#which is actually just 1 4 and 5 | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

littlebigplanet · 8 months ago

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i WILL eventually own every re game. one day

#its really not a lot more just uc dc re4r 7 8 and the og re #i have 0 REmake 2r 2r 4-6 rev and rev2 on steam and discs for 2 3 cv and operation raccoon city #i also have a disc for 6 lol. love that game #id at least like physical copies of all the og numbers. except maybe 0 cause i dont care much for it #which is actually just 1 4 and 5 #so. we're close!#🫀

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mazken · 2 months ago

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brush test slash rendering practice with ayem

#morrowind #almalexia #the elder scrolls #tes #tes fanart #art #id in alt #ok that's all the tags this needs ANYWAY #i started this 1. for experimenting with coloring from dark to light #2. because i wanted to draw someone kind of back turned to the camera #3. rendering practice for hair particularly #4. to go from sketch to rendering rather than doing lines to see if that doesn't smooth out my workflow a bit #5. because i've never actually used this brush past flat coloring #and out of those 1. i don't think i had enough of an idea of the palette or process to jump into dark to light painting so i did scrap that #and go with my usual “flat color with one of the mid shadow tones add shadows add light”#i do think that painting from shadows out is a thing people do digitally i just think this wasn't the drawing to test it on for me #i think i'd need to look at some other peoples processes and start with a more fleshed out idea of where to go #2 and 3 i think worked out. i'm gradually figuring hair out which i think is sick #4 i also think worked out for me which is also sick because i do get caught on lines a lot. they're fun sometimes but i think some drawings #benefit better from not having them and that it might be a bit faster #and of course everything i do is so that i can draw slightly faster and better for next artfight #as for 5. i have mixed feelings on this brush but that might be because i hate change. and also because i started this drawing on the 15th #of november and finished it yesterday. so im kind of just sick of working on and looking at it #it was a valuable learning experience and i think it came out well! i am also going to drop to my knees and rejoice when i can finally #close this file out and free medibang paint from under it so i can work on Literally Anything Else #thank you almalexia for being my test subject i should've used a reference for your armor when i did the sketch but i didn't #maybe the crown looks weird because of it maybe it doesn't. not my problem anymore i can draw other elves again #my art #iiii think i forgot a my art tag last time

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icewindandboringhorror · 11 months ago

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HAPPY 16TH BIRTHDAY!!! To this elderly bapy boye!!! he...!!!

#cats #ghhbbb this is the first time I've genuinely considered tumblr blazing a post lol but no.. i shant.. I feel too weird putting financial #information into tumblr or whatever unless I made like a seperate bank account or something not associated with anyhting else lol #but I gave it serious contemplation which is really sayng something (the evil magical spell that all cats cast over u by their perfection)#ANYWAY.................... old man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#it's technically like march 8th but I did his party a little early. I have other pictures to post later maybe too..hrmm #The '1' candle is actually a '4' candle with the side part cut off because they didn't have any 1s #I went all out (like under $15 still lol) and got new birthday decorations for him instead of using the same old #ones from the past like 5 birthdays that I've done for the cats lol..#His theme was rainbows mostly in as light of colors as I could find #The legal age to drive a car in the US is 16 so.... honk honk beep beep.. I shall go out and buy him the most expensive car on the market #as soon as March 8th comes. then he can run little errands (probably mostly getting kibbles or chicken somewhere)#stealing the rotisserie chickens from walmart or something lol #AND they would let him have them. He would drive up and walk inside and they'd call the manager to come over #and they would be so moved by his presence and his big goofy stare that they would just be like..... okey.. have all the chicken in the #entire store. Actually. have the store. it's yours now. And This would continue all the way up the chain until he was handed #the entire walmart company. And every other company. a boy who owns everything. probably wouldnt use it for evil. he'd just abolish #everything and then focus on eating chickens.. ........ chibken son...

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corpsentry · 1 year ago

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eulogy

#i was fully going to just wrangle my way through life for another 39 years when my friend said to me:#you are gay and we want you to submit art for the pride art show. but i hasn’t drawn at all since last year so i made a new comic from scr #i was also having one of the worst times of my life all of the past week but every night after sobbing into a friends shoulder or wtv #i’d sit down and draw. and then today i locked myself in the basement for 5 #hours and now he is finished. trans allegory or whatever #happy pride #world is horrible so hold the people you love close #i am trying . succeeding? not really but definitely trying #i have gone now through the 5 stages of grief. 1) eat food 2) eat food 3) hit rock 4) hit rock 5) give up #i Give Up. i give up by living my life without giving a fuck #which is like. actually giving down. or taking away down #idk anyway #i hope you’re well i’m HANGING ON BY A THREAD. BUT A GOOD THREAD #and to my lgbsbfk homies: i love you #my art

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angelnumber27 · 8 months ago

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It’s so embarrassing and heartbreaking being in so much pain over losing someone while knowing they don’t give a fuck if you live or die. Your favorite person becoming a stranger is a special kind of hell.

#I fucking hate having bpd #while I’m at it I don’t understand the fuckin audacity some people have to say they love you and do horrible things to you #I feel so stupid #I feel so stupid for believing all the lies #but I was so in love and put him on such a pedestal that I just allowed it all.#thinking about someone constantly and grieving over them and knowing they’re perfectly fine and to them you don’t exist #I’m still in such a state of grief and I don’t understand why time hasn’t healed #it honestly feels like it’s gotten worse w time #I just torture myself but I can’t help it my brain wants me dead #it’s so painful I feel so fucking stupid #being abandoned with no closure by someone who’s your entire world #for someone they were unfaithful to you with multiple times (I don’t even know how many and dony want to know) immediately #like that was the plan all along #he took our cat hundreds of miles away and I don’t even know if he still has her or if she’s still alive and I miss her every day #I never loved someone like that and it feels like the heartbreak is actually physically killing me #i spent 1/5 of my entire life with him #I was my prettiest and had the best body at the time and I wasted it on someone who didn’t appreciate me #not wasted. it wasn’t wasted. we had some incredible times together #I’ll never be that beautiful again #and now idk what do so bc i can’t decide which is worse: being alone and isolating or loving deeply and ending up horribly hurt all over #it’s all just so upsetting.#and I feel so stupid for allowing it all #he knows more about me than anyone and he made me feel like he loved me so much sometimes and then did horrid things and it’s so fucked up #nobody read this I’m so embarrassed and horribly broken #it traumatized me so much there was so much abuse and pain idk if I’ll ever recover #I deserved it but it still hurts my heart #I was so mentally ill and sick I know it had to have been miserable to be around me #there are so many things only he understands and knows about me and I need to talk about them I j wanna b able to b there 4 each other #but that girl is so beyond insecure and controlling so. if I want to talk to who fuckin gets me I’m just fucked #why lead someone on like that for years knowing you’re going to abandon them the second it’s convenient

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ryssbelle · 1 year ago

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My last post is a sneak peek to the next chapter of my crack fic which has just been dreamworks movie references so far XD

The most recent chapter can be found here

The BG are just the ones from Trolls 3 but I killed the trolls

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leah2eroes · 8 days ago

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"european trans women on this site talking about their petty little problems with "transmisogynists" like. fucking excuse me???? im a TRANS MAN living in AMERICA do you even give a shit about the shit thats happening over here??? you are NOT allowed to voice ANY of your lived experiences if i decide that they make ME look bad!!! this is INFIGHTING! this is MISANDRY!! now is NOT the time for you fucking evil tra- uh.,, trans radfems, to be WHINING about how we 'oppress you'. we don't. now shut up and let the MEN talk."

-actual post i saw on my tl just now (obviously paraphrased with key subtext lol)

#in case anyone was curious i will outline the issues in order:#1. the condescending mansplain scold-y tone. very prominent among misogynists cis and otherwise #2. announcing youre american at every given opportunity (used here for pity points). like. okayyyyyy #2.5. implying the state of the US wrt anti-trans rhetoric and legislation alike arent primarily targeting transfeminine ppl #and that trans men are effectively caught in the crossfire with legislation and otherwise are not NEARLY as socially affected #3. passive aggressively pretending as if the utter state of the US doesnt have ramifications on all other countries :/#3.5. effectively ignoring or undermining any non-US folks that may be affected by anti-trans political rhetoric (youre not us so who care)#4. asking for trans women to stop talking about genuine problems and grievances for the sake of “trans unity”#aka the “i dont want to think about your problems and i dont want you to make them my problem either” response #sounds like unity to me :)#5. “infighting” is basically a dogwhistle at this point; it deliberately muddies the waters. it makes it harder to talk about like #yknow. the actual infighting?#like i saw a reasonably popular artist get mistreated by some transmed prick earlier.#but its only “infighting” when women do it. otherwise everyones all “oh i cant believe theyd say something like this to you"#i can. ive been mistreated by scumlord transmeds from day one and the majority of them were guys #fucking hate that it happened to you of course but yeah no shit a lot of guys are assholes.#6. just call me a fucking slur if youre going to. it makes it easier for the both of us wrt determining tone #bonus: (less serious but still funny to point out) the way usamericans refer to anyone non-american and non-asian as “european”#we have countries actually. its not just some writhing coalescing amalgam of 'states'. YOURE the odd one out lol #again its not serious #its just like. im welsh. and welsh roma at that.#im not european in the same way that like a dutch or a german person is #half of europe hate my people for existing and then usamericans have the fuckin gall to call me a “privileged white european”#half you americans dont know shit about us or the ways in which we're mistreated #half you late teens he/him fags are using words that come from my fucking language #“its polari” where dyou think polari came from huh. dyou think it was just made up as a fun little code language?#queer ppl started to use it because it was already in use by other criminalized folks!! us!!#and for the record we're still effectively criminalized in the UK! theres a fucking mountain of legislature that targets us #ok yeah this is too ranty im turning off rbs on this bitch #usamericans are just on thin fucking ice at this point

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a-stars-art-blog · 2 days ago

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I feel like a fool for finalizing realizing this but,

I was never quite satisfied with the explanation given in DGS 2-3 on why Barok took on the prosecution of his close friend.

I don’t think it was ever EXPLICITLY stated and the most we really got is it upheld Albert’s reputation. That Barok did it bc any other prosecutor would paint Albert as a sham right away. Which is a fate worse than death for Albert.

But that never stood right with me bc Barok values finding the truth and justice above all else. He would not do something for the sake of “prolonging” cause he knows it’s pointless. The truth MUST be found so there’s no need to tiptoe around it.

It makes no sense to do it for the sake of Albert’s reputation if finding the absolute truth inevitably leads to Albert’s reputation being ruined. The machine, experiment, and theory, it HAD to all be proven faulty if Albert was to be free. There’s no way it could not. Barok knows this.

What he did in 2-3 seemed like tiptoeing but he was working harder than ever to get to the truth.

The reason why he pushed so hard, the way he continued to give point after point, bring up every inconsistency, bring up even the smallest of possibilities that Albert was guilty, (which honestly sounds like his usual thing. But this time there’s an personal motivation to it)

was entirely so that Ryunosuke could disprove him.

We already knew that Barok trusted Ryuno to handle the defense. That Ryuno also strives for absolute truth. So he threw every little thing at him so that there would be NOTHING left that’d indicate Albert as involved in the murder.

That’s why he took the case. That’s why he was adamant on painting Albert as a murderer.

The way Barok trusted the life of his closest friend to Ryunosuke HE TRUSTED HIM THAT MUCH GOD I LOVE HIS CHARACTER GROWTH SO MUCH-

#barok van zieks #the great ace attorney #ace attorney #this feels like…the most surface level and obvious analysis fjskakak #like…basic critical thinking #I’ve just had my Benbaro shaped rose tinted glasses on like I needed them to survive #that sounds like I’m being really rude to shipping but I’m not i promise!!! I swear!!!#but this genuinely feels like what the writers would want us to think since Barok never actually explains himself #and all we get is Albert’s (kinda biased) hypothesis on the matter #speaking of Barok’s character arc. I’m finally FULLY revisiting the games and I didn’t realize how actually little hints there are to 2-4/5 #it’s only like…1 little thing in only a couple of the cases. for some reason I expected more.#I still wish the did Barok’s redemption better. hinted to it more. cause he’s very much an unlikable guy in 2-2. like STILL REALLY UNLIKABLE #it feels like they rushed his redemption and not at the still time bc he’s still pretty rude to Ryuno during 2-4 #he spends all of DGS being mean. most of DGS 2. but then suddenly his old friend is on trial and he’s like ‘so actually you’re pretty cool’#but I guess that’s what they’re going for. they wanted the start of his redemption to be a surprise. which is way of doing it.#I’m not gonna be mean about it tho bc they probably had restrictions. I’m a writer but I’m not gonna pretend I know how to write a GAME #I would hope they’d spread out his redemption a little more if they could afford too #long post

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skitskatdacat63 · 1 year ago

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I drew all of my historical AU Sebs!!!!

In order they are(with relevant links to lore info if you are curious!!): Napoleonic Hussar Seb(x), Renaissance Muse Seb(x) and Boy King/Emperor Seb(x)

Let me know which you like best!!!

#oh my fucking god this was truly the endurance race of drawing sessions #i just drew for four hours straight or so......FUN!#and it is now almost 5 am on a school night so pls wish me luck in school haha #basically this spawned from me seeing if i could sketch all 3 of my Sebs easily and then whoops 4 hours later they are finished!#i think now i can draw the hussar uniform with my eyes closed. it was so comforting to draw honestly ;;;;#this is actually the first time ive drawn boy king seb with colors!! so i think it turned out pretty well?#hey guys do you notice what all of the Sebs have in common...? they all have a gold motif...GOLDEN BOY CODED!!!#anyways i think the most developed of these AUs is boy king seb which is funny bcs its the one ive created most recently #but gaahhhhhh ive done so much research and im literally brainrotting over it constantly #now i need to draw fernando in his 3 AUs hahaha but drwing Seb is sooooo much more easy/comfy for me #did you guys also notice i have a fondness for a specific seb hairstyle? malaysia 2010 my truly beloved youve served me so well #i mentioned this already but like i dont get how drawing these kinds of clothing is far more preferable to me than drawing racesuits #well anyways i have so much fun researching into these different eras!! and then very fun to mix it with the drivers #im very surprised i was able to draw this. im not usually able to draw good chibi anatomy #but like seriously i think i was posessed by my thoughts of boy king seb and i just couldnt stop drawing #in didnt really have any mental roadblocks which is surprising #but then again these drawings are me mixing my two major interests atm so ofc it'll come to me easily and make me passionate!!#anyways time to go sleep pwease dont let this flop my hands literally are overheated from drawing LMFAO #catie.art.#sebastian vettel #f1 #formula 1 #f1 fanart #formula 1 art #formula 1 fanart #f1 art #boy king au #renaissance muse au #hussar au

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kindahoping4forever · 2 months ago

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And everyone gasped

(no one was surprised, not even a little)

#would you be surprised if i told you this is actually the first time Ashton has been my Top Artist?#I've had Spotify for 6 years and 5sos has never not been No 1! it's the upset of the century !#(it's actually just that they simply didn't have a major release this year lol but still 😌)#also LastFM claims my No 5 song is actually Endless Wave so what is the truth #they also claim Sabrina and Fleetwood Mac should be flipped #so clearly the two services count plays different but still I like the ✨ drama ✨#i know Spotify has stated they alter the rankings for the Top 100 playlist but the Top 5 is supposed to be your actual stats 🤷🏻‍♀️#anyways #music is fun!#in the 'music evolution' section Spotify said said my February was witchy and Beatlesque #and I must demand to only ever be referred to by those two adjectives thanks #what other fun stats are there #I had just about 2k more minutes this year than last so yay for mental health improvement #(tho still not doing great apparently bc there was only a 4 min diff between this year and 2022 lmao)#believe it or not this is actually Taylor's best showing in my Wrapped (but then again she did release a 31 song album lmaoooo)#like I said Luke was No 7 according to LastFM with Garden Life his top ranked song #tied at No 13 with Wicked Habit by Ash and Midnight Cowboy by Jade #Spotify claims I was in the top 0.05% of Breakup listeners which is a real girl get a grip moment for me ngl #my Top 5sos song was still Caramel lmao #i have been tagging this for like 20 mins i need to leave ok bye #spotify wrapped 2024 #personal

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icewindandboringhorror · 8 months ago

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What would you choose? :0c

(note: original image is from HERE (link) - but I edited it to add a wider variety of options.. also added $3 extra to the total, even though I know that makes it more uneven lol, I thought if you're adding 10 whole extra items, the money to spend should at least be increased slightly, if that makes sense..)

#I would get orange juice. black coffee. AND iced coffee ($3) because I love the variety of having multiple drinks #then sausage and scrambled eggs ($8). Then sauteed mushrooms ($3)....AND... hrm.. then spending the remaining $4 would be hard #I wish I could get waffles (as they are my favorite and are superior in every way compared to pancakes. donuts. etc.) but I'm not willing #to give up the other savory things just to get them. so... then maybe I could get a biscuit or english muffin? and just put jam or #honey butter or something on it so it can be my replacement 'sweet and bready' thing instead of something from the $5 row??#OR I could also just assume that having the orange juice plus iced coffee would provide enough of a 'sweet element' to the meal #(since I largely prefer savory foods. I only like a tiny bit of sweet added for variety) and thus forego any sort of #'bready' thing entirely and just get the bowl of beans/onion/tomato (I'd leave the avocado since I don't like the #texture of them really lol). THEN I'd have $1 left to get the milk or the black tea... increasing my total of random drinks..#which is always the goal of course.. as a chronic ''person who is sipping at 5 different drinks at their desk simultaneously always'' perso #OR... I could just do.. waffle. scrambled eggs. sausage. mushrooms. and black coffee and orange juice.. which is... okay variety #augh... so difficult.. As my Ideal Breakfast is like a buffet type thing or something where you have like 25 different things to choose fro #and can get a little tiny bit of everything. My eating style is very much like.. I'd rather pick at a small amount of a ton of #different things than just have a very large amount of only one or two things. Thats why I LOVE sample platter type stuff.#So it's like... augh... the ideal option would be a tiny portion of EVERYTHING actually lol...#Difficult to choose...#ANYWAY.. Also no idea why I added croissant instead of bagel. I only thought about that afterwards. I do actually like bagels.#I've only ever even had a croissant like 2 times in my entire life. Yet I've had many bagels. For some reason it stuck out in my mind more #when I was considering 'essential breakfast foods' somehow... how could I forget them... bagels my beloved...#Blame it on the hot weather... 'What in the blazes? The sun hath obliterated the concept of bagels from my miind!'#(< meant to be said in a silly overdramatic elderly wizard accent or something)#Also I don't think ''bowl of beans. onion. avocado. and tomatos.'' is necessarily a breakfast classic or something gbhjjh #but I was just trying to think of a versatile vegetable-ish side that could be full of common breakfast additions #so people could do stuff like ''oh I get the toast option and then the bowl of stuff and I put the avocado on the toast'' etc.#Like a mix and match. You could mix ingredients from different parts. You could put scrambled eggs and bacon and onion #on the bread or soemthing. etc. I just feel like something is always missing if a Full Breakfast Spread #doesnt have some sort of onions or beans or mushrooms or asparagus or spinach like... some sort of thing that isn't just eggs and meat and #bread.. you know? lol..#But then again.. I am the Sampling Plate Style Variety Lover and Tiny Portion Of Food Picker so maybe thats just a me thing.

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priafey · 3 months ago

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things the US needs to address:

the collective psychosis that leads people to make posts like these

#in case it's unclear what i mean:#1.) blaming gen z men or any of the listed grifters is useless idpol #2.) half of your country did not 'vote against [your] collective best interests' lmao #if you truly believe that you have a fundamental misunderstanding of the position your country occupies in the global economy #and the benefits conferred onto its citizens for supporting the imperial world order #3.) i feel like OP kept this point purposefully vague (ofc social media has on effect on the common good. what effect specifically?)#but i'll still respond by saying #social media has helped immensely in exposing how often traditional news outlets lie retract revise and outright fabricate information #the more aligned with bourgeois interests they are the worse it is #the past year of western media's reporting on the genocide in palestine has done nothing if not highlight the incongruence #between what people see n share on the ground and what narratives corporate interests deem fit to disseminate through traditional channels #the importance of following independent (which does not equal 'unbiased') journalists has never been greater #4.) 'lazy minds and lack of empathy' empathy is not some bulwark against fascism. it can actually serve to further it quite easily #idk what OP is trying to get at here. lazy point = lazy response #5.) i can't say anything here that isn't summed up better by that tweet that's like #'american *sees something american happening americanly in america*: what are we a bunch of ASIANS?!?!???'#cause there's just nooo way politicians and public figures in the US could spew reactionary nonsense and get a huge following #unless the evil russians had a hand in it #cause it's not like the US is racism central or anything #come on now #(for those unaware i'm citing this tweet bc orientalism of this kind has historically been directed at russians/slavs in addition to #people from MENA and asian countries broadly)#6.) see point number 3 above; trying to police AI is a fruitless endeavor; people need media literacy in order to #understand the interests of the parties involved in the coverage of any event and better discern the truth about what's happening;#identifying the bias inherent to any news channel and then examining how that bias impacts its reporting does far more to help dispel #misinformation than just labeling anything you don't like or you think influences people the 'wrong' way as misinformation #anyway i'm done. clown.#sansgwilie

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rotisseries · 1 year ago

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inspired by elli's poll lol cause this seems fun actually but if you guys have bad answers I'll kill myself on your doorstep or smth

#“rori all of these are your faves how can there be a bad answer” well I still have an internal ranking on some of these #and if all of you pick an option that I think pales in comparison to the others. well. hm #I know what's gonna sweep though because two of these are niche as hell and 4 maybe 5 of these are things you people don't follow me for #fun fact I actually had to scrape my brain to make sure I couldn't come up with any more #I am unintentionally very picky on what is a favorite apparentlyyyy #I also just don't watch/read enough stuff these days so there's that #AND I NEED LONG TERM EXPOSURE TO KNOW THEY'RE STICKING AROUND #so like. I have some options but I don't KNOWWW if they're sticking yet #but this feels like such a small poll lmao #also no sapphics on here this is actually cause I hate women-#NO. JOKING. zelink is here. I almost put gideon and harrow but I'm in a perpetual state of not having finished tlt #and I couldn't put nebetta and darya I was drawing the line at 2 tbos ships. well. actually. changed my mind #not editing these tags actually you guys can see my thought process #WAIT AND SAYMARI. FUCK. I LITERALLY MADE A PLAYLIST FOR THEM I LOVE THEMMM #ok. is 4 tbos ships too many. hmm #I said 2 of these are niche now four of these are niche it's really the “which tbos pairing is your fave” poll #THIS POLL IS SO FUNNY IT'S SO SELF INDULGENT I HAVE TO TAKE OUT AT LEAST ONE TBOS SHIP #I should add one more general one...#cause I do actually want genuine and varied answers I gotta give y'all options so they don't all pool at the first two #I also almost put ellie and abby on here.. that would've been so funny four popular 1 rarepair 3 super niche ships #ellie and abby are soooo interesting to me though so of course the thought of them having something horrible going on together compels me #and they are one of my 3 favorited ao3 tags... they deserve a place...#ok well while I debate on that I'm putting akutagawa and atsushi on here I admittedly have only had like two months of exposure to them #but it is enough I can tell they are so crazy to me #the way my tags are just me overthinking everything on what is supposed to be a fun and silly poll... no one does it like me I'm afraid

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sshcomic · 1 year ago

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You have given me a great joy in life with your Renkaza au

May I ask, what happened to the rest of the Kamado family? Did they get their canon ending or are they with Nezuko as they try to deal with her new demonification?

oh yay im glad you're enjoying it so far! 🥰

nezuko's actually with her brother in the box, like in canon lol. i just havent drawn her--or inosuke or zenitsu--in the panels we've seen, but they're there!

as for the rest of the kamados... i actually havent decided LOL. my instinct is to save everyone, since this is a light-hearted comic strip, but also i'm not sure i'd be able to reliably write that since it involves more plot than the "stupid jokes loosely following canon" i mostly have written down aha. so i suppose it's a surprise for now, even for myself.

i guess we'll see!

#thanks for the ask 💖#sorry if this isnt a satisfying answer but i genuinely dont know rn haha #rei replies #ssh extras #like the thing is. the thing is i had like a short emotional 'i see you' moment planned out between renkaza #for when upper six die but if i save the kamados then i feel obligated to save gyu and ume which means id have to rejig that #and i have Ideas for how but they lean into the kind of fluff that feels so divorced from canon idk if i actually want to write it???#bc i do also love me some angst. hnn. i suppose we'll see how self-indulgent i decide to be about this #but looking at the way im characterizing hakuji u can tell im already being pretty self-indulgent LOL. 😂#so yeah it's a surprise even for me! but i AM leaning toward the 'everyone lives' route rn.#it's just. upper moons 4 and 5 are much harder to want to save versus upper moon 6 yknow. or even 1 &2.#but it'd be weird to be like 'f those guys in particular' lol. u can see my conundrum.#at the same time... this is my story so i can do what i want to??? hm.#WE'LL SEE.

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arionaleilani · 1 year ago

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decided to make a list of all my diagnosed issues and like fucking. god damn. how am i just living day to day.

#nine bullet points #of diagnosed things i struggle #i struggle with #1. type one diabetes 2. adhd 3. bipolar 4. severe anxiety 5. depression 6. insomnia 7. migraines 8. dpdr 9. ptsd #and im just ?? existing like this??? literally how what the fuck #there’s more than that too thats just like the actual able to be diagnosed shit #probably also at least slightly autistic but my psychologist said that its not bad enough to impact me big time and a diagnosis would do mor #more harm than good so im just kind. Not lmao #but also: abandonment issues self worth issues guilty conscience issues feeling unworthy of literally everything issues #awful at establishing boundaries #sh issues #(not for like years but its a struggle to not relapse every year esp during winter)#suicidal ideation but at least ive never actually been suicidal #not bc i particularly love being alive but because the fact that i dont know what comes after death scares me too much lmao #even at my lowest of lows i have not wanted to kms SOLELY bc the unknown scares me enough to be like #yeah this sucks but at least i know it #at least it’s like familiar which is sad but still true lma #OH ALSO eating disorder lmao. diabulimia is a thing.#genuinely how have i not been fucking hospitalized #not in a bad way but like. idk how i havent gotten to that point yet #tho to be fair there are multiple points i probably should have been tbh #i just. dont want to worry people? or inconvenience anyone. and i know im not gonna kms so its easy to be like ‘i dont need that’#i have overshared way too much in these tags sorry i’ll stop now #if anyone has actually read all of these: i’m sorry. i love you. i hope you feel better than i do. i hope you smiled today.

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ven-of-oath · 6 days ago

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I love when life is just like 'hello instead of 10 neutral things happening would you like 5 very bad things and also 5 very good things at the same time' and I'm like 'no' but then life is like 'too late fuck you'

#lets see I 1. finally got a new job after months of trying 1 (evil) have still not gotton more than $300 a week from my old job #in like 2 entire months 2. finally got into a new rental after months of trying 2 (evil). its a absolute shit box that required several #weeks worth of work to make it liveable #3. finally got all of the stuff moved into the new place and wont have to pay double rent #3(evil) the movers broke like 4 seperate things doing so #4. actually staying in the new place and my room looks cunty as fuck #4(evil) my roomate put their foot through the bathroom floor which turns out was just tiled over wood and had rotted away #5. finally actually making proper friends playing volleyball #5(evil) cause of afformentioned stressors previously I have been eating like shit the past week which means Im not able to keep in peak form #for literal try outs for the clubs state team and my general mood has been so low im probably going to flunk it just on that

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