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julia ryan

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by Alex Berger

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foglie

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Dongqian Lake, China

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wow babe you’re really good at staying up incredibly late and barely sleeping every night

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Shaded stream, August.

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Kirsten Chursinoff

A selection of berry-themed textile art. Free-motion machine quilting and hand embroidery, using some quilting and applique techniques.

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fuck you

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“here’s what we know about the uhc shooter”

WRONG! He is a suspect and we should treat him as such. He should be treated as innocent until proven guilty, not guilty until proven innocent. He’s a person of interest not the killer. I don’t care what the media or authorities are saying, he’s a human being who deserves a fair trial and deserves to be treated as innocent until proven otherwise.

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file -> phrases that are going to shift something in me forever

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Get yourself a fabric store that will light your fabric on fire for you

No but legit I asked what the fiber content of something was and the guy didn’t know so he cut a chunk off and lit it on fire and felt the ashes and was like. Yeah this is mostly cotton with a lil bit of silk. And that was the moment I knew. This is it. This is the fabric store for me. Also that guy is marriage material. Not for me but damn some person is gonna be so happy with him.

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first of all the cops were called on the party not long after we left and it's a good thing we left too for the sake of my friends' immigration statuses lol

second of all, hi, future me here. it's a lack of confidence. that's the connection i needed to make. as always, personal insecurity is at the base of all that is wrong with me yayyyy

obv the next logical question is 'why are you so unconfident at your core' but tbh i truly do not feel like digging away at that today which is why this is a reblog and not a new post

December 15, 2024

The end of a fun weekend!! I have things to discuss and unpack but first, a recap:

Had a movie night with my island-friend and her partner a few nights ago which was truly truly fun, I feel so comfortable around the two of them <333

Went to see a play with my island-friend and, uhh, the-girl-who-invited-me-to-play-dnd-w-her-crew-who-will-need-a-nickname-sometime-soon (unfortunately dnd-friend is taken lolll) and it was really good, incredibly funny, and both of my companions enjoyed it as well (which is what I was most worried about because I'm the kind of person who will just go see whatever basically, but not everyone has my risk tolerance when it comes to performing arts (and I mean tbf it's not like I can even claim that mine is that high, it's just probably higher than average)).

Later that same evening I went out to go party with my island-friend and her partner as a sort of end-of-semester let-loose situation (even though my island-friend still had an academic meeting left and I still had a final coming up). We pregamed, chatted for a while (those two can chat that's for sure (but it's always always always good conversation)), then went to the party. My turquoise-friend (who was supremely surprised at my presence) and one of her friends who I know was also there, so even though the theme was a bit, well, outside of my typical wheelhouse, I still felt safe and relatively comfortable with them around to just kind of move and groove haha. The DJing was quite good, pretty much everyone (except me lol bc I didn't know what the theme was until the day-of) was dressed impeccably on theme (though I was wearing the square-neck prototype I made and it worked quite well!!), and it was generally just a fun house party (though I cannot stress enough that I was dreadfully out of place theme-wise). I had two drinks across the entire, oh, five hour night (we "only" stayed at the party for four hours though (it was meant to last eight (I heard from someone who heard from someone else that the cops were called a bit after I'd left))), which was plenty when I was unfamiliar with the crowd there, and the crowd itself was pretty intense. But! A fun night! Probably the most fun I've had on a night out since I've been here (though I can count on one hand I think the number of nights out I've had). I will come back to this though.

Then today was a cookie swap hosted by the girl I met sewing at the library several weeks back!! I met a bunch of her friends and we colored for hours and just chatted and they were all really nice :)

So yes, a good weekend! Still technically need to prep a bit more for my open-note final though..

Okay now time for rambles. I wanted to unpack a little why I specifically feel/felt so uncomfortable at being the object of a man's attention at the party? Because there were two times in particular where I shied away (and also notable examples where I did not!) and they confused me in the moment, even while buzzed. I think it has to do with the party's theme being pretty explicitly.. well, explicit, and feeling unsafe at the prospect of even potentially indicating to a guy (even one I was attracted to ohhhh my god) that I wanted to engage further. And also, I think, purity culture's "men only want one thing from you" mentality which I've internalized and can't seem to shake. And the fear that I wouldn't know how to stop something that I wasn't comfortable with. But, on the flip side, I felt safe with the people I was with. Though, while I probably could've trusted them to intervene had it been necessary, I don't want to seem like a chore to monitor when I go out with them? I dunno. Because the two/three instances where I did not shy away from engaging with some guy was when they had already been engaging with one of my friends (and I wasn't attracted to them).

Maybe there's a conclusion to be drawn there and maybe I'm just too tired to make it. Eh, my future self can make sense of this sometime down the line.

Today I'm thankful for a good weekend!!!

New Captain America movie coming out in February... I really need to get caught up on my mcu bc I think Sam Wilson is one of few characters left who I really care about.

[edit: also a new superman in july, god bless]

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December 15, 2024

The end of a fun weekend!! I have things to discuss and unpack but first, a recap:

Had a movie night with my island-friend and her partner a few nights ago which was truly truly fun, I feel so comfortable around the two of them <333

Went to see a play with my island-friend and, uhh, the-girl-who-invited-me-to-play-dnd-w-her-crew-who-will-need-a-nickname-sometime-soon (unfortunately dnd-friend is taken lolll) and it was really good, incredibly funny, and both of my companions enjoyed it as well (which is what I was most worried about because I'm the kind of person who will just go see whatever basically, but not everyone has my risk tolerance when it comes to performing arts (and I mean tbf it's not like I can even claim that mine is that high, it's just probably higher than average)).

Later that same evening I went out to go party with my island-friend and her partner as a sort of end-of-semester let-loose situation (even though my island-friend still had an academic meeting left and I still had a final coming up). We pregamed, chatted for a while (those two can chat that's for sure (but it's always always always good conversation)), then went to the party. My turquoise-friend (who was supremely surprised at my presence) and one of her friends who I know was also there, so even though the theme was a bit, well, outside of my typical wheelhouse, I still felt safe and relatively comfortable with them around to just kind of move and groove haha. The DJing was quite good, pretty much everyone (except me lol bc I didn't know what the theme was until the day-of) was dressed impeccably on theme (though I was wearing the square-neck prototype I made and it worked quite well!!), and it was generally just a fun house party (though I cannot stress enough that I was dreadfully out of place theme-wise). I had two drinks across the entire, oh, five hour night (we "only" stayed at the party for four hours though (it was meant to last eight (I heard from someone who heard from someone else that the cops were called a bit after I'd left))), which was plenty when I was unfamiliar with the crowd there, and the crowd itself was pretty intense. But! A fun night! Probably the most fun I've had on a night out since I've been here (though I can count on one hand I think the number of nights out I've had). I will come back to this though.

Then today was a cookie swap hosted by the girl I met sewing at the library several weeks back!! I met a bunch of her friends and we colored for hours and just chatted and they were all really nice :)

So yes, a good weekend! Still technically need to prep a bit more for my open-note final though..

Okay now time for rambles. I wanted to unpack a little why I specifically feel/felt so uncomfortable at being the object of a man's attention at the party? Because there were two times in particular where I shied away (and also notable examples where I did not!) and they confused me in the moment, even while buzzed. I think it has to do with the party's theme being pretty explicitly.. well, explicit, and feeling unsafe at the prospect of even potentially indicating to a guy (even one I was attracted to ohhhh my god) that I wanted to engage further. And also, I think, purity culture's "men only want one thing from you" mentality which I've internalized and can't seem to shake. And the fear that I wouldn't know how to stop something that I wasn't comfortable with. But, on the flip side, I felt safe with the people I was with. Though, while I probably could've trusted them to intervene had it been necessary, I don't want to seem like a chore to monitor when I go out with them? I dunno. Because the two/three instances where I did not shy away from engaging with some guy was when they had already been engaging with one of my friends (and I wasn't attracted to them).

Maybe there's a conclusion to be drawn there and maybe I'm just too tired to make it. Eh, my future self can make sense of this sometime down the line.

Today I'm thankful for a good weekend!!!

New Captain America movie coming out in February... I really need to get caught up on my mcu bc I think Sam Wilson is one of few characters left who I really care about.

[edit: also a new superman in july, god bless]

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Rose