#which is rare?? and I appreciate so much??

[kiragecko]

Look, his brand of incredible self-confidence paired with crippling self-doubt is really unintuitive to a lot of people!

Tim thinks he is capable of doing pretty much anything. He recognizes that there are a few people better then him, and is always on the look-out to learn something new, but he almost never doubts his ability to learn, or his assumption that he'll be one of the best after a short practice period.

He's also never sure if his best will be satisfying to others. That it won't be brushed off, or criticized. Like, he doesn't ASSUME things will go poorly, but he also never relies on them going well.

Writing him as secure in his abilities is correct. Writing him as secure in HIMSELF can be out-of-character, depending on the situation.

-

I've been in similar places as a former gifted kid with ADHD.

I COULD do pretty much any assignment given me. Math, science, language arts - they were all easy. If I didn't understand, it took one question, or a quick read, to get up to speed. I was good at running, and most physical skills that didn't require hand-eye coordination. I at least THOUGHT I was good at acting. Teachers liked talking with me.

But I had zero confidence in myself. I couldn't trust myself to finish assignments or show up to events. I'd misread instructions, or get distracted when they were being given. I'd answer questions in ways that annoyed the other students. I could never make friends, or even understand why what the other kids were doing was fun.

I both thought I COULD do anything, and was terribly insecure about everything I did. Was I doing it the way people wanted? Would people change their mind and then blame me? Would people not care, because it was ME doing it? Any mistake would be my fault, no matter how impossible it would have been for me to avoid it!

-

An even more subtle challenge in writing Tim is that he rarely SAYS negative things about himself. He just acts in ways consistent with BELIEVING those things.

He doesn't say, "nobody likes me!" He just assumes nobody will notice if he disappears for a week, and accepts shallow relationships where nobody knows the real him, and says yes to every person who asks to date him, unless he remembers he's dating someone else.

He doesn't say, "I deserve to be treated the way I am." He just blames himself when his dad doesn't show up to things, and agrees to bonding activities he doesn't like, and pretends to appreciate gifts that show a deep misunderstanding of his character.

So, some people pick up the vibes he's giving off, but then write him explicitly expressing them, which reads wrong. And other people miss the vibes, and write him as only confident and a bit obnoxious, which is also off.

Tim is SUBTLE.

it kills me when people try to characterize tim as insecure and lacking confidence in himself or his abilities. like please. a guy who goes "uwaaahh maybe im just not that good at anything and i don't bring much to the table and i don't think anyone actually likes me and im just not good enough" would have given up by failed clone attempt #26. be for fucking real

[bunni-v1]

Thinking about lighters voicelines like how he goes "know your place!" or "try not to fall down".. hmdjfmndjsnmm gripping my goddamn knees

Like maybe being lighters enemy would not be so bad if he ever said that to me, though i can only imagine the kind of ??? hed give if he heard anyone say that but MAN its almost unfair how hes got such a hot voice

This got buried in my askbox, but fuck me sideways enemies to lovers with Lighter is literally the dream. (Also I play on JP so I've never heard this man's EN lines lol). Just imagine how good the sexual tension could be, how perfect the emotional beats would be. THE HATE FUCKING!!!! Got my head spinning just thinking about it.

Just imagine both of you disgustingly sweaty, just having finished a tussle. You should be angry as hell, having just had your ass beat by the guy, but... you weren't. No, you were horny as fuck. With the way he was talking, laughing at you, teasing you knowing you didn't have a chance. Jesus fuck, how could you be anything but?

You knew Lighter was formidable, but you thought it was cause he was good to fight, not because he seemed like such a good fuck. You can't help your thoughts wandering to him saying shit like that buried to the hilt inside you. Pounding your ass like a whore while you whined out his name over and over until you couldn't think. Made you clench around nothing.

It certainly showed on your face, with the odd way he was staring at you. Those same hands that just handed you your ass, reached out to help you back to your feet. You try to brush off the thoughts of those strong fingers choking you out while he fucks the air out of your lungs. Instead, taking the hand appreciatively, surprised at how courteous he was.

"You're pretty good," He gives you your flowers for holding your own, though you're sure he's just saying that out of habit. His ego must be huge... just like something else.

Rolling your eyes, you brush yourself off, "Lying isn't very nice, Champion."

That gets you a chuckle, which makes your head spin, "I'm serious. You were a rare challenge, don't beat yourself up too much."

He'll leave you with that, weak in the knees as you watch him strut off with the confidence of ten men. It'll leave you hoping your next fight comes sooner if only to feel those hands on you again. To hear him degrade you like some kind of slut one more time, even if he had no idea what he was doing to you.

[look-back-month-challenge]

This is the prompt list for the Look Back Challenge 2025! See this Post if you want to know more about the Challenge and it's Rules.

You do not need to use the prompt list to participate, but if you'd like ideas, this list is here for you!

Introduce your newest toy to the one you've had longest.

What is your oldest toy? (Chronologically)

A toy you love, but rarely, if ever, photograph.

Do you still have any toys from your childhood?

Any buying regrets?

Any you're thinking of getting rid of?

A toy you like, but don't want any more of that type/line/style.

One that came to you at a special time in your life.

A toy that was gifted to you.

What is your sibling's (or bestie's) favorite of your collection?

Which one would your friends/family guess if your favorite?

What would your followers guess is your favorite?

Show your favorite toy.

Valentine's Day

Have you ever made a custom?

Do you have any customs made by someone else?

Most interesting or unusual toy.

Have any cool accessories?

Do you have any playsets?

Ever keep any packaging or other bits not part of the toy itself?

Do you have any non-toy merch related to a toy line? (Shirts etc.)

Favorite color scheme.

Least favorite color scheme.

Most expensive toy.

Most sought after toy.

What line/type of toy do you own the most of?

Toy that surprised you.

Any toy you regretted letting go of?

Thank you to everyone who suggested ideas for prompts! You all helped me so much in putting this list together, and I really appreciate it. I hope everyone has fun!

[thepachy]

Some little wips

Just a very quick sketch/redraw of old Jacob now that i have tge perfect muse

Honestly i have no idea in which canon or au this is, like who survived, did the dep came or anything. Idk probably just the main old au

(the big spaces it’s because it’s missing parts)

In the new world. Joseph, the Father of what was once a big family walked to a distant place, away from his own garden, in the remaining mountains of the old Hope county

The old man walked to a sort of cabin, build by the two men he came seek for a possible help. He looked around at the porch, the little garden, some dog houses here and there. Rustic but they made it their home. Joseph continued his way toward the side of the house to where he saw one of the men. Still thin but looking healthier, with a kind of mullet like his younger days. There, trying to paint with some rudimentary paint he made. The old Father walked closer and let out a little greeting. "Oh ? Joseph ?" The man turned and gave him a little smile. The man was older, his burned marks still there but healed after so many years. They were placed at the same spots as his partner and the similarities made Joseph smile. All the more so as, as he grew older, the old painter’s beard became ginger. What was a little spot few years ago, grew to almost all his chin.

E- What is this visit worth, dear ?

J -i wanted to come visit you two. It’s been a while

-yeah… a while. so how’s the others ? In your new Eden ?

-it’s going well. My son can be difficult sometimes but one day he’ll grow in maturity, I’m sure

-Ethan ? The very few times i saw this one he looked like a little troublemaker

-sure he can be… and how are you ? You two are… pretty nice here uh ?

-yeah we sure are. Jacob really managed to build our own little Eden

-i see it. And where is The man ?

-oh, him ? Hunting our dinner with his pack

-his pack ? What did i missed ?

-well, while you were rebuilding your family and new Eden, the old man decided to uh… return to his experiences

-the judges ?

-yeah kinda but no. He made a bond with a little pack, raising them and all. Truly impressive if i wasn’t the one having to clean their mess

-i see you still pain ?

-yeah i try to do with what i have. Try making my own paint and yeah try to paint with the fingers i have left

-oh… what happened to these ?

-these ? A trap. Or maybe a wolf, i don’t remember well. Oh but look who’s finally here !"

Here came the mountain man in all his glory. The old wolf came from the woods with his little pack and a buck on his shoulders. He looked stronger, well fed like if he was scared he had to eat someone else. The old age made him hairier and loose his colors, more grey and white but some ginger hair were still visible. He aged well, we could say.

_________

E- Joseph we told you that we both decided to quit all this a while ago. So we’re no-

Ja- I’m still the one deciding here in case you forgot ! I told you that if you needed something I’ll still be there okay ?

Jo- i appreciate brother.

E- but we-

Ja- we will find a solution okay ?

E- okay. Whatever you do, I’ll follow you

Ja- i know, honey…

Jo- Listen brother, i just want you to come check us as you rarely do it and by the way help us find a way for the security

Ja- the security ?

Jo- yes. Recently, strangers came to steal things and i refuse to let’s them harm my family

E- yeah it’s true being pacifist doesn’t really help in that, uh ?

Jo- no. So i just want you to come and maybe help me find a better solution, okay ?

Ja- …. Fine

Jo- thank you broth-

Ja- BUT. My husband and I will com-

E- wait wow! Husband ?

Ja- what now ?

E- so we spent almost 10 years here alone without doing nothing about this because you didn’t wanted to make any celebration and then your brother comes and you say we’re husbands just like that ?!

Ja- … surprise ? Anyway, so we’ll come with you, find a solution then come back to our Eden. Understood ?

_________

Jo- thank you very much my chil-

E- Don’t. Don’t call me like that.

Jo- … excuse me…

E- I’ll go prepare this buck and clean the pack. Give me this… and uh, do your things.

Ja- thanks honey…

…

Jo- so he’s still angry at me uh ?… with how he greeted me earlier, i though maybe he-

Ja- you know he’ll never forgive you, Joseph.

Jo- … i can understand

Ja- you can’t. You’re not the one who spent 6 years locked in the same bunker as him, seeing how he hated himself for all the things we had done and forced him to do. You’re not the one who had to see his guilt for keeping me alive, literally eating himself alive.

-brother i know how hard it was

-listen. I decided to sacrifice a lot okay. Just like you and just like my man sacrificed everything to keep me on this earth, that’s why i took the hard decision to move away from you… so we’ll come to help you and the others because they’re still part of the family but you’re little trick to bring us back to your flock will not work, you hear me ? I finally have another reason to live other than war so I’ll not let you put me in another one.

-… fine. You help me and my Eden then I’ll leave you to yours

-good.

…

now come inside and stay for the night but quickly. Before the pack start eating our dinner

_____

That’s it for now !

[dkettchen]

I have officially finished my adventure time (partially-re-)watch, so now I shall finally commence catching up on the like 80+ eps of one piece I'm behind as my new (old) idle show 👌

[friendlycursedspaceotter]

she’s an artist. she’s got DID and it’s not villainized. her armor is a bunch of tiny freaks in a trench coat. she’s good friends with one sword and traumatized another as a child but they are rebuilding that relationship. she infiltrated the mafia. her husband supports trans rights and I think she does too but this hasn’t been confirmed and probably won’t be for at least 3-5 years in our timeline. probably more. she needs therapy but was probably one of the reasons it was invented. she’s also ginger. I’m not saying who it is but you know who it is.

[mari-lair]

I got commissioned by the lovely @iashiaya to draw their OC Nova! I love her design so much

[kmpshitposter]

Dwayne Goettel of Skinny Puppy

[likeabxrdinflight]

...I should be editing my dissertation but now I'm thinking about how both Azula and Katara are perhaps the most "adultified" of the atla characters and...hmm. Interesting.

[spinjitsuburst]

ramble about ur favs i wanna hear abt ur thoughts -zaptrap

HAN’S INFODUMPING ABOUT JAY... START!!!!

so like sgdkdhdkdhd I say Jay and Lloyd are my “favorites” but honestly it’s so hard to pick favorites out of this skittles squad like I love EVERY character for a variety of different reasons. I was going to also infodump about Lloyd but then I started talking about Prime Empire and then this post got. Long. So. it's just Jay I may infodump about Lloyd another day especially since I'm very Conduit Brained Rn but yea yea!

this is long so i'm putting most of it under the cut so y'all don't kill me for making a huge long post

I considered putting Zane and Sora on here as well since I’d also consider them my “favs” but like this is already gonna be. A lot of. Infodumping (also i typed THIS part before I even started and decided not to yell about Lloyd because this already got long enough). Maybe I’ll make a separate post for those two hmm hmm much to consider but for now MY (technically) FAVORITE NINJAGO CHARACTER: JAY WALKER

THE SPARKPLUG WHO INVADED MY BRAIN LIKE A PARASITE

so hey his name is a pun this makes me laugh ridiculously hard every time I remember he is named. After a misdemeanor HSKSHDKFH

Jay is such an interesting case of a character for me because I started out the show not liking him. Which is. Stares at my entire account I think my feelings have changed somewhat

Jay starts out as an asshole I don’t think anyone can disagree with me there (although honestly they’re all assholes in early ninjago they bullied a ten year old and left him dangling several feet off the ground) but over the course of the show you can see him start developing into a much more interesting character. He goes from being so insecure he's faking everything about himself to someone who knows who he is and is so genuine about it

now yea we could argue about whether his character was too uwu-ified post-season 10 but this is the FUN HAN POST SO WE'RE NOT GONNA TALK ABOUT THAT the point is you can SEE the growth that Jay has gone through and I am going to show you that growth through what I call

✨ The Skybound to Prime Empire Effect ✨

I AM SO PASSIONATE ABOUT THE IDEA THAT PRIME EMPIRE WAS WRITTEN TO BE A DIRECT PARALLEL OF SKYBOUND AND WAS CENTERED ON SHOWING HOW THE NINJA ESPECIALLY JAY HAVE GROWN THROUGHOUT THE SEASON

when season 12 rolls around we are at the point in Jay's development where he is CONFIDENT in who he is. He's a fun-loving jokester with the power of lightning and the drive to help people whenever he can. He uses jokes and humor to help alleviate tension and get people through whatever's happening. And when on his own what does he do?

BECOME AN ENTERTAINER BABEY

i like to think jay's club in prime empire was a safe haven for anyone stuck in the game who figured out hey. we Can't Leave and felt freaked about it. Also Jay would generally try and spread the word that hey something ISN'T RIGHT HERE which would lead people to want to stay with him

(totally plugging my friend's fic but this kind of thing is explored in would you like to enter prime empire by @finn-m-corvex y'all should check it out cool cool)

also the prime empire shorts which i watched all of in the midst of typing this video cuz i love them go watch them please please please jay was publically fighting the red visors which I imagine may have raised some red flags for some players

THIS SOMEHOW TURNED INTO PRIME EMPIRE INFODUMPING LMAO ANYWAYS Jay's confident! He becomes an entertainer because it's who he knows he is! And it's something that will get people hyped and having fun, which is very in-character for Jay to do! He uses those kinds of things to mask the Bad Things going on and get people remembering what's good

I've talked about this sort of thing before but that's Jay's whole philosophy as early as season 9! Which is a DIRECT contrast to how he views it in season 6, as Nadakhan puts it scarily accurately

"You make jokes to mask the fact that you're afraid"

(i was gonna grab a screenshot for that like i did with the hunted scene but netflix has bloCKED THE ABILITY TO TAKE SCREENSHOTS THE WAY I USED TO and i don't have them already and i'm too lazy to grab them from elsewhere so alas trust me he says it)

making jokes to hide your fear and using humor to remind yourself of what's good and coping with the bad are two VERY different outlooks on it

so I think this outlook is what drives him to make this glamrock persona in the first place - this is a bad situation, one he's in with other civilians, and what better way to keep him and themself safe until the others get there than throwing a big performance at a safe place!

also it's just so gender okay I want to look like Superstar Rockin' Jay so badly

it's also interesting to see his outlook on his parents change over time! In season six he finds out Ed and Edna aren't his birth parents and feels upset about it, not understanding why his birth parents would've abandoned him. In season twelve, that outlook changing is EXACTLY why Jay's able to get through to Unagami

"I was abandoned by my parents, too!... I never understood why, and I never had the chance to even ask. But I always hoped there was a good reason. What if there's a reason?"

(again curse you netflix i wanted SCREENSHOTS whatever whatever)

It's this scene that gets Unagami to calm down long enough for Milton Dyer to get there, and presumably is what stops him from just. Flattening him and Jay like a pancake.

to piggyback off of this i absolutely adore how Unagami and Jay consider each other adopted brothers in that one book I still haven't read and I hope he's in Dragons Rising at some point Unagami is my favorite "villain" (no longer a villain) in the whole show he deserves more screentime

like this is where i found out about this and it's plagued my mind ever since. i need to read. this book just for them

SO YEA OKAY Prime Empire is "Who is Jay as a Person Post-Skybound" to me also it opens up so many fascinating things about Jay. I rest my case

so backpedaling a little bit. JAY CARES SO MUCH ABOUT HIS PARENTS GUYS IT'S SO SOFT AND I'M sobs

like yea the first episode with Ed and Edna in it has Jay avoiding them like the plague but this gets explained very easily when you remember he was bullied for his home life before he became a ninja. It makes a lot more sense why he wouldn't want them around his new friends, assuming they'd react the same way. Also how was he supposed to know literally all the rest of the groups parents were either dead, presumed dead, or had a toxic relationship with their kid lmao

(Cole calling his mom kills me. Cole's mom is dead. I know they probably just didn't think that far ahead when writing the dialogue but it's so funny mans pretended to call his dead mom to get on Jay for not appreciating his parents iconic behavior)

anyways literally every episode Ed and Edna are central to (except like the one in skybound) Jay stops at nothing to protect his parents and it means the absolute world to me he's so much like them!! They raised an inventive little nerd and he will stop at nothing to make sure they're safe and it's. It's SO IMPORTANT TO ME OKAY

ALSO this is an excuse to clip my favorite piece of dialogue possibly in the entire show. Except Netflix won't let me now. So you just get the text dialogue

Jay's just fallen from the sky with a messed up eye and is incredibly distraught that all his friends are captured. And his dad just. The woRLD IS FALLING APART AND HE'S EATIN' SOUP-

Ed i love you

anyways

anways anyways this just turned into me rambling about prime empire and then Ed and Edna and a lot of disjointed other stuff but thank you for this opportunity i was going to also ramble about lloyd but i put this post in a word count and

yea i think that's enough for a tumblr post anyways! If anyone wants any like. More logically thought out and direct thoughts about characters feel free to send me asks this was fun thank u @zaptrap for this opportunity to scream about jay

[sysig]

Does this hurt? (Patreon)

Bonus:

I love surfacetable.txt <3

[fumifooms]

You’re the resident chilchuck expert, so I was wondering about it there’s any canon evidence that he did smoke or drink alcohol when the kids were younger. I always thought it was something he picked up due to the strain of long jobs, when the kids were already older, but you seem to think differently and I was wondering if there was anything in canon that made you think that way!

Now that you mention it I guess it’s true there’s no evidence he did. Smoking we literally only know he does at all because of one post-canon panel where he has a pipe, so no, maybe this stick-looking thing in the panel below too though, I’m not familiar with medieval blunts eh. We’ve only gotten one panel of him and his daughters interacting when he was younger so that’s not too insightful on that end, and every time we see him young and freckled it’s in a job context so again not really where we’d expect him to be drinking. The earliest proof (/heavy implication since we don’t see inside his cup I guess) is 3 years before canon when Laios hired him, where he’s at a bar, classily placed in front of all the bottles ✨

Yes alcohol is almost certainly a way through which he copes especially with stress, so if we go with the theory he started around when work got stressful, well… Chilchuck started working as a dungeon diver ~10 years ago so when he was ~19, making Mei, Fler and Puck ~6 and ~4 respectively, so from that draw the ‘stressful enough to start drinking’ line wherever. We don’t know what he did before that with any certainty, and it could be he did odd jobs, lived off mostly mutual aid and community work, or just focused on only raising the girls. Half-foots tend to be poor and I see a lot of that in Chilchuck specifically so I don’t think he could have afforded to not have some paying work though.

Alright, so then why do I think he did drink when the girls were younger?

I give a more complete rundown of the info we do have on his alcoholism & his family with panels and references + all the speculation I make from it here. But the most targeted and objective answer I can give is:

Of course there’s just very very little we know of Chilchuck’s life with his family, and I think that’s by design too. I think the details being up in the air is to allow more nuance of the topic, like, will trying to reconcile go well, is their relationship salvageable? We don’t know, because we don’t know. So the message of giving hope a chance even if it’s a long shot, that things could truly go either way, is more relevant, impactful and meta in that way. How long was he usually away for work travels into dungeons here and there? How did he act with them? All we can really do is "it’s likely that", it’s a game of which way we think it’s more implied. There’s no right and wrong answer, it’s all Marcille-like larping the events out.

My main reason for thinking he did is that his father died from overdrinking and Chilchuck is very aware of that. He mentions his death casually in the extra about their stance in alcohol and in his Adventurer’s Bible profile, etc. He acts towards the alcohol presumably the same way his father did: with abandon, uncaring for the health effects, probably happily too considering Chil says "dying doing something you love is a good way to go". Very nonchalant. So you see what I’m saying here right, wether he started early or late, his view of alcoholism is very influenced by what he saw of his father growing up, it’s something he’s always been aware of and saw in a mostly positive light, something that was inherited you could say. It’s something that was normalized to him from a young age. Regardless or where it goes from there I do think this part is pretty inarguable. If he views it positively and we know that in the present alcohol is his favorite food that he loveees, why would he have held out on it? Personally that all makes me think he started drinking very young, especially since I don’t think they limited alcohol to age as much as modern standards (and I mean, teen drinking is obviously still a thing). And here you could argue, maybe his father only started being more alcoholic later when Chilchuck moved out, or something! And to that there’s nothing I can say except I think that’s a strained theory, and that Chil might even have largely cut contact with his family after moving out (since he and siblings are listed as almost strangers and he doesn’t seem to have much emotional attachment to his parents, but also we know he rents out his place to "a relative"), but it’s true we have no evidence. "I’ve picked up the same unhealthy substance abuse as my father haha! No big deal right haha" repeated several times to me just reeks of intergenerational trauma, & the alcoholism gene as they call it. Like effortless sliding into drinking as if it’s second nature, it’s natural after all, it’s normal after all, it just makes sense, it makes you feel good and that’s what matters.

BUT from my interpretation then we have a whole other layer: Alcohol is of course not all bad always. I think he’s always liked alcohol and drank it on occasion and it brought him joy etc etc, but I think here the implication in the question is, how much effect did his drinking have on the family relations and how early? And that isn’t so much about when him drinking started but when the alcoholism started. Addiction is defined by a habitual need, that has negative effects from filling that need (physical, psychological, social, etc) and negative effects from withdrawal. If Chilchuck drinks to cope and he can’t not cope without it, that’s addiction, if it affects his relationships, if it’s a need he has, it’s addiction. Addiction can be very insidious or look very casual, and how much people around the person are affected by it is case by case. Cheerful drunks can be sooo annoying and uncomfortable though let me tell you. Drunks are drunks. And this sounds harsh, but even if people around them don’t mind drunks it’ll still have some effects here and there, living with one can be such a challenge, ily drunks good luck with everything much like Chilchuck you deserve good things 🫡　

Ok so with the dad thing and the "ok well maybe he’s always drunk casually but it grew worse with time around when he started working as a dungeon diver" precision made, the other bit of info we have that can inform this is that Chilchuck is on a harsh diet and that alcohol is a hunger suppressant. We know Chilchuck "used to be fine not eating for two days", that literally on screen to quench his hunger so it doesn’t keep him awake he goes to drink water, drinking is his instinct to hunger. Again alcohol is a hunger suppressant and if you want info on that the internet has a lot of research and anecdotes about it. He diets to be light enough to not trigger traps, so it’s something he’d have started after dungeon diving most likely. Between the stress and the diet, yes it’s extremely likely he started going harder on alcohol after he started working in dungeons. There’s arguments on wether two days without eating is less bad for half-foots than humans, but apart from smaller portions there’s nothing that indicates half-foots should get less than 3 meals a day. They need less food but that’s because their bodies are smaller: the need is proportional to the body, not smaller than others’ races, the % of need is similar even if the kg amount of food isn’t. There’s also a popular headcanon with support basis that half-foots run hot and have a faster heartrate and whatnot, and that points towards a faster metabolism rather than a slower one: a bigger need for eating rather than a smaller one. He has the same bmi, 18, as Mickbell, but perhaps because Chil is much taller he’s less intensely visibly underweight with ribs showing than Mick during the bath extra, it’s most apparent when he becomes tallman.

Alcohol is something so important and omnipresent in his character that I have trouble believing it’s something that was part of only a small fraction of his life. It’s his immediate go-to, his no-brainer solution to a good time, I’ve sort of always assumed especially after looking at his family that it’s something he discovered decently young. Like he just acts like someone who’s always had alcohol to fall back on and started young idk. Alcohol is one of his 5 keywords. Alcoholism is very ingrained into his world view and life, his "it doesn’t matter" stance his ‘work hard play hard’ mentality his idea that the world is harsh so you get relief where you can, so it just makes sense to me that it’s always been in his life, if not actively then at least looming.

So yes, in summary, my take: Alcohol was always something he wholly enjoyed to an unwise level, but it could have been considered casual until he started working into dungeons and his need for it on a regular basis intensified. Alcohol has always had positive association to him as far as we see, so when it started being a problem he didn’t see it as such. To quote him, "I drink anytime I get the opportunity to". Why always? Approval of father’s alcoholism. Why alcoholism at all? Diet + stress & coping mechanism & emotional stunting + relationship issues, and she decided she had enough after they went out for drinks.

Conclusion

Chilchuck having drunk from a young age makes sense to me and it’s the strongest narrative angle I see on the table, but that’s objectively a me opinion, yes! There’s no evidence, moreso there’s canon basis and supporting info, but it’s all very left up to interpretation. I’ve made my own interpretations of things from the scraps we see, like everyone else making Chilwife and daughters content. Wether you have a stance on the topic or prefer to leave it vague in your takes, it’ll be a matter of what you think makes most sense, or what you’d rather believe I suppose (which is literally fine)

There’s a lot of subjectivity in even just setting up causal links like you probably noticed during this and I was careful with my word choices, because we’re just extrapolating from what we see and unless Kui states it explicitly from a reliable mouth all we can do is have informed opinions on most things. This particular interpretation is influenced by other details I’ve come to form about my interpretation of Chilchuck too, the more psychological and emotional sides of him and the timeline and how his marriage even happened, unplanned pregnancy imo. Like I hope you see what I mean, this wasn’t supposed to be a speculation post just a quick simple answer but there’s sort of just no other and concise but complete way with the subjectivity nuance to put "maybe it could be yes because of this but maybe it could be no because of this" haha

Edit: Wait the phrasing on this… Interesting. "In recent years"— This does imply that if not just his alcohol consumption increasing then the diversity and quality of it did, so either he indeed did start drinking more (not necessarily meaning he didn’t drink before) assumedly because of his wife leaving, or he started drinking other/more different kinds of alcohol maybe due to the union he formed + his experience gave him greater salary than he had previously (and no wife and family to provide money for), a mix of both perhaps.

[not-poignant]

Hi Pia

Feel free to ignore if this is unwelcome, but have you ever thought about publishing traditionally to sublimate your income and draw in new readers? I know you've self published two books already and that you didn't feel like they did very well, but maybe the experience would be different if someone else was in charge of marketing and all the other business stuff?

Obviously everyone's experience is different but as an author myself who's published both trad and self, traditional publishing has been a completely different experience and has allowed me to focus more on writing because I'm not the one responsible for advertising/marketing/financing anymore.

There are a ton of literary agents nowadays that want to represent diverse and lgbtqia+ fiction, some of them even in Australia.

Websites like Reedsy, AgentQuery and Jerichowriters have extensive directories to find literary agents.

(This is lengthy folks so I'm putting the other two parts (and my response) under a read more! Also putting it under a read more so the anon can skip my response since it's very 'here's all the reasons I can't do this' and they just might not want to read that, lmao)

(continued -> )

Trad publishing houses have better resources for marketing and helping authors get more attention than any self publishing website could.

Obviously most authors, unless they're really prolific, don't get a huge advance (the average is between $1000 - $5000) but getting your foot in the door or on the traditional publishing "ladder' so to speak can have a huge benefit for your serials. Because it gives you more exposure. Plus it's in the agent's best interest to find a publishing house that accepts stories that contain darker themes and negotiate the best deal for you.

For some reason places like Amazon and the like accept and keep up more "dark" books that are traditionally published than they do with self pub ones. Maybe because they have more respect or leniency for publishing houses? I have no idea. But you could use this to your advantage. I think I remember you mentioning that writing novels felt quite isolating to you? But you already have 2 completed novels (3 if you count the fae one) that you could potentially revisit or rewrite to your liking and get them represented by agents.

You already have a loyal readership and that's very attractive to trad pub houses and agents.

As well as trad publishing, you could also make s simple website that doesn't require much maintenance. It could be just a landing page that says something about you and then has links to your tumblr and patreon where you're more active. That way you increase the chances of getting your serials found by additional readers and also come across looking more "professional". Not that you're not professional now. You are and I admire you greatly, but the unfortunate reality is a lot of people still judge by appearances and some will be more drawn to an author's website than a tumblr page, at least at first. So I think having a simple landing page would open up another door for you to benefit from.

Trad publishing is work but definitely not as much as self publishing, and you can continue on with your serials. Getting an agent can be time consuming but I personally believe the pros outweigh the cons and I also believe that your stories would be a huge treasure to the growing lgbtqia+ market. Seriously there needs to be more!

These are just suggestions and thoughts and like I said before, feel free to ignore. But I know you've mentioned wanting to grow your career in the past and I genuinely believe you can do so with some of these pathways.

~

Okay, my response. Posting this because firstly I think the suggestions could work very well for other authors reading this! And I hope they take the advice to note, and secondly because I haven't talked about this for a hot minute so let's talk about it again.

So the TL;DR is yes I have considered traditional publishing. I have actually been traditionally published in short stories, poetry, and also had my art published on covers and re: interior illustrations. But my Fae Tales works got soundly rejected when I sent them to publishing houses that were doing open calls for that sort of material. I've never heard back from an agent and I never expect to, heh.

~

Now for a bit more detail

I have been traditionally published before (it's how I got my writing out there long before I ever wrote serials), and yes, I have approached publishers with my writing since then. In fact Tradewinds was written for the traditional publishing market, and it got soundly rejected, and then shelved. The reasons it was rejected ran the gamut from 'I don't like that these fae eat humans no one is going to relate to these people' (while the editor then went on to publish vampire books idk) to 'There's too much worldbuilding you can't expect readers to keep up with this' to 'Your stories are too long, no one wants to read characters talking all the time.'

Meanwhile in my online serials I was getting feedback like 'my favourite chapters are the ones where the characters just sit in a room and talk' lol.

The traditional publishing world is also not quite as utopian for most authors as you make it seem. I'm friends with a lot of authors who are traditionally published because that's the world I came from, and unless they're solely in KU and doing generic rapid release formula romances, none of them are making that much money. Certainly not enough to live off. It may have been that you were very fortunate, anon, but I know hundreds more traditionally published authors that left trad pub to make money, and I know about 5 in trad pub personally who are making enough to live off of.

Only one of those is really writing what she truly loves to write, and even then, publishing houses have refused to commit to her entire fantasy series (and she's regularly in 'Top 10/20 Women Fantasy Authors in the World' lists) and forced her to finish the series prematurely. Something I never ever have to worry about in self pub.

The reality is that in trad pub these days, you're still in charge of most of your marketing unless you're one of the big earners for the publishing house. In fact I'd be expected to keep even more of a social media and marketing presence than I do now. I don't do almost any of the things you're supposed to do as an author in marketing to be appealing. I don't have a Facebook author account. I don't have an Instagram author account. I don't maintain or regularly send out newsletters (which automatically puts me in the like 0.05% of authors who make money doing this lmao).

I don't know if you ever have looked that closely into what m/m publishing houses expect from most of their authors, but the newsletter swaps, cover releases, review circuits, interview circuits and more are fucking grueling. We're expected to be responsible for our advertising and our marketing to a fairly massive degree. Some traditionally published in m/m still have to pay for their release blitzes out of pocket. These publishing houses, by and large, do not offer advances. You say most authors don't get large advances. I don't think most authors in this arena get offered advances at all unless they're somehow miraculously acquired by a Big 4.

We're expected to have an already established social media presence because of that (that's why it's so appealing to publishers that we have social media presences already, anon, so we can market, they can save money, and we still see only a minimal cut from the royalties).

And you still have to focus on your finances, because publishing houses like Dreamspinner straight up didn't pay a whole bunch of authors for so long they destroyed careers. They still haven't paid some of their authors. And they're still running a business and people still buy their books.

Trad publishing houses have better resources for marketing and helping authors get more attention than any self publishing website could.

This is true if a) they're a big publishing house and not an indie publisher of which most LGBTQIA+ publishing houses are and b) they're willing to use them on you.

The authors that make the most money get the most resources. If they believe you're going to earn back your advance and move thousands or tens of thousands of units per book, then yes, you will get those resources.

I have been told so many times now - even from friends who run publishing houses, including one who works at HarperCollins - that my work will never be mainstream enough to have broad appeal. They literally told me not to keep trying re: trad pub, because that was my dream for a long time. These folks have given me rock solid advice in the past, it's one of the reasons I'm doing so well now via Patreon + Ream. But they were like (paraphrasing) 'you don't write 60-80k romances and you don't want to and that's not your strength anyway, you're multi-genre which makes you hard to market, you write psychological and literary trauma recovery which is hard to market, you write character studies which are hard to market, publishing houses often don't commit to series anymore if the first two don't move units and if they pulled the plug you'd be contractually obliged to never finish that series until your contract was up.' I could go on, but it was like yeah...actually. Fair.

For some reason places like Amazon and the like accept and keep up more "dark" books that are traditionally published than they do with self pub ones. Maybe because they have more respect or leniency for publishing houses?

They do, but most publishing houses want very formulaic dark romance which is not what I write.

I have a 300k omegaverse slowburn that still hasn't had any penetrative sex in it, anon. Publishing houses don't want that. They don't expect anyone will wait 4 full length novels to get to literally a single penetrative sex scene.

But you already have 2 completed novels (3 if you count the fae one) that you could potentially revisit or rewrite to your liking and get them represented by agents.

If I rewrote them to my liking, trad pub wouldn't want them. They'd be too long! I think agents etc. take one look at me and go 'oh god, no thank you!' I'm not an easy sell, by any means.

Plus I'm very e.e about all of that with the knowledge that they then give me only about 10-15% of the royalties on the sales, vs. self-pub where I get around 70%, or subscription where I around 80% of it. When someone subscribes to me, they don't have to worry about 85-90% of their subscription fee going to a publishing house. I don't have to think about how many thousands and thousands of books I'd have to sell to make the same amount that I do now via subscription.

As well as trad publishing, you could also make s simple website that doesn't require much maintenance.

If it was that simple, I'd be doing it. I don't mean this in a facetious way, I mean it in a: I've made a lot of websites, in fact I run one at the moment not connected to my writing (I've been running it for so long it's now in its 20s and can probably has a driver's license). I find it so tedious that I barely remember to check in on it. But forgetting about it means there's always maintenance to keep up with when I get back to it.

Running websites is simpler than it used to be, but it's still not simple. There's hosting and hosting costs, there's server changes, there's back-end maintenance etc. I'm considering it for down the track, but there's a reason I decided to go the route of Patreon over my own site. There are authors (like Christopher Hopper) who actually do subscription through their own domain, but it's a lot of work.

Even placeholder sites are still work. They need updating, details change, story titles changing etc. Maintaining my Patreon + Ream About pages is enough, they're always both a little out of date, lol.

Not that you're not professional now.

Oh no, I mean from a 'traditional publisher looking at me to see what kind of candidate I am' I'm really not though. Like I said, I don't have the newsletter (100 subscribers who get one newsletter a year is not really a newsletter), I don't have the Facebook/Tiktok/Insta/Twitter/Bluesky/Threads accounts, etc. I write multi-genre across multiple steam levels, and I'm allergic to writing serials shorter than 150k. One of my best performing original serials was an 800k contemporary story with no sex in it but a lot of BDSM. It can't be marketed as clean or sweet, it's not high steam, an entire chapter is 'boy saves snail from rain.' Also he was cruel to animals, so not exactly what I'd call a sympathetic main.

And yet that story did so well for me via Patreon + Ream, because people want the kinds of stories that publishing houses generally don't want and I happen to be writing them.

Trad publishing is work but definitely not as much as self publishing, and you can continue on with your serials. Getting an agent can be time consuming but I personally believe the pros outweigh the cons and I also believe that your stories would be a huge treasure to the growing lgbtqia+ market. Seriously there needs to be more!

Anon I just literally do not believe an agent would want to represent me. I have 0% belief in that. Not from a self-deprecating angle but from a 'I am not a good bet for the trad market' perspective. From a 'I have so many friends who are trad pubbed authors who stare at me like I'm insane for writing serials as long as I do' perspective. From a 'professionals in the industry have told me it's amazing I'm doing so well in serials because there's no way they'd take a risk on what I'm doing' perspective. From a 'just because it's queer and diverse doesn't mean it hits literally any other thing a trad pub is looking for' perspective. I've been doing this for 10 years. There are agents who represent work similar to mine who know what I'm doing and wouldn't touch me with a ten foot pole. They're not missing out on a trick, they know I'm not broad appeal, and they're right.

Also the only way I'd have the energy to manage trad pub is by quitting serials. And honestly, I never found trad pub all that much fun while I was doing it for non-novel stuff. It was fine, and it is nice to have my stuff out there, but it was a ton of admin and a lot of going back and forth between people who really only care about marketing a product, and that's great and what they excel at! But I'm too disabled to turn this job into something crushing just to potentially make more money, I'd rather just quit and go back onto a full Disability Pension. I can't see any way I still get to write the stories I want to write, in the way that I write them, and be remotely appealing to a single reputable trad pub or agent.

Also *gestures to everything in this article*

[herefortheships]

I have a long af post in my drafts, a rambling essay I haven't finished writing about Beetlebabes and purity culture now vs the 80s, 90s, and 2000s.

I also have another post where I'm putting together all the romance beats in Beetlejuice Beetlejuice (following the Romancing the Beat romance structure beat sheet).

And finally I also have two more Beetlejuice posts I haven't finished, one about Betelgeuse's role in the first film vs the second, and one is just a response to another post I never finished typing because I started it days ago in the morning and I had to leave so I couldn't finish it, and then I lost my thread of thoughts, so maybe I won't finish that one. Maybe lol. It was an interesting post about Lydia I wanted to add my thoughts to.

[perhaps-mr-collins-has-a-cousin]

Hello praying people, I'm not doing well and would really appreciate your prayers right now <3

[du-hjarta-skulblaka]

One of The Family at the chippy (I have no explicit reason to believe they're in The Mob beyond they're all Italian and related and own a chip shop but it's a very fun idea for me so I'm rolling with it) brought in homemade chicken soup last night and was offering it to other family members but also (and only!) me so not only am I taking this as a sign that I'm doing good and she likes me but also it absolutely fucked