#which is rare?? and I appreciate so much??

[inolienkiki]

hi! i’m sorry he said a word wrong! this is a concern i experience every day in all of the things i like. basically every piece of media (that better?) i read or watch or enjoy wants to let me know i won’t really be complete without wanting to kiss someone. also, lots of people in my life.

I’m trying not to be sarcastic because instead of taking this opportunity to be rude, i’d like to let you know some things abt how to be courteous to people on the aro and ace spectrums. there are lots of experiences in the queer community orthogonal to sexual orientation, gender, and polyamory, and as with various other underrepresented groups, it’s often easy to miss or fail to understand the things that make us hurt. love and sex is so overwhelmingly normalized that I know, for people who feel those things, it’s often hard to see.

aroace people have lots of experiences, obviously. you may have seen on this website that some aroace people have sex or are in relationships. while that is true, it is often used by allo people (nonaroace, same root as allistic actually!) as an excuse to ship those rare few canon aroace characters. my experience, like that of most aroace people I know, is that of feeling like romance and sex is in a plane beyond me somehow- I don’t feel anything like that and don’t really understand. when i encounter it in stories it rarely has any effect on me except vague boredom.

however, there are certain circumstances where it hits me a lot harder. first, when a character I relate to becomes romantically involved, it’s often hurtful because I have trouble relating to them moving forward. romantic relationships in fiction often involve exposing new behaviors and feelings in their component characters which, to me, often come across as out of character, since I’m unable to understand the context. I know this is a personal problem and I’m working on it. second, sometimes, writers will decide to explicitly include characters being completed, redeemed, or valued only due to their romantic relationships- which hits me much, much, harder, because it carries that implication that I will never really comprehend what it means to be human. I’m sure you understand that feeling.

I want to make clear that, while my experience with romance is obviously different from yours, I value yours too and I support you completely. talking about these kinds of things is so important. there’s a common misconception that aroace people are prudes or anti-sex positivity, but that’s not true at all. I wish we talked about this stuff more! if I had had any idea what romantic or sexual desire was supposed to feel like, I would have been able to come into my identity way sooner, and I would never have pressured myself into a relationship that could never work. thank you for talking so frankly about these things. even though it can be overwhelming at times, I appreciate the intent.

i don’t think you were trying to be dismissive by making this one sentence post, but you kind of come across that way, talking about his linguistic patterns rather than the genuinely serious concern he brings up. I also understand that this post was probably made for other aroace people and might be difficult to bring into focus for someone who hasn’t felt this sort of thing. it’s pretty crushing honestly. I’m sorry this is really long, I just thought it might be helpful to explain how I felt and why this kind of thing hits aroace people a lot harder than allos. I’m happy to share more at length if you’re interested… (I didn’t even talk about amatonormativity…)

read this at your leisure? also I’m sorry if I messed up any words, take it as an intriguing linguistic development?

I’m not gonna tag this because I don’t feel like putting this very personal response out on the waves

I think there's some medias that you just cannot meaningfully engage with if your main priority is shipping

[evergreenstringbean]

And now, a sad concept that I pondered with friends before and I’m currently turning into a fic:

Darry hides spare cash on the rare occasions he finds it as a backup plan that way Soda and Pony aren’t as caught off guard financially as he was if something happened to him like what happened to their parents because dude cannot stop thinking about how abrupt death can be

He doesn’t tell anyone about it because 1) He doesn’t want to freak out his brothers and 2) While he trusts his friends he also doesn’t trust them enough to tell them about his makeshift life insurance

So one day Ponyboy goes to Darry’s closet to find some clothes that he’d ironed and he spots a beat up cookie tin that used to house their mother’s sewing kit and spare buttons. Out of curiosity he opens it to find it full of bills, mostly ones and fives, some crumpled up and some stacked and neatly folded in half.

At first Ponyboy’s just confused why Darry has money saved up when they’re always stressing out about bills until it hits him: all of Darry’s vague threats that he makes when he’s angry about leaving them and starting a new life for himself aren’t threats anymore. He’s saving up money. He has a plan.

And Pony rightfully panics and out of desperation to keep his older brother there, pushes himself hard than he ever had before. He stresses to get better grades, keeps the house clean, and stays out of trouble as much as possible to try and convince Darry to reconsider and stay.

The gang can tell he’s slipping, though. He doesn’t go out anymore and rarely hangs out with anyone. He’s always either hunched over an essay or reading a textbook while folding the laundry. He doesn’t see movies anymore. He barely cracks open a book that isn’t for school.

Darry can tell something’s off, but he doesn’t know how to broach the subject or ask what’s going on. And the house is clean and Ponyboy’s doing well in school, so it can’t be that bad, right?

Until one night Soda’s got a late shift at the DX and Darry comes home late to the echo of crying in the kitchen, Ponyboy having finally snapped after spilling food on his nearly completed semester thesis after trying to make dinner and do his homework at the same time.

Darry finally can’t take it anymore and has to sit Pony down and be like “You’re pushing too hard, chill out”

To which Ponyboy, still crying, finally crashes out with “No ‘cause I’ll have to do this anyway when you leave us!”

And Darry panics because what the hell is his little brother talking about and Ponyboy finally mentions the cookie tin

Darry finally explains what the money’s for, and has to reiterate that he’s not going anywhere, and he’s not planning for them to need the money anytime soon, but he works a labor intensive job that comes with risks, and anything can happen

Once he’s eventually able to reassure and calm Ponyboy down, they have a heart-to-heart about how Darry really wants Ponyboy to be a kid. That he’s pushing too hard and he and Soda didn’t even need to step up as young as Pony is trying to.

“I do really appreciate all the help around the house. But it ain’t just on you, okay? We might have work, but you got school. We had some time to be reckless kids. You get your time too. Please just let us worry about it.”

Anyway they cook dinner together after and Darry gives him money to go see a new movie since he’d missed so many he’d secretly wanted to see during it all

Cut to a week later and Darry’s explaining the newly developed “Curtis Family Chore Chart” to the gang, to guarantee Ponyboy doesn’t try to do everything by himself again

[couldawouldashoulda50]

From Completely Different Worlds - The Sweden Chapter - Part Seven

Previous parts 1 2 3 4 5 6 In continuation of @misshoneyimhome's birthday celebration, here is Part 7 of The Sweden Chapter. This chapter had to be split in two, so I have entitled it "The Beginning of the End". The second part will be posted soon, and will be aptly titled "The End". Thank you, Sophia. You have been such an excellent co-creator and audience for this fic - which started out as just this random idea where I thought William and Loren would meet, he would be attracted to her and then the smut would delicious and fun and that would be it. I have so much appreciation for the engagement and notes on this fic and I have learned a great deal about the whole writing process with this story. Thanks to all who have taken the time to read these long-ass chapters.

Word count on this one - about 9k (sorry)

No real warnings except for some profanity.

The gravel crunched softly under the tires as William eased the car into the driveway of the Nylanders’ lake house. The rays from the late morning sun illuminated the deep red siding of the house, warming the south-western deck and the vibrant flower containers perched atop each support post.

In the backseat, Pablo was already on his hind legs, his tail wagging furiously, unable to contain his excitement. Banksy, always mimicking his dog sibling, had leapt into Loren’s lap the moment the car turned into the driveway, his wet nose streaking the window as he panted excitedly.

“Okay, boys—give me a sec! Jesus, you were just here not that long ago,” William said with a laugh, shifting the car into park.

Loren kissed Banksy’s head before opening the passenger door and stepping out to let Pablo free. The two dogs bolted from the car, zooming across the yard before finding a tree to lift a leg to. Their energy never failed to entertain Loren as she giggled to herself.

She stood for a moment, shielding her eyes from the sun with her hand. The light from the sun danced atop each peak of the tiny waves that formed on the lake, making the water shimmer like diamonds. This place - where William spent much of his off-season - a place that exuded fun-filled family gatherings and long-standing traditions. Loren had now been a small part of William’s off-season plans, and had fallen in love with this place, his family and friends, and dare she even think about the depths of her feelings for William. But the reality was Loren had no idea what the future might bring. Her chest heavy with emotion as the thought hit her: this might be the last time she’d ever see this view.

William rounded the car and paused when he saw her. Loren was clearly lost in thought, her gaze fixed on the lake, the sun catching her long, light brown hair and the bronze of her exposed skin. He didn’t say anything right away, just watched her quietly.

William startled her as he approached her from behind. “You ok?”

Loren could feel the pin prick of tears threatening, so she bit the inside of her lip and nodded.

William wasn’t buying it. He soothingly rubbed her shoulders and pulled her back into his chest. “What is it - what’s going on?”

Loren placed her hands over his. “Please don’t take this like I’m hinting at anything…but I’ve loved every single second that I’ve been here, and it’s just - I know I’m really going to miss it,” she said softly. “I have had the most amazing and incredible time everywhere we've gone….but I think here has been my favourite.”

William knew in his heart that he wanted Loren to come back next off-season. And the one after that, and every one beyond that stretching long into the future. Somehow though, he and Loren had ended up in this situationship. Looking back, he could see how they had evolved into it, but William knew the time had come for them to communicate what they wanted from one another. A pang of anxiousness rippled through his stomach—a rare feeling for him, and a sign that he wasn’t entirely sure of their outcome. That uncertainty alone went against everything in William’s nature.

Before William could say anything, Loren first kissed his hand, then turned towards him and kissed him lightly on the mouth. And without saying a word, she grabbed the bags of groceries from the trunk for the French versus Swedish sandwich showdown that Michael and Loren had planned.

William followed with the rest of the bags, smiling to himself as he heard Camilla’s joy-filled greeting when Loren walked through the front door.

The plan for the next handful of days before Loren’s departure was simple: they would stay put at the lake house, letting family and friends come to them to catch up and visit. That day’s social agenda would begin with lunch for four - Michael, Camilla, Loren and William. The afternoon would be free to relax and then just before dinnertime, a rather large gathering had been planned with all the siblings, extended family, and friends from far and wide.

In William’s room, Loren began to unpack a few things while William chatted with his parents. He entered the room and quietly closed the door behind him.

Gazing at her with the air of a slightly cocky smirk, he leaned against his door.

A crooked grin formed on her mouth. “Are you allowed to be alone with girls in your bedroom?”

William failed miserably at looking innocent “It’s happened once or twice….my parents haven’t said anything yet.”

Loren slowly slid her teeth along her bottom lip. “And these what - one or two girls that you were left alone with, were they well behaved or a little naughty?”

William raised an eyebrow, his smirk deepening into a grin as he pushed off the door. He stopped just short of her, his hands sliding casually into his pockets as his gaze lingered on hers. “Depends on your definition of naughty - I mean, which one are you?” he asked, his voice dropping to the low gravelly tone that always sent a shiver down her spine.

Loren slipped out of her clothing, dawning a light pink mesh bra with matching panties. William’s cock twitched and his mouth fell open. Earlier that morning, Loren was fully dressed when he returned from walking the dogs - it never occurred to him that she might be wearing something that tantalizing underneath her jeans and light sweater.

She turned to him, her fingers grazing the waistband of his jeans. “I’ll be whatever you make me in the moment - nice or naughty - whatever you want,” she purred before breaking out into a teasing smile.

William chuckled followed by a low moan. He wet his lips and swallowed as he looked down at her beautiful breasts, sliding his hands from his pockets to her waist. His hands continued to move upward along her ribcage before they landed on both mounds. “You’re making it hard - “ William paused sheepishly for effect “to decide what I want, that is.”

Loren ran her hands up under William’s shirt, her nails grazing his skin trailing a path back down over the ridges of his muscles.

“Fuck it - I want both. You can be - do - whatever you want,” William murmured against her lips before lifting her up, kissing her in the process.

William gently set her back down, adjusting the crotch of his jeans as she casually went about changing into older clothes to do some cooking in.

As she dressed, Loren’s eyes trailed down to the outline of his hardness showing by his zipper and huffed out a small laugh.

William looked down at his aroused member and looked back at Loren. “This is all on you…..”

Pulling her hair into a loose bun, Loren did her best “Poor baby” expression as she pulled on her leggings and then her sneakers. “I might’ve helped you with that but a) I’m half in charge for lunch; b) i wouldn’t want your parents to regret not putting us in separate rooms; and c) you know as well as I do that I like to take my time with…him…” Loren nodded towards William’s member.

William grinned but his heart twisted a little. He loved the banter; it was always good-natured and he loved how their humour always seemed to mesh well. But watching her move effortlessly around the room - it felt like she had always been there with him. There was something about the way she fit into his life so naturally that made him reel a little.

Loren approached him suggestively . Trying to keep the moment light, William joked “I know what you’re gonna say. You gonna tell me how gorgeous I am.”

Loren stepped closer, kissed him lightly, and let her lips linger just long enough to make him wish she hadn’t stopped. “You’re annoyingly perfect, William Nylander,” doing her best Swedish accent on his last name. “Are you coming out now?”

He chuckled at her enunciation of his last name. “Be there in a sec.”

When Loren left the room, her soft laugh blending with his dad’s voice from the kitchen, William stayed where he was for a moment.

If inviting Loren to Sweden acted as some kind of litmus test in their relationship, Loren passed it with flying colors. She hadn’t just fit into his world—she’d thrived in it.

William discovered a boundless happiness when in her presence. He was so proud to have her on his arm. It wasn’t just her classic beauty that caught people’s attention—she carried herself with an incredible grace. She was genuine, unassuming, and utterly captivating in a way that made her stand out from anyone he’d ever known.

He was intensely attracted to her—not just physically, though that part was undeniable. She matched his energy with her own kind of fire, one that burned bright and steady. She was as sexually charged as he was but with an extra layer of something that left him breathless.

The list of things he saw in her only seemed to grow the more he got to know her.

But all of those feelings were tangled up in the ache he felt whenever he thought about her leaving. It was a weight that had settled on his chest since the moment he realized how much he wanted her to stay. He hated the idea of saying goodbye—of spending the last weeks of his off-season without her here.

He knew she couldn’t stay. Loren had commitments back home, a life that was just as important to her as hockey was to him. But knowing that didn’t make it any easier.

William sighed, running a hand through his hair as he tried to process the whirlwind of emotions she stirred in him. Shaking it off, he pushed himself off the wall and headed toward the kitchen, the sound of her infection giggle making his heart swell once more.

The kitchen boasted clean lines of typical Scandinavian design with sleek white cabinetry and subtle wood accents. The large windows overlooking the lake provided the perfect amount of natural light and gave the space a calm, inviting feel. A long island with a butcher block countertop stood at the center, flanked by bar stools and lined with an assortment of ingredients for lunch.

Loren and Michael stood at the counter having a quick sip of wine as he regaled her with stories of his family and their extensive travels. They began to arrange the ingredients for their respective dishes - Michael’s signature räksmörgås—shrimp sandwiches that William had grown up loving and Loren with the Croque Monsieur that she made William during her brief stay with him at the start of the playoffs.

William leaned against the island beside Camilla, sipping a glass of wine as he watched the easy flow of conversation between Loren and his dad. The space felt alive with laughter and the clatter of utensils. This was the kind of moment William had longed for in his dating life. The object of all of his affection and desires beside the patriarch of their close knit family.

“Loren and your father get along so well,” Camilla remarked with a gentle smile, nodding toward the counter.

William huffed a soft laugh. “Yeah, they’re both in their element—it’s really awesome to see, eh?”

Camilla glanced at him, her expression thoughtful. “It is. She’s really quite something, William.”

Her tone was light, but hearing those words coming from his mother carried weight, which settled somewhere deep in his chest. He swirled the wine in his glass, the familiar ache creeping back as he thought about how temporary this moment felt.

Loren caught his eye from across the room and smiled, a soft, knowing look that made his chest both tighten and relax at the same time.

[In Swedish] “I’m going to step outside for a bit,” William quietly said, topping up the wine in his glass.

Camilla knew not to press him while he tried to work out whatever was in his head. She watched him in silence as he walked toward the deck.

William leaned against the railing, looking out over the lake as the breeze made intricate designs atop the water’s surface.

He looked around at the Edison and fairy lights that hung loosely around the branches and tree trunks throughout the property. Once dusk hits, they’re going to look fantastic he mused to himself. It seemed the family had been rather busy while William and Loren were away decorating, prepping buffet tables and the large fire pit with dry brush for the large get together that evening with friends and family.

After tossing back the remnants of wine into his mouth, he absentmindedly rolled the empty wine glass lightly between his hands as his thoughts swirled. He’d never been one to dwell on the “what ifs” in life, but with Loren, it felt impossible not to.

The soft creak of the screen door behind him broke his train of thought. He didn’t need to turn around to know it was his mom.

“Please don’t break my wine glass, William,” Camilla said teasingly. She knew William was smiling at her quip. “You’ve been a little quiet,” Camilla continued softly, stepping onto the deck with her own glass of wine. She slid onto one of the lounge chairs near him and shielded her eyes from the sun as she at William, patiently awaiting his response.

William smiled faintly, setting his empty glass down on the railing. “Just... thinking.”

Camilla nodded, her expression warm. “About?”

Glancing down at the deck boards, he repeatedly stepped on the loose board before meeting her gaze. “About Loren.”

Camilla took a sip of her wine, waiting for him to continue.

“I’m not used to this feeling - like how strong these feelings are, and how quickly it’s all happened. Even asking her to come here - when I asked her if she could come to visit... it had told her it was because I missed her,” William admitted after a moment. “And I did - but it was weird, because it felt like I had to have her come here. I was so anxious to see what it would feel like having her here with me—if she would get along with everyone…..if everyone would like her. I mean, how shitty would it be to start seeing her at the start of next season, only to bring her here next summer and she hates it here? Or worse yet, what if there were issues between you guys and her…I don’t know if I could handle that. Especially not after the last one.”

Camilla nodded as she listened to William rhyme off his thoughts.

She took a sip of wine. “And? What do you think now?” Camilla asked, her tone gentle.

William sighed as he lowered himself into an adjacent chair. “She fits in better than I ever could’ve imagined.”

Camilla nodded once again.

William continued. “But it’s more than that—it’s her. It’s like getting to spend this time with her has sort of confirmed all the good things that I thought I saw when I first met her - even more actually. At the beginning - she was pretty shy and just so…” William gestured that Loren was a bit wide-eyed when she first met him. “But God, Mom - I feel like I can relax around her. We can talk or not talk or laugh about stupid shit. She’s just—she’s so easy to be with. The only thing is that it just feels like a lot... a lot because it happened pretty quickly. I wasn’t expecting any of this, and neither was she.”

Camilla smiled knowingly, setting her glass down beside her. “I think it’s good that neither of you were expecting it. William, you’ve found someone that you genuinely enjoy being around. - that is a good thing.”

William glanced out at the lake, his voice softer now. “It feels weird to think this, let alone say it but - I don’t want her to leave. ”

Camilla’s smile faded slightly, her expression shifting to one of understanding. “It’s not a bad thing that she has her own life, William. You’ll both have to find a way to balance that as time goes on.”

“I know,” he said, running a hand through his hair. “I'm a bit worried too that my life - it’s a lot for her to have to deal with. It’s not like we started dating when we were younger so she could ease into what my life is like now. It freaks me out sometimes - I don’t want anything to screw this up.”

Camilla reached over, placing a hand on his arm. “Loren strikes me as a woman that can weather the highs and lows of being in a relationship with you, and everything in between. She sees who you are - and what you are - and I feel that is such an important thing, as the two sometimes can be very different. I’m not telling you what to do or how to feel. If you are honest with yourself of what you truly want, that’s half the battle. The other half is talking to her about how you feel….to find out if she’s wanting the same thing. But I see the way you two look at each other - the way you are around each other - I think you've found something really special.”

William glanced at her, the weight in his chest easing just slightly at her reassurance.

“Thanks, Mom,” he said quietly, a small appreciative smile spanned his face.

Camilla squeezed his arm gently before picking up her glass. “Of course, älskling.” She stood, pausing briefly before heading back inside.

William stayed on the deck a little longer, letting the lake view calm his insides, and he grinned to himself as the sounds of laughter and delicious smells wafted from inside.

As it went, the sandwich showdown was a success as it was no longer about choosing a “winner” between the two options. Michael’s shrimp sandwiches had quickly become Loren’s favorite, though Michael and Camilla couldn’t stop praising the Croque Monsieur she’d prepared, calling it a decadent, once-in-a-while treat. William indulged in it all and had to change into some looser track pants to feel a little more comfortable afterwards.

—

Cleaning up from lunch, William and Loren moved effortlessly around the kitchen, their movements in a natural rhythm as if they’d done this a hundred times before. Michael scrolled through messages on his phone at the counter, and Loren smiled to herself, thinking, like father, like son.

While sipping wine and exchanging family stories, the three of them had formed an assembly line: Loren washing, William drying, and Camilla putting away the larger pots and pans that couldn’t go into the dishwasher.

The rich aroma from the three slow cookers, each filled with Swedish meatballs, wafted through the space, making Loren’s mouth water despite still being full from lunch. There was enough to feed half of Sweden—or at least the Nylander and Altelius families, which felt just as large.

The conversation during lunch, which incidentally revolved around food, delved into Loren’s French-centric upbringing and the cuisine which went along with it. The Nylanders could understand and appreciate this element well, being very Swedish-centric themselves. Michael wanted to know more about the decadent dishes that Loren had learned to make since she was young, which incorporated an interesting fusion between traditional Quebec and Parisian cuisine. With the mere mention of a recipe for a popular side-dish that Loren often made for large gatherings in the past, dauphinoise potatoes, Camilla was convinced that it would be a wonderful addition to the buffet scheduled that evening. Loren was soon making a list of ingredients, and with the promise of making them that evening (which pleased Loren to no end to do), Camilla and Michael ventured off to run the last minute errands.

Once Michael’s car was out of sight, William turned to Loren, opening his arms for a hug. Loren stepped into his embrace and with her arms wrapping around him, her hands trailed up his muscular back. She closed her eyes, enjoyed the peace of the moment and just breathed him in.

William kissed the top of her head. “I think it’s time for a nap. Are you tired? There’s a hammock we can both squeeze into…we can watch the lake and doze.”

“Mmm….I can always sleep….and I’ll never give up a chance to nap with you.” Loren replied affectionately, tilting her head up to kiss him sweetly.

Loren meandered out to the hammock with both dogs in tow, while William fetched a blanket. Despite the warmth of the afternoon sun, there was a crispness to the breeze which implied autumn was not far off.

Although she was skeptical at first with how comfortable the hammock would be for one person, let alone two adults and two dogs, the four were soon cocooned all together under the blanket with relative ease. Loren lay on her side, her head resting on a small pliable pillow in the crook of William’s underarm. William had strategically, yet comfortably, wrapped his arms around Loren. With the lake as a serene backdrop, she felt William’s chest rise and fall with every steady breathe as sleep found him first.

As Loren lay in William’s arms, her thoughts wandered to the future. The Sweden fairytale would end tomorrow, and the uncertainty of what came next weighed heavy. She’d ignored asking all the “uncomfortable” questions with her ex, and look where that had gotten her.

Perhaps a new one would begin for her and William in Toronto, but deep down, she couldn’t bet on any of it.

Maybe he’d ghost her.

Maybe he’ll keep playing the field after she leaves.

Maybe she is just one woman out of many that he spends time with.

Maybe it’s all of the above. Maybe it’s none of it.

She knew she was too far gone with her feelings for William to ignore the questions that rattled in her head. She had ignored similar questions with her ex, suppressing every single one until it was too late. And look where that had gotten her.

William shifted, his hand which rested on her hip squeezed her playfully and then slid up her backside. She felt him pause, tilt his head downward, and pressed a long kiss against her forehead. “Are you awake?” William whispered.

Loren nodded and smiled against the warmth of his shirt, running her hand along his torso.

She asked if he was comfortable. William responded with a low chuckle “I’m so comfortable that I might consider not moving for the rest of the day.”

William lay in silence, breathing in the fresh air and Loren’s light fragrance of her hair.

Before talking herself out of it, and with a lot of hesitation and trepidation, she began asking William questions, starting off with the ones that had been circling in her mind that afternoon.

Unsure of how the Q & A would go, or where it would lead, Loren jumped in feet first with asking William about the plethora of women for pro-athletes.

She would just have to work her way back from that.

—

The next morning, Loren woke with a dry mouth and a faint headache pounding in the background, though it hadn’t fully committed yet. Squinting against the bright morning light streaming through the curtains, she turned her head just enough to spot William sprawled on his stomach, the blanket wadded up by his arm, and one leg partially hanging off the bed. His hair stuck up in every direction, and his face was smushed against the pillow in a way that made her smile.

Stretching slowly, Loren let her eyes wander over the room as the memories of the previous night came flooding back. The dancing, the singing, the laughter—it had been one of the most joy-filled evenings she could remember.

Her gaze drifted back to William, who stirred slightly as if sensing her attention. His eyes opened just a crack, dark and bleary from the night before. “Mmm... morning,” he croaked through his dry throat.

“Morning,” Loren replied, her voice raspy. She reached for the glass of water on her nightstand, only to find it empty. “Ugh. I need water.”

William’s lips curved into a sleepy grin. “Hungover? Pretty sure I saw you and Mom clearing out the wine supply last night. You two are a bad influence on each other.”

Loren laughed softly then winced, her headache starting to win the battle. She found a stray bottle of water in her bag and climbed back into bed, draping an arm across his bare back. “It’s your mom - I couldn’t keep up with her and your aunts if I tried. Did you see us? I’m shocked I even have a voice left after belting out the words to every ABBA song on the playlist.”

“Of course I saw you.” William rolled onto his side, propping his head up on one hand as his other hand rested lightly on Loren’s waist. “Dad and I were watching you guys - I think he got some footage of you and Mom, too. Fucking total maniacs.”

Loren grinned, leaning in to kiss his cheek. “She’s amazing. Honestly, the whole night was amazing. I can’t remember the last time I had that much fun.”

William chuckled, brushing a strand of hair from her face. “Well, I think the champagne punch might’ve helped. Not that it did me any favors—you passed out before you could make good on all the promises you whispered to me and Cowboy Bill.”

Loren cocked her head to the side and rolled her eyes. “It was you and your dad that kept topping up our glasses - so you sabotaged yourself.”

“It was sort of worth it, though - you get all mushy and sentimental when you’re hammered,” William teased as he buried his face in her neck. “You’re so perfect William, you could line up every man on the planet and there would none as perfect as you, perfect body, perfect mind - Cowboy Bill - perfect,” William mimicked Loren’s voice as he rhymed off her drunken musings.

Loren pretended to pout, pushing him lightly on the chest. “You’re making fun of me on my last day here? Maybe I overestimated you and your perfection. A perfect man would lay me back and tell me how good those words made him feel. No, wait - he would show me how good those words made him feel - ”

“Ohhhhhh - come here, don’t be like that,” William said, his shit-eating grin widening as he rolled her onto her back and pressed a soft kiss to her lips. “You telling me how perfect you think I am, took me out.” His eyes scanned her face. “And coming from you, phew…that’s really something.”

Loren rolled her eyes but couldn’t suppress her smile. “I’m sorry I let Cowboy Bill down last night.”

William groaned, pulling her closer. “If we didn’t have my parents expecting us downstairs, you could be making it up to him right now…”

—

As noon faded into mid-afternoon, the activity around the lake house began to quiet. One by one, cars were packed, and heartfelt “until next times” were exchanged.

Many of William’s extended family gathered around Loren, each embracing her warmly as they wished her well.

One of Camilla’s sisters squeezed Loren’s hand gently. “Safe travels back to Canada, Loren. I hope we can all keep in touch and that we’ll see you again next summer. So, no goodbyes—just ‘see you soon.’”

Loren’s throat tightened as she tried to steady her voice. “I hope so too. It’s been so wonderful to meet you all.”

Even William’s youngest cousins, who Loren had spent hours playing with to give their parents a much-needed reprieve, came bounding up, forming a little line as they waited their turn to hug her.

William stood behind Loren as they watched another wave of cars disappear down the driveway. His hands rested lightly on her hips, squeezing gently - both playfully to lighten the mood, and reassuringly. He could see Loren holding back her emotions as the thoughts of her own impending departure weighed on her shoulders. His hands didn’t stray far from her as they joined his friends out on the wrap-around deck.

The mood was light despite most of the group nursing varying levels of hangovers. The previous night had been one of the last big blowouts before the end of summer, with William’s loved ones leading the charge until most had passed out in one way or another. Alex and Lisa were nowhere to be seen, seemingly sleeping off the effects of drunkenly seeing the sunrise that morning.

William and Loren shared a lounge chair, with him leaning back comfortably between her legs. Loren did her best to soak in every moment, appreciating not just the view of the lake but the warmth of William’s hands resting on her thighs and the solid weight of his body against hers. She focused on memorizing every detail—the tone of his voice as he and Rasmus discussed the upcoming hockey season, the occasional laughter that lit up his face, and the feeling of being right there with him in this fleeting moment.

As the men’s conversation deepened into offseason trades and team strategies, Malin took it upon herself to slip into the chair next to Loren and William. With a wave of her hand, she shooed William away. “Go sit with the boys so we can have some girl time.”

William chuckled, giving Loren’s thigh one last squeeze before moving to take Lisa’s spot beside Rasmus, while Loren and the women settled into their own conversations.

Lisa smiled at Loren as she made herself comfortable at the end of the lounge chair. “So, are you looking forward to going back home?”

“Hmmm,” Loren said thoughtfully. “In some ways, yes—I miss my house, and I’m excited to see my parents and friends. But honestly, you’ve all made it really hard not to want to stay. You ladies are amazing, and I’m so thankful I’ve met you.”

Malin’s bottom lip turned downward in an exaggerated pout as she leaned over and rested her head on Loren’s shoulder. “You’re making me cry,” she said with a chuckle. “So, what this all means is that you have to come back. Stay longer next time. I mean, everything I’ve seen points to you and William coming back together, but if it doesn’t work out, you can always stay with me.”

“Or me! Oh my gosh, I’d love for you to come back,” Ingrid added enthusiastically.

The women cooed and leaned in for a group hug, earning a round of mocking jeers from the men across the deck.

“I’m gonna miss you, man,” Emil declared loudly, pulling William into an exaggerated hug and pretending to shed a tear. Rasmus joined in, dabbing at his eyes dramatically as he patted William on the back.

“You guys are such assholes, honestly,” Ingrid said, rolling her eyes at their clowning.

The group traded good-natured jabs until the laughter finally died down. Emil stood and stretched, announcing he was heading home. Loren approached him with a wide grin to say goodbye, and William clapped him on the back for a quick hug.

“Thanks for coming,” William said, smiling warmly. “Let’s hit the rink later this week—then grab some lunch after.”

“Sounds good,” Emil replied before turning his attention to Loren. His feelings for her had started to fade, but he still couldn’t help admiring everything about her. As he hugged her tightly—mindful of William’s presence—he couldn’t help but think of how rare it was to meet someone like her.

“It was such a pleasure to meet you, Emil,” Loren said, her grin lighting up her face.

“Oh, I forgot to tell you—I listened to that Canadian blues guy you mentioned. Incredible guitar. Loved his voice.”

Loren’s eyes lit up with excitement. “I’m so glad you liked him! He’s not super well-known, even in Canada, but I think he’s ridiculously talented.”

“Get William to give you my number,” Emil said. “If you think of anyone else you think I might like, send me a message, okay?”

William, standing behind Loren with his hand resting at the small of her back, nodded. “Yeah, for sure…I’ll pass it along.”

Emil flashed one last warm smile at Loren before saying goodbye to the rest of the group and heading out.

Before long, the group had dwindled down to just Rasmus and Lisa. As wonderful as it was to have all of William’s closest friends and their girlfriends around, there was something comforting about the particular closeness shared between William and Rasmus, and Loren and Lisa.

As the four of them relaxed on the deck, William casually offered for Rasmus and Lisa to stay a little longer. [In Swedish] “Pasta and Rebecca are coming for dinner tonight with little Freya,” he said, referring to current NHL star David Pastrnak, affectionately known league-wide as “Pasta” and one of his closest friends, and his wife. “You’re more than welcome to stay for dinner - catch up a bit from their wedding.” William quickly translated for Loren after the fact.

[In English] “Would love to but my brother’s coming with his girlfriend for a barbeque tonight at our place. Shit - seeing Pasta would be awesome.”

“Oh - I have seen pictures of Freya,” Lisa turned to Loren “she’s so sweet, an absolute doll. So is Rebecca, she’s really nice - you’ll like her.”

Camilla stepped onto the deck from the sliding door. [In Swedish] “Sorry for interrupting. William, can you help your Dad and I carry that bookcase you asked for out to the car? We’re going to drop it off at your place and then take the girls out for dinner.”

Rasmus stood up before William and offered to help as well. Soon the four friends were hauling out a very unique and beautiful vintage Scandinavian bookcase which William had discovered tucked away in storage at the beginning of the summer.

Michael and Camilla approached Loren for a hug. “We’ll see you tomorrow for brunch, and this time, I just want you to sit and relax. You’ve got a long day ahead of you,” Michael smiled.

Loren and Camilla exchanged a knowing smile. After drinking far more than either of them was accustomed to the night before, their brief meeting earlier that morning had included a silent acknowledgment—a shared camaraderie between two women who partied hard and were now paying the price.

With the remaining family splitting up between two vehicles—including Alex and Lisa, who still looked groggy and in desperate need of more sleep—the last of the hugs were exchanged, and soon they were on their way.

Lisa approached Loren for one final hug, holding her tightly. “We’ll absolutely figure out a way to get together,” she said confidently. “After all, D.C. isn’t that far from Toronto - oooh - if William’s away, you can come down….we can keep you company.

Rasmus opened his arms for Loren as well. His embrace was sincere and full of warmth.

“If he misbehaves, you make sure you tell me. He thinks he can make my life miserable during the game, but I know a million ways to get under his skin too.” He pulled back slightly “It was awesome to meet you, Loren. And Lisa’s serious - she would love the company when I’m on the road, so maybe you ladies can figure out plans to get together.”

Loren beamed with the thought of all the newfound friendships she had made in the past two weeks. “I would absolutely love that. Honestly, you all have been so incredible. Thank you for making my time here so special.” Loren fought against the tightness in her throat. This is just getting harder and harder she thought.

After Rasmus drove off, their hands still waving out of the window as they disappeared from sight, it was just Loren, William and his furry four-legged boys.

Each of them took a deep breath as their eyes locked for a brief moment. William snaked his arm around Loren’s waist as they walked toward the house. Loren slid her hand over one of his firm ass cheeks, tapping it affectionately, and smiled when William’s grip on her hip tightened in response.

The reality that time was slipping away faster than grains of sand in an hourglass was palpable. In less than 24 hours, Loren would be awaiting the call to board at the departure gate at Arlanda Airport.

William silently resolved to make the most of Loren’s remaining hours in Sweden. Their future didn’t have to be figured out in one night, but he knew one thing for certain—he needed to make his intentions clear. It was time to find out how Loren truly felt about being in his life, not just as “romantic Interest”, but as his girlfriend.

—

“Awh—look at Pablo,” Loren said, nodding toward the dog bed. “He lays just like you when you’re passed out on your back. Legs wide open.”

William chuckled, not missing a beat. “Nothing like having a nap and airing out the boys. It’s multitasking.”

Loren nearly spit her wine out, choking on a laugh as the glass clinked against the counter. Pablo, startled by the sudden sound, perked up briefly before settling back into his sprawled position.

“Sorry, buddy,” Loren said, walking over to the makeshift perch she’d set up for the dogs to allow them a clear view of all the kitchen activities. She stood beside Pablo, scratching his belly in apology before kissing Banksy’s head for good measure. Returning to the island, she resumed chopping carrots for the evening’s dish—a Swedish beef stew called Kalops.

Loren chuckled to herself. “I can just picture it now—on a low-key day, you three, and now Alex, lounging around on the couch at your place... a bunch of furry balls being air-dried. Nice.”

“Mine aren’t furry,” William countered without hesitation. “I took care of them in the shower yesterday... but you wouldn’t know since you fed Cowboy Bill a bunch of false promises last night. He’s still upset about it too.”

Loren lifted her head, staring straight ahead as if she was deeply unimpressed with William’s teasing. “I already apologized to Cowboy Bill—face to mmm... you know—but it’s you who owes my mmm-mmm down there an apology for getting me so hammered she missed out on a wild ride.”

The kitchen settled into an easy silence, broken only by the rhythmic sound of Loren chopping vegetables and the sizzle of beef cubes browning in the skillet.

“So... how do you say ‘furry balls’ in Swedish?” Loren asked, deadpan.

William’s inner voice howled in amusement, his lips twitching as he tried to suppress a laugh. “Luddiga bollar,” he replied, his tone mock-serious, though his shoulders shook with silent amusement.

Loren’s laughter spilled out, thankfully avoiding startling the dogs once more. “I can’t tell if that’s legit or if you’re just trying to make me sound ridiculous.”

William smirked, still focused on the pan. “You’ll have to say it to my dad tomorrow at brunch to find out.”

Loren’s eyes went wide and her mouth dropped as she flung a carrot top towards him.

William turned the burner off and removed the pan from the heat. Approaching Loren, he reached out, lightly pinning her hips against the counter. She set the knife down, her expression softening as his presence enveloped her.

“Furry balls aside, there’s some more important things you should learn to say in Swedish,” he murmured, brushing his lips against hers. “Like how to answer some questions I’ll probably be asking you regularly once I'm back in Toronto—but I will be asking them in Swedish.”

Her hands slid under his shirt, grazing the toned muscles along his sides as she smiled, her voice full of both curiosity and desire. “For example?”

William’s gaze locked on hers, his tone low and sincere. “Well, I know your schedule’s crazy, so I’d probably ask when I can see you, how long I can see you for, if you can stay the night—or the whole day. Maybe if I can crash at your place instead. And then there’s ‘Can you come to any games that week?’ or ‘Can you stay a few days?’...” He paused before leaning in for a slow, lingering kiss. Breaking away just to speak softly against her lips, he added, “And, of course, ‘Do you like it when I do this to you?’” His tongue lightly grazed the tip of hers - and with that one moves, she knew he wanted to use his tongue on a spot a little lower on her body.

Loren’s cheeks flushed and her pulse quickened, her fingers pressed against his sides. She wasn’t one to jump to conclusions, but something about William’s words felt less like a list of ‘What If’s’ and more like a promise.

“But I already know the word for ‘Yes’ in Swedish,” she said softly.

William tilted his head, his mouth brushing her jawline before finding her ear. “You’re just going to answer ‘Yes’ to everything?”

“Ja,” she whispered, her lips curling into a smile as her fingers tightened around his shirt. “Most of those questions just need ‘Ja’ or ‘Nej,’ but in my case... ‘Ja, ja, ja... hmmm... Ja.’”

In the background, the opening lyrics of Post Malone’s 'Stay' filled the room, a reminder of the long make-out sessions that had marked the beginning of her and William’s connection.

For William, it encapsulated such significant meaning in that moment because it’s exactly what he wanted her to do.

Loren rested her forehead against William’s collarbone as they began to sway. William’s one hand traveled up her spine, eventually finding its way to the back of her hair, while the other pulled her in closer around her waist.

Nearing the end of the song, a car horn beeped repetitively and William and Loren quickly snapped back to reality. Sharing one more tender kiss, they washed their hands and hurriedly followed the dogs to the door to greet the Pastrnak’s.

—

“So - you finished up with all of your interviews now?” William asked, sitting across from his long-time friend, David Pastrnak, at the dining table.

The two right-wing forwards, who have been friends for almost 15 years but play for rival NHL teams, were being featured together in the first episode of a upcoming documentary series.

“All done - you did yours too, right?” David asked, as he poured more wine into his wife’s glass and subsequently Loren’s.

“Yeah, right after your wedding. Fuck dude, your wedding - that was one of the best nights man - ah Loren, I wish you could have seen it,” William said, a touch ruefully.

Loren turned to Rebecca. “I saw pictures and reels on Instagram - Croatia looks incredible. I keep on thinking of the scenery…it looked magical…like a place out of a fairy tale.”

Rebecca pulled out her phone to show her some additional pictures as Loren openly and enthusiastically admired how stunning Rebecca looked, the colour scheme, the flowers - everything.

Loren began talking to Freya. “Did you see your momma and daddy? Absolutely beautiful - just like you.” Loren walked her fingers along the tray on Freya’s high chair, punctuating “just like you” on each button of her onesie.

Freya’s face lit up with a smile and a hearty giggle, and Loren’s did the same. Soon, they were copying each other, their fits of belly laughs growing louder with each motion. No one at the table could withstand the contagious sound of their joy, and before long, everyone was joining in.

Once the laughter had died down, Rebecca rather impressively instructed the two men to clean up the table while the ladies retreated to the living room with Freya and their wine. William and David looked at each other with slight resignation.

“Yes, Boss Lady,” David said with a mix of sarcasm and defiance as they slowly rose from the table and began gathering plates and cutlery.

They were fairly efficient for about a minute before William grabbed a couple of beers from the fridge, handed one to David, and waved dismissively at the rest of the mess. “We’ll get to it later,” he stated, and with that, the two strutted out onto the deck.

Having settled on the living room sofa with Freya and their wine, Loren and Rebecca exchanged a certain look before their gaze fell on their respective men’s muscular rear-ends. In silence, they toasted each other with a knowing grin and took a long sip of their wine.

—

David motioned toward the empty chair across from him as William handed over a fresh beer. “So, she leaves tomorrow?” David asked, twisting off the cap.

William settled into the chair and leaned forward, elbows on his knees. “Yeah—flight’s at five in the afternoon. She had this insane thirty-hour return trip booked because it was the cheapest, but I rebooked her on a direct flight. Took some convincing, though. She’s stubborn as hell about letting me pay for anything.”

David leaned back, resting his bottle on the deck. “Okay, so she’s got pride and is stubborn. Anything else you figure out over the past weeks?”

William grinned, swiping condensation from his beer bottle. “Well, I think I figured out….I love hanging out with her. She’s got this - I don’t know, it’s like she’s a mix of every kind of goodness rolled into one person. It’s crazy.” David raised an eyebrow, smirking at his friend’s almost bashful admittance. “And now, seeing her with my family, with you guys - the rest of my friends—it’s just easy, you know? Like I don’t have to worry about entertaining her or think ‘oh fuck - keep her away from this person or that or else shit’s gonna happen’ - know what I mean? She wants to make a good impression but she’s so…genuine? Does that make sense?” William looked over his shoulder through the sliding glass doors. Loren was on the floor playing with Freya while Rebecca took the opportunity and enjoyed a glass of wine.

David nodded. He had only just met Loren but he could already see exactly what William was talking about. “Okay, but what’s the not-so-great stuff? She’s gotta have... what are these things... flaws? Y’know, like, she’s not gonna be perfect 24/7.” His tone was teasing—he hadn’t seen William this moony over a woman in a long time—but there was a hint of seriousness beneath it. Playing devil’s advocate, David wanted to keep his friend’s thoughts grounded.

William leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he stretched his back. “I don’t know if I’d call them flaws—she’s just... different. In a good way, if that makes sense?”

David motioned for William to keep going. “Gimme an example,” David said, reaching for another beer from the cooler that sat between them, grabbing another for William in the process.

“Okay - like she’s had some really shitty stuff go on in the past with this guy…he was pretty awful to her - like pretty fucking bad but could be worse type of guy. She got past it - she works hard - like tons of hours to pay the bills. She’s made a really nice home for herself and she keeps things simple. But sometimes she is really in her head, or she was a lot when I first met her. She worries a lot about things that I probably wouldn’t give a shit about. But, that’s what makes her, her. Sometimes simple things really stress her out, and yet other times, she’s super chill.” William took a long swig of beer and then glanced at David as he considered the traits William rhymed off about Loren.

David cocked an eyebrow. “Okay, so can you see something happening with her when you get back to Toronto? Our lives - are not easy to deal with. Especially yours - for me, people just wave and say hi, like they know me but they just go on with their day. You, my friend, have always had women that will do anything to be near you. Whatever Rebecca has seen being my girlfriend, it’s going to be much harder for Loren. Have you talked to her about that?”

William rubbed his eyes and leaned back in the chair. “That’s kind of what I’m worried the most about. Not whether she can handle it, but whether she even wants to. Like - I know how she feels about me, as a person. But yeah, she’s already had a taste of the hockey player side of things - I still can’t believe I made her feel like she was the distraction when my game sort of went to shit back in April.” William silently cringed at the memory. “But I know she’s thinking about what it will mean for her being in a relationship with me. Fuck, yesterday, we were in the hammock all afternoon, just talking and hanging out, and she came right out with it. Asked me how it worked with athletes and women.”

David raised his eyebrows, wondering what direction the conversation in the hammock went in.

“She asked - and I’m not joking - ‘Is it you guys just wanting to get your dick wet just because there’s like never-ending pussy that are accessible to you?”

David choked on his beer, laughing. “She said that?”

“Yup,” William said, shaking his head. “And not even like she was accusing me of anything—more like she was trying to understand how it all works.”

David looked over William’s shoulder at Loren, trying to connect the dots between Loren’s sweet disposition and her apparent potty mouth. “So, what did you say?”

“I told her the truth,” William replied. “That there’s a lot of factors—pressures from inside the locker room, the lifestyle, the fans... but yeah, mostly, it’s just constantly being offered.”

David made a cringe expression. “How did she answer?”

“She didn’t say anything for the longest time,” William said. “And then finally, she asked ‘But is fucking random women that amazing that you guys just want to sleep around all the time? Like, I get it - it’s sex with beautiful women - and some women will do anything you want just to get with you - but is the sex really that good?’”

David and William exchanged knowing glances. “I just said ‘Fuck - not always…I’ve regretted some for sure’” William said, a smirk tugging on his lips. Silence hung in the air for a moment until both men burst out laughing. They had exchanged a number of ‘war stories’ of their female conquests over the years.

“But fuck, as she's asking these questions, I'm getting nervous, right? Like I used to fool around and stuff years ago…I wasn't sure if she was going to ask me how many girls I've been with or if I ever cheated or what. So I just sort of asked her - does she think if we're together that I'm going to fuck around on her? Then she hit me with something and I’m still thinking about it now.”

David's eyes widened with a mix of amusement and anticipation.

“She just said she doesn’t have this “magic pussy” that would keep me from cheating - if I wanted to cheat that is. And then she said—‘You’re going to do whatever you want to do….none of it is in my control.’”

David’s brow furrowed, his grin fading. “That’s...hmmm - wow. What did you say to that?”

William hesitated, taking another sip of his beer. “I didn’t know what to say at first. But she wasn’t done. She said she doesn’t get the appeal of having a roster of women. She said instead of having a thousand women, wouldn’t it be better to have one woman a thousand ways? And then she just kissed me and said, ‘I guess that’s just me.’”

David sat back, processing William’s words. After a moment, he smiled faintly, despite being a bit taken aback by Loren’s “You’re going to do whatever you want regardless” attitude. Nevertheless, David agreed with Loren. “Well, she’s definitely got a point.”

William nodded, his voice soft. “Yeah. And I can’t stop thinking about it. A thousand women? That’s not what I want. I was dating here and there before I met her, and yeah, they’re all stacked and say all the things that they think I want to hear - whatever. But fuck, Pasta—it’s scary when you meet someone that just blows you away, you know?”

David studied him for a moment, then leaned in. “So... is it possible? A thousand ways with Loren?”

William’s grin returned, a hint of boyishness. “A thousand ways might be tame for her.”

David threw his head back, laughing. “Lucky guy.”

“Trust me, I know,” William said, his voice sounding more serious. “I’ve never met anyone like her - like I can see things going pretty far down the road with her.”

“It’s not complicated, Willy. So you take the leap and probably end up happy but if you let her leave and don’t let her know how you feel about her, you might lose out on something big.”

David suddenly shivered, rubbing his hands together. “Fucking cold man - what are we even doing out here? Going in to sit with our hot boss ladies.”

William and David eased out of their chairs and into the warmth of the house. David rounded the love seat to find his beautiful daughter sleeping on Loren’s midriff. A little stream of drool seeped from Freya’s pink lips that were smooshed against Loren’s upper chest.

David smiled and whispered to Loren and Rebecca “Ohhh - she’s out…must be tired.”

Rebecca smiled and winked at her husband. “She passed right out when Loren offered to hold her - so I took the opportunity to enjoy a glass of wine.”

William slowly lowered himself next to Loren, careful not to disturb the baby. He gazed at Freya’s face, noticing the drool and chuckled. The image before him of Loren holding a baby was yet another moment that was surprisingly exciting to William. They were nowhere near discussing babies in their future, but the momentary glimpse of one of the many possibilities did not frighten him either.

—

Life for William after Loren returned to Toronto wasn’t all that different on the surface. His days were still filled with the familiar routines of off-season life—rounds of golf and tennis with friends, grueling training sessions both at the rink and the gym, and leisurely evenings spent hopping between Stockholm’s best restaurants or lounging in with his friends for a movie or a big game.

But beneath the surface, everything felt different. Her absence weighed on him in ways he hadn’t anticipated. It wasn’t just the standard longing for someone you miss; it was much deeper. Loren wasn’t just in his thoughts—everywhere he turned, he could see her there.

The memory of her shivering from the chill of the lake while helping to fix the water line came rushing back every time he went down to the water’s edge with his dogs.

In the shower, he could almost hear her laughter and feel her body press against him by merely opening the shampoo she left for him and smelling it's familiar fragrance.

He longed for her to be beside him for meals with the family, especially when Michael made his own variation of Croque Monsieur for lunch, which he now deemed “Croque Michel”

With Loren hitting the ground running almost as soon as she landed, William made it a point to reach out regularly, given he had the time—whether through a text, a voice call, or FaceTime. He was lucky to catch her during quiet moments at home, a break at work, or even during her drive. Their conversations never disappointed; they were always filled with affection and humor, leaving him wishing they didn’t have to end—no matter if they lasted a quick minute or stretched to thirty.

One evening, during one of their FaceTime calls, Loren’s phone was mounted to her dashboard as she drove through the city. She glanced between him and the street signs outside, explaining that Chelsea, the unstoppable marketing machine, had asked her to meet with a local designer downtown. Chelsea had shown photos of Loren to the designer, and was eager to have her model pieces from a new collection being featured on a Toronto talk show. William listened, his smile fixed, but something about these new opportunities—even though she brushed it off and seemed opposed to the idea—tightened his chest. She looked so effortlessly stunning even then - her hair tousled, her still tanned complexion and deep brown eyes darting between focusing on him and navigating the streets. The thought of others noticing the same thing, of someone else being drawn in by her charm, sat heavy in his chest long after their call ended.

The busier Loren seemed, the more William found himself wanting to get back to her. He admired how hard she worked and how determined she was—it was one of the first things he’d noticed about her. But every now and then, he’d feel this strange, unexpected tug of possessiveness, like he was afraid one of the many things keeping her busy might pull her away from him. Now that he’d found her, the idea of losing her to something—or someone—else was a thought he couldn’t shake, no matter how much he tried.

Soon, September rolled around, and it was only a matter of days before William would be landing back in Toronto.

Loren, knowing how chaotic the start of the school year could be, decided to give herself some breathing room by scheduling her tutoring sessions to begin in the third week of September. It allowed her students time to settle into their routines and gave her the chance to spend time with William as soon as he got back. She knew once his season started, his schedule would take over—not just his life, but hers as well, in its own way.

As she sat on her porch one sunny afternoon, armed with a cold beer and her laptop, her phone pinged with an incoming FaceTime from William.

She smiled, setting the laptop aside and picking up her phone. Accepting the call, her screen filled with his face—and her breath caught for a moment.

William was in a tuxedo.

His blond hair was perfectly styled, slightly shorter than she remembered and a touch more polished than usual. The crisp white shirt, black bow tie, and tailored blazer fit his broad frame impeccably. He looked magnificent—beyond what she’d imagined when he first mentioned attending the event with his family.

Loren’s eyes widened, full of admiration. “William—I… wow. I’m speechless,” she gasped, her face flushed and not from the beer.

“You like?” he asked, a small, satisfied smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

She nodded, unapologetically gazing at him with wide, adoring eyes.

The rest of the Nylanders, equally as elegant, leaned into the screen and greeted Loren affectionately. She returned their greetings warmly, laughing at their playful comments about the evening ahead.

“Has anyone figured out the over/under on how many women will swoon the minute William walks in?” Loren teased, though she half meant it.

They shared a laugh, but when the moment faded, his expression softened. For a moment, neither of them spoke. Loren let herself take him in, marveling at how effortlessly handsome he looked, while William seemed content just to look back at her through the screen.

Eventually, after their goodbyes, William sent Loren a message:

Wish you were here.

Her response was almost immediate:

Me too. Although I’d probably trip over my dress and embarrass you in front of all those people.

The three bouncing dots appeared as William typed his reply:

Doubtful. Can’t wait to see you—be there soon.

Loren stared at his message, her heart skipping a beat. She was sure she had never felt so giddy or full of life, and she could hardly wait to see what the future might hold for the two of them.

—

A few days later, Loren sat curled up on her couch, her laptop balanced on the armrest as she worked on her tutoring schedule for the upcoming week. The day had been productive but long, and she welcomed the stillness of the evening. Her phone was close by, and every few minutes, her gaze drifted toward it.

William had messaged earlier, letting her know he and Alex were about to board their flight to Toronto. He’d promised to text again once they landed and he was settled. She smiled at the thought of seeing him soon, even if the past few days had left her with an unsettling feeling she couldn’t quite shake.

A notification at the top of her screen caught her attention: an Instagram DM. The account wasn’t immediately familiar, but Loren saw that Isla followed the account. A single word, “Hi.”—was simple enough to pique her curiosity. Loren tapped on it, opening a thread of several messages.

Her heart dropped as she scrolled.

“Hey Loren, I’m Margot. I know we were never introduced while you were here, but I think there are some things you need to know.”

“It’s about William.”

“You deserve to know the truth before you get hurt like I did.”

Her heart thudded, staring at the screen and debating whether to respond. A second later, another message appeared.

“William and I had a thing. I heard he told you about it. But what you don’t know is he told me I was special, but it turns out I wasn’t the only one he was with this summer before you came. Trust me, he’s really good at making women feel like they’re the only ones he sees.”

Loren’s pulse quickened, her thumb hovering over the keyboard. She quickly closed the app instead, setting her phone down on the couch beside her—screen facedown. Determined not to let her mind spiral, she tried to focus on her laptop, on the neat columns of names and times that required her attention.

But her vision was blurred and she could feel her heartbeat pounding in her throat. Her phone buzzed again, the muffled vibration against the fabric sent another blinding wave of pressure behind her eyes.

Don’t look, she told herself. Just leave it.

A minute passed. Then another. Her resolve cracked as her phone continued to vibrate. She picked it up.

More messages.

“He has a pattern, Loren. I know it because I was part of it.”

“He told me we might have something real. Then I found out about the others.”

“One of lives in Stockholm and he saw her this summer. I know because she’s in our friend group. He sees her when he needs ‘something’, understand?”

Loren’s stomach churned. Her fingers felt cold as she scrolled up, rereading Margot’s earlier messages - they were so specific, so calculated that they sliced through her trust she had developed with William.

Then came another message with a link:

“I thought this might help you understand.”

Loren hesitated before tapping the link, which opened to an article from Hänt, accompanied by a clip of William’s interview at the Grand Hotel’s 150th anniversary celebration. She pressed play, her stomach twisting as she watched.

He looked as flawless as she remembered, polished in his tuxedo, as the reporter—a very pretty brunette with wide-eyes and a bubbly personality—asked him about his personal life. His answers were in some cases vague but polite, but his other responses seemed so specific and unrehearsed, like how the truth rolls off someone’s tongue before they can stop it. But it wasn’t just his words that made Loren’s chest tighten—it was the way he looked at the reporter.

The camera caught moments where his gaze lingered on her face. Loren could see it, recognize it because he looked at her like that.

She flung the phone down and hunched over, pressing the heels of her hands against her eyes as her scattered mind tried to connect the dots.

Her phone vibrated again with another message from Margot:

“He does this with everyone. It’s part of his act. Don’t think you’re the exception, Loren.”

The final blow came with another round of photos.

One showed William at a bar, a woman leaning into him, her hand resting on his arm. The next was of him hugging another woman, his face buried near her neck. A third, blurry but unmistakably him, appeared to show a kiss on the cheek—or maybe something more. Loren couldn’t tell.

Margot’s final message landed like a punch to the gut.

“You seem like a nice girl. I just don’t want you to end up like me—thinking you’re special, only to realize you’re just one of many.”

Loren’s hands trembled as she placed her phone face down on the couch again, staring blankly at her laptop. The words burned in her mind, replaying on a loop. Just one of many.

Minutes passed, and still, she couldn’t stop herself from picking up the phone again. She scrolled through the messages once more, then opened the photos again, looking for any detail that might poke holes in Margot’s story.

The blood had drained from her face, leaving a dull ache behind. Despite how careful she tried to be this time, she had been blindsided once again by someone that she cared deeply for. Someone who had convinced her that they had a bright and loving future together.

The idea that there could be even a shred of truth in what Margot was saying was unbearable. Loren could not see how William could ever explain any of this to her and make any of it seem okay.

[dkettchen]

I have officially finished my adventure time (partially-re-)watch, so now I shall finally commence catching up on the like 80+ eps of one piece I'm behind as my new (old) idle show 👌

[sluttymothman]

‘From Voxxy♡: wtf val’

‘From Voxxy♡: hope this doesn’t blow up in ur face’

‘From Voxxy♡: I’ll be watching don’t screw it up’

“Oooh~ a triple text? someone’s excited~” Valentino snorted out in amusement as his eyes scanned the messages. It was rare for Vox to his head out of his ass long enough to even read his messages in a timely manner — Val would be lying if he claimed he wasn’t revelling in the attention that had been heaped on him. A wide, sharp-toothed, grin stretched across his lips as he fired back a response.

‘To Voxxy♡: awh, papiiii, u worried about me? cute ♡♡ don’t short-circuit, bby. I’ve got backup plans for my backup plans aaaand even if it goes sideways? I’ll still come out on top. That’s what winners do, bby x’

The moth sinner found his attention pulled towards the his spiral staircase as he heard the tapping of Stolas’ talons upon the golden steps. Valentino carelessly tossed his phone across the couch, allowing it to disappear into the cushions without so much as a second glance. He let out a low whistle of appreciation, taking in the full view of the owl as he shifted so that he was no longer sprawled across the whole couch but, instead, seated in a comfortable position with plenty of space for Stolas beside him. “Te ves bien, baby~” he purred out, crimson gaze taking their time shamelessly scanning up and down his body, “That’s much better, no? you’re lookin’ a lot more comfy now,”

At the apologetic words that slipped from Stolas’ beak, he waved a hand flippantly, “Nothing is too much to ask. Consider it done.” It was a shame really, Valentino’s clothes were faaaar better looking, and there was something primal about seeing a cute little twink in his clothes that made him want to ravish Stolas — but, alas, he was being good and taking his time. There was plenty of time for all of that later.

Valentino patted the couch beside him, “Come. I owe you a drink~” The moth wasted no time in calling out to his robotic, jester-like, servant. “Kitty! Wine and two glasses. Now.” he ordered, looking mildly impressed at the sheer speed with which the robot manage to appear in front of him with the drink and glasses he had requested. Ah, Kitty~ she really was far more efficient than any of the other servants he’d had. Too slow and whiny, he’d too often ended up shooting them…hence why Vox had suggested a robot.

Valentino, if asked, would boldly claim that he’d seen a diamond in the rough when he met Stolas on the streets. With a sense of faux humility, the moth would describe how his excellent eye for talent had enlightened him to Stolas’ true potential. However, in reality, having watched with bated breath as the pixels of his television showcased the ethereal bird sauntering into the infernal courtroom a few days prior had made it difficult not to see his hidden potential — this wretch was a far cry from the sexy brat that’d stood against Satan but that was to be expected when the poor thing was tossed from the courtroom with his feathered tail between his legs~

It was difficult not to look entirely incredulous as the silver-spooned prince decided to lecture him about societal inequality. The moth pursed his lavender lips a little, gazing across at Stolas with one of his eyebrows quirked upwards, pondering his words for a moment. “Mmm, you forget you’re in the home of us pecadores now~” he spoke out simply, “It’s not so much of an issue for us sinners. We all spawn here with fuck all and have to make something from nothing,” The hellborn had a whole other system of their silly little imps and royal pricks but sinners? well, the overlords were at the top through virtue of being the baddest bitches in Pride.

“Nonsense, Mijo~” Valentino dismissed Stolas’ self-deprecating words as he wandered off, hips swaying leisurely as moved, “It’d take a lot more than some ruffled feathers and muck to make you any less delectable,”

The bedroom was characteristically decorated in a manner somewhat akin to a room in an expensive sex motel. The bedsheets were a silky cerise that matched the glow of a neon sign wrote Valentino’s name in glowing cursive above the headboard. Speaking of the headboard, there were pairs of fluffy handcuffs that were still hooked to the posts of the bed, the overlord too lazy to bother removing them. Valentino sauntered over to push the door to the bathroom open, leaning mementarily across the doorframe with his arms crossed over his chest. “Towels are on the rack, you can’t miss ‘em,” the words slipped from his lips as he seemed to trail his eyes across Stolas’ body, “I’ll pull out some spare clothes for you.” Luckily, the prince was a similar enough size to him, he just needed to find something that wouldn’t cause the prissy prince to gawk. Valentino pushed himself away from the doorframe to let Stolas past.

[likeabxrdinflight]

...I should be editing my dissertation but now I'm thinking about how both Azula and Katara are perhaps the most "adultified" of the atla characters and...hmm. Interesting.

[spinjitsuburst]

ramble about ur favs i wanna hear abt ur thoughts -zaptrap

HAN’S INFODUMPING ABOUT JAY... START!!!!

so like sgdkdhdkdhd I say Jay and Lloyd are my “favorites” but honestly it’s so hard to pick favorites out of this skittles squad like I love EVERY character for a variety of different reasons. I was going to also infodump about Lloyd but then I started talking about Prime Empire and then this post got. Long. So. it's just Jay I may infodump about Lloyd another day especially since I'm very Conduit Brained Rn but yea yea!

this is long so i'm putting most of it under the cut so y'all don't kill me for making a huge long post

I considered putting Zane and Sora on here as well since I’d also consider them my “favs” but like this is already gonna be. A lot of. Infodumping (also i typed THIS part before I even started and decided not to yell about Lloyd because this already got long enough). Maybe I’ll make a separate post for those two hmm hmm much to consider but for now MY (technically) FAVORITE NINJAGO CHARACTER: JAY WALKER

THE SPARKPLUG WHO INVADED MY BRAIN LIKE A PARASITE

so hey his name is a pun this makes me laugh ridiculously hard every time I remember he is named. After a misdemeanor HSKSHDKFH

Jay is such an interesting case of a character for me because I started out the show not liking him. Which is. Stares at my entire account I think my feelings have changed somewhat

Jay starts out as an asshole I don’t think anyone can disagree with me there (although honestly they’re all assholes in early ninjago they bullied a ten year old and left him dangling several feet off the ground) but over the course of the show you can see him start developing into a much more interesting character. He goes from being so insecure he's faking everything about himself to someone who knows who he is and is so genuine about it

now yea we could argue about whether his character was too uwu-ified post-season 10 but this is the FUN HAN POST SO WE'RE NOT GONNA TALK ABOUT THAT the point is you can SEE the growth that Jay has gone through and I am going to show you that growth through what I call

✨ The Skybound to Prime Empire Effect ✨

I AM SO PASSIONATE ABOUT THE IDEA THAT PRIME EMPIRE WAS WRITTEN TO BE A DIRECT PARALLEL OF SKYBOUND AND WAS CENTERED ON SHOWING HOW THE NINJA ESPECIALLY JAY HAVE GROWN THROUGHOUT THE SEASON

when season 12 rolls around we are at the point in Jay's development where he is CONFIDENT in who he is. He's a fun-loving jokester with the power of lightning and the drive to help people whenever he can. He uses jokes and humor to help alleviate tension and get people through whatever's happening. And when on his own what does he do?

BECOME AN ENTERTAINER BABEY

i like to think jay's club in prime empire was a safe haven for anyone stuck in the game who figured out hey. we Can't Leave and felt freaked about it. Also Jay would generally try and spread the word that hey something ISN'T RIGHT HERE which would lead people to want to stay with him

(totally plugging my friend's fic but this kind of thing is explored in would you like to enter prime empire by @finn-m-corvex y'all should check it out cool cool)

also the prime empire shorts which i watched all of in the midst of typing this video cuz i love them go watch them please please please jay was publically fighting the red visors which I imagine may have raised some red flags for some players

THIS SOMEHOW TURNED INTO PRIME EMPIRE INFODUMPING LMAO ANYWAYS Jay's confident! He becomes an entertainer because it's who he knows he is! And it's something that will get people hyped and having fun, which is very in-character for Jay to do! He uses those kinds of things to mask the Bad Things going on and get people remembering what's good

I've talked about this sort of thing before but that's Jay's whole philosophy as early as season 9! Which is a DIRECT contrast to how he views it in season 6, as Nadakhan puts it scarily accurately

"You make jokes to mask the fact that you're afraid"

(i was gonna grab a screenshot for that like i did with the hunted scene but netflix has bloCKED THE ABILITY TO TAKE SCREENSHOTS THE WAY I USED TO and i don't have them already and i'm too lazy to grab them from elsewhere so alas trust me he says it)

making jokes to hide your fear and using humor to remind yourself of what's good and coping with the bad are two VERY different outlooks on it

so I think this outlook is what drives him to make this glamrock persona in the first place - this is a bad situation, one he's in with other civilians, and what better way to keep him and themself safe until the others get there than throwing a big performance at a safe place!

also it's just so gender okay I want to look like Superstar Rockin' Jay so badly

it's also interesting to see his outlook on his parents change over time! In season six he finds out Ed and Edna aren't his birth parents and feels upset about it, not understanding why his birth parents would've abandoned him. In season twelve, that outlook changing is EXACTLY why Jay's able to get through to Unagami

"I was abandoned by my parents, too!... I never understood why, and I never had the chance to even ask. But I always hoped there was a good reason. What if there's a reason?"

(again curse you netflix i wanted SCREENSHOTS whatever whatever)

It's this scene that gets Unagami to calm down long enough for Milton Dyer to get there, and presumably is what stops him from just. Flattening him and Jay like a pancake.

to piggyback off of this i absolutely adore how Unagami and Jay consider each other adopted brothers in that one book I still haven't read and I hope he's in Dragons Rising at some point Unagami is my favorite "villain" (no longer a villain) in the whole show he deserves more screentime

like this is where i found out about this and it's plagued my mind ever since. i need to read. this book just for them

SO YEA OKAY Prime Empire is "Who is Jay as a Person Post-Skybound" to me also it opens up so many fascinating things about Jay. I rest my case

so backpedaling a little bit. JAY CARES SO MUCH ABOUT HIS PARENTS GUYS IT'S SO SOFT AND I'M sobs

like yea the first episode with Ed and Edna in it has Jay avoiding them like the plague but this gets explained very easily when you remember he was bullied for his home life before he became a ninja. It makes a lot more sense why he wouldn't want them around his new friends, assuming they'd react the same way. Also how was he supposed to know literally all the rest of the groups parents were either dead, presumed dead, or had a toxic relationship with their kid lmao

(Cole calling his mom kills me. Cole's mom is dead. I know they probably just didn't think that far ahead when writing the dialogue but it's so funny mans pretended to call his dead mom to get on Jay for not appreciating his parents iconic behavior)

anyways literally every episode Ed and Edna are central to (except like the one in skybound) Jay stops at nothing to protect his parents and it means the absolute world to me he's so much like them!! They raised an inventive little nerd and he will stop at nothing to make sure they're safe and it's. It's SO IMPORTANT TO ME OKAY

ALSO this is an excuse to clip my favorite piece of dialogue possibly in the entire show. Except Netflix won't let me now. So you just get the text dialogue

Jay's just fallen from the sky with a messed up eye and is incredibly distraught that all his friends are captured. And his dad just. The woRLD IS FALLING APART AND HE'S EATIN' SOUP-

Ed i love you

anyways

anways anyways this just turned into me rambling about prime empire and then Ed and Edna and a lot of disjointed other stuff but thank you for this opportunity i was going to also ramble about lloyd but i put this post in a word count and

yea i think that's enough for a tumblr post anyways! If anyone wants any like. More logically thought out and direct thoughts about characters feel free to send me asks this was fun thank u @zaptrap for this opportunity to scream about jay

[sysig]

Does this hurt? (Patreon)

Bonus:

I love surfacetable.txt <3

[temsiik]

I'm back to HoHoPosting because this is a beautiful write-up oh my God. And this articulated a thought I've had for a while myself - "Fullmetal Alchemist is Hohenheim's story. ... It is his story told through Ed's eyes" - 100% agree. The overarching plot is, essentially, the struggle between Hohenheim and Father. Speaking of Father - the main villain usually has a personal connection to the main hero, and Father's backstory is tied directly to Hohenheim, and he's also pretty much the only character Father has a personal connection to. The furthest point in the world we have any frame of reference for? It's Hohenheim's youth - we have absolutely 0 knowledge of the fma universe before that, fma's story begins with Hohenheim. His backstory is also the backstory for the main villain, the main plot, the country that the story takes place in. For the final battle - while yes, the day is won because everyone contributes, and that's the entire point, but what's easily the most signifficant thing that happened to foil the villain's plan? I'd say it's when the villain literally achievels his goal, and Hohenheim's counter-transmutation circle (you know, the thing he's been working on this entire time, the reason he left which kicked off Ed and Al's story) is the only reason he doesn't win then and there. For Brotherhood - the final arc's outtro is all about Hohenheim and it fits perfectly (and that ED I feel is beautiful and very underrated). Also episode 64 is just a "where are they now" episode. Now I love it, the series would be extremely weird and much worse without it, and having a dedicated episode to concluding the characters' arcs allows the ending to be so satisfying and complete (more series could benefit from the approach of having an episode dedicated to character endings after concluding the story). But the point is: episode 64 is extra, by episode 63 the plot is finished. And what did episode 63 end on? Father defeated, Hohenheim, knowing his children are safe, coming back to Resembool, dying in front of Trisha's grave, wishing that he could've lived a bit longer with them (after wanting nothing but to grow old and die for so long), yet passing on with a smile on his face. That's where the plot of Fullmetal Alchemist ends, because Fullmetal Alchemist is Hohenheim's story. And for that same reason - the manga epilogue is about him and Trisha. Even our protagonists, Ed and Al, obviously have major signifficance to Hohenheim's story, being his sons and all (and his story has major signifficance to theirs). And I love your write-up on him as a character too. He's a centuries old immortal being. He's socially awkward and kinda weird. He's easily the most powerful being in this universe (tied with Father). He's a pacifist (he rarely if ever uses alchemy offensively, only defensively or to contain, like with Pride) and self-admittedly doesn't know much about fighting. He has the power of a Philosopher's stone but uses it to power alchemy only when necessary, because that consumes the souls within him. The souls he considers friends, because he personally spoke with all 536,329 of them. He's a big dork, and he loves his wife and sons more than anything. He’s been a drinking buddy with Pinako for years. There's a compelling write-up on Tv Tropes about how, contrasted to Father's seven deadly sins, Hohenheim embodies the seven heavenly virtues. Too many people on this site weirdly hate him. Honestly, when I see someone go "he left his wife and kids!" and leave it at that, I kinda wonder if they even finished the series, and got to the part where his actual story is revealed. At the very least, I find it's mostly Tumblr where he gets a weirdly high ammount of hate, the subreddit is more appreciative of both his character and role in the story, and I'm not sure what other fan space there is tbh (I guess youtube comments? I think those tend to be more positive about him?).

I love Van Hohenheim.

He is such a fascinating character to me, and if you think about it, the entire story of Fullmetal Alchemist (Brotherhood & Manga) is just as much - if not more so - about him and his life than it is about Ed and Al.

Hell, the ending of episode 63? Yeah, in the manga that doesn't really happen. Instead, after we see Roy get his sight back and Ed and Al leave on their respective travels, the iconic picture of Ed about to step onto a train the last image of chapter 108, we get an epilogue. We get Hohenheim meeting Trisha in the afterlife to tell her that he got to hold Al's hand and that Ed called him Father and that he's sure the two of them will be loved and cared for. And Trisha reprimands him for breaking his promise (to grow old and grey with her) and then she asks him if that means they can go now.

The story, the manga, the 108 chapter adventure, nine and a half years of work, two animes and two movies and I don't know how many games, and it ends with Hohenheim being at peace, Trisha by his side.

(and don't get me started on how she waited for him next to their burned down house, the tree he once build a swing for the boys in the one thing that stayed from their few short years together)

Hohenheim's goodbye bookmarks the entire series.

And, yeah, it makes sense, doesn't it?

It was his blood that birthed the Dwarf in the Flask. It was his friendship with the first homunculus some four-hundred years ago that made the Dwarf show "kindness" to Hohenheim by granting him immortality. It was his love for humanity that birthed Ed and Al and it was his love for his family that made him abandon them, festering Ed's independence and both his sons' need to learn the most dangerous alchemy on their own.

And in the end it was his plan (the counter matrix planned perfectly to the eclipse) that allowed them to save Amestris, just as it was his belief in his sons that allowed them to save each other.

Fullmetal Alchemist is Hohenheim's story.

Which makes it so interesting that almost all other characters get more of a chance to tell it than Hohenheim himself.

It is his story told to us through Ed's eyes. Al reconnecting with his father. Izumi's encounter with the man. Father reminiscing about his creation.

We see glimpses of his past (growing up as a slave, learning about alchemy, growing out of that stubborn streak he definitely gave to Ed, escaping a ruined Xerxes only to be found by Xingese travelers) but for the longest time all we know about him is what Ed tells us, Al being to young to remember much about their father once he left.

The anime furthers this by making Hohenheim a red herring, building on the fact that the audience will suspect any faulty father figure of being the Big Bad, and then expanding on Hohenheim's internal angst by giving us episode 27 "Interlude Party". We see him as a stranger, not privy to any of his internal thoughts for so much longer, only introduced to the first tendrils of his rich inner workings once it is revealed that he and the Dwarf just share a stylist.

In the manga, Hohenheim is never implied to be the Dwarf's real identity, instead we meet him sooner, as a bumbling, but kind man, who calls himself a monster when bandits fail to kill him. And again, when meeting Edward for that first time in front of Trisha's grave, while he manages to be frightening when accusing Ed of hiding his shame, he mostly feels... helpless. A man unsure on what to say or how to say it. He even tries to compliment his son on his State Alchemist's title and compares their hair styles.

(and it makes sense for him to be angry about the house once you realize that this is truly all he had of Trisha. And he loves her. No matter what else you think about him, you have to admit that Hohenheim loved Trisha)

And I just think that this is such an interesting characterization.

Hohenheim is socially awkward. He's unsure on what to say or how to be anything but ominous. Part of that might be his age, part of it might be the fact that he's been in discussion with the 500.000 souls carried within him *constantly* for the past four-hundred years, and part of it is just his character. He was awkward even back in Xerxes. Most of his wisdom doesn't come from any form of innate genius the way Ed and Al can claim to but from being taught by beings far smarter than him - and from having the time to gain enough experience to achieve mastery. He cannot fight. He does not like to fight. He's a bit of a coward and the moment he feels safe he's a bit of a loudmouthed cunt (another trait Ed got from him). He is extremely protective of his sons. He loves them so much. He loves humanity so much. His eldest thought he hate them because his "try not to cry" face looks like an angry glare. His youngest trusted him even without remembering his hugs. He was afraid to touch his sons, so he build them a swing in the big tree next to their house. He left so they could grow old.

His love for them was always his abandonment of them.

How can you not love Hohenheim when all he ever wanted was to be with his family and raise his sons and love his wife and fall out of a tree and cry while taking pictures and learn how to be human... only for his love for his family to demand that he leave them?

Fullmetal Alchemist never demands of Edward to forgive his father. But I think it asks from us, as the audience, to love Hohenheim for choosing the greater good not over his family but FOR his family.

Because at the end of the day, it is Hohenheim's story. Which is why it ends with his death. With his wish coming true. With his reunion to Trisha.

With the knowledge that his children will be alright.

(and that is all he ever wanted)

[fumifooms]

You’re the resident chilchuck expert, so I was wondering about it there’s any canon evidence that he did smoke or drink alcohol when the kids were younger. I always thought it was something he picked up due to the strain of long jobs, when the kids were already older, but you seem to think differently and I was wondering if there was anything in canon that made you think that way!

Now that you mention it I guess it’s true there’s no evidence he did. Smoking we literally only know he does at all because of one post-canon panel where he has a pipe, so no, maybe this stick-looking thing in the panel below too though, I’m not familiar with medieval blunts eh. We’ve only gotten one panel of him and his daughters interacting when he was younger so that’s not too insightful on that end, and every time we see him young and freckled it’s in a job context so again not really where we’d expect him to be drinking. The earliest proof (/heavy implication since we don’t see inside his cup I guess) is 3 years before canon when Laios hired him, where he’s at a bar, classily placed in front of all the bottles ✨

Yes alcohol is almost certainly a way through which he copes especially with stress, so if we go with the theory he started around when work got stressful, well… Chilchuck started working as a dungeon diver ~10 years ago so when he was ~19, making Mei, Fler and Puck ~6 and ~4 respectively, so from that draw the ‘stressful enough to start drinking’ line wherever. We don’t know what he did before that with any certainty, and it could be he did odd jobs, lived off mostly mutual aid and community work, or just focused on only raising the girls. Half-foots tend to be poor and I see a lot of that in Chilchuck specifically so I don’t think he could have afforded to not have some paying work though.

Alright, so then why do I think he did drink when the girls were younger?

I give a more complete rundown of the info we do have on his alcoholism & his family with panels and references + all the speculation I make from it here. But the most targeted and objective answer I can give is:

Of course there’s just very very little we know of Chilchuck’s life with his family, and I think that’s by design too. I think the details being up in the air is to allow more nuance of the topic, like, will trying to reconcile go well, is their relationship salvageable? We don’t know, because we don’t know. So the message of giving hope a chance even if it’s a long shot, that things could truly go either way, is more relevant, impactful and meta in that way. How long was he usually away for work travels into dungeons here and there? How did he act with them? All we can really do is "it’s likely that", it’s a game of which way we think it’s more implied. There’s no right and wrong answer, it’s all Marcille-like larping the events out.

My main reason for thinking he did is that his father died from overdrinking and Chilchuck is very aware of that. He mentions his death casually in the extra about their stance in alcohol and in his Adventurer’s Bible profile, etc. He acts towards the alcohol presumably the same way his father did: with abandon, uncaring for the health effects, probably happily too considering Chil says "dying doing something you love is a good way to go". Very nonchalant. So you see what I’m saying here right, wether he started early or late, his view of alcoholism is very influenced by what he saw of his father growing up, it’s something he’s always been aware of and saw in a mostly positive light, something that was inherited you could say. It’s something that was normalized to him from a young age. Regardless or where it goes from there I do think this part is pretty inarguable. If he views it positively and we know that in the present alcohol is his favorite food that he loveees, why would he have held out on it? Personally that all makes me think he started drinking very young, especially since I don’t think they limited alcohol to age as much as modern standards (and I mean, teen drinking is obviously still a thing). And here you could argue, maybe his father only started being more alcoholic later when Chilchuck moved out, or something! And to that there’s nothing I can say except I think that’s a strained theory, and that Chil might even have largely cut contact with his family after moving out (since he and siblings are listed as almost strangers and he doesn’t seem to have much emotional attachment to his parents, but also we know he rents out his place to "a relative"), but it’s true we have no evidence. "I’ve picked up the same unhealthy substance abuse as my father haha! No big deal right haha" repeated several times to me just reeks of intergenerational trauma, & the alcoholism gene as they call it. Like effortless sliding into drinking as if it’s second nature, it’s natural after all, it’s normal after all, it just makes sense, it makes you feel good and that’s what matters.

BUT from my interpretation then we have a whole other layer: Alcohol is of course not all bad always. I think he’s always liked alcohol and drank it on occasion and it brought him joy etc etc, but I think here the implication in the question is, how much effect did his drinking have on the family relations and how early? And that isn’t so much about when him drinking started but when the alcoholism started. Addiction is defined by a habitual need, that has negative effects from filling that need (physical, psychological, social, etc) and negative effects from withdrawal. If Chilchuck drinks to cope and he can’t not cope without it, that’s addiction, if it affects his relationships, if it’s a need he has, it’s addiction. Addiction can be very insidious or look very casual, and how much people around the person are affected by it is case by case. Cheerful drunks can be sooo annoying and uncomfortable though let me tell you. Drunks are drunks. And this sounds harsh, but even if people around them don’t mind drunks it’ll still have some effects here and there, living with one can be such a challenge, ily drunks good luck with everything much like Chilchuck you deserve good things 🫡　

Ok so with the dad thing and the "ok well maybe he’s always drunk casually but it grew worse with time around when he started working as a dungeon diver" precision made, the other bit of info we have that can inform this is that Chilchuck is on a harsh diet and that alcohol is a hunger suppressant. We know Chilchuck "used to be fine not eating for two days", that literally on screen to quench his hunger so it doesn’t keep him awake he goes to drink water, drinking is his instinct to hunger. Again alcohol is a hunger suppressant and if you want info on that the internet has a lot of research and anecdotes about it. He diets to be light enough to not trigger traps, so it’s something he’d have started after dungeon diving most likely. Between the stress and the diet, yes it’s extremely likely he started going harder on alcohol after he started working in dungeons. There’s arguments on wether two days without eating is less bad for half-foots than humans, but apart from smaller portions there’s nothing that indicates half-foots should get less than 3 meals a day. They need less food but that’s because their bodies are smaller: the need is proportional to the body, not smaller than others’ races, the % of need is similar even if the kg amount of food isn’t. There’s also a popular headcanon with support basis that half-foots run hot and have a faster heartrate and whatnot, and that points towards a faster metabolism rather than a slower one: a bigger need for eating rather than a smaller one. He has the same bmi, 18, as Mickbell, but perhaps because Chil is much taller he’s less intensely visibly underweight with ribs showing than Mick during the bath extra, it’s most apparent when he becomes tallman.

Alcohol is something so important and omnipresent in his character that I have trouble believing it’s something that was part of only a small fraction of his life. It’s his immediate go-to, his no-brainer solution to a good time, I’ve sort of always assumed especially after looking at his family that it’s something he discovered decently young. Like he just acts like someone who’s always had alcohol to fall back on and started young idk. Alcohol is one of his 5 keywords. Alcoholism is very ingrained into his world view and life, his "it doesn’t matter" stance his ‘work hard play hard’ mentality his idea that the world is harsh so you get relief where you can, so it just makes sense to me that it’s always been in his life, if not actively then at least looming.

So yes, in summary, my take: Alcohol was always something he wholly enjoyed to an unwise level, but it could have been considered casual until he started working into dungeons and his need for it on a regular basis intensified. Alcohol has always had positive association to him as far as we see, so when it started being a problem he didn’t see it as such. To quote him, "I drink anytime I get the opportunity to". Why always? Approval of father’s alcoholism. Why alcoholism at all? Diet + stress & coping mechanism & emotional stunting + relationship issues, and she decided she had enough after they went out for drinks.

Conclusion

Chilchuck having drunk from a young age makes sense to me and it’s the strongest narrative angle I see on the table, but that’s objectively a me opinion, yes! There’s no evidence, moreso there’s canon basis and supporting info, but it’s all very left up to interpretation. I’ve made my own interpretations of things from the scraps we see, like everyone else making Chilwife and daughters content. Wether you have a stance on the topic or prefer to leave it vague in your takes, it’ll be a matter of what you think makes most sense, or what you’d rather believe I suppose (which is literally fine)

There’s a lot of subjectivity in even just setting up causal links like you probably noticed during this and I was careful with my word choices, because we’re just extrapolating from what we see and unless Kui states it explicitly from a reliable mouth all we can do is have informed opinions on most things. This particular interpretation is influenced by other details I’ve come to form about my interpretation of Chilchuck too, the more psychological and emotional sides of him and the timeline and how his marriage even happened, unplanned pregnancy imo. Like I hope you see what I mean, this wasn’t supposed to be a speculation post just a quick simple answer but there’s sort of just no other and concise but complete way with the subjectivity nuance to put "maybe it could be yes because of this but maybe it could be no because of this" haha

Edit: Wait the phrasing on this… Interesting. "In recent years"— This does imply that if not just his alcohol consumption increasing then the diversity and quality of it did, so either he indeed did start drinking more (not necessarily meaning he didn’t drink before) assumedly because of his wife leaving, or he started drinking other/more different kinds of alcohol maybe due to the union he formed + his experience gave him greater salary than he had previously (and no wife and family to provide money for), a mix of both perhaps.

[not-poignant]

Hi Pia

Feel free to ignore if this is unwelcome, but have you ever thought about publishing traditionally to sublimate your income and draw in new readers? I know you've self published two books already and that you didn't feel like they did very well, but maybe the experience would be different if someone else was in charge of marketing and all the other business stuff?

Obviously everyone's experience is different but as an author myself who's published both trad and self, traditional publishing has been a completely different experience and has allowed me to focus more on writing because I'm not the one responsible for advertising/marketing/financing anymore.

There are a ton of literary agents nowadays that want to represent diverse and lgbtqia+ fiction, some of them even in Australia.

Websites like Reedsy, AgentQuery and Jerichowriters have extensive directories to find literary agents.

(This is lengthy folks so I'm putting the other two parts (and my response) under a read more! Also putting it under a read more so the anon can skip my response since it's very 'here's all the reasons I can't do this' and they just might not want to read that, lmao)

(continued -> )

Trad publishing houses have better resources for marketing and helping authors get more attention than any self publishing website could.

Obviously most authors, unless they're really prolific, don't get a huge advance (the average is between $1000 - $5000) but getting your foot in the door or on the traditional publishing "ladder' so to speak can have a huge benefit for your serials. Because it gives you more exposure. Plus it's in the agent's best interest to find a publishing house that accepts stories that contain darker themes and negotiate the best deal for you.

For some reason places like Amazon and the like accept and keep up more "dark" books that are traditionally published than they do with self pub ones. Maybe because they have more respect or leniency for publishing houses? I have no idea. But you could use this to your advantage. I think I remember you mentioning that writing novels felt quite isolating to you? But you already have 2 completed novels (3 if you count the fae one) that you could potentially revisit or rewrite to your liking and get them represented by agents.

You already have a loyal readership and that's very attractive to trad pub houses and agents.

As well as trad publishing, you could also make s simple website that doesn't require much maintenance. It could be just a landing page that says something about you and then has links to your tumblr and patreon where you're more active. That way you increase the chances of getting your serials found by additional readers and also come across looking more "professional". Not that you're not professional now. You are and I admire you greatly, but the unfortunate reality is a lot of people still judge by appearances and some will be more drawn to an author's website than a tumblr page, at least at first. So I think having a simple landing page would open up another door for you to benefit from.

Trad publishing is work but definitely not as much as self publishing, and you can continue on with your serials. Getting an agent can be time consuming but I personally believe the pros outweigh the cons and I also believe that your stories would be a huge treasure to the growing lgbtqia+ market. Seriously there needs to be more!

These are just suggestions and thoughts and like I said before, feel free to ignore. But I know you've mentioned wanting to grow your career in the past and I genuinely believe you can do so with some of these pathways.

~

Okay, my response. Posting this because firstly I think the suggestions could work very well for other authors reading this! And I hope they take the advice to note, and secondly because I haven't talked about this for a hot minute so let's talk about it again.

So the TL;DR is yes I have considered traditional publishing. I have actually been traditionally published in short stories, poetry, and also had my art published on covers and re: interior illustrations. But my Fae Tales works got soundly rejected when I sent them to publishing houses that were doing open calls for that sort of material. I've never heard back from an agent and I never expect to, heh.

~

Now for a bit more detail

I have been traditionally published before (it's how I got my writing out there long before I ever wrote serials), and yes, I have approached publishers with my writing since then. In fact Tradewinds was written for the traditional publishing market, and it got soundly rejected, and then shelved. The reasons it was rejected ran the gamut from 'I don't like that these fae eat humans no one is going to relate to these people' (while the editor then went on to publish vampire books idk) to 'There's too much worldbuilding you can't expect readers to keep up with this' to 'Your stories are too long, no one wants to read characters talking all the time.'

Meanwhile in my online serials I was getting feedback like 'my favourite chapters are the ones where the characters just sit in a room and talk' lol.

The traditional publishing world is also not quite as utopian for most authors as you make it seem. I'm friends with a lot of authors who are traditionally published because that's the world I came from, and unless they're solely in KU and doing generic rapid release formula romances, none of them are making that much money. Certainly not enough to live off. It may have been that you were very fortunate, anon, but I know hundreds more traditionally published authors that left trad pub to make money, and I know about 5 in trad pub personally who are making enough to live off of.

Only one of those is really writing what she truly loves to write, and even then, publishing houses have refused to commit to her entire fantasy series (and she's regularly in 'Top 10/20 Women Fantasy Authors in the World' lists) and forced her to finish the series prematurely. Something I never ever have to worry about in self pub.

The reality is that in trad pub these days, you're still in charge of most of your marketing unless you're one of the big earners for the publishing house. In fact I'd be expected to keep even more of a social media and marketing presence than I do now. I don't do almost any of the things you're supposed to do as an author in marketing to be appealing. I don't have a Facebook author account. I don't have an Instagram author account. I don't maintain or regularly send out newsletters (which automatically puts me in the like 0.05% of authors who make money doing this lmao).

I don't know if you ever have looked that closely into what m/m publishing houses expect from most of their authors, but the newsletter swaps, cover releases, review circuits, interview circuits and more are fucking grueling. We're expected to be responsible for our advertising and our marketing to a fairly massive degree. Some traditionally published in m/m still have to pay for their release blitzes out of pocket. These publishing houses, by and large, do not offer advances. You say most authors don't get large advances. I don't think most authors in this arena get offered advances at all unless they're somehow miraculously acquired by a Big 4.

We're expected to have an already established social media presence because of that (that's why it's so appealing to publishers that we have social media presences already, anon, so we can market, they can save money, and we still see only a minimal cut from the royalties).

And you still have to focus on your finances, because publishing houses like Dreamspinner straight up didn't pay a whole bunch of authors for so long they destroyed careers. They still haven't paid some of their authors. And they're still running a business and people still buy their books.

Trad publishing houses have better resources for marketing and helping authors get more attention than any self publishing website could.

This is true if a) they're a big publishing house and not an indie publisher of which most LGBTQIA+ publishing houses are and b) they're willing to use them on you.

The authors that make the most money get the most resources. If they believe you're going to earn back your advance and move thousands or tens of thousands of units per book, then yes, you will get those resources.

I have been told so many times now - even from friends who run publishing houses, including one who works at HarperCollins - that my work will never be mainstream enough to have broad appeal. They literally told me not to keep trying re: trad pub, because that was my dream for a long time. These folks have given me rock solid advice in the past, it's one of the reasons I'm doing so well now via Patreon + Ream. But they were like (paraphrasing) 'you don't write 60-80k romances and you don't want to and that's not your strength anyway, you're multi-genre which makes you hard to market, you write psychological and literary trauma recovery which is hard to market, you write character studies which are hard to market, publishing houses often don't commit to series anymore if the first two don't move units and if they pulled the plug you'd be contractually obliged to never finish that series until your contract was up.' I could go on, but it was like yeah...actually. Fair.

For some reason places like Amazon and the like accept and keep up more "dark" books that are traditionally published than they do with self pub ones. Maybe because they have more respect or leniency for publishing houses?

They do, but most publishing houses want very formulaic dark romance which is not what I write.

I have a 300k omegaverse slowburn that still hasn't had any penetrative sex in it, anon. Publishing houses don't want that. They don't expect anyone will wait 4 full length novels to get to literally a single penetrative sex scene.

But you already have 2 completed novels (3 if you count the fae one) that you could potentially revisit or rewrite to your liking and get them represented by agents.

If I rewrote them to my liking, trad pub wouldn't want them. They'd be too long! I think agents etc. take one look at me and go 'oh god, no thank you!' I'm not an easy sell, by any means.

Plus I'm very e.e about all of that with the knowledge that they then give me only about 10-15% of the royalties on the sales, vs. self-pub where I get around 70%, or subscription where I around 80% of it. When someone subscribes to me, they don't have to worry about 85-90% of their subscription fee going to a publishing house. I don't have to think about how many thousands and thousands of books I'd have to sell to make the same amount that I do now via subscription.

As well as trad publishing, you could also make s simple website that doesn't require much maintenance.

If it was that simple, I'd be doing it. I don't mean this in a facetious way, I mean it in a: I've made a lot of websites, in fact I run one at the moment not connected to my writing (I've been running it for so long it's now in its 20s and can probably has a driver's license). I find it so tedious that I barely remember to check in on it. But forgetting about it means there's always maintenance to keep up with when I get back to it.

Running websites is simpler than it used to be, but it's still not simple. There's hosting and hosting costs, there's server changes, there's back-end maintenance etc. I'm considering it for down the track, but there's a reason I decided to go the route of Patreon over my own site. There are authors (like Christopher Hopper) who actually do subscription through their own domain, but it's a lot of work.

Even placeholder sites are still work. They need updating, details change, story titles changing etc. Maintaining my Patreon + Ream About pages is enough, they're always both a little out of date, lol.

Not that you're not professional now.

Oh no, I mean from a 'traditional publisher looking at me to see what kind of candidate I am' I'm really not though. Like I said, I don't have the newsletter (100 subscribers who get one newsletter a year is not really a newsletter), I don't have the Facebook/Tiktok/Insta/Twitter/Bluesky/Threads accounts, etc. I write multi-genre across multiple steam levels, and I'm allergic to writing serials shorter than 150k. One of my best performing original serials was an 800k contemporary story with no sex in it but a lot of BDSM. It can't be marketed as clean or sweet, it's not high steam, an entire chapter is 'boy saves snail from rain.' Also he was cruel to animals, so not exactly what I'd call a sympathetic main.

And yet that story did so well for me via Patreon + Ream, because people want the kinds of stories that publishing houses generally don't want and I happen to be writing them.

Trad publishing is work but definitely not as much as self publishing, and you can continue on with your serials. Getting an agent can be time consuming but I personally believe the pros outweigh the cons and I also believe that your stories would be a huge treasure to the growing lgbtqia+ market. Seriously there needs to be more!

Anon I just literally do not believe an agent would want to represent me. I have 0% belief in that. Not from a self-deprecating angle but from a 'I am not a good bet for the trad market' perspective. From a 'I have so many friends who are trad pubbed authors who stare at me like I'm insane for writing serials as long as I do' perspective. From a 'professionals in the industry have told me it's amazing I'm doing so well in serials because there's no way they'd take a risk on what I'm doing' perspective. From a 'just because it's queer and diverse doesn't mean it hits literally any other thing a trad pub is looking for' perspective. I've been doing this for 10 years. There are agents who represent work similar to mine who know what I'm doing and wouldn't touch me with a ten foot pole. They're not missing out on a trick, they know I'm not broad appeal, and they're right.

Also the only way I'd have the energy to manage trad pub is by quitting serials. And honestly, I never found trad pub all that much fun while I was doing it for non-novel stuff. It was fine, and it is nice to have my stuff out there, but it was a ton of admin and a lot of going back and forth between people who really only care about marketing a product, and that's great and what they excel at! But I'm too disabled to turn this job into something crushing just to potentially make more money, I'd rather just quit and go back onto a full Disability Pension. I can't see any way I still get to write the stories I want to write, in the way that I write them, and be remotely appealing to a single reputable trad pub or agent.

Also *gestures to everything in this article*

[herefortheships]

I have a long af post in my drafts, a rambling essay I haven't finished writing about Beetlebabes and purity culture now vs the 80s, 90s, and 2000s.

I also have another post where I'm putting together all the romance beats in Beetlejuice Beetlejuice (following the Romancing the Beat romance structure beat sheet).

And finally I also have two more Beetlejuice posts I haven't finished, one about Betelgeuse's role in the first film vs the second, and one is just a response to another post I never finished typing because I started it days ago in the morning and I had to leave so I couldn't finish it, and then I lost my thread of thoughts, so maybe I won't finish that one. Maybe lol. It was an interesting post about Lydia I wanted to add my thoughts to.

[perhaps-mr-collins-has-a-cousin]

Hello praying people, I'm not doing well and would really appreciate your prayers right now <3

[sskk-manifesto]

♡

[izzy-b-hands]

Was gonna sleep in. Instead woke up randomly at 5 am and have been writing a fix it steddyhands fic since then

I work in like. six hours. I have gotten maybe four hours sleep. Today is a double shift day that'll have me working bit late into the night.

This is fine.

[curseofpower]

I just want everyone to know you don't have to be afraid to talk to me. Send me an ask. Message. whatever you want.