#which is slightly better than everyone else

[sturnioz]

shy!reader gets caught under the mistletoe.

you remain pliant and still on the bathroom counter, the cool surface pressing against your thighs through your sheer tights as kitty's fingers gently cup your jaw, tilting your face as the other hand carefully applies the red lipstick to your lips to match the colour of your sweater and the ribbon tied neatly in your hair.

"there we go," kitty murmurs as she leans back to assess her work. "now rub your lips together, like this." she demonstrates for you, her own lips pursing and pressing together, the glossy sheen of her own dark lipstick catching the light.

your gaze lingers on her as you follow her instructions, mimicking the motion before your glittery eyes flick to the mirror, staring at your reflection. you look a little different—a good different—and you lean forward slightly to take a better look at yourself, studying your face like it belongs to someone else, finding something surreal about the way you look.

"you look pretty," kitty compliments, a grin tugging at the corner of her mouth as she slides the cap back onto the lipstick tube with a quiet click. her words make your cheeks feel hot, and your lips curve into a shy smile, your eyes dropping to the floor for a moment as you let out a soft, sheepish laugh.

she playfully swats your knee for you to get down, and you push yourself off the counter, your mary-janes landing with a soft tap against the tile floor. you smooth out the creases in your black skirt, tugging at the hem until it lies just right before brushing your fingers over the soft fabric of your sweater, making sure you look presentable enough.

as you step out of the bathroom and into the hallway, the hum of chatter and christmas music fills your ears, growing louder and louder with each step as you walk down the stairs.

you're a lot more comfortable with this frat party. it feels better — filled with just the frat brothers instead of being packed with strangers that usually leave you feeling so overwhelmed and overstimulated.

a gentle smile spreads across your face once you reach the bottom step, taking in the christmas decorations — the multi-coloured christmas lights, the bows and garlands draped over the doorways, and a tinsel and ornamented tree towering in the corner (which has been knocked down more times than you liked to admit).

you glance around as you walk across the floor, giggling at the sight of everyone's festive-ish outfits — some wearing red and green coloured fits, others wearing santa hats and elf ears with fuzzy christmas sweaters.

you're happy. really happy. the faint scent of cinnamon and nutmeg leads you into the kitchen, where the island is filled with snacks and drinks. you read for the ladle in the eggnog bowl, pouring the creamy mixture into a red plastic cup, and you're about to bring it up to your lips for a sip until you hear bee.

"be careful with that," she warns you, eyeing you from where she leans against the counter. you pause mid-sip, lowering the cup slightly, a confused hum slipping past your lips as your gaze flits up to meet hers.

"why?"

bee gestures toward the bowl, "nate ended up pouring all kinds of alcohol into that thing."

"hey!" nate's voice shouts from behind before you can reply, and you feel his shoulder bump into yours as he steps into the space beside you, leaning down to peer into the bowl with a playful pout. "i read the recipe wrong, okay? when the thing said whiskey, rum 'n brandy, i thought it meant add all of it in. not pick which fuckin' one."

for a moment, you just blink at him, your mouth parting in surprise as you slowly lower the cup to put it down. "you.. you added all?"

"yes."

"do.. the others know?" you ask, glancing toward the door leading back into the living-room before looking back at him.

"course they do," nate grins as he takes a cup for himself, moving around you to throw his arm around bee's shoulder. "merry christmas!"

he raises his cup in a mock taost before leaning in to press an exaggeratedly loud, wet smooch to bee's cheek who whines and smacks at his chest, a grin playing on her lips as he steers her away.

"merry christmas.." you murmur softly, your voice drowned out by the chatter and christmas music as you watch nate and bee disappear into the living-room. you glance back at the eggnog bowl, your lips twitching into a small, amused smile before opting for something less strong.

with a fresh drink in hand, you slowly make your way out of the kitchen, weaving through the crowd of people scattered across the room. your eyes scan the space before landing on chris, standing by the christmas tree—a joint dangling lazily between his lips as he takes slow, deep drags while fiddling with his phone, his thumb swiping across the screen.

you make your way over, a small smile tugging at your lips as you take him in. he's wearing an oversized red sweater, the soft fabric hanging loose over his frame, paired with black jeans and a backwards cap on his head, messy strands of dark hair peeking out from beneath the brim.

"we're matching.." you state softly as you reach him, extending your arm out a little to show off the same shade of red you're both wearing.

chris doesn't react immediately, he just lifts his head from his phone to stare at your sweater with dark, unamused eyes before flicking his gaze to your face. smoke wafts from his lips as he exhales, his attention dropping down to your lips before he finally speaks.

"you got lipstick on your teeth, kid."

your eyes widen in utter embarrassment, and you pull your arm back to raise your hand and cover your mouth. panic flares in your chest as your tongue darts out, running over your teeth in a frantic attempt to remove any traces of lipstick.

chris watches you as you do this, his lips twitching as he leans back slightly, balancing his joint between two fingers as his own tongue prods against the side of his cheek in subtle amusement.

"m'jokin'.." he says finally, taking another drag and letting the smoke curl from his lips as he exhales.

you slowly drop your hand from your face with a pout and a glare, shifting your weight from one foot to the other as you try to recover from the humiliation. "not funny.."

chris opens his mouth, probably to fire off another remark, but before he can, a voice from a frat brother interrupts as he drunkenly stumbles over. he cheeks are flushed, and his grin is wide and sloppy as he holds something up above your heads—mistletoe.

your heart skips a beat, and you instinctively glance up at the dangling mistletoe before flicking your gaze back to chris. a nervous laugh bubbles in your throat, but it simmers the moment you take in his expression—chris is glaring at the frat brother, his jaw tight and his lips pressed into a thin line, clearly not happy.

"c'mon, it's tradition," the frat brother slurs his words, oblivious to the tension as he waves the mistletoe around clumsily, nearly dropping it as he stumbles again. "it's christmas, man. just kiss her already, those are the rules."

your cheeks heat up, and you glance nervously at chris who still hasn't moved or said a word. his gaze remains locked on the frat brother, his shoulders tense and his fists clenching at his sides. the silence feels suffocating, and your stomach twists as you shift uncomfortably.

"seriously.. you're makin' this weird," the frat brother pesters, his drunken grin faltering slightly. "what's the big deal? s'just a kiss... you shy or somethin'? scared?"

that's when you see it—barely noticeable but impossible to ignore.

chris' chest rises sharply, his breathing quickening ever so slightly. his jaw twitches, knuckles flex, and his fingers curl into tight fists at his sides. he doesn't spare you a look, and he doesn't even flinch as the frat brother sways closer, still holding the mistletoe.

"it's not that deep, man," the frat brother presses, his voice louder now, and it makes your stomach churn. his lips curl into a genuine smile, trying to make a joke. "you don't know how? need me to show you how it's done?"

chris doesn't laugh. he doesn't smirk or roll his eyes like you expected. instead, his breathing gets harsher, his chest rising and falling faster now, and his fists clench to tightly his knuckles turn white, his entire body looks like a spring ready to snap.

is... chris panicking?

"get that fuckin' thing out of my face," chris growls through gritted teeth, his voice low and dangerous. "or m'gonna—"

"jesus, dude... chill," the frat brother mutters, a frown tugging at his lips. "you're actin' like i'm askin' you to marry her or somethin'. s'just one little kiss, like—"

"hey. hey," matt's voice cuts in suddenly, stepping in chris' personal space to grip his shoulder, stopping him from moving forward when it looks like he's seconds away from snapping. "that's enough, yeah?"

the frat brother blinks at matt, "what? it's just—"

"did you hear me? said that's enough," matt interrupts, his tone sharper now with an edge that makes the frat brother pause, especially when matt glares at him. "go find someone else."

for a moment, the frat brother looks like he's considering staying, but he ends up muttering something incoherently under his breath as he stumbles away, the mistletoe swinging loosely in his hands.

the tension in the room doesn't disappear immediately though, you can still feel it, thick and heavy. you remain silent, chewing on your bottom lip as you watch matt with chris, barely making out their quiet conversation.

"hey.." matt speaks a lot softer now, moving his hand from chris' shoulder to his chest, rubbing slow circles with his thumb. "it's alright, yeah? breathe, man.."

chris exhales sharply through his nose, his fists loosening as he nods subtly, not sparing either of you a glance as he turns his head away, his throat bobbing as he swallows thickly, his expression unreadable.

you stand frozen, unsure of what to say or do. your chest feels tight, and your earlier embarrassment for not being kissed has been replaced with something closer to unease.

matt glances at you briefly, his expression somewhat apologetic before turning his attention back to chris, "y'good?" he asks quietly.

chris nods his head once, muttering something under his breath before taking the cap off his head to run his fingers through his hair. you swallow hard, throat dry as you observe his tense posture and distant stare, making your stomach twist.

something is wrong—something is very wrong.

you're not sure what comes over you, but before you can think twice, you take a slow step forward. maybe you want to comfort him, or maybe you're planning to ask if he's okay—you're not even 100% sure yourself.

but just as quickly as the thought forms, you stop in your tracks when chris finally looks at you. his expression is blank, but his eyes are filled with something you can't quite understand that freezes you in place.

"don't." he says flatly, his tone leaving no room for argument, and you nod your head slowly, swallowing back the lump rising in your throat.

chris doesn't look at you again. instead, he adjusts the cap back onto his head, his jaw clenched tightly as he turns away from you, leaving you standing alone next to the christmas tree.

divider credits. @issysh3ll

© STURNIOZ

[hlficlibrary]

Heyyy, happy new year!! Do you know any fic that’s canon-compliant and has a plot similar to And Then A Bit by infinitelymint? Like, something where they’re not together anymore, but then everything gets leaked, and they have to deal with it? Or maybe a story about one of them coming out to the media, and everyone starts speculating again about what they had?

Thank you sooo much!! Hope your end of year was amazing! 🎀

Hi, anon! Happy new year to you, too! So here are some fics that I think fit what you're looking for...

You’ve Got My Devotion (Hate You Sometimes) by auburnstargazer

Harry was in the biggest boy band in the world. He was also one half of the best (or worst, depends on who you ask) kept secret relationship in the music industry.

Now, almost five years on, after One Direction has broken up, and Harry and Louis' relationship has as well, a video threatens to put everything at risk.

One determined Irishman, a massive publicity stunt and two begrudging exes are all it takes to bring One Direction back to life and maybe, just maybe, Harry and Louis' mangled love life too.

Or: Harry and Louis are forced to fake-date after an old video from when they were dating emerges.

Need So Much of You by @lululawrence

“Alright, I’m just going to get right down to it,” Jess said. “We were contacted yesterday by Harry Styles’ team with some information regarding his own schedule and promotion that is going to have some bearing on Louis.”

“Me specifically or all former members of the band?” Louis asked, confused.

“You specifically,” Jess said, looking at Louis with a heavy gaze. “Harry’s going to start his own promo for his second album in the coming months, which is going to include a coming out.”

“That’s great,” he said, nodding. “Is that it? Or is there more?”

Mark shifted in his seat and Louis watched his expression change. “We’ve discussed it and we think it would be best if you came out as well and had a promotional relationship with Harry for the album drop through both of your tours next year.”

Louis started laughing in surprise, but no one else joined in. Shit, they were serious.

Or the would-have-been canon compliant, fake relationship, friends with benefits, friends to lovers fic where Louis wonders if this thing going on with Harry is going to break him or change everything for the better.

The Greatest Thing by @infinitelymint

“What’s that on your finger?” Louis asks, his voice higher than usual, slightly panicked as though he’s realised something that Harry hasn’t even begun to comprehend.

Harry looks down on his right hand then, sees nothing and moves on to the left, and—

Oh.

A ring.

Or, Harry and Louis haven’t spoken since the band broke up when a dangerous combination of Niall Horan, tequila, and an ordained Elvis impersonator means that the two of them have to embark on their biggest publicity stunt to date - together.

(aka the semi-canon accidentally married in Vegas fic that has been seven years in the making)

[xxnashiraxx]

Happy Fic Moment of the Year

Thank you so much for the tags, @alwaysmauria, @roguishcat, @vividiana, and @andromedaancunin !!!

"Share an excerpt from any fic of yours that you wrote this year depicting a happy/fluffy/cute moment that you're proud of. Let's spread some joy for the last moments of the undeniably fucked-up year that was 2024" <- honestly.

I've chosen this little snip from Chapter 13 of With Stars to Fill My Dream where Ofelia buys the coffee from the Zhent trader in the goblin camp and tests the tadpole connection between her and Astarion to see if he can experience the taste of her chocolate candy through it. :") Plus this screenshot that accompanies it is really cute for them, il them sm. 💕

“What about if I drink it, and we open a connection? Could we test it?” He frowns, about to tell her this isn’t the time, but she looks adamant as she pulls some little sphere wrapped in foil out of her bag. “I suppose…” He trails off, watching her unwrap it to reveal a ball of something dark. Chocolate perhaps? She meets his eyes and he interprets her nod as permission before he links with her, the sensation slightly painful but surprisingly easier than it’s been in the past. Gale and Shadowheart look back at them curiously but stay rooted a few paces ahead as if giving them space. Ofelia lifts the candy to her mouth and pops it in, and he can feel the sensation of it on his tongue almost as if it were his own. For a moment, nothing else happens- he’s just looking at himself through her eyes, and gods is that a leaf in his hair? Honestly, everyone just let him walk around with that in? The nerve- “Oh,” He whispers, pressing his fingers to his lips as the faint taste of something mind-numbingly sweet coats his tongue. It’s novel, smooth, and wonderful as the phantom taste of it flows down his throat. She smiles at him with a fervor in her eyes, which he hadn’t seen before, and through the connection, he gets the impressions of her emotions- delight, adoration, and satisfaction. It all melds into a mix of tenderness he isn’t used to, and he staggers away from the bond with a swift snap. “Did you taste it?” She asks, reaching forward to grip his forearms, and he nods- slightly off-kilter. The twinkle of excitement in her eyes throws him, and with a nervous chuckle, he disengages from her touch to collect himself. “I… thank you. I would like to try the coffee,” He mumbles, feeling lost despite himself. It’s distracting, and he fights for a moment to process the sensation of taste again after two centuries of nothing. “Of course,” She smiles, bright like the sun. He almost has to shield his eyes from it. “When we wake up tomorrow, I’ll brew some and we’ll share a cup. Trust me, you’ll get it- I need the coffee to help me think clearer, fight better. Promise,” She laughs, mocking his little line from when he’d been pleading for a drink, her tongue curling obscenely around the words to try and emulate his accent. It’s an awful imitation, but it feels like honey in his ears as it brushes against his tense muscles. He watches her walk away, eyes lingering on the sway of her wide hips and he shakes his head free of the lingering emotions, likely just a side effect of the tadpole, before following them inside a larger room.

Tagging you all, sorry if this is a double tag since I'm behind!! Ily all! 💗

@pinkberrytea @khywren @bloodinwine @preciouslittlebhaalbae @ladyduellist @verbenaa @inkymoonbunny @lanafofana @elinorbard @badbloodwitch @caffeinatedmunchkin @bardic-inspo @justabiteofspite @bhaalsdeepbat @bhaal-battle-beer-bard @heylittleriotact @nerdallwritey @busy-baker +anyone else!! Please tag me so I can read your wonderful work!! 💕

[bugbachelor]

prev @no-white-dress your tags are soooo true, exactly you get it!!

say all that

i didn't get further into the other Trix because i focused more on Stormy but this is actually such an interesting thing about them as a group. because they really don't go along all too well with the image witches are clearly held to and associated with in universe

because there clearly is a general style going on at cloudtower/with witches in general. which is very defined by darker colours. and also much more muted colours when compared to fairies

also more tight/well fitting outfits as well, dresses don't flow, sleeves aren't pronounced etc. in the same vein, details are usually cut outs instead of excess fabric in contrast to what fairies tend to have going on. as well as a general trend towards more pointy and angular fits. be it cut outs or necklines or jackets etc. boots, especially pointy ones, are also Extremely common, compared to fairies who generally tend to wear sandal heels

obviously there's always some exceptions or characters playing around with the basic ideas of it (like Mirta wearing white as an accent colour, someone wearing a stronger colour here or there, and so on), but this is a pretty consistent line they stuck to when designing the witches

even Mirta who later becomes a fairy is dressed like a witch and stays like that even at Alfea. even her fairy from has the muted witch colours to it btw

point of the matter being that, yeah. the Trix all kind of don't fuck with witch fashion apparently all in different ways and to varying degrees

totally agree with you Darcy still blends the best in crowds. like the true chameleon she is i guess. she's got lots of desaturated purple, she's got some angles in there with her triangle shaped top. she's also the only one of the Trix who actually wears the pretty wide spread pointy witch boots. the thing that just makes her stand out immediately is that she's seemingly an entire fashion cycle behind everyone else who's dressed pretty trendy 2000s. meanwhile Darcy is rocking that 70s hippie look with her tiny sunglasses and bootcut pants. mind you, she makes it work really well. low cut pants for example were in both times, so it blends with the 00s look around her better than you'd expect

Stormy has her whole thing going on. she actually does okay colour wise at least with a darker, slightly desaturated redish pink. but then it's her actual style that's wildly unusual for the witches. which just comes back to the all of it i already mentioned. lose and wrapped fabric, ribbons, open summer shoes. pretty much the opposite to the general witch style the series establishes. so on first glance, colour-wise, it works. it's just when you look at what she's actually wearing that it's just kind of inappropriate for cloudtower in general

and then Icy is maybe equally bold by going for brightly coloured light blue. and she's kind of doing the opposite of Stormy, because what she's wearing is actually pretty alright for the witch look. everything is pretty tight, she's got a pronounced belt, there's a lot of edges there with her collared top. even the boots are fine (even if they're not pointy). so the decision to have that perfectly trendy witch fit in the lightest blue possible is kind of ridiculous of her. and the thing is it's not even desaturated properly, especially her skirt. which really all witch outfits are. the shade of blue she wears is a shade Bloom occasionally matches exactly

and i mean it looks great on her. i would understand why she'd wear it. but still a bit bizarre choice on her part. because Icy's whole colour palette is really bright to begin with given the white blue hair. and in her witch outfit it's contrasted by the very dark blue, but in civilian the brightness of it is even more empathized with the other light colours

and all of those fashion choices are one thing, but when one of the main established personality traits of the Trix is their fixation on their 'evil witch' image it starts getting even more questionable. they openly mock and despise the fairies, sure, but it extends even further, they're fully committed to the 'anything positive or nice is disgusting fairy bullshit miss me with that' bit. which ranges from general aesthetics to behaviours to the literal feeling of positivity. like they're committed committed to the 'i'm an evil witch' act

so the fact that they still make active fashion decisions that go against that reading is fascinating. Darcy looks like she's in the wrong decade, Stormy at least telegraphs as a witch colour wise even if her actual outfit doesn't do that at all, and then Icy is just, well, so so bright

actually imagining Icy in those cloudtower classes we see is a bit ridiculous, she has to stand out SO much. (which she probably likes lets be real. she's styling her hair to be a head taller than everyone else she's into having eyes drawn to her in crowds for sure)

they're just kind of interesting as a group. all of that also comes with the implication that they actually just aren't into the witch fashion trend as much as they'd like to cling to the evil witch image. to a point they're not even willing to compromise for the sake of their image and just do it anyway. so they're basically freestyling their personal style

which really, they're more able to do that than anyone else at cloudtower for sure. clearly no one is going to mess with them, half the school is terrified of them and the other idolizes them. Griffin calls them her top students and they could all absolutely hurt (kill) someone with their powers even as students. which as a viewer we're kind of used to, but in comparison to other witches they're clearly on a different level with how ruthless and strong they are, even in s1, and their classmates Know that

the only thing i'd actually be curious about is what their early years at cloudtower looked like in that regard Before they got their reputation. because if they always dressed like that you really have to respect the stubbornness to go to cloudtower for years and never give in and change your ill fitting colour scheme or clothing preferences. like, there would have to have been some comments, right

either says a lot about their ability to not give a fuck about what others think or about them being able to stand their ground right off the bat and getting that boarding school respect in their first few months there

so yeah. tldr is that the Trix dress really weird from an in universe perspective. all of them. and all in different ways. they're kind of perfect for each other, even in that aspect 😭

when it comes to the Trix's looks the general fandom interpretation that Stormy is the least feminine style wise out of the Trix continues to baffle me. because there's a lot of things canon is very vague about, but this is one of the few instances where canon is doing the exact opposite and Yet it's still such a common interpretation

to be fair, i think people tend to take her more abrasive louder personality and then draw from it that she should also be the most practically and sporty dress wise in the group and so on

and as a hc it's whatever, it's just really one of those instances where it's clearly the opposite in canon and people seem to genuinely gloss over it, when it's arguably such a funny aspect of her character

Darcy is the one that's always dressed the most practical on top of her hippy inspired fit. she's the only one wearing pants, both in her witch and civillian outfit. (she also knows how to ride a hoverbike for some unexplained reason. which the winx had to slowly learn in s3. some not elaborated skill going on here)

Icy's style moves closer to the preppy, formal ranges, with her collared top - tight skirt - high boots look. the tied back (up) hair also helps. and also the cape. she's got a cape in her witch form, can't stress enough how much of a fashion choice that is on her part

and Stormy's look is just giving summer party. like, it is. you've got a lot of flowy and wrapped fabric, and her open heels (which are a statement piece when your entire power is wind and storms and you're signature fighting style consists of rain, lightning, and tornadoes)

out of them Stormy is dressed the most feminine And impractical at all times. ranging from being completely committed to skirts/dresses to preferring the party club look when her whole bit is hostile weather

actually, it's not even just a Trix thing i think Stormy i just genuinely dressed kind of not occasion appropriate even for a witch in general

this is apparently the general cloudtower/witch fashion

and Stormy pulls up to the wannabe goth convention with her breezy, flowy summer fit with ribbons both on her skirt, top, And on her open toed summer heels. those especially are kind of a bizarre choice on her part, since the predominant fashion trend seems to be boots, ideally pointy. kind of a mix between what Icy and Darcy are wearing. absolutely no one is wearing sandals or even open heels, style wise they're much closer to something Stella or Flora tend to go for even

Stormy is just fully committed to her sunny weather fit which i kind of have to respect

but i'm also mildly intrigued about the why of it? is that her genuine style preference and she just gives absolutely no fucks about what's in or expected witch fashion in general? or is the perpetual good weather fit some inside joke to her with her powers literally being 'bad' weather?

logistically in universe though, would there be some line you shouldn't cross with how much your shoes can look like you bought them from the same store Stella goes to? especially with how image focused and competitive the cloudtower environment seems to be. or would her style just read as completely out of fashion at cloudtower and this is just current fashion trends? we'd never find out because even if people Would have thoughts about it they would definitely not be voicing it to a senior classmate that's one of Griffins top students and can summon actual tornadoes. at that point you rally could just do whatever you wanted (which, i mean the Trix already do that)

the take away just ends up being that Stormy clearly doesn't care about a) expected witch fashion, and/or b) what's weather appropriate. and yeah, does fit her character, i think she really would just do whatever she wanted and if that's the ribboned summer shoes that's what it is

(also, sure the flowy ribbons are a kind of funny fashion choice for her, but also, given how wind makes up almost half her powers, they're kind of a good one. those have to be so fun when you're walking or flying around and wind is blowing them everywhere. i get her)

[icewindandboringhorror]

I've referenced before how I have a big google document to keep track of every media I've ever seen in my entire life (just for reference because I like to track everything possible lol… I am the Data Collector), but recently as I was updating it, I thought of actually evaluating them to find out random percentages (like for example, out of Total Shows Watched, what percentage did I finish vs. stop watching, what percentage did I like or dislike, etc.)...

Evaluating these things is made easier by the fact that I already place everything on each subsection of the list into 6 broad ranking categories, so I don't have to go back and guess to figure out how I feel about them or anything. The categories are: Ranking 5 - overall best* (despite some criticisms of course because I'm too much of an Analyzer to ever find anything Perfect lol) Ranking 4 - more positive than neutral, but not good enough to be 5 Ranking 3 - either the good + bad negate each other, OR it's just not memorable/interesting in any way enough to be ranked higher or lower (this is the Default category ALL things are placed in if no other rank applies) Ranking 2 - maybe a few redeemable elements but largely more negatives than positives Ranking 1 - So bad that it circles around to being fascinating to observe in some way (not necessarily Funny, or Good, but just interesting somehow) Ranking 0 - Bad in a genuinely frustrating or obnoxious manner

*("best" primarily defined here as most interesting, rather than most good in a technical sense, or some other measure. I tend to value more highly whether there's something novel or thoughtful about the worldbuilding, tone, writing, base premise, etc - than about whether it's actually executed perfectly.)

And here's the amount of shows that have so far been placed into each category -

TV shows ~ Rank 5 (highest) - 20 shows ~ Rank 4 (mid-high) - 28 shows ~ Rank 3 (neutral/default/meh) - 114 shows ~ Rank 2 (mid low) -33 shows ~ Rank 1 (low low but intriguingly so) - 14 shows ~ Rank 0 (iredeemably low) - 2 shows

This would make for a total of 211 TV shows overall. However, there are 57 shows within these list marked as "didn't finish" (typically meaning I quit on the very first or second episode - but log them still to keep a record that I at least had a brief view of them).

So my total of genuinely fully watched shows would be more 154. 211 Total, but a More Accurate Total of 154.

Counting them all and using the Total Number Of The List (211) -- that means roughly 9.5% of all total shows I have ever watched (or at least attempted to watch) have been Mostly Good, 13% have been Moderately Okay, 54% have been either entirely Forgettable or some mix of good + bad that lands them right in the Neutral Middle, 15.6% have been Mostly Bad, 6.6% have been Bad (but in an interesting way), and 0.9% have been Terribly Bad.

Additionally, I didn't even get past the first two episodes of about 27% of the total.

Sooo, discounting ones I didn't finish, my total TV shows ever watched in my life would be about 154 (maybe give or take a few, assuming I might have forgotten some from very long ago).

But instead of entire life, let's just say this is the total for 'About 20 Years' (so, not counting very early childhood when I likely wouldn't remember things I saw/have no detailed recollection of them (like for example, I'm sure at some point when I was like 4yrs old I must have seen an episode of Spongebob or something, but I have zero distinct memories of it, can't quote anything of it, and barely recall the premise - so I don't count it on the list, etc.)).

In that case, 154 divided by 20 would be roughly 7.7 shows a year.

Which is actually surprisingly low considering that I often have stuff on in the background for hours whilst I make sculptures and do costumes and stuff (maybe I should have also marked some distinction between 'things I fully paid attention to' and 'things I kind of half listened to whilst sculpting', but that would further split the categories too much probably lol), but I guess a lot of that is youtube videos or random documentaries, so .. eh.. maybe I get it being lower.

Now, doing the same thing for movies-

Movies ~ Rank 5 (highest) - 4 movies (3.4% of total) ~ Rank 4 (mid-high) - 12 movies (10.3% of total) ~ Rank 3 (neutral/default/meh) - 91 movies (78.4% of total) ~ Rank 2 (mid low) - 8 movies (6.8% of total) ~ Rank 1 (low but interesting) - 1 movie (0.8% of total) ~ Rank 0 (irredeemably low) - none in this category (0%)

That makes 116 for a Total (Actually Remembered) Movies Watched In Lifetime (Or At Least In 20 Years).

116 divided by 20 is roughly 5 or 6 movies a year (I feel this has probably been skewed though by adding everything since like elementary school onwards, as I remember a lot more movies from child/teen years.. Whereas, the past 3 years I feel like I've barely seen maybe even 5 movies?? lol). I also have "Didn't Finish" marked on 18 of them. Which means I quit halfway through about 15% of the total movies.

So, a for broader summary stuff..

I seem to be less forgiving to movies than tv shows, by far. Which makes sense to me, I guess, because I love elaboration and details, so "short form" things that only last an hour or two are often lost on me a bit. My biggest complaint with movies is indeed usually walking away just wishing there had been more exposition, more scenes where characters are doing nothing, more "mindless bantering" conversations, more Quiet Downtime and Lore Elaboration and so on lol, so... of course most 1-2hr films end up feeling a bit Not Enough To Draw My Interest/Nothingy to me.

If you count 5 and 4 as "like" and rankings 2 to 0 as "dislike", then for TV shows I at least somewhat liked 48 of them, and at least somewhat disliked 47 of them.. So it's almost exactly the same lol. I'm just about equally as likely to find something bad as I am to find something redeeming about it. But overall, the largest chance is that I just won't really care much for it at all and it will be tossed into the 'neutral' pile, forgotten forever. Movies have a bit better of a balance, "liking" 16 of them, and "disliking" only 9 of them. So I'm slightly more likely to enjoy a movie than to find it annoying - though still VASTLY more likely to just not find it anything in particular, possibly not even finishing it.

ANYWAY.. this is vague and literally pointless, but like I said, I just really find information fun. Like my document where I've rated every apple flavor I've ever tried (like 40 of them now?), or reviewed every oreo flavor (32?), or ranking data from my entire 10 years of Trying To Make Friends process (out of 100 people, roughly 8% chance of a moderate compatibility, 3% chance of high), or etc. etc.. I love to have random pointless things to analyze I suppose lol.

I doubt anyone tracks things in their life in this same exact way, but I'd be interested in hearing any at least somewhat similar data !!! (like, how many TV shows you watch a year on average, and what percentage of those you like vs. dislike (if you keep track of that sort of thing), etc.)). I guess it might be easier with movies, since I think some people use those websites where you curate a list of movies you've seen and you can rate them or something, so maybe the numbers are already available on those places. :0

[st4rshiptr00per]

cancel me for this if youre a COWARD!!!!

im kind of in love with him

[muirneach]

46 minute psychoanalytic russian interview with andrey? i’m so sat.

[faejilly]

This is Finna, btw.

And her continuing adventures!

-

Go climb a tower that's crawling with darkspawn, which is, after all, what darkspawn do, (crawl over everything), but apparently everyone else thinks they shouldn't be there.

(Surfacers are dumb)

almost die, get rescued by Weird Witches (possibly for the second time, really, considering they're the ones that found the treaties the first time?) and have one of them insist you adopt the other one

(you haven't adopted anyone since Leske, this is kind of nice actually)

Find out the Surfacers can't even follow their OWN war plans, almost everyone's dead, the horde's just wandering around doing whatever the fuck it wants, and Alistair is barely more of a Grey Warden than you are and doesn't actually know anything useful about how they do shit and thus needs you to adopt him too because he's a little overwhelmed.

(Honestly, that's kind of fair, if Duncan hadn't been there when you first left Orzammar you would have gotten eaten by a bear or something. At least you and Alistair didn't hit the 'lost everything and everyone and am very confused about the world' at the same time?)

So. Understandable, but it is not ideal, darkspawn suck and archdemons are terrifying and you have no idea how anything works but you're in charge now!

Which is The Ultimate Surfacer Nonsense, but whatever, at least you can ignore most of the stupid and focus on killing darkspawn which is the whole reason Orzammar let the Grey Wardens recruit you, so.

So.

Follow Morrigan and Alistair around because they at least know how to navigate above ground even if they're cranky about navigating together.

GET A PUPPY! Maybe Surface Shit Isn't All Stupid. The Dog Is Cool. You named him Runar.

Get to human town to regroup. Find stupid bandits and run them off. (Who tries to steal from the people who don't have anything? even the Carta doesn't steal from Dusters, that's just DUMB) This is apparently a good move, all the humans are pleased.

Find stupid merchant who is ALSO trying to steal from the people who don't have anything what the hell Surfacers aren't even good criminals, this is so exhausting. He leaves in a huff, you suppose one of these days you should figure out how to talk to people rather than just sighing and rolling your eyes at them because they're stupid, but historically you were just supposed to hit them, so this is not your usual skill set, and you really don't want to talk to people so maybe you'll just go back to stabbing them?

You found a very nice fancy dagger after all, might as well use it.

Meet a giant in a cage who apparently got locked up for murder, but come on now, who among us hasn't done that? And he's been there for ages and is still alive which seems useful when fighting Darkspawn, so you let him out & adopt him too so he can help.

He is pretty insulting about it, but he's still nicer than most of Orzammar was to dusters, so whatever. And it's clearly not personal, he likes insulting everyone even more than Morrigan likes insulting Alistair, so you don't care.

Adopt a weird chantry lady too, because she also seems to be good at the fighting people, even if she let Loghain's idiots run away. (To be fair, you let the stupid bandits run away an hour ago, so it's not like you're one to talk. You can't kill all the stupid people, there'd be no one left.) She is also batshit crazy, but again. That's kind of comfortingly familiar, no one who worked for Beraht was quiet or sane about much of anything.

Help some humans out, (and some dwarves! that was nice) because they are really bad at this being surrounded by darkspawn thing and it's kind of adorable.

Also when they like you they give you shit, and you're not about to turn down anything that might be helpful. (See above and adopting all the crazy surfacers.)

Kill more bandits and giant spiders and wolves and darkspawn again and even more dumb humans who did not learn from seeing all the OTHER people who tried and failed to kill you and thought they'd get a reward out of it, and none of this is changing your mind that Surfacers make things way too complicated and are also (even at their best) kind-of dumb.

But still.

You're not dead! You have some help! You own more shit than you ever did in Dust Town!

You have a dog.

(The dog's still the best part. And the only one with sense.)

Your barbarian mace with an extra stabby bit in the hilt is pretty nice too though.

Be a duster, don't even have a name really, not as dwarves count such things, kill a guy, find a drunk guy, panic, fight some more guys (just trying not to get killed by your boss), boss tries to kill you anyway, leave your sister and best friend behind in the dust because they told you to, (and it's that or die, honestly, and you're not ready for that), get to Ostagar, meet a KING?!?, there's a fucking view with sky and distant trees and this is IMPOSSIBLE, you miss the fucking STONE and then some very very random nobody is all, "Maker watch over you, my lady"

Apparently you're a lady

what the actual fuck, Brosca's life is very weird

[dirtbra1n]

minds in half a dozen places or so I need to be able to do more than one thing at a time. hanzashiro is calling to me like at least two different videogames are calling to me library book that could be used as a murder weapon is calling to me. Hanzashiro Is Calling To Me.

[anonymusbosch]

.

[vampiremourning]

.

[sysig]

Pet names (Patreon)

[crystalkitty1220]

mustard.

What am I Iooking at here

[curlicuecal]

playing science telephone

Hi folks. Let's play a fun game today called "unravelling bad science communication back to its source."

Journey with me.

Saw a comment going around on a tumblr thread that "sometimes the life expectancy of autism is cited in the 30s"

That number seemed..... strange. The commenter DID go on to say that that was "situational on people being awful and not… anything autism actually does", but you know what? Still a strange number. I feel compelled to fact check.

Quick Google "autism life expectancy" pulls up quite a few websites bandying around the number 39. Which is ~technically~ within the 30s, but already higher than the tumblr factoid would suggest. But, guess what. This number still sounds strange to me.

Most of the websites presenting this factoid present themselves as official autism resources and organizations (for parents, etc), and most of them vaguely wave towards "studies."

Ex: "Above And Beyond Therapy" has a whole article on "Does Autism Affect Life Expectancy" and states:

The link implies that it will take you to the "research studies" being referenced, but it in fact takes you to another random autism resource group called.... Songbird Care?

And on that website we find the factoid again:

Ooh, look. Now they've added the word "some". The average lifespan for SOME autistic people. Which the next group erased from the fact. The message shifts further.

And we have slightly more information about the study! (Which has also shifted from "studies" to a singular "study"). And we have another link!

Wonderfully, this link actually takes us to the actual peer-reviewed 2020 study being discussed. [x]

And here, just by reading the abstract, we find the most important information of all.

This study followed a cohort of adolescent and adult autistic people across a 20 year time period. Within that time period, 6.4% of the cohort died. Within that 6.4%, the average age of death was 39 years.

So this number is VERY MUCH not the average age of death for autistic people, or even the average age of death for the cohort of autistic people in that study. It is the average age of death IF you died young and within the 20 year period of the study (n=26), and also we don't even know the average starting age of participants without digging into earlier papers, except that it was 10 or older. (If you're curious, the researchers in the study suggested reduced self-sufficiency to be among the biggest risk factors for the early mortality group.)

But the number in the study has been removed from it's context, gradually modified and spread around the web, and modified some more, until it is pretty much a nonsense number that everyone is citing from everyone else.

There ARE two other numbers that pop up semi-frequently:

One cites the life expectancy at 58. I will leave finding the context for that number as an exercise for the audience, since none of the places I saw it gave a direct citation for where they were getting it.

And then, probably the best and most relevant number floating around out there (and the least frequently cited) draws from a 2023 study of over 17,000 UK people with an autism diagnosis, across 30 years. [x] This study estimated life expectancies between 70 and 77 years, varying with sex and presence/absence of a learning disability. (As compared to the UK 80-83 average for the population as a whole.)

This is a set of numbers that makes way more sense and is backed by way better data, but isn't quite as snappy a soundbite to pass around the internet. I'm gonna pass it around anyway, because I feel bad about how many scared internet people I stumbled across while doing this search.

People on quora like "I'm autistic, can I live past 38"-- honey, YES. omg.

---

tl;dr, when someone gives you a number out of context, consider that the context is probably important

also, make an amateur fact checker's life easier and CITE YOUR SOURCES

[rafey-baby]

clumsy!reader is still bad at yoga and yoga instructor!rafe wants to keep her all to himself...

18+ mdni!

c/w: rafe being touchy & blatantly flirting w her, him getting jealous, slightly suggestive, reader being oblivious

wc: 1.9k

idk if anyone missed him but he's back & better than ever !! (after a small vacation that ended up being almost 3 months :D)

some parts are more or less inspired by this, this, this & this ask

part 1

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Rafe is in the midst of helping someone fix their posture when he hears the gates of heaven opening in the form of a melodious giggle chiming from the back of the room. He lifts his head in order to detect the source of such a vibrant sound; noticing that his favorite client is currently directing her attention towards some guy next to her.  

The joyful expression she’s sporting makes a scowl paint over his features. Why is this random man making her laugh like that?  

“Yeah, you got it. Just keep workin’ on it though,” he quickly dismisses the person he was helping before stomping over to find her practically lying on the floor with the guy’s hands on her calf, along with his mat pulled far too close to hers for Rafe’s liking.   

“I think you should bend it more here, right? I’m honestly not too sure,” the guy chuckles as he tries to figure out what she’s doing wrong.  

“No cause I have no idea how everyone else makes it seem so easy. It’s so hard to get it right, I feel so stupid half the time,” she complains with a huff, not even noticing Rafe looming within earshot.  

“Seriously, I thought this was a beginner’s class but it feels like some of these poses are meant for like literal pros,” he continues with a shake of his head. 

“I know, right?” another peal of laughter bubbles from her throat as she shifts into a seated position, giving up altogether.  

“Everything alright?” Rafe doesn’t mean for his tone to come out so clipped but there’s something in the way the guy’s touching her so freely that makes his hands curl into fists. 

He keeps reminding himself over and over again that this is a client, which means that he can’t just smash his face in— no matter how severely his fingers are itching for it right about now.  

“Oh, I was just trying to help her with this,” the guy explains in tandem with her head turning to look at Rafe. She seems startled.  

“Well, why don’t you focus on your own form for a change? I mean, s’kinda my job to help her, yeah?” he scoffs, making the guy halt his movements in a state of surprise before he's lifting his hands up in apology.  

“Damn, sorry dude,” he mutters out from under his breath while Rafe merely glares at him with the words stay professional bouncing around his skull.  

A tense silence follows, making her grow quiet while she takes slow sips from her water bottle as a distraction; wondering why he seems so bothered to see her talking to someone else.  

However, when he finally turns his attention towards her, she shrugs it off as him merely having a bad day because it seems like the only logical explanation to her. Because at the end of the day, him being jealous makes as much sense to her as her math homework in high school.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Rafe is convinced that the universe is purposefully trying to poke and prod at his limits, giving his carefully curated facade opportunities to crack— allowing for the borderline psychotic aspects of his personality to breathe through the crevices. Because only a week later, Rafe sees her entering the gym with another guy she seems to be awfully friendly with. 

“That’s crazy, I don’t even wanna know what Kie said to that,” she rolls her eyes jokingly while he’s showing her something on his phone.  

”Yeeeah, guess you could say she wasn’t the biggest fan,” he laughs in a carefree manner, raking a hand through his disheveled, sand-colored hair.  

“For some reason I’m not surprised,” she mutters out before she notices Rafe standing in the hallway leading to the yoga class. “Oh, gotta go so I’m not late. See you after?” 

“Yeah, I’ll be here. Think Pope said he’s gonna join me for leg day, so we’ll see if I’m still standing when you get back. But you have fun,” he offers her a wave before walking away towards the locker rooms. 

And at last, her warm eyes meet Rafe’s. “Hi,” her voice is soft, nearly shy; a stark contrast to her demeanor only a few seconds ago.  

“Hey,” he greets her in a casual manner, although his mind is somewhere else entirely. “So, that your boyfriend or?” he tries to approach the subject with nonchalance because it’s not necessarily any of his business.  

He’s not even sure why he’s asking— keeps telling himself that he’s just curious and tries to appear friendly by making small talk. After all, some clients have given him feedback on his apparently intimidating aura, claiming they don’t always have the courage to ask for his help because they get anxious he’ll judge them. Therefore, it's something he’s been trying to work on.  

“What? Oh, JJ? No, he’s just a friend. He goes to the gym here, so I usually just tag along with him. Free ride, right?” she answers with a lighthearted tone.  

“Right. Yeah,” he scratches at the back of his neck, contemplating whether or not to ask the next question since he doesn’t want to overstep any boundaries. However, there’s something deep in his stomach that grumbles at the prospect of her being in a relationship, makes him feel nearly insane and ultimately, makes the decision for him. 

“You, uh, you got one?”  

“What?” she asks, features coated in confusion. 

“A boyfriend, I mean,” his gaze is unwavering, eager.  

“Oh, um— no, I don’t. Why?” her puzzled eyes flit over the lines of his countenance, seemingly trying to grasp onto his motives. 

“Just, uh…wondering. I mean, he’d be kind of a dick if he’s not drivin’ you here himself,” he shrugs, a strange sort of relief making his shoulders feather-light when she lets out an airy giggle in response.  

“Yeah, honestly sometimes wish I had one just so he could drive me around and stuff,” she jokes while they begin to pad over to the class. 

“You don’t have your license yet?” he raises his brows in surprise.  

“No, I do. I just don’t really like driving. I don’t know why but it’s so stressful to me. Usually try to avoid it as much as I can,” she elaborates while gathering her hair away from her face and securing the strands into a ponytail.   

“Oh yeah? Well, if you ever need a ride home just let me know, alright?” he says, fighting the urge to tuck a loose tendril that has managed to escape the restraints of her hair tie back behind her ear.  

“Really? That’s so sweet of you! But, um, wouldn’t wanna be a bother,” the hesitation is present in her voice.  

“Nah, couldn’t bother me if you tried,” he promises, wishing they could talk for longer. However, the ocean of people flooding inside the room behind them cuts their conversation short.  

“You’re just saying that,” she dismisses him with a playful scoff. 

“M’being for real. You’re my favorite face around here. Plus, makes my job more fun when you’re always stumblin' on your feet,” he can’t help his mouth from twisting upwards at the way her eyes round out in response to his words. 

“Shut up. I’m gonna go set down my mat now, before there’s only space right in front of you,” she offers him a giddy smile that makes him grin like an idiot. Then, she’s tiptoeing away from him in order to locate a vacant spot. 

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

Rafe has become awfully familiar with these newfound feelings of fondness for the girl who’s by far the most helpless little bambi he’s ever encountered. He thinks she should honestly pick another hobby at this point, because maybe yoga just isn’t meant for her. However, he’d never say any of that out loud because even the thought of not seeing her getting all flustered while she loses her balance whenever he’s near makes him feel physically unwell.  

He’s not entirely sure whether her apparently oblivious brain simply hasn’t caught onto the fact that he so clearly has a thing for her, or if she’s well aware and merely chooses to be a tease about it. Nonetheless, the moment she walked into the class today, he could feel his workout shorts tightening and all she’d offered him was a simple smile.  

And now she’s right in front of him, all tangled limbs and pretty eyes blinking up at him— practically begging for his guidance and for him to put his hands all over her (something she doesn’t seem to mind all that much).  

“You put this cute little set on just for me, huh?” he rasps out while his thumb smooths over the bubblegum pink fabric; feeling it out as he pinches the stretchy fabric between his fingertips, making her breath get caught in her throat in the process.  

“Oh, um— just wanted to…try out some new stuff I ordered. You think it’s cute?” she stares at him with something bashful glimmering in her eyes. 

“Mhm. Fits you nice,” he mumbles out as his gaze lingers on the way the tight material wraps around her figure, not leaving much to the (his) imagination. He bets it’d be so easy to just rip right through these cute yoga pants and pull her closer with a firm grip on her hips before burying his face between her plush thighs.

“Thanks,” she peeps out, flustered.  

He tries to shake off the improper, filthy thoughts with a clear of his throat when he gets caught staring at her for a little too long.  

“So, you actually wanna bend your leg on the other side of your body on the mat and support your foot with your left arm not the right one. Easy to get them confused,” he chuckles as she shifts her position according to his instructions as best as she can. 

“Like this?” she seeks reassurance with a soft tone.  

“Yeah, just like that, Bambi. Good job,” his mouth quirks up some while her mind begins to cloud over in response to his low cadence. She’s not entirely sure what exactly it is about him that makes her feel so fuzzy on the inside, but she thinks it’s nice, thinks she wants to always have him this close to her— wants him even closer.

She doesn’t remember the last time she’s had such an intense crush on someone— slowly turning into a crazy person by each second of not knowing whether he’s merely flirting with her for his own amusement or because he’s actually into her. However, she thinks she’s embarrassed herself in front of him far too many times for the latter to be true in any reality.  

“Then need you to move your right hand here,” he adjusts her form with a grip on her wrist while he maneuvers her to his liking; tingles erupting all over the skin he skims over with his fingertips.  

Her head is spinning.  

“See? Knew you could do it. Feels nice, hm?” he rumbles out, letting his hands rest on her shoulders for support, despite the position not really requiring it.  

She hums her response because she doesn’t trust for any coherent words to stumble out of her mouth at the moment, all the while Rafe is desperately trying to not pay attention to the nearly painful situation in his pants.

[chuluoyi]

MARRIED ON PURPOSE

- gojo satoru x reader

"for one, i can show you incredible things!" jujutsu, madness, heaven, sin. the strongest sorcerer is sure to show you all of that during the whole duration of your six-month marriage contract.

genre/warnings: marriage of convenience, enemies to lovers, crack, fluff, slight satosugu angst/comfort, kamo!reader, very suggestive. gojo clan is portrayed as very traditional, meanwhile kamo clan is rather unpleasant here

note: the unholy amount of times i've edited this story *sigh* but okay i must drop it here or else i'm going to keep editing it and losing my mind. despite my misgivings and all, i really had fun writing this and i hope you enjoy it! wc. 5k !

a part of 1K MILESTONE EVENT

general masterlist

Some would say... marrying Gojo Satoru would be living the dream.

“Don't look that sour now, wife.”

“…sigh.”

A playful nudge at your side, a lighthearted voice— “You're going to make them question our veeery happy marriage, you know… We don't want that now, do we?”

But to you, it was more like nightmare dressed in a daydream.

It was peak comedy because why would you put marrying Gojo Satoru in your life plans? He was incorrigible, a child trapped in a man's body, and there was also the very fact that you hate him. His only redeeming trait was being born in the esteemed Gojo clan, and now held the title of the strongest.

You know you must have accumulated karma, but out of everything else, why must you end up in this predicament?

Hailing from the great clans of jujutsu society, both of you know well that marriage is the essence to make the clan greater. And when it involves the big three clans, its importance amplifies even further.

It was just that you two were too rebellious to follow it through, for one reason or another. Everyone knows Gojo Satoru was faithless to any woman, and you were not exactly thrilled with the idea of marriage as a whole.

He was the one who came to you, proposing this insane idea of a temporary marriage.

"Look at it this way," Satoru said with a wry grin, contrasting your puzzled frown on that fateful afternoon. "It's either me or Zen'in Naoya for you, isn't it? It's so clear which is the better man."

That was what grated you the most. You would be damned if you married the misogynist.

"What do you get from this arrangement, really?" you questioned begrudgingly.

His name would give you security, stop the harassment from your clan, and maybe even a better life, but you didn't quite get what he'd get from the offer he willingly extended to you.

Satoru flippantly shrugged. "Nah, you are not exactly my type, but you're still far better than the boring puppet my family have considered to be my wife."

"Who?"

"Don't remember her name. All she goes on about is that she'll be the good wife and mother of my child. Ew."

Seven hells. You scowled. Gojo Satoru and his penchant for chasing the thrill. Boring women would kill him before an actual curse would.

"And hey, for one," he shot you a smirk, visibly smug. "I can show you incredible things!"

"That's not the point! Gojo, do you even realize—" your voice rose, pulsating with righteous fury, "—how serious all of this is? My life, your life! We're going to be stuck—together!"

"Six months," he blurted, tilting his head slightly. His sunglasses slipped down just enough for you to catch a glimpse of his sparkling eyes. "It's enough time to work through our shits, and by then if you have enough, we're through."

At that time, it seemed feasible. Both of you tolerating each other to avoid a much worse match.

. . .

BACK TO PRESENT—barely a week ever since you were paraded around as his wife, now you and Satoru were stiffly poised in the studio in your formal garbs, capturing your official wedding photos.

At that time, it seemed feasible, but now, it felt like a chore, as you realized that conversing with him either spiked your blood pressure so much that you wouldn't even be surprised if you ended up with hypertension or completely sapped your energy that you were left exhausted.

"Come on, show a smiiile," Satoru said in a sing-song voice, gesturing toward the camera as it flashed for the pictures. You were beyond appalled, shooting a glare in his direction.

"I am smiling, Gojo."

"Liar. You're pouting, wifey~"

Sigh… this really is going to be one hella of a ride, huh?

MONTH ONE, and you found out that Gojo Satoru is apparently as mad as people made him out to be.

"You've got to be kidding me!" you fumed, right after he hauled you into one of the rooms in his grand, traditional estate. Your glare pierced through him, a blood vessel ready to burst. "We never agreed on ‘consummating’ the marriage!"

You wrote him a goddamn contract. And the three conditions of this chaotic marriage are: one, it would only last six months; two, no personal feelings involved; and three, nothing borderline disturbing.

And this, you concluded, was the height of what could be called as disturbing.

"We will not," Satoru replied with a hint of disdain, grimacing, as if the notion didn't sit well with him either. The audacity! "We're just going to make it as if we are—"

"And why?! Why should I do that?!"

"Why else? Because my old fart believes that we indeed haven't done so."

"Then it's your fault? For failing to convince him? Why turn it into my problem!"

"Because, dear wife," he drawled, his tone taunting on the final note. "Now we're on the same page, in case you have forgotten."

Great clans and their hollow expectations spare no one, not even Gojo Satoru. They place importance in the most banal things, such as the continuity of sacred bloodlines and such.

The only alternative wasn't appealing either. Should you be found out that you married only to divorce... sigh, you didn't even want to know how big of a scandal it would be. One thing was certain: your clan would chop you to shreds.

You really had no choice, huh?

"Five minutes," you warned, glaring at him. "Make it loud. Make it so that no one wouldn't question this anymore."

Oh and sure he would. As Satoru pulled that shit-eating grin, you were in for another ride. You waited out until several maids were nearby, left the wooden door ajar, and began the show—

His hands wrapped around your waist—the feeling was peculiar, but you ignored it—and you let him pull you near that open door. He snuggled his face on your neck—his hair tickling you in the process, but you ignored that peculiarity again—as he started making suggestive noises. "Mm, you're so pretty, darling."

You could hear those maids gasp in surprise. And to add the flavor, you faked a moan.

This is... kinda fun? A twisted part of you suddenly found satisfaction in fooling the maids. A smile tugged at your lips as you shoved him away, and Satoru eyed you in surprise and irritation.

"Husband, you're... insatiable," you worded languidly, and he immediately caught on your act, grinning. "Anyone can walk by, you know."

"Oh? But that's the point." Satoru's bright blue eyes twinkled with utter mischief, and even you couldn't deny the exhilarating rush. "I want them to know."

And suddenly you got this very brilliant idea. You swiftly moved past him and sent the books and trinkets on his desk flying to the floor, causing questionable noises.

"Oh my!" a girlish voice exclaimed.

"The master! And the lady!"

Satoru shook his head, thoroughly entertained. And you rolled your eyes. Those nosy maids would finally have enough now, and this charade would end—

"What's happening here?"

The old fart. Both you and Satoru grunted in unison. You really thought you would leave it up to the maids to spread the word, but then you were taken by surprise when he wrapped his hands around you and flung the door open, slamming you against it—and damn it hurt!—offering everyone a front-row seat to your charade.

The maids squealed. His grandfather raised a righteous, demanding eyebrow. You wanted to scream.

"Hey, gramps," he greeted jovially, breathless, his grip on you tightening and you felt heat radiating from his palm. "Ah, sorry, opened it by accident—the wife here is feisty, you see."

Your veins felt ready to burst. Was this a part of his plan all along? How would you show your face before your grandfather-in-law now that he had seen this... atrocity?!

"So, yeah, we'll resume our business!" Satoru, the idiot, said it as if it was the most normal thing in the world. "See ya!"

With that the door slammed shut, but oh no, it was not the end.

"Mmmph!?" you protested, unintentionally loud and eyes widening in alarm when Satoru muffled your mouth with his hand.

The rotten bastard! You found it nearly impossible to breathe, shooting daggers at him. "Mmmrgh! Mmmrrgh!"

"Oh... so that boy really does it huh," you heard the elder mutter in thoughtful manner from outside—and you were in disbelief at how trusting he was—before rounding the stunned maids and barked, "What are all you doing here? Go!"

You nearly sagged with relief when Satoru loosened his grip slightly, allowing you to breathe, as his meddlesome grandpa finally stalked away. Done. This horrible act was over! But wait, why did he still had his hand on your mouth?

"That went splendidly!" he snickered, appearing rather pleased with what had unfolded. "Now, if only we work together like this more often—"

This is… my life now, you lamented the reality. The feeling of his calloused hand on you made you feel things, honestly speaking, but another emotion—and impulse—currently overpowered that.

Seething with resentment, you fiercely chomped down on his hand hard, causing him to swear and pull his hand out of you.

"You—you devil! You bit me!"

"Serves you right!"

Okay, he was bad. He was insufferable. But to be frank, sometimes it wasn't all chaos.

And what's more, by MONTH TWO, you realized that being married to Gojo Satoru also comes with several perks.

"Miss, please, you're trespassing—"

You looked at the police with the haughtiest look you could muster, unamused. "Don't you know who I am?"

"No, but it shouldn't—"

"I'm that man's wife," you declared regally, motioning towards a certain tall shuttlecock a few meters away. "Is that not clear enough for you?"

For one, no one can look down on you anymore, because should they try, you have the power to raise your chin high and declare yourself as the wife of the infamous sorcerer. The very moment you did, that nosy police stopped yapping, and let you through.

The cursed boy, Yuta and his classmate had just been trapped inside a barrier a curse user pulled down, and you were assigned to look into this case by the headquarters. As much as it boggled you—because certainly, the strongest sorcerer was enough to investigate this—you still had to do your job.

“What is this?” you asked Satoru, who was observing something far beyond what your measly ordinary eyes could see. “What happened here?”

He turned to you, all with bandaged eyes. “Hmm? Oh, you’re here too?”

“Don't act surprised. Answer my question, Gojo.”

"You’re too uptight, wifey," Satoru's lips curved upwards playfully. He had taken to addressing you with pet names as of late, if anything, only to get a rise out of you. "Isn't it the time for you to start calling me by my given name?"

You let out a weary exhale, exasperated. "I'm serious, did you find anything? Who is behind this?"

"Nah, nothing for you to worry about," Satoru waved his hand dismissively, grinning. "More importantly! Let's head back and have dinner! My treat!"

You weren't that oblivious. You noticed things too.

"What do you want tonight? Sukiyaki? Sushi?" he hummed nonchalantly. "Or shabu-shabu?"

You gave him the stink eye. "Is that all you think about? Food?"

"As a responsible husband, it's my duty to feed my wife, no?"

"News flash: temporary wife."

"But still my wife, regardless. I overheard you earlier. Being Mrs. Gojo is convenient, yeah?"

You ignored how a part of your jolted at the emphasis he placed on that word, grunting. "Nah, it's meh."

Call it a feeling or hypothesis. It was similar to how he treated his students. He always said the dumbest things, but it actually served to make them feel at ease.

Then it occurred to you, could this be actually his attempt to change the subject?

"You can't cheat your way out of this." You shot him a pointed look. "You know something. Tell me."

"Hmmm? And what would I get in return?"

"Don't make this difficult. I'm on this assignment too!"

"Nah, if you call me by my name, I might consider it."

Hah. You should really read a parenting book one of these days. Taking on your husband was more or less the same as facing a kid.

"Satoru," you tested, the name rolling out of your lips far easier than you thought. Somehow, using his given name felt like some sort of a leap of faith.

He stopped right in his tracks, turning to you. His glossy lips quirked into a meaningful smile, and you felt funny.

"Wasn't that difficult, was it?" he winked, and you covered the strange heat creeping onto your face by rolling your eyes and huffed.

Needless to say, he still didn't tell you even a clue. You finally gave up, thinking that if he insisted on not disclosing it, then so be it. You trusted him on this, even as he turned your help away, and you hated admitting it, because, well…

You’d trust him with your life. He knows how to handle this better than anyone.

Being a a woman in Kamo clan is, in fact, not any better than in Zen'in—you're regarded more as a commodity than a human being.

"When will you bear the child of the bearer of Six Eyes?" in your father's eyes, you were but a tool to tie the Gojo at his hip, and your worth probably wasn't even twice of Noritoshi's. You had known he would ask this when he summoned you to Kamo ancestral home, and you weren't that naive—you had asked Satoru to join you too. But your father had insisted him to stay at the foyer, while he dragged you into his chamber.

Just because you had seen it coming didn’t mean you liked it. "Is that all? Do you really make me come here just to ask me that?"

And what came next was like a crack of thunder.

"How insolent!"

You shuddered, hating how his voice still had control over you. You wanted to stay deviant, but you couldn't keep yourself from shaking. You thought you would have to endure this shit just like you did before, until—

"Now, now... That's my wife you're talking to. I'd watch your words, if I were you."

You had never whipped your head so fast.

There stood Gojo Satoru, your husband, in all his glory. He was smiling but it was clear that he was displeased, evident from his cutting remark, and most notably, how he had unveiled his striking cerulean eyes for all to see. Truth to be told, you didn't expect him to barge in here at all.

"Gojo-sama," your father bowed his head, displaying utter respect towards him, contrasting the blatant disrespect he showed towards you just now. Satoru paid him no heed, as took big strides towards you and seized your arm, prompting you to rise to your feet.

"What is this? Why are you yelling at her?" His voice lacked its usual hint of amusement or teasing, sending a chill down your spine.

"Gojo-sama, I apologize for my tone towards my daughter earlier. I was just trying to educate—"

“My wife. She is my wife now, and it would do you better to remember that,” Satoru asserted firmly, putting emphasis in the way he addressed you, his gaze hardening. "She is an adult. There's nothing left for you to educate her." Pausing, he added, "And the way I saw it, you were just unnecessarily rude."

"Gojo-sama, there were just certain things in our clan that—"

"Please, don't call on us again," Satoru interjected decisively with a light yet firm voice. You could swear your heart was somersaulting at the sight of him staring down your natural enemy. "I'm sure you're aware, but your daughter bears my name now, and she will get the respect she is due. I will have a word with anyone who fails to treat her accordingly."

Somehow or another, Satoru whisked you away from that hellhole, your hand tightly clasped in his. Your relieved sigh didn't go unnoticed by him, as he looked back to you.

"Have you gone soft?" he teased, eyeing you with a playful snort. "Did you forget who your husband is? You've got nothing to fear. Not even him."

"Thank you," you murmured. Your heart was still pounding and your mind blanked, rendering you unable to engage in your usual banters.

His clear blue eyes widened a touch, blinking at your display of vulnerability, Then, he wore the most innocent expression, even sporting a silly smirk—the hardness from earlier gone. "I was really cool, huh? Totally made you swoon I bet."

And in MONTH THREE, you realized, as he laced his fingers with yours, as his laughter filled the air, as calmness swelled on your chest, and as you loudly snorted at his remark, that—

You felt warm, so warm, in fact, and maybe—

"Pfft, you wish."

—maybe... being with him isn't so bad after all.

MONTH FOUR, and you finally found out that it was Geto Suguru.

Everyone knew that your husband and the criminal used to be the best of friends. You saw them during your high school days, and heck, you used to think that Geto was the better man.

You could only imagine what he must feel.

. . .

When he got back to your shared house after the whole ordeal—after he ended his best friend with his own hands, Satoru honestly didn't expect that you would be waiting for him.

"You okay?" you asked him, brows furrowed in concern. It was probably one of the very few times you had displayed emotions other than contempt towards him.

It felt strange because he was used to your jabs, and he was not sure what sort of expression he should pull now, because truthfully, now he felt empty. Blank. All he comprehended was that he had killed Suguru, that he was gone, and that was something he must do.

It would be just like any other day if hadn't just committed a murder. On someone he held dear.

"Of course, who do you think I am?" Satoru swiftly replied, sounding smug—or at least tried to. "I'm the strongest. I’m unscat—"

"No, not that." You frowned, meeting his gaze squarely. "After everything."

Satoru struggled to choose how he should react, partly because most of his energy had gone after walking Yuta back and reassuring him earlier, and by default, the two of you should be hellbent on hating each other and wishing for this contract to end soon.

"Aww, are you worried about me?" he quipped with a touch of sarcasm just because he had to, to show you that it wasn't enough to ruffle him.

Because he is still the strongest, even when alone. Especially when he is alone.

You let out a sigh, looking away. "Can't I?"

"Whoa, that's sweet of—"

"Don't fool yourself," you stated in straight-laced manner, meeting his gaze with a composed expression. "You're not okay. You might be Gojo Satoru, but no one will be after doing what you just did."

You might be Gojo Satoru, but no one will be after doing what you just did.

Despite himself, his smile fell, and his chest burns. What is this? Were you sympathizing with him?

Does that mean that you don't see him as the entity... that was the strongest?

Before now, Satoru remembered you as the most uncooperative Kyoto girl he had ever met. Your first meeting in high school sealed your fate as the two of you could hardly get along. You didn't mince words, you didn't take shit from anyone else—heck, sometimes when he thought of you, what came up to mind was an impenetrable diamond.

Which was why he chose you. You were someone he could trust. You were pretty in the eyes and certainly wouldn't bore him either. His reasons were purely based on logic. And after four months with you, Satoru came to a conclusion that you indeed fulfilled all his expectations, if not more.

And he felt comfortable, or dare he say, secure even. He felt like he had gained a friend, who could see past his bravado and wouldn't judge him for it.

"You're..." you sighed, casting a sympathetic glance at him, your forehead slightly creased. At that moment, Satoru couldn't help but think you were incredibly endearing, fretting over him. "...an idiot."

"Heh." I really am, aren't I?

"I never knew him well..." you chose your words carefully, hesitant. "Did you try to convince him, before this?"

He barked a bitter laugh. "I did, we even made a scene in front of freaking KFC," he remarked with a scoff. "He didn't listen to me, until the very end."

You wanted to tell him “You have done everything you could” but the words faltered on your tongue. You couldn't bring yourself to say it when you saw the faint quiver of his lips, the slump of his shoulders—the very sight of a boy grieving the loss of his friend.

Your heart pricked too, somehow, seeing that expression on him. And you once again realized that your silly, exalted husband was just as human as anyone else who made him think he wasn’t.

"And you know what he said in the end?" Satoru's tone was flippant, as if asking the most normal thing around, but carried a trace of grief, evident in the slight drop in his tone if you squinted. "He said he didn't regret it, not even a bit."

"I'm sorry," was all you could manage.

Satoru's smile was lopsided. Now that he had finally accepted it, something inside him finally bleeds, and it freaking hurts. The pain gripped his chest like a swirling inferno.

But then, you boldly clasped his hand in yours, gently tracing soothing circles on its back.

"What?" he peered at you, feeling a ghost of a smile forming.

"Consider this emotional support."

And he chuckled softly. Despite the lingering ache, despite the gloom he was sure he would carry for the rest of his life, he felt the pain was more bearable with you by his side, somewhat.

How?

You blamed it on the alcohol, because it was MONTH FIVE and you were kissing Gojo Satoru, daringly.

"We shouldn't be doing this," you rasped between kisses, breathless, as your own sinful hands plucked the buttons off his shirt. The intoxication might have played a part, but the intense heat coursing through you made it hard to think straight.

Satoru crashed his lips against yours again, consumed by blind lust. "Yeah, we shouldn't," he replied in a rush. His breath was hot as he trailed his lips down your jaw and neck next, savoring the softness of your skin.

You two had attended a banquet for the elite, and you were unbelievably beautiful. Standing by his side as his wife, you drew admiring glances, with everyone marveling at what a remarkable couple you made. The Gojo heir who was born with the legendary Limitless and the Kamo heiress, as lovely as her clan's name was powerful.

His deft hands roamed the curves of your body, exploring every inch of you. The warmth of his hands tickled something inside you as you closed your eyes to sink into this very moment. Next you knew, his bare body was against yours and you were stripped out of your evening dress.

Lust flickered in his honored eyes, as he took in the sight of you in your undergarments.

"You're really pretty, you know," he whispered. The intensity with which his eyes scanned your form made you nearly squirm. "Shame we don't always get along."

"You're one to talk," you retorted, a hint of exasperation in your tone, as you willed all other thoughts away. Thoughts like what comes after this. Thoughts like—

Is it heaven or sin, if you feel both at once?

His thumb tenderly caressed your plush lips, a hint of a smirk on his beautiful face.

He has long been thinking about your body. He was but a man, after all. He just didn't expect that you wanted this too.

There was always this tension, only this time, neither of you could hold it back anymore. Perhaps it was impulse—hell, most certainly it is, but there was another thing, something more that even Gojo Satoru still didn't dare to say out loud.

"Eager, are we?" he taunted when you leaned in, yearning for the touch of his lips on yours again.

You huffed. “Shut up and kiss me.”

A rush of heat flooded your cheeks at the slip of those words. You were about to rectify it, taken aback by your own boldness, but then he drew you close, silencing any further protest with a gentle hush—

"Too late, sweetheart," his husky voice entered your ears, lips curling into the most wicked smile, and you were in a trance. And Satoru was once again convinced, that choosing you as his wife was the rightest thing there was.

If the two of you went with this, then there would be consequences. Things would become more complicated, harder to sort out.

But, he decided, as he captured your lips in another heated kiss, everything else can wait.

MONTH SIX, and you were dreading the day of your divorce.

You brought this upon yourself. Whenever you reminisced about that night, you wanted to smack yourself in the face and bang your head against the nearest wall.

This marriage has a time limit. And you were doing it out of convenience in the first place.

You weren't supposed to… goddammit—fall in love with him.

But what's done is done, there is no going back in time. Awkward exchanges and lingering stares had been gnawing at your insides these days, and you were sure Satoru too must have noticed them too. You two used to be more relaxed with each other, and he'd even flirt with you, but weeks ever since that night of drunken passion, you almost reverted back to your high school personas—ignoring each other.

This was tough. You didn't like this. And more than that, you were faced with a more pressuring matter...

Gojo Satoru, with everything he possessed, could have had any woman he wanted. This arrangement with you was temporary in the first place, soon he would forget you and flit to the next woman.

The thought made your heart ache, because you had involuntarily gave your heart away to him. Siiigh… What a predicament you put yourself into, huh?

With just a month left together, maybe you should just make the best of it.

. . .

If you thought that things were any better with Satoru, then you were sorely wrong because he too, was debating with himself often nowadays.

Days spent with you were fun and fulfilling. You irked expression somehow had made its mark in his heart. You were pretty, fit to be by his side publicly and preferably, behind the closed doors. With you, he didn't feel the need to carry this facade of being strong—he could be a clown tripping over his own trap and you would amuse him with your deadpan expression.

And ever since that night, he was constantly reminded by how soft your skin was against his. It almost drove him crazy now that he was deprived of it.

How was it the last month already? He wasn't ready to let you go yet.

When he got back home later after his class ended and found you in the dinner table setting the food, all he could muster was, "Hey. Haven't eaten?"

You whirled around to face him in surprise. "Oh... you're back. Just about to. Want to join me?"

Of course he would. And yet as the two of you sat down, it was so painfully awkward Satoru felt like he was dying inside.

Why couldn't he pull off a smart line or two? Where did his suaveness go? He was smoother than this, surely, with his colorful history. One night of passion was supposed to enhance the relationship, not to derail it. What happened to you both?

The salt was near his side when you reached to grab it and bumped into his hand. "Uh-oh."

Turning towards you, he found your spooked expression and your adorable eyes widening in surprise. "S-sorry..."

It was just freaking salt! Salt! Why on earth were you apologizing?!

Enough, he thought. This utter madness of being jumpy with each other. He'd start from his side.

Does he want you to keep being his wife even after all this ends? Yes.

Why? All reasons already listed above.

Does this mean he likes you? Apparently and supposedly, yes. Because if it isn't then he doesn't know what this funny feeling driving him mad is.

With that sorted out, then he only had one more thing to confirm. He put down his spoon and crossed his arms together. "Tell me the truth. Do you like living with me?"

His question obviously took you by surprise. "Huh? What brought this on?"

"Just give me an answer."

"You're so pushy," you grumbled, lips pursed, and he felt like you were finally back to your usual dynamics somewhat. Good.

"Sooo, the verdict? Do you enjoy being with me or not?"

Because to him, it was a resounding yes and more.

Ignoring the warmth that surged to your cheeks, you rolled your eyes. "Surprisingly, not bad, yeah," you admitted, mustering the courage to meet his gaze. "You're annoying, an idiot, a bit crazy—"

"Hey!"

"—but eventually you're still... manageable," you added, feeling your face truly start to sizzle. But covered it up by looking down and playing with your fingers as you still had more to go on. "What I want to say is... I'm glad that I agreed to this—with you—because I can’t imagine it with anyone else."

An unfamiliar tingling emotion rushed to his chest as his face too started to heat up, letting your words sink in. Is he blushing? Oh God. He sure is. And so did he feel hella giddy.

Then it’s sealed.

Suddenly he procured a piece of paper from his work uniform and showed it to you. You first saw his lazily scrawled signature before it dawned on you.

The contract. You almost forgot that you made him sign that looming piece of paper. You were almost dismayed, thinking that he would end this right then and there, but then—

“Well, then… I suppose we no longer need this.”

Riiip~

Your eyes nearly popped out of their sockets when Gojo Satoru tore out your contract right in front of your face, the most brilliant of his devilish grin adorned his handsome face, as he took off his blindfold to see you far clearly than ever. Heavens, you are cute, he thought.

“Soooo~ seems like you’re stuck with me from now on!”

You gaped, awestruck at the blatant meaning of it all, feeling how your heartbeat started to pick up the pace, when he pulled the rag out of your feet once more by tilting his head to the side, looking at you with a winning smile.

“Let’s start over! What did they say again? Ah, yeah. Here’s to the first day of our lives!”