#which is also a sucky feeling to have ugh

[aceofstars16]

Ugh, I want to write but also just...don't want to do anything at all...

[peachydinosaur]

bit the bullet and ordered license plate holders, seat covers, and bumper stickers for my car. i don't in all honesty expect the stickers to last through the winter (i ordered from redbubble and all the discussions i could find people were saying the stickers held up well on their cars but like. it's gonna be 100+ for probably at least a week this summer and we get feet of snow every year so. hot hot, freezing and scraping off my car, etc. i won't be upset just, not gonna get my hopes up about longevity) but I'm really excited to personalize my car finally. I've never had decorations in it past a cute air freshener on the rear view and a small stuffie on the dash. i used to have a bumper magnet but it got so old and fucked up. it's going to be cute, it's going to feel personal, the leather on the seats isn't going to burn me and leave marks on my legs from the cracks when i wear shorts this summer :) haven't figured out how to be normal about this, I've never really done anything for my car and it's very exciting yet daunting to me

[nurgletwh]

*pokes head up*

*sees the world still exists*

Huh. Look at that.

On a more serious note, having essentially dropped off the face of the earth from the perspective of almost everyone who's following me here or my works on AO3, I am alive. This was not in any great danger of changing any more than the normal (one can always get hit by a bus, for example), but it turns out I haven't been well.

My first clues probably should have been long before I found myself sleeping eighteen hours a day for 'no damn good reason,' but since there were also some extremely difficult and terrifying weeks at work and the stress that goes with it, it crept up on me.

Unlike previous times I've disappeared, it wasn't related to my mental health this time. Not that it's any better, really, because it turns out that my diabetes was creeping out of control. I wasn't monitoring the way I should have been, and I missed a doctor's appointment without rescheduling (which is terrible when you have ADHD, because fucking remembering to call someone to reschedule is damn near impossible).

Anyhow.

It turns out that chronic high blood sugar makes a person feel all sorts of crappy in vague and indistinct ways that, in and of themselves, don't really trigger a sense of 'something is wrong, I should see a doctor.' It just leaves me feeling 'bleah' and 'ugh' and unable to do anything but sleep when I stop moving.

I am so far behind on anything and everything fun. I owe everyone who has a pending comment on my works a deep and heartfelt apology. I didn't mean to disappear. I know several of you have been worried, and it turns out at least semi-rightfully so. Not that there was much any of you could do about it, which really just makes it feel worse. I apologize for any stress and worry this may have caused. I can't promise to never do it again, unfortunately, because I am:

a) human b) a human with ADHD, and c) a human who is horrible at keeping up with communication the way she should.

I want to do better; I will try to do better. I have actually managed to continue writing, albeit at an exceptionally reduced rate. That's picked up markedly in the last week or so now that my meds have been adjusted. Hopefully, it continues to pick up. However, I don't think things are quite where they need to be based on my personal blood sugar testing, but it's a strong improvement. I still don't have much energy, but when I get home after work and sit down, I only sleep for forty-five minutes to an hour, not four followed by crawling into bed for the night and still not feeling rested in the morning.

I hope to start working my way through my inbox on AO3. If you're following me here and see this before I get to your comment, hi! ♥ Know that I have read them all and they give me sparks of joy to think about, but I have been very emphatically squashing any guilt at my non-response for now. Feeling guilty is a potent anti-motivator for someone with ADHD. It makes a growing mountain that I can run away from like an Olympic sprinter, which means that the only way I will successfully get back on track is to not feel guilty or compelled, which is the opposite of how it works for many folk.

I also seem to have gotten into some fucked-up screwy mindset where my brain is telling me I have to have something ready to post (or nearly so) before I can answer comments now. Which is just... wrong. So very, very wrong. I'm working on that, too. Blood sugar fixing first, however.

Take care, everyone. I've definitely been thinking about all of you and have seriously missed having the conversations and speculations that go with successfully generating writing but also require successfully responding to comments. It's been a seriously sucky couple of months; here's hoping things improve.

♥

[chipped-chimera]

So since the fates decided not to give me a idk ... big gay aunt to guide me along with my sexuality realisation, I'm kind of at a loss of what to do. I'm 30 and I went off the dating market back when meeting someone online to date was considered 'novel'. Idk how the fuck to use dating apps.

So I guess I'll throw this cry for help to you, people who follow my blog apparently, in the case you have some insight? More deets below the cut oh god help me

Okay so basically - I think I am (somewhat hesitantly) ready to start looking at dating apps. I've kind of hit a point in my self-work where I think I could actually handle rejection - which was the entire reason I was holding off in the first place. Because I know I have a lot of potential "deal breakers" to contend with, getting to this point was my bare minimum.

So aside from the obvious I-have-never-used-a-dating-app-in-my-life problem, I guess my other problems are the following:

Do I disclose I am disabled on my profile? My disability is technically 'invisible' and while I absolutely could go hang out with someone at a bar or whatever it WILL knock me out for like ... two days. Especially right now where I haven't really done any big social-ey shit in a while. Idk how else I can explain that I will absolutely still want to do things with someone, I just have the energy habits of a house cat (sure I don't say nap every day anymore but sometimes I really just gotta lie in the dark ... Yeah :C )

Disability also kind of explains all the other deal breaker shit. I won't go into that. Aside from the obvious 'money ain't great' and I cannot avoid interdependence. Like I am still recovering and hoping for the best but I don't know what the end of this shit looks like. I know there is going to be permanent damage. But I also am not gonna bench myself until I'm 'well' (also because I'm touch starved and THIRTY).

Ugh, photos. Due to disability reasons (see I told you it explains everything) my irl social circle died years ago because I could just not keep up and I've had the photographic record of a cryptid for the past ten years. So now I have to basically go TAKE photos and it feels very forced. But I'm also aware apps are really visual, so idk - ideas? Tips?

Is there some obvious Lesbian space I'm missing? Am I missing the lesbian bat signal? I've joined Facebook groups for my city but they're quiet and tend to be populated by much older people (did I mention I hate Facebook?) Also apparently queer scene is kinda sucky in my city at the moment because one of our two gay bars changed ownership and it may as well just be a regular bar now. For the moment I've just been hanging out on Reddits to feel somewhat connected but it doesn't really help my irl situation and lack of social anything.

Yeah I am not selling myself here but I'd rather be honest early on and make sure anyone who isn't cut out for it or emotionally mature enough to handle that I have baggage (well treated baggage!) Is filtered out. But I also feel like putting disability right on my profile could result in a knee jerk reaction which would prevent them from even trying to get to know me. Like I do feel I have some really appealing things about me that I'm happy about, and I do think offset the bad - I've just had a rough time of it.

Augh idk. I'm lonely. And very confused. Anyways any kind of advice or insight would be highly appreciated 🥺

[shrinkthisviolet]

Gonna go the less expected route here: Julian Albert, Kamilla Hwang, and Joe West for the fictional character bingo.

Ooh I appreciate the variety!

Julian Albert:

He just kind of Exists to me 🤷‍♀️ I also didn’t like Caitlin/Julian (hence “canon���s not real if I don’t look at it”). I found him kinda off-putting tbh. The show’s no stranger to jerk characters (Harry, Ralph), but Julian doesn’t really have the charisma to endear him to me like Harry and (to a lesser extent) Ralph do.

Also, he was only really there a) for Caitlin’s plotline (and his inclusion in all of it fell flat for me) and b) for the Alchemy red herring (which, as with Savitar pre-reveal, was a waste of time imo)

Kamilla Hwang:

So admittedly I used to be a lot more neutral towards her, if only because I felt she and Cisco were kinda thrown together by the writing and not given a ton of development as a couple. I…still somewhat feel this way, but I also like the two of them together…and as far as Cisco ships go, Kamisco’s my favorite 💞 (Goldenvibe is second for me, and I’ve been warming up to that more lately too)

Also, since Kamilla is your favorite, I’ve become fonder of her and Kamisco through following you 🥰 Kamilla is sweet, driven, and when the show does allow them to spend time together onscreen, they seem to get each other in a very special way. It’s not my favorite ship, but I find it a sweet one regardless.

As for “the fandom’s so mean”…something I’ve noticed is how some Caitlin/Cisco shippers tend to write Kamisco (and Kamilla, by extension) as very boring/bland/not right for Cisco. Which…fine, people can have ship preferences, but I remember one fic in which a character told Cisco, “[Kamilla’s] nice, but you deserve better than nice”, and that irked me.

Like…I get that Kamisco isn’t as developed as Caitlin and Cisco’s friendship, and even I shipped Caitlin/Cisco for a time, but…it rubs me the wrong way to see a white woman prioritized over a WOC as Cisco’s love interest when canonically, he’s only ever romantically been interested in said WOC and not the white woman. I get the fondness for Caitlin/Cisco, but if you need to throw Kamilla, a WOC and Cisco’s canon love interest, under the bus to do it…I question how strong your ship really is.

(Fun fact, fics like this are part of the reason I don’t really ship Caitlin/Cisco anymore!)

Joe West:

So…I have mixed opinions. I love him in most of the show, especially his relationships with Barry, Iris, Cisco, and Wally. Even his dynamic with Harry in s2!

I don’t, however, like him in s1 with Iris, and even with Barry, mostly pre-reveal. When he’s shooting down Barry at every turn, making him feel stupid, not even entertaining the idea of the impossible, not even stopping when he sees Barry’s given up the fight…yeah, that was sucky of him. It shouldn’t have taken Iris’s intervening for him to back off.

And with Iris…the lying, the gaslighting, the coddling…listen, I get he’s overprotective, but he is way moreso of Iris than Barry. Keeping her out of the loop for so long and not even apologizing to her?? Joe, Barry made his choice, but you also asked him to do it! You lied to Iris for months and acted like she was crazy when she mentioned seeing the Streak! You even got mad at Barry for Iris’s choice to put her name on her blog!

And that stuff with Eddie…ugh, that’s infuriating. The way Joe acts so entitled to her love life in s1, the way he denies Eddie permission to propose for ages just because he thinks he knows better than Iris who she should marry?? And the show doesn’t win any points with me for treating him as being right for that.

Oh, and also Armageddon?? When he yells at Barry and Iris for wanting to let Thawne die?? Saying they’d be destroying their family by doing so?? JOE CAN YOU BFFR?? We’re talking about EOBARD THAWNE! Killed Nora Allen, framed Henry Allen, stalked your son-in-law, killed Cisco, killed Eddie, killed your granddaughter, changed time and almost married your daughter??

I do love him in the rest of the show though, I think he’s a great fountain of wisdom and his relationships with his kids shine (hence the square with all the hearts, because when those relationships are at the forefront outside of s1, it’s like magic). It’s just those instances when I dislike him.

send me a character (or multiple) and I’ll fill out the bingo!

[measuringbliss]

Spider-Man Read-Through 053: Death Of Aunt May (ASM 196-200)

MASTERPOST

Well well well...!

Last time, Peter received a telegram saying that Aunt May is dead. Obviously, it's a ruse by Uncle Ben's killer, but when he gets to the care home, May's waiting for him, asleep in a coffin. Peter asks her physician to handle everything; he'll just sign whatever there is to sign. Not a good idea, Pete!

Gorgeous colors.

Interestingly, as Peter ponders on how many deaths he let happen, he mentions Felicia Hardy (who's obviously not dead with today's context) and Jameson's son (whose death was an illusion). Can Wolfman's run (soon to end) be summarized by fake deaths?

At the Bugle, Robbie's fed up with Jonah's hatred of Spider-Man and quits his job. Meanwhile, in some secret manor, someone who's probably the Kingpin (ugh) orders underlings to find Spider-Man.

Flash's suckiness is once more out of character. Marv, I don't trust your ability to write him well.

At the funeral, there's only Peter, Anna (May's secret lesbian girlfriend) and the totally-not-shady Dr Rineheart.

This is very Tomb of Dracula-esque!

Robbie arrives just in time to trauma dump to our dear Peter. Turns out he had another son, Patrick, who died 6 months after being born. I love that tidbit of information. Yes, Marv, give me some information about our cast! I love their conversation.

Peter then goes to his old home... which has been ransacked! Suddenly, things start making sense.

Peter has no time to do much though, because as soon as he puts his suit on, he gets attacked, and promptly brought to... the Kingpin, of course.

Overall, that was a great issue. Good art, good dialogues and plot, it was really good. I also really love the cover, hence why it's the first thing you see in this post.

In #197, Kingpin explains his overly complicated method of surviving their last encounter in #164. Amnesiac twice, an underwater tube that didn't have water, Silvermane's attempt to assassinate him, his return to Vanessa who gave him only 24 hours to stop his criminal activities, or she'd leave him.

So he only has 6 hours left to kill Spider-Man. Alright, champ.

I think their ensuing fight is surprisingly alright. Marv's team has done alright fights, they're not totally boring at least. They still fight for apparently literally 6 hours, and when Vanessa comes back, the Kingpin has to stop.

At the Bugle, Betty tells Glory she's not coming back to Ned, which, okay, sure.

Anyway...

Aaaah, I thought I recognized our mysterious physician's atrocious haircut! You know me, I'm always game for some Mysterio.

So it's time for #198!

Spidey's found by cops, and as has happened before, only a physician (I love that word) stops them from removing his mask.

At the Bugle, Jameson gets really angry and has a nervous breakdown in front of the shareholders. Oof. Still not feeling sorry for him.

Meanwhile, Aunt May's killer tries to kill Mysterio, but he uses his illusions on him and tells his life story. He faked his death in prison after teaching his cellmate some of his tricks. His cellmate ended up being the last Mysterio we saw, and our Mysterio was free to do whatever he pleased. Turns out he's been scamming old people for a while now!

Spidey arrives at the care home, but he's tricked again and again. It's kind of fun to see! He gets attacked by geriatrics, and he hits geriatrics. Truly fantastic.

As you can see, things are not going well for Spidey.

The last issue of the 70s! What a fun cover.

Spidey struggles for a while, but he eventually breaks free of the illusion and goes home. Uncle Ben's killer breaks free too! And they still haven't met, hohoho~!

His friends are here to apologize, and Peter (after having snagged a bathrobe) asks to just clean slate. Harry in particular agrees.

Betty's been living with Liz since she officially left Ned. Peter's quite shaken up that his attempts at bringing them back together didn't work.

Anyway, Spidey goes back to his old home, fights Mysterio, who confesses the box he was looking for is no longer there (taken by Uncle Ben's killer, I assume), then tranquilizes Spidey.

Yeah... I don't think they know, but they definitely should by now.

We keep getting great covers!

Two things to note in the first page of #200: first, Spidey has lost his powers. Also, Stan Lee wrote one of the pages. Let's try to catch which one, shall we?

Peter's frustrated with everything, one resident tells him Rinehart told them May died of a heart attack, and when Peter gets home, he throws in costume in rage. The next step: Anna, who advises Peter to go see the rental company.

So glad those became forbidden in public spaces before I was born. But at last, Peter finally learns who his ennemy is.

He's understandably angry. And we don't even have the symbiote yet!

There's a page where Spidey refers to himself as "Puny Peter Parker" and that's one of my contender for the Lee page.

He investigates, reads newspapers articles, looks at a tape, and...

Nice callback! Also nice proof of Peter's sexuality. "Pretty boy", you say?

But all this time, the burglar was waiting for him in his flat (nobody knows how to close the damn door). They fight, but Peter quickly gets knocked out for plot convenience, and when he wakes up, he's bound to a chair.

Okay. I forgive them.

Because he's a funny guy, the burglar carried Peter to the place where Spidey caught him the first time.

I think he should be threatened more often because he's pretty with a gun on his nose.

So Dutch Malone's treasure was underneath the house, he got in prison, Ben's killer was his cellmate (too many cellmates in this story!), heard about his treasure, Dutch died, Ben's killer killed Ben, end of story.

Well, clearly they're not going for the Spider-Man 3 redemption arc!

Peter breaks free, follows UBK but says "dang, he got on a bus, there's nothing I can do now!".

How about getting on top of the bus? That's what he ends up doing, but a bit of a weird moment. There's a Paul inside the bus, so now you know where his epic love story with MJ started.

Peter as a baby. He already had such strong facial features! Reminds me of this:

Anyway.

The burglar brings May, alive, to the warehouse where he'd tied up Peter, and Spidey arrives. They fight, and...

Oh, didn't expect that. Spidey keeps chasing him, and eventually, he says that he won't kill him because it's bad... but then he scares him to death.

...

Hm. That's easy.

On the more interesting side, Spidey finally convinces May to trust him.

Later at the hospital, May explains that the famous box had nothing anymore in it, it had all been eaten by fishes. Okay!

Overall, this arc was kind of... disappointing. Extremely repetitive, convenient stuff, the Mysterio aspects weren't as fun as I hoped they would... It's a bit of a letdown. But it has its good moments too.

It just doesn't feel special after being adapted so many times (but also, the repetitiveness definitely doesn't help.)

So we're done with the 70s. An immense first half, and a more muddled second half. My recommendations post will be interesting for sure...

See you later, folks! Next time: Swarm!

Oh Lord. That's not accounting for eeeevery side series.

[shainachantake2]

Stress stress stress

Basically, my husband has gotten offers for 2 of his dream jobs (1 in a national lab, the other in industry) but they barely pay enough for us to continue living the way we do, or actually not quite. His previous job with the American company paid wayyyyy more. But anyway.

The issue is mostly that I don't make money, so it's just his income, from which we have to pay a mortgage (not so much higher than rent would be regretfully), house stuff, school fees, insurances, car stuff, council tax... It's a lot. We'd have to keep going to the food bank and clothing bank. We'd have to ask for lower school fees. Idk it's just really sucky.

It's also hard because... Basically, in 2012 I gave up my career for my husband's career (he didn't know that at the time, it was a sort of misunderstanding), I tried the stay-at-home thing and couldn't get pregnant, then in 2015 I tried to revive my career but it failed due to incompetence of the professors, 2017 BH got my wish of being a sahm, then again couldn't get pregnant and covid killed my career plans, then bh again the sahm thing in 2023 and now I have to change things again?? Meanwhile my husband can just progress in his career without interruption and it's a lot to deal with. He's even going to work at a place I have always dreamed of working at, a national lab!!! Like UGH talk about existential crisis...

Anyway rant over I need to figure out how to make money 🙄

I guess I kind of feel completely financially dependent on him and ugh, when the financial climate is like this it's a lot. We also lost a lot of money when we lived in London, and my husband's harebrained idea to get crypto a few years ago. I'm not entirely over that last one. But it also wouldn't have made such a difference if the other things hadn't happened.

And this is probably also putting our next FET on hold as we can't really afford it. Which makes me sad, because other people can just have kids, whereas we need a medical team. Boo. Everything sucks. Kthxbye

[bellysoupset]

SOUP‼️‼️ RAHHH THIS FIC THO😭😭😭 i cannot explain to you how excited i was about this one AND GOSH IT WAS SO FREAKING AMAZING AS ALWAYSSSS 😩 you’re so freaking talented bro the POWER your writing and your OCs have over me is INSANE i think i’m hyperfixated on them bc i’ve been rereading so many of your old fics but i’ve also been daydreaming about your OCs like everyday when i walk to class djcvnfdvndfjvnsfjv sorry if thats weird gosh i just love them so much ahhhh <3333

wen’s parents are so awful ugh but also in such a particular way?? like the way they were just so emotionally distant and then managed to bombard poor vin w so many awkward questions while remaining kinda respectful? but they were also so passive aggressive the whole time?? like i started side eyeing them from the start when they were introducing themselves😤 but also this passive aggressiveness + the distant (too) formal vibes they gave off is so fitting given the backstory you gave for wendy a while ago!!! like it made so much sense!! OH and omg the AUDACITY to ask vince about immigration and then saying “legally?” like MA’AM???????? and AGH the way he kept trying to ignore how bad he was feeling and the way he kept trying to impress them and omfg how upset he was when he was in the bathroom like the TEARS goshhhh i can’t 😭 he was so miserable and omg THE TOWEL and then wen being so careful and respectful and SWEET like baby girl is so freaking PRECIOUS i love her sm 😭😭😭😭

and then vince bringing up the ED and wen just telling him everything 😩🫶🏽 even the attempt omfg SOB i wanna hug little wen and tell her she’s so loved and nothing’s wrong w her bc baby was HURTING 🥺 PLS AND THEN THE “you’re a football player, Vince, i was expecting to get hate crimed” SHE WAS SO REAL FOR THAT KANCJSJSJDJWJWB 💀 and AYEEE the end was ADORABLEEEEE

ALSO going back to the parents, i was SO curious as to how you were gonna approach her relationship with them!! like i didn’t know if you were gonna make her be super “submissive” i guess or more outspoken and i honestly LOVED the way you wrote her in this context‼️ like clearly quieter and less outspoken/goofy/bubbly than she normally is, but still very much herself. like it didn’t seem like she was letting the comments get to her too much? and the way she called her mom out whenever she asked that insane question!!!!! and not caring about her parent’s reactions/thoughts after what happened and literally just worried/concerned about vin!!! just focusing on calling the car and getting the fuck outta there!!!!! like YAS that’s my girl and ESPECIALLY given all her backstory i’m SO PROUD OF HER and her growth and how much healing she’s done to get to where she is now😭🫶🏽

THANKS FOR MAKING ME FEEL SO MANY FEELINGS WITH YOUR WRITING❤️‍🩹 you’re insanely talented and i will never stop saying it‼️🫶🏽

🦦

Otter, I can never answer to your comments except for just staring at them in awe. Please never change, these gotta be half the reason I write nowadays.

I know Wendy is your girl and I was sooo nervous about the backstory fic, so I'm happy all the emotional beats came through!

I like to imagine Wendy's parents don't see themselves as bad people and, worst of all, they really wouldn't come across as bad people on paper! Which made Wendy sound very "complaining just to complain" during her teen years, because what do you mean your parents suck?

I really enjoyed working through their mundane shade of being sucky people. And man, pooor Vince!! He's such a stronghold, I broke my own heart making him cry.

And LOL at the "hate crimed" comment, I had that line written since I decided I was gonna pair up Wendy/Vin. I think I wrote and rewrote a fic multiple times where she worried about him being a transphobe or not, but eventually I scrapped it all. Glad I could save the line! I imagine it took some prodding from Jonah, vouching for Vince, to actually get them together. Not that Jon will ever own up to it.

!! Finally, eternally happy to have you commenting on these fics, you caught up on all of Wendy's little tells, on how she's outgrown her parents and she's like "over them". I feel so blessed to have people so invested in these characters 😭

Have THE best day Otter!

[gentil-minou]

This is a REALLY unpopular opinion, but I actually really loved the break-up in 2521. It felt so realistic and so undramatic. Yes, it made me bawl like a baby, but I also felt it so deep in my bones. I was going through a very difficult phase with my boyfriend when I watched it, and it made me feel validated. Like, couples are allowed to have problems that may seem minor to outsiders, but it can matter so deep to the people involved that it can even lead to a break up. Such perfect depth.

See I wouldn't have minded the ending if it didn't completely go against the characters and their earlier scenes. I agree real couples and breakups have depth and nuances but we should HAVE SEEN THAT IN THE SHOW NOT JUST PRETENDED IT WAS THERE CAUSE THEY TOLD US IT WAS

Like, you're telling me they survived a longer separation when they were kids and weren't even together but then he goes off as adults and is seeing some of the most traumatic things ever and they butcher nhd's character so hard by going "yeah but he needs to pay more attention to ME" even though the foundations of their relationship involved distance and friendship LIKE COME ON. It destroyed their characters, byj WHOSE ENTIRE GOAL WAS TO GET BACK TO HIS LOVED ONES was like "actually I'm gonna stay in this place where I'm miserable because I have to or some bs" and nhd who was one of the sweetest most understanding caring person is like "actually I don't care about your trauma I care about what I want even though I'm the one who travels for work all the time" LIKE IT DOESNT MAKE SENSE.

If they breakup happened for other reasons, or if we had seen more of their relationship falling part and like ah yes they need to breakup its good for them it might have worked but they didn't. Everytime they had am argument about byj's work they made up and moved on. But instead the main issue was miscommunication which I fucking hate in general but it was worse here because THEY ALWAYS COMMUNICATED WELL. EVEN WHEN ALL THEY HAD WAS FUCKING VOICEMAILS THEY COMMUNICATED WELL you cannot tell me they lost that ability by dating no fucking way make it make sense.

Because it didn't fit with their characters and what we knew of them and their relationship, the conflict didn't work for me and thus the breakup felt forced and unnecessary. The last two episodes felt like I was watching an entirely different drama with different characters because thye did not make any sense at all and just ugh

Also the fact that we clearly see both of them are unhappy in their later lives. NHD is always complaining about a shitty absent husband, and she didn't even seem happy when they were newlyweds (wanting a divorce instead come on) like what a sucky way to see it. And BYJ though we don't see much from him he still feels lonely and is a workaholic. The drama didn't give us any closure for them as characters, ans since we watched them grow up and end it with them still being sad and hung up on the other.

If the show had ended with a hopeful open ending, even if they were broken up, I'd feel better about it. Maybe we got to see NHD's husband and see why she married him and that he's good for her. Maybe we'd get to see BYJ with a family of his own or at least some goddamn friends, something to show he healed from that trauma of his nyc stay, idk.

Obviously my ideal ending would have been for them to get back together after a couple years apart and him to have been the dad all along BUT by the end I was okay with the idea that at the very least they can reconnect as friends when they're older. At its core their story was about friendship, and I would have been satisfied if she just like met up with her friends. But no, we don't know what happened to the friends at the end. I don't know if she and bona's character are still friends, if the other two are still married (and THAT was not a realistic romance okay that was bs comparing the two ships and seeing that was the one that lasted was a slap on the face) or whether the smart one whose name i also forgot got to live up to her full potential and be satisfied with her career (i actually liked her working on a variety show it suited her character but also id like to see something). We didnt get to see any of the character grow into people they wanted to be, just hopelessness. It destroyed the main premise that we got from the first 14 episodes. It would have been an easy fic just like a fucking ending shot with her getting a group text from the friend group or contacting byj to meet up and catch up like seriously anything would have been better than seeing her walk off into the distance like "well I can't change my past but i can sure live in it cause my current life sucks)

Not to mention the poor casting choice where older nhd just ended up becoming the most stereotypical ajumma I've seen down to fashion it felt like I was watching some other show. Kim tae ri could have stayed in that role and worn different makeup at least then it would have felt like the same character instead of feeling like it was another drama entirely jfc.

They didn't advertise this drama as a sad one, or at least there was some definite disconnect between the writer and the directors/actors. Even kim tae ri asked the writer to change the ending cause she thought it didn't fit with the story. They changed a lot and it was advertised as a coming of age romance, not the melodrama is became. It just was so incongruous and I hate how it didn't fit with the characters I grew to love.

I'm glad it was cathartic for you but it left me feeling really shitty and hopeless at the end, and that's the feeling I get still when I think about it. It really had the potential to be my favorite drama of all time (something that hasn't changed in nearly a decade since coffee prince for crying out loud) but I can't even think about rewatching it. It's just something I find so unsatisfying.

Plus I hate the message of the story becoming something like "your teens and early 20s are the best years of your life after that it sucks and you just have to be okay with that" like no gtfo. This is a problem across the board in Korea where married women with kids who are miserable just have to be okay with that and I'm sorry I hate it sooooo much. If they just showed that everyone was happy and that their lives were good and importantly THAT THEY STILL HAD EACH OTHER AND FRIENDS it would have told a different story that yes you grow up and change but life doesn't end and you can still go back and be with people who care about you and God I just there was so much wasted potential that they fucked up so bad

[kitkatopinions]

You know I gotta ask for Pyrrha lol

Yeah, Pyrrha for the ask game, let's go.

1: sexuality headcanon

I like to headcanon Pyrrha as a biromantic demisexual.

2: otp

Gonna have to say Pyrrha x Weiss for this one, but Pyrrha x Blake is a close second! Pyrrha and Weiss just have great potential as romantic partners, and their first season clips together so easily read as Weiss having a crush on Pyrrha and Pyrrha being like "Oh pretty disaster girl, I can fix you." XD

3: brotp

Pyrrha and Nora! I already talked about them recently, but they could be such close friends!

4: notp

Can I say 'anything involving a Jaune harem?' I don't mind Pyrrha x Jaune on its own if it's done well (in a way that doesn't treat Pyrrha as the prize to be won or Jaune's cheerleader,) but every time I see some Jaune x Pyrrha, Weiss, Blake, Ruby, Neo, Glynda, Willow, Cinder all at the same time any of that... Ugh. That's so embarrassing.

5: first headcanon that pops into my head

I saw a fanart once of Pyrrha and Neptune as kids together living in Argus, and now I love the headcanon that they went to combat school together and actually know each other pretty well. (Of course, in my headcanons, Neptune isn't nearly as sucky. XD) Oh wait, no, I want to talk about Pyrrha's parents! Because the whole monument to Pyrrha seems like something Pyrrha really wouldn't want, I've started headcanoning that her parents were the ones who fought to get that statue made but that they both never really listened to Pyrrha and had kind of pushed her all the time growing up, and were sort of similar to pageant parents. So even though Pyrrha loved them, she also had very complicated feelings towards them, and felt like they didn't know her well, which made her very eager to establish a found family at Beacon (and to latch onto possible mentor/parental figures.)

6: favorite line from this character

"I'll do it. If you believe this will help humanity, then I will become your fall maiden." This line is so good at further establishing what we already know about Pyrrha. She's trusting, she's a follower, she's kind, she's good, she wants to do the right thing because it's the right thing, she doesn't even ask for an explanation because when someone tells her that people need help and this will help, she jumps in with both feet before even thinking through the implications. It's both a sign of some flaws (it's pretty naive to trust people just because they're your teachers and some guy, it's pretty reckless to let people do experiments on you without even asking very many questions,) and proof of her deep goodness and her good intentions. Also I like to think that Pyrrha looked at Amber and felt a connection to her, something drawing her to Amber, and felt like she understood Amber in that moment even though they'd never met, and then her being so willing to take on that power and that responsibility was also for Amber and for her legacy. (Side note, the concept of Amber is slept on both in the show and in the fandom.)

7: one way in which I relate to this character

We both seem to be attracted to disaster people? Lol. But in all seriousness, I feel like I do share some minor similarities to her like her tendency to be protective (I will break his legs) and her over-polite awkwardness and slight passive aggressive tendencies. XD

8: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character

The romance with Jaune. As I said before, I don't mind Arkos in theory. But the way it's done in canon? Gross tbh. They more or less invented Pyrrha for Jaune, made the majority of her story revolve around him, didn't give her real connections with other characters, used her death to prop up his character in a very fridgey way without letting anyone else grieve, and in volume six they gave her a tribute she wouldn't have wanted to remind everyone of how sad Jaune is... And Pyrrha never got any song that wasn't about her feelings for Jaune. Yikes!

9: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

One of the only cinnamon rolls left in this show! Pyrrha may have her minor flaws, but by and large, she's a good person who tries to treat everyone well (except for Cardin the bigoted asshole bully which is a good thing) and she spent her life trying to help everyone. Rip that Pyrrha never got to connect with Penny because they would've been the ultimate cinnamon roll redhead duo.

[inkofamethyst]

October 1, 2023

For the purpose of records: I am sick, mostly due to my own poor choices. There was a big important university-wide thing on Friday that I went to with some of the people I had lunch with. It was outdoors and super rainy and a little chilly, but the three of us decided to stick it out through the main part of the program with our umbrellas. The event was very well done, despite the poor venue choice considering the weather. But. I caught a mild illness as an almost immediate result which sucks mostly because it's too annoying to do anything with major sinus pressure. Being sick the weekend before midterms start is dreadful, ugh. I mean I'm doing okay but could be much more focused (I could always be more focused though tbh).

When I went for lunch on Friday.. well. The more senior students of color in the department (there aren't many!) and a couple from adjacent departments certainly have not had the greatest experience being students of color here. So that's.. unfortunate. I've been pretty fortunate in the past that it's never needed to be a consideration of mine, so we'll see how my experience goes. Spending time with and learning from them was nice though. It just seems like the department and uni as a whole try to attract a diverse student body for the optics of doing so and then kind of leave them to fend for themselves when they encounter any issues related to the ways in which they ~diversify the department~. So that's sucky. It was nice to just chill with them though. Before the rain.

I feel so silly when people talk about the media they consume because not to be all "not like other girls" (mostly because I know there are other girls like me, such as my dnd-friend) but I physically cannot bring myself to confess that I'm currently making my way through the DC comics children's television series Young Justice. I fully recognize that there's nothing wrong with enjoying nostalgic/children's media and as a post-DreamSMP blog (I've been through the trenches man) I've already eliminated much of my internal cringe, but it just feels juvenile and out of place in the context of what others are sharing. Maybe I'll talk about Midsomer Murders or something instead idk.

Okay but I have discovered a soft spot for shows with their own in-universe lingo. Kim Possible's "so not the drama" and "no big" are exquisite. Young Justice's "feelin' the aster" and "stay whelmed" and "crash"/"mode" are also growing on me.

Today I'm thankful that I'm not so ill as to keep me from going in tomorrow, though I likely won't stay long. A meeting, a class, then back home to the apartment to work.

[grimsneverendingfuneral]

Grim, hi! I’ve missed you! I’ve been busy with some sucky real life stuff, but I promise I have not forgotten about you!

I shattered my left wrist which is already annoying as is, but it happened HOURS after I got my cast off on my right arm which was broken. It’s just so annoying ugh. Like, I’m fine of course, just so annoying. Seriously it’s only the kind of luck I could have.

Anyways! You know what time it is, obviously. What was your favourite song this week? Do you wear glasses? And a Rosekiller relation question for ya, what are some of their quirks/bad habits? (e.g.: biting nails, picking at skin, etc. etc. you get the idea) 🎤

OH MY GOOODDDDDDDD MIC ANON !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

fuck i was so happy to get this message in my inbox but as i read it my face kinda fell. fuckin hell its been a rough couple of weeks for you. what the hell man. oooohhh i wish i could draw doodles on your cast and tuck you in and give your forehead a kiss. that is an substantial amount of bad luck, for sure, but the way you're going about it says a lot about who you are as a person, which is probably super brave and resilient. i remember when i broke my foot how absolutely simultaneously depressed and delirious i was cause its just so absurd in a way. you find ways to live your life differently, its a whole experience, yknow, living with a cast on or not being able to use one of your limbs. im glad youre okay though but be gentle with yourself cause it does affect our mental health more than we think. give yourself that time to just heal and try not to get too frustrated with yourself. you need time and rest

i hope you're well surrounded or at least i hope you have some support, and im here if you wanna chat. also, im genuinely so shocked and flattered and a little emotional that you would still send me an ask when you just shattered your wrist???? wow. fuck im giving you smooches on the arm. im making you soup im getting things from high places you cant reach im fussing over you like a motherly figure

also im kinda curious (you dont have to answer) but how did this happen?

ok questions. yes. my favourite song this week was this black metal song (im in my winterly black metal phase. happens every january or so) called I Am The Black Wizards by Emperor. its just.... crazy orchestral folkloric screeching overlapping rumbling drums and insane distorted guitars. i just listened to it on repeat while writing and it really inspired the madness in this chapter i just finished. also love listening to it in public with a straight face

i do not wear glasses, no! i have a pair of blue light glasses though that i wear when i write cause im on the computer a lot and i look super sexy in them. i was blessed with very good vision for some reason

and rosekiller quirks!! huh. theres probably a lot. for sure barty vocally stims a lot. i picture him as the guy at the back of the class who makes like annoying ass popping sounds with his mouth or will screech for no reason. he's gotta be humming or inventing new noises at all times. and the thing is about that is that his friends usually like catch onto those noises and will begin to make them as well and it becomes this thing like. his noises make sense and they feel good to make once you start mimicking them. i think he also has an excellent long term memory to the point its scary but his short term memory is fucking ass. like you HAVE to text him to remind him of things or he'll forget. he puts a mug somewhere? forgets it for weeks. has no object permanence so when hes been on his phone for too long he just hides it in a cupboard and completely forgets about it. he's also messy but not dirty. like theres socks everywhere but he scrubs his bathroom for three hours with Pinesol. i could go on and on and on

evan's bad habits are more mental than physical but for some reason i feel like his waking self is completely different from his sleeping self. waking self is very aware of his body language, his posture, the way his face moves, but sleeping him is kicking at your calves, thrashing around, sheets twisted around his legs, his hand finds itself directly in your face and he definitely sleeps in that position where youre on your belly and your leg is up yknow. i think evan is also prone to sighing a lot. he sighs so much and he doesnt notice and its like are you fucking okay?? can you stop sighing like youre a poor victorian woman withering away from broken heart? lastly i think evan does pick at his lip skin but only in private. he doesnt really do stuff in front of others like that. but he will pick it until it feels smooth and its bleeding in three places but at least it feels smooth (i do this)

thank you so much for keeping me updated on your life mic anon i feel very honoured. hope you have a good recovery

[starlightkun]

omg omg omg okay so im like in the middle of my final exams before im done with highschool but i need to tell you all about the fics that you have been releasing because wOW.

okay BUZZER BEATER

GOD THOSE TWO ARE SO FLUFFY. i dont have chronic illness but the way you described it just reminds me of starting adhd meds where i had to take so many pills at random intervals during the day and felt awful 24/7 and how im afraid that going into uni, people are going to ask for my meds for recreational purposes (which makes me so mad btw cause like i need meds to live dont ask for medication that is in limited supply so you can get lit but anyways). But yeah i didn't know that much about migraines other than the fact that its terrible but yeah the way you wrote mc was so beautiful and relatable and im just so sorry that you have to be burdened by these migraines and spend so much time and energy managing it. The way you wrote sungchan though was beautiful. his character is absolutely the most pure and loving guy (whilst also being a loserboy) and the fact that he did not question or judge or put pressure on mc ever was so healing. just watching him be so open with his affection and just blatantly pine for mc without any reservations about it makes me really want a sungchan of my own now. I just want a cute, sweet, uncomplicated, loserboy so i can just live my life in both sickness and health and not be judged by what hurdles my body choses to throw at me today (my psychiatrist was saying my stomach is just really sensitive so thats why ive been going through hell which is sucky but at least i have answers and know what to avoid lmao). But yeah thank you for writing something so beautiful about an experience that i felt so alone in having, because now i feel less guilty about struggling with my own health and most importantly less alone.

now onto Dr Magic!

dear lord jesus if i felt seen by buzzer beater, ive never felt more out of my depths by Dr Magic. Its such a hilarious fic and renjun and mc are both so insane and crazy but in a way thats realistic (i go to one of the top high schools in australia and there are people here who are so dedicated to school the same way renjun and mc). The way renjun just wants mc to spit in his mouth, I swear ive met boys like that too. also the steamy makeout sesh?! soft renjunnie with caring and dominant reader who asks for consent?! mc is so sexy for that, i love her. Also! your description of renjun wearing a yellow hoodie, jeans and a red cap was so scrumptious that i embodied mc in that moment and wanted to eat him whole also. the scene where renjun owns up to the mean things he said to mc whilst mc talks about spitting in his mouth in front of TEN?! shes so confident and strong despite being hurt and i love that for her. i really love how in your fics, you mix humor with maturity to create such well rounded works that really celebrate being wild and having fun whilst also being a grown and mature person. just like you, i could never be renjun and mc but im happy for them and what they have.

side note: thank you for being pro palestine, i know being pro palestine is a simple thing and a low bar to set for myself in finding good people in the world, but with all the people in power and celebrities (cough eric nam cough) publicly supporting the genocide that is happening, im very glad to find others who see the horrors for what it is.

-✨anon

yeah i will always be anti-genocide and anti-apartheid ethnostates, and it truly does boggle my mind to see people support that??? somehow???? but seeing all the pro palestine demonstrations and protests and posts all over does give me hope to hold onto

rest of my response to ur lovely feedback under the cut to not make this post any longer lol <33

BUZZER BEATER!!!!

i also want my own loserboy sungchan so bad 🤧🤧 he was just so perfect in that one ugh. im glad that u were still able to see urself in some of the mc (tho im NOT glad that ur having side effect trouble w ur meds, sending out my love as a fellow tummy trouble side effect haver 🫶). and yeah i rlly wanted my bb sungchan to be not necessarily a himbo per se (bc imo u have to be like BUFF and stupid and sweet, i.e, kronk from emperor's new groove, and alas, sungchan is not built like wonho im not that delusional) but he is at least a big (read: tall), sweet, not quite dumb but not as academically rigorous in the same way as mc, jock who is used to kind of following the same script when in that college "talking phase" with a girl (a little bit of flirting, parties, inviting her to a game maybe, buying her a drink, etc.) bc it's safe and he rlly likes reader so he doesn't want to mess it up but then he realizes that he has to throw it all out bc reader can't actually do like most of that and is like ok. new plan. and ends up just fully embracing his pining, soft loserboy self and how down bad he is for reader. ugh i love him 💗💗💗

dr_magic2303!!!!

i would greatly admire, respect, and fear in equal measure anybody who feels seen by dr_magic2303 lmao. like good for u but COULDN'T BE ME!!! like some of the bits of mc's hyperfixation on her personal projects and that raw hunger for knowledge (as opposed to being the best) was modeled after my own hyperfixations and kind of manic flow states that i get with my adhd (i've yet to put up a conspiracy board in my apartment but i do routinely feel like the pepe silvia meme from it's always sunny) but i have not been a neurotic overachieving academic since jr yr of high school thank god! 4 years of cognitive behavioral therapy and a lot of anti-depressants cured me of that. this is coming from a former gifted kid lmao.

when i knew that i wanted this fic to take the this route (renjun getting consensually dosed up w siren venom) i knew i wanted there to be some form of a convo like that. like consent is sexy!!! and making sure ppl r being taken care of when they're consensually giving up and transferring power for a limited time (with or without the use of magical aphrodisiacs) is sexy!!! aftercare is sexy!!! (even tho renjun threw reader out before they could rlly finish that part but u know) and i rlly hope that came across in that scene

reader talking about spitting in renjun's mouth in front of ten isn't THAT weird for sirens (reader and ten were JUST talking about ten's nipple rings and their lack of sex lives like five seconds earlier in that same convo so like yknow) but ten could obviously tell that there was something a lot deeper going on than just some casual saliva swapping between pals so that's why he left lmao

as always thank you sm for your ask and your feedback on my fics 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶 good luck with the end of school you got this b 💗💗💗💗

[airbenderedacted]

ugh

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[johnsuhsposts]

NCT 127 x Songs that suit them cuz why not

some sucky scenarios by me

~~~

a/n: hiii<3. this is my first ever tumblr post. i just wanted to write this because i needed some inspiration to write smut for some of the members and i didn't know where to start like at all. anyways... this isn't for the faint of heart. i just needed to get this outta my system. like i have so many ideas for fanfics and this is how i'll get my motivation to actually write something decent. anywho, there will be more to come in the future!! so enjoy this meal.

~~~

(tags are at the bottom!)

warnings: explicit shit. that's all. xx

–

TAEYONG - Over Some Wine - RINI ft. Maeta

Taeyong would play this song while he goes down on you. I'm sorry but it's true. He would do everything slow just so you could get impatient but the more you whine the slower he'd go. Everything from touching you slowly, to him fucking you slow or playing with his thrusts to the beat. It's just... wowowwww.

–

JAEHYUN - Touch - Cigarettes After Sex

This song just SCREAMS Jaehyun. The whole vibe would just be a song that would play in the background as he holds you close to his chest and plays with your hair, and he would sing it a little to you, like ugh. He would teasingly kiss your neck under the dim lights of his room while his record player hums in the background, and you'd feel his cold yet wandering hands on your burning skin.

-

DOYOUNG - Thinkin about You - Frank Ocean

All I gotta say is, he would make out with you to this song. Making out would eventually lead to other things but he'd take his time and when you stop kissing to catch your breath, you guys would giggle at each other which is so cute. Though he'd use songs of a different vibe to fuck you, this would be one of the ones you'd hear while you make out with him.

–

JUNGWOO - Messages From The Stars - RAH Band

I'm not sure why I chose this as his song, but it fits him for some reason. Jungwoo, as innocent as he looks, is lowkey freaky as hell; say I'm lying. He'd literally have you seeing stars while he's fingering you to this song and laugh when you moan because he knows he's got you wrapped around his finger. Like, this man is a sadistic masochist and doesn't even try to hide his freaky side when he's with you.

–

HYUCK - Savita (feat. Swae Lee)

Donghyuck is literally a drama queen. But he's also so hot. Like smokin' hot. He would have this song playing while giving you backshots most def. He groans everytime you clench around him and it just makes him fall in love all over again with you. He would continue to fuck you so good that it'd have your legs shaking. He'd have no shame in breeding you either. Seeing you full of his cum was mind-blowing. It made him so hard to see his cum leaking out of you. He literally loved it.

-

YUTA - Rosemary - Deftones

Yuta loves the sound of guitars playing in the background mixing in with your heavenly moans. Half of his playlist would consist of rock music while he rearranges your guts and listens to your sweet sounds, spurring him on further. He enjoys just spending time with you period, and he'd do anything to have you go dumb on his cock with his favorite song playing.

-

MARK - Change Your Life (feat. Jhené Aiko)

Mark is the type to take everything slow. He loves having Kehlani playing from his phone as he's leaving hickeys all over your body and watching you shudder under his fingertips. He gets so hard everytime you whisper to him to fuck the absolute shit out of you. He just likes spending his time with you and doesn't regret any second of it. He would never get used to this.

-

JOHNNY - Daddy Issues - The Neighborhood

Johnny is the whole fucking definition of this song. While fucking the shit out of you with this playing in the background, he'd most definitely become an actual dad- minus the issues. He just loves the way you feel around him, and he'd cum so much just from being inside you, it's just shocking. Johnny would be the best daddy to your babies.

-

Thank you so much for reading! Please leave a like if you enjoyed. More will be published in the future.

(Original work. Please DO NOT copy.)

(Not my original idea but the scenarios do belong to me.)

(feel free to reblog if you'd like!)