#which is also mildly weird to me
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sluttyten · 2 years ago
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Romantic/dating anxiety is definitely a thing (to me). I just steed into the dating world for the first time last year at the ripe age of 26 and when I tell you I’ve been anxious every time I’ve matched with someone/received a message complimenting me before we can even have a conversation/agreed to a date… it’s intense to say the least but I believe in us!
Definitely definitely a thing, like I’ve managed to give myself a decent stomachache just by overthinking this since it happened.
I don’t know what to do lmao because I have 0 experience, and like I just texted my best friend about, I shoot down every person that ever asks for my number or shows interest in me but then I also literally am always like…. looking for someone to be interested in me, but also like as soon as I know for sure they’re interested I don’t want them to be, and also I think I just feel awkward if the person is younger than me, so like when one of my coworkers clearly had a crush on me but he was like 5 or 6 years younger than me so I felt that was weird, and then this guy I don’t even know how old he is either so like that feels fucking awkward to me because nobody ever thinks I am my age, which right now I’m 27 😭 and the other day a girl I work with thought I was 23, which is a compliment but also like I don’t want to be in a relationship with someone that much younger than me 😭😭
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four-pointed-leaf · 5 months ago
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If you still taking requests... Siffrin and Dragon!Loop flying over (any place really. whatever isn't a nightmare to draw) to calm sif down from a panic attack?
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this probably shouldn’t be as calming as it is.
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la-pheacienne · 5 months ago
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Am I the only person on planet earth who believes that Cosette and Marius are a beautiful love story? Yeah it has been so many years since I read this and yeah I was a teen, but I still remember what I felt when I read their story and their deep love for each other really really touched me. They were both orphans, two broken people who found each other by sheer luck and made each other really happy and gave each other hope and light in the midst of adversity and misery. It's just a beautiful depiction of real, deep, visceral, honest emotion between two people. How can you be completely immune to that? And this without even talking about the form, the lyricism, the poetic beauty of the text, the guy literally wrote one of the most iconic passages about romantic love that have ever been written and all you seem to care about is, idk, the power imbalance between them because of gender roles? Or the fact that Marius stalked Cosette? Or the fact that the "love at first sight" trope is boring and conservative? This is fine if the goal is to deconstruct patriarchy but I'm afraid it completely lacks feeling and honest engagement with the text, you know? This approach to the story is so flat and lifeless that I wonder if we've all read the same book. Everyone is entitled to their feelings and their tastes in art of course, but I will just suggest that if you truly do not feel anything at all while reading this love story then maybe 19th century Romanticism isn't for you? Idk.
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re my last post it's not even that I feel that bad about it. emotionally I'm fine? it's just that I look at myself and I'm like. packing black formal clothes. listening to The Black freaking Parade while my grandpa has heart surgery. and I'm just like... something is WRONG with me. who does this. something's wrong with me
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essektheylyss · 2 years ago
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Oh hey! Do you like stories about wlw and weird, convoluted forms of time travel? Do you like supporting queer folks making cool art? Did River Song rewire your brain as a teenager?
I wrote a short story called "A Practical Study of Time" for Baffling Magazine, a queer speculative fiction mag! It's published on Patreon, if you're interested in becoming a patron of a super neat lit mag—or it'll be on their site when their eleventh issue is published in April!
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imabiscuitinthousandworlds · 11 months ago
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*walking with a friend and a guy my friends befriended (he seems okay? weird humour but cool ig) talking abt falling out of windows*
me: there's actually a word for throwing someone out of a window in english. defenestration
guy, quite weirded out (i think from his voice, his face is like. he's literally twice as tall as me i ain't looking that far up): why? do you just know that??
me: .... Reasons. (chronically on tumblr and weirdly informed abt strange topics)
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seongpinkhwa · 1 year ago
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hm. feeling a bit silly
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caffeinatedopossum · 1 year ago
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I just said something so autistic to the ai therapist 🤦‍♂️
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earl-grey-crow · 9 months ago
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so. coyle.
#that's the best I can do right now I can't think of anything clever#I'm just sorta. WHAT is going on. what is kat not telling alice. what did jacob do. what is anything.#and kat being so close to seeing jacob?? only for the british to take him away??#I think that's why I'm just staring dumbly at my screen right now I can't believe it she was so close#chyler leigh you are amazing at communicating kat's emotions in the most devastating way#that last expression it looked like kat felt she could tear the british to pieces for taking her brother away#anyway. in other news#the way home hallmark#wouldn't be a hallmark series without a founder's day celebration#I'm a little wary of where they're taking del and what's his name? sam? if they're taking them anywhere#I hope they don't end up together partly because I don't like the idea of anyone replacing colton#partly because I don't really like him and partly because I don't think we need it#also have I missed something?? or have they not said that guy's name?? the one always at the coffee shop talking to alice#I still don't know if I like him or not he reminds me too much of brady (except for the fact he most definitely doesn't#have a five year plan) which is weird but he seems mildly interesting?#hmm parallels between the augustines and the town and the augustines and the time travelers? like always observing always something I don't#know I don't have coherent thoughts#elliot's father is. intense. to say the least. I have concerns#also not rita always trying to rip off tourists lol#and best for last: I like coyle tbh I'm so excited for the next episode because it looks like he'll be in a lot of it#I just really really hope they maintain his weird complexity and not be like oh you thought he was pond scum but he's not really it was jus#bad first impressions or whatever#I really hope they let him keep his paradox of sorta bad sorta good it's part of his charm#I was dying over that scene between him and kat like wow go off then#okay I think I've exhausted the tags enough#earl crow ramblings
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vigilantejustice · 11 months ago
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don’t know what part of my brain is missing that makes it a struggle to grasp anything that isn’t concrete or tangible or easily quantifiable but whenever i’m not like. fantasising about clawfoot tubbing myself i’m like “don’t think i’m depressed think this is just me having a normal one” and the normal one is me having this thought after having spent sixteen hours in bed mostly every day for like three years
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vocalsynthbdays · 1 year ago
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Bebo Akapane’s birthday is coming up on October 29th. Just a heads up. He’s not that well known but theres one person who makes covers with him! Im friends with said person btw!
- Bebo’s voice provider
oh thank you for letting me know !! i absolutely do not mind posting about unknown synths; ive got some with like literally zero covers, or with no wiki nor db entries, so ill gladly post about bebo !
#not bday#ask#i also dont mind people just requesting i post about their own synths#i feel like it might be difficult to get a new utau or other self made synth off the grounf at all#and get even mildly popular#in recent years#????#im not sure though#i just feel like the popular ones have been pretty well estabished#i know Kurukuru Suuzis utaus are more recent but still popular#their most recent being released in like 2020#but even with them#their most popular ones are the oldest#like obviously i get why this is and im not complaining about it or smthing#i just mean more like that i wouldnt see it as weird or selfish or self centered or anything for smone to ask me to post about#thier own synth#because of this ?? like it could be an opportunity to get more eyes on your own synth#which takes a lot of work and time and effort to make#i know this is kind of completely unrelated to the ask but whaterv alsdkasjl#im just rambling atp#but like yea i feel like its totally fine to ask for some free promo from me lmasdnsakdal#i made this account because i was taken aback by how anime bday accs didnt seem to post any synths but miku#which like makes sense i guess#but it just gave me the idea to post other birthdays myself#particularily how it could maybe bring some attention to lesser knwon synths#so i think asking me to post random ass self made synths is fine and actually encouraged#sorry this got so off topic but whatver !!!!!#thank yee for the ask and for informing me about the silly bebo !
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shoechoe · 1 year ago
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ur icon kinda reminds me of a watermelon tbh. with like the green and pink and also the dots in diavolo's hair. ^_^ !! (i mean this in a good way ofc. very cool!!)
Well, I'm okay with that, because watermelon has always been my favorite fruit. (That and me being such a big fan of Diavolo may be connected. Who knows.)
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maaaxx · 1 year ago
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11 & 19 for the ask game ❤
ask game :)
11 has already been answered here
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19. "Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going?":
Short answer:
From the time I could vaguely write I was writing "books" (or as much of a book a child that young can make)
I entered my first writing contest when I was 9 or 10 and I got 5th place in my school
A year later I started my first major wip that got me invested into writing as a hobby
A year after that I started another wip that most of my current wips are branches off of and also started posting bits and pieces on wattpad
When I was 14 I had my writing skills tested for early college admission and scored in the top 5 percent in my state (still very proud of this)
Entered and won a couple writing competitions besides that stopped writnig
Then a couple years later I started writing fanfiction
Currently pondering working towards actually publishing some books one day.
Long answer under the cut :)
I remember making "books" since I could write. Like I would staple paper together and I remember one specifically that had something to do with sea horses but i dont remember the plot.
My mom has boxes filled of these "books" with all of the words and even my name misspelled and poorly illustrated characters and stuff.
When I was in like 4th grade (9-10 years old) my teacher had an assignment to where we made up a story and applied whatever type of literary technique we were learning about that week to it. So like if we were learning about similes the assignment would be come up with 5 sentences that include similes that pertain to your story and include one or something like that. At the end of the year we were supposed to have 4-5 pages of this story. I think I finished with like 10-12 or something like that. She made me summarize it 💀
If I remember right I think that my story was about this set of twins where one was born with some type of super power that only the other twin knew about and the superpowered twin got kidnapped by some scientists that wanted to expirement on her and my story followed the other twin and this like 12 year old girl dedicating her teenagehood to finding the lost twin. I think I made it so the dad actually ended up hiring the kidnapper and the dad and kidnapper both got arrested. I want to find this again because I dont remember a lot about it.
That same year my teacher ended up having me enter a poetry contest and I think it was a tri-county thing. I didn;t like poetry (I still hate writing it, love reading it though) so I half assed it and I think I got within the top 5 (??) of my school. (just elementary school) so that was neat.
(This specific teacher was one of those really strict teachers that no one else liked but my little undiagnosed autistic self LOVED her because i always knew what to expect yk?? but is also the one who really got me into reading and writing and stuff and I dont think I'll ever not me extremely grateful for her)
The next year I started forming this one wip. Its definetly my longest and most elaborate and sentimental one because it opened so many different doors for me.
There was no plot but it pretty much followed this group of like 20 teenagers that had very different lives and were all really traumatized and during the "story" they're all like 15-18 trying to figure out how to move on from their childhoods and maintain healthy relationships with eachother and their individual support systems.
Some of them are neurodivergent and some of their stories are centered around that.
One of the characters name is Jack. Jack is bipolar and so is his mom and so because of his moms mental illnesses and stuff he was in and out of fostercare from like 5-13. Hes probably the 'main' character in this.
Hes also went deaf from a tmi from when he was like 9.
Then theres Allison who is autistic and she is your stereotypical 'gifted kid burnout' 'graduated at like 15' type of autistic. but this leads to a lot of issues with her and her main thing is kind of working through that.
Travis comes from a VERY religious (almost cultish) family and is develops schizophrenia at like 16 I think and he's also pansexual and his parents go through his phone and find some texts from his partner and kick him out so hes homeless and has to deal with that.
But like I said theres like 17 more of these characters and its very elaborate. It goes into the parents childhoods and deals with generational trauma and how mental illness can affect parenting.
The 'story' mostly follows Jack and Allison (theyre love interests) and everything is kind of through their pov and their relationships with the other characters and stuff.
But like 11 year old me started writing this out in composition books and between then and when I turned 15 ish and got a computer, I filled I think close to 30 composition books with this story.
But I started researching mental disorders and stuff for this story so I could make their stuff as realistic as possible and that kickstarted my spin on psychology, which led to me wanting to be a social worker which is my major. It also meant that I was really ahead in also my psyche classes. Im *technically* going into my 5th year of college and I started taking psyche classes my second year and I didnt start getting into stuff that I didn't know until the year that just ended so 11 year old me really knew what she was doing.
I remember making my mom buy me textbooks and those articles that are behind a paywall for birthdays and Christmas's
I'm getting off track
A year or two after that I started developing this other wip with kids with superpowers and there was a whole lot of worldbuilding and stuff to this one and its what got me into fantasy which is the main genre I write outside of fanfic. (my hecles wip is loosely based on this one)
(part of this one is on wattpad somewhere)
When I was 14 I took a test that determined whether or not I would be able to start college early and part of this test was writing skills. There was a fiction and a nonfiction portion and then they combined those two scores and averaged them out and my score was in the 95th percentile (top 5 percent) of everyone who takes the test (so on average like 17-19 year olds usually and then some outliers) so I see that as one of my biggest writing achievments.
(i scored shit on the math and reading comprehension portions though)
I stopped writing and stuff for like two years besides entering writing contests.
I've entered like 5 and won 2. One was tri-county and I got first place and the other one was a little bigger but it wasnt a state contest, I think it might have been regional but I got third place. I consider those both big accomplishments too.
And then when I was 17 I started writing fanfiction.
I think fanfiction is what actually got it in my head that maybe I could write an actual book one day. Like before I just saw it as like a hobby because I was scared of the commitment of writing a whole book but ive written almost 200,000 words of one of my fanfics and it wasn't that overwhelming and I think that usually a decent sized novel so why not give it a try?
Idk if that answered the question or if I got TOO off track but oh well :)
#you can tell when i start mildly bragging#im sorry im just proud of myself💀#I think I mentioned before that everytime I get really into writing its to cope with something.#so that like 11-15 era and then when I was 17 I had a lot going on and thats always when i started really getting back into it#i also consider getting involved in fandom (aside from just writing) something like a milestone to my writing timeline thing#because its the first time I had a community around it#and that I can talk to other people who are passionate about their wips and works and whatnot#and compare writing styles and stuff#i also really enjoy getting immediate feedback#also being able to read stuff by people who dont get paid for it and who dont have to worry about writing trends and stuff is really nice#i think its really neat how much of my life stems from writing#like idk how to explain how different my life would be if this wasnt my primary hobby.#me choosing my career directly stems from a story i made when i was 11#writing is also how i taught myself empathy#because i mention a lot that im a really low empathy autistic#and id always have trouble not being cold with people because i cant force myself to feel bad for them#so id make like side stories of my characters going through things people in my life went through#and if base what i say and do for them on what would help my chatacter#which i based on reading psyche textbooks#that sounds really weird now that im typing it out but oh well#im not saying im good at relationships but id be a lot worse at them if i didnt start writing#i liked this ask thank you anon <3#idk if i actually answered it though 💀#max thinks shes relevant#asks
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femmefaggot · 2 years ago
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genuinely very very happy about maya still Do Not get me wrong. I simply wish... the world was better and less cruel. and that I was not complicit in that cruelty. and that honorspren in shadesmar werent such hypocrites.
#outgoing transmission#adolin post#the desire to have everything be good forever and be told by some almighty being that#actually you didnt mske anything mistakes and did the best you can and were good vs like#how... not hollow. but. that is also not true i messed up so very much and do have to wonder if my existence was Not worth it#disregarding the fact that... well. it is a story someone wrote and yes obviously I needed to be there.#but. as a person? mmh. craving not necessarily reassurance but Being Sure i didn't make awful decisions to make things worse. and i simply#cannot know that. not at the moment and potentially not with any certainty ever#which is no different from anyone elses life really. but there is a certain agony to it#i dont know. i love kal. i dont have many memories yet of. well. but#id like to think he loves me. coming face to face with that however is... well why would he?#he is. well i feel anything i say wouldnt really encapsulate it to be honest i could worship that man and i mean that so sincerely#he... would not like it. but it isnt...... well hes a better man than me but not because i think hes flawless or anything#just. he tries so very hard. i didnt even have it in me to not murder someone despite how risky it was#for the best. and i wish id done it sooner still. but i do also think it says a good deal about my character in general#sorry again about this i hope everyone is well.#it is too bright out now honestly which is kind of funny. half comforting. half annoying. a small part... some other thing. weird i suppose#brain is. mm. partially shadesmar. partially... something else. stormy. near kal. tense but not necessarily in a danger way.#but something... stuck a bit maybe. not sure if it is a natural thing or more a. spren parent trap situation. for lack of any better terms.#cute and mildly obnoxious... hm. something to consider.
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nomairuins · 3 months ago
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ill be like I can totally make a lighthearted post mentioning a kink i have and i wont even freak abt it. and then i freak abt it
#its not even one of the ones i normally freak abt. fml. fml. its spreading. eventually i wont even be able to say Strals exist without going#into system shutdown or something. this sucks#this is also why i have so much trouble posting on my nsft is ill go over there and be like. Id love to **** some ***** and then i get#terrified. so i dont#my pfp over there is literally. **** ******* ** * *** but i go over there to post abt how i want to **** * *** and im like that is deviant#i cannot be saying that in front of my followers. who dollowed my nsft blog. where i list the things im into . and my pfo is * **** *******#** * *** so its not like theyd be HORRIFIED if that came up#but idk... i worry ppl dont read my dni over there. bc usually they just follow me after seeing that one post which doesnt rly mention any#of the ones im weird abt. except for like kind of it does but whatever its fine i cannottt freak out abt that post its existed for like.#months now. sigh. its all just a bit embarassing which sucks#“mdni”#IN A MASSIVE WAY. idr if any minors still r here if im still muts with any....#its just like. IDK i either feel a bit silly posting on it and its just mildly embarass Or i send myself into hysterics over how im an evil#person bc i like. well i cant say. obviously. but yk. stufffff. that i am into. I HATE TALKING ABT IT BC IT MAKES ME SOUND LIKE AN EVIL#PERSON AND LIKE. its not anything like. UGH. im not into kids or animals 👍👍👍 obviously. and idt its that bad the things im into some of#them r like basically baby shit like ohhh woww youre into *********** and yet even that i cant talk abt it bc im like um im going to be#smited by god and sent to hell or soemthing and actually i only thing its normal bc im a disgusting weird freak and everybody would kill me#immediately if they knew also im an evil person? its like. UGHHHH.#and the other stuff is. less 'mainstream' which is even scarier but ig in a way ive been More open abt it which is kind of funny. looks at.#but even then i dont rly go in detail bc yk. Stuff. im just like lol they r the way they r bc of how i am. and then i walk away forever#idk. ive been feeling so guilty over that specifically like. UGH. its not like. ugh. i rly cant talk abt it without it being obvious and im#scared byt im also like Compelled to talk abt it so ppl dont think its worse but im also compelled not to bc thats like oversharing i guess#as if thta isnt All i do on this fuckass blog. no matter what i do i lose. i hate my brain so badly i wish i could judt get over it and jus#be like yep these r the things and not have to like over clarify and explain and disclaimer everything and stuff . idk. it suck#mdni#the quotes didnt take it to the top like they used to. kms
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greatgoddyke · 4 months ago
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this is petty n most likely an issue of ive just been exposed to entirely different shit but those posts about how people complaining about redemption arcs is bad bc its important message that people can change is just completely ignoring why people are actually complaining cause the big two examples i can think of for why people complain about redemptions are 1. the redemption is poorly written n ignores and/or retcons the previous seriousness of their wrongdoings just because the writer(s) want them to be good now n its kind of hard to do that if (for example) we take the lives they intentionally n mercilessly killed into account and 2. this character is an abuser but instead of taking accountability n bare minimum apologizing n letting their victim(s) choose whether they wish to still have them in their life the writer(s) choose a narrative where the abuser doesnt really have to change as a person they just dont abuse anyone anymore n the framing is weirdly unsympathetic to their victim(s)
#bonk.txt#annoys me even more bc of it using the good place as an example bc THE GOOD PLACE HAVE AN ABUSER WHO BECOMES A BETTER PERSON#AND IS SYMPATHETIC TO HER VICTIM FOR BEING HURT N UPSET THAT HER MOM WAS CAPABLE OF CHANGE BUT DIDNT CHANGE FOR HER#its not the concept of someone improving n growing as a person as a person that people dislike they dislike bad inconsistent writing#n (intentional or not) narratives of abuse victims having to forgive their abuser and or ignore the harm done to them!!#the elements of ''its kind of facist to not forgive people'' and ''i was kind of a shit person so its important for me to see characters#who are also kind of shit change as people'' also suck#first thing it is an actual issue that people are unforgiving n ignore how someone's changed to go after them for shit that is years old#but as already stated thats not the usual reason people complain about this shit n it feels disingenuous to bring that up#cause people thought a show you liked is badly written when that tactic is usually used to target minorities n silence them for disagreeing#with someone or being mildly annoying#usually they didn't even do anything to warrant this response n the shit being dug up to vilify them is like a nonissue twisted into harm#second thing is like ur probably perceiving urself as worse than you are you definitely never killed anyone n you most likely havent#intentionally cultivated a situation where u can get away with multiple people with no consequences ur at worst probably just an asshole#n its a weird overreaction to reach for these kinds of characters when theres more out there that resemble#ur situation n the growth u experience as a person that as a bonus are also probably better written#this is just like straight up brain vomit i i need to go back to bed n also im probably mixing posts in my head but hhh#people dont like bad writing it is mostly that simply n when its not for either of the proper reasons ive stated#then its usually related to some kind of bigotry n holding minorities to a higher standard than they would if it was just some white guy#which is still an actual issue but again unrelated to people disliking that we're capable of change#i complain about it a lot whenever a character is widely hated for at best things they'd forgive their (canonically cishet male) blorbo for#n at worst genuinely nothing just bc the character happens to be nonwhite/a woman/a kid/traumatized/not whatever's considered#to be ''palatable'' but thats a separate issue n not even the point the posts im complaining about are trying to make#the second example (in the actual post ive written n not in the tags) is probably like too specific#n also i havent like touched the thing im vaguing there in years n its how the situation was when it was last touched upon when i still#somewhat kept up to it but whatever the gist is still there even if its not one to one
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