#which is like ugh whatever but is also so fucking annoying
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Uuggghhhh I don’t wanna go to work today
#this weekend has been so exhausting#like one it’s way busier than normal cuz Christmas#but also I think I’ve been yelled at/argued with/threatened more in the past two days#then I have been in the past two months combined#which is like ugh whatever but is also so fucking annoying#I know it’s because ppl think they’re allowed to do whatever the want and also see retail employees as like. punching bags and stress balls#but like dude. my WHOLE JOB is to explain company policy to ppl#like do I actually gaf about company policy? no. but it IS my entire job to explain it to you and I kinda need a job#also like sorry you’re not gonna die if things didn’t go exactly you’re way at the by in bulk store#but like why do you think you’re gonna get you’re way by screaming at me and begging me to make an exception for them#when….. my whole job…….. is to explain the corporate policies to ppl……..#I also like when they tell me I need to go tell corporate to change it because they don’t like it#like man you think they’re gonna listen to ME?#they’re more likely to gaf if you called rather than me (not that that would change it either but the point stands)#and they never like that answer either#I think I’ve had only one or two ppl a day#when I calmly and politely explain they can’t do this thing because of policy go ‘oh okay that’s fine’ and then move on#literally everyone else has thrown a fucking fit about it#and I know it’s cuz it’s so close to Christmas and ppl are feeling entitled#but honestly that pissed me off more#like SUPPOSEDLY this is a season of kindness and generosity and good will#but sure yeah let’s screech and scream at and threaten the retail workers cuz they told you know about something#I’m not surprised these are fucking Americans during the holiday season after all#but oh. my god.#it’s tiring and I want a day off#but I don’t get one until Christmas Eve and that’s when I’ll be at my mom’s FOR Christmas#so it’s not really even a day off#sigh. it’s fine#I’m just annoyed and kinda tired#kaz rambles
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so hey guys i finished dungeon meshi yesterday and i'm still thinking about it
#ria.txt#i spoiled myself so at first i was like 'this is bonkers wtf are they doing in those last few chapters?????'#but then it was like. yeah. i see#love those ch when it's just clearly putting the squad into Situations#also. izutsumi#what i really liked was how tightly the protagonist and the deuteragonist were wound up in the overall themes#the plot the themes the conflict the characters it was very neatly connected#hence i am also now accidentally invested in whatever going on between laios and marcille#not just platonic not romantic not enemies i just think they work well tgt and deeply care for each other its great watching them develop#it's the leader + most trusted advisor / anxious girlfailure + the annoying freak she's somehow attached to vibes#haha that rabbit chapter with marcille. hahha i was like what the fuck man. it was funny and then boom whump [tears streaming down my face]#those shapeshifter chs were sooo much fun esp seeing other chara's perceptions of each other. stealing that#the changeling ones were great too elf senshi is the fucking funniest he looks sooooooo unserious#marcille's evolving perception with death starting with saving falin and saving the squad and her nightmares of outliving everyone-#-and her dad and her 'temper tantrum' and UGH when at the end she said she was fine with falin not coming back.... WAAA. OUGH.#i think dunmeshi handled the trope of 'prophecy of chosen one becoming king' pretty well and it makes sense why laios is the protag#the worldbuilding is so thoughtful as well i liked seeing different characters with different worldviews interact#very solid and well rounded series wooo#the main 4 has such a fun dynamic together#anyways. dunmeshi au.....#more like borrowing the worldbuilding bc charas are too nuanced for a one to one comparison#ren is like some prince of his own species but he's like 34th in line and no one cares about him so he fucks off to eat monsters#which is why he's both snobbish AND a total freak when it comes to his food taste#false is originally in for the money from ren and plans to scam him but unfortunately the cringefail swag captures her#martyn is Obnoxiously Clueless and thinks he's smart but he's not. he's resourceful but also pathetic and crazy#stress cant cook but she thinks she does so everyone goes (≖_≖ ) when she picks up a pot. they delegate her to killing and chopping duty#the mvp is iskall who keeps on saving everyone's asses and somehow has resources for everyone#i think ren is actually aware false is going to scam him but he has too much money to spend anyway and he thinks shes cool so he lets her??#and somehow she doesnt take the money and run. and goes back to eating monsters w/ the party. everyone is crazy
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Not to be rude, but I just read your bio, and did you not draw Chasriel nsfw? I checked and it seems as though you've gotten it taken off of e621 in the last few months, which is good, but I'm a little curious if you're hypocritical now and just trying to hide it, or you've stopped drawing such things entirely.
WTFFF BRUHHH I HAVE NEVER MADE NSFW IN MY LIFE!!! BUT ALSO CHASRIEL IS FUCKING GROSS!!!!! EWWW THOSE ARE SIBLINGS AND ALSO KIDS,,,,, WITH WHO TF ARE YOU CONFUSING ME WITH TOO???HUHH??? AND WHAT THE FUCK EVEN IS e621????
ALSO WHY ARE YOU CALLED LIKE THAT, IM NOT TURNING EVER ANON BACK ON IF IM GOING TO GET THINGS LIKE THIS LMAO
#like huhhhh#i think my art style is also like unique enough so im so confused on who are you even confusing me with#are you blind?#no way someone has a close enough art style to mine to get confused like thatttt#but also ewwwwwww ugh#this annoys me to hell bro#I HATE THE PEOPLE THAT DRAW THINGS LIKE THAT#ask#FUCK YOU ANON ALSO DO YOUR RESEARCH BEFORE CALLING ME THESE THINGS EW EW EW#edit:#okay anon said that they saw that drawing very quickly and instead focused on the name it was credited for#aparently it was credited to me for whatever reason and aparently is no longer up#which is good never credit me wrongly me in weird shit like that ew i hope the worst to whoever did that shit#i still think anon should have asked me personally instead of straight up assuming i would make something like that#anyways#i hope this does not happen again and also just as a reminder i would NEVER make weirdo shit i truly hate that stuff so much#oh and also i only post in the socials in my carrd i still have no fucking idea where anon saw that art that supposedly was credited to me
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aaghh I hate health anxiety ocd (or whatever you call it), it's literally doing nothing other than contributing to make my health worse
... wait actually, does anyone have like, tips/advice for that kind of thing? I really think I need some help with this one
#i (ai)#ocd#vent cw#I also have like severe decision paralysis + procrastination issues so that's great#like. being so scared that i have to choose for something to eat that is nutritious&healthy AND affordable AND eatable#that i delay my eating by many hours every other day (+ combined with many other reasons like general awful schedule)#is not in fact the amazing health plan my instincts apparently think it is for some baffling reason. fucking hell#I consistently have all sorts of digestive system issues and I'm plenty underweight. tbh my adhd meds prob also dont help with this part#....on that note I have severe anxiety with spending money (which I have very little of) too. lmao. just great#during the lockdown years my contamination ocd spiked very badly and it still hadn't fully recovered now#and it was/is really godawful harmful for my physical and mental health alike. like this was worse before but even now it really screws wit#my hydration habits. also its always my top consideration/anxiety to think about 'god would the toilet hygiene be bad'#whenever theres any option for me to go anywhere. so I avoided nearly every possible activity/event/social event I could avoid#that require leaving home for half a day or more. and I freak out badly whenever anyone comes to our home to visit for fear of contaminatio#some family friends used to send kids over to our place for dinner montly-ish & that was always my worst anxiety source for the month#I always dreaded the night terribly and it was awful experience. urgh.#gdi I wish I had less types of ocds like why am I cursed with so many annoying things at once lmao#...anyway ugh. i hate how my parents is about me getting sick/ill/any sort of pains etc. always jump to blame me at once#now I don't even want to tell them about it but I have to and they'll often force me to do chores as usual and/or never stop talking about#how it's so totally my fault for having awful schedules and bad habits etc that I'm sick & that I'm making excuses or whatever the fuck#that i'm an adult its my responsibility etc etc#anyway sorry and thank you if you've read this far lmao
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anyways sry its not srs eventually ill get it together . and be a person again. one day
#its just like atm everything that i need is like . not possible. which is oartially my brain being like We have to do this before we this#which sometimes isnt true but sometimes is#like i cant get medicated again or back seeing a psych or back on t until i get a job again#but i cant get a job again utnil i get my ged <- partially untrue but ged would make it a lot easier#but i cant get my ged until i have a job bc it costs money <- if i asked my parents they would probably help me If they had money 2 spare#since like. yk. they want ne to be able to work again so i have money again and ill be another source of income and they care abt me also .#affirmations . ppl donot just see me as a piggy bank they do see me as a person im not judt someone to squeeze money out of thats not how#ppl view me and its fine its fine its fine its fine . it feels so stupid being scared abt that i feel like a rich person whos like She only#likes me for my money 😭 like stfuuu annoying ass. i just ummmm. have a massive fear of debt and like. ppl demanding money from me#unexpectedly or expecting i am going to give them money. not in like a Ohhh fucking ppl want me to donate not it at all im happy to donate#but in like. god this is dumb. eveeytime i got birthday or christmas money as a kid i had to give it to my parents so they could buy food or#gas or whatever. and it never got paid bsck and it felt like shit. but i couldnt ever say no bc then itd be My fault we didnt have food that#week . yk. my first paycheck i had to give it all to my mom for groceries and we got in a fight in the store bc she was like Ok im gonna go#buy pop and my dumbass got upset abt it bc like. my mom told me itd be Necessities nd like. yk. wtvr. it was fucking stupid my entire family#r caffeine addicts so pop is a necessity i was just. rly upset and it felt like my parents saw my money as just. theirs but they had to ask#abt it so i wouldnt get pissy. yk. and they ask me for money a lot usually for food and i dont mind but it like. idk im rly paranoid abt#being a provider and ive got a Lot of guilt abt like. anytime we dont have enough food it feels like my fault bc it was my fault when i wasa#kid if i didnt give up my christmas money for pizza. or whatever. idk its so dramatic like i didnt need the money i was 8 it was selfish of#me to wanna buy fucking. toys or whatever that wasnt more important than My parents being able to get to work or my siblings being able to#fucking. literally eat. or paying bills. like its selfish that im like wahhh wahhh but i wanted to buy vibeo game wif my bday money i#shouldve judt been fucking grateful i was able to help my family. wtvr. I hate connor. wtvr#n then the shit with ugh last year like. yk. and stuff. and then the them stealing 1000 from me not getting into it b4 i get mad. idk.#and im just lazy now i need to get a job again but all the shit like. as i was saying earlier b4 i started whining. idk. i should be happy#that i get to help w bills and stuff that was my dream as a kid#like ever since i was 5 when i was fantasizing abt my future i was like Im gonna marry a prince and then ill be able to afford to pay all of#my families bills and my parents and siblings will be able to go to college and be happy and maybe never have to work bc ill be able to#handle it and ive always like. yk. when i was a dumbass kid i was like Ill go to college so i can get a good job and be useful. of course i#cant ever go to college bc im fucking. useless. and itd just be another burden on my family if i was in debt bc i couldnt help them as much#if i had debt and itd be selfish. and it doesnt matter bc im too stupid to go to college anyway. idk. i wish i could just fix everything#it just feels awful rn im literally just a drain and my family doesnt say it to me yk like. ik theyre happy imback i think they are
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someone really should be talking about how difficult it is to plan a wedding - a gay wedding - when both of your families fucking suck
#who is talking about this!!!! let me know#idk i have 0 expectations for my family but they still somehow always manage to let me down which#i was anticipating#and i didn’t think i would care because i have never cared before#but liiiiiike.#i wasn’t expecting to feel sad rofl but my family is so fucking flaky. again i KNOW THIS i know i cannot rely on any of them#it’s annoying when i have given them a year and a half to make plans and i have had so many people tell me they would be there#just to back out or ghost or come up with some excuse#like do you know how expensive weddings are 😭 JUST fucking be honest with me and rsvp no#anyway i was very intentional with the few family members i did invite#and specifically invited people i have a rapport with / had a good (ish lol) relationship with growing up#people i have bent over backwards trying to please!!! and dropping everything to help them out#and they can’t even be bothered to communicate with me lol it’s fine. like. i do feel like it’s internalized homophobia at this point#or maybe they have hated me this entire time which is totally plausible#but they KNOW how much ayesha means to me and knows that no one from her family is coming to our wedding#at the end of the day it’s going to be like. 5 people from my family 1 from ayesha’s (her brother) and like 30-40 friends#which i am so grateful for obviously#i sound like such a brat but it’s also like - watching your family continuously choose drugs/alcohol over showing up for you - lol#AGAIN i’m used to this and expected as much but i’m still feeling bad#just rsvp so i can move on with my life please. stop telling me you’re trying to make it work when we both know you aren’t#i have so much more to say but i’m going to sound crazy even though i knooooow it is homophobia like i Know it#i think there are certain people i will finally go no contact with for good after this#which is a freeing thought but i only invited v few family members to begin with. there’s abt to be no one left lmao#probably for the best#ugh whatever#again i can’t help but feel a certain way when they have done more/traveled further for relatives they hardly know#meanwhile i was forced to spend so much of my life living for these people and for them alone#AAAAAAAA i just want to scream#text
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once again saved by elden ring 🙏
#didnt go to bed early in the end i got too absorbed in it. past midnight now lol whatever#ill get up when i feel like it tmr#altho i do have to go to ikea for work. ugh#but thats a tomorrow problem#having a checklist of videogame shit to get w some annoying ass platforming sections can distract me from anything#the platforming in elden ring is frankly quite terrible in places. its usually fine but when they make stuff hard to reach its HARD#but ive got half the talismans now. amd all dragon smithing stones n great gloveworts. even the ones i had to go back to heros graves for#also jesus fucking christ how many caves are in thjs game every time i look smth up on the wiki its in a cave i havent touched#mustve been to dozens by this point. one cave isnt that different from another its kind of excessive#theres a rune bear fight that made me laugh tho bc apparently its base health is higher than malenias??????#which is wild cuz its in an early-mid game area and malenia is a near-endgame boss#i guess they wanted to encourage players to play stealth instead of kill it or smth#ofc i killed it tho lmao#got all larval tears too. ill prolly do celestial dew after talismans n then hmm. maybe spirit ashes#*half the talismans i was missjng i mean. ive got way more than half of the total number#anyway so tired.my face hurts. gonna brush my teeth qnd then collapse i hope i dont get woken up by random noises again please#thank u for joining me on this latest episode of me grappling with what is probably a personality disorder by this point 🫡#goodnight guys#.diaries
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...
#im just gonna complain abt it here bc i just have to accept that i can't irl bc no one else gets it#its hard to b a dyslexic grad student. u have to read so much. and its good. lots of reading is good. u just have to contend with a soul#crushing amout of discouragement at the fact u just kinda cant read while ur peers r like sure i can read this in class and have things to#say abt it. if u make me read in my head in class i literally cannot fucking tell u what i just read. not a god damn thing and if i try to#let my computer read to me i cant fucking pay attention for long enough so i just have to accept that from here on out ill have to#physically read papers aloud which i hate so much. its the only way i can fucking understand things and it still makes me feel dumb bc ill#somehow still space out while reading and have to reread like 4 times before i understand wtf is being said. it takes forever and it takes#energy and i dont like talking very much and it also restricts me to only being able to read at home which is frustrating#and im like i need to stop my brain from distracting myself with things that dont matter and my counselor is like: ur ocd is trying to make#work ur whole life and im like yeah thats how i got it. its the only way i can keep swimming with the non dyslexics#so its like wtf do i do? i kinda have to take the hit and make work my whole life rn. morn the loss of other things for a while#i dunno im still a bummer rn. like im probably coming off as more an asocial freak than normal bc its hard to talk ans maintain conversation#rn. but whatever. sometimes things just suck and theres nothing u can do abt it but accept it and move on. ill learn lots of things with all#the reading i have to do and that's never a bad thing ...no matter how much i dont give a fuck abt animals#like jesus. i could not even begin to give a fuck about like 95% of mammals. fish r cool tho. plants too#but microbes is where its at. i dont understand y ppl dont understand how cool they r. oh well ill just have to tell them#if i can find my fucking enthusiasm. ugh i have to make one of my classes read a paper and i have to work with someone abt find it. she#works with like rabbits. i refuse to assign a mammal paper. i fucking refuse. we will do plants or microbes or fucking paleontology#i will fight her on this. ugh. light filtering or orchid speciation would b perfect. annoying#at least i get to work with some culturs this week#unrelated
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god... family are so frustrating sometimes lol...
#personal#ok so lemme just rant#so my sister's getting married this yr in italy#and like we've known about this since last yr#plus they published a website with a lot of info about flights etc about it earlier this yr#so it's not like they've left us (as in the rest of my fam) in the dark about it#but suddenly my eldest siblings are acting like it's the most Stressful and Unexpected thing to happen#like yes it will be stressful cos travelling IS stressful#as is specifically travelling somewhere where u dont speak the language (which none of us do... i am learning tho)#and like NONE of them literally none of them have thought to ask my sister (and her italian fiancé) about anything#like yeh she's p busy atm with planning the wedding BUT she's also the one with the most experience of travelling to and from italy#as is her ITALIAN FINACE lol??? like...#like neither of them are gonna want their family super stressed about travelling and airports and hotels etc#like just fucking ASK them!!!!!#i think it bothers me cos they seem to be making it out that my sis picked this to make it difficult for them???#or smth like 'ugh wHY couldnt she just get married in the uk??'#when they picked italy a) because her fiance's grandma is in her 90s and so wouldnt b able to travel#b) they had decided on italy before his sister tragically died last yr (she had cancer)#c) because it's their wedding and they wanted to ??????#idk idk#i'm just pissed cos like... we make SO many fucking allowances for them (the eldest 2)#but as soon as one of us younger siblings want something suddenly it's like we've asked them to move the moon or smth...#like ive talked abut this before but my 2nd eldest sister is literally ALWAYS late to family events#and like yeh we treat it like a joke but it is fucking annoying#cos she's never late to her work or if she has a flight or whatever#and it just feels like she doesnt respect or put value into her family as much as those things#and this whole thing has just kinda proved that even more...#and i reiterate: this is my SISTER'S wedding it is fundamentally not about any of us lol#ugh idk
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remy is the type of person that judges people because of their astrological charts
#that's right#this headcanon is brought to you by shame#remy: sorry for like murdering those people or whatever i'm a scorpio babe can't help it#“hop on the motorcycle babe were getting starbies” SHUT THE FUCK UPP#i love him so much but i get reminded constantly why i also hate him#he is so annoying ugh#which is typical for most characters tbh#ts remy#remy sanders#sanders sides#i love him
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Questioning why we got fanta when B got us a drink. The time before he let us get a cherry pepsi (we just wanted smth cherry flavored and it was the first one we saw). WHY DO WE HAVE FANTA (pretty sure it's related to 🌼 deciding)
So anyways thank god we also have water nearby
#sepiasys.txt#Making us feel sick eating pizza rolls with fanta before bedtime =_=#Also bedtime is just. gonna be mandated. bc like we were REALLY unwell when we stayed up til FUCKING 8AM#Fuck migraines >:(#God. We need to wash the sheets and laundry just generally needs to be done but we CANT bc fucking app-only service bullshit#And we need to shower but ik for a fact the stuff in there is LOW and we would need to go out and get shit#and we still need a new pair of shoes because ours are so fuckin bad they absorb SO MUCH WATER AND HURT IN ONE OF EM#UGH AND THEN WE NEED TO WORK ON GETTING A FUCKING JOB#Which angel god fuckhead recommended us continue volunteering and have 👑 work on practicing writing stupid bullshit (cover letters)#UGH LIFE IS SO FUCKING ANNOYING AND STUPID AND S ISNT HELPING AT ALL HE JUST SECTIONED BOTH OF US OFF AS IF WE HAVE NO RIGHTS#Bro treats us as subhuman and you can't change my mind on that shit. I think he got that no empathy shit and has zero compassion or anything#UGH sigh I want FREEDOM. But we have to try using survival skills; listening out and peeking for info to know where he is so we can do smth.#Fucking monitoring his schedule closely and making SURE that he's gone and UGH I FUCKING HATE THIS#Whatever. List of shit to do is in these tags so we'll probably check it again for like what we need to do if we forget or whatever.#Maybe sleeping early this time before our body rejects existence and causes us fucking agony.#Then making a PHYSICAL list and THEN gonna try not to get overwhelmed collectively :/
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need to eat but What to eat is the question
#ingredient household ass.. but ive got cereal and milk so that might be it for today boys#need to start packing up kitchen stuff but its 8:30a and i dint wanna wake my bf up. even tho he should be helping too.#but w also 'dont have any boxes' bc hes scared theres bug eggs in the ones we have. which is fucking annoying bc we spent good money#on those boxes and its such a WASTE. UGH#anyway i can get some from work thank god but its just annoying yknow like i want to use the stuff we ALREADY HAVE#but for fear of contamination.. we cant. UGH!!!!!!!!!#but we still have to break them down and take them to the trash which will be kind of annoying but. whatever man#that can be his job bc what the fuck else is he doing to help#talk tag
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The different inner placements for each sign — observations+ranking
by astrobydalia
Disclaimer: these are based on my personal experience and opinions!!
Aries
Mercury: so insanely smart and fast thinkers. Very real, straight to the point and say-it-like-it-is kind of people, love them. I could hear them talk all day
ASC: most authentic people you'll meet!!! What you see is what you get. Also very spontaneous and effortlessly fun
Venus: love, so fun to be around and specially the women with this placement they're soooo hot
Sun, Mars: these are very similar imo. so loyal and protective people but they tend to be pretty crass and often come across as rude unintentionally. Aries Suns are more blunt and outspoken while Aries Mars can be more chill but they're more prone to attracting hate. Great people to have in your corner overall.
Moon: Stubborn as fuck. Not open to understanding anything beyond themselves so they tend go around life with HUGE tunnel vision. Trying to reason/negotiate with them is nearly impossible
Taurus
Moon: my god, you won't know emotional intelligence, calmness and care until you meet a Taurus Moon like DAMN. Their patience, empathy and sense of boundaries is just impecable
ASC: their energy is sooooo soothing like ugh. They have a very cute and comforting aura, very magnetic people and naturally gorgeous
Mercury: they speak slow or not too much but once they let a full sentence out it's usually GOLD
Sun: hmmmm they do tend to be kinda full of themselves but they have BDE and are pretty hot so I'll give them that
Mars: VOICE is soooo good. However they tend to be low-key problematic tbh. Will get very snappy and petty real quick
Venus: I know this is venus's domicile but... most taurus venus I've seen were low-key kinda..... harsh and stern in their love style?? And not all that loyal if im honest with you, they're only loyal when they see personal benefit/satisfaction. It’s true that they’ll spoil you if they truly love you tho
Gemini
Mars: comeback queens/kings, also very multi-talented. What else can I say they always manage to be so iconic
Moon: out of all gemini placements they're the most likely to sit down and really listen to you. Can be too honest, another say-it-like-it-is placement. Comforting others is not their forte but they're very tolerant and patient
Venus: golden retriever energy, extroverted and popular and I've said this before but they can be very loyal!!
Sun: they are cool and so so funny but can also be veeeeery immature and a bit self-righteous. I love them but that bad press they have in pop culture exists for a reason that's all im gonna say
ASC: they're very intelligent and entertaining but gemini on the asc is such a messy placement imo cause they have an identity/existencial crisis at least twice a day which can make them kinda chaotic people to have in your life (love you guys tho)
Mercury: talking with them is VERY annoying tbh. They will just roughly listen to what you say just keep interrupting and eventually start their own monologue. They ain't listening they aren't even wanting for their turn to speak they're just waiting for whatever opportunity to speak
Cancer
Mercury: such good listeners!! also they are very honest and genuine with what they say like aries mercury but more tactful
Venus: this placement soothes down the most fiery personality. They are very loved and inexplicably magnetic
ASC: mommy issues. I love their intuition and they are really good at creating community wherever they go but my only complaint is they are defensive 24/7
Moon: hit or miss. Either really emotionally mature person that wants to take care of everyone or very immature and childish with a victim complex
Sun: huge attention seekers. Insecure, codependent and always looking for validation. Tend to portray themselves as innocent/clueless/harmless, etc.
Mars: these are SLY motherfuckers, they scare me more than scorpio mars
Leo
Moon: I have to admit this placement surprised me for the better. Yes they can be egotistical and entitled but when developed leo moons are very profound and passionate people with strong morals and are really good at inspiring others and lifting them up
Sun: the main character complex rumors may or may not be true but their magnetism and charm is undeniable
Mars: extremely prideful, my way or the highway kinda attitude, but they’re usually pretty harmless people from what I’ve seen. Their anger can be intense but they let it go easily after some dramatic moment. Dedicated.
ASC: daddy issues central. Known to be the most introverted leo placement but they’re very very very attached to their pride underneath. They really do wanna be/feel special and unique to the point of keeping most people at arm’s length cause that’s how much they wanna distinct themselves
Mercury: won’t hesitate to change topics if they don’t care what is being talked about or it has nothing to do with them. Laser focused on their interests tho that’s pretty cool
Venus: yeah they're generous but also a bit overbearing and low-key snotty. Tendency to associate themselves with people they don’t like all that much just because it gives them status or cause they get to receive lavish treatment
Virgo
Mars: omfg I love this placement so much. They handle conflict with SO much grace and embody all the good traits of virgo (capable, responsible, hard workers, great to work with, helpful, self-accountable....) *lady gaga's voice* talented brilliant incredible amazing show-stopping spectacular-
Venus: genuinely very responsable, dedicated and loyal in their relationships and commitments. I always find myself often complimenting their style and fashion choices
Mercury: a bit of a menace bc they can be good liars but they're always very very talented individuals in whatever it is they do
ASC: pretty self-serving tbh and often come across as goody-two-shoes or know-it-alls but they're alright for the most part. The virgo placement that has it the LEAST together tbh
Moon: they'll be there for you when you need help or advice but they can be pretty judgmental. They have a tendency to not really give people some grace. If they genuinely like you tho they’ll be extremely appreciative of everything you do right. Supportive
Sun: Very standoffish personality. Hard on themselves on the surface but probably also has a hidden superiority complex. The only placement where I prefer the men over the women
Libra
Moon: least superficial libra placement. Very introspective, sweet and find it really easy to understand other's emotions in an unbiased way
Mercury: invented the concept of understanding and voicing other perspectives with necessarily agreeing. Mind of their own.
Venus: superficial and obsessed with the opposite sex? Yes. Extremely devoted in all their relationships? Also yes.
Sun: meh. I keep having this experience with Libra Suns where I think they're great at first but then they end up being... not so great after some time. They're not bad really but their air-headedness makes them very unreliable
ASC: Their charm is manipulative and can easily hide a shitty personality underneath (not always the case tho). They're also the most emotionally superficial/detached of the bunch
Mars: hypocrates, huge huge hypocrates. Dubious morality. Playing devils advocate
Scorpio
Sun: they mind their own business and are really good at picking their battles wisely, only taking out their “dark” energy when it’s needed
Mars: don’t bother them and they won’t bother you. That’s the golden rule. Otherwise they’re pretty chill and unproblematic, dark humor enjoyers and strong-willed. I won’t say they’re completely drama free but hey
Mercury: they’ll be open to talk about anything, you can tell them literally anything and will listen intently without judgement. They can easily use info against others or withhold info tho so make sure they can be trusted
ASC: y’all low-key enjoy toxicity and drama but you don’t wanna admit it!!! They really thrive in uncomfortable situations and probably likes gossip too. One of the most black-or-white mindset placements
Venus: yeah not the best in relationships. They don’t really give their all and when they do give something it’s never unconditional. Relationships are always a power dynamic to them
Moon: Very tricky placement. Life has not been kind to them oof. Either they’re very traumatized people with a good heart deep down or very traumatized people with a really ugly and nasty soul. They also romanticize psychopaths and antisocial behaviors for some reason?????
Sagittarius
ASC: yes Im biased I don't care. But, be honest, when have you met a sag asc that wasn't cool af? Case closed. Life's good as a sag asc and when it's not, we make it that way
Sun: if you keep the men out of the equation sag suns are amazing!!! Their personality is like a breath of fresh air
Mercury: soso profound and intelligent. Will introduce you to new perspectives, great researchers. So good at finding answers and solutions!!!
Venus: Very open-minded, they are genuinely very accepting of literally any kind of person! They will applaud and celebrate your differences and quirks however they tend to be flighty and pretty light on their feet
Moon: Anger issues!!! Very volatile and defensive people underneath that chill and funny persona. They have well-known beef with someone. Don't like admitting their wrong, prone to ghosting everyone 99% of the times
Mars: the most entitled and rude out of all the sagittarius placements. The type to laugh in your face and never take accountability, their attitude can be revolting if you ask me
Capricorn
Venus: they make me MELT. So incredibly attractive, reliable, such an impecable taste, the way they treat you will bring you to your knees like ugh I can't
Mars: most resilient individuals I've seen truly!! Literally nothing will bring them down. So so ambitious, focused and have endless energy love them
Sun: cap suns and I have natural synergy. They're very level-headed, reliable, loyal and mature. However they are huge fatalists, very pessimistic and my jupiterian ass ain’t got time for that
ASC: too obsessed with their status and/or how they're perceived compared to others in their circle like sis stop caring sm what others think and live a little!!!
Mercury: listen, these folks can be very intelligent and well-read, but they tend to come across as narrow-minded or bigoted sometimes with the things the say or how they say things
Moon: I wanna root for y'all cap moons but being honest I've seen this placement is very common in really toxic personalities. They hold lots of past resentments and can be very judgmental and mean similar to virgo moons
Aquarius
ASC: socially adaptable but they stay true to themselves at the same time. Attractive, loyal and fresh personality/presence.
Mars: veeeery likable and popular. They really are dedicated to making an impact on the people
Sun: when they just simply focus on being themselves and doing their own thing they're very genuinely special and chill people and great friends! However when they care too much about being making themselves special they're very egocentric and unnecessarily problematic
Venus: messy placement. Very welcoming but they have big trust issues. They go back and forth between 'everyone loves me' and 'everyone hates me' and so they act accordingly....
Mercury: super intelligent, great in debates and very convincing, they always make great points. However the god complex is BLATANT here, they really think they're the only one that's right
Moon: another deeply traumatized placement. They can be great advocates for the collective however they tend to lack empathy specially when it comes to interpersonal relationships
Pisces
Sun: rough around the edges at first but they are a lot more helpless and vulnerable than they seem on the surface. Also they are genuinely really good at disappearing??? You won't even notice they're gone. Their presence is striking tho
Mercury: "idk what the fuck she's saying but girl I am living!". They have such a rich inner world I can't. SEDUCTIVE
ASC: they are... functioning humans. They go around life not being completely sure of what's going on but hey that Jupiter is somehow making everything work for them
Moon: "There is an idea of Pisces Moons, some kind of abstraction, but there is no real them. Only an entity, something illusory. And though they can hide their wondering gaze, and you can shake their hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense your life styles are probably comparable, they simply are not there"
Venus: I've already spilled the tea on this placement. Next.
Mars: ever person I've seen with this placement was mentally unwell like, severely. They're doormats for the most part but there's this hidden side of them that can turn into a total demon
by astrobydalia
#astrology#astro#astro observations#astro notes#zodiac#birth chart#astrobydalia#dalia rants#astrology observations#astro community
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Wolverine x f!reader
STRIP-TEASE SECRETS
Summary: You work as a stripper at a local club. It's a normal busy Friday, but fate has other plans for you, when you spot a handsome man, sitting at the bar.
Warnings: MDNI 18+, strong language, anxiety, nicknames, stripper work, inappropriate touching, fingering, oral sex (f receiving), unprotected sex (p i v), creampie, flirting, sensitive themes, aftercare
A/n: Hi pookies! I want to apologize for any grammatical mistakes or nonsensical sentences. English is not my native language! Thank you and enjoy <3
"Come on dude, when was the last time you had a good fuck?" Wade asked with a bit of curiosity in his voice, but all he got was a frown that instilled horror. "Ugh come on sugarbear! You'll enjoy yourself for a while and then you'll be out in no time!" Wade didn't take Logan's warning look seriously and still tried to convince his annoyed friend to go to the strip club with him.
"This is not for me" Logan finally answered, although it was a very cutting and strict voice. Wase sighed again, but decided to keep trying. "Okay, well, at least walk me in and then do whatever you want. You know I'm only going there for Vanessa" Logan knew how much that asshole loved the stripper. He talks about her all the time. Although Logan had seen her just few times, he felt that she was a perfect match for Wade, the two complement each other and, after all, opposites attract.
"Fine, but I'll just accompany you, nothing else" Logan hated when his roommate brought out his kind and helpful side. He hates to admit it, but he really likes that bastard. As soon as Logan said that, Wade’s eyes lit up and he formed a huge, slightly terrifying, grinning from ear to ear. He looked like a kid that got a lollipop.
He recklessly lunged at Logan and hugged him tight, really tight. Logan grunted in annoyance and held his hands to his sides as he was trapped by the male body of his roommate. After a few seconds, Logan tried to break free from the hug, but it wasn't that easy. After a few more stronger attempts, he finally jerked and pushed Wade away from him. It was a bit of a personal move, but Wade didn't mind, he was still smiling like a clown.
"Okay, I'm going to change and then we can go" Wade said contentedly and immidiately disappeared into his room. Logan sighed and shook his head. Wade is really a teenager trapped in an adult body and everybody knows it.
When they both arrived at the parking lot right next to a small building with a pink glowing sign that has a silhouette of a naked woman on it, Logan was already fed up. Even if you were blind, you could tell by the loud music coming from the bulding, that this was some kind of club. Women's laughter added spice to it and especially the last hint that it was a strip club.
"So, we're here " Wade excitedly pulled out the car keys and checked on Logan, who didn't look thrilled twice. "Come on, don't be so grumpy" He nudged him lightly with his shoulder, which only made him angrier. Wade just let out a disappointed sigh as he still tried to talk Logan down with his puppy dog eyes.
"There's no fucking chance you're going to get me there" Logan growled angrily, looking away from Wade, so he couldn't manipulate him anymore with his stupid face. "Sure, of course…only that there is a bar with drinks and many types of beer” Wade smirked, knowing the alcohol would work on Logan, and it really did. "Seriously?" Logan jerked his head and looked at Wade. "Yep, there's ale, lager, stout, porter and many more. There is also way more stronger liquids and-" "5 beers and I'm leaving" Logan made a statement and left the car in rapid speed. Wade happily pulled down a fist and quickly ran after Logan.
Loud music tickled your ears while you were backstage, getting ready to replace your colleague on the stage. “Girl be careful, they are quite…aggressive today” Vanessa advised you while you were adding last details to your makeup. You looked at at Vanessa with worried expressions through the reflection in the mirror.
Fridays were always the roughest. The club was full of men of all ages, married or single, no one really cared till' they paid, but you kinda did. Whenever you saw a guy with a ring on his hand while his tongue is almost falling out and his eyes are full of lust, it made you disgusted, but you can't just get out of the role and stop dancing. This is just one of the negatives of being a stripper.
The positive thing is money, lots of money. Plus, there are specific rules there that customers must follow, otherwise they will be kicked out by security guards. One of the biggest and most important rules is not to touch the dancers. You'd be lying if you said you've never been touched by a guy while dancing, but luckily, it wasn't anything serious and when it was, security always took care of it. You and other strippers kind of came up with this rule and it was a damn great idea. It gives you a little peace in your head, knowing that your back is guarded by massive bodybuilders.
"Like every Friday" you sighed and pressed the lid back on the lipstick. Vanessa just nodded in agreement and gave you a supportive look, as you got up from your chair and walked over to her. "Oh and my boyfriend is picking me up today" "Wade?" you added and Vanessa's eyes immediately lit up. You've never actually met or see Wade on your own, but you heard about him a lot. Vanessa just won't stop talking about him and even tho it annoy you sometimes, you find it sweet. She is so in love and you hope that one day, you'll have what she has.
"You remember!" she smiled and you chuckled. "Of course I remember, you talk about him every day" Vanessa nervously laugh and blushed, as you accused her of something, that is clearly obvious. She then gave you apologetic eyes. “Don't worry Van, I don't mind” she immidiately smiled and breath in to say something, but before she manage to do that, you heard your name and command to go on stage.
You took a deep breath and gave Vanessa one last warm smile, before opening the curtains and revealing yourself. You put on your typical sexy smirk and slowly walk over to a shiny pole with grace. During your cat walk, you already obtain a lot of whistles and creepy growling.
You looked around, smiling at the men sitting around you, staring at you like hunters for their prey. When you got to your pole, you gracefully turned around it, showing your back and your ass, receiving another wave of whistles. You always loved this beginning, when everything was just getting started, but you adored the dance itself the most. It didn't even matter that all the men admired you and wanted to fuck you, you lived for pole dancing and for money.
The music slowly started to pick up, and so did your movements. You wrapped one leg around the pole and turned slightly on it like a swan. Your hair fluttered softly with the movement of your head and body. On every beat of the song, you made some sexy move, rough and nimble, that drove all men crazy. Your confident face was the icing on the cake for the whole dance and before long, you had a pile of cash on the stage.
Your dance moves were getting hotter and hotter, your facial expressions were extremely flirtatious and you were enjoying it as much as you could. Money poured in to your feet, some of the men stood up and reached out to touch you, just a little. You played with them, the power on the stage always gave you plenty of confidence and the sight of the males beneath you, made you feel mighty.
All the stress and fear of men was gone and the whole area, where you were present, smelled of feminism, strenght and bitter sex. All signs that gave men erection in a second. You yourself noticed that some of them already had a tent in their pants, but you couldn't decide if you were flattered or disgusted. Either way, there was no time for this, there was no time to think. When it comes to striptease, thinking always goes by wayside.
The song was approaching an end, your choreography was slowing down but still had some sort of passion and spiciness in it. You bite your lips as you were laying on your back, your hand traveling from your neck lower and lower. When your hand was close to your sensitive spot between your legs, your eyes quickly flicked at the bar. It was a natural instinct to find out if the men at the bar were also looking at you, or at your colleague, that was dancing on the other side of the club.
Your eyes caught a target. There was only one man sitting at the bar, middle-aged with long brown hair and a beard. You didn't have time to analyze him in more detail, but nevertheless he stuck in your memory, because he was really looking at you, but not in a creepy hungry way. This guy had a neutral expression, not moving a single muscle as he watched you. This was not usual.
You had to admit that he caught you off guard, but you still had a few seconds left to complete your choreography, which you did perfectly. In addition to loud applause, whistles and male deep shouts, you also received another avalanche of money. You smiled as you bowed and went to grab the money, but one of the men crawled onto the stage and aggressively grabbed your hair.
You immediately dropped the money and gasped loudly, trying to break free from the man's grip, but luckily the security guards stopped him, before anything worse could happen. You moved away from the edge of the stage with lightning speed and when you saw those hungry faces, your confidence disappeared and was replaced by fear again. Anxiety began to besiege you and you quickly ran backstage in a panic.
"Hey hey hey darlin' what's wrong?" Vanessa immediately took care of you and stroked your back while you still had terror in your eyes. "You were right, they are aggressive" you said and Vanessa hugged you, rubbing your hair and calming you down. Sometimes you think you weren't made for this. Yes, you love dancing and yes, pole dancing even more, but you also have these anxious moments whenever something like that happens. Being a stripper means having courage, strength and not being a pussy, but you don't exactly have these properties.
"It's okay, I'm fine, I just had to calm down a bit" you broke free from the hug and smiled softly at Vanessa, who didn't quite believe you, but didn't want to burden you with questions. "'Kay but you know what would help? A really strong drink." you rolled your eyes and shook your head in disbelief, as Vanessa tries to make you an alcoholic again.
"No I'm serious! You will relax and it'll help you!" you knew she was right, she is always right. Whenever you get this anxiety attack, or whatever that is, alcohol is the best cure. "Thanks Van" she gave you a warm smile and then checked the clock. "Shit! I gotta go" her eyes widened and quickly grabbed her purse. "Bye darlin' be safe!" she shouts at you as she was disappearing into the distance.
You were shaking your head as your lips left a soft giggle and decided to take Van's advice. You just quickly check your make-up in a mirror, if it's not ruined and then change your clothes into a less revealing suit. There is another, kinda strict rule, that dancers are not allowed to change into non-striptease clothes, until they left. It was a little uncomfortable, walking around all those men in the sexy revealing fabric. You were little too close to them and since almost everyone were higher than you, even though you were wearing heels, you felt like a sheep among wolves. Easy to catch and security wouldn't even notice you among the heavy crowd.
Still, despite the danger, you decided to risk it and go to the bar for a drink that would boost your energy. You were already thinking which one you'd choose, when you noticed that there was no one sitting at the bar, not even the guy whom you saw during your seductive dance.
You felt little dissaponted, because he seemed fine, even though you saw him just for a second from a distance. You wanted to get to know him, but fate apparently had other plans. You didn't bother with it for a long time and sat down on one of the barstools.
"One martini please" you raised a finger at bartender Kevin, who is a gay therapist for strippers and a very good friend. "Someone attacked you again?" he asked as he was cleaning glass with a cloth and analyzed your frustrated face. You felt chill down your spine, as Kevin said again. The worst part was, that it was true, this isn't the first and probably not the last time some asshole touched or attacked you while dancing. On the other hand, this is the best reason and excuse to get drunk.
“Okay baby don't worry, I'll double the gin shot for you” he smiled and you smiled back, even though you were completely bushed.You turn around on your seat and by the time Kevin was preparing your drink, you watched your colleague dancing on the stage you were just standing on few minutes ago.
She was breathtaking, her moves were graceful and delicate and her make-up perfectly suit her dress. She was your inspiration and you watched her not only because she danced amazingly, but to catch some of her moves and add them to your own choreography. She dazzled you so much that you didn't even realize how quickly time passed and Kevin already slide your glass to you.
“Thanks” you whisper to him and nod your head while you took a sip from your glass. Woah, it was really strong. You winced, squeezing your eyes as you felt the burning liquid sliding in your throat. When it finally reached your stomach, you put the glass back on the bar table and breath out. This was exactly what you needed. But before you could take another sip, you were interrupted by a large male hand on your waist. You jumped on your seat and looked behind you, surprised and confused at once.
Anyway, the sight did not satisfy you at all. An older man around 40s with a long beard smiled at you like a creep. He walked around you and sat right next to you at the bar. Unfortunately, Kevin was on the other side of the bar, far away from you, talking with someone and it looked like a long conversation. "So babygirl, how much?" he scurrilously asked you and stroked your shoulder with his finger, which you jerked instantly.
“Excuse me?” you offendedly furrowed your eyebrows and checked the guy up and down. When you notice a golden ring embracing one of his finger, it made you sick. "Come on sweatheart, I got the money just tell me how much" his deep voice makes your heartbeat quicker, but not from excitement, from fear.
"Sir I don't know what you're talking about" you knew very well what he was talking about, you just hoped he meant something else. "Come on, don't play dumb" you knew it's getting serious when you felt his hand on your thigh, squeezing and massaging it. Your whole body was surrounded by goosebumps, your hands and legs started to shake.
"Sir, get your hand off me" you still tried not to fully panic and convince the guy, but you slowly started losing hope. "Or what?" he smiled mockingly, sliding his hand upwards. You breathed in and closed your eyes, still trying to stay calm and act formally. "Or the security guards will kick you out" this warning didn't scare that creep at all, on the contrary, it made him laugh even more. "Oh really? You think they'll see you through all the people in here?" the answer was clearly no, you knew that and that made you feel even more stressed.
You nervously look around, trying to find even one security guard nearby, but it was in vain, everyone was paying attention around your fellow dancers and not others. "Don't be scared, we're going to have a good time together" he squeezed your thigh again, really hard this time, making you gasp. "Sir, I'm begging you for the last time, take that hand off me and go away" you voice was shaking, clearly showing that you're afraid, but there was also a clear warning in your voice, which he still didn't take seriously.
"And I'm telling you for the last time, be a good girl and do what I tell you" he hissed through his teeth. You could notice he was getting angrier that you were still refusing him and you've already thought about a plan how you're going to ran away from him. Suddenly, you heard another man's coughing behind that bastard, who was still holding your leg tightly.
You both looked after the sound and reacted differently. When you realize it was the guy that watched you during your dance, your eyes lit up with hope and a tiny smile appeared on your face. That idiot next to you just gave him a nasty look and groan. “Get lost” he turned his head back to you. "I'm afraid you're sitting in my seat" Your hero snarled, still standing behind the creep. "Not anymore, now leave us alone" you just watched them with anticipation.
"You know you're breaking a rule?" this was the last straw for that asshole. He swiftly turned around and stood up, so that he was on the same level as the pretty looking guy, except he wasn't. The married one was smaller and he just embarrassed himself by this move. You tried your best not to laugh. "I'll repeat it for the last time, get lost" the creep growled angrily, as if it was supposed to instill a fear.
"I'll also repeat it one last time" that handsome suddenly grabbed the other man's shirt and pulled out iron claws from his knuckles, making you jump in shock. He was almost touching the tip of the claws by his neck, just a centimeter in and he would cut his throat in a half. "You broke the rule, don't touch the dancers" that idiot was shaking and sweating in fear, you'd bet he just pooped his pants.
"So it'll go like this bub, you'll apologize this lady, you'll leave and you'll never come back" you couldn't help but smirk and blush a little, his voice was strong and low, he sounded like a wolf and when you were thinking about it, he kinda looked like one. His haircut was formed into ears and his jawline was surrounded by beard, it really gave him that wild-animal look. You had to admit it, it looked really hot.
"Understood?!" he jolted with the guy, when he still didn't receive a response. "Y-yes" that bastard quickly nodded and as soon as he was released, he quickly and quietly apologized to you and bolted from the club in lightning speed. All fear and worry washed away from you, when that wolfie, who just saved your ass, sat down next to you.
You admired him for a sec, before you finally gain enough courage to talk to him. "Thank you" you beeped quietly but he heard you very well. "Sure thing, these guys are disgusting" he looked to the direction that creep ran away and then, without any warning, looked into your face, making eye contact with you. You got lost in his coffee brown eyes almost instantly. For a while, it felt like there was nothing and no one but just the two of you. The music was muffle, vision blurry except from him.
You shook your head a little when you notice his lips moving, clearly saying something to you, but you were too lost in your thoughts. He had to repeat himself again. "You're pretty good dancer" he waved at Kevin to take his order. His simple compliment, which definitely wasn't your first one, made you butterflies in your stomach.
"T-thank you" you stuttered a little, earning a small scuff from him. "I'm Logan, by the way" he finally introduced himself and before you could say your name too, Kevin interrupted you. "Okay Logan, what would you like?" "One beer" Kevin nodded and handed him a green bottle. It took Logan one swift move to open that lid, you knew you would struggle with it for at least fifteen minutes.
You watched him drinking from that bottle, his head slightly threw back, his adam's apple sticking out of his neck and whenever he swallowed, you could hear it and even felt it inside you. Now you felt like a freak. You tried to remember him, analyze every detail on his body and face, because even though you had barely met, you wanted to engrave his sexy face in your head, just in case. Who wouldn't want to remember such a handsome man, that you don't see every day.
"What's your name?" Logan caught you lost in your thoughts again and brought you back to earth. Fortunately, you finally heard his words and answered him. "Y/n" you smiled proudly, when you finally manage to say something without stuttering. "That's a lovely name" he smirked and took another sip from his bottle, while watching you. God this guy was something else.
"I haven't seen you here before..." you break the eye contact out of nervousness and start making circles around your glass with martini. "Maybe because it's my first time here" you look at him surprised. "Really?" he nodded. "Yeah, no offense but this is just not for me" well, you felt a little offended but you also knew how he meant it.
"Right, then why are you here?" "I'm just waiting for my friend" you paused for a moment, squeezing your eyes until you put puzzles together and realized. "Wait, are you Wade?" he looked at you with confused look and furrowed eyebrows, like you just said the nastiest insult that exists.
"No? Why on earth would you think that?" his sudden change in voice caught you by surprise, but when he realized the impact his words had on you, his eyes softened and he cleared his throat before explaining himself. "Wade is my friend, the one I'm waiting for..." you formed your lips in an O shape, when you realized. This made much more sense, not that Van wouldn't pull out this beast, but he's definitely not her type at all.
"...well, was waiting. He texted me few minutes ago that he's goin' to sleep at his girlfriend's house, so I don't have any reason to stay here anymore” he took another sip of beer and you gave him a disappointed expression. "Right..." you sigh and finally took a sip from your own drink too. "Well, maybe I could find a reason to stay" you harshly turned to face him and had to smile, when he clearly indicated that the reason was you.
"So, tell me something about yourself" he asked, trying to keep the conversation flowing. You were already red as a tomato when Logan showed interest in you, even though it was just a normal question without any other intention. It was hard to describe what you felt, but it was some kind of excitement, joy and, above all, safety. You don't even remember how long you felt like this with a man.
"What would you like to know?" you raised your eyebrows flirtatiously and took a sip from your martini, while maintaining eye contact with him. It was a pretty hard task, but you managed to do it ravishingly. "Everything you want me to know" he gave you something between cute and devilish smile, that sends incredible waves of pleasure right between your legs. You placed your glass back on the desk and moved your ass a bit, to lower the vibration in your panties.
“Well I suppose you're wondering, how I got…here” you motioned to the club around you and Logan nodded in agreement. You clear your throat before starting to tell your life-story, which almost no one knows, but you feel a special energy from this man that directly forces you to confide in him.
“My dad left me when I was five and my mom died two years after, so my uncle, who happened to own this club, took me into care” you were too nervous to talk about your difficult childhood and looking into Logan's face the whole time. But whenever you looked at him, he gave you one hundred percent attention and his eyebrows were a little furrowed, how much he concentrated on your every word. "A few years later, I got acquainted with pole dancing, which I started to enjoy and I even won many awards" you giggle as you remembered your cups and medals lying in your room. "But then we had a problem with money, mainly me so I started working here and since then, I was hooked and never let go"
After your lifestory-telling, you finally worked up the courage to look at Logan, who was giving you sad expression. "I'm sorry..." he dropped his head with a deep voice, before an awkward silence appeard for a moment, where only the background music could be heard. "You don't have to, I'm fine!"
You smiled at him and you were truly having a good time right now. You were sitting next to a handsome guy, who saved you from a creep just few minutes ago, you're telling him about yourself without being afraid or regretting it afterwards, you don't need anything more. "Fine? Working here is fine?" he was looking at you through his bushy eyebrows, little frustrated. You didn't know what to say. "Look, you look like a beautiful and talented girl, who has much better potential than parade around in front of horny guys"
"It's not just that..." you lied to yourself, it was exactly about that. That pole dancing was only a bonus, that actually keeps you in this career. “Oh really?” he angrily propped himself up on his elbow and watched you deeply. You looked at him cautiously. "Come on, you know there are much better places than this" he confronts you and you already knew everything he was saying, but it was just hard to suddenly leave when you've already put so much into it. "I know, but it's hard to throw away a thing that's been a part of your life for such a long time" you played with your glass and felt tears creating in your eyes.
"I see..." he sighs. "But change is nice sometimes” he gave you a comfortable smiled and you returned it to him. Maybe he was right, maybe this was all fate and a sign that you should pack it in and finally do something more formal and finally have some pride. "And what about you Logan? What's your backstory, hm?" you turn your whole body towards him, making him scoff at your question. "Well...this is gonna take a long time”
A few hours passed and you knew Logan so well,that it felt like you had known him for years. You told each other stories, trite and funny, told some basic facts about yourselfs and drank one shot after another. Your head was spinning a little, but you still managed to speak and hear clearly.
"You know, you're the first mutant in my life" "Oh really?" he gave you a cocky smile and you nodded. "Yeah, it's great" Logan was already noticing the effect the alcohol had on you, that's why, when you reached for another shot, he grabbed your hand quickly, before gently putting it onto your legs. "I think that's enough" you whined and gave him puppy dog eyes, which did indeed work, but Logan cared about your health more.
"Do you have a ride home?" you shake your head. "Alright, come here" Logan stood up from his seat and offered you a hand for help. You refuse it at first, but when you almost fell down as you climbed off from the barstool, you actually appreciated his help. "Easy baby, easy" you heard his subtle addition of the nickname very well, but you were too drunk to react to it.
Logan held your waist tightly to keep your balance, as you slowly but surely pushing your way through the crowd towards exit. "Do you have everything you need?" Logan looked down at you and it was this moment you actually realized, how tall and big he was. You looked up at him and nodded your head in amazement. His hand on your weist was massive, and so was his body, that entirely hide yours. This was the security you always wanted.
When you finally made it out of the club and into Logan's car, you were asleep within minutes. You didn't perceive your surroundings, nothing at all, all you had in front of you was darkness and dreams. Logan watched you for a moment, before he started the engine and drove away from the parking lot.
A ray of sun shining right into your face woke you up. You groaned and rubbed your eyes until you opened them. Surprisingly, you didn't have a hangover and felt fresh, but there was a small issue, you had no idea where you were.
The blanket you were covered under was not yours, the bed underneath you wasn't yours and last but not least, the room you were in was definitely not yours. Where the fuck are you?!
However, before you could analyze the environment and form an opinion about where you might be at, your answer came, knocking on the door and then slowly opening it. The cracking sound was killing your ears. "Hey, did I wake you up?" Logan asked softly, as his eyebrows rised and he was half out.
You were too stunned to speak, so you just shook your head and gave him a cute little smile. "Good..." he whispered silently and walked fully in. You watched him as he approached you, with a glass of water in his hand. "Here, though you'll be thirsty" he handed you the glass and stood in front of you, waiting until you hydrate yourself.
"So um...you were pretty drunk yesterday" you almost choke as those words tickle your eardrums. "D-did I say something…inappropriate?" you asked cautiously with concern in your voice. "No....no" he scoffed and shook his head, making you exhale from the relief.
"You just kept telling me how handsome I am" your eyes widened and you immediately started turning red. You gave him an are you serious look, but unfortunately, he wasn't kidding. You put the glass next to the bedside table and dropped your head into your hands. "Sorry" you whined into your palms, earning another scoff from Logan.
“Don't apologize darlin'-" he cut his sentence with coughing, which helps you think about other things than how you totally embarrassed yourself yesterday. "Um…it's pretty late for breakfast, what do you want for lunch?" he quickly changed the subject, but you didn't forget that nickname he just called you by. "Lunch? No wait I don't want to bother you" you got out of bed and only then you realized, you were still in your sexy outfit and forgot to change at the club.
Logan's eyes quickly checks you out before looking away like a gentleman, even though he literally saw you in this dress yesterday. He cleared his throat to ease the awkward situation, but that didn't really help. "Um I'm just gonna-" you wanted to walk past him but he grabbed your wrist tightly and pushed you back in front of him. "I won't let you out with hungry stomach" he said while directly watching into your eyes. It felt like he hypnotized you, so you agreed.
"There are some of my t-shirts in the closet..." he said, scratching his neck as he made his way to the door. "Then come to kitchen" these were the last words before he closed the door behind him. You stood stiffly in place, trying to process this whole situation.
It felt like a dream, yesterday you were at a bar with a funny, gorgeous man and in the morning, you wake up at his house, dressed and safe. What kind of fanfic is this?
Putting on one of Logan's dark green shirts, that reached your knees, you carefully walked out of the room into, what appeared to be the kitchen. Logan wasn't there though, but you quickly turned behind you, when you heard sounds of fabric and floor creaking. Logan stood up from the couch and checked you out again. He don't even try to hide it.
"It suits you better than me" he pointed at you, making you blush and giggle. You felt like a 10 years old again, the most comfortable feeling. Logan walked over to you, not too close but close enough. You were glaring at him, your neck hurting from keeping your head up, looking into his coffee coded eyes. "What do you want for lunch?" "W-what?" you got a little lost in your thoughts and had to recap what Logan just asked you.
“Oh…I don't know, anything” you didn't want to look demanding and at the same time, you didn't want to busy yourself with talking, when you could watch this handsome guy. "Have you ever had sushi?" you furrow your eyebrows, trying to remember the taste of it. "No..." you shake your head, surprised by yourself that you haven't had that before. "Really? You have to try it" Logan raised his eyebrows in disbelief and made a decision.
He walked around you and picked up the phone, ordering a sushi and some sodas with it. During his call, you had plenty of time to admire him again, how small that phone looked in his hand. How did his hair look so silky and divine, what kind of shampoo is he using? And his eyes? God his eyes are your new favorite series.
When Logan hung up, you had to come back to reality and act like a normal person, not some creep who constantly admires him. "Now we'll wait" his corners lifted up and you had to lean on the counter to keep your balance. Does he even realize what he's doing to you? Or is it just a hangover from yesterday...hard to say.
“So you're telling me you've never had sushi before?” Logan leaned against the counter you were also leaning on, making the distance between you smaller. "No!" you laugh out, making Logan shake his head in disbelief accompanied by a tsk tsk tsk. "I can't believe it" he dramatized the situation and you made an ironic-offended expression. You were holding eye contact for a few seconds, before both of you broke and laughed.
"Um...by the way" you said when you calmed down a bit. "I wanted to thank you for everything, actually" you nervously played with your fingers, waiting for Logan's reaction. You were stressed over nothing, because Logan used a warm smile to let you know, that you had nothing to be thankful for.
Suddenly, his phone rings, announcing that the food is here. "And now you gonna find out how heaven feels like" he winks at you as he leaves the apartment quickly. You giggle and cover your face, feeling the heat coming from your cheeks. You must look like a tomato right now.
It wasn't long before Logan returned with a brown paper bag. He looked so excited. Without any further words, he quickly came to the counter, unwrapped the sushi and opened it. Before you blinked twice, he was already holding one roll between his fingers. "Open your mouth" he guides you, waiting for your lips to part away.
You obediently did as he told you. Logan slowly pushed the roll into your mouth, his eyes twitching between your lips to your eyes. You wrapped your lips around his fingers, sucking the remains, until a pop sound came from you. He jerked his head to get over his dirty thoughts and eagerly waited for your reaction. You kept him tense for a while, chewing loudly with a focused expression.
A proud smile started forming on his face, when you close your eyes and groan in pleasure of the taste. "How's it?" he asked to make sure you 100% liked it. "It's...delicious" he clapped his hands and screamed in excitement, right after you said that. He was satisfied and glad, throwing one sushi in his mouth as a reward.
"Damn it's really good" you giggle as you keep chewing. "I know!" Logan happily shouted and grab another roll, waiting for you to take it from his fingers. You did, sucking on his fingers again and couldn't lie, teasing him a little by that move. “Mhmm” you grunted and threw your head back. Logan watched you, taking a deep inhale, trying really hard not to create unchristian scenarios in his head, but you were making it really hard for him.
“Come here, you have to try it with this sauce too” he waves at you, giving you a signal to come closer to him. You didn't hesitate any further and spawn right next to him in a matter of seconds. Even though you were already close enough and able to grab the sushi roll yourself, Logan took it into his own hands anyway.
He grab the roll, dip it into sauce and put a hand underneath it, to not soil the floor. He turned to face you. "Mouth" Logan ordered again and you opened your mouth with a smirk on your face, keeping eye contact with him the entire process. Once again, when his fingers touched your lips, you cupped them and sucked everything off them until you pulled away and made a little POP sound.
You hummed in pleasure again, the taste tickling all the taste buds on your tongue and you absolutely loved it. "That's my favorite food from now" Logan chuckled and watched your hand reaching for another roll and effortlessly put it into your mouth. You looked up at him, smiling as you chewed.
Suddenly, Logan stopped smiling, so did you. He slowly and gently grabbed your chin and used his thumb to wipe a bit of the sauce that was left on the corner of your mouth. He sucked the finger, grinning as your eyes were full of lust, anticipation and hungry.
"Fuck" he groaned before grabbing your jaw and kissing you. It was passionate and long kiss, just to test how you'd react, but you responded very positively. You kissed him again, wrapping your hands around his neck while tasting his thin lips. His hand slides around your body, stopping at your hips, giving them a gentle squeeze. You rose on tiptoes and moaned into his mouth, as he squeezed you again.
"You have no idea how long I've been craving for this" he growled between breaks in kissess and pounced on you mercilessly. The kisses were hungry, rough, and he even bit you from time to time, which only made you much more hornier. You could already feel the wetness in your panties during the kissing and your need for Logan was becoming unbearable.
Your fingers slipped into Logan's hair, finally feeling the softness of his hair. Sometimes you tugged them, as revenge for Logan squeezing your waist. After a long make out session, he lowered himself down, so that he could grab your legs and wrapped them around his pelvis. You giggled and gasped a little as you felt Logan's already hard cock trapped in his pants. It automatically excited you that much, that your wet core started pulsating.
Logan put you on top of the counter, messaging your thighs while still passionately kissing you. You were already whining silently, because of the incredible vibrating you felt between your legs. You instinctively started moving your hips against the flat surface, but you were literally longing for any friction.
Logans hands started exploring your body, squeezing some spots, since he couldn't control himself anymore. He stopped kissing you and moved his mouth to your neck and at the same time moving his hands underneath your, actually his, shirt. You petted and scratched Logan's head as he left purple bites on your neck.
His hungry bites forced you to throw your head back, leaving more space for Logan's teeth and tongue. Your whining started getting louder and you had to bite your lips to keep your voice quiet, but that didn't help much. "I wanna hear you darlin'" Logan grumbled and slid his finger under your panties. You instantly threw your head back and looked down, unfortunately didn't see his hand under your t-shirt, so his next moves were surprise for you.
He really did want to hear you, because without any warning, he quickly put the fabric to the side and started rubbing your wet folds. Your passion got the better of you and you couldn't keep quiet any longer. Your jaw fell open and your hips were keeping moving to the rhythm of Logan's fingers. He couldn't help himself and pulled away from your sore purple neck, looking into your pleasent face. Your voice and the way your body react to him sends countless hits to his twitching dick.
"You like that baby?" he devilishly smirked and inserted one finger in, making your breath catch in your throat. You had to drop your head and close your eyes to keep your senses, but Logan just made it harder for you. "Look at me" your nails were digging into Logan's hair, his finger twirling inside you in a rapid speed. "Look at me" Logan's voice was way more strict. He didn't relay on his voice anymore, so he grabbed your chin with his free hand and made you look up at him. "That's it...just like that" he bit his lips, seeing you like this is making him leaking with precum already.
Your eyes were keeping closing and opening. You were trying so hard to look at Logan but also wanting to enjoy the pleasure this man was now giving to you. If that wasn't enough, he added another finger, stretching your walls even more. You wanted to throw your head back so badly, but Logan wouldn't let you. He wanted to see your face when you'll come onto his fingers. He giggled as your moans started getting louder and your legs were shaking. He knew you were close, you both knew that.
But this guy was a complete monster, because as soon as your walls began to clench against his fingers, giving clear sign you are about to cum, he removed them. You gave him a confused and disappointed look while he just grinned devilishly and licked all the juice off his fingers. "You taste so fucking good" he mumbled and closed his eyes. "I need more" he got on his knees and chuckled slyly, watching you through his eyebrows.
The realization, what he's about to do, made your core pulsate even more frequently. You inhale deeply, tightly holding the edges of the counter to get ready for what's about to happen. He grabbed your panties by his teeth and elegantly take them off, revealing your wettness. His eyes widened a little and a devilish grin appeard on his face.
"Bet you taste better than sushi" you giggle and shake your head at his question, but that laugh of yours didn't last long. Your soft laugh transformed into a loud moan in one second, as Logan disappeared under your (his) shirt and you felt his hot tongue against your folds.
You finally had the freedom to throw your head back and give in to your body's natural response to Logan. You grabbed his head and gently scratched him, as he was softly licking you. Whenever his nose accidentally bumped into your sensitive clitoris, you tugged his hair and strongly bit your lips. Logan was attentive and therefore his "accidental" bumping into your clit started being more frequent.
You moan his name, tug his hair and tense your legs, whenever he made any interaction with your clit. But he also added his skilled tongue, which he subtly inserted into you. In that moment you drop your hat and shut your eyes, already aware that you won't last long. His tongue was twirling and curling inside you, moving up and down and tickling your walls. Your hips started ridding against his face, not beacuse you wanted to, but rather needed to.
Everything was connected, Logan's tongue makes you ride his face, while this made Logan groan against your pussy and that sends pleasent waves of pleasure right into your clit. His sideburns were tickling and prickling your delicate skin, which added even more adrenaline to your blood.
"Logan" you whine and moan his name, feeding his need to fuck you properly. His tongue picked up incredible speed and when he felt your walls clenching again, he added even more. He hold your thighs, to hold your body still in one place. It took a few more flicks with his tongue to make you shake, throw your head back and release all the tension you've been suppressing in yourself until now. You came all over Logan's face, before shame washed over you, as you came back to your senses.
You've had sex with men before, but none of them ate your pussy like Logan did. When his face found itself in your vision again, you started turning red as you noticed your juice remaining on his lips. "Don't be shy honey" he cupped your cheek and smiled. "You definitely taste better than sushi" You laugh and shake your head, the awkwardness disappearing when Logan said these things.
After that, he didn't even let you breath in and glued his lips to yours, making you taste yourself. He immediately wanted to fight with your tongue, so he gently squeezed your leg to make you moan, thus you improved his way into your mouth. Your tongues battled for dominance in which Logan was clearly winning. Your saliva and the remnants of your cum made a strange salty mix, that you both couldn't get enough of.
You wanted more, you wanted to see him in his full glory, so you grabbed the edges of his shirt and pulled it up. Logan helped you take it off and when he did, he didn't even give you a chance to get a good look at him, before starting to stuff his warm tongue inside your mouth again.
Still, you wanted to feel him somehow, that's why your hands explore his upper body, whining as you felt the muscles and sixpack, which unfortunatel, you couldn't see yet. Your fingers prints sends shivers down Logan's spine, breaking his last straw by that. His instincts began to prevail over his mind from now on.
You started being more excited and your pussy started throbbing over nothing again, when you heard a sound of unbuckling belt. It didn't take long before you heard the impact of not only the belt, but the fabric as well. You immediately realized that Logan had also taken off his pants as his erection began poking you into your inner thigh, dangerously close to your, once again, wet core.
"You're driving me crazy" he said between the pauses in the kiss and you couldn't properly answer, so you just moan softly. The feelings were from both siides, he was also driving you crazy. His disgustingly massive hands surrounded you almost entirely and his body was like a gigantic shield. You wanted nothing else, than to be fucked by this beast.
Although Logan is quite patient, your moaning and body language bothered him so much, that he decided to finally relieve you both and do what he had to do. He gently grabbed your hips, pulled out of the kiss and checked his way into you. Your heartbeat was racing and whole body shakes with impatience.
Suddenly, he looked at your face and without any warning, he started slowly pushing into you. Your jaw immediately dropped and your eyes tightly shut. The stretching was painfully pleasurable, finally feeding your hungry core. Your nails were digging deep into Logan's skin and you were worried about hurting him too much. However, you didn't know about his healing factor. The truth is that you should be the one who should be scared, because Logan's dick was nowhere near as small as the others.
"Good girl, breath for me" he was holding your body in place, while incredibly slowly pushing into you. If he could, he would've thrust himself aggressively into you a long time ago, but he didn't want to hurt you. He read from your face that it wasn't twice as pleasant, but it was just the beginning. The flow will be much better.
He was almost balls deep. You were hissing through your clenched teeth pretty loudly, trying hard to ignore the pain and focus on the pleasure. “Just like that princess…you're doing so good” he kept praising and supporting you to make you feel more comfortable and it worked. You felt your cheeks getting hotter and your breathing kept getting stuck in your throat.
Logan groaned intensely, when his balls finally touched your ass and he was fully inside you. It felt unreal. His dick was already touching your cervix. You knew you won't last long again. You stand no chance to ever last long with a man like Logan, it's just impossible.
"Good girl...my good girl" he put his forehead on yours, his hot breathing pleasantly shimmered on your nose. Before long, you got used to him and your natural reaction forced you to create some pressure. That's why you started moving your hips, giving Logan a clear sigh you are ready for him.
"Oh? Someone's eager huh?” he chuckled. You gave him a hungry eyes, full of lust. Logan therefore didn't wait for another signal and slowly moved his hips, as he squeezed your hips firmly. You were so tight around him, so wet, just absolutely perfect. You both felt incredible passion and heat coursing through your blood.
"God you're...fucking perfect" Logan cursed under his breath as his pace quickened and so did his pulse. The wet juicy sound began to surround the entire apartment. The atmosphere around you started to harden and the kitchen smell like sex. Your moans rhythmically mixed with Logan's grunts, creating a wonderful melody.
You hissed as Logan was hitting that perfect spot, deep inside you, that you could never reach on your own. You throw your head back, the sound of Logan's balls clapping against your soft ass only made you both more excited and eager to reach your climax.
"Yeah, just like that babygirl..." his voice was low as husky, his hands still firmly attached to your weist. He felt his cock twitch inside you while you felt your core tighten around him. Physics was no longer a burden for Logan, as he rammed into you with incredible speed and force, making your eyes rolled back. He quickly found your back and pressed you closer to his body, sniffing your honey scented hair.
"L-logan I..." you tried to warn him, to tell him that you are on the edge, but your mind was out of order to focus on words. "I know...I know" Logan dropped his head as he lost his control in his hips. From now on, he was just trying to catch up his orgasm.
Your lower belly started to rumble and you suddenly felt the outrageous urge to pee. You tensed up, every muscle in your body tensed until you relaxed and let it all out with a loud gasp. The relief was indescribable, but Logan hadn't reached his time yet.
When he felt and saw that you came all over his dick, he tried intensely to reach his climax. It only took a few hard merciless thrusts, before he pushed himself as deep as he could and growled loudly. He squirted into you, making you so full, that the white mixture was dripping from your core.
Logan moved his hips few more times to ride off the intense orgasm, before his forehead collapsed on yours. You both breathed heavily, trying to catch up your breaths and calmed your pulse down a bit. “You're amazing" he breathed out and you giggle, turning even more redder than you already were. He put a gentle kiss into your soft hair, giving you a great feeling of safety.
"You two..." you manage to let out two words, but all your energy was drained by saying that. Your legs were vibrating, evidence of a post-orgasm, feeding Logan's ego by showing him that he did an amazing job.
"C'mon baby, let's clean you up and then we'll enjoy that sushi" you laughed and nodded in agreement. Logan was still holding you, making sure you won't fall as you slowly jumped off the counter. Unfortunately, your legs were so weak that you couldn't keep your balance and Logan had to hold you really tight and really close to him.
However, you barely take a step forward, before you heard the door open. Logan quickly hid you behind him to cover you, thus sacrificing himself. After all, you had your shirt on, he was fully naked. You held tightly to his hands, which he held behind him as a support for you. Luckily, the counter was covering his most intimate part, so it wasn't that big of a sacrifice.
You froze in shock and waited to see who entered the apartment. "Oh Jesus Christ cover yourself! We indulge in this every Wednesday, remember?" you heard a man's voice, quite annoying, but you deduced from the sounds that he wasn't alone. "Is this how guests are greeted pookiebear? I didn't teach you that" you kept hearing the guy speak but your curiosity got the better of you.
You peeked a little, seeing a tall man with weird skin, but who was standing next to him shocked you more. "Vann?!" you couldn't hold back and shouted quite loudly. All attention was now on you. "Y/n?!" she surprisingly shouted back, her eyebrows rose and her jaw dropped. "Wait wait...there's a lot going on at once" that weird-skinned guy spoke again. You realized that he definitely loves talking and being the center of attention.
He ponited at Logan. "You had fun here with a random girl?" he moved his finger to Vanessa. "And you know that girl?" Vanessa nodded. "Yeah, she's my coworker" you awkwardly kept hiding behind Logan's back, which was so huge that it covered every part of your body except from your head.
You were all anxiously waiting to see what the guy would say. "Wait but you work at strip-club-" When he finally put the puzzle together, he gasped dramatically and turned to your direction. "SO YOU HAD FUN AT THAT CLUB AFTER ALL!" he excitedly shouted. "No that's not-" Logan tsk's and tried to explain himself, but it worthless, because that guy wouldn't let him talk. "You took it so far that you bring her here and fuck her in your own shirt?! WOW!"
"It's not like that-" Logan shook his head and you could tell from his tone, that he started getting furious. "Oh hell yeah it is! C'mon just admit it-" "Wade, stop it" Vanessa placed her hands on the chest of the guy, you just found out was the famous Wade Wilson. You imagined everything under his name, but definitely not this guy.
"Fine fine sorry...oh my god you guys had sushi! Have you shoved them up your ass-" Vanessa slapped Wade a little to finally shut him up and made him move forward, so that you and Logan would finally be alone. As she walked past you she quietly whispered "we'll talk about this" and went into one of the rooms with Wade.
Logan sighed in annoyance and dropped his head as he shook it. He turned to face you. "Look, I really don't want you to think I used you" he hold your hands but this time romantically. He gave you the cutest and most honest puppy eyes that a man ever gave you. "I...like you. I really do and I want to get to know you better and-" he didn't even finish his monologue, before you stood up on your toes, using all of your newfound strength to put into your feet. You kissed him, deeply, with love and with passion.
It was slow and soothing, so Logan reciprocated and you would have kissed longer, but you had to think about Wade and Vanessa. You also had to think of the cum dripping from your core and of Logan being completely naked. "Let's go" he smiled and nodded his head in the direction you were headed. Logan was the perfect man for you, he was mean and cruel to everyone while he had that sweet spot in his heart only for you.
You couldn't wait to spend much more time with him and get to know him much more deeply…
#smut#logan wolverine#wolverine x y/n#wolverine x you#wolverine xmen#wolverine x reader#deadpool and wolverine#wolverine smut#wolverine#wolverine fanfiction#x men wolverine#wolverine imagine#logan howlett x you#logan howlett xmen#logan howlett x reader#logan howlett smut#logan x reader#logan howlett#logan howlet smut#marvel x reader#marvel smut#marvel xmen#marvel#hugh jackman x y/n#hugh jackman x you#hugh jackman x reader#hugh jackman smut#hugh jackman
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i do need 2 work on rewiring my brain so that my immediate very first thought whenever i dont do a small task (like brushing ny teeth taking a shower picking up my room etc) isnt 'We Should Kill Connor ." this would be pretty good for me to do. putting this on the list
#its difficult. i used to be rly good abt not doing kms type jokes bc i did when i was younger and then i stopped bc of um . stuff#nd i think it rly was good for me nd then ykw started making them a LOT and now i do them constantly and ik itis bad for me like. as a guy#whos been suicidal since i was 7. yk. ik itisnt good for me but its hard#idk. i need 2 try 2 stop making them again. like idt ppl who make them r evil I personally dont tend to use them very seriously#it rly is judt a like. Ugh something annoying happened i should kms. but like. witht he we should kill connor joke its Less and less a joke#and more just feeding into ummmmm. the bad parts of my thing that i have to be vague abt so ppl dont worry.#Im not planning anything its not that. its just a belief i have that is ummm concerning to many but very comforting to me and keeps me sane#but i dont like 2 talk abt it . bc ppl tend to get worried its rly not anything that bad its judt likeee. I know that thing is true and#there isnt anything i can do to stop it from happening so i made peace with it ages ago and its comforting that i dont have 2 like. worry#abt whatll happen bc ik whatll happen#sry im being vague ive like. i think ive mentioned it a couple times and ppl get very concerned (my old psych literally told me verbatim#That sounds so terrifying.) and likeee. there have been times its scared me a lot like i can remember a few times i woke up having a panic#attack bc i didnt want to do it but i know thats whatll happen and its fine. but it wont be any time soon#it keeps me from doing anything honestly bc like. why rush FJFNFJNFNik itll happen eventually no matter what i do so even when it gets bad#enough i think abt it im like. yk. it helps. i kind of lost a bit of vagueness. please dont worry abt it fr like. it keeps me sane it keeps#me calm. but anyways i say all this to sayyyy that like. idk it might be a while b4 i commit to trying to stop making jokes like that just#bc like. i have a lot of other stuff abt me i need 2 fix first but i think it would probably be good for me if i stopped. sigh. which suck#bc like its been said time and time again that like. Im going to kms is just like. it encapsulates feelings very well there r like no other#exclamations that fit. aside from the like. Krill my shellfish type things but thats the reason i slipped back into just saying kms in rhe#first place so. UGH. and theres so many fucking stupid tjmblr ones. like no im not going to sub Kys for Go step on a lego >_< bc like... im#not 1. 5 or 2. 27. the 2 ages i think ppl would say shit like that.#sry my vendetta against 27 year olds is neverending idk i just dont like whatever happens to tumblr users of dhat age. ive mentioned it#several times inwont go into it and im probably near out of tags anyway#ive got 7 more spend em wisely one supposes. idk. its just difficult. ik its judt words and shit and im sure i cn come up with good#alternatives. theres judt like not any rhat r like the same vibe without also reinforcing My stuff in an unhealthy way. idk. idkk#like not that making kms jokes is gonna make me do it anytime soon but like yk . ik i cant blame my self loathing spike on this alone#bc ive like. Beeeeeeeen going through some stuff thats contributing way more#but i do think before i started making these jokes again my self loathing and like. rhe amt of time i thought abt it was less . idk#sui ment#<- jic i tried not to be like. too much. but you know
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im annoyed
#no im extremely annoyed bcs why didnt my mom tell me she didnt feel good enough to cook like idk i could've done some pasta or rice or idk#whatever#i kinda feel like in my house im seen as incompetent when i have cooked for myself many times like yeah i may not be perfect when it comes#to cooking bcs i dont have THAT much experience but i can do smth and not only feed off fries and stuff#and it makes me mad!!!!!! it makes me mad bcs i know im an only child which will make me be ALWAYS the baby of the house but idk im turning#24 this year like i can do stuff on my own. im not a 5 year old kid who cant hold a fucking knife#and they always say stuff like 'ohhh u're so big' when im preparing myself food like yeah. im past my 20s its obvious i would do smth for#myself#like sure i sometimes take advantage of being the baby but i would also like to havr my own independence#and i dont feel it here. like i rlly dont feel like im an adult in this house bcs they never let me do ''adult'' things#AND UGH.#jo.txt
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