” Nick did a much more casual job of surveying the surroundings and when he was done, he chuckled before relaxing back into his seat. You furrowed your eyebrows at him in confusion.

“He isn’t watching us,” Nick stated flatly. You give a scoff of disbelief and go to object. You may be getting paranoid, but you can still tell when someone is staring. Nick cuts you off before you can get a handful of words out. “He isn’t watching us. He is watching you.” It takes a moment for the words to process. A soft oh falls from your lips when it finally clicks.

Nick leans into your space, his hand coming up to cup the side of your neck. You exhale in surprise, but the touch is light and not unwelcome. It floods your body with a tingling warmth. “Is he still looking?” You search Nick’s face before looking back at the man. His attention had broken off you and he was now slumped against the wall staring out the window.

“No,” His fingers brushed your cheek lightly catching a strand of hair that had come loose and securing it behind your ear.

“Yeah, most people get uncomfortable with public displays of affection. Just like most men will respect another man when they realize that the girl they are trying to flirt with is taken.” He gives you a long look before glancing down at your chest and whispering, “I told you not to wear that.” He dropped back into his seat.

You made a face at him, you two had gotten into a small argument at the station where you had refused to wear one of his long-sleeved shirts. It was hot and the bus was a hotbox. You had been sweating for days and washing up in the skin hadn’t tackled the problem. You just wanted to be comfortable for your trip. You had snagged a white wife beater out of his bag to put on instead. It was tight in the chest, but it felt much lighter and cooler. Nick had wisely said nothing when you came out in it.

His comment made you look down at the shirt. I was tight and clinging to you like a second skin but the top where it was pulled tightly across your breast you saw the problem. You had been sporting a bright red bra when you left, and it was the only one you had. Because your boobs were so large there was no way of forgoing it. The flimsy white shirt that had been great for the purpose of keeping you cool did nothing to hide your bra’s florescent color nor the outline of its lace. Your cheeks flushed bright in embarrassment. You were a hot mess and gave quite the show.

The two of you rode in silence for a while. Nick's eyes were open just a sliver as he tried to keep himself awake. It was a losing battle. He would start to doze, and his head would slide to the side waking him back up. “We have three hours until the next stop, right?”

“You have to go to the bathroom already?” You glare at him. He had made a point to complain about your need to use the bathroom more frequently than him. “Yeah, about that.” He agreed. You nod in decision and turn to put your back against the corner where your seat meets the wall, your knees turned more toward the center aisle.

“You should get some sleep,” He looks ready to object, “You’ve already checked everyone out on the bus, and I’ll wake you up before we hit our next stop or if anything weird happens.” He still looks hesitant, but his brown eyes have a heavy exhaustion cut deep into their depths. You pat your lap urging him to rest his head. “You’ll sleep better if you lay down.”

“I’ll be okay,” He shimmies against his seat trying to get comfortable. The seats are hard and sleeping upright is uncomfortable in the best of circumstances. Nick is stubborn and even with everything he has done for you doesn’t want to ask for any small favors or comforts you can give him. You grab his shoulder and pull him forward to lay down, even with objections on his lips he allows you to maneuver him to lay with his shoulders and head in your lap. Nick, who had complained one too many times about you getting yourself in trouble by being too selfless chuckled lightly into your thighs as you assured him.

“Don’t worry I’m doing it for purely selfish reasons. If you are sleep-deprived and miss something or get hurt, it will be all over for me.” You tease him, even with the truth of your words ringing in your ears.

Nick is stiff laying in your lap for a few minutes, but it doesn’t take long for him to readjust and get comfortable enough to fall asleep. When he does, he is out cold. His body is a heavyweight against you, and he starts snoring. The physical contact felt nice. You were no stranger to his touch. Nick had been pulling, pushing, leading, and on occasion dragging you around. All of it had a purpose and none felt like real physical contact. The warmth of his body that lay on yours was soothing. You tried not to examine that feeling too thoroughly.

Nick being relaxed enough to sleep made your own anxiety settle slightly. You still made sure to look out the window and be aware of what was going on around you, but it wasn’t as needling. You silently wondered if you two had been feeding off each other's nervous energy for too long. That paired with a lack of sleep made for a volatile combination.

The first hour went by in a blur of Nick’s snores and passing scenery out the window. By the middle of the second hour, your ass and legs were getting numb from sitting in the same position for so long. You were trying not to fidget or shift because Nick was getting some real sleep, and you didn’t want to risk waking him. Another fifteen minutes in you couldn’t take it anymore. You set a hand on the middle of his back and started slowly shifting trying to move your leg. You had moved maybe an inch when you felt the slight jolt of movement from Nick. This body was tensed, you could feel the strong muscles in his back flex under your palm.

“It’s okay, we’re still over an hour out.” You whisper to him running your hand down his spine. “I just need to sit a little different.” His half-lidded eyes meet yours as he lifts his body a few inches allowing you to pull your leg up onto the seat. You press your back more directly into the wall rotating the way you were sitting on your butt. He half moves half slides up your stomach as you slide down the wall. He ends up draped across you, his head on your stomach his torso resting in between your thighs. One of his hands smooths up your thigh and stops to rest there as he passes back out.

Your hand still rests on his back. He has a hole in his dark shirt that you fiddle with for something to do. You notice his shirt has ridden up leaving a few inches of tan olive skin showing between it and his pants. The man’s body is all firm muscle. You would have to be blind not to notice how attractive he is, only exacerbated by his cocky attitude and smartass remarks. You try your best to stamp down that thought-examining the way he makes you feel would be a disaster. The only way you want to see him is as a protector. A man who is standing between you and those who want to hurt you. That's all it can be. The rest you know to ignore. You smooth down his shirt where it has bunched around his broad shoulders. You absently continue the motion rubbing his back. His back is a mess of tight knots and muscles.

You spend the rest of the bus ride alternating between loosening the knots and resting your hand on his back and feeling it rise and fall as he breathes. You noticed the man who had been staring at you earlier kept taking quick glances at you. He quickly would avert his gaze if you happened to look his way at the same time.

You see the sign for the first stop five miles out. You rub up Nick’s back, he hasn’t moved at all since he fell back asleep. You don’t want to jerk him out of his sleep like last time, so you set your hand over his on your thigh and squeeze it a few times. You whisper his name and see the flutter of his long dark eyelashes. “We are about five minutes out.” You expect him to immediately sit up and start his causal special agent surveillance mode. What you didn’t expect was him to lay there languidly.

He rolls his neck, and shoulders, and then stretches. You heard a few loud pops, and he groaned in satisfaction. He then rolls onto his back and makes eye contact with you from where he is lying. He has his normal cocky smile back on his lips. The few hours of uninterrupted sleep had done him a lot of good. He seemed to be in much better spirits. You quirked an eyebrow at him in question. “Finalmente encontré tu fuerte (I finally found your forte). You make a fantástica pillow.”

“I’m glad you approve.” You tease sarcastically. He doesn’t move to get up, so you rest your hand on his stomach, the other on the back of the seat. When the bus stops people make their way off. The man from earlier who had been watching you stops by your seat before he exits. He says something in Spanish. You catch none of it, but Nick does and clearly didn’t like it. His body is still relaxed against yours and his tone is teasing with an undercurrent of hard warning as he answers. The only thing you catch is- Entender amigo. Understand friend. The man glares at Nick before storming off the bus. “Do I even want to know?”

“Sólo sabes cómo causar problemas (You just know how to cause trouble).” Nick watched as people started to file onto the bus. You sigh and are about to ask him to translate, silently cursing yourself for opting for ASL in school instead of Spanish. Nick’s gaze turns back to you and looks down at your chest which is now basically at eye level before redirecting up to your eyes. “I told you not to wear that shirt.” He repeats. “The next stop is ours. I squirreled away some of my own money there before I went under. Just in case. You can never be too careful, ya know? How does a hotel room sound for the night?”

You moan in delight at the thought, “Sounds like a hot shower and a real bed. Heaven.” Nick chuckled before readjusting on your lap.

“We have two more hours before our stop. You mind if I catch a little more sleep?”

“Knock yourself out. Apparently, I’m a certified pillow.” You smooth his hair out of his face. It’s supposed to be a teasing gesture, but it ends up being a lingering touch. Soft. Comforting. Affectionate in a way that wasn’t intended. If Nick closes his eyes again and leans into the touch you ignore it. Just like the butterflies that are trying to awaken in your cold traumatized stomach.

I hope you guys enjoyed it! Let me know what you think xoxo

#NCIS #nick torres #nick torres x you #nick torres x reader #nick torres imagine

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themainreactor · 8 months ago

Text

"I don't think this was the original plan... Oh well."

In which a suicidal boy gets kidnapped by his scary yandere girl stalker. He could care less and doesn't mind dying, however she cares and it confuses her why he doesn't. So she brings him with her into the League of Villains and for once in his life, he can say that he's genuinely felt... At least okay.

"You need help, y'know that right?"

"I know I just... I don't want help."

"How do you expect to get better then?!"

"Well I'm not really excepting to get better, I wasn't even really expecting to live this long."

"Why are you like this?!"

...

Y/N was kind of... Strange to say the least.

Y/N's not even sure why he can't just be normal, he wants to be but he can't help but feel like life would be better without him being there. Even if he doesn't try to gain attention, he still somehow does.

Whether it be bullying at his school, his parents disappointment in him, his friends leaving him because of how much his mental state is hurting them, or even him bothering the police and ambulances.

So he decided after a while to just stop trying to die because it makes it so much worse when he doesn't succeed and everyone gets frustrated. He got better over time... Well at least it took him about three years to convince everyone of that. At least people felt less worried and went back to their normal lives.

Yet he still seems to attract trouble.

So that's why he's not entirely surprised when he wakes up in an abandoned house one evening after his nap with a crazy looking girl kneeling at his feet. The walls were all graffiti'd, there was no furniture and it was already clear that the girl had some sinister intentions.

"You're awake! Hi there cutie!" The girl yells, happily jumping around before kneeling right back in front of him. He's not entirely sure what's going on and what's even worse is that he's pretty sure he recognized her.

"You're... That girl... You killed that boy in my school" He states, only to get a giggle and a nod as if that didn't matter whatsoever. Already that was the worst impression someone can have about another person.

She was probably going to kill him too and honestly he didn't mind, he just had a nap so at least he would die refreshed.

"Yep! That's me! That was my first love but you're my favorite so far!" She yells, gushing before placed her knife right against his neck.

"Y'know... You'd look even cuter with your blood all over you."

He only raised his eyebrow before activating his quirk, causing her to scream and drop her knife.

His quirk was emotion, he could control, level out or amplify an emotion in a person. He amplified fear in her, so that's why she was now shaking on the floor.

But now he actually felt a bit bad for her.

She was a freak, he could understand that much and he didn't blame her. Everyone called him a freak too. Plus, It was flattering since no one had ever been a freak for him, although it was concerning. What was he doing to gain her attention? Did she know where her parents were at?

He struggled with the zip ties that were tying him only to get one to snap and let go of his wrist. He sighs, turning off his quirk and watching as she cried and choked on her own spit. But she seemed more calm even though she was still feeling the lingering fear from before.

"So what do you plan do to me?"

"No! Not anything bad! I just... I wanted some of your blood..."

"Why? Don't you have your own?" Y/N chuckled.

"...Yeah... But I want to be like you! I... I want to become like you because I love you!"

"... You don't even know me-"

"Yes I do though! Your name is Y/N, M/N, L/N! I know that you're really strong and that everyone at your school is scared of you! They think you'll take advantage of them with your quirk but I know you wouldn't do that! I also know that you used to date a girl And she left you for your best friend!"

"... And you know this all... Because?"

"Because I followed you and I like watching you at school and at home! Y'know if you want I can kill the girl and that fake friend of yours! Would you like me to do that?! It doesn't matter anyway!"

He just looks at her again, worried about what she meant. She loved him, so she was going to kill him... That made no damn sense.

"Just like the boy... Y'know we were confused, no one at school thought you'd do something like that. You were always that sweet and happy girl... Why'd you kill him?"

"I hated pretending that I was normal! But that's all anyone saw me for anyway! For example, is my home! Or it used to be my home." She mumbles and Y/N looks around the graffiti'd walls, it looks like it was once a girl's room.

He almost forgot what her house even looked like.

"I... I was born a monster, someone who couldn't live without hurting the people she loved... So... I want to become a really strong girl, someone who can make my own path and become those I love!"

"... That's why you want my blood?"

"Yep! I want your blood! You're so pretty and interesting at the same time! I want to be just like you! I love you!"

"How do you know you love me?"

"I just know I love you! You make my heart beat really fast and I want to kill anyone that hurts you!"

He remembered him and his mother bidding her family goodbye after they moved. He could recall how they came to comfort them even though most people hated them. People blamed them for not raising their daughter right but they probably tried to. He never saw them in a bad light, he always felt like they had tried.

He doesn't say anything as she tried to explain herself more, he just watched her. He knew that in this position she could still try to kill him. Now that he thinks about it though, he didn't really want to live. No one would be worried about him killing himself if someone else killed him.

He didn't have to pretend to want to live anymore... Just like she didn't have to pretend to be normal. So finally he gives in, silently handing her his wrist. She looks at it, confused before a hopeful smile came on her face.

"You... You want me to have your blood?!"

"Instead of stalking me, you should have just asked, you would have gotten it faster."

"... Really?"

"Yep."

The girl just looks at him, she's not sure what to say. With all the people she's killed and loved, never had any of them offered her something like that.

Why was there no hesitation in his voice?

He was definitely extra special, she couldn't possibly kill him now.

"... But why?"

"You'll be doing me a favor... I don't really want to live believe it or not, although I assumed you already knew that."

She did know that he dozed off a lot and that he seemed bored and sad sometimes but she doesn't like how unusually calm he was, it was unnerving how he didn't seem to care about the dire situation he was in. She wanted to kill him and he wasn't even trying to escape her.

So quickly she grabs onto his wrist, using the knife to only make a small cut. She didn't even try to drink the blood or save it, she just wanted to see if he would actually let her or if he'd even care. He didn't flinch and it made it worse so she groaned and started to cut the zip ties off of his other hand and his ankles.

"You good?"

"No... I don't want to kill you anymore."

"Damn, am I that boring?" He playfully asks, hoping to actually get her to reconsider what she said.

"You really want me to kill you?!" She yells

"Yeah, why not? In fact, please do, I wouldn't hold it against you, really." He shrugs before she almost growls at him. She had some canines that were definitely sharp, like a dog or even a vampire.

"No! I... I can fix you."

"... The hell does that mean?" He looks at her, suddenly worried that she was one of those fantasy medieval romance novel girls.

Those types of girls and women scared him because they could care less. If you even remotely resembled their book boyfriends, they would try to marry you.

"Do you know that hero killer Mr. Stainy that was on the news recently?!"

"Um... I don't think that's his name but sure, yeah the hero killer."

"I also want to be just like him! I want to be able to live in a world where I can be free."

"... Hate to break it to you, I don't think you can do that when you're killing people." He chuckled, gaining a cute giggle from the girl.

"I know that, silly! So, that's why, I'm going to join his group."

"His group? What group?"

"The League of Villains."

"... Aren't they their own group?"

"I don't know but I want to be like stainy! But I want to be like you too so why don't you come with me? I know you're bored with your life so help me with mine!" She happily jumps.

"... So... You're not going to kill me?"

"Nope! We should take you back home!"

What? What was wrong with this girl? Was she bipolar or what?

"... Okay... You still want my blood?"

"Yeah!" She smiled.

And with that she grabs his wrist before actually biting it and sucking the blood out of it.

"Ow... Y'know you still have time to kill me, how do you know I won't call the police and tell them that you're here?"

"Because you're too sweet for that!" She replies after letting her mouth pop off of his wrist. She was probably right though, he wasn't going to call anyone on her.

"Now, why don't we get some sugar cookies and you can go home? I know those are your favorite and I'll definitely get you when I find a way to continue my life plan!"

"... Alright..."

"I love you so much!"

Y/N doesn't respond, but he carefully eyes the harsh bite mark that was now on his wrist.

This was probably a bad idea. After all, how was he going to explain this to his mom?

Honestly, he didn't mind.

...

"Are you sure you're okay with being left at home?" His mother asks, placing her luggage in the van as her husband gets the car started.

"Yeah, I'll be fine." Was all he said smiling at his mom as she came over to hug him.

"If you start to feel scared or depressed please call me before you do anything."

"Mom, I think I'm fine, it's been like three years since I last tried anything like that."

"I know but still, that shouldn't even be a last resort okay?"

"Alright mom, now stop worrying about me and enjoy your honeymoon!"

The mom gives him a quick hug again before entering the car. The husband just waved at the boy since they still weren't on the best of terms, but it was good enough that they were cordial with one another.

The boy waves the car away as they drive off, and as soon as the car is out of view, he walks right back into the house.

He yawns, happy that he had the house to himself. Until he didn't of course.

"HI!"

"JEEZ! WHAT THE HELL?!" Y/N jumps, dropping the bagel he grabbed from the counter onto the floor before groaning. It was the girl, Himiko Toga. It had been about a month since she had kidnapped him before taking him back home and she literally found every spare minute to invade his privacy when his mom and step dad weren't around.

"... Oh... Hello."

"How are you doing handsome?!" Toga yells, quickly hugging Y/N from behind before jumping onto the counter to sit down in front of him.

"Just fine... How'd you even get in the house?"

"I broke through your window."

"... Did you break the window?"

"No silly, I just popped the screen open and then unlocked the latch before popping the screen closed once I got in!"

Y/N groans a bit, scratching his hair before handing her a new bagel and picking up the one he dropped on the floor. He could just eat it off the floor, it's not like the floor was dirty since he helped his mom clean the entire house yesterday.

Was he still going to eat it? No, he wanted to die but he didn't want to contract a disease while he was at it.

"Guess what!?"

"What?"

"I found someone who'll help me get into the league of villains! You should come with me tonight! Oh! I also drew a picture of you and me!" Toga excitedly yells before jumping off of the countertop and rushing upstairs.

"Um... Alright." Y/N mumbled before yawning and grabbing another bagel to eat. It was only about a few seconds that she came rushing back down with her small but cute cat backpack unfortunately covered in small amounts of someone's blood.

"Here, look!"

Y/N looked at it for two good seconds as he tried to comprehend what the hell he was seeing. As surprisingly good as her drawings were, why did it have to be him like that?

He had to refrain from pushing the sketch book out of his face. First off, what type of memory did this bitch have that she could draw him from scratch. Secondly, this was the most non safe for work thing that he's ever seen, he's not used to this shit because he's only watched porn once and it was by accident.

"It's..." Y/N looked at the giddy girl, mentally applauding her courage in showing him this with a straight face, as if it wasn't basically fan art sex.

"It's nice."

"You really think so?!"

"Yeah."

Toga starts kicking her feet, content that Y/N liked the picture she drew. So she just watched him for most of the day and she doesn't even know why he keeps her around. After all, she could try to kill him when he wasn't looking... Oh wait, he wanted to die.

Toga sighs before looking up at the ceiling in boredom. She was excited to bring Y/N with her to the league but she was a bit worried that they wouldn't take him nor would he technically be a villain anyway. Would he be willing to kill someone if they made him?

"So, before we go to see if you can get into the league, we should go to the store and buy you a really cool villain outfit, something that's cute but also screams badass-"

Y/N chuckled at her as she kept rambling about clothing items. Honestly he didn't care, as long as at some point he died. Maybe that was a bit too far to think but he really was tired, he barely had the energy to get up in the morning and brush his teeth and that was every single morning.

"Alright."

"So what style of clothes do you like?"

"Um... Surprise me, I don't really mind."

"You seem indecisive."

"Well I am."

"About the whole league of villains thing?"

"Yeah."

"Don't you want to be a villain?"

"No... No, not really." He shook his head, being fully serious about it. However it wasn't like he wouldn't try it. I mean, he literally had nothing to lose besides him mom and his life, and his mom was very capable of protecting herself.

"... Well do you want to be with me?!"

"... I mean... No... You're kinda crazy."

Toga just huffed, crossing her hands in front of herself whilst pouting. Y/N walked off into the living room, noting that Toga grabbed a knife and tried to stab his shoulder before he activated his quirk.

Why was she like this? She must have actually been bipolar or something.

"I don't know why you keep wanting to stab me at the most inconvenient times." He mumbled, barely paying attention to her once again distraught figure on the floor before he just sighed and turned off his quirk.

"Hey, you're okay." Was all he said, gently patting her head before looking at the time.

This made him think of why he couldn't have just left his quirk out of a situation like this? He could have died that way, he could have been killed and missed that opportunity because of his reflexes.

Whatever, he'd die eventually.

Toga didn't say anything as she stood up, just slowly hugged Y/N again since she didn't really care about whether or not he used his quirk on her. Y/N hugged her back before letting go just to let her know that he wasn't mad at her. Sure the quirk was annoying but she knew all too well that he was too sweet to truly harm anyone.

"So... Will you come with me tonight?"

"... Sure, why not?"

"Thank you! Thank you so much Y/N-kun! I love you, I love you!"

"... Okay..."

...

"What do you mean I need a body count?" Y/N questioned the supposed villian broker named Giran, grimacing at the man in front of him. There was no way this man was actually going to let him in The League of Villains at all if he hadn't killed people yet?

Sounds biased.

"Well I guess we can forget that for now but have you killed anybody at all? What's your quirk? Abilities? You got any props to show us? Anything at all that could determine that you'll be a good addition to the league?"

He couldn't even answer the question at first, almost all of his attention was being taken by the barbequed man standing on the side. Why did he genuinely seem like he was tweaking out? He was probably not a normal human to begin with, he must have been born into this villain trade. This had to be some bloodline Taugarian stuff.

"After all, I have good business with the league and I wouldn't want to ruin it."

"... Why didn't you tell me? I would have prepared a bit better." He grumbled, glaring at Toga when he turned her direction.

"Well the union already said I was a good pick! Sorry, I didn't think about it even when I said that I'd bring you!"

Y/N just sighed when Toga hugged onto his arm, quietly eyeing the burnt guy that kinda had some sass with his stance. Clearly he was impatient and didn't want to wait for this.

"Well... I haven't actually killed anyone yet, except for my dad. I hit him with a bat when I was younger and he died of blood loss, but I don't think that really counts since it was an accident." He starts, already cringing at how strange his own voice sounded.

This was annoying and embarrassing.

"My quirk is emotion, I can control people's emotions basically... But I don't really have a prop to show-"

"Oh! Me! Me! You can use me! You wanna use me?!" Toga yells really quick, jumping in front of him all excited like.

"The hell?" The burnt guy asks, almost wanting to gag. He didn't really like this crazy lovesick girl and it would be really annoying if he had to be in a villain group with her. He didn't know much about the boy, except that he was most definitely a rookie who probably just wanted attention.

He'd just burn them later if they annoyed him too much.

"Um... How bout no?" Y/N starts, gently grabbing her by the shoulders and moving her to the side of him instead of in front.

"We gotta go soon so when you're done talking with the crazy one and attention hogging dude, can you let me know? I'm already tired of this." The burnt guy scoffs when he gets a finger pointed his way by the guy, so he just decided that he was ready to leave until he was stopped.

He may or may not have had a sudden heart attack by the alleyway door but for some reason he couldn't move and he didn't like it one damn bit.

Why did he suddenly feel like he was absolutely worthless? He felt useless in so many ways and it was one of the most painful things in the world. All his trauma just threw up at him all at once.

"That's rude y'know? You should respect the guy when you're the one taking up his time." Y/N scolded, moving his index finger up in the air which caused the guy to just start crying.

He just cried, it actually made Y/N kind of nervous since it seemed like more than just his quirk. It sounded so broken, he would rather hear someone scream than sob the way this guy was weeping.

"That is so cool Y/N! What emotion are you using now?!" Toga asks.

"Sadness." He replies, his eyes still on the grown man. He only just now noticed that him crying had actually opened up the burn wounds around his mouth and eyes.

"Basically I overwhelm the brain with the chemical that causes a particular emotion before forcing it onto the body." Y/N explains to the guy, turning off his quirk so that the burnt guy can breathe.

"... That's... Scary actually and it's perfect, Even though the union didn't pick you, you'd be a great helper for what the league of villains needs. The dude you just messed is named Dabi, You're in."

"Oh My Gosh Y/N-kun! Do you know what this means?! You and I are going to be hero killers! Just like Mr. Stainy! Oh man! I love you so much!"

"... Cool... Thanks... Hey um, Dabi right? Sorry about that-"

"Shut the hell up." Dabi growls, standing up and holding one of the burn marks closed right under his eye. He didn't even bother wiping the tears away because it wasn't gonna do him any good. He was already embarrassed, and this dumb ass kid scared him.

If he could dominate and control an emotion that quick and that effective with almost no drawback, what the hell would be able to stop him?

"Yeah... I-I kinda deserve that, I'll shut up, that's fair I guess."

...

"Shigaraki! Your league of villains has been the talk of the town this last several days." Giran comments as he opens the door to an abandoned bar. This seemed like a really terribly way to start a conversation if you ask Y/N.

"Word on the street says you're about to start something big-"

"And? Who did you bring?"

Rude. All Giran does about it is chuckle before waving the three of them inside. Toga almost squeals, hugging onto Y/N's arm before letting go and walking in. This was most likely a bad idea.

As soon as Y/N enters he knows this is an annoyingly bad idea. This dude with the hand for a mask was the leader of this whole thing? He looked like a skeleton, when was the last time this man ate?

"So it's really you huh? I've seen you in pictures but i gotta say, you're way grosser in person." Dabi starts, tilting his head to the side.

"Wow it's the weird hand guy! You're friends with my hero stain right? Cool, let us join the league, we wanna be in your group!" Toga yells, blushing as she once again grabs a hold of Y/N's arm

"... Kurogiri, get rid of these three, I can already tell their exactly the kind of trash I hate. A girly brat, some weak mute boy and a guy with no manners." The man named Shigaraki, pointing his finger at them.

"I'm not mute." Y/N chuckles, almost using his quirk on the man just because of his bluntness. It was pissing him off more than he'd like to admit.

"Now, now Tomura Shigaraki, They came all this way. The least we could do is here them out, give them a chance. Besides, this broker is respected in the underworld, they're bound to be valuable assets." The weird purple smoke guy called Kurogiri states.

He kinda reminded Y/N of that fire bartender in the Undertale game.

"Like em or not, you still owe me a finders fee in cash. I suppose I could introduce the three of them before I go." Giran mentioned.

"This one looks like an adorable high school girl right? But she's actually the suspect in a series of deaths where the victims all bled out. So far her name and face have been kept out of the media."

Danm, Y/N almost forgot just how dangerous she was and what she was guilty of.

"Toga, Himiko Toga! Life is too hard and I just want to make it easier to live in this dumb world. I want to be Mr. Stainy! I wanna kill Mr. Stainy! Oh c'mon Mr. Handy man please let me join your league of villains!" She greets herself, letting everyone in the room know just how crazy she was.

"You gotta be kidding me, is she crazy?"

"Well she can hold a conversation, for the most part at least. C'mon, she can be useful."

"Yeah, in fact I was gonna be her next victim before she asked me to come here." Y/N answers, looking at Shigaraki with a very serious expression.

"... What?" Shigiraki looked at the boy and he almost took his hand mask off in surprise. He honestly would have expected that the kid wanted to be here with how calm and blunt he was.

"It's a long story... Well not really but it's not relevant to the topic right now."

"And this guy," Giran adds, pointing his cigarette towards Dabi. " hasn't committed any flashy crimes but he's taken stains ideology to heart."

"I don't like this, is your group really dedicated to the hero killers mission? I can't imagine you are if you're going to let this little psycho join." Dabi grunts when he refers to Toga.

"Grow up, at least she can introduce herself." Y/N grumbles, already realizing that him and this Dabi were probably not gonna get along all that well.

"Yeah, I actually agree with him. She may be a psycho but she can actually talk to people." Shigiraki comments, waving his hand in the general direction of Y/N and Toga. "Don't just stare, what's your name?"

"Right now I'm going by Dabi."

"No I want to know your real name."

"I'll tell you when you need to know it, in any case, my new purpose is to carry out the hero killers will."

"That wasn't what I asked you, patchwork. Jeez why's everyone so hung up over Stain."

"Okay I'm not that smart, " Y/N starts, hoping to understand something about all of this. "but why the hell do we need to carry out the hero killers wish when he's not dead? Isn't he just in prison? We should have our own wish if it's our group right? Not live off the back of someone else's wish, or am I missing something here-"

"Shut up." Shigiraki growls as he stands up.

"It's all I ever hear about, every, damn, day. It's really pissing me off!"

"No, don't do it!" Kurogiri yells.

The hell was he doing?

"WE'LL KEEP THE BOY, THE TWO OF YOU ARE DONE!" Shigaraki yells, throwing his hands in their direction. Dabi does the same in Shigaraki's direction.

Y/N pulls Toga back before she can do anything or get hurt, but not before grabbing her knife to possibly stab the dude's hand. Y/N hasn't killed anyone but that doesn't mean that he doesn't know how to fight.

Before anybody's attacks land anywhere, Y/N watches as purple smoke engulfs their hands before they are placed somewhere else in the room. It was like a portal of sorts.

"Please calm yourself Tomura Shigaraki."

Why does this dude keep stating his first and last name like it was some title?

"If your desire is to be realized then we must increase our numbers,"

Y/N sighs, not paying anymore attention to the conversation before taking out his hand along with the knife. He hands the knife to Toga who felt it was right to suddenly Koala hold his back.

"I'm outta here."

Y/N moves himself out of the way of the pissed off leader of the league of villains. He's not sure how he feels about him, maybe it's not all that bad but he didn't really like how that ended.

"Where are you off too?"

"Shut up."

"I try to make it a point not to complain about my clients but he's too young and far too immature." Giran sighs.

"Really thought he was gonna kill us from a sec!" Toga gushes before jumping off of Y/N's back.

"Yeah, he looks like he needs to be in a psych ward like you Toga." Y/N added on, ignoring the surprisingly weak punch Toga gave to his shoulder.

"That guy makes me want to vomit."

"I've only known you for like thirty minutes and I think I can tell that everything makes you wanna throw up."

"What'd you say?"

"I said-" Y/N starts, ready to repeat himself again.

"Shut up! No one asked you anyway!"

"Okay patchwork."

"What?!"

"I said okay patchwork, I'mma keep calling you that too."

"I hope you drown!"

"I was hoping for that a long time ago dude."

...

"I can't believe we're actually in the league! Oh my gosh this is gonna be so cool! I can't wait! And it'll be even better with you Y/N-kun!" Toga yells, blushing to herself as the both of them sat on top of a building.

"How high do you think I'd have to jump to crack my skull?"

"... What?"

Y/N turns to Toga only to be graced with a small smile concealing her worried expression.

"... Oh sorry, I wasn't trying to scare you."

"No, you didn't scare me... I just... I think it's about two stores high."

That was the first time anyone had answered him a question like that before, and of course it had to be the crazy blood stealing girl.

"Alright."

"..."

"Hey... Y/N-kun?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you call me Himiko?"

"... Why?" Y/N inquired, wondering if he was being caught in some strange trap by her again.

"Well because I love you and it's just that I don't want to see you die yet. I want to be there for you like you were there for me before and I want you to love me too."

"Um... I was never there for you though-"

"Yes you were! You were always there, someone that was always consistently in my life!"

"... Is that because you were stalking me?"

"I wouldn't call it stalking, I'd call it a romantic walk that you didn't know you were doing with me!"

"Oh... Alright." Y/N sighed slightly, letting you ye girl hug him as he looked down at the people below. Everyone was just walking around, trying to get the last of what they needed so that they didn't have to stay out too late.

None of these people would be prepared for something like the league of villains... So why was he partaking in this? He was one of these citizens, one of these people.

"Do you love me Y/N-kun?"

Y/N briefly turned to look at Toga once again, her sick and flustered smile looking right back at him.

"... No... I don't love you Himiko."

Toga nodded her head, accepting the answer for what it was before looking up at the sky. The stars were very pretty when there weren't many lights.

Y/N though for a bit more about this whole thing, not sure why he was agreeing to this. Sure he didn't value his life all that much but he had family, he had people that cared about him, and he had people he cared about.

But there was something about this that made him feel excited and energetic about it all. He can't remember the last time he felt so much thrill being near a person that could kill him.

It was always him that was trying to kill himself, not someone trying to kill him. No one had ever tried to kill him before.

It was exhilarating.

Heck, the guy wasn't even really trying to kill him, he was trying to kill Dabi and Toga and yet he had pulled her out of the way to protect her. It seemed like he'd really enjoy being a villain but at the same time, he could be a pretty good hero.

He must have been a villain or a hero in his past life because even with that sudden stress he felt so calm, like nothing had even occurred and he wasn't bored like he had nothing to do either.

If this villain thing didn't work, he would try to transfer into a hero school like UA or something like that, though that was setting the bar higher, it was something.

He actually didn't feel like killing himself right now.

"Hey.... Himiko?"

She didn't respond and when Y/N looked at her, she was asleep, resting her head against his shoulder.

"I don't love you... But I think I like you, I'd like to be a villain as long as you're there." He mumbled, gently placing his hand on top of her head.

How did he even let an evil and crazy yandere girl swoon him into joining her in a group of other evil people?

He's not sure but at the moment, he doesn't mind. He'll figure out the details later.

Wow, he's actually feeling pretty okay right now.

#character x reader #possible spoilers #character x you #i hope you enjoy #on a whim #oneshot #male #male reader #mha #bnha #bnha x reader #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #mha x reader #toga himiko #himiko toga #the league of villains #toga x reader

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beneathashadytree · 3 months ago

Note

I have an idea (based in real life, dont judge me).

Mc is too shy to finally have her first time with her boyfriend, so always things get spicy she try to dodge it (like "whoa look at the time IbetterGo,LoveYouBye"), after all she is a 23y old virgin who never even kissed someone before bc she was the school loser and had a hard time to approach ppl even for group work, so she doesnt know how to do the thing without shaking and want to throw up, its even worst they already have previous experience with it, she fears being a disappointment. The lads notice shes seems to be avoiding it and the intrusive thoughts tell then bad things (like that she doesnt want them and all), so they text her to talk about it (and maybe when they know they try to make her feel loved?).

It may seems strange its just that i dont have anyone to talk about it, and all media just make stories about "normal" girls that are bold, confident, and have cool friends and family like a normal person and experience things at a normal age without being afraid to even talk. Sometimes i dream that i have a nice boyfriend full of love (like the lads) and my "strangerness" inst a problem, you know?

(To anyone else reading this, my requests are still closed!! These are just old requests I had in my inbox🫶🏽)

Hi nonnie!! This is a very personal and heartfelt request you’ve sent in, and I am honored that you chose to confide in me.

I just want to let you know a few things, before I link the SMAU. First off, there is absolutely no need to feel like you have to fit in with the people around you when it comes to your sexual life. And there is no shame in being a virgin with no experience, I in fact embrace it as much as I can!! We’re not in a race to prove to others how action-packed our personal lives are. It all comes down to your own comfort with acts of sexual intimacy. That’s more important than anything else.

Secondly, please take the media you consume with a grain of salt, because they tend to represent only what they feel like representing at the moment. It’s a fickle industry, and capitalizes off of women’s insecurities by highlighting how they are “lacking” or enforcing standards for society to accept them. You are certainly not obligated to follow any bullshit they tell you you should do as long as it doesn’t make you comfortable.

The right person who loves you will absolutely respect your boundaries and never question them. They would only want to better understand you, so they can ensure that they’re making you feel as safe as can be. You’re not “late” at doing anything, you’re going at your own pace—which is the perfect pace made just for you!! We all go at different speeds. No two people are the same.

Sex positivity means two things: not slut-shaming people who are sexually active, and no looking down on people who are abstinent. For whatever reasons you choose your lifestyle, it’s your own and you should be proud of it. Please don’t force yourself to take more than you can bear mentally and physically🙏🏽

I posted the SMAU over here, and I hope it does your request—and your personal experience—justice💗💗💗💗

#maya talks

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alans-maladaptive-daydreams · 2 years ago

Text

The monster living in my mind. Yandere!MC x Obey Me brothers.

I've always seen fics of the brothers being yandere, which makes sense, they are demons but I think I also want to see a bit more yandere!mc so I wrote this. I didn't put a specific brother because the use of pacts and magic is a bit involved so it affects all seven equally, feel free to imagine it with whoever you want.

note: I might edit it again later to change the gender of the witch, since I don't feel completely comfortable with the female gender for the lover, I'll see if I can do it another day (cries in college student) I've been doing this for almost 3 months now so I just want to finish it lol.

Warnings: Violence, mutilation of the human body (self-harm and injury to a third party), infidelity, mental illness, insecurity, and insults related to someone's sex life. (I think that's all if there should be anything else I will edit it immediately, suggestions are very welcome). No-native writing, corrections are welcome.

Reader: Gender neutral.

Genre: Yandere and explicit violence.

Masterlist

You had always managed to control those negative feelings that consumed your brain. Those feelings that made you think that the person you loved was betraying you, those same feelings that convinced you that you deserved it because after all you will never be enough.

Although you were a very jealous person, you rarely showed it to your partner. You suffered in silence and sometimes even other people paid the consequences of your moodiness and insecurities.

Your jealousy sometimes terrified you, the thought of ripping the throat out of anyone who had the slightest romantic or sexual interest in your partner was not uncommon in your head. Sometimes your brain played tricks on you, convincing you that you should make them understand that no one would love them more than you. They belonged to you.

You were aware that these thoughts were dangerous, you usually pushed them into the deepest and darkest depths of your being because, in the end, it was all part of your imagination and insecurities.

You had different partners, and none of them gave you a reason to distrust or get violent treatment from you. So even though you brutally disliked certain friends of your exes, you never said a word and preferred to ignore the violent flame inside you.

That was until you met him, a beautiful demon from head to toe who, while you brought out the best in him, he brought out the worst in you.

Many of your insecurities were drowned out as you moved through life together, yet they never completely disappeared.

The violent feelings became almost extinct, but they were still there, waiting to be fulfilled at the right time.

That's why you were visiting your psychologist almost daily, that violent insecurity resurfaced.

It resurfaced like an unstoppable flame, a bomb waiting to explode.

In a constant state of nervousness, your body trembled every time your boyfriend had an attitude that made you distrust him.

It started out as something you chose to ignore, but it never left a good taste in your mouth. All of his devices now had a different password than the one you knew.

When you questioned him, afraid of making him think you were invading his privacy, he simply replied "Security", you didn't dare ask him for the new passwords because you feared it would make you look bad.

Your second sign was his obvious nervousness every time he received a message or a call which, of course, he had to take in private.

It was then that you decided to blindly trust your boyfriend and avoid at any cost those thoughts that were taking away your sanity.

However things became more evident, from cancelled dates, strange looks at RAD, his brothers' nervousness when you asked for his whereabouts, his disappearance for hours at a time with ambiguous explanations. The relationship became weird, to the point that your boyfriend couldn't even look you in the eye every time you met because he didn't even have time for you, in his words; he had too much work to do.

That part of you that you thought you had buried was resurfacing, but much more violent, psychotic and anxious.

It was as if your brain was screaming at you in a loud voice "He's cheating on you, kill that slut so he can see who he's fucking with".

The thought of your beloved boyfriend with someone else disgusted you and made you completely sick.

It was then that something in you changed. You don't know what it was exactly, and you can't explain in what moment you started to think like that. It just happened, it was as if that sick and violent being that had always lived in you had finally found a way out, and you decided to accept it because, after all, that was your reality.

"We're demons, you're stupid for thinking he wouldn't cheat on you. "The demon mocked you as she showed you a video in which her friend, a witch, and your beloved boyfriend were the main characters in a sexual scene so repulsive that your stomach turned inside out creating a pain you never thought you would be able to feel.

With trembling legs and a broken heart, you walked to the bathroom holding back your tears and the vomit that threatened to come out. The demon watched you walk with perhaps the saddest look she had ever seen on you.

As soon as you entered the bathroom, you stuck your head in the sink, completely emptying your stomach.

Your cold fingers ran over the dark circles under your eyes, caused by sleepless nights of overthinking the whole situation. You reached down to your lips, covered in the residue of breakfast, and with a trembling hand, you stilled the sob of pain that shot through you like a bullet.

Tears soon overflowed from your eyes as your heavy breathing forced you to crouch on the floor, making yourself as small as possible, as if that way you could avoid the intense pain you felt. Your fingernails reached your scalp, digging violently into it, causing blood to slowly stain your hands.

"'Son of a bitch" you whispered.

You were going to kill him. Him and his fucking whore.

You were going to eat his brains while his brothers watch your feast.

Or better, you were going to rip every fingernail off his body, every finger, every tooth and make a beautiful necklace.

You'd open his head like a jar and eat his insides for breakfast.

You were going to tear him apart piece by piece. You were going to burn every part of his body that you touched until you saw living flesh.

Although you knew you were only a mere human, you also knew that the pact that bound your souls together was your greatest weapon. You were not the same human that had started the exchange program, you were a powerful sorcerer and you had seen death with your own eyes, you were not afraid. You were going to ruin his fucking life.

"Sometimes demons need a show of dominance to know their place, you must prepare yourself because eventually, that day will come". Your master had told you a long time ago. You never thought that day would come so soon.

You stood up and looked at yourself in the mirror, the wounds on your scalp looked deep enough for blood to drip down your face.

"MC? Fuck, I didn't know you'd get like that, I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have shown you that." The demoness approached you with a worried expression. She placed a hand on your back to comfort you.

"No, thanks. I needed to see it."

Your cold tone sent a shiver down the girl's spine, without looking at her you headed for the exit and before you left she said; "Don't blame her, okay? I know you know her and you exchanged a couple of words. She's not a bad person, it was just a mistake."

"I don't give a fuck, he was my fucking boyfriend, she knew that." with that, you walked out of the bathroom and headed straight to the House of Lamentations.

That day you locked yourself in your room and refused to let anyone in. They were all traitors, they always knew about his affair with his mistress and didn't have the balls to tell you.

Every time you remembered how they told you they appreciated you and thanked you for saving their family your stomach would drop. You no longer saw them as your friends, they were just disgusting beings who needed a reminder of who was in charge.

For seven days you didn't sleep, you didn't go to RAD and you didn't eat. For seven days you watched your boyfriend's every move, his whore's every move. Every move was etched in your brain like a tattoo. You didn't need to think about it for a second to recite it out loud.

By the end of the week, everything you had been repressing and controlling for years had come to light. What you had always been was now comfortable in your brain, the insecurity was gone, but the violence was more alive than ever.

At the end of the seventh day, in the middle of the night, what you had always feared became your nature.

You grabbed your bag and left your room, leaving it secured in case any of the brothers tried to break in, a spell that would shatter any limb that even accidentally touched your door.

"MC?" you heard one of his brothers say, but you ignored him. You were too focused on your plan.

Behind the House Of Lamentations was the place where you opened a portal, one straight to her lover's house. You didn't hesitate for a second to walk through it, standing right in the entrance hallway.

Your ears heard what you had always feared.

The familiar moans along with a not-so-familiar voice. The sharp movement of the bed's wood.

The love you had once felt for him disappeared completely.

You walked through the dark house, trusting your hearing until you reached the door.

Before you opened it you contemplated all that you were putting at stake in carrying out your desires. You contemplated whether it was really worth it. However, that little spark of reasoning vanished as soon as it arrived.

You set your bag aside and opened it.

The heavy hammer saw the moonlight for the first time since you had bought it. You held on tight and opened the door.

If at any time your sanity was present during all that suffering, after what you saw that night it not only disappeared, you killed it and buried it deep inside your annihilated and diseased self.

Silently you approached him and the first blow was directly to his head. Knocking him unconscious instantly.

The whore looked at you with frightened eyes and screamed trying to get the heavy body off her.

"Do you like getting into other people's relationships?" you asked, grabbing her hair in a fist and dragging her into the living room.

"You're fucking insane!" she screamed as she kicked and struggled with your violent grip. You lifted her body roughly and slammed her against the hard wall, squatted down and with your hand gripping her hair you forced her to look at you.

"Do you like messing with other people's relationships?" you asked again. She tried to defend herself from you with a pathetic and weak spell. You laughed and grabbed her face violently. "That's your attempt to save yourself? You should put a little more enthusiasm into it, like when you spread your legs like the whore you are."

She perhaps saw that she really couldn't against you, after all she knew who you were and she knew that no one could control the seven princes of hell as easily as you, so she felt that her only solution was to kneel at your feet and beg for forgiveness, praying for sanity to return to your mind, for your humanity to win over that monster that had awoken.

"I'm sorry," she cried, her voice heavy with fear. "I won't get into your relationship again" she grabbed your legs begging for your forgiveness over and over again.

"I hope it was worth it," you muttered as you grabbed her hair again to drag her into the dining room.

"What are you going to do?" she asked between sobs still clutching your arm, in an attempt to loosen your hard grip.

"You'll see." you smiled as you picked her up and slammed her down on the table in the middle of the room, causing her bones to crack slightly. "Or you may not survive to find out." You placed a hand on her chest as she tried to get up quickly and with a simple spell you completely paralyzed her body.

Her eyes widened gigantically and as she tried to scream for help you pulled the rest of your things out of your bag.

"It's no use, try screaming all you want, no one will hear you."

"What the fuck are you doing MC?" The voice of the main character appeared behind you. You turned to see him, blood was pouring from his head and he was in his demonic form in all his glory.

He was the love of your life, but if he couldn't play fair you would have to get rid of him, and you knew it would hurt you more than him.

"Don't worry, you'll be the only audience to this wonderful show I call 'Whore Anatomy, for cheating boyfriends'. Sit down and shut your mouth." He rushed over to you, intending to stop you. "Sit down, and shut your mouth." you repeated in a loud, clear voice. The pact worked its magic and your boyfriend was sitting there staring at you with undecipherable eyes.

"You know I love you, don't you? That's why I'm doing this because I love you and you must not disappoint those who would give their lives for you," you said as you took different things out of your bag.

You looked at all your instruments and thought carefully about what to start with, the excitement made your skin crawl. You didn't expect it to be so exciting.

"So, that's why I'm going to show you that this bitch isn't worth what I'm worth and hasn't done what I've done for you. It will be…educational." your eyes sparkled at the sight of the sharp scalpel. You took it and showed it to your boyfriend. "Pick a portion of the head. Ears, nose, eyes…" your kind smile faded as you saw his expression of fear, your hand slammed violently against his cheek and you repeated. "Choose a portion of the head. Ears, nose or eyes."

"Eyes…" he whispered to your surprise.

"Wow, I didn't expect you to go straight to it." You laughed and approached the witch, who was silently praying. "Stop praying, hoes don't go to heaven." With your fingers you opened her eyelids and showed her the scalpel. "Eyes are a hollow, fibrous globe, we use them to see beautiful things and to see unpleasant things. Whores, like your friend here, use it to track down men in relationships and crawl like a snake to get some cock" you muttered as your scalpel pierced the socket of the girl, who was crying and trying to scream, or so you thought after all her mouth was sealed.

As your sharp scalpel pierced the socket, her quiet cries became more erratic. " Quiet." you murmured, trying not to lose your concentration. Your index finger buried itself in her lacrimal duct pressing hard in an attempt to pry the eye out as cleanly as possible. Blood stained your fingers and the witch's constant attempts at movement were beginning to annoy you. "Stop or I'll cut your fucking eyelids off."

When she calmed down, you took the opportunity to completely bury your finger in the lacrimal, practically ripping the eye out of its socket and cut the nerve that attached it to her body.

You looked at the orb with pride and showed it to your boyfriend. "I pulled it off pretty well, don't you think?"

Your boyfriend looked at you with a strange look on his face, one you couldn't quite figure out. However, the game had only just begun, and the excitement was altering every part of your body.

Morning came, and your boyfriend woke up to the sun shining directly on his face. He looked around when the reality of everything that had happened the night before hit him violently.

"Good morning." You smiled brightly. "Go get changed and make me breakfast, the ingredients are in the freezer." you pointed to the kitchen as you lazily flipped through the channels.

Your boyfriend looked around, everything seemed normal, as if nothing had happened. He was a demon thousands of years old, he'd seen and done some fucked up shit but what he'd seen you do surpassed anything he'd ever lived through.

He've never seen a human look so… happy while mutilating a living person piece by piece.

He had never seen your smile and gaze as bright as it was last night.

He walked over to the fridge and opened the freezer, finding his mistress's frozen head, along with different pieces of her body separated into containers.

"So? Any idea what you're going to make?" you asked as you sat down on the island with a quiet smile.

It was then that he realized who was in front of him.

The monster watched him curiously as they rocked back and forth gently, perhaps trying to soothe the voices that were tormenting their deteriorated mind.

He realized that he had never truly met the depths of your being, that your loving, human form was nothing more than a barrier to prevent the one thing you yourself feared from coming to light.

But now… you seemed comfortable with this new nature of yours.

Too comfortable for his liking.

238 notes · View notes

mynamesaplant · 1 year ago

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Great Risk, Great Reward

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PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS FIC CONTAINS: VIOLENCE TOWARDS ANIMALS AND CHILDREN, BLOOD, INJURY, AND ANIMAL DEATH - IF ANY OF THOSE THINGS MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE, PLEASE READ WITH CAUTION!

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I want to thank my pal Mons for being a constant inspiration for the PLA Mer AU and for beta reading this fic for me. Summary: Gaeric finds out that Dawn likes penguins, but their bonding times goes a little awry.

Don't want to read it on Tumblr? You can read it on AO3!

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“Hey-” Dawn began to scramble across the ground faster, very familiar with the voice and deathly terrified to have yet another bad encounter. “Hey, squirt! I’m talking to you.”

“Oh no, no, no, no-”

Dawn was almost across the room, almost to the same pool that Ingo had disappeared into with Calaba and Irida – where had Gaeric even come from and why hadn’t she heard him? He was so big and, mer or no, seals were not exactly graceful on land. A hand snatched her up with her fingertip’s inches from the frigid water. Enclosed in his warm palm, Dawn felt herself moving through space and mentally preparing for the worst. What was he going to yell at her for today?

To her surprise upon meeting Gaeric eye-to-considerably-larger-eye, he was beaming, looking genuinely excited about… Well, something. Dawn had only even seen him grumpy and tired, and he usually wasn’t awake at this hour.

“I thought we learned from last time,” his tone was chiding, and his expression momentarily reflected the voice, but clearly, he was too excited to permit the disapproving scowl to grace his face. “Stay out of the deeper water without an adult.”

Dawn cringed and shrank in his outstretched palm, edging as far away as she could because her heart was positively slamming against her ribcage with a barely contained anxiety. She was less afraid of Gaeric after that last time Ingo dumped her with the warden. Despite how intimidating she still found him, his coat was very soft and fluffy, which was one point in his favor. It was practically irresistible, many other pups running their fingers through it with a reverent fascination. (And he had been pretty nice to her since then, doubly so after she quelled his noble with her flute.)

Still, this level of excitement for Gaeric was not in character. So, Dawn remained wary even as he propelled himself across the ice toward a different hole. She recognized it. It was a tunnel that led to the outside. A fresh wave of panic swarmed in her head like a cloud of wasps, buzzing irrational thoughts into her ears. She swallowed an anxious whine as it became abundantly clear that Gaeric intended to take her from the settlement. Dawn fiddled with her scarf, keeping her eyes low, and hardly listening as Gaeric chatted at her in amicable tones.

“Ga-Gaeric?” She interrupted him hesitantly. He was just about to set her down so she could follow him, in his excitement, he had even noticed how she was acting. “Wh-Where are you tak-taking me?”

“Hm?”

Oh, he supposed he hadn’t told her just yet. He was just so thrilled, so excited about the news. All the wardens were. Loathe as he was to tell the Diamond clan anything, he also shared the good news with Sabi, who he was sure would find some way to relay that to the rest of her clan.

Now, however, Gaeric was turning vaguely pink. He hadn’t meant to overhear. Honest! People just presumed that he, under his nice, warm stitched walrus skins, was asleep, and often he was dozing off, but it was a catnap like he had seen Lady Sneasler do. Half-conscious but ready to leap into action at a moment’s notice, especially given the strange changes in the sea recently and the encroaching of those humans into their territory.

“I, uh – I heard that you like penguins.”

Dawn’s jaw slackened in disbelief. She had only recently told Ingo of her travels to the northern shores of Hisui, an ice encrusted and ethereally silent snowscape, and witnessed several penguins waddling around. Either Ingo told his fellow wardens, and considering how close to the vest he kept most information concerning Dawn that seemed unlikely, or Gaeric had overheard, which made her nervous about what else he might have inexplicably overheard. Mentally scolding herself for being so careless of her surroundings and tongue so loose as to talk of her secret double-life on the surface.

“Er, yeah! I do.”

A gleeful glint came into Gaeric’s blue eyes, his next sentence actually made her perk up.

“Fantastic! Let’s go look for some penguins then.”

Dawn should have known that it was too good to be true.

The swim to the north shore was actually pretty nice. Gaeric was chatting with her amiably, grinning toothily while she swam around him, his eyes watchful for any potential predators, but they seemed to be getting along famously. That was, until they made it to the frozen tundra, and Gaeric threw out an arm to make her halt.

“Alright kid,” he said, flashing her a broad smile.

He did not notice her decidedly confused expression as he launched into an in-depth explanation of penguins.

“These guys are speedy in the water, but you probably know that already.”

The warden gently nudged her toward the distant penguins torpedoing through the water, zipping after silvery fish.

“If you need air, the clan has already made a few airholes in the ice. Just be cautious of any predators that might be on the ice if you stick your head out to get a look, alright? I’ll be right here if anything happens.”

“Uh, okay?”

Dawn replied, unsure why Gaeric of all mers would be so excited to show her something like this. Lian loved to show and share things with Dawn, but Gaeric? This was extremely out of character. That was when she started to realize things were not exactly as they seemed.

“This is my first time watching you, so don’t be worried about making any mistakes. We all know Ingo’s not the greatest of hunters.”

Hunters?

Did Gaeric… Oh, no.

Dawn felt another insistent little nudge to the small of her back. That’s why he was excited. He was excited to teach her to hunt because she had said she liked penguins. Gaeric was providing her helpful tricks and hints for her imminent hunt and Dawn could feel her insides roiling. Why did he have to suddenly be so encouraging? Her brain was screaming with panic, clutching her hands in front of her and nervously fussing with the edges of her scarf.

Sensing unease, he stopped pushing – some pups had performance anxiety, they wanted to impress or do well on their first hunt, but they got inside their own heads. Maybe that’s what she was feeling with his incessant chatter.

“Hey kid?” She twisted around to glance at him, and he gave her two thumbs up. “You’ve got this.”

With that final encouragement, Dawn swam forward, the warden unaware of the deep grimace etched into her cheeks. He wanted her to – what? Chase a penguin? He knew how bad she was at swimming. Yes, she had been getting better since she learned to dodge the frenzied nobles, but she was not fast, just better coordinated. She was trying to think fast. Gaeric expected her to try, and she had to do something to maintain her façade, so she would at least chase after some penguins. He would eventually get fed up with her failed attempts… but then what?

Gaeric genuinely enjoyed hunting. Not because he was a bloodthirsty maniac or anything (like Dawn seemed to think), he just felt more in his element chasing prey down, when building his sophisticated traps, when launching a spear into the hide of a seal – he said that it tickled the predatory part of his brain that few other activities seemed to even scrape. Teaching pups to hunt was always an exciting prospect. Pups had so much untapped potential that Gaeric loved to nurture. The next generation of Pearl clan hunters was a serious source of pride for the warden and, although Dawn could be a little weird at times, he was just as invested in teaching her as he was with any pup.

Dawn drifted, penguins and fish danced erratically in the water before her like it was some absurd ballet. Maybe if she had been here with Ingo, it would have been amusing, but not under her current circumstances. How could she make this look convincing? She thought about her excursions with Laventon and his advice on how to get closer to their target. A target was basically prey right?

‘Stay low and move slow. Don’t make any sudden movements or noises that might scare them.’

Maintain the illusion. She knew just enough about penguins to know they would quickly scatter once she started chasing them, probably hop back onto the icepack the moment they saw her advance. She dove down where the sunlight couldn’t reach and the water became even colder, watching the white bellies of the penguins flitting around overhead. Without realizing it, Dawn’s body was responding to an instinct she did not think she possessed as a human who transformed into a mer; muscles coiling, pupils blown wide in anticipation, hands curling and uncurling.

The warden watched with an ember of pride burning brightly in his chest. He waited with great anticipation for her to make her first catch.

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Gaeric watched her for about twenty minutes as penguin after penguin slipped through her clutches with startling regularity. He knew she wasn’t experienced, but even the most novice of pups was able to grab a penguin after a couple of tries. Now all the birds were making a beeline for the shore and there was no point for the pup to follow. If she was this bad in the water, she would have no chance hunting anything on the land.

Dawn actually snarled at him when he shifted himself between her and her quarry, the noise frustrated as she tried to dart around him.

“Pup, stop. You’re going to overheat. Go up and take a breath. Clear your head.”

The surveyor didn’t even realize how much heat she was radiating from physical exertion. Her slim chest heaving and muscles quivering – she didn’t realize how much her focus had consumed her. The large mer guided her to the surface, already giving her pointers as she tried to catch her breath. How long was she chasing the Adélies? She was able to recognize the brush tails and distinct two-toned coats from her previous excursions with the professor. She was genuinely trying to catch one… to do what with? She didn’t want to dwell on it, the mere thought made her shudder with a mix of disgust and horror.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself.” The warden murmured sympathetically, completely misinterpreting her expression as disappointment. “Catching them gets easier with practice. You stay here.”

No argument from Dawn, she felt exhausted as she watched Gaeric disappear into the gloom. The blood pounded in her ears, otherwise she would have noticed how quiet the surrounding water had become as a predator trawled through the sea.

He was gone for a little while, Dawn waiting idly for the warden to return, but making sure to practice scanning around like Ingo had taught her. She was very small and there were a lot of would-be predators like orcas, leopard seals, and polar bears patrolling for a tasty snack like her.

She smelled Gaeric before she saw him, or rather, she smelled the blood. Thankfully it wasn’t his, but it was putrid, clouding the water in a fine pink mist as he approached, which was when she heard the shrieks that sent a cold shiver up her spine. The warden had a woven net over his shoulder that was chock full of dead Adélie penguins, all except one, which was making those horrific noises.

Dawn covered her mouth, feeling saliva pooling beneath her tongue, but it had nothing to do with hunger. No, the penguin looked far from appetizing. A wave of nausea rolled through her, making her skin feel prickly hot and stomach roil when he came to a stop in front of her.

The smell of blood was all around her, sticking to the inside of her nose, bitter and metallic, while Gaeric rummaged through his catch of the day, seizing the sole penguin left alive, and dropped it before her with an encouraging smile. He had the realization that she would not only be hungry after all that swimming around, but she would also want a chance to prove herself to him. He had done a similar tactic with other pups, the younger ones especially; catch something of an appropriate size for them and injure it, then allow the pup to make the final blow. It was a good boost of confidence after a long string of failures.

The penguin flopped around, plumes of blood misting the water darker and darker pink with each flap of the poor creature’s unbroken wing, wailing in fear and agony. The scene was ghastly.

“Alright pup. Now, what you’re going to want to do is-”

The audible gag over the sounds of the penguin made Gaeric stop midsentence and he looked more closely at the tears collecting in her dark eyes.

“Ga-Gaeric, I c-can’t…”

A frown settled on his face. A new predicament. Dawn probably liked to eat penguins, but she had never been hunting before, certainly not with him and presumably not Ingo. This would be her first kill and, occasionally, pups would get squeamish. It didn’t happen often, but they would suddenly get cold fins, and just couldn’t follow through with a kill. He should have guessed that Dawn would be similar. Ingo had had a similar reaction, but he quickly got over it out of necessity. So, he told her the same thing that he had told all the others in the past.

“Dawn, I know it’s hard, but this is something you have to learn to be comfortable with.”

Gaeric gestured to the flightless bird flopping around. When she didn’t look, he lifted her head with a knuckle placed under her chin. Dawn wouldn’t have expected him to be so gentle. Ingo treated her like glass, which was not within the norm with mers. They bit and scratched and roughhoused. This was completely unexpected of Gaeric.

Dawn emitted a sickened gurgle, averting her eyes away from Gaeric, away from the bird – there was nowhere else to look. Gaeric took up most of her field of vision and the penguin took up what remained. Her eyes snapped closed.

“I can’t,” she moaned, more to herself than the warden, “I can’t do it.” Her hands moved to cover her mouth and nose, trying to block out the assault to her senses.

In her head, she was trying to calculate how badly this would make her look in Gaeric’s eyes. Just because she was able to quell his lord and he was treating her with less suspicion than he usually did, Dawn knew he did not trust her. That was when a thought came to her.

She was alone with Gaeric. Completely alone. He could have been grilling her the whole time about her deal, which he had done in the past, but he was so caught up with hunting that he hadn’t. Without that distraction, without that ounce of “goodwill,” Gaeric had her in a very precarious position.

A palpable wave of anxiety rolled through her, her eyes widening and her nearly hidden ear pinning back, whole body eerily still – and the warden didn’t even seem to notice, already steamrolling into a lecture about the necessity of hunting because it was about survival in this dog-eat-dog world. If Dawn wasn’t feeling so sick to her stomach with fear, she would have found a way to tease him about how he sounded very similar to a certain someone in his clan.

“Do you really want this poor bird to wriggle around in the water until a different predator comes around and does the exact same thing? Because that’s what’s going to happen.”

He watched her wince, cowering to avoid looking at the penguin. He sighed. This might require a little more persuasion. What to do… He considered for a moment. By this point most pups would have gotten over their initial reaction and kill their prey, but Dawn was still resistant. He knew she was picky, but this was something she needed to grow out of for survival purposes. It was all well and good that Palina and Iscan and some of the others were trying to accommodate her picky habits, but Gaeric was trying to look at this realistically.

Food was calories and calories kept you alive. Hunting was what kept you alive and, well… death was a part of life. It wasn’t pretty, but it was necessary.

And she needed to learn for her own good.

Gaeric sighed. A deep, weary sigh that made Dawn peek at him through her fingers.

“We aren’t going anywhere until you kill this penguin.”

“B-But-”

“We have all day. If this one dies, then I’m going to get another until you do what I’m asking you to do.”

The horror in her dark eyes was enough to solidify Gaeric’s resolve. If she didn’t want to be seen as a baby by the older mers, then this was the first step, so he wasn’t going to let her wiggle her way out of this with that silver tongue of hers.

He could have predicted the quick dart to his flank, trying to outmaneuver him with her speed, but he was used to pups. She smacked into his palm at full force and reeled back with a dazed oof! No amount of pleading and crying would sway him, and she could tell he meant what he said, they weren’t going anywhere until Dawn killed it.

On a fundamental level, she knew this was a teaching moment that was meant to strengthen the bond between her and the warden and to hone her hunting skills, but Dawn was also Laventon’s research assistant! She had spent nearly two weeks alongside the professor studying all the animals that the mers ate! She couldn’t do it. Not in good conscious to her researcher nature.

She tried anyway. Grimacing at the bird with a tightness in her throat as she turned her gaze to Gaeric, mouth open only to be cut off.

“No.” He said preemptively. “You’re going to do this. I know you can do it – so do it.”

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There was a long stretch where Dawn just couldn’t move, unable to look at the writhing Adélie and trying to ignore it as it made the more horrible screeching noises. She was hoping that a different predator would swoop in and snag the bleeding penguin by now, but Gaeric was an active deterrent.

The warden seemed to possess infinite patience, preventing her escape with such ease that Dawn found it frustrating. Even when she thought she was being slick when she tried to clamber onto one of the chunks of ice when she was permitted to take another lungful of air, he instantly scooped her up and plopped her back in front of the bird.

In a test of wills, Dawn knew who the winner would be; Gaeric could and would throw his weight around to make her commit the gruesome act. She actually started yelling at him when her frustration at the situation boiled over and, still, he remained resolute, nudging her back toward the penguin indifferently even as she tried to push back against his hand with every ounce of strength in her small body.

“Kid, you have to do this. That bird is suffering, you need to put it out of its misery.”

“You’re the one who hurt it!”

Dawn wriggled, squirming between his fingers, but he held her tail fast between his middle and pointer finger. He swung her back around and that’s when she started baring her teeth at her in a poor attempt to assert herself. Gaeric didn’t let that stand. A low growl resonated in his throat, leaning into Dawn’s space, and narrowing his eyes with a snarl on his lips. She wasn’t intimidating him, and she was quick to cower at his display.

When Gaeric didn’t release her tail and held her in front of the penguin, Dawn knew she was out of options and that frightened her. Her chest and throat grew tighter.

“I can’t – please don’t make me.”

“It’s for your own good, Dawn. Trust me.”

He sensed the change in her demeanor, his perseverance had worn her down, and, although she was trying to stifle her sobs, she was trying to reach for the penguin.

“It’s going to try to snap at you, but you need to take it with your hands by its beak and twist its neck until it snaps. It’s going to seem like a lot more, but also somehow less, pressure than you think you’ll need, but that’s something you get used to.”

She sobbed as she clamped the bird’s beak shut, scooping up the Adélie’s body in up against hers. She nearly vomited as the penguin writhed desperately, its heart pounding so fast and hard that it almost made her drop it in fear. The encouragement over her shoulder was not helping, even if it was meant to be.

Her hands shook violently, unable to perform the motion Gaeric described and unable to open her mouth to beg him to let her go. It was pointless, he wouldn’t, she had to do this. Dawn whispered an apology to the struggling bird and was about to jerk her limbs to get it over with, but that’s when she noticed Gaeric’s grip had loosened.

She cautiously turned her head only to see a look on Gaeric’s face that shook her to the very core. Dawn only saw him in profile, but his ears were pressed nearly flat against his head, his eyes opened wide with dark pupils shrunk to three-quarters of their size, and – she had never seen so many sharp teeth.

Without a word, Gaeric scooped her and the bird up, and moved fast. Dawn barely had time to ask what was happening, he unceremoniously shoved them into a niche in the blue white of the glacial ice.

“What’s-”

“Stay here. Don’t come out until I come get you.”

“But what’s-”

Dawn tried to say, deliberately ignoring what Gaeric had said by trying to slide out, but he was quick to push her back in the crevasse.

“Stay put.” He growled and, this time, Dawn obeyed, fear rooting her to the spot. She did catch Gaeric hissing something under his breath just before he darted out of sight. “Those damn ships…”

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Gaeric was sufficiently deep that the ship sitting atop the wave would have no idea what lurked beneath them. A fury was burning inside him, his eyes narrowing as the ship moved closer in the direction of the settlement. He had been too distracted by Dawn to notice the ship sooner and it was far too close for comfort, just beyond the sheet of ice like they had been following the coastline from their settlement.

The humans weren’t paying attention.

So, he would make them pay attention.

Irida had asked him to deploy nonviolent methods and, thus far, he had obeyed his mentee out of respect for her and for her title as leader. He had dragged many ships to their doom against sharp, rock outcrops and glaciers, some he had capsized with the motions of his massive tail, and other times just used his immense strength to snap off vital pieces to stop their forward progress.

The ships kept coming though. It’s like the humans never ran out of the damn things! He knew Mai had handled one or two that got too close to the Diamond clan and he had disabled or destroyed more than he could count on his fingers, and they still didn’t stop coming.

Gaeric thought it was high time to be proactive about the human situation.

Even at this depth, Gaeric could hear the crew moving along the creaking wood, he could identify each one by the pitch and timbre of their voices. The crew wasn’t large. The water was absolutely silent and eerily still, nothing but he and the ship in the vicinity. The warden edged closer, remaining right beneath the craft, or at least, as much as he could manage. As much as he wanted to bust through the hull and give those arrogant humans a really good scare, he pushed down those instincts.

This ship was going to be demolished, smashed into smithereens to make a point – one that was jagged and razor sharp. His lips were pulled back over his teeth as he watched the prow cut through the glass-like surface of the water. It was a good day to be sailing, or it would have been if the ship had been anywhere else.

He was poised and ready to strike. Every muscle in his body coiled as he went over his plan again in his head. Gaeric would strike with his heavily muscled tail, using it like a battering ram to shatter the ship in two. What about the crew? A voice that sounded suspiciously like Ingo whispered in the back of his head (sort of an oxymoron in itself which helped Gaeric ignore the impending ramifications of his actions). The warden growled under his breath, shaking his head as if to loosen the thought’s hold on him.

Nothing was going to stop him. He would accept whatever punishment Irida dished out because he was doing this for the continued protection of his people. It would be worth it if his clan could survive another day. This ship and every other one that came into their territory – he would break each and every vessel until the humans had nothing but logs lashed together with hemp to take on the rough seas.

Gaeric surged forward with a blinding speed, ready to make his steep descent back into the depths to maximize the damage on the clueless vessel. The silence of the water would have felt deafening, had his ears not picked up a noise that made him stop dead in his tracks. A panic struck the warden like lightning as he heard the noise again. Instantly, his attack on the ship was forgotten, the crew none the wiser of the near miss as Gaeric tore off in the direction he had come from as another scream reached his ears.

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Dawn hadn’t exactly meant for this scenario to be playing out as it was. The second she heard Gaeric saying something about ships, she knew that it had to be one of the Galaxy Team’s, a research vessel or fishing boat. The Ginkgo Guild didn’t head toward the northern shores for much of anything, it didn’t intersect with their trade routes, so it was extremely unlikely to be one of their trade ships.

She panicked.

Gaeric would no doubt be pissed, but Dawn needed to stop him. He had already done a lot of damage and that only made Kamado double down on his efforts to map out the icelands so fewer ships would be lost. It was a never-ending cycle.

She was peeking out of the crevasse that Gaeric had unceremoniously stuffed her into for her own protection. Nothing to see, nothing to hear – the ocean around her was lifeless. It was creepy. Even the penguin behind her was silent, but she was afraid to look around at it. Dawn didn’t want to see if it had finally succumbed to its wounds.

The idea of sharing a small space with a dead animal made her almost as sick as she had been as Gaeric had been encouraging her to snap the penguin’s neck. Blindly reaching behind her, Dawn flapped around to find the carcass to shove it out of there. Over her internal mental anguish, she did not realize there was one sound she was hearing, ears flicking in the direction of it but listening passively.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…”

She mumbled, nearly in tears as she managed to get a hand on the Adélie and was about to push it out of the crevasse when she heard the noises that she had subconsciously been hearing but not registering. Dawn jerked her head, a clicking that sounded familiar but also sent a chill down her spine. Ingo made those sounds sometimes. The sharp squeaks when he attempted to communicate with someone (or ones) no longer at his side. If she could hear it, then it was already too late.

All her disgust was instantly replaced with terror, and she wasted no time, grabbing the Adélie and shoving it out of there just as a massive shadow blotted out the light. Dawn slapped her hands over her mouth, squelching the scream that was pressing against her lower ribs. From her vantage, she could see the penguin floating in the water, its form lifeless and slowly sinking. A dark snout nudged it curiously, a second snout appearing on the other side and nudging it in confirmation.

There was a voice in her head screaming at her that was a mix of her own, Ingo’s, Laventon’s, and every other mer she had ever spoken to get out of there. Not safe. Danger. Predator. Move. Escape!

What had Gaeric said earlier? If she needed to breathe, the clan had made air holes.

Dawn raised her eyes to the top of the crevasse and, true to the warden’s word, there was a small shaft of light. Thank Sinnoh for the foresight of the clans. She moved quietly, not that the orcas could do a whole lot if she was up on the ice, but she didn’t want to attract any attention whatsoever. She reached the hole, a smaller one that had partially frozen over but was clearly made for a mers smaller than Gaeric, Ingo, or even Mai and Adaman, and poked her head out, taking a deep breath of cold air.

She was about to put her hands on the ice to clamber out when she felt her whiskers twitch and something deep in her gut told her to stay low. The sheet of ice seemed barren, but something was setting off a danger alarm in her brain.

Time slowed, all other sounds fell away, even the sounds of the orcas in the water, and Dawn heard something crunching the snow under its feet. The crunching got louder, the sound blurring into one as it got closer, and Dawn did scream this time, ducking back into the water and getting as far away from the air hole as an enormous paw reached through to swipe at nothing. A furry paw as pale as the ice around it fumbled for the prey it knew was down there and Dawn couldn’t stop screaming, alerting all the predators around her.

The polar bear was just able to shove its head through the hole, thank the gods it had shrunk from its previous size, and it blinked at her, beady black eyes following her movements as she tried to get further away. The orcas, now quite alert of one prey in the water, and most likely the bear on the ice, were crowding around the crevasse, squeaking and pushing their snouts into the crack. The bear must have also registered their presence, but seemed to hesitate, weighing its options before two-inch long claws began to tear through the ice. The promise of an easy meal that had nowhere to run just below the ice – if it could make a hole big enough for it to get through.

The orcas were of no consequence to the large land mammal, they couldn’t move tons of ice to force their way into the crevasse, but it did make Dawn a sitting duck. All she could do was scream. Trapped between a rock and a hard place, so Laventon was wont to say. Stuck between two mouth loads (possibly more since orcas moved in pods) of conical teeth and four paws decked with razor sharp claws and a mouth big enough and strong enough to crush her skull.

She was going to die.

Ice crunched all around her, the bear’s paw slapping the water as it excavated the ice piece by piece. Behind her, the orcas squealed and kept throwing her into darkness. Fear was tightening around her lungs and heart, making it hard to think about anything due to lack of oxygen. Everything had finally been going so well! She had quelled the frenzied nobles and the seas had stopped slowly rising. Jubilife was safe for a little longer. People had stopped looking at her with suspicion and she finally felt comfortable in the mer communities that had opened their arms to her.

Now it was all about to come to an end because she couldn’t kill an already doomed penguin.

Dawn didn’t realize she was crying, her tears just mixed with the cold water while she sank lower into the crevasse, as far away from either party as she could get from, but it wouldn’t matter. Gaeric was going to destroy a ship in broad daylight and Dawn was going –

Outside, the orcas were squeaking in agitation as she picked up something with her sensitive ears. Something massive tearing through the water at a breakneck pace.

“Gaeric!”

Dawn had never screamed so loud in her life. The sounds of the bear and the cetaceans were drowned out by her deafening cries.

The fear in her voice only spurred Gaeric to go even faster until – there! Two orcas were poised and waiting in the exact place he had left Dawn, the ignored remains of the penguin he had caught drifting into the abyss with their attention focused on the alive and panicked prey hiding within.

Orcas, like all their cetacea cousins, were intelligent. Orcas in particular are adept hunters and they enjoyed playing with their food before they ate it. Gaeric wasn’t exactly sure why. He wasn’t sure if animals were capable of cruelty like mers and humans were, but he knew that they acted beyond what was necessary to acquire prey. This wasn’t a particularly favorable match up, Gaeric was big, but orcas weren’t exactly small, and they had numbers on their side. Admittedly less numbers than would be normal for the species, but Gaeric wasn’t about to question it, and he hoped, in the back of his head, that that didn’t come back to bite him.

He launched himself like a missile through the water, leading with his shoulder to slam into the unprotected flank of the closer orca. By this point, the warden wasn’t even speaking intelligibly, just hissing and spitting and roaring – because how dare they. How dare they attack his little protégé when she was already going through her own emotional turmoil. He had been so caught up with the creaking and sloshing of the ship in the distance, Gaeric hadn’t noticed the threat around him, and by extension, Dawn.

Without even looking, he knew the other orca was coming toward him. They were faster, but Gaeric was smarter. Just a few well-placed hits - claws digging into sensitive spots like eyes and enough whacks with his heavily muscled tail, then the pair would be on their way.

“Gaeric!”

He could hear her yelling, but he didn’t understand why. He was managing the threat. The whales would be gone soon and then he would take her back to the settlement. This and the penguin were enough trauma for one day.

His claws raked into the underside of the orca, tinging the blood pink as it wailed. What he didn’t need was for them to attract others, he needed just enough time to get Dawn and hightail it out of there because taking on a pod was out of the question. Even if he had Ingo by his side, orcas were meticulous and savage when they chose to be.

“Gaeric! Help!”

Can’t divert his attention now! The orcas were falling back, fleeing into the gloom with high pitch whines that were sure to draw in others in their pod.

“BEAR!”

Bear?

That’s when Gaeric heard the low grumbles and huffs, something big splashing into the water. Like it was in slow motion, he saw Dawn dart towards him as the whales fled, only to see her get jerked back violently.

A polar bear.

An old and all too familiar dread suffocated him. His body was moving even before the electrical impulses raced from his brain to his limbs. His fury blinded him, only allowed to because his thoughts weren’t there. Gaeric was lost to time. Frozen in the memory of another young protégé in mortal peril because he acted stupidly.

Gaeric had promised himself – promised himself – that this wouldn’t happen again.

And yet.

No more blood. No more traumatized pups. No more mistakes.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dawn was too busy trying not to get mauled to see exactly what Gaeric was doing, but the polar bear was alternatively swiping at her and ripping up chunks of ice to get better access to her. The surveyor just kept screaming for the warden with each swipe that came closer, with every scoop of ice that provided a bigger hole for the arctic predator.

It was getting dangerously close now, its head and shoulders almost squeezing through –

There was an agitated squeaking that only grew more distant. Gaeric must have run the orcas off. She just needed to get to him. Dawn darted for the crevasse, even spotting the blue haired warden beyond, looking uninjured, but quite agitated himself.

“BEAR!”

She shrieked at the top of her lungs, but it was too late. The sheet of ice that had been protecting her finally caved in and the polar bear was in the water with her paddling toward her with urgency. A massive paw slammed into her side, knocking the wind out of her and five claws bit through her uniform and into her abdomen.

The last thing she really saw before a flurry of colors was Gaeric’s expression. She had never seen him look scared before. He prided himself on being strong and brave for the sake of the clan, but that heartbeat before he was on top of the pair, Dawn had never seen that look on his face. A haunted look in those blue eyes.

It was a flurry of limbs, the water churning, and the bellowing that almost deafened her, but she saw it all. Her head might have been spinning because of how much she had been flung around (and blood loss), but she watched Gaeric take the bear’s neck and, exactly as he explained to her with the penguin, twisted it sharply.

The snap was the most sickening thing Dawn had ever heard. It made each individual hair on her body stand up and she did actually vomit this time (although, that also might have been her body’s reaction to the severe trauma). Things were moving much too fast. Gaeric was quick to drag her and the bear away, grab his net load of penguins that was swaying in the current at the bottom, and hightailed it out of there before anything else could happen.

So, Dawn saved a ship, at the cost of having a nasty gash through her uniform, unaware just how bad the injury beneath was.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gaeric physically cringed as Ingo got in his face. It was the first and only time the larger warden had ever gotten confrontational with any member of Pearl clan, and it was downright frightening. It was easy to forget just how dangerous Ingo could be if he only chose to. It was easy to grow complacent with that knowledge in mind, that Ingo chose kindness and patience when he didn’t have to be.

Right now, Ingo was not choosing to be anything other than pure rage. A deep, foreign growl resonated in his chest as he demanded to know what happened because his pup was hurt and Gaeric looked remarkably unharmed.

To his credit, Gaeric was willing to take whatever Ingo had to dish out at him on the chin. He failed as a guardian. He failed to keep a pup under his watch safe and now she was getting treatment for wounds inflicted by the polar bear. So, he was willing to accept whatever punishment Ingo was inevitably building toward. In all his years of knowing Ingo, he had never seen him so angry, but before this last year, he never had anything he cared so deeply for. Yes, Ingo was loyal to the clan and devoted to his ward, but Dawn was different. For him, Dawn was family, and for Gaeric to be so careless - it was tantamount to something happening to Irida on Ingo’s watch.

Ingo listened to the story, his hands curled into tight fists as Irida watched on, cautioning him by repeating his name because she didn’t want nor need infighting between her wardens, not with how the sea was so intent on swallowing up the region – humans and nobles included. With a shaking hand, Ingo jabbed a finger into Gaeric’s chest, right in the center of his clan crest, and rumbled dangerously low,

“You had better pray to Sinnoh that she recovers.”

They all knew that Dawn would be just fine, Ingo was just veiling his threat – if anything like this happens again, I will not be so forgiving. Gaeric had narrowly avoided Ingo’s considerable wrath. The cavern was silent in the wake of Ingo’s departure, everyone collectively holding their breath until Irida exhaled slowly. Her wardens followed suit. Catastrophe avoided, they all waited for the medic to be done tending to Dawn so Ingo could see her and start to calm down.

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cellarspider · 8 months ago

Text

25/30 Eschatology for Dummies

(Previous) | (Index) | (Next)

⛬

Once again, we dive into that font of madness, Prometheus. I lied last time, we’re not talking about language today, I want to bash my head against the problem of “what in blazes is the intent of this movie”.

As the expedition enters the alien structure, suddenly Shaw remembers that germs can float.

“Wait. We still don’t know how Holloway got infected. If it’s in the air–”

This is one of those maddening little moments where the script tells me that no, the earlier removal of helmets was not just the oversight of someone who didn’t know better. The script chose violence.

“Smells fine to me.”

So does VX nerve gas. Truly, this is the mental acumen required to become rich.

The movie attempts to raise tension through a ZOOM AND ENHANCE, and cluing in those in the audience who may have been thinking “Ha! Foolish Engineers! How would they ever destroy life on Earth if they don’t have any spaceships?”

Well, turns out, there are these great big buildings called “hangars”, and you can put spaceships in them, sometimes even under the ground. I almost feel like if they hadn’t buried the ship, Holloway would’ve tried to see if he could do a burnout in it.

David, meanwhile, is having a great time. He’s giving a guided tour of the ship (that he explored more thoroughly than anyone else), pointing out their technology (that he learned how to use), explaining what they were doing (which he figured out before anyone else did), and assuring Weyland that yes, he can talk to the Engineer (which no one else can do), blithely skating by the reasons why he knows Holloway didn’t die from an airborne illness and how the Engineers were going to press the reset buttons on Earth. Simultaneously excelling at what he was supposed to do and also anticipating Weyland’s inevitable doom, possibly even that of humanity as a whole. It feels appropriately childish for a character that’s extremely young, extremely smart, and has had the worst socialization this side of Immortan Joe’s war boys.

Weyland doesn’t care about any of that, because he’s a horrible homunculus of an old Englishman formed out of a forty-five year old Aussie. This continues to vex me, even now. I keep trying to figure out why they did this. Did they originally intend for him to be depicted as young and change their mind? Was the mobility aid exoskeleton thing they put him in heavy and cumbersome? It’s hard to see in these screenshots, but he is wearing one.

Honestly, just have Lance Henriksen play another Weyland again. Lance can definitely play scumbags, and it would honestly be funny to have every single Weyland in every single time period played by him. Have him play Vickers too, for good measure. It would’ve taken me out of the film less than this.

At this point, I personally did not care about any characters besides David and the Engineer. Which is a very strange position to find oneself in, caring most about two characters who seem just fine with humanity going pft!

And I’d like to examine that. Because fiction can put you in all sorts of strange headspaces that can be thoroughly contradictory to personal morals and self-interest. What was the movie trying to do here, and where has it ended up?

I want to start with some assumptions that mass media tends to make. Fiction, in general culture, is often presented as a moral lesson. Your protagonists are virtuous, and anything that stands in their way is villainous evil. The protagonists are also expected to be likable, and the audience is expected to root for them. A moral tale of who is worthy and who is not.

This is only a small piece of what fiction is. No one of these things is required. Villains are not required, sometimes problems aren’t caused maliciously. Protagonists do not have to be moral. Moral characters don’t have to be likable. You don’t have to root for the protagonists. And none of these divisions are binary.

I am uncertain whether we are supposed to root for the protagonists in this movie. Ridley Scott isn’t a stranger to this idea–look at Blade Runner (1982). Is it good that Deckard hunts down fugitive replicants? No. Absolutely not. Is it a compelling story? Yes! It’s beautifully told and tragic! If you make me watch Roy Batty’s monologue I will cry.

So. It is entirely possible that we are supposed to find the human characters unsympathetic. The Engineers created humanity, and then decided to destroy it. This could have been planned from the start–many religions describe cyclical, world-ending death and rebirth, after all. But this movie is heavily influenced by christianity. Those sects that believe in a destructive apocalypse call it the Last Judgment of humanity, something that occurs when the world has fallen into a state of corruption.

Which then brings us to the question: Does humanity deserve that most fatal judgment?

I mean, in real life, I’d say no, absolutely fucking not. The problem of a suffering world is not sanely responded to with “I’ve got a solution: murder everything”.

This is fiction, though. We are being presented with a vision of humanity. This has the potential to be a counterpoint to the Engineers’ thinking, or their evidence, or a mix of both.

What is it, then? Most of the cast are morons, selfish, or featureless ciphers. They are a very pessimistic view of humanity. And remember, this is fiction. People don’t need to act like real people. When you think about redeeming qualities in yourself, in your friends, in your favorite so-and-so, this fictional realm does not necessarily contain them. In its barest form, it only contains the characters we see.

We’ve got Janek, who’s been charming and indicated he’s willing to stop the Engineers here, but that’s all we know about him. He’s also behaved in negligent ways that contributed to the deaths of Millburn, Fifield, and the nameless guys mutant Fifield wailed on. Christian morality is big on redemption as a path to unconditional absolution, so is he redeeming himself through a last-minute sobering up? Maybe. I’d note he’s missing the “confession” and “recanting past sins” parts that are usually bundled up with that.

We’ve also got Shaw. Shaw has all the makings of a Final Girl, somebody who is destined to survive the plot. They usually have some redeeming quality that makes you want to root for them. What does Shaw have?

Well, she’s got a never super-defined strain of christian faith. And she’s had a really shit time lately, so it would be cruel to watch her get kicked around more.

So, that’s two. Two could be enough in Abrahamic religions–Lot flees from Sodom to Zoar, and it’s spared from destruction because of his presence. Sure, he does some Weird Shit, but he qualified as righteous by whatever standards were at play there. But Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed for want of ten righteous people.

And all that gets more complicated in New Testament stuff, after God’s pinky promised not to destroy everyone again, except for the aforementioned Last Judgment thing. Is this movie, as christian allegory, advocating for a god of forgiveness, or depicting a just god who punishes the wicked?

No idea. It doesn’t have to be clear, obviously, fiction doesn’t have to be clear, any more than it has to be moral. I didn’t personally want the Engineer to sail off and destroy Earth, but frankly, I could see it from that perspective, given what this poor bugger’s met with upon waking up.

Next time: our Engineer wakes up from a two thousand year trauma nap to find some little monkeys yelling at them. Surely, this will go well.

⛬

(Previous) | (Index) | (Next)

⛬

Alt-text rambles:

https://extra-images.akamaized.net/image/8a/5by6/2021/04/17/8a6f54c4f0ca4bd397cc22aceb4cb30e_md.jpg

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Torc

#Prometheus 2012 #Prometheus (2012)#This movie keeps trying to be biblical and I keep trying to meet it half-way on the analysis #only to be left hanging like the movie wandered off in the middle of offering up a high-five

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el-moscorrofio-y-el-mercachifle · 4 months ago

Note

I don't see many people talking about Patricia's character anywhere, so I'll talk a little (give my opinion) here.

I personally feel VERY sorry for her. Okay, many of Patricia's attitudes and actions are not justifiable, but you can't help but feel empathy for her at least at some point throughout the story. She was never a saint because several times she was not strange when it came to manipulating/seducing to get something, she never thought before humiliating people among other things that make her a bad person.

But despite all this, you can see that several times she showed herself to be a naive person, she filled herself with expectations, deluded herself and lied to herself, (like for example the whole story with Mário, which she faithfully believed he was would marry her and keep her), and as you said, she always thought she was in control of everything and all the relationships she was involved in, but she never was.

She tried to use everyone and always ended up being used, she tried to manipulate everyone and they easily manipulated her, situations that show that she was really a vulnerable and naive person. I believe that her being so materialistic and wanting to find a rich husband is not only to solve her economic problems, but also to fill a void, because what she really is, is a very lonely person. She's so empty that she'd rather go to the gym than buy food, she'd rather not give up things she doesn't need than live poorly. These things only show that she is a person who lives by appearances, who tries so hard to be someone she is not, rather than showing the reality: that she is alone and does not have someone who loves her to the point of caring about her.

She was so at the bottom mentally (stopping eating to try to look like a life she can't keep it’s not normal, also other things she did) and economically that she had to humble herself to people, like when she went to Daniel because he had become president (that's all he wanted, and we know that sooner or later he would tell her the worst possible way how shameful this situation was and how much she fell to get to that point), or when she tried to seduce Mario to get a ride home.

Anyway, Patricia could be selfish, materialistic and a lot of other things, but that just reminds us that she is a REAL person like so many others out there.

I know many will definitely disagree with me, but as I already said, I know that she is no saint throughout the entire novel, but she suffered as much as those who were called and considered the “good guys” in the story.

Hiiii! Loved that you shared some of your thoughts! Here are some of mine too🥰

Patricia's character was definitely... a topic. It's no secret that to me she became a wasted potential and I dislike the decision to make her purely comedic relief when at first she was honestly pretty much in the same camp as characters like Armando and Marcela: very entitled and blinded by their own gigantic ego, to the point of hurting others for their own benefit even though they didn't realize it. I'm not saying she should have gotten a redemption or anything of the sorts. Characters like Mario never got them but they were still super well worked with. Patricia just became a joke.

I've also mentioned before that I too feel pity for her, or at least, I feel for first-half-of-the-novela Patricia. She was never kind, polite, humble or endearing, sure, but she seemed much more human. She was truly excited to think Mario fell for her, and seemed truly disturbed by that firdt encounter with Daniel. I feel for that Patricia because up until that point, her story felt real. I wouldn't say she was naive, but rather, too egocentric to realize there are bigger fish on the sea. She thought she could do anything to anyone and she'd always triumph. Uo until there, you feel she is a real person clinging to appearences because her life is so empty she literally has nothing else. Eventually it just became comedy and exagerated whining that made you forget that she's actually a person with real suffering, even if she's causing it herself (most of the characters cause their own suffering, too).

I couldn't pinpoint exactly when she became a parody of herself. At some point her role was just to throw venom, be comedic, and complain. That's it. She didn't even cause much trouble like at the beginning, and her extreme poverty was merely the butt of the joke. This last part particularly is where I feel the potential was the most wasted. I would have loved to see more of Patty's real struggles, and, if we had had a but more time with the novela, perhaps we could have even seen this for character development (or character regression, whichever you choose!): for example, how poverty is keeping her from eating, which is leading to headaches and dizziness and lack of energy. How poverty is landing her homeless. How she's forced to rely on, for example, Nicolás. I could totally see their love story having formed from this, like her falling so badly that she has no choice but to rely more on Nicolas now not only for frivolous things like the car and the cellphone, I mean real things like food and shelter and seen in a more real light.

Anyways, Ik why they couldn't develop more their "love story" (I think they probably were meant to be together, as in Gaitan probably had that goal, but we all know all the problems that theproduction went through), so it's just an idea.

I do think Patricia was probably mentally ill, tho. Her obsession with appearences is so bad, like you said, that she's willingly STARVING herself. She's starving and yet she doesn't miss a single day at the gym. She's willing to risk going homeless but doesn't stop buying new clothes or hair dye. She's willing to shower with cold water and go back to a pitch dark apartment where there's no food or entertainment as long as she can still look and act like a rich person in front of everyone. I think we often forget how insane Patty's situation was because we remember more her funny/malicious sides, but honestly, her whole world view was crazy.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and sorry this took so long!😂❤️

#ysblf #yo soy betty la fea #betty la fea #patricia ysblf #patricia fernandez

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flwerzye · 1 year ago

Text

SICK

Words: 2545 |Warning:Dead Dove:Do Not Eat, Age Play, SubSpace, Pacifier Using, Dub-Con, Praise Kink| Pedri x Gavi

Pedri felt like the worst person in the world when he felt excited by something as horrible as that. Because what was supposed to be innocent, a habit of Gavi's to cure his anxiety, became a fetish of Pedri's that made his sick head explode, his pants tightened every time he saw his boyfriend with a pacifier in his mouth

Gavi had told Pedri about his habit of using a pacifier at the beginning of their relationship, he used them when he felt anxious, he used them when he was alone, wrapped in a blanket while watching something cool on television

This turbulent start to the season made Gavi's anxiety increase, he felt mentally drained and every time he got home, he just changed into comfortable pajamas, put a pacifier in his mouth and wrapped himself in a blanket. Pedri was by Gavi's side at these moments, always calming him, letting him put his head on his chest while stroking his brown hair until he fell asleep, with the pacifier still in his mouth.

It was adorable, but the adorable became erotic in Pedri's head, what was supposed to be a comfort for Gavi became the dark fetish in Pedri's mind, he imagined Gavi below him, crying from overstimulation, asking Pedri to stop investing in him and Pedri puts the pacifier in his mouth, telling him to act like a big boy and not like a brat

Pedri took a deep breath as he saw his boy watching television with the pacifier in his mouth, he looked so small wearing a sweatshirt much larger than his body. Pedri could feel the comfort that Gavi was feeling, away from the outside world just focusing on Pedri. The older man didn't hold back when he hugged Gavi's waist and pulled him onto his lap, the boy mumbled in confusion, not speaking because of the pacifier in his mouth, Pedri started kissing Gavi's neck, delicate kisses on the sensitive spot on his chest. neck that made him moan. It was so wrong to feel hard listening to the moans being blocked by the pacifier, Gavi was so sensitive and pliant, submissive when he was alone with Pedri. As if he didn't need to think anymore, Gavi already thought a lot about the outside world, he didn't have to make much mental effort since Pedri could do that for him, Pedri thinks for Gavi when they are alone and that's what matters, Gavi likes that

"You look so cute when you have a pacifier" Pedri whispered and kissed his boyfriend's neck again "So beautiful, perfect, my perfect boy"

Gavi tried to speak but only babbling came out, he whimpered when his nipples were squeezed by Pedri's fingers, Gavi's hips began to move in an uncoordinated way even as Gavi babbled. Pedri then took the pacifier out of his boyfriend's mouth, looking closely at his boy's pink lips.

"S-strange..." Gavi said, his voice was bashful, his brown eyes watering "P-pepi, w-what's going on??"

"Like this?" Pedri asked holding Gavi's hips making him stop moving, he whimpered at that

"I-I feel strange, it hurts" Oh...Pedri understood what Gavi meant. This was so wrong but so wrong. This couldn't be happening, his boyfriend couldn't have the same desires as Pedri, but apparently he did, and he was doing so well

"Where does it hurt, baby?? Show me" Pedri asked and Gavi held his big hand and guided it to his cock hidden in a pair of white boxers under his big sweatshirt

"H-here, what-is this??" Gavi asked innocently, Pedri lightly squeezed the boy's cock who whimpered "A-ah, Pepi what are you doing??"

"Shhhh, it's okay, baby. Do you want me to make this pain go away??" Pedri asked the boy who nodded, the older one put the pacifier back in Gavi's mouth and laid him on the bed, staying on top. "You're going to behave, aren't you??"

Gavi nodded, and Pedri took off Gavi's boxers without him complaining, after which Pedri pulled up Gavi's sweatshirt showing his leaking dick and his pale belly that was smeared with pre-cum.

He wrapped his hand around it, going up and down on Gavi's dick and bit his lower lip, swallowing a moan after hearing the boy whimper and moan. He was perfect, his Gavi was beautiful, his cheeks were red, his eyes were full of tears while he had a blue pacifier in his mouth, he was perfect, his boyfriend was the most beautiful thing in the world and he was exactly as Pedri imagined, underneath it

Pedri lowered his hand, his fingers dirty with pre-cum, to Gavi's hole, touching the edge and inserting just the tip of his finger, paying close attention to the boy's reactions. He whimpered in pain, tears streaming down his face making Gavi even more beautiful in Pedri's view. Pedri took the pacifier out of the boy's mouth only to openly hear the sweet moans when Pedri inserted his entire finger into the hole.

"P-Pepi" Gavi shouted scared, his dick leaking more and getting dirty on his stomach, Pedri could tell he was enjoying it "It hurts"

Pedri leaned over and left little kisses all over Gavi's face, on his cheeks wet with tears, on his forehead and on the tip of his nose.

"You said you wanted the pain to stop, didn't you, little one?" Gavi agreed between moans as Pedri's finger fucked him slowly "With words"

"Y-yes"

"Then I'll stop your pain, baby. You just need to be quiet and act like a big boy, okay??" Gavi agreed, and his mouth was covered with a pacifier.

Pedri continued using his finger, fucking him faster and then adding one more to the tight entrance. It was music to Pedri's ears just as it was a perfect work of art to see Gavi in that state, so submissive and vulnerable. He had entered the age game very well, and Gavi was being so convincing that Pedri wondered if it was really an act. Gavi acted like an innocent boy who had never been touched, and Pedri felt sick for loving that, he felt more excited to explore this new side of Gavi

The boy's moans increased more as did the tears of pleasure coming from the sensitive boy, Pedri kept saying how good Gavi was, that Gavi was perfect for accepting Pedri so well and that he was acting like a big boy. With that Gavi came on his stomach, dirtying part of his sweatshirt and making Pedri even more excited. Pedri smiled and left a kiss on Gavi's ear before whispering

"You can't tell anyone that I did this to you, little one. You know what could happen if someone finds out, don't you??" Gavi cried, this time feeling a pain of sensitivity, his body was more sensitive than normal and with each touch from Pedri, more tears came out of his eyes

Gavi complained beneath Pedri, trying to get away from the older man's touch, but Pedri pressed him to the mattress with his own body, pinning him to the bed. It wasn't the first time that Pedri left Gavi at his mercy using his strength, it was something common. Pedri liked this, arresting Gavi and forcing him to do things that at first he doesn't like but then starts to like because he never resists Pedri, he always gets hard again even when his limits have been exceeded

It was this feeling of domination that Pedri already had in his body that he had already gotten used to, that Pedri thought was the only thing that would excite him was to hold Gavi and force him until he became more submissive to him, making Gavi forget his own discomfort to stand still beautifully for Pedri to use

Gavi didn't have any strength in his body at that moment, he had gotten into that character well. His brain was smooth as a cloud, subspace was common for Gavi, but it had never been like that. Gavi was pretending at the beginning of everything, getting into the character he knew Pedri would like to see, Gavi knew his boyfriend, he saw Pedri's erections when he stared at him while the younger one used his pacifier, it was so perverted

Gavi wondered what Pedri was thinking, he wondered if Pedri had a fetish just for pacifiers or if it was something much dirtier and wrong than that. And it was, Pedri was much dirtier, it wasn't a simple fetish for seeing Gavi with a pacifier, it was much more than that and Gavi was also perverted and sick for wanting to get into this character

At that moment, what was supposed to be an act, became something very spontaneous. Because Gavi was involuntary, he cried involuntarily, as if he forgot all the sexual experience he had throughout his life to become an innocent boy being depraved by Pedri, his innocence being ripped away with Pedri's soft voice saying that he he was a good boy.

Pedri continued using his fingers on Gavi, forgetting his own pleasure just to observe how submissive his boyfriend was. He was sure it wasn't an act anymore, when he took the pacifier out of the boy's mouth he noticed that he was slurring words, as if he couldn't speak properly. He just cried and moaned

"P-Pepi..."Pedri managed to understand that amid several painful moans and whimpers if Gavi

"What it was??" Pedri questioned taking his fingers out of Gavi only to release his cock from inside his sweatpants. He groaned in relief as he eased his length from his tight pants and almost laughed when he saw Gavi's startled expression, his eyes wide with surprise and his mouth half open.

Gavi gets more scared when he notices the tip passing through his hole, pressing without actually entering Gavi. He was scared, his clouded and innocent mind not knowing what Pedri was going to do to him "Pepi, what are you doing?" Gavi asked with fear, his mind was just that of an innocent boy without knowing what a big man like Pedri would do to a little boy like Gavi

Little...that's how Gavi felt. A little, innocent and stupid boy who didn't think straight and who let Pedri do everything for him. Controlling his body, putting the pacifier in his mouth and taking it out whenever he wants, Gavi had no strength in his limbs and that's why Pedri pinned him to the bed, forcing him to stay there and accept whatever Pedri wanted to give.

"Shhh, be quiet. Are you going to be a bad boy and complain or are you going to be quiet for me like a good boy??" Pedri asked, Gavi, manipulated by the words, sniffled because of his crying. He didn't want to be a bad boy, he wanted to be good, he wanted to be a good boy for Pedri even though he didn't know what he was doing

"I-I'll be quiet" Pedri patted the soft skin of Gavi's face twice and slowly inserted the tip into Gavi's entrance. He cried in pain, writhing beneath Pedri and the older man angrily put the pacifier in Gavi's mouth without the same delicacy as before.

"You said you would keep quiet, you are not a good boy, Gavi" Pedri thrust himself inside Gavi without caring much about his pain, the stretching was painful and very stimulating for Gavi's soft mind, and for Pedri, it was more More than satisfying to have more control over him, I could enjoy just seeing Gavi in that state

Gavi stopped squirming, he couldn't be a bad boy with the only person who knew how to take care of Gavi, who thought for him and who knew perfectly well what he was doing. Pedri was big, Gavi wasn't big, he was small, defenseless and didn't know how to think about anything else. Pedri was superior to him and being without Pedri would be very bad.

Pedri began to move, thrusting slowly while holding tightly to the boy's waist below him, leaving marks that Gavi would later be proud to carry on his body. He burned, but if Pedri was there it was because everything was okay, he wouldn't hurt Gavi, everything was okay. Pedri accelerated his thrusts, hitting Gavi's prostate hard. The boy's cock hardening, starting to feel pleasure

The strong thrusts into Gavi's hole, watching Gavi so perfect lying down and taking Pedri perfectly was enough for him to reach his orgasm, cumming deep inside the boy who rolled his eyes when he felt the door inside him. But Gavi hadn't managed to cum, so Pedri got out of Gavi and once again put his fingers inside the stretched boy, smearing his fingers with cum, making a mess on the mattress.

Pedri fucked him harder with his fingers, 3 easily moving in and out of Gavi quickly, abusing the hole hard until he reached his second orgasm of the night. Pedri still wasn't tired of seeing Gavi cry anymore, of seeing him sniffle and writhe beneath him. He continued, using his fingers with the same force making the boy actually cry more, he sobbed. You could hear the desperate sobs hidden by the pacifier

"Hold on, you'll handle it" Pedri said, taking the pacifier out of Gavi's mouth, holding the boy's jaw tightly. "You're going to be my good boy, aren't you??"

Gavi couldn't respond, he was so sensitive, everything hurt in his sensitive body, Pedri's sweet voice had a frightening malice, mixed with an evil that made little Gavi scared. He was afraid of what Pedri could do to a little boy like Gavi

"S-sorry, s-sorry, Pepi" Gavi said amid desperate sobs and unstoppable tears. Everything was a mess, he felt like he could pass out at any minute, his body was spasming from the stimulation. It was a lot for a little boy like Gavi to deal with.

"You're not a big boy, you're a little boy. My little boy, aren't you??" Gavi nodded, his head nodding without being able to say anything because Pedri had once again put the pacifier in his mouth.

When Gavi came for the second time, he felt like he couldn't take it anymore. His eyes were heavy and closed, his body limp and tears were still coming out of his eyes. Pedri slowly removed his fingers from the boy and paid attention to what he had done, the result of his domination

He was still crying, thinking he was a little boy, he was still in Subspace and for a moment, the sane part of his mind felt guilty for leaving him in such a deplorable state. Pedri gently wiped Gavi's tears with his clean hand, leaving delicate kisses all over his boyfriend's flushed face.

"You did so well, my good boy" Pedri praised after leaving a soft kiss on top of the pacifier. The boy was so tired, his body was still sensitive but Pedri would know how to take care of him, he was Pedri's little boy after all. And so he fell asleep, under Pedri's delicate touches on his skin, caring for the boy he broke.

#gavi/pedri #drabble #pedgavi #gadri #dead dove #smut #tw dubcon #tw age play #pwp #pedri x gavi

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shut-up-danny-kun · 1 month ago

Text

today I bring you a chunk of a Spirk WIP that will probably never be finished. I thought someone might still enjoy it.

(Bones and Spock talking and both being extremely stubborn. Teen and up.)

* * *

It was strange, sitting at a table with Dr. McCoy and watching him sip from his cup of (frankly, disgusting) earl grey tea. Spock himself had opted for a traditional Vulcan blend of medicinal plants - his only source of vitamins for the past five days. The tea warmed his empty stomach, reducing the pain slightly.

“Well?” McCoy suddenly asked.

“Excuse me?”

“I've sat down and had your damn tea. Are you going to explain what's going on in that magnificent brain of yours?”

Spock put his half-empty mug on the table.

“You will, obviously, not disclose any of this information to anyone.”

“Of course, not unless it's required for your treatment.”

“Including the captain.”

The doctor sighed quietly and looked at Spock with a pained expression.

“No. I can't guarantee you that and I can't lie. But I can guarantee that I will try my best to make sure he doesn't have to know. Deal?”

A terrible predicament. The captain finding out lead either to the worst or the best outcome, and the odds leaned heavily towards the former. Still, Spock was going to have to trust the CMO's word.

“Deal.”

He took a deep breath, steadying himself, very aware of McCoy's gaze on him.

“You are correct in your assertion that I have not been eating for the past five days. I have also been unable to meditate or enter deep sleep for twelve days.”

McCoy sighed sadly.

“You know, Spock, I have to hand to you - for a man who hasn't slept in almost two weeks, you do a great job of pretending you're fine,” he remarked.

Indeed, Spock felt a surge of pride.

“Why, thank you, Doctor.”

“Any ideas on what's causing this?”

This was the delicate part: he needed to find a way to explain the problem while skirting around the root cause, and McCoy had just proved that his reasoning skills were above average.

“Extended mental strain.”

McCoy's eyebrows rose.

“Oh. Alright, that's something. See, now I'm going to have to talk to Jim so he'd reduce your workload...”

“No.”

“No?”

“The strain is not work-related. In fact, my research is one of the few things that distract me from it.”

Spock picked his cup back up and drained the rest of the tea in one big gulp. McCoy leaned towards him in his chair.

“As you are aware, Vulcans were once a deeply impulsive species. Though we have learned to retain control over our minds, some impulses still remain that must be...supressed.”

McCoy took a second to process before making an induction.

“So, you're supressing something powerful.”

Spock hated to be obvious, but somehow, he was relieved that McCoy said it for him. He nodded silently.

“What is it, then?”

“I'm afraid I cannot disclose that information.”

“It may be crucial!”

“If you can indeed treat me, you do not need to know. There are urges which cannot be acted upon.”

The doctor leaned back in his chair, thinking.

“Hmm... Give me a moment.”

A minute ticked by in silence as he finished his tea. Spock listened to the calming thrum of the warp engines, imperceptible to the human ear. Then, McCoy spoke again:

“Can you tell me this: does your condition possibly have anything to do with your recently broken bond to that woman, T'Pring? I know it happened months ago, but it's possible you're only feeling the effects now.“

Spock was once again astonished by the doctor's intuition, and found that his respect for the man was growing by the minute. Not that he'd ever admit that. He had not even considered the impact of a broken bond.

“That may be a contributing factor.”

A satisfied smile spread across McCoy's face.

“Well, Mister Spock, the good news is you don't have to tell me anything, because I think I know exactly what's going on here.”

Spock's heartbeat sped up. Surely, he couldn't...

“Three words: James Tiberius Kirk.”

His stomach dropped at the mention of his name, and all hope was lost. He knew, and Spock was nothing but an open book. Far away, a galaxy exploded.

He jumped to his legs to do something, stop this somehow, but what could he do? Erase McCoy's memory? It would be unacceptable even in such dire circumstances. So he stood there uselessly and stared at him, somewhere between enraged and scared.

The doctor, meanwhile, looked amused.

“You've given me all the puzzle pieces! “Please don't tell the captain”, said you're supressing an emotion - and wouldn't you know it, your marriage bond happens to be broken and unoccupied. Wouldn't you like Jim to move in?”

He chuckled.

“Look at you! A pointy-eared machine of a man, dying of lovesickness. Never thought I'd see the day.”

“You dissapoint me, doctor,” Spock said, his voice low and dark, “I had hoped you were performing your duties as a healer. I see now you are here merely to humiliate me.”

McCoy stood up also, and his smile faded.

“No! This is all to help you. I said I'd heal you and I will, one way or another.”

“Allow me to make a prediction. You suggest reporting to the captain himself.”

“Yes! Don't you think Jim deserves to know?”

“Quite the opposite. Informing him would put him in an extremely disadvantageous position. If he were to reject me, he might reason that he is to blame for my suffering.”

The doctor looked at him. There was something melancholic in his blue eyes, as if he was remembering some other story similar to Spock's.

“Did it ever occur to you that he might reciprocate?”

Spock's heart began to hammer, his mind soared. It was a beautiful thought.

“Unlikely.”

McCoy smirked and sat down again. He shook his head, more to himself than to Spock.

“You think you're so clever, and yet you know nothing.”

Spock stood there quietly, wrestling with his mental defenses.

“I'm no expert either, but you'd have to be blind to not notice that Jim's crazy about you! The whole damn ship knows already! He looks at you like you're some kind of supernova. All I hear from him in sickbay is “where's Spock?” and “how's Spock?”, and when he's singing the blues over a glass of whiskey, what does he tell me? Spock again. The doctor's orders are to go to his quarters right now and tell him exactly what you're feeling. Jim will provide you with all the treatment you need.”

How naïve, Spock thought.

“All is not as simple as you suggest.”

McCoy was obviously dead set on his answer.

“Well, do it your way. I don't know your courting rituals.”

“That is not the issue. For humans, relationships are a far more trivial concern. If I were to take Jim as a...partner,” Spock explained, struggling to form words, “It would have to be forever.”

McCoy's expression was incomprehensible. He thought for a beat, and then sighed.

“Because of the mental bond?”

“Yes.”

“Alright, I agree, that's a big commitment. But that's even more reason to talk to him about it.”

Spock trembled, struggling to keep his emotions leashed.

“I prefer to live in ignorance, Doctor.”

At least this way, the glimmer of hope kept his heart beating. He imagined Jim saying he couldn't agree to spend his whole life with one partner, saying he preffered a human, a woman, that he simply didn't love Spock. He closed his eyes and clenched his teeth painfully. He doubted he would survive the rejection.

“Spock, are you alright?”

Do not let go. Do not let go. If he were to slip up, then...yes, now he knew what would happen. He would break down crying. He would be unworthy of calling himself a Vulcan. Blood drainined from his limbs, his body quaking, his head feeling like it was being crushed in a hydraulic press.

“Spock. Listen to me. Take a breath.”

He opened his mouth. The air filled his burning lungs.

“Good. Breathe out.”

He obeyed.

“Let's do that again. Breathe in slowly...breathe out. In, out, in, out...”

For a moment, he could let his brain rest and numbly listen to Dr. McCoy's voice. He breathed until his heartbeat slowed slightly, and opened his eyes.

McCoy was bent over Spock where he had collapsed on the chair, close, but not touching him. He could feel the doctor's compassion simply from the way he spoke.

“You've made your point. You need medical interference. Can you stand?”

Spock put his hands down on the chair and slowly pushed himself up.

“Good. In ten minutes, I want you down in medbay for infrasound therapy. We will also discuss medications and give you some hypos with nutrients.”

“You will not tell the captain,” Spock whispered weakly.

“No, I won't. Swear on my badge.”

They stood in silence for a while, the weight of what had just transpired heavy on their shoulders.

“Thank you, doctor.”

“It's my job.”

#spirk #star trek tos #dannytypes #lmk if you want more of these #my notes app is a graveyard of shit like this

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